ChaseDream
标题: Amissrosa的作文帖--中英作文底子都不好...11/24將第一次考托福 求狠批><!!!感謝各位前輩!! [打印本页]
作者: amissrosa 时间: 2012-10-31 20:36
标题: Amissrosa的作文帖--中英作文底子都不好...11/24將第一次考托福 求狠批><!!!感謝各位前輩!!
大家好，我是昨天新加入chasedream的會員，我叫Rosa
初次使用chasedream和寫作小分隊，還在摸索板上的規則，如有做錯的地方，還請前輩原諒和糾正>"<
希望在這裡能盡一己之力，並相互鼓勵一起加油！
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按下計時器開始寫作時,有點不懂題目....原稿花了約48分鐘才寫完...!!真汗顏
下面稿子已經糾正錯字,內容和原稿也不太一樣,但還是不確定是否有符合題目@@
麻煩寫作小分隊批改了>"< 謝謝
D
10/31 獨立寫作-Young people nowadays have no influence on decisions that determine the future of the society as a whole. A\D
In the past, elder people have gotten through economy recession in 1945's, and most of them have never given up to raise the economic situation and to create a better global economy during 2000's. Nowadays, young people are experiencing another economy recession. To survive, they are forced by the environment or themselves to become mature and to stand out against the regressive society. Therefore, I believe that young generation surely has potential to influence the determination that decides the future of a society.
First of all, never look down upon the potential of young generation. People still hold a traditional belief that the improvement of a society is count on the young generation. And that is also the reason why governments have never stopped ignoring education system for young people. Governments establish Ministry of Culture and Education to cultivate young people’s creative, multiple and practical ability because the public believe that when young people are able to make contribution to society, it is no doubt that they will influence the development of societies.
Moreover, young people are braver in present than the young lived in a traditional society. Young generation now walks on streets to fight for their rights, such as labor right. For example, once the government decides to increase university tuition, people will soon learn lots of news reported that many student associations of social issue are gathering in front of a government building to against the policy.
In addition, young generation of present era understands the national economic trend and rates of unemployment. To change the society and their disadvantageous situation, they know they have to learn more professional skills and experience. Hence, there are many young people decide to go back hometowns to infuse fresh energy and to firstly reform enterprises and then society after they study abroad or finish working holiday.
Young people have unpredictable potential to influence the society’s future and even the world. Young generation brings fresh idea that governments and the public are care about because most of them believe that young people who born in a setback environment will be stimulated to make better societies.
(words: 354)
作者: 小滋滋 时间: 2012-11-1 15:43
1031改
In the past, elder peoplehuman beings have gotten through economy recession in 1945's, and most of them have never given up to raise the economic situation and to create a better global economy during 2000's. Nowadays, young people are experiencing another economy recession. To survive, people, even young generation, are forced by the environment or themselves to become mature and to stand out against the regressive society. Therefore, I believe that young generation surely has potential to influence the determination that decides the future of a society.（逻辑不通顺）
First of all, never look down upon the potential of young generation. People still hold a traditional belief that the improvement of a society is count on the young generation. And that is also the reason why governments have never stopped ignoring(说反了吧？) education system for young people. Governments establish Ministry of Culture and Education to cultivate young people’s creative, multiple and practical ability because the public believe that when young people are able to make contribution to society, it is no doubt that they will influence the development of societies.
Moreover, young people are braver in present than the young lived in a traditional society. Young generation now walks on streets to fight for their rights, such as labor right. For example, once the government decides to increase university tuition, people will soon learn lots of news reported that many student associations of（associated with） social issue are gathering in front of a government building to against the policy.
In addition, young generation of present era understands the national economic trend and rates of unemployment. To change the society and their disadvantageous situation, they know they have to learn more professional skills and experience. Hence, there are many young people deciding to go back hometowns to infuse fresh energy and to firstly reform enterprises and then society after they study abroad or finish working holiday.（这两句话感觉没有因果关系）
Young people have unpredictable potential to influence the society’s future and even the world. Young generation brings fresh idea that governments and the public are care about because most of them believe that young people who born in a setback environment will be stimulated to make better societies.
结构语句都没有问题，但我认为在我读楼主的文章的时候我会长生gap，比如说p3如果能说明一下更勇敢和determine the future of the society就会更好些。
作者: 小滋滋 时间: 2012-11-1 22:31
我今天看到你的作文就觉着有点不太对，刚才我突然想到了，再补充说说，首先你的句式用词都很好，但是构思上存在问题，而且读的过程我要自己填你的gap，去猜你想表达什么，说明你的文章逻辑递进不强。1）首段，我的理解是你想表达当今社会的年轻人在金融危机的背景下背负的更多，以至于他们在逆境中更优秀，所以他们更能在将来影响社会的发展。但是你的文章并没有把这些观点完整的表达出来，让读者产生了gap，是我自己把这些连起来，所以你的文章在这方面应该加强，让文章更有层次的递进。然后你开篇做的类比，也有问题，我刚开始读以为你是想拿elderpeople和youngpeople比，但后来我才明白你是先说过去的人也经历过depression类似的，因此这就不能用elder people,因为你这样比没有可比性了，时代不同，人也不同，得有点相同点才能比啊，我也不知道我说明白没哈，这些应该都算是逻辑的问题。2）逻辑结构：我觉着托福作文应该在首段尾段，主体段段首都摆明观点，比如你的主体段二段，你说young people are braver in present than the young lived in a traditional society我需要想一下勇敢和影响社会发展有什么关系，会产生疑问，但是如果你与中心联系一下会更好. 我的一点小意见，有错的地方多多包涵：）
作者: amissrosa 时间: 2012-11-3 09:26
小滋滋您好!
謝謝你抽再空幫我補充!!!
邏輯一直以來都是我最大的問題>"<
謝謝前輩指正D
作者: amissrosa 时间: 2012-11-4 18:22
抱歉抱歉,交晚了>"<
11.3 獨立 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People today would be happier if they had fewer possessions.
There are many kinds of things that people can possess to satisfy their minds. For example, some people feel happy because they earn lots of money while some people feel fulfillment because they have time to stay with families.Nowadays, most people tend to be materialism. They pursue countless money and the innumerous things, and they never feel content and happy even though they have owned enough money and house to live. Therefore, I believe that if people understood to restrain their desire, they would be happier.
First of all, most people think that the more things they owned, the more happiness they earn. However, the truth is that the more things they want, the more tiredness they get. We often hear that some of famous entrepreneur died of liver cancer because they work over 10 hours a day. Besides, according to medical research, endless desire makes endless pressure and that is the reason why more and more people suffer from depression. Moreover, to pursuing greater possession, people spend most of his or her lifetime working or traveling on official business rather than staying with families or friends. Eventually,these people lost the kindest people, friends and families, and all they have in the end of the life are useless property and lonely mansions.
Second,many people believes that being able to possess more and more things,especially the materials, means that they are more competent than other people.And I agree that the more power the man have, the more things they couldpossess. But, as I mentioned before, even though a man obtain power by continuouslypursuing more possession, he won’t be happy. Moreover, there are different waysto get power happily. For example, there is a social group, ELIVE, which isestablished by four college students, and the goal of this group is to helpbackward country, such as Cambodia, building schools and apartments by askingvolunteers around our country. These four students have achieved the goal andpossess reputation and gratitude. They didn’t get more money, but they feelhappiness and fulfillment.
Chasing after a thing is tired, and it sometimes requires people tosacrifice families and friends which are priceless. Even though a man possessesnumerous things, he won’t be happy because he loses the source of love andcomfort. Moreover, it is a beginning to worry about personal gains and losseswhen people own too many things. Therefore, I believe that it is better forhuman beings to have fewer possessions.
作者: amissrosa 时间: 2012-11-4 19:14
第一次寫綜合，還請前輩嚴格糾正>"< 感激不盡>"<!!!
11.3 綜合 TPO19
The reading passage and the speaker both discussthe topic of buzzing. However, the speaker, a buzzer, discords with the idea inthe passage. He thinks buzzing will not harm people and society. He offersseveral reasons to oppose the article.
The first reasonis that buzzers are not liars. Although in the article, it claims that buzzersare paid to say the advantages of products but not spontaneously recommendthose products, and people have right to know whether these buzzers are paid tolie or not. The speakers clarify that advertising companies only find peoplewho have used their product to become buzzers. Thus, buzzers are not tellinglies but saying their true experience and feedback of products.
Second, thespeaker refutes the reading by mentioning whether buzzers will misleadconsumers or not. Though the article states that people can be secure and keep questionablewhen they see TV commercial advertisement, but they are easily to lose theability of differentiating bad or good when buzzers introduce them products. Thespeaker then argues that people still keep clever when they meet buzzers. When thespeaker is buzzing phone service to people, people keep asking him how long hehave used this product, how much is this product and how is the service. If hecan’t answer people’s questions, people won’t believe him.
The third reasonis that buzzer will not destroy the trust between people but bond socialrelationship. While the article indicates that buzzers will harm make society lessof trust, the speaker points out that buzzer will not destroy civilization buthelp social relationship more closer after people realize that everything thatbuzzers told are truth.
Finally, thespeaker in the lecture disagrees with the points in the reading. He believesthat buzzers are not liars to spread mistrust; instead, buzzers can tell peoplethe truth of a product and even make social relationship closer.
作者: Crystal的秋天 时间: 2012-11-4 20:27
独立作文用word改比较方便，粘贴附件啦~~~改的不对的地方，见谅哦~~
作者: Crystal的秋天 时间: 2012-11-4 20:46
The reading passage and the speaker both discuss the topic of buzzing. However, the speaker, a part-time buzzer, discords with the idea inthe passage. He thinks buzzing will not (won't) harm people and society. He offersseveral reasons to oppose the article.
The first reasonis that buzzers are not liars. Although in the article, it claims that buzzersare paid to say the advantages of products but not spontaneously recommendthose products, and people have right to know whether these buzzers are paid tolie or not. The speakers clarify that advertising companies only find peoplewho have used their product to become buzzers. Thus, buzzers are not tellinglies but saying their true experience and feedback of products.
Second, thespeaker refutes the reading by mentioning whether buzzers will misleadconsumers or not.（你的观点是？） Though the article states that people can be secure and keep questionablewhen they see TV commercial advertisement, but they are easily to lose theability of differentiating bad or good when buzzers introduce them products. Thespeaker then argues that people still keep clever when they meet buzzers. When thespeaker is buzzing phone service to customers, customers people always keep asking him how long he have used this product, how much is this product and how is the service. If hecan’t answer people’s questions, people won’t believe him.
The third reasonis that buzzer will not destroy the trust between people but bond socialrelationship. While the article indicates that buzzers will harm make society lessof trust, the speaker points out that buzzer will not destroy civilization buthelp social relationship more closer after people realize that everything thatbuzzers told are truth.(这里是没有听太清楚吗？后面细节不够充分，建议重听) 原文大概是：
Finally, if you believe what you read, buzzing will destroy civilization. That’s stupid. If a product is bad, the company cannot recruit buzzers. So, what you get from a buzzer is not only sincere, it is likely to be about a good product. If you try the phone service I use, you will get love it. So, people who try buzzed products are going to have good experience, so they will end up being more trustful and open to people.
Finally, (换个词，否则以为和上面是并列的， in conclusion，to sum up之类的，我单词比较匮乏，随便举两个)thespeaker in the lecture disagrees with the points in the reading. He believesthat buzzers are not liars to spread mistrust; instead, buzzers can tell peoplethe truth of a product and even make social relationship closer.
整体结构和听力内容没有太大问题，并且很明确的表明了阅读文章和听力材料之间一一对应的关系，但是提个小小的建议，感觉你阅读部分讲的过于繁琐了，导致听力的观点不够突出，如果你打字速度没有问题的话，建议你分配一下阅读和听力的比例，如果打字不算特别的快的话，可以考虑先讲听力部分的观点，阅读略讲。三段可以不用保持一致，先阅读后听力，可以变换些形式。
作者: amissrosa 时间: 2012-11-5 12:45
為求文章邏輯順暢,這篇竟然寫了1.5hr....
自我期許能在剩下的19天內將自己訓練成能在30mins內寫完邏輯順暢的文章!
11.4獨立 Young people should try several different jobs before they decide which job or career they will do in the long term.
People take long time to make assure their interest fields, and so does the young generation. There are many college students finding their real interested career after having lots of part-time jobs. Therefore, I agree that young people should try several different kinds of jobs to find their interest, accumulate varied experiences and know people around the world that will help them decide lifelong careers.
First of all, having different kinds of job experiences is very important to not only employees who are seeking lifelong careers but also employer who interview job seekers. For example, my first part-time job is working at a famous restaurant when I was a college student, and I learned that patience and politeness are the keys to success in service industry. Left this job, I found another part-time job of beverage shop, one of service industry. I treated customers very politely and patiently, gradually stimulated the sales, and eventually my boss was very proud of me. The former job experience made me success in the next job. Besides, these two job experiences make me realized that I am interested in marketing that I have ever thought of. Therefore, I believe that varied job experiences can help young people find their favorite field.
Second, to survive in a certain job requires not only young people’s job experience but also their flexibility. I think that it’s good for young people to make different friends when they try several jobs because knowing different people around different job areas can help young generation learn how to deal with colleague relationship of lifelong jobs. For example, when I was a freshman in part-time jobs, I knew that labors of basic level are very hard because they have to scarify physics and mentality, and I also observed the different attitude to bond the relationship between me and colleague and me and my boss. Therefore, I believe that accumulated relationship with people around different jobs will help younggeneration gets through from basic level to higher status in their lifelong job environments.
In conclusion, accumulated different job experience can help young people find their interested jobs that they are willing to scarify for lifetime. Also, it helps young people be more familiar with the way to deal with people of different characteristics and job status in their lifelong jobs. As a result, I agree that young people should try several different jobs before they decide which job or career they will do in the long term.
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11.4 綜合 TPO20
The readingpassage and the professor both discuss the topic about a policy of “let it burn”.However, the professor discords with the idea in the passage. She thinks thatthe fire gives the ecology an opportunity to create new form. Therefore, theprofessor provides several reasons to oppose the article.
The first reason inthe lecture is that the event of Yellowstone Park fire actually created newplaces for smaller planets to live while the reading points that the firecaused a tremendous disaster to the plants. The professor says that although thefire destroyed trees and vegetation in Yellowstone Park, but it actually creatednew spaces for smaller planets to live. For example, after the fire, the largetrees which had occupied most areas were destroyed, and the destroyed areasbecome new habitats for smaller vegetation to survive.
Second, thespeaker refutes the reading by mentioning the recovery of wildlife. Though thearticle states that the “let it burn” policy destruct the habitat and foodchains of ecology, the professor argues that the environment is able to recover.Besides, the destruction of habitat actually helps smaller species, such asrabbits, to propagate, and the propagation provide food to predators in foodchains.
The third reason is the fire will not affectlocal tourism and local economy. While the article indicates that serious firecause the decrease of local economy and tourism, the professor holds that thefire which is like Yellowstone Park fire doesn’t frequently happen and will notaffect local business. Instead, the fire not only helps some creatures whichneed higher temperature to live but also attracts more and more tourists cometo Yellowstone Park.
In conclusion,the professor in the lecture disagrees with the points in the reading, shebelieves that the “let it burn” policy will not harm ecology and local business.
作者: Crystal的秋天 时间: 2012-11-5 16:16
标题: 11.4作文改，看word可能比较清楚
People take long time to make assure makesure or determine, make assure means
使保证 their interestfields, and so does the young generation. There are many college studentsfinding their real really interestedcareer after having lots of part-time jobs. Therefore, I agree that youngpeople should try several different kinds of jobs to find their interest,accumulate varied experiences and know people around the world that (that 指代什么，前面的整件事的话，用，加which可能更好)will helpthem decide lifelong careers.
First of all, having different kinds of job work experiencesis very important to not only employees who are seeking lifelong careers butalso benefitsemployers who interview (为什么用面试？) job seekers.For example, my first part-time job is working at a famous restaurant when Iwas a college student, and I learned that patience and politeness are the keysto success in service industry. Left After leaving thisjob, I found another part-time job of beverage shop, one of service industry. Itreated customers very politely and patiently.,The way I learnedbefore played animportant role in my new job, graduallystimulatedstimulating the sales, andeventually my boss was very proud of me andeventually bringing manybenefits to my boss. The former job experiencemade me success in the next job. (换成这样句与句之间的联系可能更紧密一些，仅个人直觉) Besides,these two job experiences make me realized that I am interestedhavetalent in marketing that (that 不可以指代整个句子，你肯定不是想表达marketing 是你没想到的东西，而是你适合做marketing这件事)I have everthought of. Therefore, I believe that varied job experiences can help youngpeople find their favorite field.
Second, to survive in a certain job requires not only young people’s job work experiencebut also their flexibility. I think that it’s good for young people to makedifferent friends when they try several jobs because knowing different peoplearound different job areas can help young generation learn how to deal withcolleague relationship of lifelong jobs. For example, when I was a freshman inpart-time jobs, I knew that labors of basic level are very hardoverburdened(hard 更偏向于努力吧)because theyhave toscarify (这个词有点大，pressure both on)physicsand mentality, and I also observed the different attitudes to bond therelationship between me and colleague and me and my boss.(这句话没看懂) Therefore, Ibelieve that accumulated relationship with people around different jobs willhelp young generation gets through from basic level to higher status in theirlifelong job environments.（不太明白你这段的论证跟灵活性有什么关系）
In conclusion, accumulated different job experience can help young people findtheir interested jobs that they are willing to scarify devote tofor lifetime. Also, it helps young people become (强调一下动作而不是状态) morefamiliar with the way to deal with people of different characteristics and jobstatus they will encounter in the future in theirlifelong jobs. As a result, I agree that young people should tryseveral different jobs before they decide which job or career 用了career后面就不要用do 了，搭配很奇怪they will do in thelong term.
明显可以看出来，这篇文章花的时间比较长，我个人建议
还是保证时间限制的基础之上提高作文水平，至少我发现对我而言这么可能更好一些。细节问题，注意一下定于从句的用法，词义的辨析，可以多背一点同义词转换，可能会给文章增色很多，你文章中重复用词的现象也很多。
作者: AnthonySummer 时间: 2012-11-5 18:31
11.4 綜合 TPO20
The reading passage and the professor both discuss the topic about a policy of "let it burn".However, the professor discords with the idea in the passage. She thinks that the fire gives the ecology an opportunity to create new form（ the fires provided an new opportunity to ecosystem，原文如此錶達的，更加精煉）. Therefore, the professor provides several reasons to oppose the article.
The first reason inthe lecture is that the event of Yellowstone Park fire actually created new places for smaller plants to live while the reading points that the fire caused a tremendous disaster to the plants. The professor says that although the fire destroyed trees and vegetation in Yellowstone Park, but it actually created new（你這點和前面重複了啊，刪掉吧）spaces for smaller planets to live. For example, after the fire, the large trees which had occupied most areas were destroyed, and the destroyed areasbecome new habitats for smaller vegetation to survive. （很多原文的細節都沒聽到，譬如物種多樣化，高溫幫助某些種子發芽，建議重聽吧！）
Second, the speaker refutes the reading by mentioning the recovery of wildlife. Though thearticle states that the "let it burn" policy destruct the habitat and foodchains of ecology, the professor argues that the environment is able to recover.Besides, the destruction of habitat actually helps smaller species, such asrabbits, to propagate, and the propagation provide food to predators in foodchains. （又是和原文有些出入，應該是講提供了 new food chains，然後從而幫助bla bla 什麽的，感覺你寫的沒有表達原文的意思）
The third reason is the fire will not affectlocal tourism and the local economy. While the article indicates that serious fire cause the decrease of local economy and tourism, the professor holds that thefire which is like Yellowstone Park fire doesn't frequently happen and will notaffect local business.（前面三個小句再重複一個意思，啰嗦啊,得縮寫）Instead, the fire not only helps some creatures whichneed higher （這是第二段的內容）（你看你這句的意思前後不搭調啊）temperature to live but also attracts more and more tourists come to Yellowstone Park. （有迷失了一些聽力中的意思，譬如乾燥因素，後來遊客每年都會來啊）
In conclusion,the professor in the lecture disagrees with the points in the reading, shebelieves that the "let it burn" policy will not harm ecology and local business.
作者: amissrosa 时间: 2012-11-6 18:03
今天比較忙，以下是初稿…想必有很多錯誤的用詞和文法，結果還是超出時間了…我要再加油!!麻煩前輩批改了>”<
11.5 獨立 Do you agree or disagree with the followingstatement? In the past, it was easier for people to identify what types ofcareer or job would lead to a secure, successful future
The societyin the past is different from the present society. For example, theconstruction of economy emphasized on industry, the kinds of career whichpeople were given were almost labors level. Because the economy situation wasbetter than today’s economy so that the rate of unemployment was not so serious,and people were very cherish job opportunities. Therefore, I agree that peoplein the past were easily find careers to a secure and successful future.
First of all, nowadays, people arefacing economy depression, the rate of unemployment keep increased. Because of therate of unemployment, people cannot choose jobs which they are interested inbut seeking jobs which are still recruiting. Unlike present people, people wholived in the past were more luckily because many global events which stimulatedeconomy to keep growing for a long time. Economy growth needed labors so thatalmost every people in the past had a long-term career.
Second, people in the past were taughtto be precious every job opportunities rather than often switched job. Although,people had experienced a long time economy growth, the poor is still poor. Peoplecared about money so that they could feed family. Once they were given jobs,they were willing to learn for their lifetime to be professional in theircareer. Unlike people in the past, modern people have better lives now, butthey lack of patience for learning a particular career for a long-time. Their workingexperiences on resumes lead them hardly find jobs.
Third, before people find jobs, thereare many information channels to help modern people either search informationor learn professional skills. Therefore, for modern people, there are too manyappeals to focus on one special skill. People like to learn varied professionalfield; however, varied choices makes people hard to decide their lifelongcareer. On the contrary, because of less learning opportunities, people in thepast only can learn professional skill in factories or companies. Most peoplein the past only have one professional skill, but this particular skill helpsthem have a lifetime career.
I think people are used to enjoycomfortable lives and lack of crisis attention. Even though present economyprovides lots of job opportunities, people regard them invaluable. In the past,because of the difference of the rich and the poor, most people didn’t choosekinds of jobs and were willing to devout to jobs for their lifetime. Therefore,I agree that it was easier for people in the past to identify whattypes of career or job would lead to a secure, successful future.
Word:429 Time: 54 mins----------------------------------------------------------------
11.5 綜合TPO21
The reading passage and theprofessor both discuss the topic of genetic modification. However, the speakerdiscords with the idea in the passage. She thinks that genetic modification isnot a good idea, and she offers several reasons to oppose the article.
The first reason is thatgenetically modified trees are not so hardier than nature trees while thereading states the opposed viewpoint. The professor says that geneticallymodified trees are not easily to survive because they pass uniform gene togeneration by generation. However, nature trees don't share the same gene andcharacteristics so that even though one of these tree are affected by climateor insects, the other trees still have possibility to survive.
Second, the speaker refutesthe reading by mentioning economic benefits even though the article indicatesthat genetically modified trees brings economic benefits to those who growthem. The lecturer thinks that the seeds of genetically modified trees are moreexpensive than the seeds of nature trees. Besides, farmers who need place toplant genetically modified trees have to pay money to genetic modificationcompanies. Therefore, the professor concludes that genetically modified treescannot make farmers richer.
The third reason is that genetically modified trees will damage localtrees. While the reading points out that genetically modified trees can preventover exploitation of wild trees, the professor purposes that the because of the growthrate of genetically modified trees, these trees occupy most habitat of localtrees. Besides, abundant genetically modified trees absorb most of sunlight,water and nitrogen which originally provide nutrition to local trees.
To sum up, the professor in the lecture disagrees with the points in thereading. She believes that genetic modification cannot bring economic benefits,and it also endangers local trees.
作者: lmylacoste 时间: 2012-11-7 15:10
等你的作文哦，好了可以发消息通知我
作者: amissrosa 时间: 2012-11-7 18:20
前輩，抱歉讓你等那麼久>"<
下方獨立作文是計時完成的(但還是超過了15分鐘....)是草稿，因為24號要考試了，打算直接獻上草稿因為最接近考試時的狀況..
求前輩嚴格批改>"< 學妹虛心求教！！
11.6 獨立 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The way of a person’s dress is an indication of his or her personality or character.
People need clothes to cover our privateparts of bodies. Sometimes, we need clothes to warm up in the winter. Becausemost people judge a person by his or her outlook, people nowadays have clothesto pretend that they are someone else or want to hide their drawbacks in frontof the public. I believe that the way of a person's dress cannot show his orher personality because the reason why people have clothes is that dressinghelps them prevent from other's judgments.
First of all, as I mentioned, people haveto buy varied kinds of clothes to deal with varied situations. For most people,they must need a suit because everyone has at least a chance to attend formalmeetings in the lifetime. For example, we cannot understand a person whom wemeet in a formal feast because the person must dress in a formal way. Maybe wecan know the prices of his or her dress but not the personality.
The second reason is similar to the firstone which is that dressing help people fit in the different situations. Teacheris an obvious example. If a teacher likes rock style, can parents accept thisteacher dress like a rock star in front of children? I guess the answer is No.Therefore, this teacher has to choose general dress to blend in the teachingenvironment. In most time, the way of a person's dress is to play a social rolebut not the intrinsic personality.
Last but not the least; we cannotunderstand a person by the outlook. Combining the above two reasons, the reasonwhy people choose their clothes is to make them proper in varied places.Besides, we usually know persons by spending time on them or her and observing theiraction or attitude. For example, I never judge customer by their dress becauseI have met lots of customer wear casual clothes, but they buy many Chanel orGucci products.
In conclusion, in our society, peopleseldom reveal their real characters in front of the public, and most of themsave money to buy beautiful clothes so that they can prevent from judgments.Besides, the truth is not always show in front of our eyes. Therefore, Ibelieve that the way of a person’s dress is an indication of his or herpersonality or character.
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11.6 綜合 TPO 22
Thereading passage and the professor both discuss the topic of ethanol fuel.However, the speaker discords with the idea in the passage. He thinks thatethanol fuel is a good replacement for gasoline and provides several reasons tooppose the article.
Thefirst reason is that ethanol fuel will not cause global warming which thereading passage points out. The professor mentions that the even though ethanolrelease carbon dioxide as gasoline dose, the growing plants of ethanol fuel,such as corm, can absorb those released carbon dioxide as nutrition. Therefore,ethanol plants can remove carbon dioxide in atmosphere.
Second,the speaker refutes the reading by mentioning ethanol fuel will not reduceavailable food for creatures. The article states that animal lost sources offood, such as corn, because of ethanol fuel. However, the professor argues thatpeople utilize Ethanol using cellulose which cannot be eaten by animals;therefore, planting Ethanol using plant cannot affect the food source ofanimals.
Thethird reason is that Ethanol fuel is able to compete with gasoline on price inthe future which is opposed to the reading part. The professor purposes thatthe demand of Ethanol fuel will increase in the future so that the ethanolproducer will not have to depend on government’s subsidy. Besides, according tothe research, if the price of ethanol fuel will be three times as presentprices, the demand of ethanol fuel will drop about 40%.
Tosum up, the professor in the lecture disagrees with the points in the reading.He believes that ethanol fuel will not cause global warming and lack of food,and the price of ethanol fuel will keep competing with that of gasoline in thefuture.
作者: lmylacoste 时间: 2012-11-7 19:39
People need clothes to cover our（their own 因为指people） private parts of bodies and minds（你觉得这样是不是跟扣题了？可讨论哈）.（这里呢，我觉得可以用原来和现在做对比,可讨论哈） Sometimes（primarily）, we need clothes to warm up in the winter. However，Because most people （+ mainly）judge a person by his or her outlook（outlook好像没有外表的意思吧。。appearance）, people nowadays have clothes to pretend that they are（to be会联系更清晰一点，个人观点） someone else or want to hide their drawbacks in front of the public. I believe that the way of a person's dress cannot show his or her personality because the reason why people have clothes is that dressing helps them prevent（prevent及物，用prevent them） from other's judgments.
这一段，我觉得我很能理解你的意思，但是若是加上几个表逻辑的词会让文章显得很清晰。
First of all, as I mentioned, people have to buy varied kinds of clothes to deal with varied situations. For most people, they must need a suit because everyone has at least a chance to attend formal meetings in the lifetime. For example, we cannot understand（用在这里不太合适吧，可以考虑familiar/acquaint+sb） a person whom we meet in a formal feast because the person must(有点别扭，可删去) dress in a formal way.（+From which） Maybe we can know the prices of his or her dress but not the personality. （not know the personality, but learn about the prices of his or her dress）
The second reason is similar to the first one which is that dressing help people fit in the different situations. Teacher is an obvious example（用复数吧，指所有）. If a teacher likes rock style, can parents accept this teacher dress like a rock star in front of（用得太多了，可用before） children? I guess the answer is No. Therefore, this teacher has to choose general dress to blend(要用被动哦) in the teaching environment. In most time, the way of a person's dress is to play a social role but not the intrinsic personality.（用not…but…结构比较好）
Last but not the least; we cannot understand a person by the outlook. Combining the above two reasons, the reason why people choose their clothes is to make them proper in varied places. Besides, we usually know persons by spending time on them or her（什么状况？） and observing their action（behavior比较好吧） or attitude. For example, I never judge customer（s） by their dress because I have met lots of customer（s） wear casual clothes, but they buy many Chanel or Gucci products.
In conclusion, in our society, people seldomly reveal their real characters in front of the public, and most of them save money to buy beautiful clothes so that they can prevent（which will prevent them） from judgments. Besides, the truth is not always show in front of our eyes. Therefore, I believe that the way of a person’s dress is not （观点不能反啊）an indication of his or her personality or character.
总结：
写得不错
但是有几点要注意：
1.最重要观点保持一致（最后一句）
2.观点重叠，感觉3,4两段差不多
3.同义改写 in front of=before=in the present of=in the face of=face
4.字数还要多点儿啊
加油！~
作者: amissrosa 时间: 2012-11-8 16:21
11.7 獨立 College or university should offer students a better job preparation before they start working
The rate ofunemployment hasn't been solved, and most people count on the relationship withpeople, such as manager of a company to get jobs. There is a universal sayingthat being a student is lucky because schools are able to not only providecareer training classes but also arrange jobs interviews for students.Therefore, I agree that college or university should offer students a betterjob preparation before they start working.
First of all, itis a obligation for schools to train student practical skills before they havejobs. The reason why parents spend much money on children to go to universityis the hope that their children can learn professional skills which is requiredfor future careers. Besides, setting jobpreparation class is prevailing in most campuses. For example, I was requiredto select job preparation class when I was a senior student in the university.
Moreover, trainingstudents practical career skills helps them leave good impression to thepublic, and that is also a good long-term plan for schools. People judge a schoolby evaluating not only how many educational resources a school can provide butalso the performance of students who graduated from that school. When wediscuss a celebrity, we are also concerned about his or her educationalbackground. As a result, the performance of students in their future workingenvironments becomes a key factor for people choosing a school. For example,most parents want their children to apply Harvard University because there aremany CEO s graduated from Harvard University.
Third,cultivating great students is like investment. If the schools help studentswell-prepared before they apply for jobs, these students are potential tobecome managers in the companies in the future. They will donate their almamaters to extend educational sources once they are promoted. Therefore, it isconvinced that providing a better job preparation is win-win for students andschools.
In conclusion,arranging a better job preparation have become an important key points forschools to attract parents and students. And that is also kind of investmentbecause most famous alumni are going to be a major part of financial sourcesfor schools.
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11. 7綜合 TPO23
這篇integrate writing是first draft...寫完檢查後有發現第二點漏了很多detail...因為聽力沒聽懂
不知道我的integrate writing的架構(轉折詞...等等)夠不夠嚴謹？
求狠批>"<!!!
The reading passage and the professor both discuss the topic of thereasons why yellow cedars have been declined. However, the professor discordswith the reasons raised in the passages and offers several opposite points.
The first reason is that the cedar bark beetle cannot lead to thedeclination of yellow cedar. Although the passage points out that the beetle isknown to attack cedar trees; the lecturer indicates that the major of cedartrees is resistant from those beetles because cedars tree can produce a kind ofchemical which can prevent from the attack of beetles. Besides, there are onlysick or dying cedar trees that will be harmed by beetles.
Second, the speaker refutes the reading by mentioning brown bears. Thoughthe article states that bears eat the tree bark, the professor argues thatbears seldom appear in the mainland where cedar barks occupy.
The third reason is that the changes of climate cannot be blamed for thedeclination of cedar trees. While the article indicates that the cedar barks'root which has changed to grow in the winter are likely to suffer from frozen, the professor holds that most cedar treeswere found that they were dying at low elevation where is warmer temperature.
Finally, the professorin the lecture disagrees with the reasons in the reading. He believes that the actualreasons which caused the declination of cedar barks still have to be investigated.
作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-11-8 17:52
11.7综合改文
The reading passage and the professor both discuss the topic of thereasons why yellow cedars have been declined. However, the professor discordswith(不错) the reasons raised in the passages and offers several opposite points.
开头挺好的
The first reason is that the cedar bark beetle cannot lead to thedeclination of yellow cedar. Although the passage points out that the beetle isknown to attack cedar trees; the lecturer indicates that the major of cedartrees is（are注意单复数一致） resistant from those beetles because cedars tree can produce a kind ofchemical which can prevent(trees少了个宾语)from the attack of beetles. Besides, there are(这里的there be 句型没有必要，直接写：only sick and dying cedar trees will be attacked by cedar beetles) onlysick or dying cedar trees that will be harmed by beetles.
Second, the speaker refutes the reading by mentioning brown bears. Thoughthe article states that bears eat（熊貌似不是eat而是destroy，类似于用爪子挠）the tree bark, the professor argues thatbears seldom appear in the mainland(听力是说mainland有熊，island没有，搞反了)where cedar barks occupy.
The third reason is that the changes of climate cannot be blamed for thedeclination of cedar trees. While the article indicates that the cedar barks'root which has changed to grow in the winter are likely to suffer from frozen, the professor holds that most cedar treeswere found that they were dying at low elevation where is （at）warmer temperature.
Finally, the professorin the lecture disagrees with the reasons in the reading. He believes that the actualreasons which caused the declination of cedar barks still have to be investigated.
可以不用写结尾的，字数有限制的，是225
另外听力细节还得加强，语言很好了，加油哦~
作者: lizchang1990 时间: 2012-11-8 22:40
The rate of unemployment hasn't been solved, and most people count on the relationship with people, such as manager of a company to get jobs(这个不应该这样用哦,such as ). There is a universal saying that being a student is lucky because schools are able to not only provide career training classes but also arrange jobs interviews for students. Therefore, I agree that college or university should offer students a better job preparation before they start working.(你的逻辑性不是很强,句子衔接不好,比如首段说失业率没解决,貌似后面跟manager貌似扯不上很大关系.你的三句话读完后感觉不是很顺畅.但优点是没有啥搭配的小错误. 建议改成: As the rapid development of our society, the rate of unemployment has increased. Facing such a tough situation, in order to help students gain their vocational advantages, I consider that …此处写你的观点. 其实这样写下来,你会觉得至少前后是衔接的. 亲要继续努力哦~ )
First of all, it is a obligation for schools to train student practical skills before they have jobs. The reason why parents spend much money on children to go to universityis(粗心咯) the hope that their children can learn professional skills which is required for future careers.(把长句剪切掉,美国人不喜欢长句的! 一写长了问题就出来了,你这句话没通,当然我知道你说啥啦. 改为: The reason why parents want to spend much money on children’s education is that they hope their kids to learn…你后面句子是对的) Besides, setting job preparation class(设立班级么?这个只有中文才这样表达的哦~) is prevailing in most campuses. For example, I was required to select job preparation class when I was a senior student in the university. (继续点评你的逻辑问题,前面说preparation 是学校的义务, 感觉跟写的爸妈那些没啥衔接性.)
Moreover, training students practical career skills helps them leave good impression to the public, and that is also a good long-term plan for schools. (赞下你的这个理由,不错)People judge a school by evaluating not only how many educational resources a school can provide but also the performance of students who graduated from that school. When we discuss a celebrity, we are also concerned about his or her educational background. As a result, the performance of students in their future working environments becomes a key factor for people choosing a school. For example, most parents want their children to apply Harvard University because there are many CEO s graduated from Harvard University.(直接说that university,免得出现太多次.整体这段不错)
Third, cultivating great(great感觉可以去掉吧) students is like investment. If the schools help students well-prepared before they apply for jobs, these students are potential to become managers in the companies in the future. They will donate their almamaters(alumnus) to extend educational sources once they are promoted. Therefore, it is convinced that providing a better job preparation is win-win for students and schools.
In conclusion, arranging a better job preparation have(动名词开头用单数has) become an important key points(细心哦,前面你用an 的) for schools to attract parents and students. And that is also kind of investment because most famous alumni are going to be a major part of financial sources for schools.(结尾不错)
(在没看你文字之前,我扫眼你文章,第一感觉有模板痕迹,尽量少说First, second ,当然说能显得有层次性,但其实这个已经很过时的写法了. 我亲自被批斗过这样写法,所以我一直在避免模板,全中国多少学生都写这样啦,千篇一律不好~你也要注意哦,力争拿高分! )
作者: amissrosa 时间: 2012-11-9 13:57
終於能在30mins內完成作文了!但字數還得再衝刺>"< 因為要考試了,直接貼初稿給組員批改,為求進步,求狠批>"<!!!
11.8 獨立 Do you agree with the viewpoint that people are now easier to become educated that in the past.
In the past, the society was lack of acomplete education system and information sources. Most people who lived in thepast were under bad financial situation which caused them could not affordtuition. However, these problems have been resolved in decades. It is easierfor modern people to become educated because of obligated education, bettereconomic situation and many free educational sources.
First of all, most countries have carriedout the policy of obligated education for many years. For example, it is theobligation for parents in Taiwan to have their children study in elementary andjunior high schools. If parents violate this policy, they are going to befined. Even though the policy regulates children only to have 12 yearseducation, at least children who are educated under junior high schools areable to spell words and solve basic mathematic calculation.
Moreover, present economy is better thanthe past one. Most people around the world are able to afford tuition. Besides,majors of governments providing educational subside for children who don't haveenought money to go to schools. Furthermore, children can earn scholarships orapply part-time jobs to cover their tuition.
The third reason is that the popularity ofinformation. Studying in schools is not the only way to gain knowledge. Forexample, community libraries provide many free educational sources, and some ofthese libraries even supply computers for people to surf the Internet. Besides,there are many professors hold free lectures in the science museums or nationalculture center. Therefore, being educated is not a mission impossible anymore.
In conclusion, our social circumstances have been improved. People are not only obligated to have basic educational background,but also are able to pay the tuition. The most important reason is thepopularity of educational recourse. As the result, I believe that people are now easier to become educated that in the past.
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11.8 綜合 TPO 24 請問綜合寫作有限制字數嗎?
The reading passage and the professor both discussthe topic of the discoveries of the fossil of T-rex. However, the professordiscords with the idea in the passage. He thinks those fossilized leg bonecannot provide the samples of blood, blood cells and collagen matrix. Besides,he offers several reasons to oppose the article.
The first reason is that the small branching channelwhich is regarded as blood vessels in the reading. Nevertheless, the professorsays that bacteria would colonize in the bodies of animals after these animalsdied. The bacteria would occupy bones, and as we know that there are manyhollows in bones. Therefore, these hollows of bones are the trace of bacteria'sresidence but not the presence of blood vessels.
Moreover, the reading states that parts of innerbone manifested the presence of spheres which might be the remains of red bloodcells. But, the professor disputes that not only the fossils of T-rex showed thiskind of spheres but also other animals fossils. Unless these spheres stillremain the presence of red blood cells, researchers cannot verify that there arered blood cells remains in the bones of T-rex. On the other hand, these spheresfound in the bones might be some reddish minerals.
Furthermore, even though the passage points out thatthe fossils of T-rex remains collagen, the professor thinks it is wrong saying.He indicates that the collagen matrix have never existed before 10,000 yearsago. However, the existed time of T-rex is dated around 700,000 years ago. Thatis, the scientists disregarded the remains as collagen because collagen is kindof recent fossils.
In conclusion, thelecturer disagrees with the points stated in the passage.
作者: verchieldan 时间: 2012-11-9 21:53
11.8 獨立 Do you agree with the viewpoint that people are now easier to become educated that in the past.
In the past, the society was lack of a complete education system and information sources. Most people who lived in the past were under bad financial situation which caused them could not afford tuition. However, these problems have been resolved in decades. It is easier for modern people to become educated because of obligated education, better economic situation and many free educational sources.
First of all, most countries have carried out the policy of obligated education for many years. For example, it is the obligation for parents in Taiwan to have their children study in elementary and junior high schools. If parents violate this policy, they are going to be fined. Even though the policy regulates children only to have 12 years education, at least children who are educated under junior high schools are able to spell words and solve basic mathematic calculation.
Moreover, present economy is better than the past one. Most people around the world are able to afford tuition. Besides,（前面用了moreover，这里可以用个别的）majors of governments providing educational subside for children who don't have enought money to go to schools. Furthermore, children can earn scholarships or apply part-time jobs to cover their tuition.
The third reason is that the popularity of information. Studying in schools is not the only way to gain knowledge. For example（上一段用过了，可以说to give you a idea of … ）, community libraries provide many free educational sources, and some of these libraries even supply computers for people to surf the Internet. Besides, there are many professors hold free lectures in the science museums or national culture center. Therefore, being educated is not a mission impossible anymore.
In conclusion, our social circumstances have been improved. People are not only obligated to have basic educational background, but also are able to pay the tuition. The most important reason is the popularity of educational recourse. As the result, I believe that people are now easier to become educated that in the past.
1.整篇文章几乎没有看到语法错误与拼错的词，并且楼主说是在30分钟内完成的初稿，觉得这一点非常值得我学习。2.怎么说呢，觉得这篇文章非常容易Follow,但是觉得写得非常刻板，觉得套模板套得很标准，就怕不符合ETS的口味。
3.文章的句式确实做到了多样化（包括定语从句、ing形式，祈使句，宾语从句，条件状语从句），作者的文风明显属于简介明了了，没有任何一句话让我看两遍或者会误解，但是，同时，我就建议楼主，既然可以纯熟地运用这些，那么可不可以写出新意，特别是自己的风格呢？因为我觉得楼主连连接词（highlight部分）都是比较简单而原始的，怕在一堆文章里不出彩。
4.个人建议啊，因为这种文章不存在决定性观点，最好用一点点让步，这样比较CRITICAL .
总之，因为楼主快要考试了，从文章看来功底不俗，不防做得新颖一些，向30冲刺，这种比较保守的文章可能就有待改进。欢迎交流啊。
作者: AnthonySummer 时间: 2012-11-9 21:56
11.8 綜合 TPO 24 請問綜合寫作有限制字數嗎?
(字數越多越好! 儘量還原聽力中的意思，不要照搬文章裡的)
The reading passage and the professor both discuss the topic of the discoveries of the fossil of T-rex. However, the professordiscords with the idea in the passage. He thinks those fossilized leg bone cannot provide the samples of blood, blood cells and collagen matrix. Besides, he offers several reasons to oppose the article.
The first reason is that the small branching channel which is regarded as blood vessels in the reading. Nevertheless, the professor says that bacteria would colonize the bodies of animals after these animals died. The bacteria would occupy bones, and as we know that there are many hollows in the bones. Therefore, these hollows of bones are the trace of bacteria's residence but not the presence of blood vessels.（聽力還講是bacteria的remains造成的vessels，這個你沒提到~）
Moreover, reading states that parts of（名詞前加冠詞）the innerbone manifested the presence of spheres which might be the remains of red blood cells. But, the professor disputes that not only the fossils of T-rex showed this kind of spheres but also other animals fossils（再加個聽力中的this area限制地點）. Unless these spheres still remain the presence of red blood cells, researchers cannot verify that there are red blood cells remain in the bones of T-rex. On the other hand, these spheres （被發現嗎？被動時態的對象是誰呢？感覺去掉found更好，不要被動反而沒錯）found in the bones might be some reddish minerals.
Furthermore, even though the passage points out that the fossils of T-rex remains collagen, the professor thinks it is wrong saying（chinglish）.He indicates that the collagen matrix have never existed before 10,000 years he pointed out that the earliest collagen that has ever been found infossils was one hundred thousand years ago（你翻譯成中文試試，he pointed out that the earliest collagen that has ever been found是發現不是存在 infossils was one hundred thousand years ago.）. . However, the existed time of T-rex is dated around 700,000 years ago. Thatis, the scientists disregarded the remains as collagen because collagen is kind of recent fossils.
In conclusion, the lecturer disagrees with the points stated in the passage.
作者: amissrosa 时间: 2012-11-10 20:13
心得：這篇獨立的題目看似簡單，也頗好舉例的，但能舉的例子多和個人經驗相關...在邏輯上花了不少時間，深怕無法扣題！
也導致30mins只寫了兩段!我真的要暈倒了....這篇就當作是練文感吧!!同時,我也發現要描述個人經驗就會很容易出現一堆短句,因而顯得雜亂..這點我要再加強!
11.9 獨立 spending money on travelling＆vacation vs. saving for future
There is a reason why people have kept working so hard for a long time, which is earning money to enjoy life or to save as emergency money. For students, some of them have part-time jobs to save money for having fun. On the other hand,for most people who have worked for a long time, they like to save money for the future which is full of risks. As a student, I prefer to spend money on traveling and vacations.
To begin with, my life philosophy is enjoying life in time. Frankly speaking, I used to saving money for my future because I thought future is filled with unknown variable. My grandfather spent his lifetime on working for providing my family a better life. He seldom joined family trip because he wanted to save money for us. After he died, I realize that I should not devote most part of my life and money to other people or unknown risks. Besides, no one, including myself, can assure that I still have chances to use the saving in the future.Therefore, I like to travel around my country in the weekend.
Moreover,I think that it is worthy to spend money on traveling because journeys can broaden my horizon. For example, once I traveled in Peng-Hu, a beautiful island, for a week. When I stood on shiny beaches and dived in wonderful sea,this island or this trip not only impressed me its gorgeous scene but also made me realized the reason why people keep trying hard to protect our ecological environment.
Admittedly,we need to save some money for future because there are many unknown risks, as I mentioned, which have to be resolved by money. However, we may not have chances to resolve problems, such as fatal heart disease or car accidents, and let alone the time to enjoy in later life. Therefore, it is not necessary to hesitate for spending money on travel around the world because life is short,we should enjoy the moment when we are young and healthy.
Tosum up, money can be used for many ways in anytime. How to spend money wisely or worthy depends on different kinds of people. Because of the life experience,I understand the importance of enjoying life in time. Besides, personally, I like to spend time and my saving on travelling because travelling makes me relax, and that is also the reason why I choose to spend money on vacation rather than on future.
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11.9綜合 TPO 25
The readingpassage and the professor both discuss the topic that the vessel excavated inIraq was not used as electric batteries in ancient time. However, the professordiscords with the ideas in the passage and offer several reasons to oppose thearticle.
In the beginning,the passage points out that there were not evidences, such as metal wires, toprove that the vessels were used as batteries. But, the professor argues thatthe vessels were first discovered by villagers who were not professionalarchaeology skills to recognize importance materials which could be theevidence of electricity and then thrown away those essential parts of thevessels.
Besides, thearticle states that the copper cylinders inside the jars were similar to thatof the ruins in Seleucia which were used for holding scrolls. However, thelecturer indicates that the similarity of copper cylinders between the oneinIraq and the other one in Seleucia cannot totally verify that the vessel wasuseless for electricity. Besides, there is a research showing that thecombination of copper cylinders and iron rock can be used as batteries.
Moreover, theprofessor refutes that the absence of electricity in ancient times which isclaimed in the article. She says that the battery could produce a mild shockwhich could be regarded as invisible power in the ancient time. Besides, thebattery could be used for healing in ancient and modern medicine.
作者: lizchang1990 时间: 2012-11-10 21:02
There is a reason why people have kept working so hard for a long time, which is earning money to enjoy life or to save as emergency money(建议直接用save for emergence就OK,你的表达有点累赘,还有你第一句吧,表达不是很地道哦~你前面说有个reason,都没见你后面接啥东西,直接来了which定于从句,建议补救为: The reason why ...is that they can earn money to…省略号是你正确的句子). For students, some of them have part-time jobs to save money for having fun. On the other hand, for most people who have worked for a long time, they like to save money for the future which is full of risks. As a student, I prefer to spend money on traveling and vacations.
(真心点评:你的逻辑导入到你的perspective联系不大)
To begin with, my life philosophy (?!?!你这个表达有点困惑,有点chi-english ,你要说你信仰的哲学道理就是及时行乐么? )is enjoying life in time. Frankly speaking, I used to saving money for my future because I thought (时态错误)future is filled with (你表达成is unpredicted就OK,美语正宗说法哦,不要filled with…unknown variable). My grandfather spent his lifetime on working for providing my family a better life. He seldom joined family trip (感觉应该是trips吧)because he wanted to save money for us. After he died, I realize that I should not devote most part of my life and money to other people or unknown risks. Besides, no one, including myself, can assure that I still have chances to use the saving in the future. Therefore, I like to travel around my country in the weekend.
(例子不错,从身边事例来阐述你的观点)
Moreover,I think that it is worthy (worthy没有你的这用法,直接换worth,要不接of) to spend money on traveling because journeys can broaden my horizon. For example, once I traveled in Peng-Hu, a beautiful island, for a week. When I stood on shiny beaches and dived in wonderful sea ,this island or this trip not only impressed me its gorgeous scene but also made me realized (realize不要过去式)the reason why people keep trying hard to protect our ecological environment. (这个结尾不错)
Admittedly, we need to save some money for future because there are many unknown risks, as I mentioned, which have to be resolved by money. However, we may not have chances to resolve problems, such as fatal heart disease or car accidents, and let alone the time to enjoy in later life. Therefore, it is not necessary to hesitate for (跟你说,hesitate 没有接for的,换to )spending money on travel around the world because life is short, we should enjoy the moment when we are young and healthy.(表达手法不错,先褒奖再反驳攒钱)
To sum up, money can be used for many ways in anytime. How to spend money wisely or worthy depends on different kinds of people. Because of the life experience(直接说my experience吧), I understand the importance of enjoying life in time. Besides, personally, I like to spend time and my saving on travelling because travelling makes me relax, and that is also the reason why I choose to spend money on vacation rather than on future.(in the near future吧)
亲,你的表达存在中式表达,基本词语用法不清楚可以查查字典. 能把句子再精炼点就很好了,感觉口语化很多.
总体来说不错,继续加油!
作者: AnthonySummer 时间: 2012-11-10 21:27
等綜合~
作者: amissrosa 时间: 2012-11-10 21:48
綜合在上上上樓囉!麻煩學長了~
作者: AnthonySummer 时间: 2012-11-11 23:07
11.9綜合 TPO 25
The reading passage and the professor both discuss the topic that the vessel excavated in Iraq was not used as electric batteries in ancient time. However, the professor discords with the ideas in the passage and offer several reasons to oppose thearticle.
In the beginning, the passage points out that there were not ( no ) evidences, such as metal wires, toprove that the vessels were used as batteries. But, the professor argues thatthe vessels were first discovered by villagers who were not professional archaeology skills (複數主語villagers 用skill）to recognize importance （important ）materials which could be the evidence of electricity and then thrown away those essential parts of thevessels. （沒講到聽力中的細節如導線之類They mightfind some wires and other electricity conductors nearby the vessels，會減分~）
Besides, thearticle states that the copper cylinders inside the jars were similar to thatof the ruins in Seleucia which were used for holding scrolls. However, thelecturer indicates that the similarity of copper cylinders between the oneinIraq and the other one in Seleucia cannot totally verify that the vessel wasuseless for electricity. Besides, there is a research showing that thecombination of copper cylinders and iron rock can be used as batteries. （原文大致是However, the professor argued that the vessel was original invented for one purpose but later it was adopted into another purpose. 你這個沒講到，漏了很多細節）
Moreover, theprofessor refutes that the absence of electricity in ancient times which isclaimed in the article. She says that the battery could produce a mild shockwhich could be regarded as invisible power in the ancient time. Besides, thebattery could be used for healing in ancient and modern medicine. （最後講錯了,是he demonstrated that the modern medical had used electricity to heal patients and release their pain. So ancient can use the electricity for same use. ）
歸納錯是個大問題哦！加油吧！
作者: amissrosa 时间: 2012-11-12 21:01
狠批吧!實在快失去信心了,越簡單的題目反而無法想出例子和論點,要考試了卻無法在時間內寫完五個段落,哀…last 12 days…..how can I do to improve my writing
11.11獨立 It is more important to choose friends that have fun with than to choose friends that will help you when you need them. Please use specific details and examples to support your opinion.
It's important for people to have accompanies.Once a person learns how to speak, he or she will talk to someone else and wantto establish a friendly relationship. Besides, human beings like to worktogether. However, what kind of friends whom people choose is an essential keythat will influence one's life. In my view, I prefer to choose friends thatwill help me whenever I need them.
To begin with, a friend who will do me afavor whenever I need them will be willing to share. By sharing, a person canbe empowered. For example, when I was a junior student in my university, I wasfrustrated by rumors and misunderstanding. Fortunately, there was a classmate,Kate, believed that I was a victim of those rumors and shared her experiencewhich was similar to mine. After listened to her, I learned that don't be soeasily and quickly to trust a person or I may be deceived and harmed. Her storymakes me strong and confident thereafter I had never gave up rebuild arelationship with the other classmates.
Furthermore, we need to be supportedwhenever being stroked. As far as I know, friends who spend most of their timehaving fun often pretend they are too busy to help their friends who need afavor. And that is acknowledged because they only want to enjoy life ratherthan deal with trouble things. So far, it is obviously that people don't haveto eager this kind of friends. Instead, we should try to acknowledge people whoare willing to help us. Because of their supports, we will have motivation andcourage to resolve any kinds of problem.
Admittedly, a friend who likes to have funcan makes our lives colorful. However, our lives are not always like a wonderlandwhich allows us to have fun all the time. Besides, it's more important forhuman beings to have a friend in need is a friend in deed who is also called atrue friend.
Moreover, most of the relationship betweenpeople in this society is based on profit, and this relationship is so fragilethat once it can't benefit two sides of people, it is forced to stop.Therefore, I would choose and cherish a friend who is willing to spend his orher time helping me.
To sum up, I believe that friends who willhelp his or her friend whenever he or she needs help are friends in need arefriends indeed. Besides, it is important for people to have such kind offriends who will support and stay besides them until they resolve problems.This kind of friend can also have fun because they want their friend be happy.Therefore, I will definitely choose a friend who will do me a favor when I amfrustrated.
作者: amissrosa 时间: 2012-11-13 13:58
11.12 綜合 TPO24
Thereading passage and the professor both discuss the topic of the remains ofblood vessels, red blood cells, and collagen matrix in T-rex fossils. However,the professor discords with the ideas discussed in the article. He thinks thatthose remains were disregarded and then offers several reasons to oppose.
Thefirst thing mentioned in the passage is that the fossilized leg bone revealedbranching channel which left soft organic tissues and considered as the remainsof blood vessels. However, the lecturer points out the opposed idea. He saysthat after a creature died, bacteria occupy organs, including the hollow ofbones, and they left traces of moisture residue which is not relative to bloodtissue.
Seconds,the professor argues the presentation of sphere discussed in the article. Heindicates that the spheres in T-rex fossils were also discovered in otheranimals' remains; however, these animals don't have red blood cells. Besides,it might be some mineral that makes the sphere of T-rex reddish.
Thethird point in the passage is the presence of collagen. Nevertheless, thelecturer mentions that the oldest collagens were found no longer 100,000 years;that is, there is improbable that there was the collagen of T-rex because T-rexwas older than 700,000 years. Those remains of collagen may be left by othercreature, such as human skin.
Inconclusion, the professor points out three dimensions to oppose the ideas inthe passage. The professor disagrees that there are remains of blood vessels,red blood cells, and collagen matrix in T-rex fossils.
作者: AnthonySummer 时间: 2012-11-13 21:55
狠批吧!實在快失去信心了,越簡單的題目反而無法想出例子和論點,要考試了卻無法在時間內寫完五個段落,哀…last 12 days…..how can I do to improve my writing （顯擺正心態，然後一來吧！）
11.11獨立 It is more important to choose friends that have fun with than to choose friends that will help you when you need them. Please use specific details and examples to support your opinion.
It's important for people to have accompanies.Once a person learns how to speak, he or she will talk to someone else and want to establish a friendly relationship. Besides, human beings like to work together. However, what kind of friends whom people choose is an essential key that will influence one's life. In my view, I prefer to choose friends that will help me whenever I need them.
To begin with, a friend who will do me a favor whenever I need them will be willing to share. By sharing, a person can be empowered. For example, when I was a junior student in my university, I was frustrated by rumors and misunderstanding. Fortunately, there was a classmate.Kate, believed that I was a victim of those rumors and shared her experience which was similar to mine. After listened to her, I learned that （主語呢）don't be so easily and quickly to trust a person or（到這裡感覺像是高中生寫的了，句子太簡單了啊，還是背幾篇模板，零時抱佛腳吧！） I may be deceived and harmed. Her story makes me strong and confident thereafter I had never gave up rebuild a relationship with the other classmates.
Furthermore, we need to be supportedwhenever being stroked. As far as I know, friends who spend most of their timehaving fun often pretend they are too busy to help their friends who need afavor. And that is acknowledged because they only want to enjoy life rather than deal with trouble things. So far, it is obvious that people don't have to eagerly this kind of friends. Instead, we should try to acknowledge people whoare willing to help us. Because of their supports, we will have motivation and courage to resolve any kinds of problem.
Admittedly, a friend who likes to have fun can make our lives colorful. However, our lives are not always like a wonderlandwhich allows us to have fun all the time. Besides, it's more important forhuman beings to have a friend in need is a friend in deed who is also called atrue friend. （這句句子前後結構矛盾啊，感覺這次因為著急反而沒前幾次寫得好）
Moreover, most of the relationship between people in this society are based on （benefit，not profit） profit, and this relationship is so fragilethat once it can't benefit two sides of people, （Once both sides cannot take advantage from each other，eventually，their friendship will break up. 大概這個意思，因為感覺你前面寫法有些是chinglish) it is forced to stop.Therefore, I would choose and cherish a friend who is willing to spend his orher time helping me. （你一篇文章也不能說你只索取，而不貢獻吧！？這樣考官認為你人品有問題的，得分也不高，因為論點太簡單了，要麼一邊倒寫好的)
To sum up, I believe that friends who willhelp his or her friend （這句chinglish了） whenever he or she needs help are friends in need arefriends indeed （saying不是這樣表達的，起碼用”a friend in need is a friend indeed." 你不用”“ 就是語病了，那麼多verb)Besides, it is important for people to have such kind offriends who will support and stay besides them until they resolve problems.This kind of friend can also have fun because they want their friend be happy.Therefore, I will definitely choose a friend who will do me a favor when I amfrustrated.
你以後還是用word傳吧，你看字都擠在一塊了）
作者: AnthonySummer 时间: 2012-11-13 21:57
等獨立~
作者: 正儿八经潜水 时间: 2012-11-13 22:45
标题: 11.12.TPO24 修改
Thereading passage and the professor both discuss the topic of the remains ofblood vessels, red blood cells, and collagen matrix in T-rex fossils. However,the professor discords with the ideas discussed in the article. He thinks thatthose remains were disregarded（被忽视不对，可以换个说法）and then offers several reasons to oppose.
Thefirst thing mentioned in the passage is that the fossilized leg bone revealedbranching channel which left soft organic tissues and considered as the remainsof blood vessels. However, the lecturer points out the opposed idea. He（The professor）saysthat, after a creature died(creature’s death), bacteria occupy organs, including the hollow ofbones, and they left traces of moisture residue which is not relative to bloodtissue.
Seconds,the professor argues the presentation of sphere discussed in the article. Heindicates that the spheres in T-rex fossils were also discovered in otheranimals' remains; however, these animals don't have red blood cells. Besides,it might be some mineral that makes the sphere of(in the fossil of)T-rex reddish.
Thethird point in the passage is the presence of collagen. Nevertheless, thelecturer mentions that the oldest collagens were found no longer 100,000 years;that is, there is improbable that there was the collagen of T-rex because T-rexwas older than 700,000 years. Those remains of collagen may be left by othercreature, such as human skin.
Inconclusion, the professor points out three dimensions to oppose the ideas inthe passage. The professor disagrees that there are remains of blood vessels,red blood cells, and collagen matrix in T-rex fossils.
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