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标题: lmylacoste的作文贴，求狠该,今天机经写作一起开始！ [打印本页]

作者: lmylacoste 时间: 2012-10-29 17:08
标题: lmylacoste的作文贴，求狠该,今天机经写作一起开始！
开始写作文了，跟着小分队，作文31！

严重超时8分钟，还检查了两分钟，共计40分钟，明天打得要更快！
10.29
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Governments should focus its budgets more on environmental protection than on economic development.

erhaps no issue is as significant to people's daily life as that one whether or not the government will allocate its budget more on environmental protection than on economic part. A myriad of responses people may hold on the topic concerning the issue regarding what should the budget mainly aim at. Although the individual's taste does differ, the view ruling the roost in my mind is that the environment is the primary consideration.
To begin with, the top of list of my mind is that environment intrinsically ties the people 's health. Both common sense and the experience from the daily life inform us that staying in a severely polluted environment will definitely result in a sheer number of illness. In this situation, it is indisputable that we need more funds to improve the living place. To make my demonstrate more profoundly and comprehensively, I'd like to refer to a survey conducted by the Social Department in PeKing University from which my point can draw strength, since no one will deny the fact displayed by number. It shows that the odds of people to be caught by untreatable illness is 30% higher in place where is surrounded by serious pollution like released chemical gas and polluted water than those who live in place filled with trees and across by clean rivers.
In addition, another equally compelling and essential argument is that the environment is one of the dominant force for the development of a country, as the city Shanghai aptly illustrates. In east China Shanghai is the most promising city, since it reserves rich natural resource which may be an advantages for tourism besides its financial position. More people will be attracted to such a place with comfortable living conditions, a striking contrast with those industry cities. From the part-and-parcel of our daily life, this reply may lead those people who have been told for so long by so many who are selfish and short-sighted to put their hands on the arc of the "budget" to bend it once more toward environment.
Admittedly, it is necessary to suspend hastily proceeding to the conclusion before the opposition has a hearing under some conditions. Human nature being what it is, the investment on economic development will nevertheless be considered to be capable of improving the economy. There is no better illustration to demonstrate the point than my own experience. During the recent years, especially in the financial crisis, my country put a lot of money to develop the economic development and it did work. It is essential for people to be aware of the benefits of this kind of investment, but this case is so specific because it mainly deals with the bad influence caused by the crisis and this kind situation in favor of economic development is so occasional and negligible that it fails to constitute a sufficient support for the adverse side. After carefully weighing the advantages and weaknesses, the obvious upshot is that environment protection should obtain more attention and reinforcement.
In conclusion, although someone may still be unconvinced, the reasons and factors why the environment should be the best candidate for national budgets I have analyzed will at least serve the purpose to propel them to be aware of various dimensions of . And I hope more people will share the same idea with me.

综合 30分钟 +检查两分钟

The reading passage casts light on the ways to limit the spread of the cane toad population in Australia. The professor's lecture covers the same topic, yet with the totally opposite attitude. Likewise, the professor utilizes three distinctive reasons to justify her perspective.

First of all, the professor refutes the idea in the reading passage that the national fence will be an effective method to keep the cane toad population from increasing. On the contrary, she asserts that the national fence is not likely to be successful. To be specific, her claim is grounded on the fact that the river flow will easily carry the young toad and toad's egg from one side to the other side despite the fence because they are mostly living near the river. Apparently, the viewpoint of the professor is definitely incompatible with the reading passage.

In addition, as well-defined as the reading material, the professor's statement once again contradicts with the points made in the reading material. She contends that although it is possible for volunteers to trap and even destroy the cane toads, this campaign will bring about a extremely bad influence on the related frog species, some of which are in danger, because the when these frog species are young , it is difficult to tell one from another. Clearly, having taken these reasons into consideration, the professor has sounded doubts on the campaign.

What's more, the reading pinpoints that the disease-causing virus will be a good way to restrict the cane toad's population for the virus is specially designed, not harmful to most of infected species. However, the professor challenges that solution by arguing that this virus will influence the original habitat of the cane toad and even destroy the ecology system. She said that this virus may have an bad influence on America where is the original habitat of cane toad through the transportation of some infected cane toads by researchers. And once the native cane toads are infected by this virus, the whole ecology system will be broken because the cane toads are the vital part in that system.

In conclusion, the professor discerns the drawbacks of the reading material and with one more step to reveal that the fallacious argument needs a closer scrutiny.

作者: xiaoshuo199183 时间: 2012-10-30 09:57

开始写作文了，跟着小分队，作文31！

严重超时8分钟，还检查了两分钟，共计40分钟，明天打得要更快！
10.29
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Governments should focus its budgets more on environmental protection than on economic development.

The reading passage casts light on（亮点！） the ways to limit the spread of the cane toad（the cane toad's,注意所有格） population in Australia. The professor's lecture covers the same topic, yet with the totally opposite attitude. Likewise, the professor utilizes three distinctive reasons to justify her perspective.

likewise

First of all, the professor refutes the idea in the reading passage that the national fence will be an effective method to keep the cane toad（’s） population from increasing. On the contrary, she asserts that the national fence is not likely to be successful. To be specific, her claim is grounded on the fact that the river flow will easily carry the young toad and toad's egg from one side to the other side despite the fence（什么意思？） because they are mostly living near the river. Apparently, the viewpoint of the professor is definitely incompatible with the reading passage.

In addition, as well-defined as the reading material, the professor's statement once again contradicts with the points made in the reading material. She contends that although it is possible for volunteers to trap and even destroy the cane toads, this campaign will bring about a extremely bad influence on the related frog species, some of which are in danger, because the（the去掉）when these frog species are young , it is difficult to tell one from another（another这里指代不明，我记得文中好像是说frog和cane toad相像吧，容易理解为几个品种的frog相像）. Clearly, having taken these reasons into consideration, the professor has sounded doubts on the campaign.

What's more, the reading pinpoints that the disease-causing virus will be a good way to restrict the cane toad's population for（for在这里是表原因吧，后面不能加从句，改成because感觉更好一点呢） the virus is specially designed, not harmful to most of infected species.（逻辑有点混乱，是想表达这些病毒是针对cane toad设计的，所以对别的物种没影响么？那为什么还用infected species：被感染的物种呢？） However, the professor challenges that solution by arguing that this virus will influence the original habitat of the cane toad and even destroy the ecology system(ecosystem:生态系统). She said that this virus may have an bad influence on America where（改成which） is the original habitat of cane toad through the transportation of some infected cane toads by researchers. And once the native cane toads are infected by this virus, the whole ecology system （ecosystem）will be broken because the cane toads are the vital part in that system.

In conclusion, the professor discerns the drawbacks of the reading material and with one more step to reveal that the fallacious argument needs a closer scrutiny.

likewise

In addition, as well-defined as the reading material, the professor's statement once again contradicts with the points made in the reading material. She contends that although it is possible for volunteers to trap and even destroy the cane toads, this campaign will bring about a extremely bad influence on the related frog species, some of which are in danger, because the（the去掉）when these frog species are young , it is difficult to tell one from another（another这里指代不明，我记得文中好像是说frog和cane toad相像吧，容易理解为几个品种的frog相像）. Clearly, having taken these reasons into consideration, the professor has sounded doubts on the campaign.

In conclusion, the professor discerns the drawbacks of the reading material and with one more step to reveal that the fallacious argument needs a closer scrutiny.

-- by 会员 lmylacoste (2012/10/29 17:08:56)

结构严谨，也用到很多固定搭配。语言很有多样性。但是有些句子过于冗长，不太容易理解，感觉有点拖沓。而且有些搭配比较生硬，比如说specially designed，可能是我没见过的原因，总感觉只是两个词硬拼凑到一块儿。因为个人水平也有限，可能有改错的地方，也请lz多多包涵

作者: bonnenuit 时间: 2012-10-30 12:37
Perhaps no issue is as significant to people's daily life as that one(one that吧) whether or not the government will allocate its budget more on environmental protection than on economic part. A myriad of responses people may hold on the topic concerning the issue regarding what should（放到budget后面） the budget mainly aim at. Although the individual's taste does differ, the view ruling the roost in my mind is that the environment is the primary consideration.
To begin with, the top of list of my mind is that environment intrinsically ties to the people 's health. Both common sense and the experience from the daily life inform us that staying in a severely polluted environment will definitely result in a sheer number of illness. In this situation, it is indisputable that we need more funds to improve the living place. To make my demonstrate more profoundly and comprehensively, I'd like to refer to a survey conducted by the Social Department in PeKing University from which my point can draw strength, since no one will deny the fact displayed by number. It shows that the odds of people to be caught by untreatable illness is 30% higher in place where is surrounded by serious pollution like released chemical gas and polluted water than those(这个those根据后面的who推断是people，这样的话people和百分比数据就无法平行比较了） who live in place filled with trees and across by clean rivers.
In addition, another equally compelling and essential argument is that the environment is one of the dominant forces for the development of a country, as the city Shanghai aptly illustrates. In east China Shanghai is the most promising city, since it reserves rich natural resource which may be an advantages for tourism besides its financial position. More people will be attracted to such a place with comfortable living conditions, a striking contrast with those industry cities. From the part-and-parcel of our daily life, this reply may lead those people who have been told for so long by so many who are selfish and short-sighted to put their hands on the arc of the "budget" to bend it once more toward environment.（这句话结构太复杂了，容易让代词指代不清）
Admittedly, it is necessary to suspend hastily proceeding to the conclusion before the opposition has a hearing under some conditions. Human nature being what it is（这句话有点问题如果还原句子的话，要么缺谓语，要么缺连词）, the investment on economic development will nevertheless be considered to be capable of improving the economy. There is no better illustration to demonstrate the point than my own experience. During the recent years, especially in the financial crisis, my country put a lot of money to develop the economic development and it did work. It is essential for people to be aware of the benefits of this kind of investment, but this case is so specific because it mainly deals with the bad influence caused by the crisis and this kind situation in favor of economic development is so occasional and negligible that it fails to constitute a sufficient support for the adverse side. After carefully weighing the advantages and weaknesses, the obvious upshot is that environment protection should obtain more attention and reinforcement.
In conclusion, although someone may still be unconvinced, the reasons and factors why the environment should be the best candidate for national budgets I have analyzed will at least serve the purpose to propel them to be aware of various dimensions of . And I hope more people will share the same idea with me.

不得不承认LZ的词汇相当丰富长难句也把握的很好
但句子不是越长越好有时候长难句让人理解有点费解也容易造成指代混乱不如改写成几个简单的句子

作者: lmylacoste 时间: 2012-10-30 14:24
谢谢xiaoshuo199183 点评，找出了我平时看不出的问题，G的后遗症，句子有时候就想表达很多意思，的确意思不清，也没ETS那些人的语言！

作者: lmylacoste 时间: 2012-10-30 14:30

Perhaps no issue is as significant to people's daily life as that one(one that吧) whether or not the government will allocate its budget more on environmental protection than on economic part. A myriad of responses people may hold on the topic concerning the issue regarding what should（放到budget后面） the budget mainly aim at. Although the individual's taste does differ, the view ruling the roost in my mind is that the environment is the primary consideration.
To begin with, the top of list of my mind is that environment intrinsically ties to the people 's health. Both common sense and the experience from the daily life inform us that staying in a severely polluted environment will definitely result in a sheer number of illness. In this situation, it is indisputable that we need more funds to improve the living place. To make my demonstrate more profoundly and comprehensively, I'd like to refer to a survey conducted by the Social Department in PeKing University from which my point can draw strength, since no one will deny the fact displayed by number. It shows that the odds of people to be caught by untreatable illness is 30% higher in place where is surrounded by serious pollution like released chemical gas and polluted water than those(这个those根据后面的who推断是people，这样的话people和百分比数据就无法平行比较了） who live in place filled with trees and across by clean rivers.
In addition, another equally compelling and essential argument is that the environment is one of the dominant forces for the development of a country, as the city Shanghai aptly illustrates. In east China Shanghai is the most promising city, since it reserves rich natural resource which may be an advantages for tourism besides its financial position. More people will be attracted to such a place with comfortable living conditions, a striking contrast with those industry cities. From the part-and-parcel of our daily life, this reply may lead those people who have been told for so long by so many who are selfish and short-sighted to put their hands on the arc of the "budget" to bend it once more toward environment.（这句话结构太复杂了，容易让代词指代不清）
Admittedly, it is necessary to suspend hastily proceeding to the conclusion before the opposition has a hearing under some conditions. Human nature being what it is（这句话有点问题如果还原句子的话，要么缺谓语，要么缺连词）, the investment on economic development will nevertheless be considered to be capable of improving the economy. There is no better illustration to demonstrate the point than my own experience. During the recent years, especially in the financial crisis, my country put a lot of money to develop the economic development and it did work. It is essential for people to be aware of the benefits of this kind of investment, but this case is so specific because it mainly deals with the bad influence caused by the crisis and this kind situation in favor of economic development is so occasional and negligible that it fails to constitute a sufficient support for the adverse side. After carefully weighing the advantages and weaknesses, the obvious upshot is that environment protection should obtain more attention and reinforcement.
In conclusion, although someone may still be unconvinced, the reasons and factors why the environment should be the best candidate for national budgets I have analyzed will at least serve the purpose to propel them to be aware of various dimensions of . And I hope more people will share the same idea with me.

不得不承认LZ的词汇相当丰富长难句也把握的很好
但句子不是越长越好有时候长难句让人理解有点费解也容易造成指代混乱不如改写成几个简单的句子

-- by 会员 bonnenuit (2012/10/30 12:37:17)

谢谢bonnenuit点评，指代关系是大问题
有两点问题1，第一个地方 one的用法不太了解，我觉得onethat 好像有点不顺
2， Human nature being what it is 是做状语，所以没加谓语和连词

作者: bonnenuit 时间: 2012-10-30 19:34
1.其实我也拿不定我只是凭着语感觉得that后面一部分是修饰one的所以就认为应该把one提前到that
2,那这样的话这句话是修饰那个词的

作者: lmylacoste 时间: 2012-10-30 20:23
恩，了解
1.one 还是换成实体名词吧
2.它是个状语，就想generally，finally一样的吧

作者: lmylacoste 时间: 2012-10-30 22:19
10.30独立 Contributes on an enjoyable vacation, please select one of three selection. Good food, Good location and with good friends to travel.

erhaps no issue is as significant and controversial for people as this one that which is that best company for holiday. A myriad of responses people may have on the issue concerning the topic. Although the individual's taste does differ, the view ruling the roost in my mind is that good friends are the primary consideration in vacation.
To begin with, the top of the list of my viewpoints is that friends are intrinsically tied with small parties. Both the common sense and our experience inform us that you can engage in group activities with friends and do not need a huge expenditure. In these activities, like playing chess games or have a basketball competition, what you will obtain is more than happiness. Sports can improve your physical conditions; Chess games will be not only interesting but also a good way to kill time. To make my demonstration profoundly and comprehensively, I'd like to refer to my own experience from which my point can draw strength.During the summer vacation when I was in senior high school, my friends and I spent a whole day together playing the card game including the Monopoly. Along with the proceeding of games, we experienced unforgettable happiness not just from the games snarios but also from the conversation and interaction among us.
In addition, another equally compelling and essential point is that tour is also a good choice for vacation, especially with friends, as a example of myself aptly illustrates. I remembered that my friends and I had a trip to YanDang Mountain, a scenic spot not famous for its attitude but for its cultural legacy. During this trip, not only did we visit well-known places, the exciting activities between destinations also made the trip interesting. Not just this journey verifies my point; another point coming from my recent experience further intensifies my perspective. In my last tour to Tibet, I was caught by headache caused by the special geologic conditions. If without my friends with me, it was impossible for me to get back to the camp and would be extremely dangerous.
Admittedly, it is necessary to suspend the proceeding to the assertion, until the opposition has a hearing. There is no better illustration to the opposite view than this one. For those who are very busy when working, delicious meals and comfortable beds will be more attractive. It is worthwhile for people to be aware of the various choices like food or location, but that kind of cases is so occasional and negligible that it fails to constitute a sufficient support for the adverse side. After carefully weighing the advantages of different candidates for a vacation, the striking upshot for me is that friends are most vital for my holiday.
In conclusion, although some people may still be unconvinced, the reasons and factors I've analyzed will at least serve the purpose to propel those opponents to notice diverse options in case they may ignore one or more better choices. And I hope more and more people will share the same idea with me.

10.30 综合

The reading passage casts light on the difficulties the archaeologists confront. The professor's lecture covers the same topic and proposes new guidelines, yet with the totally opposite attitude. Likewise, the professor utilizes three distinctive reasons to justify her perspective.

First of all, the professor refutes the idea in the reading passage that the increasing construction will be a cause resulting in the loss of many valuable artifacts. On the contrary, she asserts that these precious remains will not be damaged by construction. To be specific, she's claim is grounded on the fact that before the construction, the site will first be examined by professional archaeologists to make it clear whether there is archaeological interest or value. If there is something valuable, the builder and the local government officer will cooperate together to preserve the remains. And excavating and documenting the old artifacts will be done before the construction. Apparently, the professor's point is incompatible with the reading material.

In addition, as well-defined as the reading passage, the professor's statement once again contradicts with the points made in the reading. She contends that it's not government but the construction companies pay the fund for archaeologists. And both the examining job and the professional work are sponsored by them. With the fund provided, the range of archeological research is wider than before. Clearly having taken these reasons into consideration, the professor has sounded doubts on the reading.
What’s more, the reading passage pinpoints that desire of people will be disrupted when the careers in archeology are only in the universities and government agencies, and no one want to be an unpaid amateur. While the professor challenges that point by arguing that there is more paid work in archeology than before. More professional workers are hired to examine the sites to check whether or not the valuable artifacts exist, draft the plan, process the project and write the report. She defends her points further by claiming that there are more opportunities and the number of professional workers is highest than that in the past.
In conclusion, the professor clearly discerns the drawbacks and with one more step to reveal that the fallacious argument needs a closer scrutiny.

作者: 我把托福踩脚下 时间: 2012-10-31 06:01

要么用缩进式要么换行顶格写。

Perhaps no issue is as significant and controversial for people as this one that which is that best company for holiday.（第一句有点怪异1,老外从不用perhaps no issue开头，通常用there is perhaps no issue more..... than的句型2.as…as 作adv或prep短语，修饰adj 时应该不能用and吧，举个例子，一个红色的好吃的大苹果。） A myriad of responses people may have on the issue concerning the topic. Although the individual's taste does differ, the view ruling the roost in my mind is that good friends are the primary consideration in vacation.（on vacation）

To begin with, the top of the list of my viewpoints is that friends are intrinsically tied with(be intrinsically tie up with 用在这里不合适，如果你说农业与经济和科技紧密相关，或者咖啡和睡眠都ok。阐述必然关系) small parties. Both the common sense and our experience inform us that you can engage in group activities with friends and do not need a huge expenditure. In these activities, like playing chess games or have a basketball competition, what you will obtain is more than happiness. Sports can improve your physical conditions; Chess games will be not only interesting（不该用被动）but also a good way to kill time. To make my demonstration profoundly and comprehensively, I'd like to refer to my own experience from which my point can draw strength. During the summer vacation when I was in senior high school, my friends and I spent a whole day together playing the card game including the Monopoly. I spent whole day with my friend together on Along with the proceeding of games, we experienced unforgettable happiness not just from the games snarios but also from the conversation and interaction among us.

In addition, another equally compelling and essential point（太累赘了） is that tour is also a good choice for vacation, especially with friends, as an example of myself aptly illustrates. I remembered that my friends and I had a trip to YanDang Mountain, a scenic spot not谓语在哪里() famous for its attitude but for its cultural legacy. During this trip, not only did we visit well-known places, the exciting activities between destinations also made the trip interesting. Not just this journey verifies my point; another point coming from my recent experience further intensifies my perspective. In my last tour to Tibet, I was caught by headache caused by the special geologic conditions. If without my friends with me, it was impossible for me to get back to（短语用错了 get back to 是回复的意思） the camp and would be extremely dangerous. 第二个supporting主句不明确。第一个例子说明有朋友的陪伴旅途有意思，但是你没举出好的例子怎么有意思，缺少比较。第二个例子说和朋友一起旅游可以相互照顾。

Admittedly, it is necessary to suspend the proceeding to the assertion, until the opposition has a hearing. （你的很多模板句子都有问题，你可以先去google搜一下类似的句子再使用哦）There is no better illustration to the opposite view than this one. For those who are very busy when working, delicious meals and comfortable beds will be more attractive. It is worthwhile for people to be aware of the various choices like food or location, but that kind of cases is so occasional and negligible that it fails to constitute a sufficient support for the adverse side. After carefully weighing the advantages of different candidates for a vacation, the striking upshot for me is that friends are most vital for my holiday.

In conclusion, although some people may still be unconvinced, the reasons and factors I've analyzed will at least serve the purpose to propel those opponents to notice diverse options in case they may ignore one or more better choices. And I hope more and more people will share the same idea with me.（根据大家的经验，尾段最好是总结你的supporting 才能拿高分）

10.30 综合

作者: lmylacoste 时间: 2012-10-31 22:20

非常感谢我把托福踩脚下 ，帮我指出的错误
1，对模版太过依赖！！有些词不能一直用如 intrinsically ties
2，结尾对分论点没有总结！！
3，对例子的阐述不detailed！！
4，大空话少用，用事例击败作文！！

但是有一点问题还望讨论，不吝赐教
1..as…as 作adv或prep短语，修饰adj 时应该不能用and吧，举个例子，一个红色的好吃的大苹果。可以修饰的啊 a big flavorable red apple 你能不能给我一个例子就是能表达这样的adj and adj呢，借鉴下
2.on vacation，特指在旅行中吧

3. Sports can improve your physical conditions; Chess games will be not only interesting（不该用被动）。。。我没有用被动啊

4. I remembered that my friends and I had a trip to YanDang Mountain, a scenic spot not谓语在哪里() famous for its attitude but for its cultural legacy. 这是伴随状语啊，加了谓语我就少连词了？
5.最关键，怎么用google看有问题的句子？Admittedly, it is necessary to suspend the proceeding to the assertion, until the opposition has a hearing. （你的很多模板句子都有问题，你可以先去google搜一下类似的句子再使用哦）There is no better illustration to the opposite view than this one. For those who are very busy when working, delicious meals and comfortable beds will be more attractive. It is worthwhile for people to be aware of the various choices like food or location, but that kind of cases is so occasional and negligible that it fails to constitute a sufficient support for the adverse side. After carefully weighing the advantages of different candidates for a vacation, the striking upshot for me is that friends are most vital for my holiday.

作者: lmylacoste 时间: 2012-11-1 10:04
10.31
Young people nowadays have no influence on decisions that determine the future of the society as a whole. A\D

There is perhaps no issue is more significant to the whole country than the one about how large voice children have on the determination of the future of the society. Although the individual's taste does differ, the view ruling the roost in my mind is that young generation is the main force in the development of the country.
First of all, the top of the list of my viewpoints is that the popular culture is intrinsically ties with the young generation's flavor, since the children are better at express their points than before. From common sense and the experience from our daily life, youngsters are able to influence the trend of the culture and even create the new types. My own experience is a good case in point. When I was in senior high school, I was surprised by some phenomenon that the posters and the records of cartoons was everywhere, and at the same time, most books in bookstores and information on the Internet are on the related topics. To make my demonstration, I'd like to refer to a kind of characters named Mars Characters, fully displaying the original and imginary imaginary of the young people, from which my point can draw strength. The characters are some kinds of abbrevation abbreviation of the normal ones, especially used to efficient communication on the Internet. And more and more elder generation start to utilize them to save time.
In addition, another equally essential point is that the views are more easily heard by the elder people through the development the information technology, as the example of my experience aptly illustrates. I remembered that once I have written an email to the mayor of my city to propose that the environment near my senior was so crowded and dirty and some controls were needed. Just the next day, I received the return e-mail by the mayor on which he said he would pay attention to the social problem and praised me to give such a good suggestion. From the part-and parcel of our daily life, this kinds of replies may lead those people being told for so long by so many, who are cynical, fearful and doubtful, to put their hands on the arc of the society toward the young people part.
Admittedly, it is necessary to cut short the relentless pace to the conclusion, before the opposition has been taken into consideration. Human natural being what it is, people are not inclined to believe the young people in afraid that they are inexperience and further limit their innate rights to decide the direction of the proceeding of the society. There is no better illustration than this example. Compared with the Western countries in which some mayors are just university students, our government leaders are mainly composed of elders which leads to the country being conservative and inactive. Maybe it is reasonable under some conditions to refer the elders’ experience, but this case is occasional and negligible enough to constitute a sufficient support for the adverse side because it is measure of compulsory and will not exert a positive influence on the whole country. After weighing the advantages and the weakness, the upshot is obvious that the young generation has great impact on the proceeding and should be free from the unreasonable restrictions.
In conclusion, maybe someone still remain unconvinced, the factors and reasons may at least serve the purpose to propel the opponents to be aware of the fact about the culture influenced by them, technology which may enhance their impacts and some cases seemingly supporting the opposite view but concealed by the limitations. And I hope more and more people may share the same opinion with me.

综合

The reading casts light on the factors causing the decline of population of birds. The professor's lecture covers the same topic, yet with the totally different attitude. Likewise, the professor utilizes three distinctive reasons to justify his perspective.

First of all, the professor refutes the idea in the reading passage that the increasing population and settlements will further lead to the natural habitats disappear. On the contrary, she asserts that the expansion of the population and settlements will be reduce the birds' habitat but will increase more space for birds to live. To be specific, her claim is grounded on the fact that some suburban places like street will accommodate the pigeons.And some population of birds may shrink while other may increase. Apparently, the professor's ideas are incompatible with the reading passage.

In addition, as-well-defined as the reading passage is, the professor's statement once again contradicts with the points made in the passage. She contends that since a kind of more productive crops has been introduced so that there is no need to convert the natural habitats of birds for agricultural use. Evidently having taken this reason into consideration, the professor has sounded doubts on the reading passage.

What's more, the reading passage pinpoints that the increase use of chemical pesticides will lead to the decline of birds. However, the professor challenges the point by arguing that people have already been aware of the danger caused by traditional pesticides. The professor defends her perspective further through showing that new and much less toxic pesticides have been developed and people begin to grow the pest-resistant crops which not only can reduce the use of chemical pesticides but also is not harmful to the birds.

The professor clearly discerns the drawbacks in the reading passage and with one more step to reveal that this fallacious needs a closer scrutiny.

作者: lmylacoste 时间: 2012-11-2 17:08
标题: 望牛人指导！
王京竹 11月份综+独

There is perhaps no issue more significant to students than that about the job preparation. A myriad of responses people may hold on the topic concerning the issue. Although the individual's taste does differ, the view ruling the roost in my mind is that job preparation should be prepared before students enter their positions.

First of all, the top of the list of my viewpoints is that the job preparation project is intrinsically tied with the success of students' careers. From common sense and the experience from our daily lives, the preparation may give a students a chance to know thoroughly about the society which is far away and unfamiliar to them and teach them basic wisdom about how to communication with co-workers. To make my demonstration more comprehensively, I'd like to refer to a story of my brother from which my point can draw strength. Benefited by the job preparation, my brother has mastered an excellent skill of communication and can keep close relationship with his supervisor and he obtains more opportunities than others.

In addition, another compelling point worth being mentioned is that such preparation will improve the professional skills for different students so that they will be more easily to earn a ideal job, as my own experience aptly illustrates. My major is mathematics but I was pursuing a job in financial fields in which my experience is so insufficient that it would be difficult for me to be admitted. Thanks to the preparation, not only did I learn a lot about the general skills in society, but, more importantly, the professor introduced me the crucial knowledge which linked the two seemingly unrelated fields and gave me a hand to grasp the job. From part-and parcel of our daily life, this reply may lead those who are told for so long by so many, who are cynical, fearful and doubtful, to put their hands on the arc of trust toward the job preparation.

Admittedly, it is necessary to cut short the relentless pace toward assertion unless the opposition has been taken into consideration. There is no better illustration than this way to demonstrate this point. Some of my friends has taken such job preparation, but they don't think it’s essential but meaningless. It is vital for students to be aware of those cases that some preparations are not beneficial to them because of the outdated information and some uncommiteduncommitted professors. But these cases are occasional and negligible enough to constitute a sufficient support for the opposite side. After carefully weighing the advantages and weaknesses of job preparation, the striking upshot is that it is indispensible for every job hunter.

In sum, although some people may remain unconvinced, the reasons and factors I have analyzed that the job preparations can enhance the ability of communication and complement the necessary knowledge and most of them will bring about benefits will propel the opponents to consider the various dimensions of the issue and I hope more and more people will share the same idea with me.

The reading material casts light on the reasons of the formation of the MIMA mound. The professor’s lecture covers the same topic, yet with the totally opposite attitude. Likewise, the professor utilizes three distinctive reasons to illustrate her perspective.

First of all, the professor refutes the idea in the reading passage that the MIMA mound was built by Native Americans since there are records to manifest that they had built similar structures before. On the contrary, she asserts that the MIMA mound was not built by native dwellers. To be specific, she's claim is grounded on the fact that there is not any relics left by humans at those sites. Apparently, the professor's attitude is incompatible with the reading passage.

In addition, as well-defined as the reading passage is, the professor's statement once again contradicts with the point made in the reading which attempts to explain the MIMA mound by earthquakes by the reason of the loose soil nearby. She contends that even in places where there has not been any quakes, mounds exist still. Clearly having taken this reason into consideration, the professor has sounded doubts on the reading passage.

What's more, the reading passage pinpoints that the construction was created by bun-owing of a type of rodents. But the professor challenges that point by arguing that there has been no record of observation of such rodents there. Evidently, the argument has some problems if this fact has been taken into account.

In sum, the professor not only discerns the drawbacks of the reading passage, but also takes one more step to reveals that the fallacious argument needs a closer scrutiny.

作者: 小滋滋 时间: 2012-11-2 23:04
等11.2综合

作者: 我把托福踩脚下 时间: 2012-11-3 11:13
综合

First of all, the professor refutes the idea in the reading passage that the increasing population and settlements will further lead to the natural habitats disappear. On the contrary, she asserts that the expansion of the population and settlements will be reduce （不该用被动）the birds' habitat but will increase more space for birds to live. To be specific, her claim is grounded on the fact that some suburban places like street will accommodate the pigeons.And some population of birds may shrink while other may increase. Apparently, the professor's ideas are incompatible with the reading passage.

The professor clearly discerns the drawbacks in the reading passage and with one more step to reveal that this fallacious needs a closer scrutiny.

不错不错，有好多好词汇。

作者: lmylacoste 时间: 2012-11-3 13:06
标题: 11.2 独+综
There is perhaps no issue more significant than this one whether people should purchase the domestic made commodities even though affording the high cost. A myriad of responses people may hold on the topic concerning the issue. Although the individual's taste does differ, a view ruling the roost in my mind is that buying the domestic products should be the primary consideration no matter how high the price is.
To begin with, the development of a country is intrinsically tied with its economic condition, determined by the sales of its products. From the common sense and the experience from our daily life, the more products are brought by people, the better the manufacture industry will be. Besides, the higher price is a signal of the high quality to some extents. And the extra profit will improve the economy of the whole country. To make my demonstration more comprehensively, I'd like to refer to a example of KoeraKorea. Most electronic devices like cell phones and television used by KoeraKorea are Samsung which provides the company a lot of profit to grow and become the pillarcompany to support the economy of KoeraKorea. This example illustrates that if more people would like to pay for the domestic products, the economy will be reinforced.
In addition, another equally essential point is that buying things made in our own country will shows your patriotic spirit. And the patriotic spirit is the prerequsiteprerequisite of the prosperous country as Japan aptly demonstrates. Japanese are loving their own country so that they are loyal to their domestic products since they have the confidence in the quality of commodities and buying the products is a good way to illustrate their patriotic spirit. Not only does Japan illustrates the point, but German is also such kind of a country whose eminent car industry are encouraged by its civil people. From the partand parcel of our daily life, these replies given by Japanese may lead to those who have been told for so long by so many, who are cynical, fearful and doubtful to put their hands on the arc of their expenditure toward the domestic products.
Admittedly, it is necessary to cut short the relentless pace to the assertion without the opposition has been taken into consideration. There is no better illustration than this one to reveal the problems of the issue. Recently, there is some kind of toxic chemical substance are found in the milk powder made by a big company funded by the country which have a extremely bad influence on the health of babies. And before that, several babies have had serious illness because of the powder. This kind of problems, like the unsafety, is necessary for people to be aware of. But such kind of thing is occasional and it is insufficient to verify the opposite view since other domestic products are free from these problems. What we need to do is not to stop buying the domestic products but to require related departments to intensify the quality supervising and control.
In conclusion, although someone may still remain unconvinced, the factors and reasons I have analyzed including the impetus of economy and the display of the patriotic spirit and not being too doubtful to suspend buying domestic products will propel those opponents to notice the various dimension of the issue. And I hope more and more people will share the same idea with me.

The reading passage casts light on three solutions to deal with the decline of Torreya, a kind of trees in danger. The professor's lecture covers the same topic, yet with the totally opposite attitude. Likewise, the professor utilizes three distinctive reasons to justify her perspective.

To begin with, the professor refutes the idea in the reading that Yorreya will be reestablished in the same location because of the suitable microclimate. On the contrary, the professor asserts that this method will not work. To be specific, her claim is grounded on the fact that the coolest and dampest areas and the microclimate will not last for a long time since the warming trend is spreading and the wetlands will be drained and get increasingly dry. Therefore, the ideal microclimate condition will be nowhere. Apparently, the professor's point is incompatible with the reading material.

In addition, as well-defined as the reading passage is, the professor's statement once again contradicts with the points made in the reading. She contends that there is another kind tree having been moved to further north which kill a lot of native plants also in dangers and cause great damage to the original environment. Evidently having taken those reasons into consideration, the professor has sounded doubts on the reading passage.

What's more, the reading passage pinpoints that preserving Torreya in research centers may be a good way to protect them from extinction. However, the professor challenges the point by arguing that Torreya will not survive better since the research center has not enough capacity for accommodating diverse and sheer number of trees, which is the key point for them to cope with the dieases for long-term. After these facts have been taken into account, the passage is obviously flawed.

In sum, the professor clearly disernsdiscerns the drawback in the passage and one more step reveals that the fallacious passage needs a closer scrutiny.

作者: bonnenuit 时间: 2012-11-3 16:49
There is perhaps no issue more significant than this one whether people should purchase the domestic made commodities even though affording the high cost. A myriad of responses people may hold on the topic concerning the issue. Although the individual's taste does differ, a view ruling the roost in my mind is that buying the domestic products should be the primary consideration no matter how high the price is.

To begin with, the development of a country is intrinsically tied with its economic condition, and determined by the sales of its products. From the common sense and the experience from our daily life, the more products are brought by people(被动是可以的，从后面半句是主动语态，我觉得这句主动更好些，换people purchase）, the better the manufacture industry will be. Besides, the higher price is a signal of the high quality to some extents. And the extra profit will improve the economy of the whole country. To make my demonstration more comprehensively, I'd like to refer to a example of KoeraKorea. Most electronic devices like cell phones and television used by KoeraKorea are Samsung which(从G的语法看 which不能指代全面一整句话，换that） provides the company a lot of profit to grow and become the pillarcompany to support the economy of KoeraKorea. This example illustrates that if more people would like to pay for the domestic products, the economy will be reinforced.

In addition, another equally essential point is that buying things made in our own country will shows your patriotic spirit. And the patriotic spirit is the prerequsiteprerequisite of the prosperous country as Japan aptly demonstrates. Japanese are loving their own country so that they are loyal to their domestic products since they have the confidence in the quality of commodities and buying the products is a good way to illustrate their（这个their最近的是products，因而指代就错误了，可以改写成illustrate their。。。by/through buying )patriotic spirit. Not only does Japan illustrates the point, but German is also such kind of a country whose eminent car（automobile） industry are(is） encouraged by its civil people. From the partand parcel of our daily life, these replies given by Japanese may lead to those who have been told for so long by so many, who are cynical, fearful and doubtful to put their hands on the arc of their expenditure toward the domestic products.

Admittedly, it is necessary to cut short the relentless pace to the assertion without the opposition has been taken into consideration. There is no better illustration than this one to reveal the problems of the issue. Recently, there is（are) some kinds of toxic chemical substances are found in the milk powder made by a big company funded by the country which have a extremely bad influence on the health of babies. And before that, several babies have had serious illness because of the powder. This kind of problems, like the unsafety, is necessary for people to be aware of. But such kind of thing is occasional and it is insufficient to verify the opposite view since other domestic products are free from these problems. What we need to do is not to stop buying the domestic products but to require related departments to intensify the quality supervising and control.

In conclusion, although someone may still remain unconvinced, the factors and reasons I have analyzed including the impetus of economy and the display of the patriotic spirit and not being too doubtful to suspend buying domestic products will propel those opponents to notice the various dimension of the issue. And I hope more and more people will share the same idea with me.

作者: 小滋滋 时间: 2012-11-3 17:53
11.2改

作者: 小滋滋 时间: 2012-11-3 17:54

The reading passage casts light on three solutions to deal with the decline of Torreya, a kind of trees in danger. The professor's lecture covers the same topic, yet with the totally opposite attitude. Likewise,（个人认为不太好） the professor utilizes three distinctive reasons to justify her perspective.

In addition, as well-defined as the reading passage is, the professor's statement once again contradicts with the points made in the reading.(没看懂，是什么和什么在比呢？) She contends that there is another kind tree~~having been~~ moved to further north which kill a lot of native plants ~~also in dangers~~ and cause great damage to the original environment. Evidently having taken those reasons into consideration, the professor has sounded doubts on the reading passage.

What's more, the reading passage pinpoints that preserving Torreya in research centers may be a good way to ~~protect~~(prevent) them from extinction. However, the professor challenges the point by arguing that Torreya will not survive~~better~~ since the research center has not enough capacity for accommodating diverse and sheer number of trees, which is the key point for them to cope with the diseases for long-term. After these facts have been taken into account, the passage is obviously flawed.

In sum, the professor clearly disernsdiscerns the drawback in the passage and one more step reveals that the fallacious passage needs a closer scrutiny.

观点对比明确，但觉着有些句子写的有点罗嗦，语言在简练点哈@@

作者: lmylacoste 时间: 2012-11-4 22:14
标题: 11.3 独立，实在对不起批改的同学，有事耽搁了，再次抱歉！
There is perhaps no issue more controversial to people than this one about whether or not people are much happier with possessions. A myriad of responses people may hold on the topic with reference to the issue regarding the degree of happiness influenced by wealth. Although the individual's taste does differ, the view ruling the roost on my mind is that possession is the primary consideration in happiness.
First of all, the top of list of my viewpoints is that fortunes are intrinsically tied with happiness because people can afford a comfortable life with advanced facilities. From common sense and the experience from our daily life, we can buy a lot of products to improve our living conditions. To make my demonstration more comprehensively, I'd like to refer to the experience of my best two friends from which my point may draw strength. The first guy, born in a rich family, possesses countless digital devices like ipad through which he can play games and listen to music everywhere and receive e-mail at any time. Compared with him, the second person cannot afford such equipments and have no chance to experience the happiness brought by the developed technology. From this case, the importance of possession has emerged.
In addition, another equally compelling point is that money will allow us to travel to appreciate the amazing landscapes and cultural remains, as my own experience aptly illustrates. Thanks to the possessions, I can travel a lot of places like England and America. When I was a exchange student in England, not only did I learn the local customs, but also the scenic spots including The Stonehenge left me deep impression about the intelligence of ancestors and the brilliant history about the England. Not only does this case verify my point, another case coming from my parents also illustrates it. My parents are not good at spoken English, but after two-month travel in Europe, they can speak like natives. From part-and-parcel of our daily life, these replies may lead those people having been told for so long by so many, who are cynical, fearful and doubtful, to put their hands on the arc of their favor toward possessions.
What's more, fortunes can also bring us knowledge. As we all know, the tuition in the universities has been increased because of the recession of economy. So without enough money, it is difficult for students to receive good education and even impossible to have chance to enter the Lvy League.
Admittedly, it is necessary to cut short the relentless paces to the assertion before the opposition has been taken into consideration. Human nature being what it is, people will be absorbed in some sorts of pernicious activities because of fortune, such as gambling and fighting for legacy. But people should not blame for fortune because of this kind of cases since it's not the fault of fortune but the fault of people who cannot address money with a right attitude. For example, the extra money can be donated to help the need and cement their own business. These sorts of things are occasional and negligible enough to constitute a sufficient support for the adverse view. After carefully weighing the advantages and the weaknesses, the striking upshot is obvious that possessions are beneficial and crucial to our happiness.
In sum, although there are still someone who remain unconvinced, the reasons and factors I have analyzed that fortunes allow us to have advanced facilities to equip our lives, travels to enrich our experience and enlarge our horizons and knowledge to instruct us will at least serve the purpose to propel the opponents to notice the various dimensions of the issue and I hope more and more people will share the same idea with me.

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-11-6 18:02
11.5的独立快写哦~

作者: lmylacoste 时间: 2012-11-6 20:22
标题: 对不起啊，又赤脚了。。

There is perhaps no issue more controversial than this one about the relationship between how people dress and their characters. A myriad of responses people may hold on the topic with the reference to the issue. Although the individual's taste does differ, the view ruling the roost in my mind is that dress is a good reminder of the personalities.

First of all, the top of the list of my viewpoints is that we can know the attitude of appearance and even further the whether he or she is self-principle through the dress style. From common sense and the experience from our daily life, those who pay more attention to their dressing will earn themselves respects of being perfect. To make my demonstration more compelling, I'd like to refer to the story from one of my friends from which my point can draw strength. He is a very decent person with tidy clothes. And not only on dressing does he manifest his best part, but also on all the aspects like studying and working. He never untimely finishes his work all of which are with good quality. In this case, it is clearly to conclude that well-dressing is an indication of his earnest.

In addition, another equally essential point is that the color of the dress is also a sign of people's personality as my experience aptly illustrates. Ruby is my favorite color. And it is the symbol of energy and imprudence. When facing the tasks, no matter how tough , I will feel full of power to accomplish them. And when something is far from certain, there is no doubt I will hastily reach the conclusion before considering all the possibilities. Not only this case illustrates my points, another point can also verify the point. One of my friend favors lavander, a beautiful purple. And her personality is in accordance with that, peace with a little melancholy. These replies from the part-and-parcel of our lives may lead those people to put their hand on the arc of the credit to believe that dress is a precise indication of personality.

Admittedly, it is necessary to cut short the relentless pace to the assertion before the opposition has been into consideration. Human nature being what it is, people always have doubts on the link between these two things. There is no better illustration than that one. Some people tend to believe that the way of dress will be influenced by many empheralephemeralfactors like fashion. It is important for us to be aware of this kind of explanations, but it is too occasional and negligible to constitute a sufficient support for the adverse side, since although some other factors can be the reasons, but their will fail to explain a long-team trend. After weighing the positive reasons and the negative objections, the striking upshot is obvious that the dress can reflect the interior and unchangeable part.

In sum, although many people may still remain unconvinced, the reasons and factors about the relationship between dress color and personality and between tidiness and the pursuit of perfectness I have analyzed will at least serve the purpose to propel the opponents to notice the various dimensions and I hope more and more people will share the same

The reading passage casts light on the benefits of the Genetic modified trees. T he professor's lecture covers the same topic, yet with the totally opposite attitude. Likewise, she utilizes three distinctive reasons to justify her perspective.

To begin with, the professor refutes the idea in the passage that the hardy genetically modified trees are more likely to survive compared with the unmodified trees. On the contrary, she asserts that it is much more possible for those modified trees to died out when facing with threats have diverse genes which may ensure that some trees may be resistentresistant to the problems despite others will be killed while the genes of genetically modified trees are uniform so that they cannot defeat the challenges. Clearly, the point of professor is incompatible with the reading.

In addition, as well-defined as the reading material, the professor's statement once again contradicts with the points made in the reading passage. She contends that the genetically modified trees cannot bring about as much economic benefits as said in the reading material since the company will charge higher price than that of the nature trees. And, what's more, farmers don't collect and grow them for free. By law, farmers have to pay companies some money when every time they grow the genetically modified trees. Apparently having taken this reason into consideration, the professor has sounded doubts on the reading passage.

What's more, the reading passage pinpoints that this kind of trees will protect the trees and the ecosystem. But the professor said that genetically modified trees will do harmful to the native trees since they are aggresiveaggressive and planted among native trees, so they will absorb resource like nutrition and water from native trees which will have a negative impact on the survive of the native trees. Evidently, the credibility of the conceptions starts to shrink when this fact has been taken into account.

In sum, the professor clearly discerns the drawbacks of the reading and takes one more step to reveal that the passage needs a closer scrutiny

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-11-6 22:14
11.5的独立你木有写啊？
第一次改，红色错误，蓝色讨论，高亮精彩

There is perhaps no(other加上感觉好点) issue more controversial than this one about the relationship between how people dress and their characters. A myriad of responses people may hold on the topic with the reference to the issue. Although the individual's taste does differ, the view ruling the roost in my mind is that dress is a good reminder of the personalities.

First of all, the top of the list of my viewpoints is that we can know the attitude of appearance and even further the（去掉） whether he or she is self-principle（后面的例子没有提到啊，讲的是他工作一丝不苟，所以改成meticulosity）through the dress style. From common sense and the experience from our daily life, those who pay more attention to their dressing will earn themselves respects of being perfect（因为完美获得尊重吗？这里感觉逻辑上不对）. To make my demonstration more compelling, I'd（I would） like to refer to the story from one of my friends from which my point can draw strength(这句话跟前面的to make my demonstration more compelling重复了). He is a very decent person with tidy clothes. And not only on dressing does he manifest his best part, but also on all the aspects like studying and working. He never untimely（fall to be the last one to） finishes his work all of which are with good quality. In this case, it is clearly to conclude that well-dressing is an indication of his earnest.

In addition, another equally essential point is that the color of the dress is also a sign of people's personality as my experience aptly illustrates. Ruby is my favorite color. And it is the symbol of energy and imprudence. When facing the tasks, no matter how tough , I will feel full of power to accomplish them. And when something is far from certain, there is no doubt I will hastily reach the conclusion before considering all the possibilities. Not only this case illustrates my points, another point can also verify the point. One of my friend favors lavander(lavender), a beautiful purple. And her personality is in accordance with that, peace with a little melancholy. These replies from the part-and-parcel of our lives may lead those people to put their hand on the arc of the credit to believe that dress is a precise indication of personality.

Admittedly, it is necessary to cut short the relentless pace to the assertion before the opposition has been into consideration. Human nature being what it is, people always have doubts on the link between these two things. There is no better illustration than that one. (这列可以改成分号)Some people tend to believe that the way of dress will be influenced by many ephemeralfactors like fashion. It is important for us to be aware of this kind of explanations, but it is too occasional and negligible to constitute a sufficient support for the adverse side, since although some other factors can be the reasons, but their will fail to explain a long-team trend. After weighing the positive reasons and the negative objections, the striking upshot is obvious that the dress can reflect the interior and unchangeable part.（这一段说理太重了，建议来一个例子）

In sum, although many people may still remain unconvinced(unconvinced什么最后加一个宾补), the reasons and factors about the relationship between dress color and personality and between tidiness and the pursuit of perfectness I have analyzed will at least serve the purpose to propel the opponents to notice the various dimensions and I hope more and more people will share the same结尾没有完吧？

Conclusion：

1.观点不错，从着装的外表和颜色来说明人的性格，很新~

2.让步段写的欠佳，没有例子支持，时尚易变但不是长远的趋势，这里看完有点不知所云，可能我脑子不好，嘿嘿。

3.文字完全没有问题，佩服！

作者: lmylacoste 时间: 2012-11-7 13:12
标题: 11.6望今天批改的同学谅解，我昨天独立写了今天的，所以。。。

There is perhaps no other issue more significant than this one on whether or not people will more likely to find a suitable career than before. A myriad of responses people may hold on the topic with the reference to this issue. Although the individual's taste does differ, the view ruling the roost in my mind is that the condition of states que status quo is far from being optimistic for people to identify and even acquire an ideal job than before.

First of all, the top of the list of my viewpoints is that various jobs are increasing created to meet the needs of development, bringing about an unexpected consequence; that is, there is little detailed information to inform us of what's main duties and contents of these jobs unless we have been a member of the field. From common sense and the experience from our daily lives, I often get confused when facing the diverse professions for university and for graduate school. To make my demonstration more comprehensive, I would like to refer to a experience from one of my friends from which my point can draw strength. He is really excellent in mathematics and graduated from a prestigious university with high scores. we all undoubtedly regard him as a promising guy. But the fact is he was not as successful as we thought because of his faults in choosing a proper job. Having not been familiar with the job, he was impeded by many unpredicted and herculean challenges like dealing with the inter-relationship which disturbed him a lot and his advantages have been buried. In this case, it is easy for us to know the difficulty in choosing a good job.

In addition, another compelling point is that the present positions need a extremely high qualification as my own experience aptly illustrates. During a summer vacation, I planned to take a internship in a real estate company as a analyst since my major is mainly related to that realm. What made me disappointed is that the requirements of this job include high GPA, excellent cooperating ability and other afiliatedaffiliated conditions. Not only this case illustrates my view,a story coming from the Internet can further verify my point. With the increase of the qualification which is mainly caused by the increase of population, some jobs like librarians and tour guides should come with graduate degrees, impressing me a lot.

Admittedly, it is necessary to cut short the relentless pace to the conclusion until the opposition has been taken into consideration. There is no better illustration than that to manifest the adverse view. Thanks to the development of the information technology, it is convenient for us to get the information as much as possible via this access. It is essential for us to be aware of that kinds of facts. However, since the information are so untrustworthy and unpreciseimprecise, this case will fail to constitute a sufficient support for the opposition. After weighing the positive and negative views, the striking upshot is obvious that it is a tough task for people, nowadays, to obtain a job which can give the secure life and will help to be successful.

In sum, although some people will still remain suspicious and unconvinced concerning my points, the factors and reasons I have analyzed that cover the difficulty in choosing jobs and in being admitted to a suitable job will at least serve the purpose to propel those opponents to notice the various dimensions which they have ignored. And I hope more and more people will share the same idea with me.

The reading passage casts light on that ethanol is not better than gasoline. The professor's lecture covers the same topic, yet with totally opposite attitude. Likewise, he utilizes three distinctive reasons to justify his perspective.

First of all, the professor refutes the idea in the reading that the use of ethanol fuel would not be beneficial to the environment. On the contrary, he asserts that the ethanol is a good alternative of gasoline. To be specific, his claim is grounded on the fact that the ethanol comes from plants like corn and the plant will counter the effect, the release of carbon dioxide, during the process of producing ethanol since the growing plants will absorb the carbon dioxide as one of nutrition so that the use of ethanol will remove this kind of greenhouse gas in the atomsphereatmosphere.

In addition, as well-defined as the reading is, the professor's statement once again contradicts with the reading passage. He contends that the main source of ethanol is the part of plants and also the main ingredients of plant's cell wall, which is not the food of animals. So the production of ethanol will not at the same time reduce the food for animals since animals will not eat them. Clearly having taken this fact into consideration, the professor has sounded doubts on the points made in the passage.

What's more, the reading pinpoints that the price of ethanol will rise if without the subsidies given to ethanol producers from government. However, the professor challenges the view by arguing that the price of ethanol maintain or maybe even decline even though the government no longer gives the premium. He defends his point further by explaining that the huge amount of the ethanol will stimulate the increase in production which will lead to a lower price. And according to a survey, if the production is three times larger, the price will be reduced by 40%.

In sum, the professor clearly discerns the drawbacks in the reading passage and takes one more step to reveal that the fallacious needs a close scrutiny.

作者: AnthonySummer 时间: 2012-11-7 21:57

The reading passage casts light on that ethanol is not better than gasoline. The professor's lecture covers the same topic, yet with totally opposite attitude. Likewise, he utilizes three distinctive reasons to justify his perspective.

First of all, the professor refuses the idea in the reading that the use of ethanol fuel would not be beneficial to the environment. On the contrary, he asserts that the ethanol is a good alternative of gasoline. To be specific, his claim is grounded on the fact that the ethanol comes from plants like corn and the plant will counter the effect, the release of carbon dioxide, during the process of producing ethanol since the growing plants will absorb the carbon dioxide as one of nutrition so that the use of ethanol will remove this kind of greenhouse gas in the atomsphereatmosphere.

In addition, as well-defined as the reading is, the professor's statement once again contradicts with the reading passage. He contends that the main source of ethanol is the part of plants and also the main ingredients of plant's cell wall, which is not the food of animals. So the production of ethanol will not at the same time reduce the food for animals since animals will not eat them. Clearly having taken this fact into consideration, the professor has sounded doubts on the points made in the passage.

What's more, the reading pinpoints that the price of ethanol will rise if （你這裡的if從句需要主語吧！或者直接刪掉if也可以） without the subsidies given to ethanol producers from government. However, the professor challenges the view by arguing that the price of ethanol maintains or maybe even decline even though the government no longer gives the premium. He defends his point further by explaining that the huge amount of the ethanol will stimulate the increase in production which will lead to a lower price. And according to a survey, if the production is three times larger, the price will be reduced by 40%.

In sum, the professor clearly discerns the drawbacks in the reading passage and takes one more step to reveal that the fallacious needs a close scrutiny.

寫的基本沒什麼錯誤，結構非常清楚，聽力中的重點也都講到了，非常好的一篇文章！

粉红色拼写错误橘红色语法错误（谓语搭配单复数问题、固定搭配、空格多空了一格、逗号句号用错了）红色其他错误黄色精彩句子蓝色建议修改（个人建议，不对的地方多多指教啊）

作者: lmylacoste 时间: 2012-11-9 14:35
标题: 11.8 独立+综合(批改的同学：不好意思，我昨天没写，24写过了，请你将就改下23，麻烦了

There is perhaps no issue more controversial than this one: whether or not people are more informed now than in the past. A myriad of responses people may hold on the topic concerning the issue regarding what the influence the development of science and technology have on education. Although the individual's taste does differ, the viewpoint ruling the roost in my mind is that people are more likely to be educated than those in the past.

First of all, the top of the list of my mind is that there are increasingly sources of systematic information and knowledge compared with the past. From common sense and the experience of our daily lives, we can receive the knowledge in class, surf the internet getinggetting domestic and international news on advanced digital devices via free wifi and read the various and interesting books in the library. To make my demonstration more comprehensively, I would like to refer to the story of my father from which my point can draw strength. My father lived in a village near Shanghai when he was a child and at that time although he desired knowledge, he had no access to what he wanted. But now, he spends most of his time absorbing information as much as possible and has become a man with rich knowledge.

Besides, another essential point worth being mentioned is that the convenient and comfortable environment provides us a good chance to enjoy the education, as my own experience aptly illustrates. I prefer reading classics literitureliteratiure like The old man and the sea with a cup of rich coffee and the sunshine in my clean and neat study. The environment also increases my happiness when reading books. Not only does this case verify my point, another point coming from the daily life can also give my point a hand. Now more and more classrooms are equipped with air-conditioners which may maintain the indoor temperature at a range of being comfortable. In this way, students will not be disturbed by fierce climate and will pay more attention to learning. These replies from the part-and-parcel of our daily lives may lead those people who have been told for so long by so many, who are doubtful andcynical, to put their hands on the arc of the trust to bend it toward the present.

In addition, there are more people participating in the education than before. And the companies are a beneficial factor to stimulate people to learn, partly caused by the peer pressure. For example, I didn't study hard at first, but one day I was so surprised that most of my friends came with higher scores than I did, which frustrated me a lot. After that, I embarked on hardworking and finally caught up with my friends.

Admittedly, it is necessary to cut short the relentless paces to the conclusion before the opposition has been taken into consideration. Nature being what it is, people may be distracted by online games or TV series. But this kind of things comes away with a pernamentpermanent attraction so that people will soon get bored and return back to study. So these cases are so occasional and negligible that they cannot constitute a sufficient support for the adverse side. After weighing the positive and negative points, the striking upshot is obvious that it is easier for people receive education.

In sum, although someone will still remain unconvinced with reference to my demonstration, the factors and reasons about more educational sources, more suitable environment for studying and more people studying around you will at least serve the purpose to propel the opponents to notice the various dimensions about the issue and I hope more and more people will share the same idea with me.

The reading passage casts light on the hypotheses about the reasons why the population of yellow cedars has declined. The professor's lecture covers the same topic, yet with the totally opposite attitude. Likewise, the professor utilizes three distinctive reasons to justify his perspective.

First of all, the professor refutes the idea in the passage that the insect parasites, specifically the cedar bark beetle, cause yellow cedar to decline. On the contrary, the professor asserts that the decline of yellow cedars should not be attributed to the beetle. To be specific, his claim is ground on the fact that the yellow cedars have much more resistence resistance to infection than other species because the barks and leaves of this kind of trees are saturated with chemicals which is toxic to insects. If the pests plan to attack the trees, the poisonous chemicals will make the insects ill or even die. Apparently, the professor's viewpoint is incompatible with the reading material.

In addition, as well-defined as the reading passage, the professor's statement once again contradicts with the points made in the reading passage that the brown bears are a factor to wear thin the yellow cedars. He contends that maybe the bears will cause some damages on the overall population but since the yellow cedars spread at a wide range covering the coast of America and the North America and including the mainland and the islands, the bears cannot be used to explain the decline of the trees on the islands where no bears exist. Evidently having taken this factor into consideration, the professor has sounded doubts on the reading.

What's more, the reading passage pinpoints that the gradual changes of climate is also an appealling appealing reason. However, the professor challenges the point by arguing that the reading has ignored an important fact that the low elevation place is usually with low temperature and the high elevation location often comes with the high temperature. The status quo is that more decline of yellow cedars happens on the high elevation where is warmer. So the temperature is not a persuasive explanation. Clearly, the credibility starts to shrink after taking the reasons of the professor into account.

In sum, the professor not only discerns the drawback of the passage, but also takes one more step to reveal that the fallacious needs a closer scrutiny.

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-11-9 22:03
11.8 综合改文

The reading passage casts light on好 the hypotheses about the reasons why the population of yellow cedars has declined. The professor's lecture covers the same topic, yet with the totally opposite attitude. Likewise, the professor utilizes three distinctive reasons to justify his perspective.

First of all, the professor refutes the idea in the passage that the insect parasites, specifically the cedar bark beetle, cause yellow cedar to decline. On the contrary, the professor asserts that the decline of yellow cedars should not be attributed to the beetle. To be specific, his claim is ground on the fact that the yellow cedars have much more resistence resistance to infection than other species because the barks and leaves of this kind of trees are saturated with chemicals which is toxic to insects. If the pests plan to attack the trees, the poisonous chemicals will make the insects ill or even die. （这句话貌似没什么用）Apparently, the professor's viewpoint is incompatible with the reading material.

In addition, as well-defined as the reading passage, the professor's statement once again contradicts with the points made in the reading passage that the brown bears are a factor to wear thin（这个用法没有见过，求解释） the yellow cedars. He contends that maybe the bears will cause some damages on the overall population but since the yellow cedars spread at a wide range covering the coast of America and the North America and including the mainland and the islands, the bears cannot be used to explain the decline of the trees on the islands where no bears exist. Evidently having taken this factor into consideration, the professor has sounded doubts on the reading.

What's more, the reading passage pinpoints that the gradual changes of climate is also an appealling appealing（compelling）reason. However, the professor challenges the point by arguing that the reading has ignored an important fact that the low elevation place is usually with low temperature and the high elevation location often comes with the high temperature. The status quo is that more decline of yellow cedars happens on the high（low） elevation where is warmer. So the temperature is not a persuasive explanation. Clearly, the credibility starts to shrink after taking the reasons of the professor into account.

In sum, the professor not only discerns the drawback of the passage, but also takes one more step to reveal that the fallacious needs a closer scrutiny.

写的很好，但是注意控制字数哦，加油！

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-11-9 22:27
11.8 独立改文
There is perhaps no issue more controversial than this one: whether or not people are more informed now than in the past. A myriad of responses people may hold on the topic concerning the issue regarding what the influence the development of science and technology have on education. Although the individual's taste does differ, the viewpoint ruling the roost in my mind is that people are more likely to be educated than those in the past.

First of all, the top of the list of my mind is that there are increasingly sources of systematic information and knowledge compared with the past. From common sense and the experience of our daily lives, we can receive the knowledge in class, surf the internet getinggetting domestic and international news on advanced digital devices via free wifi and read the various and interesting books in the library. To make my demonstration more comprehensively, I would like to refer to the story of my father from which my point can draw strength. My father lived in a village near Shanghai when he was a child and at that time although he desired knowledge, he had no access to what he wanted. But now,he spends most of his time absorbing information as much as possible and has become a man with rich knowledge.

Besides, another essential point worth being mentioned is that the convenient and comfortable environment provides us (with) a good chance to enjoy the education, as my own experience aptly illustrates. I prefer reading classics literitureliteratiure like The old man and the sea with a cup of rich coffee and the sunshine in my clean and neat study. The environment also increases my happiness when reading books. Not only does this case verify my point, another point coming from the daily life can also give my point a hand. Now more and more classrooms are equipped with air-conditioners which may maintain the indoor temperature at a range of being comfortable(a range which makes people comfortable）. In this way, students will not be disturbed by fierce climate(change) and will pay more attention to learning. These replies from the part-and-parcel of our daily lives may lead those people who have been told for so long by so many, who are doubtful andcynical, to put their hands on the arc of the trust to bend it toward the present.

In addition, there are more people participating in the education than before. And the companies are a beneficial factor to stimulate people to learn, partly caused by the peer pressure. For example, I didn't（did not)study hard at first, but one day I was so surprised that most of my friends came with higher scores than I did, which frustrated me a lot. After that, I embarked on hardworking and finally caught up with my friends.

Admittedly, it is necessary to cut short the relentless paces to the conclusion before the opposition has been taken into consideration. Nature being what it is, people may be distracted by online games or TV series. But this kind of things comes away with a pernamentpermanent attraction so that people will soon get bored and return back to study. So these cases are so occasional and negligible that they cannot constitute a sufficient support for the adverse side. After weighing the positive and negative points, the striking upshot is obvious that it is easier for people receive education.

In sum, although someone will still remain unconvinced with reference to my demonstration, the factors and reasons about more educational sources, more suitable environment for studying and more people studying around you will at least serve the purpose to propel the opponents to notice the various dimensions about the issue(，) and I hope more and more people will share the same idea with me.

结尾有点草，最好是总结之前的观点，然后再把主题升华一点，比如在现在的环境和系统知识的提高，加上勤奋，越来越多的人会well-informed.

写得很好~膜拜一下

另外词汇再提升一些哦

作者: lmylacoste 时间: 2012-11-11 21:07
标题: 11.10 独立

There is perhaps no issue more significant than this one about whether we human have the ability to address the serious problems threatening our society. A myriad of responses people may hold on the issue concerning the topic. Although the individual's taste does differ, the view ruling the roost on my mind is that it is certain for us to deal with the problems.

First of all, on the top of the list of viewpoints is the point that the skyrocketing development of science and technology will cope with a sheer number of dieases diseases and will reverse the trouble of lacking resources. From common sense and the experience of our daily lives, more and more dieases diseases which have destroyed the society of our ancesters ancestors have been annihiliated annihilated by the efforts of biologists and some kinds of lethal dieases diseases like cancers have obviously and partly cured by the advanced technology. To make my demonstration more comprehensively, I would like to refer to the fact from which my point can draw further strength. Thanks to the successful research conducted by some agricultural scientists, the yield of the corn has been doubled and this success has saved hundreds and thousands of poor children in Africa and the contribution will be more influential than we could expected. From these two cases, undoubtedly, these problems will not exist anymore in the future.

In addition, another essential point worth being mentioned is that some problems about the society itself will be solved by the further understanding of the sociology, as the history of my country thousands of years have seen aptly illustrates. During the past eras, the country was dominated by the empires who did not care the difficulties of his people and would deprived them as possible as these kings could; in the present, the population shares a bigger voice on the affairs of the country and have their own rights. Not only does this case verify my view, another point coming from the experience of America will also lend me a hand to strength my point. America is a country ruled by the whole citizens, but at first, the country like other countries is not as ideal as what it is today. With the fight for the independence and the desire for the freedom, the country becomes to be a paradise for everyone living there. These replies from the history may lead those people who have been told for so long by so many doubtful, cynical and fearful to put their hands on the arc of the credibility to bend it toward the ability of people to solve any herculean challenges.

Admittedly, it is necessary to cut short the relentless paces toward the conclusion before the opposition has been taken into consideration. There is no better illustration than this one. Human nature being what it is, some people will doubt that people will solve tough tasks by their own efforts; the nature disasters and the increasing sharpened conflicts between different classes are still remained dark enough for us to see the victory. But most problems which have been considered impossible to deal with have, in fact, been far away from us now. And these cases are occasional and negligible enough to be a sufficient support for the adverse side and for us to cast hope on them. After weighing the pro and con, the striking upshot is obvious that the problems will be extinct by us for sure.

In sum, although some people will still remain unconvinced about my statements, the reasons and factors including the advanced science and technology and the development of society and people their own, I have analyzed, will at least serve the purpose to propel opponents to notice the various dimensions of the issue and I hop more and more people will share the same idea with me.

作者: lmylacoste 时间: 2012-11-12 21:40

There is perhaps no issue more significant for we humans than this one about how to choose friends. A myriad of responses people may hold on the topic concerning the issue. Although the individual's taste does differ, the view ruling the roost of my mind is that whether or not the friend can help you when you are in trouble should be the primary consideration.

First of all, on the top of the list of my viewpoint is that a person who may give you a hand when you are confused by the difficult problems maybe a qualified friend. From common sense and the experience from our daily life, the beneficial interaction will always leads to the friendship to be fortified and what's more, the friend will help you to master the knowledge you have ignored or confused at first and enhance the understanding of it. To make my demonstration more compelling, I would like to refer to my own experience from which my point can draw strength. I have a good friend Jack, who is always on the top of the class. After being friends with him, my grades have been obviously improved and thanks to his help, we become increasingly closed.

In addition, another point worth being mentioned is that when you meet with a unpredicted accidents, a helpful friend becomes more important as the experience of Jack, one of my cousin, aptly illustrates. When Jack had a leg-broken caused by the his inadvert inadvertent basketball team player, his best friend Tom took him to hospital at first time and paid most of the medical fee for the surgery operation. Due to the help of Tom, the consequence of Jack's leg was not so serious. Not only does this case verify my point, another case coming from my own story can also illustrate my demonstration. One day when I would pay the bill, I found my wallet had lost and the restaurant manager did not allow me to leave unless I could give the money. Finally, my friend Tim came here to solve the problem for me. These replies from the part-and parcel of our daily lives may lead those who have been told for so long by so many, who are cynical, fearful and doubtful, to put their hand on the arc of the credit to bend it toward the friends in need.

Admittedly, it is necessary for us to cut short the relentless pace toward the assertion, until the opposition has been taken into consideration. There is no better illustration than this one; human nature being what it is, some people prefer those who may bring about fun. It is worthwhile for us to pay attention to fun since such kind of friends will undoubtedly keep you happy and make you comfortable. However, it will fail to constitute a support for the adverse side for the reason that the core part of friends, no matter how rejolingly rejoicingly you stay with him or her, is the help in necessity, without which the relationship will be so fragile and superfitial and won't last for long. After weighing the pro and con, the striking upshot is so obvious that helpful people will be good candidates of your friends.

In sum, although some people may remain unconvinced about my argument, the reasons and factors that friends should be able to help you to deal with both the study problems and the living troubles I have analyzed will at least serve the purpose to propel those opponents to notice the various dimensions of the issue and I hope more and more people will share the same idea with me

作者: lizchang1990 时间: 2012-11-13 00:06
There is perhaps no issue more significant for we humans than this one about how to choose friends. A myriad of responses people(??没看懂这句,无数调查的人?) may hold on the topic concerning the issue. Although the individual's taste does differ, the view ruling the roost of my mind is that whether or not the friend can help you when you are in trouble should be the primary consideration.
(开头衔接比较好)

First of all, on the top of the list of my viewpoint(建议用viewpoints,因为有top的话,至少不是一个view吧) is that a person who may give you a hand when you are confused by the difficult problems maybe a qualified friend. From common sense and the experience from our daily life, the beneficial interaction will always leads (用lead)to the friendship to be fortified and what's more, the friend will help you to master the knowledge you have ignored or confused at first and enhance the understanding of it. To make my demonstration more compelling, I would like to refer to my own experience from which my point can draw strength. I have a good friend Jack, who is always on the top of the class. After being friends with him, my grades have been obviously improved and thanks to his help, we become increasingly closed.(你后面这个Jack 的例子过于简单了,若加点你遇到问题的困难程度,你朋友伸出援助之手会更好点.
还有一点是:你喜欢用长句,感觉瞬间回到GMAT去了,其实尽量简化点比较好,不会感觉一层层套下去还没完呀的感觉.纯属个人意见,因为美国朋友叫我少写长句,professor说看着纠结.)

In addition, another point worth being mentioned is that when you meet with a (用an)unpredicted accidents(去s), a helpful friend becomes more important as the experience of Jack, one of my cousin, aptly illustrates. (你第一个跟第二个例子感觉没啥区分度阿,都在说帮你是好朋友,帮你依旧是好朋友.跨度稍微大点点好哦)When Jack had a leg-broken caused by the his inadvert inadvertent basketball team player, his best friend Tom took him to hospital at first time and paid most of the medical fee for the surgery operation. Due to the help of Tom, the consequence of Jack's leg(感觉chinglish了点点呀,去掉the consequence of,前面有due to, 后面自然是结果,况且你这种说法很少见) was not so serious. Not only does this case verify my point, another case coming from my own story can also illustrate my demonstration. One day when I would pay the bill, I found my wallet had lost and the restaurant manager did not allow me to leave unless I could give the money. Finally, my friend Tim came here to solve the problem for me. These replies from the part-and parcel of our daily lives may lead those who have been told for so long by so many, who are cynical, fearful and doubtful, to put their hand (hands)on the arc of the credit to bend it toward the friends in need.

Admittedly, it is necessary for us to cut short the relentless pace toward the assertion, until the opposition has been taken into consideration. There is no better illustration than this one; human nature being what it is, some people prefer those who may bring about(去掉about) fun. It is worthwhile for us to pay attention to fun since such kind of friends will undoubtedly keep you happy and make you comfortable. However, it will fail to constitute a support for the adverse side for the reason that the core part of friends, no matter how rejolingly rejoicingly you stay with him or her, is the help in necessity, without which the relationship will be so fragile and superfitial and won't last for long. After weighing the pro and con, the striking upshot is so obvious that helpful people will be good candidates of your friends.(这个反例不错,增强了说服力.)

In sum, although some people may remain unconvinced about my argument, the reasons and factors that friends should be able to help you to deal with both the study problems and the living troubles I have analyzed will at least serve the purpose to propel those opponents to notice the various dimensions of the issue and I hope more and more people will share the same idea with me(强力建议你cut cut你的长句.你的结尾那个share the same idea with you,感觉欠妥,你要论证你说的是对的,不应该出现这种折中的话.态度表现强硬点!)

(纳尼?你打了这么多字?估计你奔29分去的.)
看得出你的基础还是扎实的,整体很好!

作者: AnthonySummer 时间: 2012-11-13 21:36
11.10 独立

There is perhaps no issue more significant than this one about whether we human have the ability to address the serious problems threatening our society. A myriad of responses people may hold on the issue concerning the topic. Although the individual's taste does differ, the view ruling the roost on my mind is that it is certain for us to deal with the problems.

First of all, on the top of the list of viewpoints is the point that the skyrocketing development of science and technology will cope with a sheer number of diseases and will reverse the trouble of lacking resources. From common sense and the experience of our daily lives, more and more diseases which have destroyed the society of our ancestors have been annihilated by the efforts of biologists and some kinds of lethal diseases like cancers have obviously and partly cured by the advanced technology. To make my demonstration more comprehensively, I would like to refer to the fact from （這裡讀不順，後面一句感覺用在這裡不恰當，像是強行插進來的，刪掉~） which my point can draw further strength. Thanks to the successful research conducted by some agricultural scientists（用主動方式將更好 thanks to agricultural scientists conducted some successful researches）, the yield of corn has been doubled and （and表示並列，不代表遞進，換個介詞）this success has saved hundreds and thousands of poor children in Africa and （同樣的錯誤，contribution指代不清楚，感覺gmat做多了吧，平時寫作文可不能那樣寫）the contribution will be more influential than we could expect. From these two cases, undoubtedly, （這樣用讓人感覺有模板的跡象）these problems will not exist anymore in the future.

In addition, another essential point worth being mentioned is that some problems about the society itself will be solved by the further understanding of the sociology, as the history of my country （句子結構讓人看不懂，我的猜測你的意思了）thousands of years have seen aptly illustrates. During the past eras, the country was dominated by the empires who did not care the difficulties of his people and would deprived them as possible as these kings could（感覺是爲了複雜而故意複雜，讓人讀了有些拗口，還不如兩句寫）; in the present, the population shares a bigger voice on the affairs of the country and has（前面單數了）their own rights. Not only （but also 呢） does this case verify my view, another point coming from the experience of America will also lend me a hand to strengthen my point. America is a country ruled by the whole citizens, but at first, the country like other countries is not as ideal as what it is today. With the fight for the independence and the desire for the freedom, the country becomes to be a paradise for everyone living there. These replies from the history may lead those people who have been told for so long by so many doubtful, cynical and fearful to put their hands on the arc of the credibility to bend it toward the ability of people to solve any herculean challenges.（這句我都到後面就不知所雲了~，太長了，那麼多從屬介詞，而且拗口）

Admittedly, it is necessary to cut short the relentless paces toward the conclusion before the opposition has been taken into consideration. There is no better illustration than this one. Human nature being what it is（這好像賓語從句用的太多了，這篇文章~）, some people will doubt that people will solve tough tasks by their own efforts; the nature disasters and the increasing sharpened conflicts between different classes are still remained dark enough for us to see the victory. But most problems which have been considered impossible to deal with have. In fact, been far away from us now. And these cases are occasional and negligible enough to be a sufficient support for the adverse side and for us to cast hope on them. After weighing the pro and con, the striking upshot is obvious that the problems will be extinct by us for sure. （我讀到這。你這篇文章的題目是什麽？Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The government and corporation should share all their scientific discoveries with other countries in the world? Please use specific details and examples to support your opinion.

感覺和主題不切合）

In sum, although some people will still remain unconvinced about my statements, the reasons and factors including the advanced science and technology and the development of society and people their own, I have analyzed, will at least serve the purpose to propel opponents to notice the various dimensions of the issue and I hop more and more people will share the same idea with me. （求主題！）

作者: lmylacoste 时间: 2012-11-14 10:11
There is perhaps no issue more controversial for us than this one with reference to whether professors should be teaching-centered or research-centered. A myriad of responses people may have on the topic concerning the issue regarding what should the professor mainly focus on. Although the individual's taste does differ, the view ruling the roost of my mind is that educating students should be the primary consideration.

First of all, the top of the list of my viewpoints is that the more students professors instruct with their rich knowledge and profound perspectives, the more predessesors predecessors the country will have to sustain the research and the development. From common sense and the experience from our daily lives, only a country has enough excellent instructors, will it be promising and may undergo a prime period. To make my demonstration more comprehensively, I would like to refer to the experience of my own country from which my point can draw strength. The past several decades saw the skyrocketing development of science and technology, especially the advance achieved in the realms of engineering and infrastructures construction, in my motherland China.The progress was obtained by nothing but the contribution of the top scientists like QianXueshen, a famous and patriotic scientist in physics, who spared no efforts conveying the precious and most updated information and concepts to his students and propelled the development with them.

In addition, another compelling point worth being mentioned is that learning is intrinsically tied with teaching, as my own experience aptly illustrates. Last year, I had a intern as a tutor to help a five-grade student to improve his studying. In the process, I found not only did I give him the knowledge, but his unlimited and creative thoughts also inspired me a lot as well. After more than ten-year study, the creativity and imaginary seems to be worn thin, but staying with children whose mind has not been tortured by the heavy burden of examinations provided me a chance to reconsider what have lost and been abandoned in my mind. This reply from the part-and parcel of my daily life may lead those who have been told for so long by so many, who are doubtful, fearful and cynical, to put their hands on the arc of their mind to bend it toward the side I am in favor of.

Admittedly, it is necessary to cut short the relentless pace toward the assertion before the opposition has been taken into consideration. There is no better illustration than this one. Human nature being what it is, the people will consider that professors should pay most attention and energy on the research and in this way their values will be fulfilled. It is indispensible for professors to finish some important academic researches, but if they just concentrate on their own work and ignore the importance of education, the future of the country will be dim and not sunny despite the brillient brilliant contribution since the development would fail to be sustained. After weighing the pro and con, the striking upshot is obvious that professor should spend more time educating students.

In sum, although some people will remain unconvinced about my argument, the factors and reasons----professors' instructions will enhance the ability of continuous progress of the country and will inspire and improve the quality and knowledge of their own----I have analyzed will at least propel those opponents to notice the various dimensions of the issue. And they may one day agree with my seamless statement I believe.

作者: lizchang1990 时间: 2012-11-14 20:38
There is perhaps no issue more controversial for us than this one with reference to whether professors should be teaching-centered or research-centered(呵呵,不错的词汇组合,我常用). A myriad (亮点)of responses people may have on the topic concerning the issue regarding what should the professor mainly focus on. Although the individual's taste does differ, the view ruling the roost of my mind is that educating students should be the primary consideration.

First of all, the top of the list of my viewpoints is that the more students (加个that) professors instruct with their rich knowledge and profound perspectives(其实后面这个profound perspectives建议直接去掉,感觉用词不妥), the more predessesors predecessors the country will have to sustain ( 这个词换conduct )the research and ( 用boost )the development.( 总体来说你这个句子吧~后面the more跟前面不搭调,后面应该说the more excellent scholars… ) From common sense and the experience from our daily lives, only a country has enough excellent instructors, will it be promising and may undergo a prime period. To make my demonstration more comprehensively(这是个副词,换做adj哦~), I would like to refer to the experience of my own country from which my point can draw strength. The past several decades saw the skyrocketing(亮点) development of science and technology, especially the advance achieved in the realms of engineering and infrastructures construction, in my motherland China. The progress was obtained by nothing but the contribution of the top scientists like QianXueshen(呵呵,sen吧), a famous and patriotic scientist in physics, who spared no efforts conveying the precious and most updated information and concepts to his students and propelled the development with them.

In addition, another compelling point worth being mentioned is that learning is intrinsically tied with teaching, as my own experience aptly illustrates. Last year, I had a (an) intern as a tutor to help a five-grade student to improve his studying. (这句话看着有点别扭,你是实习生还是家教呀?这句不地道~) In the process, I found not only did I give him the knowledge(give knowledge这个很chinglish), but his unlimited and creative thoughts also inspired me a lot as well(你这个also& as well 怎么重复用呀). After more than ten-year study, the creativity and imaginary seems to be worn thin, (这个插入句很突然,话锋转的快,来点过渡句吧~) but staying with children whose mind has not been tortured by the heavy burden of examinations provided me a chance to reconsider what have lost and been abandoned in my mind. This reply from the part-and parcel of my daily life may lead those who have been told for so long by so many, who are doubtful, fearful and cynical, to put their hands on the arc of their mind to bend it toward the side I am in favor of. (这段句式复杂,观点不是很清晰~看着有点别扭.可能我们偏向有出入吧,我喜欢顺畅简洁句.O(∩_∩)O~)

Admittedly, it is necessary to cut short the relentless pace toward the assertion before the opposition has been taken into consideration. There is no better illustration than this one. Human nature being what it is,(用分号;) the people will consider that professors should pay most attention and energy on the research and in this way their values will be fulfilled. It is indispensible for professors to finish some important academic researches, but if they just concentrate on their own work and ignore the importance of education, the future of the country will be dim and not sunny despite the brillient brilliant contribution since the development would fail to be sustained. After weighing the pro and con, the striking upshot is obvious that professor should spend more time educating students.

In sum, although some people will remain unconvinced about my argument, the factors and reasons----professors' instructions will enhance the ability of continuous progress of the country and will inspire and improve the quality and knowledge of their own----I have analyzed will at least propel those opponents to notice the various dimensions of the issue. And they may one day agree with my seamless statement I believe.

(呵呵,你应该用了模板的,我看着开头跟中段挺眼熟的. 不错哟~~~但有个问题先指出,你第三段模板话太多,展示不了你过多的观点,会很吃亏的!)
语言功底不错!继续~`~

抱歉的是我不知道怎样弄成红色字体>

作者: AnthonySummer 时间: 2012-11-15 21:04
等綜合~

作者: lmylacoste 时间: 2012-11-15 21:47
Perhaps no issue is more controversial l for people than this one that which will be the best partner for holiday. A myriad of responses people may have on the issue concerning the topic regarding the benefits the company will bring about. Although the individual's taste does differ, the view ruling the roost of my mind is that good friends are the primary consideration in vacation.
To begin with, the top of the list of my viewpoints is that friends are indispensible in small parties. Both the common sense and our experience inform us that you can engage in group activities with friends without paying a huge expenditure. In these activities, like playing chess games or have a basketball competition, what you will obtain is more than happiness. Sports can improve your physical conditions; Chess games will be not only interesting but also a good way to kill time. To make my demonstration profoundly and comprehensively, I'd like to refer to my own experience from which my point can draw strength. During the summer vacation when I was in senior high school, my friends and I spent a whole day together playing the card game including the Monopoly. Along with the proceeding of games, we experienced unforgettable happiness not just from the games snarios scenarios but also from the conversation and interaction among us.
In addition, another equally compelling and essential point worth being mentions is that hiking and journeys are also good choices for vacation, especially with friends, as a example of myself aptly illustrates. I remembered that my friends and I had a trip to YanDang Mountain, a scenic spot not famous for its attitude but renowned for its cultural legacy. During this trip, not only did we visit well-known places, the exciting activities between destinations also made the trip interesting. Not just this journey verifies my point; another point coming from my recent experience further intensifies my perspective. In my last tour to Tibet, I was caught by headache caused by the special geologic conditions. If without my friends with me, it was impossible for me to get back to the camp safe and sound and the situation would be out of control.
Admittedly, it is necessary to cut short the relentless paces toward the assertion, until the opposition has been taken into consideration. There is no better illustration to the opposite view than this one. Human nature being what it is, for those who are very busy after working, delicious meals and comfortable beds will be more attractive. It is worthwhile for people to be aware of the various choices like food or location, but that kind of cases is so occasional and negligible because it meets the ephemrial ephemeral and superficial satisfaction of people that it fails to constitute a sufficient support for the adverse side. After carefully weighing the pro and con, the striking upshot for me is that friends are most vital for our holiday.
In conclusion, although some people may still be unconvinced, the reasons and factors I've analyzed----not only will friends bring us happiness in small activities, but they will also sweep out the boredom and bail out us when we meet with troubles---will at least serve the purpose to propel those opponents to notice diverse options in case they may ignore one or more better choices. And I hope more and more people will share the same idea with me.

The reading passage casts light on the reason that the ethanol can not replace gasoline well. The professor's lecture covers the same topic, yet with the totally opposite attitude. Likewise the professor utilizes three distinctive reasons to justify his perspective.

First of all, the professor refutes the idea in the reading passage that the ethanol fuel would not improve the environmental situation. On the contrary, he asserts that the use of ethanol will benefit the condition of atomsphere atmosphere, remove the carbon dioxide away from atomsphere atmosphere and refrain the effect of the global warming. To be specific, his claim is grounded on the fact that the plants like corn will counter the effect of carbon dioxide. That is to absorb the carbon dioxide, which is released in the process of the production of the ethanol, as the nutrition during the growth of the plants. Apparently, the point of the professor is incompatible with the reading.

In addition, as well-defined as it is, the professor's statement once again contradicts the reading passage. He contends that the great production of ethanol will not reduce the food for animal. To fortify his demonstration, he claimed that the ethanol is produced by the part of the plants, the cell wall, and animals will not eat that part. So the food to feed animals will not decline. Evidently having taken this evidence into consideration, the professor has sound doubts on the reading material.

What's more, the reading passage pinpoints that the ethanol fuel will not be a good candidate to defeat gasoline with its real price despite the fact that they have the same price now which is caused by the tax subsidies. The professor challenges the point by arguing that the ethanol fuel will be cheaper without the subsidies and the support by the government. Since if more people buy the ethanol fuel, the production will increase and the price of it will be declined because of more available products. And according to a search finding, if the production is 3 times bigger, the cost of the production of the ethanol will reduce by 40%. Clearly the credibility of the point made in the passage starts to shrink, if the fact has been taken into account.

In sum, the professor carefully discerns the drawbacks of the passage and takes one more step to reveal that the fallacious argument needs a closer scrutiny.

作者: lmylacoste 时间: 2012-11-16 20:24
标题: 11.15 独立+综合

There is perhaps no issue more controversial than this one whether or not the career will bring about more happiness than the social life. A myriad of responses people may hold on the topic concerning the issue regarding which place the happiness comes from. Although the individual's taste does differ, the view ruling the roost of my mind is that the social life is the primary consideration.

First of all, the top of the list of my mind is that happiness is intrinsically tied with the freedom. That is to say, the free time, which will prevent you from stress caused by the heavy work, will be obtained in your social activities. From common sense and the experience from our daily life, it is not difficult to know that a person will get happy during all the periods but when they are forced to work. To make my demonstration more comprehensive, I would like to refer to the experience of my father from which my point can draw strength. My father is an optimistic person and he always carries big smiles on his face. But when the time he goes back to home after work, he will be easier to get angry although nothing is insatisfactory unsatisfactory. So obvious it is that the heavy work and lack of enough rest bar him far away from being rejoicing.

In addition, another compelling point worth being mentioned is that the social life will be more rich and colorful than your job, as my own experience aptly illustrates. Last year, I got an intern in a real estate company as an employee and my main job was to input the data on the paper into the computer. What a boring task it was and I had to work on the task continuously for eight hours. Although I came with hope and expectation that I would learn something useful and beneficial to my career, the fact disappointed me too much. Not only does this case verify my point, another point also coming from part-time job further intensify my view. I have acquired a job as an analyst in a company recently and the company has scheduled all your working time; you cannot be late and ask for leave early and the supervisor would ensure that every minute you are working hard. I have no chance to adjust my time at all. These replies from the part-and-parcel of my daily life may lead those who have been told for so long by so many, who are cynical, fearful and doubtful, to put their hands on the arc of the trust to bend it toward that you will be glad not in job, but in the social life.

Admittedly, it is necessary to cut short the relentless pace toward the assertion until the opposition has been taken into consideration. There is no better illustration than this one. Human nature being what it is, some ambitious and aggressive cannot help striving for the success and progress. They set good examples for us but that doesn't mean all of us will be satisfied by working. The share these people, aiming to be self-achieved, occupy is so negligible that the fact fails to constitute a sufficient support for the adverse side. After carefully weighing the pro and con, the striking upshot is obvious that social life is a permanent source of happiness.

In sum, although some people will remain unconvinced about my argument, the reasons and factors--you will get rid of the restriction from the fixed jobs and enjoy the colorful and diverse time in social life--I have analyzed will at least serve the purpose to propel those opponents to notice the various dimensions of the issue and reconsider the parts they have neglected before. And I believe one day more people will endorse my persuasive argument.

The reading passage casts light on the benefits of planting genetic modified trees. The professor's lecture covers on the same topic, yet with the totally opposite attitude. Likewise, she utilizes three distinctive reasons to justify her perspective.

First of all, the professor refutes the idea in the reading passage that the genetic modified trees are more likely to survive than those normal trees since they are designed to be hardier. On the contrary, she asserts thethere is no garanteeguarantee that genetic modified trees have more chance to live than unmodified trees. To be specific, her claim is grounded on the fact that the unmodified trees have diverse genes so that there will always be a small part of trees alive despite the fact that most of the trees will be swiped out caused by the climate changes and the invade of insects and pests. However, the future of genetic modified trees will be dim and it is possible for they to die out because the uniform gene. Apparently, the professor's point is incompatible with the reading.

In addition, as well-defined as the points made in the reading passage, the professor's statement once again contradicts the reading material. She contends that planting genetic modified trees will not bring a sheer number of benefits, especially the economic advantages. To verify her point, she claims that a hidenhidden cost exists in the proceeding of planting this kind of trees. The company will charge more money for the seeds of the trees than other normal seeds. And the farmers will not collect the yield for free, since they have to pay the fee for the company every time they collect. Evidently having taken this fact into consideration, the professor has sound doubts on the reading.

What's more, the reading pinpoints that genetic modified trees will bring benefits to the wild trees. The professor challenges the view by arguing that these trees would not be beneficial to the wild trees and maybe even damage them. She defends her perspective by illustrating that the genetic modified trees are aggressive and live among in the wild trees. They will seize more sunshine, water and other vital nutrients from the wild trees and leave the wild trees little, threatening the survive survival of wild trees including those unique and rare species. Clearly, the credibility of the argument starts to shrink, after the evidence has been taken into consideration.

In sum, the professor carefully discerns the drawbacks of the passage and takes one more step to reveal that this fallacious argument need a more closer scrutiny.

作者: AnthonySummer 时间: 2012-11-16 22:11
11.15 独立+综合

建議你分開貼獨立和綜合！方便修改的人~

There is perhaps no issue more controversial than this one whether or not the career will bring about more happiness than the social life. A myriad of responses people may hold on the topic concerning the issue regarding which place the happiness comes from. Although the individual's taste does differ, the view ruling the roost of my mind is that the social life is the primary consideration.

First of all, the top of the list（in在我腦海中）of my mind is that happiness is intrinsically tied with the freedom. That is to say, the free time, （which指代say，你當中的逗號是補充說明的意思）which will prevent you from stress caused by the heavy work, will be obtained in your social activities. From common sense and the experience from our daily life, it is not difficult to know that a person will get happy during all the periods,（逗號）but when they are forced to work. To make my demonstration more comprehensive, I would like to refer to the experience of my father from which my point can draw strength. My father is an optimistic person and he always carries big smiles on his face. But when the time he goes back to （come back home after work吧）home after work, he will be easier to get angry although nothing is unsatisfactory. So obvious it is that the heavy work and lack of enough rest bar （bar啥意思）him far away from being rejoicing.

In addition, another compelling point worth being mentioned is that the social life will be more rich and colorful than your job, as my own experience aptly illustrates. Last year, I got an intern in a real estate company as an employee and （分兩句寫，你是兩個主語，第一個I，第二個my job，你這樣會產生歧義）my main job was to input the data on the paper into the computer（type paper date into computer，你這個比較啰嗦）. What a boring task it was and I had to work on the task continuously for eight hours. Although I came with hope and expectation （用一個expectation就行了）that I would learn something useful and beneficial to my career, the fact disappointed me too much. Not only does this case verify my point, another point also coming from part-time job further intensify my view.（前句和後句相比有邏輯錯誤）I have acquired a job as an analyst for a company recently and the company has scheduled all your working time; you cannot be late and ask for leave early and the supervisor would ensure that every minute you are working hard. I have no chance to adjust my time at all. These replies from the part-and-parcel of my daily life may lead those who have been told for so long by so many, who are cynical, fearful and doubtful, to put their hands on the arc of the trust to bend it toward that you will be glad not in job, but in the social life.

（你到現在還沒扯到主題，至少感覺不明顯，我對你期望很大的啊！）

Admittedly, it is necessary to cut short the relentless pace toward the assertion until the opposition has been taken into consideration. There is no better illustration than this one. Human nature being what it is, some ambitious and aggressive cannot help striving for the success and progress. They set good examples for us, but that doesn't mean all of us will be satisfied by working. The share these people, aiming to be self-achieved. Occupy is so negligible that the fact fails to constitute a sufficient support for the adverse side. After carefully weighing the pro and con, the striking upshot is obvious that social life is a permanent source of happiness. （說了一段的道理，感覺有些隱晦，最好打開天窗說亮話！！）

In sum, although some people will remain unconvinced about my argument, the reasons and factors--you will get rid of the restriction from the fixed jobs and enjoy the colorful and diverse time in social life--I have analyzed will at least serve the purpose to propel those opponents to notice the various dimensions of the issue and reconsider the parts they have neglected before. And I believe one day more people will endorse my persuasive argument.

兄弟你內容寫的很好，語句金彩，但是全篇文章感覺有些隱晦，最好打開天窗說亮話！感覺寫的文章太學術化了，有時沒有很好地遞進，就是會突然蹦出來幾個意思，感覺思維有些跳躍。你的基礎很不錯，感覺如果用的語言更加樸實一些就更好了！

作者: AnthonySummer 时间: 2012-11-16 22:24
First of all, the professor refutes the idea in the reading passage that the ethanol fuel would not improve the environmental situation. On the contrary, he asserts that the use of ethanol will benefit the condition of atmosphere, remove the carbon dioxide away from atmosphere and refrain the effect of the global warming. To be specific, his claim is grounded on the fact that the plants （應該講some plants ，用定冠詞the，讀起來是這個plant看起來像corn）like corn will counter the effect of carbon（感覺有些chinglish） dioxide. That is to absorb the carbon dioxide, which is released in the process of the production of the ethanol, as the nutrition during the growth of the plants. （前面這個長句感覺讀起來拗口）Apparently, the point of the professor is incompatible with the reading.

In addition, as well-defined as it is, the professor's statement once again contradicts the reading passage. He contends that the great production of ethanol will not reduce the food for the animal. To fortify his demonstration, he claimed that the ethanol is produced by （感覺用the ethaol use part of plants更地道）the part of the plants, the cell wall, and animals will not eat that part. So the food to feed animals will not decline. Evidently having taken this evidence into consideration, the professor has sound doubts on the reading material.（這句啥意思?)

What's more, the reading passage pinpoints that the ethanol fuel will not be a good candidate to defeat gasoline with its real price despite the fact that they have the same price now which is caused by the tax subsidies(我的媽啊，那麼長的句子，一層包一層）. The professor challenges the point by arguing that the ethanol fuel will be cheaper without the subsidies and the support by the government. Since if （if就行了）more people buy the ethanol fuel, the production will（would） increase and the price of it （又是長句，it指誰？後面改用would，虛擬語氣）will be declined because （because又是指代不清）of more available products. And according to a search finding, if the production is 3 times bigger, the cost of the production （能不用of直接用ethanol production嗎？？）of the ethanol will reduce by 40%. Clearly the credibility of the point made in the passage starts to shrink, if the fact has been taken into account.

In sum, the professor carefully discerns the drawbacks of the passage and takes one more step to reveal that the fallacious argument needs a closer scrutiny.

作者: lizchang1990 时间: 2012-11-17 19:17
这是我的11.16作业连接,谢谢了~ http://forum.chasedream.com/TOEFL_Writing/thread-781814-3-1.html#last

我晚上10:30回来帮你修改哦~~~

作者: lmylacoste 时间: 2012-11-17 22:03
标题: 11.16 独立

There is perhaps no issue more controversial than this one whether people need to tell their friends everything without any omittance or fakeness. A myriad of responses people may have on the topic concerning the issue regarding the degree of being honest. Although theindividual's taste does differ, the view ruling the roost in my mind is that honesty should be the primary consideration.

First of all, the top of the list of my mind is that the honesty is intrinsically tied with the friendship. From common sense and the experience from the daily life, it is not far away to know that only you are honest, other people will give you the trust which is the foundation of the comradeship. To make my demonstration more comprehensive, I would like to refer to inspiring experience of my own from which my point can draw strength. When I lived in a small neighbourhood neighborhood, most of children living there are known each. Once when I was playing football, a inadvertent shoot hit the window of a family. Undoubtedly, if the case was heard by my parents, they would punish me. However, I did not try to cover my fault, but on the contrary, I conceded to that family that the broken window was caused by my carelessness. Although I was scolded as having expected, the honest behavior earned me a good fame and a group companions.

In addition, another compelling point worth being mentioned is that honesty will enhance cooperation and the efficiency,as one of my friends aptly illustrates. He is a guy with many friends because of his honesty. And thanks to the good character, we will not hesitate to work together with him. He would tell nothing but the real opinions which sometimes are very precious and point out the current problems which is not easy for others, who are afraid to offend their friends, to propose, helping us to reveal the core of the factor impeding the proceeding. The reply from my part-and-parcel of life may lead those who have been told for so long by so many, who are cynical, fearful and doubtful, to put their hands on the arc of trust toward the point that honesty will bring about more than you can expect.

Admittedly, it is necessary for us to cut short the relentless paces toward the assertion until the opposition has been taken into consideration. Human nature being what it is, someone will argue that complete honesty is far from a character we should strive to have since the inproper improper honesty will hurt others. There is not better illustration than this one. My friend never told the lie and the consequence was that he had no intimate mates. Despite the staggering result, the reason was obvious that the honesty would sometimes contradict the self-image. And a people do not flatter others by acclaiming something untrue is not likely to get the others' favor. But the weakness of the human nature is so occasional when you are in such a developed and civilized world that it cannot constitute a sufficient support for the adverse side. After weighing the pro and con, the striking upshot is that being genuine is a vital key to treat friends.

作者: lizchang1990 时间: 2012-11-17 22:44
There is perhaps no issue more controversial than this one whether people need to tell their friends everything without any omittance or fakeness. A myriad of responses people may have on the topic concerning the issue regarding the degree of being honest. Although the individual's taste does differ, the view ruling the roost in my mind is that honesty should be the primary consideration.

First of all, the top of the list of my mind is that the honesty is intrinsically tied with the friendship. From common sense and the experience from the daily life, it is not far away to know that only you are honest, other people will give you the trust(感觉直接用trust you吧,这个表达有点中式化) which is the foundation of the comradeship(这个词很高级,但指的是那种出生入死的朋友关系,感觉这次用大了). To make my demonstration more comprehensive, I would like to refer to inspiring experience of my own from which my point can draw strength. When I lived in a small neighbourhood neighborhood, most of children living there are known each. Once when I was playing football, a(小粗心) inadvertent shoot hit the window of a family. Undoubtedly(这个词没必要), if the case was heard by my parents, they would punish me. However, I did not try to cover (加个up)my fault, but(这个转折多余,去but) on the contrary, I conceded to that family that the broken window was caused by my carelessness. Although I was scolded as having expected, the honest behavior earned me a good fame and a group companions.(实话是你这个例子举偏了,你说的friendship,后面貌似没咋的强调这一点,只说到你很诚实,而不是体现你与朋友间的诚实)

In addition, another compelling point worth being mentioned is that honesty will enhance cooperation and the efficiency, as one of my friends aptly illustrates. He is a guy with many friends because of his honesty. And thanks to the good character, we will not hesitate to work together with him. He would tell nothing but the real opinions which sometimes are very precious and point out the current problems which is not easy for others, (去掉前面逗号吧~不然你这个修饰都感觉不知道对应哪个了)who are afraid to offend their friends, to propose, helping us to reveal the core of the factor impeding the proceeding.(前面整句都有点混乱了哟~你to/ ing 不知道接何前词) The reply from my part-and-parcel of life may lead those who have been told for so long by so many, who are cynical, fearful and doubtful, to put their hands on the arc of trust toward the point that honesty will bring about more than you can expect.

Admittedly(其实admittedly后面一般接不好的东西,再接好的事物,你这地方用错了哦), it is necessary for us to cut short the relentless paces toward the assertion until the opposition has been taken into consideration. Human nature being what it is, someone will argue that complete honesty is far from a character we should strive to have since the inproper improper honesty will hurt others. There is not better illustration than this one. My friend never told the lie and the consequence was that he had no intimate mates. Despite the staggering result, the reason was obvious that the honesty would sometimes contradict the self-image. And a people do not flatter others by acclaiming something untrue is not likely to get the others' favor. But the weakness of the human nature is so occasional when you are in such a developed and civilized world that it cannot constitute a sufficient support for the adverse side. After weighing the pro and con, the striking upshot is that being genuine is a vital key to treat friends.

看的出你的词汇很丰富,句式比较复杂~ 但怎么说那个模板痕迹还是有的. 最后一段拆开写会更好~ 结尾就直接概括你的观点就OK了~

作者: lmylacoste 时间: 2012-11-18 10:24
标题: 11.16 综合

The reading casts light on the topic that the salvage logging will bring about benefits to the damaged forest and to the local economy. The professor's lecture covers on the same topic, yet with the totally opposite attitude. Likewise, the professor utilizes three distinctive reasons to justify her perspective.

First of all, the professor refutes the idea in the passage that salvage logging will help to remove the dead trees and make enough rooms, which otherwise is occupied by the dead trees, for the new fresh trees. On the contrary, the professor asserts that salvage logging is just a oympic myopic measure. That is to say, it lacks long-term benefit. To be specific, her claim is grounded on the fact that these dead trees will release many nutrients into the soil in the progress of the decomposition.Once the trees are moved out, the conditions for future generation trees will not be ideal. Apparently, the professor's point is incompatible with the reading passage.

In addition, as well-defined as the points made in the reading material, the professor's statement once again contradicts the reading. She contends that the decline of the insect population caused by salvage logging will not be beneficial to the forest. The spruce bark beetle has lived for a long time in the forest, but they do not make any serious damages. And the lost of the habitat, which the decaying wood can be, will result in the loss of contributors like birds and beneficial insects. And the total effect of salvage logging will be negative on the forest. Clearly having taken this fact into consideration, the professor has sound doubts on the reading.

What's more, the reading pinpoints that salvage logging will have economic benefits. The professor challenges the point by arguing that the economic benefits are questionable. To verify her point, she claims that most wood can only be moved out of the forest by machines like helicopter which is very expensive. Besides, the outside workers who are more experienced and have more training than the local residents are favored, so it is not possible for salvage logging bring the economic benefits. Evidently the credibility starts to shrink, after the reasons have been taken into account.

In sum, the professor not only discerns the drawbacks of the argument and takes one more step to reveal that the fallacious argument needs a closer scrutiny

作者: lizchang1990 时间: 2012-11-18 18:57
lmylacoste ,我11.17的作业链接哦! O(∩_∩)O哈哈~ 今天我俩全全互改!

http://forum.chasedream.com/TOEFL_Writing/thread-781814-4-1.html#last

辛苦你了~~我10:30样子回来给你批改哦~~ 等你作业!

作者: lmylacoste 时间: 2012-11-18 19:40
标题: 11.17 独立
With the development of the science and technology, there is perhaps no issue more controversial than this one whether or not working in company is much better than in home. A myriad of responses people may hold on the topic concerning the issue regarding the place for work. Although the individual's taste does differ, the view ruling the roost of my mind is that working in office is the prior choice.

First of all, the top of the list of my mind is that the working place is intrinsically tied with the efficiency. And compared with home, office will provide a harmonious and progressive atmosphere which will enhance the cooperation among workers. From common sense and the experience from our daily lives, most people will finish the assigned job and accomplish the missions. To make my demonstration more comprehensive, I would like to refer to the experience of my own from which my point can draw strength. During a summer holiday, I was an employee in a real estate company. At first, the heavy work nearly made me stroke and even my boss did not think I could insist until the term ended. But thanks to the help from my partners and the examples they set for me, I was inspired to work harder and finally I earned myself a precious praise from all the staffs.

In addition, another essential point worth being mentioned is that working in company will help you to set a healthy schedule as one of my friends aptly illustrates. My friend Jack worked in a network firm and he was really qualified for that position. But after a new plan that the most efficient workers will can choose to finish their job in home from his corporation, a encouraging policy to inspire the employees, everything became to change. In the past, Jack would get up early on time and have a enough rest. However, he started to stay up late, could not get enough sleep and even failed to finish his work on time since he would not be alarmed by his clock and there was not suggestion and recommendation any more. This reply from our part-and-parcel of our daily may lead those who have been told for so long by so many, who are cynical, doubtful and fearful, to put their hands on the arc of the trust and acclaimation acclamation to bend it toward the environment and conditions created by the company.

Admittedly, it is necessary for us to cut short the relentless pace toward the assertion until the opposition has been taken into consideration. Human nature being what it is, the convenience and the comforts the home brings us about will enjoy more favor and preference. There is no better illustration than this one. Due to the advanced technology in communication, most workers choose to work in home if they can including my friends. And most think it is a good experience and being able to avoid the crowded public transportation is fantastic. But after weighing the advantages and weakness, the striking upshot is that the myopic and shallow benefits are not sufficient enough to support the adverse side.

In sum, although some people remain unconvinced about my view, the reasons and factors--the company will improve your working ability greatly and will lead you live healthier--will at least serve the purpose to propel those opponents to notice the various dimensions of the issue and reconsider the parts they have ignored. And I hope more people will agree on my persuasive argument.

作者: lmylacoste 时间: 2012-11-18 22:11
标题: 11.17综合
The reading casts light on the harms caused by Buzzers. The speaker's lecture covers the same topic, yet with the total opposite attitude. Likewise, he utilizes three distinctive reasons to justify his perspective.

First of all, the speaker refutes the idea in the passage that the Buzzers are paid for praising a product and the acclamations are always fake(这里word给了个提示 adjective use（consider revising），求释惑). On the contrary, he asserts that the Buzzers are not hired to tell lies. To be specific, his claim is grounded on the fact that the company will hire those who have used their products and have good evaluation of the products although the Buzzers are paid by money. And it is because the service is good that Buzzers are hired. So the praise is not related to the lies. Apparently the professor's point is incompatible with the reading passage.

In addition, as well-defined as the reading passage is, the professor's statement once again contradicts the reading passage. She contends that the consumers will not be less critical as the reading points out, but, on the opposite, they will ask a lot of detailed questions like the price, the service and the using time. These questions will help customers evaluate the products which is key(这里word给了个提示 adjective use（consider revising），求释惑) to the people. Evidently having taken this reasons into consideration, the speaker has sounded doubt on the reading material.

What's more, the reading pinpoints that the Buzzers may jeopardize the social relationship among people. People will keep catious cautious and be less trustful of others. The speaker challenges the point by arguing that the view is stupid. To verify his demonstration, he claims that companies with bad performance will not be able to recruit the Buzzers, and only those profitable ones who sell good products can make it. Furthermore, the experience that buying the things as other described will definitely enhance the social relationship in the society. Clearly, the credibility starts to shrink after the evidence has been into account.

In sum, the professor carefully discerns the drawback of the reading and takes one more step to reveal that the fallacious argument needs a closer scrutiny.

作者: lizchang1990 时间: 2012-11-18 23:35
With the development of the science and technology, there is perhaps no issue more controversial than this one whether or not working in company is much better than in home. A myriad of responses people may hold on the topic concerning the issue regarding the place for work. Although the individual's taste does differ, the view ruling the roost of my mind is that working in office is the prior choice.

First of all, the top of the list of my mind is that the working place is intrinsically tied with the efficiency. And compared with home, office will provide a harmonious and progressive atmosphere which will enhance the cooperation among workers. From common sense and the experience from our daily lives, most people will finish the assigned job and accomplish the missions(这词用得不错~). To make my demonstration more comprehensive, I would like to refer to the experience of my own from which my point can draw strength. During a summer holiday, I was an employee in a real estate company. At first, the heavy work nearly made me stroke and even my boss did not think I could insist until the term ended. But thanks to the help from my partners and the examples they set for me, I was inspired to work harder and finally I earned myself a precious praise from all the staffs.

In addition, another essential point worth being mentioned is that working in company will help you to set a healthy schedule as one of my friends aptly illustrates. My friend Jack worked in a network firm and he was really qualified for that position. But after a new plan that the most efficient workers will can choose to finish their job in home from his corporation, a(小粗心哦) encouraging policy to inspire the employees, everything became to change(没有TO哦). In the past, Jack would get up early on time and have a (小粗心)enough rest. However, he started to stay up late, could not get enough sleep and even failed to finish his work on time since he would not be alarmed by his clock and there was not suggestion and recommendation any more. This reply from our part-and-parcel of our daily may lead those who have been told for so long by so many, who are cynical, doubtful and fearful, to put their hands on the arc of the trust and acclaimation acclamation to bend it toward the environment and conditions created by the company.

Admittedly, it is necessary for us to cut short the relentless pace toward the assertion until the opposition has been taken into consideration. Human nature being what it is, the convenience and the comforts the home brings us about will enjoy more favor and preference. There is no better illustration than this one. Due to the advanced technology in communication, most workers choose to work in home if they can including(前面加逗号) my friends. And most think it is a good experience and being able to avoid the crowded public transportation is fantastic. But after weighing the advantages and weakness, the striking upshot is that the myopic and shallow benefits are not sufficient enough to support the adverse side.

In sum, although some people remain unconvinced about my view, the reasons and factors--the company will improve your working ability greatly and will lead you live healthier--will at least serve the purpose to propel those opponents to notice the various dimensions of the issue and reconsider the parts they have ignored. And I hope more people will agree on my persuasive argument.
每次看你写作文,总觉得你要冲满分的闯劲,字数为王,你是赢了~~~
下次我也自己总结个模板,不然感觉我每次都会超10分钟!

语言没有什么问题,这次我挑不出啥问题, Excellent ~ 看多了,我都知道你下一段讲啥哟!!!

不好意思现在发给你哦~~~

作者: lizchang1990 时间: 2012-11-18 23:53
不好意思哈~刚帮别人再看了一遍,我不知道我改你综合的! ⊙﹏⊙b汗

The reading casts light on the harms caused by Buzzers. The speaker's lecture covers the same topic, yet with the total opposite attitude. Likewise, he utilizes three distinctive reasons to justify his perspective.

First of all, the speaker refutes the idea in the passage that the Buzzers are paid for praising a product and the acclamations are always fake(其实这个fake感觉假的是另外一种,你可以用unreliable么)(这里word给了个提示 adjective use（consider revising），求释惑). On the contrary, he asserts that the Buzzers are not hired to tell lies. To be specific, his claim is grounded on the fact that the company will hire those who have used their products and have good evaluation of the products although the Buzzers are paid by money. And it is because the service is good that Buzzers are hired. So the praise is not related to the lies. Apparently the professor's point is incompatible with the reading passage.(看到你这个模板,我就开心地笑了,因为我刚刚看的是crystall的,你俩一样的模板…纯属我失误,今晚看了2份综合了)

In addition, as well-defined as the reading passage is, the professor's statement once again contradicts the reading passage. She contends that the consumers will not be less critical as the reading points out, but, on the opposite, they will ask a lot of detailed questions like the price, the service and the using time. These questions will help customers evaluate the products which is key(这里word给了个提示 adjective use（consider revising），求释惑) to the people.(我到没觉得这个地方有很大问题,也许word机器也会出现问题呀,我建议换另外一个形容词,keyword默认成名词也不一定,我试了下,换个adj是OK的) Evidently having taken this reasons into consideration, the speaker has sounded doubt on the reading material.

What's more, the reading pinpoints that the Buzzers may jeopardize (词汇不错)the social relationship among people. People will keep catious cautious and be less trustful of others. The speaker challenges the point by arguing that the view is stupid. To verify his demonstration, he claims that companies with bad performance will not be able to recruit the Buzzers, and only those profitable ones who sell good products can make it. Furthermore, the experience that buying the things as other described will definitely enhance the social relationship in the society. Clearly, the credibility starts to shrink after the evidence has been into account.

In sum, the professor carefully discerns the drawback of the reading and takes one more step to reveal that the fallacious argument needs a closer scrutiny.
(我当初也想着用这个结尾来着,看你们都用,我自己明天编个吧~)

总体评价good, O(∩_∩)O~

作者: lmylacoste 时间: 2012-11-19 10:02
标题: 11.18 修改稿独立

First of all, the top of the list of my mind is that there are increasingly sources of systematic information and knowledge compared with the past. From common sense and the experience of our daily lives, we can receive the knowledge in class, surf the internet getinggetting domestic and international news on advanced digital devices via free wifi and read the various and interesting books in the library. To make my demonstration more comprehensively, I would like to refer to the story of my father from which my point can draw strength. My father lived in a village near Shanghai when he was a child and at that time although he desired knowledge, he had no access to what he wanted. But now, he spends most of his time absorbing and digesting information as much as possible and has become a man with rich knowledge. It is the present conditions that meet the desire for being educated of my father.

Besides, another essential point worth being mentioned is that the convenient and comfortable environment provides us a good chance to enjoy the education, as my own experience aptly illustrates. I prefer reading classics literitureliteratiure like the old man and the sea with a cup of rich coffee, basking the sunshine in my clean and neat study. The environment also brings in comforts and the spiritual harmony when I am reading books. Not only does this case verify my point, another point coming from the daily life can also give my point a hand. Now more and more classrooms are equipped with air-conditioners which may maintain the indoor temperature within comfortable range. In this way, students will not be disturbed by fierce climate change and will pay more attention to learning. These replies from the part-and-parcel of our daily lives may lead those people who have been told for so long by so many, who are doubtful and cynical, to put their hands on the arc of the trust to bend it toward the present.

In addition, there are more people participating in the education than before too. And the companies are a beneficial factor to stimulate people to learn, partly caused by the peer pressure. For example, I didn't study hard at first, but one day I was so surprised that most of my friends came with higher scores than I did, which frustrated me a lot. After that, I embarked on hardworking and tried to emulate them, and finally I caught up with my friends. Thanks to the partners, I am encouraged to learn more and better.

Admittedly, it is necessary to cut short the relentless paces to the conclusion before the opposition has been taken into consideration. Nature being what it is, people may be negatively influenced by more and more distractions like online games or TV series. But nothing else could be extrapolate further from this kind of things since it comes away with a pernamentpermanent attraction so that people will soon get bored and return back to study. So occasional and negligible these cases are that they cannot constitute a sufficient support for the adverse side. After weighing pro and con, the striking upshot is obvious that it is easier for people receive education.
In sum, although someone will still remain unconvinced with reference to my demonstration, the factors and reasons about more educational sources, more suitable environment for studying and more people studying around you will at least serve the purpose to propel the opponents to notice the various dimensions about the issue. Hence, with so many boost in status quo, is there any reason to deny the more advanced education than that in the past?

作者: Crystal的秋天 时间: 2012-11-19 11:30
标题: 以后记得在大本营里面贴上链接哦，只看到占座我一直纳闷你怎么还没写作文
With the development of the science and technology, there is perhaps no issue more controversial than this one whether or not working in company is much better than in 用at 顺一点 home. A myriad of responses people may hold on the topic concerning the issue regarding the place for work. Although the individual's taste（ individuals' tastes do differ） does differ, the view ruling the roost of my mind is that working in office is the prior choice.

First of all, the top of the list （语意有点重复） of my mind is that the working place is intrinsically tied with the efficiency. And compared with home, office will provide a harmonious and progressive atmosphere which will enhance the cooperation among workers. From common sense and the experience from our daily lives, most people will finish the assigned job and accomplish the missions. To make my demonstration more comprehensive, I would like to refer to the experience of my own from which my point can draw strength. During a summer holiday, I was an employee in a real estate company. At first, the heavy work nearly made me stroke and even my boss did not think I could insist until the term ended. But thanks to the help from my partners and the examples they set for me, I was inspired to work harder and finally I earned myself a precious praise from all the staffs. 你这段的中心句是提高效率，但是到了第二句就变成了和谐的氛围，你举得例子其实是表达氛围给你带来的成功，好像跟efficency 没有关系

In addition, another essential point worth being mentioned is that working in company will help you to set a healthy schedule as one of my friends aptly illustrates. My friend Jack worked in a network firm and he was really qualified for that position. But after a new plan that the most efficient workers will can choose to finish their job in home from his corporation, a encouraging policy to inspire the employees, everything became to change. In the past, Jack would get up early on time and have a enough rest. However, he started to stay up late, could not get enough sleep and even failed to finish his work on time since he would not be alarmed by his clock and there was not suggestion and recommendation any more. This reply from our part-and-parcel of our daily may lead those who have been told for so long by so many, who are cynical, doubtful and fearful, to put their hands on the arc of the trust and acclaimation acclamation to bend it toward the environment and conditions created by the company.

Admittedly, it is necessary for us to cut short the relentless pace toward the assertion until the opposition has been taken into consideration. Human nature being what it is, the convenience and the comforts the home brings us about will enjoy more favor and preference. There is no better illustration than this one. Due to the advanced technology in communication, most workers choose to work in home if they can including my friends. 这个条件状语没看懂什么意思 And most think it is a good experience and being able to avoid the crowded public transportation is fantastic. But after weighing the advantages and weakness, the striking upshot is that the myopic and shallow benefits are not sufficient enough to support the adverse side.

In sum, although some people remain unconvinced about my view, the reasons and factors--the company will improve your working ability greatly and will lead you live healthier--will at least serve the purpose to propel those opponents to notice the various dimensions of the issue and reconsider the parts they have ignored. And I hope more people will agree on my persuasive argument. 总结段 perfect

观点很好，论证除了有点小问题，很到位，语言很强悍~ excellent

作者: Crystal的秋天 时间: 2012-11-19 11:39

There is perhaps no issue more controversial than this one: whether or not people are more informed now than in the past. A myriad of responses people may hold on the topic concerning the issue regarding what the influence the development of science and technology have on education. Although the individual's taste does （老问题，建议改一下） differ, the viewpoint ruling the roost in my mind is that people are more likely to be educated than those in the past.

First of all, the top of the list of my mind（自创的模版啊，个人认为有重复的意思） is that there are increasingly sources of systematic information and knowledge compared with the past. From common sense and the experience of our daily lives, we can receive the knowledge in class, surf the internet getting domestic and international news on advanced digital devices via free wifi and read the various and interesting books in the library. To make my demonstration more comprehensively, I would like to refer to the story of my father from which my point can draw strength. My father lived in a village near Shanghai when he was a child and at that time although he desired knowledge, he had no access to what he wanted to learn. But now, he spends most of his time absorbing and digesting information as much as possible and has become a man with rich knowledge. It is the present conditions that meet the desire for being educated of my father.

Besides, another essential point worth being mentioned is that the convenient and comfortable environment provides us a good chance to enjoy the education, as my own experience aptly illustrates. I prefer reading classics literatiure like the old man and the sea with a cup of rich coffee, basking the sunshine in my clean and neat study. The environment also brings in comforts and the spiritual harmony when I am reading books. Not only does this case verify my point, another point coming from the daily life can also give my point a hand. Now more and more classrooms are equipped with air-conditioners which may maintain the indoor temperature within comfortable range. In this way, students will not be disturbed by fierce climate changes and will pay more attention to learning. These replies from the part-and-parcel of our daily lives may lead those people who have been told for so long by so many, who are doubtful and cynical, to put their hands on the arc of the trust to bend it toward the present.

Admittedly, it is necessary to cut short the relentless paces to the conclusion before the opposition has been taken into consideration. Nature being what it is, people may be negatively influenced by more and more distractions like online games or TV series. But nothing else could be extrapolate further from this kind of things since it comes away with a permanent attraction so that people will soon get bored and return back to study. So occasional and negligible these cases are that they cannot constitute a sufficient support for the adverse side. After weighing pro and con, the striking upshot is obvious that it is easier for people receive education.
In sum, although someone will still remain unconvinced with reference to my demonstration, the factors and reasons about more educational sources, more suitable environment for studying and more people studying around you will at least serve the purpose to propel the opponents to notice the various dimensions about the issue. Hence, with so many boost in status quo, is there any reason to deny the more advanced education than that in the past?

大牛作文，我不知道怎么改了，见谅！还要多学像你学习

作者: lmylacoste 时间: 2012-11-19 13:47
标题: 11.18 综合

The reading casts light on the negative effect brought by the 'let it burn" policy. The professor's lecture covers the same topic, yet with totally opposite attitude. Likewise, she utilizes three distinctive reasons to justify her perspective.

First of all, the professor refutes the idea in the passage that the fires will be harmful to the park's trees and other vegetation. On the contrary, she asserts that the fires may cause some damages to the plants, but they also have some positive effect on the plants. To be specific, her claim is grounded on the fact that it will lead the plants to be diverse after some vegetation got scorched, since there are more opportunaties opportunities for other plants to rise. The new room will allow some small plants to live in an open space, and the high temperature will make those plants whose seed germiniting germinating needs heat to appear. Apparently, the professor's point is incompatible with the reading.

In addition, as well-defined as the points made in the reading, the professor's statement once again contradicts the reading passage. She contends that the fires will also provide a chance for the wildlife to revive. To further illustrate her view, she claimed that the fire will supply an ideal habitat for the smaller animals like the rabbits and hares, which are the prerequisite for the existence of their predators. And the food chain will be reinforced. Clearly having taken this fact into consideration, the professor has sound doubt on the reading.

What's more, the reading pinpoints that the fires will jeopardize the value of the park as a tourist attraction and the local economy will suffer from the loss. The professor challenges the point by arguing that only the regular fires caused by the rare rain fall, strong wind and other factors will destroy the value of park, and it is so unusual. After the Yellowstone fires, people still went there and would kept going from that time. Evidently the credibility starts to shrink, after the reason has been taken into account.

In sum, the professor carefully discerns the drawbacks of the article and takes one more step to reveal that the fallacious argument needs a closer scrutiny.

作者: Crystal的秋天 时间: 2012-11-19 16:07

In sum, the professor carefully discerns the drawbacks of the article and takes one more step to reveal that the fallacious argument needs a closer scrutiny.

基本没有问题！

作者: lmylacoste 时间: 2012-11-22 20:47

There is perhaps no issue more significant for us than this one about whether or not we should take action at first when facing troubles. A myriad of responses people may hold on the topic concerning the issue regarding which the better strategy is. Although the individual's taste does differ, the view ruling the roost of my mind is that being patient should be the primary consideration.

First of all, on the top of the list of my viewpoints is that patience allows you to have enough time to pierce the problem and find out the solution. From common sense and the experience from our daily lives, if you can keep calm and stay far away from just coming through without any preparation, the consequence will always be fine. To make my demonstration more comprehensive, I would like to refer to the story of my own from which the point can draw further strength. One day, when I decided to go out to attend my friend's wedding, the door of my house was locked. I spared no efforts, but ended up with a failure. The sudden accident did not shock me, and after five-minute cousideration, I found the security lock was not open. After having unlocked it, I successfully opened the door, and if I insisted on opening it with the security lock unopen unopened, the door might be broken and I would undoubtedly miss the wedding. The lesson from the case is that patience will bring about what we want if you carry it with yourself.

In addition, another compelling point worth being mentioned is that spending a few minutes to consider will give you the ability to find the most suitable help as my own experience aptly illustrates. Once I missed a flight in Heathrow Airport and the airport was cold enough to stay overnight. Besides, I have no enough money to live in a local hotel. Thanks to the clear mind and deep thoughts, it occured occurred to me that one of my classmates in high school, who was studying in London, was a good candidate for helping me. What happened next verified that it was a good plan. This reply from the part-and-parcel of my daily life may lead those who have been told for so long by so many, who are doubtful, fearful and cynical, to put their hands on the arc of their trust to bend it towards patience.

Admittedly, it is necessary for us to cut short the relentless paces of the assertion before the opposition has been taken into consideration. There is no better illustration than this one. Human nature being what it is, when meeting with some unpredicted cases, people are inclined to take immediate measures no matter whether it will be useful or not and defend their points by arguing that if not acting timely, you will lose the opportunaties opportunities to molierate meliorate the situation. However, such kind of cases will rarely wind up with good consequences and the successful examples are too specific and occasional to constitute a sufficient support for the adverse side since the situation will always get worse if the action is not thought through thoroughly. After weighing the pro and con, the striking upshot is obvious that people should stay calm when meeting with problems.

作者: lmylacoste 时间: 2012-11-22 21:32
标题: 11.21 综合

The reading casts light on the negative influence on bird population caused by the increase of human populations and settlements and the loss of the traditional suitable lands for birds. The professor's lecture covers the same topic, yet with the totally opposite attitude. Likewise, the professor utilizes three distinctive reasons to justify her perspective.

First of all, the professor refutes the idea in the reading passage that the more bird habitats have been occupied by human population and settlements and have been converted into urban parts. On the contrary, she asserts that this process of urbanization won't be harmful to birds. To be specific, her point is grounded on the fact that although the urban will affect some bird species, but it will also benefit other species and the population of birds will increase. For example the number of some birds will have some increase like seagull and the pigeon. And other birds like the hawk will also experience some increase because there will be more food. Apparently, the professor's point is incompatible with the reading passage.

What's more, the reading pinpoints that the increase use of the pesticides will be a significant factor for the decline in birds population. The professor challenges the point by arguing that the birds will not be threatened by the pesticides as the reading tells. To verify her point, she claims that the new and less toxic pesticide will be used and, more importantly, a kind of plant which is resistant to the pest will limit the damages to the bird population because the plant is designed not to attract the insects and the plant itself is not harmful to the birds. The credibility of the reading passage starts to shrink, after the reason has been taken into account.

In sum, the professor carefully discerns the drawbacks of the reading passage and takes one more step to reveal that the fallacious need a close scrutiny.

作者: 浅吟天 时间: 2012-11-22 22:01
黄色好的，绿色建议，红色有问题的

The reading casts light on the negative influence on bird population caused by the increase of human populations and settlements and the loss of the traditional suitable lands for birds. The professor's lecture covers the same topic,yet with the totally opposite attitude. Likewise, the professor utilizes three distinctive reasons to justify her perspective.(这是模版还是自己想的，很好)

First of all, the professor refutes the idea in the reading passage that the（去掉把，我还等着the more…the more句式出现呢，结果后面没有） more bird habitats have been occupied by human population and settlements and have been converted into urban parts. On the contrary, she asserts that this process of urbanization won't be harmful to birds. To be specific, her point is grounded on the fact that although the urban will affect some bird species, but it will also benefit other species and（我觉得这两者是个递进关系，thus这类要比and好些~） the population of birds will increase. For example the number of some birds will have some increase like seagull and the pigeon（厉害！木有听出来）. And other birds like the hawk will also experience some increase because there will be more food(foods 其实我觉得prey更好啦). Apparently, the professor's point is incompatible with the reading passage.

In addition, as well-defined as the reading passage is, the professor's statement once again contradicts the points made in the reading passage. She contends that despite the increase need of the food, the more productive corn will meet the need of the people with more yields（我个人弱弱的觉得这个不是despite什么不管的问题，后面就是针对前面的，所以这个介词是不是有点问题） and there is no need（我发现你很喜欢用and哈，但这个there be句型和前面的并列我觉得不是很好。这也是一个递进，as a result这类的把） to exploit the wilderness areas. Having taken this evidence into consideration, the professor has sound doubts on the reading passage.

In sum, the professor carefully discerns the drawbacks of the reading passage and takes one more step to reveal that the fallacious need a close scrutiny.

很好！这是改到现在我见过的最好的模版了。。lz半小时敲出来的？

我没觉得我比你多写了啥啊，你也没漏点的~~~

语法，时态我认真看了，没挑出问题来。

作者: 浅吟天 时间: 2012-11-23 15:00
黄色好的，绿色建议，红色有问题的
住的地方的网很好~~

There is perhaps no issue more significant for us than this one about whether or not we should take action at first when facing troubles. A myriad of responses people may hold on the topic concerning the issue regarding which the better strategy is（这。能把concerning the issue去掉吗，特复杂而且没有实际内容）. Although the individual's taste does differ, the view ruling the roost of my mind is that being patient should be the primary consideration.

First of all, on the top of the list of my viewpoints is that patience allows you to have enough time to pierce the problem and find out the solution. From common sense and the experience from our daily lives, if you can keep calm and stay far away from just coming through without any preparation, the consequence will always be fine. To make my demonstration more comprehensive, I would like to refer to the story of my own from which the point can draw further strength. One day, when I decided to go out to attend my friend's wedding, the door of my house was locked. I spared no efforts, but ended up with a failure. The sudden accident did not shock me, and after five-minute cousideration(consideration), I found the security lock was not open. After having unlocked it, I successfully opened the door, and if I insisted on opening it with the security lock unopen unopened, the door might be broken and I would undoubtedly miss the wedding. The lesson from the case is that patience will bring about what we want if you carry it with yourself.(个人觉得这句有点中式哈，当然可能是我没见过这个表达~~普及一下我)

In addition, another compelling point worth being mentioned is that spending a few minutes to consider will give you the ability to find the most suitable help as my own experience aptly illustrates. Once I missed a flight in Heathrow Airport and the airport was cold enough to stay overnight. Besides, I have（过去式） no enough money to live in a local hotel. Thanks to the clear mind and deep thoughts, it occured occurred to me that one of my classmates in high school, who was studying in London, was a good candidate for helping me. What happened next verified that it was a good plan. This reply from the part-and-parcel of my daily life may lead those who have been told for so long by so many, who are doubtful, fearful and cynical, to put their hands on the arc of their trust to bend it towards patience.

Admittedly, it is necessary for us to cut short the relentless paces of the assertion before the opposition has been taken into consideration. There is no better illustration than this one. Human nature being what it is, when meeting with some unpredicted cases, people are inclined to take immediate measures no matter whether it will be useful or not and defend their points by arguing that if not acting timely, you will lose the opportunaties opportunities to molierate meliorate the situation. However, such kind of cases will（这里用一般时会不会好一点？） rarely wind up with good consequences and the successful examples are too specific and occasional to constitute a sufficient support for the adverse side since the situation will always get worse if the action is not thought through thoroughly. After weighing the pro and con, the striking upshot is obvious that people should stay calm when meeting with problems.

In sum, although some people will remain unconvinced about what I have demonstrated, the reasons and factors----the patience will bring us about the information about the core of the problems and the ideal ways and help to solve the herculean challenges----will at least serve the purpose to propel the opponents to notice the various dimensions of the issue and to understand the credibility and persuaiveness persuasiveness of my argument.

弱弱的觉得第一，二个论点：发现问题本质，更好解决问题。其实有点相似。特别是你第一个例子也说了after five-minute ，你找到了suitable way。这就是第二点了~~我也有这个问题，所以我觉得这篇特难。小点不好分。

那，以下是把你当潜力牛给出的建议：
我一直觉得Lmy的功底是很不错的，从口语和作文都看出，模板都很好很好了，不大众化。但我觉得以你的实力你可以跳出模板了！！有些表达不用套句式反而来的明了。你打了600多字呢亲，削减到500字也不会是少字数的，但精炼有力度了！

作者: lizchang1990 时间: 2012-11-24 19:08
亲哇,貌似我俩改作业的哈~我的上传了!

作者: lmylacoste 时间: 2012-11-24 22:14
标题: 11 24 独立几天没写超了50%时间字数也不对 God
There is perhaps no issue more controversial than this one whether the current media will bring about more benefits or not on youngster's behavior. A myriad of responses people may hold on the topic concerning the issue regarding what role the movies and television play on the young generation. Although the individual' taste does differ, the view ruling the roost of my mind is that these media programs will be beneficial to young people.
First of all, on the top of the list of my viewpoint is that these programs will help young people keep optimistic attitude to confront the annoyed problems and herculean challenges. From common sense and experience from our daily lives, a lot of programs convey us the meaningful stories what may be the fountain of our perseverence perversance. To make my demonstration more comprehensive, I would like to refer to the experience of my own from which my point can draw strength. The most unforgetable unforgettable movie I remembered is the old man and the sea which described a man who had caught a big fish but lost it during the fight with the shark. The movie is consisted with simple epsoides episodes, but I was moved a lot since the sense of not giving up and the bravery to fight a shark impressed on my mind and I learned that maybe the case will not end up with a happy ending, but if we do not attempt to try what we can get is only failure.
In addition, another essential point worth being mentioned is that these programs will sometimes inspire and improve us to be excellent, as this story of mine aptly illustrates. I have watched movie, a especially meaningful lesson for me. Although I cannot remember the exact name, what happened to the main character, what responses she made to the unfortunate live and what achievement she finally got left me a deep impact. Her parents were not like ours. Both of them were died when she was in senior high school and there was no money source for her. But she was a persistent person and a hard-working student and she was admitted by Harvard University. The parts shock me most were that she studied on the underground train because of no place for her to come back and that she accomplished such a impossible mission through her work. Inspired by her story, I determine to study harder. The reply from the movies may lead those who have been told for so long by so many, who are cynical, fearful and doubtful, to put their hands on the arc of the trust to bend it toward the benefits of the media programs.
Admittedly, it is necessary for us to cut short the relentless pace toward the assertion until the opposition has been taken into consideration. Human being what it is, some programs producer will add some volence violence and other factors--which may have a negative influence on young people--into their products to get more profits. There is no better illustration than this one. The most popular films like the Iron Man which successfully attract so many young audience are full of volence violence and young people are actually becoming volent violent compared with their counterparts. However, under the supervision from parents and the regulation of the government, the negative effects are down on their luck; most young people will be insulated from these dangers. After carefully weigh the pro and con, the striking upshot is that the media programs will lead young generation to be better.
In sum, although someone will remain unconvinced about my demonstration, the reasons and factors--reinforcing the ability to face difficulties and encouraging to boost our ambitious attitude--will at least serve the purpose to propel the opponents to notice the various dimensions of the issue and reconsider the parts they have ignored before. Hence, if you expect to have a colorful life, why not let the movies and televisions to embellish your part-and parcel daily activities.

作者: lmylacoste 时间: 2012-11-24 22:53
标题: 11.23 综合

The reading passage casts light on the three approachs approaches people will take advantage to control the spread of cane toad. The professor's lecture covers the same topic, yet with a totally opposite attitude. Likewise, the professor utilizes three distinctive reasons to justify her perspective.

First of all, the professor refutes the idea in the passage that the national fence will be useful to limit the skyrocketing population of cane toad. On the contrary, she asserts that this measure will not have any influence on the species. To be specific, her claim is grounded on the fact that the young toads and the toad eggs are located near the rivers and streams. And no matter where the fence is, the rivers and streams will carry the young toads and toad eggs from this side to the other side to colonize the new place. Apparently the professor's point is incompatible with the reading passage.

In addition, as well-defined as the reading passage is, the professor's statement once again contradicts the points made in the reading. She contends that although the volunteers will capture and destroy the cane toads, the untrained people may also inadvertantly inadvertently damage the native frogs some of which are even in danger. Besides, when the frogs are young, it is hard for people to distinct the cane toad from other frogs. Having taken this fact into consideration, the professor has sound doubts on the reading passage.

What's more, the reading passage pinpoints that the disease-causing virus is capable to control the cane toad population and will have slight negative on other animals. However, the professor challenges the point by arguing that the virus may cause the native cane toad to experience a disaster and may even hurt the whole eco-system. To further verify her point, she claimed that the virus in Australia will influence the cane toad in America through the transportation by the researchers and pet collectors. And since the cane toads in America are the native dwellers and important parts of the whole eco-system, the virus may have a negative effect on it. The credibility starts shrink, after the reason has been taken into account.

In sum, the professor carefully discerns the drawbacks of the reading passage and takes one more step to reveal that the fallacious needs a closer scrutiny.

作者: Crystal的秋天 时间: 2012-11-25 09:14
标题: 11.24独立修改
There isperhaps no issue more controversial than this one whether the current mediawill bring about more benefits or not on youngster's behavior. A myriad ofresponses people may hold on the topic concerning the issue regarding what rolethe movies and television play on the young generation. Although the individual' 少了s taste does differ, the view ruling the roost of my mindis that these media programs will be beneficial to young people.
First of all, onthe top of the list of my viewpoint is that these programs will help youngpeople keep optimistic attitude to confront the annoyed annoying problems and herculean challenges.From common sense and experience from in our daily lives, a lot of programs convey us themeaningful stories what may be the fountain of our perseverence perversance. To make my demonstration morecomprehensive, I would like to refer to the experience of my own from which mypoint can draw strength. The most unforgetable unforgettable movie I remembered have seen is the old man and the seawhich described 一般现在时就好，表客观事实 a man who had caught a big fish but lost it during thefight with the shark. The movie is consisted with simple epsoides episodes, but I was moved a lot since the senseof not giving up and the bravery to fight a shark impressed on my mind and Ilearned that maybe the case will not end up with a happy ending, but if we donot 可以这样用嘛？attemptto try what wecan get is only failure.
In addition,another essential point worth being mentioned is that these programs willsometimes give us inspiration and improve us to be excellent, as this story ofmine aptly illustrates. I have watched 缺冠词 movie, an especially meaningful lesson for me. Although I cannot rememberthe exact name, what happened to the main character, 加个转折词what responses she made to the unfortunate live and whatachievement she finally got left me a deep impact. Her parents were not likeours. Both of them were died when she was in senior high school and there wasno money source for her. But she was a persistent person and a hard-workingstudent and she was admitted by Harvard University. The parts shock me mostwere that she studied on the underground train because of no place for her tocome back and that she accomplished such an impossible mission through her work.Inspired by her story, I determined to study harder. The reply from the movies may lead those who have beentold for so long by so many这句话意思很模糊，没特别明白你讲什么, who are cynical, fearful and doubtful, to put their handson the arc of the trust to bend it toward the benefits of the media programs.
Admittedly, it isnecessary for us to cut short the relentless pace 这个词表达的准确吗？toward the assertion until theopposition has been taken into consideration. Human being what it is, someprograms producer will add some volence violence and other factors--which may have anegative influence on young people--into their products to get more profits.There is no better illustration than this one. The most popular films like theIron Man which successfully attract so many young audiences are full of volence violence and young people are actually becomingvolent violent compared with their counterparts.However, under the supervision from parents and the regulation of thegovernment, the negative effects are down on their luck这句话什么意思？; Most young people will be insulatedfrom these dangers. After carefully weighing the pro and con, the strikingupshot is that the media programs will lead young generation to be better.
In sum, althoughsomeone will remain unconvinced about my demonstration, the reasons andfactors--reinforcing the ability to face difficulties and encouraging boostingour ambitious attitude--will at least serve the purpose to propel the opponentsto notice the various dimensions of the issue and reconsider the parts theyhave ignored before. Hence, if you expect to have a colorful life, why not letthe movies and televisions to embellish your part-and parcel daily activities.

LZ的单词量好大，有的地方标注出来，可能是错误，也可能是我理解有误。文章好长。。。。。而且读起来长句，大词也多，读起来有点吃力。语言上肯定没什么大问题，加油！冲满分！

作者: lmylacoste 时间: 2012-11-25 21:48
标题: 11.24 独立（最近写的没感觉。。冗长）

There is perhaps no issue more controversial than this one whether or not people are more healthyhealthier in current situation than status quo ante. A myriad of responses people may hold on the topic concerning the issue regarding what benefits or threatens the development of science and technology has brought to us. Although the individual's taste does differ, the view ruling the roost of my mind is that it is more likely for people to keep fit.

First of all, the top of the list of my viewpoints is that a good physical condition is intrinsically tied with the food people have. From common sense and experience from our daily lives, the more diverse and nutritious the meals a person has, more healthy healthier he or she will be. And thanks to our advanced technology and developed trade network, we not only do not worry about the food supply, but also we may even enjoy a variety of things what we want to eat. To make my demonstration more comprehensive, I would like to refer to the experience of my father from which my point can draw strength. In that time when my father was just a child, the food was insufficient to meet all people's need and starving was so common that my father could not absorb enough nutrients which unfortunately limited his height and left him a weak body. But now he is as healthy as others since he can have anything he wants without any worries. And as for us, who live in such a peaceful and fluent time, the physical conditions of us are obviously better than those lived in the past.

In addition, another compelling point worth being mentioned is that we can take part in a lot of exercise due to the new equipments and facilities in gyms and the government and media lay emphasis on the importance of physical exercise, as my own experience aptly illustrates. When I am in childhood, I never went to the stadiums or gyms because of the unreliable and old equipments. However, with more and more people having realized that the sports can help them keep in the optimized conditions and the public equipments having been established sponsored by government, now I can enjoy the sports conveniently and comfortably. The reply from the part-and-parcel of my daily life may lead those who have been told for so long by so many, who are cynical, fearful and doubtful, to put their hands on the arc of their credit to bend it toward that the development of the country is beneficial to people's well-being.

Admittedly, it is necessary for us to cut short the relentless pace toward the assertion, before the opposition has been taken into consideration. Human being what it is, the development will to some extent increase the competition so that the stress level will correspondingly rise. There is no better illustration than this one. My best friend Jack works in a computer company. It's famous company, but the requirement for its employees is also strict. The employees will be evaluated quarterly and the unqualified ones, who may fail to accomplish the herculean tasks will be dismissed. This kind of cases should be taken into account, but it is too occasional and specific because most of us have easier and happier lives than elder generation. so it fail to constitute a sufficient support for the adverse side. After weighing the pro and con, the obvious upshot is that health is much closer to us now.

In sum, although some people remain unconvinced about my demonstration, the reasons and factors--we have more food and more facilities--will at least serve the purpose to propel those opponents to notice the various dimensions of the issue and reconsider the parts they have ignored. Hence, if now let you choose the past or the present as the answer to the issue, will not you consider the present a more persuasive candidate for that question?

作者: Crystal的秋天 时间: 2012-11-26 11:05

There is perhaps no issue morecontroversial than this one whether or not people are healthier healthier in currentsituation than status quo ante. A myriad of responses people may hold on thetopic concerning the issue regarding what benefits or threatens the developmentof science and technology has brought to us. Although the individual's tastedoes differ, the view ruling the roost of my mind is that it is more likely forpeople to keep fit.

First of all, the top of the list of myviewpoints is that a good physical condition is intrinsically tied with thefood people have. From common sense and experience from our daily lives, themore diverse and nutritious the meals a person has, more healthy healthier he or she will be.And thanks to our advanced technology and developed trade network, we not onlydo not worry about the food supply, but also we may even enjoy a variety of things eat things 好奇怪 what we want toeat. To make my demonstration more comprehensive, I would like to refer to theexperience of my father from which my point can draw strength. In that timewhen my father was just a child, the food was insufficient to meet all people'sneed and starving was so common that my father could not absorb enoughnutrients which unfortunately limited his height and left him a weak body. But now he is as healthy as otherssince he can have anything he wants without any worries. 觉得这句话在这个例子里不是很恰当，最好拿过去的人跟今天的人比，因为你前面已经讲了父亲这辈都是缺乏充足的营养和食物，现在生活条件好了，拿他和其他人对比不是很恰当 And as for us,who live in such a peaceful and fluent time, the physical conditions of us areobviously better than those lived in the past.

In addition, another compelling pointworth being mentioned is that we can take part in a lot of exercise due tothe new equipments and facilities in gyms and the government and media lay emphasis on the importance ofphysical exercise dueto 后面不能接句子, as my ownexperience aptly illustrates. When I am in childhood, I never went to thestadiums or gyms because of the unreliable and outdated equipments. However, with more and morepeople having realized that the sports can help them keep fit and the public equipments having beenestablished sponsored by government, now I can enjoy the sports convenientlyand comfortably. The reply from the part-and-parcel of my daily life may leadthose who have been told for so long by so many, who are cynical, fearful anddoubtful, to put their hands on the arc of their credit to bend it toward thatthe development of the country is beneficial to people's well-being.

Admittedly, it is necessary for us to cut short the relentless pacetoward the assertion, before the opposition has been taken into consideration.Human being what it is, the development will to some extent increase thecompetition so that the stress level will correspondingly rise. There is nobetter illustration than this one. 模版痕迹很严重，导致作者的观点被掩藏在很复杂的句子里面不突出My best friendJack works in a computer company. It's a famous company, 有转折关系吗？ the requirement for its employees isalso strict. The employees will be evaluated quarterly and the unqualifiedones, who may fail to accomplish the herculean tasks, will be dismissed. This kind of cases shouldbe taken into account, but it is too occasional and specific because most of ushave easier and happier lives than elder generation. 其实前面有了because应该不需要so了So it fails to constitute a sufficient support for the adverse side.After weighing the pro and con, the obvious upshot is that health is muchcloser to us now.

In sum, although some people remain unconvinced about my demonstration,the reasons and factors--we have more food and more facilities--will at leastserve the purpose to propel those opponents to notice the various dimensions ofthe issue and reconsider the parts they have ignored. Hence, if now let youchoose between the past andthe present as the answer to the issue, will not you consider the present amore persuasive candidate for that question?

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