ChaseDream

标题: xiaoshuo的作文贴 [打印本页]

作者: xiaoshuo199183 时间: 2012-10-27 18:59
标题: xiaoshuo的作文贴
xiaoshuo的作文贴~大家多多指导

作者: xiaoshuo199183 时间: 2012-10-27 20:12
刚开始准备托福，这是第一篇托福作文，肯定问题多多，希望大家给多提建议啦。
Patience is usually not a good strategy. We should take action now rather than later.

Some people may think that we should take action immediately rather than wait.Because we may miss the opptunities if we think too much.But no one can deny that paitence is still an essential part of our life to succeed.

Dealing with some problems we meet,not only does the strategy make effort,but also the patience is the key to solving the questions.Why is patience so important?Because whether you can think out of a ingenious solution needs both your intelligence and careful consideration.One's action ought to come out of an achieved stillness, not to be a mere rushing on.No matter how clever you are,you may not make a sensible decision in a short time thinking.For example,purchasing houses is one of the most difficult
selections each one of us may meet.Because houses are the places we whole family will live throughout our lives.Good houses can improve the quality of our lives and make us relaxing after one day's hard work,on the contrast, worse houses make us feel uncomfortable. So we could not simply make a decision just depending on the first impression they give on us.We should also considerate the location,the convinience.And community's public order also can't be neglected.So think twist before your leap.

In chess and many activies,patience is also a crucial element.Take playing go as an instance,some players may spend hours to make a decision of next step.Taking action too fast can expose you to the competitors' trap.There are lots of factor you should take into account.

Admittedly,sometimes we should take instant action expecially the investiment area.If you hesitate for just a little while,you may miss the best moment to kick in or you have to bear tremendous loss for the bad timing.Just like the stock market,investigating when the stock's value is at the bottom of valley can make you earn a great number of money,otherwise a millionaire can become a bagger.So timing is important,which means that you must take action right on the good timing.

Above all,although some cases need us to take action now rather than later,but patience cannot be a bad thing for us.Instead of making choices rushly,dealing within the patience can always help us make a proper resolution.

作者: bonnenuit 时间: 2012-10-28 14:56
Some people may think that we should take action immediately rather than wait.Because we may miss the opptunities if we think too much.But no one can deny that paitence is still an essential part of our life to succeed.

Dealing with some problems we meet(缺主语，可以改成when we are dealing。。。）,not only does the strategy make effort,but also the patience is the key to solving（solve) the questions.Why is patience so important?Because whether you can think out of a ingenious solution needs both your intelligence and careful consideration.One's action ought to come out of an achieved stillness, not to be a mere rushing on.No matter how clever you are,you may not make a sensible decision in a short time thinking.For example,purchasing houses is one of the most difficult
selections each one of us may meet.Because houses are the places in where we whole family will live throughout our lives.Good houses can improve the quality of our lives and make us relaxing after one day's hard work,on the contrast, worse(worse house跟前面的goodhouse感觉不对应，用inferior） houses make us feel uncomfortable. So we could not simply make a decision just depending （depend）on the first impression they give on us.We should also considerate（consider或者take into consideration如果你喜欢用固定搭配） the location,the convinience.And community's public order also can't be neglected.So think twist before your leap.

（每段段开头最好加一些承接词，to gegin with,further moreIn,中心句会使得文章更有结构感） chess and many activies,patience is also a crucial element.Take playing go as an instance,some players may spend hours to make(making) a decision of next step.Taking action too fast can expose you to the competitors' trap.There are lots of factors you should take into account.

Admittedly,sometimes we should take instant action expecially in the investiment area.If you hesitate for just a little while,you may miss the best moment to kick in or you have to bear tremendous loss for the bad timing.Just like the stock market,investigating(investigating不能和stock market 平行比较，把like改成in，或者just like the investgat in the stock market） when the stock's value（换of,'s一般用于人或活物） is at the bottom of valley can make you earn a great number of money,otherwise a millionaire can become a bagger.So timing is important,which（which 不能指代整句话，that可以） means that you must take action right on the good timing.

Above all,although some cases need us to take action now rather than later,but patience cannot be a bad thing for us.Instead of making choices rushly,dealing within the patience can always help us make a proper resolution.

LZ固定搭配果然基础很扎实值得我学习
开头may使用频率太高了写议论文最重要的是确定性估计老美也一样不喜欢太多的可能也许这些
第二，三段开始最后加一些承接词，让结构更紧凑一点每段写中心句子单单举例不能突出你所要表达的意思

作者: xiaoshuo199183 时间: 2012-10-28 16:34
非常感谢~我就是不太了解托福作文的行文特点，结构组织不太好呢。以后会多多注意的~每段都会加上中心论点的。may那个一定注意，我经常用词重复。。。感觉语言不够丰富

作者: xiaoshuo199183 时间: 2012-10-28 16:37

Some people may think that we should take action immediately rather than wait.Because we may miss the opptunities if we think too much.But no one can deny that paitence is still an essential part of our life to succeed.

Dealing with some problems we meet(缺主语，可以改成when we are dealing。。。）,not only does the strategy make effort,but also the patience is the key to solving（solve) the questions.Why is patience so important?Because whether you can think out of a ingenious solution needs both your intelligence and careful consideration.One's action ought to come out of an achieved stillness, not to be a mere rushing on.No matter how clever you are,you may not make a sensible decision in a short time thinking.For example,purchasing houses is one of the most difficult
selections each one of us may meet.Because houses are the places in where we whole family will live throughout our lives.Good houses can improve the quality of our lives and make us relaxing after one day's hard work,on the contrast, worse(worse house跟前面的goodhouse感觉不对应，用inferior） houses make us feel uncomfortable. So we could not simply make a decision just depending （depend）on the first impression they give on us.We should also considerate（consider或者take into consideration如果你喜欢用固定搭配） the location,the convinience.And community's public order also can't be neglected.So think twist before your leap.

（每段段开头最好加一些承接词，to gegin with,further moreIn,中心句会使得文章更有结构感） chess and many activies,patience is also a crucial element.Take playing go as an instance,some players may spend hours to make(making) a decision of next step.Taking action too fast can expose you to the competitors' trap.There are lots of factors you should take into account.

Admittedly,sometimes we should take instant action expecially in the investiment area.If you hesitate for just a little while,you may miss the best moment to kick in or you have to bear tremendous loss for the bad timing.Just like the stock market,investigating(investigating不能和stock market 平行比较，把like改成in，或者just like the investgat in the stock market） when the stock's value（换of,'s一般用于人或活物） is at the bottom of valley can make you earn a great number of money,otherwise a millionaire can become a bagger.So timing is important,which（which 不能指代整句话，that可以） means that you must take action right on the good timing.

Above all,although some cases need us to take action now rather than later,but patience cannot be a bad thing for us.Instead of making choices rushly,dealing within the patience can always help us make a proper resolution.

LZ固定搭配果然基础很扎实值得我学习
开头may使用频率太高了写议论文最重要的是确定性估计老美也一样不喜欢太多的可能也许这些
第二，三段开始最后加一些承接词，让结构更紧凑一点每段写中心句子单单举例不能突出你所要表达的意思

-- by 会员 bonnenuit (2012/10/28 14:56:37)

非常感谢~我对托福作文怎么写确实还是不太了解的，你一语中的了，以后会注意在每段添加中心论点的！may的问题提醒我了，以后少用

作者: xiaoshuo199183 时间: 2012-10-29 22:14
10.29 综合
The lecture argues against three measures mentioned in the passage which aims at reducing the population of the cane toads in Australia.

Firstly,the lecture argues that building a national fence cannot stop the moving of cane toads.Although there's a fence,some young cane toads and toads' eggs still can flow from one side to the other side.The passage,on the contrast,claims that the fence can effectively prevent cane toads from entering the Australia.

For the second measure,the lecture hold the idea that volunteers can also destory native frogs,some of which are endangered.The reason why it may happen is that the cane toads and the native frogs are similar expecially when they're young.So the volunteers couldn't tell them distinctly.However,the reading passage is holding the oppisite view that finding volunteers to capture and destory the cane toads is an effective way to the reduction of the cane toads.

Finally,the lecture objects to the third measure.The professor thinks that developing virus is not a proper way. Because the disease can transport to other continients where the cane toads may be an essential part of ecosystem.It's just the oppsite side to the passage,which argues that we can develping disease through the ways of developing virus to control the population of the cane toads.

作者: lmylacoste 时间: 2012-10-30 14:14
The lecture argues against three measures mentioned in the passage which aims(which 指代three measures 应用复数）at reducing the population of the cane toads in Australia.

Firstly, the lecture argues that building a national fence cannot stop the moving of cane toads. Although there's a fence, some young cane toads and toads' eggs still can（still 位于can的后面） flow from one side to the other side. The passage, on the contrast, claims that the fence can effectively prevent cane toads from entering the Australia.

For the second measure, the lecture hold the idea that volunteers can also destory（拼错啦destroy） native frogs, some of which are endangered. The reason why it may happen is that the cane toads and the native frogs are similar expecially（拼错啦 especially 最后前面加个，） when they're young. So the volunteers couldn't tell （单独没有区分的意思吧，可用identify recongnize等表辨认的词）them distinctly. However, the reading passage is holding the oppisite（拼错啦 opposite）view that finding（find是寻找的意思吧，volunteer没有丢啊，用 call together）volunteers to capture and destory the cane toads is an effective way to （加个lead to，或者直接reduce）the reduction of the cane toads.

Finally,the lecture objects to the third measure.The professor thinks that developing virus is not a proper way. Because the disease can transport（应用被动） to other continients（拼错啦continent）where the cane toads may be（这里可以不用may 直接are 就好） an essential part of ecosystem .It's just the oppsite side to the passage, which argues that we can <develping拼错了disease 有点费解>through the ways of developing virus to control the population of the cane toads.

总评：
1.意思到位，内容涵盖阅读听力内容
2.字数略少，可适当加点废话
3.用词欠准确，有拼错现象 opposite develop destroy 请适当注意

作者: xiaoshuo199183 时间: 2012-10-30 14:32

The lecture argues against three measures mentioned in the passage which aims(which 指代three measures 应用复数）at reducing the population of the cane toads in Australia.

Firstly, the lecture argues that building a national fence cannot stop the moving of cane toads. Although there's a fence, some young cane toads and toads' eggs still can（still 位于can的后面） flow from one side to the other side. The passage, on the contrast, claims that the fence can effectively prevent cane toads from entering the Australia.

For the second measure, the lecture hold the idea that volunteers can also destory（拼错啦destroy） native frogs, some of which are endangered. The reason why it may happen is that the cane toads and the native frogs are similar expecially（拼错啦 especially 最后前面加个，） when they're young. So the volunteers couldn't tell （单独没有区分的意思吧，可用identify recongnize等表辨认的词）them distinctly. However, the reading passage is holding the oppisite（拼错啦 opposite）view that finding（find是寻找的意思吧，volunteer没有丢啊，用 call together）volunteers to capture and destory the cane toads is an effective way to （加个lead to，或者直接reduce）the reduction of the cane toads.

Finally,the lecture objects to the third measure.The professor thinks that developing virus is not a proper way. Because the disease can transport（应用被动） to other continients（拼错啦continent）where the cane toads may be（这里可以不用may 直接are 就好） an essential part of ecosystem .It's just the oppsite side to the passage, which argues that we can <develping拼错了disease 有点费解>through the ways of developing virus to control the population of the cane toads.

总评：
1.意思到位，内容涵盖阅读听力内容
2.字数略少，可适当加点废话
3.用词欠准确，有拼错现象 opposite develop destroy 请适当注意

-- by 会员 lmylacoste (2012/10/30 14:14:21)

拼错好多词。。。蹲墙角。。。谢谢啦，改的很仔细呢。tell应该是有辨别的意思呢~

作者: xiaoshuo199183 时间: 2012-10-30 14:42
修改作文
The lecture argues against three measures mentioned in the passage which aim at reducing the population of the cane toads in Australia.

Firstly, the lecture argues that building a national fence cannot stop the moving of cane toads. Although there's a fence, some young cane toads and toads' eggs can still flow from one side to the other side. The passage, on the contrast, claims that the fence can effectively prevent cane toads from entering the Australia.

For the second measure, the lecture hold the idea that volunteers can also destroy native frogs, some of which are endangered. The reason why it may happen is that the cane toads and the native frogs are similar especially when they're young. So the volunteers couldn't identify them distinctly. However, the reading passage is holding the oppositeview that call tog volunteers to capture and destroy the cane toads is an effective way to reduce the cane toads.

Finally,the lecture objects to the third measure.The professor thinks that developing virus is not a proper way. Because the disease can be transported to other continentwhere the cane toads are an essential part of ecosystem .It's just the oppsite side to the passage, which argues that we can use the ways of develping virus to control the population of the cane toads.

作者: xiaoshuo199183 时间: 2012-10-30 22:17
10.30 独立
Contributes on an enjoyable vacation, please select one of three selection. Good food, Good location and with good friends to travel.

Good place and good food are both traditional elements of the definition of a wonderful vacation.They can make you relaxed with the whole body and heart.But,in my oppinion,good friends are more important than those enjoyment.

Addmittedly,good place and good food do play an essensial role in a great travel.You can enjoy a beautiful landscape which are so different from the cities'.It's a good way to release you from the busy daily work.And good food is also a great reward of your hard work and increase the quality of your trip.But I don't think just they two elements can make a perfect vacation.

The most importantly,we human are emotional creature,we need to share happiness,sorrow or any emotions with others especially our friends.Vacation is no exception.Only if we travel with friends can we get more pleasure.Traveling on you own sometimes can make you feel lonely.I still remembered the trip that I went to Shanghai for the expos with several friends.We spent lots of unforgetable time together.We never felt boring,even we spent several hours waiting for the entrance of some popular exhibitions.I suppose that if I went there by myself it would probably a terrible vacation.Another advantage of friends I have to mention is that from my view,sharing food with friends make the food more delicious.

Secondly,friends are the people who will help you whenever you meet troubles.When you go on a trip,you possibly go to a
place you are unfamiliar with.And no one can be sure that we won't meet any challenges,varing from languages problem,sudden attack of illness etc.If having a friend accompany with you,you won't feel helpless.Take the example of my experience of going to Hongkong.As we all know,Hongkong has lots of narrow streets and you may easily get lost.I once faced this problem and because of the language problem I can't find my way.Fortunately,I met a students whose chinese was very well and he helped me arrive the destionation.

When you have a vacation,don't forget to take a good friend with you .It’ll undoubtedly make your trip interesting and enjoyable.

作者: AnthonySummer 时间: 2012-10-31 21:24
10.30 独立

Contributes on an enjoyable vacation, please select one of three selection. Good food, Good location and with good friends to travel.

Good place and good food are both traditional elements of the definition of a wonderful vacation.They can make you relaxed with the whole body and heart.But, （加了太多逗号啊）in my oppinion,good friends are more important than those enjoyment.

Addmittedly,good place and good food do play an essential role in a great travel.You can enjoy a beautiful landscape which are (is) so different from the cities'.It's a good way to release you from the busy daily work.And good food is also a great reward of ( for用of是表示属于）your hard work and increases（单数谓语动词）the quality of your trip.But I don't think just they two elements can make a perfect vacation.

The most importantly, we human are emotional creature,we need to share happiness, sorrow or any emotions with others especially our friends.Vacation is no exception.Only if we travel with friends can（什么意思呢）we get more pleasure.Traveling on you own sometimes can make you feel lonely.（英文标点符号啊）I still remembered the trip that I went to Shanghai for the expos with several friends.We spent lots of unforgettable time together.We never felt boring, even we spent several hours waiting for the entrance of some popular exhibitions.I suppose that if I went there by myself it would probably a terrible vacation.Another advantage of friends I have to mention is that from my view, sharing food with friends makes the food more delicious.

Secondly, friends are the people who will help you whenever you meet troubles.When you go on a trip,（这个文章表达有问题，顺序没搞懂）you possibly go to a

place you are unfamiliar with.And no one can be sure that we won't （这句话双重否定什么意思呢，没看懂）meet any challenges,varing （什么词？）from languages problem, sudden attack of illness etc.If （主语呢）having a friend accompany with you, you won't feel helpless.Take the example of my experience of going to Hongkong.As we all know, Hongkong has lots of narrow streets and you may easily get lost.I once faced this problem and because of the language problem I can't find my way.Fortunately,I met a （到底是几个人啊）students whose chinese was（到底是几个人啊） very well and he （到底是几个人啊）helped me arrive the destination.

When you have a vacation, don't forget to take a good friend with you.It'll undoubtedly make your trip interesting and enjoyable.

感觉小错误比较多，有些地方表达用了太多简单句，最好多用从句。加油吧！

作者: xiaoshuo199183 时间: 2012-10-31 22:34

10.30 独立

Contributes on an enjoyable vacation, please select one of three selection. Good food, Good location and with good friends to travel.

Good place and good food are both traditional elements of the definition of a wonderful vacation.They can make you relaxed with the whole body and heart.But, （加了太多逗号啊）in my oppinion,good friends are more important than those enjoyment.

Addmittedly,good place and good food do play an essential role in a great travel.You can enjoy a beautiful landscape which are (is) so different from the cities'.It's a good way to release you from the busy daily work.And good food is also a great reward of ( for用of是表示属于）your hard work and increases（单数谓语动词）the quality of your trip.But I don't think just they two elements can make a perfect vacation.

The most importantly, we human are emotional creature,we need to share happiness, sorrow or any emotions with others especially our friends.Vacation is no exception.Only if we travel with friends can（什么意思呢）we get more pleasure.Traveling on you own sometimes can make you feel lonely.（英文标点符号啊）I still remembered the trip that I went to Shanghai for the expos with several friends.We spent lots of unforgettable time together.We never felt boring, even we spent several hours waiting for the entrance of some popular exhibitions.I suppose that if I went there by myself it would probably a terrible vacation.Another advantage of friends I have to mention is that from my view, sharing food with friends makes the food more delicious.

Secondly, friends are the people who will help you whenever you meet troubles.When you go on a trip,（这个文章表达有问题，顺序没搞懂）you possibly go to a

place you are unfamiliar with.And no one can be sure that we won't （这句话双重否定什么意思呢，没看懂）meet any challenges,varing （什么词？）from languages problem, sudden attack of illness etc.If （主语呢）having a friend accompany with you, you won't feel helpless.Take the example of my experience of going to Hongkong.As we all know, Hongkong has lots of narrow streets and you may easily get lost.I once faced this problem and because of the language problem I can't find my way.Fortunately,I met a （到底是几个人啊）students whose chinese was（到底是几个人啊） very well and he （到底是几个人啊）helped me arrive the destination.

When you have a vacation, don't forget to take a good friend with you.It'll undoubtedly make your trip interesting and enjoyable.

感觉小错误比较多，有些地方表达用了太多简单句，最好多用从句。加油吧！

-- by 会员 AnthonySummer (2012/10/31 21:24:31)

哈哈，看来写这篇作文的时候我溜号了，这么多小错误。。。大汗，感谢~

作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-11-4 20:20
怪不得Alex叫你小伙~~你的头像是帅哥嘛

加油哦~~

作者: xiaoshuo199183 时间: 2012-11-6 23:26

怪不得Alex叫你小伙~~你的头像是帅哥嘛

加油哦~~

-- by 会员晨依Jacqueline (2012/11/4 20:20:55)

哈哈，伦家有颗纯洁的少女心~谢谢晨依~一起加油

作者: xiaoshuo199183 时间: 2013-1-30 21:57
1月30日独立
We all have own preference on friends.But in general ,honesty is the typical characteristics we care about most. In my view,being honesty is the prerequisite of a friendship.Without honesty,a friendship is eaily to be disrupted.Besides , the advantages of being honesty is far outweigh than its disadvantages,so I think it’s possible to be completely honest to our friends.

Being honesty sometimes may hurt us feeling,but I would like to hear the truth rather than some fake compliment.Not only should my friend be honest with me,but also I need to do so.This is a real friendship.I can understand why people like to hear praises from others.But we should keep in mind that those good words can’t change anything.Others say “you are fit in that cloth.”but it may just a politeness fomula regardless of the fact you don’t.At this time,friends should be the ones who tell us the truth,so we can make some changes to look better.The truth doesn’t make any negative effect ，instead it help us improve.

Additionally,we all like to be easy and just perform the real us.But in many situation we just have to lie in order to protect our images in front of others.Fortunately, friends give me spaces to just be myself,I can do whatever I want instead of pretend to be perfect.This kind of friendship base on honesty.In a word ,being honest help us relax.

Once my friend lie to me,I feel hard to trust her .Can anyone be sure that she won’t lie to me anymore？I think the reason why she lie is that she want to hide something from me or she just think I am the kind of person who will eaisly get angry to her.That means she doesn’t trust me either.The relationship keeping skeptical of each other isn’t the real friendship I want.

All in all,cherish your friendship and be honest with your friends.Only be that way your friendship can be permanent.

作者: libertine 时间: 2013-1-31 00:12

1月30日独立
We all have (+our) own preference on friends.But in general ,honesty is the typical characteristics (这里应该去掉s，因为前面是is) we care about most. In my view,being honesty is the prerequisite of a friendship (friendship作友谊讲时是不可数名词，应该去掉a) .Without honesty,a friendship (friendship作友谊讲时是不可数名词，应该去掉a) is eaily (应该是easy) to be disrupted (个人觉得换成destroyed可能会好一点) .Besides , the advantages of being honesty (应该是honest) is (应该是are，主谓一致) far outweigh(这个是动词，如果非要用的话，建议改成the advantages outweigh the disvantages) than its disadvantages,so I think it’s possible to be completely honest to our friends.

Being honesty (应该是honest) sometimes may hurt us (应该是our) feeling,but I would like to hear the truth rather than some fake compliment (compliment可数，后面应该加s).Not only should my friend (后面应该加s) be honest with me,but also I need to (need后面不加to) do so.This is a (friendship作友谊讲时是不可数名词，应该去掉a)real friendship.I can understand why people like to hear praises from others.But we should keep in mind that those good words can’t change anything.Others say “you are fit in that cloth (首先cloth 是布的意思，应该改成clothes，其次这句话都有问题，fit in的具体含义你可以看这里 http://dict.baidu.com/s?wd=fit+in 应该改成 that clothes fits you).”but it may just(+be) a politeness (应该改成polite，这里应该是形容词) fomula (正确形式应该是formula，但是用在这里感觉不恰当，也许这句话改成 he or she may just be polite会好一点) regardless of the fact you don’t (根据我的改法，这里应该是it doesn't) .At this time,friends should be the ones who tell us the truth,so we can make some changes to look better.The truth doesn’t make any negative effect ，instead it help us improve.

Additionally,we all like to be easy and just perform (like 后面加V_ing，performing) the real us.But in many situation (+s) we just have to lie in order to protect our images in front of others.Fortunately, friends give me (和前面一致的话，这里应该是us) spaces to just be myself(和前面一致的话，这里应该是ourselves),I can do whatever I want instead of pretend (pretending) to be perfect.This kind of friendship (+is) base (based) on honesty.In a word ,being honest help us relax.

Once my friend lie to(once后面加完成时，has lied) me,I feel hard to trust her(建议改成him or her) .Can anyone be sure that she won’t lie to me anymore？I think the reason why she lie (第三人称单数，lies) is that she want (第三人称单数，wants) to hide something from me or she just think (第三人称单数，thinks)I am the kind of person who will eaisly (单纯的拼写错误，easily) get angry to (应该改成at) her.That means she doesn’t trust me either.The relationship keeping skeptical of each other (友谊不是人，不能怀疑对方，建议改成The relationship during which we have been keeping skeptical of each other ) isn’t the real friendship I want.

All in all,cherish your friendship and be honest with your friends.Only be that way your friendship can (can应该提前) be permanent.

感觉小错误有点多，内容不是特别有说服力，而且逻辑感觉有点乱。~

作者: xiaoshuo199183 时间: 2013-1-31 09:08
改的好认真谢谢。我写作文一直逻辑很混乱，这点好惭愧，有什么好的建议么?

作者: libertine 时间: 2013-1-31 09:18

改的好认真谢谢。我写作文一直逻辑很混乱，这点好惭愧，有什么好的建议么?

-- by 会员 xiaoshuo199183 (2013/1/31 9:08:13)

要不你尝试写之前列一个提纲什么的？

作者: xiaoshuo199183 时间: 2013-1-31 09:20
好的，下篇就开始写~

欢迎光临 ChaseDream (https://forum.chasedream.com/)