ChaseDream
标题: kiddy的写作贴～求拍砖～！！！谢谢啦～～ [打印本页]
作者: kiddy72 时间: 2012-10-7 17:16
标题: kiddy的写作贴～求拍砖～！！！谢谢啦～～
10月7日独立写作～第一次发上来 见笑了。。。求拍砖！在此谢过～
Doyou agree or disagree with the following statement: The government andcorporation should share all their scientific discoveries with other countriesin the world?
Withthe technology and science development, we expend our horizon and enlarge ourknowledge. We can’t ignore any parts of scientific discoveries that provide usa better life. However, in the world, there are so many governments andcorporations that they could have a large amount of significant contributionsto human. But actually, these governments and corporations rarely share theirscientific discoveries with other countries. In my opinion, for the futuredevelopment of the whole world, scientific discoveries should be shared.
Tobegin with, I can’t emphasize the importance of sharing the scientificdiscoveries too much, since it is an efficient way to speed up the rate ofdevelopment in whole world. If the government and corporation share all theirresults of researches, other countries’ scientists do not need to repeat thesame work, and they can just enter the next step. This plan will save lots oftime in scientific research. As a result, we will make a breakthrough morequickly. As to the space technology, Russian took so many years to send people intothe space, and after nearly 50 years, Chinese just have ability to do the samething. If we share the discoveries and technology, it is obvious that we cansave so much time. Maybe people could already live on the Mars. In a word, forthe faster development, sharing discoveries is one of the best ways.
Anotherequally important reason is that sharing discoveries will benefit more people.Without controversy, scientific discovery is for serving people, and the factis that there are a lot of people in different countries need help. In someareas of world, the economy is underdeveloped. People struggle with disease andstarvation. We should share the discoveries of medicine and therapy with them, sothat maybe we can save some lives. Also there are many cases support thatsharing discoveries can help more people, such as some economic discoveriesthat can help the countries come over the depression. As to humanity,government and corporation should share their scientific discoveries with morepeople in the world.
To some extent, we have to admit that some sharing may harm theinterest of the certain countries. Perhaps they may lose the chance to get moreprofits by the new discoveries. Nevertheless, compared with the development ofall human being, it is not a serious problem.
In a nutshell, I reinforce my standpoint that government andcorporation should share all their scientific discoveries with other countriesfor faster development and contribution to all human beings.
In this way the result may give us a big surprise.
作者: kiddy72 时间: 2012-10-7 20:20
10月7日综合写作 tpo17 请多多指教！thx～～～～
The lecture and the reading passage givecontradictory opinions on the topic whether the growth of the human populationand the corresponding increase in agriculture and pesticide use result thatnumber of birds in United States decline. The reading passage explains thatthese factors do harm the birds, while the lecture provides severalcounterarguments to this view.
First, the lecture argues that the readingpassage is too general in its statement that human settlements will continue tooccupy the habitats of birds. The professor assets that urban area doesdecrease habitats of some kinds of birds, but some other birds are benefitedfrom cities, such as sea gulls. We can even find hawks in cities. So althoughsome kinds of birds decrease, other types may increase in city.
The lecture also refutes the second pointin the reading passage that the growth of agriculture will also result in thefurther destruction of bird habitats. The professor contends that actuallyfarmland is less and less in the US, and new crops that can provide more in perland cause the growth of agriculture.
Finally, according to the reading passage,chemical pesticides will pollute water and food chain, which causes birdsdecline. According to professor, on the contrary, it is stated that we don’thave to mediate this problem because two changes have occurred. First, new andless toxic pesticide will be produced. Second, there are some new crops thatcan protect themselves from insects.
作者: kiddy72 时间: 2012-10-8 18:19
10月8日 独立写作～求修改 谢谢啦～～～～
Peoplewho move out of their native village or town are more successful and happierthan who stay in their native village or town for their whole life. A\D
Have you ever missed your families when you were at a different place?Have you ever felt not comfortable with new life styles, food, and climate whenyou went to another city? Have you felt lost without your old friends’ help? Ifyou never had such experiment, you’ll never know the importance of living inyour native village for happiness and success. In my opinion, I disagree withthat people who move out of their native village will be more successful andhappier than who stay in their hometown. The reason for this opinion involvesmany aspects including relationship with families and friends and familiarcondition.
To begin with, I can’t emphasize the importance of living with familiesand friends too much for a happy life. As to families, I convince that everyonehas responsibility to take care with them. You need to return to your parents, lookafter your children and support your wife or husband. In addition, whatevertroubles you meet, your family will give you endless love and be your strongestbacking. And the same to friends, they not only have fun with you but also bethere to lend you a hand all the time. Indeed, I asset that we will be unhappyif we are far from families and friends. A good case in this point is that myneighbor Tom went out of city to work for 5 years. He did earn some money, buthe didn’t have time to spend with his little girl. When he came home onfestivals, his daughter was always strange with him. It was really hurt, wasn’tit? And it is obvious that he doesn’t have a happy life. Furthermore, he alsodidn’t have a great success without support from families and friends. In aword, happy and successful life doesn’t mean to earn a lot of money, and Ithink families and friends are essential parts of it.
Another equally important reason is that you are more familiar to thecondition in the hometown, so that it is easier to succeed. As you grow up inthe hometown, you must know something about transportation, life style, custom,market condition and also get used to these stuffs. These things are allbeneficial to your work. Let us image without these information, when you cometo a new city, maybe you will not understand the local accent, and also feelsick because of a different climate. How can you work better? Even if you comeover these difficulties of life, perhaps you will also feel lost when it comesto business items, such as market condition or target customers. On thecontrary, you have advantages of information compared with exotic people inyour native village. Does it mean easier to succeed?
To some extent, we have to admit that people who go out of their nativetown may have more chances to develop themselves. Nevertheless, in my opinion,it is not worth to give up living in a familiar place with families and friendsfor taking this risk.
In a nutshell, form what had been discussed, I reinforce my standpointthat people who leave their native town will not be more successful andhappier. There are so many factors of happiness and success, includingfamilies, friends and familiar condition.
作者: loveluyuanbai 时间: 2012-10-8 21:58
最近是很多，就写出了明显错误，见谅
作者: kiddy72 时间: 2012-10-9 14:54
10.9独立 麻烦各位啦～
Do you agree or disagree: it's moreimportant for the government to spend money building art museum and art performancecenter than building recreational facilities(such as swimming pools,playgrounds)
Question that puzzles government all thetime is how to spend money. There are many places need money, such as socialinsurance, recreational facilities, art museum and art center. Which is more important?Perhaps people with different backgrounds and perspectives will judge it attheir angles. And I think building recreational facilities is more importantfor the government to spend money.
To some extent, building art museum and artperformance center is necessary. Because art museum and center not only enrichcitizens’ life, also leads them to a colorful world in art. Otherwise, buildingart museum and center offers some work for people, so it can help governmentsolve the problem of employment. However, is that means building art museum andart performance center is more important than building recreational facilities?I don’t think so.
To start with, building recreationalfacilities offers citizens more places to exercise so that they can keephealthy. If there are some swimming pool and playgrounds in city, citizens willhave more chances to do sports outdoor, and it will keep the health level ofcitizens. And only with healthy body, people can enjoy art in museums andperformance centers. Due to the healthy condition of citizens influences thework of government, to keep people healthy is an important work. In history, in17th century London, the Great Plague decimated the population and it alsobothered the government so much. Bad health condition made people have no restenergy to work, and as a result the economy of London fell down. And theillness made a panic in London, so the government had to placate the panic andrecreate the confidence. Taking history as a mirror, health condition ofcitizens is important to government, so building recreational facilities is anecessary way.
Furthermore, recreational facilities areneeded by more people that art museum and art performance center. Perhaps somepeople don’t like art, but almost all people need to exercise outside. Someonemay say not everyone like swimming or playing basketball on playground, but infact, sports is not the only thing they can do in swimming pool and playground.For example, my mother does not like running, but she goes to a walk onplayground everyday. She thinks going outside and getting some fresh air isgood for health, and it really does. My little cousin does not know how to swimat all, but he likes to go to swimming pool, because he can have fun with hisfriends and he feels cool in water, especially in summer. Actually, almost allpeople need recreational facilities, and government should spend money on the thingsoffering services for more people.
In summary, recreational facilities canhelp people keep healthy, as well as benefit more people. And according to myanalysis, building recreational facilities is more basic than art museum andart performance center, so government should considers it firstly.
作者: kiddy72 时间: 2012-10-9 15:37
10月9日综合 tpo19
The lecture and the reading passage givecontradictory opinions on the topic that whether buzzers mislead consumers andshould be banned. The reading passage explains that buzzers cause problems,while the lecture provides several counterarguments to this view.
First, the lecture argues that the readingpassage is too general in its statement that consumers need truth, but buzzersalways have motion to mislead them. The speaker asserts that buzzers are peoplewho have used the products and really do think them good. And it is the reasonwhy companies hire these buzzers. They have real experiences and thoughts ofproducts, which means they don’t lie to consumers.
The lecture also refutes the second pointin the reading passage that without real identities of buzzers, consumers willlisten to their endorsements less critically than they should. The speakercontends that actually the condition is opposite. People always ask manyquestions about the product, so it will not be convinced if buzzers can’tanswer all of them.
Finally, according to the reading passage,it is the harmful effect that buzzing is likely to have on socialrelationships. According to the speaker, on the contrary, it is stated thatproducts that buzzers promote will provide consumers good using experience. Consequently,people will become more trustful and be open to others.
作者: verchieldan 时间: 2012-10-11 18:34
10.9独立
Do you agree or disagree: it's moreimportant for the government to spend money building art museum and art performancecenter than building recreational facilities(such as swimming pools,playgrounds)
Question that puzzles government all thetime is how to spend money. There are many places need money(place
能need money?有点chienglish可改为need to send money), such as socialinsurance, recreational facilities, art museum and art centers. Which is more important?Perhaps people with different backgrounds and perspectives will judge it attheir angles. And I think building recreational facilities is more importantfor the government to spend money.
To some extent, building art museum and artperformance center is necessary. Because art museum and center not only enrichcitizens’ life, also leads them to a colorful world in art. Otherwise, buildingart museum and center offers some work for people, so it can help governmentsolve the problem of employment. However, is that means building art museum andart performance center are is more important than building recreational facilities?I don’t think so.
To start with, building recreationalfacilities offers citizens more places to exercise so that they can keephealthy. If there are some swimming pool and playgrounds in city, citizens willhave more chances to do sports outdoor, and(这个句子前后没有并列起来，前面的主语是citizens 后面是it) it will keep the health level ofcitizens. And only with healthy body, people can enjoy art in museums andperformance in recreationalcenters. Due to the healthy condition of citizens influences thework of government, to keep people healthy is an important work(前面是due to ,后一个句子是不定式，就没有了主语，而且这句表意不清，help 什么work?). In history(我不太确定这个表达，一般好像没怎么见过，是不是可以用for example), in17th century London, the Great Plague decimated the population and it alsobothered the government so much. Bad health condition made people have no restenergy to work, and as a result the economy of(in) London fell down. And theillness made a panic in London, so the government had to placate the panic andrecreate the confidence.(前用and,后用so？) Taking history as a mirror, health condition ofcitizens is important to government, so building recreational facilities is anecessary way.
Furthermore, recreational facilities areneeded by more people thant art museum and art performance center. Perhaps somepeople don’t like art, but almost all people need to exercise outside. Someonemay say not everyone likes swimming or playing basketball on playground, but infact, sports is not the only thing they can do in swimming pool and playground.For example, my mother does not like running, but she goes to a walk onplayground everyday. She thinks going outside and getting some fresh air isgood for health, and it really does. My little cousin does not know how to swimat all, but he likes to go to swimming pool, because he can have fun with hisfriends and he feels cool in water, especially in summer. Actually, almost allpeople need recreational facilities, and government should spend money on the thingsoffering services for more people.
In summary, recreational facilities canhelp people keep healthy, as well as benefit more people. And according to myanalysis, building recreational facilities is more basic than art museum andart performance center, so government should considers it firstly.
建议：
1.慎用and 和 so,读下来的感觉就是and 使用过多，会引起一些语法错误，得不偿失，而且就显得口语化，而非正式的书面表达。
2.有些地方是health,有些事healthy,楼主注意搭配啊，不要因为写太多而懵了。
3.有一个重要的问题，在论证自己的观点的时候应该采用多角度论证。这篇文章楼主的角度是应该多建recreational center，但是我看来看去感觉就只有一个原因，即是healthy condition，虽然有两段论点两个角度，一是government work，一是people’s needs ，但是最终都绕回了healthy condition,我就在想，如果批改者改得比较快的话可能就会觉得论点单一。
4.句式多样性基本做到，建议还可以使用一些从句。
5.关于三个事例。我个人感觉第一个论据，就是伦敦那个确实是符合楼主自己提出的观点的，就是事例的前一句句子，但是细想，好像和recreational或者art museum 关联度有一点弱。毕竟瘟疫不是因为缺少了recreational centers 而发生的，这个我们可以再探讨一下。
最后，要向楼主道歉，因为昨天开始直到刚才，由于学校热水管道改造，导致寝室全部断网，没能及时批改，还请见谅啊。
作者: AnthonySummer 时间: 2012-10-11 21:16
The lecture and reading passage give contradictory opinions on the topic that whether buzzers mislead consumers and should be banned. The reading passage explains that buzzers cause problems, while the lecture provides several counterarguments to this view.
First, the lecture argues that the reading passage is too general in its statement that consumers need truth, but buzzers always have motion to mislead them. The speaker asserts that buzzers are people who have used the products and really do think them（them指代不清，最好交代一下是谁consumers） good. And it is the reason why companies hire these buzzers. They have real experiences and thoughts of products, which mean they don't lie to consumers.（感觉细节太少了，不过语言精练，结构不错）
The lecture also refutes the second point in the reading passage that without real identities of buzzers, consumers will listen to their endorsements less critically than they should（概括的不错）. Speakerphones that actually the condition is opposite. People always ask many questions about the product, so it will not be convinced if buzzers can'tanswer all of them.
Finally, according to the reading passage,it is the harmful effect that buzzing is likely to have on social relationships. According to the speaker, on the contrary, it is stated that products that buzzers promotion will provide consumers good using experience. Consequently, people will become more trustful and be open to others.
天天向上！
作者: kiddy72 时间: 2012-10-12 11:25
谢谢啦～～～
作者: kiddy72 时间: 2012-10-12 11:26
关于论证角度的问题verchieldan同学说的很对啊！你这么一说我也觉得我好像两个写的是一个方面 非常感谢～～～～
作者: kiddy72 时间: 2012-10-12 11:26
10月11日 独立
Nowadayspeople spend too much money on their pets, although those can be spent on otherthings.
With the booming of the economy andremarkable improvement of people’s living standard, numbers of elements enrichour life, such as pets. More and more people keep pets nowadays, and there isno denying that pets do add much flavor to our daily life. Whereas, should wespend much money on pets? It is easy to image that people with different backgroundsand perspectives will judge it with their own angles. In my own part, I wouldtend to vote for the statement that people shouldn’t spend too much money onpets for the following reasons.
To begin with, I assert that what petsreally need is our positive attitude and patient rather than much money. Mostpets always rely on their hosts, which not only means they need us to feedthem, but also pay attention to them. If we just spend much money on pets, itis not good for relationship between our pets and us. Pets desire ourunderstanding, just like a human, and they also want be a part of our life. Sothings we need to do is to play with you pets, to be patient to them, and tolove them. To illustrate this, there is an appropriate example that ispersuasive. I have seen a famous picture which tells us a moving story. A dogis old with a leg ache. Only staying in the water can he ease the pain. So muchdose the host love his dog that he spends an hour everyday swimming with it inthe lake. I believe that is what pets’ need, love and company, not money.
Another equally important reason is that wecan use the money to do other things that are more significant. Actually, petis not everything of our life, and we need to expend our horizon and enlargeour knowledge. We can go traveling and learn amounts of things about traditionalculture including splendid cuisine, architecture, and religion aspects to feelthe ancestors and predecessors wisdom, inspiration and perspiration. We alsocan go gym and do exercise to keep healthy and improve our speed, strength,stamina, and flexibility, in order to stay away from minor problem. And it isapparent that these things all need money. On no account can we ignore owndevelopment, and just spend money on pets.
To some extent, it is undeniable that somepeople regard pets as families. They may think it pays to spend much money onthem. However, in my opinion, it is important that how much we should spend onpets. Spending too much money is not the best way to show our love.
In a nutshell, I reinforce my standpointthat people should not spend too much money on pets. Because pets need yourlove but not too much money, and we also can use money on other necessary stuffs.For both our relationship with pets and our future development, spending toomuch money on pets is not a wise choice.
作者: kiddy72 时间: 2012-10-12 11:27
10月11日综合
Tpo21
The reading passage and lecture givecontradictory opinions to the topic that genetically modified trees bring alarge amount of benefits. The reading passage explains that geneticallymodified trees do promote many aspects, while the lecture provides severalcounterarguments to this view.
To begin with, the lecture argues that thereading passage is too general in its statement that genetically modified treesare more likely to survive. The professor asserts that nature trees aregenetically diverse. Thus even most of certain kind of trees die, there will beseveral trees survive and reproduce. However, genetically modified trees are uniform,so that they may all die because of some disasters.
The lecture also refutes the second pointin reading passage that genetically modified trees bring more economic benefitsto farmers. The professor contends that the company who provides geneticallymodified tree seeds will collect fee from farmers every time when they plantnew trees. It will be a huge investment.
Finally, according to the reading passage,the use of genetically modified trees can prevent overexploitation of wildtrees. According to the professor, on the contrary, it is states that actuallyit is not good for environment using genetically modified trees, because thesetrees will compete with nature trees for resources. As a result, geneticallymodified trees will crowd out nature ones.
作者: xiumu2280 时间: 2012-10-12 16:30
Nowadays people spend too much money on their pets, although those can be spent on other things.
With the booming of the economy and remarkable improvement of people’s living standard, numbers of elements enrich our life, such as pets. More and more people keep pets nowadays, and there is no denying that pets do add much flavor to our daily life. Whereas, should we spend much money on pets? It is easy to image that people with different backgrounds and perspectives will judge it with their own angles. In my own part, I would tend to vote for the statement that people shouldn’t /should not (这个是不能这样l连写的，只有can可以写成cannot）spend too much money on pets for the following reasons.（写的很不错，用词丰富··比我那个with the development of the society好多了··）
To begin with, I assert that what pets really need is our positive attitude and patient/patience rather than much money. Most pets always rely on their hosts, which not only means they need us to feed them, but also pay attention to them. If we just spend much money on pets, it is not good for relationship between our pets and us. Pets desire our understanding, just like a human, and they also want(to) be a part of our life. So things we need to do is to play with you/our(我们应该做的是和我们宠物玩，应该是这样的吧） pets, to be patient to them, and to love them. To illustrate this, there is an appropriate example that is persuasive. I have seen a famous picture which tells us a moving story. A dog is old with a leg ache. Only staying in the water can he ease the pain. So much dose the host love his dog that he spends an hour everyday swimming with it in the lake. I believe that is what pets’ need, love and company, not money.
Another equally important reason is that we can use the money to do other things that are more significant. Actually, pet is not everything of our life, and we need to expend our horizon and enlarge our knowledge. We can go traveling and learn amounts of things about traditional culture including splendid cuisine, architecture, and religion aspects to feel/experience(感觉不是很恰当feel） the ancestors and predecessors wisdom, inspiration and perspiration. We also can go gym and do exercise to keep healthy and improve our speed, strength,stamina, and flexibility, in order to stay away from minor problem/小问题？disease. And it is apparent that these things all need money. On no account can we ignore own development, and just spend money on pets.
To some extent, it is undeniable that some people regard pets as families. They may think it pays(这里很别扭,要么 pay for 或者be paid to do) to spend much money on them. However, in my opinion, it is important that how much we should spend on pets. Spending too much money is not the best way to show our love.（这段最后观点和第一段重合了）
In a nutshell, I reinforce my standpoint that people should not spend too much money on pets. Because pets need your love but (But用作除了,本身已经有否定的意思，应该删去这个not)not too much money, and we also can use money on other necessary stuffs.For both our relationship with pets and our future development, spending too much money on pets is not a wise choice.
Nowadays people spend too much money on their pets, although those can be spent on other things.
这题你理解的是人们应不应该花太多钱在宠物身上。
我理解的是 人们是不是花了太多钱在宠物身上。
我感觉这是由区别的~~谁对谁错 我也不知道····
作者: kiddy72 时间: 2012-10-12 20:24
谢谢楼上的同学～
作者: kiddy72 时间: 2012-10-12 20:25
10月12日独立
Themost important characteristic of a politician or a leader is the goodcommunication skill.
Asto the topic that whether good communication skill is the most importantcharacteristic of a politician or a leader, it is easy to image people withdifferent backgrounds and perspectives will judge it on their own angles. Somepeople may claim that with good communication skill, leaders and politicianswill impress people with friendly and easygoing, as a result they can get moresupports. Other people may hold that there are many other characteristics whichare necessary and important to politicians and leaders, including brave,outstanding, far-sighted, etc. In my own part, I would tend to vote to thelatter opinion.
Tobegin with, on no account can we ignore the importance of far-sight. As aleader, you have to make a decision for your group or country. Your decisionwill have a huge influence on the future of your team, so it is important tomake an excellent decision. Eminent leaders can forecast through the tendencyof history, so that they will make right decisions to promote the developmentof group or country. This characteristic plays an important role in leadshipcalled far-sight. To illustrate this, there is an appropriate example that ispersuasive. In 1930s, Big Depression triggered many problems in America. Alarge amount of people lost their jobs, thus they get into a panic. PresidentRoosevelt is an excellent leader, and he is far-sighted about the direction ofeconomy development in America. He set up the New Deal not only to solve theproblem, but also to rebuild the confidence of people. Finally the New Dealsucceeded, and Roosevelt became one of the greatest presidents of America. Itis apparent that far-sight is very important characteristic of leader.
Anotherequally important characteristic is ability on analysis. Leaders who have thisability will summarize all information from members of group and lead them toget a conclusion. So important is this procedure that we shouldn’t ignore it.Strong ability on analysis often makes work efficient, and it always makes thefinishing point to discussion. A good case in this point is that the leader ofmy study group is a boy who doesn’t have too many words, but he has a strongability to analyze and summarize our discussion. Every time we discuss aboutour project, we always express own opinions drastically. Our leader alwayslistens to us and takes notes, but he always can conclude a great point at theend of our discussion. As to me, it is too hard to do. I assert that if everygroup has a leader just like ours, work will be efficient and deep.
Tosome extent, it is undeniable that communication skill is also an importantcharacteristic of politicians and leaders. However, we can’t say it is the mostimportant. Just like the king in movie The King’s Speech, he has a stammer, buthe is also a good leader because of brave and intelligent.
Ina nutshell, I reinforce my standpoint that the most important characteristic isnot communication skill, because there are other equally importantcharacteristics, such as far-sight and analytical ability. To be a successfulleader, we should not only pay attention on the specific area, since variousabilities are necessary.
作者: 阿伦艾弗森 时间: 2012-10-12 20:26
The reading passage and lecture give contradictory opinions to the topic that genetically modified trees bring a large amount of benefits. The reading passage explains that genetically modified trees do promote many aspects, while the lecture provides several counterarguments to this view.
To begin with, the lecture argues that the reading passage is too general in its statement that genetically modified trees are more likely to survive. The professor asserts that nature trees are genetically diverse. Thus even most of certain kind of trees die, there will beseveral trees survive and reproduce.(这个观点好像是Reading里的) However, genetically modified trees are uniform,so that they may all die because of some disasters.
The lecture also refutes the second point in reading passage that genetically modified trees bring more economic benefitsto farmers. The professor contends that the company who provides geneticallymodified tree seeds will collect fee from farmers every time when they plant new trees. It will be a huge investment.（第二的点的细节不够多）
Finally, according to the reading passage,the use of genetically modified trees can prevent overexploitation of wildtrees. According to the professor, on the contrary, it is states that actually it is not good for environment using genetically modified trees, because these trees will compete with nature trees for resources. （具体的细节多写一些）As a result, geneticallymodified trees will crowd out nature ones.
最好阅读和听力的观点能分开来叙述，揉在一起有的时候容易混淆
多写一些听力的细节！~
一点拙见。望共同进步
作者: kiddy72 时间: 2012-10-13 13:33
10月12日综合 Tpo22
The reading passage and lecture givecontradictory opinions to the topic that whether ethanol fuel is a goodreplacement for gasoline. The reading passage explains some reason to supportthe critics of using ethanol fuel, while the lecture gives several counterargumentsto reading's view.
To begin with, the lecture argues that thereading passage is too general in its statement that increased use of ethanolfuel would not contribute to solve global warming. The professor asserts thatethanol fuel comes from plants such as corn, and plants can absorb carbondioxide from air. If we increase use of ethanol fuel, we need to grow moreplants. As a result, these plants will help remove carbon dioxide fromatmosphere and solve the global warming.
The lecture also refutes the second pointin the reading passage that the use of ethanol fuel will reduce the amount ofsource for growing animal. The professor contends that actually ethanol fuelonly uses a certain part of plants, and other parts which are available to animalsare not used. Hence, the use of ethanol fuel will not reduce the source.
Finally, according to the reading passage,the ethanol fuel will never be able to compete with gasoline on price.According to the lecture, on the contrary, it is stated that we shouldencourage the use of ethanol fuel. If people buy more ethanol fuel, thecompanies will increase product. Then price of ethanol fuel will drop.
作者: kiddy72 时间: 2012-10-13 19:49
10月13日独立
Do you agree or disagree? It is better to work with your own computer and telephone at your home than work in your company's office.
As to the topic that it is better to work with your own computer and telephone at home than work in your company’s office, it is easy to image that people with different backgrounds and perspectives will judge it at their own angle. Some people may hold the opinion that working at home is more convenient and comfortable, while others may assert that working at company make us more efficient. In my own part, I would tend to vote for the statement that working at company is better for the following reasons.
To begin with, I cannot emphasize the importance of communication skill too much, since this ability will help us to know how to get along with others, how to focus on the things we have in common and tolerate the differences, how to mediate in others’ perspective. Communication skill is not only necessary in teamwork, but also plays an important role in our social life. Working at home, however, is not beneficial to cultivate communication skill, for you always work alone and have the lake of interaction with others. To illustrate this, there is an appropriate example that is persuasive. My neighbor is a designer who always works at home. Even if go out and eat lunch, he also doesn’t like to go some places where are a lot of people. Once we invited him to attend a party, he showed out but only stayed alone in a corner. We went to talk to him and knew that he failed in a competing because of his poor presentation. From this case, it is apparent that always working at home is not beneficial for our communication skill, and it is also negative to both wok and social life.
Another equally important reason is that working in company gives us an opportunity to separate work from life. As for many people, work always occupies a big part of our daily life. So limited is private time that we always feel exhausted. Fortunately, working at company will encourage us to spare no effort to accomplish our work in office in order to have free time when we go back home. And in another perspective, it is also a good way to increase efficiency of work. Statistical report has proven that 78% of the people who work in office are more efficient than people who work at home, and surprising result also shows 69% of people who work in office are happier than those working at home. In a word, separating work from life has many advantages which we cannot ignore.
To some extent, it is undeniable that working at home does offer us a more comfortable condition to work. Whereas, it also distracts us from our work because of too many entertainments.
In a nutshell, I reinforce my standpoint that it is not a better way to work at home than in company’s office, since working at home is not positive to separate work from life and improve communication skill.
作者: AnthonySummer 时间: 2012-10-13 21:40
10月12日综合 Tpo22
The reading passage and lecture give contradictory opinions to the topic that whether ethanol fuel is a good replacement for gasoline.(模板不错！) The reading passage explains some reason to support the critics of using ethanol fuel, while the lecture gives several counterarguments to reading's view.
To begin with, the lecture argues that the reading passage is too general in its statement that increased use of ethanol fuel would not contribute to solve global warming. The professor asserts that ethanol fuel comes from plants such as corn, and plants can absorb carbon dioxide from the air. If we increase use of ethanol fuel, we need to grow more plants（这段是自己的想法了，与原文无关）. As a result, these plants will help remove carbon dioxide from the atmosphere and solve the global warming.
The lecture also refutes the second point in the reading passage that the use of ethanol fuel will reduce the amount of source for the growing animal.(Chinese English， for animal growing)The professor contends that actually ethanol fuel only uses a certain part of plants, and other parts which are available to animals are not used. Hence, the use of ethanol fuel will not reduce the source（source of what 最好写下）.
Finally, according to the reading passage, the ethanol fuel will never be able to compete with gasoline price.According to the lecture, on the contrary, it is stated that we should encourage the use of ethanol fuel. If people buy more ethanol fuel, the companies will increase product. Then the price of ethanol fuel will drop.
Nice job！但是遗落了一些细节。有说的不对的地方请多多指出，多多指教啊，加油！
作者: 蝴蝶渡海 时间: 2012-10-13 22:26
10月12日独立
The most important characteristic of a politician or a leader is the good communication skill.
As to the topic that whether good communication skill is the most important characteristic of a politician or a leader, it is easy to image people with different backgrounds and perspectives will judge it on their own angles. Some people may claim that with good communication skill leaders and politicians will impress people with friendly and easygoing, as a result they can get more supports. Other people may hold that there are many other characteristics which are necessary and important to politicians and leaders, including brave, outstanding, far-sighted, etc. In my own part, I would tend to vote to the latter opinion.
To begin with, on no account can we ignore the importance of far-sight. (开头用倒装句不错的)As a leader, you have to make a decision for your group or country. Your decision will have a huge influence on the future of your team, so it is important to make an excellent decision. Eminent leaders can forecast through the tendency of history, so that they will make right decisions to promote the development of group or country. This characteristic plays an important role in leadship（leadership）called far-sight. To illustrate this, there is an appropriate example that is persuasive. In 1930s, Big Depression triggered many problems in America. A large amount of people lost their jobs, thus they get into a panic. President Roosevelt is an excellent leader, and he is far-sighted about the direction of economy development in America. He set up the New Deal not only to solve the problem, but also to rebuild the confidence of people. Finally the New Deal succeeded, and Roosevelt became one of the greatest presidents of America. It is apparent that far-sight is very important characteristic of leader.
Another equally important characteristic is ability on analysis. Leaders who have this ability will summarize all information from members of group and lead them to get a conclusion. So important is this procedure that we shouldn’t ignore it. Strong ability on analysis often makes work efficient, and it always makes the finishing point to discussion. A good case in this point is that the leader of my study group is a boy(我觉这句略微有些罗嗦，而且貌似有语病觉得改成这样比较合适Take an appropriate example, the young leader of my study group …. 这里突出强调a boy有什么用意么？不行就换young，boy是指小男孩吧) who doesn’t have too many words, but he has a strong ability to analyze and summarize our discussion. Every time we discuss about our project, we always express own opinions drastically. OurThe leader always listens to us and takes notes, but and eventually he always can conclude a great point at the end of our discussion. As to me, it is too hard to do（感觉这句话略有点chinglish，It is too hard for me to work in that way）. I assert that if every group has a leader just like ours, work will be efficient and deep(deep?指的什么意思).
To some extent, it is undeniable that communication skill is also an important characteristic of politicians and leaders. However, we can’t（can not）say it is the most important. Just like the king in movie The King’s Speech, he has a stammer, but he is also a good leader because of brave and intelligent.
In a nutshell, I reinforce my standpoint that the most important characteristic is not communication skill, because there are other equally important characteristics, such as far-sight and analytical ability. To be a successful leader, we should not only pay attention on the specific area, since various abilities are necessary.(结尾扣题总结归纳很不错)
首段和一个论点段无论在语言上还是例证上面都不错，思路清晰语言流畅准确，值得我学习下哈。而第二个观点写的却不是太充分，语言需要再斟酌一下。最后结尾总结，归纳的也是不错。加油！
作者: kiddy72 时间: 2012-10-13 22:54
谢谢楼上的童鞋～受益匪浅！
作者: chengzaaaa 时间: 2012-10-13 23:40
有说的不对的地方欢迎指出讨论啊，共同进步哟！
作者: kiddy72 时间: 2012-10-17 22:14
10月17日独立
Mostpeople can solve the important problem in their lives by themselves or helpfrom their families; help from the government is often not necessary
Asto the topic that who solve the important problem in our life, it is easy toimage that people with different backgrounds and perspectives will judge it attheir own angles. Some people assert that they can solve these problems bythemselves or help from their families, since they spare no effort to makethings better and it actually works out. Others believe that government playsan important role in our daily life to help us solve problems, as it providesus some fundamental needs of life. In my own part, I would tend to vote forlatter opinion for the following reasons.
Tobegin with, so important is fundamental living problem that we cannot ignoreit, and in most cases, it cannot be solved by ourselves but by government.These living problems have huge effects on the quality of life, such as healthproblem, food security problem, etc. These stuffs are closely related toeveryone in the society, and it is apparent that government sets up numbers of policiesto help us solve these problems. Without medical insurance, when we suffer fromsome disease, some of us cannot afford the therapy. And now government offerspatients and their families an opportunity to focus on the cure of diseasewithout worrying about the money. Likewise, government also supervises the foodindustry through a rather perfect system, avoiding food security problem. However,we are familiar to these systems and policies and used to them, so that weoften ignore their effects. Indeed, without government, we cannot solve theseimportant living problems by ourselves or help from families.
Anotherequally important reason is that we cannot solve some development problems inour life only by ourselves. As human being, we need to develop ourselves torealize self-worth through learning, working, traveling, etc. On no account canwe ignore government’s influence in solving our development problem. Toillustrate this, there is an appropriate example that is persuasive. Educationcan help us expend our horizon and enlarge our knowledge, and it is a necessarypart in people’s life, especially children’s. Nowadays, in many countries,governments invest a large number of money in education in order to improve thequality, including facilities and abilities of teachers. Because of amounts ofresources, we cannot solve education problem by ourselves. Perhaps someone willsay that some children can learn from their parents at home and do not go toschool, but in my opinion, studying at home also need resources such as someguide book or information from internet which also needs government’s help. Ina word, government contributes a lot to our developments. Only in this way canwe have a bright future.
Tosome extent, we have to admit that people can solve some important problems inour lives, just like choice of career. Whereas, it doesn’t means that we do notneed government’s help, especially in many fundamental aspects.
Ina nutshell, I reinforce my standpoint that government’s help is necessary inour lives, for we cannot solve some living and development problems only byourselves. Although the functions of government leaves much to be desired, we shouldbring home t people what aspects government does help us.
作者: kiddy72 时间: 2012-10-18 20:18
10月18日独立
Doyou agree that the best way for parents to make the children learn aboutresponsibility is to have children care for an animal?
Asto the topic that the best way for parents to make the children learn aboutresponsibility, it is easy to image that people with different backgrounds andperspectives will judge it at their own angles. Some people assert that keepinga pet is the best way for children to learn about responsibility, since theywill know how to take care of others. Others may claim that there are manyother good ways for kids to learn responsibility, and keeping an animal is notthe best one. In my own part, I would tend to vote for the latter opinion forthe following reasons.
Tobegin with, so important is teamwork for learning responsibility that we cannotignore it. Parents should encourage their children to join in some group ororganization. Through group activities, children can cultivate responsibilitydue to honor and friendship. These activities provide opportunities forchildren to know how to get along with others, how to respect and understandeach other, how to focus on the things they have in common and tolerate thedifferences. Owing to development of these abilities, children will know whatan important role responsibility plays in a team, also in our daily life. Toillustrate this, there is an appropriate example that is persuasive. Myneighbor has a little boy who used to be selfish, so his mother encourage himto join in a basketball team. Through the practices and games in this team,this boy realizes everyone needs to take responsibility to the honor of team,because they all want to win. After a year, this boy becomes more considerateand responsible, and he also grows into a man. Through this example, it isapparent that teamwork can enhance the responsibility of children.
Anotherequally important way is taking part in some voluntary activities. Most ofvoluntary activities will teach kids how to take care of others, or what thingswe should do to help people who suffer from problems. These stuffs provide kidssome opportunities to help others by themselves, even though what they do isjust a very little thing. Experiences which to be a voluntary will encouragepeople to take responsibility of their family, even the society. On the otherhand, some voluntary activities also give some prizes to children who have goodperformances, and these prizes also stimulate kids to be a responsible people.Statistical report has proven that 73% of the children who have voluntaryexperiences are aware of their duty, and 61% of these children are moreresponsible than children who have no voluntary experience. Through this result,we cannot emphasize the importance of voluntary activities for learning aboutresponsibility too much.
Toso extent, we have to admit that keeping animals is also a good way to learnabout responsibility, as children can learn they need to take care of others.Whereas, in my opinion, it is not the best way because of some problems causedby pets, including noise and cleaning problem.
Ina nutshell, I reinforce my standpoint that keeping pets is not the best way forchildren to learn about responsibility, cause there are many other better wayssuch as teamwork and voluntary activities. Only in many different ways can parents lead their childrento be a responsible person.
作者: klllun 时间: 2012-10-18 20:28
Most people can solve the important problem in their lives bythemselves or helpfrom their families; help from the government is often notnecessary
As to thetopic that who solve the important problem in our life, it is easy to imagethat people with different backgrounds and perspectives will judge it at theirown angles. Some people assert that they can solve these problems by themselvesor help from their families, since they spare no effort to make things betterand it actually works out. Others believe that government plays an importantrole in our daily life to help us solve problems, as it provides us somefundamental needs of life. In my own part, I would tend to vote for latteropinion for the following reasons.
建议：长短句混合使用，全是长句，这样变化的形式不多。
To begin with,so important is fundamental living problem that we cannot ignore it,（这里直接断句吧。突出强调的倒装咯） and in most cases,it cannot be solved by ourselves but by government. These living problems havehuge effects on the quality of life, such as health problem, food securityproblem, etc. These stuffs are closely related to everyone in the society, andit is apparent that government sets up numbers of policies to help us solvethese problems. Without medical insurance, when we suffer from some disease,some of us cannot afford the therapy. And now government offers patients andtheir families an opportunity to focus on the cure of disease without worryingabout the money. Likewise, government also supervises the food industry througha rather perfect system, avoiding food security problem. However, we arefamiliar to these systems and policies and used to them, so that we oftenignore their effects. Indeed, without government, we cannot solve these importantliving problems by ourselves or help from families.
Another equallyimportant reason is that we cannot solve some development problems in our lifeonly by ourselves. As human being, we need to develop ourselves to realizeself-worth through learning, working, traveling, etc. On no account can weignore government’s influence in （查了字典，只有influence on/over的用法哈~）solving our development problem. To illustrate this, thereis an appropriate example that is persuasive. Education can help us expend ourhorizon and enlarge our knowledge, and it is a necessary part in people’s life, especiallychildren’s. Nowadays, in many countries, governmentsinvest a large number of money in education in order to improve the quality,including facilities and abilities of teachers. Because of amounts of resources,we cannot solve education problem by ourselves. Perhaps someone will say thatsome children can learn from their parents at home and do not go to school, butin my opinion, studying at home also need resources such as some guide book orinformation from internet which also needs government’shelp. In a word, government contributes a lot to our developments. Only in thisway canwe have a bright future.
To someextent, we have to admit that people can solve some important problems in ourlives, just like choice of career. Whereas, it doesn’t means that we do not needgovernment’s help, especially in many fundamentalaspects.
In a nutshell,I reinforce my standpoint that government’s help is necessary in ourlives, for we cannot solve some living and development problems only by ourselves.Although the functions of government leaves(主谓一致，这里的是修饰function的吧) much to be desired, we should bring home to people whataspects government does help us.
说说总体的感受吧
全文的用词或者语句的多变还是做得很好的。观点称述方面，两个立，一个让步。做的很好。
只是有一点小小的感觉，不知道对不对哦。有点为了长句而长句。有些用and，和but的地方其实可以分割成短的句子更加。因为托福需要是语句多变，并不是一味追求G那样的长的句子。所以穿插使用更好。
作者: kiddy72 时间: 2012-10-18 20:50
谢谢楼上的同学！
作者: bonnenuit 时间: 2012-10-19 17:45
As to the topic that the best way for parents to make the children learn aboutresponsibility, it is easy to image that people with different backgrounds and perspectives will judge it at their own angles. Some people assert that keeping a pet is the best way for children to learn about responsibility, since they will know how to take care of others. Others may claim that there are many other good ways for kids to learn responsibility, and keeping an animal is not the best one. In my own part, I would tend to vote for the latter opinion for the following reasons.
To begin with, so important is teamwork for learning responsibility that we cannot ignore it. Parents should encourage their children to join in some group ororganization. Through group activities, children can cultivate responsibility due to(换because of或者其他，due to一般是指不好的起因） honor and friendship. These activities provide opportunities for children to know how to get along with others, how to respect and understandeach other, how to（前面这个两个how to,可以省略，三个并列最后一个之前要加上一个and) focus on the things they have in common and tolerate the differences. Owing to （缺冠词）development of these abilities, children will know what an important role responsibility plays in a team, also in our daily life. To illustrate this, there is an appropriate example that is persuasive. My neighbor has a little boy who used to be selfish, so his mother encourage him to join in a basketball team. Through the practices and games in this team,this boy realizes （最好加that) everyone needs to take responsibility to(for) the honor of team,because they all want to win. After a year, this boy becomes more considerate and responsible, and he also grows into a man.(我个人觉得这个例子的时态用一般现在时不是很恰当，因为你后面提到了一些时间，所以最好改一般过去时） Through this example, it is apparent that teamwork can enhance the responsibility of children.
Another equally important way is taking part in some voluntary activities. Most of voluntary activities will teach kids how to take care of others, or what things we should do to help people who suffer from problems. These stuffs provide kids some opportunities to help others by themselves, even though what they do is just a very little（小事情是中式英语了，用common吧 普遍的事） thing. Experiences which to be a voluntary will encourage people to take responsibility of their family, even the society. On the other hand, some voluntary activities also give some prizes to children who have good performances, and these prizes also stimulate（motivate） kids to be a responsible people.Statistical report has proven that 73% of the children who have voluntary experiences are aware of their duty, and 61% of these children are more responsible than children who have no voluntary experience. Through this result,we cannot emphasize the importance of voluntary activities for learning about responsibility too much.
To so extent, we have to admit that keeping animals is also a good way to learn about responsibility, as children can learn（that) they need to take care of others.Whereas, in my opinion, it is not the best way because of some problems causedby pets, including noise and cleaning problem.
In a nutshell, I reinforce my standpoint that keeping pets is not the best way forchildren to learn about responsibility, cause there are many other better ways such as teamwork and voluntary activities. Only in many different ways can parents lead their children to be a responsible person.
总体来说还不错，词汇蛮丰富的，句式也多样化的 值得我学习
有些从句的that最好不要省 否则会混乱谓语 造成句意的混乱
作者: kiddy72 时间: 2012-10-19 20:26
10月19日综合 tpo5
The lecture and the reading passage givecontradictory opinions on the topic that what Chaco Canyon is used for. Thereading passage explains three explanations for the function of Chaco Canyon,while the lecture provides several counterarguments to this view.
First, the lecture argues that the readingpassage is too general in its statement that Chaco Canyon is purely residentialfor hundreds of people. The professor asserts that from outside, Chaco Canyonmay look like American apartment. However, when you go inside, there are manyrooms but only few fireplaces. Some Chaco Canyon has numbers of rooms which canhold more than one hundred families, but there are only about 10 fire placesinside. It is apparent that these fireplaces cannot serve hundreds of people tolive.
The lecture also refutes the second pointin the reading passage that Chaco Canyon is for storing food. The professorcontends that there is no big container for maize and grain. And we also cannotsee any traces of maize on the floor.
Finally, according to the reading passage,Chaco Canyon is used as ceremonial center. According to the lecture, on thecontrary, it is stated that mounds and other materials might be trash ofconstruction, or some building materials which are not used up. The broken potsare also some trash from construction workers.
作者: kiddy72 时间: 2012-10-20 20:31
10月20日 独立
Some people claim that if we have an opportunity to take a secure job, we should take it right away, while others think we should wait for a satisfying job, which do you prefer?
As to the topic that how to choose a job, it is easy to image that people with different backgrounds and perspectives will judge it at their own angles. Some people assert that we should take the opportunity to have a secure job, since there are fewer risks. On the contrary, others believe that we should wait for a satisfying job because of our dream and ambition. In my own part, I would tend to vote for the latter opinion for the following reasons.
To begin with, so precise dream is that we should not give up, and a satisfying job is more likely to providing us an opportunity to make dream come true. Everyone has a dream, and whether greater or normal, it is our resource to move on. Most satisfying jobs have more similarities with our interests and dreams, so that we can have a happy time when we work and not have to mediate other problems at the same time. A secure job, however, often murder our ambitions for chasing dream, due to a comfortable and stable condition. To illustrate this view, there is an appropriate example that is persuasive. When my dad was a child, he dreamed to be a designer. He liked painting and did a good job. But as he came into the society, he took a secure job. After a few years, he lost his ambition to be a designer but only contented with his present situation. He regretted that he didn’t adhere to his dream, but a secure job eroded his ambition. That’s why we should wait for a satisfying job when we face to choice.
Another equally reason is that we have more motivation when we have a satisfying job, as a result, we will do better. A satisfying job often not only provides us more salary, but also more encouragements. Under this condition, we will work more efficiently and diligently. It is apparent that the more motivation and encouragement, the better work we do. Statistical report has prove that 76% of the people who have a satisfying job say they often get encouragements, and 62% of these people contend that they have more motivation to try their best when they get encouragements and rewards, no matter material or emotional. But in the group of people who only have a secure job, only 32% of them think they are motivate to their jobs. In a word, a satisfying job will encourage us to do a better work.
To some extent, we have to admit that some secure jobs have fewer challenges, hence we feel more comfortable. Whereas, in my opinion, it is too boring that we have a career without challenge.
In a nutshell, I reinforce my standpoint that people should wait for a satisfying job rather than a secure job, because a satisfying job provides us an opportunity to make our dreams come true and encourages us to do better.
作者: 阿伦艾弗森 时间: 2012-10-20 21:44
The lecture and the reading passage give contradictory opinions on the topic that what Chaco Canyon is used for. The reading passage explains three explanations for the function of Chaco Canyon,while the lecture provides several counter arguments to this view.
First, the lecture argues that the reading passage is too general in its statement that Chaco Canyon is purely residential for hundreds of people. The professor asserts that from outside, Chaco Canyon may look like American apartment. However, when you go inside, there are many rooms but(连词，要连接两个谓语动词) only few fire places. Some Chaco Canyon has（主谓一致哦。）numbers of rooms which can hold more than one hundred families, but there are only about 10 fire places inside. It is apparent that these fire place cannot serve hundreds of people to live.
The lecture also refutes the second point in the reading passage that Chaco Canyon is for storing food. The professor contends that there is no big container for maize and grain. And we also (and, also ,有些语义重复了)cannot see any traces of maize on the floor.
Finally, according to the reading passage,Chaco Canyon is used as ceremonial center. According to the lecture, on the contrary, it is stated thatmounds and other materials might be trash of construction, or some building materials which are not used up. The broken pot sare also some trash from construction workers.
听力大体没问题，注意一些细节上的小语法点就好。加油，100+~
作者: kiddy72 时间: 2012-10-21 20:29
If you need to discuss upsetting orcontroversial problems with others, you will use e-mail or text messaging, ORuse the telephone or voice-messaging.
As to the topic that which way we use todiscuss upsetting or controversial problems with others, it is easy to imagethat people with different backgrounds and perspectives will judge it at theirown angles. Some people assert that they will use e-mail or text messaging,since these ways can help them clear their head and clam down. On the contrary,others believe it is better to use the telephone or voice-message, so that theycan save some time. In my own part, I would like to vote for the latter opinionfor the following reasons.
To begin with, so precise is time that weshould not waste it, and using telephone and voice-messaging is a moreefficient way to discuss upsetting or controversial problems. Telephone andvoice-message is not only a proper way to express our opinions and ideas, butalso a good way to listen to others, more directly, especially for upsettingand controversial problems. Only in this way can we express our ideas andfeelings without ambiguities. These stuffs all result in saving time. On theother hand, it is apparent that speaking words uses much less time than typing,moreover usually we cannot check our email in time. To illustrate how usingtelephone and voice-massage saves time, there is an appropriate example that isvery persuasive. Once our group had a work that members held contradictoryopinions about the topic. We had no result by writing e-mail to discuss, inaddition it took us about a week because some of us often ignored or forgot tocheck the e-mail. Whereas, we finally solved the problem by voice-message justin half an hour. So why not use the telephone and voice-massage to solveproblems?
Another equally important reason is that usingtelephone and voice-massage provides us a more interactive way to come up withnew idea to solve the problem. In daily life, you must have some experiencesthat a controversial problem is solved by interactive discussion. Everyone expressesown opinion and discusses with each other, and your idea may stimulates others to provide a better one.Finally, you get a wonderful idea to solve the problem, which contains allendeavors from everyone here. It is called brainstorm, which needs interactive discussionsas many as possible within a short time. Only by telephone or voice-message canwe use this strategy. And it is obvious that less interaction is in usingemail, so that it is harder to come up with new idea in a short time.
To some extent, we have to admit thatsometimes using email can help us clam down and to express our opinions morelogically. However, in my opinion, it is not a good way to solve some upsettingor controversial problems.
In a nutshell, I reinforce my standpoint thatwe should use telephone and voice-message to solve upsetting and controversialproblems, for saving time and getting new idea more efficiently.
作者: deanlone 时间: 2012-10-21 20:48
10月20日 独立
Some people claim that if we have anopportunity to take a secure job, we should take it right away, while othersthink we should wait for a satisfying job, which do you prefer?
As to the topic that how to choose a job, itis easy to image that people with different backgrounds and perspectives will make different judgments in terms of theirvarious angles（最好不用it，代词在一句中多次出现往往指代统一，看这样改行不？）. Somepeople assert that they（people后应用they，用we的话会意思混乱）should take the opportunity to have a secure job, since there are fewer risks.On the contrary, others believe that they should wait for a satisfying job because of their dream and ambition（最好不要乱搭）. In my own part, I would tend to vote for thelatter opinion（opinion可以去掉） for the following reasons.
To begin with, so precise the dream（可数名词一定要加定冠词或复数形式，用precise修饰dream有点奇怪，建议换个adj） isthat we should not give up, and a satisfying job is more likely to provid us anopportunity to make dream come true（或许用fulfill更地道）. Everyone has a dream,（插入语不用连词） no matter greator normal（平凡或伟大似乎不这么搭配，可以再斟酌一下，great or ordinary？我也不确定哈）, it isour resource to move on（难以理解这句话。。）. Most satisfying jobs have lots of （more出现，最好后面有than，这里没有比较，则最好改为lots of或别的修饰可数的）similarities with our interests and dreams, so that we canhave a happy time when we work and not haveto mediate other problems at the same time（没有解释，有点无厘头，而且mediate problem这种搭配没见过）. A secure job, however, often murders ourambitions for chasing dream, due to a comfortable and stable condition. Toillustrate this view, there is an appropriate example that is persuasive. Whenmy dad was a child, he dreamed to be a designer. He liked painting and did a good job（不平行）. But as he came into the society, he took asecure job. After a few years, he lost his ambition to be a designer but onlycontented with his present situation. He regretted that he didn’t adhere to hisdream, but a secure job eroded hisambition（这个转折有点看不懂）. That’s why we should wait for a satisfying job when weface to choice.
Another equally reason（可以换个说法） is that we have more motivation when we have asatisfying job, as a result, we will do better. A satisfying job often providesus not only （要求后面平行，所以提后）more salary but also more encouragements. Underthis condition, we will work more efficiently and diligently. It is apparentthat the more motivation and encouragement, the better work we do. Statisticalreport（统计数据要具体，说一下哪一年那个机构的统计数据） has proven that76% of the people who have a satisfying job say they often get encouragements,and 62% of these people contend that they have more motivation to try theirbest when they get encouragements and rewards, no matter material or emotional.But in the group of people who only have a secure job, only 32% of them thinkthey are motivate to their jobs. In a word, a satisfying job will encourage usto do a better work.
To some extent, we have to admit that somesecure jobs have fewer challenges, hence we feel more comfortable. Whereas, inmy opinion, it is too boring that we have a career without challenge.（让步段太短，两端那么长，突然这么来一下估计还不如删了好。。）
In a nut shell, I reinforce my standpoint thatpeople should wait for a satisfying（这个词可以换换，如ideal） jobrather than a secure（这个词也可以换换，如stable） job,because a satisfying job provides us an opportunity to make our dreams come true（fulfill，achieve等都可以） and encourages us to do better.
总体而言，开始的原因两端论证不是很有说服力，让步段估计没时间吧，语法错误过多，建议多看看语法书，而且单词使用有点生搬硬套的感觉，不是很流畅。 Fighting together！
作者: chasedreamabc 时间: 2012-10-22 21:18
If you need to discuss upsetting or controversial problems with others,you will use e-mail or text messaging, OR (or)use the telephone or voice-messaging.（很多or显得层次略略的不清晰，承题可以写的简单一些，one has two chooses which are a e-mail or text messaging and a telephone or voice-messaging）
To begin with, so precise is time that we should not waste it, and using telephone and voice-message is a more efficient way to discuss upsetting or controversial problems（又出现了哦~~自己换哦）. Telephone and voice-message is not only a proper way to express our opinions and ideas, but also a good way to listen to others, more directly, especially for upsetting and controversial problems. Only in this way can we express our ideas and feelings without ambiguities. These stuffs all result in saving time. On the other hand, it is apparent that speaking wordsuses（use）much less time than typing, moreover（不能作为连词，所以这个是run-on sentence） usually we（学术文章尽量用one，ones，people之类） cannot check our email in time. To illustrate how using telephone and voice-massage saves time, there is an appropriate example that is very persuasive（太罗嗦了，this is a rightly persuasive example）. Once our group had a work that members held contradictory opinions about the topic. We had no result by writing e-mail to discuss, in addition（不能作为连词，run-on sentence，改成and）it took us about a week because some of us （may+，严谨一些）often ignored or forgot to check the e-mail. Whereas, we finally solved the problem by voice-message just in half an hour.（这个时间是怎么出来的呀） So why not use the telephone and voice-massage to solve problems?
To some extent, we have to admit that sometimes using email can help us clam down and（and前面是help，后面是to do，不对称）to express our opinions more logically. However, in my opinion, it is not a good way to solve some upsetting or controversial problems.
In a nutshell, I reinforce my standpoint that we should use telephone and voice-message to solve upsetting and controversial problems, for saving time and gettinga+new idea more efficiently.
PS:小师妹呀，师兄有强迫症的，有不对的讨论
作者: kiddy72 时间: 2012-10-22 23:45
楼上的两位大神 给跪
作者: kiddy72 时间: 2012-10-23 21:40
10月23日独立
There is no reason to beimpolite(rude) to the other people.
As to the topic thatthere is no reason to be impolite to the other people, it is easy to image thatpeople with different backgrounds and perspectives will judge this issue attheir own angles. Some people assert that when someone is rude to you, youdon’t have to treat him with good manner. On the contrary, always being politeis necessary to other people. In my own part, I would tend to vote for latterfor the following reasons.
To begin with, soimportant is being polite in work that we should not ignore it. Good mannerplays a vital role in our work, especially in some formal conditions. You needto be civil to everyone else, since being polite is beneficial to both personaland company’s development. Only a polite staff will be promoted by boss; only agentle leader will be trusted by cooperator; only a civil people will be inharmony with coworkers. Moreover, in business, if you are rude to other people,they will have a bad impression on you so that you and your company may lose alarge number of profits. To illustrate this view, there is a persuasiveexample. My coworker is a mean person who always likes to laugh at others. Oncehe laughed at a represent from cooperated company in a negotiation. As aresult, due to his rude behavior, our company lost the alliance and a large sumof profits. On no account should we be rude to others, leave alone in business.
In addition, being politeis also necessary in our daily life. Some people may think we should be asrelax as possible with some close people, such as families and friends. It istrue, but actually being gentle is a fundamental thing in our relationship.Numbers of people may ignore good manners since they believe people who areclose to them would not care. Being rude, however, is most likely to breakpeople’s heart. Instead, we should learn how to get alone with others well, howto understand and respect each other, and how to mediate in others’perspectives. More understanding, more politeness. Only in this way can wereally care about feelings of families and friends. Please don’t be rude to others,even though to the closest friends.
To some extent, we haveto admit that sometimes we do not have to be friendly to someone who is mean. Whereas,I always believe there are some better ways to solve the problem instead ofbeing rude.
In a nutshell, Ireinforce my standpoint that people should always be gentle to the otherpeople, because it is beneficial for both work and social life. Actually in orderto be a cultivated person, being polite is the first step.
作者: kiddy72 时间: 2012-10-24 20:24
10.24 综合Tpo10
The reading passage and the lecture providecontradictory opinions to the topic that why the population of sea otterdeclines along Alaskan coast. The reading passage explains that the environmentalpollution causes the decline of sea otter, while the lecture believes thepredator is the real reason and gives some counterarguments to the view ofreading.
To begin with, the lecture argues that thereading passage is too general in its statement that there are known sources ofpollution along the Alaskan coast. The professor asserts that if the pollutionis the reason why the population of sea otters declines, someone should seebodies of died sea otter along the beach. However, no one has found any bodies.It also support the predator hypothesis, since the predator will eat sea ottersand make them disappeared.
The lecture also refutes the second pointin the reading passage that only pollution can cause various kinds of seemammals decline. The professor contends that the number of whales is decreasingbecause of human hunting. In order to survive, orcas have to change their dietsto eat some smaller sea mammals, such as see seals, sea seals and sea otters.
Finally, according to the reading passage,pollution hypothesis could also explain the uneven pattern of otter decline. Onthe contrary, according to the professor, predators like orcas can only go tosome places where are easy to access. They cannot go hunting at some shallow orrocky locations that are actually the places where the otter population isstable.
作者: kiddy72 时间: 2012-10-25 20:36
10月25日 独立
Yourjob has greater happiness than you social life.
Asto the topic that your job has greater happiness than your social life, it iseasy to image that people with different backgrounds and perspectives willjudge the view at their own angles. Some people assert that in social life theycan be more relaxed so that they can get greater happiness. On the contrary,according to others, it is stated that people can get greater happiness throughtheir work, since work provides an opportunity for people to achievethemselves. In my own part, I would tend to vote for latter for the followingreasons.
Tobegin with, on no account can we ignore the psychological content that the jobbrings to us. Everyone has a goal, and your work is to try your best andachieve. Job is a process that we set up a purpose, make a plan, solve theproblems, and in the end, fulfill the work. As to me, it is an excitingprocess, since through these things I can prove and improve myself. Thecontented feeling that career brings to us is that nothing can replaced. Andwhen we achieve the goal or success in work, we’ll get great happiness.According to the research of Jimei University, 62% of people will fell happywhen they make some progress in work, and 41% of people who success in their careersfeel satisfied and happy in their life. However, as to social life, people mayrelax themselves and have fun with friends with their friends, but thehappiness just lasts for a short time. In a word, it is apparent that our jobswill bring us more happiness.
Anotherequally important reason is that career not only brings us mental happiness,but also provides economic supports for our daily life. Only through work canwe earn money to make sure we have a happy life. With our economic supports, wehave no chance to have some social activities. Obviously, it is the fundamentalfactor of happiness. To illustrate this view, there is a persuasive example. Myneighbor had a satisfying job and it was well paid, but he liked hanging outwith his friends. His social life bothered his work, but he doesn’t care.Finally, he lost his job and has no income. At that time he realized he had nomoney to have fun with friends. Jobs provide us money for the basic need in ourlife, and it is also the basic element for happiness.
Tosome extent, we have to admit that social life can bring us happiness, as wefeel relaxed inasmuch as we don have to mediate anything about our problem anddifficulty. Whereas, this kind of happiness is only a spice of life, and workis the source of happiness.
Ina nutshell, I reinforce my standpoint that job has greater happiness thatsocial life, because it supports us both materially and mentally. In order tohave a happy life, hardwork is the key point.
作者: mcs6436288 时间: 2012-10-25 20:53
10月24日 综合 改
Thereading passage and the lecture provide contradictory opinions to the topic that why（that why？而且讨论应该是谁是主要因素吧） the population of sea otter declinesalong Alaskan coast. The reading passage explains that the environmental pollutioncauses the decline of sea otter, while the lecture believes the predator is thereal reason and gives some counter arguments to the view of the reading.
To beginwith, the lecture argues that the reading passage is too general in its statementthat there are known sources of pollution along the Alaskan coast.（我觉得这一句有逻辑问题） The professor asserts that if thepollution is the reason why the population of sea otters declines, someoneshould see bodies of died sea otter along the beach. However, no one has foundany bodies. It(it有点不明，this phenomenon) alsosupports thepredator hypothesis, since the predator will eat sea otters and make themdisappeared.
Thelecture also refutes the second point in the reading passage that onlypollution can cause variouskinds of seemammals decline(variouskinds其实修饰了decline). The professor contends that the numberof whales is decreasing（进行时不好吧） because of humanhunting. In order to survive, orcas have to change their diets to eat somesmaller sea mammals, such as see seals, sea seals and sea otters.
Finally,according to the reading passage, pollution hypothesis could also explain theuneven pattern of otter decline. On the contrary, according to the professor,predators like（一般口语上这么用） orcas can only go to some places whereare easy to access. They cannot go hunting at some shallow or rocky locations that are actually theplaces（感觉没必要加这个，或者改一下，有点冗余的感觉） where the otter population is stable.
文章还是比较严谨，大错误没有，都是小的，只要一留心就可以避免。其他应该就没有什么了。
作者: AnthonySummer 时间: 2012-10-26 21:30
Yourjob has greater happiness than you social life.
As to the topic that your job has greater happiness than your social life, it is easy to image that people with different backgrounds and perspectives will judge the view at their own angles. Some people assert that in social life they can be more relaxed so that they can get greater happiness. On the contrary, according to others, it is stated that people can get greater happiness through theirwork. Since work provides an opportunity for people to achievethemselves. In my own part, I would tend to vote for latter for the followingreasons. 感觉每个句子支离破碎，没有一个很好的中心思想衔接，感觉是一句一句蹦出来的。
To begin with, on no account can we ignore the psychological content that the job brings to us. Everyone has a goal,前后无联系吧 and your work is to try your best and achieve. Job （job一般指工种，这里用work吧） is a process that we set up a purpose, make a plan, solve the problems, and in the end, fulfill the work. As for me, it is an exciting process, since through these things I can prove and improve myself. Thecontented feeling that a careerbring to us is that nothing can replace. And when we achieve the goal or success in work, we'll get great happiness.（关于自己的，最好举个列子吧) According to the research of Jimei University, 62% of people will feelhappy when they make some progress in（加the） the work, and 41% of people who success in their careers feel satisfied and happy in their life. However, as to social life, people mayrelax themselves and have fun with friends with their friends, but thehappiness just lasts for a short time. In a word, it is apparent that our jobswill bring us more happiness.
Anotherequally important reason is that career not only brings us mental happiness, but also provides economic supports for our daily life. Only through work canwe earn money to make sure we have a happy life. With our economic supports, we have no chance to have some social activities. Obviously, it is the fundamentalfactor of happiness. To illustrate this view, there is a persuasive example.（这句啰嗦了） Myneighbor had a satisfying job and it was well paid, but he liked hanging outwith his friends. His social life bothered his work, but he doesn't care.（太口语了）Finally, he lost his job and has no income. At that time, he realized he had no money to have fun with friends. Jobs provide us money for the basic need in our life, and it is also the basic element of happiness.
Tosome extent, we have to admit that social life can bring us happiness, as we feel relaxed inasmuch as we don ？？ have to mediate anything about our problem and difficulty. Whereas, this kind of happiness is only a spice of life, and workis the source of happiness. （不够具体，希望举列子，然后深入说）
Ina nutshell, I reinforce my standpoint that job has greater happiness thatsocial life,（这句没看懂） because it supports us both materially and mentally. In order tohave a happy life, hardwork is the key point. （你上面没又将hard work的列子）
小毛病貌似比较多，整体结构还不错，但是有时候会突然唐突一句。列子希望多聚，并且讲一个论点。加油吧！
作者: 小滋滋 时间: 2012-10-26 21:54
1025独立
As to the topic that your job has greater happiness than your social life, it is easy to image that people with different backgrounds and perspectives will judge the view at their own angles. Some people assert that in social life they can be more relaxed so that they can get greater happiness. On the contrary, according to others, it is stated that people can get greater happiness through their work, since work provides an opportunity for people to achieve themselves. In my own part, I would tend to vote for latter for the following reasons.（总体挺好的，但是greater happiness 是不是出现的次数有点多？可以换成be more happy什么的）
To begin with, on no account can we ignore the psychological content that the job brings to us. Everyone has a goal, and your（everyone you人称混乱） work is to try your best and achieve. Job is a process that we set up a purpose, make a plan, solve the problems, and in the end, fulfill the work. As to me, it is an exciting process, since through these things I can prove and improve myself. The contented feeling that career brings to us is that nothing can replaced.(nothing can replace the the contented feeling that career brings to us)And when we achieve the goal or success in work, we’ll get great happiness. According to the research of Jimmie University, 62% of people will fell happy when they make some progress in work, and 41% of people who success in their careers feel satisfied and happy in their life.
However, as to social life, people may relax themselves and have fun with friends with their friends, but the happiness just lasts for a short time. In a word, it is apparent that our jobs will bring us more happiness.(语句没有大问题，但是逻辑上有点混乱，递进的关系不明显)
Another equally important reason is that career not only brings us mental happiness, but also provides economic supports for our daily life.（亮点） Only through work can we earn money to make sure we have a happy life. With our economic supports, we have no chance to have some social activities. Obviously, it is(they are) the fundamental factor of happiness. To illustrate this view, there is a persuasive example. My neighbor had a satisfying job and it was well paid, but he liked hanging out with his friends. His social life bothered his work,( but his social life bothered his work since he liked hanging out with his friends)but he doesn’t care. Finally, he lost his job and has no income. At that time he realized he had no money to have fun with friends. Jobs provide us money for the basic need in our life, and it is also the basic element for happiness.
To some extent, we have to admit that social life can bring us happiness, as we feel relaxed in as much as we don’t have to mediate anything about our problem and difficulty. (没看懂)Whereas, this kind of happiness is only a spice of life and work is the source of happiness. In a nutshell, I reinforce my standpoint that job has greater happiness than social life, because it supports us both materially and mentally. In order to have a happy life, hard work is the key point.
结构清晰，语句有亮点，整体不错，但是主体一段感觉逻辑递进性不强，可以适当调整下，一点愚见，望共同进步@@
| 欢迎光临 ChaseDream (https://forum.chasedream.com/) |
Powered by Discuz! X3.3 |