ChaseDream

标题: Anthony Summer的写作贴~~~互帮互助共同进步啊!~~~~~求狠狠的批~~~~~???????????????????????????? [打印本页]

作者: AnthonySummer 时间: 2012-9-30 12:49
标题: Anthony Summer的写作贴~~~互帮互助共同进步啊!~~~~~求狠狠的批~~~~~????????????????????????????
9-29 独立
It’s depends what is the definition of fun and what is your situation is. For example, When I were preparing TOEFL test and don't havea lot of time, if some question I want to solve, a friend I can get help from is much more important than make me fun.

If I am a freshman and have plenty of time to prepare the test such as one or two years, that means my friends and I can work together and improve our language skill together. So how to solve the problem when we feel bored? A friends make us happy seem very necessary. Also, in one study team, we can benefited from each other, meantime I was enjoying the time, have lots of fun together. That time fun and help is equal important.

When I was at elementally school, some friends just made fun of you and never help you out, I don't have a clear definition of “friends” when I was 10, so we just make fun of each other until some day when I in trouble, I suddenly realize the true definition of “Friends”, “a friend in need is a friend in deed”. We are young and made a lot of mistaken before, but we learn from it.

I found some of friends they worship money and only make friends who can help them. Especially at Shanghai, a city of temptation and chance. How will you chose your friends at a city you know no one? Sometimes we just simply need recommendation letter to networking, to get an interview opportunity, or need a push of our career.

We don't have too many choice to choose our company. If a good book can be our friends, they can simply make us fun, and we can get help from it without too much guilty of using friends that will be much better to our heart. How to enjoy purity? Just don’t think of it too much.

作者: AnthonySummer 时间: 2012-9-30 18:20
标题: TPO 9 综合写作
First, the passage said Hydrogen can be derived from various plentiful sources, including natural gas and even water. But Hydrogen is not as easier as available as passage mentioned, present formant of water are not easy to purify. The fuel-cell engines utilize are not easily available because hydrogen must be contain as low as minus 230 Celsius, and only laboratory can achieve that low.

Second, lectured said Hydrogen won’t solve pollution problem because pure Hydrogen creates lots of pollution, need lots of factory burning coal or oil, produce lots of carbon dioxide will also harm the environment. So the car not pollute but factory will. And it won’t solve many of the world’s pollution problems.

Third, fuel-cell engines won’t soon be economically competitive because it require container made by platinum, platinum is very expensive. Without platinum the chemical reaction won’t happen. Even though a fuel-cell powered car as nearly twice as efficient in using its fuel as an automobile powered by an internal-combustion engine is. But the material to replace platinum so far are unachievable. A hydrogen car is still cost more.

作者: dreamcece 时间: 2012-10-1 01:32
标题: 9.29独立改
修改意见在文档里面，加油！

作者: vanessa923 时间: 2012-10-2 23:23
标题: 改9月29综合！
黄亮精彩，蓝色建议，红色错误。
First, the passage said Hydrogen can be derived from various plentiful sources, including natural gas and even water. But Hydrogen is not as easier as available（easily available） as passage mentioned, present formant of water are not easy to purify. The fuel-cell engines utilize are not easily available because hydrogen must be contain(用得有些。。。 as low as minus 230（253） Celsius, and only laboratory can achieve that low.

Second, lectured （？）said Hydrogen won’t solve pollution problem because pure Hydrogen creates lots of pollution, need lots of factory burning coal or oil, produce lots of carbon dioxide will also harm the environment.（grammar error）So the car not pollute but factory will. And it won’t solve many of the world’s pollution problems.

Third, fuel-cell engines won’t soon be economically competitive because it require container made by platinum, （and）platinum is very expensive. Without platinum the chemical reaction won’t happen. Even though a fuel-cell powered car as nearly twice as efficient in using its fuel as an automobile powered by an internal-combustion engine is. But the material to replace platinum so far are unachievable. A hydrogen car is still cost more.

主要注意语法。个人感觉你听力问题不大。建议是加个开头和结尾，一上来就这样列有点突兀。
加油！

作者: 超级无敌小鹤鹤 时间: 2012-10-3 12:29

First, the passage said Hydrogen can be derived from various plentiful sources, including natural gas and even water. But Hydrogen is not as easier as available as passage mentioned, present formant of water are not easy to purify. The fuel-cell engines utilize are not easily available because hydrogen must be contain as low as minus 230 Celsius, and only laboratory can achieve that low.

Second, lectured said Hydrogen won’t solve pollution problem because pure Hydrogen creates lots of pollution, need lots of factory burning coal or oil, produce lots of carbon dioxide will also harm the environment. So the car not pollute but factory will. And it won’t solve many of the world’s pollution problems.

Third, fuel-cell engines won’t soon be economically competitive because it require container made by platinum, platinum is very expensive. Without platinum the chemical reaction won’t happen. Even though a fuel-cell powered car as nearly twice as efficient in using its fuel as an automobile powered by an internal-combustion engine is. But the material to replace platinum so far are unachievable. A hydrogen car is still cost more.

-- by 会员 AnthonySummer (2012/9/30 18:20:21)

综合写作的话，最好有个总的开头，不要一上来就是First，Second，Third。。。

作者: AnthonySummer 时间: 2012-10-4 01:19
O(∩_∩)O谢谢哦，下次改你的也用黄亮精彩，蓝色建议，红色错误。现在听取大家建议好好熟悉结构，运用复杂句。基本上都能听懂，关键用自己的意思理解然后都用最简单的词速记，然后倒写的时候也完全口语化了。需要多加练习！另外谢谢大家大家了！加油！

作者: AnthonySummer 时间: 2012-10-5 21:44
辛苦改的战友了！

10.5 独立

Do you agree or disagree: It is much easier for people to achieve success without families' help than in the past.

I disagree about that it is much easier for people to achieve success without families' help than in the past. I think families' help is a shortcut to success. With their support, we can save a lot of time and avoid some unnecessary failures. Everyone need help if he/she want to achieve a goal. Human is social animals and no one can fight alone.

I read a lot of biography book about successful people. I found one common part is all of them were influenced by their parents or families deeply. Not only they share common genes but also their parents provide them the best education and grow up environment. As we all know one of the most successful people like former CEO of Microsoft: Bill Gates, his mother was a board of director of HP, and his father was a senior lawyer. He grows up in a wealthy family, graduated from the best and most expensive elementary school. Later in 1980, computer to most of us just like an alien technology, but he already had thousands of hours of learning a computer language program. I heard a theory so called "ten thousand hour's genius", means every genius had been practiced more than ten thousand hours, they were the top specialist of their own area. He went to Harvard law school because of his father was a senior lawyer so he had the advantage to understand common law, and later drop off school because of his family wealth provided his best education that generation can offer so he had enough confidence to believe that he can succeed. Later he become an entrepreneur and faces some deadly competitions such as Apple, without his mother help (as a senior technology Company's board member) his start-up company would not survive. All the solid foundation from his families made today's Microsoft Empire. Even his wife was introduced by his mother. How lucky he was!

As instance, A hero come from an ordinary family was not so lucky, Steven Jobs, he like wild grass and fighting until died because of cancer. His whole life was not as smooth as Gates's. Without help from family, he drops of college because it was too expensive to afford. He did not have a father who was a senior lawyer, did not know how to write a law agreement to against an ambitious manager who finally took over her board member. Steven was kick off Apple. Because when Steven was young, he is a wild grass and did not accept systemic training to become a deep thinker like Gates. Although I preferred using windows instead of a Mac but I admired Steven more, because both of us need to struggle a lot for a successful life. Sometimes we even cannot survive when failure coming because we didn't have the industry connection and resource, and didn't know who we should to network and trust. We were not born with a golden key.

I believe everyone whether he/she noticed or not, our families tried them best to help us find the best education: a solid foundation of success, they like a navigation house guiding us on the life journey, influence our life philosophy, So we can stand on the giant's shoulder to achieve success much more easier compare to those whose families cannot help them out of trouble.

作者: AnthonySummer 时间: 2012-10-5 22:46
10.5 tpo 15 综合

The lecture argues against the three measures mentioned solving the overpopulation of the cane toad in the reading passage will have negative affection, inefficiency or expect harmful of the natural environment.

The lecture argues the first solution, to build a national fence at river and stream would not prevent toad give a birth. Because limited numbers of toad or eggs travel through the fence from one side to another can guarantee the reproduction rates of whole species.

Regarding the second measures, inexperience volunteer will have difficulty to distinguish between cane toads and native frogs, therefore they might kill both of the two species. The harmful side is over benefit part.

Finally, the lecture objects the third solution, developing a disease-causing virus to control the cane toad populations. She points out that the virus will eliminate Australia's cane toad population. Meantime through global sea circulation endanger the original toad habitat - South American continental.

作者: dreamcece 时间: 2012-10-6 07:18
The lecturer主语 argues谓语/动词 against the three measures mentioned solving the overpopulation of the cane toad in the reading passage. 前面这句没有问题，但是后面你跟的尾巴就把首段给毁了。 will have 这个谓语的主语在哪里？？ negative affection?？？你想说负面影响吗？side-effect, inefficiency or expect harmful of the natural environment. 你也说了要用短句简单句，怎么这句话如此之长而且主谓宾问题大大滴。首段最好不要一句话搞定。

The lecture argues the first solution, to build a national fence at river and stream,（不定式做限制定语修饰first solution，要用逗号断开） would not prevent toad give a birth. Because(大问题，because 是连词，也就是说它这个词后面跟的句子全部是从句，所以要改成"birth, because"） limited numbers of toad or eggs travel through the fence from one side to another can guarantee the reproduction rates of whole species. 这句话你说的是啥？没明白。如果你说穿过fence的toad数量很少，所以guarantee了reproduction rate的话，那么听力部分应该出现了错误。那个女的说，就算是穿过去的toad很少，它们的繁殖速度也很快。如果你听力没有出错的话，那么就是表达上面有问题了。

Regarding to the second measures, inexperienced volunteer will have difficulty to distinguish distinguishing (have difficulty （in） doing sth. ) between cane toads and native frogs, therefore they might kill both of the two species. The harmful side is over benefit part.这里的问题在于，没有用听力里面的内容作为例子支持你的复述。

Finally, the lecture objects这个词用得很好，但是Object表示反对时是vi,一定要加介词。object 也有vt.的用法，表“提出…作为反对的理由 ”的意思，但是object后面就要直接加反对的理由 to the third solution, developing a disease-causing virus to control the cane toad populations.这句话又是句子结构有问题。 She points out that the virus will eliminate Australia's cane toad population. Meantime through global sea circulation endanger the original toad habitat - South American continental.是central America吧。

总的从内容上来说，复述的大体内容是正确的，但是听力中的例子没有听下来，会导致你不能最大程度的复述听力的观点。
语法中的错误比较致命，主要是句子结构性出错，建议找本语法书看下长句的结构分析。其他的就是词语的属性用法不明，需要长时间积累。
加油吧。

作者: dreamcece 时间: 2012-10-6 07:49
标题: 10.5 独立修改
Do you agree or disagree: It is much easier for people to achieve success without families' help than in the past.

I disagree about that it is much easier for people to achieve success without families' help than in the past. 建议：先解析下题目然后再表达在首段中表达个人观点，如果可以的话还要加上自己的分论点。~~I think~~ families' help is a shortcut to success. With their support, we can save a lot of time and avoid some unnecessary failures. Everyone need help if he/she want to achieve a goal. Human is social animals and no one can fight alone.

I read a lot of biography book about successful people. I found one common part is ~~all~~ 建议改成不那么绝对的词比如the Majority of them were influenced by their parents or families deeply. Not only they指代不清 share common genes but also their parents provide them the best education and grow up environment. As we all know one of the most successful people like former CEO of Microsoft: Bill Gates, his mother was a board of director of HP真的？？？？我怎么听说他妈是老师？？？不过这个无所谓哈，老美不管的，只要你的例子能自圆其说就好, and his father was a senior lawyer. He grows up in a wealthy family, graduated from the best and most expensive elementary school. Later in 1980, computer to most of us just like an alien technology, but he already had thousands of hours of learning a computer language program. I heard a theory so called "ten thousand hour's genius", means every genius had been practiced more than ten thousand hours, they were the top specialist of their own area.这里的论述感觉和主题不符 He went to Harvard law school because of his father was a senior lawyer so he had the advantage to understand common law, and later drop off school because of his family wealth provided his best education that generation can offer so he had enough confidence to believe that he can succeed.结构稍有问题。Later he becomes an entrepreneur and faces some deadly competitions such as Apple, without his mother help (as a senior technology Company's board member) his start-up company would not survive. All the solid foundation from his families made today's Microsoft Empire. Even his wife was introduced by his mother. How lucky he was!

As For instance, A hero come from an ordinary family was not so lucky, 一句话里面两个谓语动词啥意思。Steven Jobs, he like wild grass 你想说啥 and fighting until died because of cancer. His whole life was not as smooth as Gates's. Without help from family, he drops of college because it was too expensive to afford. He did not have a father who was a senior lawyer, did not know how to write a law agreement to against an ambitious manager who finally took over her board member. Steven was kick off Apple. Because when Steven was young, he is a wild grass and did not accept systemic training to become a deep thinker like Gates. Although I preferred using windows instead of a Mac but I admired Steven more, because both of us need to struggle a lot for a successful life. Sometimes we even cannot survive when failure coming because we didn't have the industry connection and resource, and didn't know who we should to network and trust. We were not born with a golden key.

I believe everyone whether he/she noticed or not, our families tried them best to help us find the best education: a solid foundation of success, they like a navigation house guiding us on the life journey, influence our life philosophy, So we can stand on the giant's shoulder to achieve success much more easier compare to those whose families cannot help them out of trouble.

从内容上面来看，我觉得楼主偏题甚远。原题问的是相较于以往，人们更容易不依靠家族力量获取成功。所以重点在于比较过去和现在而不应该是你的中心：依靠家族力量更容易获得成功。
其次，举的例子不能Make sense, 像我，我就认为不管gates有没有家庭力量在商业上的支持，他的Microsoft都会赚大钱他也会成功。所以gates妈妈的那个例子我不认可。
再有，语言的多样性有了提高，但是很要命的一点，长句的出错率太高。
所以，继续努力吧

作者: AnthonySummer 时间: 2012-10-6 12:56
Mary Maxwell Gates (born Mary Maxwell on July 5, 1929 – June 10, 1994) was an American businessperson. Gates served 18 years (1975–1993) on the University of Washington board of regents. She was the first female president of King County’s United Way. ......and the first woman on the First Interstate Bank of Washington's board of directors. Mary's son Bill Gates is the co-founder of Microsoft.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_Maxwell_Gates
他妈妈不是老师啦~
果然姐姐点评句句到位！偏题严重~无语了
长难句被你一说回过头以旁观者角度看，也看不大懂~
列子也太偏~
姐姐有什么写作长难句的好书推荐码?

作者: AnthonySummer 时间: 2012-10-6 22:18
10.6

Your job will have more effect on your happiness than the social life does.

My job will bring more happiness than the social life does. Meantime, Job is more important than the social life. It can bring me lots of money, but social cannot. Currently I am working for an investment company as a futures goods trader, and my daily life is really fascinating and dramatic.

Every day I will trade hundred tons of rubber goods. And I have one million budgets trade. In future trading industry, we can use financial leverage to hold another ninety percentage. It is meant one million dollars can influence ten million dollars. And five percentage gains or loss equal to a half million dollars. More important is all the profit or wastage happened less than thirty seconds. How exciting it is! My hormone will maintain a very high level when the opportunity coming, and my heart pumps huge amounts of oxygen to my brain so I am enjoying this clear. When I lost the market I will feel deeply depresses because sometimes it would equate to one year American average yearly salary. No other social life can bring me more happiness compares to my job.

Human was a social animal. When I was a teenager, I wished I can play and social all day long because I hated working on homework, and social was much more attractive and fascinate. Until this job changes my opinion of working because I even cannot stop thinking of investment in my spare time. That was all start from when I was a college student. When I was a freshman I start to think about a serious problem such as how to support myself at college, how to pay the expensive college tuition, and what kind of career I would pursue. Rethinking of human history, those memorable leader or businessman/businesswoman, or philanthropist. They are the history maker, benefit this world so much. I didn't want to become nobody. To become a millionaire and a great philanthropist was always my dream. The great entrepreneur, Warren Buffett, winner of the stock market is my final career goal.

I will ask myself every night. “Are you better today than you are yesterday?" and "What are we living for?" Are we born for social all day long or fighting for some goal?" My job, the future market trader, became the most happiness fount. I love enjoying the satisfaction of solving an overwhelming problem and make money from hard working.

作者: AnthonySummer 时间: 2012-10-6 23:46
TPO 16
The professor explained three aspects of the new guideline adopted in the United Kingdom. Each of which successfully support the question mentioned in the reading passage concerning valuable artifacts preservation, lacking in financial support, difficult to find a job in archaeology.
First, the professor point out that every old building will be examining the archaeologists to confirm whether it has historical value or interesting. This measure has proven very effective in addressing the first problem mentioned in the reading - builders often uncovered archaeologically valuable sites and not preserve the artifacts.
Second, the lecturer explained that Construction Company will pay for the initially discovering and examine, and later resolved place. The company can help resolved the archaeology. The reading passage gave the opposite view: The financial support for archaeological research was inadequate and changing government priorities brought about periodic reductions in funding.
The lecturer objects the final measure - difficult to have a career in archaeology. She point that the company will pay for the discovering of old construction. Reconstruction need researcher to exam the value, whether to preserve or not, write down the date. Finally the period of reconstruction will create lots of extra job opportunities.

作者: AnthonySummer 时间: 2012-10-7 04:24
10.7

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: The government and corporation should share all their scientific discoveries with other countries in the world?

I disagree that the government and corporation should share all their scientific discoveries with other countries in the world. Sometimes scientific discoveries can be modified to manufacture mass destruction of weapons.

Nuclear technology is a double-edged sword. American Dad would never share his whether civil or military nuclear technology with Iran, Iraq, North Korea or China, because he afraid those countries would use it with illegality. That was true. Understand civil nuclear technology can build a Nuclear Power Station for the benefit of civilization, simultaneous, if they have high concentrate U-235 can also be used to manufacture a nuclear bomb. Can we image what happen after Iran and Iraq have a nuclear weapon later after North-Korea, a small land area would have enough confidence to bargain with Super country - America! If Iraq has a nuclear weapon, then the Iraq war would not happen, instead of World War Three.

Developed country would never trade with developing country on high tech discoveries. Because this world would never fair. With the globalization of the economy. Once most of American cheap clothes and shoes were made in China. With the increase price of human labor and stronger of China's economic and science. Nowadays tendency was i-phone was made in China. But still other developing country's cheap labor were providing America cheap and raw material like clothes or iron. Because we all know once developing country controls the technique of manufacture air-plane or air-space. Will they still provide us cheap clothes?

This world still have noble people willing to share their skill such as Harvard University, Yale University. They are already public some of most popular course with the rest of human. They provided us a chance to learn precious knowledge from the best teacher in the world. But still at very basic area like economic class and mathematics class.

Scientific discoveries were an invisible wall stand between a wealthy country and a developing country. Government and corporation would never share their money making tool with the rest countries in the world.

作者: AnthonySummer 时间: 2012-10-8 15:45
把这篇听写了6次，才做题目的~因为感觉目前最需提升的是题目的理解和professor叙述的方式结构，和获取信息的准确性，然后好好练几篇模板。
TPO 17
Professor explain three aspects of population reducing of birds, each of which has successfully addressed the problems mentioned in the reading passage concerning that increase of human population reduced bird's habitats, growth using of agriculture land and chemical pesticides prevent birds' reproduction.
First, the professor pointed out that urban development actually provides better and larger habitats for birds. Pigeons and seagulls can be found in the city, even eagles and falcons can be found. This measure has proven effective in addressing the first problem in the reading - traditional areas suitable for birds keep decreasing.
Lately the lecturer explained that increase of agricultural land and production will provide varieties of crops and more food. As a result of this, the second problem in the passage concerning that bird populations in rural areas will continue to decline has been significantly addressed.
The professor's last point concerned the final problem raised in the reading material that pesticides have significantly contributed to declines in bird population and this decline will continue. She argued that a growing trend to use and develop more pest resistant crops will reduce the need for chemical pesticides and don't harm birds at all.

作者: chengzaaaa 时间: 2012-10-8 16:59
你每天都写的好神速！！！你独立都是卡在30min写的吗？
我拖延症需拯救啊！！！

作者: 阿伦艾弗森 时间: 2012-10-8 21:43
I disagree that the government and corporation should share all their scientific discoveries with other countries in the world. （这种开头可能更常用于口语吧，建议间接一点，转折，让步什么的也很好）Sometimes scientific discoveries can be modified to manufacture mass destruction of weapons. （最好写清楚是什么样子的scientific discoveries，具体一点，因为不是所有的discoveries都可以改成weapon）

Nuclear technology is a double-edged sword. American Dad would never share his ~~whether civil or military~~ nuclear technology with Iran, Iraq, North Korea or China, because he afraid(was afraid of)those countries would use it with illegality.(这个词不是很恰当建议改为 its bad effect) That was true. Understand（understanding）civil nuclear technology can build a Nuclear Power Station for ~~the benefit of~~ civilization, simultaneous, ~~if they havehigh~~ ~~concentrate~~U-235 can also be used to manufacture a nuclear bomb. Can we image what (will)happen after Iran and Iraq have a nuclear weapon later after North-Korea,(建议重启一句) a small land area would have enough confidence to bargain with Super country - America! If Iraq has a nuclear weapon, ~~then~~ the Iraq war would not happen, ~~instead of World War Three~~.
（上一段没有主题句，且逻辑联系不紧密。）
Developed country would never trade with(share with好些) developing country on high tech discoveries. Because this world would never fair .(有一个连词的句子得有两个谓语) With the globalization of the economy.(这个不能构成句子)~~Once~~ most of American cheap clothes and shoes were made in China. With the increase price of human labors and stronger of China's economic and science.(同样不能构成句子)Nowadays tendency was i-phone was made in China.（一个句子不能有两个谓语） But still other developing country's cheap labor were providing America cheap and raw material like clothes or iron. Because we all know once developing country controls the technique of manufacture air-plane or air-space. Will they still provide us cheap clothes? （这一段我认为跑题了）

This world still have noble people willing to share their skill such as Harvard University, Yale University. （people不能是大学）They ~~are already public~~（provide）some of (the)most popular courses~~with the rest of human~~.(us就好) They provided us a chance to learn precious knowledge from the best teachers in the world. But(but, and 这样的连词不要写在一句话的开头，不地道)still at very basic area like economic class and mathematics class.
（欲转折时，需要强调的内容是重点，你的重点不突出，且这一段没有主题句）
Scientific discoveries were an invisible wall stand between a wealthy country and a developing country. Government and corporation would never share their money making tool with the rest countries in the world.

1.题目是同不同意share所有的科学发现，你过多注重与写不会强国share，这两个概念还是有拆别的。
2.注意连词问题（很重要！）
3.逻辑不是非常缜密，有的句子写的很抽象
4.主题句和段落中心表现的不明显

一点拙见，望共同进步，一起探讨~！

作者: AnthonySummer 时间: 2012-10-9 16:58
Tpo 18
The lecture and the reading passage hold completely different view toward reestablish Torreya in the same location, mover Torreya to an entirely different location or preserve Torreya in research centers.

Firstly, the professor mentions that original place's micro-climate already change because of the global warming, it is impossible to Torreya tree would have the environment to survive. The passage mention that Torreya used to be found in abundance inside Florida area, but that become history.

Lately, the passage suggest moving Torreya to an entirely different location far from its Florida microclimate because its seeds have been successfully planted and growth somewhere. But she point that this action will lead to making a native tree in danger even extinct.

Finally, to preserve Torreya in research center for preserved, research and protect. She object to it because Torreya trees might not be able to resist diseases in a stable environment, because it needs large population and genetically diverse. So nature is best for Torreya trees.

作者: dreamcece 时间: 2012-10-9 19:54
标题: 10.7综合改，晚了抱歉，现在补上
Professor explains/ed three aspects of population reducing of birds,这句话说的不清楚，什么是减少鸟的三个方面？ each of which has successfully been addressed the problems mentioned in the reading passage concerning that increase of human population reduced bird's habitats, growth using of agriculture land and chemical pesticides prevent birds' reproduction. 还是这个问题，你为什么老是想用一句话说完n多个意思呢？你看你这一句完全顶得了一段了。
First, the professor pointed out that the urban development actually provides better and larger habitats for birds. Pigeons and seagulls can be found in the city, even eagles and falcons can be found. This measure has proven effective in addressing the first problem in the reading - traditional areas suitable for birds keep decreasing.
Lately the lecturer explained that increase of agricultural land and production will provide varieties of crops and more food. As a result ~~of this~~, the second problem in the passage concerning that bird populations in rural areas will continue to decline has been significantly addressed.
The professor's last point concerned the final problem raised in the reading material that pesticides have significantly contributed to 吹毛求疵的说，contribute to一般指好的因素造成的影响，不过这个问题比较小。declines in bird population and this decline will continue. She argued that a growing trend to use and develop more pest resistant crops will reduce the need for chemical pesticides and don't harm birds at all.总的来说，回答的结构不错，每一点也言之有物，肯定是认真听写了的。问题：有一些表达不清，在于用词精准上，长句运用上的硬伤比较大。
进步：用了关联词，如as a result...之类的，以及模板中的经典表达。这些词非常有效，建议anthony以后的习作中多运用。

作者: AnthonySummer 时间: 2012-10-9 22:10
tpo 19

The lecture and the reading passage hold completely different view toward buzzing advertisement, point it will hide the truth of the product, harm consumers' feeling and loss trust between people.

First, the student hold opinion that what you heard from the buzz is just paid advertising, which may well give a person incorrect information about the buzzed product, the student point out that the company hired him to buzz the phone call service is because he is really like the service. He wants everyone knows how good this service is.

The second problem in the reading concerning those buzzers will pretend to be private individuals that will make consumer less critically about the empty descriptions. The student hold opposite opinion, customer will ask lots of question such as price, quality of the buzzed product.

The student point out the concern that the final problem raised in the reading material - people we meet socially may be buzzers with a hidden agenda, and we will become less trustful of people. Buzz will spread of mistrust and the expectation of dishonesty. He argued that a company with a bad product will not hire a buzzer. Consumers will not trust you If you only use simple words to describe the product and not sincere. If consumer loves the product you buzzed, and have good experience, customers will tend to be more trustful and open to people.

作者: kiddy72 时间: 2012-10-10 00:30
The lecture and the reading passage hold completely different views toward buzzing advertisement, point it will hide the truth of the product, harm consumers' feeling and loss trust between people.point后是想说reading的观点的话是不是该写下主语~

First, the student hold opinion that what you heard from the buzz is just paid advertising, which may well give a person incorrect information about the buzzed product,这里另起一句 the student points out that the company hired him to buzz the phone call service is去掉is because he isdose really like the service. He wants everyone knows how good this service is.

The second problem in the reading concerning those buzzers will pretend to be private individuals that will make consumer less critically about the empty descriptions. The student hold an opposite opinion, customer will ask lots of questions such as price, quality of the buzzed product.

The student points out the concern that the final problem raised in the reading material - people we meet socially may be buzzers with a hidden agenda, and we will become less trustful ofto people. Buzzer will spread of mistrust and the expectation of dishonesty. He argues that a company with a bad product will not hire a buzzer. Consumers will not trust you If you only use simple words to describe the product and not sincere. If consumer loves the product you buzzed, and have good experience, customers will tend to be more trustful and open to people.

请多指教～

作者: AnthonySummer 时间: 2012-10-10 17:17
10.9

It's more important for the government to build art museums and music performance center than to build recreational devices (such as swimming pool, playgrounds)

In my opinion, construction spend of Art Museum and music performance center are much more expensive than recreational devices. Some local government cannot afford the cost. Great percentage of local people willing to go play tennis or go to swim with family instead of appreciating modern art that we cannot understand. Art and music performance show is not for everyone but everybody needs daily excise. So I prefer that the government builds more gym or playground for our daily need. Simultaneously, museum requires continuous investment of its collection. Sometimes, one piece of a classic collection would equal to the same cost of building a local swimming pool. I think it was just unworthy. For long term consideration, maintain a museum would be very expensive. I suggest the government can use the gym or inside playgrounds to exhibit art collection. It is impossible to excise inside museum, but they have no psychology difference to enjoy an art performance inside the gym.

To solve the problem that the local community has no museum or chance to enjoy an exhibition nearby their home. A temporary art exhibition can provide local community an excellent opportunity improve their art appreciation level and enhance their knowledge meantime it saves the extraordinary cost of museum construction and art collection, creating a win-win strategy.

Otherwise, people need a place to excise more often and important than an art or a musical performance. I will go to swim almost every day, but normally I would go to the museum once a month. So did most of my friends. Not because we live in the metropolitan- Shanghai, but because we are young and have more energy to release. Through swimming I feel both peaceful of mind and body. I feel I am a fish comes back to mother ocean. We need more exercise when we grow old. At gym, we can exhibit a nutrition speech even offers a real-time show next booth such as dance performance or basketball show.

In one conclusion, gym is more useful and cost economical than museum and music performance center, so the government should take more consideration of building recreational devices over museum and music performance.

作者: AnthonySummer 时间: 2012-10-13 09:21
10.12
The most important characteristic of a politician or a leader is the good communication skill.

I still remember how they judge Candidate Obama when he runs the US president election in 2008. He knows how to communicate to the public. Tell them what they what to hear. He catches everyone’s attention. He made a lot of great speech. I was touched even I came from Mainland China. All the Newspaper though he is a new political star because he can make a great speech to catch the publican and win their vote. Citizens were walking on the street to celebrate a great president can speak for them. Finally, Obama won the president election and become the first black President of United States, simultaneous, one of the youngest presidents.

I read his book “My father’s dream”. In the book he shared how he were traveling around the country and giving a speech to different group. He came from an ordinary family and down to earth so he had first-hand experience to communicate with ordinary citizens in a right way. I always though good communication skill was the most important characteristic of a politician or a leader. That was how Obama did and finally win the batter, even he never became a solider or have actually experience to manage a city or state or other basic element to run the campaign.

Henceforth, to know what your target’s thought become the first priority. A good communication skill can help us win our customer’s or boss’s trust at workplace if you knew what they thought, and gave them aid at the first time. Providing a best quality service can help us won customer’s loyalty, then bring a lot of profit to the company. This win-win strategy would enhance the chance to be promoted to become a leader, because you were the most valuable assets to the customers and the employers. They cannot work without you because of your talent communication skill.

Through communicating with employee, a leader can judge the situation and knew the first-hand information to solve the problem, better your communication skill was, and sooner the problem can be solved.

作者: AnthonySummer 时间: 2012-10-13 10:09
Tpo 22

The lecture objects to the statements mentioned in the reading passage, the professor said that growing process of planet will absorb carbon dioxide, and it would not influence source of food for animals and the price would finally decrease.

First, the professor point out that the growing process of a plant would absorb the carbon dioxide as its nutrition, and it will neutralize the carbon dioxide after it made into gas released. This objects to the passage’s opinion – ethanol fuel would not help to solve one of the biggest environmental problems caused by gasoline use: global warming.

Lately, the professor mentioned that ethanol can be made from cellulose, since most animal didn't eat cellulose so there would be no effect to reduce the amount of plants available for animal’s food supply. It against the passages said 10 percent of the fuel needs would consume 60 percent of the corn currently grown in the states.

Finally, the reading material point out that equal price of ethanol fuel and gas are a result of tax subsidies given by the United States Government. If the government were to stop helping the producer would result the greatly increase in price. But the professor advocated that future production of ethanol fuel would be three times compare to the production now, a government currently is necessary to farmer, but the sale price would finally decrease to the same level of gas.

作者: 夏之鱼语 时间: 2012-10-13 17:07
The most important characteristic of a politician or a leader is the good communication skill.

I still remember how they judge[judged] Candidate Obama when he runs[ran] the US president election in 2008. He knows how to communicate
to[with]the[去掉] public. Tell them what they what [want] to hear.【告诉人们他们想要知道的并不能体现交流技巧】 He catches everyone’s attention. He made a lot of great speech. I was touched even I came from Mainland China. All the Newspaper though he is a new political star【considered him as a new political star】because he can make a great[inspiring] speech to catch the publican and win their votes.【这个句子写成倒装吧，句式太简单，变化少。】Citizens were walking on the street to celebrate a great president can speak for them. Finally, Obama won the president election and become the first black President of United States, simultaneous, one of the youngest presidents.
【这段话没有突出奥巴马的communication skills，只是在范范地谈下奥巴马的竞选背景，有点偏题。如果作者的意图仅仅只是想通过一个事件引入话题，则这段又显得太累赘了。】

I read his book “My father’s dream”. In the book he shared how he were traveling[travelled] around the country and giving a speech to different group[gave speeches to different groups]. He came from an ordinary family and down to earth so he had first-hand experience to communicate with ordinary citizens in a right [proper] way. I always though good communication skill was the most important characteristic of a politician or a leader. That was how Obama did and finally win the batter, even he never became a solider or have actually [real或者也是actual] experience to manage a city or state or other basic element[虾米？元素？] to run the campaign.

Henceforth【Hence】,to know [understanding] what your target’s [target customers] thought become the first[去掉，priority已经是优先了，不用再first] priority. A good communication skill can help us win our customer’s or boss’s [customers’ or bosses’] trust at workplace if you knew what they thought, and[then, maybe you can give前面是can，and表并列，前后谓语要一致]gave them aid at the first time. Providing a best quality service can help us won customer’s[customers’] loyalty, then bring a lot of profit to the company. This win-win strategy would enhance the chance to be promoted to become a leader, because you were the most valuable assets to [for] the customers and the employers. They cannot work without you because of your talent [excellent] communication skill.
【这段以论证为主，但是逻辑不对。首先，第一句的位置应该是主旨句，而你的内容似乎和communication skills无关，相比而言，第二句更适合做主旨句。此外，段落中论述了解别人的想法然后及时地施与援手，这个好像不是communication skills，是一个人敏感度和洞察力的问题吧。这个思路你觉得怎么样：好的交流技巧可以帮助我们获得他人的信任，我们知道该说什么，不该说什么，从而在交流中即不会触犯到他人的禁忌，又能够高效地表达自己的想法来解决问题。可以举个例子啊。个人觉得您的句子表达能力还需提高，有些地方词不达意，这对逻辑论证很不利，如果用例子的话就能够使这个问题看上去不那么明显。】
Through communicating with employee, a leader can judge the situation and knew the first-hand information to solve the problem, better your communication skill was, and sooner the problem can be solved.

【这句算总结么？可是上文既没有提到用first-hand information to solve the problem也没有明确说到problem can be solved more efficiently.】

【总结：文章的逻辑思路不清楚，语句表达和用词还需提高，句式较单一。一般托福写作采用五段式，可以百度下。每段也有很明确的逻辑结构：第一句提出论点，第二句论点简单阐述，下面几句写个例子，最后一句总结本段。所谓的论点是概念性的，没有什么实质含义，所以需要下面的第二句和例子展开。建议先从行文结构开始调整，如果想要标新立异采用其他的行文结构，还是建议等以后语句表达流畅后在做这样的挑战。以上内容仅代表个人观点，多多指教！】

作者: kiddy72 时间: 2012-10-13 20:16
The lecture objects to the statements mentioned in the reading passage, 另起一句吧the professor said that growing process of planet will absorb carbon dioxide, and it would not influence source of food for animals and the price would finally decrease.开头一段最好说一下topic是什么吧

First, the professor points out that the growing process of a plant would absorb the carbon dioxide as its nutrition, and it will neutralize the carbon dioxide after it made into gas released. This objects to the passage’s opinion – ethanol fuel would not help to solve one of the biggest environmental problems caused by gasoline use: global warming.

Lately, the professor mentioned that ethanol can be made from cellulose好厉害我完全没听到这说了个什么, since most animal didn't eat cellulose so there would be no effect to reduce the amount of plants available for animal’s food supply. It against the passages said 10 percent of the fuel needs would consume 60 percent of the corn currently grown in the states.
Finally, the reading material points out that equal price of ethanol fuel and gas are a result of tax subsidies given by the United States Government. If the government were to stop helping the producer would result the greatly increase in price. But the professor advocated that future production of ethanol fuel would be three times compare to the production now, a government currently is necessary to farmer, but the sale price would finally decrease to the same level of gas.

写的好细致啊！！厉害！！我感觉我好多都没有听到囧

作者: AnthonySummer 时间: 2012-10-14 17:24
10.13 toefl 五段式，谢谢夏之鱼语的建议，真是太有帮助了！真心学到了！

Do you agree or disagree? It is better to work with your own computer and telephone at your home than work in your company's office.

Work at home with our own computer and telephone can save us a lot of time on driving or waiting for the traffic jam, but if we cannot communicate with our colleagues face to face and personally hand the work material, so sometimes would bring us a lot of trouble on misunderstanding.

At finance industry, we cannot image work at home without internet access or low quality network provider. I used to be working at home several years ago as a future goods trader. A trader has extremely high requirement of internet access. Unfortunately, the company so called China Mobile at my community only provide a low quality internet, and the network would crash down several times a week, that make me really stress out. My heart almost comes to my mouth every time when it happened because as a futures trader if I can't sell the futures in my account and market go down, and I would lose huge amounts of money in less than one minute. It was better for me at the office because my work place provides high speed and quality internet access, simultaneously, my team member can communicate instantly without waiting for the dial of the phone so we would not lose any opportunity.

My ex-girlfriend used to work for an auditor company and auditor requires high-class level of information confidentiality. Every piece of paper cannot be brought outside the company was audited. So it is impossible for her to work with her own computer at home, otherwise she would be fired immediately, never found the same type of job again, also pay a very high penalty.

Some industry such as computer game designer or artist they might be possible work at home with computer and telephone. They can use long distance Video conference instead of a reality meeting. But a video conference would never be better than face to face communication, because we were not able to feel every details or the atmosphere through the video.

In conclusion, our technology and support facilities were not advanced enough to compare with working at the company. I preferred to work at the office.

作者: AnthonySummer 时间: 2012-10-14 17:57
10-13 TPO 23

The professor object to the reading passage's opinion from three parts: incest infection, climate change and bear damage.

First, the passage advocated that insect parasites: bark beetle eat the wood and because of this instance of sustained beetle attacks overwhelming and killing cedars were untruth. Health cedar was much resistant to insect, and a high level of chemical pollution found inside the cedar that reduces the Cedar resistant level to insect.

The professor then points out across all over North American include the island where had no bear but cedar still steadily declining. It proved a flaw that bears ate the tree bark which contains sugar, and their aggressive feeding habits damage the cedar.

Lastly the professor also challenges the reading passage said because of climate change across the Northwester North American affected the root system, and it affects root growing in the late winter rather than in the early spring. He points out the temperatures were warm at low elevation than high elevation but temperatures were cold but more cedar was decreasing.

作者: 夏之鱼语 时间: 2012-10-14 19:42
Do you agree or disagree? It is better to work with your own computer and telephone at your home than work in your company's office.

Work【working做主语的时候要用动名词或过去分词，下划线部分是本句的主语】at home with our own computer and telephone can save us a lot of time on driving or waiting for the traffic jam, but ifwe cannot 【this way prevents us to 】communicate with our colleagues face to face and personally hand 【+on】the work material 【hand the working material personally]】,so sometimes【which】would bring us a lot of trouble on misunderstanding【去掉，不能与同事面对面可能会有misunderstanding，不能亲自交材料基本和misunderstanding没有什么关系，which这句话用于总结上面的and连接的两个宾语，不如用trouble就好了，省得歧义。】.

At finance industry【In a finance industry 没有a，工厂要用复数的】, we cannot image work【working】 at home without internet access or low quality network provider. I used to be working【work】 at home several years ago【去掉，或者用I have worked at home several years ago】 as a future goods trader. A trader has extremely high requirement of internet access. 【which requires fast connections to the Internet.用点复合句，总用简单句文章不出彩。或者是：The trader requires extremely fast connections to the Internet. The+n.指代一类人】Unfortunately, the company so called China Mobile at my community only provide a low quality internet, and the network would crash down several times a week, that【which，that前不用逗号】make【made】 me really stress out. My heart almost comes to my mouth every time when it happened【.】because【Because】 as a futures trader【去掉，前文说了，累赘】if I can't【cannot托福写作中不要用缩写】sell the futures in my account【，after the market go down】 and market go down, and I would lose huge amounts of money in less than one minute. It was better for me at the office because my work place provides high speed and quality internet access, simultaneously, my team member can communicate instantly without waiting for the dial of the phone so we would not lose any opportunity.【加一句话总结下全段】

My ex-girlfriend used to work for an auditor company and auditor requires high-class level of information confidentiality. Every piece of paper cannot be brought outside the company was audited【后面两个词什么意思？句子中已经有一个cannot做谓语，不能再有was做第二个谓语】. So it is impossible for her to work with her own computer at home, otherwise she would be fired immediately, never found the same type of job again, also pay a very high penalty.【写不清楚就去掉。因为看不懂这三者什么关系，并列么？可是好像是的进一步，先开除然后找不到工作，那么呢？好像是和并列的。。。so。。。。凌乱了】

【However，加个转折，明确与前文的关系】Some industry【，】 such as computer game designer or artist【这个是人，不是对industry的举例；such as前要有逗号。】they might be possible work at home with computer and telephone. They can use long distance Video conference instead of a【去掉，前后一致，前面没a】reality meeting. But a video conference would never be better than face to face communication, because we were not able to feel every details or the atmosphere through the video.
In conclusion, 【considered】our technology and support facilities were not advanced enough to compare with working at the company.【，】 I preferred to work at the office.【可以并成一句，如果要分开两句，前面那句也得有个because】

【文章结构还是不清楚，虽然第一段说了不能与同事面对面，不能亲自交材料因此会产生misunderstanding，由此可以推断你的观点是反对，但是毕竟推断不如直接给个立场来的干脆，考场上就不要考验考官的推理能力了，直接用一句话给出你的立场。下面三段，一个是自己的例子，一个是前女友的例子和一段让步，认真看下观点是：办公室提供比家里更好的设备有些工作要求机密，但是这两个观点也是要看文章的人去推理出来的，在每段第一句把这两个论点直接写出来，文章结构会更清晰一点（PS：我也很喜欢写让步哈*^_^*）。

文章结构比昨天的好，看到你的留言，不胜荣幸，共勉，有错拍错砖的地方多多指教~】

作者: chengzaaaa 时间: 2012-10-14 21:34
说的不对的地方多包涵哈，指出讨论，共同进步~

作者: AnthonySummer 时间: 2012-10-15 17:35
10.14The best way to improve the quality of education is to increase teachers 'salaries'.
Most people chose to be a teacher as their career not because of this job can earn a lot of money but they are interesting in education and passing their professional experience to our next generation as their responsibilities, simultaneous, they enjoy spending time with children or young adult. So I disagree that increasing salaries is the best way.
I knew some top business school teacher. Most of them are forties or fifties, so they already accumulate over twenty years working experience before they become a teacher. They don't care too much about salaries because they thought taught at school were their social duty. The quality of their education style is always the best.
I heard a story happened with World War Two in Nazi German: two Jewish brothers want to escape from German. The elder brother asked a friend's help because he used to help this friend a lot, so he thought his friend would help him this emergency time. Young brother asked a friend who was always helping him. Finally the elder brother did not survive, but the younger one did. As a teacher if his personality was only asking money but not devoting, increase his salaries was no help. As instead, some volunteer teacher did an excellent job without any salaries. So I thought teacher's characteristic much more important than the salary.
Sometimes teachers devote their youth to education career. They have great education quality and a wonderful personality, had a lot of positive influence on the students. But the teachers were not paid well. I suggest the government could use some criteria and let the students to judge whether the teacher should be paid more or unqualified. This would motivate much more teacher. Just like the American presidential election: the voters decided the one who would bring more benefit can become the next president.
After all, a good teacher must have an attractive personality, then bring a high quality of education and only students had the right to judge who should be increased salaries.

作者: AnthonySummer 时间: 2012-10-15 17:58
Tpo 24
The professor points three evident objects to the reading passage's opinion about whether those remains belongs to a dinosaur fossil. He offered three alternative explanation.
Firstly, he against the statement that animal fossils provide very little opportunity to study the actual animal tissues. Because those bacteria inside the blood vassals proved evidence that it should be moist residue bacteria and have helped researcher figure out.
Latterly, the professor doubts the red substance in the sphere. The reading passage said it is those remain in red blood cells. But he claimed the red substance was also found in other animals. Live at the same area but no red blood vessels. So he thought the sphere should be red minerals.
Finally, the professor doubts the existence of collagen inside the fossil. Because those collagen never was found in fossils 130,000 years ago. Not mention was inside fossils 10 million years ago. It should be human's remain such as researcher's skin tissue.

作者: 阿伦艾弗森 时间: 2012-10-15 21:05
The professor points three evident objects to the reading passage's opinion about whether those remains belongs to a dinosaur fossil. He offered three alternative explanation.(感觉第二句于第一句语义有些重复。)
Firstly, he against （这是个介词）the statement that animal fossils provide very little opportunity to study the actual animal tissues. Because those bacteria inside the blood vassals proved evidence that it should be moist residue bacteria and have helped researcher figure out. （连词多了。建议以后写完长句子检查一下）
Latterly, the professor doubts the red substance in the sphere. The reading passage said it is those remain in red blood cells. ~~But~~(but, and 这样的句子最好不要放开头，况且一个谓语出现的句子里不能有连词)he claimed that the red substance was also found in other animals. Live at the same area but no red blood vessels. (这不是句子。没有谓语)So he thought the sphere should be red minerals.
Finally, the professor doubts（建议换个词，让自己的语言丰富起来） the existence of collagen inside the fossil. Because those collagen never was found in fossils 130,000 years ago. Not mention was inside fossils 10 million years ago. It should be human's remain such as researcher's skin tissue

语法需要很大程度的强化。
听力的内容听的不完整，明确。
连词和谓语动词的关系需要明确
语言需要多样。

一点拙见，还望共同进步

作者: luhuaipei 时间: 2012-10-15 21:14
好啦，同学，批完啦~

作者: AnthonySummer 时间: 2012-10-16 17:30
10.15Agree or disagree, in order to succeed, you should be more like others than be different from everyone

A journey of success will be a long and lonely journey. Every successful people have him/her own unique expertise, so it is impossible to them like others. There has a theory so called "ten thousands genius theory", means you should at least accumulate ten thousands training time, because "practice make perfect". I believe the chance you can find a team member practice with you together that would below one percentage. So you destined to be different from everyone.
The most interesting book I like to read is biography. I knew a lot of successful people such as Bill Gates. Warren Buffet, George Soros and President Obama. They are different from everyone. Bill Gates grew up in a wealthy family. His mother is a board member of Technology Company and his father is a respect lawyer. His family background made him different from other ninty-five percentages ordinary American family. So Bill went to the best middle school and accepted computer education when 99 percentages of us still never heard about it. Bill and his best friends Bob are very smart people so they have a lot of comma interesting to share, but they are so thirsty of learning computer even slip into the computer room at mid-night just for using a computer. They broke lots of rule at their school and they were out of control. They didn't like others at all.
We call Buffet "the God of stock", because he can buy the most valuable stock at the cheapest price, and he made lots of money by using his unique standard to sift the best stock from over ten thousand in the global stock market. If he like anyone else, bought the same stock as our neighbors did, how he can once become the richest person on earth.
Although some successful people like Obama, Americans choose him as president because he spoke for the public. Some people would say he was more like others than to be different. But not everyone was graduated from Harvard law school like he did. Not everyone want to be the president. Even we graduated from samecollege but our major is different, or we have different dream to pursue.
In one conclusion, whether you noticed or not, successful people all had a different background and dream. If we want to be successful, we must have own expertise and characteristic.

作者: AnthonySummer 时间: 2012-10-16 17:59
Tpo 1
The lecturer rejects the ideas presented in the reading passage about four days work. In his opinion, the negative effects outweigh its benefit.
Firstly, the lecture disagrees the shortened workweek would increase company profits because hiring more staff would increase training spent and healthcare cost. Four-day work's healthcare spend as same as to five-day work's. The company also needs a larger office space to provide and buy more computer.
Latterly, the lecturer argues that the company would probably ask for a four-day worker to finish same amounts of work like a five-day worker. This will make worker overwork and would not reduce the unemployment rate. This against the reading passage mentioned that full-time employees' work would have to be shifted to others.
Finally, the reading passage said the four-day workweek would be better for individual employees and have more time to pursue private interests. The lecturer holds a different opinion. He points out that four-day employees would have a high risk when the bad economy coming and their job ability would decrease because they have less working experience. They would pass the promotion because the company would more willing hire full-time employee to become the manager.

作者: margrate 时间: 2012-10-16 22:49
标题: 1015 综合
综合修改 from margrate

作者: chengzaaaa 时间: 2012-10-17 12:33
有改的不对的地方欢迎指出讨论哟！共同进步！加油~

Ps.我16号下午到晚上没能上网，所以晚上回宿舍才看见你的作文，但是断网了所以17号中午才传，不好意思啊。

作者: AnthonySummer 时间: 2012-10-17 17:20
辛苦了！
10.16

Should all school teachers be required to attend courses every 5 years to update their knowledge?
It is an information society nowadays. Our young generations use Facebook or twitter to communication and social with their friends. It is very difficult to educate our next generation if we only use old fashion knowledge compare to those update information. Students would fascinate about new things and new knowledge would motivate them to study harder and well.
I am majoring in economics. In this financial world, investment bank and other bank institutions will invent some new module and rule every year, so they can re-package and resell financial product. They are so smart, so people call them "rocket sciences". Their update speeds far beyond other industries such mine or ship transportation. So I will check their website and news every week to catch up their speed. My college teachers also keep a good connection with the local Wall Street, and first hand information would provide students best chance to find an internship at their interesting career.
The world financial crisis happened in 2008. What if our teachers did not attend courses immediately, but waited another one year or even five years to update their knowledge. The school would lose their advantage of the education industry, and the students do not want to learn something already passed five years ago, and would never be used again. The school would suffer the shortage of students, and those students would waste their time to study useless knowledge.
Although other education area such like basic science, chemistry and high school mathematics, they did not have an extreme requirement of information update. If a teacher can use some example happen recently, to explain the deep meaning behind the story, that would greatly motivate students learning interesting.
In one conclusion, it is very necessary to update teachers' knowledge at least every 5 years. New knowledge will be attractive more students to learn well.

作者: AnthonySummer 时间: 2012-10-17 18:03
Tpo 2
The lecture and reading passage holds different opinion about group responsibility and contribution. The lecture rejects group work will be more creative and helpful.
Firstly, the lecturer objects to passage that a group can work more quickly in response to the task assigned to it because a group of people has a wider range of knowledge and skill than any individual. Actually the group is very slow to finish the project because the group members spend a lot of time on the meeting to build a relationship and to come up with a solution.
Second, the passage point out that taking part in a group process can be very rewarding for members of the team, and the individual team member has a much better chance to ""shire". The truth is that some group members got a free ride. They do not contribute to the group at all but at the end of the project, the job well done belongs to every member.
Finally, against to the reading passages opinion that the group spreads responsibility for a decision to all the members and thus no single individual can be held accountable if the decision turns out to be wrong. The professor illustrates that influential people might lead the group toward glory or failure. If the key people made a right decision would be no problem. But nobody can influence to result if the leader made a wrong decision.

作者: bonnenuit 时间: 2012-10-17 19:42
It is an information(这个是名字，形容词加al) society nowadays. Our young generations use Facebook or twitter to communication and social(这个是形容词，不能当动词用）with their friends. It is very difficult to educate our next generation if we only use old fashion knowledge compare to（with) those (information不可数）update information. Students would fascinate about new things and new knowledge would（用一般将来时就可以了） motivate them to study harder and well（better跟前面harder平行）.
I am majoring in economics. In this financial world, investment bank and other bank institutions will invent some new modules and rules every year, so they can re-package and resell financial products. They are so smart, so (换that)people call them "rocket sciences". Their update speeds far beyond other industries such as mine or ship transportation. So I will check their website and news every week to catch up their speed. My college teachers also keep a good connection with the local Wall Street, and first hand information would(will) provide students with best chance to find an internship at their interesting career.
The world financial crisis happened in 2008. What (去掉）if our teachers did not attend courses immediately, but waited another one year or even five years to update their knowledge. The school would lose their advantage of（不是教育产业的优势，而是在教育产业领域的优势，换In) the education industry, and the students do(过去式） not want to learn something already passed five years ago, and（缺主语） would never be used again. The school would suffer the shortage of students, and those students would waste their time to study useless knowledge.
Although other education area such like（as） basic science, chemistry and high school mathematics, they did(用一般现在时） not have an extreme requirement of information update. If a teacher can use some examples happen recently, to explain the deep meaning behind the story, that would greatly motivate students learning interesting.
In one conclusion, it is very necessary to update teachers' knowledge at least every 5 years. New knowledge will be attractive more students to learn well.

LZ写作功底比较还是有待提高啊
时态语法问题还需要强化

作者: AnthonySummer 时间: 2012-10-18 17:31
10.17Most people can solve the important problem in their lives by themselves or help from their families; help from the government is often not necessary.
One of Government's duties is helping their tax payer. Otherwise citizen has no need to pay the tax. It is impossible to individual solve some major natural disaster such as earthquake or hunger. Government plays the fundamental role to prove advance education and healthcare to their people.
We can ask our relatives for helping when we at the hospital, but they are not doctor and they don't have any equipment to cure our disease. Government provides us psychical equipment such as doctors and health centers. I think when we in trouble we should ask government help first because we already paid for it. After government turns us down we can ask help from our families. We can go to a private hospital if we need better medical support. If we don't have insurance we can borrow money from our families. We must feel lonely and helpless when we at the hospital. Only families and friends can give us emotional support. Both emotional support and physical treatment are very necessary to us.
Some governments only take from it own people, but it never helps its citizen when they in trouble. Such as some corruption government at Asia: North Korea. When people face hunger or flood, they cannot rely on their government. Citizen to those governments only is chips. Sometimes government helps become a burden. Their education system is not helping the citizens become smarter and independently but a tool to fool people's eyes. People don't have any internet access to know other foreign world. They don't allow to own a mobile phone in case you want to contact other foreigners. Their people live in the hell, no food and no medical care. We can only rely on our families to solve our problems when we meet cold-blooded government.
Most of the people live in an open country. Sometimes government provides us with some other emotional service. I knew some good teacher who takes good care of their students, giving their students both emotional help and tutor. The government also provides psychology center at each university. Those psychologists can help us solve the problem better than our families. But we still need an appointment to see them and they are not 24 hours on calling.
In one conclusion, our families are always supporting us and giving some emotional help that the government does not have. But the government provides us healthcare center and university so we can learn more. We need both of them.

作者: AnthonySummer 时间: 2012-10-18 18:01
Tpo 3The reading passage and lecture hold opposite opinion about the realistic of Rembrandt painting. The lecture points out this painting is an original one.
Firstly, the lecture points out the inconsistency about the way the woman's dress in the portrait is because of someone add another layer over the top of original painting 100 years ago, because that person wants to increase the value of painting. Reading passage point that Rembrandt was known for his attention to the details is true.
Latterly, the passage illustrates that Rembrandt was a master of painting light and shadow but this painting there elements not fit together. The lecture mentioned it because of the layer added on the original one that has changed the reflection. If we watching without the layer, we can find the shadow appears rightly.
Finally, the lecture object to the passage that Rembrandt never uses this kind of glued together panel was faked because those words were added latterly because people can't make it look valuable. Although the painting reveals was painted on a panel made of several pieces of wood glued together, but the lecture said they found a self-patriot painted by Rembrandt used the same wood.

作者: kiddy72 时间: 2012-10-18 20:47

One of Government's duties is helping their tax payer. Otherwise citizen has no need to pay the tax.这句应该是说否则市民就需要缴税吧？ It is impossible to individual solve some problems caused by major natural disaster such as earthquake or hunger. Government plays thea fundamental role to proveprovide advanced education and healthcare to their people.
We can ask our relatives for helping when we at the hospital, but they are not doctors and they don't have any equipments to cure our disease. Government provides us psychical equipment such as doctors医生不算equipment吧 and health centers. I think when we in trouble we should ask government for help first because we already paid for it.这句逻辑有点跳跃 After government turns us down we can ask help from our families. We can go to a private hospital if we need better medical support. If we don't have insurance we can borrow money from our families. We must feel lonely and helpless when we at the hospital. Only families and friends can give us emotional support. Both emotional support and physical treatment are very necessary to us.厄看完这段没明白你是支持哪个观点
Some governments only take from it own people,厄不能这么说吧 but it never helps its citizens when they in trouble. Such as some corruption government at Asia: North Korea. When people face hunger or flood, they cannot rely on their government.个人认为还是最好别提到一些政治敏感话题吧～保险起见 Citizen to those governments only is chips. Sometimes government helps become a burden. Their education system is not helping the citizens become smarter and independently but a tool to fool people'~~s eyes~~. People don't have any internet access to know ~~other foreign~~ the world. They don't allow to own a mobile phone in case youthey want to contact other foreigners. Their people live in the hell, no food and no medical care. We can only rely on our families to solve our problems when we meet cold-blooded government.
Most of the people live in an open country. Sometimes government provides us with some other emotional service. I knewknow some good teachers who takestake good care of their students, giving their students both emotional help and tutoring. The government also provides psychology center at each university. 个人认为这些举措和政府没什么关系啊 Those psychologists can help us solve the problem better than our families. But we still need an appointment to see them and they are not 24 hours on calling.
In one conclusion, our families ~~are~~ always supportingsupport us and givinggive some emotional helps that the government ~~does not have~~cannot give. But the government provides us healthcare center and university so we can learn more.前面有center 和 university两个主体不能说从center学到很多 We need both of them.

文章的观点不够清晰，建议这位同学去看一下关于托福写作的逻辑习惯和论点叙述方法。简单句有点多，可以多用些被动、倒转、从句之类的。个人观点可以多多讨论加油哦～

作者: AnthonySummer 时间: 2012-10-19 17:50
10.18Do you agree that the best way for parents to make the children learn about responsibility is to have children to care for an animal?
Sometimes children would lack of sympathy because they did not experience the same tough things like adults or their parents. The best way to teach children how to sympathy and understand others is put the children into the others' shoes.
It is very expensive to raise a kid. Especially some parents who live in metropolitan cities like Shanghai or New York, after a long day work and traffic jam, need to pick up their kids at school, then come back home the first time and cook for their kids and spent time with the kids. Ironically, some kids just did not appreciate your hard work. Whether the kids do not like the food or ask parents to buy a new mobile phone and a computer game. If the children can understand the difficulty of raising a kid, which would be much comfortable for their parents.
To solve this problem, parents can buy a pet such as a dog, cat or rabbit. Let the children take own responsibility to take care of the pets. Day after day, child and pet would grow a friendship. It would be a great help for children mind grow up. The child need prepare food and do the clean job for pets. If someday the child forgot feeding, the pets and pets caught a cold because Child's careless. The child must take care of ill pet bythem own. After he/she experience this process, children would understand how difficult their parents were.
Although it is much easier for children take care of a pet, but after children learn about sympathy then grows up a responsibility and independent heart. Those children would learn to care about themselves and their parents.

作者: AnthonySummer 时间: 2012-10-19 18:55
Tpo 4The lecture object to the reading passage's opinion that dinosaurs are endotherms from three parts: the location where dinosaurs lived, leg position and blood vessels. These evidences cannot prove that dinosaurs can keep their body temperature warm.
Firstly, the reading passage points out that dinosaurs fossil was found in Polar Regions, and only endotherms can live in a cold climate. The professor argued that the Polar region used to be a warm place, warmer than today. Dinosaurs can immigrate to a warm region when the temperature becomes cold.
Secondly, the leg position of dinosaurs can be used to support the super weight of dinosaurs. Growing large would be a critical benefit to survive. This against to the passage's opinion that underneath leg allows sustained physical activity such as running.
Finally, the processor acknowledges the fact that the bone structures of endothermy have Haversian canals, but the passage failed to point out the grown ring structure. When the climate becomes cold, grown ring structure can help dinosaurs grow slowly or even stop growing. When the climate warmer, grown ring can help dinosaurs grow quickly.
Then the professor can give the reason why dinosaurs are not endotherm.

作者: klllun 时间: 2012-10-19 20:16
4

The lecture(用人做主语更加合适，lecturer) objects to the reading passage's opinion that dinosaurs areendotherms from three parts: the location where dinosaurs lived, leg positionand blood vessels. These evidences cannot prove that dinosaurs can keep theirbody temperature warm.

Firstly, the reading passage points outthat dinosaurs fossil(dinosaur fossil单复数要统一哈) was found in PolarRegions, and only endotherms can live in a cold climate. The professor arguedthat the Polar region used to be a warm place, warmer than today. Dinosaurs canimmigrate to a warm region when the temperature becomes cold. （听漏了一点哈，还有一个冬眠的）

Secondly, the leg position of dinosaurs canbe used to support the super weight of dinosaurs. Growing large would be acritical benefit to survive. This against to the~~passage's~~ opinion（of the author in thepassage） that underneath leg allows sustainedphysical activity such as running.

Finally, the processor acknowledges thefact that the bone structures of endothermy have Haversian canals, but thepassage failed to point out the grown ring structure. When the climate becomescold, grown ring structure can help dinosaurs grow slowly or even stop growing.When the climate warmer, grown ring can help dinosaurs grow quickly. (此处结尾的有点突兀，可以加入一句点评，也是lecture中有提到的，thus…这样的现象与endothermy的关系不成立)

Then the professor can give the reason whydinosaurs are not endotherm.

整体上是没有什么问题的，建议可以详细一些细节。格式上，还有每段之间空一行哈~加油的！

作者: deanlone 时间: 2012-10-19 20:56
Sometimes children would lack of sympathy（lack of 一般是用于名词，the lack of 或者a lack of） because they did not experience the same tough things like adults or their parents. The best way to teach children how to be sympathetic(sympathy是名词，应该用sympathetic，并且前面加be) and understand others is put the children into the others' shoes（这句话用在这我也不太清楚是否合适，但是总感觉意思和主题有点衔接不上）. 同情和负责任似乎是两码事。。可以在看看是否偏题，而且说实话开头段没有标明观点

It is very expensive to raise a kid. Especially some parents who live in metropolitan cities like Shanghai or New York
, after a long day work and the traffic jam, need to pick up their kids at school, then come back home the first time and cook for their kids and spent time with the kids. Ironically, some kids just do not appreciate your hard work（时态要多注意，整片应用一般现在时）. Whether the kids do not like the food or ask parents to buy a new mobile phone and a computer game. If the children can understand the difficulty of raising a kid, which would be much comfortable for their parents.（if条件句，但是没有主句，后面用的却是which引导的非限制定语从句）

To solve this problem, parents can buy a pet such as a dog, cat or rabbit. Let the children take own responsibility to take care of the pets. Day after day, child and pet would cultivate a friendship（grow→cultivate）. It would be a great help for children mind grow up. The child need to prepare food and do the clean job for pets（用法不对）. If someday the child forgot feeding（缺宾语）, the pets and pets caught a cold because Child's careless（整句话有很大的问题，建议重写）. The child must take care of ill pet by them own（应该为themselves）. After he/she experience this process, children would understand how difficult their parents were.

Although it is much easier for children to take care of a pet, but after children learn about sympathy and then grows up a responsibility and independent heart（没这种搭配，要么就to be independent）. Those children would learn to care about themselves and their parents.

整体而言，似乎字数太少了，只有300不到，而且文章的逻辑性不够，开头段没有标明准确的立场，后面展开的中间两段并不能有效支持作者观点，缺乏有效论证和例子来支持，结构框架比较混乱，语法错误很明显，从句使用不正确，建议可以先看看语法书籍，提高写作基础，之后再看张红岩的十天突破或者慎小嶷《十天突破新托福Essays+MP3》

作者: AnthonySummer 时间: 2012-10-20 19:49
Tpo 5
The reading passage purposed three suggestions of the primary function of Chaco Canyon houses, but the lectures against those opinions and purpose more specific expiations.

The lecture argues that if the Chaco structures were purely residential and housing hundreds of people. Simultaneously, residents would require hundreds of daily cooking place. But only ten cooking place was founded. So the Chaco structures could not be the residential building.

Latterly, the reading passage argues that the Chaco structures were used to store food supplies such as grain maize. As Instead, the lectures point out that if the place had been used for storing maize would have many traces and remain of maize. There have no evidences were found at the Chaco.

Finally, regarding the theory "ceremony centers theory", and use similar house called Pueblo Alto as a comparison, because the research found a surprisingly large number of broken pots as evidence to support that people gathered at Pueblo Alto for ceremonies. But the passage failed to point that they found large amounts of construction trash, so the broken pots maybe used to be worker's pots.

作者: AnthonySummer 时间: 2012-10-20 20:15
10.19 toefl 五段式Do you agree or disagree? It is better to work with your own computer and telephone at your home than work in your company's office.
Working at home with own computer and telephone can save us a lot of time on driving a car or waiting for the traffic jam, but working at home prevents us to communicate with our colleagues face to face and hand the working material personally. Sometimes telephone communication will bring us a lot of trouble of misunderstanding.

I am working for an investment company and my job function requires high speed internet access, but the company at my community provides low speed network access, furthermore, the network connection would crash several times per week, which extreme influence my normal work. Every time when it happens, my heart almost jumps out of my mouth because if I cannot sell the futures in my account and market going down, I would lose hundreds of thousands of money in less than one minute. I would better work at a company which provides me high speed and stable network connection.

I would use a lot of private company's papers which was highly sensitive. So I cannot bring the papers back to my home and it is impossible to me bring all of them back home. I would rather check information at the company library. Sometimes my colleagues and I would visit the company which we plan to invest. So it is impossible work home alone.

However, some industry such as: computer game industry or art industry. They might be possible work at home with computer and telephone, and they can use long distance video conference instead of a real meeting. But we should admit that a video conference would never be better than face to face communication, because we were not able to observe every detail or the atmosphere.

In one conclusion, considered our technology and support facilities were not advanced enough to compete with working at the company. I preferred to work at the office.

作者: birdie089123 时间: 2012-10-20 21:11
10.19 toefl 五段式Do you agree or disagree? It is better to work with your own computer and telephone at your home than work in your company's office.
Working at home with own computer and telephone can save us a lot of time on driving a car or waiting for the traffic jam, but working at home prevents us to(from communicating) communicate with our colleagues face to face and hand the working material personally. Sometimes telephone communication will bring us a lot of trouble of misunderstanding. (最好再加一句明确表明观点的话来结尾)

I am working for an investment company and my job function requires high speed internet access, but the company at(in) my community provides low speed network access,. Furthermore, the network connection would crash several times per week, which extreme influence(hinder) my normal work. Every time when it happens, my heart almost jumps out of my mouth because if I cannot sell the futures in my account and market going down, I would lose hundreds of thousands of money in less than one minute. I would better work at a company which provides me high speed and stable network connection.
(不切题,最好例子能与第一段的TS照应,而且,这一段的是说想去一个好网络的company 没有直接反映与在家work的区别,不如说家里网络差公司网络稳定.)

I would use a lot of private company's papers which was highly sensitive. So I cannot bring the papers back to my home and it is impossible to(for) me (to) bring all of them back home. I would rather check information at the company library(archive?公司图书馆?). Sometimes my colleagues and I would visit the company which we plan to invest. (,so) So it is impossible work home alone.

However(让步用admittedly好点), some industry such as: computer game industry or art industry(句子不完整). They might be possible work at home with computer and telephone, and they can use(use 用的不好,建议直接用 have conference call instead of a traditional .real meeting 怪怪的.) long distance video conference instead of a real meeting. But we should admit that a video conference would never be better than face to face communication, because we were not able to observe every detail or the atmosphere(是想表达situation?).

In one conclusion, considered our technology and support facilities were not advanced enough to compete with working at the company. I preferred to work at the office.
总结:我认为这个题目主要的关键词是 work at homevswork in companyInternet or telephone 可以作为理由但是不应该是主题.因此写观点应该着重体现家里与公司的差别而不是这两种交流工具的优缺点之类的.
对于本文格式,我认为既然TOEFL 阅读都给我们呈现一个很好的TS + Detail (+conclusion)的结构,我认为这个结构在作文中还是应该首选, 每一段写清楚topic sentence ,之后写例子也不容易偏题.
因为我自己对于句子的表达也不好,所以句式丰富之类的我不能帮你,我只能指出一些你用词不恰当的地方.我主要看的问题还是指出审题和如何用例子很好的支持论点. 可能我也有理解偏差的地方,大家多交流,加油

作者: dreamcece 时间: 2012-10-21 06:24
标题: 10.19 综合改
蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误

The reading passage ~~purposed~~ proposed three suggestions of the ~~primary~~原文中没有表达类似的意思，综合写作中不要加上自己的意见 function of Chaco Canyon houses, but the lectures（只有一个Lecture吧，那个复数从何而来？） against（against做介词做形容词，就是不做动词，你这句话没有谓语哦。） those opinions and purpose more specific ~~expiations~~ explanations expiations是赎罪的意思哦.

The lecture argues that if the Chaco structures were purely residential and housing hundreds of people. 这个结构表达得很奇怪，什么是argues that if... and ... Simultaneously, residents would require hundreds of daily cooking place. ~~But~~，but only ten cooking place was founded 有效信息. So the Chaco structures could not be the residential building.

Latterly, the reading passage argues that the Chaco structures were used to store food supplies such as grain maize有效信息. As Instead 明白你想要表达转折的意思，但是as instead不是正确的表达, the ~~lectures~~ Lecturer points out that if the place had been used for storing maize, there would have many traces and remain of maize. There have no evidences were found at the Chaco.

Finally, regarding the theory "ceremony centers theory", and use similar house called Pueblo Alto as a comparison, because the research found a surprisingly large number of broken pots as evidence to support that people gathered at Pueblo Alto for ceremonies. 整句话没有主语，谓语不明确，让人读不懂啊读不懂。建议分成几个单句。But the passage failed to point that they found large amounts of construction trash, so the broken pots maybe used to be worker's pots.
总结：1. 听力内容上面基本无问题，注意了用听力中的细节作为有效信息
2. 楼主可能写作的时候没有太注意句子的结构，或者基础问题：英语的句子结构要完整的话首先要有主谓宾，其他的特殊句式介于基础原因不建议楼主现在尝试，之前两段还好好的除了拼写和小的时态错误，其他没有大问题。第三段就犯了一个大忌讳，没有主语，谓语不明，因果逻辑不清晰，所以建议还是从基础做起。
3. 综合写作指示简单的表达和转述，其他的深奥表达复杂运用在这里并不适用，因为这里考察的重点在于你能不能通过听力和阅读进行文字转述，仅此而已。

作者: AnthonySummer 时间: 2012-10-21 17:54
10.20Some people claim that if we have an opportunity to take a secure job, we should take it right away, while others think we should wait for a satisfying job, which do you prefer?
Some people want to have a life without too much risk. They will prefer a secure job. As instance, I will wait for a satisfying job because a good job cost your time and energy to search. Some job interview of famous company will require a whole day, so it is impossible to focus your energy on the currently job.

I think some jobs such as future trader, hedge fund manager or even auditor are a high risk job, because we need to focus all of our hearts on the work if we want to job well done. Our good performance in the work is the key determination of job security. A secure job means low risk and we would wait a longtime to get a job promotion. If we currently have a secure job, simultaneous, preparing another job interview and take the night train to another city for the interview. Those actions will greatly decrease the performance of currently work quality. The secure job will become not secure at all.

Take my example, I used to be a daily future goods trader. The traders require extreme focus on the market, just like tiger hunt a deer. We usually need to wait few days even few weeks just for a perfect moment to buy futures at reasonable price and sell it at a highest price. There have been no big difference where or which company I work. If my job is well-done, then my boss would differently give me a promotion without asking, because I become the value asset to my company. Most satisfying job depends on your past job performance.

Although some people would take a chance and try their luck to find a better pay job or a better working environment, but without personally to work at a new place, we would never know whether the next job is better than currently job. So I still prefer to wait for a satisfying job then tries my best to finish the work.

In one conclusion, our working performance decided the job is secure or not. Even we find a satisfying job but day after day working. We would feel tired and feel the satisfying job no longer satisfying.

作者: AnthonySummer 时间: 2012-10-21 18:33
Tpo 6

The professor holds different opinion of the reading passage, use some specific example illustrates the online encyclopedias are better and have more advantage and more valuable than traditional, printed encyclopedias.

Firstly, the professor points some reference of printed encyclopedias contains errors, too. Even the writers are trained experts. Once the encyclopedias were printed, and those errors would remain. Online-encyclopedias can be correct at any time.

Secondly, she objects to that those online encyclopedias give unscrupulous users and hackers the opportunity to fabricate or delete. Some online encyclopedias took lots of protection such as some papers were only allowed to read, or the company owned online encyclopedias would hire special editor to edit, to limit the potential harmful reasons.

Thirdly, the professor argues that the communal encyclopedias focus dig deep on trivial and topics, which will accumulate response the users' interesting. As instead, the traditional encyclopedias provided limited space on paper and cannot accumulate reflect most public's opinion, because its editor is specializers and they cannot understand the public feeling.

作者: 夏之鱼语 时间: 2012-10-21 19:39
Some people claim that if we have an opportunity to take a secure job, we should take it right away, while others think we should wait for a satisfying job, which do you prefer?

Some people want to have a life without too much risk. They will prefer a secure job. As instance, I will wait for a satisfying job because a good job cost your【my】time and energy to search. Some job interview of famous company【companies】 will require a whole day, so it is impossible to focus your【my】energy on the currently job.

I think some jobs【，】such as future trader, hedge fund manager or even auditor 【，】are a【去掉】 high risk job【s】, because we need to focus all of our hearts【attention】 on the work if we want to 【do it well】job well done. Our good performance in the work is the key determination of job security【Our good performance guarantee job opportunities for us】. A secure job means low risk and we would wait a longtime to get a job【去掉，累赘】 promotion. If we currently have a secure job, simultaneous, preparing another job interview and take the night train to another city for the interview. Those actions will greatly decrease the performance of currently work quality. 【This will greatly decrease the quality of our currently work.】The secure job will become not secure at all.

Take my【myself for】 example, I used to be a daily future goods trader. The traders require【required被要求】 extreme focus on the market, just like tiger hunt a deer. We usually need to wait【for a】 few days even 【a】few weeks just for a perfect moment to buy futures at reasonable price and sell it at a highest price. There have been no big【obvious】 difference 【about】where or which company I work. If my job is well-done, then my boss would differently【嘛意思？】give me a promotion without asking, because I become the value asset to my company. Most satisfying job depends on your past job performance.

Although some people would take a chance and try their luck to find a better pay【better-pay】 job or a better working environment, but without personally to work at a new place, we would never know whether the next job is better than currently job. So I still prefer to wait for a satisfying job then tries【than try】 my best to finish the work. 【prefer to do sth. rather than do sth】

In one conclusion, our working performance decided【decides whether】the job is secure or not. Even we find a satisfying job but day after day working. We would feel tired and feel the satisfying job no longer satisfying. 【Even we find a satisfying job， day after day working would made us feel tired， and then ，the satisfying job no longer satisfying.】

作者: 阿伦艾弗森 时间: 2012-10-21 20:17
The professor holds different opinion of the reading passage, and uses some specific examplesto illustrates the online encyclopedias are better and have more advantage and more valuable than traditional, printed encyclopedias.(一个句子只能有一个谓语，当想要出现多个谓语时、用连词)

Firstly, the professor points some reference of printed encyclopedias contains（注意主谓一致） errors, too. ~~Even the writers are trained experts~~. Once the encyclopedias were printed, and those errors would remain. （最好有个表转折的连接词）Online-encyclopedias can be correct at any time.（细节太少了）

Secondly, she （本段没有出现可以指代的人，最好用professor）objects to that those online encyclopedias give unscrupulous users and hackers the opportunity to fabricate or delete.（这句是reading的观点）Some online encyclopedias took (最好全文使用一个时态)lots of protections such as some papers were only allowed to read, or the company owned online encyclopedias would hire special editor to edit, to limit the potential harmful reasons.
（这两个点最好重听一下，在用清楚的逻辑叙述出来）

Thirdly, the professor argues that the communal encyclopedias focus dig deep on trivial and topics, which will accumulate response the users' interesting. As instead, the traditional encyclopedias provided limited space on paper and cannot accumulate reflect most public's opinion, because its editor is specializers and they cannot understand the public feeling. （时态一致）

1.语法问题很严重，注意主谓一致、时态一致、连词问题
2、注意你的逻辑。用连词把想表达的逻辑关系清楚的表示出来
3、听力不是很准确。细节少。
4、建议你以后用word写作文，会自动修改一些语法小毛病。

一定拙见，望共同进步~！

作者: AnthonySummer 时间: 2012-10-22 17:24
10.21 If you need to discuss upsetting or controversial problems with others, you will use email or text messaging, OR use the telephone or voice-messaging.
Life has its high point and low point, and we would ask friends favor when we feel upsetting or face controversial problems. Sometimes we live separately with our friends or colleagues, and we want to consult them about one controversial problem, so the best way is calling them. If we need consulting different people at one time, we probably just send an email or text to them and waiting for their suggestion.

Firstly, the best economical and time efficiently way to solve some controversial problem which happened at the workplace is making a telephone call. E-mail is not as popular as the telephone to solve work problem in China. People are not possible check their email box all the time, so the telephone is the best way to reach the key person. I am a future goods trader, to the traders, "time is money", every second we are waiting for that means we already lose the best moment to buy or sell. I will call my colleagues who at headquarters and ask them some controversial problems such as this company's stock lost ten percentage from the past three minutes, such as: should I buy more or hold my currently position. If my colleague is not familiar with this company, he will pass to the next one who knows the company. No other communication tool is better than the telephone to consult emergency and controversial problems.

Furth more, if the problem is important but not emergency, I would send an email to my colleague. Sometimes I need to check the background and match the accounting information of the company I would invest, so I will take airplane go to another city or even different time zones to visit headquarter of the company. I will send a daily email report to my boss with the attachment of evidence to support my report. Some pictures or excel form of the company always are the best way to solve controversial problems when my boss have an aopposite opinion of the investment. I also don't worry about time difference will disturb my colleagues' rest or work.

In one conclusion, if I want to solve an emergency and controversial problem, so I would call my colleagues first. If the problem is not emergency and need some pictures and other evidence to prove, I will send an email to my colleagues.

作者: AnthonySummer 时间: 2012-10-22 18:10
Tpo 7 2012-10-22 17:47:49

The reading passage and the lecturer hold opposite opinion of encouraging ecologically sustainable practices. The lecture holds much more positive attitude of suggesting wood companies to apply the certification.

Frist, the lecture object to that American consumer pay less attention and don't trust to the ecocertification label. In fact, the American consumer will treat differently if the advertisement comes from an independent international organization with trust worthy reputation, and the customers feel more confident about the independent organization.

Second, the reading point out those consumers will much more price sensitive about the ecocertification product. As instead, the lecturer argues that only if the price difference reaches five percentages, then the consumers will pay more attention to price. In fact, consumers tend to choose products which are preserving and protecting the environment.

Third, even as the reading mentions that Pursuing certification would only make sense for the American wood companies sell its wooden products insider the country, but the reading failed to illustrate that not only foreign consumers were care about the ecocertified woody products, but also lots of foreign company start to sell their ecocertified products at the states. Those foreign companies will take over local companies' market if the local company defends themselves market slowly and not offer the aecocertified label products.

作者: 小滋滋 时间: 2012-10-22 19:39
1021改
The reading passage and the lecturer hold opposite opinion of encouraging ecologically sustainable practices.（ about ecologically sustainable practices既然不同，就不用表明正反态度，反正你下面也会给出的） The lecture holds much more positive attitude of suggesting wood companies to apply the certification.

Fristly, the lecture objects to that American consumer pay less attention and don't trust to the ecocertification label. In fact, the American consumer will treat （？没有宾语）differently if the advertisement comes from an independent international organization with trust worthy reputation, and the customers feel more confident about the independent organization. (从if开始改成下面这句会不会好一点呢？The consumer will feel more confident about the product with ecocertification from a trust independent international organization)

Secondly, the reading points out those(无所指) consumers will much more price sensitive about the ecocertification product.(will be much more sensitive to price of the ecocertification product ) As instead, the lecturer argues that only if the price difference reaches five percentages, （then可以去掉） the consumers will pay more attention to price. In fact, consumers tend to choose products which are preserving and protecting the environment. （此处可以使用情态动词不需要用进行时态吧？preserve and protect the environment）

Thirdly, even as（全去掉） the reading mentions that Pursuing certification would only make sense for the American wood companies (which) sell its(their) wooden products insider the country, but the reading failed to illustrate that not only foreign consumers were care about the ecocertified woody products, but also lots of foreign company start to sell their ecocertified products at the states. Those foreign companies will take over local companies' market if the local company defends themselves market slowly and not offer the aecocertified label products.(听力中很主要的一点是美国的公司需要抓住美国顾客的intrest,我觉着这一点有必要写进去，而没有提到foreign consumers)
总结：
1. 听力第三点希望重新听一下，没有抓住重点
2. 有语法错误，例如，even but不能在一句话连用，主谓一致，单复数要注意，还有一些单词拼写的小错误
3. 建议背一个综合写作的模版，这样在整体结构上能规范一些
今天刚加入小分队，一点愚见，希望共同进步
写在word里面，发现在黏贴没有颜色，只好传附件了，嘿嘿，不好意思啦

作者: dreamcece 时间: 2012-10-23 07:21
等1022独立

作者: 小滋滋 时间: 2012-10-23 08:47
1021改
Life has its high point and low point, and we would ask friends favor when we feel upsetting or face controversial problems. Sometimes we live separately with our friends or colleagues, and we want to consult them about one controversial problem, so the best way is calling them. (逻辑不通顺，建议改成Since we live separately with our friends or colleagues, if we want to consult them about one controversial problem,the best way is to them.)However, If we need consult~~ing~~ different people at one time, we probably just send an email or text to them and wait~~ing~~ for their suggestion.

Firstly, the best economical and ~~time~~ efficiently way to solve some controversial problem which happened at the workplace is making(to make) a telephone call. E-mail is not as popular as the telephone to solve work problem in China. People are not possible check their email box all the time, so the telephone is the best way to reach the key person.For example, I am a future goods trader, to thetraders,"time is money", every second we are waiting for ~~that~~ means we already lose the best moment to buy or sell.(语法错误，前两个分句没有连词连接)Thus,(此处应该加个连词，感觉有点不连贯) I often call my colleagues who at headquarters and（to） ask them some controversial problems such as ~~this company's stock lost ten percentage from the past three minutes, such as:(这个好像不是problem~~ 是不是也应该改成以should/whether开头的句子？) should I buy more or hold my currently position. If my colleague is not familiar with this company, he will pass to the next one who knows the company. （Thus） other communication tool is better than the telephone to consult emergency and controversial problems.

Furth more, (如果分情况的话，这两段句首最好应该写成 on the one hand,on the other hand)if the problem is important but not emergency, I would send an email to my colleague. Sometimes I need to check the background and match the accounting information of the company I would invest, so I will take airplane go to another city or even different time zones to visit headquarter of the company. I will send a daily email report with the attachment of（attached with）evidenceto my boss换个位置~~to support my report语义重复~~. ~~Some~~Using（way是一种方式应该对应一个动作而不应该是一个东西吧？）pictures or excel form of the company always are the best way to solve controversial problems when my boss have an aopposite opinion of the investment. I alsodon't worry about time difference will disturb my colleagues' rest or work.

In ~~one~~ conclusion, if I want to solve an emergency and controversial problem, so I would（will 主将从现） call my colleagues firstly. If the problem is notemergencyandneedsome pictures and other evidence to prove, I will send an email to my colleagues
总结：
1例子很好地反映主题，文章构思结构好
2但是建议在段落中加入更多逻辑连接词，使文章逻辑结构更加清晰
3语法，句子的用法需要加强
昨天第一天加入小分队，不会看分组，我以为是后面的同学帮前面的改，就像综合写作似的，不知道是互批，望见谅，实在不好意思了，呜呜呜

作者: AnthonySummer 时间: 2012-10-23 17:27
10.22More and more people are spending money on their pets, even though there can be other good ways to spend money.

We live in an independent and free world. People have their freedom to choose whether spending their money on luxury habit such as fancy car and an overseas trip, or spending on a daily necessity like university education or ordinary car. I always think we have no right to judge other people if their behaviors have no negative influence on the society. Ironically, American government spends more and more money on military equipment that can create more job opportunity. I think some people spending their legality money on their pets are a good choice. Some pets like cats or dogs help lots of senior citizens solving their loneness, bring a lot of happy childhood to young children. Pets become more and more important in this society. Pets industry created an incredible job opportunity even millionaire.

A tendency is that more and more Chinese families start to spend money on pets. Lots of them are senior citizens, because their children are busy on work and did not have a lot of free time to visit them, so they feel lonely and helpless. A dog or cat is the best way to release their loneness. We can train dog help to lead blind people. Dog has a sensitive smell, so they can alarm a senior citizen if they forgot to turn down the gas stove, sometimes even can a dog can save master's life. More than ninety percentages of Chinese new families have an only child because the one child policy of the Communist party, so most of our next generation do not have sisters or brothers. A pet can help young kids take their responsibility of taking care of others, and they will learn a lot of precious characteristic such as sympathy, duty, and forgive. I knew from the Scientific American that a child who has parts have higher emotionally intelligent than other children who don't have pets.

Although there have more place requires us spend precious money. In a poverty area of China, some families even don't have enough rice to feed their young children. Annual income of their parents is below two hundred dollars. They don't have electricity and running water. Their children need across ten miles mountain alley every day to reach the school. But after all as a tax payer, I can donate money to poverty areas and help the most I can. Simultaneously, other duties such as building a school or providing education to children, providing running water and other fundamental equipment is government's duty.

In one conclusion, we live in a free world, and we have right to dominate our money, spending money on pets is good for economic and meet citizen's needs. We can try our best to help the poverty areas. But as a tax payer, the government is the main role to help majority citizens.

作者: AnthonySummer 时间: 2012-10-23 18:25
Tpo 8
The lecture uses some specific evidence to prove that reading passage has a flaw, and point that Chevalier's memoir was basically the truth.
First, the reading point that Chevalier is not as rich as he claimed, because recent evidence showed he borrowed considerable sums of money from a merchant. While the professor claim that Chevalier was rich indeed, because he has a lot of value property, so he need wait server days to convert those assets into money.
Second, the professor challenge the reading passage is skeptical about the accuracy of the conversations that the Chevalier's memoir between himself and the famous writer Voltaire, and points out that the memoir cannot capture the conversations accurately because it was written many years later. The professor explains that Chevalier would write down every particular conversation after the conversation, and he consulted several journals to review the conversation before writing the memoir.
Third, the professor objects to the claim in the passage that Chevalier's politically well-connected friends in Venice who offered a bribe so that Chevalier was released. The professor is citing the strong evidence that an official document report they need repair cell room when the day Chevalier was released. Furthermore, she points that other prisoners who had more powerful friends than Chevalier, and none of their bribes are successful.

作者: mcs6436288 时间: 2012-10-24 00:23
The lecture uses some specific evidences to prove that readingpassage has a flaw, and point that Chevalier's memoir was basically the truth.
First, the readingpoints that Chevalieris not as rich as he claimed, because recent evidence showed he borrowedconsiderable sums of money from a merchant. While the professor claim thatChevalier was rich indeed, because he has(had) a lot of value property, so he need waitserver days to convert those assets into money.
Second, the professor challenges the reading passage is skeptical about(没搞懂) the accuracyof the conversations thatthe Chevalier's memoir between himself and the famous writer Voltaire(动词), and pointsout that the memoir cannot capture the conversations accurately because it waswritten many years later. The professor explains that Chevalier would write down（这个时态不好，表推断？事实，直接用完成时或者过去时吧） every particular conversation after the conversation, andhe consulted several journals to review the conversation before writing thememoir.
Third, the professor objects to theclaim in the passage that Chevalier'spolitically well-connected friends in Venice who offered a bribe so thatChevalier was released. The professor is citing the strong evidence thatan official document reported they needed(我觉得还是用过去式吧，和后面的was released对应一些) repair cell room when the day Chevalier was released. Furthermore,she points that other prisoners who had more powerful friends than Chevalier（成分残缺）, and(转折的逻辑关系吧) none oftheir bribes are successful.

没什么大问题，有些小错误可能是打字快的原因吧。从G的经验来看，从句还是加that好。最后再总结几句吧，用不了什么时间。有些地方说的不对的，望见谅。

作者: dreamcece 时间: 2012-10-24 00:40
标题: 10.22 独立改
蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误

10.22More and more people are spending money on their pets, even though there can be other good ways to spend money.

We live in an independent and free world. People have their freedom to choose whether spending their money on luxury habit such as fancy car and an overseas trip, or spending on a daily necessity like university education or ordinary car，or连接的形式要对称. I always think （建议换一个表达，always do略含贬义） we have no right to judge other people if their behaviors have no negative influence on the society. Ironically, American government spends more and more money on military equipment that can create more job opportunity. 这个定语从句有问题，that 在这里不能做连接词，因为有介词On；而且从句结构不完全，所以更不能用that做连接词。I think some people spending their legality money on 嘛意思？？ their pets are a good choice. Some pets like cats or dogs help lots of senior citizens solving [help sb. (to)do sth. / relieve/ eliminate loneness, 没有solve loneness这个表达] their loneness, bring a lot of happy childhood to young children. Pets become more and more important in this society. Pets industry created an incredible job opportunity even millionaire. 提一个问题，第一段是开头段，我觉得你的分析其实证明你有想过这个问题，但是你的thesis statement在哪里？？？我完全不能从你的第一段中预测到你下面要讲的问题，这样的议论文是很要不得的。

A tendency is that more and more Chinese families start to spend money on pets. 这个subpoint就提的很好 Lots of them are senior citizens, because their children are busy on work and did not have a lot of free time to visit them, so they feel lonely and helpless. A dog or cat is the best way to release their loneness. We can train dog help to lead blind people. Dog has a sensitive smell, so they can alarm a senior citizen if they forgot to turn down the gas stove, sometimes even can a dog can save master's life. More than ninety percentages of Chinese new families have an only child because the one child policy of the Communist party, so most of our next generation do not have sisters or brothers. A pet can help young kids take their responsibility of taking care of others, and they will learn a lot of precious characteristic such as sympathy, duty, and forgive. I knew from the Scientific American that a child who has ~~parts~~ pets have higher emotionally intelligent than other children who don't have pets. 【这一段大多在讲养宠物的好处，这确实是chinese families spend money on pets的原因，所以建议是写完每一个原因，强调你的分论点】

Although there have more place requires us spend precious money. 【precious money是啥。。。。你想说有更多花钱的地方就直接这样说，不要把老美看不懂的表达抓上来。。。】 In a the poverty area of China, some families even don't have enough rice to feed their young children. Annual income of their parents is below two hundred dollars. They don't have electricity and running water. Their children need across ten miles mountain alley every day to reach the school. But after all as a tax payer, I can donate money to poverty areas and help the most I can. Simultaneously, other duties such as building a school or providing education to children, providing running water and other fundamental equipment is government's duty. 每个点的连接应该有连词表示承接、转折、递进

In one conclusion, we live in a free world, and we have right to dominate our money, spending money on pets is good for economic and meet citizen's needs.
We can try our best to help the poverty areas. But as a tax payer, the government is the main role to help majority citizens.
最后，希望Anthony能加油客服语法大关，看语法书也好，问老师也好，一定要把基本语法比如定语从句、宾语从句掌握住。因为从我改你作文的这近一个月以来，语法真的是限制你写作的一个大问题。
还有，一些不确定的词的用法希望见到一次就记住一次，积累一次，这样才能有提高。所以写作文不仅仅是你每天坚持写就够了的，而是要反复检查、思考、累积。如果你花一天把你写过的每一篇作文里面所犯的错误都揪出来，记住的话，我觉得远远要比你这样天天写、写10天来得有效。

作者: AnthonySummer 时间: 2012-10-24 17:22
10.23

There is no reason to be impolite (rude) to the other people.

辛苦CECE耐心的修改了！经过你们的提醒，我现在非常注意语法和逻辑两大主要问题，做到三思而落笔，写之前想清楚主位逻辑关系，一个句子做到一个主语，不乱用长句反正也写错导致大家都不明白，时态等其他问题已经在深入研究中了，经过你们一点拨也的的确确豁然开朗。不过有些句子实在在短时间里面无法提高，对不住你批改了！O(∩_∩)O谢谢

We can give other people a smile if we appreciate their contributions or work. Simultaneously, we will treat them a little rude or impolite to show our dislike of their behaviors or work. Human being is the only animal who can smile or express their emotion on the face. That is the result of evolution. Emotional expression is also an advantage and key factor to human dominate this world. So there have a thousand reasons to be impolite to the other people.

First, we treat other person impolite that is a very necessary factor to express our dissatisfied of their work. At China, I accept few education of emotional intelligence, as instead, we are mainly talking about intelligence quotient. Most of our parents ask their children have an excellent score of their study, but few ask their children to social and join community activity. When those children become adult, then entered workplace, and they would hardly cannot deal impolite and unsatisfied customer. Indeed, more and more unsafely food such as polluted milk or meat. Customers had tried all the way to express their concern of daily need. Except violence and law weapon, impolite words and behavior are the most efficient way to catch public attention, and to defend people's right. Since only few officials would speak to the public in China and citizens have no right to vote their president.

Furth more, this is against our nature if we cannot express to be impolite to the other. We will feel depress when we failed to achieve a goal. We will feel happy if we help someone. Expressing our feeling is a good way to tell other people how you were thinking. So other people would know you better. In ancient world, our ancestors must need to use weapon or death to defend their territory or food resources. In modern society, impolite action could be the most economical way to solve a problem if talking does not work. We must treat others impolite at least once a year whether you noticed or not.

Although some people such as Gandhi, the father of Indian independence, who believes peace is the only way to solve the territory and discrimination problem. At least, his enemy is the British government, a country worship God and law. Both Gandhi and British governments they obey the law and faith. I believe that the same independence miracle would never happen at the twenty centuries of China. We Chinese have much more different religions such Buddhist (which come from India), Muslin, Dao, Christian, Confucius, Soviet Marxist. Each gang fought for own benefits, and impolite behavior is the best economical but the least efficient to help a country independent.

In conclusion, it is our nature to express impolite behavior when we feel unsatisfied others, and we would never change our nature.

作者: AnthonySummer 时间: 2012-10-24 18:21
Tpo 9

The lecture points out several flaw of the reading passage. Use detail examples proved that hydrogen is not the best replacement from flowing three parts: economic standard, environmental protection and resource availability.

First, the reading points that we would run out of oil someday, because petroleum is a finite resource. As instead, hydrogen can be derived from various plentiful sources, including natural gas and water. The lecture objects to the conclusion because hydrogen is difficult to obtain, and we store liquid hydrogen at an extremely low temperature, minus two thousand degrees.

Second, the lecture disagrees about the reading passage's opinion which hydrogen-based fuel cells can solve many of the world's pollution problems such as carbon dioxide. The professor claims that the pure process of hydrogen will create a lot of pollution, and the factory needs vast of energy to produce pure hydrogen.

Third, the lecture objects to that fuel-cell engine will soon be economically competitive because people will spend less money to operate a fuel-cell engine than operate an internal-combustion engine, because fuel-cell engine needs expensive and rare material platinum to start a chemical process. So far platinum is not replaceable.

作者: 小滋滋 时间: 2012-10-24 21:47
1023改
The lecture points out several flaws of the reading passage. Use detail examples（语法错误detail examples used in the reading passage）proved that hydrogen is not the best replacement from flowing(following) three parts: economic standard, environmental protection and resource availability.

First, the reading points that we would run out of oil someday, because petroleum is a finite resource. As instead, hydrogen can be derived from various plentiful sources, including natural gas and water. The lecture objects to the conclusion because（by saying that 更好点吧？两处because重复）hydrogen is difficult to obtain, and we store liquid hydrogen at an extremely low temperature, minus two thousand degrees.

Second, the lecture disagrees about the reading passage's opinion which hydrogen-based fuel cells can solve many of the world's pollution problems such as carbon dioxide. The professor claims that the pure process of hydrogen will create a lot of pollution, and the factory needs vast of energy to produce pure hydrogen(提纯过程需要很多energy从而产生污染此处最好用个定语从句合成一句话).

Third, the lecture objects to(用词重复) that fuel-cell engine will soon be economically competitive because people will spend less money to~~operate~~ onoperating a fuel-cell engine than ~~operate~~ on an internal-combustion engine, ~~because~~(一句话用了两个because 而且逻辑不通，好别扭) fuel-cell engine needs expensive and rare material platinum to start a chemical process. So far，platinum is not replaceable.

总结：用词重复，一段中最好别用相同连词，主题三段逻辑有点不通顺，建议再改改，一点愚见，有说的不对的望见谅。

作者: dreamcece 时间: 2012-10-25 10:59
蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误

We can give other people a smile if we appreciate their contributions or work. Simultaneously, 这里用simultaneously不恰当。后面的WILL与前面的动作行为不平行we will treat them a little rude or 首段最重要的是简洁直接，绝对的表达是允许出现在这里的，因为你是树立观点而不是反驳观点。 impolite to show our dislike of their behaviors or work. Human beings are is the only animal who can smile or express their emotion on the face. That is the result of evolution. Emotional expression is also an advantage and key factor to human dominate this world. So there ~~have~~ are a thousand reasons to be impolite to the other people. thesis statement 很明确。

First, we treat other person impolite that is a very necessary factor to express our dissatisfied of their work. At In China, I accept few education of in emotional intelligence, as instead, we are mainly talking about intelligence quotient. 主语转变了。 Most of our parents ask their children to have an excellent scores of in their study, but few ask their children to be social and to join community activity. 大多数我们的家长要求他们的孩子，这这这，怎么读都觉得别扭呀。建议把our 换成the. When those children become adults 单复数平行, then entered workplace, ~~and~~ they would hardly cannot 【hardly已经是“几乎不”的意思了，你要双重否定表肯定吗？？再加上两个词的顺序不对，应该是can hardly do something】 deal with the impolite and unsatisfied customers. Indeed, 你这个indeed要从何谈起呀。。。想表达让步？ more and more unsafely food such as the polluted milk or meat. Customers had tried all the way to express their concern of about daily need. Except violence and law weapon, impolite words and behavior are the most efficient way to catch public attention, and to defend ~~people's~~你想说人权吗？Civil rights right~~. Since~~, since如果你要用since表示“因为”，那么since作为连词连接分句说明原因不应该单独成句。 only few officials would speak ~~to the~~ for public in China and citizens have no right to vote their president. 你的分析很发散，所以导致你所举的例子没有什么说服力呀。

Furth more, this is against our nature if we cannot express to be impolite to the other. We will feel depress when we failed to achieve a goal. We will feel happy if we help someone.这句和你的中心论点有关系吗？？？ Expressing our feeling is a good way to tell other people how you were thinking 时态在句中要统一. So other people would know you better. In ancient world, our ancestors must need to use weapon or death to defend their territory or food resources. In modern society, impolite action could be the most economical way to solve a problem if talking does not work. 这个论证和你的分论点不符 We must treat others impolite at least once a year whether you noticed or not.

Although some people such as Gandhi, the father of Indian independence, who believes peace is the only way to solve the territory and discrimination problem. 这个让步的例子很不错，但是问题：整句话结构不完整，although是连词连接分句，后面的成分只能作为分句表示尽管blabla, 主句没有出现呀。 At least, his enemy is the British government, a country worship God and law. Both Gandhi and British governments they obey the law and faith. I believe that the same independence miracle would never happen at the twenty centuries of China. We Chinese have much more different religions such Buddhist (which come from India), Muslin, Dao, Christian, Confucius, Soviet Marxist.首先，举例肯定是没有错的；但是问题有：1. 马克思主义不是religion; 2. 你所列举的有不同宗教的人，如ISLAM的信徒是MUSLIN; BUDDHISM的信徒是Buddhist；按照前后文理解，你所列举的应该是宗教教派，如Dao， Christian. 在列举中要注意平行关系，就是要不然全部说教派，要不然全部说信徒。 Each gang fought for own benefits,？？？什么意思？ and impolite behavior is the best economical but the least efficient to help a country independent.

In conclusion, it is our nature to express impolite behavior when we feel unsatisfied others, and we would never change our nature.

作者: shatong424 时间: 2012-10-25 14:05
10 24 独立http://forum.chasedream.com/TOEFL_Writing/thread-764964-2-1.html

作者: AnthonySummer 时间: 2012-10-25 17:32
10.24Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The government and corporation should share all their scientific discoveries with other countries in the word? Please use specific details and examples to support your opinion.

It will be a win-win solution if different countries can share their scientific discoveries with each other. We can spend less money on the unnecessary and repeat scientific investment, simultaneously we can gather the best scientist and precious resource, focus on one project such as a space ship or nuclear power technology, which one country hardly achieves by itself.

Safety problem is the most important and is the key determination. For example, scientists can use nuclear technology to build a power factory or a nuclear missile. We can solve this conflict problem through building a country or corporation union. All the members in the union can share all the discoveries they found. The members will invest the same quantity of money and other resources. Meantime they will take the responsibility to watch each other. Once one country or corporations was found to use the discoveries illegally, they will be eliminated from the union list. So the common benefits are the best solution to prevent one country only takes advantage of other countries' scientific discoveries and illegal use of the discoveries.
Other discoveries can be sharing with other counties and corporations safely. Ford was the founder of Ford Motor. The assembly line he discovered benefit whole generation of American. He increased the manufacture speed and made the price of car was acceptable to all the middle class family. More countries and corporation use the discovery of assembly line, more family and person can benefit from it. Another great scientist Edison was the father of light and power factory. His General electricity corporation produces millions of light bulbs, and his corporation share this discovery with the whole country. A female scientist Madame Curie, she discovered radium and she shared this precious with all countries. Now we can use X-ray to check our health situation.

In one conclusion, we can build a country and corporation union to prevent that the discovery would use illegally. Sharing scientific discoveries is also the most economical solution. A lotexamples and truths prove we should continue to share scientific discoveries with other counties in the world.

作者: AnthonySummer 时间: 2012-10-25 18:25
Tpo 10 看了你前面帮我独立的修改，不得不佩服你的知识和辩证能力很强啊！

The lecture uses some other evidence to prove the flaw of reading passage, and claims that the reason of some sea otter populations rapidly declining a few years ago which was caused by the attacking by predators, not by the environmental pollution.

First, the reading passage point that such as oil rigs and other sources of industrial chemical pollution near the location in which small mammal lives, and the water samples from the area revealed increased levels of chemicals that could decrease the otters' resistance and cause their deaths. The professor illustrated that there have no dead body found on the beach, so the result is more likely the predator eats the sea otter.

Second, the professor argues that human being hunted a lot of whales, and the numbers of whales were decreased. So orca had to change its diet habits, and preys smaller animals such as seals, Orca and sea lions. This proved the reading passage mentioned about other sea mammals such as seals and sea lions along the Alaskan coast were also declining, since the entire ecosystem was affected.

Finally, the professor object to the reading passage's pollution hypothesis about the uneven pattern of otter decline: at some Alaskan locations the otter populations declined greatly, while at others they remained stable. He contends that those locations that orca is easy accessible, so the population of otters and other sea animals greatly decreased. Other place nearby shallow and rocky area in which orca hardly accessible, and the otters and other animals' numbers are stable.

作者: glw1900 时间: 2012-10-25 21:49
正在修改，请稍等，抱歉哈

作者: glw1900 时间: 2012-10-25 22:27
It will be a win-win solution if different countries can share their scientific discoveries with each other. We can spend less money on the unnecessary and repeat（repeated） scientific investment, simultaneously we can gather the best scientist（建议加s吧，不是一个科学家~） and precious resource, （加and，或者把focus改成ing形式）focus on one project such as a space ship （space ship好像不是一个project吧，可以说building a ss）or nuclear power technology, which one country hardly achieves by itself.

Safety problem is the most important and is the key determination.（个人认为这个句子有点别扭哈，好像一般the most important 都要加个名词。。。个人观点，还有problem不应该是determination吧，） For example, scientists can use nuclear technology to build a power factory or a nuclear missile. We can solve this conflict（这个词不能做形容词） problem through building a country or corporation union（有个小歧义，建立一个国家或者联合组织？）. All the members in the union can share all the discoveries they found. The members will（这个地方表示规定用will似乎不大合适，have to 或者shall比较好吧~个人意见） invest the same quantity of money and other resources. Meantime they will take the responsibility to watch each other. Once one country or corporations（这个地方or前后你的单复数不一样，尽量一样吧，要不后面的was或者were很难确定吧） was found to use the discoveries illegally, they will be eliminated from the union list. So the common benefits are the best solution to prevent one country only takes advantage of other countries' scientific discoveries and illegal use of the discoveries.（没看错的话这是个定语从句，那and前后都该是句子吧，但是红字处不是句子，有语病，而且建议直接用prevent from doing 就可以呀，还不用从句）
Other discoveries can be sharing（为什么要用be doing ，是 shared吧） with other counties and corporations safely. Ford was the founder of Ford Motor. The assembly line he discovered benefit（the） whole generation （这个用法好像有问题，这是一代人呢，还是所有代人）of American. He increased the manufacture speed and made the price of cars was（made做使役动词，不要was） acceptable to all the middle class families. More countries and corporations use the discovery of assembly line, （加and）more family and person（复数） can benefit from it. Another great scientist Edison was the father of light and power factory. His General electricity corporation produces（过去时吧） millions of light bulbs, and his corporation share（时态） this discovery with the whole country. A female scientist Madame Curie（这是什么成分，呵呵，不太懂）, she discovered radium and she （she可以删掉）shared this precious（这个单词作名词是珍贵的人，不合适，precious discovery吧） with all countries.（这两个句子应该有联系吧，逻辑上应该是因为她的贡献，使得我们现在能用x-ray） Now we can use X-ray to check our health situation.

In one conclusion, we can build a country and corporation union to prevent that the discovery would use（use是及物动词，必须接宾语，还是建议pre from结构） illegally. Sharing scientific discoveries is also the most economical solution. A lot（of）examples and truths prove we should continue to share scientific discoveries with other counties in the world.

我觉得还是不错的，个别地方小错误，我比较较真，希望楼主见谅，个别地方我也不确定，唉，我的结构太差了，就不给你添乱了，实在是能力不济，抱歉了。

作者: dreamcece 时间: 2012-10-26 03:37
标题: 10.24 综合改
蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误

The lecture uses some other evidence to prove the flaw of reading passage, and claims that the reason of some sea otter populations单数 rapidly declining a few years ago ~~which~~ was caused by the attacking by predators, not by the environmental pollution. 这句话有问题。。。

First, the reading passage points that such as oil rigs and other sources of industrial chemical pollution near the location in which small mammal lives, and the water samples from the area revealed increased levels of chemicals that could decrease the otters' resistance and cause their deaths. The professor illustrated that there have no dead body found on the beach, so the result is more likely the predator eats the sea otter. 这里本末倒置了，综合写作的重点在于听力部分的细节和观点，而不是总结阅读材料。还有时态问题，建议统一为一般现在时。

Second, the professor argues that human beings hunted a lot of whales, and the numbers of whales were decreased. So orca had to change its diet habits, and preys 【to do sth.】 smaller animals such as seals, Orca and sea lions.【orca自己吃自己？？】 This proved【时态】 the reading passage mentioned about【prove 后面接的宾语有问题，你是想说它证明了在阅读中提到的有关于。。。的，但是你的表达句子成分不完全，应在prove 后面加what 】 other sea mammals such as seals and sea lions along the Alaskan coast were also declining, since the entire ecosystem was affected.

Finally, the professor objects/ed to the reading passage's pollution hypothesis about the uneven pattern of otter decline【 decling/declination】: at some Alaskan locations the otter populations declined greatly, while at others they remained stable. He contends that those locations that orca is easy accessible, so the population of otters and other sea animals greatly decreased. Other place nearby shallow and rocky area in which orca are hardly accessible, and the otters and other animals' numbers are stable.

作者: AnthonySummer 时间: 2012-10-26 18:40
10.25a/d: your job has greater happiness than you social life.

My job is a futures goods trading. I trade futures goods such as rubber, currency and gold. Every day I will buy and sell several million dollars, so I feel extremely exciting and interesting of what I am doing right now. What can bring me the most happiness and satisfaction might only be my job!

It is my dream to become a trader since I was a child. I grow up in Shanghai. Shanghai is the financial center of China, like New York to the states. My childhood was greatly influenced by the society and environment. Every day I would pass dozens of the Futures Trade Company when I rode my bike to school. Each time when I passed the trading company I can see hundreds of thousands of people stand in the lobby. From their face I can tell they were very excited about what they were doing. I knew that few people would make a great fortune from trading even become a millionaire, but others would lose almost everything even their family. Since I was twelve I made the decision: I want to use my professional knowledge and hard working to make a great fortune from the trading, become a successful man, marry a beautiful wife and have three kids. What can help my dream come true must be a trader.

Trading play a major rule in the modern financial world, and it provides liquidity to people who want to sell their goods on the market. So my job plays a very important role in this society. The most famous story is the Asian financial crisis which happened in nineteen ninety-seven. A famous but bad reputation trader, George Soros, who gathers over seven billions of dollars and took the advantage of Asian country such as Laos, Vietnam and Singapore they did not have a systematic financial law and short of foreign currency, and he made over one billion dollars from the foreign currency trading. Since then, I hope I can become a master of trading so I can defend China's financial system in case some people like Soros who want to take advantage of my country and crush Chinese financial system. I am a patriotic so I want to defend my country's wealth and dignity.

In one conclusion, my trading job can bring the most benefit to my country and help my dream come true. I feel closer to my dream every day and feel extremely happy when I am working.

作者: AnthonySummer 时间: 2012-10-27 19:29
10.26Nowadays, it is much easier to achieve success with help from one's family what is like before.

We can use more and more modern technology such as email, social network or job hunter website to help us find a satisfied job. We can use our credit card to buy an expensive airplane ticket across the country or relocated a new city for a better and successful career. How can we image borrow huge amounts of money as before but without family's help! In this information society, it is much easier to achieve success without help from our family.

At ninety century, we can only take horse or ship to arrive the country or city. A business trip usually costs huge amounts of savings and several weeks, and few people can afford the cost and time to pursue a new opportunity and career without family help. At that time, the help from the family was very important. For example, a trip from China to the states, people usually spend two months and a yearly salary to buy a ticket. That time they did not have credit card, so we can only borrow money from family members or high rates loan. Some people who want to pursue a better life but cannot afford the cost, so they have no choice but signed an agreement to work for a train or road construction for one to two years in the states, but they were cheated by the dishonest businessmen. Eventually they had to work to dead without any pay. If people can borrow money from family, then they can buy a ticket via a legal way and would not be cheated.

Again, at the nineteen century, the only way we can get information is the newspaper because of the limited of society develop and slow information communication between different community, and there has no job website or a specific tool to help people get more opportunity. A person can hardly find some useful information without family members' connection and recommendation. The tuitionsfee such high school or specific training was not free. Only family can afford the fee then we had the opportunity to be educated and qualified to pursue a better job.

Nowadays, we can use job website to find a job, or send someone a CV via email, or visit different company by high speed train. The cost is much cheaper than before, so everyone can afford it. For example, more and more Chinese students start to study abroad; they can fill a school application on the internet. If there have any question, we can make a phone call or send an email, or just search the website to find the answer. A lot of question our family even cannot answer, and we have more opportunity than ever before. Some millionaires such as Bill Gates or Warren Buffet, they went to school to accept education, if they cannot afford the fee, they can borrow money from the bank. What can help them finally achieve success is education.

In a conclusion, we can use more and more tool such as modern financial system and advance education to help us achieve success than before.

作者: 小滋滋 时间: 2012-10-27 23:06
1025改
My job is a futures goods trad~~ing~~er(a+n.). I trade futures goods such as rubber, currency and gold. Every day I will buy and sell several million dollars, so I feel extremely excit~~ing~~ed and interestinged ofin what I am doing right now. What can bring me the most happiness and satisfaction might only be my job!

It is my dream to become a trader since I was a child. I grow up in Shanghai. Shanghai is the financial center of China, like New York to the states. My childhood was greatly influenced by the society and environment in shanghai. Every day I ~~would~~passed dozens of the Futures Trade Company when I rode my bike to school. Each time when I passed the trading company I can see hundreds of thousands of people standing in the lobby. From their face I can tell that they were very excited about what they were doing. At that time,I knew that few people would make a great fortune from trading even become a millionaire, but ~~others~~a large number of persons would lose almost everything even their family. Since I was twelve I made the decision: I want to use my professional knowledge and hard working to make a great fortune from the trading, in order to become a successful man, marry a beautiful wife and have three kids(缺连词,但如果加上我只能想到and,所以还是改成in order to楼主再想想哈). What can help my dream come true must be a trader.(这段和带来hapiness没有必然联系啊？最好建立下联系，观点不明确)

Trading plays a major rule in the modern financial world, and it provides liquidity to people who want to sell their goods on the market. ~~So my job plays a very important role in this society.~~ （重复）The most famous story is the Asian financial crisis which happened in nineteen ninety-seven. A famous but bad reputation trader, George Soros, (who gathersed over seven billions of dollars and took the advantage of Asian country such as Laos, Vietnam and Singapore ~~they~~that did not have a systematic financial law and short of foreign currency,)目前为止，没出现谓语然后就进入and链接的下一句话了，或者把这句补充完整，或者将and he 删掉and he made over one billion dollars from the foreign currency trading. Since then, I hope I can become a master of trading so I can defend China's financial system in case some people like Soros who want to take advantage of my country and crush Chinese financial system. I am a patriotic so I want to defend my country's wealth and dignity. （这段也是同样问题，观点不明确）

In one conclusion, my trading job can bring the most benefit to my country and help my dream come true. I feel closer to my dream every day and feel extremely happy when I am working.

支持主论点的分论点不明确，整篇文章主体段都没有与hapiness建立联系，建议应该与hapiness建立联系，扣题，否则觉着有点偏题，然后再注意一下语法的问题。

作者: 小滋滋 时间: 2012-10-27 23:14
楼主，昨天搞错分组了，今天才改，实在对不住啦！@@

作者: AnthonySummer 时间: 2012-10-28 19:55

楼主，昨天搞错分组了，今天才改，实在对不住啦！@@

-- by 会员小滋滋 (2012/10/27 23:14:34)

没关系啊~ 谢谢你的修改！一起加油吧冲110吧！

作者: AnthonySummer 时间: 2012-10-28 21:29
提交晚了,对不起啊!辛苦你批改了!10.27
Patience is usually not a good strategy. We should take action now rather than later.

"If I have seen further it is by standing upon the shoulder of giants", said Isaac Newton. He would never become a top scientist if he did not spend decades of studying physics and mathematics. What made him the top scientist was patience. So I thought patience is the best strategy to be successful.

"Ten thousands hours of practice makes a genius." This is so called genius theory. Look at that billionaire such as George Soros; Bill Gates and Warren Buffet, several common parts of them are rich, smart and patient. Soros is a famous but bad reputation investor. The best important character of a top investor is patient. Soros waited several months, and gathered over seven billions of dollars and just took one shot, crash the financial system of several Asian countries such as Laos and Vietnam. Just like a tiger need wait for several days at a tiny bosk for praying, it needs endure lonely and stick of woods. So a long time to prepare is the key to success, if we take action now rather than a perfect moment that will scare the prey, and we gain nothing.

As my example, I am a trader at an international trading company. A good trader requires patience. My strategy is doing the homework first; I will check the company's background, who is his competition, how is the personality of the board members. I will try to find everything if the time allows to do that. Then I will decide whether to buy the company's stock or not. And the result proves that my strategy is right.

In one conclusion, if we want to be the top of any area, we need to spend several years to practice. So patience is the key to success, rich and genius.

作者: AnthonySummer 时间: 2012-10-28 22:05
Tpo 13The reading and the professor holds different opinion of comical fossil dig.
First, the professor point that private collectors gave more exposure to the fossils, thereby more fossils will be purchased, because originally there only have limited library and school will purchase fossils. Against the reading, that public is harder to see fossils and leading a decline in public interest in fossils.
Second, the professor illustrates that the fossils need to be researching scientist then it will be added value. So scientists will have more access to some of the most important fossils and find our more potentially crucial discoveries about extinct life forms.
Third, the professor argued that commercial fossil collectors will damage limited amounts of fossils, without them, there would be more fossils buried underground. It is rather have more fossil to be found than limited scientific institution dig small amounts of fossils.

作者: 正儿八经潜水 时间: 2012-10-29 23:20
标题: 10.16.TPO2修改
TPO2

The lecture and reading passage holds（hold）different opinions about group responsibility and contribution. The lecture rejects thatgroup work will be more creative and helpful.
Firstly, the lecturerobjects to passage that a group can work more quickly in response to the task assigned to it because a group of people has(have) a wider range of knowledge and skill than any individual.(这句话太长，而且有歧义，应当长短句结合)Actually the group is very slow to（be slow to是不理解，迟钝的意思，这样表达是不对的，可以用动词） finish the project because the group members spend a lot of time on the meetings to build a relationship and to come up with a solution.
Second, the passage point out that taking part in a group process can be very rewarding for members of the team, and the individual team member has a much better chance to ""shire". The truth is that some group members got(gets) a free ride. They do not contribute to the group at all , but at the end of the project, the job well done(中式英文，用the achievement)belongs to every member.
Finally, against to the reading passage’s opinion that the group spreads responsibility for a decision to all the members and thus no single individual can be held accountable if the decision turns out to be wrong. The professor illustrates that influential people might lead the group toward glory or failure. If the keypeople made a right decision, it would be no problem. But nobody can influence to result(这个to多余了吧，不通了) if the leader made a wrong decision.

作者: 正儿八经潜水 时间: 2012-10-29 23:21
标题: 10.17.TPO3修改
TPO3

The reading passage and lecture hold opposite opinions about the realistic of Rembrandt painting. The lecture points out this painting is an original one.
Firstly, the lecture points out the inconsistency about the way on the woman's dress in the portrait is because of someone add another layer over the top of original painting 100 years ago.~~, because~~ that(That) person wants to increase the value of painting. Reading passage’s point that Rembrandt was known for his attention to the details is true.
Latterly, the passage illustrates that Rembrandt was a master of painting light and shadow, but in this painting ~~there~~ elements donot fit together. The lecture mentioned it because of the layer added on the original one ~~that~~ has changed the reflection. If weare watching without the layer, we can find the shadow appears rightly.
Finally, the lecture objects to the passage that Rembrandt never uses this kind of glued together panel was faked because those words were added latterly because people can't make it look valuable.(这句话太长，而且有歧义，应当长短句结合)Although the painting reveals was painted on a panel made of several pieces of wood glued together, ~~but~~ the lecture said they found a self-patriot painted by Rembrandt used(using) the same wood.
总体来说，最严重的问题就是句子太过冗长，导致很多语法问题，请注意长短句结合！！

作者: AnthonySummer 时间: 2012-10-30 18:03
10.29Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Governments should focus its budgets more on environmental protection than on economic development.

If we damaged the nature environment, that will be very hard to us to recover it, meantime, we will spend much more money on recovering than protecting. People are less willing come to the local community to invest or consuming. Terrible environment will decrease people's investment motivation. Therefore, I agree that governments should focus its budgets more on environmental protection than on economic development.

Almost everyone likes to live and work at a good environmental city such as Hawaii and Florida. Their beautiful nature environment attractive many tourists; tourists will spend huge amounts of money on sightseeing and hotels. Those consume activity will bring more work opportunity and increase the local tax revenues, and then the government would have more money spend on environment protection and economic development. The local economy is better and better because of the beautiful nature. That will be a win-win solution. Once we damaged the nature, it would never or take a very long time to recovery. During the recovery period, other cities those preserve a beautiful and magnificent nature environment will have an advantage and take a first step to attract more tourists to visit their city.

Furth more, most companies, and factories like to build a branch at a good environment city, but different type of industry will have a huge difference of tax paying. For example, , a small investment company in a financial industry, which has less than fifty employees, will generate same revenue as a manufactory factory, which has one thousand employees. No doubt that a manufactory factory will greatly damage the nature, more employees mean more transportation vehicle requirement that creates lots of traffic and tail gas, factory need plenty of water to produce products. With a huge contrast, a small investment company will not damage the nature environment but bring more revenue to the city, people with higher salaries who are willing to live in a beautiful environment.

In one conclusion, a good environment will attractive more tourist and financial company, they will bring more revenue and tax to the local city that is very good for the economic development. Therefore, the government should spend more budgets on the environmental protection.

作者: AnthonySummer 时间: 2012-10-30 18:54
Tpo 15
The reading passage and the lecture hold opposite opinions to decrease the multiplied rapidly population of toad.

First, professor objects to the reading passage's suggestion about building a national fence to block and prevent the road from moving one part to another part. She pointed that young toad use rivers and streams for transportation, the toad species can rapidly give birth to new eggs only if limited numbers of toad across the fence.

Regarding the second measures, the reading passage suggests that volunteers can capture and destroy the toads and eggs. As contrary, the professor pointed out that inexperience volunteers have difficult to judge between the toad and frogs, which are native Australian species and in dangers, so this suggestion will not be able to work.

Finally, the reading passage illustrated that we can develop a disease-causing virus to control the can toad populations. The virus will specially design so it will harm only the can toads. The professor disagreed about this solution, and she said that the virus would eliminate Australia's cane toad population, too. Meantime, some pet collectors and research will bring the toad virus back to toad's original habits- Central-South-America; this will endanger its original species.

作者: lmylacoste 时间: 2012-10-30 20:05
If we damaged the nature environment, that will be very hard to us to recover(恢复个人觉得reclaim会更好，有待讨论哈) it, meantime（不是连词哦,缺连词）, we will spend much more money on recovering than protecting. People are less willing（是不是漏了to，will是动词哦） come to the local community to invest or consuming（consume作vi是耗尽的意思，这里不太好吧）. Terrible environment will decrease people's investment motivation. Therefore, I agree that governments should focus its budgets more on environmental protection than on economic development.

Almost everyone likes to live and work at a good environmental city such as Hawaii and Florida. Their beautiful nature environment attractive（应该是attract）many tourists; tourists will spend huge amounts of money on sightseeing and hotels. Those consume（consume是动词，àconsumption）activity will bring more work opportunity and increase the local tax revenues, and then the government would have more money spend on environment protection and economic development. The local economy is(表未来用will be吧) better and better because of the beautiful nature. That will be a win-win solution. Once we damaged the nature, it would never（有点别扭怎么。。impossible） or take a very long time to recovery. During the recovery period, other cities those（which） preserve a beautiful and magnificent nature environment will have an advantage and take a first step（采取第一步？求解释） to attract more tourists to visit their city.

Furth more（furthermore）, most companies and factories like（可以高级点啊in favor of） to build a branch at a good environment city, but different type(types) of industry will have a huge difference of taxpaying. For example, a small investment company in a financial industry, which has less than fifty employees, will generate (要加个the)same revenue as a manufactory factory, which has one thousand employees. No doubt that a manufactory factory will greatly damage the nature, more employees mean more transportation vehicle（多余了，要不不要transportation好了） requirement that creates lots of traffic and tail gas, factory need（选一个加s吧） plenty of water to produce products. With a huge contrast（好像不是固定用法吧，in marked contrast to 比较好，或者by contrast）, a small investment company will not damage the nature environment but bring more revenue to the city, people with higher salaries who are willing to live in a beautiful environment. (不知道people是你的另一完整句意，还是investment company带来的，如果是后者要加and)

In one conclusion, a good environment will attractive more tourist and financial company（都应该用复数吧）, they will bring more revenue and tax to the local city that is（are，因为that指代revenue and tax） very good for the economic development. Therefore, the government should spend more budgets on the environmental protection.

总结：

用词丰富，句型多样；

分论点：tourist 和financial company ，尤其是tourist部分用了对比论证Once… 内容详实

不过个别词把握不准确，有些关键词缺少变化，如attract，have等

第三段好像论证方向有误，应该是environmentàfinancial companyà好处，然而你举的例子是对比例子àfinancial companyà好处和env好像关系不大，建议加一句financial喜欢在环境好的地方

作者: lmylacoste 时间: 2012-10-30 20:16
The reading passage and the lecture hold opposite opinions to decrease the multiplied rapidly population of toad.

First, professor objects to the reading passage's suggestion about building a national fence to block and（不是并列关系吧àto） prevent the roadàtoad from moving one part to another part(part?是河对面用side比较好). She pointed that young toad use rivers and streams for transportation（这句的意思好像不准确，应该是flow carry the toad）, the toad species can rapidly give birth to new eggs only if limited numbers of toad across the fence.

Regarding the second measures, the reading passage suggests that volunteers can capture and destroy the toads and eggs. As contrary, the professor pointed out that inexperience volunteers have difficult（àdifficulties 应该是n） to judge（judge是裁决的意思啊，太大了吧，用识别比如indentify就好了）between the toad and frogs, which are native Australian species and in dangersàin danger, so this suggestion will not be able to work.

Finally, the reading passage illustrated that we can develop a disease-causing virus to control the can toad populations. The virus will specially design so it will harm only the can toads. The professor disagreed about this solution, and she said that the virus would eliminate Australia's cane toad population, too. Meantime, some pet collectors and researchàresearchers will bring the toad virus back to toad's original habitsàhabitats 栖息地- Central-South-America; this will endanger its original species.

总结

总体意思到位，内容完整

字数有点少啊

个别词用的不是很准确

作者: 小滋滋 时间: 2012-10-30 21:19
什么情况？

作者: 小滋滋 时间: 2012-10-30 21:54
1029改
First, professor objects to the reading passage's suggestion about building a national fence to block and（to） prevent the road(toad) from moving one part to another part(area). She pointed that young toad use rivers and streams for transportation, the toad species can rapidly give birth to new eggs only if limited numbers of toad across the fence. (听力对应点不准确，建议再听听)

Regarding the second measures, the reading passage suggests that volunteers can capture and destroy the toads and eggs. As contrary, the professor pointed out that inexperience volunteers have difficult（difficulties） to judge difference between the toad and frogs, which are native Australian species and in dangers(in danger), so this suggestion will not be able to work.

Finally, the reading passage illustrated that we can develop a disease-causing virus to control the can toad populations. The virus will specially design so it will harm only the can toads. The professor disagreed about this solution, and she said that the virus would eliminate Australia's cane toad population, too. Meantime, some pet collectors and researchàresearchers will bring the toad virus back to toad's original habits)habitats) Central-South-America; this will endanger its original species

作者: 小滋滋 时间: 2012-10-30 22:04
1029改
If we damaged the nature environment, that(which) will be very hard to（for） us to recover it, meantime（不是连词哦,缺连词）, we will spend much more money on recovering than protecting. People are less willing（to） come to the local community to invest or consuming（consume sth.缺宾语）. Terrible environment will decrease people's investment motivation。Therefore, I agree that governments should focus its budgets more on environmental protection than on economic development.

Almost everyone likes to live and work at a good environmental city such as Hawaii and Florida. Their beautiful nature environment attractive（attract）many tourists; tourists will spend huge amounts of money on sightseeing and hotels. Those consume（consumption）activity will bring more work opportunity and increase the local tax revenues, and then the government would have more money spend on environment protection and economic development. The local economy is(will become) better ~~and better~~ because of the beautiful nature. That will be a win-win solution. Once we damaged the nature, it would never（有点别扭怎么。。impossible） or take a very long time to recove~~ry.~~ During the recovery period, other cities those（that） preserve a beautiful and magnificent nature environment will have an advantage and take a first step（take action） to attract more tourists to visit their city.

Furth more（furthermore）, most companies and factories like to build a branch at a good environment city, but different type(types) of industry will have a huge difference of taxpaying. For example, a small investment company in a financial industry, which has less than fifty employees, will generate (the)same revenue as a manufactory factory, which has one thousand employees. No doubt that a manufactory factory will greatly damage the nature, more employees mean more transportationvehiclerequirement that creates lots of traffic and tail gas,factory needplenty of water to produce products. With a huge contrast(in contrast）, a small investment company will not damage the nature environment but bring more revenue to the city, people with higher salaries who are willing to live in a beautiful environment. (people是句末同位语，但是前面没有与people相匹配的名词昂？)

In one conclusion, a good environment will attractive more tourist and financial company（+s）, they(which) will bring more revenue and tax to the local city that is（are）very good for the economic development. Therefore, the government should spend more budgets on the environmental protection

作者: dreamcece 时间: 2012-10-30 23:37
等10.30综合。。。

作者: AnthonySummer 时间: 2012-10-31 17:41
Tpo 16

The reading passage and the lecture hold different opinion of archaeology examination policy, financial problem, and career opportunity.

First, the reading passage said that many valuable artifacts were lost to construction projects because those builders often uncovered archaeologically valuable sites. However, the professor point that since the new guideline of construction was published; archaeologists need checking every old construction to define whether it has historical values, then decided whether to rebuild a new building or build around the old building.

Second, the professor argued that before the very beginning of rebuilding, the construction company would pay the examination of old construction. This against the reading passage's opinion that many archaeologists felt that the financial support for archaeological research was inadequate.

Third, the professor object to the reading passage's opinion that it was difficult to have a career in archaeology, and there were never many positions available. He pointed that new guideline created a lot of new work. Since archaeologists need to examine every construction before rebuilding. So there need many archaeologists to research, collect dates and writing papers. Actually, available position at the highest ever since.

作者: xiaoshuo199183 时间: 2012-10-31 18:11
独立的呢~

作者: AnthonySummer 时间: 2012-10-31 18:25
10.30Contributes on an enjoyable vacation, please select one of three selection. Good food, Good location and with good friends to travel.

I think that the true meaning of an enjoyable vacation is going to a different place and meet new friends. When I travel to a new place, weather condition is my first priority because I like to enjoy the sunshine and surfing in the sea. New friends can help me understand the local customs. So the location is the most important to me.

Whether the travel place nearby beach or not, the tempature is warm or cold is the most important to me. I came from Shanghai, China, and Shanghai is near sea but due to the pollution, people here cannot enjoy sunshine and clear sea, because nobody would like to swim in the dirty water. Everytimewhen I consider to travel to a new place. Whether the city nearby sea, have sunshine, warm weather, and beautiful beach becomes the first priority. I am very enjoying lied down on the beach, watching beautiful ladies and handsome boys come across, drinking some cocount juice and listening my favorite songs, surfing sometimes. That is the life I dream about everyday. I hope when I was young I can save enough money so I can chose a good location and buy a house nearby beach so everyday like living in the paradise.

Food safety becomes my first priority when I travel to a new place. At China, we can buy some delicious food at a cheap price but bad safety condition. Meantime I cannot afford live in a five-star of a luxury hotel because the renting price and the food are too expensive to afford. So I will take less care about food. Another reason is that I am a good cook, most time I would buy the most fresh meat and vegetable and cook at home. Sometimes I would invite several friends come to my home, so we can talk and have fun together. Cook at home is much cheap and economical. Every when I travel to a new place, I still like try some chain restaurant because I don't want stay in the hosptial overnight because of the food issue.

I would like to make new friends and know new things and friends are extra benefit of traveling. Two years ago, I made a trip with two friends to the states. Traveling with friends can save a lot of money on a hotel and gas fee. And solve boring time when we on the road, but what is the true meaning of traveling? For saving money or have a friends to talk when we road? I think we should appreciate the local customs, meet new friends and try new things.

In one consulion, the meaning of traveling is going to a new place, enjoying the weather and customs, meet new friends and keep safety first.

作者: xiaoshuo199183 时间: 2012-10-31 18:52

10.30Contributes on an enjoyable vacation, please select one of three selection. Good food, Good location and with good friends to travel.

I think that the true meaning of an enjoyable vacation is going to a different place and meet new friends. When I travel to a new place, weather condition is my first priority（first可以去掉，priority已经表示优先的意思了） because I like to enjoy（like 和enjoy感觉意思有些重复了，改成I enjoy the...会不会更好些） the sunshine and surfing in the sea. New friends can help me understand the local customs. So the location is the most important to me.（这点逻辑有点混乱呢。前一句刚说朋友能帮助你了解当地的风土人情，后一句就马上说地理位置是你最优先考虑的因素，感觉有点突兀了）

Whether the travel place nearby beach or not, the tempature is warm or cold is the most important to me. I came（最好用一般现在时） from Shanghai, China, and Shanghai is near （sea前边加个the，单数名词不能单独出现）sea but due to the pollution, people here cannot enjoy sunshine and clear sea, because nobody would like to swim in the dirty water. Everytimewhen I consider to travel to a new place. Whether the city nearby sea, have sunshine, warm weather, and beautiful beach becomes（become） the first priority. I am very enjoying（最好用I enjoy)lied down(enjoy
doing sth.) on the beach, watching beautiful ladies and handsome boys come across, drinking some cocount juice and listening my favorite songs, (添个or更好一些）surfing sometimes. That is the life I dream about everyday. I hope when I was young（应该用现在时呢，因为lz你现在还年轻。。。） I can save enough money so I can chose（choose，chose是过去时） a good location and buy a house nearby （the）beach so everyday （缺谓语动词，加个is）like living in the paradise.

Food safety becomes my first priority when I travel to a new place. At China, we can buy some delicious food at a cheap price but （in a）bad safety condition. Meantime I cannot afford （to）live in a five-star of a（of a可以去掉） luxury hotel because the renting price and the food are too expensive to afford. So I will take less care about food. Another reason is that I am a good cook, most time I would buy the most fresh meat and vegetable and cook at home. Sometimes I would invite several friends （to）come to my home, so we can talk and have fun together. Cook （cooking）at home is much cheap and economical. Every（改成each time） when I travel to a new place, I still like try（trying） some chain restaurant（restaurants） because I don't want（to） stay in the hosptial overnight because of the food issue.

I would like to make new friends and（后半句最好另起一句，因为主语不一致） know new things and friends are extra benefit of traveling. Two years ago, I made a trip with two friends to the states. Traveling with friends can save a lot of money on a hotel and gas fee. And solve boring time when we on the road, but what is the true meaning of traveling? For saving money or have a friends to talk when we road? I think we should appreciate the local customs, meet（meeting） new friends and try （trying）new things.

In one consulion, the meaning of traveling is going to a new place, enjoying the weather and customs, meet new friends and keep safety first.

-- by 会员 AnthonySummer (2012/10/31 18:25:42)

lz需要多注意动宾搭配。还用动词短语不能直接做主语，需要改成doing或to do 的形式。多留心语法，尽量少犯错误
文章主要观点感觉不是很清晰。每段的例子感觉不是很详细，内容可以再补充
加油~

作者: dreamcece 时间: 2012-11-1 00:38
标题: 10.30 综合改
蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误

The reading passage and the lecture hold different opinion of archaeology examination policy, financial problem, and career opportunity. 表述不清。建议重写。

First, the reading passage said that many valuable artifacts were lost to【during】 construction projects because those builders often uncovered archaeologically valuable sites. However, the professor point that since the new guideline of construction was published; archaeologists need checking every old construction to define whether it has historical values, then decided whether to rebuild a new building or build around the old building. 【这里原听力部分应该有问题，原文是说在所有新工地开工之前做检查，以及发现site以后怎么做。】【时态啊时态。】

Second, the professor argued that before the very beginning of rebuilding, the construction company would pay the examination of old construction. This against the reading passage's opinion that many archaeologists felt that the financial support for archaeological research was inadequate. 【第二个点也有问题，是说如果发现了新的site, 那么construction company finance for the examination...】

Third, the professor object to the reading passage's opinion that it was difficult to have a career in archaeology, and there were never many positions available. 【这个分句应该单独成句，放在语义多的句子里面不合适。】 He pointed that new guideline created a lot of new work. Since archaeologists need to examine every construction before rebuilding. So there need many archaeologists to research, collect dates and writing papers. Actually, available position at the highest ever since. 【这个点挺好，细节也有主题也对】
总结: 建议楼主再重新做一次这个综合写作，听力部分出错的有点厉害。还有就是表达一定要争取做到清楚明了无歧义。不知道楼主有没有综合24的解析，希望每次批改别人的综合之前最好先看一下解析，一个是保证批改质量，一个是知道自己错在哪里。

作者: 我把托福踩脚下 时间: 2012-11-1 08:43
坐等31号作业

作者: AnthonySummer 时间: 2012-11-1 17:40
Tpo 17

The lecture disagrees about the reading passage's opinion that birds population will decrease with the increase of human settlements, agricultural activities and chemical pesticides using.

First, the reading passage claim that human populations and settlements continue to expand, so birds' natural habitats will continue to disappear. However, the professor argues that urban area provided a better and larger space for some kind of birds such as pigs, so some birds' population decrease, but other birds' population will increase.

Second, the reading point out that the growth of agriculture will result in the further destruction of bird habitats as more and more wilderness areas are converted to agricultural use. As contrary, the professor illustrates that the truth is less and less land will be using for agriculture every year. People will use more types of corps to improve production. So birds actually have more type of food to select.

Third, the professor object to the reading passage that the expansion of human settlements and agriculture area will increase the use of chemical pesticides is poisons designed to kill pets, and more birds will be harmed because of the food chain or drink polluted water. He said that nowadays, people aware of pesticides, we will use less toxic pesticides, and farm pest resistant corps.

作者: AnthonySummer 时间: 2012-11-1 18:52
10.31

Young people nowadays have no influence on decisions that determine the future of the society as a whole. A\D

Young people nowadays have more and more influence on decisions that determine the future of the society as a whole, because young people have more energy and time to involve social, economic, and political activates. The presidents of United States and Russia, Prime Minister of Britain, CEOs of Google and big company, all of them are young generation.

It is a tendency that young people become a leader. A very famous example is the US presidential election of 2008. A young people Obama beat senior Senator McCain who is over sixties. Obama use network and some new tools such media broadcast to help him win the election. Obama spend several millions of dollars on a network advertisment. this determinatian decision help him win the some chips. More important, those suggestions come from his young election team. Who help Obama win the election is young people. Meantime, with the developing of technologies and economics, the world economy become more and more complicit than ever before, a young president has more energy to solve much more problem than senior people and work over night. Young president can accept new thing quickly than senior people and make a quick response. More and more young people become the leader of some countries.

Some countries such as India and China, they have more young people than senior people. Young people want to young people to lead them, because they have more common languages and interests. More and more young people were assigned to some determination positions such as manager and director. They are directly evolving some economic activities. They can decide their companies' future. For example, some investment company's young leaders are more interesting in a high tech industry or such as solar power and wind power. They can change what kind of power we will use in the future. They can provide us more and more cheaper and cleaner energy. Some IT companies such as Google, Face Book and twitter, those companies' found father and CEO are young people, those companies provide us some new way to socialize and communicate with our friends. Google Map's street view can help me use own laptop tour beautiful city such as Washington, DC and New York. Twitter provides a new way to socialize with some celebrities.

Although some people think that senior people have more experience and knowledge than young people. Senior people can point out young people's unnecessary problem and save our precious time and money. Senior people are more qualified to drive an airplane, be a capital of a ship, and other jobs require more experience and skill. It is true that senior people are qualified to those complex jobs. However, in the changeable, many new things such as terrorist attack, virus war, and internet bomb and online technology need us response at the first time; we need a young leader to decide what we should do the next seconds.

In one conclusion, it is a tendency that more and more young people are become the leader of some countries and companies. We need young people's fast responsibility and high energy level to solve lots of new and difficult problems at a short time, so their decision are determine to our future and society.

欢迎光临 ChaseDream (https://forum.chasedream.com/)