标题: 小v第一次加入写作小分队，作文求指教！！！ [打印本页] 作者: verchieldan 时间: 2012-9-25 13:17 标题: 小v第一次加入写作小分队，作文求指教！！！ 9月25日正式加入，本人作文是英语所有题型中最弱的，求各位多多指教啊。作者: verchieldan 时间: 2012-9-25 19:12 9.25 独立 People who cannot accept the criticism from others will not be successful at working in a group.
Asked what if there is no criticism at working in a group, most people may answer: there is no access to the validity results of anything. In fact, criticism plays a vital part in the way founding success. As American poetess --M. Moore said, “victory won't come to me unless I go to it.” I firmly believe that people who cannot accept the criticism from others will not successful, especially working in a group. To better illustrate my point of view, I list several reasons as follows. To begin with, criticism can help people found their shortcomings so as to improve themselves and get close to success while doing teamwork. Due to the over self-identities, elites who have been high educated or born rich often believe they can achieve goals by their own without mistakes. For example, Julie is a girl who has been learning ballet for 8 years since she was 4 years old.”What a pretty angel the girl is!” as people said after watching her performance. She failed to entry the School of the Art Institute of Chicago last year, however, she thought she was best enough to go there and ignore the criticism from her teacher. Maybe we can do better among others, but with the help of criticism, we can go further to make the success come true. Furthermore, one’s success means nothing but perfect for a group. A group must work together and hold together to deal with emergency, especially accept the criticism from other team members when they are facing difficulties. There is no better illustration than the example of American psychologist Carnegie. A reporter from the Sun always made ad hominem. Because he thought Carnegie have problems in adult teaching school. As a result, Carnegie got angry and never met the reporter until they themselves found it’s out of fashion to teach in that way. Absolutely, it is necessary for one to accept the criticism while working in a group.
Admittedly, I tend to add that: in some conditions, it may be important that you should distinguish the meritorious and vicious criticism. On one hand, people may not know well about your team task and your position. Consequently, providing unsuitable criticism may lead to contrast results. On the other hand, when your unfriendly competitors criticize you in some aspects, it is unsound to trust them all even in the same group. These cases, however, are too rare and therefore are too weak to convince me to walk away from position.
In sum, from above discussion, I may safely draw the conclusion that while working in a group,People who cannot accept the criticism from others will not be successful. Criticism is not only wealth but also a key to break the self-limitation. Without the help of it, the future success is remained untouchable.
作者: bonnenuit 时间: 2012-9-25 23:21
Asked what if there is no criticism at working in a group, most people may answer: there is no access to the validity results of anything. In fact, criticism plays a vital part in the way founding success. As American poetess --M. Moore said, “victory won't come to me unless I go to it.” I firmly believe that people who cannot accept the criticism from others will not successful（success，或者successful前加be）, especially working in a group. To better illustrate my point of view, I list several reasons as follows. To begin with, criticism can help people found （help后面应该跟动词原形吧，find）their shortcomings so as to improve themselves and get close to success while doing teamwork. Due to the over self-identities, elites who have been high educated or born rich often believe they can achieve goals by their own without mistakes. For example, Julie is a girl who has been learning ballet for 8 years since she was 4 years old.”What a pretty angel the girl is!” as people said after watching her performance. She failed to entry the School of the Art Institute of Chicago last year, however, she thought she was best enough to go there and ignore（前面是thought,那么这个就应该是ignored吧） the criticism from her teacher. Maybe we can do better among others, but with the help of criticism, we can go further to make the success come true. Furthermore, one’s success means nothing but perfect for a group. A group must work together and hold together to deal with emergency, especially accept the criticism from other team members when they are facing difficulties. There is no better illustration than the example of American psychologist Carnegie. A reporter from the Sun always made ad hominem. Because he thought Carnegie have(had?) problems in adult teaching school. As a result, Carnegie got angry and never met the reporter until they themselves found it’s(it was) out of fashion to teach in that way. Absolutely, it is necessary for one to accept the criticism while working in a group.
Admittedly, I tend to add that: in some conditions, it may be important that you should distinguish the meritorious and vicious criticism. On one hand, people may not know well about your team task and your position. Consequently, providing unsuitable criticism may lead to contrast results. On the other hand, when your unfriendly competitors criticize you in some aspects, it is unsound to trust them all even in the same group. These cases, however, are too rare and therefore are too weak to convince me to walk away from position.
In sum, from above discussion, I may safely draw the conclusion that while working in a group,People who cannot accept the criticism from others will not be successful. Criticism is not only wealth but also a key to break the self-limitation. Without the help of it, the future success is remained untouchable.
这是一些简单的时态问题 写文章的时候多注意一下就好了 不愧是受过G洗礼的大牛啊 文章词汇基础很好，也能较灵活使用学术词汇，使用了部分简单的长难句，过渡词和衔接词使用的比较不错 文章还引用了名言名句 这些都是我值得学习的作者: verchieldan 时间: 2012-9-26 21:24 第二篇托福作文，请指教！！9.26独立 Some jobs can pay high salaries but require employees to leave their family and friends. Some jobs pay few salaries but allow staying with family and friend. Which do you like
Propose a situation that if you are offered two jobs, one can pay high salaries but require employees to leave their family and friends and the other pays few but allow staying with family and friends. Which you might choose? Of course, I will take the last offer, because I firmly believe that working around my family and close friends comfort me not only in physical but also in mental. Considering that we often have to make own decisions, I list several reasons to better illustrate my point of view as follows.
To begin with, family is a comfortable bay for every person grew up here. As the saying goes, “Do not feedback to your parents until you are old enough but not them.” When you chose to work near family members, all of you can hold together and face difficulties which you have met in work. So do friends. They are just as another home where will always keep the door for you. For example, I have a friend who has been working abroad for ten years since she graduated from college. In order to find a high-pay job in a metropolis not in her small town, however, she fought for her destiny lonely until her mother was gone last year. “Money and status doesn’t mean noting when compared with my mom, you will never know how regret I am!” She shouted at me and then cried so sad just like a baby. Absolutely, we can get jobs, wealth, and status as long as we alive, but some people will go forever.
Furthermore, accompany with your family and friends may get a low salary job because the limitations of local, environment, time even chances. We can do our best to improve the salary we get. It is possible that when you finish your college and get a unimportant job near home. Doing small works can’t last long only if you can achieve success and make progress, including stimulating innovation and improve yourself by your efforts. There is no better illustration that the example of Yuanjie Zheng, who is a famous writer of fairy tale in China. He was an unknown and poor man when he was young, however, he chose to take care of his sick mother and work with his classmates for several years. Consequently, he made his dream come true and accompanied with his family. That is to say, nothing is impossible through your attempt. In fact, we all strive day in and out to achieve success for our family and friend, and we all desire to savor the marvelous rewards of a superior career in life.
Admittedly, I have to recognize that: in some conditions, it may be true that you cannot burn the candle at both ends, you must work away to earn money for the sick families as you cannot get so much in your home town. Besides, I want to suggest that one can always find a balance for both.
In sum, for the reasons stated above, I can safely conclude that when anyone of us live in the best time of human history, of course we can get some jobs pay few salaries but allow staying with family and friend. 作者: angelafeng 时间: 2012-9-27 22:08 Propose a situation that if you are offered two jobs, one can pay high salaries but require employees to leave their family and friends and the other pays few but allow staying with family and friends. Which you might choose? Of course, I will take the last offer, because I firmly believe that working around my family and close friends comfort me not only in physical but also in mental. Considering that we often have to make own decisions, I list several reasons to better illustrate my point of view as follows. To begin with, family is a comfortable bay for every person grew up here. As the saying goes, “Do not feedback to your parents until you are old enough but not them.” When you chose to work near family members, all of you can hold together and face difficulties which you have met in work. So do friends. They are just as another home where will always keep the door for you. For example, I have a friend who has been working abroad for ten years since she graduated from college. In order to find a high-pay job in a metropolis not in her small town, however, she fought for her destiny lonely until her mother was gone last year. “Money and status doesn’t mean noting when compared with my mom, you will never know how regret I am!” She shouted at me and then cried so sad just like a baby. Absolutely, we can get jobs, wealth, and status as long as we alive, but some people will go forever.（这段LZ写的太棒了，例子引的好，学习一下）
Furthermore, accompany with your family and friends may get a low salary job because the limitations of local, environment, time even chances. We can do our best to improve the salary we get. It is possible that when you finish your college and get a（an） unimportant job near home. Doing small works can’t last long only if you can achieve success and make progress, including stimulating innovation and improve yourself by your efforts. There is no better illustration that the example of Yuanjie Zheng, who is a famous writer of fairy tale in China. He was an unknown and poor man when he was young, however, he chose to take care of his sick mother and work with his classmates for several years. Consequently, he made his dream come true and accompanied with his family. That is to say, nothing is impossible through your attempt. In fact, we all strive day in and out to achieve success for our family and friend, and we all desire to savor the marvelous rewards of a superior career in life. Admittedly, I have to recognize that: in some conditions, it may be true that you cannot burn the candle at both ends, you must work away to earn money for the sick families as you cannot get so much in your home town.（这个句子写的好）Besides, I want to suggest that one can always find a balance for both. In sum, for the reasons stated above, I can safely conclude that when anyone of us live in the best time of human history, of course we can get some jobs pay few salaries but allow staying with family and friend.
LZ写的真好，语言很地道，结构完整，内容充实。 可以当范文啦~~ Anglea学习了~~作者: verchieldan 时间: 2012-9-28 13:54 9.27 独立 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: Nowadays, it is much easier to achieve success with help from one's family than what is like before.
Is it easier to achieve success with help from one’s family that what is like before? Some people argue that only by try one’s best can he or she get success and there is little help from family even until now. However, as far as I concerned, while people get closer and build complex relationship based on every family, it may sound easier to achieve one’s goal nowadays than in the past.
First and foremost, success not only includes personal efforts or ability, it also contains many other essential facts and I have to put the help of family on the top place. It is obviously that few graduates who just leave school and have no experience are hard to find a satisfied job, especially during the financial crises period and after. But if he or she can be recommended by their family, getting a pretty good job is just around the corner. For example, I have a cousin who is a postgraduate student from Peking University last year. With the help of his father, he had another chance to meet the interviewer and talk with the CEO of China mobile. Consequently, he took the job by showing his innovative idea to the interviewer as he had more time than any other ones.
In addition, more companies’ recruitment rely on introduce in their inner employees. Thus, with the recommendation like from one’s family, it will bring more benefits to the company such as loyalty, trust and source allocation. Let’s take P&G as an example, the company provide superior polices to family employees. Hence, with the help of family, one can make his or her career dream come true currently.
Last but not least, family members like mother and father are always helpful during we are finding was to success. Due to the older age and more experience, they can help you to decide learning direction and deal with difficulties which you have no idea what to do. Whenever we are in trouble, they will be the first person to drag us out. That is, family is really helpful when we are caching our successes in the changing society. With the rapid developing of the living society, we can never imaging what we will meet and encounter in the near future.
To sum up, we absolutely cannot ignore the help from family. It is more important to consider it than the past. At the same, be grateful for our families forever. 作者: Iszy 时间: 2012-9-28 19:50 标题: ^^, 来改作文了~~~ 红色为有误，黄色为精彩，绿色为可改善句
Is it easier to achieve success with help from one’s family that what is like before? Some people argue that only by try （trying) one’s best can he or she get success and there is little help from family even until now. However, as far as I concerned (I am concerned) , while people get closer and build complex relationship (relationships) based on every family, it may sound easier to achieve one’s goal nowadays than in the past.
First and foremost, success not only includes personal efforts or ability(abilities), it also contains many other essential facts and I have to put the help of family on the top place.( ”have to"太妥，因为他是“不得不”意思，带有无可奈何的意味） It is obviously （obvious) thatfew (有否定的意思，这里是想表达“没有几个大学生”的意思吗？）graduates who just leave school and have no experience are hard to find a satisfied job, especially during the financial crises （crsis) period and after. But if he or she can be recommended by their family, getting a pretty good job is just around the corner. For example, I have a cousin who is (was) a postgraduate student from Peking University last year. With the help of his father, he had another(那第一次的chance呢?)chance to meet the interviewer and talk with the CEO of China mobile （有点罗嗦了）. Consequently, he took the job by showing his innovative idea to the interviewer as he had more time than any other ones.(as 在这里是表因果吗？这句我不太理解要表达的意思.) In addition, more companies’ recruitment (recruitments) rely on introduce (introducing)in (介词不是这个吧？"by"?) their inner employees. Thus, with the recommendation like from one’s family, it will bring more benefits to the company such as loyalty, trust and source allocation. Let’s take P&G as an example, the company provide( provides) superior polices to family employees. Hence, with the help of family, one can make his or her career dream come true currently.（改为more easily )
Last but not least, family members like mother and father are always helpful during we are finding was to success.( 不确定这样是否正确）Due to the older age and more experience, they can help you to decide learning direction and deal with difficulties which you have no idea about what to do. Whenever we are in trouble, they will be the first person to drag us out. That is, family is really helpful when we are caching our successes in the changing society. With the rapid developing of the living society, we can never imaging what we will meet and encounter in the near future.
To sum up, we absolutely cannot ignore the help from family. It is more important to consider it than the past. At the same, remember to be grateful for our families forever.
The reading passage explores the issue of the fuel-cell engine will replace the internal-combustion engines for cars because fuel-cell engine has more advantages. The professor’s lecture deal with the same issue, however, he thinks that the reading is optimistic in its assessment of hydrogen-based fuel-cell engines which contradict what the reading states. And in the lecture, he uses three specific points to support his idea.
First, even though the reading passage suggests that the Petroleum which the internal-combustion engines use while the hydrogen needed for fuel-cell cannot be depleted, the professor argues in the lecture that hydrogen is not as easily available as the passage indicates. This is because it’s hard to produce and store hydrogen, which means it is not a practically and easily available substance. Obviously, the professor’s argument disproves its counterpart in the reading.
Moreover, despite the statement in the reading that the hydrogen need for fuel-cell engines cannot be depleted easily, the professor contends that using hydrogen would not solve the pollution problems. Then he supports this point with he fact that Producing hydrogen requires lots of energy that is obtained by burning coal or oil. In other words, there is no use to replace the former engines.
Finally, the professor asserts that fuel-cell engines will not be cheaper than internal- combustion engines, whereas the author of the reading claims that fuel-cell engines will be economically. The professor proves that this claim is indefensible by pointing out that fuel-cell engines require components made of platinum which is a very rare and expensive metal.
In conclusion, the professor clearly identifies the weaknesses in the reading passage and convincingly shows that the central argument in the reading that cars will use fuel-cell engines instead of internal-combustion engines is totally incorrect. 第一次写综合，因为时间匆忙，没找到听力原文，就直接看了文本，下次要完整的写一次啊，请批改的同学多多拍砖，顺便问一下，写多少字为好啊，谢谢了。作者: chasedreamabc 时间: 2012-9-30 21:42
直接对照文本写的，综合就没有多大的意义了，因为综合的重点在于听力，写作不是重点= = 就单纯的本文来说，其实没什么可说的了，要点都齐全（看的文本还能不齐全吗） OG的字数要求是150-225字，不过就是超出一些也没关系，只要你能保证说明白完整作者: verchieldan 时间: 2012-10-9 17:15 10.9 独立
It's more important for the government to build art museums and music performance center than to build recreational devices (such as swimming pool, playgrounds)
As more and more art museums and music performance center were built by government in recent years, it is seems like that building recreational devices are less important. Of course, they all belong to fundamental buildings in the city and provide services of goods to meet variety people’s need to help them enjoy the modern life in cities. Government should never put the art museums in the first place, however, in order to develop a balance city life both in people’s quality in music but also in daily entertainment for relaxation.
First of all, building more art museums and music performance centers can promote citizen’s music quality and develop economy. On the one hand, if there are more art museums than recreational devices in downtown, parents tend to take their children to enjoy artworks or go to theater more often. I’d like to take myself as an example. When I was young, local government built a theater where would perform different kinds of drama every weekends, including Being Opera, ballet, foreign music drama and concert. Naturally, my parents took me there nearly every month there. Hence, I fell in love with music, especial piano concert. Can you image that? I have learned the piano for about 12 years from now, and earned so many rewards in different competitions even in college. As for me, music is a vital part in my whole life. On the other hand, cities which are famous for music and art will attract large numbers of tourists from all around the world and are helpful in art industry. Paris is the holy land of artist and music lovers nowadays, so the culture industry is prosperous in the world.
In addition, relaxation is also crucial for modern people living in the highly changed city. According a recent survey, the statistics shows that 70% of people feel they are under huge pressure while working and living in the big cities. We can conclude that recreational center is necessary for people to release nervous mood and take exercises such as go swimming, play tennis and basketball. At the same time, we cannot ignore a group old people. They distribute themselves to the city they love and live, after they retired from their own job, it is sound to provide them some to walk with families and work out in a recreational center? The answer is positive. Absolutely, recreational center is no less important than art museums of music performance centers for one’s psychical and mental health. Let’s talk about the residential areas in most of China. Chinese try to build more recreational centers in every living areas .The purpose is not only in work achievements, but also in order to provide some available room for its citizens. Although the center maybe not large enough to play a soccer game, it is enough for a father to play soccer with his little boy in the ground.
Art museum or recreational center, which is more important for government to build? There exists a compromised way to solve it. Government should balance these to better satisfy people rather than think that it's more important for the government to build art museums and music performance center than to build recreational devices. Admittedly, if the government wants to build a unique city with art atmosphere, they could build more art museums moderately.
In sum, to develop a harmony city, government should not build too many art museums than recreational centers. For the reasons listed above, we can safely conclude that relaxation and take exercises are as important as enjoy artworks or music.
11.8 独立 Do you agree with the viewpoint that people are now easier to become educated than in the past.
What we’ve been debating here today over the last few years will affect the viewpoint that the more chances of people to go to school and get educated all cross the country compare to hundreds of years ago. This viewpoint over young children and adults is more than just numbers on a paper; it’s about more than just salary and occupations. It’s about the quality of life and the belief of people. It’s about what kind of future of our own country and the whole world we are looking for. And that’s what I want to spend some time talking about here.
First of all, with the development of society, people are no worry about enough food and clothes. The trend what they are thinking more in their mind is education. For example, in the early form of human society like bound and tribe, a man who is operating the family will be bothered when teaching their children hunting and surviving. Hunt for live is the most important instead of get educated. In addition, living in a peaceful and prosperity country, we have to admit that the knowledge oriented society has provided an increasing number of education chances to all persons. People are using as much as possible ways to get themselves and their children educated with more chances are available by government.
Then there comes a series of changes. On the one hand, all country try to put huge finds in educating and appeal suitable people to make full use of the educational sources in order to create a hi-tech and creative country. Let’s take China as an example. With easer accesses and strong support by government, including the obligatory education policy, people tend to participant education frequently even in further and poorer rural areas. On the other hand, people realize the importance and necessity to get to educate. That means better job and better and a ideal future life both for work and living. “Knowledge can change life.” When I was a child living in a small village in Yunnan Provence which is the less developed and poorest area around China, my father and all of my teacher said that to me when I didn’t want to go to school and finish my homework.
And at the same time, there are also some areas in the world where less education are available such as Iran and Somalia. Because of the sharking political situation and war, the students there lost their school and found nowhere to go. People are easier to go to school to learn what they what in most both developed and developing countries, however, they are living more quietly and there is no war or any other miserable accidents.
To sum up, if there is a wish to build a future people want and dream, there absolutely become easier for all people to get educated than before. The more and better chances are just around if you are one of people who are always looking forward to hold them.
作者: amissrosa 时间: 2012-11-9 16:03 11.8獨立改
[注1]What we’ve been debating here today over the last few years willaffect the viewpoint that the more chances of people to go to school and geteducated all across the country compare to hundreds of years ago.[注2]This viewpoint over young children and adults is more than just notonly about numbers on a paper; it’s but also about more than just salaryand occupations.It’s(Chances of being educated is) about the quality of life and the belief of people. It’s about whatkind of future of our own country and the whole world we are looking for. Andthat’s what I want to spend some time talking about here. [注3] [注1]”我们今天辩论的事情将会影响the viewpoint that…?这句话有点累赘,而且independent writing只是要我们选择一个论点,不用重新描述题目要我们做什么,而且楼主选择的论点并不会影响到题目本身的内容。此外，文法问题要注意喔!若这句要保留..建议改成 What wedebate here today has been discussed over the last few years, and that is theviewpoint about the more chances that people are easier to be educated now thanin the past. [注2] 不太懂这句话的意思,是不是犯了中式英文?可以一起讨论喔! 虽然不太懂意思..但修饰一点文法问题 [注3] (a) independent writing第一段最好能在段落里表达自己agree or disagree题目。 (b)美国人喜欢直叙,不喜欢拐弯抹角。托福作文满分例子里许多都短句且白话，考试也不强求考生要写出像中文文章般华丽的修饰法(像楼主的原文就用了三个it’s about开头来写句子)，当然修饰法若运用得当，铁定加分，但楼主的文法还不够扎根，建议先以简单的句构练习
First of all, with(because of) thedevelopment of society, [注1] people are no worry about enough food and clothes. The trend whatthey are thinking more in their mind is education. For example, in the early form of humansociety like bound and tribe(in the former human society, such as tribe), a man who is operating(was responsible for raising family) the family will would be bothered(distracted)when (by) teaching their children hunting and surviving skills. Hunting for lives is the mostimportant part of previous society instead of geting educated. In addition, living in a peaceful and prosperity country, wehave to admit that the knowledge oriented society has provided an increasing number of (more and more) education chances to all persons (people). People are using (benefit from) as much as possible ways (chances provided by governments) to getthemselves and their children educated with more chances are available by government. [注1]中式英文喔!此句应为people have been no longer worried about food shortage and lack ofclothes, and they pay more attention on education.
Then,there comes a series of changes. On the one hand, all country(our society) tries to put huge finds in (improve)educating (education system) and appeal suitable people to make full use of the educational sources in order to create ahi-tech and creative country. Let’s take China as an example. With easeraccesses and strong support by government, including the obligatory educationpolicy, people tend to participant (participate) education frequently even in further and poorer rural areas. On the other hand, people realize the importance andnecessity to get to educate (haveeducation). That means better job and better and a ideal future life both for work and living. “Knowledge can change life.” When I was achild living in a small village in Yunnan Provence (Province)which (where) is the less developed and the poorest area around China, my father and all of my teachers said that to me when I didn’t want to go to school and finish myhomework.
And at the same time(何时??), there are also some areas, such as Iran and Somalia, in the world where less education areavailable (were lack of educational institutions) such as Iranand Somalia. Because of the sharking (worse) political situation and war, the students there lost their school andfound nowhere to go. People are easier to go to school to learn what they what in most bothdeveloped and developing countries, however, where they are living more quietly and there is no war or any other miserableaccidents.
To sum up, [注1] [注2]if there is a wish to build a future people want and dream, there absolutely become easier for all people to get educated thanbefore. The more and better chances are just around if you are one of peoplewho are always looking forward to hold them. [注1] If people can makes their dreams come true [注2]底线这句话不符合主题。楼主既然认为现代人较容易受教育，就不应该在此处用这句话，因为是反方的论点 楼主的文法问题要再加强，句子和段落尽可能简洁有力，例子要符合题目，可以背些转折词…等作文常用词汇。楼主要持之以恒喔！作文这东西要天天练习才会进步作者: verchieldan 时间: 2012-11-23 19:10 11月23日 独立 Agree or disagree：Your job has greater happiness than your social life
Propose a thought that if you are asked that job or social life, which bring you more happiness during your daily life and make you full of energy to reach more? Perhaps I’d like to explore this sort of topic in this essay considering that both of these are vital part of our life. Job and social life have some things in common that we can simply put one into another as they show different nature.
We all understood that people have the relief “live to work”, especially for Asia people. Working in some position or, I mean, own a satisfied job is basic needs for human beings. All of us want to buy things which we like, hang out with people we love, travel fantasy Mediterranean when we are old. But how can we make our dreams come true? Absolutely, a stable job is an entire guarantee to do above things and it’s essential to enrich our social life. That remand me of an old friend in my childhood—Han. She tried her best to get the key to top 500 companies in 2004, and after 8 years old of hard working she earn herself a high-pay job and a relax life. “It’s not the job which makes me happy but the thing followed it. Job is the heaviest brick to build your colorful life.” When she was asked the question I mentioned above, she smiled and said that.
Job doesn’t mean fell happier, however, social life around the job is the right source of happiness. In fact, some people may not do the job they like, they just want to survive then build social network to enjoy life instead. I have a college teacher who gave up stressful work in bank and being a professor in order to spend more time meeting friends, go amusement park with his children and develop his interest of photographing. “I would rather enjoy the tea time and talk about the new president.” He said aloud in my human resource management course.
Admittedly, social life can bring more joys and happiness to one’s life. But, at the same time, when social life occupy too much in one’s life and there is no space available to work for someone, dullness and boring will make one feel lonely. Let’s take some young man born in rich family as an example. Part of them just idle and do nothing all days. Without job, without passion. It is crucial to looking after something during a man’s life time and may last forever.
Indeed social life can bring more happiness to us in any society nowadays. In addition, it’s the basic and necessary require for human being. Because we are thinking and keep forward using a life time, more happiness we can obtain through our social life work and never forget working.
作者: mia1201 时间: 2012-11-24 14:04
首先要抱歉的是，我把题目看串了，于是我写的是24号的独立。。。。。。。见谅！！ Propose a thought that if you are (were) asked that (is it) job or social life which(that) brings you more happiness during your daily life and make you fullof energy to reach more? Perhaps I’d like to explore this sort of topic in thisessay considering that both of these are vital part (parts) of ourlife. Job and social life have some things (something) in commonthat we can simply put one into another as they show different nature.
We all understood that people have the relief “live to work”, especially forAsia (Asian) people. Working in some position or, I mean, own(owning) asatisfied job is basic needs for human beings. All of us want to buy thingswhich we like, hang out with people we love, travel (to) fantasyMediterranean when we are old. But how can we make our dreams come true?Absolutely, a stable job is an entire guarantee to do above things and it’sessential to enrich our social life. That remand (remind) me of anold friend in my childhood—Han. She tried her best to get the key to top 500 (Fortune 500)companies in 2004, and after 8 years old ofhard working she earn herself a high-paying job anda relax life(轻松的生活一般不用relax life，可能改为easy life更好). “It’snot the job which makes me happy but the thing followed it. Job is the heaviestbrick to build your colorful life.” When she was asked the question I mentionedabove, she smiled and said that.
Job doesn’t mean fell （feeling）happier, however, social life around the job isthe right source of happiness. In fact, some people may not do the job theylike, they just want to survive then build social network to enjoy lifeinstead. I have a college teacher who gave up stressful work in bank and beinga professor in order to spend more time meeting friends, go amusement park withhis children and develop his interest of photographing. “I would rather enjoythe tea time and talk about the new president.” He said aloud in my humanresource management course.
Admittedly, social life can bring more joys andhappiness to one’s life. But, at the same time, when social life occupys too muchin one’s life and there is no space available to work for someone, dullness andboring will make one feel lonely. Let’s take some young man born in rich familyas an example. Part of them are just idle and do nothing all days, withoutjob, without passion. It is crucial to looking(look) after something during aman’s life time and (which)may last forever.
Indeed social life can bring more happiness tous in any society nowadays. In addition, it’s the basic and necessary requirement forhuman being. Because we are thinking and keep forward using a life time, morehappiness we can obtain through our social life work and never forget working. （词句有点没太看懂，可能还需斟酌，是想表达social life更快乐但是也不能忘了工作？）作者: verchieldan 时间: 2013-1-16 20:39 16 January Independent Writing: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: College and universities must do a better job of preparing student for the workplace.
In contemporary society, an increasing number of young people are trying to get into universities and colleges in order to get a satisfied job with high-paid and social status. Naturally, the completion between universities is becoming cruel. It is necessary for all universities to promote education level and obtain fame around society. Doing a better job of preparing for the student for the workplace is a vital part to build up a profound and world famous university.
Learning knowledge or doing social practices, which is more important for student when they spend their precious college time? Absolutely, both knowledge and skill are the keys to success not only for the dream job but also for the students themselves. That reminds professors and college leaders to provide what student really need when they are in workplace. Let’s take my college as an example, my college is belong to the “211”programe which will send thousands graduates into finance industry including banks, securities and insurance companies. But in recent years, the school finds that companies hire fewer employees and the number still decline. After a detailed and widely survey conducted by the school, what makes them surprise is the banks view graduates lack of practice experiences while operating the business. After that, a social practice is necessary for every one of us if we want to graduate from this school and no cheating is allowed.
To be a good colleague and a good subordinate even an excellent leader, college is an essential part of the whole success for every ambitious young man. On the one hand, with the development of the high-tech industry, more well-educated elites are required by the company. Just like my friend Dan, he is majoring computer in Peking university where is famous for the ways of excellent education and quality of the graduates. Although he doesn’t graduate yet, he already got an offer from Huawei Company which is the top 10 in electric business industry. On the other hand, if the college cultivates more outstanding students, more elites will choose the school to further their study. Building up a first-class university is just around the corner.
Admittedly, I tend to agree that in some conditions, it may be true that school’s efforts benefit nothing to students to prepare in work place. One must try to be in pursuit of success and receive the help of school at the same time.
In conclusion, based upon the help of college or university, students can get used to the out of campus environment quickly and perform better to show their talent. 作者: 麦田往事 时间: 2013-1-17 13:55 In contemporary society, an increasing number of young people are trying to get into universities and colleges in order to get a satisfied job with high-paid and social status. 这里尽量让and 两边对称也就是job 和status， 所以修饰job的尽量都往job前移Naturally, the completion你是想用competition 吧between universities is becoming cruel. It is necessary for all universities to promote education level and obtain fame around society. Doing a better job of preparingpreparation of job for the student for the workplace is a vital part to build up a profound and world famous university.最后一句表达观点的句子最好能简洁些
Learning knowledge or doing social practices, which is more important for student when they spend their precious college time? Absolutely, both knowledge and skill are the keys to success not only for the dream job but also for the students themselves. That reminds professors and college leaders to provide what student really need when they are in workplace.这句话我没太懂Let‘s take my college as an example, my college is belong to the “211”programe which这个which是修饰college 还是211工程，如果是修饰college 最好放到前面去will send thousands graduates into finance industry including banks, securities and insurance companies. But in recent years, the school finds that companies hire fewer employees from my college and the number still decline. After a detailed and widely survey conducted by the school, what makes them surprise is the banks view consider graduates lack of practice experiences while operating the business. After that, a social practice is necessary for every one of us if we want to graduate from this school and no cheating is allowed.最后一句你阐述的是一个事实，从逻辑上来讲，after that 之后应该加上学校发现问题之后的做法。 To be a good colleague and a good subordinate even an excellent leader, college is an essential part of the whole success for every ambitious young man. 这句话的主语应该是 young man 而不是 college可以改成college is an essential part of the whole success for every ambitious young man to be a good colleague or a good subordinate even an excellent leader. On the one hand, with the development of the high-tech industry, more well-educated elites are required by the company. Just like my friend Dan, he is majoring computer in Peking university where is famous foras the ways of excellent education and quality of the graduates. Although he doesn’t graduate yet, he already got an offer from Huawei Company which is the top 10 in electric business industry. On the other hand, if the college cultivates more outstanding students, more elites will choose the school to further their study. Building up a first-class university is just around the corner. 学校培养出更多的精英，他们就会继续深造，就能建设出一流的大学，这个逻辑有点跳跃啊而且 跟文章主旨 学校要注重preparation of job 关系不大啊 Admittedly, I tend to agree that in some conditions, it may be true that school’s efforts benefit nothing用的太绝对了吧 to students to prepare in work place. One must try to be in pursuit of success and receive the help of school at the same time. In conclusion, based upon the help of college or university, students can get used to the out of campus environment quickly and perform better to show their talent.
楼主的作文基本框架是完整的，用词也很丰富 值得学习，但是逻辑结构还要多注意，另外 我觉得你要多用些简洁明朗的中心句去点明文章或段落主旨。 作者: verchieldan 时间: 2013-1-17 21:12 17 January
Integrated Writing: TPO 17
The professor explained that why population of the birds will not decline in the future in the U.S. There are three reasons to support this idea. First of all, although the urban areas are expanding rapidly nowadays, it will provide better and larger habitats for birds to live. This directly refutes the reading passage that natural habitats will led birds extinct. As a result of increasing habitats, birds population will also increase. At the same time, some kind of species may become less while the more important is others like pigeons will produce faster in the city. Secondly, the development of agriculture will not destruct birds’ habitats. Against this contradicts what is started in the reading material that agriculture will destruct the rural areas which will cause the birds decline. The lecture point out that there are fewer land used for farm land in the U.S. Future more, the introduction of the new crop will offer more food and land for the birds. Finally, the listening material states that pesticides will not reduce the number of the birds. This disagree with the author of the passage that the continuous using of the pesticides will do harm to the reproducing of the bird even in the future. The professor stresses that people are aware the effect of the pesticides. There are two ways to change the using of the pesticides now. On the one hand, people are developing the new pesticides which have less toxic. On the other hand, more important is the cultivating of the pest resisted crops. The consequence is no more pesticides are needed. Hence, there will not be harmful to the birds. 作者: wsxz007 时间: 2013-1-18 21:42
TPO17 综合批改The professor explained that why population of the birds will not decline in the future in the U.S. There are three reasons to support this idea.
首段最好写出 阅读和听力在说一个事……，分别持不同的观点，听力说了啥啥，具体分为几点来反驳阅读……这是标准套路 First of all, although the urban areas are expanding rapidly nowadays, it will provide better and larger habitats for birds to live. This directly refutes the reading passage that natural habitats will led birds extinct.后半句栖息地导致鸟灭绝？怎么也说不过去哦 As a result of increasing habitats, birds population will also increase. At the same time, some kind of species may become less while the more important is others like pigeons这个点我还真没听出来，厉害will produce faster in the city. 总的来说就是point：阅读说城市↑鸟↓，听力说城市↑鸟↑，detail： 鸟种类此消彼长e.g 鸽子 Secondly, the development of agriculture will not destruct birds’ habitats. Against this contradicts这个啥意思？what is started in the reading material that agriculture will destruct the rural areas which will cause the birds decline. The lecture point out that there are fewer land used for farm land in the U.S. Future more,少连词the introduction of the new crop will offer more food and land for the birds. Finally, the listening material states that pesticides will not reduce the number of the birds. This disagree with the author of the passage that the continuous using of the pesticides will do harm to the reproducing of the bird even in the future. The professor stresses that people are aware the effect of the pesticides. There are two ways to change the using of the pesticides now. On the one hand, people are developing the new pesticides which have less toxic. On the other hand,这两个短语最好不连一起哟用more important is the cultivating of the pest resisted crops. The consequence is no more pesticides are needed. Hence, there will not be harmful to the birds.
听力和阅读的点楼主应该是都找出来了这很厉害哦，只是在表达上有点……小混乱，这个综合写作基本是有套路的，不是模板，可以多看看， 作者: verchieldan 时间: 2013-1-19 20:15 18 January Independent Writing: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: Young people now are more willing to help others than those in the past. 实在对不住互改的同学，发得太晚了，谢谢~辛苦了~
Asked what if an old man fell down in the main street when you just pass by, will you move forward and give a hand to the old man? Most young people will answer absolutely: there is no time to be heisted and it’s my duty to help him. In fact, the young are becoming friendly and are willing to help others than those in the past. As for me, I firmly believe with the rapid development of society in all kinds of areas, including education level, economy, human right and citizenship, the world as a whole are beginning to realize their own responsibility and obligatory.
To begin with, the young are receiving education with being kind and helpful to anyone whenever they are doing and wherever they are. Since the government and the school are contributing themselves to the education development to every person who are even around three to four years old. There is no better illustration than the example of my friend Dan, who was shown up on TV and many news papers for a long time, rescued a drown child from a deep and fast river when he on the way home. What impressed me a lot is what he said to the reporter—I am not a hero but a common person like everyone of you. It’s just happened and I’ m just here coincidently. My teacher and my parents told me to help others when they are in trouble. Of course, the aware of help is always in action beyond word.
Furthermore, we are living a more human-oriented society nowadays. One the one hand, law and mass media are vital part of our daily life to protect us from the unfair treat. That is to say, no worry about we may be a murder or thief from a helper even audience. According to the recent survey by the CCTV, people believe law can reveal the truth and more laws are published to encourage this kind of helpful behavior. On the other hand, an increasing number regard helping others as their obligatory and are likely to repay to the society.
Admittedly, I have to recognize that: in some conditions, people are care themselves more and try to put aside and do nothing. This kind of young man are becoming less and less while they are living in a harmony and friendly society. Being full of love, however, we can predict that young people are trying their best to stimulating changes.
In conclusion, for the reasons stated above, I can safely conclude that the young are performing better while helping others. With the tendency of more young people are joining the meritorious action, the friendly and warm world is just around the corner. 作者: wsxz007 时间: 2013-1-19 21:29
18 January Independent Writing: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: Young people now are more willing to help others than those in thepast.
Asked what if an old man fell down in the main street when you just pass by, will you move forward and give a hand to the old man? Most young people will answer absolutely: there is no time to be heisted and it’s my duty to help him. In fact, the young are becoming friendly and are willing to help others than those in the past. As for me, I firmly believe with the rapid development of society in all kinds of areas, including education level, economy, human right and citizenship, the world as a whole are beginning to realize their own responsibility and obligatory.
To begin with, the young are receiving education with being kind and helpful to anyone whenever they are doing and wherever they are. Since the government and the school are contributing themselves to the education development to every person who are even around three to four years old. There is no better illustration than the example of my friend Dan, who was shown up on TV and many news papers for a long time, rescued a drown child from a deep and fast river when he on the way home. What impressed me a lot is what he said to the reporter—I am not a hero but a common person like everyone of you. It’s just happened and I’ m just here coincidently. My teacher and my parents told me to help others when they are in trouble. Of course, the aware of help is always in action beyond word.
观点很好，例子要更贴近观点就更好了。你的例子是对整个文章的不是针对你的分论点的
Furthermore, we are living a more human-oriented society nowadays. One the one hand, law and mass media are vital part of our daily life to protect us from the unfair treat. That is to say, no worry about we may be a murder or thief from a helper even audience. According to the recent survey by the CCTV, people believe law can reveal the truth and more laws are published to encourage this kind of helpful behavior. On the other hand, an increasing number regard helping others as their obligatory and are likely to repay to the society.
Admittedly, I have to recognize that: in some conditions, people are care themselves more and try to put aside and do nothing. This kind of young man are becoming less and less while they are living in a harmony and friendly society. Being full of love, however, we can predict that young people are trying their best to stimulating changes.
In conclusion, for the reasons stated above, I can safely conclude that the young are performing better while helping others. With the tendency of more young people are joining the meritorious action, the friendly and warm world is just around the corner. 这篇写的很不错哦，只是第四段，没看出什么观点，跟前面二、三段比，逻辑上就差了好多呢 开头可以把直接表达观点的句子再扩一扩，占得更明显的篇幅或位置。作者: verchieldan 时间: 2013-1-20 09:27
辛苦你了，生病了还帮我改作文。我现在认真研究了一下，发现第二段的例子确实不是很贴切的。 还有，因为第四段我想做一个让步段落，就是说全文的基调虽然是现在的年轻人更乐于助人，但是仍然存在少数特例，用来给自己的主要观点做让步，想让、要正反两面都说，这样可以体现辩证思考。。。不知这样你觉得可以不？作者: verchieldan 时间: 2013-1-20 17:00 19 January Integrated Writing: TPO 19
写这篇明显感觉听力的时候走神了。。。可能是今天听力太多听力内容了，还请同学狠批，改完后我会认真再去研究听力内容的，自己写的时候就发现漏了好多，没什么可写的。 The reading passage explores the issue about the buzzing will do harm to people in all kinds of areas. In the reading material, however, the buzzer disagrees with the reading passage. And the buzzer explained why the buzzer is beneficial. There are three reasons to support this idea.
First of all, the buzzer thinks they always tell the truth about the product they are buzzing. This directly refutes the reading passage which states a person who is paid by the company will mislead the consumers by say how good the product of service. The man explains how the buzzing work to illustrite that. People who used the product and really like it will tell the truth about the product and never lie absolutely.
Secondly, against this contradicts what is stated in the reading passage which stated that buzzing will make the consumers listen their endorsements less and thus harm consumers, the buzzer said that they are just show the price, services and awareness to the whole consumers. There is no existence of cheating of misleading.
Finally, the buzzer points out that if buzzer doesn't like the product, it's boring nothing to the company by hire them. This disagrees with the reading passage that buzzing has negative effects on social relationship. He takes himself as an example. He likes the cellphone deeply and that stimulate him to be take that job. "After careful experience and being a buzzer to tell what one really think, that will make people more trustful and open up to the other." 作者: wsxz007 时间: 2013-1-20 19:23
辩证的看问题是对的，也是必要的，但就这篇来看，可以写写，“现在的青年较以前的青年可能还存在其他方面的差异，比如踏实、执着之类的性格特征，”这样的观点更好写，逻辑上也更清晰作者: wsxz007 时间: 2013-1-20 20:01
19 January Integrated Writing: TPO 19 The reading passage explores the issue about the buzzing will do harm to people in all kinds of areas. In the reading material, however, the buzzer disagrees with the reading passage. And the buzzer explained why the buzzer is beneficial. There are three reasons to support this idea.
开头还是背背模板再结合自己的东西编一编…… First of all, the buzzer thinks they always tell the truth about the product they are buzzing. This directly refutes the reading passage which states a person who is paid by the company will mislead the consumers by say how good the product of service. The man explains how the buzzing work to illustrite that. People who used the product and really like it will tell the truth about the product and never lie absolutely.
Secondly, against this contradicts what is stated in the reading passage which stated that buzzing will make the consumers listen their endorsements less and thus harm consumers, the buzzer said that they are just show the price, services and awareness to the whole consumers. There is no existence of cheating of misleading.
Finally, the buzzer points out that if buzzer doesn't like the product, it's boring nothing to the company by hire them. This disagrees with the reading passage that buzzing has negative effects on social relationship. He takes himself as an example. He likes the cellphone deeply and that stimulate him to be take that job. "After careful experience and being a buzzer to tell what one really think, that will make people more trustful and open up to the other." 这华丽丽滴不是最后一点啊，是前面的内容，这里我听得信息是，buzzer会破坏社会关系，由于他们所售卖宣传的产品给后来购买的人带来困扰和被欺骗感，导致人与人之间的不信任。针对这一点听力提出，恰恰相反由于BUZZER的宣传是基于好的产品诚实的宣传，所以后来购买的人会对产品很满意，从而增进人与人之间的信任……
总的来说这篇有些难……逻辑有点G的感觉了……作者: verchieldan 时间: 2013-1-21 16:25 20 January Independent Writing: Which way do you think is the best for a student to make new friends? a. join a sports team, b. participate in community activities, c. traveling
Asked what people would like to make new friend, which method they will chose or how to carry on their existent plan, some people may answered: devoting myself to as many as possible social activities. Admittedly, joining community affairs plays a vital part in common people because they are working and living in the where around their colleagues, subordinates, leaders and closed friends. Therefore, they can make friends with unfamiliar people through annual party of the company, public affairs and charity activities. The point of view seems superficially and indisputable but totally unsuitable when it comes to the special group of people—student. The discrepancies would be critically considered and found a better way for student in the following part of the article. Frankly, students spend much more time staying school to obtain knowledge and should not focus on much more community activities. Generally, besides their classmates and teachers, if they want to make new friends, choose to join a sports team or some kind of music or art group is the most suitable and beneficial way. There is no better illustration than the example of my friend Dan. He is found of playing soccer and that forced him to attend the soccer team in his high school. “I make friends who have the same interests with me. Consequently, we can kill the boring time and talk about favorite players during the rest time.” He smiled when he said that and his parents were also delightful to see the progress he made in study and no worried about he would do something irrelevant. Furthermore, in modern society, here comes much pressure on student. I, as a college student, would also firmly recommend that student should make friends while they are traveling during vacation. On the one hand, traveling can reduce and relieve the pressure from the live and study. On the one hand, the more important is they can meet different people in all kinds of areas, including single travelers, reporters, poetesses and office gentlemen, which will absolutely broaden their horizon and experience a totally unique world beyond school and home. Admittedly, students also have to gain social skills especially the ability to communicate with others through community activities. Social life to some extent releases people from the onerous work but value nothing to make people choke. The main method of students is to try best to learn knowledge, giving up the main value, students will be hysterical and lost. In conclusion, sounds over the stated it is, I definitely regard join the school group and traveling as the best war for students to make new friends. Share the happiness and sorrows what they have experience and achieve one fulfillment.作者: jgasoshmu2005 时间: 2013-1-22 06:45
修改请参见附件 感觉是不是有些偏题．我的理解应该是支持三种方式中的一种，然后突出论述相比较另外两种方式的优势，当然也可以让步式的写一段另外两种方式的优点． 感觉楼主应该实在套用自己的模板，个人感觉模板还需改进 水平有限，一家之言．作者: perfectends 时间: 2013-1-22 23:17
21 January 综合写作 perfectends 和 verchieldan 互改
Integrated Writing: TPO 21 亲，你作文忘了贴了啊？？作者: verchieldan 时间: 2013-1-23 21:37
The reading passage explores the issue which genetic trees will be much beneficial. In the lecture, however, their professor contradicts this idea. There are three reasons in the following parts. First of all, the professor said that the resistant ability does not mean the trees can survival. Because the non-genetic trees are diverse to .And the genetic trees can’t suit for all the changes like pests and weathers. This directly refutes the reading passage which states that genetic trees are to be harder than nature trees. Furthermore, there are little economic profits by planting this kind of genetic trees. Again this disagrees with what is pointed out in the reading material that the genetic trees are promise to boring more benefits. For example, if you plant the genetic seeds, you cannot collect the seeds after they are mature. The fact is you have to by the same seeds from the company every time and absolutely spend a lot of money. Finally, the genetic trees will bring serious damage to the wild trees. This differs from the idea in the reading text that the use of genetically modified trees can prevent overexploitation of wild trees. On the contrary, due to the aggressively growth of the genetic trees among nature trees, this will completely ran out of the limit resources, including water, soil and shine. Consequently, the nature trees will be extinct.
不好意思，今天有事出去了，现在刚回来。 第一点几乎没有听出来。。。作者: jgasoshmu2005 时间: 2013-1-24 09:45
非常抱歉,附件忘了上传了!这两天也没有上网,而且修改文件在办公室的电脑上,可否稍等我明天回办公室再上传给你! 再次表示歉意!作者: perfectends 时间: 2013-1-24 21:46 标题: 1.21综合TPO21 The reading passage explores the issue which genetic trees will be much beneficial.(同义替换,good) In the lecture, however, their professor contradicts this idea. There are three reasons in the following parts.
First of all, the professor said that the resistant ability does not mean the trees can survival. Because the non-genetic trees are diverseto (too) .(diverse这一点我没听到,你听力也很好啊)And the genetic trees can’t suit for all the changes like pests and weathers.(细节听出来了,good)This directly refutes the reading passage which states that(巧妙通过从句写明文章与听力文章关系) genetic trees are to be harder than nature trees. (恩, 匆忙中听的point确实抓住的不是最关键的,但也听出来不少可以反驳的细节.)
Furthermore, there are little economic profits by planting this kind of (建议去掉,有点多余) genetic trees. Again this disagrees with what is pointed out in the reading material that the genetic trees are promise to boring more benefits. For example, if you plant the genetic seeds, you cannot collect the seeds after they are mature. The fact is you have to by the same seeds from the company every time and absolutely spend a lot of money.(例子部分,所对应的听力原文的point不是在于不能收种子,而是你每次种都要付费…)
Finally, the genetic trees will bring serious damage to the wild trees. This differs from the idea in the reading text that the use of genetically modified trees can prevent overexploitation of wild trees. On the contrary, due to the aggressively growth(8错,pharaphrase了) of the genetic trees among nature trees, this will completely ran out of(8错,pharaphrase了) the limit resources, including water, soil and shine. Consequently, the nature trees will be extinct.
~~~！