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标题: 正儿八经潜水的作文贴，诚心互批，共同进步！ [打印本页]

作者: 正儿八经潜水 时间: 2012-9-13 12:44
标题: 正儿八经潜水的作文贴，诚心互批，共同进步！
正儿八经潜水的作文贴，诚心互批，共同进步！

作者: 正儿八经潜水 时间: 2012-9-13 21:53
9月14日独立
Do you agree with the viewpoint that people are now easier to become educated than in thepast?

Our major difference between this era and the previous times in the emphasis on education,which naturally give rise to an issue of whether people are easier to become educated than in the past.My reflection on the relevant elements of this issue as well as my experiences leads me to hold a positive attitude towards the assertion that people are indeed now easier to be educated than in the past.After all,nowadays,people may have the choice of being educated at home by using technology such as computers or televisions as education software becomes better and better.

The first reason coming to my mind is that being educated at home using computers and televisions allows for more flexibility.People can adjust their study schedule to match the time of day when they are most alert.They can also progress through the lessons at their own pace.For example,clever people will be able to advance more quickly,and the slower ones can take more time to gain a deeper understanding of the material before moving on to the next lesson.Therefore,people are easier to become educated now.

Equally important is the fact that home-based education is safer and it saves precious time and money.Many traditional schools can no longer offer a safe and healthy education environment.For instance,when people go to traditional schools,they may face the daily dangers of being involved in traffic accidents.It’s sad but true.Being educated at home also saves on transportation time and a lot of money,which can be better spent studying.Thus, people are easier to become educated now.

In addition to the above reasons,another noteworthy reason is that a home-based education system will help our society achieve equality in education.All people,no matter what district they live in,will receive the same quality of instruction,especially for people who are disabled.Of course,people in rural areas can attend classes with those in cites,all without having to leave their house or hometown.It is,in the sense,reasonable to say that people are easier to become educated now.

Taking into account the above analysis,we may safely come to the conclusion that people are now easier to become educated than in the past ,because nowadays home-based education is more flexible and safe and it saves precious time and money.It also helps us achieve equality in education.

作者: ioioke 时间: 2012-9-15 02:53
Do you agree with the viewpoint that people are now easier to become educated than in thepast?

Our major difference between this era and the previous times in the emphasis on education,which naturally give rise to an issue of whether people are easier to become educated than in the past.My reflection on the relevant elements of this issue as well as my experiences leads me to hold a positive attitude towards the assertion that people are indeed now easier to be educated than in the past.After all,nowadays,people may have the choice of being educated at home by using technology such as computers or televisions as education software becomes better and better.

The first reason coming to my mind is that being educated at home using computers and televisions allows for more flexibility(从句里面没有宾语，加个us 如何).People can adjust their study schedule to match the time of day when they are most alert.They can also progress through the lessons at their own pace.For example,clever people will be able to advance more quickly,and the slower ones can take more time to gain a deeper understanding of the material before moving on to the next lesson.Therefore,people are easier to become educated now.

Equally important is the fact that home-based education is safer and it saves precious time and money.Many traditional schools can no longer offer a safe and healthy education environment.Forinstance,when people go to traditional schools,they may face the daily dangers of being involved in traffic accidents.It’s sad but true.Being educated at home also saves on transportation time and a lot of money,which can be better spent （on）studying.Thus, people are easier to become educated now.（这句话和上一段的最后一句话是相同的，建议换一种说法）

In addition to the above reasons,another noteworthy reason is that a home-based education system will help our society achieve equality in education.（句子开头的reason有点重复，建议去掉一个）All people,no matter what district they live in,will receive the same quality of instruction,especially for people who are disabled.Of course,people in rural areas can attend classes with those in cites,all without having to leave their house or hometown.It is,in the sense,reasonable to say that people are easier to become educated now.

Taking into account the above analysis,we may safely come to the conclusion that people are now easier to become educated than in the past ,because nowadays home-based education is more flexible and safe and it saves precious time and money.It also helps us achieve equality in education.

总结，结构很明确，最后总结也很好。童鞋很多地方句号，逗号后面没有空格。这个要注意。

作者: 正儿八经潜水 时间: 2012-9-15 07:03
哈。谢谢。你们改的真早，夜里都不睡觉的。。

作者: ioioke 时间: 2012-9-15 12:29
我在北美，有时差，要是那次改晚了，别介意哈。

作者: 正儿八经潜水 时间: 2012-9-15 17:05
哈。原来如此。第一段第一句不是个句子，还有第三段第一句没有主语，你木有看出来呀

作者: shatong424 时间: 2012-9-15 19:56
本人看了一下，没太看懂，先发一份你这篇作文的翻译，我在看看。觉得论证的内容上有问题

作者: 正儿八经潜水 时间: 2012-9-15 20:46
请问哪里不懂呢？结构还是意思？应该很好理解呀

简单说一下中间三段：
1、灵活性更高，自主安排学习时间，调节课程进度。聪明的人学得快，迟钝的人学得慢。
2、安全经济，节省时间。不会遇到车祸，省时间金钱花在学习上。
3、全社会教育机会均等，无论住哪儿，可以接受相同教育。残疾人，农村学生。

作者: 正儿八经潜水 时间: 2012-9-15 20:48
9月15日独立
Some people think university professors should spend more time doing research while othersthink they should spend more time educating students. What is your view?

Nowadays it is widely acknowledged that university professors have played an essential role in people’s life, especially in university students’ life. As a result, the question is often raised as to whether university professors should spend more time doing research or educating students. To this question, people’s opinions vary, with some claiming that it is much better to spend more time doing research and others holding that pend more time educating students is a better choice. Taking into account the major factors involved, I cast my vote for the former opinion because it could benefit the students as well as the world in general and this essay will explore the reasons for my stance.

The first reason coming to my mind is that the research could have great influences on the real world could one day lead to great breakthroughs, such as a cure for cancer or a solution to global warming. If that is the case, then the average life span of people will be longer and the earth will be more comfortable to live on with the better environment. It, therefore, seems fair that university professors should spend more time doing research than educating students.

What is equally important is the fact that if a professor’s research was successful it could benefit the university and the students in two ways. On the one hand, the university would be able to receive grants and funding to continue with further research. This money would help the university improve their research facilities, which would benefit the students who use these facilities. On the other hand, the recognition of the research would improve the reputation and standing of the university, which is something that would also benefit the students who studied there by association. Thus, I absolutely believe that spending more time doing research is a better choice for university professors.

In addition to the above reasons, another point I want to make about this topic is that a professor who continues to do research is more aware of recent developments and is kept at the forefront of the field. This will make the professor a more knowledgeable teacher. The professor is also more likely to be a more enthusiastic teacher because he or she will be excited about the new discoveries when sharing them with students. It is,in the sense,reasonable to say that it is more important for university professors to do research rather than to educate students.

Taking into account the above analysis,we may safely come to the conclusion that university professors should spend more time doing research, because a successful research can have great influences on the real world and benefit the university as well as the students. Of course, students will be educated by more knowledgeable professors.

作者: shatong424 时间: 2012-9-15 21:03
我拿word 给你改的回帖显示不出来我给你改的地方你给留给Q 我给你发过去吧

作者: 正儿八经潜水 时间: 2012-9-15 22:01
OK.THANKS!! 1170014204

作者: 小兔爱twins 时间: 2012-9-16 20:57
Nowadays +， it is widely acknowledged that university professors have played an essential role in people’s life, especially in university students’ life. As a result, the question is often raised as to whether university professors should spend more time doing research or educating students. To this question, people’s opinions vary, with some claiming that it is much better to spend more time doing research and others holding that pend more time educating students is a better choice. Taking into account the major factors involved, I cast my vote for the former opinion because it could benefit the students as well as the world in general and this essay will explore the reasons for my stance. （这样写法凑字数还是不错的。。。但是要高分就不靠谱了。。我目前也属于凑字数状态）

The first reason coming to my mind is that the research could have great influences on the real world could one day lead to great breakthroughs, such as a cure for cancer or a solution to global warming. If that is the case, then the average life span of people will be longer and the earth will be more comfortable to live on with the better environment. It, therefore, seems fair that university professors should spend more time doing research than educating students.

What is equally important is the fact that if a professor’s research was successful it could benefit the university and the students in two ways. On the one hand, the university would be able to receive grants and funding to continue with further research. This money would help the university improve their research facilities, which would benefit the students who use these facilities. On the other hand, the recognition of the research would improve the reputation and standing of the university, which is something that would also benefit the students who studied there by association. Thus, I absolutely believe that spending more time doing research is a better choice for university professors.

In addition to the above reasons, another point I want to make about this topic is that a professor who continues to do research is more aware of recent developments and is kept at the forefront of the field. This will make the professor a more knowledgeable teacher. The professor is also more likely to be a more enthusiastic teacher because he or she will be excited about the new discoveries when sharing them with students. It is,in the sense,reasonable to say that it is more important for university professors to do research rather than to educate students.

（这几个body段跟范文仿的差不多。。。不做修改了。。。毕竟范文都是大牛写出来的。。哈哈）

Taking into account the above analysis,we may safely come to the conclusion that university professors should spend more time doing research, because a successful research can have great influences on the real world and benefit the university as well as the students. Of course, students will be educated by more knowledgeable professors.

字数很足哦！！！看范文的同时不忘把它精华的内容吸收下来弄成自己的！！这才是王道哈哈哈！！

作者: 正儿八经潜水 时间: 2012-9-16 21:02
是啊，忧伤的菜鸟还停留在模仿范文的道路中

作者: 正儿八经潜水 时间: 2012-9-16 21:03
9月16日独立
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement : similar jobs with you for your children ?

Our major difference between some parents and their children in the emphasis on choosing jobs naturally gives rise to an issue of whether children should take similar jobs with their parents. My reflection on the relevant elements of this issue as well as my experiences leads me to hold a positive attitude towards the assertion that let children follow their true heart when it comes to career selection. After all, each individual is different, children may not qualified for their parents' work.

The first reason coming to my mind is that if children are forced to choose jobs with their parents, it will become difficult for them to grow mature. Parents’ direction will prevent them from committing mistakes. As a result, they will never get negative feedbacks and learn how to correct faults. A simple analogy may help brighten this point. Babies will never learn to walk before they fall down again and again. Once they fall down, parents will pay attention to them and try to find out what is wrong and then teach them how to walk better. That may be what we call negative feedbacks and correct faults. Therefore, it’s quite obvious that parents should’t force children to choose similar jobs with them.

What is equally important is the fact that, as an old saying goes, interest is the best teacher. If children have no interest in their parents’ jobs, parents' help is just meaningless. Taking Elon Musk as an instance, so tedious he thought the machines would be that he rejected the abundant experiences from his mother though his mother is a very successful engineer. Since what he was interested was venture capital, he finally chose to follow his heart and became the founder of SpaceX, which develops and produces space lunch vehicles with low cost but high reliability. Of course, he achievements were far more than the above. He once said that he was about to retire on Mas! Imagine that, if Elon Musk had chosen to be an engineer, everything might be different. Thus, I absolutely believe that it’s so important for parents to respect on children’s interest.

In addition to the above reasons, another point I want to make about this topic is that if a whole family choose the similar jobs it would certainly have negative effects. Their knowledge scopes will be limited since they are all familiar with the same region. What is worse, they will face the risk of unemployment if the industry suffers from depression. It is,in the sense,reasonable to say that choosing different jobs may be a better choice between family members.

Taking into account the above analysis,we may safely come to the conclusion that children should follow their heart to pursue dreams rather than choose the similar jobs with their parents, especially when they really do not like it. It also can reduce the risk of the whole family.

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-9-17 21:08
9.16 独立改文
9月16日独立
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement : similar jobs with you for your children ?
第一次改文~~红色错误，蓝色讨论，高亮精彩
Our major(这里没有读懂？Major是“专业”还是“主要的”的意思？) difference between some parents and their children in the emphasis(这里感觉没有必要写哦) on choosing jobs naturally gives rise to an issue of whether children should take similar jobs with their parents. My reflection on the relevant elements of this issue as well as my experiences leads me to hold a positive attitude towards the assertion that let（letting） children follow their true heart when it comes to career selection. After all, each individual is different, children may not (be) qualified for their parents' work.

The first reason coming to my mind is that if children are forced to choose jobs with their parents, it will become difficult for them to grow mature. Parents’ direction will（probably比较好，用will太绝对了） prevent them from committing mistakes. As a result, they will never get negative feedbacks and learn how to correct faults. A simple analogy may help brighten this point. Babies will never learn to walk before they fall down again and again. Once they fall down, parents will pay attention to them and try to find out what is wrong and then teach them how to walk better. That may be what we call negative feedbacks and correct faults.（婷婷感觉这个例子不太切合这段的TS，可以弄一个家长强制给小孩选career的例子，蓝色这句话可以换一种形式，之前写过了Here witnesses the demerits of compulsorily choosing career for children... ） Therefore, it’s quite obvious that parents should’t(should not) force children to choose similar jobs with them.

What is equally important is the fact that, as an old saying goes, interest is the best teacher. If children have no interest in their parents’ jobs, parents' help is just meaningless. Taking Elon Musk as an instance, so tedious he thought the machines would be that he rejected the abundant experiences from his mother though his mother is a very successful engineer. Since what he was interested was venture capital, he finally chose to follow his heart and became the founder of SpaceX, which develops and produces space lunch vehicles with low cost but high reliability. Of course, he(his) achievements were far more than the above. He once said that he was about to retire on Mas（火星是Mars）! Imagine that, if Elon Musk had chosen to be an engineer(这里可以来个倒装had Elon Musk chosen to be an engineer), everything might be different. Thus, I absolutely believe that it’s so important for parents to respect on children’s interest.

In addition to the above reasons, another point I want to make about this topic is that if a whole family choose the similar jobs（这里貌似少了一个逗号） it would certainly have negative effects.(这里把具体的disadvantage说出来比较好，让人一看就知道这段在说什么) Their knowledge scopes will be limited since they are all familiar with the same region. What is worse, they will face the risk of unemployment if the industry suffers from depression. It is,in the sense,reasonable to say that choosing different jobs may be a better choice between（for） family members.

Taking into account the above analysis,we may safely come to the conclusion that children should（are supposed to/ought to） follow their heart to pursue dreams rather than choose the similar jobs with their parents, especially when they really do not like it. It also can reduce the risk of the whole family.

Conclusion:

1.观点很好的

2.注意语言多样性哦，像follow their heart之类的，可以写成children’s willingness should be given precedence over...

3.第一个point对应的例子不够深刻，建议换一个贴切的

4.加油啦!

作者: 正儿八经潜水 时间: 2012-9-17 22:46
9月17日独立
Grades (marks) encourage students to learn？A\D

One major difference between different philosophy of teaching in the emphasis on grades gives rise to an issue of whether grades encourage students to learn. My reflection on the relevant elements of this issue as well as my experiences leads me to hold a positive attitude towards the assertion that grades, which usually lead to vicious competition between students, absolutely do not encourage students to learn in the long run.

The first reason coming to my mind is that though grades facilitate the overall management of the teaching system and sometimes encourage students who like to follow the principle of gradual improvement to learn, students are finally not motivated to learn as much as they are motivated to get good grades. They spend time using their intelligence to figure out how to get a higher or top grade without doing the real work of the course and without thinking, rather than spending the same time thinking and exploring, regardless of what this grade may bring them. Once they become grade-oriented in their thinking, it is difficult for them to stop thinking that way. Therefore, it’s quite obvious that high grades don’t encourage students to learn in the long run.

What is equally important is the fact that pursuing high grades blindly can easily distort students’ values. Irrational competition make students tend to resort to every expedient just for higher grades, such as cheating in exams. They even don’t consider it as a shameful behavior. On the contrary, they will just become too big for their shoes. What’s worse, the biggest drawback is that students usually lose hope and even abandon their learning motivation after getting unsatisfactory grades several times. I really don’t believe that such a teaching system is successful. Thus, I absolutely believe that it’s so important for schools to improve the grade-oriented teaching system.

In addition to the above reasons, another point I want to make about this topic is that the grade-oriented teaching system is not conducive to students’ being fully developed inner-disciplinary talent in the future. Because what these students have learned from school is the underlying message that the world is run by authorities who have definite points of view, they usually fear open-ended assignments and they are also impatient with discussions that are not going in any particular direction since they think that such discussions waste time that could have been better spent studying for a test.The system has taught them that the way to get along in the world is to understand and to cater to those points of view espoused by the educational authorities. It is,in the sense,reasonable to say that it is not the best choice to encourage students to learn by grades.

Taking into account the above analysis,we may safely come to the conclusion that grades absolutely do not encourage students to learn in the long run. Because it will make students become grade-oriented and distort their values. It is also not conducive to students’ being fully developed inner-disciplinary talent in the future.

作者: 小兔爱twins 时间: 2012-9-18 05:40
One major differencebetween different philosophy of teaching （这样表达有点绕）in the emphasis on grades gives rise to an issue of whethergrades encourage students to learn. My reflection on the relevant elements ofthis issue as well as my experiences leads me to hold a positive attitudetowards the assertion that grades, which usually lead to vicious competitionbetween students, absolutely do not encourage students to learn in the longrun. (嘻嘻这么篇我没写过没有看过范文你自己写的么开头写的蛮好的)

The first reason coming to my mind is that though grades facilitate the overall management of the teaching system andsometimes encourage students who like to follow the principle of gradual improvement 好！ to learn, students are finally not motivated to learn asmuch as they are motivated to get good grades拧巴。。。。. They spend time usingtheir intelligence to figure out how to get a higher or top grade without doingthe real work of the course and without thinking, rather than spending the sametime thinking and exploring, regardless of what this grade may bring them. Oncethey become grade-oriented in their thinking, it is difficult for them to stopthinking that way. Therefore, it’s quite obvious that high grades don’tencourage students to learn in the long run.（还不错就是有的句子太冗长。。。。句式变换和简单句穿插比较需要训练。。。不过这语言表达满准确的不错。。。）

What is equally important is the fact thatpursuing high grades blindly can easily distort　students’ values. Irrational competition make students tendto resort to every expedient just for higher grades, such as cheating in exams.They even don’t consider it as a shameful behavior. On the contrary, they will just become too big for their shoes.（
前面所提到的ｓｈａｍｅｌｅｓｓ　跟目中无人还是没有直接的逻辑联系的啊，，，　严谨一些。。。　） What’s worse, the biggest drawback is that studentsusually lose hope and even abandon their learning motivation after gettingunsatisfactory grades several times. I really don’t believe that such a teaching system is successful. Thus, I absolutely believethat it’s so important for schools to improve the grade-oriented teachingsystem.（ｔｅａｃｈｉｎｇ　ｓｙｓｔｅｍ　。。。用着来表达教育机制不太好　）

In addition to the above reasons, another point Iwant to make about this topic is that the grade-oriented teaching system is notconducive to students’ being fully developed inner-disciplinary talent in thefuture. Because what these students have learned from school is the underlyingmessage that the world is run by authorities who have definite points of view,they usually fear open-ended assignments and they are also impatient withdiscussions that are not going in any particular direction since they thinkthat such discussions waste time that could have been better spent studying fora test。The system has taught them that the way to get along in the world isto understand and to cater to those points of view espoused by the educationalauthorities. It is,in the sense,reasonable to say that it is not the bestchoice to encourage students to learn by grades.（这段还行）
Taking into account the above analysis,we maysafely come to the conclusion that grades absolutely do not encourage studentsto learn in the long run. Because it will make students become grade-orientedand distort their values. It is also not conducive to students’ being fullydeveloped inner-disciplinary talent in the future.
字数很强大，，如果你考试能写这么多不上25分都难记得要dadf, dfa (,空格内容 )

作者: 正儿八经潜水 时间: 2012-9-18 08:35
谢谢婷婷，你改的很细心哦

这是我修改之后的

9月16日
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement : similar jobs with you for your children ?

赞成反对题

One major difference between some parents and their children in the emphasis on choosing jobs naturally gives rise to an issue of whether children should take similar jobs with their parents. My reflection on the relevant elements of this issue as well as my experiences leads me to hold a positive attitude towards the assertion(opinion,assertion一般是不对的、片面的主张，如果你支持这个主张的话，就不要用assertion ) that let children follow their true heart when it comes to career selection. After all, each individual is different,andchildren may notbe qualified for their parents' work.

The first reason coming to my mind is that if children are forced to choose jobs withtheir parents, it will become difficult for them to grow mature(become mature gradually,grow mature太中式化). Parents’ direction will（probably比较好，用will太绝对了)prevent them from committing mistakes.As a result, they will never get negative feedbacks and learn how to correct faults.Babies will never learn to walk before they fall down again and again.Once they fall down, parents will pay attention to them and try to find out what is wrong and then teach them how to walk better.(对应的例子不够深, Here gives an example of compulsorily choosing career for children. Tom’s father was a doctor, and Tom finally chose doctor as his career conforming to the requirement of his father. At the beginning, everything was going so well because his father always told him what to do and what not to do. After his father’s retirement, various problems usually drove Tom so anxious that he finally had to give up his career. )Therefore, it’s quite obvious that parents should’t(should not) force children to choose similar jobs with them.

What is equally important is the fact that, as an old saying goes, interest is the best teacher. If childrenhave no interest in their parents’ jobs, parents' help is just meaningless. Taking Elon Musk as an instance, so tedious he thought the machines would be that he rejected the abundant experiences from his mother though his mother is a very successful engineer. Since what he was interested was venture capital, he finally chose to follow his heart and becamethe founder of SpaceX, which develops and produces space lunch vehicles with low cost but high reliability.Of course, he(his) achievements were far more than the above. He once said that he was about to retire on Mas(Mars)! Imagine that, if Elon Musk had(来个倒装, had Elon Musk)chosen to be an engineer, everything might be different. Thus, I absolutely believe thatit’s so important for parents to respect on children’s interest(children’s willingness should be given precedence over other factors).

In addition to the above reasons, another point I want to make about this topic is that if a whole family choose the similar jobs, it would certainly have some negative effects, for example, their knowledge scopes will be limited since they are all familiar with the same region. They may become severely bruised and battered when facing all kinds of unusual problems. What is worse, they will face the risk of unemployment if the industrysuffers from depression.It is just due to that no one from the family can successfully do well in other industries. It is,in the sense,reasonable to say that choosing different jobs may be a better choice between family members.

Taking into account the above analysis,we may safely come to the conclusion that children should follow their heart to pursue dreams rather than choose the similar jobs with their parents, especially when they really do not like it. It also can reduce the risk of the whole family.

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-9-19 01:32

谢谢婷婷，你改的很细心哦

-- by 会员正儿八经潜水 (2012/9/18 8:35:46)

恩恩，改得已经很好啦，喜欢那个doctor的例子，不过various problems，可以再来点details，such as dealing with interpersonal relationship, how to get a promotion, etc; bruised and battered这两个词很生动，赞一个~

作者: 正儿八经潜水 时间: 2012-10-10 08:59
10.9.独立
It's more important for the government to build art museums and music performance center than to build recreational devices (such as swimming pool, playgrounds)赞成反对题

One major difference between the government expenditure in the emphasis on buildings gives rise to an issue of whether it's more important for the government to build art museums and music performance center than to build recreational devices such as swimming pool and playgrounds. My reflection on the relevant elements of this issue as well as my experiences leads me to hold a positive attitude towards the opinion that building art museums and music performance center is as important as building recreational devices. After all, neither pushing spiritually literate nor enriching recreation can be omitted in the contemporary society.

The first reason coming to my mind is that many people gradually have a graceful disposition and a refined style of conservation after they are exposure to art or music for a long time. They always pay more attention to spiritual communication and stories closely linking to a painting or a song usually arouse a resonance for them. Take my friend Perilla as an instance, she originally had no sense of art until she one day entered an art museum occasionally. What surprised me was that she uncompromisingly gave up her original major after going back to school and finally chose art as her future development plan. Later she told me that she was just shocked by one painting combining Impressionism and Realism.

What is equally important is the fact that in the real life every day people have to face so many kinds of stress of monotonous work, study or something else except enjoying art or music that variety becomes the necessary spice of life. Recreational devices such as swimming pools and playgrounds exactly provide an available approach for people to relax the pressure. In addition, nowadays people who have a gift for sports activities prefer to take sports causes as their career rather than consider them as just recreation in the traditional view. In this sense, building recreational devices such as swimming pools and playgrounds is absolutely not dispensable. To some extent, sports are a kind of art.

In addition to the above reasons, another point I want to make about this topic is that art, music as well as sports can help us understand differences between Chinese and foreign cultures better. In the process of culture communication and exchange, we can take the essence and discard the dregs to push national’s literate spiritually and to invigorate national’s health effectively. As the old saying goes, only by increasing both the intrinsic and extrinsic power can a country thrive and blossom in the long run. Therefore, it is really hard to say which is more important in terms of the government expenditure on building art museums and music performance center or recreational devices.

Well, in a nutshell, we may safely come to the conclusion that all the above kinds of buildings are important. Art and music can show the inner while some recreation can show the external. Neither one can be omitted.

作者: margrate 时间: 2012-10-10 13:16
标题: 1009 独立
独立 FROM MARGRATE

作者: margrate 时间: 2012-10-10 13:17
MM，我改错人了还是发你看看吧

作者: 阿伦艾弗森 时间: 2012-10-10 21:12
It's more important for the government to build art museums and music performance center than to build recreational devices (such as swimming pool, playgrounds)赞成反对题

One major differencebetween(between出现后面最好有and)the government expenditure in the emphasis on buildings （主语过度啰嗦，有点头重脚轻）gives rise to an issue of whether it's more important for the government to build art museums and music performance center than to build recreational devices such as swimming pool and playgrounds.（这一句太长，太罗嗦，建议长短句结合开头）My reflection on the relevant elements of this issue as well as （并列结构出现最好前后一致）my experiences leads me to hold a positive attitude towards the opinion that building art museums and music performance center is as important as building recreational devices. After all, neither ~~pushing spiritually~~ literate nor ~~enriching~~ recreation can be omitted in the contemporary society.（长难句过多，太绕了）

The first reason coming to my mind is that many people gradually have a graceful disposition and a refined style of conservation after they are exposure to art or music for a long time.（建议改成after exposuring to art or music for a long time, people gradually have a grace ful disposition.）They always pay more attention to spiritual communication and stories closely linking to a painting or a song usually arouse a resonance for them.（别扭，如果and后的主语是stories的话最好重启一句) Take my friend Perilla as an instance, she originally had no sense of art until she one day entered an art museum occasionally. What surprised me was that she uncompromisingly gave up her original major after going back to school and finally chose art as her future development plan. Later she told me that she was just shocked by one painting combining Impressionism and Realism.（句末来个对例子的总结吧，点明一下观点）

What is equally important is ~~the fact~~ that ~~in the real life every day~~ people have to face so many kinds of stress of monotonous work, study or something else except enjoying art or music that variety becomes the necessary spice of life. （important后最好直接跟你的主管点，不要太啰嗦了）Recreational devices such as swimming pools and playgrounds exactly provide an available approach for people to relax the pressure. In addition, nowadays people who have a gift for sports activities prefer to take sports causes as their career rather than consider them as just recreation in the traditional view. In this sense, building recreational devices such as swimming pools and playgrounds is absolutely not dispensable.（双重否定，很不错） To some extent, sports are a kind of art.

In addition to the above reasons, another point I want to make about this topic is that art, music as well as sports can help us understand differences between Chinese and foreign cultures better. In the process of culture communication and exchange, we can take the essence and discard the dregs to push national’s literate spiritually and to invigorate national’s health effectively（最好写一下音乐，艺术在其中起到的作用）. As the old saying goes, “only by increasing both the intrinsic and extrinsic power can a country thrive and blossom in the long run”. Therefore, it is really hard to say which is more important in terms of the government expenditure on building art museums and music performance center or recreational devices.

Well,（太过口语化了） in a nutshell, we may safely come to the conclusion that all the above kinds of buildings are important. Art and music can show the inner while some recreation can show the external. Neither one can be omitted.

1.句子使用的时候最好能长短句结合来看。并不是长难句组成的文章就是好的
2.文章整体显得有点笨拙，很多句子可以拆成短小些的小句，更好理解。
3.注意要把TS融入你给的例子中。而不是单纯的说例子，造成例子主题隔离的感觉。

一点拙见，还望共同进步！~

作者: 正儿八经潜水 时间: 2012-10-16 21:55
10.16.综合

The reading passage explores the issue of that the best way to attack a project is to assemble a group of people into a team. The professor’s lecture deals with the same issue. However, he thinks that teamwork have several disadvantages, which contradicts what the reading passage states. And in the lecture, he uses three specific points to support his idea.

First, even though the reading passage suggests that a group can work more quickly in response to the task assigned to it, the professor argues in the lecture that the project doesn’t move very quickly. This is because it takes a long time to reach consensus and it takes many meetings to build the agreement. Obviously, the professor’s argument disproves its counterpart in the reading passage.

Moreover, despite the statement in the reading that a group can come up with highly creative solutions to problems and issues, the professor contends that an idea may be quickly dropped and the project may fail.Then he supports this point with the fact that the influencers in the group may consider that others’ ideas will never work and insist on their own incorrect ideas.

Finally, the professor asserts that taking part in a group process can be very rewarding whereas the author of the reading passage claims that some members choose to get free ride. Then the professor proves that this claim is indefensible by pointing out that some members who don’t contribute to the project can also benefit from the good job .

In conclusion, the professor clearly identifies the weakness in the reading passage and convincingly shows that the central argument in the reading passage, that is, the best way to attack a project is to assemble a group of people into a team, is incorrect.

作者: AnthonySummer 时间: 2012-10-17 21:47
10.16.综合

The reading passage explores the issue of what the best way to attack a project is to assemble a group of people into a team. The professor's lecture deals with the same issue. However, he thinks that teamwork has several disadvantages, which contradict what the reading passage states. And in the lecture, he uses three specific points to support his idea.

First, even though the reading passage suggests that a group can work more quickly in response to the task assigned to it, the professor argues in the lecture that the project doesn't move very quickly. This is because it takes a long time to reach a consensus and it takes many meetings to build the agreement. Obviously, the professor's argument disproves its counterpart in the reading passage.

Moreover, despite（动词可以做主语吗？） the statement in the reading that a group can come up with highly creative solutions to problems and issues, the professor contends that an idea may be quickly dropped and the project may fail. Then（标点） he supports this point with the fact that the influences in the group may consider that others' (最好说明是谁)ideas will never work and insist on their own incorrect ideas.

Finally, the professor asserts that taking part in a group process can be very rewarding whereas the author of the reading passage claims that some members choose to get a free ride. Then the professor proves that this claim is indefensible by pointing out that some members who don't contribute to the project can also benefit from the good job .

In conclusion, the professor clearly identifies the weakness in the reading passage and convincingly shows that the central argument in the reading passage, that is, the best way to attack a project is to assemble a group of people into a team, is incorrect.

写的不错，就是很多听力细节没写到，加油加油！

作者: 正儿八经潜水 时间: 2012-10-29 22:16
10.29.独立
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Governments should focus its budgets more on environmental protection than on economic development.赞成反对题

One major difference between the government expenditure in the emphasis on environmental protection and economic development gives rise to an issue. My reflection on the relevant elements of this issue as well as my experiences leads me to hold a positive attitude towards the opinion that, generally, it’s hard to say on which part should governments focus more budgets.
The first reason coming to my mind is that neither protecting the environment nor developing the economy can be ignored in the contemporary society. After all, the survival of human is closely related to the environment. People can not live long in an awful environment. Having access to a fine environment has been the consistent and permanent goal of countries all over the world. However, we must also commit that the economy is essential for enforcement of any regulations, including regulations about protecting the environment.
What is equally important is the fact that the unbalanced investment to environmental protection and economic development will lead to the unbalanced development of the whole society. Just imagine an extreme that, in a country with fresh air and peaceful atmosphere, people wander around looking at the beautiful sceneries surrounding them. Do not you feel depressed? It seems that the whole country loses its vitality. There’s no sign indicating what economy is. Obviously, not enough budgets focused on economic development could result in a stagnant country.
In addition to the above reasons, another point I want to make about this topic is that specific allocation of the government expenditure applies to specific periods. Take the economic depression for instance, the government ought to focus its budgets more on economic development during the depression. Relevant government investments and economic policies are needed to stimulate the development of the economy. The government should make the whole country to recover to its statement of the balanced, stable, and sustainable development.
Well, in a nutshell, we may safely come to the conclusion that enough budgets should be focused on both environmental protection and economic development. Sometimes the budgets must depend on the relevant social background.

作者: 正儿八经潜水 时间: 2012-10-29 22:17
10.29.综合TPO 15
The passage explores the issue of several measures that have been proposed to stop the spread of the cane toad in Australia. The professor’s lecture also deals with the same topic. However, he thinks the measures in the passage are likely to be unsuccessful or to cause environmental damage.
In the lecture, he uses three specific points to support his idea.
Even though the passage suggests that building a national fence can prevent the spread of the toad, the professor argues that it’s not effective. This is because young toads and toad eggs are living in rivers and streams flowing from one side to another wherever the fence is located.
Moreover, despite the statement in the passage that toads could be captured and destroyed by volunteers, the professor says that untrained volunteers could destroy some native endangered frogs. After all, it’s not easy to tell toads from frogs especially when they are young.
Finally, the professor asserts that using the virus could cause terrible consequences for cane toads in America, though the passage claims that the virus could control the cane toad populations. The professor then proves his opinion by pointing out that the virus will attack the native cane toads which are a vital part of the ecosystem once it reaches America through animal transportation.

作者: 正儿八经潜水 时间: 2012-11-6 22:22
11.6.独立
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The way of a person’s dress is an indication of his or her personality or character.

Nowadays it is widely acknowledged that dress has played an essential role in people’s life. As a result, the question is often raised as to whether the way of a person’s dress is an indication of his or her personality or character. To this question, I tend to hold a neutral attitude that, generally, dress depends on personality or character, but, sometimes it depends on specific situation as well as financial condition.

The first reason coming to my mind is that, generally, what we choose to wear every day does reflect our various personalities and characters. Dark, tailored clothing is sobering and businesslike, while bright, easy-fitting attire is playful and relaxing. People choosing the former style are usually strict and taking everything seriously. It goes without saying that others can always count on them without worries. On the contrary, people choosing the later style are usually easygoing and seeming to enjoy everything. As a matter of course, they are persons others like to have in collective activities.

What is equally important is the fact that, sometimes, people have no choice but to wear a fixed style of clothing to put themselves in a particular mood or to achieve a particular purpose according to specific situations, such as taking part in a funeral ceremony or a theme party, or something. On a funeral ceremony, people’s mind are usually weighted down. Everyone is supposed to wear suit to look formal to show respect to the dead. By the same token, if you don’t wear pajamas when you are invited to a pajamas party, you will look so weird and your friend may think you are not interested in the organization.

In addition to the above reasons, another point I want to make about this topic is that, sometimes, the financial condition determines what a person dresses. If people can’t solve the problem of adequate food, how can they pay attention to everyday clothing? Take beggars for instance, obviously, their personalities and characters absolutely differ from each other though they all wear worn clothes. There must be problems of one kind or anther that lead to their tragic life and most of them necessarily have to solve the problem of food instead of clothing. Only when people can afford clothing will the issue has meaning.

Well, in a nutshell, we may safely come to the conclusion that it’s hard to say dress is an indication of personality or character. After all, it sometimes depends on specific situation as well as financial condition.

作者: 正儿八经潜水 时间: 2012-11-6 22:23
11.6.综合TPO22
The passage explores the issue ethanol fuel which are made from plants. The writer thinks that it’s not a good idea to replace gasoline with ethanol fuels. The professor’s lecture also deals with the same topic. However, he thinks that ethanol is a good alternative. In the lecture, he uses three specific points to support his idea.
First, the passage suggests that ethanol fuel would not solve the environmental problem called global warming because carbon dioxide would also be released when ethanol is burned for fuel. The professor argues that growing plants absorb carbon dioxide from the air as a part of their nutrition, counteracting the release of carbon dioxide.
Moreover, despite the statement in the passage that large amounts of the production of ethanol would reduce the amount of plants available for uses other than fuel, such as feeding animals. The professor says that we can produce ethanol using cellulose which are mostly in parts of plants that are not eaten by animals.
Finally, the professor asserts that ethanol fuel are able to compete with gasoline on price in the long run, though the passages claims that ethanol would not be so cheap once the government stops tax subsidies. The professor then proves his opinion by pointing out that the price of ethanol would go down as the production increases if enough people buy ethanol fuel.

作者: dreamcece 时间: 2012-11-7 12:58
标题: 11.6 独立改
蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误

Nowadays it is widely acknowledged that dress has played an essential role in people’s life. As a result, the question ~~is often~~ raised【be raised 是被动语态，与语义不符, 而且question没有做话题啊之类的意思，所以question be raised不正确哦。】 as to whether the way of a person’s dress is an indication of his or her personality or character. 着实没有看明白这句话要说啥。因为as to 引导后面的应该是结果吧，那么后面的结果到底是陈述呢还是陈述呢还是陈述呢。To this question, I tend to hold a neutral attitude that, generally, dress depends on personality or character, but, sometimes it depends on specific situation as well as financial condition. 这个千回百转的thesis statement让小生看得一跳一跳的。。。

The first reason coming to my mind is that, generally, what we choose to wear every day does reflect our various personalities and characters. 很标准的subpoint Dark, tailored clothing is sobering and businesslike, while bright, easy-fitting attire is playful and relaxing. People choosing the former style are usually stricted and taking everything seriously. It goes without saying that others can always count on them without worries. On the contrary, 【建议重新看下 on the contrary的定义， on the contrary 不等于 in contrast, 而是更倾向于instead 的转折表达，是对前面叙述的否定，而非对比】 people choosing the later style are usually easygoing and seeming to enjoy everything. As a matter of course, they are persons others like to have in collective activities.

What is equally important is the fact that, sometimes, people have no choice but to wear a fixed style of clothing to put themselves in a particular mood or to achieve a particular purpose according to specific situations, such as taking part in a funeral ceremony or a theme party, or something.娘啊，这句话好长。分开小句小句得写下会不会好点？ On a funeral ceremony, people’s mind are usually weighted不太确定有无此表达。。。倒是有weighed down这个说法，如：With a mind weighed down by depression, blabla... down. Everyone is supposed to wear suit to look formal to show respect to the dead. By the same token, if you don’t wear pajamas when you are invited to a pajamas party, you will look so weird and your friend may think you are not interested in the organization.

In addition to the above reasons, another point I want to make about this topic is that, 我还是认为I这个词不用出现在作文中。。。 sometimes, the financial condition determines ~~what~~ how a person dresses. If people can’t少用缩写。 solve the problem of adequate food, how can they pay attention to everyday clothing? Take the beggars for instance, obviously, their personalities and characters absolutely differ from each other though they all wear worn clothes. ？？？不太明白这个因果关系式咋来的There must be problems of one kind or anther that lead to their tragic life and most of them necessarily have to solve the problem of food instead of clothing. Only when people can afford clothing will the issue has meaning.

Well, in a nutshell, we may safely come to the conclusion that it’s hard to say dress is an indication of personality or character. After all, it sometimes depends on specific situation as well as financial condition.

抱歉啊楼主，我们是互改116独立的搭子。因为今天有事所以先post上来我的批改，我的作文大概今天晚上或者明天早上才能上来，给你带来的不便深表抱歉。我交作业会第一时间通知你的~

作者: 正儿八经潜水 时间: 2012-11-7 15:00
好的，谢谢批改。
raise a question提出问题
as to 关于
没有stricted的说法
谢谢关于cotrary的解释，我查了一下，on the contrary是指相反地，in contrast有相对比的意思
嗯，长短句问题我没注意到
确实应该是weigh down,weight down是指承受负担
为什么I不应该出现？没听过这种说法哎
那个因果关系确实不对，改成了but they can not be indicated by their clothing because they all wear worn clothes.

作者: 小滋滋 时间: 2012-11-7 21:58
11.6改
The passage explores the issue (about) ethanol fuel which are made from plants. The writer thinks that it’s not a good idea to replace gasoline with ethanol fuels. (前两句可以合成一句话)The professor’s lecture also deals with the same topic. However, he thinks that ethanol is a good alternative. In the lecture, he uses three specific points to support his idea.
First, the passage suggests that ethanol fuel would not solve the environmental problem called global warming because carbon dioxide would also be released when ethanol is burned for fuel. The professor argues that growing plants absorb carbon dioxide from the air as a part of their nutrition, counteracting the release of carbon dioxide.
Moreover, despite the statement in the passage that large amounts of the production of ethanol would reduce the amount of plants available for uses other than fuel, such as feeding animals. The professor says that we can produce ethanol using(by) cellulose which are mostly in parts of plants that are not eaten by animals.
Finally, the professor asserts that ethanol fuel are（is） able to compete with gasoline on price in the long run, though the passages claims that ethanol would not be so cheap once the government stops tax subsidies. The professor then proves his opinion by pointing out that the price of ethanol would go down as the production increases if enough people buy ethanol fuel.

整体很好啦，但是不太知道would用为情态动词在这里对不对，但如果楼主只是想表达will的意思，就没有必要用过去式啦，也没有虚拟，我也不知道说得对不对。您再斟酌下哈@@

作者: angelgabriel 时间: 2012-11-7 22:55
now easier to become educated

我觉得idea表达的不太准确，如果我写，会写3个原因：
1. improved transportation, faster, more choice and more convenient
2. various means of teaching, long distance, internet, tutoring
3. more educational resource, concentrated schools in city, many teachers, policy about free compulsory education

作者: 正儿八经潜水 时间: 2012-11-12 17:44
11.12.独立
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Patience is usually not a good strategy. We should take action now rather than later.

One major difference between people’s opinions in the emphasis on strategy gives rise to an issue, that is, whether people should be patient to take action later or take action now. My reflection on the relevant elements of this issue, as well as my experiences, leads me to hold a positive attitude towards the opinion that we should be patient when dealing with all kinds of things.

The first reason coming to my mind is that things may be accomplished more quickly as long as we have patience, even though the actions are taken later. As students, I would like to take our paper assignments for instance. When professors ask us to write paper within a short time, maybe just one day, most of us always rush to their computers and begin writing immediately without considering that if they have enough data corresponding to the titles they choose. The result is that they always can not accomplish their assignments before the deadline. In contract, students who prefer to search for information first are usually able to hand in their assignment on time.

What is equally important is the fact that slow work yields fine products. By analogy, that is having patience can bing us perfect results. In the modern days, people usually hope to enjoy a perfect travel during the vacation, escaping endless pressure on weekdays. Here comes two kinds of results. Absolutely, people who make a detailed plan patiently can enjoy their vacation and come back to work with a good mood. However, people who begin their travel as soon as the vacation begins not necessarily brings back such a good mood. Trivial matters, such as waiting a long time for the flight, leaving the wallet at home or losing maps may drive them crazy.

In addition to the above reasons, another point I want to make about this topic is that, patience sometimes decides success or failure, even to countries. Territorial disputes are usual in the military field. Once trapped in such a trouble, some countries choose to negotiate patiently to release the tense situation, as well as to keep peace of the world, while some countries are inclined to start a war immediately without critical thinking. The later may win during the war finally , but the cost is enormous. People of both countries have to experience the disaster.

Well, in a nutshell, we may safely come to the conclusion that patience is exactly a good strategy. Sometimes, it can make things accomplished more quickly and make us enjoy a perfect plan. What is amazing, it can even prevent wars between countries to keep peace.

作者: 正儿八经潜水 时间: 2012-11-12 17:45
11.12.综合TPO24
The passage explores the topic of the fossil of a dinosaur. The writer thinks it contains remains of the actual tissues. The lecture also deals with the same topic. However, the professor thinks that the identifications made in the passage are skeptical. In the lecture, he uses three specific points to support his idea.

First, the passage suggests that the soft substance inside the channels may represent the remains of the blood vessels of the dinosaur, because the channels probably correspond to hollows where blood vessels were once located. The professor argues that the soft substance may be something else, such as organic material left by bacteria.

Moreover, in the passage the writer states that the spheres including iron may be the remains of red blood cells. The professor also does not agree with it. He says that fossils including reddish spheres of other animals living in the same place did not have red blood cells when they were alive. The spheres may be pieces of reddish mineral.

Finally, the professor asserts that collagen has never been found in fossils of animals alive over 1000 years. Collagen probably cannot last longer than that. It is just too impossible that collagen is found in fossil of the dinosaur 70 million years ago. The collagen may come from other more reasonable sources, such as, researchers’ skin.

作者: bonnenuit 时间: 2012-11-13 12:23
The passage explores the topic of the fossil of a dinosaur. The writer thinks it contains remains of the actual tissues(我觉得这两句话可以合起来写，或者把第一句the topic后面的部分换成第二句thinks后面的内容，这样更简洁）. The lecture also deals with the same topic. However, the professor thinks that the identifications made in the passage are skeptical. In the lecture, he uses three specific points to support his idea.

First, the passage suggests that the soft substance inside the channels may represent the remains of the blood vessels of the dinosaur, because the channels probably correspond to hollows where blood vessels were once located（这句可以去掉）. The professor argues that the soft substance may be something else, such as organic material left by bacteria.（这部分的内容偏少，可以再适当增加些内容，综合写作中如果能多写到一点听力的东西会更好）

Moreover, in the passage the writer states that the spheres including iron may be the remains of red blood cells. The professor also does not agree with it. He says that fossils including reddish spheres of other animals living in the same place did not have red blood cells when they（指代模糊） were alive. The spheres may be pieces of reddish mineral.

Finally, the professor asserts that collagen has never been found in fossils of animals alive over 1000 years（这句表达不是很准确，听力是collagen并不能在bone 中last超过one hundred thounsand,是10万年）. Collagen probably cannot last longer than that（这句话并到前面去，这样表达更简洁）. It is just too （too一般不用)impossible that collagen is found in fossil of the dinosaur 70 million years ago. The collagen may come from other more reasonable sources, such as, researchers’ skin

综合写作是可以完全按照模板写的但我觉得你这个模板不是很好建议你去网上找个更简洁更能逻辑表达的模板比如新航道写作真经里面的模板我就是用那个的

作者: lizchang1990 时间: 2012-11-13 19:20
查看附件哟!

作者: 正儿八经潜水 时间: 2012-11-23 04:08
11月22日独立
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Young people today are more willing to help others than in the past?

One major difference among people’s opinions in the emphasis on helping others gives rise to an issue, whether young people today are more wiling to help others than in the last. My reflection on the relevant elements of the issue, as well as my experiences, leads me to hold an attitude that, young people are indeed more accommodating in the modern civilization than in the past.

The first reason coming to my mind is that, to some extent, quality is related to the level of being educated. Young people today have accepted higher education universally so that they usually have higher quality. From kindergarten age, parents and teachers have never stopped telling them that, helping others is a kind of traditional virtue and people who are accommodating will be more populated with others. In contrast, the whole society do not have the awareness of paying enough attention to kids’ moral education. As a matter of course, the character of helping others has not been emphasized to young people.

What is equally important is the fact that, young people are more likely to expand their interpersonal relationship networks through various approaches, including the approach of helping others. As the old saying goes, a friend in need is a friend indeed. Only being not mean to help others can a person get help from others when he or she is in trouble. However, in the past, social relations are not as complex as today. Young people are inclined to own a simple life instead of dealing with all kinds of people. In their view, helping others is considered to be meddling in someone else’s business.

In addition to the above reasons, another point I want to make about this topic is that, people who are willing to help others do not have to worry about getting in trouble because of the more sound legal system. Take a car accident for instance, when seeing a injured man ling on the road, young people in the past tend to choose to ignore him while young people today usually rush to the man and give him a favor. This is because, the former worries about being smeared as the culprit and he can not have his name cleared though he is actually innocent because of the defective legal system. Nevertheless, the later do not have such a worry.

Well, in a nutshell, we may safely come to the conclusion that, young people today are indeed more wiling to help others than in the last. This is because of the higher education, more complex social relations as well as the more sound legal system.

作者: dreamcece 时间: 2012-11-23 07:31
标题: 11.22 独立改
蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Young people today are more willing to help others than in the past?

One major difference among people’s opinions in the emphasis on helping others gives rise to an issue, whether young people today are more wiling to help others than in the ~~last~~ past. My reflection on the relevant elements of the issue, as well as my experiences, leads me to hold an attitude that, 。。。觉得这句话说了光占字数的。 young people are indeed more accommodating in the modern civilization than in the past.

The first reason coming to my mind is that, to some extent, quality is related to the level of being educated. Young people today have accepted higher education universally so that they usually have higher quality. From kindergarten age, parents and teachers have never stopped telling them that, helping others is a kind of traditional virtue and people who are accommodating will be more populated with others. In contrast, the whole society do not have the awareness of paying enough attention to kids’ moral education. As a matter of course, the character of helping others has not been emphasized to young people. 【老实说最后一句话我觉得有问题，但是也不知道怎么改，因为感觉你是想说helping others 没有被太强调，但是又不太清楚到底这个逻辑链应该是怎么样的。因为如果是这样的话那和你的中心有所冲突。】

What is equally important is the fact that, young people are more likely to expand their interpersonal relationship networks through various approaches, including the approach of helping others. As the old saying goes, a friend in need is a friend indeed. Only being not mean to help others can a person get help from others when he or she is in trouble. However, in the past, social relations are not as complex as today. Young people are inclined to own a simple life instead of dealing with all kinds of people. In their view, helping others is considered to be meddling in someone else’s business. 【还是感觉逻辑推理有点问题，你说社会越复杂那么人们更希望有简单的生活？？还是说过去的社会简单到大家都很简单所以各扫门前雪？？如果是这样的话那你后半段的时态都要换，要不然太晕了；另外我不认同越复杂的社会关系让人更愿意帮助他人，逻辑推理在这一段不是特别有力。】
In addition to the above reasons, another point I want to make about this topic is that, people who are willing to help others do not have to worry about getting in trouble because of the more sound legal system. Take a car accident for instance, when seeing a injured man ling on the road, young people in the past tend to choose to ignore him while young people today usually rush to the man and give him a favor. This is because, the former worries about being smeared as the culprit and he can not have his name cleared though he is actually innocent because of the defective legal system. Nevertheless, the later do not have such a worry. 【好例子~】

Well, in a nutshell, we may safely come to the conclusion that, young people today are indeed more wiling to help others than in the ~~last~~ past. This is because of the higher education, more complex social relations as well as the more sound legal system.
总结：注意了句子结构的正确性和完整性，很好很强大。长句越写越流畅。建议：长短句能配合就更好了。还有第二段的论证感觉不太有说服力，再推敲一下或者mine the words会更好。就是觉得有些废话的表达太多了，纯属占字数。。。
另外，不好意思啊，我的作文可能还要晚点才能上传，到时候我写好了给你留言。

作者: 正儿八经潜水 时间: 2012-11-29 15:26
11月29日独立
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Your job has more effect on your happiness than your social life does.

One major difference among people’s opinions in the emphasis on happiness gives rise to an issue, whether job has more effect on happiness than social life does. My reflection on the relevant elements of the issue, as well as my experiences, leads me to hold an attitude that, happiness is more affected by job than social life.

The first reason coming to my mind is that, people spend most of their time on working rather than social life. It goes without saying that, in most cases, their mood is closely collected to their jobs. People who like their jobs and enjoy everyday working tend to have access to happiness whereas those who take on enormous working pressure usually feel unhappy. What is more important is that, they have to keep on working for quiet a long time with a good or bad mood every weekday. However, time spent on social life is much shorter, and usually just for release pressure rather than achieve happiness.

What is equally important is the fact that, to most people, job means survival and survival is the prerequisite of happiness. There is no doubt that, the topic of happiness will be no meaningful if a person can not get a job. Just take beggars for instance, they have to worry about survival every day. Will you collet the word happiness to them? It is obvious that your answer is no. In terms of social life, such as doing exercise in a gym or going to a concert , they are dispensable in people’s life. Especially in the modern society, some workaholics who have no social life can get enough happiness only though working.

In addition to the above reasons, another point I want to make about this topic is that, job can bring people the sense of achievement as well as help them realize individual values so that people will feel happy. As is known to all, many people choose a job because the job carries their dreams. Take my friend Tim for example, he had dreamed of becoming a scientist since he was a kid and his dream came true after graduation. Even though he must put up with baldness and face failure again and again when doing research, he said it was really the happiest moment every time he made a little breakthrough. It is obvious that social life can not bring people such happiness.

Well, in a nutshell, we may safely come to the conclusion that, job indeed has more effect on happiness than social life does. Because people have to spend most of their time on working. Besides, job means survival and survival is the prerequisite of happiness. What’s more, achievements in a job can bring people happiness which social life can’t.

作者: xiumu2280 时间: 2012-11-30 09:43
11月29日独立
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Your job has more effect on your happiness than your social life does.

One major difference among people’s/可以用individuals'代替 opinions in the emphasis on happiness gives rise to an issue, whether job has more effect on happiness than social life does. My reflection on the relevant elements of the issue, as well as my experiences, leads me to hold an attitude that,这个逗号 happiness is more affected by job than social life.（最后一句表明自己观点的句子，相当不错，学习了）

The first reason coming to my mind is that, people spend most of their time on working rather than social life. It goes without saying that, in most cases, their mood is closely collected to their jobs. People who like their jobs and enjoy everyday working tend to have access to happiness whereas those who take on enormous working pressure usually feel unhappy(这句的转折前半句写成The majority of people后半句those few有个人数上对比吧，这样显得充分一点，个人感觉） . What is more important is that, they have to keep on working for quiet a long time with a good or bad mood every weekday. However, time spent on social life is much shorter, and usually just for release pressure rather than achieve happiness.

What is equally important is the fact that, to most people, job means survival and survival is the prerequisite（很好） of happiness. There is no doubt that, the topic of happiness will be no meaningful if a person can not/cannot get a job. Just take beggars for instance, they have to worry about survival every day. Will you collet the word happiness to them? It is obvious that your answer is no. (这段说理感觉不是很充分，后面和survival没什么联系了）In terms of social life, such as doing exercise in a gym or going to a concert , they are dispensable in people’s life. Especially in the modern society, some workaholics who have no social life can get enough happiness only though working（这里改成workaholics who need to struggle for food or habitat and almost no social life不好说的时候，直接写一个research).

In addition to the above reasons, another point I want to make about this topic is that, job can bring people the sense of achievement as well as help them realize individual values so that people will feel happy. As is known to all, many people choose a job because the job carries/accompanies(这个词也是我刚看到的，用在这里感觉还算合适） their dreams. Take my friend Tim for example, he had dreamed of becoming a scientist since he was a kid and his dream came true after graduation. Even though he must put up with baldness and face failure again and again when doing research, he said it was really the happiest moment every time he made a little/brilliant breakthrough. It is obvious that social life can not bring people such happiness.

Well, in a nutshell, we may safely come to the conclusion that, job indeed has more effect on happiness than social life does. Because people have to spend most of their time on working. Besides, job means survival and survival is the prerequisite of happiness. What’s more, achievements in a job can bring people happiness which social life can’t.

写的很不错了，比较通顺，用词和词组也很丰富。
说理的时候思路似乎不是很清晰。
字数也没问题。
GOOD LUCK!

作者: 正儿八经潜水 时间: 2012-11-30 22:06
11.30.独立
Disagree or agree: It is impossible to be completely honest with your friend.

One major difference among individuals’ opinions in the emphasis on honesty gives rise to an issue, whether it is impossible to be completely honest with friends. My reflection on the relevant elements of the issue, as well as my experiences, leads me to hold an attitude that, being completely honest with friends is indeed impossible because sometimes we have no choice but to be a liar.

The first reason coming to my mind is that, sometimes we lie to friends just for avoiding unnecessary misunderstanding which usually makes us lose friends inadvertently. Take myself for instance, one day during last summer vacation, I was invited to attend a theme party organized by my best friend Tim. I was in a dilemma when receiving the invitation. I know Tim is full of enthusiasm about such parties and he must have devoted a lot to that one, but I really do not want to go there because I wish the quiet vacation would not be erupted. The final solution was ling to Tim, telling him that I had to take care of my sick grandpa.

What is equally important is the fact that, making a white lie can encourage friends and reduce their psychological pressure, especially to friends who are facing a huge test in life. As is known to all, some cancer sufferers die not only due to the cancer itself but more due to their fragile state of mind. It is sad but true. Maybe you have a friend who is suffering from a uncurable disease. But all people will just tell them that condition is getting better and encourage them to fight against the disease. Sometimes miracles do appear, and they all own to the lie.

In addition to the above reasons, another point I want to make about this topic is that, everybody has privacy which they do not want to mention. They are buried in their deepest hearts and are wished not to be uncovered by others, even the closest people. We must respect others’privacy, including friends’. After all, it is ordained by law. For example, kids whose parents have divorced usually escape the topic of parents when charting with friends because they do not want to touch the scar again. When asked, they always lie to friends, saying that their parents are deep in love.

Well, in a nutshell, we may safely come to the conclusion that, it is indeed impossible to be completely honest with friends. Because sometimes we have to lie to avoid misunderstanding or encourage friends. Besides, respecting others’ privacy is everybody’s obligation.

作者: xiumu2280 时间: 2012-12-1 13:50
11.30.独立
Disagree or agree: It is impossible to be completely honest with your friend.

One major difference among individuals’ opinions in the emphasis on honesty gives rise to an issue(很不错··看到这发现自己honesty和honest没区分开啊）, whether it is impossible to be completely honest with friends. My reflection on the relevant elements of the issue, as well as my experiences, leads me to hold an attitude that, being completely honest with friends is indeed impossible because sometimes we have no choice but to be a liar.

The first reason coming to my mind is that, sometimes we lie to friends just for avoiding unnecessary misunderstanding which usually makes us lose friends inadvertently. Take myself for instance, one day during last summer vacation, I was invited to attend a theme party organized by my best friend Tim. I was in a dilemma when receiving the invitation. I know Tim is full of enthusiasm about such parties and he must have devoted a lot to that one, but I really do not want to go there because I wish the quiet vacation would not be erupted. The final solution was ling/lying to Tim, telling him that I had to take care of my sick grandpa.(这里少了一句类似总结的话，像This kind of white lie is helpful to both of us)

What is equally important is the fact that, making a white lie can encourage friends and reduce their psychological pressure, especially to friends who are facing a huge test in life. As is known to all, some cancer sufferers die not only due to the cancer itself but more due to their fragile state of mind（好）. It is sad but true. Maybe you have a friend who is suffering from a uncurable disease(这里的a friend改成friends,is改成are,和下面的them对应）. But all people（around them) will just tell them that condition is getting better and encourage them to fight against the disease. Sometimes miracles do appear, and they all own/owe(owe to归功于，own to承认，还有这个they是指代的miracle的话，就是these) to the lie.

In addition to the above reasons, another point I want to make about this topic is that, everybody has privacy which they do not want to mention（这句不足以做主题句，加上and a proper lie could safeguard our weak part in mind). They are buried in their deepest hearts and are wished not to be uncovered by others, even the closest people. We must respect others’privacy, including friends’. After all, it is ordained by law. For example, kids whose parents have divorced usually escape from(加） the topic of parents when charting with friends because they do not want to touch the scar again. When asked, they always lie to friends, saying that their parents are deep in love. (这个观点很好，没想到。）

Well, in a nutshell, we may safely come to the conclusion that, it is indeed impossible to be completely honest with friends. Because sometimes we have to lie to avoid misunderstanding or encourage friends. Besides, respecting others’ privacy is everybody’s obligation.

这篇不好写啊··我写着写着都感觉蒙了··
有一些短语的意思没有整清楚（我也是啊~）。
开头和结尾基本没问题。但是中间段落的结构需要加强一下。

作者: 正儿八经潜水 时间: 2012-12-8 10:06
12月7日独立
Do you agree or disagree: economic growth seems to be more important than environmental concerns.

One major difference among people’s opinions in the emphasis on the the importance of economic growth and environmental concerns gives rise to an issue, that is, whether economic growth seems to be more important than environmental concerns. My reflection on the relevant elements of this issue, as well as my experiences, leads me to hold a attitude that it is hard to say which is more important between them.

The first reason coming to my mind is that neither protecting the environment nor developing the economy can be ignored in the contemporary society. After all, the survival of human is closely related to the environment. People can not live long in an awful environment. Having access to a fine environment has been the consistent and permanent goal of countries all over the world. However, we must also commit that economy is essential for enforcement of any regulations. It is obvious that regulations about protecting the environment can’t be enforced without money.

What is equally important is the fact that the unbalanced attention paid to economic growth and environmental concerns will lead to the unbalanced development of the whole society. Just take my mother country China as an example, since the reform and opening up, the past three decades has witnessed China’s rapid economic development, which has shocked the whole world. However, it is a great pity that our environment has been deeply destroyed because of enormous waste of resources and emission of pollutants. Then, ecological imbalance results in social imbalance.

In addition to the above reasons, another point I want to make about this topic is that specific allocation of attention applies to specific periods. Take the economic depression for instance, the government ought to pay more attention to economic growth during the depression. Relevant government investments and economic policies are needed to stimulate the development of the economy so as to bring the recovery of the economy. The government should make the whole country to recover to its statement of the balanced, stable, and sustainable development.

Well, in a nutshell, we may safely come to the conclusion that both economic growth and environmental concerns are important and they should be paid attention to symmetrically. Besides, special circumstances need special treatment.

作者: 正儿八经潜水 时间: 2012-12-8 10:07
12.7.TPO1

The writer of the passage thinks that working a four-day workweek would benefit the economy, the individual companies and the employees. The lecture deals with the same topic. However, the professor disagrees with the statement in the passage. In the lecture, he uses three specific points to support his idea.

First, the passage suggests that the shortened workweek would increase company profits. The professor argues that companies would spend a lot more because they have to train new employees and provide more medical benefits. Besides, more office space and computers are needed. So, companies’ profits would be cut down instead of being increased.

Moreover, in the passage the writer states that working a four-day workweek would reduce unemployment rates. The professor also does not agree with it. He says that hiring new employees would be costly. And companies have other options. They can make employees work overtime or they can expect them to do the same amount of work which they used to do in five days in four days. Then, unemployment rates would not be reduced.

Finally, the writer claims that working a four-day workweek would make employees have more free time to improve the quality of their lives. The professor asserts that employees’ quality of life would be reduced. This is because, their job stability would be reduced and they would have less chances for advancing their careers. They would be the first to lose jobs during an economic depression. Besides, companies prefer to provide promotions to five-day employees to ensure continuous coverage and consistent supervision for the entire workweek .

作者: 麦田往事 时间: 2012-12-8 11:22
One major difference among people’s opinions in the emphasis on the ~~the~~ importance of economic growth and environmental concerns gives rise to an issue, that is, whether economic growth seems to be more important than environmental concerns. My reflection on the relevant elements of this issue, as well as my experiences, leads me to hold aan attitude that it is hard to say which is more important between them. 我觉得可以加一句更直接的话像是 I believe that the economic growth is as important as environmental concern.

The first reason coming to my mind is that neither protecting the environment nor developing the economy can be ignored in the contemporary society. After all, the survival of human is closely related to the environment. People ~~can not~~cannot ~~live long in an awful environment~~觉得这样写更好一点live in a awful enviromemt for a long time. Having access to a fine environment has been the consistent and permanent goal of countries all over the world. ~~However~~这里不是转折吧用类似与 in another aspect， we must also commit that economy is essential for enforcement of any regulations. It is obvious that regulations about protecting the environment can’t be enforced without money.

What is equally important is the fact that the unbalanced attention paid to economic growth and environmental concerns will lead to the unbalanced development of the whole society. Just take my mother country China as an example, since the reform and opening up, ~~the past three decades~~we have witnessed China’s rapid economic development in the past three decades, which has shocked the whole world. However, it is a great pity that our environment has been deeply destroyed because of enormous waste of resources and emission of pollutants. Then, ecological imbalance results in social imbalance. 这段理由特别有说服力，而且例子也很好，借鉴一下，但是最后那个从ecological unbalance 到 social unbalance 的转化没写详细

In addition to the above reasons, another point I want to make about this topic is that specific allocation of attention applies to specific periods. Take the economic depression for instance, the government ought to pay more attention to economic growth during the depression. Relevant government investments and economic policies are needed to stimulate the development of the economy so as to bring the recovery of the economy. The government should make the whole country to recover to its statement of the balanced, stable, and sustainable development.这段写的很好，但是特殊情况特殊对待好像跟同步重视经济和环境的主旨关系不大。

Well, in a nutshell, we may safely come to the conclusion that both economic growth and environmental concerns are important and they should be paid attention to symmetrically.精辟 Besides, special circumstances need special treatment.

作者: 正儿八经潜水 时间: 2012-12-9 21:23
12月9日独立
Do you agree or disagree : The opinions of celebrities, such as certain entertainers and athletes, are more important for younger people than older people.
One major difference between people’s opinions in the emphasis on opinions of celebrities gives rise to an issue, that is, whether certain entertainers’ and athletes’ opinions are more important for younger people than older people. My reflection on the relevant elements of this issue, as well as my experiences, leads me to hold an attitude that, younger people are indeed more influenced by celebrities than older people.

The first reason coming to my mind is that younger people are more enthusiastic about chasing stars and considering them as goals they are striking for. Just take my brother for instance, he has been dreaming of being a singer since he was a kid. And he admire Michael so much that he even imitate Michael’s every word and and every action, let alone Michael’s opinions about singing or something that can always arouse his resonance. In contrast, few older people are fans of celebrities, and some of them even never hear of them, not to mention being influenced by them.

What is equally important is the fact that younger people today have accepted higher education universally so that they tend to refer to opinions of celebrities when they are having problems, because celebrities are usually specialists in their own fields. Their opinions sometimes can be regarded as more scientific and professional advices to deal with all kinds of problems. As far as basketball fans are concerned, younger fans prefer to refer to athletes’ opinions about skills of practicing while those older always keep practicing in their own way, which is easy to make them hurt.

In addition to the above reasons, another point I want to make about this topic is that, generally speaking, several celebrities are the great people of the past and their opinions are precious wealth. To younger people, they are the future of our motherland, so they ought to absorb the opinions to avoid detours in the future. Take my mother country China as an example, she changes her role from a medal grand country to a sport great power during recent years. Gone forever have been the days when China was labeled as the "Sick Man of Asia".To some extent, this change owe to our great athletes so that their opinions are absolutely important to younger people who have a career in sports.

Well, in a nutshell, we may safely come to the conclusion that celebrities’ opinions are more important for younger people than older people. Because the younger are more likely to admire celebrities and refer to their opinion. Besides, celebrities’ opinions are usually precious wealth deserving absorbed by younger people.

作者: 45573asdasd 时间: 2012-12-9 23:26
Do you agree or disagree : The opinions of celebrities, such as certain entertainers and athletes, are more important for younger people than older people.
One major difference between people’s opinions in the emphasis on opinions of celebrities gives rise to an issue, that is, whether certain entertainers’ and athletes’ opinions are more important for younger people than older people. My reflection on the relevant elements of this issue, as well as my experiences, leads me to hold an attitude that, younger people are indeed more influenced by celebrities than older people. （真好，无错误，且华丽）

The first reason coming to my mind is that younger people are more enthusiastic about chasing stars and considering them as goals they are striking for. Just take my brother ~~for~~ as an instance, he has been dreaming of being a singer since he was a kid. And he admired Michael so much that he even imitate Michael’s every word and and every action,Let(句子与句子之间用句号) alone Michael’s opinions about singing or something that can always arouse his resonance. In contrast, few older people are fans of celebrities, and some of them even never hear of them, not to mention being influenced by them.

What is equally important is the fact that younger people today have accepted higher education universally so that they tend to refer to opinions of celebrities when they are having problems, because celebrities are usually specialists in their own fields. Their opinions sometimes can be regarded as more scientific and professional advices to deal with all kinds of problems. As far as basketball fans are concerned, younger fans prefer to refer to athletes’ opinions about skills of practicing while those older people always keep practicing in their own way, which is easy to make them hurt.

In addition to the above reasons, another point I want to make about this topic is that, generally speaking, several celebrities are the great people of theare prec past and their opinions ious wealth（没看懂）. To younger people, they are the future of our motherland, so they ought to absorb the opinions to avoid detours in the future. Take my mother country China as an example, she changes her role from a medal grand country to a sport great power（这样说好怪啊，啊country whose sports aregood会不会好点） during recent years. Gone forever have been the days when China was labeled as the "Sick Man of Asia".To some extent, this change owes to our great athletes so that their opinions are absolutely important to younger people who have a career in sports.

Well, in a nutshell, we may safely come to the conclusion that celebrities’ opinions are more important for younger people than older people. Because the younger are more likely to admire celebrities and refer to their opinion. Besides, celebrities’ opinions are usually precious wealth deserving to be absorbed by younger people.

我觉得我的水平很难给你改，真的写的太好了，而且很华丽，如果你这是在30分钟内完成的真的很厉害了，但是我总觉得你通篇都是长句，会不会让人读起来很累？穿插些短句子会不会好点。学习了！

作者: 正儿八经潜水 时间: 2012-12-10 11:10

作者: 正儿八经潜水 时间: 2012-12-10 11:10
我是不限时，而且查资料哦，还要加油

作者: 45573asdasd 时间: 2012-12-10 11:15
也来看看我的~~~

作者: 正儿八经潜水 时间: 2012-12-12 11:27
11 December Independent Writing
If your friend needs help in a course, and you just do well in the course. Which way do you think is better for your friend, ask you for help or ask a specialized tutor for help?

If your friend needs help in a course, and you just do well in the course. Which way do you think is better for your friend, ask you for help or ask a specialized tutor for help? My reflection on the relevant elements of this issue, as well as my experiences, leads me to hold an attitude that, absolutely, I will advice my friend to ask a specialized tutor for help.

The first reason coming to my mind is that, generally speaking, a tutor is more professional and able to help students have deeply understanding of the course with higher efficiency. That is the kind of help a friend cannot offer. Just take myself as an example, during the process of my preparing for the TOEFL test, at first I learned by myself according to instructions from the Internet. However, the progress was so slow that I even cannot seize skills of solving several simple problems. Finally, I enrolled in the training class and achieved the expected progress with the help from a tutor.

What is equally important is the fact that people are usually more concentrated on one thing and respecting to get paid after they have spent a lot of money on it. Still take myself for instance, I cannot swim until last year even though I grown up near a river.Since I was a kid, my father has been teaching me to swim, but I was just enjoying sporting in the water, never paying attention to swimming skills. Finally, my father could do nothing with me so that he invited a tutor home to teach me to swim. Strange to say, I suddenly became serious after I knew the high tutor fee. Of course, I made it soon.

In addition to the above reasons, another point I want to make about this topic is that there are certain disadvantages when helping friends with a course. For one thing, friends can always come up with topics of their usual hobbies as long as they are together, no matter what they should be focusing on. For another, as friends, we really having difficulties being strict to friends even though we are talking about academic problems. All the disadvantages always prevent friends from understanding the essence of a course.

Well, in a nutshell, we may safely come to the conclusion that it is better for friends to ask a tour for help than ask you for help. Because a tutor is more professional and people are more willing to learn after paying for it. Besides, asking friends for help cannot make them have deeply understanding.

作者: perfectends 时间: 2012-12-12 20:18
If your friend needs help ina course, and you just do well in the course~~. W~~ , which way do you think is better for your friend, ? Aask you for help or ask a specialized tutor for help? Myreflection on the relevant elements of this issue, as well as my experiences,leads me to hold an attitude that, absolutely, I will advice my friend to ask aspecialized tutor for help.

The first reason coming to my mind is that,generally speaking, a tutor is more professional and able to help students havedeeply understanding of the course with higher efficiency(这个用法精彩). That is the kindof help a friend cannot offer. Just take myself as an example, during theprocess of my preparing for the TOEFL test, at first I learned by myself according to instructionsfrom the Internet. However, the progress was so slow that I even cannot seizeskills of solving several simple problems. Finally, I enrolled in the trainingclass and achieved the expected progress with the help from a tutor.（例子很好，论证待商榷，只是说明了有tutor比自学强，没有表达出MORE professionaland … ）

What is equally important is the fact thatpeople are usually more concentrated on one thing and respecting to get paidafter they have spent a lot of money on it. Still take myself for instance, Icannot swim until last year even though I grown up near a river.Since I was akid, my father has been teaching me to swim, but I was just enjoying sportingin the water, never paying attention to swimming skills. Finally, my fathercould do nothing with me so ~~that~~ he invited a tutorhome to teach me to swim. Strange to say, I suddenly became serious after Iknew the high tutor fee. Of course, I made it soon.

In addition to the ~~above reasons~~ reasons above （原表述比较中式）, another point I want tomake about this topic is that there are certain disadvantages when helpingfriends with a course. For onething, friends can always comeup with topics of their usual hobbies as long as they are together, no matterwhat they should be focusing on. For another, as friends, we really having difficulties on being strict to ~~friends~~ each other even though we are talking about academicproblems. All the disadvantages always prevent friends from understanding the essence（好词） of a course. 本段结构不错

Well, in a nutshell, we may safely come to the conclusion that it isbetter for your friends to ask a tour for help than ask you for help. Because a tutoris more professional and people are more willing to learn after paying for it.Besides, asking friends for help cannot make them have deeply understanding.

字数掌握的不错。
有些句型，词语，用的都有闪光点。
论证逻辑需要自己再理清思路。
关于我的标注:红色字体&黄色高亮为修改的；绿色为闪光点。

作者: 正儿八经潜水 时间: 2012-12-12 21:46
12 December
Independent Writing: Agree or disagree? College or University should offer more preparation before students start working.

One major difference among people’s opinions in the emphasis on university’s preparation for students’ working gives rise to an issue, that is, whether university should offer more preparation before students start working. My reflection on the relevant elements of this issue, as well as my experiences, leads me to an attitude that more preparation offered by university for students’ working is absolutely needed.

The first reason coming to my mind is that university should offer more practice courses to help students improve skills of applying professional knowledge to the real work. As is known to all, learning empty theories is not the purpose for which we go to university. It is a common phenomenon in the modern society that some people are refused by companies even though they own a doctor degree. This is because, they are sometimes considered as bookish persons from Ivory tower. It is obvious that companies do not welcome such kind of people.

What is equally important is the fact that university should found a employment center to analyse employment situations and organize on-campus job fair for students. For one thing, analysis data will tell students what kind of talent is sufficient and what kind is insufficient in the future. Then, they can choose a comparatively suitable job combing with their own situation to avoid detours. For another, on-campus job fair is more targeted so that it can offer students more chances to get jobs that are closely related to their majors.

In addition to the reasons above, another point I want to make about this topic is that university should offer employment guidance for students. In the first place, I believe that a mock interview is necessary. Generally, most students have no interview experience and they usually get nervous with their mind going blank when facing interviewers. A mock interview can help them overcome such psychological obstacles. Besides, courses teaching how to deal with others in the work environment are also needed. After all, most students never fully integrate into the society.

Well, in a nutshell, we may safely come to the conclusion that more preparation offered by university are indeed needed for students before they start working. That includes more practice courses and a employment center as well as employment guidance.

作者: 阿伦艾弗森 时间: 2012-12-13 20:12
One major difference among people’s opinions in the emphasis on university’s preparation for students’ working gives rise to an issue, that is, whether university should offer more preparation before students start working. My reflection on the relevant elements of this issue, as well as my experiences, leads me to an attitude that more preparation offered by university for students’ working is absolutely needed.

The first reason coming to my mind is that university should offer more practice courses to help students improve skills of applying professional knowledge to the real work. As is known to all, learning empty theories is not the purpose for which（目的的话应该用表原因的特殊疑问词吧）we go to university.（总觉得这句话的learning没有逻辑主语）It is a common phenomenon in the modern society that some people are refused by companies even though they own a doctor degree.（主谓一致）This（文中一般不要单独出现this做指代） is because, they are sometimes considered as bookish persons from Ivory tower. It is obvious that companies do not welcome such kind of people.（句末如果能重申一下段落的主题可能会更好）

What is equally important is ~~the fact~~ that university should found an employment center to analyse employment situations and organize on-campus job fair for students. For one thing, analysis data will tell students what kind of talent is sufficient and what kind is insufficient in the future. Then, they can choose a comparatively suitable job（主谓一致）combing with their own situations to avoid detours. For another, on-campus job fair is more targeted so that it can offer students more chances to get jobs that are closely related to their majors.

In addition to the reasons above, another point I want to make about this topic is that university should offer employment guidance for students. In the first place, I believe that a mock interview is necessary. Generally, most students have no interview experience and they usually get nervous with their mind going blank when facing interviewers.(这句话两个连接词两个谓语，少谓语) A mock interview（我觉得用复数更好）can help them overcome such psychological obstacles. Besides, courses teaching how to deal with others in the work environment are also needed. After all, most students never fully integrate into the society.

Well,（过于口语化了）in a nutshell, we may safely come to the conclusion that more preparation offered by university are indeed needed for students before they start working. That includes more practice courses and a employment center as well as employment guidance.

注意长短句的结合。建议3长句+1短句可使文章更清晰

一点拙见，还望共同进步~！

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