ChaseDream
标题: bonnenuit的作文帖！作文一直都是个弱项！求大牛帮忙批改作文！感激不尽啊！ [打印本页]
作者: bonnenuit 时间: 2012-9-11 10:35
标题: bonnenuit的作文帖！作文一直都是个弱项！求大牛帮忙批改作文！感激不尽啊！
Life today is easier and more comfortable than it was when your grandparents were children. Agree with disagree?
With the development of science and technology, it has made big progress on temporary people' living standards, and even big improvement of material conditions. the inventions of cars , computers, mobile phones, has brought great convenience to people, many old generations always say that, we are so jealous that you are born at fortunate time. Nevertheless, some young generations hold the opposite view that they are suffering from something that the old generations have never experienced. such a controversial topic has puzzled a lot of people. different people have variety answers to this topic from their own characters, emotional concerns and educational backgrounds.when this topic comes to me, i firmly believe that, there is no doubt that our life today is easier and cozier than it was when our grandparents were children.
To begin with, the truth we can not deny is that the high technology has made our life more easier. With the introduction of cars, computers, mobile phone, we can travel around, make the work more easier to complete, communicate with friends or families at anytime and anywhere. However, those things listed above were impossible for our grandparents to image and even own when they were children. They had to walk a long distance to school, deal with difficulties within their knowledge, communicate with friends through the letters and have to wait extra time to receive the replies. If we put ourselves in such situations, how long you could stand for? I dare to say, few of us can get through those situations.
Further more, the financial situation has improved a lot, compared to it was when our grandparents were children. We always can obtain a lot of pocket money from our parents. We always can afford many things we want, such as the books, plastic plane models, bobby dolls and so on. Meanwhile, when our grandparents were children, they could get little from their parents, even some could not afford for school. In order to support the family's economical income, some of them had to drop out of school early and do farm work. It is obvious that we are more fortunate than our grandparents when they were children.
Nowadays, some young generations may still suffer from academic burden, complain that they are less free. All in all, from the reasons listed above, we can safely conclude that, we are having easier and more comfortable life than our grandparents when they were children.
作者: bonnenuit 时间: 2012-9-11 15:32
求大牛批改！！谢谢谢谢！
作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-9-11 21:30
求大牛批改！！谢谢谢谢！
-- by 会员 bonnenuit (2012/9/11 15:32:40)
参加写作小分队和同学们互改作文吧
作者: frankiyian 时间: 2012-9-12 00:15
With the development of science and technology, it has made big progress on temporary people' living standards, and even big improvement of material conditions. the inventions of cars , computers, mobile phones, has brought great convenience to people, many old generations always say that, we are so jealous that you are born at fortunate time. Nevertheless, some young generations hold the opposite view that they are suffering from something that the old generations have never experienced. such a controversial topic has puzzled a lot of people. different people have variety answers to this topic from their own characters, emotional concerns and educational backgrounds. when this topic comes to me, i firmly believe that, there is no doubt that our life today is easier and cozier than it was when our grandparents were children.
old generation那句有点蛋疼，不如改成。。。。always say they are jealous that young generation are born at。。 不晓得怎么样，反正连着俩that确实蛋疼。这里可能违反ets的那个“an occasional lapse of clarity”
会扣分的= =
第一段有点点遮掩，主旨感觉不怎么突出（？可能是因为我比较喜欢开门见山。）
To begin with, the truth we can not deny is that the high technology has made our life more easier. With the introduction of cars, computers, mobile phone, we can travel around, make the work more easier to complete, communicate with friends or families at anytime and anywhere. However, those things listed above were impossible for our grandparents to image and even own when they were children. They had to walk a long distance to school, deal with difficulties within their knowledge, communicate with friends through the letters and have to wait extra time to receive the replies. If we put ourselves in such situations, how long you could stand for? I dare to say, few of us can get through those situations.
Further more, the financial situation has improved a lot, compared to it was when our grandparents were children. We always can obtain a lot of pocket money from our parents. We always can afford many things we want, such as the books, plastic plane models, bobby dolls and so on. Meanwhile, when our grandparents were children, they could get little from their parents, even some could not afford for school. In order to support the family's economical income, some of them had to drop out of school early and do farm work. It is obvious that we are more fortunate than our grandparents when they were children.
Nowadays, some young generations may still suffer from academic burden, complain that they are less free. All in all, from the reasons listed above, we can safely conclude that, we are having easier and more comfortable life than our grandparents when they were children.
半夜12点了。明天再看。希望卤煮不要嫌弃我吹毛求疵的态度，毕竟把文章贴上来就是要互相修改才可以提高。卤煮对英语的把握还是很强力的，很多地方也确实是一时疏忽。但是我还是蛋疼的挑了出来。如果有错，万分抱歉啊
作者: frankiyian 时间: 2012-9-12 00:24
下面的附件有点额外的批注，我的一些看法。当然也有可能不对。。。但是大部分应该靠谱
http://forum.chasedream.com/TOEFL_Writing/thread-763059-1-1.html 这是我的作文贴。可以互改= =
作者: bonnenuit 时间: 2012-9-12 10:30
非常感谢这位朋友的细心帮助，这些小毛病我总是在不经意间就犯了，你的批改建议对我有很大帮助，再一次非常感谢！
你的作文我等会帮你批改的，改的不好请别介意哈，因为我之前没怎么改过别人的作文，没神马经验
作者: bonnenuit 时间: 2012-9-12 12:01
Playing computer games is a waste of time, children should not be allow to play.
With the improvement of IT technology, a host of computer games have been introduced into people's life. several games own a crowd of fanatics, even numerous professional players have been cultivated as a method to earn money by some computer games development companies. Meanwhile, computer games become more popular among children, and they always spend plenty time on them,ignoring the tackle from parents and teachers. Does that benefit children? Different people will give various answers to this question from their own characters,emotional concerns, and educational backgrounds. When it comes to me, i firmly believe that, children should not be allow to play computer games. I will give several reasons to illustrate the view of my point as followed.
Firstly, computers games are too attractive to resist for the children with the gorgeous pictures and easy game operating system, because children addicted easily to something which will bring them the fantastic feeling. In order to save time to play computer games, children always put the meals and sleep,even the homework behind them. Take myself as a example, i did well in my study when i was grade 4. One day, one of my classmates introduced a popular game to me, and i addicted to it very soon. In order to get more time to play the game, i ate little and sleep little,even lied to my my parents that i had all the homework done after school. In the final test, i did poor in my study and my parents blamed it on playing computer games. Consequently, i gave up the games and put myself into study, and all things back to normal.
Secondly, it seems a little difficulty for children to distinguish between the reality and the fantasy.
They always act the fantastic roles which from computer games in the real life, leading them do some reasonless things, even criminal and violent events. A investigation has been conducted by some psychologist, discovering that 40% of juvenile criminal do illegal things due to their imagination which influenced by the computer games.
however, some others claim that temporary children are suffering from the academic burden, proper time for computer games to relax their mind is necessary. But in my opinion, the children better spend more on other meaningful things like sports,puzzle games,and so on.
All in all, from the reason listed above,we can safely conclude that, playing computer games is a waste of time, children should not be allow to play.
求怒批！
作者: frankiyian 时间: 2012-9-12 12:44
去交作业吧，交了以后明天会有人被分配来和你互批的
作者: bonnenuit 时间: 2012-9-12 12:58
额 怎么交？
作者: frankiyian 时间: 2012-9-12 17:12
http://forum.chasedream.com/TOEFL_Writing/thread-741014-75-1.html
作者: bonnenuit 时间: 2012-9-19 16:05
Students are more influence by their teachers than by their friends?
Students always spend most of their time with their friends and teachers when they are on campus, their behaviors, actions, and thoughts are influenced by their around circumstance. Recently, a controversial topic has been risen to people about by whom students are more influenced, their teachers or their friends? People's opinion on this topic vary as a result of their own characters, emotional concerns, and educational backgrounds. As far as i concern, i firmly believe that friends have more influenced on students than teachers. I will give several reason to illustrate the view of my point as followed.
To begin with, teachers cannot always know well about every student. They always have more than 20 students in charge, it is impossible for the teachers to keep in touch with the students all the time. What is more, some students will not always show their real face in front of their teachers for the sake of their fear for teachers. They always act their best out in order to impress their teachers, pretend that they really care about their teachers' suggestions, agree with their teachers' ideas, while when the teachers are not around them, they have already put these behind them, and follow their own rules.
Further more, the communication between students and teachers will never be as much as that between students and their friends. They like to share happiness, experience, hobbies with their friends, even imitate their friends' behavior, actions, and thoughts, just because they think these are really cool. Consequently, they influence each other. For example, one of roommates always smoked in dormitory, and he seemed to really enjoyed that. once he gave a cigarette to me, and i accepted it for the curiosity, then light the cigarette and imitated what he always did, and i thought i was really cool. Soon later, i found that the cigarette tasted so bad and regretted for what i had done.
All in all, from the reason listed above, we safely conclude that students are more influence by their friends than by their students.
作者: bonnenuit 时间: 2012-9-20 20:46
写作小分队作文 920独立写作
The most important investment of a company is to improve the skills of its employees ？
The development of economics and society, has tremendously promoted the expansion of industries, more and more new enterprises have risen in the past few years. Numerous skillful employees are demanded by the enterprises, however the shortage of qualified employee has made the enterprise have to invest a lot of money on cultivating their employees to meet their necessities. However , some claim that it is unnecessary for a company to consider the improving of its employees as the most significant investment. People's opinions vary as a result of their own characters, emotional concerns, and educational backgrounds. As far as i concerned, i firmly believe that it is the most significant investment of a company to improve the skills of its employees.
To begin with, team spirit is one of the most important skills. Nowadays, most of the employees that the company recruit are students who just graduate from school, and they not only have little experience, but also are lack of team spirit. The company should make them work together, share experience and communicate with each other to cultivate a sense of team spirit. The company has to invest a lot of money and time on them, and wait for the achievements patiently. Until that day, these employees will be the most valuable payback for the company.
Further more, the company also need to invest plenty of money and time on training the employees to be professional. The company has to hire some experienced teachers, also need to built necessary facilities or systems to help improve the professional skills of its employees in order to make the employees meet its standards.
However, the company has to bear the risk that some employees will choose to betray the company when they are lured by competitors with higher benefits. Therefore, several measures should be taken to prevent that to happen.
All in all, from the reasons listed above, we can safely conclude that the most important investment of a company is to improve the skills of its employees.
作者: xeyyxzty 时间: 2012-9-21 20:00
The development ofeconomics and society, has tremendously promoted the expansion of industries, and more and more new enterprises have risen(我不知道这个词是否恰当~个人水平问题哈，见谅) in the past few years. Numerousskillful employees are demanded by the enterprises, however the shortage ofqualified employees has made the enterprise have to invest a lot of money on cultivatingtheir employees to meet their necessities.(小建议哈，不要总是用一个词，employees/workers/staff,etc都是一个意思) However , some claim that it is unnecessary for a companyto consider the improving of its employees (the improvementof its employees’ skills of working) as themost significantinvestment. People's opinions vary as a result of their own characters,emotional concerns, and educational backgrounds. As far as i concerned, ifirmly believe that it is the most significant(significant很好，为什么要连着用呢~换一下吧) investment of a company to improve the skills of itsemployees.
To begin with, team spirit is one of the mostimportant skills. Nowadays, most of the employees that the company recruit arestudents who just graduate from school, and they not only have littleexperience, but also are lack of team spirit. The company should make them worktogether, share experience and communicate with each other to cultivate a senseof team spirit. The company has to invest a lot of money and time on them, andwait for the achievements patiently. Until that day, these employees will be themost valuable payback for the company.
Furthermore, the company also need to invest plenty of money and time on training theemployees to be professional. The company has to hire some experiencedteachers, also need to built (build) necessary facilities or systems(build facilities/systems怎么这么奇怪呢~不是这么搭配吧) to help improve the professional skills of its employeesin order to make the employees meet its standards.
However, the company has to bear the risk thatsome employees will choose to betray the company when they are lured bycompetitors with higher benefits(你是想说获利更高的公司，还是公司给雇员提供更好的待遇~不清楚，而且如果是第二种，我不认为这种表达方式正确~). Therefore,several measures should be taken to prevent that to happen.（貌似和主题没什么关系哈）
All in all, from the reasons listed above, we cansafely conclude that the most important investment of a company is to improvethe skills of its employees.
frankly,我觉得你的文章并不是很convincing~
比如第二个分论点，难道花费越多就说明越重要吗，如果是，那么你应该说明~如果不是，那么这个理由有点不成立~
思路再好好想一下吧~
语言上的错误我觉得应该在解决内容上的问题后再重点纠正~
比如用词重复，还有点口语化和chinglish
慢慢来~加油
作者: bonnenuit 时间: 2012-9-21 20:44
嗯嗯 好的 谢谢您的批改建议 我会改正的
作者: bonnenuit 时间: 2012-9-21 21:49
921独立写作spending money on traveling＆vacation vs. saving for future？
The development of economics and society, has tremendously promoted temporary people's living standard, and numerous improvement of material conditions. With more and more money under control, some people prefer to spend money on traveling or vacation, while others, choose to save money for the future. The people's opinion on the decision vary as a result of their own characters, emotional concern, even educational backgrounds. As far as i concerned, i firmly believe that spending money on traveling is more important than saving for future. I will give several reasons to illustrate the view of my point.
To begin with, traveling and vacation always bring us more happiness, which will hardly achieve from saving money for future. Buying a ticket, or refueling your car, or paying for the equipment that you need on journey, is what you ought to do before the traveling. Then, enjoying the freedom and the beauty of scenery will make you stay away from the boring work, and relax your mind. Recently , an investigation has been conducted by social behavior research team, discovering that, over 60 percent of people are willing to spend money on traveling and vacation rather than on other aspects.
Furthermore, the one who always save money for future, are reluctant to waste one cent on traveling, even on other things, and he is always unsatisfied with the number in bankbook. He words hard to make more money, and lives economically to accumulate more money . When he meets his goal, he finds it is too late to enjoy his life. Some of old generations always advice us to enjoy the life as soon as possible, and get more chances to explore the outside.
All in all, from the reasons listed above, we can safely conclude that spending money on traveling and vacation is more important than saving money for future.
作者: bonnenuit 时间: 2012-9-24 20:34
924独立写作
As an employee in a bank, i get so much work to do every day. In order to perform well and make the task done, i not only need to improve my professional skills, but also should maintain a healthy body. There are so many options to improve your health, such as kind of food you eat, amount of excise, amount of stress. People's options vary as a result of their own characters, emotional concerns, even educational backgrounds. As far as i concern, i firmly believe that amount of excise is the best choice for me. I will give several reasons to illustrate the view of my point.
Firstly, i have no extra time to arrange my meal according to some suggestions of health diets from scientists. And the mess hall offers the same meal to every employee, rather than prepares something special for you. What's more, host of tasks have been depressed me for long time, it is unlikely for me to choose amount of stress as one way to improve my health.
Further more, after a quick but careful analysis, i am quite in favor with excises. During the work, i can pause for minutes to do some easy excise to relax myself, like stretch excise, then keep concentrating on my work. The easy excise not only eases my tiredness, but also promotes my efficiency. In addition, excise will improve the quality of my sleep. After the whole day working, I always call on several colleagues to play basketball together. Consequently, i am able to sleep well at night after amount of excise. An investigation has been conducted by a social behavior research team, discovering that, high quality of sleep will contribute to good health.
All in all, from the reason listed above, i prefer to choose amount of excises to improve my health.
作者: bonnenuit 时间: 2012-9-25 20:31
925独立
People who cannot accept the criticism from others will not be successful at working in a group.
Once i was appointed as a leader of a team by my boss, and also several colleagues with whom i familiar with were involved in the team, including one called Jim, a stubborn employee, who always ignored others' opinion and insisted on his own view. Since then, host of troubles had come to us, because Jim always went against with the whole group's decisions, and put forward several subjective suggestions, which were proved to be unreasonable after detailed analysis. Thus, our decisions were delayed. I had advised him not to do like that for many times, but he still put my words behind him. Consequently, i had to expel him from my team.
Therefore, i can learn from that people who cannot accept the criticism from others will not be successful at working in a group. I will give several reasons to illustrate the view of my point as follows.
To begin with, people who cannot accept the criticism from others is not easy to work together. from the case of Jim described above, it is not difficult to tell that the stubborn one is always self-centered., and unaware of the significance of team spirit. As we all know, a good team should be that all members cooperate with each other peacefully, and act like the old saying, " all for one, one for all". However, the one who cannot accept the criticism likes the cancer in our bodies, we must get rid of it as soon as possible. The longer time he stays for, the worse situation we are in.
Further more, people who cannot accept the criticism from others is always selfish. He only cares about his feeling rather than others'. A good member of a group should be some who not only consider the whole group's interest as his own, but also devote himself to the group. While the selfish one solely concentrate on the profits at present, and regardless of the lone run benefits of the whole group.
All in all, we can safely conclude that, people who cannot accept the criticism from others will not be successful at working in a group.
作者: xeyyxzty 时间: 2012-9-25 21:20
除了字数少~别的都很好哇~~~As an employee in a bank, i get so much work to doevery day. In order to perform well and make the task done, i not only need toimprove my professional skills, but also should maintain a healthy body. Thereare so many options to improve your health, such as kind of food you eat,amount of excise, amount of stress. People's options vary as a result of theirown characters, emotional concerns, even educational backgrounds. As far as i concern(还是I’m concerned?), i firmly believe thatamount of excise is the best choice for me. I will give several reasons toillustrate the view of my point.
开头真棒！！！
Firstly, i have no extra time to arrange mymeal according to some suggestions of health diets from scientists. And themess hall offers the same meal to every employee, rather than prepares（还是preparing?不清楚哈） something special foryou. What's more, host of tasks have been depressed me for long time, （这儿缺少连词）it is unlikely for me tochoose amount of stress as one way to improve my health.
Further more, after a quick but carefulanalysis, i am quite in favor with excises. During the work, i can pause forminutes to do some easy excise to relax myself, like stretch excise, then keepconcentrating on my work. The easy excise not only eases my tiredness, but alsopromotes my efficiency. In addition, excise will improve the quality of mysleep. After the whole day working, I always call on several colleagues to playbasketball together. Consequently, i am able to sleep well at night afteramount of excise. An investigation has been conducted by a social behaviorresearch team, discovering that, high quality of sleep will contribute to goodhealth.
All in all, from the reason listed above, iprefer to choose amount of excises to improve my health.
注意exercise的拼写~还有就是分论点怎么只有两个呢？貌似一般都是三个哦~难怪字数偏少
和开头比，中间部分内容少呀~亲
总体感觉写的真不错！加油！！！
作者: bonnenuit 时间: 2012-9-25 22:13
额 因为时间总是不够写三个论据
作者: verchieldan 时间: 2012-9-25 22:42
925独立
People who cannot accept the criticism from others will not be successful at working in a group.
（Once iIwas appointed as a leader of a team by my boss, and also several colleagues with whom I familiar with were involved in the team, including one called Jim, a stubborn employee, who always ignored others' opinion and insisted on his own view.这个句子好像没有主语once 引导一个从句，这个从局里用and连接两个部分，后面这个部分接了伴随状语，主句就没有了。。。）Since then, host of troubles had come to us, because Jim always went against with the whole group's decisions, and put forward several subjective suggestions, which were proved to be unreasonable after detailed analysis. Thus, our decisions were delayed. I had advised（为什么是过去完成时？）him not to do like that for many times, but he still put my words behind him. Consequently, I had to expel him from my team.
Therefore, iIcan learn from that people who cannot accept the criticism from others will not be successful at working in a group. I will give several reasons to illustrate the view of my point as follows.
To begin with, people who cannot accept the criticism from others is not easy to work together. From the case of Jim described above, it is not difficult to tell that the stubborn one is always self-centered., and unaware of the significance of team spirits. As we all know, a good team should be that all members cooperate with each other peacefully, and act like the old saying, " all for one, one for all". However, the one who cannot accept the criticism likes the cancer(one likes cancer人像癌症？) in our bodies, we must get rid of it as soon as possible. The longer time he stays for, the worse situation we are in.
Furthermore, people who cannot accept the criticism from others is always selfish. He only cares about his feeling rather than others'. A good member of a group should be someone who not only consider the whole group's interest as his own, but also devote himself to the group. While the selfish one solely concentrate on the profits at present, and regardless of the lone run benefits of the whole group.(while 引导了从句，但用了and之后就没有了主句)
All in all, we can safely conclude that people who cannot accept the criticism from others will not be successful at working in a group.
建议：
1、字数不够，开头比结尾长，会不会觉得很奇怪啊。。。
2、注意and 的使用，因为我刚考完GMAT所以看到长句子比较敏感。。。很多从句链接在一起比较容易错，望以后注意哈，
3、结尾可以再重复说一下，也可以增加一些字数
4、例子很典型，很清楚
4、句子表达和举例上我还要向你多多学习，今天是第一天写托福作文，多多包涵哦。
附件是word 的修订模式，看得比较清楚
作者: bonnenuit 时间: 2012-9-26 20:31
926独立写作
Some jobs can pay high salaries but require employees to leave their family and friends. Some jobs pay few salaries but allow staying with family and friend. Which do you like
Nowadays, more and more people prefer to stay in the big cities, such as Beijing, Shanghai, which are far away from their families and friends, because of the high salaries and cozy living environment. While, some people still choose to work in their hometown, in where their close relationships live,in spite of the lower salaries. People's options vary as a result from their own characters, emotional concerns, and educational backgrounds. As far as i concerned, i am prone to the jobs which pay low salaries but allow me to stay with my family and friends. To better illustrate my view, i will list several reasons as followed.
To begin with, high salaries always means amount of work you need to do. Not only you have to cope with all kinds of difficulties you confront, but also feel host of pressure from distinct aspects. Thus, you have to drag your exhausted body home after work. Besides that, the empty and dark room always makes you feel lonely and homesick. Consequently, you become more and more sensitive and depressive, which will do harm to you.
Further more, while it is true that work is part of our life, family and friend still play a significant role. Family and friend are someone who will always wait for you there, and never give you up no matter you get success or failure. There is no doubt that you will feel happy to see that a lot of delicious food on the table and all your families are waiting for you when you get home.
In addition, harmonious relationships among your family and friend will bring motivations to your work. You always know clearly what your goal is, and you can devote yourself to fight for it, because your families and friends always stand at your back and support you. Meanwhile, you always know the situation when your family and friend are around, and you can give a hand to them when something happens. However, when you stay aways from your family and friend, you get few chances to know them, and they always conceal the bad news to prevent you from warring about them.
All in all, from the reasons listed above, i can safely to draw the conclusion that the jobs which allows you to stay with your family and friends are the superior choice, in spite of the low salary.
作者: verchieldan 时间: 2012-9-27 20:43
Some jobs can pay high salaries but require employees to leave their family and friends. Some jobs pay few salaries but allow staying with family and friend. Which do you like
Nowadays, more and more people prefer to stay in the big cities, such as Beijing, Shanghai, which are far away from their families and friends, because of the high salaries and cozy living environment. While（while
后面好像不能用逗号，口语里可以）, some people still choose to work in their hometown, in where their close relationshipsfamilies and friends live（关系用live好像很奇怪）,in spite of the lower salaries. People's options vary as a result from their own characters, emotional concerns, and educational backgrounds. As far as Ii concerned, Ii am prone to the jobs which pay low salaries but allow me to stay with my family and friends. To better illustrate my view, Ii will list several reasons as followed.
To begin with, high salaries always means amount of work you need to do. Not only you have to cope with all kinds of difficulties you confront, but also feel host of pressure from distinct aspects. Thus, you have to drag your exhausted body home after work. Besides that, the empty and dark room always makes you feel lonely and homesick. Consequently, you become more and more sensitive and depressive, which will do harm to you.
Further more, while it is true that work isa part of our life, family and friend still play a significant role. Family and friend are someone who will always wait for you there, and never give you up no matter you get success or failure. There is no doubt that you will feel happy to see that a lot of delicious food on the table and all your families are waiting for you when you get home.
In addition, harmonious relationships among your family and friend will bring motivations to your work. You always know clearly what your goal is, and you can devote yourself to fight for it, because your families and friends always stand at your back and support you. Meanwhile, you always know the situation when your family and friend are around, and you can give a hand to them when something happens. However, when you stay awayaways from your family and friend, you get few chances to know them, and they always conceal the bad news to prevent you from warring about them.
All in all, from the reasons listed above, Ii can safely to draw the conclusion that the jobs which allows you to stay with your family and friends are the superior choice, in spite of the low salary.
1．字数比昨天有增加哦~~~
2．一些短语用得很好啊，例如prone to ，cope with
有2个小问题，
1.我在读到一半的时候发现几乎所有的句式都是定语从句，再往下看，发现后半也全是定语从句，我觉得可以用多样性的句式，例如to do,doing,同位语从句，祈使句之类的。最好有长有短。
2.在body 的每一个 topic sentences 之后，都有一个固定模式的supporting idea ，即：因为什么，所以什么，就是给我的印象就是全部有点单一，我觉得可以换一换。
最后，觉得今天的这一篇比昨天那篇好很多哦~~
作者: bonnenuit 时间: 2012-9-28 21:20
928独立写作
Do you agree with the viewpoint that people are now easier to become educated than in the past?
The development of science and economics, has tremendously promoted temporary people's living standards, and brought numerous improvements of quality of education. More and more children are sent into preeminent schools to receive high quality education by their parents, notwithstanding the high tuition. There is no doubt that people are now easier to become educated than in the past. To better illustrate my view, I will list several reasons as followed.
To begin with, educational resource is more available than before. Several concepts and theories have been out of style and replaced by new ones, attributed to the development of science and technology. Beside that, the teachers are more experienced and have full knowledge of distinct subjects to help students cope with the difficulties they encounter, better understand the world. Hence, the new generations will get more educated than the lats ones did, and more possible to live up to their parents' expectations.
Further more, the induction of high-tech facilities, such as computers, internet and mobile phone, etc, also has made the education more easily to access. For instance, abundant materials about various subject is offered in the Internet and freely obtained. What's more, the invention of online classes makes the education more convenient, and students can have classes at home without going to school.
In addition, good material conditions also contribute to make the education more available. Virtually parents are able to afford their children's tuition, support their children to buy many necessary books and tools, send them to school with their own cars. However, those mentioned above are impossible for old generations to image, even to own, because some of them had to walk a long distance to school, even some had to drop out of school early due to the poverty when they were young. They are always jealous that we are born at such a fortunate epoch.
All in all, from the reason listed above, we can safely conclude that people are now easier to become educated than in the past. therefore, we should cherish the opportunities we have got, and take all the advantages to live up to our parents' expectation.
作者: 最后一次杀T 时间: 2012-9-29 12:14
黄色高亮为精彩绿色部分为要修改部分粉色是修改建议
The development of science and economics, has tremendously promoted temporary people's living standards, and brought numerous improvements of quality of education.【语法有问题，主语谓语中间不要加逗号。建议改成，With the development of science and economics, both the living standards of modern people and the quality of education have been promoted.】 More and more children are sent into preeminent schools to receive high quality education by their parents, not withstanding the high tuition. 【more and more可以替换成an increasing/growing number of...】【not改成without】There is no doubt that people are now easier to become educated than in the past. To better illustrate my view, I will list several reasons as followed.
To begin with, educational resource is more available than before. Several concepts and theories have been out of style and replaced by new ones, attributed to the development of science and technology. 【后半句语法问题，attributed不能作为定语修饰new ones，应该作为伴随状语修饰several concepts and theories，即attributing to the ......】Beside that, the teachers are more experienced and have full knowledge of distinct subjects to help students cope with the difficulties they encounter, better understand the world. 【后半句语法问题，cope with与understand动词并列，中间要使用连词连接，即help students cope with...and understand better...】Hence, the new generations will get more educated than the lats ones did, and more possible to live up to their parents' expectations.
Further more, the induction of high-tech facilities, such as computers, internet and mobile phone, etc, also has made the education more easily to access. 【induction的用法我不能确定，建议找大牛问问。】For instance, abundant materials about various subjects are offered in the Internet and can be freely obtained. What's more, the invention of online classes makes the education more convenient, and students can have classes at home without going to school.
In addition, good material conditions also contribute to make the education more available. Virtually parents are able to afford their children's tuition, support their children to buy many necessary books and tools,and send them to school with their own cars. 【并列三个谓语时，最后一个前的and不能省略】However, those mentioned above are impossible for old generations to image, even to own, because some of them had to walk a long distance to school, even some had to drop out of school early due to the poverty when they were young. They are always jealous that we are born at such a fortunate epoch.
All in all, from the reason listed above, we can safely conclude that people are now easier to become educated than in the past. therefore, we should cherish the opportunities we have got, and take all the advantages to live up to our parents' expectation.
总的来说不错，词汇很丰富，结构和逻辑都很好。但是要注意语法问题。写长句的时候，要注意使用连词。
作者: 最后一次杀T 时间: 2012-9-29 12:45
想要字数多，而且写得快，有个很简单的方法。就是多举例子。
比如你这篇文字furthermore这一段，论点是高科技提供了很多学习渠道，中间写了for instance，只是简单提了一下internet，如歌展开来写internet如何support的，比如编一个自己上网课的经历，看哈佛公开课什么的。不必费劲全写成长句子，只要把这个事情出明白就好。这样可以写的很快，而且还使论点更加充分。
作者: bonnenuit 时间: 2012-10-5 19:21
10.5 独立写作
Do you agree or disagree: It is much easier for people to achieve success without families’ help than in the past.
Something we all have to do as we get older is to accept the opinions of others. On the question of whether it is much easier fro people to achieve success without families' help than in the past, I have for a long time admitted that the ones who have obtained success through their own endeavor and seldom received assistance from families, have a strong argument. Privately, however, I reckon that it is still not much easier for people to get success without families' help than in the past.
To begin with, every year, millions of graduates start their careers, and struggle for their dreams. However, only tiny portion of them can make their dreams come true utterly depend on their individuals, because they have spent more energy and time realizing themselves' value than normal do. Although it is not easy for a person to guarantee standing room in the society without sacrificing anything, some other resource can be used as a shortcut to acquire success, for instance the families' aid. Families have possessed host of human resource and valuable experience, attributing to their long period struggle in the society, and all these things are very valuable and can be made use of by us to achieve success.
Further more, the families not only offer us such useful resource, but also aid us with financial support. Since we were kids, they have paid our tuition, pocket money, and all kinds of fees. Without their assistance, we cannot obtain healthy body, knowledge, and everything we own now.
Take me as an example. I got an offer from a desirable company after I graduated, but the fist challenge I confronted at that time was that I could not afford the rent of my room. I had to call for help from my families, and they soon lend me some money to get through the financial difficulties. Without their help, I might had to give up that offer.
Admittedly, some people have achieve success without their families' help, just by hard working or by luck. Not every one will have the same consequent after he has experienced the same progress. In spite of this, there are still plenty of ways to achieve success, and making use of families' help is worthy to try.
All in all, from the reasons listed above, we can safely conclude that it is not easier to achieve success without families' help than in past, but it enhance the possibility to achieve success with the help from families.
作者: bonnenuit 时间: 2012-10-6 19:54
10.6独立
Your job will have more effect on your happiness than the social life does.
Something we all have to do as we get older is accept the shift of concepts and the opinions of others. On the question of whether the job will affect your happiness more than the social life does, I have for long time admitted that students who deem friendships, social experience, such social life as important part of their life, have a strong argument that effects of social life outweigh that of job privately, however, I reckon the job will have more effect on person's happiness.
To begin with, we always have to confront host of difficulties when we are undertaking jobs, and failures of the jobs cannot be avoided. There is not doubt that these failures will make you feel frustrated and depressed, even those feelings will last for long time. When you suffer from that kind of situations, you will become less motivated, unwilling to contact with others, and have no appetite at all. However, when you achieve success on your job, the situation will be different: You will obtain a sense of achievement, willing to share happiness with the around, and become more motivated to do ever thing.
Furthermore, not only will the failure or success on the job affect your happiness, but the degree of salary offered by your job will also affect you a lot. Low salaries means that you cannot cover other things that you want except for your basic needs, while high salaries might satisfy you with better material conditions, not to mention that the satisfaction will make you feel happy. Recently, a social behavior research team has conducted an investigation, discovering that, the percentage of people with high salaries that feel happy is 30percent higher than that of people with low salaries that feel happy.
Admittedly, social life has made up part of our life, and friendships play a critical role. We always feel pity or sad for losing several friends, however the unhappiness will not accompany us for long time.
All in all, from the reason listed above, we can safely conclude that you job will affect your happiness more than the social life does.
作者: 最后一次杀T 时间: 2012-10-6 20:13
黄色高亮为精彩绿色部分为要修改部分粉色是修改建议
Something we all have to do as we get older is to accept the opinions of others.【from】 On the question of whether it is much easier for people to achieve success without families' help than in the past, I have for a long time【prolonged】 admitted that the ones who have obtained success through their own endeavor and seldom received assistance from families, have a strong argument. 【这半句没看明白是连着哪部分的。。这个句子写的太长了，很绕，其实并一定是长句子才是好句子，我试着改一下给你参考一下Whether it is much easier for people to achieve success without families' help than in the past is always a controversial issue. I prolonged admited those who have obtained success through their own endeavor and seldom received assistance from families.我猜你想表达这个意思。。】Privately, however, I reckon that it is still not much easier for people to get success without families' help than in the past.
To begin with, every year, millions of graduates start their careers, and struggle for their dreams. However, only tiny portion of them can make their dreams come true utterly depend on their individuals, because they have spent more energy and time realizing themselves' value than normal do.【their counterparts】 Although it is not easy for a person to guarantee standing room in the society without sacrificing anything, some other resources can be used as a shortcut to acquire success, for instance the families' aid. Families have possessed host of human resource and valuable experience, attributing to their long period struggle in the society, and all these things are very valuable and can be made use of by us to achieve success.
Further more, the families not only offer us such useful resources, but also aid us with financial support. Since we were kids, they had to paid our tuition, pocket money, and all kinds of fees. Without their assistance, we cannot obtain healthy body, knowledge, and everything we own now.
Take me as an example. I got an offer from a desirable company after I graduated, but the first challenge I confronted at that time was that I could not afford the rent of my room. I had to call for help from my families, and they soon lend me some money to get through the financial difficulties. Without their help, I might had to give up that offer.
Admittedly, some people have achieve success without their families' help, just by hard working or by luck. Not every one will have the same consequent after he has experienced the same progress. In spite of this, there are still plenty of ways to achieve success, and making use of families' help is worthy to try.
All in all, from the reasons listed above, we can safely conclude that it is not easier to achieve success without families' help than in past, but it enhances the possibility to achieve success with the help from families.
抱歉改晚了······
结构很好，论点和论据也都很贴切。
但是我个人觉得一味写长句子并不一定能成为高分作文，长短结合比较好。有些地方的表达可以更简洁一些。
作者: 最后一次杀T 时间: 2012-10-7 20:25
黄色高亮为精彩绿色部分为要修改部分粉色是修改建议
Something we all have to do as we get older is accept the shift of concepts and the opinions of others. On the question of whether the job will affect your happiness more than the social life does, I have for long time admitted that students who deem friendships, social experience, such social life as important part of their life, have a strong argument that effects of social life outweigh that of job privately, however, I reckon the job will have more effect on person's happiness. 【原来是模板。。】
To begin with, we always have to confront host of difficulties when we are undertaking jobs, and failures of the jobs cannot be avoided. There is not doubt that these failures will make you feel frustrated and depressed, even those feelings will last for long time. When you suffer from that kind of situations, you will become less motivated, unwilling to contact with others, and have no appetite at all. However, when you achieve success on your job, the situation will be different: You will obtain a sense of achievement, willing to share happiness with the around, and become more motivated to do ever thing.【如果能有个简单的例子，支持一下就更好了】
Furthermore, not only will the failure or success on the job affect your happiness, but the degree of salary【个人觉得只写salary就能表达清楚意思了，不知道有没有degree of salary的用法】 offered by your job will also affect you a lot. Low salaries means that you cannot cover other things 【可以替换成luxuries】that you want except for your basic needs, while high salaries might satisfy you with better material conditions, not to mention that the satisfaction will make you feel happy. Recently, a social behavior research team has conducted an investigation, discovering that, the percentage of people with high salaries that feel happy is 30percent higher than that of people with low salaries that feel happy.
Admittedly, social life has made up part of our life, and friendships play a critical role.【social life, a part of our life, and friendships play a critical role.】 We always feel pity or sad for losing several friends, however the unhappiness will not accompany us for long time.
All in all, from the reason listed above, we can safely conclude that your job will affect your happiness more than the social life does.
作者: bonnenuit 时间: 2012-10-7 20:54
10.7 独立
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:The government and corporation should share all their scientific discoveries with other countries in the world?
The development of science and society has tremendously improved the international environment, and brought numerous benefits to people around the world. Recently, a controversial issue about whether the government and corporation should share all their scientific discoveries with other countries in the world. Simplistically speaking, opinions on this topic can be divided into two sides: some think it necessary, while others hold the contrary perspective. Both views have strong foundations; However, overall, i teed to agree with the former.
To begin with, when we study in a group, we always prefer to cooperate with other members and share ideas with each other in order to work out the common purpose more efficiently. So that strategy are also applicable to the cooperation among countries by share all their scientific discoveries with each other. For example, the genetic map of human was accomplished by hundreds of scientists from 14 different counties in 1960's. The brilliant scientists put the divergences, nationalities, races, religions behind them, shared the scientific discoveries and cooperated with each other to finish the map, which has profound influence as one of the most significant discoveries in twentieth century.
Furthermore, conflicts always derive from the unbalanced information between two sides. In the period of cold war, host of conflicts occurred between USA and the Soviet union, and thousands of nuclear weapon were produced, threatening the peace of the whole wold. Both of the two sides were reluctant to share scientific discoveries and competed with each other instead. If these two cooperated with each other and shared scientific discoveries, more benefits would be brought to the whole world.
Admittedly, sharing scientific discoveries will diminish the interests for some countries, but it can be solved by other methods. For example, when two counties are sharing scientific discoveries, the beneficiary could pay money to the supplier for the share to ease the loss of supplier.
All in all, from the reason listed above, we can safely conclude that the government and corporation should share all their scientific discoveries with other countries in the world, and that will benefit the whole world.
作者: chengzaaaa 时间: 2012-10-8 16:49
骚瑞！动作比较慢哈。
比较罗嗦说的，希望能有帮助！
也不一定全对，再交流哦！
作者: bonnenuit 时间: 2012-10-8 20:18
10.8独立
People who move out of their native village or town are more successful and happier than who stay in their native village or town for their whole life.
Nowadays, millions of graduates are seeking a standing place in the society, and they often face a dilemma:start their career in their native place, or embark on a job in the big cities. Recently, a controversial issue about whether people who move out from their native village or town are more successful and happier than those who do not has been given rise to us, opinions on this issue vary from person to person from their own experience, educational backgrounds and emotional concerns. As far as I concerned, I firmly believe that people stay in their native place could also obtain more successful and happier life than those who are outside.
To begin with, we cannot deny that you will get more opportunities and options to achieve success and happy life in the outside world. You can easily find a desired job and acquire high salaries, however, you have to confront with the gradually fierce competition in reality. In order to keep you from standing in the original place, even mover forward a better position, you have to pay more time and energy to compete with someone who will threaten your interest. Take myself as an example, I once worked for a financial institution, and I was demanded by my employer to work for several additional hours after wok every day due to the fierce competition among the same industry. The great pressure depressed me a lot, and I could not feel any sense of achievements and happiness in spite of the high salary. Consequently, I virtually could not stand and I chose to quit.
Furthermore, although the salaries are limited and fewer existing chances you can get in your native village or town compared to those of the big cities, you own abundance resource such as human resource, financial aid from your family and so on. I still use my experience as an example. After I quited from the financial institution, and I chose to back to my native town to restart my career. I collected host of information and advice from my friends, and my family lend me some money, finally, I ran a small-scale company by myself. I really feel successful and happy when I work in the most similar place and my families and friends accompany me around. What's more, small town or village is relatively potential, more and more famous enterprises prefer to enter into small town or village because of the inexpensive labor cost and low-level competition, which will bring plenty of underlying opportunities.
Admittedly, everyone has different standards to evaluate whether he is happy and successful or not. Someone think him successful and happy when he gets high salaries in the big city, while someone considers that he is successful and happy when he owns a job and families and friends are round in his native place. Therefore, it is really hard to say that people who move out of their native village or town are more successful and happier than who stay in their native village or town for their whole life.
作者: wsywsy1 时间: 2012-10-9 22:02
People who move out of their native village or town are more successful and happier than who stay in their native village or town for their whole life.
Nowadays, millions of graduates are seeking a standing place in the society, and they often face a dilemma:start their career in their native place, or embark on a job in the big cities. Recently, a controversial issue about whether people who move out from their native village or town are more successful and happier than those who do not has been given rise to us, opinions on this issue vary from person to person from their own experience, educational backgrounds and emotional concerns. As far as I concerned, I firmly believe that people who stay in their native place could also obtain more successful and happier life than those who are outside.
To begin with, we cannot deny that you will get more opportunities and options to achieve success and happy life in the outside world. You can easily find a desired job and acquire high salaries, however, you have to confront with the gradually fierce competition in reality. In order to keep you from standing in the original place, even mover(move) forward a better position, you have to pay more time and energy to compete with someone who will threaten your interest. Take myself as an example, I once worked for a financial institution, and I was demanded by my employer to work for several additional hours after wok every day due to the fierce competition among the same industry(改成复数吧). The great pressure depressed me a lot, and I could not feel any sense of achievements and happiness in spite of the high salary. Consequently, I virtually could not stand and I chose to quit the job.
Furthermore, although the salaries are limited and fewer existing chances you can get in your native village or town compared to(with) those of the big cities, you own abundance(这个是名词吧。应该改为形容词) resource such as human resource（人类资源指的是什么。。有点怪怪的。）, financial aid from your family and so on. I still use my experience as an example. After I quited(had quitted) from the financial institution, and I chose to back to my native town to restart my career. I collected host of information and advice from my friends, and my family lend(lent) me some money, finally, I ran a small-scale company by myself. I really feel successful and happy when I work in the most similar (这个。。是怎么回事)place and my families and friends accompany me around. What's more, small town or village is relatively potential, more and more famous enterprises prefer to enter into small towns or villages because of the inexpensive labor cost and low-level competition, which will bring a plenty of underlying opportunities.
Admittedly, everyone has different standards to evaluate whether he is happy and successful or not. Someone thinks him successful and happy when he gets high salaries in the big city, while someone considers that he is successful and happy when he owns a job and families and friends are round in his native place(个人觉得主语统一点不会好些？). Therefore, it is really hard to say that people who move out of their native village or town are more successful and happier than who stay in their native village or town for（in）their whole life.
来晚了，不好意思。
改得不好见谅嗷~
亲的文章条理清晰，学习了。。
作者: bonnenuit 时间: 2012-10-10 20:10
10.10独立写作
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: Movies are worth watching only when they teach us something about the real life.
With the development of science and technology, both the modern people's living standards and material conditions have been promoted. A lot of electronic products such as telephone, television, computer have been introduced into people's daily life, and the challenge people has to face is how adjust their lifestyles to utilize the information technology-sometimes called the "new industrial revolution"- to its best advantages. Recently , an issue about whether movies are worth watching only when they teach us something about the real life has been given rise to us, and people's opinion on this topic vary as a result from their own characters, their concerns and educational backgrounds. As far as I concerned, I firmly believe that movies are always worth watching not only when they teach us something about the real life.
To begin with, I have to refine that the functions of movies are more than teaching. We cannot deny that we can acknowledge host of things from a movie, such as the tradition, the characters, the religions of a country. Movies as one kind of media not only can represent the culture of a country, but also bring a lot of visual enjoyments to audience. Take me for example, I prefer to watch movies with my girlfriends as one way to relax ourselves rather than hang out during weekends. We always choose to watch the scientific fiction movies such as spiderman, the matrix, and so on, and we really enjoy the visual impact brought from the high teach picture more than something that the movies teach us about the real life.
Further more, advertisement as main way to advertise and increase the sales of products is seen frequently at the beginning of a movie and generally from the sponsors of the movies, and it impress us more or less. Some sponsors will make contributions to the society after they achieve successful, and we are willing to buy their products when we remind of their actions, consequently, the sales of products will increase and the sponsors will do a lot of charity work more intensely to payback the society. For example, once I noticed an KFC advertisement promised that they will separate part of their sales revenue to help the children from poor families, and I was moved by that promise and became more preferable for KFC's products.
Admittedly, some disharmonious things such as violence,crime always appear in the movies, and will have bad influence on children. However, these things can be avoided by taking some measures, like parents' control and the advantages from movies always outweigh the disadvantages. Therefore, we can safely conclude that movies are worth watching not merely when they teach us something about the real life.
作者: margrate 时间: 2012-10-11 15:55
标题: 1010综合
综合 FROM MARGRATE
作者: bonnenuit 时间: 2012-10-14 20:34
10.14独立
The best way to improve the quality of education is to increase teachers ‘salaries’.
Nowadays, more and more parents prefer to sent their children to some preeminent schools for the high quality education rather than the common schools, leading the unbalanced development in educational industry. In order to avoid the unreasonable phenomenon, some measures should be taken to improve the quality of education in some common schools. Someone claims that the best way to improve the quality of education is to increase the teacher's salaries. However, I tend to disagree with that, and I will give several reasons to illustrate my view.
To begin with, it is groundless to attribute the poor quality of education to teacher's salaries. The teaching level of teachers vary as a result from their own educational backgrounds, concerns and experience. some well educational and experienced teachers can always find the proper ways to teach the students, communicate with the students, foster the students, and flexibly cope with difficulties with which the students come up. In addition, they always consider the education as their responsibility rather than the salaries, hence they are more easy to obtain respect from their students than some others do.
Furthermore, the quality of education is not only subject to the teacher's teaching level, but also to the facilities. Just as the the saying goes: one cannot make bricks without straw, a teacher cannot help the students better understand their subjects without any extra tools in spite of his or her outstanding teaching level. For example, without doing experiment in the lab, the students will not deep understand the physic and the chemistry, and it will be not easy for students to broaden their professional knowledge without additional material from the library. In order to improve the quality of education, the school should invest more on these facilities.
Admittedly, increasing salaries can positively motivate the teachers to devote themselves into teaching, however, not every teacher will experience the same consequence. For example, some teachers will gain more motivations and work harder than before by the high salaries, while someone just take the free ride and still do the same thing.
Therefore, we can safely conclude that increasing the salaries is not the best way to improve the quality of education, but the schools can achieve the goal by investing more on facilities, or by improving the teacher's teaching level.
作者: chengzaaaa 时间: 2012-10-14 22:35
说的不对的地方多包涵，指出讨论哈。共同进步~
作者: bonnenuit 时间: 2012-10-16 18:42
10.16独立写作
Should all school teachers be required to attend courses every 5 years to update their knowledge?
A lot of concepts and theories have been out of style and replaced by new ones, attributing to the rapid development of science and technology. Whether all school teachers should be required to attend courses every 5five years to update their knowledge is a controversial issue. As far as I concerned, I do not totally agree with this issue, privately, however, I reckon that the old teachers are more necessary than young teachers to attend such courses to renew their knowledge.
To begin with, the opportunities for young teachers are much more than those for old teachers. Since young teachers grow up in a circumstance where IT is highly developing and numerous high-tech products, such as computers, Televisions, have been introduced into their daily life, they are more easy to come into contact with new knowledge through Internet, TV news,magazines, even communicating with others. However, the old teachers own so few ways to achieve update knowledge except for the textbooks that their concepts and theories have been out of fashion, hence, it is necessary to organize them to attend courses every 5 years to update their knowledge.
Furthermore, the old teachers are not only subjected to the narrow ways to achieve updating knowledge, but also reluctant to accept new ideas. Due to the chronic influence of previous theories and concepts on them, old teachers always reveal too stubborn to take new knowledge in and feel puzzled about the new things. On the contrary, young teachers are much easier to accept updating ideas. They live in the environment where complex ideas mix together and information updates fastly, and they have to cultivate themselves' ability to accept new things to adapt to the competing circumstance.
Admittedly, old teachers have more experience in teaching than young teachers, even they are more flexible to cope with the difficulties with which the students come up. Nevertheless, a good teacher should help his or her students to equip with updating educational backgrounds to adapt to the new society. Therefore, the old teachers are more necessary to attend the courses every 5 years to update their knowledge than young teacher.
All in all, from the reason listed above, we can safely conclude that, not all teachers should take such courses every 5 year to update their knowledge.
作者: AnthonySummer 时间: 2012-10-17 21:44
10.16独立写作
Should all school teachers be required to attend courses every 5 years to update their knowledge?
A lot of concepts and theories have been out of style and replaced by new ones, attributing to the rapid development of science and technology. Whether all school teachers should be required to attend courses every 5five (five) years to update their knowledge is a controversial issue. As far as I concerned, I do not totally agree with this issue, privately, however, I reckon that the old teachers are more necessary than young teachers to attend such courses to renew their knowledge.
To begin with, the opportunities for young teachers are much more than those for old teachers. (可以简写：Younger teachers have more opportunities than older teachers’.) Since young teachers grow up in a circumstance where IT is highly developing and numerous high-tech products, such as computers, Televisions, have been introduced into their daily life, they are more easy (eaiser) to come into contact with new knowledge through Internet, TV news, magazines, even communicating with others. However, the old teachers own so few ways to achieve update knowledge except for the textbooks that their concepts and theories have been out of fashion, hence, it is necessary to organize them to attend courses every 5 years to update their knowledge.
Furthermore, the old teachers are not only subjected to the narrow ways to achieve updating knowledge, but also reluctant to accept new ideas. Due to the chronic influence of previous theories and concepts on them, old teachers always reveal too stubborn to take new knowledge in and feel puzzled about the new things. On the contrary, young teachers are much easier to accept updating ideas. They live in the environment where complex ideas mix together and information updates fastly(very faster), and they have to cultivate themselves' ability to accept new things to adapt to the competing circumstance.
Admittedly, old teachers have more experience in teaching than young teachers; even they are more flexible to cope with the difficulties with which the students come up. Nevertheless, a good teacher should help his or her students to equip with updating educational backgrounds to adapt to the new society. Therefore, the old teachers are more necessary to attend the courses every 5 years to update their knowledge than young teacher.
All in all, from the reason listed above, we can safely conclude that, not all teachers should take such courses every 5 year to update their knowledge.
总体写的不错，挑不出什么毛病~ 如果列子能够举得更丰富就更好了！就是感觉用一篇文章400多字就说的一个大问题有些简单~
作者: bonnenuit 时间: 2012-10-18 21:13
10.18独立
Should all school teachers be required to attend courses every 5 years to update their knowledge?
A lot of concepts and theories have been out of style and replaced by new ones, attributing to the rapid development of science and technology. Whether all school teachers should be required to attend courses every 5five years to update their knowledge is a controversial issue. As far as I concerned, I do not totally agree with this issue, privately, however, I reckon that the old teachers are more necessary than young teachers to attend such courses to renew their knowledge.
To begin with, the opportunities for young teachers are much more than those for old teachers. Since young teachers grow up in a circumstance where IT is highly developing and numerous high-tech products, such as computers, Televisions, have been introduced into their daily life, they are more easy to come into contact with new knowledge through Internet, TV news,magazines, even communicating with others. However, the old teachers own so few ways to achieve update knowledge except for the textbooks that their concepts and theories have been out of fashion, hence, it is necessary to organize them to attend courses every 5 years to update their knowledge.
Furthermore, the old teachers are not only subjected to the narrow ways to achieve updating knowledge, but also reluctant to accept new ideas. Due to the chronic influence of previous theories and concepts on them, old teachers always reveal too stubborn to take new knowledge in and feel puzzled about the new things. On the contrary, young teachers are much easier to accept updating ideas. They live in the environment where complex ideas mix together and information updates fastly, and they have to cultivate themselves' ability to accept new things to adapt to the competing circumstance.
Admittedly, old teachers have more experience in teaching than young teachers, even they are more flexible to cope with the difficulties with which the students come up. Nevertheless, a good teacher should help his or her students to equip with updating educational backgrounds to adapt to the new society. Therefore, the old teachers are more necessary to attend the courses every 5 years to update their knowledge than young teacher.
All in all, from the reason listed above, we can safely conclude that, not all teachers should take such courses every 5 year to update their knowledge.
作者: kiddy72 时间: 2012-10-19 21:59
A lot of concepts and theories have been out of style and replaced by new ones, attributing to the rapid development of science and technology. Whether all school teachers should be required to attend courses every 5five years to update their knowledge is a controversial issue. As far as I concerned, I do not totally agree with this issue, privately, however,这里用however好像有点影响你的立场 我看到后面才发现你是反对这个观点的 I reckon that the old teachers are more necessary than young teachers to attend such courses to renew their knowledge.
To begin with, the opportunities for young teachers are much more than those for old teachers. Since young teachers grow up in a circumstance where IT is highly developing and with numerous high-tech products, such as computers, Televisions, have been introduced into their daily life, they are more easy to come into contact with new knowledge through Internet, TV news,magazines, even communicating with others. 这句有点太长了 However, the old teachers own so few ways to achieve update knowledge except for the textbooks that their concepts and theories have been out of fashion, hence, it is necessary to organize them to attend courses every 5 years to update their knowledge.
Furthermore, the old teachers are not only subjected to the narrow ways to achieve updating knowledge, but also reluctant to accept new ideas. Due to the chronic influence of previous theories and concepts on them, old teachers always reveal too stubborn to take new knowledge in and feel puzzled about the new things. On the contrary, young teachers are much easier to accept updating ideas. They live in the environment where complex ideas mix together and information updates fastly, and they have to cultivate themselves' ability to accept new things to adapt to the competing circumstance.
Admittedly, old teachers have more experiences in teaching than young teachers, even they are more flexible to cope with the difficulties with which the students come up. Nevertheless, a good teacher should help his or her students to equip with updating educational backgrounds to adapt to the new society. Therefore, the old teachers are more necessary to attend the courses every 5 years to update their knowledge than young teacher.
All in all, from the reason listed above, we can safely conclude that, not all teachers should take such courses every 5 year to update their knowledge.
文章词汇挺丰富的～向你学习 但是个人觉得有点跑题啊 感觉好像是在比较年轻老师和年长的老师 两个分论点其实可以算作一个论点 个人观点 可以讨论哈～ 其实我觉得可以写两点不同意：1、老师经验的积累其实也是不断学习的过程 没必要教育了 2、通讯发达 了解知识渠道多 没必要教育 自己可以学
作者: bonnenuit 时间: 2012-10-19 22:21
do you agree that the best way for parents to make the children learn about responsibility is to have children care for an animal?
No one is born to make sense of the responsibility, hence, before their children can adapt to the reality, parents should find some proper ways to help their children cultivate various senses of responsibility, such as how to show love, care about others. Whether the best way for parents to make the children learn about responsibility is to have children care for animal is a controversial issue. As far as I concerned, I agree with that idea, and in order to better illustrate my perspective, I will give several reasons as follow.
To begin with, through caring for animals, children will find ways to show responsibility.During the process of getting along with animals, children try to make friends and communicate with their animals, and gradually they consider their animals as part of their life, consequently, they begin to care for animals, and learn to show love and care about others. Take me as example, when I was a little boy, I was reluctant contact with others. One day, my parents bought me a puppy as a gift. The puppy was so cute that I could help loving it, viewed it as my best friend and talked with it every day. The puppy also reacted with wagging its tail to show it love, and l realized that I should pay pack when others love me.
Further more, children not only will learn to show love and care about others through care for animals, but also will learn to take the responsibility to fulfill a promise..for example, when my parents gave me the little puppy, they also made me promise that I can take good care of the puppy, feed and walk it in time ever day. I kept the promise all the time, and it taught me that once I make a promise, I should keep my promise.
Admittedly, it is too rash to say that caring for animal will benefit every children. Not every child will experience the same consequence, for example, some children will learn little if they are afraid of the animals. Nevertheless, the advantages of caring for animals outweigh the disadvantages, and it is worthy to try.
All in all, from the reason listed above, we can conclude that caring an animal is the best way for parents to make the children learn about responsibility.
作者: bonnenuit 时间: 2012-10-21 20:04
1021独立写作
If you need to discuss upsetting or controversial problems with others, you will use e-mail or text
messaging, OR use the telephone or voice-messaging.
A lot of communication ways such as e-mail, text messaging, telephone, and voice- messaging have been introduced into people's daily life, attributing to the vast improvement of communication techniques and tools. Recently, a controversial option that You will use e-mail or text messaging, or use the telephone or voice-messaging when you need to discuss upsetting or debatable problems with others has given rise to people. As far as I concerned, I firmly prefer to use e-mail or text messaging to convey my ideas to others.
To begin with, it will be more straightforward and excise for you to express perspective by using e-mail or text messaging. Sometimes, straightforward words will embarrass the listener so that it makes the speaker feel too awkward to say it out, and the speaker has to find some other alternative words, leading to the distortion of original ideas. However, the words that precisely delivered by e-mails or text messaging will efficiently reduce the awkwardness, and better boost the communication between both sides. For example, it is a very common phenomenon that more and more employers use e-mail to communicate with their employees, even some employers use the e-mails to inform the employees that they are not qualified for their positions and get fired.
Furthermore, e-mail and text messaging not only will help you express your ideas precisely, but also will help you conceal your inner emotions. It is inevitable that the fierce debate on upsetting or controversial problems will put you into bad temper, which will worse the situations. Nevertheless, the e-mail or text messaging will help you convey your ideas without your emotions. For example, once I calmly debated with my partner about a controversial problem through e-mail. His ridiculous ideas really drove my crazy, if we talked about this on the telephone, I would lose my temper and yell at him, then I might ruin our relationships.
Admittedly, the communication will be delayed by using e-mail or text messaging, and bring more inconvenience to two sides. However, we can think twice and revise our perspectives before we draw the final conclusions.
In in all, from the reason listed above, I conclude that we'd better use the e-mail or text messaging if we need to discuss upsetting or controversial problems with others.
作者: 陈喵喵holdon 时间: 2012-10-22 10:35
1021独立写作
If you need to discuss upsetting or controversial problems with others, you will use e-mail or text
messaging, OR use the telephone or voice-messaging.
A lot of communication ways such as e-mail, text messaging, telephone, and voice- messaging have been introduced into people's daily life, attributing to the vast improvement of communication techniques and tools. Recently, a controversial option that You will use e-mail or text messaging, or use the telephone or voice-messaging when you need to discuss upsetting or debatable problems with others has given rise to people. As far as I concerned(as far as I am concerned), I firmly prefer to use e-mail or text messaging to convey my ideas to others.
To begin with, it will be more straightforward and excise(这个excise用在这是?) for you to express perspective by using e-mail or text messaging. Sometimes, straightforward words will embarrass the listener so that it makes the speaker feel too awkward to say it out, and the speaker has to find some other alternative words, leading to the distortion of original ideas. However, the words that precisely delivered by e-mails or text messaging will efficiently reduce the awkwardness, and better boost the communication between both sides. For example, it is a very common phenomenon that more and more(之前有老师说一个more就够了,more and more不太正式)employers use e-mail to communicate with their employees, even some employers use the e-mails to inform the employees that they are not qualified for their positions and get fired.
Furthermore, e-mail and text messaging not only will help you express your ideas precisely, but also will help you conceal your inner emotions. It is inevitable that the fierce debate on upsetting or controversial problems will put you into bad temper, which will worse(worsen) the situations. Nevertheless, the e-mail or text messaging will help you convey your ideas without your emotions. For example, once I calmly debated with my partner about a controversial problem(最好把problem具体指出来?) through e-mail. His ridiculous ideas really drove my(me?) crazy, if we talked about this on the telephone, I would lose my temper and yell at him, then I might ruin our relationships.
Admittedly, the communication will be delayed by using e-mail or text messaging, and bring more inconvenience to two sides. However, we can think twice and revise our perspectives before we draw the final conclusions.(让步很有道理诶)
In in all(in all?all in all?), from the reason listed above, I conclude that we'd better use the e-mail or text messaging if we need to discuss upsetting or controversial problems with others.
-- by 会员 bonnenuit (2012/10/21 20:04:05)
语言很简单明了，表达意思很明白，例子也举的很恰当。
缺点的话感觉有些动词词组可以用单个动词词汇表达，显得更正式一点。
结尾如果简单总结下上文理由就更好啦。
Good Luck~
作者: kiddy72 时间: 2012-10-24 21:55
do you agree that the best way for parents to make the children learn about responsibility is to have children care for an animal?
No one is born to make sense of the responsibility, hence, 连插入两个感觉怪怪的 用for/since之类的吧before their children can adapt to the reality, parents should find some proper ways to help their children cultivate various senses of responsibility, such as how to show love and care about others. Whether the best way for parents to make the children learn about responsibility is to have children care for animal is a controversial issue. 这句用主语从句比较好 助于太长了As far as I concerned, I agree with that idea, 另起一句吧 和前面其实没什么联系 and in order to better illustrate my perspective, I will give several reasons as follow.
To begin with, through caring for animals, children will find ways to show responsibility.During the process of getting along with animals, children try to make friends and communicate with their animals, and gradually they consider their animals as part of their life, 另起一句吧～consequently, they begin to care for animals, and learn to show love and care about others. Take me as example, when I was a little boy, I was reluctant in contact with others. One day, my parents bought me a puppy as a gift. The puppy was so cute that I couldn't help loving it, viewedviewing it as my best friend and talkedtalking with it every day. The puppy also reacted with wagging its tail to show it love, and l realized that I should pay pack when others love me.厄 看你的例子感觉是puppy pay back你 不太明白这个是怎么回事
Further more, children not only will learn to show love and care about others through taking care forof animals, but also will learn to take the responsibility to fulfill a promise.will放在not only 前面 用一个就ok了.for example, when my parents gave me the little puppy, they also made me promise that I can take good care of the puppy可以用it指代, to feed and walk it in time ever day. I kept the promise all the time, and it taught me that once I make a promise, I should keep my promise指代～.
Admittedly, it is too rash to say that caring for animal will benefit every children. Not every child will experience the same consequence,断句～ for example, some children will learn little if they are afraid of the animals. Nevertheless, the advantages of caring for animals outweigh the disadvantages, and it is worthy to try.
All in all, from the reason listed above, we can conclude that caring an animal is the best way for parents to make the children learn about responsibility.
先和楼主道歉 我今天才看到你给我的留言 不知道还来不来得及给你改的～
文章的话整体还是不错的～但有一些小语法错误 而且用好多and 我也老爱这样子 共勉哈～
作者: bonnenuit 时间: 2012-10-27 20:25
1027 独立写作
Patience is usually not a good strategy. We should take action now rather than later
We were always taught that patience will bring the best outcomes when we were kids, our parents and teachers encouraged us to wait patiently for the coming opportunities. However, it turns out that the opportunity always come to visit someone who take action immediately. A controversial issue that people should wait for the chance patiently or take action to seek for opportunity has given risen to us. As far as I concerned, I firmly believe that we should take action now rather than later.
To begin with, many facts has proved that the opportunity have a preference for a active one. As opportunity will not always be there for you, you should take action as soon as possible. I learned it from my own experience when I worked in a financial institution. Once I was appointed to search after 20 potential customers for the institution in one week, and I decided to stay in my office and wait for the customers patiently. As several days passed, I got none and the coming deadline forced me to change my strategy. Some experienced colleagues advised me that I should look for customers outside on my own rather than wait for the customers to find me. Then I took their advices, and achieved my goal before the deadline.
Further more, you should take action immediately to prevent the opportunity slip away from your hands, because opportunity always come to meet and leave you silently, and never come back again. For example, an excellent investor not only are sensitive to the tiny changes of the market, but also able to make the right decision and take action quickly at the proper time. Otherwise he may regret losing the best chance or suffer a lot of loss due to his hesitation.
Admittedly, patience is an important and necessary character for everyone, and we also cannot deny that the patience really work out in some special circumstance. However, taking the same strategy will not guarantee you the same consequence.
All in all, from the reason listed above, we can conclude that patience is not always a good strategy, andwe should take action now rather than later.
作者: xiaoshuo199183 时间: 2012-10-27 22:31
1027 独立写作
Patience is usually not a good strategy. We should take action now rather than later
We were always taught that patience will bring the best outcomes when（这里把when改成since会不会更好一点？因为你前面用了always，这样更能体现出我们受这种观点影响很深远，不过用when也不错~） we were kids, our parents and teachers encouraged us to wait patiently for the coming opportunities. However, it turns out that the opportunity always come to visit someone who take action immediately. A controversial issue that people should wait for the chance patiently or take action（加上instantly）to seek for opportunity has given risen to us. As far as I （少了am）concerned, I firmly believe that we should take action now rather than later.
To begin with, many facts has proved（have proved) that the opportunity(改成复数） have a preference for a（an） active one（这里one指代不明，改成person吧）. As opportunity will not always be there for you, you should take action as soon as possible. I learned it from my own experience when I worked in a financial institution. Once I was appointed to search after 20 potential customers for the institution in one week, and I decided to stay in my office and wait（waited） for the customers patiently. As several days passed, I got none and the coming deadline forced me to change my strategy. Some experienced colleagues advised me that I should look for customers outside（这里outside可以去掉） on my own rather than（改成instead of更好一点） wait for the customers to find me. Then I took their advices, and achieved my goal before the deadline.
Further more, you should take action immediately to prevent the opportunity（prevent from） slip away from your hands, because opportunity always come to meet and leave you silently, and never come back again. For example, an excellent investor not only are sensitive to the tiny changes of the market, but also able to make the right decision and take action quickly at the proper time. Otherwise he may regret losing the best chance or suffer（suffering，和losing构成并列结构） a lot of loss due to his hesitation.
Admittedly, patience is an important and necessary character（用character好像不太合适） for everyone, and we also cannot deny that the patience really work out in some special circumstance（circumstances）. However, taking the same strategy will not guarantee you the same consequence.（这句是想表达什么？）
All in all, from the reason listed above, we can conclude that patience is not always a good strategy, andwe should take action now rather than later.
-- by 会员 bonnenuit (2012/10/27 20:25:40)
结构还不错，但是有些句子流畅度还可以提高，多积累一些固定搭配。注意单复数（一定不要在小地方犯错啊，我也经常会犯，咱都多注意）~加油！可能我改的也有不妥的地方，多多沟通~
作者: bonnenuit 时间: 2012-10-29 21:01
1029独立
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Governments should focus its budgets more on environmental protection than on economic development
Nowadays, people are more aware of the significance of environmental protection when the various pollutions ,such as noisy pollution, industrial pollution, appear frequently around us. A controversial issue about whether governments should focus its budgets more on environmental protection than on economical development has given rise to us, people's views toward this topic vary as a result from their different backgrounds and concerns. As far as I am concerned, I firmly believe that government should spend more budgets on economical development than on environmental protection.
To begin with, economical development is always the prerequisite of other activities. The more budgets are spent on economical development, the better economical circumstances and people's living standard will take place. People get well educated, subsequently become more aware of the importance of environment, and are more willing to devote themselves into the environmental protection. On the contrary, people always reveal selfish and take themselves' interests into consideration at first rather than the public interests when they are in inferior economical circumstance, and it will become more difficult for government to carry out the environmental protection.
Furthermore, not only will the economical development help carry out the environment protection, but also more investments and technology will be introduced into the environmental protection. For example, the governments can separate part of the budgets to assist the scientists to study and invent advanced and environmental facilities. Consequently, these facilities will be introduced to help enterprises to reduce the pollution and protect the environment. Moreover, more investments and advanced technology will make it more easier for people to cope with the pollution.
Admittedly, the environment in some places is devastated gradually, and people's lives there are in danger. Hence, some measures should be taken immediately to recover the environment before the pollution bring more damage to people.
All in all, from the reasons listed above, we can safely conclude that Governments should focus its budgets more on environmental protection than on economic development
作者: lmylacoste 时间: 2012-10-30 15:13
Nowadays, people are more aware of the significance of environmental protection when the various pollutions , such as noisy pollution, industrial pollution（建议：pollution用了太多了，可以试着秀秀单词量如waste，sewage，contamination，pollution用多了不好看呢）, appear frequently around us. A controversial issue about whether governments should focus its budgets more on environmental protection than on economical development（应该是economic development，下文都是哦，不再赘述了，看清题目啊）has given rise to（""表示好词哈，是导致引起的意思，放在单独在这里意思不太合适，可以说has given rise to a lot of heated discussion which we are being surrounded by us等等）us,（连词啊，两句句子呢）people's views toward this topic vary as a result from their different backgrounds and concerns.(我非常理解你的意思，但是。。这样应该意思更清楚：the various views held by people is resulted from …改法多样，意会即可，但是原句看着有点别扭) As far as I am concerned, I firmly believe（believe不太贴切吧。。相信一个观点？应该用认为会好些可以用insist on the point,tend to the view等等） that government should spend more budgets on economical development than on environmental protection.（没有paraphrase哦，没有加分了。。，可以不要than on environmental protection，然后举例，感觉比copy好，不知你意下如何）
To begin with, economical development is always the prerequisite（好词） of other activities. The more budgets are spent on economical development, the better economical circumstances and people's living standard will take place（中文意思没错，但是就是。。单一个be就好）. People （will表可能性）get well educated, subsequently become more aware of the importance of environment, and are more willing to devote themselves into the environmental protection. On the contrary, people （alwaysàwill 感觉通一点，will用了两次了，最好能用别的词，但我找不到更好的，可以一同讨论下） reveal（reveal是揭示的意思，上下文是表现的意思吧，给你个词assume参考下吧eg. During the last half of the nineteenth century, Columbia rapidly assumed the shape of a modern university） selfish（reveal及物用名词selfishness吧） and take themselves' interests into consideration at first rather than the public interests when they are in inferior economical circumstance(意思了解，但是这样会不会好一点when they are inferior to economical circumstance), and it will become more difficult for government to carry out the environmental protection.
Furthermore, not only will the economical development help carry out the environment protection, but also more investments and technology will be introduced into the environmental protection. For example, the governments can separate part of the budgets to assist the scientists to study and invent advanced and environmental facilities. Consequently, these facilities will be introduced to help enterprises to reduce the pollution and protect the environment. Moreover, more investments and advanced technology will make it more (应为much)easier for people to cope with the pollution.
这一段我没能看出来你的观点government should spend more budgets on economical development
因为你整段都在写能够帮助environment protection的investments，technology and facilities.
所以你要做的，是将investments，technology and facilities.和economical development联系起来
economic developmentà investments，technology and facilitiesà environment protection 更好
这才是论点，这样还是演绎推理
Admittedly, the environment in some places is devastated gradually, and people's lives there are in danger. Hence, some measures should be taken immediately to recover the environment before the pollution bring more damage to people. 写的太单薄了，eg，statistics，self-example丢上去
All in all, from the reasons listed above, we can safely conclude that Governments should focus its budgets more on environmental protection than on economic development
额，石化了。。论点。。为为什么不一样啊
论点：that government should spend more budgets on economical development than on environmental protection.
总结：
内容详实，用词句式多样
个别词，句表达的意思不很到位
结构清晰，但是内容丰富程度上不均匀
论点怎么可以不一样！
附：看了你今天的批改，有两个问题，麻烦再给点解答哦~
作者: bonnenuit 时间: 2012-11-2 21:03
11.2独立写作
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People should buy things made in their own country; even the price is higher than same things made somewhere else.
The competitions in the international markets become more fierce, and enterprises take various measures and advantages to occupy more shares of the market to increase their sales and profits. Some people claim that people should buy things made in their own country, even the price is higher than same things made somewhere else. As far as I am concerned, I think the prior assert will fail to achieve its goal. I will give several reasons to support my view.
To begin with, people always have a preference for cheaper things. An investigation has been conducted by a social-behavior research team, discovering that more than 75 percent of consumers still take the price of goods into consideration at the first place when they are consuming. It is a true fact that we always choose the cheaper ones when items are at the same or approximate conditions, seldomly think about, even regardless of where they are made from. At least for me, I usually check the price tag first, then evaluate the value of the goods, and make the final decision. Therefore, the country of original plays a part during the process of making decision.
Furthermore, the higher price does not stand for the higher quality. The last thing all the consumers want to do is buy the inferior goods despite of the higher price. Restricted to some technologies, it makes many domestic enterprises difficult to manufactory high quality items, resulting in losing their competition in their fields and the shares of markets are deprived by other exotic enterprise.
Admittedly, the domestic industries make tremendous contributions to our national GDP, and the government should protect them from being replaced by exotic enterprises in the markets by encouraging the people to buy things made in their own country. However, this protections will discourage the domestic enterprises to make any improvements on their own technologies when they enjoy the benefits, and it is unfair for consumers to undertake the higher price.
All in all, from the reasons listed above, we can safely conclude that it is not a good suggestion that people should buy things made in their own country; even the price is higher than same things made somewhere else.
作者: bonnenuit 时间: 2012-11-3 20:58
11.3独立写作
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People today would be happier if they had fewer possessions.
Nowadays, the living standards have been tremendously improved and people deposit a myriad of possessions, those attribute to the great progresses have been achieved in society and noticeable development in science. A controversial issue about whether people today would be happier if they had fewer possessions has given rise to a heated discussion. Various views held by people are resulted from their own different backgrounds and concerns. As far as I am concerned, I tend to agree with that people would be more satisfied with the situation when they had fewer possessions.
To begin with, with fewer possessions, people would not be distracted by various financial problems. According to an investigation, more than 60 percent people still struggle with various economical problems, such as the loans, debts, expenses, and fees for raising and educating children. They have to work hard, even do another part-time job to fix up the difficulties. If people were free from these problems, the burdens on people's shoulders would be less heavier, and they would enjoy the life more than they do in the real lives.
Furthermore, not only would there be less the financial problems people confront with, but also people could obtain respect equally from others, if people had fewer possessions. An strange phenomenon does exist in the society that whether you can get respect up to the possessions you have. For example, the rich enterpriser is more easy to get respect and be recognized by the society than an normal employee. If people would not judge someone according to the possession he had, the discrimination would be eliminated.
Admittedly, people live and struggle in the world are to realize their values, and the most direct way to show their achievements is how much possessions they can deposit. However, most of them have to pay a lot of effort and sweat to achieve their goals. At the sam time, numerous pain, difficulties, and unhappiness are given rise during the process.
All in all, from the reasons listed above, we can safely conclude that people would be more happier if they had fewer possessions.
作者: lmylacoste 时间: 2012-11-3 22:38
The competitions in the international markets become more(强调变化，最好用more and more 或者increasingly）fierce, and enterprises take various measures and advantages to occupy more shares of the market to increase their sales and profits. Some people claim that people should buy things made in their own country, even the price is higher than （感觉这里加个the比较好）same things made somewhere else. As far as I am concerned, I think the prior assert（是指之前的断言吗？这个词组好像不怎么常见，而且assert是动词，可以this assertion，因为也只有一种观点，用代词更清晰，可讨论！）will fail to achieve its goal. I will give several reasons to support my view.
To begin with, people always have a preference for cheaper things. An investigation has been conducted by a social-behavior research team, discovering that more than 75 percent of consumers still take the price of goods into consideration at the first place（理解意思，感觉这句话有点别扭可以直接consideration above all 求讨论！！！）when they are consuming. It is a true fact that we always choose the cheaper ones when items are at the same or approximate conditions, seldomly think about(thinking about 要么加and）, even regardless of where they are made from（the place which thery are made from,from where 是不对的，where是副词）. At least for me, I usually check the price tag first, then evaluate the value of the goods, and make the final decision. Therefore, the country of origina（应该是名词） plays a （最好加little）part during the process of making decision.
Furthermore, the higher price does not stand for the higher quality. The last thing all the consumers want to do is buy（to buy) the inferior goods despite of(despite不加of，inspite of,而且用转折似乎逻辑不通，用递进比较好 even with)the higher price. Restricted to some technologies, it makes many domestic enterprises difficult to manufactory high quality items, （这句话it指代的是technologies吧，分词修饰有点问题感觉，求讨论！！！）resulting in losing their competition in their fields and the shares of markets （加which）are deprived by other exotic enterprise.
Admittedly, the domestic industries make tremendous contributions to our national GDP, and the government should protect them from being replaced by exotic enterprises in the markets by encouraging the people to buy things made in their own country. However, this protections will discourage the domestic enterprises to make any improvements on their own technologies when they enjoy the benefits, and it is unfair for consumers to undertake the higher price.
All in all, from the reasons listed above, we can safely conclude that it is not a good suggestion that people should buy things made in their own country; even the price is higher than same things made somewhere else.
1，用词不错，多样，exotic代替外国我觉得不错，但是也许不那么精准，它强调奇异的
作者: lmylacoste 时间: 2012-11-3 23:06
标题: lmylacoste问题请教，望回
我是lmylacoste，同学谢谢你的修改，我有两个问题能否不吝赐教
1.根据G的语法，which 和that 都是不能指代一句话的，应该用分词，求讨论！！！！
2.根据G的语法，代词指代一致性，也就是说，代词指代对象一致
eg.Japanese are loving their own country so that they are loyal to their domestic products since they have the confidence in the quality of commodities and buying the products is a good way to illustrate their patriotic spirit.
their~they 所以应该没有指代错误哈，求讨论！！！
作者: 陈喵喵holdon 时间: 2012-11-4 18:25
11.3独立写作
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People today would be happier if they had fewer possessions.
Nowadays, the living standards have been tremendously improved and people deposit a myriad of possessions, those attribute to the great progresses have been achieved in society and noticeable development in science. A controversial issue about whether people today would be happier if they had fewer possessions has given rise to a heated discussion. Various views held by people are resulted from their own different backgrounds and concerns. As far as I am concerned, I tend to agree with that people would be more satisfied with the situation when they had fewer possessions.
To begin with, with fewer possessions, people would not be distracted by various financial problems. According to an investigation(是不是应该具体化一下investigation?), more than 60 percent people still struggle with various economical problems, such as the loans, debts, expenses, and fees for raising and educating children. They have to work hard, even do another part-time job to fix up the difficulties. If people were free from these problems, the burdens on people's shoulders would be less heavier, and they would enjoy the life more than they do in the real lives.
Furthermore, not only would there be less the financial problems people confront with, but also people could obtain respect equally from others, if people had fewer possessions. An(A) strange phenomenon does exist in the society that whether you can get respect up to the possessions you have. For example, the rich enterpriser is more easy to get respect(respected?) and be recognized by the society than an normal employee. If people would not judge someone according to the possession he had, the discrimination would be eliminated.
Admittedly, people live and struggle in the world are to realize their values, and the most direct way to show their achievements is how much(many) possessions they can deposit. However, most of them have to pay a lot of effort(efforts可数) and sweat to achieve their goals. At the sam time, numerous pain, difficulties, and unhappiness are given rise during the process.
All in all, from the reasons listed above, we can safely conclude that people would be more happier if they had fewer possessions.
-- by 会员 bonnenuit (2012/11/3 20:58:31)
读起来很流畅
觉得理由还不够有说服力
作者: bonnenuit 时间: 2012-11-5 20:47
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? In the past, it was easier for people to identify what types of career or job would lead to a secure, successful future
Nowadays, millions of graduates are ready to enter into the society, however, part of them are still have difficulties in addressing what types of career or job that they desire for. Recently, some claim that it was easier for people to identify what kinds of career or job would lead to a secure, successful future in the past. As far as I am concerned, I tend to agree with that it becomes uncertain for people to address their future goals.
To begin with, various jobs or careers with specific requirements are created. In the past, one person could be qualified for many jobs as the jobs were easy to manage and little professional skills or knowledge were required. For example, I heard from the old generations that in the past, anyone who had learned math or was good at math could work as an accountant and cashier at the same time. Nowadays, more specific jobs are created attributing to the development of industries and society, and employees with profession skills are necessary. An accountants work as accountant, while a cashier works as a cashier, neither can cross his area.
Further more, more X-factors exist in the contemporary age than those in the past. The rapid development of science and society not only has benefit the world with the introduction of advanced products and perfect systems, but it also has given risen to a lot of uncertain factors and risks. For example, the intense competition in the same position makes it more unclear for people's future career. An qualified one have to equip with more extraordinary stuffs to defend his position, or he will be taken place by other challengers.
Admittedly, people also had difficulties finding a desirable career or jobs subject to the few options that were available for them. However, it was relatively easier for people to identify what types of career or job would lead to a bright future just by following the precious patterns or take the advices from successful people.
All in all, from the reason listed above, we can safely conclude that In the past, it was easier for people to identify what types of career or job would lead to a secure, successful future.
作者: bonnenuit 时间: 2012-11-6 20:13
11.6独立
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The way of a person’s dress is an indication of his or her personality or character.
We always can learn from the fairy tale that a evil heat underneath the fox's gorgeous fur. Recently, a controversial issue about whether the way of a person's dress is an indication of his or her personality or character has given rise to a lot of heated discussion. The various views held by people is resulted from their different backgrounds and concerns. As far as concerned, I tend to agree with that the ways of a person's dress does not stand for his inner heart.
To begin with, there are no straightforward connections between what a person dress and his or her personality or character. It is too rash to judge a person solely through his or her appearance as his or her personality or character is determined by many factors, such as backgrounds, education, and so on. I will take my experience as an example. Once I was appointed to meet with a new client. Two men from different ages but wore the same uniform came in when I was waiting in the meeting room. I was told that the client would come with his secretary before, however, I really had no ideas what the client looks like. I just naturally thought the old one should be the client that I was going to meet with but it turned out that the young man was the client that I should meet with rather than the old one.
Furthermore, the way of a person's dress is to achieve its special purpose rather than to display his or her personality or character. For example, we always dress tidily when we are having a interview so that we can show great respect to the interviewer and impress them. However, the interviewer get to know our personalities and characters during the process of communicating. Another example is that some people dress uniquely to attract the attention from others, such as singers and movie stars.
Admittedly, we may discovery a lot of clues about a person's personality or characters from the way of his or her dress. For example, we can learn that a neat and tidy person alway put on the neat and tidy dress. However, in order to get well know about a person, we should do more than look at the way of a person's dress.
All in all, from the reason listed above we can safely conclude that the ways of a person's dress does not stand for his inner heart.
作者: lmylacoste 时间: 2012-11-6 21:44
Nowadays, millions of graduates are ready to enter into the society, however,（它不是连词不能连接句子） part of them are still have difficulties in addressing what types of career or job that they desire （vt）for. Recently, some claim that it was easier for people to identify what kinds of career or job would lead to a secure, successful future in the past. As far as I am concerned, I tend to agree with that it becomes uncertain for people to address their future goals.
To begin with, various jobs or careers with specific requirements are created. In the past, one person could be qualified for many jobs as the jobs were easy to manage and little professional skills or knowledge were required. For example, I heard from the old generations that in the past, anyone who had learned math or was good at math could work as an accountant and cashier at the same time（理解意思，不过可以说could easily get a job as an accountant and cashier,求讨论！）. Nowadays, more specific jobs are created attributing to the development of industries and society, and employees with profession skills are necessary（我觉得it is necessary for employees to master professional skills比较好）. An accountant works as accountant, while a cashier works as a cashier, neither can cross his area.
Further more, more X-factors exist in the contemporary age than those in the past. The rapid development of science and society not only has benefited the world with the introduction of advanced products and perfect systems, but it also has given rise to a lot of uncertain factors and risks. For example, the intense competition in(for) the same position makes it more unclear for people's future career. An qualified one have to equip(vt) with more extraordinary stuffs to defend his position, or he will be taken place by other challengers.
Admittedly, people also had difficulties finding a desirable career or jobs subject to the few options that were available for（to） them. However, it was relatively easier for people to identify what types of career or job would lead to a bright future just by following the precious patterns or take the advices from successful people.
All in all, from the reason listed above, we can safely conclude that In the past, it was easier for people to identify what types of career or job would lead to a secure, successful future.
总结
语言运用到位，观点清晰
字数偏少
作者: bonnenuit 时间: 2012-11-7 20:36
11.7独立
College or University should offer more preparation before they start working
Recently, an investigation has been conducted by a social matter research team, discovering that almost three million Chinese graduates are still waiting to be employed after they leave school. The huge number shocks everyone, and some blame this on the absence of preparation before the students start working offered by college or university. As far as I am concerned, I tend to agree with that college or university should pay more attention to help student with better preparation for entering the society.
To begin with, the advices from the career guidance are really practical and significant for students. Although they have accumulated numerous knowledge in their brain and possessed necessary skills for surviving, the students seems like a paper without written and are still know little about the society due to the limited experience. However, the advices from the career guidance act like a lighter in the darkness to lead them to the right way. I will take my experience as an example. I felt really confused about my future when I just graduated from my university, and I did not know what kind of job was suit for me and how I could address myself into the society. I had to ask MR CHEN, the teacher in the career guidance, for help. I explained my situation to him, and then he gave a lot of practical suggestions to me, which help me find my way consequently.
Furthermore, not only can the students better know about the themselves, what they want under the guidance, but also they can better know about the new environment with the help from career guidance. After they have found their ways, another problem the students have to confront with is that how to devote themselves into their careers. Recently, it is very common to see that a growing number of students switch their jobs to other realms and later on go back on the previous industries. Failing to meet the employers' requirement may be one explanation, but more importantly, they all acknowledged that they lack necessarily preparation and information before entering to a new career. If given a better job preparation, this kind of situation could be less serious.
Admittedly, some argue that searching for jobs and get well prepared are the students own responsibility, it does not mean that the college or university have nothing to with that. A study has show that Students with more guidance to their career always performance better than those who have nothing do. All in all, from the reason listed above we can safely conclude that college or university should offer more preparations to students before they start working.
作者: AnthonySummer 时间: 2012-11-7 21:47
11.6独立
粉红色拼写错误橘红色语法错误（谓语搭配单复数问题、固定搭配、空格多空了一格、逗号句号用错了）红色其他错误黄色精彩句子蓝色建议修改（个人建议，不对的地方多多指教啊）
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The way of a person's dress is an indication of his or her personality or character.
We always can learn from the fairy tale that an evil heat underneath the fox's gorgeous fur. Recently, a controversial issue about whether the way of a person's dress is an indication of his or her personality or character has given rise to a lot of heated discussion. The various views held by people are resulted from their different backgrounds and concerns. As far as concerned, I tend to agree with that the ways of a person's dress does not stand for his inner heart.
To begin with, there are no straightforward connections between what a person dress and his or her personality or character. It is too rash to judge a person solely through his or her appearance as his or her personality or character is determined by many factors, such as backgrounds, education, and so on. I will take my experience as an example. Once I was appointed to meet with a new client. Two men from different ages but wore the same uniform came in when I was waiting in the meeting room. I was told that the client would come with his secretary before, however, I really had no ideas what the client looks like. I just naturally thought the old one should be the client that I was going to meet with but it turned out that the young man was the client that I should meet with rather than the old one. (這個列子的目的是什麽感覺不明顯,最後結尾最好補充一下你的主題)
Furthermore, the way of a person's dress is to achieve its special purpose rather than to display his or her personality or character. （開頭句很不錯！） For example, we always dress tidily when we are having an interview so that we can show great respect to the interviewer and impress them. However, the interviewer gets to know our personalities and characters during the process of communicating. Another example is that some people dress uniquely to attract the attention from others, such as singers and movie stars.
Admittedly, we may discover a lot of clues about a person's personality or characters from the way of his or her dress. For example, we can learn that a neat and tidy person always put on the neat and tidy dress. However, in order to get well know about a person, we should do more than look at the way of a person's dress. （這段意思不明顯，一下子沒明白和主題是什麽意思）
All in all, from the reason listed above we can safely conclude that the ways of a person's dress does not stand for his inner heart.
寫的非常簡潔明瞭，有幾段主題不是很明顯，感覺全篇文章比較平淡，最好來點精彩的句子加以點綴。加油吧！
作者: bonnenuit 时间: 2012-11-12 21:03
11.12 综合写作
In the lecture, the professor is skeptical about the idea of the idea of the reading passage that the 70-million-year-old fissile of T.red might still contain remains of the actual tissues of the animal. The professor argues that the materials revealed inside the T.rex leg bone might not be the remains of blood vessels, red blood cells, and collagen matrix.
In the reading passage,the presence of a soft,flexible organic substance inside the channels of fossilized leg bone nay very well represent the remains of the actual blood vessels of T.rex. On the contrary, the professor says that the soft, flexible organic substance is not necessary the remains of the actual blood vessel, but it may be something else. For example, the bacterian will live in the hollow and empty the bone after the animal die. What's more, the bacteria will leave behind the trace of organic tissues. Hence, the soft substance may be left by bacteria.
The professor then opposes reading's idea that the presence of sphere could be the remain of red blood cells by stating that the sphere are also found in some other animals, include those without blood cells.
Finally, the professor disapprove the reading's idea that collagen found in the leg bone is exactly the kind of biochemical material that one would expect to find in association with bone tissue. The professor points out that the collagen cannot last more than one hundred thousand years, however the fossil is 70-million-year-old, therefore the collage may come from other resource, for example it may come from the human who touched it
作者: amissrosa 时间: 2012-11-13 14:16
11.12 綜合 TPO24 改
橘色建議 紅色錯誤
In the lecture, theprofessor is skeptical about the ideas of the idea of the reading passage that the 70-million-year-old fissile fossils of T.redx might still contain remains ofthe actual tissues of the animal. The professor argues that the materialsrevealed inside the T.rex’s leg bone might not be the remains of blood vessels, red blood cells,and collagen matrix.
In the reading passage, the presence of a soft, flexible organicsubstance inside the channels of fossilized leg bone may very well represent the remainsof the actual blood vessels of T.rex. On the contrary, the professor says thatthe soft, flexible organic substance is not necessary the remains of the actualblood vessel, but it may be somethingelse. For example, the bacteria will live in the hollow and empty the boneafter the animal die. What's more, the bacteria will leave behind the trace oforganic tissues. Hence, the soft substance may be left by bacteria.
前辈记得好多听力的details喔!!赞!!
The professor then opposes the reading's idea that the presence of sphere could be the remain of red blood cellsby stating that the sphere are also found in some other animals, include those without bloodcells (and some of these animal lives without read blood cells).
为了让文章看起来漂亮,建议每段篇幅尽量扯到差不多字数,可以用些转承词重述教授的论点,这样在时间内也能让篇幅变长. 这段少提到教授认为T-rexsphere可能只是reddishmineral.
Finally, the professor disapprove the reading's idea that collagen foundin the leg bone is exactly the kind of biochemical material that one wouldexpect to find in association with bone tissue. The professor points out thatthe collagen cannot last more than one hundred thousand years, ; however, the T-rex fossil is70-million-year-old, therefore the collagen may come from other resource,; for example, it may come fromthe human who touched it(the fossil)
第一段听力的detail足够,但二三段的细节稍嫌不足,再接再厉,会越写越好的!
作者: bonnenuit 时间: 2012-11-13 20:43
11.13综合tpo23
In the lecture, the professor is skeptical about the several hypothesis to explain the decline of population of the yellow cedar. The professor argues that these hypotheses are not valid enough, the explanation still remain unknown.
In the reading passage, one hypothesis is that the insect parasites cause the yellow cedar decline,specially the cedar bark beetle, which is known to attack cedar trees and whose larvae eat the wood. On the contrary, the professor says that, the insect parasite is not the cause. the cedar tree is much more resistant to insect parasites than other species of trees, and it also can produce a kind of powerful chemical materials,which can poison the insects.
The professor then opposes the second hypothesis attributes the decline to brown bears, by stating that the decline of yellow cedar cover from the North America to the South America, no matter on the mainlands or islands. However, the populations of yellow cedar declines in the islands, in which no brown bear lives at the same time.
Finally, the professor disapprove the third hypothesis that gradual changes of climate may be to blame. The trees in high latitude are more likely to suffer from the damage from freezing, and get killed in winter than the trees in low latitude do, where the climate is more mild. In fact, more cedar trees in low latitude are killed.so the gradual change of climate cannot explain the decline.
作者: bonnenuit 时间: 2012-11-13 21:31
11.13独立写作Some people think university professors should spend more time doing research while others think they should spend more time educating students. What is your view?
Some people think university professors should spend more time doing research while others think they should spend more time educating students. What is your view?
The professor should spend more time doing research or they should spend more time educating students is a heated topic discussed by people. Various views are held by people are resulted from their different backgrounds and concerns. As far as I am concerned, I tend to agree with that the professor should put the research in the first place. I will give several reason as follow.
To begin with, the professor can make more contribution to the society by doing research than by educating students. Nowadays, the society has encounter many difficulties, such as how to cure the cancer, how to slow down the process of global warming. The professor should take time to cope with these problems in the lab rather than in the classroom. If the professor make some breakthrough on the research, it will make difference to millions worldwide.
Further more, if a professor's research is successful, it may benefit the university and the students in two ways. First, the university will receiver more grants and funding to continue with further research. This money can be utilized to improve the facilities, benefiting the students who use these facilities. Secondly, recognition of the research will improve the reputation and standing of the university, and make students proud of their school's achievements.
Moreover, a professor who continues with his or research is more aware of recent developments and place themselves at the forefront of the field, making him or her a more knowledgeable teacher. The professor is also likely to be a more enthusiastic teacher because they will be excited about the new discoveries they are making and be eager to share this enthusiasm with the students they teach.
Admittedly, it is the professor's duty to educate students. However, it has been a trend that the students have a favor for learning by themselves rather than sitting in the classroom to listen to professors and make notes. The students usually come to ask for help from professors when they confront with academic problems. Hence, it also saves the professors a lot of time and they can devote themselves more into their researches.
All in all, from the reason listed above, we can safely conclude that the professor should allowed to spend more time doing their researches.
作者: lizchang1990 时间: 2012-11-14 20:39
11.13综合tpo23
In the lecture, the professor is skeptical about the several hypothesis to explain the decline of population of the yellow cedar. The professor argues that these hypotheses are not valid enough, the explanation still remain unknown.
In the reading passage, one hypothesis is that the insect parasites cause the yellow cedar decline, specially the cedar bark beetle, which is known to attack cedar trees and whose larvae eat the wood. On the contrary, the professor says that, the insect parasite is not the cause. the cedar tree is much more resistant to insect parasites than other species of trees, and it also can produce a kind of powerful chemical materials, which can poison the insects.
The professor then opposes the second hypothesis attributes the decline to brown bears,(觉得没必要加个逗号吧) by stating that the decline of yellow cedar cover from the North America to the South America, no matter on the mainlands(main lands/ mainland) or islands. However, the populations of yellow cedar declines（decline） in the islands, in which no brown bear lives at the same time.
Finally, the professor disapprove(用单三) the third hypothesis that gradual changes of climate may be to blame. The trees in high latitude are more likely to suffer from the damage from freezing, and get killed in winter than the trees in low latitude do, where the climate is more mild(milder这是个不是多音节词,前面无需加more ). In fact, more cedar trees in low latitude are killed. so the gradual change of climate cannot explain the decline.
亲~这篇综合写得不错~但建议多换换那个hypotheses, professor 不然每段开头都是他们的身影, 看着有点词汇缺乏. 语言比较好,英语功底扎实,继续~~~
抱歉我不会弄成红色字体.
作者: bonnenuit 时间: 2012-11-14 20:52
11.14tpo22综合写作
In the lecture, the professor is skeptical about the reasons offered by many critics about ethanol is not a good replacement for gasoline. The professor argues that the ethanol is a desirable replacement for gasoline.
In the reading passage, the increased use of ethanol would not help to solve the global warming caused by gasoline use. On the contrary, the professor says that the ethanol use would not all global warming, because the ethanol is made from plants ,such as corn. These plants can absorb the carbon dioxide as part of nutrition, and remove the carbon dioxide from the atmosphere.
The professor then opposes the reading's idea that the production of significant amounts of ethanol would reduce the amount of plants available for uses, by stating that the production will not reduce the food available for animals. The ethanol is produced by using the cellulose, which is main component of plant's cell wall and will not eaten by animals. Hence, the production will not reduce the amount of plants available for use.
Finally, the professor disapproves the reading's idea that ethanol will never be able to compete with gasoline on price. The professor points out that once enough people start buying ethanol, the ethanol producer will increase the production, then the increase of production will lead to a drop in price.
作者: AnthonySummer 时间: 2012-11-14 21:47
11.13独立写作Some people think university professors should spend more time doing research while others think they should spend more time educating students. What is your view?
Some people think university professors should spend more time doing research while others think they should spend more time educating students. What is your view?
The professor should spend more time doing research or they should spend more time educating students is a heated topic discussed by people. Various views are held by people are resulted from their different backgrounds and concerns. As far as I am concerned, I tend to agree with that the professor should put the research in the first place. I will give several reason as follows.
To begin with, the professor can make more contribution to the society by doing research than by educating students. Nowadays, the society has encountered many difficulties, such as how to cure the cancer, how to slow down the process of global warming. The professor should take time to cope with these problems in the lab rather than in the classroom. If the professor makes some breakthrough on the research, it will make a difference to millions worldwide. (chinglish 老外看不懂。It will change millions of people's destiny.)
Further more, if a professor's research is successful, it may benefit the university and the students in two ways. First, the university will receive more grants and funding to continue （語病，讀了不通順）with further research. This money can be utilized to improve the facilities, benefiting the students who use these facilities. Secondly, recognition （這裡和後面什麽聯繫？看不懂）of the research will improve the reputation and standing of the university, and make students proud of their school's achievements.
Moreover, a professor who continues with his or research is more aware of recent developments and places （缺連係詞）themselves at the forefront of the field, making him or her a more knowledgeable teacher. The professor is also likely to be a more enthusiastic teacher because they will be excited about the new discoveries they are making and be eager to share this enthusiasm with the students they teach. （感覺每段句子都有語病：太長了，讀者太累，傷腦筋）
Admittedly, it is the professor's duty to educate students. However, it has been a trend that the students have a favor for learning by themselves rather than sitting in the classroom to listen to professors and make notes. The students usually come to ask for help from professors when they confront with academic problems. Hence, it also saves the professors a lot of time and they can devote themselves more into their researches.
All in all, from the reason listed above, we can safely conclude that the professor should allowed to spend more time doing their researches.
作者: qimaozi 时间: 2012-11-15 15:43
In the lecture, the professor is skeptical about（建议改成questioned ,be skeptical about 多用来形容人/物很多疑） the reasons offered by many critics about ethanol is not a good replacement for gasoline. The professor argues that the ethanol is a desirable replacement for gasoline.（两个一样的词建议把其中一个改为alternative）
In the reading passage（stated that） the increased use of ethanol would not help to solve the global warming （problem）caused by gasoline use. On the contrary, the professor says （said）that the ethanol use would not all(add to )global warming, because the ethanol is made from plants ,such as corn. These plants can absorb the carbon dioxide as part of nutrition, and remove the carbon dioxide from the atmosphere.
The professor then opposes the reading's idea that the production of significant amounts of ethanol would reduce the amount of plants available for uses, by stating that the production will not reduce the food available for animals. The ethanol is produced by using the cellulose, which is main component of plant's cell wall and （which）will not eaten by animals. Hence, the production will not reduce the amount of plants available for use.(楼主用词的重复率比较高，建议富有变化。)
Finally, the professor disapproves the reading's idea that ethanol will never be able to compete with gasoline on price. The professor points out that once enough people start buying ethanol, the ethanol producer will increase the production, then the increase of production will lead to a drop in price.
最后一段建议改为：
Finally, the professor discovers that once enough people start to buy ethanol, the producers would take this chance to increase the volume of production, which would lead to a drop in price then. This point disagrees with the statement demonstrated in the reading passage.
相关建议：
1. 楼主的用词重复比较高，托福的综合写作非常注重同义转换，建议用词能够富于变化。比如professor可以改成lecturer speaker talker ……
2. 在综合写作中比较重视听力的内容，而楼主每一个分论点的开头都是以阅读内容开头的， 这样会让批改的人产生歧义。建议楼主选择一个以听力内容为开头的的模板。
作者: qimaozi 时间: 2012-11-15 15:51
楼主，由于我不太会用那个编辑的东东，所以就发附件给你了，见谅啊~
作者: bonnenuit 时间: 2012-11-15 22:00
11.15综合写作
In the lecture, the professor is skeptical about the idea of reading passage that planting genetically trees on a large scale promise to bring a number of benefits. The professor argues that the benefits listed in the reading passage are open to debate, though planting genetically trees do bring some benefits.
In the reading passage, genetically modified trees are more hardier and more likely to survival than their unmodified counterparts. On the contrary, the professor says that the genetically modifications do not ensure the trees survive in the wild. Some trees may survive from some disasters, however, the genetically modified trees are too uniform to get through the disaster and more likely to die out.
The professor then oppose the view in the reading that the genetically trees will bring the farmer more economical benefits by stating that the company will charge more on the genetically tress' seeds than unmodified trees 's, even the farms cannot plant the seed freely after they collect them.
Finally, the professor points out that the genetically modified trees grow more aggressively than normal trees do, and take the nutrients and water away, making the unmodified trees out of competition. This fact disapproves the reading's idea that the use of genetically modified trees can prevent overexploitation of wild trees.
作者: lizchang1990 时间: 2012-11-16 21:55
TO bonnenuit,不好意思阿~ 我尽量快点帮你批改作文吧~ 若今晚没看完,我明天早上发给你.我的作文也明天一块贴上来~ 不好意思呀,忙递交申请材料今天,所以.... 我一定会在明天早上前给你的!!!
作者: lizchang1990 时间: 2012-11-16 21:59
不好意思阿~ 我尽量快点帮你批改作文吧~ 若今晚没看完,我明天早上发给你.我的作文也明天一块贴上来~ 不好意思呀,忙递交申请材料今天,所以.... 我一定会在明天早上前给你的!!!
不好意思阿~ 我尽量快点帮你批改作文吧~ 若今晚没看完,我明天早上发给你.我的作文也明天一块贴上来~ 不好意思呀,忙递交申请材料今天,所以.... 我一定会在明天早上前给你的!!!
不好意思阿~ 我尽量快点帮你批改作文吧~ 若今晚没看完,我明天早上发给你.我的作文也明天一块贴上来~ 不好意思呀,忙递交申请材料今天,所以.... 我一定会在明天早上前给你的!!!
作者: lizchang1990 时间: 2012-11-17 08:36
In the lecture, the professor is skeptical about the idea of reading passage that planting genetically trees on a large scale promise to bring a number of benefits. The professor argues that the benefits listed in the reading passage are open to debate, though planting genetically trees do bring some benefits.
In the reading passage, genetically modified trees are more hardier (去掉more)and more likely to survival than their unmodified counterparts. On the contrary, the professor says that the genetically modifications do not ensure the trees survive in the wild. Some trees may survive from some disasters, however, the genetically modified trees are too uniform to get through the disaster and more likely to die out.(流畅度不错~)
The professor then oppose(小错误哦~) the view in the reading that the genetically trees will bring the farmer more economical benefits by stating that the company will charge more on the genetically tress' seeds than unmodified trees 's, even the farms cannot plant the seed freely after they collect them.
Finally, the professor points out that the genetically modified trees grow more aggressively than normal trees do, and take the nutrients and water away, making the unmodified trees out of competition. This fact disapproves the reading's idea that the use of genetically modified trees can prevent overexploitation of wild trees.
评语:看了你2篇综合, perfect, LZ语言功底不错,这模板也不错哟~
作者: lizchang1990 时间: 2012-11-17 08:37
我的下午6点样子上传,不好意思哟~~~
作者: lizchang1990 时间: 2012-11-17 19:13
我昨天的作业连接, http://forum.chasedream.com/TOEFL_Writing/thread-781814-3-1.html#last
谢谢!
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