frankiy的作业，提笔忘词满篇胡写求拍砖头 - ChaseDream

In the very beginning,the successful career needs help. In the past, there were a few people who is willing to offer help, so we had to seek help to our family members. The businessman needs money and labor.The newbie in the company or factory needs career advice and training program. The lack of these requisitions of success is always bugging beginners who want to achieve their goals. Nowadays, however, we can search for help in the society. The policy makers make government offer funds to the enterprises,company always have training programs, and labor market is always full of people. Family members' help become more like a spiritual support, which is not so important like it was.

In addition, the success career is usually due to a very crucial opportunity. And again, there weren't so many opportunities in the past because the economic environment wasn't so developed. Sometimes people have to sought help from their family members, such as recommendation to a company or new information in business. Now with the developing of the economic, the needs for goods is keep exploding. Hence the needs for labor becomes more and more. More jobs are available now. And since the internet is connecting the world in to a little village, we can find business opportunities easier now.

In the end, we can find example from an successful company. There were more companies that supported by families at the beginning. There are a famous company in electronic field, Panasonic, once have only three employees: the one who set up the company, his wife and his cousin. That is a typical family business. But with the times goes by, Panasonic company become a joint venture. And this is how it works,the timeline that from family help is more important to business partner is more important. The other various things is also the same, this means the advance of human society.

In the very beginning（这个用法对吗？在一开始的时候？听起来有些怪）,the successful career needs help. （一般来说，第一句是本段的中心句。这一段的后文讲了过去，获得帮助的途径少，我们不得不向父母寻求帮助，而现在帮助的获得方法多了。亲考虑一下这句the successful career needs help. 是否能统领这一段？如果我的第一句话这么写，后文应该是讲为什么需要帮助，帮助对成功起到多么关键的作用。不知道你明白我的意思了吗。就是这句并没有概括这段的意思。每段第一句很重要，考官从它能看出整篇文章的行文结构。）

In the past, there were a few people who is （时态不一致，可以直接去掉who is, 用willing to offer help修饰people）willing to offer help, so we had to seek help to（from） our family members. The businessman needs money and labor.The newbie in the company or factory needs career advice and training program. The lack of these requisitions of success is always bugging（bug做烦扰的意思时表示的是那种嚷嚷着的烦扰，用在这里不恰当，我觉得用block比较好）beginners who want to achieve their goals. Nowadays, however, we can search for help in the society. The policy makers make government（直接说the government）offer(offer用的有点多，可以换换词，比如provide，afford等)funds to the enterprises,company （改成复数）always have training programs, and labor market is always full of people. Family members' help become more like a spiritual support, which is not so important like it was.（改as important as it was）

In addition, the success career is usually due to a very crucial opportunity. （还是上一段的问题，成功需要机会，这样一句话没有概括后文。可以上来直接说：由于社会进步，经济发展，人们更容易获得成功的机会了。比如：In addition, It is much easier for modern people to obtain opportunities for success, because of the development of economics. 亲可以换着别的句型表达，能体现段意就好）And again, there weren't so many opportunities in the past because the economic environment wasn't so developed. Sometimes people have to sought（改成动词原型seek） help from their family members, such as recommendation to a company or new information in business. Now with the developing of the economic, the needs for goods is keep exploding. Hence the needs for labor becomes more and more. More jobs are available now. And since the internet is connecting the world in to a little village,（connect A in to B. ? 有这个用法吗？可以说：The Internet truly make the world a closely "global village".）we can find business opportunities easier now.

In the end, we can find example from an successful company. There were more companies that supported by families at the beginning. There are a （主谓一致! ）famous company in electronic field, Panasonic, once have only three employees: the one who set up the company, his wife and his cousin. That is a typical family business.（there are..., once have.... Run-on句型。两个动词了。可以这么说：Panasonic， a famous company in electronic field, once had only three employees:...） But with the times goes by, Panasonic company become a joint venture. And this is how it works,(逗号改成冒号，看了半天看明白后面是timeline that from ...to..., 这样的话timeline就应该是前面works的同位语才能讲的通，所以改成冒号，然后后面换个表达吧，看着很不顺)the timeline that from family help is more important to business partner is more important. （改：And this is how it works: changed its source of support from family to business partners.）The other various things is also the same,(+and，否则run-on句型了) this means the advance of human society.

9.10 独立

In general， one have to obtain both ability of adapt to new environment
and excellent knowledge of the job before he（or she） can really succeed
in doing that new job. That is， the ability of adapt to new environment
is equally important to the knowledge ， not more. When it comes to taking
a completely new job， the strange working environment can be quite challenging.
There are different elements determines how to get along： how this new
team distribute each other's tasks？ Did the coworkers admit your ability？
Do they trust you in important tasks？ The problems of hard to blend in
are always there. The best and most efficient way is， however， prove
yourself is a trustworthy and capable partner with your excellent knowledge.

In addition ， the definition of succeed in new job is mainly about how
someone gets his（or her） job done. And the excessive knowledge about
the job is the requisition of finish the tasks well. The employee who
can fit in the new working environment but cannot handle his（or her）
job is just a good attitude newbie， not a qualified partner. Hence even
though the ability of adapt to new environment can be very helpful， the
knowledge of new job is also a necessary factor.

Finally ， in some situations ，in which the new job is more about
management， the ability of adapt new environment becomes more important.
The manager have to have a wide-scale understand to the new environment
before he （or she） gets to make decisions. For instance ， my older
brother used to be a assistant of director. At first the other senior
employees are upset that he took the position ，but with the patient and
thoughtful communication， he adapt himself in the new environment and
handle his job very well. Now he is the manager of that branch department.
Therefore ， the ability of adapt new environment is also a important
element to obtain in order to succeed in the new job.

Based on these three perspectives ， we can conclude that the relation
between how adapt oneself to new environment and how one have the knowledge
about that new job is even in general. The employee who cannot adapt new
environment will encounter different problems in further career. And vice
versa ， the employee who doesn't obtain excellent knowledge about new
job will fail to accomplish his tasks.

-- by 会员 frankiyian (2012/9/10 18:17:08)

Have you ever fellbehind at something and spent a lot more times to catch up? Have you evermissed some great opportunities just because you decided to wait a moment? Haveyou ever gave up something because you stalled it for too long and then justdon't want to do it anymore?（开头的这种几个疑问的形式，学习了） If youever encountered one of these terrible situation, you will surely stand on myside that we should take action now rather than later.Patience is a good characteristic to deal with people, but not a usefulstrategy to achieve one's goals.（开头觉得最可取的就是，立意非常明确）

To begin with, usepatience as a strategy will let you fall behind. In contemporary society, the competition is pretty intense. So people are all doing things in arapid pace（In this society saturatedwith intense competition and chaotic or intricate connections, people arealways managing things in a harsh way）. Patience will causeyou losing the game in the very beginning, and that will cost you even moreefforts to catch up. Admittedly, patience can make sure you to avoid some ofthe mistakes in long run, but it will cost more if you don't take action assoon as possible. (句子之间缺乏逻辑性，而且没有具体点的例子显得比较空洞，不够persuasive)

In addition, use(utilizing) patience as strategysometimes will lose great opportunity(opportunities). Take action now isimportant to every field: the employee who have to choose between a promotionopportunity and a stable job, the two scientist have a same brilliant notionabout scientific research, the businessman who have to choose between acash cow business and a brand new field.(这三个具体句子很好，建议是因为是逻辑之间的紧密联系可以试着用分号来隔开，这样看着更舒服些) In these differentsituation, the people take action first will grab the opportunity and maximum(maximum是名词，amplify/expand) their benefits. Like Bill Gates, he realized the opportunity of softwareand got constrained by the university. Unlike most of people who choose tofinish university first, Bill choose（chose） to take action immediately. And he succeeded.

Finally, to somepeople, the patience is basically means to laziness. If someone wants to workout and gets a lean(slim) shape, the most problem he faced isthe initiation. And the patience method is to make plans, take notes, find agym and so on. Maybe in the end he will stand up from the couch and take action, but hewill more likely to give up. The efficient way is get out and start running.And which way is better and more doable? The situation is same as all othervarious specific things. Be patience and imagine about detailsis easy and take action is hard.(润色下)