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标题: haduni的作文贴 [打印本页]
作者: haduni    时间: 2012-9-4 23:14
标题: haduni的作文贴
贵在坚持
作者: haduni    时间: 2012-9-4 23:16
09-04 独立写作
Agree/disagree：an efficient leader will always try to make everyone feel that he's in part of a decision making.


Nowadays, we are living in a world where everyone holds the desperate desire for being a Hero. No matter the Nation basketball team captain Kobe or the Father of Apple company Jobs, they are admired even worshiped by many youth, and thus the leadership have been considered more significant than ever before. An increasing number of people believe that an efficient leader will show his existence at any time. However, In my opinion, I believe that it is not necessary for a leader to tell everyone that he is the big brother, I bolster my statement for the following reasons.

First, let's talk about the define of the "efficient leader ", I believe that the one who can help the team function well is the efficient leader no matter whether or not everyone know who is in charge. Furthermore, it is impossible for everyone to know who is the leader under certain circumstance. For example, in many international companies, the labor workers in China have no chance to know the CEO who delivers his order in US. What's more, I believe that an efficient leader should focus on the leadership, that is, dedicate his energy into solving tough problem instead of his sense of fulfillment.

Moreover, in some economic and political activities, one side can gain a competitive edge if they know the leader of their opposers but their opposers does not. What is the worst thing you can imagine in a battle? It is that you do not know who is your enemy instead of having a superpower enemy. As the old saying goes" You can win any war if you know your enemy exactly before the war", for the leader is the most important one in a team, if your enemies do not know who is making decision, they can neither predict your next step. Then you may gain a better chance to win.

Admittedly, we should not be blind to that the unity of the team can be enforced if the team member all respect and keep in mind their powerful leader. They will try their best to guard the proud of their team. However, the team unity cannot overweight the benefit listed above.

In conclusion, though the team spirit brought by the leadership in every member’s mind cannot be denied, a silent but hardworking leader is desired more because the limited time should be spent in the decision making instead of publishing and the silence can help the team to win.
作者: haduni    时间: 2012-9-4 23:16
09-04 综合写作


The reading passage mainly discusses about the advantages of using hydrogen-based fuel-cell engine as the substitute for the internal-combustion engine. However, the lecturer casts doubts on the writer’s view by using several points.
First, it is said in the reading that the hydrogen is the easily available and renewable resources while we will use up the petroleum; On the contrary, the listening argues that although hydrogen can be generated form water but the process can be really difficult, the temperature needs to be lowered to a very cold point and the pure liquid hydrogen is quite difficult to store; this is where the speaker disagrees with the writer.
Moreover, the writer points out that the fuel-cell engine can solve the pollution problem; The speaker on the other hand, states that although the fuel-cell cars do not generate pollutions, the process of generating hydrogen needs more power and produce more pollutions; This directly contradicts what the passage indicates.
Finally, the passage raises the issue that fuel-cell engines are much cheaper than the internal-combustion engines; However, the professor asserts that there is rare metal which is quite dear in the fuel-cell engines, and the cheap substitute for the metal haven't found yet; this is entirely opposed to the writer’s expectation.
In conclusion, the professor precisely identifies the weakness in the reading passage and forcefully proves that the main argument in the reading, that is, the fuel-cell will soon replace the internal-combustion engine is incorrect.
作者: fuzhengrui    时间: 2012-9-4 23:41
标题: 9.4综合写作修改
The reading passage mainly discusses about the advantages of using hydrogen-based fuel-cell engine as the substitute for the internal-combustion engine. However, the lecturer casts doubts on the writer’s view by using several points(for the following reasons可能更好）.
First, it is said in the reading that the hydrogen is the easily available and renewable resources while we will use up the petroleum; On the contrary, the listening argues that although hydrogen can be generated form water but the process can be really difficult, （这个地方要么加连词，要么把之前的逗号改成句号）the temperature needs to be lowered to a very cold point and the pure liquid hydrogen is quite difficult to store; （this is where the speaker disagrees with the writer.这句话可以删去，前面的on the contrary已经有这个意思了）
Moreover, the writer points out that the fuel-cell engine can solve the pollution problem; The speaker on the other hand, states that although the fuel-cell cars do not generate pollutions, the process of generating hydrogen needs more power and produce more pollutions; This directly contradicts what the passage indicates.
Finally, the passage raises the issue that fuel-cell engines are much cheaper than the internal-combustion engines; However, the professor asserts that there is rare metal which is quite dear in the fuel-cell engines, and the cheap substitute for the metal haven't found yet; this is entirely opposed to the writer’s expectation.
In conclusion, the professor precisely identifies the weakness in the reading passage and forcefully proves that the main argument in the reading, that is, the fuel-cell will soon replace the internal-combustion engine is incorrect.

这篇综合写作写的很好，基本上没有错误，要点也比较完整，是我看过的综合写作里面最好的一篇^_^
作者: safeandsound    时间: 2012-9-5 16:14
批改见附件
【意见仅供参考哦~~[attach]105770[/attach]
作者: haduni    时间: 2012-9-9 18:46
09-09 haduni Integrated writing

In the reading passage, the writer mainly talks about the advantage of salvage logging. However, the lecturer casts doubts on the view of the writer for the following reasons.
First, it is said in the reading that removing the dead trees can give new trees the room to grow. On the contrary, the listening argues that the natural process of wood decomposition is necessary to enrich the soil, salvage logging will result in soil lack of nutrients for new generation to grow. This is where the speaker disagrees with the writer.
Second, the writer points out that dead tree provide the harmful insects with habitats, as a result the population of the insects will increase. The speaker on the other hand, states that dead tree will also offer habitats for birds and other insects which is important for the whole forest. Salvage logging might cause more harmful damage than insects in a long term.
Third, the reading raise the issue that salvage logging can provide wood for the industries and it can create new job opportunities for the local residents. However, the professor asserts that the economic benefits are small, sometimes helicopters or other expensive vehicles should be used to get those woods. AS for the jobs, they are only temporary, and there are many outsiders with more experience and training competing with the local residents. This is entirely opposed to the writer's expectation.
In conclusion, the lecturer precisely identifies the weakness of the reading and forcefully prove that the argument of the reading is incorrect.
作者: haduni    时间: 2012-9-9 21:33
9-9 Independent Writing

With the highly development of the modern society, the living standard have improved significantly. People are paying more attention on pursuing the true happiness in their lives. Some people choose to live in the rural areas because of the enjoyable circumstance and the slow life pace, they assert that they can take better care of their families compared with people living in urban areas. However, I cast doubts on this point of view for the flowing reason.

Let's talk about children in one's family first: the education issue is no doubt the first thing we should consider about. To take good care of the children is to provide them with education as good as possible. What’s more, children are the future of the society, and only the education can ensure those little boys and girls a brilliant future. The aim of education is to help the children fully develop their talent. No one will deny the fact that the educational resource in city is somehow superior to that in rural areas: In cities, youth can go to the quiet and bright libraries and lose their mind in the ocean of countless books, or they can walk through all kinds of museums to feel the sense of history and to witness the rise of great nations. So I believe that please stay in cities for your kids.

Then, let's come to adults, the middle-age are bearing the burden of the society. They have to make money to feed their families. Thus, they desire more opportunities to promote and more chance to improve their work environment and get more salary. Compared with the unchangeable rural lives, the cities can surly offer more exciting possibilities. Similarly, the adults in city can get more achievement thus have relatively high sense of fulfillment. Besides the working advantage, the cities have all kinds of recreation for adults to relax. It is quite common for white-collar to relieve their work pressure in a bar. Adults should seize the time to experience the world, that is, to taste all kinds of life style. That is an old saying "Life is like a boat, the passages should see more part of the world", then the city can open your outlook.

Moreover, there are more public utilities available in big cities like hospitals or drug stores, for many elderly, they choose to live in cities for sake of health. The elderly are more like to be exposed to illness, they might get into emergency at any time. Thus, only the well-developed medical system in cities can cope with this tough problem. If the aged people get severe illness in rural areas, they must be transited to the advanced cities where hospital locals, this will consume the precious time which should have been used to rescue their lives.

Form the discussion above, for your family members of all ages, if you want to take better care of them, please move to cities.
作者: E月羽    时间: 2012-9-10 20:23
9月9号综合修改


In the reading passage, the writer mainly talks about the advantage of salvage logging. However, the lecturer casts doubts on the view of the writer for the following reasons.
First, it is said in the reading that removing the dead trees can give new trees the room to grow. On the contrary, the listening argues that the natural process of wood decomposition is necessary to enrich the soil,(; 可能比较好) salvage logging will result in（result in the lack of nutrition of soil 比较好，而且nutrient 表营品，而且不可数） soil lack of nutrients for new generation to grow. This is where the speaker disagrees with the writer.
Second, the writer points out that dead tree provide the harmful（trees would be harmful to） insects with habitats, as a result the population of the insects will increase. The speaker on the other hand, states that dead tree will also offer habitats for birds and other insects which is important for the whole forest. Salvage logging might cause more harmful damage than insects in a long term.
Third, the reading raise (raises) the issue that salvage logging can provide wood for the industries and it can (itcan可以不要) create new job opportunities for the local residents. However, the professor asserts that the economic benefits are small, sometimes helicopters or other expensive vehicles should be used to get those woods. AS(As) for the jobs, they are only temporary, and there are many outsiders with more experience and training competing with the local residents. This is entirely opposed to the writer's expectation.
In conclusion, the lecturer precisely identifies the weakness of the reading and forcefully prove that the argument of the reading is incorrect.
作者: E月羽    时间: 2012-9-10 21:24
独立写作批改

With the highly development of the modern society, the living standard have improved significantly. People are paying more attention on pursuing the true happiness in their lives. Some people choose to live in the rural areas because of the enjoyable circumstance and the slow life pace, (;)they assert that they can take better care of their families compared with people living in urban areas. However, I cast doubts on this point of view for the flowing reason.

Let's talk about children in one's family first: the education issue is no doubt the first thing we should consider about. To take good care of the children is to provide them with education as good as possible. What’s more, children are the future of the society, and only the education can ensure those little boys and girls a brilliant future(the abriiliant future of little boys and girls). The aim of education is to help the children fully develop their talent.(感觉有点多余) No one will deny the fact that the educational resource in city is somehow superior to that in rural areas: In cities, the youth can go to the quiet and bright libraries and lose their mind in the ocean of countless books, or they can walk through all kinds of museums to feel the sense of history and to witness the rise of great nations. So I believe that please stay in cities for your kids.

Then, let's come to adults, the middle-age are bearing the burden of the society. They have to make money to feed their families. Thus, they desire more opportunities to promote and more chance to improve their work environment and get more salary. Compared with the unchangeable rural lives, the cities can surly offer more exciting possibilities. Similarly, the adults in city can get more achievement thus have relatively high sense(senses) of fulfillment. Besides the working advantage, the cities have all kinds of recreation for adults to relax. It is quite common for white-collar to relieve their work pressure in a bar. Adults should seize the time to experience the world(直接说experience the world 即可), that is, to taste all kinds of life style. That is an old saying "Life is like a boat, the passages should see more part of the world", then the city can open your outlook.

Moreover, there are more public utilities available in big cities like hospitals or drug stores, for many elderly, they choose to live in cities for sake of （for the sake of）health. The elderly are more like to be exposed to illness, they might get into emergency at any time. Thus, only the well-developed medical system in cities can cope with this tough problem. If the aged people get(got) severe illness in rural areas, they must be transited to the advanced cities where hospital locals, this will(would) consume the precious time which should have been used to rescue their lives.


评价：

1，感觉论证有点罗嗦，逻辑不是特别清晰

2，句式还是太少
作者: haduni    时间: 2012-9-12 23:48
9.12 综合

综合
The reading passage is mainly talking about the decreasing bird number because of the increasing population of human beings. However, the lecturer casts doubts on the view of the writer for the following reasons.

First, it is said in the reading that the habitats of bird now have been used as human settlements where all kinds of buildings are constructed. On the contrary, the listening argues that the big cities can be regarded as the habitats for bird, which are better and larger. The population of some birds are even more than before, and some kinds are becoming small. This is where the professor disagree with the writer.

Second, the growth of agricultural activities also do harm to the birds population, more bird habitats are used as the agricultural use. The prefosser on the other hand, state that with the high development of the agriculture, the land is much more productive now,we can produce more food per unit land. This directly contradicts what the reading indicts.

Third,the reading raises the issue that the chemical pesticides is a major cause of decreasing bird population.Pesticide can kill the birds directly or drive a harmful impect on their reproducing. However,the professor asserts that unlike the traditional pesticide, new pesticide are less toxic. Moreover, farmers now usually use the pest-presist crops which do not need to use the pesticide, in this case, it does no harm to the birds.

In conclusion, the professor precisely point out the weakness of the reading and forcefully proves that the main point in the reading, bird population is reducing because of human expansion, is incorrect.
作者: haduni    时间: 2012-9-14 06:56
Nowadays, some people believe that colleges or universities should focus on the academic field and should not draw attention to work preparation. However, given that people are suffering a mounting pressure because of the substantial competition of all kinds of work, ranging from interpersonal relationship to work business, it is reasonable for universities to care about their students' future and offer more courses to prepare them for their future working.

Today, both teachers and students lay too much emphasis on the scores, thus seldom care about other abilities which is also essential for students' future success. For students who do well in academic subject, getting good grades does not necessarily mean having a better understanding of how to deal with the relationship among people. Last year, a shocking news comes out, a Tsing Hua university graduate sells the pork meat alone in the farm market to make a living, the top-A students cannot hold a job for more than two month because "He does not possess social abilities" form one of his ex-boss. To give a better hand for their students in the future job market, arranging the relationship is just the course many colleges should have offered much earlier.

Moreover, for most of the time, the knowledge we learn in the colleges or universities are too far away from technology applied in the real industries. The aim of the universities is to make you comprehend your major field systematically form a whole-scale prospect, which the industries require you can change your knowledge into the real products which can earn benefits. Colleges and universities should help their students accomplish this transformation form the thought of a scholar to the view of a engineer, as a result, they should provide more opportunity for their students to get access to the industrial facilities. Only can those students get ready in the preparation work, they have a better chance to find their niche in future competition.

Besides, we should not be blind that the courses related to work preparation may be time-consuming and demand lots of money form the precious educational resources, colleges and universities which offer those courses may undertake the risk of lowering their academic qualities. However, I believe that it is worth for them to offer and for students to take those course, because we should not also forget the aim of universities is to help the students get full developed, that is, they should not only focus on the academic areas.

In conclusion, I think that the interests of students should always come first for all universities, they should ensure their students can find a decent job after graduation, which is the most basic requirement obviously.
作者: beiyezi    时间: 2012-9-14 10:12
Nowadays, some people believe that colleges or universities should focus on the academic field and should not draw attention to work preparation. However, given that people are suffering a mounting pressure because of the substantial competition of all kinds of work, ranging from interpersonal relationship to work business, it is reasonable for universities to care about their students' future and offer more courses to prepare them for their future working.

Today, both teachers and students lay too much emphasis on the scores, thus seldom care about other abilities which is also essential for students' future success. For students who do well in academic subject, getting good grades does not necessarily mean having a better understanding of how to deal with the relationship among people. Last year, a shocking news comes out, a Tsing Hua university graduate sells the pork meat alone in the farm market to make a living, the top-A students cannot hold a job for more than two month because "He does not possess social abilities" form one of his ex-boss. To give a better hand for their students in the future job market, arranging the relationship is just the course many colleges should have offered much earlier. (没说清楚提供更多课程和社交能力的关系)

Moreover, for most of the time, the knowledge we learn in the colleges or universities are too far away from technology applied in the real industries. The aim of the universities is to make you comprehend your major field systematically form a whole-scale prospect, which the industries require you can change your knowledge into the real products which can earn benefits. Colleges and universities should help their students accomplish this transformation form the thought of a scholar to the view of a engineer, as a result, they should provide more opportunity for their students to get access to the industrial facilities. Only can those students get ready in the preparation work, they have a better chance to find their niche in future competition.(个人认为 没和提供更多课程联系上, 只是小提了一下provide more opportunity for their students 不是很直接 )


Besides, we should not be blind that the courses related to work preparation may be time-consuming and demand lots of money form the precious educational resources, colleges and universities which offer those courses may undertake the risk of lowering their academic qualities(不明白为什么提供课程会降低学术质量). However, I believe that it is worth for them to offer and for students to take those course(courses), because we should not also forget the aim of universities is to help the students get full developed, that is, they should not only focus on the academic areas.

In conclusion, I think that the interests of students should always come first for all universities, they should ensure their students can find a decent job after graduation, which is the most basic requirement obviously.
语言方面: 很好很好啊
逻辑方面: 感觉作者更像在回答:学校应该提供给学生什么类型的课程专业课还是实践课,而不是在辩论应该多提供课程这论点, 每段论点都很好,多扯几句应该提供课程,再提这些课程是 社交课啊, 实践课啊,之类的就联系上了.
能力有限,只能改到这个程度, 黄色的是good,蓝色的是疑问或错误,改错了一定要跟我说哈
作者: haduni    时间: 2012-9-16 00:17
09-15 独立Nowadays, in terms of duty of professors, many people assert that the professors should dedicate more time with education of students. However, considering that the fierce competition in academic sphere and the fast pace of the scientific process, I believe that university professors should pay more attention on the research work.

First, a professor has to do lots of research to keep advanced in and lead the trend of one particular academic field. A scholar must pay great efforts to keep the academic leadership in the science world, as a result, he must have a better understanding of this field and can help students broaden their outlook to find the orientation in the confusion. What's more, those professors who steadily focus on their researches regardless of all kinds of temptations are always regarded as the role models for the youth because of their spirits of hard-working and persistence. Thus, professor should spend more time doing research to put science forward and set a model for young learners.

Moreover, what they need most is the guidance instead of step-by-step education. University students are all adults, they have the freedom to decide what to learn, in this sense, professor should not just spend more time educating them and forcing them to learn. By this, what I mean is that, professors should not spend too much time on the specific knowledge which students get easily get access to, what professors should do is that they need show students the right way to march on. Just like the captain on a ship, he should pay more attention on the ship heading to the destination instead of teaching every member how to operate the ship. However, guidence does not take the professor too much time, thus professor can get more time to do the research instead of educating those students.

Admittedly, we should not be blind to the importance of students' education, a better education can no doubt ensure students a bright future. But the effect of education most depends on the motivation of students. Thus, professors do not need to pay more time to impose the knowledge form the text book into students, they should focus on the research and show their students the right direction to move.

In the end, we can draw the conclusion that to be better for both  professor himself and students, the research should be laid more emphasis.
作者: SophieS123    时间: 2012-9-16 09:53
改好了，在附件里



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