ChaseDream

标题: 第一次加入，第一次作文，第一次t，望大家猛拍 [打印本页]

作者: ioioke 时间: 2012-9-4 10:34
标题: 第一次加入，第一次作文，第一次t，望大家猛拍
9.3 Do you agree that it is better to spend money on traveling and vacation than save
money for the future.

Some people always want to save money for the future. Because they want to be prepared for any accident. They feel happy when their savings go up. However, I am prefer to spend money on traveling and vacation. I would like to go different place, meet different people, know different culture.

Nowadays, people have a lot of pressure from their job. One of my husband co-workers died in their office a month ago. He was only 32 years old. However, he works 12 hours a day, and 7 days a week. His death cause bu his hard working and pressure. All of my husband's officemate, include my husband, have high blood pressure. The high blood pressure not cause by their family history, but because they have lots of work need to be finished everyday. I think they need to take vacation every month. During vacation, they do not need to worried about phone calls, meetings and deadlines. They are relaxing during vacation, and enjoy their piece of mind with their family.

Traveling and vacation are good activities for family. Adults could relax, children could learn a lot from a trip. I took my child went to a train museum last week. He is only 21 month old, but he was so exiting for the trip. He saw a lot of antique cars, tractors, planes. Those are my boy's favorite. He always says "Cho, Cho" when he saw a train in a book after we came back from the museum. It is surprise me. I think he is too young to remember. But he did it. I think it is worth for this trip, even we spend $50 for the admit ion and gas.

People are not machines to make money and save money. People have feelings. We do need to relax, spend time with our family. Child could learn a lot from traveling. So do we. My husband goes "people will learn more from walking 100 miles than reading 100 books". I agree with him.

Some people always want to save money for the future. Because they want to be prepared for any accident. They feel happy when their savings go up. However, I am prefer to spend money on traveling and vacation. I would like to go different place, meet different people, know different culture.

Nowadays, people have a lot of pressure from their job. One of my husband co-workers died in their office a month ago. He was only 32 years old. However, he works 12 hours a day, and 7 days a week. His death cause bu his hard working and pressure. All of my husband's officemate, include my husband, have high blood pressure. The high blood pressure not cause by their family history, but because they have lots of work need to be finished everyday. I think they need to take vacation every month. During vacation, they do not need to worried about phone calls, meetings and deadlines. They are relaxing during vacation, and enjoy their piece of mind with their family.

Traveling and vacation are good activities for family. Adults could relax, children could learn a lot from a trip. I took my child went to a train museum last week. He is only 21 month old, but he was so exiting for the trip. He saw a lot of antique cars, tractors, planes. Those are my boy's favorite. He always says "Cho, Cho" when he saw a train in a book after we came back from the museum. It is surprise me. I think he is too young to remember. But he did it. I think it is worth for this trip, even we spend $50 for the admit ion and gas.

People are not machines to make money and save money. People have feelings. We do need to relax, spend time with our family. Child could learn a lot from traveling. So do we. My husband goes "people will learn more from walking 100 miles than reading 100 books". I agree with him.

作者: ykhjy 时间: 2012-9-4 14:40
9.3 独立修改蓝色good 黄色需修改红色我改的绿色批注建议 Do you agree that it is better to spend money on traveling and vacation than save money for the future.

Some people always want to save money for the future. Because[because 这里把两句话连起来比较好]they want to be prepared for any accident. They feel happy when their savings go up. However, I am prefer to spend money on traveling and vacation. I would like to go different place, meet different people, know different culture.【立场是挺明确的，但建议适当用一些逻辑连词】

Nowadays, people have a lot of pressure from their[the这里用their也不是不行，但是后面跟着的是单数形式的job总是感觉不对的，索性用the把] job. One of my husband's co-workers died in their office a month ago. He was only 32 years old. However, he works[worked 注意时态] 12 hours a day, and 7 days a week. His death cause bu[你是想说因为么，用cause不好，可以用resulted from]his hard working and pressure. All of my husband's officemates include[including] my husband, have high blood pressure. The high blood pressure [is] not caused by their family history, but because they have lots of work need to be finished everyday[这里要注意，前面用的cause by sth，那么but 后面应该跟另一个sth，这应该是一个句型，it is not sth but sth。所以这句话可以这么写：but a large amount of work they need to finish]. I think they need to take vacation every month. During vacation, they do not need to [be] worried about phone calls, meetings and deadlines. They are relaxing during vacation, and enjoy their piece[peace?] of mind with their family.

Traveling and vacation are good activities for family. Adults could relax,[and] children could learn a lot from a trip. I took my child went to a train museum last week. He is only 21 months old, but he was so exiting for the trip. He saw a lot of antique cars, tractors, planes. Those are my boy's favorites. He always says "Cho, Cho" when he saw a train in a book after we came back from the museum. It is [a] surprise [to] me. I think he is too young to remember. But he did it. I think it is worth for this trip, even we spend[spent] $50 for the admit ion and gas.

People are not machines to make money and save money. People have feelings. We do need to relax, spending time with our family. Child could learn a lot from traveling. So do we. My husband goes "people will learn more from walking 100 miles than reading 100 books". I agree with him.

【又一个孩子的第一次栽在我手上了哈

说正经的。。
整篇文章呢，立场明确，有例子，但有些地方得注意下
tips：1.最大的问题就是没有逻辑连词，从整篇文章的结构上来看，虽然分了段，最好在每段话要有一个中心句，最好是在首句。从句子之间关系来看，也缺少很多逻辑关联词，这样句子不够能证明你想说的
2.语法问题：主谓一致、一个句子中只能有一个、单复数、时态、词性。这些都是要注意的。
加油加油！

有问题随时来找我讨论o~】

作者: ioioke 时间: 2012-9-5 11:07
改的好仔细，多谢多谢。请问你说的逻辑关联词是指那些？能不能举几个例子？我这基础真是差。马上去帮你改。谢谢

作者: fuzhengrui 时间: 2012-9-5 11:55
标题: 改了一下文章，下手狠了点，见附件
[attach]105763[/attach]

作者: ioioke 时间: 2012-9-5 11:56
9.4独立，写得很吃尽

Some leaders always make decision to their own. They think they have the rights to make decision and they are too bossy to ask opinion from other people. However, as following reasones I think an efficient leader will always try to make everyone feel that he's in part of a decision making.

First of all, leader plays an important roll in decison making. Because he is the one to make decision. However, leader may make some mistake even he does not realise. One computer company I worked for, for example, I suggested to change a new look for our laptop. Fashion outlook could attract new customers. However, our supervisor did not agree with me. At the end of that year, we found our competitor changed outlook of their laptop. They got a lot of customer from us, and they got many new customer. Our company got loss on that year. I think this is why team work is more and more important.

No matter the group gain or lose profit. Everyone in the group need to take responsiablity for the result. When the group need to make decision, everyone will give his own opinion. It is a good way to make people think about their group. Chinese sicentest goes, “Three common people could be greater than Darwin.”

In conclusion, more people have more power. If everyone in the group feel that he’s in part of a decision making. They will save a lot of time of making decision. The group could make more profit because they have an efficient leader.

作者: ioioke 时间: 2012-9-5 11:57
TPO9
The passage is talking about how the fuel cell engines are better than internal-combustion engine.

Firstly, internal combustion engine is relies on petroleum. However, petroleum is a finite resource. In the lecture, the professor agree with this point. The professor also point out that the water in hydrogen-based fuel engines is unuseable. It is not easy to get from natural gas. It needs cold liquit as -253F degree.

Secondly, the passage will solve many of the world's pollution problems. The professor in the lecture agree with it. However, the professor also told us. It will producing pollution when generate the liquid for hydrogen-based engine. They need to burn coal and oil. It will produce carbon dioxide too.

Thirdly, the passage told us operate fuel- cell engines cost less money than operate interanl-combustion engines. The professor in the lecture told us it is true. However, we need to pay more money for fuel-cell engines. The fuel-cell engines price is much higher than interanl-combustion engines. The different price is enough to pay for the higher gasline.

作者: ioioke 时间: 2012-9-5 12:05
多谢，说的都很对，我的路还很长呀。

作者: ykhjy 时间: 2012-9-5 15:58
逻辑关联词，从整篇文章结构上来说，有总分关系的，比如说，总的有说 reasons are stated as follows，然后分段说firstly，secondly，thirdly... 从句子间关系来说，就是表明前后句子之间关系的，有因果关系可以用的逻辑关联词有since、in that、because、result in 等等；并列关系：moreover、besides、in addition；转折关系：however、but；递进：even、让步：even though、given that

改的好仔细，多谢多谢。请问你说的逻辑关联词是指那些？能不能举几个例子？我这基础真是差。马上去帮你改。谢谢

-- by 会员 ioioke (2012/9/5 11:07:45)

作者: kchszy061ban 时间: 2012-9-5 16:32
蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误
Some leaders always make decision to their own（to their own, 是only based on their own experience, knowledge and information?）. They think they have the rights to make decision and they are too bossy to ask opinion from other people. However, as following reasones I think an efficient leader will always try to make everyone feel that he's in part of a decision making.

First of all, leader plays an important roll(role) in decison making. (这里和上句连成一句吧)Because he is the one to make decision. However, leader may make some mistake even he does not realise（realize it）. (take)One computer company I worked for, for example, I suggested to change a new look for our laptop. Fashion outlook could attract new customers.However, our supervisor did not agree with me. At the end of that year, we found our competitor changed outlook of their laptop. They got a lot of customer from us, and they got many new customer. Our company got loss on that year. I think this is why team work is more and more important.(感觉最后写，如果leader makes everyone can take part in decision making in this situation, our company could avoid this bad outcome, 你感觉怎么样？)

No matter the group gain or lose （第三人称单数）profit. （这里也是一句，不要分开）Everyone in the group need（第三人称单数） to take responsiablity for the result. When the group need（第三人称单数） to make decision, everyone will give his own opinion. It is a good way to make people think about their group. Chinese sicentestgoes, “Three common people could be greater than Darwin.” （这里最好不要自己制造谚语额）

In conclusion, more people have more power（这里，more power，我是觉得你可以用一个长句来解释下，不应该直接翻译成英语）. If everyone in the group feels that he’s in part of a decision making.（这里句号不要） They will save a lot of time of making decision. The group could make more profit because they have an efficient leader.（profits）
还好啦，开始写的时候是不是都要自己想句子什么? 这个其实是要看别人的表达，自己去模仿别人的句式。

作者: ioioke 时间: 2012-9-6 02:19
多谢讲解。学习了，下次作文主意。

逻辑关联词，从整篇文章结构上来说，有总分关系的，比如说，总的有说 reasons are stated as follows，然后分段说firstly，secondly，thirdly... 从句子间关系来说，就是表明前后句子之间关系的，有因果关系可以用的逻辑关联词有since、in that、because、result in 等等；并列关系：moreover、besides、in addition；转折关系：however、but；递进：even、让步：even though、given that

改的好仔细，多谢多谢。请问你说的逻辑关联词是指那些？能不能举几个例子？我这基础真是差。马上去帮你改。谢谢

-- by 会员 ioioke (2012/9/5 11:07:45)

-- by 会员 ykhjy (2012/9/5 15:58:38)

作者: tracyn 时间: 2012-9-6 14:13
The passage is talking about how the fuel cell engines are better than internal-combustion engine.第一段其实可以再长一点，点明阅读和听力的关系。

Firstly, internal combustion engine is relies on petroleum. ~~However,~~（这里没有转折）petroleum is a finite resource. However In the lecture, althought the professor agree with this point., The professor also points out that the water in hydrogen-based fuel engines is ~~unuseable~~unavailable. It is not easy to get from natural gas. It needs cold liquit as -253F degree.第一段中听力与阅读的关系把握的不太好,听力一般都是反驳阅读中的观点的。这种情况在考试的时候是硬伤。后面两句话与之前讲的内容联系不大，结构方面要注意。

Secondly, the passage will solve many of the world's pollution problems. ~~The professor in the lecture agrees with it.~~ However, the professor also told us. It will produce~~ing~~pollution when generate the liquid for hydrogen-based engine. They need to burn coal and oil. It This will produce carbon dioxide too.

Thirdly, the passage ~~told~~tells(时态要一致) us that operating fuel- cell engines costs less money than operating interanl-combustion engines. On the contrary, The professor in the lecture ~~told~~tells us although it is true~~. However,~~ we need to pay more money for fuel-cell engines. Because The fuel-cell engines price is much higher than that of interanl-combustion engines. The different price is enough to pay for the higher gasline.

最好有结尾总结段~~~

作者: ioioke 时间: 2012-9-7 12:26
谢谢rose，受益良多

The passage is talking about how the fuel cell engines are better than internal-combustion engine.第一段其实可以再长一点，点明阅读和听力的关系。

Firstly, internal combustion engine is relies on petroleum. ~~However,~~（这里没有转折）petroleum is a finite resource. However In the lecture, althought the professor agree with this point., The professor also points out that the water in hydrogen-based fuel engines is ~~unuseable~~unavailable. It is not easy to get from natural gas. It needs cold liquit as -253F degree.第一段中听力与阅读的关系把握的不太好,听力一般都是反驳阅读中的观点的。这种情况在考试的时候是硬伤。后面两句话与之前讲的内容联系不大，结构方面要注意。

Secondly, the passage will solve many of the world's pollution problems. ~~The professor in the lecture agrees with it.~~ However, the professor also told us. It will produce~~ing~~pollution when generate the liquid for hydrogen-based engine. They need to burn coal and oil. It This will produce carbon dioxide too.

Thirdly, the passage ~~told~~tells(时态要一致) us that operating fuel- cell engines costs less money than operating interanl-combustion engines. On the contrary, The professor in the lecture ~~told~~tells us although it is true~~. However,~~ we need to pay more money for fuel-cell engines. Because The fuel-cell engines price is much higher than that of interanl-combustion engines. The different price is enough to pay for the higher gasline.

最好有结尾总结段~~~

-- by 会员 tracyn (2012/9/6 14:13:23)

作者: ioioke 时间: 2012-9-7 13:23
When it comes to whether the most important problems in today's world will be solved in our lifetime, some think it will happen, the others believe it will not. I prefer the latter as following resones.

War! First of all, we all know war in history and in today. War never stop. As we all know, the first world war, and the second world war are famous in our history and include a lot of contries. Some contries like war, while others do not. Recours is the main reason for wars. Nowadays, we all know petorlem is finite rescouc. Some contries begin war to get more petlorlem. Do you think this kind of war will stop in our lifetime? I think war to get more petlorlem will stop when everyone could have enough petlorlem or no petlorlem at all. This is the first reason I disagree with the problem as stated.

I think medical problems are also the most imprtant problems besides wars. Even medical tecnology is full developed. There are still some problems doctor cannot solve. Canncer, for example, is the most important problem in medical history. Right now, doctor could cure breast cancer when it was found in early period. However, a lot cancers that doctors cannot treat. Doctors could only extend people's life via medical treatment. While, they cannot cure caners. Cancer is the most importent problem for a long time. Do you expect it will be solved in our life time?

Well, it could happen for some kind of cancers. Doctors are still working on them. We all hope doctors could find a way to cure canncer. However, I do not think the

作者: ioioke 时间: 2012-9-7 13:23
9月6日
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The most important problems in today's world will be solved in our lifetime.

When it comes to whether the most important problems in today's world will be solved in our lifetime, some think it will happen, the others believe it will not. I prefer the latter as following reasons.

War! First of all, we all know war in history and in today. War never stops. As we all know, the first world war and the second world war are famous in our history and include a lot of countries. Some countries like to begin war, while others do not. Recourse is the main reason for wars. Nowadays, we all know petroleum is finite resource. Some countries begin war to get more petroleum. Do you think this kind of war will stop in our lifetime? I think war fighting for more petroleum will stop when everyone could have enough petroleum or no petroleum at all. This is the first reason I disagree with the problem as stated.

I think medical problems are also the most important problems besides wars. Even medical technology is fully developed. There are still some problems doctor cannot solve. Cancer, for example, is the most important problem in medical history. Right now, doctor could cure breast cancer when it was found in early period. However, most cancers cannot be treated by doctors. Doctors could only extend people's life via medical treatment. But, they cannot cure the cancer. Cancer is the most important problem for a long time. Do you expect it will be solved in our life time?

Well, it could happen for some kind of cancers. Doctors are still working on them. We all hope doctors could find a way to cure cancer. However, I do not think the opportunity is big.

From what has been discussed above, we may safely draw the conclusion that the most important problem could not be solved in our lifetime.

TPO 11

The lecture mainly argues the reading passage about people reading less literature today. According the lecture, reasons are stated as follows.

First of all, the professor indicates that there are a lot of high quality books such as novels amd poems which could exercise our imaginations. High quality books give readers same effect as literatures. Some people read a book instead of literature. This is the first reason to argue the passage.

Secondly, when the passage comes people spend more time to watch television, listen the music, the professor argues that culture stand as not only literature but also music. Literature stands as different form. This is the second reason to argue the passage.

Last but not the least, the professor said the reason of declined readers not readers' fault, it is authors’ fault instead. The literature written in nowadays is difficult to understand. Moreover, authors write less literature today.

作者: 羊咩咩yw 时间: 2012-9-7 16:46
The lecture mainly argues the reading passage about people reading less literature today. According the lecture, reasons are stated as follows.(开头要把reading和listening的观点都尽量说明哟，还有就是第一句和第二句这件读起来没有联系呢~~)

First of all, the professor indicates that there are a lot of high quality books such as novels amd poems which could exercise our imaginations. （这个点和原文有出入呢~~说的是其他类型的书如科技类，历史类也能inspire people's intellectual~）High quality books give readers (the same)same effect as literatures. Some people read a book instead of literature. This is the first reason to argue the passage.

Secondly, when the passage comes people spend more time to watch television, listen the music, the professor argues that culture stand as not only literature but also music. Literature stands as different form. This is the second reason to argue the passage.(这一段的细节说到了~~可是大观点没有说到哟~~)

Last but not the（这里没有the） least, the professor said (that)the reason of declined readers not readers' fault(这个句子的语法不是很完美哟，建议改成，the reason why the supporting decline is not the readers, but the authors themselves), it is authors’ fault instead. The literature written in nowadays is difficult to understand. Moreover, authors write less literature today.

LZ的点有些出入~~字数有些少呢，250+是最适合的字数~~下次要多写一些哟。如果改得不好楼主不要介意哟~~

作者: 小兔爱twins 时间: 2012-9-7 23:31
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The most important problems in today's world will be solved in our lifetime.

When it comes to whether the most important problems in today's world will be solved in our lifetime, some think it will happen, the others believe it will not. I prefer the latter as following reasons.

War! First of all, we all know war in history and in today. War never stops. As we all know, the first world war and the second world war are famous in our history and include a lot of countries（你要表达很多国家卷入这两场战争是吧，，，，为何不用一个 involved 这个词仲有可以变换一下句型用个定语从句什么的 e-rater 不喜过多的简单句）. Some countries like to begin war, while others do not. （这句话跟上一句和下一句都没有什么必然的联系也。。。。逻辑的问题。。）Recourse is the main reason for wars. Nowadays, we all know petroleum is finite resource. Some countries begin war to get more petroleum. Do you think this kind of war will stop in our lifetime? I think war fighting for more petroleum will stop when everyone could have enough petroleum or no petroleum at all. （这句虚拟语气用的有问题）This is the first reason I disagree with the problem as stated.

I think medical problems are also the most important problems besides wars. Even medical technology is fully developed. There are still some problems doctor+s cannot solve. Cancer, for example, is the most important problem in medical history. Right now, doctor+s（可数名词不要光秃秃放着） could cure breast cancer when it was found in early period.（后面这句话用个独立主格来变化句型更好） However, most cancers cannot be treated by doctors. Doctors could only extend people's life via medical treatment. But, they cannot cure the cancer.（这里这几句建议用个长句组合。。） Cancer is the most important problem for a long time. Do you expect it will be solved in our life time? （童鞋你好可爱。。。。）

Well, it could happen for some kind of cancers. Doctors are still working on them. We all hope doctors could find a way to cure cancer. However, I do not think the opportunity is big.（不还是一个点吗不要独立分一段了。。。。。）

From what has been discussed above, we may safely draw the conclusion that the most important problem could not be solved in our lifetime.

强烈建议多看看范文用一些高分的表达
我觉得还是有很大的提升空间的

作者: ioioke 时间: 2012-9-8 10:33
多谢修改，受益良多

The lecture mainly argues the reading passage about people reading less literature today. According the lecture, reasons are stated as follows.(开头要把reading和listening的观点都尽量说明哟，还有就是第一句和第二句这件读起来没有联系呢~~)

First of all, the professor indicates that there are a lot of high quality books such as novels amd poems which could exercise our imaginations. （这个点和原文有出入呢~~说的是其他类型的书如科技类，历史类也能inspire people's intellectual~）High quality books give readers (the same)same effect as literatures. Some people read a book instead of literature. This is the first reason to argue the passage.

Secondly, when the passage comes people spend more time to watch television, listen the music, the professor argues that culture stand as not only literature but also music. Literature stands as different form. This is the second reason to argue the passage.(这一段的细节说到了~~可是大观点没有说到哟~~)

Last but not the（这里没有the） least, the professor said (that)the reason of declined readers not readers' fault(这个句子的语法不是很完美哟，建议改成，the reason why the supporting decline is not the readers, but the authors themselves), it is authors’ fault instead. The literature written in nowadays is difficult to understand. Moreover, authors write less literature today.

LZ的点有些出入~~字数有些少呢，250+是最适合的字数~~下次要多写一些哟。如果改得不好楼主不要介意哟~~

-- by 会员羊咩咩yw (2012/9/7 16:46:15)

作者: ioioke 时间: 2012-9-8 10:50
多谢修改，请教一下，童鞋能不能具体说说那个虚拟语气的问题，我不是很理解；黄底的前两个地方我改了一下，你帮忙看看对不对？我基础太差，你说我可爱的那个地方，可以那么写么？谢谢

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The most important problems in today's world will be solved in our lifetime.

When it comes to whether the most important problems in today's world will be solved in our lifetime, some think it will happen, the others believe it will not. I prefer the latter as following reasons.

War! First of all, we all know war in history and in today. War never stops. As we all know, the first world war and the second world war are famous in our history and include a lot of countries（你要表达很多国家卷入这两场战争是吧，，，，为何不用一个 involved 这个词仲有可以变换一下句型用个定语从句什么的 e-rater 不喜过多的简单句）. Some countries like to begin war, while others do not. （这句话跟上一句和下一句都没有什么必然的联系也。。。。逻辑的问题。。）Recourse is the main reason for wars. Nowadays, we all know petroleum is finite resource. Some countries begin war to get more petroleum. Do you think this kind of war will stop in our lifetime? I think war fighting for more petroleum will stop when everyone could have enough petroleum or no petroleum at all.（这句虚拟语气用的有问题）This is the first reason I disagree with the problem as stated.

I think medical problems are also the most important problems besides wars. Even medical technology is fully developed. There are still some problems doctor+s cannot solve. Cancer, for example, is the most important problem in medical history. Right now, doctor+s（可数名词不要光秃秃放着） could cure breast cancer when it was found in early period.（后面这句话用个独立主格来变化句型更好） However, most cancers cannot be treated by doctors. Doctors could only extend people's life via medical treatment, but they cannot cure the cancer.（这里这几句建议用个长句组合。。） Cancer is one of the most important problems for a long time. Do you expect it will be solved in our life time? （童鞋你好可爱。。。。）

Well, it could happen for some kind of cancers. Doctors are still working on them. We all hope doctors could find a way to cure cancer. However, I do not think the opportunity is big.（不还是一个点吗不要独立分一段了。。。。。）

From what has been discussed above, we may safely draw the conclusion that the most important problem could not be solved in our lifetime.

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The most important problems in today's world will be solved in our lifetime.

When it comes to whether the most important problems in today's world will be solved in our lifetime, some think it will happen, the others believe it will not. I prefer the latter as following reasons.

War! First of all, we all know war in history and in today. War never stops. As we all know, the first world war and the second world war are famous in our history and include a lot of countries（你要表达很多国家卷入这两场战争是吧，，，，为何不用一个 involved 这个词仲有可以变换一下句型用个定语从句什么的 e-rater 不喜过多的简单句）. Some countries like to begin war, while others do not. （这句话跟上一句和下一句都没有什么必然的联系也。。。。逻辑的问题。。）Recourse is the main reason for wars. Nowadays, we all know petroleum is finite resource. Some countries begin war to get more petroleum. Do you think this kind of war will stop in our lifetime? I think war fighting for more petroleum will stop when everyone could have enough petroleum or no petroleum at all. （这句虚拟语气用的有问题）This is the first reason I disagree with the problem as stated.

I think medical problems are also the most important problems besides wars. Even medical technology is fully developed. There are still some problems doctor+s cannot solve. Cancer, for example, is the most important problem in medical history. Right now, doctor+s（可数名词不要光秃秃放着） could cure breast cancer when it was found in early period.（后面这句话用个独立主格来变化句型更好） However, most cancers cannot be treated by doctors. Doctors could only extend people's life via medical treatment. But, they cannot cure the cancer.（这里这几句建议用个长句组合。。） Cancer is the most important problem for a long time. Do you expect it will be solved in our life time? （童鞋你好可爱。。。。）

Well, it could happen for some kind of cancers. Doctors are still working on them. We all hope doctors could find a way to cure cancer. However, I do not think the opportunity is big.（不还是一个点吗不要独立分一段了。。。。。）

From what has been discussed above, we may safely draw the conclusion that the most important problem could not be solved in our lifetime.

强烈建议多看看范文用一些高分的表达
我觉得还是有很大的提升空间的

-- by 会员小兔爱twins (2012/9/7 23:31:58)

作者: ykhjy 时间: 2012-9-9 21:48

借了网来看看
我觉得这篇文章审题得注意下，能不能在外面的lifetime中解决问题，lz列举了war 和medical方面的problem，我觉得角度未必合适。应该从为什么能，或者为什么不能的角度出发

多谢修改，请教一下，童鞋能不能具体说说那个虚拟语气的问题，我不是很理解；黄底的前两个地方我改了一下，你帮忙看看对不对？我基础太差，你说我可爱的那个地方，可以那么写么？谢谢

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The most important problems in today's world will be solved in our lifetime.

When it comes to whether the most important problems in today's world will be solved in our lifetime, some think it will happen, the others believe it will not. I prefer the latter as following reasons.

War! First of all, we all know war in history and in today. War never stops. As we all know, the first world war and the second world war are famous in our history and include a lot of countries（你要表达很多国家卷入这两场战争是吧，，，，为何不用一个 involved 这个词仲有可以变换一下句型用个定语从句什么的 e-rater 不喜过多的简单句）. Some countries like to begin war, while others do not. （这句话跟上一句和下一句都没有什么必然的联系也。。。。逻辑的问题。。）Recourse is the main reason for wars. Nowadays, we all know petroleum is finite resource. Some countries begin war to get more petroleum. Do you think this kind of war will stop in our lifetime? I think war fighting for more petroleum will stop when everyone could have enough petroleum or no petroleum at all.（这句虚拟语气用的有问题）This is the first reason I disagree with the problem as stated.

I think medical problems are also the most important problems besides wars. Even medical technology is fully developed. There are still some problems doctor+s cannot solve. Cancer, for example, is the most important problem in medical history. Right now, doctor+s（可数名词不要光秃秃放着） could cure breast cancer when it was found in early period.（后面这句话用个独立主格来变化句型更好） However, most cancers cannot be treated by doctors. Doctors could only extend people's life via medical treatment, but they cannot cure the cancer.（这里这几句建议用个长句组合。。） Cancer is one of the most important problems for a long time. Do you expect it will be solved in our life time? （童鞋你好可爱。。。。）

Well, it could happen for some kind of cancers. Doctors are still working on them. We all hope doctors could find a way to cure cancer. However, I do not think the opportunity is big.（不还是一个点吗不要独立分一段了。。。。。）

From what has been discussed above, we may safely draw the conclusion that the most important problem could not be solved in our lifetime.

-- by 会员小兔爱twins (2012/9/7 23:31:58)

-- by 会员 ioioke (2012/9/8 10:50:26)

作者: ioioke 时间: 2012-9-14 03:09
多谢ykh的意见，话说在我写完这篇文章的时候就发现这个问题。感觉我说的这两个方面更适合在分论点里面做例子。是不是这样

-- by 会员小兔爱twins (2012/9/7 23:31:58)

-- by 会员 ioioke (2012/9/8 10:50:26)

-- by 会员 ykhjy (2012/9/9 21:48:51)

作者: ioioke 时间: 2012-9-14 03:10
Tpo 18
The reading passage states that Torreya started to die out and provides three reasons of support. However, the professor explains that all the three method will unlikely to succeed and refutes each of the author’s reasons.

First, the reading claims that one option is to reestablish Torreya in the same location. The professor refutes this point by saying that Torreya need a specific microclimate. She states that Torreya will not grow in the same location since the global warming and dryer climate. This is the first reason to contract the passage.

Second, the article points that move Torreya to an entirely different location. However, the professor says that will have potential dangerous. According to the professor, it has opportunity for Torreya to spread very fast and kill other kinds of trees. She refutes the point of the passage since the result is unpredictable.

Third, the reading says that preserve Torreya in research centers. The professor opposes this point by explain that research centers do not have enough spaces for a big population of Torreya to keep its diverse. Meanwhile, research centers cannot protect the species and conducts research on Torreya.

作者: ioioke 时间: 2012-9-14 03:11
多发了一次。。。

作者: sarahpx 时间: 2012-9-14 09:52
The reading passage states that Torreya started to die out and provides three reasons of support.（个人感觉support这个说法太笼统了，最好直接说是protect） However, the professor explains that all the three method will unlikely to succeed and refutes each of the author’s reasons.

First, the reading claims that one option is to reestablish Torreya in the same location. The professor refutes this point by saying that Torreya need a specific microclimate. She states that Torreya will not grow in the same location since the global warming and dryer/ierclimate（wetland）. （亲，好像这里global warming不是原来那个microclimate 不适宜的原因，主要原因是整个环境drier，而global warming 和 drier wetland 造成了整个环境drier）This is the first reason to contract the passage.

Second, the article points(out) that move Torreya to an entirely different location. However, the professor says(用了好多次了，可换换argue，indicate） that will have potential dangerous（danger ，have danger/be dangerous）. According to the professor, it has opportunity for Torreya to spread very fast and kill other kinds of trees. She refutes the point of the passage since the result is unpredictable.

Third, the reading says that preserve Torreya in research centers（that 后面接从句亲）. The professor opposes this point by explain that research centers do not have enough spaces for（额，这个听力里没说吧，不确定的亲别往上写了啊，到时候扣分挺严重的） a big population of Torreya to keep its diverse（这个表达挺好的，由此我发现这段我自己表述有些问题）. Meanwhile, research centers cannot protect the species and conducts research（这个也是听力里没提的吧） on Torreya.

作者: ioioke 时间: 2012-9-14 10:40
多谢亲的批改，收获很多，最后一点应该是diversity，名词。

The reading passage states that Torreya started to die out and provides three reasons of support.（个人感觉support这个说法太笼统了，最好直接说是protect） However, the professor explains that all the three method will unlikely to succeed and refutes each of the author’s reasons.

First, the reading claims that one option is to reestablish Torreya in the same location. The professor refutes this point by saying that Torreya need a specific microclimate. She states that Torreya will not grow in the same location since the global warming and dryer/ierclimate（wetland）. （亲，好像这里global warming不是原来那个microclimate 不适宜的原因，主要原因是整个环境drier，而global warming 和 drier wetland 造成了整个环境drier）This is the first reason to contract the passage.

Second, the article points(out) that move Torreya to an entirely different location. However, the professor says(用了好多次了，可换换argue，indicate） that will have potential dangerous（danger ，have danger/be dangerous）. According to the professor, it has opportunity for Torreya to spread very fast and kill other kinds of trees. She refutes the point of the passage since the result is unpredictable.

Third, the reading says that preserve Torreya in research centers（that 后面接从句亲）. The professor opposes this point by explain that research centers do not have enough spaces for（额，这个听力里没说吧，不确定的亲别往上写了啊，到时候扣分挺严重的） a big population of Torreya to keep its diverse（这个表达挺好的，由此我发现这段我自己表述有些问题）. Meanwhile, research centers cannot protect the species and conducts research（这个也是听力里没提的吧） on Torreya.

-- by 会员 sarahpx (2012/9/14 9:52:07)

作者: ioioke 时间: 2012-9-14 11:41
9月14
Do you agree with the viewpoint that people are now easier to become educated than in the
past?

Education is always one of the most important topics in the world. Some people think people are easier to become educated in the past. However, I do not agree with this. I believe people are now easier to become educated, since we have more resources, higher quality teachers to help us, and people now desire to be educated.

First of all, a lot of ways could help people to become knowledgeable. For example, most families have their own computers which could access to internet. People could surf on internet to get what kind of information they need. At the same time, more and more libraries were built in past decades. It is convenient for people to borrow books and get information. So people could become educated more easily than before.

Second, more and more high quality teachers attend to school. Nowadays, lots of people want to be a teacher because teachers do not need to worry about the security of their job. Schools never laid teacher off. One official survey shows, every position of teachers has average 100 candidates. So schools have a lot choice. Also, teachers are the most important factors in education systems. Good teachers know their fields very well, and could give students a lot of details. Students are able to get interesting in their subjects. Good teachers could give more fun to students to study. For instants, lots of students do not want to learn numbers. When I was in primary school, one of teachers used different kinds of candy to show different numbers. Do you think children would forget those candy numbers?

Meanwhile, people are willing to study because the competition of our society. Everyone knows they have to have a high degree to get a better job. People are easier to become educated when they want to.

Base on the three points I stated, I think people now are easier to become educated.

9.14 TPO19

The article states that buzzing generated a lot of bad effects, and was threaten to be banned. The author provides three reasons to support his opinion. However, the professor explains that the passage is misleading and refutes each of the author's reasons.

First, the reading says that buzzers do not tell consumers they have been paid. The professor argues that it is wrong. He gives an example about the phone company he works with. He feels happy about this product and he wants to tell someone else about his experience. He tells consumers he was paid for telling them truth instead of lie, since he thinks the product is good. This is the first reason weaken by lecture.

Second, the passage claims that consumers trust what they heard from buzzers without think about it. However, the lecture argues that the professor always needs to answer a lot of questions about the phone service, such as the price.

Last but not least, the author presents that buzzers have harmful effect from their job on social relationships. In contradict, the professor opposes that people will more trust buzzers when consumers have good experience with the products that buzzers introduced to them.

作者: 小兔爱twins 时间: 2012-9-15 01:44
Education is always one of the most important topics in the world. Some people think people are easier to become educated in the past. However, I do not agree with this. I believe people are now easier to become educated, since we have more resources, higher quality teachers to help us, and people now desire to be educated.（开头直白 ok！）

First of all, a lot of ways could help people to become knowledgeable. For example, most families have their own computers which could access to internet. People could surf on internet to get what kind of information they need. At the same time, more and more libraries were built in past decades. It is convenient for people to borrow books and get information. So people could become educated more easily than before.（观点正常表述无碍但是句型用词比较贫乏。。。有待提高！）

Second, more and more =increasing number of high quality=qualified teachers attend to school. Nowadays, lots of people want to be a teacher because teachers do not need to worry about the security of their job. Schools never laid teacher off. One official survey shows, every position of teachers has average 100 candidates. So schools have a lot choice. Also, teachers are the most important factors in education systems. Good teachers know their fields very well, and could give students a lot of details. Students are able to get interesting in their subjects. Good teachers could give more fun to students to study. For instants, lots of students do not want to learn numbers. When I was in primary school, one of teachers used different kinds of candy to show different numbers. Do you think children would forget those candy numbers? （这段我觉得偏题了。。。。。。）

Meanwhile, people are willing to study because the competition of our society. Everyone knows they have to have a high degree to get a better job. People are easier to become educated when they want to.（这段可以展开说）

Base on the three points I stated, I think people now are easier to become educated.

作者: 小兔爱twins 时间: 2012-9-15 01:45
Education is always one of the mostimportant topics in the world. Some people think people are easier to becomeeducated in the past. However, I do not agree with this. I believe people arenow easier to become educated, since we have more resources, higher qualityteachers to help us, and people now desire to be educated.（开头直白 ok！）

First of all, a lot of ways could help peopleto become knowledgeable. For example, most families have their own computerswhich could access to internet. People could surf on internet to get what kindof information they need. At the same time, more and more libraries were built in pastdecades. It is convenient for people to borrow books and get information. Sopeople could become educated more easily thanbefore.（观点正常表述无碍但是句型用词比较贫乏。。。有待提高！）

Second, more and more =increasing number of high quality=qualified teachers attend to school. Nowadays, lots of people want tobe a teacher because teachers do not need to worry about the security of their job. Schools never laid teacher off. One official survey shows, every position of teachers hasaverage 100 candidates. So schools have alot choice. Also, teachers are the most important factors in educationsystems. Good teachers know their fields very well,and could give students a lot of details. Students are able to get interestingin their subjects. Good teachers could give more fun tostudents to study. For instants, lots of students do not want to learn numbers.When I was in primary school, one of teachers used different kinds of candy toshow different numbers. Do you think children would forget those candy numbers? （这段我觉得偏题了。。。。。。）

Meanwhile, people are willing to study becausethe competition of our society. Everyone knowsthey have to have a high degree to get a better job. People are easier tobecome educated when they want to.（这段可以展开说）

Base on the three points I stated, I thinkpeople now are easier to become educated.

欢迎光临 ChaseDream (https://forum.chasedream.com/)