ChaseDream
标题: DB的作文贴 [打印本页]
作者: 搞G战士DB 时间: 2012-9-3 20:23
标题: DB的作文贴
进群很久了，终于下决心跟队练习了。我很菜- - 写的不好，更不会改。不过我会学习的！坚持下去一定会进步！大家狠拍哈！
仿佛已经看到了第一篇作文会有多惨- -
作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-9-4 18:29
我来抢DB同学的沙发！
坐等DB的大作~~~
作者: 搞G战士DB 时间: 2012-9-4 19:26
9.4 TOP9 独立
Technology has made children less creative than they were in the past. A/D
It is often argued that technology has made children less creative than they were in the past, since technology has made things simple that children do not need to think too much as those did in the past. However, after careful thought, I have come to disagree with it. I believe it is always beneficial for children to live a more convenient life. Actually, technology even made children more creative in some level.
The development of technology has direct effect on children to come out thoughts that they never had in the past. Children are always the most curious group of people. Curiosity stimulates them to figure out the theory of these technologies. By doing this kind of stuff, they learn and think, thus become more creative
At the same time, technology brings us into information era, it is easier for children to get information they need. Children nowadays no longer enjoy stuff they used to do in the past. They spend plenty of time on watching TV and surfing the internet. TV show, advertisement or webpage include lots of information, children absorb it and get learned without notice. When information they absorbed piles up to a level, it is natural for them to use it and create something or come out a thought. For instance, a 6-year-old boy live near my home is fond of reading news in the internet. Once he find a design in a webpage is inconvenient and can be improved. Then he use an idea that came out when he was watching TV improved that design successfully by himself. What ‘s more amazing is that he connect that website and tell the net engineer his idea and is adopted! See, technology won’t be obstacle for creativity of children.
In fact, if you look back, the last one hundred years has been the most creative period during the whole human history, it is also the period that technology has developed faster than ever. History never lied, it tells us that technology has not only not made children less creative but also made them better.
Based on the reasons I listed above, I disagree the statement that technology has made children less creative than they were in the past.
作者: 搞G战士DB 时间: 2012-9-4 19:27
我来抢DB同学的沙发！
坐等DB的大作~~~
-- by 会员 晨依Jacqueline (2012/9/4 18:29:25)
作者: CCcarol 时间: 2012-9-4 19:54
我来抢DB同学的沙发！
坐等DB的大作~~~
-- by 会员 晨依Jacqueline (2012/9/4 18:29:25)
！！！晨依大宝贝！！！
作者: miss绿光 时间: 2012-9-4 20:36
Technology has made children less creative than they were in the past. A/D
It is often argued that technology has made children less creative than they were in the past, since technology has made things simple that children do not need to think too as much as those
did in the past. However, after careful thought, however, I have come to disagree with it. I believe that it is always
beneficial for children to live a more convenient life. Actually, technology even has made【你这一段都是完成时和现在时，这儿强调你观点了却用过去时不好】 children more creative in some level.
The development of technology has direct effect on children to come out【没查到你这里这个用法】 think of thoughts that they never
had in the past. Children are always the most curious group of people and【要不俩句子太短了...】 Curiosity stimulates them to
figure out the theory of these technologies. By doing this kind of stuff【嘛kind嘛stuff？太不清楚了】, they learn and think, and thus become more creative
At the same time, technology brings us into information era, and thus it is easier for children to get information
they need. Children nowadays no longer enjoy stuff they used to do in the past. They spend plenty of
time on watching TV and surfing the internet. TV show, advertisement or webpage include lots of information,
and children absorb it and get learned without notice. When information they absorbed piles up to a level, it is natural
for them to use it and create something or come out【真的有这个用法吗？我凌乱了。。。】 a thought. For instance, a 6-year-old boy live near my home is fond of reading news in the internet. Once he find found a design in a webpage
is inconvenient and can be improved,and【有联系的两句话干嘛要分开】 then he use used an idea that came out when he was watching TV improved
that design successfully by himself【我感觉举例子用过去时比较好...】. What ‘s more amazing is that he connect connected that website and tell told the net engineer his idea and is adopted! See, technology won’t be obstacle for creativity of children.
In fact, if you look back, the last one hundred years has have been the most creative period during the whole human
history, it is also the period that technology has developed faster than ever. History never lied and it tells us that technology
has not only not made children less creative but also made them better.
Based on the reasons I listed above, I disagree the statement that technology has made children less
creative than they were in the past.
1：开头结尾太不出彩。除了句式以外，你开头起码可以联系一下事实，为什么会有这个作文题目？产生的背景是怎样？显得你的论断与真篇文章是有意义的！
2：你写的东西太口语了，最大的表现就是N处都有两个independent clause不用连词连接。
主要是两点。思路还可以。内容有点空洞。
作者: Suri在奋斗 时间: 2012-9-4 20:55
Technology has made children less creative than they were in the past. A/D
It is often argued that technology has made children less creative than they were in the past, since technology has made things simple that children do not need to thinktoo as much as those did in the past. However, after careful thought, however, I have come to disagree with it. I believe that it is always beneficial for children to live a more convenient life. Actually, technology even has made【你这一段都是完成时和现在时，这儿强调你观点了却用过去时不好】 children more creative in some level.
The development of technology has direct effect on children to come out【没查到你这里这个用法】 think of thoughts that they never had in the past. Children are always the most curious group of people and【要不俩句子太短了...】 Curiosity stimulates them to figure out the theory of these technologies. By doing this kind of stuff【嘛kind嘛stuff？太不清楚了】, they learn and think, and thus become more creative
At the same time, technology brings us into information era, and thus it is easier for children to get information they need. Children nowadays no longer enjoy stuff they used to do in the past. They spend plenty of time on watching TV and surfing the internet. TV show, advertisement or webpage include lots of information, and children absorb it and get learned without notice. When information they absorbed piles up to a level, it is natural for them to use it and create something or come out【真的有这个用法吗？我凌乱了。。。】 a thought. For instance, a 6-year-old boy live near my home is fond of reading news in the internet. Once hefind found a design in a webpage is inconvenient and can be improved,and【有联系的两句话干嘛要分开】 then he use used an idea that came out when he was watching TV improved that design successfully by himself【我感觉举例子用过去时比较好...】. What ‘s more amazing is that he connect connected that website andtell told the net engineer his idea and is adopted! See, technology won’t be obstacle for creativity of children.
In fact, if you look back, the last one hundred yearshas have been the most creative period during the whole human history, it is also the period that technology has developed faster than ever. History never lied andit tells us that technology has not only not made children less creative but also made them better.
Based on the reasons I listed above, I disagree the statement that technology has made children less creative than they were in the past.
1：开头结尾太不出彩。除了句式以外，你开头起码可以联系一下事实，为什么会有这个作文题目？产生的背景是怎样？显得你的论断与真篇文章是有意义的！2：你写的东西太口语了，最大的表现就是N处都有两个independent clause不用连词连接。主要是两点。思路还可以。内容有点空洞。-- by 会员 miss绿光 (2012/9/4 20:36:15)
作者: Suri在奋斗 时间: 2012-9-4 21:02
开头我是先把口语心经上的好多作文的开头背了背
然后那两天就特别有感觉
还有绿光说的，要有事例，不能纯说理
has not only not····but also···这个用法我觉得好怪呀
可以记得多变换句式
倒装，比较
换着来么
作者: 搞G战士DB 时间: 2012-9-4 21:04
TO 绿光老师：感激不尽！ 举例子那儿本来都用的过去时，自己改的时候觉得不太对，又全改成一般时了……我时态超级烂！！！
查了下好像是没有come out这种用法……chinglish了……用idea comes to mind的好了~
过于口语化是我一直以来的问题，跟队后多看多练，会慢慢好起来的！
开头结尾慢慢练哈，也是多看多写，现在还写不出来。
辛苦了老师！致敬！
作者: 搞G战士DB 时间: 2012-9-4 21:09
开头我是先把口语心经上的好多作文的开头背了背
然后那两天就特别有感觉
还有绿光说的，要有事例，不能纯说理
has not only not····but also···这个用法我觉得好怪呀
可以记得多变换句式
倒装，比较
换着来么
-- by 会员 Suri在奋斗 (2012/9/4 21:02:05)
作者: Rena张 时间: 2012-9-4 23:24
DB 比我好多了呢~~~
作者: fuzhengrui 时间: 2012-9-5 01:38
标题: 写的不错，简单改了一下，见附件
[attach]105752[/attach]
作者: xeyyxzty 时间: 2012-9-5 09:38
首先问一下DB这貌似不是今天的题目吧......好吧，其实这一点无所谓
红色认为有问题，绿色是我也不确定的
It is often argued that technology has made children less creative than they were in the past, since technology has made things simple that children do not need to think too much as those did in the past.（这句话．．．这句话．．．好不顺的感觉, people argue that…in the past because of the fast-developing technology. The technology has made…我认为一句话太长了也不是很好吧…不过这就是个人观点，DB可以告诉我一下你的想法） However, after careful thought, I have come to disagree（直接disagree好了） with it. I believe it is always beneficial for children to live a more convenient life. Actually, technology even made children more creative in some level（觉得Degree更好吧）.
The development of technology has direct effect on children to come out thoughts that they never had in the past（其实新想法本来就是原来没有的吧，应该表述成没有科技就不会产生的想法，这个比较好）. Children are always the most curious group of people. Curiosity stimulates them to figure out the theory of these technologies. By doing this kind of stuff, they learn and think, thus become more creative
At the same time, technology brings us into information era,（.） it is easier for children to get information they need. Children nowadays no longer enjoy stuff they used to do in the past. They spend plenty of time on watching TV and surfing the internet. TV show, advertisement or webpage include (contain怎么样) lots of information,(.) children absorb it and get learned without notice. When information they absorbed piles up to a level, it is natural for them to use it and create something or come out a thought. For instance, a 6-year-old boy live near my home is fond of reading news in (on) the internet. Once he find (found that) a design in (on?) a webpage is (was) inconvenient and can (could) be improved. Then he use an idea（首先应该用过去时，其次你确定这个用法正确？） that came out when he was watching TV improved （这是第二个动词了吧，前一个是use，中间没有连词，这句话不正确吧）that design successfully by himself. What ‘s more amazing is that he connect (connected) that website and tell (told) the net engineer his idea and is (这个主语貌似是he，而且连用2个and也不是很正确。可以在idea后面结束一句话，人后说the idea is adopted什么的)adopted! See, technology won’t be obstacle for creativity of children.（这个观点我觉得并没有在上文中表述清楚呀~前面说technology提供信息，没有说科技成为创造的阻碍呀~这个跳跃有些大哈，熊熊没有跟上…）
In fact, if you look back, the last one hundred years has(have) been the most creative period (说100年是creative period 不觉得有问题吗，With the largest number of creative people如何) during the whole human history, （.） it is also the period that technology has developed faster than ever. History never lied, (that) it tells us that technology has not only not (可以这样说~好吧)made children less creative but also （用instead吧）made them better.
Based on the reasons I listed above, I disagree the statement that technology has made children less creative than they were in the past.
DB的基础需要加强呀（虽然熊熊也是半斤八两
）
具体的问题在文中指出了，比较严重的就是时态，还有一个句子中总会跑出很多动词，却缺少连词什么的
加油
作者: xeyyxzty 时间: 2012-9-5 09:38
首先问一下DB这貌似不是今天的题目吧......好吧，其实这一点无所谓
红色认为有问题，绿色是我也不确定的
It is often argued that technology has made children less creative than they were in the past, since technology has made things simple that children do not need to think too much as those did in the past.（这句话．．．这句话．．．好不顺的感觉, people argue that…in the past because of the fast-developing technology. The technology has made…我认为一句话太长了也不是很好吧…不过这就是个人观点，DB可以告诉我一下你的想法） However, after careful thought, I have come to disagree（直接disagree好了） with it. I believe it is always beneficial for children to live a more convenient life. Actually, technology even made children more creative in some level（觉得Degree更好吧）.
The development of technology has direct effect on children to come out thoughts that they never had in the past（其实新想法本来就是原来没有的吧，应该表述成没有科技就不会产生的想法，这个比较好）. Children are always the most curious group of people. Curiosity stimulates them to figure out the theory of these technologies. By doing this kind of stuff, they learn and think, thus become more creative
At the same time, technology brings us into information era,（.） it is easier for children to get information they need. Children nowadays no longer enjoy stuff they used to do in the past. They spend plenty of time on watching TV and surfing the internet. TV show, advertisement or webpage include (contain怎么样) lots of information,(.) children absorb it and get learned without notice. When information they absorbed piles up to a level, it is natural for them to use it and create something or come out a thought. For instance, a 6-year-old boy live near my home is fond of reading news in (on) the internet. Once he find (found that) a design in (on?) a webpage is (was) inconvenient and can (could) be improved. Then he use an idea（首先应该用过去时，其次你确定这个用法正确？） that came out when he was watching TV improved （这是第二个动词了吧，前一个是use，中间没有连词，这句话不正确吧）that design successfully by himself. What ‘s more amazing is that he connect (connected) that website and tell (told) the net engineer his idea and is (这个主语貌似是he，而且连用2个and也不是很正确。可以在idea后面结束一句话，人后说the idea is adopted什么的)adopted! See, technology won’t be obstacle for creativity of children.（这个观点我觉得并没有在上文中表述清楚呀~前面说technology提供信息，没有说科技成为创造的阻碍呀~这个跳跃有些大哈，熊熊没有跟上…）
In fact, if you look back, the last one hundred years has(have) been the most creative period (说100年是creative period 不觉得有问题吗，With the largest number of creative people如何) during the whole human history, （.） it is also the period that technology has developed faster than ever. History never lied, (that) it tells us that technology has not only not (可以这样说~好吧)made children less creative but also （用instead吧）made them better.
Based on the reasons I listed above, I disagree the statement that technology has made children less creative than they were in the past.
DB的基础需要加强呀（虽然熊熊也是半斤八两）
具体的问题在文中指出了，比较严重的就是时态，还有一个句子中总会跑出很多动词，却缺少连词什么的
加油
作者: corneliaflower 时间: 2012-9-5 09:49
哇~~DB人气真火爆。一下子有3位童鞋给改作文。
花儿的作文也是很差的说。也要尽早开贴了。
作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-9-5 11:41
绿光老师说得好！
用事例来说理更让人信服。继续加油啊DB战士^o^
作者: 搞G战士DB 时间: 2012-9-5 20:19
105752
-- by 会员 fuzhengrui (2012/9/5 1:38:30)
作者: 搞G战士DB 时间: 2012-9-5 20:21
首先问一下DB这貌似不是今天的题目吧......好吧，其实这一点无所谓
红色认为有问题，绿色是我也不确定的
It is often argued that technology has made children less creative than they were in the past, since technology has made things simple that children do not need to think too much as those did in the past.（这句话．．．这句话．．．好不顺的感觉, people argue that…in the past because of the fast-developing technology. The technology has made…我认为一句话太长了也不是很好吧…不过这就是个人观点，DB可以告诉我一下你的想法） However, after careful thought, I have come to disagree（直接disagree好了） with it. I believe it is always beneficial for children to live a more convenient life. Actually, technology even made children more creative in some level（觉得Degree更好吧）.
The development of technology has direct effect on children to come out thoughts that they never had in the past（其实新想法本来就是原来没有的吧，应该表述成没有科技就不会产生的想法，这个比较好）. Children are always the most curious group of people. Curiosity stimulates them to figure out the theory of these technologies. By doing this kind of stuff, they learn and think, thus become more creative
At the same time, technology brings us into information era,（.） it is easier for children to get information they need. Children nowadays no longer enjoy stuff they used to do in the past. They spend plenty of time on watching TV and surfing the internet. TV show, advertisement or webpage include (contain怎么样) lots of information,(.) children absorb it and get learned without notice. When information they absorbed piles up to a level, it is natural for them to use it and create something or come out a thought. For instance, a 6-year-old boy live near my home is fond of reading news in (on) the internet. Once he find (found that) a design in(on?) a webpage is (was) inconvenient and can(could) be improved. Then he use an idea（首先应该用过去时，其次你确定这个用法正确？） that came out when he was watching TV improved （这是第二个动词了吧，前一个是use，中间没有连词，这句话不正确吧）that design successfully by himself. What ‘s more amazing is that he connect (connected) that website and tell(told) the net engineer his idea and is (这个主语貌似是he，而且连用2个and也不是很正确。可以在idea后面结束一句话，人后说the idea is adopted什么的)adopted! See, technology won’t be obstacle for creativity of children.（这个观点我觉得并没有在上文中表述清楚呀~前面说technology提供信息，没有说科技成为创造的阻碍呀~这个跳跃有些大哈，熊熊没有跟上…）
In fact, if you look back, the last one hundred years has(have) been the most creative period(说100年是creative period 不觉得有问题吗，With the largest number of creative people如何) during the whole human history, （.） it is also the period that technology has developed faster than ever. History never lied, (that) it tells us that technology has not only not (可以这样说~好吧)made children less creative but also（用instead吧）made them better.
Based on the reasons I listed above, I disagree the statement that technology has made children less creative than they were in the past.
DB的基础需要加强呀（虽然熊熊也是半斤八两）
具体的问题在文中指出了，比较严重的就是时态，还有一个句子中总会跑出很多动词，却缺少连词什么的
加油
-- by 会员 xeyyxzty (2012/9/5 9:38:38)
作者: 搞G战士DB 时间: 2012-9-5 20:22
哇~~DB人气真火爆。一下子有3位童鞋给改作文。
花儿的作文也是很差的说。也要尽早开贴了。
-- by 会员 corneliaflower (2012/9/5 9:49:46)
作者: 搞G战士DB 时间: 2012-9-5 20:22
DB 比我好多了呢~~~
-- by 会员 Rena张 (2012/9/4 23:24:15)
作者: 搞G战士DB 时间: 2012-9-5 20:25
9.5 独立 In order to solve the problems of the present and the future, people should review the past
Every country, every nation, even every single people has its own past, present and future. Events that are happening today stem from the past and will have direct effect on the future. The time-line is unbreakable. History provides valuable sources for understanding different people and societies nowadays, predicting future trends and building a person’s identity. Therefore no one should live only for today separated from the past.
History generates past experience and formulates the steps of development. By reviewing the past, you can learn from the fault made by people before and figure out why they did it wrong and how to fix it. Then use the experience you learned from it to solve the problems you have now or in the future. What is more significant is to learn from the fault that was done by yourself. That is how we get improved. For example, Addison, the father of bulb, has failed thousands of time before he got success. After every experiment he failed, he spent plenty of time figuring why he was wrong and thus could get improved next time. Every little step of improvement made him success at the last experiment. In this case history is the best teacher. It works to everyone.
Except learning the way to fix the fault, reviewing the past can also assist us to avoid previous mistakes and thus make the problems of the present and the future easier to solve. We have made of history step-by-step and day-by-day. The problem we have now or might have in the future is connected to what we have done in the past. If we had did all the steps right, we would not have problems now. And if we finish the work in a right way, we won’t have problems in the future either. For instance, when I began preparing the TOEFL, the first thing I did is to searching the experience that was written down by those who had finished TOEFL with a fantastic grade on the internet. Learning the mistakes they have made helped me avoid make these again during my preparation.
In conclusion, I strongly believe that it is of benefit for us to solve the problems of the past and the future by reviewing the past. So let us look back a little bit and learn more about the history and ourselves.
作者: duniaguodupa 时间: 2012-9-6 23:54
Every country, every nation, even every single people has its own past, present and future. Events that are happening today stem from the past and will have direct effect on the future. The time-line is unbreakable. History provides valuable sources for understanding different people and societies nowadays, predicting future trends and building a person’s identity. Therefore no one should live only for today separated from the past.
History generates past experience (历史产生过去的经验，个人觉得用好的经验比较好) and formulates the steps of development. By reviewing the past, you can learn from the fault made by people before and figure out why they did it wrong and how to fix it. Then use the experience you learned from it to solve the problems you have now or in the future. (此句似乎有点问题，缺主语了？) What is more significant is to learn from the fault that was done by yourself. That is how we get improved. For example, Addison, the father of bulb, has failed thousands of time before he got success. After every experiment he failed, he spent plenty of time figuring why he was wrong and thus could get improved next time. Every little step of improvement made him success（succeed?好一点？） at the last experiment. In this case，history is the best teacher. It works to everyone.
Except learning the way to fix the fault, reviewing the past can also assist us to avoid previous mistakes and thus make the problems of the present and the future easier to solve. We have made of history step-by-step and day-by-day. The problem we have now or might have in the future is connected to what we have done in the past. If we had did all the steps right, we would not have problems now. And if we finish the work in a right way, we won’t have problems in the future either. （这两句似乎有点累赘）For instance, when I began preparing the TOEFL, the first thing I did is to searching(search) the experience that was written down by those who had finished TOEFL with a fantastic grade on the internet. Learning the mistakes they have made helped me avoid make (making) these again during my preparation.
In conclusion, I strongly believe that it is of benefit for us to solve the problems of the past (粗心了) and the future by reviewing the past. So let us look back a little bit and learn more about the history and ourselves.
小弟第一次改作文，请多多包涵·~
总的来说，全文没什么错误，思路也很清晰，而且还有例子证明哦！很不错
不过感觉第一段可以再清晰分明一点，还有句型和词汇可以再做一些升级。加油~
作者: 搞G战士DB 时间: 2012-9-7 12:47
9.6独立 抱歉交晚了一点，感觉还没昨天的写得好，求狠拍！
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The most important problems in today's world will be solved in our lifetime.
We live in a world with unlimited problems and personally I do not agree that any of important problems in today’s world will be solved in our lifetime. I believe that selfish and greedy are human nature. The fact is that we always put our own benefits and comforts in the first place when having different opinions in solving worldwide problems.
Climate change is one the most important problems in today’s world. With the development of economy and extremely high speed of population increasing, human are using more and more gas and carbon, which cause carbon dioxide emission reaching to a very high lever. JingDong protocol has been published in late 20th century, which aims to limit the carbon dioxide emission. Nevertheless, America, which is the country with the biggest carbon dioxide emission in the world, refuses to sign this protocol, making this protocol far less meaningful than we expected. Obviously, politicians only focus on how to attract citizen to vote to them, they will never do things that might influence the development of economy like signing JingDong protocol. If we cannot put aside our differences when we try to solve the worldwide problems, they will never be solved.
Food shortage and wasting is another important problem in today’s world. The development of society and economy is extraordinary imbalance. There are millions of children starving in Africa while tons of food is wasted in developed countries. You must have thought that it is very easy to solve this problem, since we only need to transfer those redundant foods from developed countries to those poor countries in Africa, right? The fact is that, everything becomes complicated when it is relevant to politics and national interest. For instance, President Obama signed a bill to provide food and resources to those poor countries in Africa. However, this bill has to be voted through House of Representatives and senate, which gives his political opponent a chance to refuse this bill. They can be selfish and inhumanity, they do not even care how many children might die because this bill was not voted through so long as they can achieve their own political goal.
In summary, human mostly only care about their own benefits now. We spent too much meaningless time and resources on discussing instead of acting. Thus I strongly believe that the important problems in today’s world won‘t be solved in our lifetime.
作者: E月羽 时间: 2012-9-7 15:47
We live in a world with unlimited(感觉这个词一般用来指边界无限，而不只数量无限，可考虑换用countless) problems and personally I do not agree that any of important problems in today’s world will be solved in our lifetime. I believe that selfish and greedy are human nature. （可改为状语从句会比较好which lead ）The fact is that we always put our own benefits and comforts in the first place(at top priority) when having different opinions in solving worldwide problems.
Climate change is one the most important problems in today’s world. With the development of economy and extremely high speed of population increasing, human are using（carbon不能using） more and more gas and carbon, which cause carbon dioxide emission reaching to a very high lever. JingDong protocol has been published in late 20th century, which aims to limit the carbon dioxide emission. Nevertheless, America, which is the country with the biggest carbon dioxide emission in the world, refuses to sign this protocol, making this protocol far less meaningful than we expected. Obviously, politicians only focus on how to attract citizen to vote to them, they will never do things that might influence（promote可能比较好） the development of economy like signing JingDong protocol. If we cannot put aside our differences（应该是difficults吧？） when we try to solve the worldwide problems, they will never be solved.
Food shortage and wasting is another important problem in today’s world. The development of society and economy（感觉这两个比较怪怪的） is extraordinary imbalance. There are millions of children starving in Africa while tons of food is wasted in developed countries. You must have thought that it is very easy to solve this problem, since we only need to transfer those redundant foods from developed countries to those poor countries in Africa, right? The fact is that, everything becomes complicated when it is relevant to politics and national interest. For instance, President Obama signed a bill to provide food and resources to those poor countries in Africa. However, this bill has to be voted through House of Representatives and senate, which gives his political opponent a chance to refuse this bill. They can be selfish and inhumanity, they do not even care how many children might die because this bill was not voted through so long as they can achieve their own political goal. （可以总结一下）
（可适当增加一个让步段）
In summary, human mostly only care about their own benefits now. We spent too much meaningless time and resources on discussing instead of acting. Thus I strongly believe that the important problems in today’s world won‘t be solved in our lifetime.
文章语法错误少，写的不错，只需注意一下个别用词。Ps：水平有限，共勉之。
作者: xeyyxzty 时间: 2012-9-7 22:42
DB呀~今天的作文我明天下午/晚上传~
有点晚，别介意哈~
作者: 搞G战士DB 时间: 2012-9-8 11:11
DB呀~今天的作文我明天下午/晚上传~
有点晚，别介意哈~
-- by 会员 xeyyxzty (2012/9/7 22:42:35)
作者: 搞G战士DB 时间: 2012-9-8 11:12
急着出门去参加CD的分享会，来不及自改了，肯定会有很多错误。第一次尝试三论点，写的比较啰嗦，麻烦熊熊了哈~狠狠拍吧！！！
9.7独立Some people think university professors should spend more time doing research while others think they should spend more time educating students. What is your view?
With the development of our society, university is not a fresh word to people nowadays anymore. Nevertheless, professors in universities have different preferences. Some of them spend more time doing research while others prefer to spend time on educating students. I do believe that it is significant to do research, but after a careful thought, I think professors should focus on educating students. After all, university is school and professors are teachers, it is their duty to impart students knowledge and they can also learn from their students to help finish their research. Meanwhile, having class is also an opportunity for professors to review the basic knowledge.
Educating is a process that human inheriting knowledge and learning skills to explore the world. It is how human getting prepared for their future life and school is such a place that providing education. Although the technology has developed so fast that human nowadays can study from resources in the internet, studying from the professors is still the most efficient way. University professors are most knowledgeable people in the world, and it is their duty to impart their knowledge to students. However, many professors choose to spend more time on doing their own research instead of educating students. In some countries, especially in China, teacher is not a well-paid career, so professors choose to do research, through which they can earn extra salary to satisfy their physical needs. However, professors should notice that they have chose a career that can satisfy some more elevated needs that beyond money. On this point, they should be responsible for their choice and focus on educating students.
In addition to it is professors’ duty to focus on educating students, teaching is also a process that not only students learn from their teachers but also teachers learn from students. Actually, there is research reveals that most of important discoveries were found in their first ten years after scholars started their researches. It seems like it is difficult for scholars remain creative during a long period. However, students, who are in their most creative age, have countless brilliant and excellent ideas that professors can get inspiration from. So teaching can sometimes help professors to do their research more efficiently.
Meanwhile, having classes is also an opportunity for professors to review their basic knowledge. For instance, my father is a university professor, he got into a dilemma when written his PHD paper. It was very tough for him, but one day one of his students asked him a question in task book, and my father found his answer to get out from his trouble in his paper from the book. Sometimes it is easy for us to ignore the most basic knowledge when we keep on our study deeper and deeper, and basic knowledge is always the most essential and significant knowledge. Thus educating students is also opportunity for professors to think about questions from the top and can help them get out of troubles in their researches.
In summary, basic on the reasons I listed above, I strongly believe that professors should spend more time on educating students instead of doing research.
作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-9-8 14:46
9-7
DB的观点和单词都写得很精彩。受教了
个人建议--
1 开头缩短一点点（关于你为什么选择这样一个观点可以不详细说，放到下面的内容里面去），
结尾加长一点点（一句话重申观点说服力不足够哦，可以加一句好处啊什么的convince一下）。
2 写长句子的时候注意句式（瞻前顾后，千万不要句式杂糅什么的），还有语法小错误。
Educating is a process that human inheriting knowledge and learning skills to explore the world.
Educating is a process that of human inheriting knowledge and learning skills to explore the world.
It is how human getting prepared for their future life and school is such a place that providing education. 这个病句自己改改。
等时间多了仔细再看看哈
作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-9-8 14:51
急着出门去参加CD的分享会，来不及自改了，肯定会有很多错误。
求分享啊~
作者: xeyyxzty 时间: 2012-9-8 20:25
With thedevelopment of our society, university is not a fresh word to people nowadaysanymore. Nevertheless,(转折前后我感受不到联系哦~给我解释一下吧) professors inuniversities have different preferences. Some of them spend more time doingresearch while others prefer to spend time on educating students. I do believethat it is significant to do research, but after a careful thought, I thinkprofessors should focus on educating students. After all, university is schooland professors are teachers, and(貌似缺少连词吧) it istheir duty to impart （从来没见过~厉害）studentsknowledge and they can also learn from their students to help finish theirresearch. Meanwhile, having class is also an opportunity for professors toreview the basic knowledge.
Educating is a process that （后面应该加句子吧~）humaninheriting knowledge and learning skills to explore the world. It is how human getting prepared for theirfuture life （怎么感觉这句话没有说完似的~it is指什么呀？）and school is such a place that （+句子） providing education. Although the technology has developed so fastthat human nowadays can study from resources in （on?）theinternet, studying from the professors is still the most efficient way.University professors are most knowledgeable people in the world, and it istheir duty to impart their knowledge to students. However, many professorschoose to spend more time on doing their own research instead of educatingstudents. In some countries, especially in China, teacher is not a well-paid career (job), soprofessors choose to do research, through which they can earn extra salary to satisfytheir physical needs. However, professors should notice that they have chosen acareer that can satisfy some more elevated needs that beyond money. On thispoint, they should be responsible for their choice and focus on educatingstudents.
In addition to it is professors’ duty to focus oneducating students, and teaching is also a process that not onlystudents learn from their teachers but alsoteachers learn from students (and vice versa怎么样).Actually, there is a research reveals that most of importantdiscoveries were found in their(professors,没有指明) first ten years after （When）scholars started their researches. It seemslike it is difficult for scholars to (有没有必要我也不清楚~)remaincreative during a long period. However, students, who are in their mostcreative age, have countless brilliant and excellent ideas that professors canget inspiration from. So teaching can sometimes help professors to do theirresearch more efficiently.
Meanwhile, having classes is also an opportunityfor professors to review their basic knowledge. For instance, my father is auniversity professor, and he got into a dilemma when written(writing) his PHD paper. It was very tough for him, but one day oneof his students asked him a question in task book (这是什么书？), and myfather found his answer to get out from (of)his trouble in his (the) paperfrom the book. Sometimes it iseasy (直接说it is common) for us to ignore the most basic knowledge whenwe keep on our study deeper and deeper, and basicknowledge is always the most essential and （and出现的有点多哈）significant knowledge. Thus educating students is also an opportunityfor professors to think about questions from the top and can help them get outof troubles in their researches.
In summary, basic (based) onthe reasons I listed above, I strongly believe that professors should spendmore time on educating students instead of doing research.
觉得你从句里总是缺少动词哈~这个很有问题
由于我和你的观点不同哈~所以我不太好评价你的论点~咱们两个的对比太鲜明......
很多句子有点罗嗦~虽然看着很长很棒，但是让人有点困惑~能看懂，但是不是很舒服~个人小感受，DB参考就可以
有的地方代词指代不是很明确~
就这些吧，熊熊的作文很不好只能看出这么多~多交流
作者: 搞G战士DB 时间: 2012-9-8 22:04
谢谢熊熊的修改，这篇错误好多啊……确实写得不好。task book是我脑残把textbook写错了……
我的语法很烂，熊熊语法很好，多向你学习哈。
还有，teacher不能是一个职业啊？career 和 job的区别是？
作者: xeyyxzty 时间: 2012-9-9 08:25
谢谢熊熊的修改，这篇错误好多啊……确实写得不好。task book是我脑残把textbook写错了……
我的语法很烂，熊熊语法很好，多向你学习哈。
还有，teacher不能是一个职业啊？career 和 job的区别是？
-- by 会员 搞G战士DB (2012/9/8 22:04:22)
btw：其实我也不知道具体怎么用~一起学习吧~不过觉得找到的东西说了和没说差不多
careern.[C] profession or occupation with opportunities for advancement or promotion 职业; 事业; 生涯: a career in accountancy, journalism, politics, etc 会计、 新闻工作、 政治等生涯 * She chose an academic career. 她选择了学术界职业. * [attrib 作定语] a career diplomat, ie a professional one 职业外交家. occupation[C] (a) (fml 文) job; employment 工作; 职业: `What's your occupation?' `I'm a dancer.' ‘你的职业是什麼?’‘我是跳舞的.’ * Please state your name, age and occupation. 请说明姓名、 年龄和职业. (b) activity that occupies a person's (esp spare) time; pastime 占据某人时间的活动; （尤指）业余活动; 消遣: She has many occupations including gardening and wine-making. 她有许多消遣, 包括园艺和酿酒. * His favourite occupation is reading. 他的业余爱好是看书.jobn 1 regularly paid position or post 职业; 职位: Thousands of workers lost their jobs when the factory closed. 那家工厂一倒闭, 成千的工人都失业了. * He got a part-time job as a gardener. 他找到个兼职工作, 当花匠. * Should she give up her job when she has a baby? 她有小孩之后, 要辞去工作吗? * The government is trying to create new jobs. 政府正设法提供新的就业机会. 2 piece of work; task or assignment 工作; 任务: The shipyard is working on three different jobs, ie building three ships. 该造船厂正在造三艘船. * They've done a fine job (of work) sewing these curtains. 他们把缝窗帘这项工作干得挺好. * pay sb by the job, ie separately for each job done 按件计酬 * Writing a book was a more difficult job than he'd thought. 写书这工作可比他原来想像的难得多. * It was quite a job (ie a difficult task) finding his flat. 找到他的寓所可不是件容易事. ***************有关“职位”（Professional Position）、“工作”（Job）、“职业”（Occupation）和“职业生涯”（Career）这几个词的含义在理论上仍然存在着一定程度的争议，不过我们可以大致将它们定义如下： 工作（work）是指体能或心智上的努力，以产生某事或结果。工作占人类生活中的绝大部分，人类是透过工作以掌握生活。个人所追求的工作目标可能是工作本身所带来的愉悦感，工作角色所赋予生活的结构、工作所提供的经济支持、或者是其所伴随的休闲型态。工作可能达成经济、社会及心理上的目的。可能获得经济上的酬赏，也可能没有报酬，例如学校工作（schoolwork）、家庭作业（homework）以及家事工作（housework）、志愿服务工作（voluntary work）等。 工作（job）是指在一个组织机构中，一群类似的、有薪资的职位（positions），涵盖为维持机构运作所必须执行的一群职务（tasks）。不同职位的工作者在执行任务之后，会获得所期望的经济报酬。例如务农（农会干事）、建筑（工地主任）、贸易（业务经理）、教育（人员）、医护（人员）、公务（人员）等。 职位（position）：是和分配给个人的一系列具体任务直接相关的。因此，职位和参与工作的个人相对应，有多少参与工作的个人，就有多少个职位。 职业（occupation）指在许多工商事业或机构中的一群类似的工作（jobs）。职业在经济社会的历史上早已存在，与个人无关。例如：农工商教育医护法律会计等。 事业（enterprise）在华人社会的文化中，事业是指值得个人投注一生心力，以获得最大实现可能性的生涯目标。在一个事业体中，通常包含较广泛的职业范畴。例如，教育事业、慈善事业、医疗事业、科技事业、文化事业等。 职业生涯（Career）这个概念的含义曾随着时间的推移发生过很多变化。在70年代，职业生涯专指个人生活中和工作相关的各个方面。随后，又有很多新的意义被纳入到“职业生涯”的概念中，其中甚至包含了生活中关于个人、集体以及经济生活的方方面面。
作者: 搞G战士DB 时间: 2012-9-16 20:21
916独立
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: Children should choose the same career as their parents. Use specific examples to support your answer.
Currently, many parents prefer to let their children choose the same career as they do. Beneficial it is for children following their parents’ steps, I, after careful thought, still believe children should choose the career they like instead of what their parents do. Since doing the same job is not only a huge pressure for children to be compared with their parents, but also an enormous loss for children to give up their dreaming career. Meanwhile, children may not suitable for jobs their parents do.
Many parents prefer to let their children do what they do because they have experiences and relationships in their occupational circle. They can easily help their children get a steady job and chances to get promotion thus make their children live a comfortable life. However, it also brings children a huge pressure since they will be compared to their parents during the whole career. Children might think it is humiliated if they cannot beyond the achievements their parents made, which brings pressures to them. It is true that pressure sometimes can be a good inspiration, but it more often brings bad effects to people, especially for young people like children.
Secondly, it can be an enormous loss for children to give up their dreaming career only to follow their parents’ steps. Doing a job you do not like is the most awful thing I can imagine. On the other hand, doing a job you like brings you happiness in your life. Children are so young that they have infinitely potential and plenty of time to make their dreams come true. It is so regrettable for children to give up their dreams because their parents want them to live a comfortable life. For example, in China, most of parents, including one of my friends’, want their children to become a lawyer or doctor which both have high social status and handsome salary. But my friend wants to become a dancer and choreographer. He is so talented and works so hard that his parents finally agreed to let him do what he likes, and he becomes one of most excellent young dancers in China.
Furthermore, Children may not suitable for jobs their parents do at all. Set an example of myself, my parents are both professors in a university, but I am not suitable to become a teacher since I get trembled on the platform every time. But I am excellent in some other fields and decide to become a business man in the future, which is also my dreaming career. Every single man is special and some people are just not suitable for some careers since they were born this way.
Generally speaking, based on the reasons I listed above, I do not agree that children should choose the same careers their parents do just for live a comfortable life. I really think children should follow their hearts and do what they like the most.
作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-9-16 22:42
Currently, many parents prefer to lettheir children to choose the same career as they do. Beneficial it is for children following their parents’ steps, I, after careful thought, still believe that children should choose the career they like instead of what their parents do(that of their parents'). From my standpoint, Since doing the same job is not only a huge pressure for children to be compared with their parents, but also an enormous loss for children to give up their dreaming career. Meanwhile, children may not be suitable for jobs their parents do.
作者: xeyyxzty 时间: 2012-9-17 20:48
DB写的好多
Currently,many parents prefer to let their children choose the same career as they do.Beneficial it is for children following their parents’ steps, I, after careful thought(after thinking deeply怎么样),still believe children should choose the career they like instead of what theirparents do. Since doing the same job is not only a huge pressure for children to be compared with their parents, but also an enormous loss forchildren to give(giving~就是个人感觉to do表示目的，或者还有别的意思？告诉我啊——) uptheir dreaming career. Meanwhile, children may not suitable for jobs theirparents do.
Many parents prefer to let their children do what they(parents/children指代不是很清楚吧~后面的貌似也有这种感觉…) do because they haveexperiences and relationships in their occupational circle. They can easily helptheir children get a steady job and chances to get promotion thus make theirchildren live a comfortable life. However, it also brings children a hugepressure since they will be compared to their parents during the whole career(确定对吧~那我就学习了~嘻嘻). Childrenmight think it is humiliated if they cannot beyond（这个不是动词哟~不过应该用什么我不了解~） the achievements their parents made, whichbrings pressures（重复好多遍咯~感觉好啰嗦） to them. It is true that pressure sometimes can be a goodinspiration, but it more often brings bad effects to people, especially for young people like children（其实我不觉得young与children有什么关系吧~长大了也使XX的孩子呀~换成for the young就可以吧~个人意见）.
Secondly, it can be an enormous loss for childrento give up their dreaming career only to follow their parents’ steps. Doing ajob you do not like is the most awful thing I can imagine. On the other hand,doing a job you like brings you happiness in your life. Children are so youngthat they have infinitely potential and plenty of time to make their dreamscome true. It is so regrettable for children to give up their dreams becausetheir parents want them to live a comfortable life. For example, in China, mostofparents, including one of my friends’, want their children to become a lawyeror doctor which both have high social status and handsome salary. But my friendwants to become a dancer and choreographer. He is so talented and works so hardthat his parents finally agreed to let him do what he likes, and he becomes oneof most excellent young dancers in China.
Furthermore, Children may not be suitablefor jobs their parents do at all. Set an example of myself, my parents are bothprofessors in a university, but I am not suitable to become a teacher since Iget trembled on the platform every time. But I am excellent in some otherfields and decide to become a business man in the future, which is also mydreaming career. Every single man is special and some people are just not suitable for some careers sincethey were born this way.（明白你的意思，就是不知道这里是不是很native~）
Generally speaking, based on the reasons I listedabove, I do not agree that children should choose the same careers theirparents do just for(to) live a comfortable life. I really thinkchildren should follow their hearts and do what they like the most.
为什么前面的错误很多而后面就好了呢~是进入状态了？
文章主要是说家长希望孩子have a stable life因此推荐自己的工作，但会造成XXX问题~是吧~
感觉写的很好
就是有的时候读起来有点奇怪（没有标出来~就是整体的感觉）~也许是不太native~其实我也不知道什么算native哈~
总之就是多读原文，范文什么的吧~
加油
作者: 搞G战士DB 时间: 2012-9-17 22:25
917独立Grades (marks) encourage students to learn? A/D
Currently, more and more people think students are constrained by grades while others stand on the points that grades encourage students to learn. Correctly it is that grades may bring students some pressure, I, after careful thought, still believe that grades mainly have positive effects and can encourage students to learn. From my standpoint, grades can not only put students into an atmosphere filled with competition but also brings students a target to fight for. Meanwhile, the proper stress it brings is a good supervision for students’ study.
First of all, grades can put students into an atmosphere filled with competition. The law of jungle is the truth of our society, including schools. When students study in the schools, grade is the most fair way to judge whether a student is good at learning or not. Since almost every students want to be brilliant and get compliment and recognition from others, they have to compete with each other and try their best to achieve good grades. Meanwhile, an atmosphere filled with competition will inspire those students who do not want to study at first because when everyone around you is studying, it is naturally that you want to join them.
Secondly, grades can bring students a clear target to fight for. If we do not judge students by grades, they might not know how good or bad they are. However, since we have grades, students could know exactly where they are and how good they want to be, thus can make an appropriate plan to get their target. For instance, I was one of top students during my whole primary school period, but when I was in junior high school, I got a headache problem and my grades fallen behind a little bit. I was so used to be a top student that I cannot stand I am not the best in the class. Thus I made a specific study plan and took actions strictly and got back to the top finally. So grades can bring students a clear target, which gives students impetus to work harder on learning.
Furthermore, the proper stress grade brings is a good supervision for students’ study. It is true that excessive pressure have bad influence on people, especially for young children like students. However, proper stress does no bad on students, instead, it can push students to give all they got to study. Actually, there is a research reveals that ninety-eight percent people have higher efficiency on working or studying when they have little pressure. You must have found that the most efficient period to finish your work is few hours before the deadline. Set a example of myself, the knowledge I reviewed in two hours before the exam is more than those I did in days before that. Since I’ve experienced the benefits myself, I strongly believe that the proper stress grades bring to students is a good supervision for their study.
Generally speaking, based on the reasons I listed above, I support the statement that grades encourage students to learn.
作者: xeyyxzty 时间: 2012-9-18 19:56
我和你的观点不同哟~
Currently,more and more people think students are constrained by grades while othersstand on the points that grades encourage students to learn. Correctly it isthat grades may bring students some pressure, I, after careful thought, stillbelieve that grades mainly have positive effects and can encourage students tolearn. From my standpoint, grades can not only put students into an atmosphere filled with competition(acompetitive atmosphere怎么样~我也不知道两者优劣哈) butalso brings students a target to fight for(target是用来fight的吗？去掉to fight for也可以吧~).Meanwhile, the proper stress itbrings(they bring) is a goodsupervision for students’ study.
First of all, grades can put students into an atmosphere filled withcompetition(和之前的完全一样真的可以吗?不过你三段都这样貌似也没什么哈~忽略我吧…). The law of jungle is the truth of oursociety, including schools. When students study in the schools, grade is the most fair(fairest) way to judge whether a student is good at learning or not.Since almost every students want to be brilliant and get compliment andrecognition from others, they have to compete with each other and try theirbest to achieve good grades. Meanwhile, an atmosphere filled with competition(这个东西好像第三次了…) willinspire those students who do not want to study at first because when everyonearound you is studying, it is naturally thatyou want to join them.
Secondly, grades can bring students a clear targetto fight for. If we do not judge students by grades, they might not know howgood or bad they are. However, since we have grades, students could knowexactly where they are and how good they want to be, thus can make anappropriate plan to get their target. For instance, I was one of top studentsduring my whole primary school period, but when I was in junior high school, Igot a headache problem and my grades fallen behind (drop down怎么样)alittle bit. I was so used to be a top student that I cannot(couldn’t) standI am(was) notthe best in the class. Thus I made a specific study plan and took actions according to it（我也不知道有没有必要哈） strictly and got back to the top finally. Sogrades can bring students a clear target, which gives students impetus to workharder on learning.
Furthermore, the proper stress grade brings is agood supervision for students’ study. It is true that excessive pressure havebad influence on people, especially for young children like students. However,proper stress does no bad on students, instead, it can push students to give all they got to study.（没有领悟含义~）Actually, there is a research reveals that ninety-eight percent people havehigher efficiency on working or studying when they have little pressure. Youmust have found that the most efficient period to finish your work is few hoursbefore the deadline. Set an example of myself, the amount of knowledge I reviewed in two hours before the exam is morethan those(that) I did in days before that. Since I’ve experienced thebenefits myself, I strongly believe that the proper stress grades bring tostudents is a good supervision for their study.
Generally speaking, based on the reasons I listedabove, I support the statement that grades encourage students to learn.
小问题不断~时态什么的，这个一定要注意哦
用词喜欢重复~这个是共性问题注意就好~再积累一下
总体来说还不错
作者: 235852140 时间: 2012-9-18 20:46
917独立修改 Grades (marks) encourage students to learn? A/D 错误建议好
Currently, more and more people think students are constrained by grades while others stand on the （+opposite）points that grades encourage students to learn. Correctly it is that grades may bring students some pressure, I, after careful thought, still believe that grades mainly have positive effects and can encourage students to learn.（这句话有两个谓语了哦，但却没有连词连接，成了RUN-ON句型了。加了and就好了。） From my standpoint, grades can not only put students into an atmosphere filled with competition（说create a good learning atmosphere更好） but also brings（not only, but also后面的形式要一致，并且是主谓一致，前面是put,这里面应该是bring）students a target to fight for. Meanwhile, the proper stress it brings is a good supervision for students’ study. （第一段很好哦，点名主旨并提到了后文要说的内容）
First of all, grades can put students into an atmosphere filled with competition. The law of jungle is the truth of our society, including schools.（这句不太通，including一般是引导短语表伴随，修饰逗号前面的那个词或者主语，表示那个词其中包括什么什么。这里就成了学校包含在社会里/学校包含在胜者为王里。有些中式英语。改：the law of jungle exists not only in the society but also in our schools.或者别的说法亲琢磨琢磨。） When students study in the schools, grade is the most fair way to judge whether a student is good at learning or not. （从翻译过来的意思来看，个人感觉说判断一个学生的学习效果如何会更好。亲翻译一下感觉感觉）Since almost every students（都说every了 就该student了 没有s） want （wants） to be brilliant and get compliment and recognition from others, they（如果前面用every student这里就用he or she。如果前面用almost all students这里就用they。这句的指代有点混乱哦。后面的have形式同理。 ）have to compete with each other and try their best to achieve good grades. Meanwhile, an atmosphere filled with competition will inspire those students who do not want to study at first because when everyone around you is studying, it is naturally that you want to join them （them指代谁？这句里面唯一的可以指代对象就是 those students，但是显然亲是想指代那些学习的学生。所以指代错误了，them复数的怎么能指代everyone。 ）.
Secondly, grades can bring students a clear target to fight for. If we do not judge students by grades, they might not know how good or bad they are. （翻译：他们不能知道他们自己是好是坏。应该是他们不知道自己的成绩是好是坏,或者学习效果是好是坏。改：their learning effect is） However, since we have grades,（可以说through the grading system, 来换换句式，since用的有点多） students could know exactly where they are（说知道他们的水平如何更好）and how good they want to be, （+and） thus can make an appropriate plan+s to get their target. For instance, I was one of top students during my whole primary school period, but when I was in junior high school, I got a headache problem and my grades fallen （fell） behind a little bit. I was so used to be a top student that I cannot stand I am not the best in the class. Thus I made a specific study plan and（三个并列，后两个之间有and就行，and改逗号）took actions strictly and got back to the top finally. So grades can bring students a clear target, which gives students impetus to work harder on learning.
Furthermore, the proper stress grade brings is a good supervision for students’ study. It is true that excessive pressure have（has） bad influence on people, especially for young children like students. However, proper stress does no bad on students, instead（instead是adv，不能连接两个句子，前面的逗号改成句号。）, it can push students to give all they got（这是什么。。。改：give every effort）to study. Actually, there is a research reveals that ninety-eight percent people have higher efficiency on working or studying when they have little pressure. You must have found that the most efficient period to finish your work is few hours before the deadline. Set a （an）example of myself, the knowledge I reviewed in two hours before the exam is more than those I did in days before that. Since I’ve experienced the benefits myself, I strongly believe that the proper stress grades bring to students is a good supervision for their study.
Generally speaking, based on the reasons I listed above, I support the statement that grades encourage students to learn.
总结：整体结构很好，开头点名主旨并有意引出后面的分论点。但是要多注意：语义，逻辑，单复数，指代等问题。整体语音还有待提高，部分句意不符合逻辑。句子之间的衔接也需要再加强。
希望我的批改对你有帮助，有异议的地方可以互相探讨。祝亲更上一层楼~加油~
作者: 搞G战士DB 时间: 2012-9-18 20:47
同学，我下午考了三个小时考试，然后一直在马路上奔波。。刚安顿下来，现在给你看作文哦，不好意思有些晚了，大概一个小时内给你看好。先占个楼。
-- by 会员 235852140 (2012/9/18 20:46:13)
作者: 搞G战士DB 时间: 2012-9-19 10:40
918独立 （感觉这两天越写越烂了……）Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Patience is usually not a good strategy. We should take action now rather than later.
People are always talking about being patient all the time. Nevertheless, it might be the worst of all strategies in the world. It is significant to be patient sometimes,but I, after careful thought, still insist on that we should take action now rather than later. After all, being patient all the time will waste our time and may cause us loss the courage to take action. Meanwhile, taking actions immediately can improve our ability of solving problems.
At the very beginning, being patient can really waste our time thus cause us miss those precious chances. For instance, when I was a six-year-old boy, I wanted to learn playing the piano, but my parents said I was too young and should be patient, they will send me to learn when I grew older. However, when I grew older, I had endless homework to do that I did not have time to learn anything else. In another hand, however, my friend Liu got lots of benefits by taking actions immediately. He always wanted to go to Tibet, but he was too poor and lacked of experience, almost everyone told him to wait until he has made all the stuff prepared. Ignoring all of those words, he just putted on his bag with the only money he got and began his journey. At last, after all the difficulties and dangers, he experienced the most fantastic forty days in his life and gained what others may never have. From the two opposite examples I listed above, you can see that being patient all the time can waste our time and miss the chance that we may only have once in our life.
Furthermore, taking actions now can improve our ability of solving problems. The only reason for being patient is that it is not the best time yet. But things won’t be easier through our waiting, the difficulties and dangers would not just disappear, we need to face what we have to. And along the path we come through all those difficulties and dangers, we improved our ability of solving problems without knowing it. Set a example of my classmate Li. She always asked me questions about how to prepare for TOEFL. Once she told me that she did not know whether she was capable enough to start doing TPO. I told her that there was no need to ask questions like this, the solution was so simple, just tried it and she will know whether she were good enough. We always got frightened before we start doing something thus told ourselves we should be patient until we are prepared. The truth is, you can never get everything prepared, the only way we make through difficulty is to improve ourselves by trying to solving it.
Generally speaking, based on the reasons I listed above, I really think we should take actions now rather than later, since the present is what we can truly control and we should make it glorious.
作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-9-19 20:27
9.18 独立
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Patience is usually not a good strategy. We should take action now rather than later.
婷婷过来改文啦~ 红色错误，蓝色讨论，高亮精彩
18的题不是呀，嘿嘿，照改吧
People are always talking about being patient all the time. Nevertheless, it might be the worst of all strategies in the world. It is significant to be patient sometimes(这里论证很严谨，赞~),but I, after careful thought, still insist on that we should take action now rather than later. After all, being patient all the time will waste our time and may cause us loss the courage to take action. Meanwhile, taking actions immediately can improve our ability of solving problems.
At the very beginning, being patient can really waste our time thus cause（causes） us miss those precious chances. For instance, when I was a six-year-old boy, I wanted to learn playing the piano, but my parents said I was too young and should be patient, they will（would） send me to learn when I grew older. However, when I grew older, I had endless homework to do that I did not have time to learn anything else. In another hand（on the other hand这么表达会好些）, however, my friend Liu got lots of benefits by taking actions immediately. He always wanted to go to Tibet, but he was too poor and lacked of experience, almost everyone told him to wait until he has made all the stuff(stuffs) prepared. Ignoring all of those words, he just putted on his bag with the only（little） money he got and began his journey. At last, after all（despite of） the difficulties and dangers（hardship and hazard）, he experienced the most fantastic forty days in his life and gained what others may never have. From the two opposite examples I listed above, you can see that being patient all the time canwaste our time and miss the chance that we may only have once in our life.(这句话点得很好~)
Furthermore, taking actions now can（不要一直用can,类似于enable/make/be able to/it is possible that/ it is obvious/conspicuous that都可以用~） improve our ability of solving problems. The only reason for being patient is that it is not the best time yet. But things won’t(will not) be easier through our waiting, the difficulties and dangers would not just disappear, we need to face what we have to（这里的结构貌似有问题，不过也说不上来，直接写quandary/dilemma）. And along the path we come through all those difficulties and dangers, we improved our ability of solving problems without knowing it. （To）Set a example of my classmate Li.（这里改成逗号）She always asked me questions about how to prepare for TOEFL. Once she told me that she did not know whether she was capable enough to start doing TPO. I told her that there was no need to ask questions like this, the solution was so simple, just tried it and she will（would） know whether she were good enough. We always got frightened before we start doing something thus told ourselves we should be patient until we are prepared. The truth is, you can never get everything prepared, the only way we make through difficulty is to improve ourselves by trying to solving it.
Generally speaking, based on the reasons I listed above, I really think we should take actions now rather than later, since the present is what we can truly control and we should make it glorious.
Conclusion:
1.观点很好~要是再来一个就好了+1 -1都可以的
2.语言方面还要斟酌一下，多用不同表达，体现多样性
3.一个观点下没有必要举两个例子，这样写作会很占时间，如果一定要用对比，两个都写简略一点
4.Fighting ^o^
作者: xeyyxzty 时间: 2012-9-19 20:52
the ability to do吧~of doing我不知道有没有啊~还有就是这篇文章貌似之前写过~你可以翻翻我的作文贴去~今天我没有又粘一遍
Peopleare always talking about being patient all the time. Nevertheless, it might bethe worst of all strategies in the world. It is significant to be patientsometimes,but I, after careful thought, still insist on that we should takeaction now rather than later. After all, being patient all the time will wasteour time and may cause us loss (lose) the courage to take action. Meanwhile, taking actionsimmediately can improve our ability of solving problems.
开头很好哟~
At the very beginning, being patient can reallywaste our time thus cause(感觉这个词怎么这么怪呢~个人感觉哈，也不知道该用什么比较好) us miss thoseprecious chances. For instance, when I was a six-year-old boy, I wanted tolearn playing the piano, but my parents said I was too young and should bepatient, they will(would) send me to learn when I grew older. However, when I grew older(和前面重复了~years later怎么样), I had endless homework to do that I did not have time tolearn anything else. In another hand（这是什么用法？on the contrary? 还是别的什么）, however, my friend Liu got lots of benefits by takingactions immediately. He always wanted to go to Tibet, but he was too poor andlacked of experience, almost everyone told him to wait until he has made allthe stuff prepared. Ignoring all of those words, he just putted on his bagwith the only money he got and began his journey. At last, after all thedifficulties and dangers, he experienced the most fantastic forty days in hislife and gained what others may never have. From the two opposite examples Ilisted above, you can see that being patient all the time can waste our timeand miss the chance that we may only have only once in our life.
Furthermore, taking actions now can improve ourability of solving problems. The only reason for being patient is that it isnot the best time yet. But things won’t be easier through our waiting, thedifficulties and dangers would not just disappear, we need to face what we haveto. And along the path we come through all those difficulties and dangers, weimproved our ability of solving problems without knowing it(不太清楚指什么，所以也没有看懂这一句). Set an example of my classmate Li. She always asked mequestions about how to prepare for TOEFL. Once she told me that she did notknow whether she was capable enough to start doing TPO. I told her that there was no need toask questions like this, the solution was so simple, just tried it and she will know whether she were good enough（时态凌乱了~）. We alwaysgot frightened before we start doing something thus told ourselves we should bepatient until we are prepared. The truth is, you can never get everythingprepared, the only way we make through difficulty is to improve ourselves bytrying to solving it.
Generally speaking, based on the reasons I listedabove, I really think we should take actions now rather than later, since thepresent is what we can truly control and we should make it glorious.
可能是例子的原因~时态有点小混乱（话说我口语复述的时候容易也这样）
总体来说有进步
继续加油~
作者: d0gzi 时间: 2012-9-19 22:48
谢谢批改~~~
感激T-T！
作者: clover928 时间: 2012-9-20 12:22
加油大宝。。。你这头像太有喜感了哈哈哈
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