ChaseDream

标题: kel 作文贴。。 [打印本页]

作者: 面具小姐 时间: 2012-8-31 19:53
标题: kel 作文贴。。
8.31独立自知很菜，但是。。我要加油。。

Do you agree or disagree,people who go out from theirvillege will be more successful and happier than people who stay in theirvillage?

It is a common phenomenon that people with ambition, especially college graduates and young people, will stay out from their village and stuggle for a better future in the city. Most of us admire them a lot ,and regard them to be surely successiful and of ability. But the fact is that success or happiness are not from the varied ground that they stand on .
To those who managed to win their career and love, they are definitely minor successes in the fierce competitions.They deserve our respect and appreciation. However, there are also large quantity of people from the village doing some low-paying manual works inthe city, most are what we called the immigrant workers. They seek fortune in the city because of insufficient money to support a elementary life . Maybe they are not so willing to stay out, so it’s apperent that they are barely more successful and happier than even ordinarypeople.
To those who stay in the village, there is no abosolute definition that they are unsuccessful . Some well-educated graduates return bringing back advanced technologies and creative ideas to develop their hometown . Isn’t that a kind of success? Anyway, they will be surely happier than some outside the village. Moreover, Some people do not go out in order to take good care of their parents or children ,or maybe avoid Empty Nester ,a currently universal phenomenon .When it comes to this, it's hard to indicate that they are not happier or more successful .Also, currently a large number of young graduates are eager to teach in remote villages, devoting themselves to advance the children’s education and light up their future.
Therefore,from my point of view, success and happiness depends on their ambition and efforts .It should not be judeged merely by their location. Thus I strongly disagree the definition those strugglers outside the village are more successful and happier than people in village.

作者: 面具小姐 时间: 2012-8-31 19:55
8.31综合 TPO5
In the lecture, the professor refutes theevidences proposed in the reading material from several aspects.
First and foremost, the primaryusage of the Chaco structure ,accoding to the text, is to acommadate hundredsof people .However, few signs showed that people had ever lived inside thebuilding.On the contrary, the fireplaces ,a place for cooking, showed aevidence against the proposal.That is, it's a satire that the number offireplaces discovered inside the structure is fairly fewer than it suppose tobe . Only 10 fireplaces found in one of the largest houses, which iscontradictory with the 100 families lived in the room.
Secondly,to store grain maize, containers are a must .Nevertheless, Excavations revealedthat among the uncovered matters, there is no such maize containers .It will benot so reliable to judge the Chaco structure as a place to store food without acontainer or a further evidence.
Finnally,when ti comes to the broken pots in Pueblo Alto, it is doubted that those potsare used for ceremonies .Hypothesis is that these pots are merely buildingmaterails left in the house ,or else there are only for ordinary drinking andeating without a ceremony.That is, they indeed used those pots,but you cannotdecide whether there is a ceremony there.

作者: chasedreamabc 时间: 2012-8-31 20:04
亲，关于独立，目测字数太少，单词拼写好像还有很多问题

作者: fuzhengrui 时间: 2012-8-31 21:05
本来想给你改一下。。。但是发现错误实在太多。。。

作者: 面具小姐 时间: 2012-8-31 21:50

不好意思实在是菜。。

作者: 面具小姐 时间: 2012-8-31 21:50
额。。300字出头一点点。。谢谢亲，我再自己查一下。。

作者: Stegosaurus 时间: 2012-9-1 10:31
In the lecture, the professor refutes the evidences proposed in the reading material from several aspects.
First and foremost, the primary usage of the Chaco structure (structures) , accoding (according) to the text, is to acommadate (accommodate) hundreds of people. (原文给观点时只说了作用是居住，而不是容纳上百的人，即原文观点没有给数目，这样说虽然也没什么大错，但还是小心为好吧)However, few signs showed that people had ever lived inside the building. On the contrary, the fireplaces, a place （places）for cooking, showed a （an）evidence against the proposal. That is, it's a satire（不要加入个人观点）that the number of fireplaces discovered inside the structure is fairly fewer than it suppose （supposed）to be . Only 10 fireplaces found in one of the largest houses, which is contradictory with the 100 families lived in the room. （原文中的数字都加了around，而且是more than 100）
Secondly, to store grain maize, containers are a must. Nevertheless, Excavations revealed that among the uncovered matters, there is （was）no such maize containers （此处另一细节是traces of maize）. It will be not so reliable to judge the Chaco structure （structures）as a place to store food without a container or a further evidence （个人观点，删去）.
Finnally （Finally）, when ti （it）comes to the broken pots in Pueblo Alto, it is doubted that those pots are （were）used for ceremonies .Hypothesis is （was）that these pots are （were）merely building materails（materials）left in the house, （pots 不是建筑材料，原文是说在放pots的地方还有其他与ceremony无关的东西，比如一些建筑材料）or else there are only for ordinary drinking and eating without a ceremony （说 the pots were left by the workers after meals 就好了）. That is, they indeed used those pots, but you cannot decide whether there is a ceremony there. （总结句可以不要）

错词有点多，可以先贴进Word里面，那些打错的此会被红线画出来，这样就知道自己那些地方容易打错了。
另外文中有些地方含个人观点或态度，这样不好，文章说什么就是什么好了，若果听力很好，照搬听力的句子也比加入个人观点好。
第三段估计听力没听清，细节有些错误。

慢慢练习吧，总会提高的，Practice makes perfect，一起加油吧！

作者: himiko0607 时间: 2012-9-1 16:06
综合修改，希望有帮助哈。加油吧！

作者: 面具小姐 时间: 2012-9-1 17:49

综合修改，希望有帮助哈。加油吧！

-- by 会员 himiko0607 (2012/9/1 16:06:35)

作者: 面具小姐 时间: 2012-9-1 17:49

综合修改，希望有帮助哈。加油吧！

-- by 会员 himiko0607 (2012/9/1 16:06:35)

非常非常感谢！！

作者: 面具小姐 时间: 2012-9-1 17:50

In the lecture, the professor refutes the evidences proposed in the reading material from several aspects.
First and foremost, the primary usage of the Chaco structure (structures) , accoding (according) to the text, is to acommadate (accommodate) hundreds of people. (原文给观点时只说了作用是居住，而不是容纳上百的人，即原文观点没有给数目，这样说虽然也没什么大错，但还是小心为好吧)However, few signs showed that people had ever lived inside the building. On the contrary, the fireplaces, a place （places）for cooking, showed a （an）evidence against the proposal. That is, it's a satire（不要加入个人观点）that the number of fireplaces discovered inside the structure is fairly fewer than it suppose （supposed）to be . Only 10 fireplaces found in one of the largest houses, which is contradictory with the 100 families lived in the room. （原文中的数字都加了around，而且是more than 100）
Secondly, to store grain maize, containers are a must. Nevertheless, Excavations revealed that among the uncovered matters, there is （was）no such maize containers （此处另一细节是traces of maize）. It will be not so reliable to judge the Chaco structure （structures）as a place to store food without a container or a further evidence （个人观点，删去）.
Finnally （Finally）, when ti （it）comes to the broken pots in Pueblo Alto, it is doubted that those pots are （were）used for ceremonies .Hypothesis is （was）that these pots are （were）merely building materails（materials）left in the house, （pots 不是建筑材料，原文是说在放pots的地方还有其他与ceremony无关的东西，比如一些建筑材料）or else there are only for ordinary drinking and eating without a ceremony （说 the pots were left by the workers after meals 就好了）. That is, they indeed used those pots, but you cannot decide whether there is a ceremony there. （总结句可以不要）

错词有点多，可以先贴进Word里面，那些打错的此会被红线画出来，这样就知道自己那些地方容易打错了。
另外文中有些地方含个人观点或态度，这样不好，文章说什么就是什么好了，若果听力很好，照搬听力的句子也比加入个人观点好。
第三段估计听力没听清，细节有些错误。

慢慢练习吧，总会提高的，Practice makes perfect，一起加油吧！

-- by 会员 Stegosaurus (2012/9/1 10:31:12)

谢谢！我会加油的！

作者: 面具小姐 时间: 2012-9-2 10:52
9.1 综合
Thereading material provides us three possible explanations about thedisadvantages of communal online encyclopedias compared to traditional ones. Thelecturer, however, holds a negative view towards these opinions, and gives thefollowing three arguments.
First and foremost, there are many errorsin online encyclopedia, while they also exist on a the traditional encyclopedias.What' more. it will be much easier for the online encyclopedias to correct themistakes. Errors of the printed encyclopedia, on the other hand, may exist fordecades.
Secondly, the online workers have realizedthe importance to defense against hackers. They have made two strategies. Theprimary one is to leave a special format to prevent certain crucial parts ofthe article from being modified. Besides, they have assigned several editors tomonitor and check the changes from the online encyclopedias.
Finally, the lecturer states that traditionalprinted encyclopedias provide limit space to writers, who have to decide which informationis important. But in fact, their choices can't reflect public’s interests. Theonline encyclopedias, however, are mixed with both academic articles and currentlypopular topics. It is considered as the strongest advantage of the onlineencyclopedias.

作者: 面具小姐 时间: 2012-9-2 11:56
9.1 独立
When it comes to success, opinions vary from person to person. Many peoplewould like to stand out and do things outside the box, while another largegroup of people prefer to imitate successors. As I see it, I’m in favor of thelatter point of view.
First and foremost, Youngpeople can benefit a lot from their superiors and elder co-workers. Currently alarge proportion of young workers are most people who were born in 80s. Lackingphysical and spiritual resources, these people meet with difficulties moreoften. While the superiors or elder co-workers who have work for a long time mayhold various solutions. By imitating their act in certain conditions, most ofthe problems are avoidable or resolvable. Also, besides solutions todifficulties, their experience on work and life may be our short cuts tosucceed.

For those who plan toestablish their own business, they may follow some successful examples firstly insteadof a novel onion. For example, in this day and age, more and more students tryto set up their own business in campus. Some people choose to be booksellers, whichproved to be successful, whereas some people surprisingly want to sale high-levelcars in campus, which is definitely a crazy idea because the rent inside theuniversity is expensive and few students can afford a high-level car. That is,with little experience and immature judgment, it’s easy for them to fail invain. Hence, it is indeed necessary for a person to imitate some reasonablecases.

Being different from peopleis a challenge to success. For one thing, outstanding people are easy to benoticed, but people’s curiosity toward their fresh ides will not last long.Maybe it is transferred to other person or it just vanishes. For another thing,the outstanding usually bear the brunt of attack. Once the ever special personmakes a mistake or failure, the criticism he or she receives may be twice ormore than the appreciation he or she has ever obtained.
Therefore, although it seemsa best way to success, being different from normal group may take much more risksand challenges, compared to people following the public. On the other hand,acting more like others will be a more efficient way to succeed.

作者: 面具小姐 时间: 2012-9-2 21:28
9.1独立修改Alex队长辛苦了。。伤了您这么多脑细胞我罪该万死。。。

In order to succeed, you should be more likeothers than be different from everyone else.

To pursue success, many people would like to stand out and do things outside the box,while another large group of people prefer to imitate successors. As I see it,I am in favor of the latter point of view.
First and foremost, youngpeople can benefit a lot from their superiors and elder co-workers. Currently alarge proportion of young workers are those who were born in 1980s. Lackingphysical and spiritual experience, these juniors meet with difficulties overtheir capabilities, which their experienced colleagues may hold varioussolutions to. By imitating the superiors’ act in certain conditions, thejuniors can avoid or resolve many problems. Also, apart from solutions todifficulties, their obstacle on work and life may exert a great deal of shortcuts to their success).
For those who plan to runtheir own business, they may firstly follow some successful examples. While thereare still some people who are desired to show their novelty rather than followpublic’s views may usually fail at the beginning. For example, in this day andage, more and more students try to set up their own business in campus. Havingseen many students succeed as booksellers, a large group of people surge to bebooksellers, which have been proved to be successful. While some students chooseto sale high-level cars in college, which is doomed to be a crazy idea for therent for these high-level cars is expensive and beyond most students’affordability. Therefore, with little experience and immature judgment, thosewho are ambitious to earning their living in this unpractical way are morelikely to fail in vain. And that is why we should firstly stimulate successfulcases rather than follow a novel but unpractical idea.
Being different from peopleis a challenge to success. For one thing, outstanding people are easy to benoticed, but people’s curiosity, which may be transferred to other persons orvanish later, toward their fresh ideas will not last long. For another thing,the outstanding people usually bear the brunt of attack. Once the ever specialperson makes a mistake or fails to accomplish an assignment, the criticism heor she receives may be twice or more than the appreciation he or she has everobtained.
Therefore, although it seemsa best way to succeed, being different from normal group may take much morerisks and challenges, compared with those who follow the public. On thecontrary, acting more like others can benefit from the experienced fellows andaccumulate one’s own experience, which will be a fairly efficient way tosucceed.

作者: fuzhengrui 时间: 2012-9-2 21:40
标题: 啊哈哈总体写的挺好的修改见附件
[attach]105660[/attach]

9.1 综合
Thereading material provides us three possible explanations about thedisadvantages of communal online encyclopedias compared to traditional ones. Thelecturer, however, holds a negative view towards these opinions, and gives thefollowing three arguments.
First and foremost, there are many errorsin online encyclopedia, while they also exist on a the traditional encyclopedias.What' more. it will be much easier for the online encyclopedias to correct themistakes. Errors of the printed encyclopedia, on the other hand, may exist fordecades.
Secondly, the online workers have realizedthe importance to defense against hackers. They have made two strategies. Theprimary one is to leave a special format to prevent certain crucial parts ofthe article from being modified. Besides, they have assigned several editors tomonitor and check the changes from the online encyclopedias.
Finally, the lecturer states that traditionalprinted encyclopedias provide limit space to writers, who have to decide which informationis important. But in fact, their choices can't reflect public’s interests. Theonline encyclopedias, however, are mixed with both academic articles and currentlypopular topics. It is considered as the strongest advantage of the onlineencyclopedias.

-- by 会员面具小姐 (2012/9/2 10:52:16)

作者: Stegosaurus 时间: 2012-9-2 23:22
9.1独立写该
总体来说很不错，杯具的是我开始没有发现你自己已经改过一遍了。。。。。。

To pursue success, many people would like to stand out and do things outside the box, while another large group of people prefer to imitate successors. As I see it, I am in favor of the latter point of view.

First and foremost, young people can benefit a lot from their superiors and elder co-workers. Currently a large proportion of young workers are those who were born in 1980s. Lacking physical and spiritual experience, these juniors meet with difficulties over their capabilities, which their experienced colleagues may hold various solutions to. By imitating the superiors’ act in certain conditions, the juniors can avoid or resolve many problems. Also, apart from solutions to difficulties, their obstacle on work and life may exert a great deal of shortcuts to their success.

For those who plan to run their own business, they may firstly follow some successful examples. While there are still some people who are desired to show their novelty rather than follow public’s views may usually fail at the beginning. For example, in this day and age, more and more students try to set up their own business in （on） campus. Having seen many students succeed as booksellers, a large group of people surge to be booksellers, which have been proved to be successful. While some students choose to sale （sell） high-level cars in college, which is doomed to be a crazy idea for the rent for these high-level cars is expensive and beyond most students’ affordability. Therefore, with little experience and immature judgment, those who are ambitious to earning their living in this unpractical way are more likely to fail in vain. And that is why we should firstly stimulate successful cases rather than follow a novel but unpractical idea.

Being different from people is a challenge to success. For one thing, outstanding people are easy to be noticed, but people’s curiosity, which may be transferred to other persons or vanish later, toward their fresh ideas will not last long. For another thing, the outstanding people usually bear the brunt of attack. Once the ever special person makes a mistake or fails to accomplish an assignment, the criticism he or she receives may be twice or more than the appreciation he or she has ever obtained.

Therefore, although it seems a best way to succeed, being different from normal group may take much more risks and challenges, compared with those who follow the public. On the contrary, acting more like others can benefit from the experienced fellows and accumulate one’s own experience, which will be a fairly efficient way to succeed.

只改了几个小地方，论点展开的也很好，很有条理

作者: 面具小姐 时间: 2012-9-3 10:42
9.2 综合

The reading passage provides us threereasons about the ecocertification which wood companies in America will not pursue .The lecturer, however, holdsa opposite view that none of theseexplanations are convincing for the following aspects.

First,American consumers can distinguish advising claims that madeby independent certified agencies. They do value ecocertified wood, and mayhave a preference for the products claimed by independent organization withinternational reputation for trustworthiness.

Second, ecocertified wood may be more expensive than uncertified wood butin a small scale. Only products which are much higher than others will be on adisadvantage in competitions. If the difference between certified wood product and uncertifiedis small (maybe less than 5%), their value of preserving the environment will helpcertified companies a lot.
Finally, in order to compete with foreign companies, American woodcompanies have to keep up with the advanced developments. If they slow the paceto capture these domestic consumers, the foreign competitors will surge inAmerican market.

作者: fuzhengrui 时间: 2012-9-3 11:07
写的没什么问题挺好的哈哈

9.2 综合The reading passage provides us threereasons about the ecocertification which wood companies in America will not pursue .The lecturer, however, holdsa opposite view that none of theseexplanations are convincing for the following aspects.

First,American consumers can distinguish advising claims that madeby independent certified agencies. They do value ecocertified wood, and mayhave a preference for the products claimed by independent organization withinternational reputation for trustworthiness.

Second, ecocertified wood may be more expensive than uncertified wood butin a small scale. Only products which are much higher than others will be on adisadvantage in competitions. If the difference between certified wood product and uncertifiedis small (maybe less than 5%), their value of preserving the environment will helpcertified companies a lot.
Finally, in order to compete with foreign companies, American woodcompanies have to keep up with the advanced developments. If they slow the paceto capture these domestic consumers, the foreign competitors will surge inAmerican market.

-- by 会员面具小姐 (2012/9/3 10:42:16)

作者: 面具小姐 时间: 2012-9-3 12:39
9月2日独立作文
我拖拉了。。。

it is better to relax by a movie or reading a bookthan doing physical exercise. Do you agree?

In this dayand age, more and more people are pursuing high quality of life and seeking themost efficient way to relax. Some people would like to do physical exercise,while some others have a preference for books and movies. As for me, I am in favor of the latter one for the following aspects.

First andforemost, reading books or watching movies are not only a spiritual relaxation buta way to absorb knowledge. Diversified books which fit into different kinds ofpeople, such as fairy tale books, science fictions and detective novels, can presentlarge amount of information and broaden their horizons. So do films. What’smore, most of the reading matter and films are a reflection on reality, which canlead us to interpret how to deal with similar problems and how to be a excellenthuman in real life.

Also,there are many motivational books and movies which can stimulate our will tofight and pursue goals. For example, the film, the Pursuit of Happiness, shockedme deeply. Before seeing this film, I had ever considered myself studious enoughand no need to try harder. The moment when I saw Chris Gardner and his sonsleeping in the toilet, I could not help weeping. He is the real man who isfighting for happiness, which touches me and encourages me to pursue myhappiness persistently. Therefore, I would rather say that watching movies aswell as reading books are a really good way to inspire our will apart from arelaxation.

Atlast, exercising is a relaxation both physically and mentally, but it is easyto get hurt in doing sports. For freshmen, they are likely to be hurt for theyare unfamiliar with the equipment and operate the machine improperly. There was an accident happenedin my city during the last summer vacation when a high school graduate was hurtby his own improper operation in the sports center. Hence, because of the existenceof danger, doing exercise is not suitable to everyone
All inall, compared with exercises, books and films are better in that they are ofbenefit to obtain knowledge, suitable to everyone, and more gentle and peaceful.

作者: 面具小姐 时间: 2012-9-3 12:42
感觉很多没听到。。听力还是不行。。

写的没什么问题挺好的哈哈

-- by 会员面具小姐 (2012/9/3 10:42:16)

-- by 会员 fuzhengrui (2012/9/3 11:07:52)

作者: 面具小姐 时间: 2012-9-3 15:56
TPO8综合

The reading passage casts doubt on theaccuracy of Chevalier de Seingalt's memoir. The lecturer, however, holds anopposite view that none of the explanations are convincing for the followingthree aspects.
Firstly, Chevalier is not poor despite of the loan. In fact, Chevalierspent a lot of money on parties and gambling. This asset had to be sold formoney and cannot be used directly as cash, thus he has to loan from friends everytime he ran out of money and then wait for the money to arrive.
Secondly, Chevalier wrote dairy everyday which contained everything he can remember on that day. What's more, he would consult the notes in the dairywhen he was composing the memoir many years later. Thereby, his memoir cancapture those conversations so accurately.
Finally, if Chevalier was bribed to be free, why is that those who hadmore powerful friends than Chevalier in the Venetian prison did not escape? What'smore, according to a governmental document, the ceiling in Venetian prison wasrepaired after Chevalier made a hole in the ceiling and escaped through the roof.

哇翻页了好开心！

作者: 面具小姐 时间: 2012-9-3 18:03
9月3日独立

Do you agree that it is better to spend money on traveling and vacation than save money for the future?

People's attitudes toward life vary from person to person, which result in the various opinions to money. Some people prefer to go on vacation, while others may save money for future. From my standpoint, I am in favor of the former one for the following aspects.
It is a low-cost, spiritual relaxation to go travelling, especially when you are under great pressure. It is also a bonus since the disturbing and time-consuming assignment has been accomplished. Apart from cleaning our heart, vacations can rich our lives with different sites and unforgettable stories. To those families with kids, parents have little time with them during the weekday. At this time, go travelling or go on a picnic on weekends will be a good choice rather than stay at home watching TV.
Trips are full of opportunities. To artists and designers, inspiration primarily occurs while travelling. Impressed landscape, peaceful towns, and even the conversations during the trip may develop their mind. Furthermore, many merchants discover new prospects on trips. Take the film, Smile Crab for example. It described a girl and her family who travelled to Xinjiang province in China during the summer vacation. The girl heard from the local partners by accident that the river there contains many freshwater crabs, which even other locals have never discovered. Finally, the girl's father seized the chance to develop this new prospect and won success. Therefore, opportunities are always on the road. If you go to pursue them, you may get them.
Although a large group of people choose to save money in case of some emergencies or investments, their life then are often boring and of no excitement. It will be a pity if they do not meet with those situations need large sum of money during their lifetime. Still, their enthusiasm for enjoyment may vanish.
Hence, journeys can relax ourselves, keep us from the noisy city and even benefit our works. With so many benefits above, I strongly recommend that we should spend more money on travelling and enjoy a better life.

作者: guoyang88 时间: 2012-9-3 21:42
9.2 修改【】内为建议 XXX 为添加下划线为亮点
it is better to relax by a movie or reading a bookthan doing physical exercise. Do you agree?

In this day and age, more and more【an increasing number of 】 people are pursuing a high quality of life and seeking themost efficient【有效 effective】 way to relax. Some people would like to do physical exercise,while some others have a preference for books and movies. As for me, I am in favor of the latter one for the following aspects.

First and foremost, reading books or watching movies are not only a spiritual relaxation buta way [are 和a way 矛盾]to absorb[obtain] knowledge. Diversified books which fit into different kinds ofpeople, such as fairy tale books, science fictions and detective novels, can present large amount of information and broaden their horizons. So do films. What’smore, most of the reading matter[materials] and films are a reflection on [of] reality, which canlead us to interpret how to deal with similar problems and [ problems, as well as how to...] how to be a excellent human in real life.

Also,there are many motivational books and movies which can stimulate our will tofight [make effort] and pursue goals. For example, the film, the Pursuit of Happiness, shockedme deeply. Before seeing this film, I had ever considered myself studious enoughand no need to try[work] harder. The moment when I saw Chris Gardner and his sonsleeping in the toilet, I could not help weeping. He is the real man who isfighting for happiness, which touches me and encourages me to pursue myhappiness persistently. Therefore, I would rather say that watching movies aswell as reading books are a [are a 矛盾]really good way to inspire our will apart from arelaxation.

Atlast, exercising is a relaxation 【an ideal way for relaxing】 both physically and mentally, but it is easyto get hurt in doing sports. For freshmen, they are likely to be hurt for theyare unfamiliar with the equipment and operate the machine improperly. There was an accident happenedin my city during the last summer vacation when a high school graduate was hurtby his own improper operation in the sports center. Hence, because of the existenceof danger, doing exercise is not suitable to everyone
All inall, compared with exercises, books and films are better in that they are of benefit to obtain knowledge, suitable to everyone, and more gentle[形容人的吧换个convenient] and peaceful.

电影的例子不错。可以再打磨下成为一个经典的自己的段子。用于关于励志努力电影爱好的段子。可以用在口语写作。

然后单复数要注意下。 are and a就一起出来了。

作者: 面具小姐 时间: 2012-9-3 23:02
9.2 独立修改
感谢guoyang~

it is better to relax by a movie or reading a book than doing physical exercise. Do you agree?

In this day and age, an increasing number of people are pursuing a high quality of life and seeking the most effective way to relax. Some people would like to do physical exercise, while some others have a preference for books and movies. As for me, I am in favor of the latter one for the following aspects.

First and foremost, reading books or watching movies is not only a spiritual relaxation but a way to absorb knowledge. Diversified books which fit into different kinds of people, such as fairy tale books, science fictions and detective novels, can present large amount of information and broaden their horizons. So do films. What’s more, most of the reading materials and films are a reflection on reality, which can lead us to interpret how to deal with similar problems and as well as how to be an excellent human in real life.

Also, there are many motivational books and movies which can stimulate our will to fight [make effort] and pursue goals. For example, the film, the Pursuit of Happiness, shocked me deeply. Before seeing this film, I had ever considered myself studious enough and no need to work harder. The moment when I saw Chris Gardner and his son sleeping in the toilet, I could not help weeping. He is the real man who is fighting for happiness, which touches me and encourages me to pursue my happiness persistently. Therefore, I would rather say that watching movies as well as reading books are a really good way to inspire our will apart from a relaxation.

At last, exercising is an ideal way for relaxing both physically and mentally, but it is easy to get hurt in doing sports. For freshmen, they are likely to be hurt for they are unfamiliar with the equipment and operate the machine improperly. There was an accident happened in my city during the last summer vacation when a high school graduate was hurt by his own improper operation in the sports center. Hence, because of the existence of danger, doing exercise is not suitable to everyone
All in all, compared with exercises, books and films are better in that they are of benefit to obtain knowledge, suitable to everyone, and more convenient and peaceful.

作者: fuzhengrui 时间: 2012-9-3 23:03
标题: 9.3独立写作修改见附件
[attach]105701[/attach]

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-9-4 11:31
9.3综合改文
TPO8综合
来找错误啦~红色错误，蓝色讨论，高亮精彩
The reading passage casts doubt on theaccuracy of Chevalier de Seingalt's memoir. The lecturer, however, holds anopposite view that none of the explanations are convincing for the followingthree aspects.

Firstly, Chevalier is not poor despite of the loan（from merchants）. In fact, Chevalierspent a lot of money on parties and gambling. This asset had to be sold formoney and cannot be used directly as cash, thus he has(had)to loan from friends everytime he ran out of money and then wait(waited) for the money to arrive.

Secondly, Chevalier wrote dairy(没有听见这个，只是take notes every time after the conversation with Voltaire)everyday which contained everything he can remember on that day. What's more, he would consult the notes in the dairywhen he was composing the memoir many years later. Thereby, his memoir cancapture those conversations so accurately.

Finally, if Chevalier was bribed to be free, why is that those who hadmore powerful friends than Chevalier in the Venetian prison did not escape?(开头不建议写问句)What's(What is)more, according to a governmental document, the ceiling in Venetian prison wasrepaired after Chevalier made a hole in the ceiling and escaped through the roof.
可以写一个总结的说~

Conclusion：听力细节很全了，适当注意一下结构完整性哦~加油啦

作者: 面具小姐 时间: 2012-9-4 17:45
9.3独立修改稿

图图辛苦了~~
Do you agree that it is better to spend money on traveling and vacation than save money for the future?

People’s various attitudes toward life result in several kinds of opinions about money. Some people prefer to go on vacation, while others may save money for future use. From my standpoint, I am in favor of the former one for the following aspects.

It is a low-cost, spiritual relaxation to go travelling, especially when you are under great pressure. It is also a bonus since the disturbing and time-consuming assignment has been accomplished. Apart from cleansing our hearts, vacations can enrichour lives with different sites and unforgettable stories. To those families with kids, parents have little time with them during the weekdays. At this time, going travelling will be a good choice rather than stay at home watching TV.

Trips are full of opportunities. To artists and designers, travelling can stimulate their inspiration. Impressive landscapes, peaceful towns, and even the conversations during the trip may inspire them.Furthermore, many merchants discover new prospects on trips. Take the film, Smile Crab for example. It described a girl and her family who travelled to Xinjiang province in China during the summer vacation. The girl heard from the local partners by accident that the river there contains many freshwater crabs, which even other locals had never discovered. Finally, the girl's father seized the chance to develop this new prospect and achieved success. Therefore, opportunities are always on the road. If you go to pursue them, you may get them.

Although a large group of people choose to save money in case of some emergencies or investments, their lives then are often tedious and of no excitement.However, If you get the chance to see a beautiful landscapes or encounter an unforgettable experience, remember not to miss it for neitherof them can be reproduced again by your saved money.

Hence, journeys can relax ourselves, keep us from the noisy city and even benefit our works. With so many benefits above, I strongly recommend that we should spend more money on travelling and enjoy a better life.

作者: 面具小姐 时间: 2012-9-5 11:53
9.4 独立作文

Do you agree or disagree with the followingstatement? An effective leader should try to make others feel that they arepart of the decision making process.

In this day and age, leaders are profoundin decision making. Thus, whether they should make everyone aware of theirdecision making does make sense. From my standpoint, an efficient leader doesnot need to join in every conference.

First and foremost, busy as leaders, theyhave no sufficient time to participate in all meetings and discussions. Takethe hierarchy for example. In the past, kings and queens had to deal with alarge amount of national affairs everyday. Without sleeping, they still could notfinish such piles of work. Therefore, they used to pick out some crucial partsand lead the public debate, while other parts were assigned to responsibleofficials. With this strategy, the national leaders usually operated theircountry in a good condition. Thus, current leaders will be sensible to adoptthis method to manage their companies.

Secondly, by offering the responsibleofficials opportunities to deal with issues on their own, an efficient leaderis able to stimulate their potentials, strengthen their abilities and show hisor her trust to the members. For example, currently, many multinationalcorporations are seizing the chance to extend their foreign markets. Jack, afriend of mine, is one of the founders who established Rose Group in America in1993. Recently, as the CEO of an IT company which is belonged to Rose Group, hecame back to China to open up a market in Chengdu, Sichuan Province. He once toldme via emails that the chairman left this assignment to him and barely helpedhim make decisions. Jack took this assignment as an appreciation for it is away to improve his abilities in various aspects; It is also efficient for thechairman. Thus, the leader should leave some opportunities to those he believein to train their skills, which will strengthen the cohesion of whole group.

Finally, if a leader did decisions on hisown, his burden will be too heavy and his teammates will just follow his ideasand lack enthusiasm for work, which is a potential threat for the further developmentof a company.

In a nutshell, to be an efficient leader,one must decide the most important and urgent issues rather than decide everydecision, and leave other decision making chances to potential, well skilled members.

作者: 面具小姐 时间: 2012-9-5 12:44
9.4 TPO9综合

The reading passage provides threeexplanations that the hydrogen-based fuel-cell engine will replace theinternal-combustion engine. The lecturer, however, holds on opposite view forthe fuel-cell engine has many disadvantages.

Firstly, hydrogen is not easily accessible.Although hydrogen can be produced by water and natural gas, it has to be usedas pure liquid state. This state is hard to produce and store artificiallybecause pure liquid hydrogen should be kept in rather cold condition, say, minus253 Celsius degree. Thus, it is not a substance that easy to get and use.

Secondly, the fuel-cell engine will notsolve the pollution problems. Even though the cars will not produce pollutedgas, the factories, which burn coals and oil to get energy for hydrogen fromwater and gas, will produce pollution.

Finally, fuel-cell engines will not beeconomically since manufacturing these engines will contain a raw expensivematerial, platinum. Without this component, the mechanical reaction to get hydrogenwill not happen. However, trials using economical materials to produce hydrogenare all unsuccessful. Therefore, platinum is needed to manufacture theexpensive fuel-cell engines.

作者: 小兔爱twins 时间: 2012-9-5 17:27
亲。。。注意审题。。等你改好的。。

In thisday and age, leaders are profound in decision making.Thus, whether they should make everyone aware of their decision making doesmake sense. From my standpoint, an efficient leader does not need to join inevery conference.

Firstand foremost, busy as leaders, they have no sufficient time to participate inall meetings and discussions. Take the hierarchy for example. In the past,kings and queens had to deal with alarge amount of national affairs everyday.Without sleeping, they still could notfinish such piles of work. Therefore,they used to pick out some crucial partsand lead the public debate, while otherparts were assigned to responsibleofficials. With this strategy, the nationalleaders usually operated theircountry in a good condition. Thus, currentleaders will be sensible to adoptthis method to manage their companies.

Secondly,by offering the responsibleofficials opportunities to deal with issues on theirown, an efficient leaderis able to stimulate their potentials, strengthen theirabilities and show hisor her trust to the members. For example, currently, manymultinationalcorporations are seizing the chance to extend their foreignmarkets. Jack, afriend of mine, is one of the founders who established RoseGroup in America in1993. Recently, as the CEO of an IT company which isbelonged to Rose Group, hecame back to China to open up a market in Chengdu,Sichuan Province. He once toldme via emails that the chairman left thisassignment to him and barely helpedhim make decisions. Jack took thisassignment as an appreciation for it is away to improve his abilities invarious aspects; It is also efficient for thechairman. Thus, the leader shouldleave some opportunities to those he believein to train their skills, whichwill strengthen the cohesion of whole group.

Finally,if a leader did decisions on hisown, his burden will be too heavy and histeammates will just follow his ideasand lack enthusiasm for work, which is apotential threat for the further developmentof a company.

Ina nutshell, to be an efficient leader,one must decide the most important andurgent issues rather than decide everydecision, and leave other decision makingchances to potential, well skilled members.

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-9-5 19:34
9.4综合修改
9.4 TPO9综合

The reading passage provides threeexplanations that the hydrogen-based fuel-cell engine will replace theinternal-combustion engine. The lecturer, however,这个位置放得很好~ holds on opposite view forthe fuel-cell engine has many disadvantages.

Firstly, hydrogen is not easily accessible.Although hydrogen can be produced by water and natural gas, it has to be usedas pure liquid state. This state is hard to produce and store artificiallybecause pure liquid hydrogen should be kept in rather cold condition, say, minus253 Celsius degree. Thus, it is not a substance that easy to get and use.

Secondly, the fuel-cell engine will notsolve the pollution problems. Even though the cars will not produce pollutedgas, the factories, which burn coals（coal跟后面的oil单复数一致） and oil to get energy for hydrogen fromwater and gas(这里为什么要提gas?), will produce（generate） pollution.

Finally, fuel-cell engines will not beeconomically(economic) since manufacturing these engines will contain a raw expensivematerial, platinum(帅，这个都听出来了~). Without this component, the mechanical reaction to get hydrogenwill not happen. However, trials using economical materials to produce hydrogen（貌似不是产生hydrogen，而是让它反应生成电，这点要注意一下）are all unsuccessful. Therefore, platinum is needed to manufacture theexpensive fuel-cell engines.

Conclusion：

1.简单，精炼~这点比婷婷做的好

2.第三点的细节还要再注意一下

3.整体上已经很好了，建议再提高语言哦

作者: 面具小姐 时间: 2012-9-5 20:36
9.4 独立作文修改稿三
感谢兔兔发现我离题了~~

In this day and age, fierce competitions enlargethe effect of every minus decision. Thus, many leaders take the strategy to involveevery member in decision making in order to improve the accuracy of decisions.From my viewpoint, I cannot agree more.

With everyone in part of decision making,the solutions will be more comprehensive. People in different positions concernabout different aspects, therefore, the decision will be relatively perfectwith as many considerations as possible. For example, when the company iscollecting recommends from stuff, Officers will notice much more things aroundthe office than the security guards who focus more attention on the safetyprotection. The cleaner, however, will mostly suggest things about dirty placesin the building hall. Although these suggestions vary in aspects, they arebeneficial to employees’ working efficiency, directly or indirectly. Thus, thesesuggestions should all be taken into consideration when the leader is making adecision.

When members are taking part in decisiondiscussing, they can not only feel strong belongingness but learn a lot ofknowledge and experience. And if they make a proposal in the meeting which isconsidered great, they will feel confident and appreciate to the leaders andother members. Even though they do not propose anything, they can just listento and learn from others’ opinions. For example, there are many global conferencesin various fields every year, which involved a large amount of members. Noteveryone will address their opinions in the conference, however, they do learna lot by other’s speech. Hence, decision making can benefit both the companyand the employees in many ways beyond their imaginations.

Many efficient leaders will prefer to makedecisions on their own. In this way they may run the company in a good condition,but it will be bad for the future of the company for employees may be lazy laterand lack excitement as well as willingness to improve productivity.

Therefore, with so many merits, involvingeveryone in decision making will be a good strategy an efficient and wiseleader should follow.

作者: 小兔爱twins 时间: 2012-9-6 01:48
In this day and age, fierce competitions en large the effect of every minus decision. （我没有读懂这句话额，，，）Thus, many leaders take the strategy to involve every member in decision making in order to improve the accuracy of decisions. From my viewpoint, I cannot agree more.（开头写因果+表达自己观点这样写法蛮不错的~）

With everyone in part of decision making, the solutions will be more comprehensive. （可以用well-rounded来替换你是要表达全面的这个意思吧）People in different positions concern about different aspects, therefore, the decision will be relatively perfect with as many considerations as possible. For example, when the company is collecting recommends from stuff, Officers will notice much more things around the office than the security guards who focus more attention on the safety protection. The cleaner, however, will mostly suggest things about dirty placesin the building hall. Although these suggestions vary in aspects, they are beneficial to employees’ working efficiency, directly or indirectly. （我不太清楚这边你用although让步的逻辑。。。我觉得有说服的逻辑应该是 Suggestions from different perspectives are beneficial for working efficiency, directly or indirectly.）Thus, these suggestions should all be taken into consideration when the leader is making adecision.（看完第一个body感觉语言表述大部分无碍。。但是在逻辑上有点困乱个人建议是你能在写作前先列一个题干最好让你自己清楚明白自己写作的逻辑虽然托福不强调逻辑但是基本的逻辑我们还是做好能做到谨慎严密）

When members are taking part in decision discussing, they can not only feel strong belongingness but learn a lot ofknowledge and experience. And if they make a proposal in the meeting which isconsidered great, they will feel confident and appreciate to the leaders andother members. Even though they do not propose anything, they can just listento and learn from others’ opinions. For example, there are many global conferencesin various fields every year, which involved a large amount of members. Not everyone will address their opinions in the conference, however, they do learn a lot by other’s speech. Hence, decision making can benefit both the companyand the employees in many ways beyond their imaginations. （你的主题句确实都点到让每个人都感到他们参与到决策当中是一件好事比如能增加归属感和获取更多经验，但是你在论述展开时细节太薄弱。。逻辑不太经的起推敲。。还有结尾的总结其实可以再跟主题靠近一点）

Many efficient leaders will prefer to makedecisions on their own. In this way they may run the company in a good condition,but it will be bad for the future of the company for employees may be lazy laterand lack excitement as well as willingness to improve productivity.

个人意见还是楼主在写作前列一个提纲

欢迎光临 ChaseDream (https://forum.chasedream.com/)