ChaseDream
标题: 作文贴~三战0524~ [打印本页]
作者: xeyyxzty 时间: 2012-8-31 11:33
标题: 作文贴~三战0524~
三战...其实是第三次考啦，不是说前两次滑铁卢哦...
恍然之间发现第一次的成绩再过几个月就过期了...可是它还没有完成它应尽的使命啊！！！（第二次比第一次低，我们就忽略吧...
所以LZ就开始第三次的奋斗咯~~~
第一次作文29，第二次25（好伤感的说...
希望这一次的成绩能让自己满意
祝所有同学CD成功~
作者: CCcarol 时间: 2012-8-31 15:53
熊熊~~~ 抱住~~~ 沙发果断占一个！！~
作者: xeyyxzty 时间: 2012-9-2 22:58
谢谢CC
第一篇~9.2独立
作文一直比较烂~求狠批
It is better to relax by a movie or reading a bookthan doing physical exercise. Do you agree?
We have so much pressure everyday in modernsociety that it’s necessary to find a way to relax ourselves. Some people saythat doing physical exercise is a good choice while I prefer reading a book orwatching a movie to get released.
Firstly, we can read books and watch moviesalmost everywhere. Thanks to the improvement of technology, we can have suchentertainments simply with our portable smart phones. Unlike doing physicalexercise, which asks for special equipments or places, reading or watchingmovies is a better choice if facilities are limited. Actually, only gyms offerall instruments. Besides, if you don’t have a plenty of time, doing exercisemay get you exhausted without a time to rest.
Secondly, books and movies may offer younew knowledge, which is impossible for doing exercise. For example, a magazinenamed Science, which is very famous, can tell you the latest discoveries oftechnology. Movies involve the information about the country where it is made. However,what you get to know when doing exercise is how to avoid injuries. We can’tdeny that one of books’ and movies’ functions is to transfer knowledge andinformation. It’s really a good thing to know something new while having arest.
Thirdly, reading books and watching moviesare safe. You may get hurt while doing exercise, especially when you are tired.It takes time to recover that the injury may disturb your life routine, whichwill cause bad effects. If you get fractures when you go skiing, you have tostay at home for several months. Time is precious to everyone that it’s reallya pity to spend such a long time at home. Reading books and watching movies,instead, are relatively safe because you just need to sit to enjoy them.
Admittedly, doing exercise is good tophysical health. The pros of reading books and watching movies outweigh theircons, I think. Time to relax is scarce that we must do the most valuable thing.Reading books and watching movies is a better choice.
作者: fuzhengrui 时间: 2012-9-2 23:28
标题: 简单改了一下，问题不大，多数是润色，见附件
[attach]105665[/attach]
谢谢CC
第一篇~9.2独立
作文一直比较烂~求狠批
It is better to relax by a movie or reading a bookthan doing physical exercise. Do you agree?We have so much pressure everyday in modernsociety that it’s necessary to find a way to relax ourselves. Some people saythat doing physical exercise is a good choice while I prefer reading a book orwatching a movie to get released.
Firstly, we can read books and watch moviesalmost everywhere. Thanks to the improvement of technology, we can have suchentertainments simply with our portable smart phones. Unlike doing physicalexercise, which asks for special equipments or places, reading or watchingmovies is a better choice if facilities are limited. Actually, only gyms offerall instruments. Besides, if you don’t have a plenty of time, doing exercisemay get you exhausted without a time to rest.
Secondly, books and movies may offer younew knowledge, which is impossible for doing exercise. For example, a magazinenamed Science, which is very famous, can tell you the latest discoveries oftechnology. Movies involve the information about the country where it is made. However,what you get to know when doing exercise is how to avoid injuries. We can’tdeny that one of books’ and movies’ functions is to transfer knowledge andinformation. It’s really a good thing to know something new while having arest.
Thirdly, reading books and watching moviesare safe. You may get hurt while doing exercise, especially when you are tired.It takes time to recover that the injury may disturb your life routine, whichwill cause bad effects. If you get fractures when you go skiing, you have tostay at home for several months. Time is precious to everyone that it’s reallya pity to spend such a long time at home. Reading books and watching movies,instead, are relatively safe because you just need to sit to enjoy them.
Admittedly, doing exercise is good tophysical health. The pros of reading books and watching movies outweigh theircons, I think. Time to relax is scarce that we must do the most valuable thing.Reading books and watching movies is a better choice.
-- by 会员 xeyyxzty (2012/9/2 22:58:59)
作者: ykhjy 时间: 2012-9-3 14:07
肿么回事 lz 9.2 的作文已经。。改好了。。么。。那我还改么。
作者: ykhjy 时间: 2012-9-3 14:26
9.2 独立修改
It is better to relax by a movie or reading a book than doing physical exercise. Do you agree?
蓝色good 黄色需修改 红色我改的 绿色批注建议
We have so much pressure everyday in modern society [so] that it’s necessary to find a way to relax ourselves. Some people say that doing physical exercise is a good choice while I prefer reading a book or watching a movie[这里我不确定，不是prefer to do 么] to get released.
Firstly, we can read books and watch movies almost everywhere. Thanks to the improvement of technology, we can have such entertainments simply with our portable smart phones. Unlike doing physical exercise, which asks for special equipments or places, reading or watching movies is a better choice if facilities are limited. Actually, only gyms offer all instruments. Besides, if you don’t have a plenty of time, doing exercise may get you exhausted without a time to rest.[非常好，简单]
Secondly, books and movies may offer you new knowledge, which is impossible for [via] doing exercise. For example, a magazine named Science, which is very famous, can tell you the latest discoveries of technology. Movies involve the information about the country where it is made. However,what you get to know when doing exercise is how to avoid injuries. We can’t deny that one of books’ and movies’ functions is to transfer knowledge and information. It’s really a good thing to know something new while having a rest. 【有个问题和lz讨论下，题目是你觉得reading 比doing physical exercise更容易让人relax么，这和 在rest 的时候，你更喜欢reading 还是 doing physical exercise 一样么？】
Thirdly, reading books and watching movies are safe. You may get hurt while doing exercise, especially when you are tired.It takes time to recover that the injury may disturb your life routine, which will cause bad effects. If you get fractures when you go skiing, you have to stay at home for several months. Time is precious to everyone that it’s really a pity to spend such a long time at home. Reading books and watching movies,instead, are relatively safe because you just need to sit to enjoy them. 【这个point非常好】
Admittedly, doing exercise is good to physical health. The pros of reading books and watching movies outweigh their cons, I think. Time to relax is scarce that we must do the most valuable thing.Reading books and watching movies is a better choice.
【lz作文很棒啊，思路清晰，也没有什么语法错误。但有个问题就是我在第三段跟你讨论的那个问题~~~~】
作者: xeyyxzty 时间: 2012-9-3 17:41
9.2 独立修改It is better to relax by a movie or reading a book than doing physical exercise. Do you agree?
蓝色good 黄色需修改 红色我改的 绿色批注建议
We have so much pressure everyday in modern society [so] that it’s necessary to find a way to relax ourselves. Some people say that doing physical exercise is a good choice while I prefer reading a book or watching a movie[这里我不确定，不是prefer to do 么] to get released.Firstly, we can read books and watch movies almost everywhere. Thanks to the improvement of technology, we can have such entertainments simply with our portable smart phones. Unlike doing physical exercise, which asks for special equipments or places, reading or watching movies is a better choice if facilities are limited. Actually, only gyms offer all instruments. Besides, if you don’t have a plenty of time, doing exercise may get you exhausted without a time to rest.[非常好，简单]Secondly, books and movies may offer you new knowledge, which is impossible for [via] doing exercise. For example, a magazine named Science, which is very famous, can tell you the latest discoveries of technology. Movies involve the information about the country where it is made. However,what you get to know when doing exercise is how to avoid injuries. We can’t deny that one of books’ and movies’ functions is to transfer knowledge and information. It’s really a good thing to know something new while having a rest. 【有个问题和lz讨论下，题目是你觉得reading 比doing physical exercise更容易让人relax么，这和 在rest 的时候，你更喜欢reading 还是 doing physical exercise 一样么？】Thirdly, reading books and watching movies are safe. You may get hurt while doing exercise, especially when you are tired.It takes time to recover that the injury may disturb your life routine, which will cause bad effects. If you get fractures when you go skiing, you have to stay at home for several months. Time is precious to everyone that it’s really a pity to spend such a long time at home. Reading books and watching movies,instead, are relatively safe because you just need to sit to enjoy them. 【这个point非常好】Admittedly, doing exercise is good to physical health. The pros of reading books and watching movies outweigh their cons, I think. Time to relax is scarce that we must do the most valuable thing.Reading books and watching movies is a better choice.
【lz作文很棒啊，思路清晰，也没有什么语法错误。但有个问题就是我在第三段跟你讨论的那个问题~~~~】-- by 会员 ykhjy (2012/9/3 14:26:21)
那个问题可能是我顺手就把句子写出来了吧...把题目忘记了~你说的很对哟~改正~
像via这些词貌似从来没有在我的作文中出现过
学习了~
谢谢
作者: xeyyxzty 时间: 2012-9-3 22:56
这篇好难写
写的有点久，字数也不多，而且总是感觉有点牵强~anyway, 同学下狠手修改吧
Do you agree that it is better to spend money ontraveling and vacation than save money for future?
Usually people get a lot of pressure everydaythat they tend to spend money on traveling and vacation to have a rest. They regardtravel as a means of relaxing. However, I prefer saving money for future. In myperspective, there are so many ways to get relaxed that we can use money in amore proper way, such as investment.
Firstly, life is full of unexpected affairsthat we need to save money for them. Spending all the money on traveling orvacation is irrational. Once you get ill, it’s really dangerous that you don’thave enough money to pay for the medical expenses. Maybe you don’t recognizesuch things when planning for a trip, but we are adults that we should beresponsible for our behaviors. It’s never too early to plan for the future. Keepsome money in case of accidents is wise. Actually, life is so precious that it cannotbear risks.
Secondly, saving money can be beneficialbecause banks have several services that help their customers invest infinancial markets. Specialists can always do better than amateur investors. Thoughtraveling can give you an unforgettable experience, to most people, money ismore important in daily life. In this way, we’ll have more money for futurethat we don’t need to give up opportunities because of the lack of money. Regretis useless if you lose the chances one day in the future.
Thirdly, the more money deposited in banks,the better service banks may offer. For example, if you have the VIP card of abank, you can rest in the special room while waiting for the plane. Traveling canonly give you a sense of satisfaction for a period of time while you can find suchspecial services almost everywhere.
We can’t deny that the memory abouttraveling is priceless but life is more than entertainment. We need to concernmore. From this point, saving money for future is a better choice comparing tospending money on traveling and vocation.
作者: fuzhengrui 时间: 2012-9-3 23:17
标题: 熊熊请看附件。。。今天改熊熊作文的同学忽略这个回复
[attach]105706[/attach]
作者: beiyezi 时间: 2012-9-4 08:46
作者: mahaofei001 时间: 2012-9-4 09:57
我来捧场了额
作者: xeyyxzty 时间: 2012-9-4 12:20
我来捧场了额
-- by 会员 mahaofei001 (2012/9/4 9:57:30)
虽然没有评价作文
作者: steigen 时间: 2012-9-4 21:05
9.3 独立修改
Usually people get a lot of pressure(stressful) every day that they tend to spend money on traveling and vacation to have a rest. They regard travel as a means of relaxing. However, I prefer saving money for future(the future future前是一定要加the ). In my perspective, there are so many ways to get relaxed that we can use money in a more proper way, such as investment.
Firstly, life is full of unexpected affairs（affair这个词有一种贬义，在口语中常用于婚外恋用urgency/exigence/emergency）that we need to save money for them. Spending all the money on traveling or vacation is irrational. Once you get ill, it’s really dangerous （很危险？？anxious/despairing）that you don’t have enough money to pay for the medical expenses. Maybe you don’t recognize such things when planning for a trip, but we are adults that we should be responsible for our behaviors. It’s never too early to plan for the future. Keep some money in case of accidents is wise. Actually, life is so precious that it cannot bear risks. (这后三个句子，一句话来讲就是 Depositing for the future is essential as it is unpredictable.觉得最后收尾很啰嗦，能有个更好的具体例子，数据可以去支持这个论点就更好了)
Secondly, saving money can be beneficial because banks have several services that help their customers invest in financial markets.（这论点句，更应该强调saving money怎么给未来带来了好处了）Specialists can always do better than amateur investors. Though traveling can give you an unforgettable experience, to most people, money is more important in daily life. In this way, we’ll have more money for future that we don’t need to give up opportunities because of the lack of money. Regretis(????) useless if you lose the chances one day in the future. (我觉得这个段落，有点缺乏逻辑性。跟上个段落一样，没有具体点的例子，显得会很没有说服力，很空洞)
Thirdly, (last but not least, 一，二，三这么来感觉有点死板啊)the more money deposited in banks, he better service banks may offer. For example, if you have the VIP card of a bank, you can rest in the special room while waiting for the plane.(上两个段落要是有这种例子就更好了) Traveling can only give you a sense of satisfaction for a period of time while you can find such special services almost everywhere.
We can’t deny that the memory about traveling is priceless but life is more than entertainment.（有个让步显得更加完整了） We need to concern more. From this point, saving money for future is a better choice comparing to spending money on traveling and vocation.
改的有点晚了，很抱歉。
先从字数上来说吧，亲的文章大概是320字左右，尽量上到400字以上吧 这样才有机会拿高分啊。
再是语言，多看看老美185文章吧，觉得你的很多语言都是中文直译啊。
我觉得文章最需要提高的就是逻辑性。 句子之间，逻辑关联欠佳。
有的改的不对的地方请多多包涵啊~ 一起多讨论讨论~
作者: steigen 时间: 2012-9-4 21:09
同学，我们是不是9.3独立作文互改啊？
我今天估计11点多才能上传，到时候再给我批改下好吗？
我是一个上班族啊。。。 真不好意思了
作者: xeyyxzty 时间: 2012-9-4 21:14
同学，我们是不是9.3独立作文互改啊？
我今天估计11点多才能上传，到时候再给我批改下好吗？
我是一个上班族啊。。。 真不好意思了
-- by 会员 steigen (2012/9/4 21:09:32)
作者: xeyyxzty 时间: 2012-9-4 21:14
Agree/disagree: an efficient leader will always try tomake everyone feel that he’s in part of a decision making
Most of projects today require teamwork alot because they are so difficult for a single person to finish. The corporationamong members is so important that everybody should participate in makingdecisions. I think an efficient leader will always try to make everyone feelthat he’s in part of that process.
Firstly, the sense of participation makespeople have a higher efficiency because they think that doing the job is out oftheir own interests. It’s not surprising that stock holders care more about theoperation of a firm that its employees. A higher efficiency can help save timeto do other work so that we can achieve more in a certain period of time. Actually,as information spreads quickly, time is important. In this aspect, a higherefficiency means a lot. It can give you an advantage over other competitorsworldwide.
Secondly, if the leader makes everyone feelthat he’s in part of a decision making, most of the members may be loyal to theteam. The sense of belonging helps enhance the relationship among members thatthey will protect the interests of the group subconsciously. The participationforms a connection between members and the team so that they regard themselvesthe owners. Obviously, no one will do harm to his possessions. A team withloyal members can make great success.
Thirdly, the sense of recognition mayattract other talented people to join the team, which really contributes to thedevelopment of the group. Though the achievement of a team is irrelevant to thesize of it, we can’t deny that the more people we have, the more things we cando, especially when members are all elites. People need recognition, which isquite rare today. If the leader offers such recognition, many people will applyfor the position so that we have various choices. Among all the applicants, wecan definitely choose the most suitable one. The team will develop better dayby day.
An efficient leader should make everyonefeel that he’s part of a decision making because it has so many advantages. It cannot only help the leader make the career advancement, but also give otherpeople opportunities to show their talent.
作者: xeyyxzty 时间: 2012-9-4 21:18
9.3 独立修改
Usually people get a lot of pressure(stressful) every day that they tend to spend money on traveling and vacation to have a rest. They regard travel as a means of relaxing. However, I prefer saving money for future(the future future前是一定要加the ). In my perspective, there are so many ways to get relaxed that we can use money in a more proper way, such as investment.
Firstly, life is full of unexpected affairs（affair这个词有一种贬义，在口语中常用于婚外恋用urgency/exigence/emergency）that we need to save money for them. Spending all the money on traveling or vacation is irrational. Once you get ill, it’s really dangerous （很危险？？anxious/despairing）that you don’t have enough money to pay for the medical expenses. Maybe you don’t recognize such things when planning for a trip, but we are adults that we should be responsible for our behaviors. It’s never too early to plan for the future. Keep some money in case of accidents is wise. Actually, life is so precious that it cannot bear risks. (这后三个句子，一句话来讲就是 Depositing for the future is essential as it is unpredictable.觉得最后收尾很啰嗦，能有个更好的具体例子，数据可以去支持这个论点就更好了)
Secondly, saving money can be beneficial because banks have several services that help their customers invest in financial markets.（这论点句，更应该强调saving money怎么给未来带来了好处了）Specialists can always do better than amateur investors. Though traveling can give you an unforgettable experience, to most people, money is more important in daily life. In this way, we’ll have more money for future that we don’t need to give up opportunities because of the lack of money. Regretis(????) useless if you lose the chances one day in the future. (我觉得这个段落，有点缺乏逻辑性。跟上个段落一样，没有具体点的例子，显得会很没有说服力，很空洞)
Thirdly, (last but not least, 一，二，三这么来感觉有点死板啊)the more money deposited in banks, he better service banks may offer. For example, if you have the VIP card of a bank, you can rest in the special room while waiting for the plane.(上两个段落要是有这种例子就更好了) Traveling can only give you a sense of satisfaction for a period of time while you can find such special services almost everywhere.
We can’t deny that the memory about traveling is priceless but life is more than entertainment.（有个让步显得更加完整了） We need to concern more. From this point, saving money for future is a better choice comparing to spending money on traveling and vocation.
改的有点晚了，很抱歉。
先从字数上来说吧，亲的文章大概是320字左右，尽量上到400字以上吧 这样才有机会拿高分啊。
再是语言，多看看老美185文章吧，觉得你的很多语言都是中文直译啊。
我觉得文章最需要提高的就是逻辑性。 句子之间，逻辑关联欠佳。
有的改的不对的地方请多多包涵啊~ 一起多讨论讨论~ -- by 会员 steigen (2012/9/4 21:05:03)
字数一直是我的问题~例子也是~好吧，brainstorm............
thx...
P.S.
最爱这样的建议啦
作者: 搞G战士DB 时间: 2012-9-4 22:07
哈哈，熊熊，第一次跟队就跟你分在一组了！缘分呐！明天来改你的作文哈~加油加油！
PS：我写的超级烂的>< 狠狠拍吧啊啊啊！
作者: xeyyxzty 时间: 2012-9-4 23:01
哈哈，熊熊，第一次跟队就跟你分在一组了！缘分呐！明天来改你的作文哈~加油加油！
PS：我写的超级烂的>< 狠狠拍吧啊啊啊！
-- by 会员 搞G战士DB (2012/9/4 22:07:54)
我的作文也不好~半斤八两的两个人呀.................
加油！！！
作者: 搞G战士DB 时间: 2012-9-5 20:10
Most of projects today require teamwork a lot because they are so difficult for a single person to finish. (这里的逻辑主语是projects,这么写会有a single person finish all these projects的赶脚。那么改成so difficult to be finished by a single person会不会更好？)The corporation among members is so important that everybody should participate in making decisions.（这里用一个逻辑词把前面的话和你这句结论连接起来比较好，thus怎么样？） I think an efficient leader will always try to make everyone feel that he’s in part of that process.
Firstly, the sense of participation makes people have a higher efficiency because they think that doing the job is out of their own interests.（这一句表示没有搞懂熊熊的意思= = 为什么是out of their interests使得雇员有了更高的效率？而且应该是想表达”将会使得”的意思吧？because it will makes them feel that they are doing…去掉is ） It’s not surprising that stock holders care more about the operation of a firm that（笔误啦） its employees. A higher efficiency can help save time to do other work so that we can achieve more in a certain period of time. Actually, as information spreads quickly, time is important. In this aspect, a higher efficiency means a lot. It can give you an advantage over other competitors worldwide.(这一段用了很多can，建议使用一些其他高级一些的词汇，或者换句型)
这一段后面都在论述efficiency的重要性，脱离了本意。可以在最后加上一句Thus the leader will be pleased to improve the efficiency of his or her employees. 你觉得呢？可以讨论一下这一段，怕我说得不好哈
Secondly, if the leader makes everyone feel that he’s in part of a decision making, most of the members may be loyal to the team. The sense of belonging helps enhance the relationship among members that (这个that怪怪的，是想表达以至于的意思吧?so that. 但是这样改的话，这句跟下一句就太重合了- -肿么办)they will protect the interests of the group subconsciously. The participation forms a connection between members and the team so that they regard themselves the owners. Obviously, no one will do harm to his possessions. A team with loyal members can make a great success.
Thirdly, the sense of recognition may attract other talented people to join the team, which really contributes to the development of the group. Though the achievement of a team is irrelevant to the size of it, we can’t deny that the more people we have, the more things we can do,(.) especially when members are all elites. People need recognition, which is quite rare today. If the leader offers such recognition, many people will apply for the position so that we(we? they will) have various choices. Among all the applicants, we can definitely choose the most suitable one. The team will develop better day by day.
An efficient leader should make everyone feel that he’s part of a decision making because it has so many advantages. It can not only help the leader make the career advancement, but also give other people opportunities to show their talent.这样结尾好唐突。再强调一遍自己的观点。
作者: 搞G战士DB 时间: 2012-9-5 20:18
熊熊写的很好哈，比我好多啦，学到了很多。都找不到语法错误。思路也很清晰。
建议就是注意一下逻辑，比如第二段和最后一段，加上一点观点把段落论述部分和观点结合在一起。
抱歉啦水平有限提不出更多的建议，熊熊表嫌弃我><
作者: xeyyxzty 时间: 2012-9-5 23:08
写的还是不太好总觉得结尾没什么可以说的.......
In order to solve the problems of the present and the future, people should review the past.
Though technology improves, the patterns of social progress are almost the same as they were before. Some people say that it’s no use to review the past when facing problems because the world has changed a lot. However, for my perspective, there is definitely a need to review the past in order to solve problems of the present and the future.
Firstly, we can find solutions from similar conditions in the past. As we all know, there is a cycle in economic growth. In the period of recession, it’s helpful for economists and politicians to review the past. Actually, history repeats itself. We can also find solutions for problems that we meet in daily life from our life experience. For example, if our house caught a fire, we could use the methods told on TV to save ourselves. Experience is a treasure not only for a single person, but also for human beings as a whole.
Secondly, reviewing the past can stimulate people to come up with new ideas and make new discoveries to solve problems. For example, it’s not rare that scientists do research on previous experiments for their study at hand. Failures in the past can also help people make progress. History is precious because it not only shows our improvement, but also reminds us the mistakes we have made.
Thirdly, though not all of the problems can be solved by reviewing the past, we can develop our ability to solve them independently in this way. This ability is crucial to everyone because nobody can guarantee that there is always a person to help you. The past tells us the right attitude, which is the most important part of solving problems, towards obstacles. Panic does no help, neither does anxiety. We have to rely on ourselves and the experience we have. Recalling the past is painful sometimes, we can learn a lot.
Thanks to the education system, everybody studies history so that we’ve all learned the method of reviewing the past. We can’t deny that changes in the society have influences on problem solving, but it’s still a good idea to review the past when facing problems of the present and the future.
作者: xeyyxzty 时间: 2012-9-5 23:17
to DB：
那个firstly是从自身利益出发~我也不知道是不是这样......好心虚
DB说的很好啦~
我一直很纠结我的结尾~觉得真的没什么好写的~
唉，有好建议吗？
让我再翻翻作文书去
作者: beiyezi 时间: 2012-9-6 14:19
标题: 9.5 独立修改
Though technology improves, the patterns of social progress are almost the same as they were before. Some people say that it’s no use to review the past when facing problems because the world has changed a lot. However, for my perspective, there is definitely a need to review the past in order to solve problems of the present and the future.
Firstly, we can find solutions from similar conditions in the past. As we all know, there is a cycle in economic growth. In the period of recession, it’s helpful for economists and politicians to review the past. Actually, history repeats itself. We can also find solutions for problems that we meet in daily life from our life experience. For example, if our houses caught a fire, we could use the methods told on TV to save ourselves.(methods told on TV 虽然是属于past ，但是感觉还是和review past 有点差距啊，不如因为以前救过火，所以现在知道怎么救火了) Experience is a treasure not only for a single person, but also for human beings as a whole.这句话放在后面有点突兀，是在总结，而且递进， 但是又和前面例子顺序不符合，（前面先讲了for human beings 的例子）。提议fire的例子放在前，然后加结尾的那句话，引出cycle in economic的例子。
例子具体点好，加点细节，比如use the wet tower cover one‘s mouth and nose to avoid smothery air。
Secondly, reviewing the past can stimulate people to come up with new ideas and make new discoveries to solve problems. For example, it’s not rare that scientists do research base on previous experiments for their study at hand. Failures in the past can also help people make progress. History is precious because it not only shows our improvement这句话的意思是历史体现了我们的进步对不，但是这个本段主题不符啊，不是应该为有助于进步吗, but also reminds us the mistakes we have made.本段不够充实，加点例子吧。还有failurs 这个point 和主题的solve problems of today’s 的关联只用一句话，没论述清楚。
Thirdly, though not all of the problems can be solved by reviewing the past, we can develop build会不会更好的，develop 有点怪 our ability to solve them independently in this way this指代神马？. 这句话就是说虽然我们不能依靠过去的办法解决所有问题，但是我们可以培养独立解决的能力对吧，觉得虽然的内容和但是的内容有点不匹配。不是应该说虽然不能所有解决，但是可以帮助培养解决能力This ability is crucial to everyone because nobody can guarantee that there is always a person to help you（没人帮忙解决问题和主题无关）. The past tells us the right attitude, which is the most important part of solving problems, towards obstacles. Right attitude 太含糊，没具体说Panic does no help, neither does anxiety. We have to rely on ourselves and the experience we have.前面说panic，这句转为rely on experience ，不是一个方面的，提议改成experience make us feel confident infront of the difficulties。It is true that recalling the past is painful sometimes, we can learn a lotbut we do learn a lot of things throught it.
Thanks to the education system, everybody studies history so that we’ve all learned the method of reviewing the past.上历史课就学到reviewing的方法？We can’t deny that changes in the society have influences on problem solving, but it’s still a good idea to review the past when facing problems of the present an d the future.
能力有限，只能改到这个程度， 只希望不要改错了， 改错了一定要跟我说哈
文章论点挺好，例子不够具体，论述不是很清楚显得论点单薄， 好像是论述的逻辑或者顺序的原因； 没连接词，貌似连接词用一下，调理就有了
作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-9-6 16:11
熊宝宝加油
作者: xeyyxzty 时间: 2012-9-6 22:04
A/D the most important problems in today’s world willbe solved in our life time
Society changes as time goes on. People arefacing so many important problems today. Some are confident that we can solvethem in our life time. However, I don’t think it’s possible. Each of the most importantproblems is relevant to everybody that it needs not only the progress inscience and technology, but also corporations among countries.
Firstly, though technology improved in thepast decades of years, there is still a limit. There is no treatment for cancerand AIDS right now. Global warming also threatens human beings, not to mentionextreme climate. Besides, we are out of traditional fuel. All of such critical problemscall for breakthroughs in science and technology. We can’t deny that more andmore people become researchers, but gifted scientists are still rare. Greatscientists don’t come out usually.
Secondly, regardless of the limit oftechnology, the cost to make use of new inventions is so huge that not everycountry can afford it. Actually, a gap exists in the GDP among developed countriesand developing countries. There are so many people still in hunger while othersare complaining about the taste of dishes. In this aspect, whether there is anew invention has nothing to do with the poor. For example, computers have beeninvented many years ago, but not until the recent ten years could ordinarypeople afford to buy one.
Thirdly, governments won’t allow the criticaltechnology to be used in other countries. There is competence among countriesin many aspects, such as science, military, etc.. Every country is potentialrivals to others. For instance, as we all know, GPS was invented by the US andit can be used by everyone technically. However, Europe has its own system, sodoes China and Russia. Nobody would like to share their discoveries withothers, especially they are competitors.
I believe that many people can have a qualified life whileI don’t think it’s possible to solve all the most important problems in ourlife time. How could you expect global corporation exists when there are stillwars? Technology improves and we’ll live a better life. But there are still problemsto be solved.
作者: xeyyxzty 时间: 2012-9-6 22:05
熊宝宝加油
-- by 会员 晨依Jacqueline (2012/9/6 16:11:18)
下次来要点评作文哟
作者: xeyyxzty 时间: 2012-9-6 22:08
回顾一下之前同学们提的意见~
大概就是文章逻辑不是很强(尤其是分论点~联系不够紧密,也没有递进,就算平行也很牵强~好吧,想理由是很痛苦的事情)
还有我不是很会写开头结尾~总是觉得没话说~~~
还有例子,举的内容不够丰富具体(这大概就是字数少的原因吧...)
当然,还有一个你们不知道的~就是时间不够用啊啊啊啊啊
剩下的就是小错误了~
有什么问题还请大家多多指出~thx
作者: xeyyxzty 时间: 2012-9-6 22:11
to beiyezi：
果然我写作文的时候大脑很跳跃很跳跃啊啊啊啊啊
重点就是内容很游离是吧~没有贴着问题写
这个我写的时候有感觉，可是就是不知道写什么~让我好好看看范文去~~~
方便的话看看我今天的~这篇因为问题的关系，好写很多，感觉逻辑性比上一篇强~
作者: beiyezi 时间: 2012-9-7 08:16
标题: 9.6独立 修改
A/D the most important problems in today’s world willbe solved in our life time
Society changes as time goes on. People are facing so many important problems today. Some are confident that we can solve them in our lifetime. However, I don’t think it’s possible. Each of the most important problems is relevant to everybody that it needs not only the progress in science and technology, but also corporations among countries.
Firstly, though technology improved in the past decades of years, there is still a limit. There is no treatment for cancer and AIDS right now. Global warming also threatens human beings, not to mention extreme climate. Besides, we are out of traditional fuel. All of such critical problems call for breakthroughs in science and technology. We can’t deny that more and more（growing number of） people become researchers, but gifted scientists are still rare. Great scientists don’t come out usually.（前面描述的很好很强大，后面两句关于 scientists 的有点……感觉好像鄙视了弱的scientists，科学有限的进步归结于scientists 不强大貌似有点不妥，毕竟不是什么东西scientists都可以解决）
Secondly, regardless of the limit of technology, the cost to make use of new inventions is so huge that not every country can afford it. Actually, a great gap exists in the GDP among developed countries and developing countries. There are so many people still in hunger while others are complaining about the taste of dishes. In this aspect, whether there is a new invention has nothing to do with the poor. For example, computers have been invented many years ago, but not until the recent ten years could ordinary people afford to buy one.
Thirdly, governments won’t allow the critical technology to be used in other countries. There is competence among countries in many aspects, such as science, military, etc.. Every country is potential rivals to others. For instance, as we all know, GPS was invented by the US and it can be used by everyone technically. However, Europe has its own system, so does China and Russia. Nobody would like to share their discoveries with others, especially they are competitors.
I believe that many people can have a qualified life while I don’t think it’s possible to solve all the most important problems in our life time. How could you expect global corporation exists when there are still wars? Technology improves and we’ll live a better life. But there are still problems to be solved.
逻辑方面，貌似和正常逻辑不一样 你的逻辑是不是这样的：问题没法解决because ：
1，scientist 不强，science have limit；
2，即使technology is infinite， have not money to afford them
(这里要体现一下因此问题始终解决不了因为买不起，for example ，the super hybrid rice release the tense of the hunger around the world， but there are quite a few people remain hungry in several place on earth because these countries are too poor to pay the hybrid rice)
3，lack of international cooperation cause the popularization of the technology stay at low point
（这里应该和主题联系一下，不普及cause we can not use the technology on larger range that lead t
o the problems stay unsolved or will cost a long time to solve）（举的例子也和主题没啥关系， 但是这个point 貌似例子有点难找，一时半会儿想不出来）
感觉你更像是在回答，为啥科学技术不能解决问题 这个主题
总之：1， 每段要和主题有联系，， 扯得再远都得会到主题，，这样比较不容易跑题
2，主题有3个重点：time most important problems solve ，貌似你没有抓住
3，虽然总的来看，有点偏题，，但是每一段内部调理很好，有逻辑了，加强全文的逻辑就很好
语言方面：1， 简洁干净，有条理，也有连接词了 用词挺好，但是句子全是简单句，读者看着不过瘾啊，可以找两句合成一句。
作者: 羊咩咩yw 时间: 2012-9-7 17:03
我改完才发现有队友已经给你改过了呢~~但是还是想把我改的给贴上来呢~~呵呵
Society changes as time goes on. People are facing so many important problems today. Some are confident that we can solve them in our life time. However, I don’t think it’s possible. Each of the most important problems is relevant to everybody that it needs not only the progress inscience and technology, but also corporations among countries.
Firstly, though technology improved in the past decades of years, there is still a limit. There is no treatment for cancer and AIDS right now.（建议把前面这两句的位置换一换，换个句型，这样比较扣题，因为熊熊是驳观点~所以TS明显很重要~~） Global warming also threatens human beings, not to mention extreme climate. Besides, we are out of traditional fuel. All of such critical problem scall for breakthroughs in science and technology. We can’t deny that more and more people become researchers, but gifted scientists are still rare. Great scientists don’t come out usually.（小感觉这段没有很好的develop哟~~因为这段里面熊熊提出了几个问题，这些问题都不能被解决，但没有说为什么不能被解决~~建议选一个点深入的说呢~~）
Secondly, regardless of the limit of technology, the cost to make use of new inventions is so huge that not every country can afford it. Actually, a gap exists in the GDP among developed countries and developing countries. There are so many people still in hunger while others are complaining about the taste of dishes. In this aspect, whether there is anew invention has nothing to do with the poor. For example, computers have been invented many years ago, but not until the recent ten years could ordinary people afford to buy one. （点很好~~就是例子有点薄，再深入说明就更完美了~）
Thirdly, governments won’t allow the critical technology to be used in other countries. There is competence among countries in many aspects, such as science, military, etc.. Every country is （a）potential rivals(rival) to others. For instance, as we all know, GPS was invented by the US and it can be used by everyone technically. However, Europe has its own system, so does China and Russia.(这两个句子没有很好的联系上呢~~熊熊你在读读看~~) Nobody would like to share their discoveries with others, especially they are competitors.
I believe that many people can have a qualified life while I don’t think it’s possible to solve all the most important problems in our life time. How could you expect global corporation exists when there are still wars? Technology improves and we’ll live a better life. But there are still problems to be solved.
论证的逻辑性不是很完美，内容不是很深入，但观点新颖，有改得不对的地方熊熊要告诉我哟~这样我也可以进步~~加油
作者: xeyyxzty 时间: 2012-9-7 19:45
to beiyezi：
我是这么想的~解决问题主要靠科技，结果科技不可能完全解决问题~即使科技能解决问题，但有的人用不起~即使大家都很有钱，都可以买，但是却买不到~所以不可能解决问题
没有考虑过你说的题目的三个重点~忽略了审题~啊啊啊啊啊
不过爱死你的点评了
有时间还请多多指导~~~
感觉点评和头像一样的性格嘛
作者: xeyyxzty 时间: 2012-9-7 19:50
to 羊咩咩：
看来我果然逻辑上很有问题~~~或者说表达能力很是问题~~~个人倾向于后者的说
第三个观点我想说技术封锁呀，即使有技术，也不会全球推广的，所以在有生之年根本上解决问题还是不可能的~
真的很不切题吗？？？
不论我是怎么想的，总之写出来就变了感觉，这个无可否认，sigh................
好吧，有一个努力的方向总是很好很值得高兴的事~
thx
作者: 羊咩咩yw 时间: 2012-9-7 20:21
我不是说熊熊本身逻辑有问题呢~我是说文章这样写出来个人感觉会有逻辑不严密的感觉，但我觉得你的句子是没有表达上面的问题的，只是句子和句子联系起来之后会有那么一点感觉跳跃有点快~~其实我很喜欢你写作风格~小清新，昨天晚上知道分组之后有专门来看过熊熊的文章，印象最深的是有一篇TS写得很精练~~感觉那篇很好~~加油~
作者: beiyezi 时间: 2012-9-7 20:29
呵呵，可能我的点评颜色多点，好看一点 字大点 不伤眼
头像是学习对象，向她靠齐
作者: 羊咩咩yw 时间: 2012-9-7 20:35
PS：在第三段我没有说不切题呢~我觉得点很好，我是说这两个句子没有很好的联系For instance, as we all know, GPS was invented by the US and it can be used by everyone technically. However, Europe has its own system, so does China and Russia. 就是我读的第一感觉是：美国发明了GPS， 从技术层面来讲（严格意义上来讲）人人都可以用。 但欧洲有自己的系统，中国，俄罗斯也有(我不知道我翻译对没有呢~~因为不知道那个technically在这儿怎么翻)，我当时想的是换成这样：美国发明了GPS， 但并有把这项技术推广到其他国家，相反的是，欧洲有自己的系统， 中国，俄罗斯也一样，这就是技术封锁最好的例子。我是这样想的~~个人观点，要是和亲的想法有出入，或者是改错的地方，一定要告诉我呢~~水平有限所以改错了亲不要介意~~
作者: xeyyxzty 时间: 2012-9-7 21:07
呵呵，可能我的点评颜色多点，好看一点 字大点 不伤眼
头像是学习对象，向她靠齐
-- by 会员 beiyezi (2012/9/7 20:29:08)
作者: xeyyxzty 时间: 2012-9-7 21:09
PS：在第三段我没有说不切题呢~我觉得点很好，我是说这两个句子没有很好的联系For instance, as we all know, GPS was invented by the US and it can be used by everyone technically. However, Europe has its own system, so does China and Russia. 就是我读的第一感觉是：美国发明了GPS， 从技术层面来讲（严格意义上来讲）人人都可以用。 但欧洲有自己的系统，中国，俄罗斯也有(我不知道我翻译对没有呢~~因为不知道那个technically在这儿怎么翻)，我当时想的是换成这样：美国发明了GPS， 但并有把这项技术推广到其他国家，相反的是，欧洲有自己的系统， 中国，俄罗斯也一样，这就是技术封锁最好的例子。我是这样想的~~个人观点，要是和亲的想法有出入，或者是改错的地方，一定要告诉我呢~~水平有限所以改错了亲不要介意~~-- by 会员 羊咩咩yw (2012/9/7 20:35:31)
其实我不知道技术封锁怎么说...所以这句诡异的话~啊啊啊啊
词汇量伤不起呀
一起加油~
作者: xeyyxzty 时间: 2012-9-8 20:43
Some people think university professors should spend more time doing research while others think they should spend more time educating students. What is your view?
As we all know, university professors have two jobs: teaching students and doing research. They must keep a balance between them, but there should be a focus. Some people think professors should spend more time educating students while others think they should concentrate on research instead. Personally, I tend to agree the latter opinion.
To begin, universities are research institutions that professors’ main job is to do research. People admire professors who have made remarkable discoveries, not those who teach students well. Actually, professors are not teachers. University students have already developed the skill of self-study that professor just need to guide them in the right direction. For example, professors usually recommend books for students to read, instead of teaching them in class. Professors devote most of their time in research. For my view, they are scientists that being teachers is one of obligations working in a university.
What’s more, professors can offer students opportunities to do special experiments if they have their own research projects. Students can do not only standard experiments required by textbooks, but also unique ones for professors’ researches. Such experience is beneficial and rare for students because it makes them involved in a real research process. Once a professor focuses on teaching instead of researching, though he may teach better, it’s still a loss for students not doing special experiments.
In addition, doing research makes professors get to know the frontier knowledge of the subject and the knowledge will benefit students a lot. Basic knowledge rarely changes. If professors do not focus on researching, there is no difference between them and teachers in high schools. Education in university is a start for students to be scientists. Professors focusing on teaching students are not qualified to the job. Besides, doing research helps professors better understand knowledge taught in class that it will be easier for students to learn.
I think university professors should focus on researching, though others believe they should spend more time on teaching students. University students have already developed the skill of self-study that teachers no longer need to teach word by word. Focusing on researching can not only help students study in a better way, but also make professors have more breakthroughs that will benefit all the human beings.
很清楚这篇缺少details，没有例子
好心人帮忙想一下呗~熊熊真的不知道该写什么了~~~
thx
作者: 搞G战士DB 时间: 2012-9-8 20:51
马上改
作者: 搞G战士DB 时间: 2012-9-8 21:55
Some people think university professors should spend more time doing research while others think they should spend more time educating students. What is your view?
As we all know, university professors have two jobs: teaching students and doing research. They must keep a balance between them, but there should be a focus. Some people think professors should spend more time educating students while others think they should concentrate on research instead. Personally, I tend to agree the latter opinion.
To begin(with) , universities are research institutions that professors’ main job is to do research(果然如你所说我俩观点相左- -). People admire professors who have made remarkable discoveries, not those who teach students well. Actually, professors are not teachers. University students have already developed the skill of self-study that professor just need to guide them in the right direction. For example, professors usually recommend books for students to read, instead of teaching（应该是teach吧，跟recommend并列） them in class. Professors devote most of their time in research. For my view（查了下，好像没有这种用法）, they are scientists that（that？and比较好） being teachers is one of obligations working in a university.
What’s more, professors can offer students opportunities to do special experiments if they have their own research projects. Students can do not only standard experiments required by textbooks, but also unique ones for professors’ researches. Such experience is beneficial and rare for students because it makes them involved in a real research process. Once a professor focuses on teaching instead of researching, though he may teach better, it’s still a loss for students not doing special experiments.知道你的意思，但觉得这段的说服力不是很够吧。
In addition, doing research makes professors get to know the frontier knowledge of the subject and the knowledge will benefit students a lot. Basic knowledge rarely changes. If professors do not focus on researching, there is no difference between them and teachers in high schools. Education in university is a start for students to be scientists. Professors focusing on teaching students are not qualified to the job. Besides, doing research helps professors better understand knowledge taught in class that（又是that，熊熊注意下这个问题，很多时候不知道你用that的目的是什么） it will be easier for students to learn. 这段说理很棒
I think university professors should focus on researching, though others believe they should spend more time on teaching students. University students have already developed the skill of self-study that teachers no longer need to teach word by word. Focusing on researching can not only help students study in a better way, but also make professors have more breakthroughs that will benefit all the human beings.结尾进步了好多！！！
熊熊的作文我真的找不出什么语法错误，又学到了很多。觉得你接下来要注意的一是例子，如果没有太多积累可以自己编造。有了例子内容没那么空洞，而且字数也上去了，现在有点少 二是分论点的选择，有的说服力不是特别强，有些牵强，比如这里的分论点二（但是第三个就很棒，个人感觉）
你给我的修改我回复在我的贴子里。另外我加了你QQ你是一直没上还是不知道那是我忽略了啊- -好多问题想讨论啊
作者: xeyyxzty 时间: 2012-9-9 08:29
DB 说的对~
可是我真心不会编例子呀~算是内心比较排斥
还有that~就是想用从句，却不知道用什么连词好啦~~~以后注意~
P.S. ~短消息你了~加我QQ
作者: xeyyxzty 时间: 2012-9-9 11:58
A/D The most important investment of a company is toimprove the skills of its employees.
Companies are an essential component ofglobal economy. Once a company wants to expand, it must decide which section toinvest in. Some say that firms should put more emphasis on the research of newproducts. Actually, everyone has own ideas. I tend to believe that the most importantinvestment of a company is to improve the skills of its employees.
To begin, the skills of employees ispositive relevant to the firm’s productivity, which affects revenue a lot. The purposeof firms is to make profits. In this aspect, the investment to improve theskills of employees is beneficial. For example, at the beginning of 21stcentury, numerous companies offered courses like computer training in order tomake employees have higher efficiency. Though costs may be huge, rewards inlong term are considerable.
What’s more, the investment would makeemployees be more loyal to the company. The cost of finding a new job is so largethat once companies give employees a sense of belongings, most of them wouldnot leave. Besides, it’s also a loss for companies if employees quit because itcosts a lot to select and train a person. The loyalty of employees is preciousbecause the longer an employee hired, the better the firm develops.
In addition, the investment helps the firmhave a better reputation so that it will attract more qualified candidatesapplying for jobs. As we all know, the more talented a person is, the betterperformance he can make. Investment to improve the skills of employees guaranteesworkers a stable life, which is appealing to most people. Hunan resourcesinfluence the growth of a company that if we admit enough qualified people, oncethe firm expands, we don’t need to hire anyone new to the critical positions. Statistically,consumers tend to buy products from companies with high reputation. In thissense, the investment is worthy.
Companies invest in many sections toexpand. They have so many options that it’s really hard to tell which is themost important. However, I believe the most important investment is to improvethe skills of employees. Employees are the most valuable resources for a firmthat we should do our best to make full use of them.
作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-9-9 12:19
To 熊熊
讲故事比讲道理更让人信服。
之前给几个童鞋讲过一点点举例子的，我整理下发你QQ。
作者: 羊咩咩yw 时间: 2012-9-9 17:47
Companies are an essential component of global economy. Once a company wants to expand, it must decide which section toinvest in. Some say that firms should put more emphasis on the research of newproducts. Actually, everyone has own ideas. I tend to believe that the most importantinvestment of a company is to improve the skills of its employees.
To begin, the skills of employees is positive relevant to the firm’s productivity, which affects revenue a lot（我觉得这里不用逗号隔开可能会更好呢~从句修饰的是productivity~）. The purpose of firms is to make profits. In this aspect, the investment to improve the skills of employees is beneficial. For example, at the beginning of 21stcentury, numerous companies offered courses like computer training in order to make employees have higher efficiency. Though costs may be huge, rewards in long term are considerable.（例子有点点短~其他都很好呢~）
What’s more, the investment would make employees be more loyal to the company.（观点很新颖，但我觉得这句话没有很好的表达到你的意思，猜测你的意思所以想改成这样：The investment used to improve employees' work ability can enhance their loyalty to company. 个人意见哟~改得不好LZ不要介意） The cost of finding a new job is so large that once companies give employees a sense of belongings, most of them would not leave. Besides, it’s also a loss for companies if employees quit because it costs a lot to select and train a person. The loyalty of employees is precious because the longer an employee hired, the better the firm develops.
In addition, the investment helps the firm have a better（higher） reputation so that it will attract more qualified candidates applying for jobs. As we all know, the more talented a person is, the better performance he can make. Investment to improve the skills of employees guarantees workers a stable life, which is appealing to most people. Hunan resources influence the growth of a company that if we admit enough qualified people, once the firm expands, we don’t need to hire anyone new to the critical positions. Statistically,consumers tend to buy products from companies with high reputation. In this sense, the investment is worthy.
Companies invest in many sections to expand. They have so many options that it’s really hard to tell which is the most important. However, I believe the most important investment is to improve the skills of employees. Employees are the most valuable resources for a firm that we should do our best to make full use of them.
论点很新颖，语法错误基本没有，但复杂句有点少，简单句和复杂句搭配使用就更完美了，加油~~
作者: xeyyxzty 时间: 2012-9-11 10:16
谢谢羊咩咩~第三段改的很好呢
观点新颖吗???其实我除了上面的也想不到别的了
不过受到表扬还是很开心~~~
作者: xeyyxzty 时间: 2012-9-11 10:16
In order to succeed in doing a new job, the ability toadapt oneself to the new environment is more important than the excellentknowledge of this job.
When having a new job, people have variousideas about what ability is more essential to succeed in doing the job. Somesay that it’s more important to have the excellent knowledge of the job. However,I believe that the ability to adapt to the new environment plays a morecritical role.
To begin, a quick adaptation to theenvironment offers you an advantage over others to build up the relationshipwith colleagues. Co-workers can help you a lot when facing obstacles. Take theexperience of one of my alumnus as an example. He has got a new job 3 monthsago, with several other graduates together. They were divided into differentteams and not surprisingly, they all met difficulties when working. Some ofthem, who adapted to the environment fast, asked for advice so that theyaccomplished the task perfectly in a short time. On the country, others failedto achieve the goal. Actually, they even didn’t ask for help. In this aspect, aquick adaptation is really essential because it helps you improve therelationship with others.
What’s more, adapting to the newenvironment will make you know the knowledge required by the job quickly. Thebetter you know about the job, the more you will understand its requirement. Onceyou got to know it, you can learn what you don’t know. Besides, you can haveopportunities to use the knowledge if you make a quick adaptation. Practical skillsrequired can be developed in a short time that they wouldn’t influenceemployees’ progress a lot.
In addition, the ability to adapt to newenvironments is more useful than excellent knowledge because the ability can beused whenever you get a job while the knowledge is useful only in particularsituations. You can ask colleagues for help if you’ve adapted to theenvironment. However, if you don’t have a good relationship with others, thoughyou have a wide variety of knowledge, you have no chance to make use of it.
Though there is a huge demand for employeeswho have excellent knowledge, in order to succeed in doing a new job, theability to adapt to the new environment is more important, I think. Knowledge canbe learned quickly that it’s not late to train employees when they’ve alreadybeen admitted. The ability to adapt to environment is valuable because it canhardly be trained and it’s useful not only for the employee, but also for thecompany.
作者: Yeeisstrong 时间: 2012-9-11 14:22
When having a new job, people have various ideas about what ability is more essential to succeed in doing the job. Some say that it’s more important to have the excellent knowledge of the job. However, I believe that the ability to adapt to the new environment plays a more critical role.（观点很明确）
To begin (with), a quick adaptation to the environment offers you an advantage over others to build up the relationship with colleagues. Co-workers can help you a lot when facing obstacles. Take the experience of one of my alumnus as an example. He has got a new job 3 months ago, with several other graduates together. They were divided into different teams and not surprisingly, they all met difficulties when working. Some of them, who adapted to the environment fast, asked for advice so that they accomplished the task perfectly in a short time. On the country, others failed to achieve the goal. Actually, they even didn’t ask for help. In this aspect, a quick adaptation is really essential because it helps you improve the relationship with others.（分论点和例子都不错）
What’s more, adapting to the new environment will make you know the knowledge required by the job quickly. The better you know about the job, the more you will understand its requirement. Once you got to know it, you can learn what you don’t know. Besides, you can have opportunities to use the knowledge if you make a quick adaptation. Practical skills required can be developed in a short time that they wouldn’t influence employees’ progress a lot.
In addition, the ability to adapt to new environments is more useful than excellent knowledge because the ability can be used whenever you get a job while the knowledge is useful only in particular situations. You can ask colleagues for help if you’ve adapted to the environment. However, if you don’t have a good relationship with others, though you have a wide variety of knowledge, you have no chance to make use of it.
Though there is a huge demand for employees who have excellent knowledge, in order to succeed in doing a new job, the ability to adapt to the new environment is more important, I think. Knowledge can be learned quickly that it’s not late to train employees when they’ve already been admitted. The ability to adapt to environment is valuable because it can hardly be trained and it’s useful not only for the employee, but also for the company.
我觉得文章的语法真的写的很完美，结构清晰，另外好像作文里最好不要出现缩写的形式吧，不太正式的。我现在对作文是一头雾水，看了范文怎么写的都有，向您请教一二，指点一下吧，谢谢~
作者: xeyyxzty 时间: 2012-9-11 20:42
LS真的太抬举我了
个人觉得这篇文章只有在第一个分论点有例子~后面的完全想不到（可能是太懒了~不想想~检讨）
问题还是有的~
我们多讨论就都能有进步~加油
有问题给我发短消息就行~
作者: xeyyxzty 时间: 2012-9-12 21:03
这篇是分了两次写的,思路混乱~写的很不好~麻烦批改的同学了
A/D It is much easier for people to achieve successwithout their family member’s help now than in the past.
People always want to achieve success. Inthe past, family member’s help was essential for people to be successful. Astime goes on, I think it’s much easier for us to achieve success without ourfamily member’s help.
To begin with, Internet, together withcomputers, gives us access to the information critical for a person to besuccess. Because we didn’t have so much spare time to read newspapers ormagazines in the past, family members used to tell us the latest news that’srelevant to our career. Today, we can get the information about whatever wewant to know on the Internet. In the past, when applying for jobs, we have toask family members to help mail the resumes. But today, we can use e-mailinstead, which will cost only seconds to send application letters. Familymembers are no longer as essential as they were for us to achieve success.
What’s more, when it refers to working, theabilities play a more important role than any other things in the 21stcentury. Help from family might affect the promotion decades ago, however,there are scientific indexes measuring employees’ performance right now so thatthe hard work contributes to a person’s success, not family members’ help. Actually,there is no need to feel discouraged about the disadvantage of familybackground when doing jobs. Excellent knowledge and outstanding ability arehighlights when applying for jobs.
In addition, because there are many newkinds of jobs thanks to the development of society, family members’ help can nolonger help us as much as it would in the past. The thoughts that are outdatedcan even give us trouble when we are pursuing our dreams. In this aspect, helpfrom family may even cause bad effects.
It’s much easier for people to achieve successwithout family members’ help now than in the past because people are moreopen-minded and more rational when evaluating others’ ability. It’s good newsfor the young adults for they can show their talents without hesitation toachieve success.
作者: bonfin 时间: 2012-9-12 21:46
修改
A/D It is much easier for people to achieve successwithout their family member’s help now than in the past.
People always want to achieve success. In the past, family member’s help was essential for people to be successful. As time goes on, I think it’s much easier for us to achieve success without our family member’s help.
To begin with, Internet, together with computers, gives us access to the information critical （crucial?）for a person to be success(successful). Because we didn’t have so much spare time to read newspapers or magazines in the past, family members used to tell us the latest news that’s relevant to our career. Today, we can get the information about whatever we want to know on the Internet. In the past, when applying for jobs, we have to ask family members to help mail the resumes. But today, we can use e-mail instead, which will cost only seconds to send application letters. Family members are no longer as essential as they were for us to achieve success.
What’s more, when it refers to working, the abilities play a more important role than any other things in the 21stcentury. Help from family might affect the promotion decades ago, however,there are scientific indexes measuring employees’ performance right now so that the hard work contributes to a person’s success, not family members’ help. Actually, there is no need to feel discouraged about the disadvantage of family background when doing jobs. Excellent knowledge and outstanding ability are highlights when applying for jobs.
In addition, because there are many new kinds of jobs thanks to the development of society, family members’ help can no longer help us as much as it would in the past. (帮助不能再像以前那样帮助我们。有些累赘。建议改为 family member can no longer help us as they would in the past.)The thoughts that are outdated can even give us trouble when we are pursuing our dreams. In this aspect, help from family may even cause bad effects.
It’s much easier for people to achieve success without family members’ help now than in the past because people are more open-minded and more rational when evaluating others’ ability. It’s good news for the young adults for they can show their talents without hesitation to achieve success.
总体来说行文流畅，逻辑清晰，没什么错误，继续加油~
作者: xeyyxzty 时间: 2012-9-13 20:41
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?Patience is usually not a good strategy. We should take action now rather than later.
When it comes to make decisions, patienceis usually not a good strategy. Personally, I think we should take actions nowrather than later. Though patience can offer you the chance to observe the situationclearly and precisely in order to make decisions more rational, taking actionswithout any hesitation is more efficient and better for the growth of a person.
To begin with, conditions change rapidlythat it’s crucial for us to seize the opportunity immediately when it comes. Patienceis a good quality when taking actions because we have to do the work step bystep. But it is not a good strategy when making decisions. Take my friend’sexperience as an example. She applied for internships last semester. Firstly, asmall firm gave her an offer while it was not her desired one. She was so ambitiousthat she didn’t reply to the company. Instead, she had the interviews of otherfirms. Several weeks later, no other companies admitted her. But when she wentback to have contact with the small firm, it refused her either, saying thatshe had missed the deadline of confirmation. The good strategy is takingactions when planning for the future.
What’s more, taking actions reveals a senseof confidence, which is one of the primary factors contributing to success. Thoughwe can’t deny the importance of patience, a decisive person can attract moretalented people. Confidence affects not only the decision-maker, but alsosupporters. It can help unite the people together to achieve the goal.
In addition, we can find the best strategywhile taking actions. Being patience can hardly give us any ideas but takingactions may stimulate us to do better. Scientists make discoveries because oftheir experiments, which have been done thousands of times. Failures can giveus experiences that are priceless for our growth. There is no need for us to beafraid of taking actions because the process of pursuing success is valuable. Ifwe take proper actions, we can get our desirable results. Even if actions are inappropriate,we can still learn from them and find a better solution.
Taking actions is prior to being patiencein many aspects. We can enjoy the process despite of the results becauseexperience itself is treasures. On the contrary, being patience makes peoplelose ambition and miss opportunities. Taking actions is a better strategy.
作者: xeyyxzty 时间: 2012-9-13 20:42
谢谢修改
修改
A/D It is much easier for people to achieve successwithout their family member’s help now than in the past.
People always want to achieve success. In the past, family member’s help was essential for people to be successful. As time goes on, I think it’s much easier for us to achieve success without our family member’s help.
To begin with, Internet, together with computers, gives us access to the information critical （crucial?）for a person to be success(successful). Because we didn’t have so much spare time to read newspapers or magazines in the past, family members used to tell us the latest news that’s relevant to our career. Today, we can get the information about whatever we want to know on the Internet. In the past, when applying for jobs, we have to ask family members to help mail the resumes. But today, we can use e-mail instead, which will cost only seconds to send application letters. Family members are no longer as essential as they were for us to achieve success.
What’s more, when it refers to working, the abilities play a more important role than any other things in the 21stcentury. Help from family might affect the promotion decades ago, however,there are scientific indexes measuring employees’ performance right now so that the hard work contributes to a person’s success, not family members’ help. Actually, there is no need to feel discouraged about the disadvantage of family background when doing jobs. Excellent knowledge and outstanding ability are highlights when applying for jobs.
In addition, because there are many new kinds of jobs thanks to the development of society, family members’ help can no longer help us as much as it would in the past. (帮助不能再像以前那样帮助我们。有些累赘。建议改为 family member can no longer help us as they would in the past.)The thoughts that are outdated can even give us trouble when we are pursuing our dreams. In this aspect, help from family may even cause bad effects.
It’s much easier for people to achieve success without family members’ help now than in the past because people are more open-minded and more rational when evaluating others’ ability. It’s good news for the young adults for they can show their talents without hesitation to achieve success.
总体来说行文流畅，逻辑清晰，没什么错误，继续加油~-- by 会员 bonfin (2012/9/12 21:46:55)
作者: bonfin 时间: 2012-9-13 21:29
修改Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?Patience is usually not a good strategy. We should take action now rather than later.
When it comes to make decisions, patience is usually not a good strategy. Personally, I think we should take actions now rather than later. Though patience can offer you the chance to observe the situation clearly and precisely in order to make decisions more rational, taking actions without any hesitation is more efficient and better for the growth of a person.
To begin with, conditions change rapidly（前面已经是完整句子了。）. that it’s （It's）crucial for us to seize the opportunity immediately when it comes. Patience is a good quality when taking actions because we have to do the work step by step. But it is not a good strategy when making decisions. Take my friend’s experience as an example. She applied for internships last semester. Firstly, a small firm gave her an offer while it was not her desired one. She (, she) was so ambitious that she didn’t reply to the company. Instead, she had the interviews of other firms. Several weeks later, no other companies admitted her. But when she went back to have contact with the small firm, it refused her either, saying that she had missed the deadline of confirmation. The good strategy is taking actions when planning for the future.
What’s more, taking actions reveals a sense of confidence, which is one of the primary factors contributing to success. Though we can’t （刚才在群里问了大家，说不能有缩写哦，要写成cannot）deny the importance of patience, a decisive person can attract more talented people. Confidence affects not only the decision-maker, but also supporters. It can help unite the people together to achieve the goal.
In addition, we can find the best strategy while taking actions. Being patience (patient ) can hardly give us any ideas but taking actions may stimulate us to do better. Scientists make discoveries because of their experiments, which have been done thousands of times. Failures can give us experiences that are priceless for our growth. There is no need for us to be afraid of taking actions because the process of pursuing success is valuable. If we take proper actions, we can get our desirable results. Even if actions are inappropriate,we can still learn from them and find a better solution.
Taking actions is prior to being patience in many aspects. We can enjoy the process despite of the results because experience itself is treasures(treasure). On the contrary, being patience makes people lose ambition and miss opportunities. Taking actions is a better strategy.
不错，继续加油吖！
作者: xeyyxzty 时间: 2012-9-13 21:39
thanks to bonifn
修改Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?Patience is usually not a good strategy. We should take action now rather than later.
When it comes to make decisions, patience is usually not a good strategy. Personally, I think we should take actions now rather than later. Though patience can offer you the chance to observe the situation clearly and precisely in order to make decisions more rational, taking actions without any hesitation is more efficient and better for the growth of a person.
To begin with, conditions change rapidly（前面已经是完整句子了。）. that it’s （It's）crucial for us to seize the opportunity immediately when it comes. Patience is a good quality when taking actions because we have to do the work step by step. But it is not a good strategy when making decisions. Take my friend’s experience as an example. She applied for internships last semester. Firstly, a small firm gave her an offer while it was not her desired one. She (, she) was so ambitious that she didn’t reply to the company. Instead, she had the interviews of other firms. Several weeks later, no other companies admitted her. But when she went back to have contact with the small firm, it refused her either, saying that she had missed the deadline of confirmation. The good strategy is taking actions when planning for the future.
What’s more, taking actions reveals a sense of confidence, which is one of the primary factors contributing to success. Though we can’t （刚才在群里问了大家，说不能有缩写哦，要写成cannot）deny the importance of patience, a decisive person can attract more talented people. Confidence affects not only the decision-maker, but also supporters. It can help unite the people together to achieve the goal.
In addition, we can find the best strategy while taking actions. Being patience (patient ) can hardly give us any ideas but taking actions may stimulate us to do better. Scientists make discoveries because of their experiments, which have been done thousands of times. Failures can give us experiences that are priceless for our growth. There is no need for us to be afraid of taking actions because the process of pursuing success is valuable. If we take proper actions, we can get our desirable results. Even if actions are inappropriate,we can still learn from them and find a better solution.
Taking actions is prior to being patience in many aspects. We can enjoy the process despite of the results because experience itself is treasures(treasure). On the contrary, being patience makes people lose ambition and miss opportunities. Taking actions is a better strategy.
不错，继续加油吖！-- by 会员 bonfin (2012/9/13 21:29:57)
作者: xeyyxzty 时间: 2012-9-14 21:31
不好意思呀~发晚了
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?Colleges or universities should offer more courses to prepare students for thefuture before they start working.
Students in universities or colleges havethe chance to choose their elective courses. Some say that schools have alreadyoffered enough courses for students that there is no need to offer more. But inmy perspective, colleges or universities should offer more courses to preparestudents for the future before they start working.
To begin with, the requirement for a job inthe modern society changes a lot that applicants have to have a wide variety ofknowledge to compete with others. Students need to learn more when they are inschool to have advantages over competitors. For example, if a company plans toemploy a student learning building architectures, it prefers the student havingstudied courses of computers comparing with others who haven’t attended such acourse. Skills in computers not only improve the architect’s efficiency, butalso suggest that he has more potential. Obviously, the more you learn the moreprecedence you will have in the future.
What’s more, we can find out the realinterests and talents if we learn a lot. It’s impossible for a person to figureout his interest when he only had basic courses, like math. Nobody can deny thefact that talents and interests are essential to a person’s success. Musicians can’tbe the deaf because the deaf have no chance to hear the rhythms. It’s the samelike that people who haven’t heard music can never be a famous musician. Schoolshave to offer as many courses as possible to give students chances to recognizethemselves.
In addition, thanks to the development ofscience, numerous subjects come out every day that they need universitystudents carry on the researches. Students have no access to such subjectsunless schools offer the courses. Though students can search information on theInternet, it’s better for them to have courses because contents in classes aremore logical and easier to understand. Students have chances to work in the fieldof the new subject if schools offer more courses.
Though operation costs may increase forschools, benefits for students outweigh the drawbacks, I think. More coursescan offer students more opportunities when searching for jobs in the future. Besides,various courses will make students have more creativity, which is crucial inmodern society. Universities and colleges should offer more courses.
作者: xeyyxzty 时间: 2012-9-15 20:33
Do you agree with the viewpoint that people are noweasier to become educated than in the past?
Education is always an essential component contributingto people’s success. Mostly, getting education is one of the compulsories for citizens.However, not everyone has such a privilege. Some say that people are now haveless access to become educated. In my view, we are now easier to get educatedthan in the past.
To begin with, more schools have beenbuilt, which means that more students can be involved in the education system. Inthe past, there were not so many schools in rural areas as there are now sothat children living in such places were less likely to attend school. Besides,because of the poor economic conditions, not all of the families could affordthe tuitions. But today, more schools are available and people are wealthier. It’snot a heavy burden for people to pay the tuitions anymore.
What’s more, governments offer funds andloans for poor students. These actions can not only make more people geteducated, but also stimulate students to work harder. Take one of my classmatesas an example. Her parents cannot earn enough money to pay the tuitions. Thanksto the funds from government, she doesn’t need to drop out of school or dopart-time jobs. Instead, she can spend spare time attending after-classactivities, such as volleyball competitions. Actually, getting education is oneof the basic rights for humans. Though it’s impossible to make everybody get thechance, funds and loans make improve the situation.
In addition, as the development of society,people are aware of the importance of knowledge so that they are willing toinvest more money in the education for their children. In this aspect, morestudents will be involved in the education system. Adults are convinced thatknowledge can change people’s life. Besides, the number of infants born everyyear is smaller that competition among schools is severer than before. Schools haveto admit almost every child in order to keep on the operation.
We can’t deny the fact that tuitions arehigher year by year. People are now easier to become educated than in the past.People can get education via the Internet if they don’t have plenty time. Childrencan apply for funds to be educated. Obviously, almost everybody who want toreceive education has access to schools in different forms.
作者: xeyyxzty 时间: 2012-9-16 16:30
Some people think university professors should spendmore time doing research while others think they should spend more timeeducating students. What is your view?
同9.7独立~厚颜无耻的没有修改
As we all know, university professors havetwo jobs: teaching students and doing research. They must keep a balancebetween them, but there should be a focus. Some people think professors shouldspend more time educating students while others think they should concentrate onresearch instead. Personally, I tend to agree the latter opinion.
To begin, universities are research institutionsthat professors’ main job is to do research. People admire professors who havemade remarkable discoveries, not those who teach students well. Actually,professors are not teachers. University students have already developed theskill of self-study that professor just need to guide them in the rightdirection. For example, professors usually recommend books for students toread, instead of teaching them in class. Professors devote most of their timein research. For my view, they are scientists that being teachers is one ofobligations working in a university.
What’s more, professors can offer studentsopportunities to do special experiments if they have their own researchprojects. Students can do not only standard experiments required by textbooks,but also unique ones for professors’ researches. Such experience is beneficialand rare for students because it makes them involved in a real researchprocess. Once a professor focuses on teaching instead of researching, though hemay teach better, it’s still a loss for students not doing special experiments.
In addition, doing research makesprofessors get to know the frontier knowledge of the subject and the knowledgewill benefit students a lot. Basic knowledge rarely changes. If professors donot focus on researching, there is no difference between them and teachers inhigh schools. Education in university is a start for students to be scientists.Professors focusing on teaching students are not qualified to the job. Besides,doing research helps professors better understand knowledge taught in classthat it will be easier for students to learn.
I think university professors should focuson researching, though others believe they should spend more time on teachingstudents. University students have already developed the skill of self-studythat teachers no longer need to teach word by word. Focusing on researching cannot only help students study in a better way, but also make professors havemore breakthroughs that will benefit all the human beings.
作者: xeyyxzty 时间: 2012-9-16 16:30
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:similar jobs with you for your children?
When it’s time for children to choose jobs,parents have various thoughts. Some parents want to persuade their children todo the same job as they do because they want to help children have a betterfuture. Others ask children to make their own decisions. I’m in favor of thelatter opinion because choosing a suitable job relies on self-perception.
To start with, thanks to the improvement oftechnology and society, there are numerous jobs available today that were notexisted when our parents were looking for jobs. For example, decades ago, therewas no such a job named computer engineer. Meanwhile, there are jobs, likeconductors on the bus, disappeared. Society changes that jobs used to bepromising may be no longer a good choice today. We should choose jobsrationally. Though advice from parents is valuable, it’s just one of factorsthat should be taken into concern when making decisions.
What’s more, it’s not strange that childrenhave different interests and talents with those of their parents. In my perspective,it’s not wise when choosing jobs regardless of personal characteristic. Take oneof my family members as an example. My cousin graduated from university a yearago. When he was looking for jobs, his mom, who was an accountant, kept askinghim to do the same job as she did. Actually, my cousin wanted to be arestaurant manager because he thought he was skilled in communicating andmanaging. At last, he went to graduate school instead. Escape can never solveproblems. When choosing a job, we have to think about personal talents.
In addition, similar jobs now and in thepast may have different requirements as society changes. For example, cashiersin supermarkets need to know how to operate computers now, but in the past,they just needed to calculate accurately and precisely in a short time. In thisaspect, though parents might think that their children are fit for jobs, theymay be not. Besides, we can’t deny that if children do the same jobs as theirparents, parents’ achievements may become burdens of children, which givenegative effects on their growth.
I don’t think it’s a good idea to do thesimilar job as parents do. Decisions based on not only parents’ advice, but alsopersonal interests and characteristic of the time are more valuable. Careers areessential for everyone so that we should be rational when making decisions. Influencesof emotional factors have to be eliminated.
作者: sang824 时间: 2012-9-16 18:06
As we all know, university professors havetwo jobs: teaching students and doing research. They must keep a balancebetween them, but there should be a focus(这里的转折有点奇怪..可以改成To the general public, they should better focus on one area instead of keeping a balance between them). Some people think professors should spend more time educating students while others think they should concentrate onresearch instead. Personally, I tend to agree the latter opinion.
To begin, universities are research institutions so that professors’ main job is to do research. People admire professors who have made remarkable discoveries, not those who teach students well. Actually,professors are not teachers. University students have already developed theskill of self-study that(换成and或者其他表因果的逻辑词吧？) professor just need to guide them in the rightdirection. For example, professors usually recommend books for students toread, instead of teaching them in class. Professors devote most of their time in research. For my view, they are scientists that being teachers is one ofobligations working in a university.(They are scientists who work as teachers as one of obligatory work in university.)
What’s more, professors can offer studentsopportunities to do special experiments if they have their own researchprojects. Students can do not only standard experiments required by textbooks,but also unique ones for professors’ researches. Such experience is beneficialand rare for students because it makes them involved in a real researchprocess. Once a professor focuses on teaching instead of researching, though hemay teach better, it’s still a loss for students not doing special experiments.( if they take part in special experiment )
In addition, doing research makesprofessors get to know the frontier knowledge of the subject and the knowledge(换成定从which？)will benefit students a lot. Basic knowledge rarely changes. If professors donot focus on researching, there is no difference between them and teachers inhigh schools. Education in university is a start for students to be scientists.Professors focusing on teaching students are not qualified to the job. Besides,doing research helps professors better understand knowledge taught in classthat it will be easier for students to learn.(这句话没看明白.)
I think university professors should focuson researching, though others believe they should spend more time on teachingstudents. University students have already developed the skill of self-studythat teachers no longer need to teach word by word. Focusing on researching cannot only help students study in a better way, but also make professors havemore breakthroughs that will benefit all the human beings.
To 熊熊：总体感觉比较流畅，结尾很不错～
很明显的一个问题就是逻辑，像that的乱用文章出现了好几次，还有个别逻辑词没有体现它应该有的含义
个别语法错误有句子太长引起的，建议缩成几个短句吧？
例子可以再详细一点
加油～
作者: bonfin 时间: 2012-9-16 22:38
Do you agree with the viewpoint that people are noweasier to become educated than in the past?
Education is always an essential component contributing to people’s success. Mostly, getting education is one of the compulsories for citizens.However, not everyone has such a privilege. Some say that people are now have less access to become educated. In my view, we are now easier to get educated than in the past.
To begin with, more schools have been built, which means that more students can be involved in the education system. In the past, there were not so many schools in rural areas as there are now so that children living in such places were less likely to attend school. Besides, because of the poor economic conditions, not all of the families could afford the tuitions. But today, more schools are available and people are wealthier. It’s not a heavy burden for people to pay the tuitions anymore.
What’s more, governments offer funds and loans for poor students. These actions can not only make more people get educated, but also stimulate students to work harder. Take one of my classmatesas as/for an example. Her parents cannot earn enough money to pay the tuitions. Thanks to the funds from government, she doesn’t need to drop out of school or do part-time jobs. Instead, she can spend spare time attending after-class activities, such as volley ball competitions. Actually, getting education is one of the basic rights for humans. Though it’s impossible to make everybody get the chance, funds and loans make improve the situation.
In addition, as the development of society, people are aware of the importance of knowledge so that they are willing to invest more money in the education for their children. In this aspect, more students will be involved in the education system. Adults are convinced that knowledge can change people’s life. Besides, the number of infants born every year is smaller that competition among schools is severer than before. Schools have to admit almost every child in order to keep on the operation.
We can’t deny the fact that tuitions are higher year by year. People are now easier to become educated than in the past. People can get education via the Internet if they don’t have plenty time. Children can apply for funds to be educated. Obviously, almost everybody who want(wants) to receive education has access to schools in different forms.
句子都很好，看了两遍也没什么结构和表达上的错误，学习~
另外就是托福作文里不要用缩写吖~（我在群里咨询过哈）
作者: 搞G战士DB 时间: 2012-9-16 23:38
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:similar jobs with you for your children?
When it’s time for children to choose jobs, parents have various thoughts. Some parents want to persuade their children to do the same job as they do because they want to help children have a better future,(while)Others ask children to make their own decisions. (合成一句意思会比较连贯)I’m in favor of the latter opinion because choosing a suitable job relies on self-perception.
To start with, thanks to the improvement of technology and society, there are numerous jobs available today that（这个that 跟job隔远了，不好，换一下句型，我想了半天不知道咋改- -） were not existed when our parents were looking for jobs. For example, decades ago, there was no such a job named computer engineer. Meanwhile, there are jobs, like conductors on the bus, disappeared. Society changes that jobs used to be promising may be no longer a good choice today.（还是that的用法不好。我改了下不知能不能这么用，你看看-Since society have changed, job-promising may be no longer a good choice today.） We should choose jobs rationally. （太短了，这是书面语，这样的短句少用。绿光告诉我的- -）Though advice（s）from parents is（are） valuable, it’s just one of facts that should be taken into concern when making decisions.
What’s more, it’s not strange that children have different interests and talents with those of their parents. In my perspective, it’s not wise when choosing jobs regardless of personal characteristic. Take one of my family members as an example. My cousin graduated from university a year ago. When he was looking for jobs, his mom, who was an accountant, kept asking him to do the same job as she did. Actually, my cousin wanted to be are staurant(这是神马- -) manager because he thought he was skilled in communicating and managing（communication and management）. At last, he went to graduate school instead. 这个例子跟你这个结论的连接在哪里！逻辑要注意！而且这个例子没有很好地表达你的观点。你可以说你这个堂兄最后选择坚持自己的选择，并且最后成为了一名成功的- -管理者Escape can never solve problems. When choosing a job, we have to think about personal talents.
In addition（Furthermore，好像差不多哦- -）, similar jobs now and in the past（你看这里，and前后要并列，一个是now，一个是in the past，怎么行 。similar jobs in different periods） may have different requirements as society changes. For example（前面有for example,这里用for instance吧）, cashiers in supermarkets need to know how to operate computers now, but in the past, they just（这个Just应该用在前半句吧） needed to calculate accurately and precisely in a short time. In this aspect, though parents might think that（为啥要加这个that） their children are fit for jobs, they may be not. Besides, we can’t deny that if children do the same jobs as their parents（parents’）, parents’ achievements may become burdens（貌似不可数，不过这个单词我之前不会用呢，学到了^^） of children, which give（s） negative effects on their growth.
(In summary Generally speaking，结尾开头用点儿这样的，让阅卷者知道你要结尾了，直接到观点会很突兀)I don’t think it’s a good idea （for children）to do the similar job(s) as (their)parents do. Decisions based on not only parents’ advice, but also personal interests and characteristic of the time are more valuable.(of the time?) Careers are essential for everyone so that we should be rational when making decisions. Influences of emotional factors have to be eliminated.（有种话没说完的感觉，这句话去掉更好）
总的来说，熊熊进步很快哈！我总结一下问题哈：
1. 依然是that的用法要注意，这个问题很严重
2. 字数太少了，可以把段子编长一些。当然字数不是最重要的，论述充分才重要。
3. 注意逻辑结构，一定注意。有了逻辑，才能将例子和观点结合起来。我们举例子是为了让论述更有说服力，如果没有逻辑，那我们就白举例子了啊,是吧^^
4. 开头进步很多了，继续加油，结尾也要多积累，我也是每次都不知道怎么写结尾。。。有心得了咱俩第一时间交换哈。
5. 尽量少用简写和短句，这是书面语。这个问题我也很严重。
6. 其实这个不算问题- -就稍微注意下，别忘了打空格，看起来有点儿痛苦orz
That ‘s all!继续加油！
作者: 搞G战士DB 时间: 2012-9-16 23:40
囧，实在困了就不编辑格式了哈，熊熊将就着看吧，你打我吧- -
作者: xeyyxzty 时间: 2012-9-17 20:30
thanks~~~DB
最喜欢这样的评价呀~~~
作者: 搞G战士DB 时间: 2012-9-17 22:36
熊熊，没分到一组，但是明天还是互改一下吧，喜欢改你的作文，可以学到很多。
我写的多，但是超时严重。。。每次都写一个多小时，都想抽死自己……
我作文你问我确不确定那个，不确定……用 along the entire career path 吧
作者: 搞G战士DB 时间: 2012-9-17 22:38
还有，我发现了，不是你没打空格，是复制到CD上就会那样。。。难怪每次都有这问题。。
作者: 搞G战士DB 时间: 2012-9-17 22:41
关于你说不native的问题，是我的句子太冗长了哈，特别是从句用的很不好，嗯，确实要多看。时间真的好不够，好多事想做啊
艾玛，不好意思，一下发三贴。。我懒得编辑，你懂得……
作者: xeyyxzty 时间: 2012-9-18 19:25
Grades (marks) encourage students to learn? A/D
Students get grades which show students’performance on the subject all over the world. Some say that the evaluationsystem is really helpful for students because marks may encourage students tolearn harder. Compared with others, students usually want to do better. However,in my perspective, I don’t think the pros of grades outweigh the cons.
To begin with, grading may distort the students’attitude towards learning, which will influence the efficiency of learning as aresult. If teachers and parents put too much emphasis on grades, students willget an illusion that the ultimate goal of learning is to get high grades. In myview, students should enjoy the experience of gaining knowledge, but thepursuing of grades may make the process of learning awful. Take one of myclassmates as an example. She usually got high grades and I admired her a lotin high school. But when choosing majors for university study, she met aproblem and asked me for help. She told me that she had no idea about herinterest because the purpose of learning for her was to get high grades. After enteringthe university, she no longer worked and said that she was tired of learning. Inthis aspect, grades give too much pressure to students and when stress isreleased, problems emerge.
What’s more, grades divide students intoseveral groups according to their academic performance. The phenomenon makesteamwork less possible, but as we all know, corporation can stimulate studentsto work harder and make more progress. Grades set barriers which make studentshave less communication with others in different groups. It’s not rare to seethat students with high grades laugh at those with lower ones. Meanwhile, somestudents may be discouraged when getting low scores and will lose interest inlearning.
In addition, the evaluation by grades isnot as scientific as many people think. Regardless of the academic skills,talents like music and art are also essential components when assessingstudents. It’s unfair for students if they are grouped simply by grades. Besides,it is teachers’ responsibility to cultivate students in different aspect, notlimited in the field of study.
On the basis of the analysis above, I thinkgrades can hardly encourage students to learn. We cannot deny that grades areone of the major means to evaluate a student’s performance, but they tend tohave negative impacts, rather than good ones, on students and the advantagescannot overlap the disadvantages.
作者: xeyyxzty 时间: 2012-9-18 19:26
熊熊，没分到一组，但是明天还是互改一下吧，喜欢改你的作文，可以学到很多。
我写的多，但是超时严重。。。每次都写一个多小时，都想抽死自己……
我作文你问我确不确定那个，不确定……用 along the entire career path 吧
-- by 会员 搞G战士DB (2012/9/17 22:36:56)
慢慢加速应该能好吧~我现在也是30分钟内写不完~大概写到第二个或第三个分论点，速度呀！！！
作者: duniaguodupa 时间: 2012-9-18 22:10
Grades (marks) encourage students to learn? A/D
Students get grades which show students’performance on the subject all over the world. Some say that the evaluationsystem is really helpful for students because marks may encourage students tolearn harder. Compared with others, students usually want to do better.（此句有点难懂） However,in my perspective, I don’t think(前面用了in my perspective，后面最好不要再I think） the pros of grades outweigh the cons.
To begin with, grading may distort the students’attitude towards learning, which will influence the efficiency of learning as aresult. If teachers and parents put too much emphasis on grades, students willget an illusion that the ultimate goal of learning is to get high grades. In myview, students should enjoy the experience of gaining knowledge, but thepursuing of grades may make the process of learning awful. Take one of myclassmates as an example. She usually got high grades and I admired her a lotin high school. But when choosing majors for university study, she met aproblem and asked me for help. She told me that she had no idea about herinterest because the purpose of learning for her was to get high grades. After enteringthe university, she no longer worked and said that she was tired of learning. Inthis aspect, grades give too much pressure to students and when stress isreleased, problems emerge.（跟主题句的论点不一致）
What’s more, grades divide students intoseveral groups according to their academic performance. The phenomenon makesteamwork less possible, but as we all know, corporation can stimulate studentsto work harder and make more progress. Grades set barriers which make studentshave less communication with others in different groups. It’s not rare to seethat students with high grades laugh at those with lower ones. Meanwhile, somestudents may be discouraged when getting low scores and will lose interest inlearning.
In addition, the evaluation by grades isnot as scientific as many people think. Regardless of the academic skills,talents like music and art are also essential components when assessingstudents. It’s unfair for students if they are grouped simply by grades. Besides,it is teachers’ responsibility to cultivate students in different aspect, notlimited in the field of study.
On the basis of the analysis above, I thinkgrades can hardly encourage students to learn. We cannot deny that grades areone of the major means to evaluate a student’s performance, but they tend tohave negative impacts, rather than good ones, on students and the advantagescannot overlap the disadvantages.（此句平行有问题，避免写这么复杂的长句？）
Xey同学的作文真心不错，有很多值得学习的地方~^^
中间论述得不错，观点清晰，没有偏离主题。
时间有点赶，改得粗略，不好意思啦~
作者: 搞G战士DB 时间: 2012-9-18 22:38
Grades (marks) encourage students to learn? A/D
Students get grades which show students’ performance on the subject all over the world. Some say that the evaluation system is really helpful for students because marks may encourage students to learn harder. Compared with others, students usually want to do better. （这句话去掉比较好）However, in my perspective, I don’t think the pros of grades outweigh the cons.（这句话又学到了！）这句话又学到了！）在开头段把下面的分论点列出来是会很有调理，但是要简洁哈，所以建议你吧那句话去掉。
To begin with, grading may distort the students’ attitude towards learning, which will influence the efficiency of learning as a result. If teachers and parents put too much emphasis on（确定可以put emphasis on这么用是吧？那我就搬走了哈） grades, students will get an illusion that the ultimate goal of learning is to get high grades. In my view, students should enjoy the experience of gaining knowledge, but the pursuing of grades may make the process of learning awful. Take one of my classmates as an example. She usually got high grades and I admired her a lot in high school. But when choosing majors for university study, she met a problem and asked me for help. She told me that she had no idea about her interest because the purpose of learning for her was to get high grades. After entering the university, she no longer worked and said that she was tired of learning. In this aspect, grades give too much pressure to students and when stress is released, problems emerge.很好的一段！
What’s more, grades divide students into several groups according to their academic performance. The（This） phenomenon makes teamwork less possible, but as we all know, corporation can stimulate students to work harder and make more progress. Grades set barriers which make students have less communication with others in different groups. It’s not rare to see that students with high grades laugh at those with lower ones. Meanwhile, some students may be discouraged when getting low scores and will lose interest in learning.这个分论点很好哦，我都没想到呢。
In addition, the evaluation by grades is not as scientific as many people think. Regardless of the academic skills, talents like music and art are also essential components when assessing students. It’s unfair for students if they are grouped simply by grades. Besides, it is teachers’ responsibility to cultivate students in different aspect（-s）, not limited in the field of study. 这一段偏题了额，说得很好，但是跟题目没有关系。要论述的是成绩能不能鼓励学生学习，而不是通过成绩去评价学生是否合理。
On the basis of the analysis above, I think grades can hardly encourage students to learn. We cannot deny that grades are one of the major means to evaluate a student’s performance, but they tend to have negative impacts, rather than good ones, on students and the advantages cannot overlap the disadvantages.
哇，这篇有惊艳到！整篇读下来很舒服！几乎没有什么错误！论述充分，分论点很赞，用词高级了很多，字数多了，that的问题也好多了，开头结尾更是一下提高了很多！完了熊熊我跟不上你的步伐了……
作者: xeyyxzty 时间: 2012-9-19 20:38
to DB :
我现在写作文分论点写着写着就跑~要不停的告诉自己问题是什么~
其实你说的那个有点跑题我写的时候就发现了~可是~懒了，就没有再想出一个理由~~~
得到夸奖了~好开心
确定emphasis是和on连接的~
作者: xeyyxzty 时间: 2012-9-20 20:46
It’s more important to choose friends that have funwith than to choose friends that will help you when you need them.
Competitions are severe today so not only thetalents of people, but also help from others, contribute to the success incareer. Though some people say that it’s important to choose friends that havefun with, I prefer to choose friends that will help me in case of emergency.
To begin with, friends are kinds ofresources to deal with difficulties. Because we spend lots of time and money tomake friends, it’s fair to look for rewards. Take one of my classmates, Andy,as an example. He used to be a close friend of John, who was also my classmate.One day Andy lost his money and asked John for help. Considering the fact thatAndy’s family was on tight budget, John refused to lend the money. Not surprisingly,they were not as close as before after the incident. When family members cannotoffer help, it’s natural to turn to friends for help. If we make friends thathave fun with, how can we expect them to help us when we are in trouble? Friendsin need are friends indeed. Making friends is a kind of investment andinsurance for the future.
In addition, friends who can help ususually have the same topic, even the same career, with us. Besides getting helpfrom friends, we can learn more practical experience communicating with them,while friends that have fun with can hardly give us any useful advice. I have agood friend elder than me. We have the same major and she gave me so manysuggestions about my future that I really appreciated it a lot. In myperspective, communication among friends is essential because we can learn fromeach other through the process. Friends play a role much more important than a personwho we play with. Actually, solving problems and dealing with difficulties arethe real way to enhance relationship among friends.
What’s more, friends that can offer help tous have really good merits. They are treasures of our life. People who we canonly have with can never be trusted while real friends who are ready to do me afavor are trust worthy.
We can’t deny that one of reasons makingfriends is to have fun, but it’s more essential to make friends who can helpus. Resources are limited and life is more than having fun. We have to do ourbest to achieve what we want and friends are main sources of help.
作者: huluhulufei 时间: 2012-9-20 21:14
It’s more important to choose friends that have fun with than to choose friends that will help you when you need them.
Competitions are severe today so not only the talentsof people, but also help from others, contribute to the success in career. Though some people say that it’s important to choose friends that have fun with, I prefer to choose friends that will help me in case of emergency.这个in case of emergency 感觉有些唐突，其他的蛮好~
To begin with, friends are kinds of resources to deal with difficulties. Because we spend lots of time and money to make friends, it’s fair to look for rewards（这个。。感觉有些用金钱收买友情的感觉，不太好，而且有些偏主题）. Take one of my classmates, Andy, as an example. He used to be a close friend of John, who was also my classmate. One day Andy lost his money and asked John for help. Considering the fact that Andy’s family was on tight budget, John refused to lend the money. Not surprisingly, they were not as close as before after the incident. When family members cannotoffer help, it’s natural to turn to friends for help. If we make friends that have fun with, how can we expect them to help us when we are in trouble? Friends in need are friends indeed. Making friends is a kind of investment and insurance for the future.这段主题偏，楼主想说的是，朋友应该在危难之时伸出手，而题目的要求是应该找一个什么样的朋友。而且你的例子中没有说明John是一个have fun with的人，这就更偏离主题了。另外这个insurance 和investment，不太好，尽量表达一些正面的信息，这个，其实如果把它深层次的东西挖掘出来也尚可，不过就越说越深了，托福还是重文采，GRE偏逻辑。如果是一篇G文的话那么说说倒是无妨。
In addition, friends who can help ususually（错别字） have the same topic, even the same career, with us. Besides getting help from friends, we can learn more practical experience communicating with them, while friends that have fun with can hardly give us any useful advice. I have a good friend elder than me. We have the same major and she gave me so many suggestions about my future that I really appreciated it a lot. In my perspective, communication among friends is essential because we can learn from each other through the process. Friends play a role much more important than a person who we play with. Actually, solving problems and dealing with difficulties are the real way to enhance relationship among friends. 除了开头句，后面说的都很好。开头句不符合本段主题，应改为：In addition, friends who can help usually provide more useful advices, which is beneficial to improve ourselves.
What’s more, friends that can offer help tous(什么意思？) have really good merits. They are treasures of our life. People who we can only have（+fun）with can never be trusted while real friends who are ready to do me a favor are trust worthy.此段可以揉合到上面两段中，没有新观点。
We can’t deny that one of（此处何用？）reasons making friends is to have fun, but it’s more essential to make friends who can help us. Resources are limited and life is more than having fun. We have to do our best to achieve what we want and friends are main sources of help.
整体感觉还可以，楼主应加强逻辑和语言，避免偏题。另外例子一定要支持你的观点，conclusion的时候切记扣题~ 语言更流畅一些就更好了~加油！
作者: xeyyxzty 时间: 2012-9-21 19:31
to huhu: thx
偏题是个大问题~会注意
作者: xeyyxzty 时间: 2012-9-21 19:32
A/D The most important investment of a company is toimprove the skills of its employees.
Companies are an essential component ofglobal economy. Once a company wants to expand, it must decide which section toinvest in. Some say that firms should put more emphasis on the research of newproducts. Actually, everyone has own ideas. I tend to believe that the most importantinvestment of a company is to improve the skills of its employees.
To begin, the skills of employees ispositive relevant to the firm’s productivity, which affects revenue a lot. Thepurpose of firms is to make profits. In this aspect, the investment to improvethe skills of employees is beneficial. For example, at the beginning of 21stcentury, numerous companies offered courses like computer training in order tomake employees have higher efficiency. Though costs may be huge, rewards inlong term are considerable.
What’s more, the investment would makeemployees be more loyal to the company. The cost of finding a new job is solarge that once companies give employees a sense of belongings, most of themwould not leave. Besides, it’s also a loss for companies if employees quitbecause it costs a lot to select and train a person. The loyalty of employeesis precious because the longer an employee hired, the better the firm develops.
In addition, the investment helps the firmhave a better reputation so that it will attract more qualified candidatesapplying for jobs. As we all know, the more talented a person is, the betterperformance he can make. Investment to improve the skills of employeesguarantees workers a stable life, which is appealing to most people. Hunanresources influence the growth of a company that if we admit enough qualifiedpeople, once the firm expands, we don’t need to hire anyone new to the criticalpositions. Statistically, consumers tend to buy products from companies withhigh reputation. In this sense, the investment is worthy.
Companies invest in many sections toexpand. They have so many options that it’s really hard to tell which is themost important. However, I believe the most important investment is to improvethe skills of employees. Employees are the most valuable resources for a firmthat we should do our best to make full use of them.
昨天占座前忘记看题目了~这个大概10天前写过了了 ~就粘了过来
作者: bonnenuit 时间: 2012-9-21 20:42
Companies are an essential component of global economy. Once a company wants to expand, it must decide which section to invest in. Some say that firms should put more emphasis on the research of newproducts. Actually, everyone has own ideas. I tend to believe that the most important investment of a company is to improve the skills of its employees.
To begin, the skills of employees is（are)positive relevant to the firm’s productivity, which affects (affect)revenues a lot. The purpose of firms is to make profits. In this aspect, the investment to improve the skills of employees is beneficial. For example, at the beginning of 21stcentury, numerous companies offered courses like computer training(前面说courses,后面只举了computer training是不是还不够啊，我觉得还可以再适当增加几个） in order to make employees have higher efficiency（have higher efficiency感觉有点怪，让员工拥有更高的效率，我觉得还是make employees work more efficently好一点吧 可能是我自己水平不高才这么想的). Though costs may be huge, rewards in long term are（will be?) considerable.
What’s more, the investment would make employees be more loyal to the company. The cost of finding a new job is so large that once companies give employees a sense of belongings, most of them would not leave. Besides, it’s also a loss for companies if employees quit because it (has) costs(cost) a lot (for companies)to select and train a person(我个人觉得这样表达稍微恰当些）. The loyalty of employees is precious because the longer an employee hired, the better the firm develops.
In addition, the investment helps the firm have a better reputation so that it will attract more qualified candidates applying for jobs. As we all know, the more talented a person is, the better performance he can make. Investment to improve the skills of employees guarantees workers a stable life, which is appealing to most people. Hunan（human） resources influence the growth of a company that if we admit enough qualified people, once the firm expands, we（“我们”神马时候代表公司了哈！） don’t need to hire anyone new to the criticalpositions（that if。。。。这后面一整句有点别扭，有点罗嗦，不好意思，我水平， 改不来）. Statistically, consumers tend to buy products from companies with high reputation. In this sense, the investment is worthy.
Companies invest in many sections to expand. They have so many options that it’s really hard to tell which is the most important. However, I believe the most important investment is to improvethe skills of employees. Employees are the most valuable resources for a firm that we should do our best to make full use of them.
有个别小错误
有些句式比如。。。so that。。。，
the +比较级。。。，the+比较级。。用的有点偏多。可以适当的变换下句式
其他的都还好啦
理由也还算convincing
作者: xeyyxzty 时间: 2012-9-22 21:10
Do you agree that it is better to spend money ontraveling and vacation than save money for future?
Because of the severe competition, peopleget a lot of pressure everyday so they tend to spend money on traveling andvacation to have a rest. They regard travel as a means of relaxing. However, Iprefer saving money for future. In my perspective, there are so many ways toget relaxed that we can use money in a more proper way.
To begin with, life is full of unexpectedaffairs. We need to save money for emergencies in the future. Spending all themoney on traveling or vacation is irrational. Take one of my relatives as anexample. After an enjoyable trip which cost her lots of money, she went back towork. But only weeks later, her daughter was severely ill and medical expenseswas huge. She couldn’t afford the costs because she had spent all the money onthe travel. Though people lent her money and her daughter was well in the end,we cannot ignore the possibility of emergencies which need money a lot.
What’s more, saving money can be beneficialbecause banks have several services that help their customers invest infinancial markets. Specialists can always do better than amateur investors. Thoughtraveling can give you an unforgettable experience, to most people, money ismore essential in daily life. In this way, we’ll have more money for future andwe don’t need to give up opportunities because of the lack of money.
In addition, the more money deposited inbanks, the better service banks may offer. For example, if you have the VIPcard of a bank, you can rest in the special room while waiting for the plane. Suchservices are really convenient and helpful especially you are in a strangecity. Traveling can only give you a sense of satisfaction for a period of timewhile you can receive special services almost everywhere. You can rest in VIProom in train station. Besides, you can order a room prior to other customersin certain hotels.
We can’t deny that the memory abouttraveling is priceless but life is more than entertainment. We need to concernmore. From this point, saving money for future is a better choice comparing tospending money on traveling and vocation.
这是之前写过的经过一点点修改粘过来的~~~
作者: d0gzi 时间: 2012-9-22 23:57
Because of the severe competition, peopleget a lot of pressure everyday so they tend to spend money on traveling andvacation to have a rest. They regard travel as a means of relaxing. However, Iprefer saving money for future. In my perspective, there are so many ways toget relaxed that we can use money in a more proper way.
To begin with, life is full of unexpectedaffairs. We need to save money for emergencies in the future. Spending all themoney on traveling or vacation is irrational. Take one of my relatives as anexample. After an enjoyable trip which cost edher lots of money, she went back towork. But only weeks later, her daughter was became 表过程severely ill and medical expenseswas 主谓一致huge. She couldn’t afford the costs because she had spent all the money onthe travel. Though people lent her money and her daughter was well in the end,we cannot ignore the possibility of emergencies which need money a lot.
What’s more, saving money can be beneficialbecause banks have several services that help their customers invest infinancial markets. Specialists can always do better than amateur investors. Thoughtraveling can give you an unforgettable experience, to most people, money ismore essential in daily life. In this way, we’ll have more money for future andwe don’t need to give up opportunities because of the lack of money.
In addition, the more money deposited inbanks, the better service banks may offer. For example, if you have the VIPcard of a bank, you can rest in the special room while waiting for the plane. Suchservices are really convenient and helpful especially whenyou are in a strangecity. Traveling can only give you a sense of satisfaction for a period of timewhile you can receive special services almost everywhere. You can rest in VIProom in train station. Besides, you can order a room prior to other customersin certain hotels.
We can’t deny that the memory abouttraveling is priceless but life is more than entertainment. We need to concernmore. From this point, saving money for future is a better choice comparing（。。。我也不确定是COMPARED还是COMPARING 也~） tospending money on traveling and vocation.
文章挺规矩的。三个观点都不错。如果句子结构和词汇更复杂些就很好了。。。红色标出来的是我认为有点问题的地方。。。
今天刚考完托福。。。所以忘了改了。。对不起啊！！！
加油！！！！！
作者: xeyyxzty 时间: 2012-9-23 21:40
It is more enjoyable to have a job, and you work only3 days a week with long hours rather than work for 5 days with short hours aday.
As society improves, there are more choicesabout work style available. Debates about whether to work only 3 days a week withlong hours or to work for 5 days with hours a day arise everywhere worldwide. Inmy perspective, advantages of working for 5 days with short hours a day outweighits drawbacks.
To begin with, I think a balance betweenwork and rest may contribute to the mental and physical health of a person. Workingtoo much in a relatively short period of time gives people so much stress thatit may do harm to health, which is a key factor of the quality of life. We caneasily find reports that workers were too ill to be cured in newspapers. Such tragediesremind us not to work overloaded because they are losses not only for families,but also for the whole society. Besides, psychological health could also be affectedby burdens of work. Phenomena like people appointing for consultants withpsychiatrists reveal that working pressure influences daily life of employees. Inthis aspect, the balance between work and rest should be taken in considerationseriously, which means working short hours a day is more beneficial.
In addition, working short hours every daycan guarantee that people will have a high efficiency when they go to work. On thecontrary, people who work long hours may not be as productive and creative asthose who work less. People get tired and frustrated when they have worked fora long time and they may put less concentration on working. Leaders want theirteam members achieve more in unit time so it’s irrational to ask people work alot in a single day.
What’s more, as technology improved,conditions of various markets change so frequently that they need our attentionevery day. We have to adjust our plan to such changes in order to achievegoals. How can we react to changes and make adjustments properly if we only goto work 3 days a week? For example, securities companies may get huge losses ifthey have no access to the Internet in an hour. Many other firms operate likethe ways securities companies do. Obviously, considering the operating patternsof firms, we have to admit that to some companies, it’s impossible for them torun 3 day a week.
Generally, working for 5 days with shorthours a day is more beneficial for both individuals and companies regardingreasons I listed above. Though working 3 days while relaxing 4 days a week isattractive, such pattern can never be applied in large scale. We can live a betterlife if working less in one day.
作者: angelafeng 时间: 2012-9-23 23:29
刚刚参加小分队，今天第一天改作文，改的不好请见谅~~
As society improves, there are more choices about work style available. Debates about whether to work only 3 days a week with long hours or to work for 5 days with hours a day arise everywhere worldwide. In my perspective, advantages of working for 5 days with short hours a day outweighits（应该用单数）drawbacks.
To begin with, I think a balance between work and rest may contribute to the mental and physical health of a person. Working too much in a relatively short period of time gives people so much stress that it may do harm to health, which is a key factor of the quality of life. We can easily find reports that workers were too ill to be cured in newspapers.（这句话感觉有点别扭，感觉好像是工人在报纸上被治愈。in the newspapers的位置放在reports后面更好，不会有歧义。）Such tragedies remind us not to work overloaded because they are losses not only for families, but also for the whole society. Besides, psychological health could also be affected by burdens of work. Phenomena like people appointing for consultants with psychiatrists reveal that working pressure influences daily life of employees. In this aspect, the balance between work and rest should be taken in consideration seriously, which means working short hours a day is more beneficial.
In addition, working short hours every day can guarantee that people will have a high efficiency when they go to work. On the contrary, people who work long hours may not be as productive and creative as those who work less. People get tired and frustrated when they have worked for a long time and they may put less concentration on working. Leaders want their team members achieve more in unit time so it’s irrational to ask people work a lot in a single day.
What’s more, as technology improved, conditions of various markets change so frequently that they need our attention every day. We have to adjust our plan to such changes in order to achieve goals. How can we react to changes and make adjustments properly if we only go to work 3 days a week? For example, securities companies may get huge losses if they have no access to the Internet in an hour. Many other firms operate like the ways securities companies do. Obviously, considering the operating patterns of firms, we have to admit that to some companies, it’s impossible for them to run 3 day a week.
Generally, working for 5 days with short hours a day is more beneficial for both individuals and companies regarding reasons I listed above. Though working 3 days while relaxing 4 days a week is attractive, such pattern can never be applied in large scale. We can live a better life if working less in one day.
论证点1和论证点3都很精彩， 相比下论证点2稍微逊色些。可以把这个论点充实下。
文章整体很好，只有个别地方有点小问题。
作者: xeyyxzty 时间: 2012-9-24 21:03
A/D The competition between friends always hasnegative effects.
As society improves, the definition ofcompetition is usually mentioned when talking about working or learning. Somesay that competitions among friends brings about so much negative effects thatit not only harms the relationship among them but also causes undesirableresults in working. However, in my perspective, the advantages among friendsoutweigh the drawbacks.
To begin with, in my view, competitionbetween friends will motivate them to work harder, which leads to moreaccomplishments as a result. Besides, we can easily find our shortcomingscomparing with others who work with us, coping with the same task. When myfriends and I did research on finance, which are our major, we competed witheach other for the position of leader. We did our best to gain others'recoganization. In the end, though I failed, what I had done during the periodreally surprised me because it was a large amount of work which asked forpatience and creation. I think the competition brought me benefits, instead ofbad effects.
In addition, competitions usually come withcorporations, in which people can develope their working skills and enhance therelationship with others, especially friends. The source of competitions iscorporations so when referring to competitions, it's proper to takecorporations into consideration. We can master the skill of balancing betweenthe two and such skill can help us make more friends as well as make goodperformance at work. We can't deny that competitions interfere the relationshipamong people, but we can set a border between work and relax in order to makeintimate friends. Obviously, if you reagrd every one in your team as rivals,you may be exhausted and couldn't do well at work.
What's more, as competitions areeverywhere, we have to adapt to them as soon as possible. Competitions amongfriends are one of the commonest type and we can learn the solutions from them.In this aspect, competitions bring more positive effects than the negative onesbecause they help avoid potential loss in the future. If we successfully dealwith competitions among friends, we can cope with them well in workingcircumstances, too.
Generally, I think competitions among friendshave more positive effects. Though they may cause some troubles, like quarrels,they are an essential part of life and they help us mature. As we cannot escapefrom competition, the right attitude towards them is to face them bravely,especially those between friends.
作者: angelafeng 时间: 2012-9-24 23:37
今天还是我给熊熊改作文~~
文章总体很好，如果第三个论点能再加个例子加以证明就更好了。
by the way，怎么能把例子写得又充实又好呢，求教求教~~~
As society improves, the definition of competition is usually mentioned when talking about working or learning. Some say that competitions among friends brings about so much negative effects that it not only harms the relationship among them but also causes undesirable results in working. However, in my perspective, the advantages among friends outweigh the drawbacks.
To begin with, in my view, competition between friends will motivate them to work harder, which leads to more accomplishments as a result. Besides, we can easily find our shortcomings comparing with others who work with us, coping with the same task. When my friends and I did research on finance, which are our major, we competed with each other for the position of leader. We did our best to gain others' recoganization（应该是recognization）. In the end, though I failed what I had done during the period really surprised me because it was a large amount of work which asked for patience and creation. I think the competition brought me benefits, instead of bad effects.（例子叙述的很好，高亮的句子偶觉得写得很漂亮，学习学习~~）
In addition, competitions usually come with corporations, in which people can develope（这个拼写多了个e） their working skills and enhance the relationship with others, especially friends. The source of competitions is corporations so when referring to competitions, it's proper to take corporations into consideration. We can master the skill of balancing between the two and such skill can help us make more friends as well as make good performance at work. We can't deny that competitions interfere （interfere做干涉的意思时是不及物动词，所以这里缺少个介词in/with）the relationship among people, but we can set a border between works and relax in order to make intimate friends. Obviously, if you reagrd（regard） every one in your team as rivals, you may be exhausted and couldn't do well at work.(这段有个别语法和拼写错误，这段论述公司中的竞争，前面一段若在开头加上句这是学校生活中的竞争，个人感觉两段更对称一些)
What's more, as competitions are everywhere, we have to adapt to them as soon as possible. Competitions among friends are one of the commonest type and we can learn the solutions from them. In this aspect, competitions bring more positive effects than the negative ones because they help avoid potential loss in the future. If we successfully deal with competitions among friends, we can cope with them well in working circumstances, too.
Generally, I think competitions among friend shave more positive effects. Though they may cause some troubles, like quarrels, they are an essential part of life and they help us mature. As we cannot escape from competition, the right attitude towards them is to face them bravely, especially those between friends.
作者: xeyyxzty 时间: 2012-9-25 20:39
to angela：
其实就是编例子啦~我原来文章只能写到300，就是没有例子~
现在嘛，仅仅是多几句话的例子就多了好多字~感觉就像教育小朋友一样啦，浅显而生活的例子就行~
作者: xeyyxzty 时间: 2012-9-25 20:39
Which do you choose to improve your health: kind offood you eat, amount of exercise, amount of stress
As stress of working and learning becomesheavier gradually because of the severe competition among people, we need to doour best to maintain a good health to face challenges on the way. Some peoplewould like to do exercise to get rid of pressure and they think they will berefreshed going to gyms. However, in my perspective, taking care of the foodyou eat makes more contribution to my health.
To begin with, I can pay attention to whatI eat every day and such behavior may turn to be a habit. On the contrary,doing exercise can never happen daily and it may be interrupted because ofemergencies about work. Take my uncle's experience as an example. He is used tojogging in the morning, but when he has to stay up late at night to do thework, it's impossible for him to have exercise as usual. As a result, hedoesn't jog regularly, which makes exercise have less benefit to his body. Ifwe care about what we eat, we can choose the most suitable food, which doesgood to the health.
In addition, we have a wide variety ofhealth food, like Chinese food and Thai food, to choose from. However, doingexercise asks for space so we have limited choices. It's not surprising thatpeople become bored doing the same exercise regularly. They may quit exercisingas a result. When we are not in favor of a certain kind of food, we can chooseanother type both delicious and healthy. Besides, if you are accustomed todoing a certain kind of sport, you may be careless while doing and is easy toget hurt.
What's more, paying attention to eatingdoesn't take too much extra time, which is a scarce resource for people today,while doing exercise asks for lots of time. In this aspect, we are able tomaintain health, which requires attention day by day, by eating cautiously. If eatinghealthy becomes a habit, it doesn’t need any extra care and may even save ourtime.
Health is essential to everyone all thetime. There are various methods available to maintain health and we have tochoose some from them to keep healthy. Though some say that doing exercise is agood choice, I don't think so because it not only costs much, but also occupieslarge amounts of time. Instead, eating selectively and carefully is botheconomical and efficient. I prefer to pay attention to what I eat to maintain agood health.
作者: bonnenuit 时间: 2012-9-25 22:48
As stress of working and learning becomes heavier gradually because of （这两个as，because of 可以省去一个，不会影响意思，不然有点重复了，读起来有点歧义）the severe competition among people, we need to do our best to maintain a（健康是抽象名字，应该是不可数的吧） good health to face challenges on the way. Some people would like to do exercise to get rid of pressure and they think they will be refreshed （by?不确定)going to gyms. However, in my perspective, taking care of the food you eat makes more contribution to my health.
To begin with, I can pay attention to what (to) eat every day and such behavior may turn to be a habit. On the contrary,doing exercise can never happen daily and it may be interrupted because of emergencies about work. Take my uncle's experience as an example. He is used to jogging in the morning, but when he has to stay up late at night to do the work, it's impossible for him to have exercise as usual. As a result, he doesn't jog regularly, which makes exercise have less benefit to his body. If we care about what we eat, we can choose the most suitable food, which does (是不是要加个be 如果你这个does是为了强调，好像没有do good to的吧？)good to the health.
In addition, we have a wide variety of healthy food, like Chinese food and Thai food, to choose from. However, doing exercise asks for space so (加个that更好)we have limited choices. It's not surprising that people become bored（换tired of更好) doing the same exercise regularly. They may quit exercising as a result. When we are not in favor of a certain kind of food, we can choose another type both delicious and healthy. Besides, if you are accustomed to doing a certain kind of sport, you may be careless while doing and is（前面有be了，这个is可以去掉） easy to get hurt.
What's more, paying attention to eating doesn't take too much extra time, which（这个which可能有歧义，是指代前面paying attention....还是extra time呢， 把前面那句话稍稍变换一下句式，个人意见） is a scarce resource for people today,while doing exercise asks for lots of time. In this aspect, we are able to maintain health, which requires attention day by day, by eating cautiously. If（when更好） eating healthy becomes a habit, it doesn’t need any extra care and may even save our time.
Health is essential to everyone all the time. There are various methods available to maintain health and we have to choose some from them to keep healthy. Though some say that doing exercise is a good choice, I don't think so， because it not only costs much, but also occupies large amounts of time. Instead, eating selectively and carefully is both economical and efficient. I prefer to pay attention to what I eat to maintain a good health.
就是一些个别语法问题
多变换一些句式，可以适当一些被动啊神马的
还有 不知道是你word版本问题还是怎么的 复制过来的文章 有些词连在一起了 下次注意检查一下 因为我每次都要先帮你把连起来的词分开来 再仔细看文章！
作者: xeyyxzty 时间: 2012-11-3 19:45
A/D: people today would be happier if they had fewerpossessions
As society improves gradually, people caneasily get possessions and as a consequence, everybody have much more thanbefore. Some people argue that because of the possessions we own, we becomeless happy. However, I tend to agree that we would be happier if we had morepossessions.
To begin with, a large quantity ofpossessions guarantees us a stable and qualified life, which will in turn makeus happy. We can easily imagine that people living in the past lived a hard lifedue to the lack of possessions. Actually, it was difficult for them to getenough living necessities and as a result, they were not satisfied and happy. Wecannot deny that there are some people being happy when living a poor life, butmost people prefer an enjoyable life with plenty of possessions. Besides,people are anxious and worried if they don’t have enough possessions, as aconsequence, it’s hard for them to feel happy.
What’s more, possessions give us a sense ofsatisfaction since possessions are symbol of what we have achieved before. Peoplecollect stamps, books, or artifacts and they are proud of the collections. Ihave a classmate who is interested in collecting postcards. Whenever he go, hewill buy a postcard and write it to himself sending it back to home. He told methat postcards help him recall the journey. Though his parents didn’tunderstand his behavior, they still encouraged him to keep collecting for theybelieve those postcards make their son happy. In this perspective, more possessionsmake us happier since we can recall our experience by looking at them.
In addition, possessions stand for oursocial status in some degree and it’s natural for us to feel happy if othersadmire us. For example, everybody thinks that Bill Gates is great not onlybecause he made PCs available for ordinary people but also he possesses a lot,like his huge house. Some people propose that too many belongings make peoplefell stressed, but in my sense, they are rewards of hard-work and I deservethem. What’s more, I enjoy others’ admire and get happiness from the process.
We have more and more possessions graduallyand it’s absurd to say that we are not as happy as before. Possessions areessential for us to live a good life and they also provide us extra happinessbecause we are proud of them and others admire them. Though some are happier ifthey get fewer possessions, in my mind, more possessions make me satisfied andhappy.
考完试半个月没写有些生疏呀
明年还要二战呢~加油
麻烦批改的同学了
作者: 小滋滋 时间: 2012-11-4 00:13
11.2改
As society improves (society发出improve的动作不太好吧？)gradually, people can easily get possessions and as a consequence, everybody have much more than before. Some people argue that because of the possessions we own, we become less happy. However, I tend to agree that we would be happier if we had more possessions.最好在这加下自己观点from my point of view什么什么的…
To begin with, a large quantity of possessions guarantees us a stable and qualified life, which will in turn make us happy. We can easily imagine that people living in the past lived a hard life due to the lack of possessions. Actually, it was difficult for them to get enough living necessities and as a result, they were not satisfied and happy.(此处是个转折呀，用个转折词吧) We cannot deny that there are some people being happy when living a poor life, but most people prefer an enjoyable life with plenty of possessions. Besides, people are anxious and worried if they don’t have enough possessions, as a consequence, it’s hard for them to feel happy.
What’s more, possessions give us a sense of satisfaction since possessions are symbol of what we have achieved before. People collect stamps, books, or artifacts and they are proud of the collections. I have a classmate who is interested in collecting postcards. Whenever he go, he will buy a postcard and write it to himself, then sending it back to home. He told me that postcards help him recall the journey. Though his parents didn’t understand his behavior, they still encouraged him to keep collecting for they believe those postcards make their son happy. In this perspective, more possessions make us happier since we can recall our experience by looking at them.
In addition, possessions stand for our social status in some degree and it’s natural for us to feel happy if others admire us. For example, everybody thinks that Bill Gates is great not only because he made PCs available for ordinary people but also he possesses a lot, like his huge house. Some people propose that too many belongings make people fell stressed, but in my sense, they are rewards of hard-work and I(应该是那些努力工作的人吧?) deserve them. What’s more, I enjoy others’ admire and get happiness from the process.(个人认为这句话可以不要，或者再写一句对这句的论证)
We have more and more possessions gradually and it’s absurd to say that we are not as happy as before. Possessions are essential for us to live a good life and they also provide us extra happiness because we are proud of them and others admire themus . Though some are happier if they get fewer possessions, in my mind, more possessions make me satisfied and happy.
论点明确，论据充分，总体挺好的，注意一下开头最好点出你的观点，句子间的逻辑连接性就更perfect了@@
作者: xeyyxzty 时间: 2012-11-4 19:54
A/D Young people should try several different jobsbefore they decide which job or career they will do in the long term
When graduating from universities, studentsare hesitated because, usually, they want to try so many jobs that areirrelevant with their majors. Some people argue that young people should nevertry different jobs before deciding which one to do in the long term, actually,they should put more emphasis on the job that they will devote their livesinto. However, in my perspective, the young should try several jobs before theymake the final decision.
To begin with, we cannot find our realtalent and interest if we don’t try. An illiterate won’t know that he would bea great author if he was trained. A person living in the desert has no accessto water so he never knows he could be an excellent swimmer. Young people couldfind their talent by doing several jobs. Obviously, it’s enjoyable to spend ourwhole life on the career that we love. Besides, doing various jobs give us achance to testify that if our major really attracts us because what we learnedat school is so abstract and different from what we will encounter aftergraduating.
What’s more, the young can also get valuableexperience from doing various jobs. They get to know about the real world andmeet various kinds of people by working in different fields. Experiences andfriends are treasures for everyone. My cousin learned chemistry in theuniversity but when he graduated, he wanted to do something different.Amazingly, he had a gap year travelling across Asia, and during that period, hedid so many jobs, like a waiter and teacher. Though he decided to devotehimself in chemistry after the trip, he met a lot of people and made so manyfriends in various countries. Besides, he recognized that he doesn’t fit to bea teacher and told me that jobs he took offered him an opportunity to knowhimself.
In addition, the knowledge we get by doingdifferent jobs will help us someday. Life is unpredictable. If you have been asalesman in a supermarket, you would know which part of the shelf has the bestgoods. If you used to be an apprentice of a tailor, you could tell thedifference of various fibers and choose the best one. What we get from a job isnot only money, but also invaluable knowledge and experience, I think.
Generally, the young should try differentjobs before they make the final decision. Though doing various jobs consumestime a lot, the profits outweigh the costs and the process of changing jobs isessential for a person to grow up and adapt to the adult world.
作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-11-4 20:18
熊熊还在默默练写作呀~~~支持一个 加油哦
作者: xeyyxzty 时间: 2012-11-4 21:21
熊熊还在默默练写作呀~~~支持一个 加油哦
-- by 会员 晨依Jacqueline (2012/11/4 20:18:59)
是学校英语课要写作文，所以就顺手写T的了~反正不要求内容，而且我也不知道除了T写什么了
这周就这两篇......
被表扬很开心~但是被误会啦.................
作者: 我把托福踩脚下 时间: 2012-11-5 07:30
When graduating from universities, studentsare hesitated because, usually, they want to try so many jobs that areirrelevant with their majors. Some people argue that young people should nevertry different jobs before deciding which one to do in the long term, actually,they should put more emphasis on the job that they will devote their livesinto. However, in my perspective, the young should try several jobs before theymake the final decision.
反对方的理由是什么， 最好点出来。
To begin with, we cannot find our realtalent and interest if we don’t try. An illiterate won’t know that he would bea great author if he was trained. A person living in the desert has no accessto water so he never knows he could be an excellent swimmer. （这两句引文好。）Young people couldfind their talent我觉得用“擅长”比 天赋好。 what they really excel at by doing several jobs. Obviously, it’s enjoyable to spend ourwhole life on the career (工作和职业是不同的概念，)that we love. （spend 换成dedicate ）Besides, doing various jobs give us achance to testify that删掉 if our major really attracts us because what we learnedat school is so abstract and different from what we will encounter aftergraduating.
What’s more, the young can also get valuableexperience from doing various jobs. They get to know about the real world （what is reall world ,难道他们生活在fake的world）andmeet various kinds of people by working in different fields. Experiences(单复一体) andfriends are treasures for everyone. My cousin learned chemistry in theuniversity（不是特定名词， 不用冠词， 可以用量词） but when he graduated, he wanted to do something different.Amazingly, he had a gap year travelling across Asia, and during that period, hedid so many jobs, like a waiter and teacher. Though he decided to devotehimself in chemistry after the trip, he met a lot of people and made so manyfriends in various countries. Besides, he recognized that he doesn’t fit to bea teacher and told me that jobs he took offered him an opportunity to knowhimself.（例子写得很详细， 我理解的是你的cousin在经历很多之后找到化学是她最终的ideal job， 但是你用了though， 所以不明白了）
In addition, the knowledge we get by doingdifferent jobs will help us someday. Life is unpredictable. If you have been asalesman in a supermarket, you would know which part of the shelf has the bestgoods. If you used to be an apprentice of a tailor, you could tell thedifference of various fibers and choose the best one. What we get from a job isnot only money, but also invaluable knowledge and experience, I think.
（这段说理并不强。 到底help了哪些内容， 怎么help的， help的结果是成功还是失败了？
）
Generally, the young should try differentjobs （换个词吧， 用了还多遍了）before they make the final decision. Though doing various jobs consumestime a lot, the profits outweigh the costs and the process of changing jobs isessential for a person to grow up and adapt to the adult world.
总体来说，例子写得很深刻，有一些英语表达上的逻辑错误
另外像这个四段的主句the knowledge we get by doingdifferent jobs will help us someday 。
完全没有内容的主句，可以考虑扩充一下句子
我个人觉得还有点偏题了。当然这篇文章题目真的不好写， 很容易偏题。
个人意见供参考
作者: xeyyxzty 时间: 2012-11-5 12:30
to踩脚下: 谢谢你的建议~偏题是个问题~~~
其他的问题...啊啊啊啊啊...多谢指出~~~
果然短期不适合二战,一战的分数的确运气!!!
作者: xeyyxzty 时间: 2013-3-22 22:59
就要二战了
作文水平一如既往的poor..............
请同学认真指正哈~熊熊拜谢
（字数是硬伤，这个心理还是有数的，就是...就是内容匮乏啊啊啊~）
Money is not theonly reward people expect to obtain through working. We can also get extensiveknowledge, valuable friendship, related experience, etc.. Among them, I thinkpublic recognition is the most important one. Some say that people care moneymost. However, I tend to believe that even if no more money is given, public recognitioncan still make people work harder.
To begin with,public recognition brings satisfactory, which makes people feel happy andpleased. The ultimate purpose of earning money is to gain happiness byconsuming it, too. In this aspect, public recognition can take place of moneyreward once the workers’ basic need of money is met. Let’s take my uncle as anexample. He works in a factory manufacturing machines. Because of his excellentwork, the chief honored him the star-worker of the plant. He told me that heworked harder though his salary remained the same and he enjoyed the respectfrom others. As we can see, public recognition satisfies people who don’t pursuemoney only.
What’s more,public recognition brings reputation, which is good for career developmentbecause people tend to trust a person with good reputation more comparing withan ordinary person. Public recognition offers more opportunities. To mostpeople, chances leading to success worth much more than money paid instantly.Public recognition is a good incentive to make people work harder despite ofthe money paid.
In addition,family members will be respected if you win public recognition. As most peopleregard their children as their fortune and want to do a lot to offer a goodcondition for their growth, parents usually work hard if they can get publicrecognition because such recognition brings atmosphere that is good for raisingchildren. This can help explain why there are so many adults do communityvolunteer work.
Though money isessential for living, public recognition also plays a critical role in dailylife. Once basic needs are met and people need something spiritual to satisfythemselves, things like public recognition turn to be the motive that makespeople work hard.
作者: yomina 时间: 2013-3-24 10:59
Money is not theonly reward people expect to obtain through working. We can also get extensiveknowledge, valuable friendship, related experience, etc.. Among them, I thinkpublic recognition is the most important one. Some say that people care moneymost. However, I tend to believe that even if no more money is given, public recognitioncan still make people work harder.
这段说有很多东西人们希望通过工作获得，我认为pr最重要，有人认为钱最重要，但我觉得没钱光有pr人还是可以勤奋工作。觉得有点绕，如果是我会把13句写在一起，再写24句。
To begin with,public recognition brings satisfactory（satisfaction）, which makes people feel happy andpleased. The ultimate purpose of earning money is to gain happiness byconsuming it, too. In this aspect, public recognition can take place of moneyreward once the workers’ basic need of money is met. Let’s take my uncle as anexample. He works in a factory manufacturing machines. Because of his excellentwork, the chief honored him the star-worker of the plant. He told me that heworked harder though his salary remained the same and he enjoyed the respectfrom others. As we can see, public recognition satisfies people who don’t pursuemoney only.
What’s more,public recognition brings reputation, which is good for career developmentbecause people tend to trust a person with good reputation more comparing withan ordinary person(这个词不合适，大家都是ordinary的，只是这些people不是有public recognition的). Public recognition offers more opportunities（另一个论点）. To mostpeople, chances leading to success worth much more than money paid instantly.Public recognition is a good incentive to make people work harder despite ofthe money paid.这段论据少了一些，显得有点单薄。
In addition,family members will be respected if you win public recognition. As most peopleregard their children as their fortune and want to do a lot to offer a goodcondition for their growth, parents usually work hard if they can get publicrecognition because such recognition brings atmosphere that is good for raisingchildren. This can help explain why there are so many adults do communityvolunteer work.
Though money isessential for living, public recognition also plays a critical role in dailylife. Once basic needs are met and people need something spiritual to satisfythemselves, things like public recognition turn to be the motive that makespeople work hard
.
语言挺流畅的，看了你的就知道你说我哪跑题了。基本不错，不过语言还有提高的空间，加油！ |
| xeyyxzty的签名 |
作者: xeyyxzty 时间: 2013-3-24 15:37
A/D It’s more important for the government to spendmoney to build art museums and music performance center than to buildrecreational facilities (such as swimming pool, playground)
It’s thegovernment’s responsibility to build infrastructures like museums andlibraries. But when it comes to the decision about what to build, opinionsvary. Some think it’s more important to build art museums and music performancecenters than recreational facilities, such as swimming pools, playgrounds, whileothers hold the opposite idea. I’m in favor of the latter one.
To begin with,health is critical to live a good life. Both mental and physical health effectthe quality of life. If the government spends money to build facilities likeswimming pools, people will exercise regularly with little costs. As researchesshow, exercise helps not only keep body healthy, but also release pressure gotfrom work. My dad told me that every time he swam, he felt refreshed and allthe worries flew away. Besides, I believe that the construction of swimmingpool may help more people to keep healthy, which in turn will decrease the government’sexpenses on medical service.
What’s more, everyoneis willing to join the activities offered by recreational facilities, likeplaygrounds, while only some would like to enjoy art museums or musicperformance centers. One of the purposes of infrastructures is to make people asmany as possible have a convenient and enjoyable life, and based on it, I thinkspending money on recreational facilities is a better choice. Personally, Ienjoyed swimming with friends rather than watching the play with them. Swimmingand is my routine activity but enjoying dramas will never turn to be one.
In addition, itcosts less to operate facilities like swimming pool or playgrounds comparingwith art museums and music performance center. As is known to all, thegovernment is usually on tight budget, and it’s rational to spend money onthings that will cost less. An art museum with poor condition hardly attractsanybody and once things like that happen, the museum loses its meaning. It’simportant to build something that is easy to operate.
We go to museumsand music centers occasionally to get to know history, art, culture, etc.,while people regularly go to swimming pool to do exercise and playgrounds tospend time with family. Though art museums and music performance centers playan essential role in people’s life, I believe government should spend money tobuild recreational facilities.
作者: viviyl 时间: 2013-3-24 22:41
xeyyxzty 发表于 2013-3-24 15:37 
A/D It’s more important for the government to spendmoney to build art museums and music performance ...
It’s the government’s responsibility to build infrastructures like museums and libraries. But when it comes to the decision about what to build, opinions vary. Some think it’s more important to build art museums and music performance centers than recreational facilities, such as swimming pools, playgrounds, while others hold the opposite idea. I’m in favor of the latter one.
To begin with, health is critical to live a good life. Both mental and physical health effect(改为affect, effect 做v.是to make sth. Happen的 意思；做n.是影响、作用) the quality of life. If the government spends money to build facilities like swimming pools, people will exercise regularly with little(low) costs. As researches show（建议最好扯一个具体某某机构某某网站的调查，这样看起来更充分）, exercise helps not only keep body healthy, but also release pressure got from work. My dad told me that every time he swam, he felt refreshed and all the worries flew away. Besides, I believe that the construction of swimming pool(s) may help more people to keep healthy, which in turn will decrease the government’s expenses on medical service.
What’s more, everyone is willing to join the activities offered by recreational facilities, like playgrounds, while only some would like to enjoy art museums or music performance centers(觉得enjoy后面跟地点有点奇怪，可以改成 enjoy paintings or music). One of the purposes of infrastructures is to make people as many as possible (make as many people as possible,你的many是修饰people的吧，原句会有点歧义)have a convenient and enjoyable life, and based on it, I think spending money on recreational facilities is a better choice. Personally, I enjoyed(enjoy) swimming with friends rather than watching the play with them. Swimming and(?) is my routine activity but enjoying dramas will never turn to be one. (觉得这一段的论点有点牵强，也不是每个人都喜欢运动而只有少部分人喜欢艺术音乐)
In addition, it costs less to operate facilities like swimming pool or playgrounds comparing with art museums and music performance center. As is known to all, the government is usually on (a) tight budget, and it’s rational to spend money on things(projects, things太抽象了) that will cost less. An art museum with poor condition hardly attracts anybody and once things like that happen, the museum loses its meaning. It’s important to build something that is easy to operate(administrate).
We go to museums and music centers occasionally to get to know history, art, culture, etc., while people regularly go to swimming pool to do exercise and playgrounds to spend time with family. Though art museums and music performance centers play an essential role in people’s life, I believe government should spend money to build recreational facilities.
不好意思啊~改的有点晚了~我还是个新手，多多包涵：）
一、三两个论点还不错，第二个有点主观了。
用词还可以多变化一下~语法没什么问题~总体还是比较流畅的~
作者: xeyyxzty 时间: 2013-4-4 22:27
A/D most people often let others make decisions forthem rather than make decisions by themselves.
Life is composedof numbers of choices, and some people often let others make decisions for themrather than make decisions by themselves. They believe that others may make thedecision in a more rational way. Others can weigh the pros and cons of adecision in a more objective way. However, I prefer to make decisions bymyself.
To begin with,nobody knows me better than myself and a reasonable decision is based on such understanding.When making a decision, we should target at the final goal, which is not knownto others. When choosing majors in the university, my parents said thataccounting was a good choice because I could get a job easily as an accountant.Yet I’d been dreaming to be a chemist and nobody knew it. I insisted choosingChemistry and now I’m proud of my choice because I find a career which I wantto devote my whole life into. Decision-making is a serious thing and we shouldbe brave enough to face our ultimate desires and dreams.
What’s more, peopleshould be responsible of their choice. Personally, I believe that people wholet others make decisions are escaping their responsibility. Life is sounpredictable that nobody knows the outcomes of any decision. Some people lackthe courage to take the responsibility so they ask others to make thedecisions. When things go wrong, they may attribute the failure to people whohelp make the decision. Taking the responsibility is a symbol of mature and theescape can never do anything good. Only by learning from mistakes can we dobetter next time. In this aspect, we should make decisions by ourselves.
第三个论点有点胡言乱语~见谅哈
In addition, makingdecisions by ourselves is a kind of exercise to be decisive, which is aprecious quality. We cannot avoid the situation to be alone. When in suchsituations, we have to be decisive and make proper decisions on our own. To bedecisive is one of key points to be a leader because when others are not calmfacing a dilemma, the leader should make the decision alone.
Though advice fromothers does some help, we should make decisions by ourselves instead of byothers. We ourselves are the only people who know us best and can take theresponsibility of the decisions. We can achieve real happiness by makingdecisions targeting at the ultimate goal.
作者: one9037476 时间: 2013-4-5 15:14
4.4独立。。。字数你妹。。。
作者: xeyyxzty 时间: 2013-4-6 10:17
A/D the public need not to pay for public transport
As people becomewealthier with the development of economic, they have more freedom to choosewhether they’ll take public transport. There is a heated debate about whetherthe public should pay for public transport. Some say that as not everybody usesit, it’s not fair that people take the public transport free. However, I holdthe opposite opinion.
To start with, it’sthe government’s obligation to pay for the public transport because it is ameans of wealth reallocation. Admittedly, not everyone takes the advantage ofthe public transport and the system operates with taxpayers’ money. Offeringfree public transport increases the total wealth and satisfaction of the wholesociety. Similarly, if the government wants to build a bridge, everybody willpay for it though only part of them will use it. Once I asked my dad, whohardly took a bus, if he agreed that public didn’t need to pay for the publictransport, he told me that this was good, for the action made more people livebetter and the society harmonious. Wealth reallocation helps decreases the gapof living standard among different people with little expenses from people.
What’s more, thesystem may operate in a more efficient way if people don’t need to pay for it.Currently, because of the pursue of profits, owners of bus companies change thebus routes so that buses can go to places where most people live and want togo. People living in other areas have to choose other means of transportation.The companies gain money regardless the inconvenience of passengers. If thepublic don’t need to pay for the transport and the government operates it, whendesigning the route, people may consider not only costs and profits, but alsothe availability of the passengers. In this aspect, the system will run moreefficiently under the control of government.
In addition, morepeople will take the public transport if it’s free, and the pollution made byvehicles may become less. As we all know, vehicles are one of the maincontributors of air and noise pollution. If more people take the publictransport instead of private cars, less carbon oxide will be emitted into theatmosphere. Besides, fewer vehicles may also help eliminate traffic jams.
Though there aredisadvantages like the huge costs of the system, the advantages outweigh thedrawbacks. A free public transport system is more efficient and offers residentsa better environment.
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