ChaseDream

标题: 过几天考试，求诸位大侠狠拍~ [打印本页]

作者: safeandsound 时间: 2012-8-29 21:41
标题: 过几天考试，求诸位大侠狠拍~
纯属到这里来找来找罪受的~~各位大侠和大牛们一定狠拍啊、、求建议啊~

作者: safeandsound 时间: 2012-8-31 21:43
标题: 8-31 写作练习
独立写作
Thank to the influx of people from villages, the city population is skyrocketing. The reason of this is that in order to have a successful and happy life, people simply think the best choice for them is to go out from their village. However, the situation might not be like this.
On the one hand, going out doesn’t mean being successful. Admittedly, in my country, some of the people who leave their village do become somebody. However, it is common for the people who come from village working as servers, cleaners and porters. Because of their low education level, most of them are not capable to do the jobs which need to be done with sophisticated techniques. They are still straggling at the bottom of the society, working really hard all day long, though it might sound quite glamorous. What’s more, it is difficult for them to scope out new fields as the city is already developed. On the contrary, there are more latent opportunities in villages. People can introduce something which will bring a great convenience to village, for instance, the solar power equipments that can be installed, the recreational facilities that are needed, etc. In this way, they are more likely to success.
On the other hand, even if they are successful, it doesn’t mean that they can live a happy life. Have you ever watched the TV show Ugly Betty? While Betty first came to work in Mode, the top vogue magazine company, everyone laugh at, and even scorned at her just because of her out-of-fashioned clothes. Betty was certainly successful – she worked in her dream company with a high salary. Nonetheless, was she really happy when she was joked by others? Was she really happy while she was facing the possibility being fired? Most of the villagers have formed an unrealistic picture of city life that everything is delightful. The fact is, however, many people want to escape from the city and live in the village. Getting rid of such pressure, they can do whatever they like without being interrupted by their co-workers or employers.
Everyone has their own preference. Some just like the prosperity of city, whereas others enjoy the simple life in village. It’s hard to say which is certainly better than another, but I still hold my opinion that people can be more successful and happier living in the village instead of going out.

作者: Stegosaurus 时间: 2012-9-1 09:59
Thank（Thanks） to the influx of people from villages, the city population is skyrocketing. The reason of this is（总感觉这个表达不太简洁，但我也不清楚该怎么改

）that in order to have a successful and happy life, people simply think the best choice for them is to go out from their village. However, the situation might （这句表达观点，语气强烈一点比较好）not be like this.
On the one hand, going out doesn’t mean being successful. Admittedly, in my country, some of the people who leave their village do become somebody. However, it is common for the people who come from village working as servers, cleaners and porters. Because of their low education level, most of them are not capable to do the jobs which need to be done with sophisticated techniques. They are still straggling at the bottom of the society, working really hard all day long, though it might sound quite glamorous. What’s more, it is difficult for them to scope out new fields as the city is already developed. On the contrary, there are more latent opportunities in villages. People can introduce something which will bring a great convenience to village, for instance (for instance 后面接句子的情况多些，改成such as 或许好些), the solar power equipments (equipment) that can be installed, the recreational facilities that are needed, etc. In this way, they are more likely to success.（另外这句的逻辑我没有看得很清楚，你是想说乡村里的人引进了一些使生活变方面的东西后，他们就更可能成功吗？但这样的话，好像不太对吧…………..

）
On the other hand, even if they are successful, it doesn’t mean that they can live a happy life. Have you ever watched the TV show Ugly Betty? While Betty first came to work in Mode, the top vogue magazine company, everyone laugh at, (laughed at 不要逗号) and even scorned at her just because of her out-of-fashioned clothes. Betty was certainly successful – she worked in her dream company with a high salary. Nonetheless, was she really happy when she was joked by others? Was she really happy while she was facing the possibility being fired? Most of the villagers have formed an unrealistic picture of city life that everything is delightful. The fact is, however, many people want to escape from the city (去掉the，改为cities，因为这里特指的概念不强) and live in the village （villages，原因同上）. Getting rid of such pressure, they can do whatever they like without being interrupted by their co-workers or employers.
Everyone has their own preference. Some just like the prosperity of city, whereas others enjoy the （a，原因同上） simple life in village. It’s hard to say which is certainly better than another, but I still hold my opinion that people can be more successful and happier living in the village instead of going out.

整理来说很不错啊，很多句型用的很地道，词汇也很丰富，比我的好多了

只是有些细节可以再斟酌一下，比如说定冠词和不定冠词选择，不过应该没有大碍了。。。。。。
另外如果在论述段段尾加上总结就更好了。

我也是接触托福作文不久，也不知道说的对不对，仅供参考吧！

作者: safeandsound 时间: 2012-9-1 20:07
谢谢 Stegosaurus 的批改

的确有些地方表述的不是很清楚

【自己看是找不出这么多错来的、、

继续努力~~

作者: safeandsound 时间: 2012-9-1 21:04
标题: 8-31修改后作文
Thanksto the influx of people from villages, the city population is skyrocketing. The reason isthat in order to have a successful and happy life, people simply think the best choice for them is to go out from their village. However, this is unlikely the situation.
On the one hand, going out doesn’t mean being successful. Admittedly, in my country, some of the people who leave their village do become somebody. However, it is common for the people who come from village working as servers, cleaners and porters. Because of their low education level, most of them are not capable to do the jobs which need to be done with sophisticated techniques. They are still straggling at the bottom of the society, working really hard all day long, though it might sound quite glamorous. What’s more, it is difficult for them to scope out new fields as the city is already developed. On the contrary, there are more latent opportunities in villages. People can introduce and sell something which will bring a great convenience to village, such as the solar power equipment that can be installed, the recreational facilities that are eagerly wanted, etc. This will be quite profitable, as everyone would like to buy things that meet their needs. In this way, they are more likely to success. (这样是不是更有逻辑一些？【至少应该能被看懂了吧、、

)
On the other hand, even if they are successful, it doesn’t mean that they can live a happy life. Have you ever watched the TV show Ugly Betty? While Betty first came to work in Mode, the top vogue magazine company, everyone laughed ator even scorned at her just because of her out-of-fashioned clothes. Betty was certainly successful – she worked in her dream company with a high salary. Nonetheless, was she really happy when she was joked by others? Was she really happy while she was facing the possibility being fired? Most of the villagers have formed an unrealistic picture of city life that everything is delightful. The fact is, however, many people want to escape from cities and live in villages. Getting rid of such pressure, they can do whatever they like without being interrupted by their co-workers or employers.
Everyone has their own preference. Some just like the prosperity of city, whereas others enjoy a simple life in village. It’s hard to say which is certainly better than another, but I still hold my opinion that people can be more successful and happier living in the village instead of going out.
【结尾还需要借鉴一下优秀范文的、、

自己总觉得如果再重复一下前面的原因很别扭、、、（纯属幻觉~）】

作者: safeandsound 时间: 2012-9-3 09:00
标题: 9-2 独立写作
The lack of relaxation is certainly a reasonable candidate to cause errors in projects. It has also been implicated in bad health condition, irresistibility of impulse and absent-mindedness. Underneath so much pressure, people are eager to find a way to relax themselves, either mentally or physically, or both. However, it seems like more people prefer doing physical exercises because of its benefits.

On the one hand, people only need to spend little money and time doing physical exercise. All they need are suitable clothes and a short time, and sometimes also a ball, a bat and a pair of gloves. What’s more, they can go out and play sports at any moment, unlike watching movies, which is restricted by timetable given by cinemas. People do not need to worry about the factor of cost and schedule. Just a couple of days ago, when I went down stairs for a short relax, I saw a group of people that I never met before playing basketball. I’m certainly not a skilled player -- all I know is shooting the ball into the basket. However, this didn’t affect at all. I just asked and played with them for about half an hour, then I went back home for dinner, leaving them still playing. Neither did it cost me a penny to relax, nor affected my schedule.

On the other hand, doing physical exercises can keep people healthy. A good health condition is the foundation of everything. Workers can be energetic while working, which leads to higher productivity. So the economic development of a country will be promoted. However, this is not the fact. According to a survey published by World Health Organization, over 1 billion people are overweight or obese, and the amount of people is constantly growing in all age groups. What’s more, being pushed so hard, the employees/students can get ill easily. Problems like these cannot be solved by mental relaxations such as reading books and watching movies. It is only playing sports that really works.

Admittedly, movies and books can sometimes release people’s pressure by distracting them away from all the misfortune or giving them the idea that someone in this world is living a more miserable life. However, only a few master pieces are able to do so. But after reading books or watching these, the plots might even be more disturbing. People will consider about the dark side of humanity, the problems of society at present, etc.—something really profound and hard to get an answer. They are likely to be more stressed out than before, which deviates from their original intentions.

Although many people prefer mental relaxation, I still stick to the opinion that physical relaxation is better, as it benefits more.

抱歉，发晚了啊~求原谅

作者: fuzhengrui 时间: 2012-9-3 10:40
标题: 简单改了一下，见附件
[attach]105678[/attach]

The lack of relaxation is certainly a reasonable candidate to cause errors in projects. It has also been implicated in bad health condition, irresistibility of impulse and absent-mindedness. Underneath so much pressure, people are eager to find a way to relax themselves, either mentally or physically, or both. However, it seems like more people prefer doing physical exercises because of its benefits.

On the one hand, people only need to spend little money and time doing physical exercise. All they need are suitable clothes and a short time, and sometimes also a ball, a bat and a pair of gloves. What’s more, they can go out and play sports at any moment, unlike watching movies, which is restricted by timetable given by cinemas. People do not need to worry about the factor of cost and schedule. Just a couple of days ago, when I went down stairs for a short relax, I saw a group of people that I never met before playing basketball. I’m certainly not a skilled player -- all I know is shooting the ball into the basket. However, this didn’t affect at all. I just asked and played with them for about half an hour, then I went back home for dinner, leaving them still playing. Neither did it cost me a penny to relax, nor affected my schedule.

On the other hand, doing physical exercises can keep people healthy. A good health condition is the foundation of everything. Workers can be energetic while working, which leads to higher productivity. So the economic development of a country will be promoted. However, this is not the fact. According to a survey published by World Health Organization, over 1 billion people are overweight or obese, and the amount of people is constantly growing in all age groups. What’s more, being pushed so hard, the employees/students can get ill easily. Problems like these cannot be solved by mental relaxations such as reading books and watching movies. It is only playing sports that really works.

Admittedly, movies and books can sometimes release people’s pressure by distracting them away from all the misfortune or giving them the idea that someone in this world is living a more miserable life. However, only a few master pieces are able to do so. But after reading books or watching these, the plots might even be more disturbing. People will consider about the dark side of humanity, the problems of society at present, etc.—something really profound and hard to get an answer. They are likely to be more stressed out than before, which deviates from their original intentions.

Although many people prefer mental relaxation, I still stick to the opinion that physical relaxation is better, as it benefits more.

抱歉，发晚了啊~求原谅

-- by 会员 safeandsound (2012/9/3 9:00:58)

作者: safeandsound 时间: 2012-9-3 14:13
谢谢付图图的认真批改

发现有很多词一开始就没背对

【另外，第一句话应该没什么问题吧~在Economists 里面挑出来的

作者: fuzhengrui 时间: 2012-9-3 22:11
这个应该没问题，是个好搭配，我记下了。。

哈哈

谢谢付图图的认真批改

发现有很多词一开始就没背对

【另外，第一句话应该没什么问题吧~在Economists 里面挑出来的

-- by 会员 safeandsound (2012/9/3 14:13:51)

作者: safeandsound 时间: 2012-9-5 16:05
标题: 9-4 独立写作
The most important function of a leader is to lead a group and make decisions. However, leader is not picked for making arbitrary dictation. Not only does s/he need to monitor employees, but s/he need to maximize their value. So personally, I think it is important for an leader to make everyone feel that he participates in decision making.
In order to make all the workers feel the sense of accomplishment, the leader needs to gather ideas from all the workers. It is certainly true that different people can have different points of views, but the basic needs of them are the same -- they just simply want a good working condition, reasonable salaries and favorable policies for them. So it is quite easy for the leader to coordinate all their opinions. We once did a survey in our class about what kind of studying experience they would like to know from students who got a good grade or make a significant progress this semester. After looking through all the suggestions, we found 80 percent of them mentioned the question “what does these “good students” do besides doing their homework?” This isn’t surprising for us, as students have the same purpose -- they just want to do better in their study. Things are also the same for grown-ups in a group or company.
The real efficiency will reveal right after the new decision that contains everyone’s suggestions is made. To continue,(可以这么说吗？) after getting the idea about what students wanted to know, we invited senior students to share their experience with us and asked them the frequently asked questions that gathered from our classmates. Everyone was really concentrated – they took notes about the important points, which was really uncommon. It was a totally a great success. While people are working for something they eagerly want or carrying out plans that made by themselves, they will be enthusiasm, which can lead to higher productivity. What’s more, if their suggestions are accepted and have their wish fulfilled and their little “vanity” accomplished, they can get a sense of belonging, which make the whole team stick together. Since nobody goes on strike, work could be done faster.
Although asking a few people for ideas has its benefit, I still stick to the opinion that in order to enable employees work more efficiently, the leader should try his/her best to give them a sense of belonging and accomplishment.
[这个题目不会写诶、、费了九牛二虎之力诌了400多字

、、请不要介意文章写得很狗血、、

]

作者: haduni 时间: 2012-9-5 20:01
The most important function of a leader is to lead（换成guide） a group and make decisions. However,leader is not picked for making arbitrary dictation. Not only does s/he need tomonitor employees, but s/he need to maximize their value. So personally（Personally）, I think it is important for an leader to make everyonefeel that he participates in decision making.

（缺少段与段之间的连词）In order to make all the workers feel the sense ofaccomplishment, the leader needs to gather ideas from all the workers. It is certainly true thatdifferent people can have different points of views, but the basic needs ofthem are the same -- they just simply want a good working condition, reasonablesalaries and favorable policies for them.（这一句文笔很好，但是和做决定的逻辑关系有点弱） So it is quiteeasy for the leader to coordinate all their opinions. We once did a survey inour class about what kind of studying experience they would like to know fromstudents who got a good grade or make a significant progress this semester.After looking through all the suggestions, we found 80 percent of themmentioned the question “what does these “good students”（使用单引号） do besides doingtheir homework?” This isn’t surprising for us, as students have the samepurpose -- they just want to do better in their study. Things are also the samefor grown-ups in a group or company.

The realefficiency will reveal（改为appear） right after the new decision that contains everyone’ssuggestions is made. Tocontinue,(或许可以用Inthe above case) after getting theidea about what students wanted to know, we invited senior students to sharetheir experience with us and asked them the frequently asked questions that are gathered from ourclassmates. Everyone was really concentrated(focused) – they took notes about the importantpoints, which was really uncommon. It was a totally a great success. Whilepeople are working for something they eagerly want (are longing for) or carrying outplans which were(被动需要注意一下) made bythemselves, they will be enthusiasm（enthusiastic）, which can lead to higher productivity. （这一整句可以改为 their enthusiasmcan boost the productivity）What’s more, iftheir suggestions are accepted and have their wish fulfilled and their little“vanity” accomplished, they can get a sense of belonging, which make the wholeteam stick together. Since nobodygoes on strike(没人罢工不如改为“人人激情四射” everyone is saturated with energy ), work could bedone faster.

Although asking a few people for ideashas its benefit(这句话表现不出少数人做决定的意思，the decision form the very few people has its benefit), I still stick tothe opinion that in order to enable employees work more efficiently, the leadershould try his/her best to give them a sense of belonging and accomplishment.

l 好吧，我真的没有资格批评你，因为我昨晚匆忙之中，看错了题目，将代词he理解为了leader……哭死我了……
l 你用的例子貌似有一点小问题：确实是讲了一个大家都参与的故事，但是没有leader表现。或许你可以用对比：一次是老师决定问什么问题，大家很不积极；第二次，大家自己提问题，大家很积极。
l 在有些词语方面你使用的不够准确。例如，reveal，是一个及物动词，必须要有宾语的。
l 被动需要注意一下。

作者: safeandsound 时间: 2012-9-5 20:25
谢谢~ 我会注意的

很多表达haduni真的改的很好！！！超赞的~~

每次被批改都受益匪浅啊~~

作者: safeandsound 时间: 2012-9-5 22:19
标题: 9-5 独立写作
Lack of experience is certainly a responsible candidate to failure. It has also been implicated in errors in projects, inefficiency, and wrong decisions. Experience is an essential factor in no matter solving problems or applying for jobs. So, people should review the past.
To start with, the wrong decisions made in the past can prevent people from facing the same unfavorable situation again and enable them to go to the right way. I went to a summer camp at University of California Berkeley last summer vacation. At first, I told this information to my best friend and asked her to go. However, I changed my plan without telling her directly. Instead, her mother knew the updated plan but didn’t allow her to go. Months later, when I got the invitation from the camp, excitedly, I told this news to everyone. Yet, I found my best friend crying at the corner of the classroom. She got really mad at me and didn’t talk to for weeks. We broke up at last because of a missing sentence. Yet, this experience helped me to maintain another friendship. Still be forced to change my schedule after telling my friends, I informed them immediately that I could not go to the party and that I felt terrible. They all forgave me. When I met them a day later, they told me how fascinating the party was. Thus, by looking back to the previous lesson that brought by the awful past experience, people won’t make the same mistakes again.
Moreover, if the past solutions for the similar problems result in good consequences, applying these solutions will more likely lead them to the success. We can find the innumerous auto-/biographies which tell the story of successes in the libraries. Those must be published for some reason. One possible explanation may be they are useful to our lives –frustrations of successes can promote us by telling us someone has a more miserable life than we think, their attitude towards difficulties can move us by showing their courage and insistence, above all, their solutions for problems can instruct us by giving us a hint that which is the right direction to go. Reviewing the good solutions, of no matter your own or others, will definitely help you to make the right choice.
Admittedly, people cannot plagiarize the solutions totally. The developments of technology change our life in a great extent – without leave our home, everything we need can be delivered to our house, such as books, clothes, everyday items and even meals. Sometimes, more convenient solutions should be discovered, making use of the assistance of up-to-date improvement of modern life. Yet, without the comparison of the new solution and the old one, people will never know which is better. They still need to review the past.
In a nutshell, reviewing the past is a crucial factor before making the decisions.
写着写着就变成make decision了

~~ 有机会补救吗？【如果在考场上的话-_-|||

作者: 235852140 时间: 2012-9-6 16:46
9-5 独立修改 in order to solve the problems of the present and the future, people should review the past.

Lack of experience is certainly a responsible candidate to failure.（是失败的候选人？我知道你想说是导致失败的一个重要原因。但是我没有查到这种用法。不确定正确与否。如果是亲自己编的比喻，建议少用，危险。） It has also been implicated（一般用于涉及，牵连（案件）使用，用在这里不太恰当） in errors in projects, inefficiency, and wrong decisions. Experience is an essential factor in no matter solving problems or applying for jobs. So, people should review the past. (这段讲了经验的种种作用和重要性，然后得出人们要review the past的结论。但是，past 和 experience之间是什么关系呢？建议用一句话说明关系，以使得逻辑严谨。另外，题目中提到的present和future也是关键词，开头最好能讲明过去的经验对于解决现在和未来的问题起到重要的作用之类的) （so前面的applying for jobs，当我读到文章最后的时候，也没有发现任何跟找工作有关的解释，开头提出的理由最好是后文两段或三段理由的高度概括，没有提到的放在这里是不恰当的。我一开始读了这句，还以为工作这个话题会是你的第二点理由呢。）

To start with, the wrong decisions made in the past can prevent people from facing the same unfavorable situation again and enable them to go to the right way. I went to a summer camp at University of California Berkeley last summer vacation. At first, I told this information to my best friend and asked her to go. However, I changed my plan without telling her directly. Instead, her mother knew the updated plan but didn’t allow her to go. Months later, when I got the invitation from the camp, excitedly, I told this news to everyone. Yet, I found my best friend crying at the corner of the classroom. She got really mad at me and didn’t talk to（+me） for weeks. We broke up（split up朋友见决裂，break up男女朋友间分手） at last because of a missing sentence. Yet, this experience helped me to maintain another friendship. Still be forced to change my schedule after telling my friends, I informed them immediately that I could not go to the party and that I felt terrible. They all forgave me. When I met them a day later, they told me how fascinating the party was. Thus, by looking back to the previous lesson that brought by the awful past experience, people won’t make the same mistakes again. （这个例子很恰当，就是描述的太长了，我们写议论文的时候也都知道，例子最好用一两句话概括，所以亲可以试试能不能缩减一下，然后在例子前面加一两句论述，会显得更有力）

Moreover, if the past solutions for the similar problems result in good consequences, applying these solutions will （+be）more likely（+to） lead them（them没有指代对象，改成people） to the success. We can find the innumerous auto-/biographies which tell the story of successes in the libraries. Those must be published for some reason（+s）. One possible explanation may be（is that，前面说了possible，这里就不用may be了，会总成冗余。） they are useful to our lives –（用冒号更好）frustrations of successes（成功的挫折？） can promote us by telling us someone has a more miserable life than we think，their attitude towards difficulties can move us by showing their courage and insistence,（ +and，因为above all是adv.没有and ,这句就run-on了。） above all, their solutions for problems can instruct us by giving us a hint that which is（改a hint pointed out） the right direction ~~to go~~. Reviewing the good solutions（in the past）, of no matter your own or others, will definitely help（help好像出现很多次了，亲尝试一下换换别的词语） you to make the right choice. (改成能帮助解决现在和将来的问题，就扣题了)

Admittedly, people cannot plagiarize the solutions totally.（说stick to convention更好） The developments of technology change(+s) our life(改lives) in a great extent – without leave our home, everything we need can be delivered to our house, such as books, clothes, everyday items and even meals. Sometimes, more convenient solutions should be discovered, making use of the assistance of up-to-date improvement of modern life. （语法错误。这句主语是solutions,后面的making use的逻辑主语也是solutions, 可是solution不是人，不能make use啊。）Yet, without the comparison of（改between） the new solution and the old one, people will never know which is better. They still need to review the past. （最后这两句之间是有因果关系的，可以合并为一个句子,我试改一个：Therefore，it is neccessary to review the past because by comparing the new solution with the old one, people will find which is the better. ）

In a nutshell, reviewing the past is a crucial factor before making the decisions. （同样的还是改成对solve present和future的problems有帮助，就能扣题，另外可以把前文的几点支持原因概括复述一下）

总得来说，在语言和逻辑上还需要加强。一些语言表述的不是很清楚，有不少语法错误，有的用词还比较危险。
注意句子之间的逻辑关系。要时刻问问自己前一句和后一句之间有什么关系。
开头不是很好，没有起到统领全文的作用。

作者: 235852140 时间: 2012-9-6 21:16
补充一个问题：someone has a more miserable life than we think. 这句比较对象不一致。加个what就好了。

作者: safeandsound 时间: 2012-9-6 22:49
标题: 9-5 作文修改
Lack of experience is certainly a responsible candidate to failure.It has also been implicatedin errors in projects, inefficiency, and wrong decisions. Experience, gained in the past, is an essential factor in no matter solving problems or applying for jobs. So, people should review the past in order to solve the problems that (will) take place right now or in the future.

To start with, the wrong solutions practiced in the past can prevent people from facing the same unfavorable situation again and enable them to go to the right way. I went to a summer camp at University of California Berkeley last summer vacation. At first, I told this information to my best friend and asked her to go. However, I changed my plan without telling her directly. Instead, her mother knew the updated plan but didn’t allow her to go. Months later, when I got the invitation from the camp, excitedly, I told this news to everyone. Yet, I found my best friend crying at the corner of the classroom. She got really mad at me and didn’t talk to me for weeks. We split up at last because of a missing sentence. Yet, this experience helped me to maintain another friendship. Still be forced to change my schedule after telling my friends, I informed them immediately that I could not go to the party and that I felt terrible. They all forgave me. When I met them a day later, they told me how fascinating the party was. Thus, by looking back to the previous lesson that brought by the awful past experience, people won’t make the same mistakes again. [因为实在不会加议论了，所以没写~~就努力把例子写长了些-_-|||

Moreover, if the past solutions for the similar problems result in good consequences, applying these solutions will be more likely to lead people to the success. We can find the innumerous auto-/biographies which tell the story of successes in the libraries. Those must be published for some reasons. One possible explanation is that they are useful to our lives: frustrations of successes (是名词，表成功人士^_^) can promote us by telling us someone has a more miserable life than we think, their attitude towards difficulties can move us by showing their courage and insistence, and above all, their solutions for problems can instruct us by giving us a hint pointed out the right direction. Reviewing the good solutions in the past, of no matter your own or others, will definitely enableyou to make the right choice and solve the problems both at present and in the future.

Admittedly, people cannot plagiarize the solutions totally.（stick to 什么convention呢？前文貌似没有说任何“习俗”啦…） The development of technology changes our lives in a great extent – without leave our home, everything we need can be delivered to our house, such as books, clothes, everyday items and even meals. Sometimes, more convenient solutions should be discovered, making use of (主句用的是被动语态也不能这么说吗？语法不好额~~抱歉) the assistance of up-to-date improvement of modern life. Yet, without the comparison between the new solution and the old one, people will never know which is better. Thus, they still need to look back.

In a nutshell, reviewing the past is a crucial factor before any problems solvingas solutions that were made in the past can keep us away from the same failure and guide us to bright future.

作者: safeandsound 时间: 2012-9-7 16:29
标题: 9-6 独立写作
People cannot predict future – this only happens in novels like Harry Potter. Thus, it is hard for us to say what inventions or discoveries will take place in a century. However, what we now know is that many significant problems still remain unsolved by far. Will all of these problems solved in our lifetime? In my point of view, I would rather give a negative answer.
To begin with, problems that are regarded as the most important ones are not as easy as counting from one to three, otherwise, everyone could be the scientist. Some of the problems have already been considered as the hardest ones centuries ago - the first heart disease that has been recorded took place at least decades before, but have scientists found a way to prevent this? Energy, especially the unrecoverable one, is scarcer and scarcer, but are there any solutions to change this situation? The decrease of species diversity always continues, yet is this situation halted?
Maybe you might think: how do things like heart attacks, energy scarce and extinction of other species have anything to do with me? Then think about your feeling when someone who is not as good as you gets the job or opportunity as s/he is the offspring of officials and billionaires. This kind of bias still occurs in today’s world. It is the truth that if everyone, no matter their gender, race, job and social status can be viewed equally, they could all have a fair chance. However, this might not be the case, even in decades’ time, since this is actually human nature that cannot be easily changed.
Admittedly, some of those problems have been solved. For instance, the lack of food did put Chinese on edge in 20^th century. However, the discovery of hybrid rice in 1970s essentially solved this problem that seemed impossible at that time. But still, it is only the tip of the iceberg—the problem of global warming that have taken place since industrialization movement and lung cancer that is attribute to smoking habit and air pollution and is the most common cause of cancer death all over the world still remain.
In a nutshell, though some problems have been untangled, most important ones have still no evidence of being solved in our lifetime.

作者: shendang 时间: 2012-9-7 17:55
红色-问题，蓝色-good point
People cannot predict future – this（这个this 指什么？this不能指代一件事~） only happens in novels like Harry Potter. Thus, it is hard for us to say what inventions or discoveries will take place in a century. （不是很清楚前面这句话和文章有什么关系。很难预测会出现什么发明创造和重要问题能否在our lifetime解决有什么联系吗）However, what we now know is that many significant problems still remain unsolved by far. Will all of these problems solved in our lifetime? In my point of view, I would rather give a negative answer.
To begin with, problems that are regarded as the most important ones are not as easy as counting from one to three, otherwise, everyone could be the scientist. Some of the problems have already been considered as the hardest ones centuries ago - the first heart disease that has been recorded ~~took place~~（recorded 和took place 不能这样连用吧，可以直接删掉took place就行，这样别人也能懂你的意思） at least decades before, but have scientists found a way to prevent this? Energy, especially the unrecoverable one, is scarcer and scarcer( more and more scarce), but are there any solutions to change this situation? The decrease of species diversity always continues, yet is this situation halted?(这边用了这么多反问排比，最后能马上回答然后阐述自己观点。到这停了之后，又另起一段，感觉要表达的东西不是很清楚，而且老外毕竟不是中国人，他们说话理解啥的都没我们这么能意会。)
Maybe you might think: how do things like heart attacks, energy scarce and extinction of other species have anything to do with me? Then think about your feeling when someone who is not as good as you gets the job or opportunity as s/he is the offspring of officials and billionaires. This kind of bias（要具体说明是什么bias，靠关系得到好工作和heart attack与我们的关系到底是怎么连在一起的？？） still occurs in today’s world. It is the truth that if everyone, no matter their gender, race, job and social status can be viewed equally, they could all have a fair chance. However, this might not be the case, even in decades’ time, since this is actually human nature that cannot be easily changed.
Admittedly, some of those problems have been solved. For instance, the lack of food did put Chinese on edge in 20^th century. However, the discovery of hybrid rice in 1970s essentially solved this problem that seemed impossible at that time. But still, it is only the tip of the iceberg—the problem of global warming that have taken place since industrialization ~~movement~~ and lung cancer that is attribute to smoking habit and air pollution and is the most common cause of cancer death all over the world still remain.
In a nutshell, though some problems have been untangled, (the) most important ones (still)have ~~still~~ no ~~evidence~~ (sign)of being solved in our lifetime.感觉如果这篇写成中文会是一篇aggresive的好文章，但是如果是英文，让人感觉逻辑模糊，很多事情没写明白的样子。其实我也不知道我说得对不对，只是谈谈读后感

作者: safeandsound 时间: 2012-9-13 21:37
标题: 9-13 独立写作
Things in universities and companies are totally different. Many top students in schools cannot get used to environment in companies when they first start working. However, to my point of view, preparation courses are unnecessary.
To start with, things they learn during classes might be useless when they go to work. Everyone will face different problems when they start working depend on their majors, characteristics, etc. Students who are outgoing will never come into the issues such as making friends, being used to a new environment, and getting along with their co-workers which are common problems for introvert students. Then what should they be taught during classes? This is certainly a serious question for universities and teachers. No matter what they discuss during class, only a few students will thinks this is necessary and really useful when they go to work. What’s more, the solutions for problems they are going to meet might not be practical. Have you ever been to the situation that you just forgot everything when you got nervous? This is the instinct of human being and is hard to overcome. Even they know they should keep smiling and use the sign languages while speaking to others, they cannot really do this if they really bump into this kind of situation. So, it is actually a waste of time for students to take preparation classes.
Moreover, besides time-consuming, it is also a waste of money. Extra tuition and salaries have to be paid by students and universities/colleges if schools provide preparation classes, which is in fact totally unnecessary. Instead, students will benefit more if they do part-time jobs. In this way, students can figure out their problems, and at the same time, they can get paid. I have a friend who kept doing a part time job that have something to do with her major since she became a junior. When she applied for jobs, her experiences were really eye-catching among other students who have just studied during the whole 4 years, even her grades were not as high as others. When she got into the company, she got promoted faster than all the students who came to work in the company at the same time with her. Thank to her part-time job experience, underneath less pressure than others, she could receive higher salary. So, doing part-time job is actually win-win to students – they don’t need to pay extra fees to attend preparing classes, and they get the valuable experiences.
Although taking these classes may benefit to some students who really will have many problems after they go to work, I still stick to the opinion that preparation classes are unnecessary for students.

作者: kris灿 时间: 2012-9-14 21:25
Things in universities and companies are totally different. Many top students in schools cannot get used to environment in companies when they first start working. However, to my point of view, preparation courses are unnecessary.
To start with, things they learn during classes might be (少东西吧)useless when they go to work. Everyone will face different problems when they start working depend on their majors, characteristics, etc. Students who are outgoing will never come into the issues such as making friends, being used to a new environment, and getting along with their co-workers which are common problems for introvert students. Then what should they be taught during classes? This is certainly a serious question for universities and teachers. No matter what they discuss during class, only a few students will thinks (think) this is necessary and really useful when they go to work. What’s more, the solutions for problems they are going to meet might not be practical. Have you ever been to（deal with） the situation that you just forgot everything when you got nervous? This is the instinct of human being(s) and is hard to overcome. Even they know they should keep smiling and use the sign languages while speaking to others, they cannot really do this if they really bump into this kind of situation. So, it is actually a waste of time for (wasting time on) students to (for)take preparation classes.
Moreover, besides time-consuming, it is also a waste of money(亲，可以试一下别的表达方式of用太多了). Extra tuition and salaries have to be paid by students and universities/colleges(这样可以么，没这么用过。) if schools provide preparation classes, which is in fact totally unnecessary. Instead, students will benefit more if they do part-time jobs. In this way, students can figure out their problems,（这句觉得语义不明确，跟前面提到的不是很搭） and at the same time, they can get paid. I have a friend who kept doing a part time job that have something to do with her major （something relative with her major）since she became a junior. When she applied for jobs(opportunities), her experiences were really eye-catching among other students who have just studied during the whole 4 years,even her grades were not as high as others. When she got into the company, she got promoted faster(and defeat all her rival for the job . ) than all the students who came to work in the company at the same time with her. Thank(s) to her part-time job experience, underneath less pressure than others, she could receive higher salary. So, doing part-time job(s) is actually win-win to(for) students – they don’t need to pay extra fees to attend preparing classes, and they get the valuable experiences.
Although taking these classes may benefit to (去掉to，因为是及物动词)some students who really will have many problems after they go to work, I still stick to the opinion that preparation classes are unnecessary for students.PS：改的有点晚了，请原谅~
（）里是个人意见，绿色的觉得用的很好，其实是我没用过的^^

作者: safeandsound 时间: 2012-9-14 21:49
标题: 9-13 改后作文
Things in universities and companies are totally different. Many top students in schools cannot get used to environment in companies when they first start working. However, to my point of view, preparation courses are unnecessary.
To start with, things they learn during classes might be useless（没觉得少东西啊、） when they go to work. Everyone will face different problems when they start working depend on their majors, characteristics, etc. Students who are outgoing will never come into the issues such as making friends, being used to a new environment, and getting along with their co-workers which are common problems for introvert students. Then what should they be taught during classes? This is certainly a serious question for universities and teachers. No matter what they discuss during class, only a few students will think this is necessary and really useful when they go to work. What’s more, the solutions for problems they are going to meet might not be practical. Have you ever dealt with the situation that you just forgot everything when you got nervous? This is the instinct of human beings and is hard to overcome. Even they know they should keep smiling and use the sign languages while speaking to others, they cannot really do this if they really bump into this kind of situation. So, it is actually a waste of time for students to take preparation classes.
Moreover, besides time-consuming, it is also a waste of money. Extra tuition and salaries have to be paid by students and universities/colleges (应该可以) if schools provide preparation classes, which is in fact totally unnecessary. Instead, students will benefit more if they do part-time jobs. In this way, students can figure out their real problems,（但是觉得和上一段有衔接） and at the same time, they can get paid. I have a friend who kept doing a part time job that have something to do with her major since she became a junior. When she applied for jobs, her experiences were really eye-catching among other students who have just studied during the whole 4 years,even her grades were not as high as others. When she got into the company, she (defeated all her rivals for the job觉得和我本身写的是一个意思) got promoted fasterthan all the students who came to work in the company at the same time with her. Thanks to(再一次出现此类问题、、无地自容啊) her part-time job experience, underneath less pressure than others, she could receive higher salary. So, doing part-time jobs is actually win-win for students – they don’t need to pay extra fees to attend preparing classes, and they get the valuable experiences.
Although taking these classes may benefitsome students who really will have many problems after they go to work, I still stick to the opinion that preparation classes are unnecessary for students.
谢谢kris的批改~~

作者: safeandsound 时间: 2012-9-15 12:58
标题: 9-14 独立写作
Imagine a world where no one is educated, or where people refuse to absorb knowledge. The civilization like this will be impossible to make further development unless people realize the importance of education. And reflection of realization is easier ways provided for everyone to become educated. This is exactly what we have nowadays.

To start with, people can get literary resources easier. My parents told me that when they were students, the only material they had were textbooks. They were not able to study what they liked, and their curiosity was never satisfied. So, every day, after coming back from schools without any homework, they just went to swim in the lake and chased their friends on the field until time to sleep. I was sort of envy when I first knew their school life. However, growing up little by little, I found how good the study environment is now – if I do not understand some points teacher illustrated, I can simply search for it through internet. Plus, with the help of electronic products such as kindle, iTouch, iPad and also computer, people can read books whenever and wherever they want. According to a survey, more than half of the people consume their time by reading e-pubs on their mobile phones while taking subways in China.

Moreover, besides books, people can also get knowledge from other methods. One of the direct learning ways is to communicate with others. In the beginning of 20^th century in China, only a few people can read and write. However, after the founding of China in 1949, the literacy rate increased rapidly: more than eighty percent of Chinese have received education and almost half of the citizens have studied in colleges and universities. This means you can simply gain knowledge if you go out and talk with a stranger about his/her job or major. Living no more than a mile away from Tsinghua University, the best university in China, I usually went on campus and talked to students and professors over there. I found it a great way to study, as it is free and available everywhere. Another important source of knowledge is media. We can watch science programs on TV, surfing in the knowledge ocean – the Discovery program and Scientific America Sixty-Second Science are fantastic resources for us to get to know the world of nature and science.

Supplied with so many study resources, people can gain knowledge simply if they are willing to do so. Hence, I think people are easier to be educated than before.

尽管没人改，还是发上来吧、、

作者: safeandsound 时间: 2012-9-15 14:05
标题: 9-14 综合写作 TPO19
The speaker refutes the opinion states in the passage that buzzing, a tactic comonly used in advertising is not good for consumers and should be banned.

According to the passage, consumers will get an unreal idea of buzzed product from a paid buzzer. On the contrary, the speaker makes his point that what buzzers say is always the truth, even though they get money from companies. Buzzers are hired because they do have a content experience using the product. The speaker, also works as a part-time buzzer, says that he just feels his phone service is great, and that he just told people his true feeling about this service in the advertisement.

Another standpoint made by the lecturer is that consumers will remain critical before accept the advertisement, which also contradicts to writer’s view. Purchasers will ask the buzzers about price and quality of a product, and even how long they used that product in order to test its reliability.

Finally, the speaker indicates that company will only recruit buzzers for good products. In this way, people can get a more sincere idea and thus be more trustful instead of more skeptical. So the statement in the passage cannot stand for itself.

These are the reasons why the speaker disagrees with writer’s idea.
第一篇发上来的综合写作、、【好吧，仍旧没人看、、当纪念了、、

作者: safeandsound 时间: 2012-9-16 16:25
标题: 9-15 独立写作
Imagine many great professors who are expected to teach students just stay in laboratories or out of campus to do researches all day long, leaving their students in the classrooms and dormitories. This might be kind of exaggerating, yet, it is professors’ jobs to educate, and professors should pay most of their attention to students.

To begin with, students can have their pursuit for knowledge satisfied and their talent recognized. Young adults at the age of about twenty do have the ability to study with help of their own. Yet, they choose to go to universities to learn something that they cannot find through Internet or books. Eagerly willing to know more, they believe that universities are the right place for them. Otherwise, none of them will waste plenty of time and money on education. Thus, professors should help them on their way to success. What’s more, some of these students are really talented in some certain subjects. It is professors’ duty to recognize, nurture and utilize students’ talent, since they are the only silver lining for the bright future of academia.

Moreover, educating students will ultimately make a progress in technology improvement. Since professors are all expert of a certain aspect, they have the most specialized knowledge. Offered opportunity to attend all seminars, professors are the first ones who get the latest discovery reports. If they can share all of these information with their students, students will have a shorter way to go in the future, which means they are able to spend most of their time trying their new ideas instead of studying already proved theories. Plus, students have more time to do further study as they are always younger than their professors. Longer the time is, a greater likelihood that they can make significant contribution to nowadays society there will be. As for those who want to become professors, they could also educate more students like what their professors did. In this way, a society is able to have constant development.

Admittedly, doing researches do have its advantages – many people can be cured as a new kind of medicine is discovered, famine can be basically eliminated if a new kind of crops is invented. However, it is just a short term benefit – without heritor of knowledge, solutions for significant problems, like global warming and decline of biodiversity that have perplexed us for decades, will never come out.

In a nutshell, professors should spend more time educating students since it benefit not only students, but the whole society as well. As long as there are still newcomers, more development will be made.

作者: safeandsound 时间: 2012-9-16 16:30
标题: 9-16 综合写作 TPO20
The speaker refutes the disadvantages of “let it down” policy state in the passage.

According to the passage, the trees and vegetations are badly damaged due to this policy. However, the speaker argues that fire will actually benefit that certain area by creating spaces and opportunities for newly colonized plants to grow, which contributes to species diversity. For example, plants that required open unshaded places appeared right after the fire in Yellowstone National Park. And this also worked in the same way for seeds that would not germinate unless enough heat was provided.

Another point makes by the speaker is that the fire can also make the food chains stronger, which also differs from writer’s view. For instance, the growth of small plants offered better living environment for small animals like hares and rabbits, which ultimately leaded to an increasing population. And predators of these animals had plenty of food to eat and also thrived in Yellowstone. Thus, the diminution can be recovered and new opportunities are created.

Finally, the speaker indicates that the destructive fire happened in Yellowstone didn’t actually affect tourism. Since the reason for that fire was a combination of many factors like few rainfalls and strong wind, such damaging fire never appeared again since then, and tourists still kept visiting Yellowstone Nation Park later. Thus, the statement in the passage cannot stand for itself.

作者: E月羽 时间: 2012-9-16 19:52
9月15容独立

Imagine(that) many great professors who are expected to teach students just stay in laboratories or out of campus to do researches all day long, leaving their students in the classrooms and dormitories. (咋没有观点句，就exaggerate 了呢？没太懂你的意思)This might be a kind of exaggerating, yet, it is professors’ jobs to educate, and professors should pay most of their attention to students.

To begin with, students can(去掉) have their pursuit for knowledge satisfied and their talent recognized.（没看懂？？？） Young adults at the age of about twenty do have the ability to study （by themselves）with help of their own. Yet, they choose to go to universities to learn something that they cannot find through Internet or books. Eagerly willing to know more,(???) they believe that universities are the right place for them. Otherwise, none of them will waste plenty of time and money on education. Thus, professors should help them on their way(????) to success. What’s more, some of these students are really talented in some certain subjects. It is professors’ duty to recognize, nurture and utilize students’ talent, since they are the only silver lining for the bright future of academia(academic).
你的表达我看不太懂诶~~~~
Moreover, educating students will ultimately make a progress in technology improvement. Since professors are all expert of a certain aspect, they have the most specialized knowledge. Offered opportunity to attend all seminars, professors are the first ones who get the latest discovery reports. If they can share all of these information with their students, students will have a shorter way to go in the future,（？？？） which means they are able to spend most of their time trying their new ideas instead of studying already proved theories. Plus, students have more time to do further study as they are always younger than their professors. Longer the time is（缺少连词）, a greater likelihood that they can make significant contribution to nowadays society there will be. As for those who want to become professors, they could also educate more students like what their professors did. In this way, a society is able to have constant development.

Admittedly, doing researches do have its advantages – many people can be cured as a new kind of medicine is discovered, famine can be basically eliminated if a new kind of crops is invented. However, it is just a short term benefit – without heritor of knowledge, solutions for significant problems, like global warming and decline of biodiversity that have perplexed us for decades, will never come out.

In a nutshell, professors should spend more time educating students since it benefit not only students, but （also）the whole society as well（去掉）.As long as there are still newcomers, more development will be made.（逻辑有点问题）

作者: safeandsound 时间: 2012-9-16 21:26
谢谢E月羽~~改后如下
Imagine many great professors who are expected to teach students just stay in laboratories or out of campus to do researches all day long, leaving their students in the classrooms and dormitories. This might be kind of exaggerating, yet, it is professors’ jobs to educate, and professors should pay most of their attention to students.

To begin with, students can have their pursuit for knowledge satisfied and their talent recognized with the help of professors. Young adults at the age of about twenty do have the ability to study by themselves. Yet, they choose to go to universities to learn something that they cannot find through Internet or books. Willing to know more, they believe that universities are the right place for them. Otherwise, none of them will waste plenty of time and money on education. Thus, professors should help them on their way to success. What’s more, some of these students are really talented in some certain subjects. It is professors’ duty to recognize, nurture and utilize students’ talent, since they are the only silver lining for the bright future of academia.

Moreover, educating students will ultimately make a progress in technology improvement. Since professors are all expert of a certain aspect, they have the most specialized knowledge. Offered opportunity to attend all seminars, professors are the first ones who get the latest discovery reports. If they can share all of these information with their students, students will have a shorter way to go in the future, which means they are able to spend most of their time trying their new ideas instead of studying already proved theories. Plus, students have more time to do further study as they are always younger than their professors. The longer their time is, the greater likelihood to make significant contribution to nowadays society there will be. As for those who want to become professors, they could also educate more students like what their professors did. In this way, a society is able to have constant development.

Admittedly, doing researches do have its advantages – many people can be cured as a new kind of medicine is discovered, famine can be basically eliminated if a new kind of crops is invented. However, it is just a short term benefit – without heritor of knowledge, solutions for significant problems, like global warming and decline of biodiversity that have perplexed us for decades, will never come out.

In a nutshell, professors should spend more time educating students since it benefit not only students, but the whole society as well.

作者: safeandsound 时间: 2012-9-17 18:46
标题: 9-16 独立写作
People all need to work after they graduate from schools. And what career to choose always troubles them. Some just work as what their parents do or ask them to be without any individual consideration. However, to my point of view, it is quite irresponsible to do so as this job will probably shadow a person all his/her life.

To start with, popularity of some jobs is changing. Jobs that are newly needed and require expertise become hotter and hotter, whereas some others like farmers are falling. It is human instinct to follow the trend. Especially when it comes to young adults who just graduated, this becomes a more overt behavior. Some of them go as far as to resist the “out of date” jobs. Actually, to some extent, this is a right action, as it can provide people a better opportunity to success. Bright futures are opened to those young adults if they do follow the trend – software engineers can develop fresh applications that fit people’s needs, since these applications are really urgently required. Investment managers can point out a way for people to make money, as everyone would like to find their first bucket of gold in the market with little effort. However, if they really work as, for instance, architects, which are really popular years ago, they will really have a hard time, especially in developed cities. These places are already overcrowded, and less space for new buildings are presented. Plus, no more improvements are needed in those cities that are with most advanced equipments. Hence, children should pick a job that fit in nowadays society, but not just copy their parents’ jobs, in order to success.

Moreover, a greater likelihood that children are not willing to do the same jobs as their parents is presented. Watching how their parents worked for years, children have already got a totally clear idea about these jobs, including all the advantages and, mostly, disadvantages. They are already tired of those familiar and dull things. What’s more, jobs of their parents are usually not what they like and passionate in. Passion is an attitude that drives people when they are frustrated and feel hopeless. And it is only passion can lead people down the path to success.

Admittedly, parents can provide their children many useful dos and don’ts about their jobs, which can prevent children to go to the wrong way. Yet, the negative side of these information, suggestions and social network has always been ignored – those children who do the same jobs as their parents are unlikely to fail and study from their failures. What’s more, only focusing on things provided, they can form an unrealistic picture that they will success easily without much hard work, which keep them away from making progress and creating new products or methods. These two drawbacks are already fatal for these children.

In a nutshell, it is not the wisest choice for children to follow their parents’ career. Job choosing will ultimately influence one’s future. Thus, people should consider all the circumstances before making the final decision, but not simply follow others.

作者: SophieS123 时间: 2012-9-17 21:06
9月16日综合写作修改
The speaker refutes the disadvantages of “let it down” policy state in the passage.
According to the passage, the trees and vegetations are badly damaged due to this policy. However, the speaker argues that fire will actually benefit that certain area by creating spaces and opportunities for newly colonized plants to grow, which contributes to species diversity. For example, plants that required open unshaded places（这地方听得好到位啊） appeared right after the fire in Yellowstone National Park. And this also worked in the same way for seeds that would not germinate unless enough heat was provided.
Another point makes by the speaker is that the fire can also make the food chains stronger, which also differs from writer’s view. （这个表达记下了，学习学习）For instance, the growth of small plants offered better living environment for small animals like hares and rabbits, which ultimately leaded to an increasing population. And predators of these animals had plenty of food to eat and also thrived in Yellowstone. （两个and稍有点重复，此处为吹毛求疵……）Thus, the diminution（呃……不应该是diminution被恢复吧，好像意思反了） can be recovered and new opportunities are created.
Finally, the speaker indicates that the destructive fire happened in Yellowstone didn’t actually affect tourism. Since the reason for that fire was a combination of many factors like few rainfalls and strong wind, such damaging fire never appeared again since then, and tourists still kept visiting Yellowstone Nation Park later. Thus, the statement in the passage cannot stand for itself.

总结：感觉第一段略显单薄，在主体段落中，听力部分复述的非常之全面，也没有语法错误。但是个人感觉好像reading的内容基本上没怎么说，不过范文中也有这样写的，所以我也不知道阅读的内容少到这个程度到底好不好……以上为个人意见，我只写过三篇综合……随时欢迎赐教~

作者: safeandsound 时间: 2012-9-17 21:13
谢谢修改~~
看了一下OG，发现passage部分都一笔带过、、而且有老师/考生们说听力是重点+重点+重点、、然后就成就了这样的模板【但无论如何，无法实验嘛

作者: himiko0607 时间: 2012-9-18 13:52
因为我在美国有时差，希望交得不算太晚：）

作者: safeandsound 时间: 2012-9-18 18:35
哦哦、、谢谢、、差点认为你不给我改了呢、、误会了、、

作者: safeandsound 时间: 2012-9-18 18:37
标题: 9-17 综合写作 TPO21
The speaker finds the opinions state in the passage about the 3 advantages of applying genetic modification to trees are unconvincing.

According to the passage genetic modified trees can ensure their survival in hard conditions. However, the speaker argues that this is unlikely the case. These trees only resist to some condition that are considered and designed, but not all, whereas natural trees are more diverse in genes, which means some individual can still survive in some harsh conditions, such as infestation and climate changes. Genetic modified plants are more likely all die if unexpected environmental changes appear.

Another benefit showed by the writer is that farmers can spend less money with higher yield, which also seems doubtful to the professor. This special kind of seeds, indicated in the lecture, is costing. Plus, farmers cannot collect seeds from genetic modified trees and plant them, as this is illicit. A great amount of money should be paid to every time they plant.

Finally, the speaker points out that these genetic modified trees will bring negative effect to nature. Since they are more aggressive than the native ones and, to make matter worse, usually planted among those trees, modified trees out compete for resources and crowd out the natural trees. Therefore the statement in the passage that this special kind of trees can save rare species and meet the need of people for wood cannot stand for itself.

These are the reasons why the speaker disagrees with writer’s ideas.
【未脱产、、时间有点紧张、、抱歉哈~

作者: safeandsound 时间: 2012-9-18 19:15
标题: 9-17 独立写作
Grades encourage students to learn

The importance of grades never changes. Though it is not the whole story of studying, it indeed is a crucial factor in applying for schools, scholarships, and sometimes even work. Due to its importance, students always pay great attention to their transcripts, which can actually be a kind of stimulus.

To start with, grades show which level a student is in. Stimulated by their grades, students, especially the ambitious ones, can pay attention to their drawbacks and move forward. As for students who are of average level, they can not only get satisfaction defeating others, but also find a goal to reach, maybe just exceed their friends by receiving a higher score next time. And the influence on good students is more obvious. When we had our first test in middle school, thinking that exams might just be the same as they were primary schools, none of us prepared carefully for our finals. However, after knowing the ranking of ourselves, we all found that grades played a significant role in our study at this middle school, which is one of the best in our province. Next time, weeks before, some diligent students have already begun acing exams. Most students in my class made an overt progress.

Moreover, not only do grades play an important part when students are studying in their present school, but also after their graduation. Thus, students will work hard in order to get the best education in the best universities or work in a Top 100 company. In the beginning of 20^th century in China, only a few people can read and write. However, after the founding of China in 1949, the literacy rate increased rapidly: more than eighty percent of Chinese have received education and almost half of the citizens have studied in colleges and universities. This means a more intense competition is going on. And it is higher grades that can lead them to success directly, since grades are the most apparent factors that are presented to admission officers.

However, teachers and parents should point out a right way for students to look upon their scores. Without this kind of instruction, complacency and frustration, which are always the reasons for regardlessness of study, cannot be prevented. What’s more, students might not keep moving when they leave the ranking system, as all they know is to get a delightful transcript.

In a nutshell, motivated by their grades, students can easily improve, only if they can view their score appropriately.

作者: SophieS123 时间: 2012-9-18 21:08
9月17日综合修改
The speaker finds the opinions state（stated） in the passage about the 3 advantages of applying genetic modification to trees are unconvincing.

According to the passage genetic modified trees can ensure their survival in hard conditions. However, the speaker argues that this is unlikely the case. These trees only resist to some condition that are considered and designed, but not all, whereas natural trees are more diverse in genes, which means some individual(加复数) can still survive in some harsh conditions, such as infestation and climate changes. Genetic modified plants are more likely （加to）all die if unexpected environmental changes appear.

Another benefit showed by the writer is that farmers can spend less money with higher yield, which also seems doubtful to the professor. This special kind of seeds, indicated in the lecture, is costing. Plus, farmers cannot collect seeds from genetic modified trees and plant them, as this is illicit. A great amount of money should be paid to(删去to) every time they plant.

Finally, the speaker points out that these genetic modified trees will bring negative effect to nature. Since they are more aggressive than the native ones and, to make matter worse, usually planted among those trees, modified trees out compete for resources and crowd out the natural trees. Therefore the statement in the passage that this special kind of trees can save rare species and meet the need of people for wood cannot stand for itself.

These are the reasons why the speaker disagrees with writer’s ideas.

总结：感觉语法错误非常少，听力太到位了！！完全没有遗漏的点！！表达也不错~但是字数似乎有一点点多……总体感觉比上一篇有进步！

作者: jiaosisisisi 时间: 2012-9-18 21:19
我马上给你改，我的文章在这里
9 17 的独立
麻烦你了
http://forum.chasedream.com/TOEFL_Writing/thread-744352-1-1.html

作者: safeandsound 时间: 2012-9-18 21:55
没事的、、你的已经改完了，请查收

作者: safeandsound 时间: 2012-9-18 21:57
谢谢Sophia~
话说这里听力基本上没问题，到了听力Section就会出问题了、、听懂题做不对、、

作者: jiaosisisisi 时间: 2012-9-18 22:22
Grades encourage students to learn
The importance of grades never changes. Though it is not the whole story of studying, it indeed is a crucial factor in（to） apply for schools, scholarships, and sometimes even work（for a job）. Due to its importance, students always pay great attention to their transcripts, which can actually be a kind of stimulus.
首段第一句开头非常新颖。吸引人~
从句主句运用自如，
而且最后加入了非限定性定语从句~~也很自然，赞~~
To start with, grades show which level a student is in. Stimulated by their grades, students, especially the ambitious ones, can pay attention to their drawbacks and move forward. As for students who are of average level, they can not only get satisfaction defeating others, but also find a goal to reach, maybe just exceed their friends by receiving a higher score next time. And the influence on good students is more obvious.（Take me as an example，） When we had our first test in middle school, thinking（considering）that exams might just be the same as they were primary schools, none of us prepared carefully for our finals. However, after knowing the ranking of ourselves（our rank）, we all found that grades played a significant role in our study at this middle school, which is one of the best in our province. Next time, weeks before, some diligent students have already begun acing exams. Most students in my class made an overt progress.
Moreover, not only do grades play an important part when students are studying in their present school, but also after their graduation. Thus, students will work hard in order to get the best education in the best universities or work in a Top 100 company. In the beginning of 20th century in China, only a few people can read and write. However, after the founding of China in 1949, the literacy rate increased rapidly: more than eighty percent of Chinese have received education and almost half of the citizens have studied in colleges and universities. This means a more intense competition is going on. And it is higher grades that can lead them to success directly, since grades are the most apparent factors that are presented to admission officers.
呵呵，这一段的开头用了not only but also 的倒装句，是个亮点，不过省略了主语以后 but also 分句读起来有些吃力，建议可以精简。后面的部分语法非常通畅，值得我学习~~~
However, teachers and parents should point out a right way for students to look upon their scores. Without this kind of instruction, complacency and frustration, which are always the reasons for regardlessness of study, cannot be prevented. What’s more, students might not keep moving when they leave the ranking system, as all they know is to get a delightful transcript.
呵呵，这一段的让步，转折，非常有必要。让全文的逻辑更加严谨，辩证地看待了TOPIC给出的命题，非常值得我学习
In a nutshell, motivated by their grades, students can easily improve, only if they can view their score appropriately
.结尾非常简洁，但是跟首句相比，过于简短，我觉得应该首尾相称，把自己的分论点汇总一下，加以说明，我觉得可能会更好，最后祝福你顺利攻克托福考试~~

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