ChaseDream

标题: shen_dang的作文贴，8月28日开始，一定要告别ETS！ [打印本页]
作者: shendang    时间: 2012-8-28 17:42
标题: shen_dang的作文贴，8月28日开始，一定要告别ETS！
8.28
TOPIC: agree or disagree? If child want to do well in school, parents should limit the hours of watching TV programs or movies.


Nowadays, parents place much emphasis on children’s study. Most of parents confront a dilemma whether they should limit children’s hours of watching TV or not. This problem has become a much-debated one since it affects children’s daily life. As far as for me, I vote for the latter one, which is that parents should not limit children when they watching TV or movies. Two advantages of not limiting the hours stand out with great force.


Some parents who express a strong desire for their children to get good grades put great pressure on children. My nephew, a primary school student, has no free time at all. During the weekend, he is compelled to take extra math and english studies. And for weekdays, after all day studing in school, he doesn’t have any spare for relaxation. What he has is mountainous homework from school and from parents. He was allowed to watching TV or movies only on Wednesday after finishing all the work. The grades of my nephew ought to be better than most peers, however, the reality just contradict to what his parents hope. He ranks at the bottom of class even in the subjects that he spend a lot of time to study, like math and english. Being pushed so hard does not help children’s study, instead, it devastate children’s interest toward studying, which inevitably lead to the bad grades.


Moreover, TV programs and movies provide children with various information. For example, the program, Discovery, tell all the people how animals behave in a certain circumstance, how human develop from anthropoids, how the technology affect our daily life. All of the information provided by the program not only widen children’s horizon, but also give them a opportunity to find what they are interested. As long as the programs and movies are suit for children, I don’t think there exists any reason for parents to limit the hours of watching TV programs and movies.


Although it must be admitted that children cannot control themselves very well. When they start to watching TV or movies, they may be difficult to stop. Nevertheless, even though, children lack the ability to control themselves, they have right to decide their own living pattern. Deciding things for children and strictly controling their studies will eventually contribute to their independence.


From what has been discussed, we can safely draw the conclusion that although, limitation of hours of watching TV programs and movies for children enjoys some advantages, it will be better if parents don’t control their watching hours.
作者: pedrohuo    时间: 2012-8-28 18:39
友情支持。我也是今天刚开始的加入托福小分队。
作者: shendang    时间: 2012-8-28 19:26
恩恩，一起加油啊~~
作者: shendang    时间: 2012-8-29 15:58
8.29 TOPIC: The best way to improve the quality of education is to imcrease teachers' salaries.

    Nowadys, since education can affect one’s whole life, there is a growing tendency that people place more and more emphasis on the quality of education. They’ve been thinking about all kinds of method to improve the quality of education. One of them, which is considered as the best way to achieve the aim, is increasing teachers’ salaries. As for me, I do appreciate this idea. However, when it will be difficut for me to acknowledge it as the best way to lift up the quality of education.
    Admittedly, increasing teachers’ salaries enjoy some obvious advantages. Once the salaries of teachers are improved, there will generate a kind of stimulus, which will eventually leads teachers to devote more time and energy to educating students. However, if school really have a strong desire to improve the quality of education, merely the increase of salaries is not enough to support the goal, because there exists some other factors that are indispensible for the improvement of quality of education, such as equipment and the knowledge of teachers.
    If school spend all their money on the salaris of teachers, what will happen? Would the teaching building be too old for student to study comfortably? Would there not be advanced equipments to educate students? As expected, the answers are “yes”. In order to improve the quality of education, a school should not only increase the salaries of teachers, but also equip school with many kinds of facilities. For example, they ought to set aside fund to buy more books for library so that students can learn knowledge beyond classes.
    Moreover, if teachers lag behind the society, they can’t teach students well. With rapid development of society, knowledge is changing all the time. One idea that was common believed in the past might be examined to be wrong in these days. Take Pluto as an example. It was believed to be one of the nine planet in university. However, in recent observation, scientists just separate it from the other eight planets. If teachers still use the old information to educate students, students might just get misleaded. As a result, without supplement of new knowledge, one teacher can not contribute benefits to improvement of quality of education. Instead, they may even do irreparable harm to students.
    From what has been discussed above, I am firmly convinced that even though increasing the salaries is a good way to improve the quality of education, if it lacks enhancements of other factors, the effect can’t reach what people expect.

不断重复用improve 和 increase，有什么提高或降低的同义词可以替代啊？求各位帮忙~~
作者: pedrohuo    时间: 2012-8-29 16:12
可以试试enhance. advancement.等等。
作者: 蝴蝶渡海    时间: 2012-8-29 17:14
红色错误，蓝色建议，黄色亮点，改的有点多，希望能接受，我改的错误的地方交流下
8.28
TOPIC: agree or disagree? If child want to do well in school, parents should limit the hours of watching TV programs or movies.


Nowadays, parents place much emphasis on children’s study. Most of parents confront a dilemma whether they should limit children’s hours of watching TV or not. This problem has become （became）a much-debated one since it affects（affected） children’s daily life. As far as for me, I vote for the latter（这里面指代有点不清楚，后面的一个观点不是清楚明了，如果前面是one， another one可以这么用） one, which is that parents should not limit children when they watching（watch） TV or movies. Two advantages of not limiting the hours stand out with great force.


Some parents who express a strong desire for their children to get good grades put great pressure on children. My nephew, （在这里说taking my nephew for example比较好）a primary school student, has no free time at all.During the weekend, he is compelled to take extra math and english（English这玩意得大写啊，亲~） studies. And for weekdays, after all day studing（studying） in school, he doesn’t have any spare for relaxation.（感觉这句话是很多余的，可以将两句合并成成一句话在studies后面加上without any spare for relaxation） What he has is mountainous homework from school and from parents. He was allowed to watching TV or movies only on Wednesday after finishing all the work. The grades of my nephew ought to be better than most peers, however, the reality just contradict to what his parents hope. （however我印象中不能作为句子连词出现吧，如果这样你这个句子有两个谓语是错误的。这句最好把however摆在句子的开头，使句子转折流畅，然后句子与句子之间用，and 进行连接However，xxx most peer，andxxx）He ranks at the bottom of class even in the subjects that he spend（spent） a lot of time to study, like math and english. Being pushed so hard does not help children’s studying, instead, it devastates children’s interest toward studying, which inevitably lead to the bad grades.

P.s：此段作者那小外甥为例说了过多的学习与成绩之间的关系，但是是否有些偏题了呢？作者支持的是：很多时间看电视对学习无影响，应当说明的是他的父母多度的限制他看电视影响到了他的学习，或者说看了很多的电视节目，但是成绩仍然优秀。作者的例子只能说明多度的学习不能对成绩提高有帮助。


Moreover, TV programs and movies provide children with various information. For example, the program, Discovery, tell（tells） all the people how animals behave in a certain circumstance, how human developfrom anthropoids, and how the technology affects our daily life. All of the information provided by the program not only widen children’s horizon（一直不会说拓展视野，这个貌似不错，学习了）, but also give them a opportunity to find what they are interested. As long as the programs and movies are suit for children, I don’t think there exists（这里是existing） any reason for parents to limit the hours of watching TV programs and movies.


Although it must be admitted that children cannot control themselves very well. When they start to watching TV or movies, they may be difficult to stop. Nevertheless, even though（重复了。。）children lack the ability to control themselves, they have right to decide their own living pattern. Deciding things for children and strictly controling their studies will eventually contribute to their independence.
这段不错，让步后有回归主题。

From what has been discussed, we can safely draw the conclusion that although, limitation of hours of watching TV programs and movies for children enjoys some advantages（enjoy the advantages这是什么意思？）, it will be better if parents don’t control their watching hours.（这结尾写得好乱，句子结构完全不对的。希望能多看些句子的结尾，清晰明了点题就好）





总结，文章整体的思路已有，但是举例的不恰当和过多的拼写错误将会影响成绩的。在注意一下句子结构就更好了。加油
作者: shendang    时间: 2012-8-30 09:40
紫色是对修改部分的采纳和看法
Nowadays,parents place much emphasis on children’s study. Most of parents confront adilemma whether they should limit children’s hours of watching TV or not. Thisproblem has become（became）（become 的过去分词还是become~~）amuch-debated one since it affects（affected）(我想表达的是一般现在的情况) children’s daily life. As far as for me,I vote for the latter（这里面指代有点不清楚，后面的一个观点不是清楚明了，如果前面是one， another one可以这么用）(如果我把whether they should limit childre’s hours of watching TV or not 当中的not写清楚，是不是就比较适合用latter one？) one, whichis that parents should not limit children when they watching（watch） TV or movies. Twoadvantages of not limiting the hours stand out with great force.


Some parents who express astrong desire for their children to get good grades put great pressure onchildren. Take my nephew, a primary school student as anexample （在这里说taking my nephew for example比较好）（采纳，谢谢）. He has no free timeat all. Compelled to take extra math and English studies, he doesn’t have timefor relaxation.（感觉这句话是很多余的，可以将两句合并成成一句话在studies后面加上without any spare for relaxation） What he has ismountainous homework from school and from parents. The grades of my nephewought to be better than most peers. However, the realityjust contradicts to what his parents hope. （however我印象中不能作为句子连词出现吧，如果这样你这个句子有两个谓语是错误的。这句最好把however摆在句子的开头，使句子转折流畅，然后句子与句子之间用，and 进行连接However，xxx most peer，andxxx）He ranks at the bottom of class even in the subjects that he spends a lot of time to study, like math and English. Beingpushed so hard does not help children’s studying(study 可以当名词), instead,it devastates children’s interest toward studying,which inevitably lead to the bad grades.

P.s：此段作者那小外甥为例说了过多的学习与成绩之间的关系，但是是否有些偏题了呢？作者支持的是：很多时间看电视对学习无影响，应当说明的是他的父母多度的限制他看电视影响到了他的学习，或者说看了很多的电视节目，但是成绩仍然优秀。作者的例子只能说明多度的学习不能对成绩提高有帮助。(同意，现在回过来看也发现了这个逻辑不行)


Moreover, TV programs andmovies provide children with various information. For example, the program,Discovery, tells（tells） all the people how animals behave in a certaincircumstance, how human developfrom anthropoids, and howthe technology affects our daily life. All of theinformation provided by the program not only widen children’shorizon（一直不会说拓展视野，这个貌似不错，学习了）, but also give them a opportunity to find what they areinterested. As long as the programs and movies are suit for children, I don’tthink that there exists（这里是existing） (前面忘了加that, exists 在这里跟there be 中的be 差不多，要用一般形态)any reasonfor parents to limit the hours of watching TV programs and movies.


Although it must be admittedthat children cannot control themselves very well. When they start to watchingTV or movies, they may be difficult to stop. Nevertheless, children lack theability to control themselves（写完后搜了一下，自控力self-control，写的时候就是忘了这个是什么词性，这句可以改成lack theability of self-control）, they have right to decide their ownliving pattern. Deciding things for children and strictly controling theirstudies will eventually contribute to their independence.
这段不错，让步后有回归主题。

Fromwhat has been discussed, we can safely draw the conclusion that although, limitationof hours of watching TV programs and movies for children enjoys some advantages（enjoy the advantages这是什么意思？有一些优点的意思）, it will be better if parentsdon’t control their watching hours.（这结尾写得好乱，句子结构完全不对的。希望能多看些句子的结尾，清晰明了点题就好）（那时候快到时间了，结尾匆匆了事）
作者: shendang    时间: 2012-8-30 09:48
是不是直接点击回复你，你会比较方便的知道我已经回复你了？
作者: shendang    时间: 2012-8-30 16:28
8.30
Topic: It's more important for govermentto spend money to buide art museums and music performance center than to recreationalfacilities(such as swimming pool,playground)

   In the modern society, governmentsalways confront a problem that  theyshould spend money to build art museums and music performance center ahead oftime or give the priority to the recreational facilities. Since those infrastructionscost large amount of money and can put far-reaching impact on the developmentof a city, ordinary people have been placing emphasis on the issue. In myperspective, whether one infrastruction is more important than the other onedepends on circumstance.


   The condition of each city is ratherdifferent. What we must pay attention to is that the plan of development shouldsuit city’s own phase. If a city has already built lots of recreationalfacilities without sufficient art museums, there is no need for the city to buildmore recreational equipments. They ought to spend the money on art museums andmusic performance. As far as I’m concerned, the government should use the moneyin the field that really needs improvement, or they will just waste the taxfrom citizens and even cause disorder and repetition of construction.


   Another equally essential factors thatwill affect the choice of one government is that the build of infratructionshould be in accordance with the positioning of city. Take Xiamen as anexample. Since Xiamen aim to be a cultural city, the government always givepriority to building art museums and music center. We do admit thatrecreational facilities are very important. However, when compared with artmuseums and music centers, which are the key points of city development,recreational facilities will be less essential. With the efforts of government,nowadys, Xiamen is already one of the most famous cultural city in China. Yet,in the case that one city place itself at a different positioning, for examplea recreational city, it will be more important for government to buildrecreational facilities.


  There are so many factors that need tobe taken into account when government answer this question. It will be ratherhaste to simply say that it’s more important to build art museums and musicperformance center, or vice verse. For government, only after analysing all thefactors could they have own answer to this sophisticated question.
作者: ykhjy    时间: 2012-8-31 13:29
8.30  修改
Topic: It's more important for govermentto spend money to buide art museums and music performance center than to recreationalfacilities(such as swimming pool,playground)
蓝色good 黄色需修改 红色我改的 绿色批注建议
  In the modern society, governmentsalways confront a problem that  they should spend money to build art museums and music performance center ahead of time or give the priority to the recreational facilities.【我总觉得题目中的spend money to do 结构很奇怪，后面是当作动词不定式表目的？还有 or 后面 是不是要加 to？ 我语法方面不太行，靠感觉来的，可以讨论下？】 Since those infrastructions [infrastructures] cost large amount of money and can put far-reaching impact on the developmentof a city, ordinary people have been placing emphasis on the issue. In my perspective, whether one infrastruction is more important than the other one depends on circumstances.

  The condition of each city is rather different. What we must pay attention to is that the plan of development should suit city’s own phase. If a city has already built lots of recreationalfacilities without sufficient art museums, there is no need for the city to build more recreational equipments. They ought to spend the money on art museums and music performance [centers]. As far as I’m concerned, the government should use the money in the field that really needs improvement, or they will just waste the tax [哈哈，你是想说浪费纳税人的钱么，觉得有点不太地道，直接说waste money把]from citizens and even cause disorder and repetition of construction. 【各个城市建筑状况不同，嗯这个理由ok。不过多加些论据会更好。因为这一段唯一论据就是建筑物重复】


  Another equally essential factors that will affect the choice of one government is that the build of infratruction should be in accordance with the positioning of city. Take Xiamen as an example. Since Xiamen aim to be a cultural city, the government always gives priority to building[give priority to doing?] art museums and music center. We do admit that recreational facilities are very important. However, when compared with art museums and music centers, which are the key points of city development,recreational facilities will be less essential. With the efforts of government,nowadys, Xiamen is already one of the most famous cultural city in China. Yet,in the case that one city place itself at a different positioning, for example a recreational city, it will be more important for government to build recreational facilities. 【这个point 非常好，例子举得也很好。只是positioning 这个词 我不知道适不适合。】


 There are so many factors that need to be taken into account when government answer this question. It will be rather haste to simply say that it’s more important to build art museums and musicperformance center, or vice verse. For government, only after analysing all the factors could they have own answer to this sophisticated question.


【文章结构清晰，思路不错，我本来也想写depends situations，想想太复杂，而你就是举了几个具体的需要考虑的situation的方面，比如城市现有建筑情况，城市本身未来发展定位情况，非常好。不足的是第一点论据太薄弱，从整篇文章的角度，最好还有第三点。
                                有问题可以来找我讨论o~ 加油加油  】
作者: shendang    时间: 2012-9-3 16:07
9.03
Doyou agree that it is better to spend money on traveling and vacation than save
moneyfor the future.


Peopleearn money to satisfy their own demands. However, how to make full use of themoney depends on their attitude towards life. People who like to enjoy life mayjust spend money on traveling and vacation, while those who live a scrupulouslife will save money for the future in case of something emergent happenning. It’srather absurd to draw a conclusion about which attitude towards money is bettersince different people exploit different lifestyle. But for me, a girl who payattention to happiness of life, I definitly prefer the latter choice.


Admittedly, spending money on traveling and vacationis of great importance to our lives. Traveling can not only release us fromgreat burden we have in daily work, but also offer us an opportunity to widenour horizon. However, if we spend all the money on traveling and vacation, whatwill happen? Can we raise enough money for disease treatment? Can we be able tohelp our friends when they need money? Can we grasp the opportunity to createour own career without enough fund for establishment of a company? It is rathereasy for people to answer. The answer to all the questions is “No”. Taking allthese questions into accounts, I confirm my view to a higher degree.


In order to make my demonstration more profound andcomprehensive, I would like to cite what one of my favorate celebrities said:luck is what happens when opportunity encounters preparation. If we usuallyspend money on traveling and vacation with no saving at all, when opportunityarrives, we may not seize it. A person who have no saving for future will lostthe chance. Take my brother, a man who usually travel to foreign country as anexample. He once came across a wonderful opportunity to open his own career. However,lacking of fund for investment made him unqualified to run a company. If hesaved money for future and was well prepared, the situation might be different.


In addition to the advantage discussed above, savingfor future enjoy another benefit. Our world is a world that is full of cases. Peoplemay fall into a hell in one second. A friend of mine caught cancer last yearand needed a lot of money for treatment. When I heard the news, I was ratherworried. However, on the other hand, I was so glad that I usually saved mymoney instead of spending them on traveling. Because only with the saving can Ihad the ability to help pull her out from death. Being able to help her justalliviated my worry.


Spending money on vacation can bring us happiness. However,saving money for future can help avoid something bad happened and graspopportunities. When compared with sadness we may have when we don’t have enoughmoney for future accidents, the happiness derived from vacation is muchtrivial.
求助啊，为什么3，4段的两个例子我会写到超痛苦？实在不知道怎么写，请各位看官帮忙提些建议，如果我还是想这个观点，那我的例子应该怎么写~~~不甚感激
作者: shendang    时间: 2012-9-4 19:43
9月4日
agree/disagree：an efficient leader will always try to make everyone feel that he'sin part of a
decisionmaking.
改我作文的童鞋，我很抱歉的告诉你，我题目看走错了。。。我理解的题目是：一个好领导应该让每个员工知道这个领导参与了每一个决策。我当初还以为这题目怎么这么怪。。实在懒得重写，改的时候就带着这个topic看文章吧，sorry啊

Itis not easy to be an efficient leader since a good leader, I think, should notonly have a vision, which is attractive and attainable direction of future, butalso be good at communicating. Nowadays, with the development of society, thecriteria of an efficient leader has been raised. Some people point out thatonly when they try to make everyone feel that they are in part of a decision making,can they be an efficient leader. From my perspective, I am supportive of thisidea since it helps define an efficient leader.

Beinginvolved in a decision making will bring about impulses. If a leader takes partin a decision making, employees might feel that their work are so importantsince they obtain attention from leader. In a case like that, employees mayreceive an stimulus to perform better in job, which will definetly cheer upemployees and eventually benefits the whole company. While, if leaders justignore a decision making, employees may feel frustrated.

Takingpart in a decision making will not only inspire employees to work happier butalso urge them to work harder and more quickly. Because leaders care about theprogram, they will ask employees to think about the best solution and finishthe job on time, even ahead of time. Consequently, in order not to be fired,employees will push themselves to overcome all difficulties and perform betterthan what leaders expect. With the improvement of those employees, companymight also turn better.

Furthermore,there might be an advantage that people usually neglect. Joining the decisionmaking will help employees to gain confidence. Actually it is common known thatsome employees fear to take duty to make decision, which is not because theyare not good enough but because they are afraid they can not afford theconsequence if thing goes wrong. As a result, leaders have to take more workswhich undoubtedly make them inavailable to works that are more important. However,if a leader takes part in a decision making, they will give employees a feelingthat the leader is the one in charge. In such a case, they may have the valorto make a decision.

Justas what I have discussed above, making everyone feel that a leader is always inpart of a decision making will benefit not only employees but also a company,which is an important function of an efficient leader. 结尾是不是得再加一句？？
作者: Yeeisstrong    时间: 2012-9-4 20:49
Do you agree that it is better to spend money on traveling and vacation than save
money for the future.


People earn money to satisfy their own demands. However, how to make full use of the money depends on their attitude towards life. People who like to enjoy life may just spend money on traveling and vacation, while those who live a scrupulous life will save money for the future in case of something emergent happening(改为some emergency happened更好吧). It’s rather absurd to draw a conclusion about which attitude towards money is better since different people exploit different lifestyle. But for me, a girl who pay attention to happiness of life, I definitly（definitely我也总写错这个单词） prefer the latter choice.


Admittedly, spending money on traveling and vacation is of great importance to our lives. Traveling can not only release us from great burden we have in daily work, but also offer us an opportunity to widen our horizon. However, if we spend all the money on traveling and vacation, what will happen? Can we raise enough money for disease treatment? Can we be able to help our friends when they need money? Can we grasp the opportunity to create our own career without enough fund for establishment of a company? It is rather easy for people to answer. The answer to all the questions is “No”. Taking all these questions into accounts, I confirm my view to a higher degree.（排比句放在开头也不错）


In order to make my demonstration more profound and comprehensive, I would like to cite what one of my favorate(favorite) celebrities said: luck is what happens when opportunity encounters preparation. If we usually spend money on traveling and vacation with no saving at all, when opportunity arrives, we may not seize it. A person who have(has) no saving for future will lost the chance. Take my brother, a man who usually travel(s) to foreign country as an example. He once came across a wonderful opportunity to open his own career. However, lacking of fund for investment made him unqualified to run a company. If he saved money for future and was well prepared, the situation might be different.


In addition to the advantage discussed above, saving for future enjoy another benefit. Our world is a world that is full of cases. People may fall into a hell in one second. A friend of mine caught cancer last year and needed a lot of money for treatment. When I heard the news, I was rather worried. However, on the other hand, I was so glad that I usually saved my money instead of spending them on traveling. Because only with the saving I (just because I save money)can had the ability to help pull her out from death. Being able to help her just alliviated(alleviate) my worry.


Spending money on vacation can bring us happiness. However, saving money for future can help avoid something bad happened and grasp opportunities. When compared with sadness we may have when we don’t have enough money for future accidents, the happiness derived from vacation is much trivial.



求助啊，为什么3，4段的两个例子我会写到超痛苦？实在不知道怎么写，请各位看官帮忙提些建议，如果我还是想这个观点，那我的例子应该怎么写~~~不甚感激



储蓄式中国人的习惯，可以从经济学方面讲储蓄的好处来对比没有储蓄习惯的弊端。中国人的高储蓄的好习惯在一定程度上抵制的经济危机的蔓延。
作者: shendang    时间: 2012-9-6 17:19
9.6 综合
  Inthe dialogue, the speaker completely refute what is stated in the readingpassage. It's said in the lecture that the unfortunate effects is not caused byreading less literature.
  Tobegin with, the professor makes the point that reading less literature may notgive rise to missing out on important benefits, which directly contradicts whatthe reading passage indicates. According to the professor, there are all kinds of high-quality reading materials,like scientific writing and so on. People who spend less time readingliterature might devote their time to science writing, which will definitelybenefit readers from a different way.
  Moreover,the writer claims that people divert their time from literatures to useless TVprograms or videos, whereas the speaker view this issue in a different angle.In accordance with the speaker, actually, there exists something good forpeople that are not written, like music or movie. When people appreciate awonderful music or movie, they can gain a lot of knowledge and benefits fromit, which may be more directe than literature. This is another part that thespeaker disagree with the writer.
  Inaddition, the professor also oppose the reading passage by emphasizing that itis absurd to blame the reader for the decline of writing. In order todemonstrate her perspective, the speaker persuades us by saying that currentwriters are tend to write literature in a way that is hard to understandwithout any reason, which eventually lead more readers to divert to read other formsof culture.
  In asummary, all the above-mentioned reasons illustrate that professor disagreewith the points mentioned in the reading passage.
作者: shendang    时间: 2012-9-6 18:20
9月6日
Doyou agree or disagree with the following statement? Themost important problems in today's world will be solved in our lifetime.


Our life nowadyas is different from what it was ahundred year ago. With the development of technology, we can not only goshopping through Internet without stepping out our living room, but also fly toanother part of the earth within a few hours. However, despite those benefitsthat are produced by improvement of society, the world has also suffer fromsome problems, which are difficult to solve. Some people might hold a positiveattitude towards those problems, thinking that they can be settled down in ourlifetime. Yet, for me, I don’t think problems can be solved in our lifetimesince they are far more severe than most people expect.


Animals, which are indispensible for ourworld, are suffering risk to become endangered. Take Africa elephants as anexample. Due to the destroy of habitat and hunting by humans, the number ofthis species decline sharply. Nowadys, people begin to recognize the importanceof protecting this kind of animals and pose a strict regulation to forbidhunting. However, with the destroy of habitat, merely limitation of hunting isnot an efficient solution. What we need to do is creating suitable habitats. Creatinga new and natural habitat can last even a hundred year. Since the protectioncosts so much time, it should be carried on by many generations instead of justus.


Along with the protection of animals,traffic problem is also a problem that can not be solved in our lifetime. Nowadayswe always encounter a traffic jam especially during those busy intersections. Thegovernment has tried hard to solve the problem.. But the effect is limited. Withthe rapid increase of population, we always come across new traffic problems. Forexample, the needs of private car can never be satisfied, which will definitelyworsenthe already grave situation. No matter how hard the government try to solve theproblem, they will always meet a new one. As a result, traffic problem will be theone that will never solved as long as the city exists, let alone solved in ourlifetime.


Moreover, the decline of thosenon-renewable materials is also a problem that will never be settled down. Eventhough, we are finding new materials to substitute those non-renewablematerials, the situation that those non-renewable materials is disappearing cannot be changed.


From what has been discussed above, wecan draw a conclusion that important problems can not be solved in ourlifetime. They need many generations together to spare no effort to work outthose problems.
作者: beiyezi    时间: 2012-9-7 07:43
标题: 9.6 独立修改
9月6日
Doyou agree or disagree with the following statement? Themost important problems in today's world will be solved in our lifetime.


Our life nowadyas (nowadays)is different fromwhat it was a hundred year ago（Science has brought dramatic changes to our lives in recent year）. With the development of technology(Given the fascinating development of technology,) we can not only go shopping through Internet without stepping out our living room, but also fly to another part of the earth within a few hours(most of us have benefited greatly from shopping online that helps individuals manage to consume without stepping out of living room. Moreover, the incredibly useful and powerful tools of transportation facilitate citizens’ traveling around the country that used to entail days or even years). However, despite those benefits that are produced by improvement of society（produced by booming society）, the world has also suffer(ed) from some problems, which are difficult to solve. Some people might hold a positive attitude towards those problems(issues), thinking that they can be settled down in our lifetime. Yet, for me, I don’t think problems can be solved in our lifetime since they are far more severe than most people expect.


Animals, which are indispensible for our world, are suffering risk to become endangered（are teetering on the brink of extinction）. Take Africa elephants as an example. Due to the destroy（动词，destruction，environment degradation） of habitat(grasses) and hunting by humans, the number of this species decline sharply. Nowadys（nowadays）, people begin to recognize the importance of (that it is inevitable to  )protecting this kind of animals and pose a strict regulation to forbid hunting. However(yet), with the destroy of habitat, merely limitation of hunting is not an efficient solution. What we need to do is creating suitable habitats. Creating （Rebuilding）a new and natural habitat can last even a hundred year. Since the protection costs so much time, it should be carried on by many generations instead of just us. 应该要具体论述为什么要花很多时间保护，毕竟时间也是主题里的重点。比如： Since earth have spent billions of yeas to form the valuable ecosystem like rain forestry which destroyed in years by human，it is a huge program for us to rebuilding the environment。Further more, the lack of technology and money makes it even harder to be achieved。 Thus，I believe the conditions for elephants to survive will remain poor in the foreseeable future as the global environment issues will stay unsolved。


Along with the protection of animals, traffic problem is also a problem（challenge） that can not be solved in our lifetime. Nowadays(in another word,) we always encounter a traffic jam especially during those busy intersections. Of course,The government has tried hard to solve the problem. But the effect is limited.(of course，governments have worked on it， but it seems like we are fighting a losing battle here due to the rapid increase of population, we always come across new traffic problems. （the increasing population that triggered new issues one to another） For example, the needs of private car can never be satisfied, which will definitely worsen the already grave situation. No matter how hard the government（s） try （to solve the problem）, they will always meet a new one.（新问题是什么没说清楚，只提到了人口增长导致对车的需求无法满足这一问题，或许这个是新问题，那旧的问题又是什么，总之没表达出问题没完没了的意思） As a result, traffic problem will be the one that will never solved as long as the city exists, let alone solved in our lifetime.


Moreover, the decline of those non-renewable materials is also a problem（question） that will never be settled down（figured out）. Even though, we are finding new materials to substitute those non-renewable materials, the situation that those non-renewable materials（不可数） is disappearing cannot be changed（unshakable）.

From whathavesbeen discussed above, we can draw a conclusion that（I once again reaffirm my positionthat） important problems can not be solved in our lifetime.They need many generations together to spare no effort to work out thoseproblems（they needpeople spare no effort to deal with from generation to generation）.

文章最好表达一下the most important problem，因为这个topic 的句子里也有
个人认为material那个论点很好 可以具体论述一下
其他问题在上面说了，高亮的是建议
problem ，habitat 用太多了     连接词应该多点用体现逻辑。


能力有限，只能改到这个程度，只希望不要改错了，  改错了或者有异议一定要跟我说哈，
作者: shendang    时间: 2012-9-7 13:17
9.6独立修改后二稿
有一个问题，你说的连接词是指每段开头吗?我写这篇的时候故意不想太像模板，刻意不用的，这样看起来逻辑感不强？？、
我也不知道我有没有把论据写清楚，感觉自己说理能力太弱了
Doyouagree or disagree with the following statement? Themost important problems intoday's world will be solved in our lifetime.


Sciencehas brought positive changes to our lives in recent year）. However, despite those benefits thatare produced by booming society, the world has also suffered from someproblems, which are difficult to solve. Some people might hold a positiveattitude towards those issues, thinking that they can be settled down in ourlifetime. Yet, for me, I don’t think important problems can be solved in ourlifetime. Can the rebuild of animals’ habitats be finished within a short time?Can we work out those endless traffic problems? Can we create non-renewablematerial in our life time? Unfortunately, all the answers are”No”.  

Animals,which are indispensible for our world, are teetering on the brink of extinction）. Take Africa elephants as an example.Due to the destruction of grasses and hunting by humans, the number of thisspecies decline sharply. Although people have begun to recognize the importanceof protecting this kind of animals and pose a strict regulation to forbidhunting, not much progresses have been made since without the improvement ofhabitat, merely limitation of hunting is not an efficient solution. What we needto do is creating suitable habitats. However, it costs a lot of time to rebuilda new and natural habitat because once the balance of ecosystem is disrupted,the rebirth of many speiceses of animals and plants that are requisite for thehabitat needs so much time Creating. Thus，I believe the conditions for elephants tosurvive will remain poor in the foreseeable future as the global environmentissues will stay unsolved。


Alongwith the protection of animals, traffic problem is also a challenge that cannot be solved in our lifetime. Currently, the government has tried hard tosolve problem, such as traffic jam. But the methods they’ve come out, that isbroading the road, arranging more buses and so on, might not work in future.It’s easy to figure out that since the development of city is sometimes beyondimagination, people, even those who express a great vision are unable to forseethe future in a perfectly right way, let alone solve the traffic problem withcurrent solution.

Moreover,the decline of those non-renewable material is also a question that will neverbe figured out. For instance, the fossil fuels, which are the mainly resourcesof energy is going to die out in some area. Even though, scientists are findingnew materials to substitute them, the situation that fossil fuels aredisappearing is unshakable.  

Fromwhathavesbeen discussed above, we can draw a conclusion that important problemscan not be solved in our lifetime. They needpeople spare no effort to deal withfrom generation to generation.
作者: beiyezi    时间: 2012-9-7 14:12
标题: 9.6 第二稿修改
是句子之间连接词


Science has brought positive changes to our lives in recent years. However, despite those benefits that are produced by booming society, the world has also suffered from some problems, which are difficult to solve. Some people might hold a positive attitude towards those issues, thinking that they can be settled down in our lifetime. Yet, for me, I don’t think important problems can be solved in our lifetime. Can the rebuild of animals’ habitats be finished within a short time? Can we work out those endless traffic problems? Can we create non-renewable material in our life time? Unfortunately, all the answers are ”No”.  

Animals, which are indispensible for our world, are teetering on the brink of extinction）. Take Africa elephants as an example. Due to the destruction of grasses and hunting by humans, the number of this species decline sharply. Although people have begun to recognize the importance of protecting this kind of animals and pose a strict regulation to forbid hunting, not much progress have been made since without the improvement of habitat, merely limitation of hunting is not an efficient solution.这句话太长了,表达的有点乱 What we need to do is creating suitable habitats. However, it costs a lot of time to rebuild a new and natural habitat because once the balance of ecosystem is disrupted, the rebirth of many speiceses单复同 of animals and plants that are requisite for the habitat needs so much time Creating. Thus，I believe the conditions for elephants to survive will remain poor in the foreseeable future as the global environment issues will stay unsolved。


Along with the protection of animals, traffic problem is also a challenge that cannot be solved in our lifetime. Currently, the government has tried hard to solve problem, such as traffic jam. But the methods they’ve come out, that is(such as) broading the road, arranging more buses and so on, might not work in future. It’s easy to figure out that since the development of city is sometimes beyond imagination, people, even those who express a great vision are unable to foresee the future in a perfectly right way, let alone solve the traffic problem with current solution. (没有表达清楚为啥没法解决.政府想出来的办法也许将来没效果,因为城市发展无法想象,,,这个理由有点牵强.)

Moreover, the decline of those non-renewable material is also a question that will never be figured out. For instance, the fossil fuels, which are the mainly resources of energy is going to die out in some area. Even though, scientists are finding new materials to substitute them, the situation that fossil fuels are disappearing is unshakable.  

From what have been discussed above, we can draw a conclusion that important problems can not be solved in our lifetime. They need people spare no effort to deal with from generation to generation.
作者: shendang    时间: 2012-9-7 18:01
太长的话我还是断成两句来吧~Although people have begun to recognize the importance of protecting this kind of animals and pose a strict regulation to forbid hunting, not much progress have been made. Without the improvement of habitat, merely limitation of hunting is not an efficient solution to protection of animals.


交通的那个例子，实在是当时时间短来不及随便凑上去的。。。
是句子之间连接词


Science has brought positive changes to our lives in recent years. However, despite those benefits that are produced by booming society, the world has also suffered from some problems, which are difficult to solve. Some people might hold a positive attitude towards those issues, thinking that they can be settled down in our lifetime. Yet, for me, I don’t think important problems can be solved in our lifetime. Can the rebuild of animals’ habitats be finished within a short time? Can we work out those endless traffic problems? Can we create non-renewable material in our life time? Unfortunately, all the answers are ”No”.  

Animals, which are indispensible for our world, are teetering on the brink of extinction）. Take Africa elephants as an example. Due to the destruction of grasses and hunting by humans, the number of this species decline sharply. Although people have begun to recognize the importance of protecting this kind of animals and pose a strict regulation to forbid hunting, not much progress have been made since without the improvement of habitat, merely limitation of hunting is not an efficient solution.这句话太长了,表达的有点乱 What we need to do is creating suitable habitats. However, it costs a lot of time to rebuild a new and natural habitat because once the balance of ecosystem is disrupted, the rebirth of many speiceses单复同 of animals and plants that are requisite for the habitat needs so much time Creating. Thus，I believe the conditions for elephants to survive will remain poor in the foreseeable future as the global environment issues will stay unsolved。


Along with the protection of animals, traffic problem is also a challenge that cannot be solved in our lifetime. Currently, the government has tried hard to solve problem, such as traffic jam. But the methods they’ve come out, that is(such as) broading the road, arranging more buses and so on, might not work in future. It’s easy to figure out that since the development of city is sometimes beyond imagination, people, even those who express a great vision are unable to foresee the future in a perfectly right way, let alone solve the traffic problem with current solution. (没有表达清楚为啥没法解决.政府想出来的办法也许将来没效果,因为城市发展无法想象,,,这个理由有点牵强.)

Moreover, the decline of those non-renewable material is also a question that will never be figured out. For instance, the fossil fuels, which are the mainly resources of energy is going to die out in some area. Even though, scientists are finding new materials to substitute them, the situation that fossil fuels are disappearing is unshakable.  

From what have been discussed above, we can draw a conclusion that important problems can not be solved in our lifetime. They need people spare no effort to deal with from generation to generation.
-- by 会员 beiyezi (2012/9/7 14:12:04)

作者: Serena0710    时间: 2012-9-7 20:38
标题: 9.6综合
In thedialogue, the speaker completely refute（refutes） what is stated in the reading passage. It'ssaid in the lecture that the unfortunate effects is not caused by reading lessliterature. 第一段无功无过，注意主谓一致哦~

  To begin with, theprofessor makes the point that reading less literature may not give rise to missing out on important benefits(照搬原文有点多。。。。可以考虑paraphrase一下下), whichdirectly contradicts what the reading passage indicates. According to theprofessor, there are all kinds of high-quality reading materials, like（like在正式的文章中是不能表列举的，一定要用such as） scientific writing（此处用science writing，这个和scientific的意思不一样的） and so on（such as,后面就不可以再与and so on 一起连用）. People whospend less time reading literature might devote their time to science writing, which will definitely benefit readers from a different way.（这句是否有些略偏离听力原文？）这段怎么没有提readingpassage的观点呀~~

  Moreover, the writer claims that people divert their time from literatures（此词复数表文献，单数才表文学） touseless TV programs or videos, whereas the speaker view this issue in a differentangle. In accordance with the speaker, actually, thereexists （thereexists有点奇怪啊，这样用对吗？）somethinggood for people that are not written, like（老问题） music or movie. When people appreciate a wonderful music or movie, theycan gain a lot of knowledge and benefits from it（them）, which may be more directe（direct）than literature. This is another part thatthe speaker disagree（主谓一致） with the writer.

 In addition, the professor also oppose(主谓一致) the reading passage by emphasizing that it isabsurd to blame the reader for the decline of writing. In order to demonstrateher perspective, the speaker persuades us by saying that current writers aretend to write literature in a way that is hard to understand without anyreason, which eventually lead more readers to divert to read other forms ofculture.

 In a summary, all the above-mentioned reasons illustrate that professor disagree (主谓一致)with the points mentioned in the reading passage.

内容不太会改，建议LZ参考网上的范文。
语言方面，小错误多注意啊，主要是主谓一致。



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