ChaseDream
标题: 羊咩咩yw的写作贴~~求猛拍，for my dream~ [打印本页]
作者: 羊咩咩yw 时间: 2012-8-24 13:27
标题: 羊咩咩yw的写作贴~~求猛拍，for my dream~
第一次加入学习分队，很开心，希望有进步，朝25+冲~路过的大神大牛们~请猛拍，不用客气，多多提出你们的观点和看法，拍拍分更高~
按自己的计划， 一步步坚持下去，绝不放弃~~
作者: 超级无敌小鹤鹤 时间: 2012-8-24 16:11
欢迎加入小分队~~
具体的小分队规则等等的请参看帖子 小分队の大本营
加油！For U dream！
作者: 羊咩咩yw 时间: 2012-8-24 18:55
谢谢~~ 一定会和大家一起努力的~~
哈哈~~
作者: 羊咩咩yw 时间: 2012-8-24 19:00
这个是今天的写滴作文，请大家猛拍，我主要的缺点在于语法错误多，文章的结构把握不准，还有就是我的观点有时候不是那么好~~所以请帮我修改的大牛们不要客气，以把我批死为目标，指出的我错误和要改进的地方，谢谢啦~~
Movies and TV have more negative effects than positive effect on the way young people behave. A/D ?
Parents focus intensely on the factors that affect their children' behaviour no matter at school or public places. Some parents own the unappropriate behaviour of their kids to the negative effects from movies and TV programs. It is totally unfair. Are movies and TV exerting more negative effect than positive effect on the young people? My answer is definitely no.
To began, in most cases, young people's behaviour habits are based on what they are seeing and learning from their surroundings. Young people haven't build a complete behave type in their early age; they watch other people's behaviour and learn from them. According to a resent research on the internet, nearly 85 percent of young people watch movies and TV programs with family members at home, that is to say, they have few chances to learn those bad behaviour from TV programs and movies. On the contrary, for example, young people in our country like to watch a program named the Voice of China which is a perfect music competition for young people who want to show their voice. It inspires young people to persue their dreams no matter how hard it will be. From this perspective, movies and TV do have more positive effects than negative effects on the way young people behave.
What's more, in most countries, it is prohibited by law to spreed bad information by TV or movies. Governments of different countries have already generated specialized laws to protect young people from learning these bad behaviour from TV or movies.
However, there is something to the opposing point of view. Some advertisements still deliver some bad informations to the young. Obviously, their negative effects on the behave of young people are tantamount to those from the Internet. Yet, the number of such advertisement is relatively few. What's more, young people,such like me, will change the channel without hesitate if the advertisements show up.
To sum up, movies and TV programs do not exert more negative effect than positive effect on young people, in fact, they help young people to build a positive life attitude.
作者: 羊咩咩yw 时间: 2012-8-25 17:17
标题: 8.25 作业~~
8.25 作业 由于不熟悉小分队的规则，所以昨天的作业没有顺利完成，很是内疚的说~~
，所以今天早早的就把作业交了，还是一样，大牛们不要吝惜你们的砖，请狂拍，我逻辑结构和语法不是很好~~所以你们的建议对我很重要~~羊咩咩先谢谢了~
In order to solve the problems of the present and future, people should review the past.
It is more important than ever to have a good grasp of what was happened in the past. Some people even argue that in order to slove the problems of the presents and future, people should review the past. But is it really necessary for us to review the long history in the past just for solving the problems? I don't think so.
To began, it seems attractive at fist glance that the wisdom accumulated by our ancestor in the famous historical story can help us to solve problems more wisely. But the overabundance of information from these history stories can actually make it more difficult to figure out the best way to solve the exact problems of the present, let along the problems of the future. What's more, with the development of our society, there are a lot of things that have never happened in the past, such like computer technology, advanced transportation tool, cellphone net, you name it. If things never found on the past, how we solve the problems about it based on the information or knowledge in the past?
Thus, in this day and age, to solve the problems of the present dose not necessarily mean we having to review the past, but rather having a good analysis of the real reasons of these problems, and using our knowledge and wisdom to solve it. Plus, we cannot know what kind of problems will happen in the future, so spending time on predicting problems in the future is of course unnecessary.
However, even though reviewing the past is not the best way for us to solve the problems of the present and future, it is also a good choice for us to review the past when we mislead by the present. History is not an exact science. But we can learn the elite part of the history sources we read and always know in the back of our mind, using the most productive way to solve the problems.
To sum up, the most effective way to solve problems of the present and future is to analyze the problem, and use our knowledge and wisdom to solve it, but not reviewing the past.
作者: 332211abc 时间: 2012-8-25 22:26
we cannot know what kind of problems will happen in the future
路人一眼找到一处错误。we do not know..
作者: 羊咩咩yw 时间: 2012-8-25 23:02
是呢是呢，这里用do not会比较合适~~谢谢呢，有空常路过，路过记得猛拍~~
作者: kchszy061ban 时间: 2012-8-26 13:08
It is more important than ever to have a good grasp（grasp是做NOUN用么？） of what was happened in the past. Some people even argue that in order to slove the problems of the presents and future, people should review the past. But is it really necessary for us to review the long history in the past just for solving the problems? I don't think so.（这里一点就是long history 和the past 等价么？）
To began（begin，）, it seems attractive at fist glance that the wisdom accumulated by our ancestor （in the famous historical story 这个可以不要，我觉得说的不是很清楚） can help us to solve problems more wisely. But the overabundance of information from these history stories can actually make it more difficult to figure out the best way to solve the exact problems of the present, let along the problems of the future. What's more, with the development of our society, there are a lot of things that have never happened in the past, such like （such as，或者就用like）computer technology, advanced transportation tool, cellphone net, you name it. If things never found（existed） on（in） the past, how we solve the problems about it based on the information or knowledge in the past?
Thus（这个thus，用在段首？）, in this day and age, to solve the problems of the present dose not necessarily mean we having(have to or haing to?) to review the past, but rather having a good analysis of the real reasons of these problems, and using our knowledge and wisdom to solve it. Plus, we cannot know what kind of problems will happen in the future, so spending time on predicting problems in the future is of course unnecessary.
However, even though reviewing the past is not the best way for us to solve the problems of the present and future, it is also a good choice for us to review the past when we mislead(这里就要用被动语态了) by the present. History is not an exact science（history本来就不还是science）. But we can learn the elite part of the history sources we read and always know in the back of our mind, using the most productive way to solve the problems.
To sum up, the most effective way to solve problems of the present and future is to analyze the problem, and use our knowledge and wisdom to solve it, but not reviewing the past.
整体构架清楚，词和句子的准确度需要提高一下。
着只是个人观点，一起提高额
作者: 羊咩咩yw 时间: 2012-8-26 14:44
谢谢小k的修改，仔细回味了一下，确实history和past 不对等，所以修改了一下，还有里面出现的一些小错误都修改过了，仔细记下了，下次不会再错了
It is more important than ever to have a good grasp of what was happened in the past. Some people even argue that in order to slove the problems of the presents and future, one should review the past. But is it really necessary for us to review the things in the past just for solving the problems? I don't think so.
To begin, it seems attractive at fist glance that the wisdom accumulated from the experiences and things in the past can help us to solve problems more wisely. However,we should take the overabundance of information from the experiences in the past into consideration, because these informations can actually make it more difficult to figure out the best way to solve the exact problems of the present, let along the problems of the future. What's more, with the development of our society, there are a lot of things that have never happened in the past, such as computer technology, cellphone net, you name it. If things never existed in the past, how we solve the problems about it based on the information or knowledge in the past?
Thus, in this day and age, to solve the problems of the present dose not necessarily mean we having to review the past, but rather having a good analysis of the real reasons of these problems, and using our knowledge and wisdom to solve it. Plus, we cannot know what kind of problems will happen in the future, so spending time on predicting problems in the future is of course unnecessary.
However, even though reviewing the past is not the best way for us to solve the problems of the present and future, it is also a good choice for us to review the past when we are misled by the present. But we can learn the elite part of the past we experienced and always know in the back of our mind, using the most productive way to solve the problems.
To sum up, the most effective way to solve problems of the present and future is to analyze the problem, and use our knowledge and wisdom to solve it, but not reviewing the past.
作者: kchszy061ban 时间: 2012-8-26 19:37
你太细心了，那就在段中加入几个小例子也好一点。 有例子的证明才是有bone有muscle额。
作者: 羊咩咩yw 时间: 2012-8-26 21:16
8.26 独立 为什么每次写作文都那么的费时间~~啊啊啊啊啊，这篇花了我好长时间，求狂拍，有拍才有进步~~我不太会写例子，如果今天替我修改的CDer有多余的时间的话，可以给我多提一点举例子的建议哟~~咩咩先谢谢啦~
What is the main role of the university professor, to educate students or to do research.
Parents focus intensely on the factors that affect their children' future life when they are choosing a university for their kids. A positive studying and living environment filled with excellent professor is considered essential. The definition for an excellent professor, to most parents, is the one who spend most of his time to educate students. I am not belong with them. I strongly incline to the view that the main role for the university professor is to do research.
First of all, it seems attractive at first glance that professor who put most of his or her time to educate student can give students more professional assistant in their studying or future work than others. However, the truth is that the professor who do an excellent job in his research can bring more practical and useful knowledge or information to his students, these first-edge knowledge and information can not only exert positive effect on student's future work, but also inspire young people to learn something out of the text book. According to a recent research on the Internet, almost 85 percent famous universities inspire and support their professors put more time to do research in their filed.
Furthermore, devoting more time on research than education doesn't necessary mean the professor do not put enough time to educate students. Plus, in most famous universities, professor gives a class for students during the research process. In this particular way, the students need to do a lot of preparing work, from this kind of work, they can learn the concrete knowledge from books, websites, and magazines by themselves; and from the process of doing research, they can learn how to handle accident problems.
Last but not least, the most important thing we need to remember is that professors in university are not the teachers in high school, their major job is providing student more practical and useful knowledge and professional assistant, but not educating them with text book. What's more, besides study, students in college should pay more attention on social activities and working opportunities.
To sum up, the main role for university professor is to do research, which benefits both the college and the students in many ways. And the students in college should learn to get knowledge and work skills out of text books.
作者: 羊咩咩yw 时间: 2012-8-26 21:20
我去欣赏了一下你的习作，例子都举得很好，我不太会举例子的说，向你学习，不断练习中~~谢谢小k~
作者: 羊咩咩yw 时间: 2012-8-27 16:55
8.27 独立 One can learn a lot about the person from the type of friends the person has. Use specific reasons and example to support you answer.
这篇写完有种想死的感觉，实在是找不到例子啊啊啊~~太抽象了，不好写~~但努力写完了，请大神们批阅~~
Friendship is one of the greatest pleasure that people can enjoy. Real friends are those who can share all our sorrows and double all our joys. Two people meeting by chance and finally becoming friend are because they have something in common in their characters and interests. So, I strongly incline to the view that one can learn a lot about the person from type of friends he has.
To begin, friends are like a mirror, who can reflect the type of person who we are. Even though two friends have the totally different surface characteristics, they surely have the same part in their inner heart. Take me and one of my intimate friend as an example, I am an outgoing girl, but she is so quiet. We shared the same table in our high school. I clearly remember last time, I had a bad performance in my college entrance exams, I felt down and blue. It was her who set beside me and inspired me by saying that you deserve a second chance and don't give up. She do the same thing that I always do to all my friends--always be there if my friends need me. We are the same type of person. So it can be concluded that to know a person well, one can learn his friend type first, because they share the most important merits in their bottom of their heart.
Furthermore, if we want to know a person well, we need to learn his interests and habits first. It is obvious that, in most cases, people becoming friends are because they have the similar interests. They communicate their interests a lot ,and they know each other's preference. According to a recent research on the Internet, nearly 85% of people becoming friends are because of interests. That is to say, we can learn a lot about the person's interests preference from the type of his friends. My favourite sport is swimming, I always swim with my best friend Robert, we met each other in the swimming pool in our college. We both like Sunyang , the most famous swimming athlete in China. We have a lot common interests. Because of swimming, we become friends, and because of Robert, a lot of his friends knows me without talking with me. They say we are all the same type person who love swimming and cherish friendship. And now, we have a swimming team in our school, and all of the team members are friends with each other.
Finally, everyone is unique in this world, we can hardly know a person well just based on his friend type. But it is also a good choice for us to learn a person's characteristics, interests and habits form the type of his friends.
To sum up, my friends is another me in some aspects. People can learn a lot about me from my friends. So, I still believe that people can learn a lot about the person from the type of friends the person has.
作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-8-27 19:52
婷婷正在改哦~
What is the main role of the university professor, to educate students or to do research.
婷婷来改文了，红色错误，蓝色讨论，高亮精彩~
Parents focus intensely on the factors that affect their children' future life when they are choosing a university for their kids. A positive studying and living environment filled with excellent professors is considered essential. The definition for an excellent professor, to most parents, is the one who spendsmost of his time to educate students. (Nevertheless/however，婷婷觉得加个连接词更好~)I am not belong with them. I strongly incline to the view that the main role for the university professor is to do research.
First of all, it seems attractive at first glance that professor who puts most of his or her time to educate student can give students more professional assistant(assistance) in their studying or future work than others. (这个ts不能概括整个段的意思，要把however后面的内容包括进来，要不然感觉实在肯定教授的教育工作~) However, the truth is that the professor who does an excellent job in his research can bring more practical and useful knowledge or information to his students, these first-edge knowledge and information can not only exert positive effect on student's future work, but also inspire young people to learn something out of the text book. According to a recent research on the Internet, almost 85 percent famous universities inspire and support their professors put more time to do research in their filed.
Furthermore, devoting more time on research than education doesn't(注意分开写哦) necessary mean the professor do not put enough time to educate students. Plus, in most famous universities, professor gives a class for students during the research process. In this particular way, the students need to do a lot of preparing work, from this kind of work, they can learn the concrete knowledge from books, websites, and magazines by themselves; and from the process of doing research, they can learn how to handle accident problems. 这一段可以升华一下，通过让学生自己做课前准备，可以培养他们的独立性。
Last but not least, the most important thing we need to remember is that professors in university are not the（这里表泛指，不要加the~） teachers in high school, their major job is providing student more practical（换一个更猛的~pragmatic） and useful knowledge and professional assistant, but not educating them with text book. What's more, besides study, students in college should pay more attention on social activities and working opportunities.
这一段说理有点散，婷婷木有找到ts诶，感觉和第一个主段大同小异。可以说it is university professors that help students make preparation on future career.
To sum up, the main role for university professor is to do research, which benefits both the college and the students in many ways. And the students in college should learn to get knowledge and work skills out of text books.
Conclusion:
1.整体的文章写得很流利，不错~
2.注意第三人称单数需要加S
3.文章的sub-point还需要深化一点，建议第三个主段来个让步，显得考虑的更全面。比如education也很重要，它关系到学校的学生就业率、名誉...但是教授可以找到一个balance~
4.嘿嘿，加油~
作者: kchszy061ban 时间: 2012-8-28 13:42
Friendship is one of the greatest pleasure that people can enjoy. Real friends are those who can share all our sorrows and double all our joys. Two people meeting by chance and finally becoming friend are because they have something in common in their characters and interests. So, I strongly incline to the view that one can learn a lot about the person from type of friends he has.（着开头不错额）
To begin, friends are like a mirror, who can reflect the type of person who we are. Even though two friends have the totally different surface characteristics（这个用appearance不行么？）, they surely have the same part（parts？这里的heart是指biological 还是spirit？） in their inner heart. Take me and one of my intimate friend as an example, I am an outgoing girl, but she is so quiet. We shared the same table in our high school. I clearly remember（remembered） last time, I had a bad performance in my college entrance exams, I felt down and blue. It was her who set beside me and inspired me by saying that you deserve（过去式） a second chance and don't give up. She do the same thing that I always do （to all my friends这个不要了，多余还有歧义，因为不知道包不包括her）--always be there if my friends need me. We are the same type of person. So it can be concluded that to know a person well, one can learn his friend type first, because they share the most important merits in their（用the就好） bottom of their heart（感觉用beneath their surfact differences行不？）.
Furthermore, if we want to know a person well, we need to learn his（/her 要不然有性别歧视） interests and habits first. It is obvious that, in most cases, people becoming friends are（be动词多余额？） because they have the similar interests. They communicate（这个词用的不是很好，联系兴趣么？） their interests a lot ,and they know each other's preference. According to a recent research on the Internet, nearly 85% of people becoming friends are because of (the same or similar) interests. That is to say, we can learn a lot about the person's interests preference from the type of his friends. My favourite sport is swimming, I always swim with my best friend Robert, we met each other in the swimming pool in our college. We both like Sunyang , the most famous swimming athlete in China. We have a lot common interests. Because of swimming, we become friends, and because of Robert, a lot of his friends knows me without talking with me(流水账式的简单句组合额). They say we are all the same type person who love swimming and cherish friendship. And now, we have a swimming team in our school, and all of the team members are friends with each other.
Finally, everyone is unique in this world, we can hardly know a person well just based on his friend type. But it is also a good choice for us to learn a person's characteristics, interests and habits form（from） the type of his friends. （这段写的真的是没有fully develop, 这样写出来是扣分的点额）
To sum up, my friends is another me in some aspects （朋友是另外一个我的翻译版么？My friends and I share the same interests and preference in some aspects）. People can learn a lot about me from my friends. So, I still(still 不是很合适，firmly or strongly) believe that people can learn a lot about the person from the type of friends the person has.
开头和第一段不错，后来怎么就好像变的这么快类。独立我写的TPO 1 ,朋友这个昨天写了 麻烦改下额
作者: 羊咩咩yw 时间: 2012-8-28 15:43
TPO 1 综合
The professor is not in agreement with that of the reading passage, which suggests that such policy will be beneficial for the whole economy,individual company as well as the employees.
First of all, the professor argue that offering 4-day week option would not increase company's profits in the ways the reading suggests. Adding more employee will force the company spending more money on training and medical benefits, what's more, having more employees also means more office spaces and computers. These things will definitely cut into the company's profits.
Second, instead of providing more job opportunities, the company may choose to force 4-day week employees to work overtime. If these companies choose to do so, no job opportunity will be provided, and the current job is also unpleasant. It is different from the reading that such policy will reduce the unemployment rates
Last but not least, 4-day week job policy do provides employees more free time, but it also presents some risks. It will decrease their job ability and harm their promotion chances. In addition, 4-day week employees will be the first one to lose job in the economic downturn. Obviously, they will be passed over for promotion for sure. That is to say, it will not improve the quality of their lives in the way the reading suggests.
作者: 羊咩咩yw 时间: 2012-8-28 16:09
谢谢婷婷给我改的作文，我有几个小地方想要问问你的意见呢~~可以帮我看看吗，用绿色笔标注的，还有让步段我不太会写我去努力补习一下，把第三段改成让步段
Parents focus intensely on the factors that affect their children' future life when they are choosing a university for their kids. A positive studying and living environment filled with excellent professors is considered essential. The definition for an excellent professor, to most parents, is the one who spends most of his time to educate students. However, I am not belong with them. I strongly incline to the view that the main role for the university professor is to do research.
First of all, it seems attractive at first glance that professor who puts most of his or her time to educate student can give students more professional assistance in their studying or future work than others. (婷婷，我这里是写的一个让步，然后观点的突出在后面，具体表达的意思是，虽然看上去....很合理，但事实是...你是怎么想的呢？我想听听你的观点呢~~呵呵，有时间一定帮我看看) However, the truth is that the professor who does an excellent job in his research can bring more practical and useful knowledge or information to his students, these first-edge knowledge and information can not only exert positive effect on student's future work, but also inspire young people to learn something out of the text book. According to a recent research on the Internet, almost 85 percent famous universities inspire and support their professors put more time to do research in their filed.
Furthermore, devoting more time on research than education does not necessary mean the professor do not put enough time to educate students. Plus, in most famous universities, professor gives a class for students during the research process. In this particular way, the students need to do a lot of preparing work, from this kind of work, they can learn the concrete knowledge from books, websites, and magazines by themselves; and from the process of doing research, they can learn how to handle accident problems. This special reaching plus teaching mode can not only inspire students to become independent, but also give them a chance to improve there research skills. 婷婷说的升华这样行吗？
Last but not least, the most important thing we need to remember is that professors in university are not teachers in high school, their major job is providing student more pragmatic and useful knowledge and professional assistant, but not educating them with text book. What's more, besides study, students in college should pay more attention on social activities and working opportunities.
To sum up, the main role for university professor is to do research, which benefits both the college and the students in many ways. And the students in college should learn to get knowledge and work skills out of text books.
作者: 陈喵喵holdon 时间: 2012-8-28 19:03
TPO 1 综合
The professor is not in agreement with that of the reading passage, which suggests that such policy will be beneficial for(be beneficial to)the whole economy,individual company as well as the employees.
First of all, the professor argue that offering 4-day week(表达有点偏差..没说明是一周工作四天)option would not increase company's profits in the ways the reading suggests. Adding more employee(employees)will force the company spending(force sb. to do)more money on training and medical benefits, what's more, having more employees also means more office spaces(space不可数) and computers. These things will definitely cut into the company's profits.
Second, instead of providing more job opportunities, the company may choose to force 4-day week employees to work overtime. If these companies choose to do so, no job opportunity will be provided, and the current job is also unpleasant. It is different from the reading that such policy will reduce the unemployment rates
Last but not least, 4-day week job policy do provides employees more free time, but it also presents some risks. It will decrease their job ability and harm their promotion chances. In addition, 4-day week employees will be the first one to lose job in the economic downturn. Obviously, they will be passed over for promotion for sure. That is to say, it will not improve the quality of their lives in the way the reading suggests.
-- by 会员 羊咩咩yw (2012/8/28 15:43:59)
点都覆盖到了,细节也没问题,单句复句连词也都有用到,比较balance..我感觉挺好的没有大问题哈..就是词汇觉得有点单薄
作者: 羊咩咩yw 时间: 2012-8-29 15:45
TPO 2 综合
The professor is not in agreement with the reading passage which suggests that the best way to approach a new project is to work in a team. He uses some foundings of a company to oppose the reading's argument.
First of all, according the company, almost every team gets a free rider who does not contribute more to the project, but also can benefit from the rewording if his/her group do a successful job. On the country, the people who really put a inside on the problem solving are not be named, because the reword were placed on the whole team. It is different from the reading.
Second, the project do not move as quickly as the the reading passage mentioned. The fact is that many groups take many meetings to reach consensus on how to move the project along. It is another part which is different from the reading passage.
Last but not least, the professor says that if one ore two influencers in a group say no to a idea, this idea will be dropt instead of further discussing. What's more , the opinion from individual members will be ignored if he holds the opposites opinion against the influencer' s. However, if this project is failed, the blam will placed on all the groups as a whole but not the influencer only.
8.28独立 Agree or disagree, If child want to do well in school parents should limit the hours of watching TV programs or movies.
Parents focus intensely on the factors that affect their children' s performance in school. An positive studying and communication environment filled with meaningful activities and professional teachers is considered essential. In order to inspire children spend more time on some meaningful things, parents are trying to limit the hours of watching TV programs and movies. I totally support them.
For one reason, if children contribute more time on watching TV program or movies, they might have less time to complete their homework, let along communicating with friends and teachers, or taking part in activities. It is no doubt that these things are necessary to help them improve their performance in school. If they are attracted by unrealistic TV programs, how could they concentrate on improving themselves. Take me as an example, I still remember 4 years ago, I experienced a hard time in my college entrance exams, because I spend a lot of time watch a TV program named XXX. I could not help to watching it because of the attractive plot. I felt down and down at that time, but time could not come back. We need to take responsible for what we did. So limiting the TV- hours for students is a definitely wise move.
For another reason, there are some bad contents in TV programs, especial cartoons, may mislead children to behave unappropriate or even wired in school. According to a recent research on the internet, almost 85 percent of cartoons deliver some unrealistic informations to mislead children, which will exert a negative effect on children' s performance in school. Death Diary is a famous cartoon programs in China, it tells a story about a young student kills people who dislike by writing this special diary note, which mislead children to imitate this young students' s ridiculous behaviour. It creates a illusion for child that if they dislike somebody, they can kill he/her by write diaries. To keep children form these informations, parents definitely need to limit the hours of watching TV programs or movies.
Finally, while most TV programs and movies are not suitable for children to watch, there are also a few of them,such as the Voice of Chins and Chase Dream, benefit children from both physical activities and mental building. This kind of programs encourage student to persue their dreams in a feasible way. So if children want to devote some time on watching these kind of programs, parents should respect their interests.
To sum up, in order to improve children' performance in school, limiting the hours of watching TV programs and movies is a best choice.
作者: 夜游的恶鸟 时间: 2012-8-29 17:01
______错误 ______不恰当 _____修改 _____好！
8.28独立 Agree or disagree, If child want to do well in schoolparents should limit the hours of watching TV programs or movies.
Parents focus intensely on the factors that affect their children's performancein school. An(A) positive studying andcommunication environment filled with meaningful activities and professionalteachers is considered essential. In order to inspire children spend more timeon some meaningful things, parents are trying to limit the hours of watching TVprograms and movies. I totally support them.
For one reason, if children contribute more time on watching TV program ormovies, they might have less time to complete their homework, let along communicating withfriends and teachers, or taking part in activities. It is no doubt that thesethings are necessary to help them improve their performance in school. If theyare attracted by unrealistic TV programs, how could they concentrate onimproving themselves.? Take me as an example,I still remember 4 years ago, I experienced a hard time in my college entranceexams, because I spend a lot of time watch a TV program named XXX. I could nothelp to watching it because of the attractive plot. I felt down and down atthat time, but time could not come back. We need to take responsible for whatwe did. So limiting the TV- hours for students is a definitely wise move.
For another reason, there are some bad contents in TV programs, especialcartoons, may mislead children to behave unappropriate(inappropriate) or even wired in school. Accordingto a recent research on the internet, almost 85 percent of cartoons deliversome unrealistic informations(information) to misleadchildren, which will exert a negative effect on children' s(不知道是网站问题还是作者的习惯，‘s中间不需要空格)performance in school. Death Diary is a famous cartoon programs in China, ittells a story about a young student kills people who dislike by writing thisspecial diary note, which mislead children to imitate this young students' s(同上一个) ridiculous behavior. Itcreates a(an) illusion for childthat if they dislike somebody, they can kill he/her by write diaries. To keepchildren form these informations(information), parentsdefinitely need to limit the hours of watching TV programs or movies.【虽然说了电视节目带来不好的影响，但是没有说一下是怎样影响在学校的表现。可以加一两句来点一下题】
Finally, while most TV programs and movies are not suitable for children towatch, there are also a few of them, such as the Voice of Chins(China) and Chase Dream,benefit children from both physical activities and mental building. This kindof programs encourage student to persue(pursue)their dreams in a feasible way. So if children want to devote some time on watchingthese kind of programs, parents should respect their interests. 【最好是最后转折以下说虽然这些节目很好但是毕竟数量有限，再回到原本支持的观点上更好】
To sum up, in order to improvechildren' performance in school, limiting the hours of watching TVprograms and movies is a best choice. 【换了一种表达方式很好】
作者: 夜游的恶鸟 时间: 2012-8-29 17:03
改的在上页最后。
例子很充分，只是那个电视剧可以不写名字哈~表达也很连贯，只是感觉每段最好能最后强调一下你的论点，将例子回归到论点上。
只是有一点点拼写的小错误~整体很好的~一起加油~~~
作者: kchszy061ban 时间: 2012-8-29 19:10
来看看yangyang的作文哈。 我刚开始练的时候写一篇都三 四个小时，到现在看到作文就有些不知所措。 yangyang一开始就修改的这么认真，肯定能超过目标额。 亲 ~~~
作者: 羊咩咩yw 时间: 2012-8-29 19:39
小k~你给的意见对我帮助很大呢，特别是在举例子这方面，每次给你改完作文我都想sha了我自己，因为你的结构和例子都没得说，眼看时间就不够鸟~不认真不行啊，使劲拼命的走第一批申请啊~~再不对ETS say bye bye不行了，你作文已经很好了，25+保拿，我还得使劲努力啊~~常来我这里看看啊，看到错误你就猛批
作者: 猫和鸭 时间: 2012-8-29 20:07
The professor is not in agreement with the reading passage which suggests that the best way to approach a new project is to work in a team. He uses some foundings of a company to oppose the reading's argument.First of all, according the company, almost every team gets a free rider（这里是需要指出一个吗？还是说用THE来表示一类呢）who does not contribute more to the project, but also can benefit from the rewording(rewarding) if his/her group do a successful job. On the country, the people who really put a inside （insight)on the problem solving are not be named, because the reword(reward) were placed on the whole team. It is different from the reading.Second, the project do not move as quickly as the the reading passage mentioned. The fact is that many groups take many meetings to reach consensus on how to move the project along.It is another part which is different from the reading passage.Last but not least, the professor says that if one ore two influencers in a group say no to a idea, this idea will be dropt(droped) instead of further discussing. What's more , the opinion from individual members will be ignored if he holds the opposites opinion against the influencer's. However, if this project is failed, the blam will placed on all the groups as a whole but not the influencer only.
MM的这篇写作是我见过字数最少的，哈哈，不过言简意赅，论点描述很到位，就是有些常规小错，记得考试写完后多检查，不然因为这些被扣分会很怨啊。
另外，MM好像引用了好多文章的原句，虽然不容易出错，但是否考虑用些替换词啥的，不然考官会不爽吧。
MM，我目前的水平就是小K说的一篇写三四个小时的阶段，自己瀑布汗先，如果批改的不给力请MM多多包涵啊，
最后祝MM考出理想的成绩！加油！
作者: 羊咩咩yw 时间: 2012-8-29 20:25
谢谢小M~我也3~4小时一篇，我也想换些词汇~但每次都找不到更好的~~努力琢磨中，我的字数确实比较少~这个我也很头疼，实在是找不到写的了~哈哈，我开始的时候写得更少~直逼ETS底线，你说多写一些reading的内容会不会好一点？
作者: 羊咩咩yw 时间: 2012-8-30 16:35
8.29 独立
Parents focus intensely on the factors that affect their children' s performance in school, an positive environment filled with excellent teachers is considered essential, They even argue that increasing teachers' salaries is the best way to improve the quality of education. In my point of view. It is possible, but not very probable.
First of all, a high education quality is based on the joint efforts from students, parents and teachers. The idea to improve teachers' salaries is an appealing one, but it is not feasible unless blending with the cooperation of parents and students. Students, it is thought, benefit from the professional assistance and practive advices of teachers. That is to say, to improve the quality of education, we should to improve teachers' knowledge range and education experience, but not their salaries. According to a recent research on the Internet, nearly 90% of famous high schools ,with high reputations on education quality, put 95% of their education fond on teachers' training projects. In addition, these kind of schools inspire and support teachers to get further degree in other countries. It is concluded that improving the teachers' salaries is far from a best way to increase education quality.
Second, teachers may put more attention on other things but education students if they get higher salaries. It is a natural for people to enjoy and experience novelty things if they have enough money to support them. When teachers get more salaries, they might spend these money on traveling, investing, or other interest things they want to do. It will exert a negative influence on students' performance in school. Take my high school english teacher as an example, I still remember 4 years ago, almost 60% classmates in our school had a bad experience on our college entrance English exams because our English teacher put more time on investing estate rather than companying with us. It is obvious that , in most cases, teacher with high wages will harm students' chances to improve themselves.
However, there is something to the opposing point of view. Some excellent teachers with high salaries tend to improve their work abilities and broaden knowledge range. It is these kind of teachers who give students professional advices to persue their dreams. Yet, the number of representative cases is relatively few. Therefore, these special cases can not be widely applied in all teachers.
To sum up. there are a lot of ways to improve the quality of education, and to improve teachers' salaries is not the best method.
TPO 3
The professor admits that every thing we read from the reading is true, but, after several examination, it is concluded that the painting is indeed a wark from Rembrandt. She provided some findings from the examination to demonstrate her idea, as presented below.
First of all, according to the examination, the luxurious fur collar was not part of the original painting. Someone added it over the original painting in order to increase the value of it. So in the original one, there is no inconsistence about the way the women in the portrait is dressed.
Second , she mentions that if we remove the luxurious fur collar, we could see the original painting, in which the white linen cap can reflect the light to illuminate the woman's face. In the original one, the light and shadow are so realistic just as we respect for.
Last but not least, according to the above analyzing, the painting is not the original one. The wood panels were added by some people who want to make it looks more grand and valuable. And the scientist of this research indicate that the original wood panel came from the very same tree of one of Rembrandt's work, his self portrait with a hat.
作者: kchszy061ban 时间: 2012-8-30 19:36
蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误
Parents focus intensely on the factors that affect their children' s performance in school, (这里加个关联词)an positive environment filled with excellent teachers is considered essential, They even argue that increasing teachers' salaries is the best way to improve the quality of education. In my point of view. It is possible, but not very probable.
First of all, a high education quality is based on the joint efforts from students, parents and teachers. The idea to improve teachers' salaries is an appealing one, but it is not feasible unless blending with the cooperation of parents and students. Students, it is thought, benefit from the professional assistance and practive advices of teachers. That is to say, to improve the quality of education, we should to（原形）improve teachers' knowledge range and education experience, but not their salaries. According to a recent research on the Internet, nearly 90% of famous high schools ,with high reputations on education quality, put 95% of their education fond on teachers' training projects. In addition, these kind of schools inspire and support teachers to get further degree in other countries. It is concluded that improving the teachers' salaries is far from a best way to increase education quality.
Second, teachers may put more attention on other things but education（其实这里也可以用rather than，educate）students if they get higher salaries. It is a（这里不要冠词的） natural for people to enjoy and experience novelty things if they have enough money to support them（这里感觉加上了不是很好 support 感觉应该跟basic needs 相关，这些都是必须的）. When teachers get more（感觉more 换成higher比较好） salaries, they might spend these money on traveling, investing, or other interest（interesting adj） things they want to do. （要不这里加个which连成整句好了）It will exert a negative influence on students' performance in school. Take my high school english teacher as an example, I still remember 4 years ago, almost 60% classmates in our school had a bad experience on our college entrance English exams because our English teacher put more time on investing estate rather than companying with us. It is obvious that , in most cases, teacher with high wages will harm students' chances to improve themselves.（感觉最后一句写成 will lead to unpredictable result which will do harm to students in the long run. 这样可以和你的例子相照应）
However, there is something to the opposing point of view. Some excellent teachers with high salaries tend to improve their work abilities and broaden knowledge range. It is these kind of teachers who give students professional advices to persue their dreams. Yet, the number of representative cases is relatively few. Therefore, these special cases can not be widely applied in all teachers.（感觉这段可不可写，一些高薪老师是另外，然后说他们怎么做好工作，教好学生，举个例子下，然后总结，感觉这样比较好额。Yangyang 要不试试？）
To sum up. there are a lot of ways to improve the quality of education, and to improve teachers' salaries is not the best method.
Yangyang ,我一直在看高分185，这上面的文章很经典啊。
TPO 3
The professor admits that everything we read from the reading is true, but, after several examinations, it is concluded that the painting is indeed a wa（work of ）from Rembrandt. She provided（provides,前后保持时态一致） some findings from the examination to demonstrate her idea, as presented below.
First of all, according to the examination, the luxurious fur collar was not （这里是要加冠词的了）part of the original painting. Someone added it over the original painting in order to increase the value of it. So in the original one, there is no inconsistence about the way the women in the portrait is dressed.
Second , she mentions that if we remove the luxurious fur collar, we could see the original painting, in which the white linen cap can reflect the light to illuminate the woman's face. In the original one, the light and shadow are so realistic just as we respect for（expect？）.
Last but not least, according to the above analyzing, the painting is not the original one. （这里面要加个连词什么的）The wood panels were added by some people who want to make it looks more grand and valuable. And the scientist of this research indicate that the original wood panel came from the very same tree of（这里容易有歧义的） one of Rembrandt's work, his self portrait with a hat.
Yangyang 听力点到了，句子的组织和衔接还是要练下
作者: 羊咩咩yw 时间: 2012-8-31 17:35
8.30 综合
It is more important for government to spend more money to build art museums and music performance center than to build recreational facilities(such as swimming pools, play ground)
With the increasing development of our society, people focus intensely on the factors that affect their health both physically and psychologically. An positive living environment filled with big art museum, music performance center and various recreational facilities is considered essential. When asked if government should spend more money to build art museums and music performance center than to build recreational, my answer is definitely yes.
First of all, a museum is such a place where display the most essence part of a city's, or even a country's art culture. It provides an opportunity for citizens and travelers to admire beautiful and elaborated art works. In addition, building a art museum is money-consuming, only government has enough money and right to build it. What's more, a large number of these culture heritages' fate remain vulnerable. To halt the accelerating losing of these art works, government must spend more money to build art museums. On the country, according to a recent research on the internet, over 85 percent of cities have enough recreational facilities since 2010, however, only 25 percent of countries have or plan to build art museums. It is concluded that building more art museums is more urgent than building recreational facilities.
Second, it is acknowledge that music is power, music is company, and music is knowledge, it plays a indispensable role in our life. Watching a music performance while working is the most efficacious way of relaxing our mind. However, the truth is that there are not enough music centers for people to enjoy their leisure time, in most case, they can hardly buy a single ticket. I still remember last time, I was so excited because Langlang, a famous pianist in China, came to our city to give us a concert. The music center in our country is so small that my friends and I could not get tickets even though we came to the ticket center in 6 o'clock am. I was down and blue at that time. If the government can spend more money to build a larger music performance center, more people can have this opportunity to watch Langlang's concert.
Last but not least, people in nowadays tend to do exercises in gym. It not only provides people more advanced facilities, but also a coze atmosphere to hang out with friends. What's more, the professional instructors in gym can give people practical advices to help them build their figures. So it is unnecessary for government to spend more money on building recreational facilities.
To sum up, in order to provide us a more wonderful living environment, I call upon the government to spend more money to build art museums and music performance centers.
TPO4
The professor mentions that many scientists are not in agreement with the reading passage, which suggests that dinosaurs are endotherms, she provides three main ideas to oppose the main point in the reading passage, as presented bellow.
First of all. she mentions that the temperatures in the polar region was more wormer that today, wormer enough for no endotherms animal to survive in that period. What's more, when temperature became colder, the polar dinosaurs can migrate to other wormer place or just h5beraete. So the dinosaur fossils of polar region cannot prove the dinosaurs are endotherms.
Second, she mentions that legs underneath body dose not necessary mean they allows sustained physical activity. It also can be explained that the legs can undertake more weight of dinosaurs. And large weight is a characteristic of dinosaurs.
Last but not least, she admits that many dinosaurs do have haversian canals, but they also have growth rings which indicate the period when they would stop grow. It provides evidence that dinosaurs can stop growth or slow growth during cold periods. On the country, even though in cold period, the endothermes also can growth rapidly.
作者: fuzhengrui 时间: 2012-8-31 18:42
标题: 把你的文章又改了一下，见附件
[attach]105537[/attach]
作者: 羊咩咩yw 时间: 2012-8-31 18:57
谢谢~~你给的意见对我很有帮助呢， 我再好好改改~有空多来拍我的作文吖
作者: kchszy061ban 时间: 2012-8-31 19:23
蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误
With the increasing development of our society, people focus intensely on the factors that affect their health both physically and psychologically. An positive living environment filled with big art museum, music performance center and various recreational facilities is considered essential. When asked if government should spend more money to build art museums and music performance center than to build recreational, my answer is definitely yes.这个开头真心不错
First of all, a museum is such a place where display the most essence part of a city's, or even a country's art culture. It provides an opportunity for citizens and travelers to admire beautiful and elaborated art works. In addition, building a art museum is money-consuming, only government has enough money and right to build it. What's more, a large number of these culture heritages' fate remains vulnerable. To halt the accelerating losing of these art works, government must spend more money to build art museums. On the country, according to a recent research on the internet, over 85 percent of cities have enough recreational facilities since 2010, however, only 25 percent of countries have or plan to build art museums. It is concluded that building more art museums is more urgent than building recreational facilities.
Second, it is acknowledged(这个用过去式) that music is power, music is company, and music is knowledge, it plays a（an） indispensable role in our life. Watching a music performance while working is the most efficacious way of relaxing our mind. However, the truth is that there are not enough music centers for people to enjoy their leisure time, in most case, they can hardly buy a single ticket. I still remember last time, I was so excited because Langlang, a famous pianist in China, came to our city to give us a concert. The music center in our country is so small that my friends and I could not get tickets even though we came to the ticket center in 6 o'clock am. I was down and blue at that time. If the government can spend more money to build a larger music performance center, more people can have this opportunity to watch Langlang's concert. Yangyang你写的越来越好啦
Last but not least, people in（介词不用） nowadays tend to do exercises in gym. It not only provides people more advanced facilities, but also a coze atmosphere to hang out with friends. What's more, the professional instructors in gym can give people practical advices to help them build their figures. So it is unnecessary for government to spend more money on building recreational facilities.
To sum up, in order to provide us a more wonderful living environment, I call upon the government to spend more money to build art museums and music performance centers.
Yangyang你好厉害，嗯，MU A, 再错就罚自己100遍。
作者: CCcarol 时间: 2012-8-31 20:36
羊羊~ 我明天来给你改综合噢~ 要开学了~ 有点儿忙！~ 明天晚上前一定来改好！~
作者: 羊咩咩yw 时间: 2012-9-1 17:15
8.31 独立
When asked about if people who go outside are more successful and happier than people who stay in village, we need to first define the essence of success and happiness. As far as I am concerned, the essence of happiness lies in the company of family members and friends, and of success bases on one' s interest. Therefor, I disagree with the statement that people who go outside are more successful and happier than people stay in village.
First of all, people who go outside have to face more challenges and obstacles than people who live in villages. These extra challenges and obstacles, such as culture difference and living conditions, may bring them much more pressures rather than happiness and success. What's more, It seems attractive at first glance that people who go outside can have more opportunities to find good jobs, or could enjoy more comfortable living conditions, but gradually people's belief in these illusions begins to crumble when a recent research on the internet demonstrates that over 85 percent of people live outside villages need to pay 3 times higher price for life necessities, houses and transportation fees. That is to say, they must sacrifice the time spending on companying with family members and friends for making more money to support their life, let alone becoming more successful and happier.
Second, besides having to undertake more pressures, people who live outside may easily feel longly, especially in some special days, such as birthday and Christmas eve. Like I first mentioned that the the essence of happiness lies in the company and supporting of family members and intimate friends. People who live outside can hardly feel the supporting from family members and friends. I still remember last year, I had a bad experience on my part-time job in Shanghai, I could not get along with my workmates, what's more, because I was a undergraduate student, I had no access to my interest job. I was so sad during that period of time. I wanted to call my mother and my friends , but I was afraid that they might worry about me. So I take all the pressures on my own shoulder, and I was unhappy when I went outside.
To sum up, people's happiness and success are based on their own but not the place where they live in, we cannot deny the truth that people live in big cities can have more opportunities to become successful, and we also cannot to overstate that fact that people who live in little villages can also find their own way to be happy and successful. Therefore, the statement that people who go outside are more successful and happier than people stay in village is incorrect in most cases.
TPO 5
The professor are not in agreement with the reading passage, which provides three theories to explain the use of the settlements of Chaco Canyon. He provides three ideas to oppose the main points of the reading passage, as presented bellow.
The first theory in the reading holds that the Chaco were purely residential. However the professor cites that it is the outside of Chaco that looks like a resident, but the inside cast doubt on this theory. He presents that if people had once lived in this place, there must have many fire works. The truth is that there are a few fair works in these place.
The second theory in the reading argues that the Chaco structures were used to store food. The professor disagree with this agreement by saying that there are no maize containers have been found in this place. In addition, there are no supplies of maize have been found in there.
The last theory mentions that because a large number of broken pots have been found in this place, it may be used as ceremonial centers. While, the professor cites that besides these broken plots, there are a lot of other materials have been found in that place. What's more, these plots also can be used as regular truth. So it is not a good evidence to for this theory.
作者: 羊咩咩yw 时间: 2012-9-1 17:15
不有问题呢~~
作者: kchszy061ban 时间: 2012-9-1 19:10
蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误
When asked about if people who go outside are more successful and happier than people who stay in village（其实我觉得这样的开头不是太好额，yangyang，嗯）, we need to first define the essence of success and happiness. As far as I am concerned, the essence of happiness lies in the company of （, 这里加个逗号把of去掉） family members and friends, and of success bases on one' s interest. Therefor（therefore）, I disagree with the statement that people who go outside are more successful and happier than people stay in village.
First of all, people who go outside have to face more challenges and obstacles than people who live in villages. These extra challenges and obstacles, such as culture difference and living conditions, may bring them much more pressures rather than happiness and success. What's more, I（i这又不是句子开头）t seems attractive at first glance that people who go outside can have more opportunities to find good jobs, or could enjoy more comfortable living conditions, but gradually people's belief in these illusions begins to crumble when a recent research on the internet demonstrates that over 85 percent of people live outside villages need to pay 3 times higher price for life necessities, houses and transportation fees. That is to say, they must sacrifice the time spending on companying with family members and friends for making more money to support their life, let alone becoming more successful and happier.（这一段就是不错）
Second, besides having to undertake more pressures, people who live outside may easily feel longly（lonely）, especially in some special days, such as birthday and Christmas eve. Like I first mentioned that the the essence of happiness lies in the company and supporting of family members and intimate friends. People who live outside can hardly feel the supporting from family members and friends. I still remember last year, I had a bad experience on my part-time job in Shanghai, I could not get along with my workmates, what's more, because I was a undergraduate student, I had no access to my interest job. I was so sad during that period of time. I wanted to call my mother and my friends , but I was afraid that they might worry about me. So I take all the pressures on my own shoulder, and I was unhappy when I went outside.（这段也不错）
To sum up, people's happiness and success are based on their own but not the place where they live in, we cannot deny the truth that people live in big cities can have more opportunities to become successful, and we also cannot to（把to去掉） overstate that fact that people who live in little villages can also find their own way to be happy and successful. Therefore, the statement that people who go outside are more successful and happier than people stay in village is incorrect in most cases.
整体举例还好啦。
另外yangyang要开始练习速度了，嗯， 我怎么那么多错词，
作者: CCcarol 时间: 2012-9-1 20:23
红色为错误，蓝色为修改建议，绿色为段后总结，高亮为精彩！
The professor mentions that many scientists are not in agreement with the reading passage, which (从句用的很赞！~）suggests that dinosaurs are endotherms. (这里建议分开成两个句子~ 可以表达的更清楚一些~）She provides three main ideas to oppose the main point in the reading passage, as presented bellow.First of all, she mentions that the temperatures in the polar region was more wormer than today, wormer enough for no endotherms animal to survive in that period. What's more, when temperature became colder, the polar dinosaurs can migrate to other wormer place orjusth5beraete(是打错了么？不知道这儿要表达啥？）. So the dinosaur fossils of polar region cannot prove （that） the dinosaurs are endotherms.Second, she mentions that legs underneath body dose not necessary mean they allows sustained physical activity. It also can be explained that the legs can undertake more weight of dinosaurs. And large weight is a characteristic of dinosaurs.Last but not least, she admits that many dinosaurs do have haversian canals, but they also have growth rings which indicate the period when they would stop grow. (解释的很到位！~) It provides evidence that dinosaurs can stop growth or slow growth during cold periods. On the country （contrary）
, even though in cold period, the endothermes also can growth rapidly.
不好意思~ Carol改晚了~~~
整体表达的很清楚~ 除了一些小的语法问题~ 听的很仔细呢~~~
有改的不好的地方~ 请尽管指正~
作者: 332211abc 时间: 2012-9-1 23:00
标题: 黄色比较严重，蓝色需要注意，红色多细心
The professor are not in agreement（直接DON’T AGREE比较好）with the reading passage, which provides three theories to explain the use of the settlements of Chaco Canyon. He provides three ideas to oppose the main points of the reading passage, as presented bellow.
The first theory in the reading holds that the Chaco(专有名词最好不要简写，另外两处出现的也不一样) were purely residential. However the professor cites that it is the outside （in the outside, it looks like）of Chaco that looks like a resident, but the(删) inside（of house） cast doubt on this theory. He presents that if people had once lived in this place, there must have many fire works(应该是fire palce生火的地方，你写的是烟花，比较严重). The truth is that there are a few fair works in these place.（在一处地方，HOUSE不是几处）少写一点, enough rooms
The second theory in the reading argues that the Chaco structures were used to store food. The professor disagree with this agreement by saying that there are no maize containers have been found in this place. In addition,(主次颠倒，没发现痕迹是主要线索，没罐子是次要线索) there are no supplies(trace) of maize have been found in there.
The last theory mentions that， because a large number of broken pots have been found in this place, it may be used as ceremonial centers. While, the professor cites that besides these broken plots, there are a lot of other materials have been found in that place. What's more, these plots also can be used as regular truth. So it is not a good evidence to （support）for（删） this theory.
另外我觉得第一段稍微有些长，第三段有些短。全篇大概在250+10比较好。
作者: 羊咩咩yw 时间: 2012-9-2 18:23
9.1 独立
Agree or disagree,in order to be succeed,you should be more like others than be different from everyone else.
I disagree with the statement that in order to be succeed, people should be more like others than be different from others. In my point of view, the essence part of success lies in people's sense of changing and innovation. Only such person who has the above characteristics can make a big difference during his whole life.
To begin, the strong moral appeal in this statement cannot disguise the apparent discrepancy in it. It is acknowledge that hardly can one be succeed if he or she is like others, on the country, a lot of great people's successful stories tell us that it is their innovation that make a real difference in this world. If Newton did not ask himself the question that why the apple drops on the ground every time, there is no the law gravity in this world, and if people did not used their great ability of innovation to create air planes, cars, subways and internet,ext, they cannot provide us such a advanced society. No one can deny the fact that innovation lead to development. That is to say, in order to be succeed, people should be different with others rather than like others.
Furthermore, in most cases, the majority's view is not always right, it takes bravery to stand up against the majority' s view. Only in this way can one make himself or herself outstanding among others and finally being succeed. Steve Jobs is a true inspiration for everyone who seeks to be different. We all like his i-phone because it gives us an fantastic innovation experience, we can use it to listen to music, surf the internet, locate the restaurant, almost every thing. How great and successful this innovation is.To be different from others is innovation. I still remembered that when I was 5 years old, my first teacher, a dancer, told me that if you want to make a difference in dancing style, you should learn to innovate, even though it is different with other dancer's common style.
To sum up, just like I first mentioned that the essence part of success lies in innovation. Being successful dose not necessary mean one should be like others. It is possible, but not very probable. Therefore, the statement that in order to be succeed, people should be more like others than different from others is incorrect at some extent.
TPO 6
The professor claims that the criticism in the reading passage is largely result from prejudice and ignorance of how far the encyclopedias coming. There are three points he makes to oppose the main idea of the reading passage, as presented below.
First of all, she argues that the traditional encyclopedias has never been closely perfect accurate, people can hardly find a really comprehensive accurate article on or off line. What's more, the errors in the online encyclopedia can be easily corrected, however, the errors remain in the traditional one for decades. Therefore, the reading is wrong to claim that communal online encyclopedias often lack academic credentials.
Second, she points out that there two strategies aroused to protect articles from corrupting by hackers. The first one is putting the crucial fact in a read-only format that nobody can change. The other on is having a special editor whose job is to monitor the changing of articles and eliminate the changes of the article.
Last but not least, she claims that the traditional encyclopedia has limited spaces so that a group of editors choose information with judgments that do not cope with the major interests from a large group of people. However, the online encyclopedias do not have space problems, so they can reflect people's interests. Again, it is different from what the reading passage demonstrates.
作者: kchszy061ban 时间: 2012-9-2 19:02
蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误
Agree or disagree,in order to be succeed,you should be more like others than be different from everyone else.
I disagree with the statement that in order to be succeed, people should be more like others than be different from others. In my point of view, the essence part of success lies in people's sense of changing and innovation. Only such person who has the above characteristics can make a big difference during his/her whole life.(感觉这样的开头倒是不错)
To begin, the strong moral appeal in this statement cannotdisguise the apparent discrepancy in it. It is acknowledge（d被动语态） that hardly can one be succeed if he or she is like（is 和like 用一个就行，两个动词就是两个谓语了，这里，yangyang。就是用liking也不是很好） others, on the country,a lot of great people's successful stories tell us that it is their innovation that make a real difference in this world. If Newton did not ask himself the question that why the apple drops on the ground everytime, there is no the law gravity（law of universal gravitation in this world, and if people did not used their great ability of innovation to create air planes, cars, subways and internet,ext, they cannot provide us such a（an） advanced society. No one can deny the fact that innovation leads to development. That is to say, in order to be succeed（be后面加adj successful 或者把be去掉）, people should be different with others rather than like others（them，用代词变化）.
Furthermore, in most cases, the majority's view is not always right, （so加个连接词，其实我是建议用复合句把这两个连起来，比如which，that啦之类的）it takes bravery to stand up against the majority' s view. Only in this way can one make himself or herself outstanding among others and finally being succeed. Steve Jobs is a true inspiration for everyone who seeks to be different. We all like his i-phone because it gives us an fantastic innovation experience, we can use it to listen to music, surf the internet, locate the restaurant, almost every thing. How great and successful this innovation is（！,菇凉，感叹句要用着符号额）.To be different from others is innovation. I still remembered that when I was 5 years old, my first teacher, a dancer, told me that if you want to make a difference in dancing style, you should learn to innovate, even though it is different with other dancer's common style. （这里不用太多例子，感觉用前一个，再深入一点就好啦，两个太多）
To sum up, just like I first mentioned that the essence part of success lies in innovation. Being successful dose not necessary（这里用adv，necessarily）mean one should be like others. It is possible, but not very probable. Therefore, the statement that in order to be succeed, people should be more like others than different from others is incorrect at some extent.
整体还是不错的。改后我们再互改一次好不yangyang。最近忙是吧，额，
yangyang你要背200 句和几篇文章，还要分析他们怎么提出论点，用什么句型提出，证明，和总结。 你看一篇文章五段，一段五个句子，你只要掌握25个就可以得心应手啦。
作者: fuzhengrui 时间: 2012-9-2 19:15
标题: 好
你也来看我的把 欢迎欢迎
谢谢~~你给的意见对我很有帮助呢， 我再好好改改~有空多来拍我的作文吖
-- by 会员 羊咩咩yw (2012/8/31 18:57:28)
作者: fairyfinger 时间: 2012-9-2 21:28
The professor claims that the criticism in the reading passage is largely result from prejudice and ignorance of how far the encyclopedias coming. There are three points he makes to oppose the main idea of the reading passage, as presented below.
First of all, she argues that the traditional encyclopedias has never been closely perfect accurate, people can hardly find a really comprehensive accurate article on or off line. What's more, the errors in the online encyclopedia can be easily corrected, however, the errors remain in the traditional one for decades. Therefore, the reading is wrong to claim that communal online encyclopedias often lack academic credentials.
Second, she points out that there two strategies were aroused to protect articles from corrupting by hackers. The first one is putting the crucial fact in a read-only format that nobody can change. The other on is having a special editor whose job is to monitor the changing of articles and eliminate the changes of the article.
Last but not least, she claims that the traditional encyclopedia has limited spaces so that a group of editors choose information with judgments that do not cope with the major interests from （of）a large group of people. However, the online encyclopedias do not have space problems, so they can reflect people's interests. Again, it is different from what the reading passage demonstrates.
很好，点都答到了，而且很简洁。除了一些小错误需要注意一下，句法也比较多元。
作者: 羊咩咩yw 时间: 2012-9-3 18:44
It is better to relax by a movie or reading a book than doing physical exercise.Do you agree?
People nowadays focus intensely on the factors that affect their health condition both physically and pycalogicolly, and a positive environment filled with interesting movies, excellent books and physical exercise is considered essential. However, when asked about is relaxing by movie or reading a book better than doing physical exercise when people have some leisure time, my answer is definitely yes.
To begin, people can not only learn some practical knowledge and skills from movies or books, but also can experience diverse life styles in the plots of movies and books, which can let them get out from work and pressure for a while. Watching a interesting movie or reading a book while is the most efficatious way for people to rejuvenating their mind. On the country, doing physical exercise in gyms or public parks cannot provide people a quite environment which is necessary for individual to relax. I still remember last time, I had a bad experience in my part-time job. I undertook a lot of pressure because I was a greenhand. It was a excellent book named XXX tought me how to release my presure. It was this book that gave me a good leading to relex my mind after work.
Futhermore, doing physical exercise without professional instructor may result in some desease, which will harm people's physical and psycological health. According to s recent study in the internet, over 90 percent people doing exercise without instructor, thay is to say, most people doing exercise by along or with friend. This number is so striking. What's more, because of the growing prices of the peofessional exercise calsses in gyms, most people nowadays relanctant to choose prctice in there. In the other words, doing physical exercise nowadays will exercise a negtive effect on people's live. In contrast, relaxing by movies or reading a book are totally safe.
To sum up, actually, people can relax their mind after a whohe day work or study by the above ways, as both of them can peovid people a more enjoyable life experience. However, when people take safety into consideration, relaxing by a movie or reading book is more suitable than doing exercises, especially for childeren and older people.
作者: 羊咩咩yw 时间: 2012-9-3 18:48
9.2 独立
It is better to relax by a movie or reading a book than doing physical exercise.Do you agree?
People nowadays focus intensely on the factors that affect their health condition both physically and psychologically, and a positive environment filled with interesting movies, excellent books and physical exercise is considered essential. However, when asked about is relaxing by movie or reading a book better than doing physical exercise when people have some leisure time, my answer is definitely yes.
To begin, people can not only learn some practical knowledge and skills from movies or books, but also can experience diverse life styles in the plots of movies and books, which can let them get out from work and pressure for a while. Watching a interesting movie or reading a book while is the most efficacious way for people to rejuvenating their mind. On the country, doing physical exercise in gyms or public parks cannot provide people a quite environment which is necessary for individual to relax. I still remember last time, I had a bad experience in my part-time job, which gave me a lot of pressure because I was a greenhand at that time. It was a excellent book named XXX taught me how to release my pressure and got along with workmates.
Furthermore, doing physical exercise without professional instructor may result in some disease, which will harm people's physical and psychological health. According to s recent study in the internet, over 90 percent people doing exercise without instructor, that is to say, most people doing exercise by along or with friend. This number is so striking. What's more, because of the growing prices of the professional exercise classes in gyms, most people nowadays are reluctant to choose doing exercise in there. In the other words, doing physical exercise nowadays will exercise a negative effect on people's live. In contrast, relaxing by movies or reading a book are totally safe.
To sum up, actually, people can relax their mind after a whole day work or study by the above ways, as both of them can provide people a more enjoyable life experience. However, when people take safety into consideration, relaxing by a movie or reading book is more suitable than doing exercises, especially for children and older people.
TPO 7
The professor is not in agreement with that of the reading passage, which suggests that United States; wood companies will not adopted new ecologically friendly practices. There are three points he makes to oppose the main ideas of the reading passage, as presented below.
First of all, the professor argues that the American customers do not treat the advertisements the same, they can distinguish which products produced by individual company, and which products has an certifications from an International organization. Therefore the reading is wrong to claim that American consumers do not place much trust in advertising claims in general.
Second, he admits that American consumers do care a lot about price, but according to a study, they care about price only when there has competing product has a higher or lower prices. It comes into conflict with what the reading passage argues that American consumers tend to choose cheaper uncertified wood products.
Last bu not least, he claims that American companies also pay attention to these foreign competing companies. If they do not capture the group of customers who like to buy ecologically friendly practices, then these foreign companies will come in domestic market to provide customers this kind of ecologically friendly practices.
作者: kchszy061ban 时间: 2012-9-3 19:03
蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误
The professor is not in agreement with that of the reading passage, which suggests that United States;（这里加分号做什么？） wood companies will not adopted new ecologically friendly practices. There are three points he makes to oppose the main ideas of the reading passage, as presented below.（开头很好）
First of all, the professor argues that the American customers do not treat the advertisements the same, they can distinguish which products produced by individual company, and which products has an certifications from an International organization. Therefore the reading is wrong to claim that American consumers do not place much trust in advertising claims in general.（第一段很好）
Second, he admits that American consumers do care a lot about price, but according to a study, they care about price only when there has competing product has（这里把has 改为with也可以不？然后a 后面用price） a higher or lower prices. It comes into conflict with what the reading passage argues that American consumers tendto choose cheaper uncertified wood products.
Last bu not least, he claims that American companies also pay attention to these foreign competing companies. If they do not capture the group of customers who like to buy ecologically friendly practices（这里buy 的应该是products额）, then these foreign companies will come in domestic market to provide customers this kind of ecologically friendly practices.
Yangyang听力的要点掌握就好了。 奥，写作的资料里面都会有综合的，你选一本深入看下，然后再参考其他就好啦。
作者: 332211abc 时间: 2012-9-4 00:08
标题: 亮色错误比较严重，其余错误需要注意
It is better to relax by a movie or reading a book than doing physical exercise.Do you agree?
People nowadays focus intensely on the factors that affect their health condition both physically and psychologically（修饰condition吗？这句可以直接删，或者affect their XX health）, and a positive environment搭配错 filled with interesting movies, excellent books and physical exercise is considered essential. However, when asked about is relaxing by movie or reading a book better than doing physical exercise when people have some leisure time(第一个词是代词？第二个是从句先行词？), my answer is definitely yes.
To begin, people can not only learn some practical knowledge and skills（作文让讨论一下那种休闲方式好，这里提到知识和技巧没必要） from movies or books, but also can experience diverse life styles in the plots of movies and books, which can let them get out（口语词，可以换） from work and pressure for a while（and并列前后意思一致，这里前后意思不沾边）. Watching a interesting movie or reading a book while is the most efficacious way for people to rejuvenating their mind（这个说法我没见过，有些不保险）. On the country, doing physical exercise in gyms or public parks cannot provide people a quite environment which is necessary for individual to relax. I still remember last time, I had a bad experience in my part-time job, which gave me a lot of pressure because I was a greenhand口语词 at that time. It was a excellent book named XXX taught me how to release my pressure and got along with workmates.
Furthermore, doing physical exercise without professional instructor may result in some disease, which will harm people's physical and psychological health. According to s recent study in the internet, over 90 percent people doing exercise without instructor, that is to say, most people doing exercise by along or with friend. This number is so striking.此处可以延伸，这些人运动受了伤，或者没有得到完全放松 What's more, because of the growing prices of the professional exercise classes in gyms, most people nowadays are reluctant to choose doing exercise in there. In the other words, doing physical exercise nowadays这词用的太多了，完全可以换 will exercise a negative这个我没见过。 effect on people's live. In contrast, relaxing by movies or reading a book are totally safe.
To sum up, actually,有第一个就不需要第二个了，两个都没有实际意义，客套话而已，选一个就够了。 people can relax their mind不知道外国有没有放松身心这种说法，应该直接说放松就可以了，不必写放松那个部位 after a whole day work or study by the above ways, as both of them can provide people a more enjoyable life experience. However, when people take safety into consideration, relaxing by a movie or reading book is more suitable than doing exercises, especially for children and older people.
和标准模板差一段，虽然模板只是参考，但论点支持不足也不行。
中间论点有些离题，你强调看书看电影安全，这个说法即不合理也站不住脚，看蝙蝠侠还躺也中枪呢。
作者: yeiz123 时间: 2012-9-4 03:28
It is better to relax by a movie or reading a book than doing physical exercise.Do you agree?
People nowadays focus intensely on the factors that affect their health condition both physically and pycalogicolly (psychologically), and a positive environment filled with interesting movies, excellent books and physical exercise is considered essential.(逻辑上有问题，老外读不懂这句话的重点是说什么。用了长句是好事，但是把意思和逻辑搞砸了就适得其反了，个人不确定是否语法上也有问题，似乎这一句话里有两个谓语。 ) However, when asked about is relaxing by movie or reading a book better than doing physical exercise when people have some leisure time,（这句话其实可以更简单得表达，一方面老外很少用When asked about 后面更一个长句子的表达，另一方面这里有个原则应该明确，要用地道的句式，不要为了有长句或复句而去自己拼凑句子，结果会适得其反，要看自己写的一些表达是否地道，不妨把这个短语或者句式放在GOOGLE上搜一下，看看是不是一些西方大媒体都经常用，如果很少出现，那么应该不是很地道的表达。要在英文版的google上，不要上香港的google） my answer is definitely yes.
To begin, people can not only learn some practical knowledge and skills from movies or books, but also can experience diverse life styles in the plots of movies and books, which can let them get out from work and pressure for a while. Watching a（an） interesting movie or reading a book while is the most efficatious (efficacious) way for people to rejuvenating (rejuvenate) their mind. On the country, doing physical exercise in gyms or public parks cannot provide people a quite environment which is necessary for individual to relax. I still remember last time, I had a bad experience in my part-time job. I undertook a lot of pressure because I was a greenhand. It was a (an) excellent book named XXX tought me how to release my presure. It was this book that gave me a good leading to relex (relax) my mind after work. 本段的后面的大部分的论证是在证明MOVIE OR BOOKS 给人带来了放松而运动没有。后面的例子用得不错，但是第一句说的观点句似乎和后面论证的没有关系，说的是movie和书给人经验和一些东西去学习，这个论点和下面就不对应了，老外就会CONFUSE了。建议最后了来个总结。进一步加强观点，这样逻辑性更强。
Futhermore, doing physical exercise without professional instructor may result in some desease, which will harm people's physical and psycological health. According to s recent study in (on) the internet, over 90 percent people doing exercise without instructor, thay is to say, most people doing exercise by along (alone) or with friend. This number is so striking. What's more, because of the growing prices of the peofessional (professional) exercise classes (classes) in gyms, most people nowadays relanctant (reluctant) to choose prctice in there (there 前面不能直接加IN的，就用THERE 就行了). In the other words, doing physical exercise nowadays will exercise a negative （negative） effect on people's live (lives). In contrast, relaxing by movies or reading a book are (is) totally safe.
To sum up, actually, people can relax their mind after a whohe (whole) day work or study by the above ways, as both of them can peovid (provide) people a more enjoyable life experience. However, when people take safety into consideration, relaxing by a movie or reading book is more suitable than doing exercises, especially for children (children) and older people.
总结：
1.语法错误过多，尤其是拼写，这个在平时练习时就应该多加注意，个人建议在发上论坛前可以复制到到WORD文档检查下一些明显的拼写错误。
2.真正论证的内容少了点，一般至少3段，2段论述的话容易导致字数欠佳
3.逻辑性还不够，需要更加具体和清楚的论证。
作者: 羊咩咩yw 时间: 2012-9-4 16:32
今天的这篇着实没思路~~没论据~
9.3 综合
Do you agree that it is better to spend money on traveling and vacation than save
money for the future.
With the development of our society, nowadays people tend to spend more money and time on traveling and vacation. While, there also have some people strongly incline to saving money for their future. To persue a positive life attitude, I choose to spend money on traveling and vacation with my boyfriend and my family members.
First of all, through the process of traveling and vacation, people can gain a positive life attitude, which to me is the essence of life. People can not only experience a diverse life styles and cultures by traveling, but also can achieve a sense of cohesive and personal worth, which is necessary for one individual to build a positive life attitude. On the country, people who save money for the future will gradually end up abusing their life and becoming the slave of money. According to a recent research in the internet with men and women, people who spend money on traveling and vacation feel more happy and satisfied than people who don't. In this sense, it is better to spend money on traveling and vacation than save money for the future.
Furthermore, a fantastic traveling or vacation experience can kindle people's inspiration or interest in some novel things, especially for children. People save money for many reasons, and the most important one is to provides their children a prosperous future. However, the neglected one fact that the best way to give children a promising future is not saving money for them, but to give them more opportunities to find out the things they are really interested in. I still remember that when I was a little girl, my father took my mother and I to IUB in North America, I was so curious about the special language they used to communicate with each other, so I decide to learning English, and finally I choose translator as my career. It is this trip that kindle my interest in English. Thanks to this fantastic traveling experience, I find my favorite career. Therefore, spending money on traveling and vacation more useful than saving money for future.
To sum up, with the development of our society, saving money is becoming less important in our daily life.To experience a meaningful life, meanwhile gain some useful skills and knowledge is the best choice for us. So, based on the above analyzing, I strongly incline to the view that it is more better to spend money on traveling and vacation than saving money for the future.
作者: 羊咩咩yw 时间: 2012-9-4 20:03
TPO 8
The professor disagree with that of the reading passage, which suggests that Chevalier distorted or invented many events in the memoir to make his life seem more exciting and glamorous. She agues that the content of this memoir is pretty accurate overall. And in this lecture, she uses three specific points to support her main idea.
First of all, according to the reading passage, Chevalier is not as wealthy as he mentioned in the memoir because he borrowed a considerable sums of money from a merchant. However, the professor explains that Chevalier spend a lot of money on parties and gambling, it takes a few days for Chevalier to convert his properties into actual money. So before these days, he borrowed from a merchant is reasonable. And it doses not necessary mean he is poor.
Second, the professor provides that every night after talking with Voltaire, Chevalier wright down the contents of these communications immediately. What's more, some witness has confirmed that when Chevalier composed his memoir, he always consulted these notes. Therefore, the reading is wrong to claim that the memoir cannot capture these conversations accurately.
Last but not least, she points out that some prisoners in the very same prison with Chevalier have even more powerful friends than Chevalier's did, but none of them can get out from there with a bribe offered by friends. In addition, a document have shown that after Chevalier escaped from that prison, the hole in the ceiling had been repaired. That is to say, Chevalier did escape from a notorious in Venice.
作者: vivian873921 时间: 2012-9-4 20:37
标题: 写的好好啊~人家水平有限....
Do you agree that it is better to spend money on traveling and vacation than savemoney for the future.
With the development of our society, nowadays people tend to spend more money and time on traveling and vacation. While, there also have some people strongly incline to saving(应该是 incline to do sth.吧~) money for their future. To persue a positive life attitude, I choose to spend money on traveling and vacation with my boyfriend and my family members.
First of all, through the process of traveling and vacation, people can gain a positive life attitude, which to me is the essence of life. People can not only experience a diverse life styles and cultures by traveling, but also can achieve a sense of cohesive and personal worth, which is necessary for one individual to build a positive life attitude. On the country（contrary）, people who save money for the future will gradually end up abusing their life and becoming the slave of money. According to a recent research in the internet with men and women, people who spend money on traveling and vacation feel more happy and satisfied than people who don't. In this sense, it is better to spend money on traveling and vacation than save money for the future.
Furthermore, a fantastic traveling or vacation experience can kindle people's inspirations or interests in some novel things, especially for children. People save money for many reasons, and the most important one is to provides(provide)their children a prosperous future. However, the neglected one fact that the best way to give children a promising future is not saving money for them, but to give them more opportunities to find out the things they are really interested in. I still remember that when I was a little girl, my father took my mother and I to IUB in North America, I was so curious about the special language they used to communicate with each other, so I decide to learning（是不是应该是decide to do~） English, and finally I choose translator as my career. It is this trip that kindle(s) my interest in English. Thanks to this fantastic traveling experience, I find my favorite career. Therefore, spending money on traveling and vacation more useful than saving money for (the)future.
To sum up, with the development of our society, saving money is becoming less important in our daily life.To experience a meaningful life, meanwhile gain some useful skills and knowledge is the best choice for us. So, based on the above analyzing, I strongly incline to the view that it is more better to spend money on traveling and vacation than saving money for the future.
从批改中学到的东西: 句子结构灰常好呢！易该这个软件上面显示出来LZ的句子结构都是EXCELLENT。但是理由是不是少了一个呢~
写的很好了的说~改的不对的话~一起研究下~嘿嘿
作者: 羊咩咩yw 时间: 2012-9-4 21:23
小v你说的那个是什么一个软件啊？
作者: vivian873921 时间: 2012-9-4 21:27
叫做易改~就是会纠错那种~还会分析下用词句型~去百度一搜就有了呢！
作者: vivian873921 时间: 2012-9-4 21:53
标题: 9.3的综合
正在改综合呢~先来站下位置~
The professor disagree(disagrees )with that of the reading passage, which suggests that Chevalier distorted or invented many events in the memoir to make his life seem more exciting and glamorous. She agues (argues)that the content of this memoir is pretty accurate overall. And in this lecture, she uses three specific points to support her main idea.
First of all, according to the reading passage, Chevalier is not as wealthy as he mentioned in the memoir because he borrowed a considerable sums(sum) of money from a merchant. However, the professor explains that Chevalier spend a lot of money on parties and gambling, it takes a few days for Chevalier to convert his properties into actual money.(弱弱的问一下，就是如果教授说的东西是事实，这个是用现在时对吗？就是就算事实是发生在过去的？比如说，如果在过去发生的，就会说 it took a few days~) So before these days, he borrowed from a merchant is reasonable(这个也是同样的问题。个人比较疑惑~正确的应该是那种呢~). And it doses(does) not necessary mean he is poor.
Second, the professor provides that every night after talking with Voltaire, Chevalier wright down the contents of these communications immediately. （he wrote down everything he could remember about that particular night’s conversation. 这个是听力中的原文~about that particular night's conversation,不一定是每天晚上写吧~他也可以第二天写的呀~）What's more, some witness has confirmed that when Chevalier composed his memoir, he always consulted these notes. Therefore, the reading is wrong to claim that the memoir cannot capture these conversations accurately.
Last but not least, she points out that some prisoners in the very same prison with Chevalier have even more powerful friends than Chevalier's did（这个句子是不是有点不对称~就是前面一句是have more powerful friends, 后面than ...did。前面改成had，或者后面改吧~）, but none of them can get out from there with a bribe offered by friends. In addition, a document have(has)shown that after Chevalier escaped from that prison, the hole in the ceiling had been repaired.That is to say, Chevalier did escape from a notorious in Venice.
作者: 羊咩咩yw 时间: 2012-9-4 22:22
原文是这样的呢~The C states in his memoir that each night immediately after conversing with V, he wrote down everything he could remember about that particular night's conversation. 所以他是在晚上写的呢~~前面的那个我也不确定是要用过去还是现在呢~~这个我也很纠结~~我就写的时候时间不够了，直接填内容~~哈哈，想也没想就过去时了~
作者: 羊咩咩yw 时间: 2012-9-5 17:30
9.4 独立
Agree/disagree：an efficient leader will always try to make everyone feel that he's in part of a decision making.
A good leader is also a good listener who can make his employees feel free to talk about his feelings and ideas, which will exert a positive effect on the whole team. Therefore, I totally agree with the statement that an efficient leader will always let his underlings achieve a sense of participation.
First of all, an efficient leader can always make a project moves quickly and successfully, making every employee feel that he is in part of a decision can greatly stimulate those diligent members so the efficiency of the whole can be improved. No one can deny the fact that teamwork, as a predominate way to improve employees' work ability and efficiency, is used by many successful efficient leaders. I still remembered last semester, I joined in a English club named English Garden. I had a very impressive experience to work with Robert, the leader of our english club. I felt so happy and energetic everyday at that time because I finally find a place to practice myself. He let every one express his or her opinions in every decision making meeting, in turn, all the members in that club worked with passion and high efficiency. He is absolutely an efficient leader.
In addition, in order to accumulate more useful and practical ideas, an efficient leader should always try to make everyone participate in decision making. Good decisions and plans can directly result in one company or teams' success. Steve Jobs is a real inspiration for everyone who want to make a difference, it is no doubt that he is an efficient leader, but it is not his own decisions and ideas that bring I phone and I pad to the world. He try his best to make his every underlings achieve a sense of participation. That is why Apple company becomes a symbol of innovation and teamwork.
Lastly, the essence part of success of a company or a team lies in both leader's and his underling's efficiency, but besides let everyone achieve a sense of participation, an efficient leader should still keep his own mind. He or she need to encounter disputes among team members in making decision. Only in this way can a good leader make himself and his whole team working with high efficiency.
To sum up, for the above analyzing, I strongly incline to the view that an efficient leader will always try to make everyone feel that he's in part of a decision making.
TPO 9
The professor is not in agreement with that of the reading passage, which suggests that hydrogen-based fuel-cell engine will probably soon replace the internal-combustion engines. She uses three specific reasons to support her idea.
First of all, the professor admits that oil is a finite resource and will exert a negative effect on the environment. However, the reading passage fails to state that hydrogen is a good replacement of petroleum. The fact is that hydrogen is not as easily available as the reading suggests. Purified liquid state hydrogen, which can directly used to power cars, is a highly artificial substance, and it is difficult to produce and store.
Second, according to the reading passage, hydrogen-based fuel cells will solve many pollution problems. However the professor argues that it cannot solve environment problems associated with cars, because the purification equipment, which used to produce hydrogen, require a lot of energy generated by burning oil and coal, these burning oil and coal will definitely harm the environment.
Last but not least, she points out that manufacturing the fuel-cell is expensive because it requires a kind of rare and expensive metal. Without this metal, hydrogen cannot chemically react to create electricity that powers the cars. And all the experiment generated to find the replacement of this metal by far ended up with failure. Therefor, the reading is wrong to demonstrate that fuel-cell engines are economically competitive.
作者: vivian873921 时间: 2012-9-5 20:08
标题: 9.4 独立 tpo9
A good leader is also a good listener who can make his employees feel free to talk about his feelings and ideas, which will exert a positive effect on the whole team. Therefore, I totally agree with the statement that an efficient leader will always let his underlings achieve a sense of participation.
First of all, an efficient leader can always make a project moves quickly and successfully, making every employee feel that he is in part of a decision can greatly stimulate those diligent members so the efficiency of the whole can be improved. No one can deny the fact that teamwork, as a predominate way to improve employees' work ability and efficiency, is used by many successful efficient leaders. I still remembered last semester, I joined in a(n)English club named English Garden. I had a very impressive experience to work with Robert, the leader of our english club. I felt so happy and energetic everyday at that time because I finally find a place to practice myself. He let every one (everyone) express his or her opinions in every decision making meeting, in turn, all the members in that club worked with passion and high efficiency. He is absolutely an efficient leader.
In addition, in order to accumulate more useful and practical ideas, an efficient leader should always try to make everyone participate in decision making. Good decisions and plans can directly result in one company or teams' success. Steve Jobs is a real inspiration for everyone who want to make a difference, it is no doubt that he is an efficient leader, but it is not his own decisions and ideas that bring I phone and I pad to the world. He try his best to make his every underlings (underling) achieve a sense of participation. That is why Apple company becomes a symbol of innovation and teamwork.
Lastly, the essence (essential) part of success of a company or a team lies in both leader's and his underling's efficiency, but besides let everyone achieve a sense of participation, an efficient leader should still keep his own mind. He or she need to encounter disputes among team members in making decision(s).Only in this way can a good leader make himself and his whole team working with high efficiency.
To sum up, for the above analyzing, I strongly incline. I strongly incline to the view that an efficient leader will always try to make everyone feel that he's inpart of a decision making.
自己在写这篇的时候~就特别痛苦~总觉得没有支持论点的论据。但是看完咩咩写的之后~觉得举例子的举得特别好~我写的那篇就都很空洞.....而且~交作业交晚了~深深的内疚....
The professor is not in agreement with that of the reading passage, which suggests that hydrogen-based fuel-cell engine will probably soon replace the internal-combustion engines. She uses three specific reasons to support her idea.
First of all, the professor admits that oil is a finite resource and will exert a negative effect on the environment. However, the reading passage fails to state that hydrogen is a good replacement of petroleum(是不是应该使用这个发动机去替换另外一种发动机吧~不是用hydrogen 去replace petroleum).The fact is that hydrogen is not as easily available as the reading suggests. Purified liquid state hydrogen, which can directly used to power cars, is a highly artificial substance, and it is difficult to produce and store.
Second, according to the reading passage, hydrogen-based fuel cells will solve many pollution problems. However the professor argues that it cannot solveenvironment (environmental) problems associated with cars, because the purification equipment, which used to produce hydrogen, require(s)a lot of energy generated by burning oil and coal, these burning oil and coal will definitely harm the environment.
Last but not least, she points out that manufacturing the fuel-cell is expensive because it requires a kind of rare and expensive metal. Without this metal, hydrogen cannot chemically react to create electricity that powers the cars. And all the experiment generated to find the replacement of this metal by far ended up with failure. Therefor,the reading is wrong to demonstrate that fuel-cell engines are economically competitive
作者: 羊咩咩yw 时间: 2012-9-6 15:17
TPO 10
The professor disagree with the explanation of the reading passage, which suggest that the pollution hypothesis seemed the more likely of two. She argues that the predators hypothesis is more convincing. And in the lecture, she uses three specific points to support her idea.
First of all, according to the reading passage, it is the increased levels of chemicals that indirectly cause sea otter's death. However, the professor points out that the pollution hypothesis is weakened by the fact that nobody can find sea otter's dead body in the shore. If it is the increased chemical kill the sea otter,people can find sea otter's dead body in the shore immediately.
Second, she convincingly argues that it is the human hunter that the number of whale decline, so that the orca change his appetite to small sea mammals, which is the reason why other sea mammals were also decline. Therefor , the reading passage is wrong to claim that the environment pollution affect the otter's decline as well as other sea mammals.
Last but not least, she points out that the uneven pattern of otter decline prove his ideas in the opposite way. She says that the otters likes to live in rocky and shallow area, where the orca is so big that cannot attack them, so in such place the number of otters remained stable, and in the other places where the orca can access to , the otter population declined greatly.
作者: vivian873921 时间: 2012-9-6 21:24
The professor disagree(s)with the explanation of the reading passage, which suggest(s)that the pollution hypothesis seemed the more likely of two. She argues that the predators hypothesis is more convincing. And in the lecture, she uses three specific points to support her idea.
First of all, according to the reading passage, it is the increased levels of chemicals that indirectly cause sea otter's death. However, the professor points out that the pollution hypothesis is weakened by the fact that nobody can find sea otter's dead body in the shore. If it is the increased chemical kill the sea otter,people can find sea otter's dead body in the shore immediately.
听力里面还有说~OTTERS是被捕食者很快的吃掉了~所以木有发现尸体
Second, she convincingly argues that it is the human hunter that the number of whale decline, so that the orca change(s)his appetite to small sea mammals, which is the reason why other sea mammals were also decline(declining). Therefor , the reading passage is wrong to claim that the environment(al)pollution affect the otter's decline as well as other sea mammals. （原文中说orcas have probably started hunting those. So, it probably is the orcas that are causing the decline of all the smaller sea mammals mentioned in the passage - the seals, the sea lions, and the sea otters.是不是ORCAS也吃sea otters.应该他都吃这些小动物吧~我写的时候，是不知道肿么拼orcas，然后自己写成predators了。）
Last but not least, she points out that the uneven pattern of otter decline prove(s) his ideas in the opposite way. She says that the otters likes to live in rocky and shallow area, where the orca is so big that cannot attack them, so in such place the number of otters remained stable, and in the other places where the orca can access to , the otter population declined greatly.
作者: 羊咩咩yw 时间: 2012-9-7 16:31
TPO 11
The professor is not in agreement with that of the reading passage, which suggests that people nowadays reading far less literature-books may exert negative effect on reading public, the culture in general and the literature's future. She uses three specific ideas to support her central opinion, as presented below.
First of all, she points out that besides literature books, there are a lot of other books can stimulate people's intellectual, such as science, political, and historical, which are with high qualities. These kinds of books can also benefit readers a lot. What's more, a decline in literature book reading does not necessary means a decline in book reading generally.
Second, she suggests that a plenty of culture nowadays is not written. Musics and movies are more creative form of culture than books. What's more, he also says that culture is changed today, there are a lot of forms of expressing; and musics and movies are definitely not lower cultures.Therefore, the reading is wrong to argues that diverting time previously spent in reading literature to trivial forms of entertainment has lowered the level of culture in general.
Last but not least, she admits that less supporting in books is true, but she blames this phinominon to those authors rather than the readers. She says that books nowadays are difficult to understand for readers. It is unfair to attributes the less supporting of books to readers only.
9.6 独立
With the development of technology, people nowadays enjoy various convenience that these advanced technologies bring to us. Unfortunately. we also have to face plenty of threatens that created by those high-techs: the environment pollution, and excessive non-renewable energy consumption. Based on those severe problems, I strongly incline to the view that the most important problems in today's world will not be solved in our lifetime
To begin, the environment problems cannot be solved untile people stop using petroleum, burning coal and oil to power cars and industry equipments. Hardly can people imagine the fact that there is no alternative power resource can replace the petroleum and coal. Besides, It is acknowledge that people nowadays cannot live without automobiles. It becomes a necessity in people's daily life. According to a recent reacher in the Internet, up to 2050, over 90% of families in this word will have at least 2 cars for each in average. That is to say, instead of giving up using cars, people in the future will purchase more cars, which will definitely cause a more worse effect on the environment, let alone solve the environment problems. It is more obvious that more cars means more using of petroleum and coal. In this sense, people cannot solve this problem in their life time.
Furthermore, the predominant energy resources ,which used to power cars and industry equipments, in nowadays, such as petroleum and fossil fuel , is non-renewable. The volume of these energy substance is limited. Even though the technology and science have advanced, people cannot find any other replacement as economical as petroleum and fossil fuel. Take the solar energy as an example, after several experiments, scientists have already claimed that solar energy is difficult to concentrate and store. Even though it can be used to power cars and industry equipments, it cannot apply to all the place in this world, especially places without continuous sunlight.
However, some people still argue that to halt the acceleration of environment deterioration, the government has general a lot of laws to prevent people excessively using petroleum and fossil fuel. By this way, the environment problems can be solved in their lifetime. Unfortunately, they forget one fact that I have mentioned in paragraph two, the volume of such substance is limited, keeping people from excessively using does not necessary mean people cannot use. Therefore, it is concluded that the problem that environment pollutions and excessive using of petroleum will definitely cannot be solve in this generation.
To sum up, based on the above analyzing, I still belive that there are lot of problems that people are unable to solve in their lifetime, and the environment pollution and the excessive using of petroleum are the most standing two.
作者: xeyyxzty 时间: 2012-9-7 20:49
熊熊来咯~~~To begin, the environment problems cannot besolved untile people stop using petroleum, burning coal and oil topower cars and industry equipments.（这句话的意思感觉有问题呀，环境问题并不仅仅是指污染造成的吧，荒漠化、水污染、动植物灭绝都是吧，这句话写的有点片面） Hardly can people imagine the fact that there is（应该用虚拟语气什么的吧，我不太懂，would be怎么样？错了告诉我啊） no alternative power resource can replace the petroleum and coal（这句话的结构没有看懂，改成replacing P and C 怎么样）. Besides, It isacknowledged that people nowadays cannot live without automobiles. It(指代autos就应该用they) becomes a necessityin people's daily life. According to a recent reacher(research?还是别的什么) in the Internet, up to 2050, over 90% offamilies inthis word will have at least 2 cars foreach in average. That is to say, instead of giving up using cars,people in the future will purchase morecars, which will definitely cause a more worse effect on the environment, let alone solve theenvironment problems. Itis more obvious that more cars means more usingof petroleum and coal（同学，貌似火车用煤吧~为什么在讨论汽车的时候出现了呢？？？可以换成gas）. In this sense, people cannot solvethis problem in their life time.
你的意思是能源污染环境，而汽车造成污染，人们无法离开汽车，所以问题无法解决~可是我想问一下哦，不只是汽车使用能源吧，而且为什么科技不能创新呢？整段话的感觉都是很片面的讨论~观点不是很convincing~
Furthermore, the predominant energy resources ,which usedto power cars and industry equipments, in nowadays, such as petroleum andfossil fuel ,is non-renewable. Thevolume of these energy substance is limited. Even though the technology andscience have advanced, people cannot find any other replacement as economicalas petroleum and fossil fuel. Take the solar energy as an example, after several experiments,scientists havealready claimed that solar energy is difficultto concentrate and store. Even though it can be used to power cars and industryequipments, it cannot apply(be applied) toall the places in this(the，有关系吗？我也不清楚哈) world, especially places without continuoussunlight.
However, some people still argue thatto halt the acceleration ofenvironment deterioration, the government has general(generate?还是这个词用错地方了) a lot of laws to prevent people excessively using petroleum and fossil fuel（那个，环境破坏为什么一定要绕着能源说呀~咱们换一个吧）. Bythis way, the environment problems can be solved in their lifetime. Unfortunately, they forget onefact that I have mentioned in paragraph two, the volume of such substance islimited, keeping people from excessively using does not necessary（necessarily） meanpeople cannot use.（这句话，貌似是很多句话~我喜欢这样说，unfortunately, they forgot…The volume…limitedthat keeping people…cannot use them.没什么大变化，但是应该没有语法错误了） Therefore, it is concludedthat the problem that environment pollutions and excessive usingof petroleum（第二个问题不是包含在第一个内吗？） willdefinitelycannot be solved in this generation.
To sum up, based on the above analyzing, I still believethat there are a lot of problems that people are unableto solve in their lifetime, and the environment pollution and the excessiveusing of petroleum are the most standing two.
我就是想说~题目是泛泛的指所有问题，这样把问题细化可以吗？最好确定一下吧，感觉有点不靠谱……
作者: 羊咩咩yw 时间: 2012-9-7 21:41
以前我也有和你一样的感觉~~感觉不能把问题往细了写，但是和几个高分牛人讨论过之后，得出的一直建议是一定要往实，细写。对于当今世界最大的问题个人有个人的理解，所以往泛了写容易写虚，我是这样想的呢~~呵呵，当今的世界最大的问题应该是环境和能源比较热议（我觉得这两个比较好写），环境污染，和能源短缺不是一回事，首先第一段~说的是环境污染，从大方面来讲我觉得只要人们还在用石油当能源来驱动汽车，环境问题就得不到缓解，第二个方面是人们不能解决能源短缺问题，原因是一方面面石油不可再生，人类在没办法再造，二是新型能源运用面不广也没有石油经济实惠~~所以就选了这两个问题呢~~“你的意思是能源污染环境，而汽车造成污染，人们无法离开汽车，所以问题无法解决~可是我想问一下哦，不只是汽车使用能源吧，而且为什么科技不能创新呢？整段话的感觉都是很片面的讨论~观点不是很convincing~”
我只是从一个方面去写，不能把所有环境问题都写完~面面俱到有点难，我文中并没有说只有汽车使用石油影响环境是唯一的原因，但汽车确实是最outstanding的一个呢~~所以想往细了写，就选了这个，可能是开头的那句话写得有点太肯定了，所以会造成这种效果，我去改改TS~谢谢熊熊的指正呢
作者: ioioke 时间: 2012-9-8 10:19
The professor is not in agreement with that of the reading passage, which suggests that people nowadays reading far less literature-books may exert negative effect on reading public, the culture in general and the literature's future. She uses three specific ideas to support her central opinion, as presented below.
First of all, she points out that besides literature books, there are a lot of other books can stimulate people's intellectual, such as science, political, and historical,（and连接的三个词词性不同呀） which are with high qualities. These kinds of books can also benefit readers a lot. What's more, a decline in literature book reading does not necessary means a decline in book reading generally.
Second, she suggests that a plenty of culture nowadays is not written. Musics（music 没有复数形式） and movies are more creative form of culture than books. What's more, he also says that culture is changed today, there are a lot of forms of expressing; and musics（music 没有复数形式）and movies are definitely not lower cultures.Therefore, the reading is wrong to argues that diverting time previously spent in reading literature to trivial forms of entertainment has lowered the level of culture in general.
Last but not least,（这里面的the可加可不加） she admits that less supporting in books is true, but she blames this phinominon（phenomenon）to those authors rather than the readers. She says that books nowadays are difficult to understand for readers. It is unfair to attributes the less supporting of books to readers only.
不好意思，没能及时给你改综合，我是北美时间，而且要带孩子，只能晚上改，昨晚12点（北京下午1点）的时候还没看到你的文章，结果就拖到现在了。我下次注意哈，改的不对的请指出。语言很流畅，听力部分也都包含了，请教一下，你觉得综合要写结尾总结么？
作者: 羊咩咩yw 时间: 2012-9-8 13:53
没关系的呢~给我批改的时间按你的时间来就好呢，综合不着急，但是小组貌似规定是十点前改完，我也是在看分组的时候发现你还没有给我改完所以没分到组呢，所以建议你给队长说一下你的时差问题，我觉得时间够的话结尾最好写上，因为我每次写完最后一段都来不及~所以我都没有写结尾， 我加快打字的速度，力争结尾加上~~谢谢给我批改哟
作者: 羊咩咩yw 时间: 2012-9-8 16:53
TPO12The professor is not in agreement with that of the reading passage, which suggests that the girl in the professional portrait is Jane Austen. He argues that evidences link to Austen is not at all convincing. He uses three specific ideas to support his idea, as presented below.
First of all, the professor points out that even though the Austen' s family itself has endorsed the claim that the girl in the portrait is Jane, it dose not necessarily mean it is a portrait of Jane' s teenager image. When the portrait authorized in an edition of Jane' s letters, Jane had been dead foe almost seventeen years, even the Austen family has never been seen her at that time.
Second, he points out that the standard Austen family is very large, Jane had a lot of nephews and neeses were teenagers during the relevant period. Therefore, there has a possibility that the girl in that portrait is one of Jane' s neeses who was resemble with her. And there are two subjects named Marry and C resembled with Jane, they were Jane' s distant neeses.
Last but not least, only the style links to Humphrey cannot prove the time of this portrait. According to the professor, there are other evidences that point out the late date of this portrait. The canvas that this portrait painted on was soled by a man named William Leg, however, he did not soled canvas in London when Jane was a teenager. The fact is that William soled canvas in London when Jane was a 27 years girl.
作者: kchszy061ban 时间: 2012-9-8 17:12
蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误
TPO12The professor is not in agreement with that of the reading passage,（感觉这里就不要用逗号，非限制性定语从句我总是误以为是修饰句子）which suggests that the girl in the professional portrait is Jane Austen. He argues that evidences link to Austen is（are） not at all convincing. He uses three specific ideas to support his idea, as presented below.
First of all, the professor points out that even though the Austen' s family itself has endorsed the claim that the girl in the portrait is Jane, it dose not necessarily mean it is a portrait of Jane' s teenager image. When the portrait authorized in an edition of Jane' s letters, Jane had been dead foe（for） almost seventeen years, even the Austen family has never been seen her at that time.
Second, he points out that the standard Austen family is very large, Jane had a lot of nephews and neeses were teenagers during the relevant period. Therefore, there has a possibility that the girl in that portrait is one of Jane' s neeses who was resemble with her. And there are two subjects named Marry and C resembled with Jane, they were Jane' s distant neeses.（yangyang你听力的点很好，但是不全的不要写上额，句子逻辑也处理一下）
Last but not least, only the style links to Humphrey cannot prove the time of this portrait. According to the professor, there are other evidences that point out the late date of this portrait. The canvas that this portrait painted on was soled by a man named William Leg, however, he did not soled canvas in London when Jane was a teenager. The fact is that William soled canvas in London when Jane was a 27 years girl。（这里句子逻辑处理下就很好啦）
Yangyang自己改写下吧，嘿嘿，改后我看额， yangyang，、、、、、、最近忙了么？是不是开学课很多？
作者: 羊咩咩yw 时间: 2012-9-8 19:16
9.7 Some people think university professors should spend more time doing research while others think they should spend more time educating students. What is your view?
I totally agree with the statement that professor should spend more time on doing research rather than educating student. Traditionally, college students, it is thought, benefit from the professional assistance and education form professors. However, with the development of various academic files, students nowadays can benefit from practical knowledge of professors' research.
At the very beginning, students can gain research background if they are enrolled as volunteers in professors' research project. With this research background, one students can have more opportunities to find a good job. For people pursuing a college education in university, return on investment is usually a key factor in their consideration. Obviously, providing students more practical skills and knowledge form research is the best chose. According to a recent research on the internet, college student who has research background or working experience can have more interview chances among top companies than others do.
Furthermore, by doing research, professors can help college gain a higher reputation which benefits universities, the professor himself/herself, and the students in many ways. With a higher reputation, one university can not only attract top students to study in, but also can get more investment from different companies to support more research project. Take may professor's milk packaging research as an example. This special packaging can keep milk from bacteria during a long time without using . Plenty of milk company invest this project for making more profits. In this case, spending more time on doing research is more beneficial for both university and students.
However, some people still argue that the main responsibility for a college professor is to educate students. If they spend more time on doing research, they can not have enough time to provide professional assistance and advices to students. Unfortunately, the are confused with the problem that professor spend more time on doing research dose not necessarily means they cannot devote enough time on education. Besides, according to points in the paragraph two, students can get more practical knowledge and skills form professor's research.
To sum up, with all the aspects into consideration, I support university professors spend more time on doing research.
作者: 羊咩咩yw 时间: 2012-9-8 19:21
我大四了呢~~没有多少课了，所以没有很忙，整天忙托福和G，额~~，我马上就要考了呢~作文还是没有谱~想办法克服30分钟300字的坏习惯中~
作者: kchszy061ban 时间: 2012-9-8 19:41
蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误
I totally agree with the statement that professor should spend more time on doing research rather than educating student. Traditionally, college students, it is thought, benefit from the professional assistance and education form(from) professors. However, with the development of various academic files, students nowadays can benefit from practical knowledge of professors' research.
At the very beginning, students can gain research background if they are enrolled as volunteers in professors' research project. With this research background, one students can have more opportunities to find a good job. For people pursuing a college education in university, return on investment is usually a key factor in their consideration. Obviously, providing students more practical skills and knowledge form research is the best chose. According to a recent research on the internet, college student who has research background or working experience can have more interview chances among top companies than others do.
Furthermore, by doing research, professors can help college gain a higher reputation which benefits universities, the professor himself/herself, and the students in many ways. With a higher reputation, one university can not only attract top students to study in, but also can get more investment from different companies to support more research projects. Take may professor's milk packaging research as an example. This special packaging can keep milk from bacteria during a long time without using . Plenty of milk company invest this project for making more profits. In this case, spending more time on doing research is more beneficial for both university and students.(这里上面没有提到students额，嗯。)
However, some people still argue that the main responsibility for a college professor is to educate students. If they spend more time on doing research, they can not have enough time to provide professional assistance and advices to students. Unfortunately, the（they） are confused with the problem that professor spend more time on doing research dose not necessarily means they cannot devote enough time on education. Besides, according to points in the paragraph two, students can get more practical knowledge and skills form professor's research.
To sum up, with all the aspects into consideration, I support university professors spend more time on doing research.
Yangyang的结构和内容都不错了，练打字速度就很容易了哈。只要勤动手就可以啦。另外就是不光内容要好。加入一些复杂句式来吧
作者: 羊咩咩yw 时间: 2012-9-9 16:39
9.8 独立In an industrial day, people ask for effectiveness and efficiency from almost everything. Obviously, the most efficacious way for a company to improve its average efficiency is to improve its employees' work skill. Therefore, I strongly incline to the view that the most important investment of a company is to improve its employees' work skills.
One of my explanation seems to be that only the employee who has excellent work ability can bring a company a long-term benefits. For most company owners pursuing a high profits in a long run, return on investment is usually a key factor in their consideration. And it is well aware that excellent employee is the key stone to access profits. Take the most profitable technology company Apple IR as an example, according to a data from the internet,it spend 2000 million dollar a year, at least one times higher than other domestic investment, to improve employees' work ability.The leader of this company once had said that I was so glade to spend money on cultivate my employees because the future of this company was in their hands.
Another consideration to my judge is that employees with excellent work ability can bring consumer high -quality products which is the most popular goods the whole public want. On the other hand, high-quality products can help one company build its band and reputation. Take Lenovo as an example, it is a domestic company in our country. In the very beginning, people do not believe its products because the low quality and short using age of its products. But now it becomes the most famous computer manufacture company in this world, because 4 years before, the leader of this company decided to spend huge amount of money to cultivate his employees who can help him to created high qualified products. In this case, it is better for a company to spend more money to improve its employees' work ability.
However, some people still argues that the most important investment of a company is to make novel products to attract consumers and to create demanding. It is true that people tend to buy novel things that they curious about. But once they find these products are out of using, or with low quality, they will never buy it anymore;and the producers will end up with bankrupt. So, this argument is a possible way , but not a probable one. On the contrary, the high-quality product which produced by excellent employees can not only retain loyal consumers, but also can attract more potential consumers. In this sense, it is a wise move for a company leader to put the most essential investment to improve his employees' work skills.
Personally, I tend to believe that employees are the most important element of a successful company. Without of excellent employees, one company cannot find their own way to access a long run profits. So, I support the view that
作者: 羊咩咩yw 时间: 2012-9-9 18:13
TPO13
The professor's opinion is not in agreement with that of the reading passage, which suggests that selling the fossils to private ownership will exert a negative effect on scientists and the general public. She argues that the benefits of private fossils selling greatly out-weight the disadvantages. She uses three specific ideas to support her point.
First of all, she points out that the fossils can be great exposure for the public but not less exposure. Selling fossils to private owners can make a lot of fossils available. And the public schools and libraries can buy fossils in a legal way. That is to say, the public can have more chances to get access to most important fossils. It is directly opposite with the reading passage.
Second, she agues that the idea that scientists are likely to lose some of important fossils is also not realistic. Before people put value on a fossil, it needs to be identified first. And only the scientists can identified fossils. It means that all fossils sold to public owners should pass the hands of scientists. They can get more accesses to identify fossils rather than miss them out.
Last but not least, she claims that it is better for more fossils to be found rather than remain underneath. There are not many fossil collection institutions in universities or science institutions. So, even though the commercial collects may make some damages, it is better than to bury them under the earth.
作者: ykhjy 时间: 2012-9-9 21:38
TPO12修改
lz，抱歉来晚了 刚刚有网~ 不过我看有人给你改了 我的意见给你参考下吧
蓝色good 黄色需修改 红色我改的 绿色批注建议
The professor is not in agreement with that of the reading passage, which suggests that the girl in the professional portrait is Jane Austen. He argues that evidences link to Austen[这里觉得不大好，不如说全，evidences to prove that the subject of the portrait is Jane]is not at all convincing. He uses three specific ideas[aspects这个词好像也不大好..]to support his idea, as presented below.
First of all, the professor points out that even though the Austen' s family itself has endorsed the claim that the girl in the portrait is Jane, it dose not necessarily mean it is a portrait of Jane' s teenager image. When the portrait authorized in an edition of Jane' s letters, Jane had been dead foe almost seventeen years, even the Austen family has never been seen her at that time.
Second, he points out that the standard Austen family is very large,[and] Jane had a lot of nephews and neeses were teenagers during the relevant period. Therefore, there has a possibility that the girl in that portrait is one of Jane' s neeses[我听到的好像是cousin吧]who was resembledwith her. And there are two subjects named Marry and C resembled with[这个是固定搭配？]Jane, they were Jane' s distant neeses.【最好再点明下lecture中的contradics reading passage 】
Last but not least, only the style links to Humphrey cannot prove the time of this portrait. According to the professor, there are other evidences that point out the late date of this portrait. The canvas that this portrait painted on was soled by a man named William Leg, however, he did not soled canvas in London when Jane was a teenager. The fact is that William soled canvas in London when Jane was a 27 years girl.
【lz细节很全，再修改一些结构性的句子形成自己的模板应该就很厉害了。要注意点明lecture反对reading】
作者: xeyyxzty 时间: 2012-9-9 21:47
In an industrial day(这是什么意思？),people ask for effectiveness and efficiency from almost everything. Obviously, the most efficacious way for a company to improve its average efficiency is to improve its employees' work skill. Therefore, I strongly incline tothe view that the most important investment of a company is to improve itsemployees' work skills.
这段话吧~obviously就使整篇文章讨论的很没有意义了~建议去掉，换成别的什么~
One of myexplanations seems to be that only the employee who hasexcellent work ability can bring a company a long-termbenefits. For most companyowners pursuing a high profits in a long run, return oninvestment is usually a key factor in their consideration. And it is well awaredthat excellent employees is(are) the key stone to access profits(gain profits怎么样). Take the most profitable technology companyApple IR as an example, according to a data（statistics怎么样） from the internet,it spends2000 million dollar a year, at least one timeshigher than other domestic investment, to improve employees' workability.The leader of this（个人偏向用the）company once had(has，过去完成时不对吧)said that I (he，这是间接引用话语)was so glade tospend money on cultivate(cultivating) my(his/the)employees because the future of this company was in their hands.
Another consideration to my judge is thatemployees with excellent work ability can bring consumers high -quality products which is the most popular goods the whole public want(不是很明白要说什么，高品质产品最流行？这个~popular不恰当吧). On the other hand, high-quality products can help one company build its band and reputation（不确定是否这样用哈）.Take Lenovo as an example, it is a domestic company inour country. In(at)the very beginning,people do not believeits products(感觉不是很对~trust?或者别的什么)because of the low quality and short using age of its products. But now it becomes themost famous computer manufacture companyin this world, because 4 years before, the leader of this company decided to spend huge amount of money to cultivate hisemployees who can help him to createdhigh qualified products. In this case, it is better for a company tospend more money to improve its employees' work ability.
However, some people still argues that the mostimportant investment of a company is to make novel products toattract consumers and to create demanding. It is true thatpeople tend to buy novel things that they are curiousabout. But once they find these products are out of using（这是什么意思？不能用了？这个，貌似不只是novel things需要更换吧。我不是很理解你的意思哈）, or with low quality, they will never buy it(products~them) anymore;and the producers willend up with bankrupt. So, this argument is a possible way（不好意思，这句也不是很明白） , but not aprobable one. On the contrary, the high-quality product which produced byexcellent employees can not only retain loyal consumers, but also can attract morepotential consumers. In this sense, it is a wise move for a company leader toput the most essential investment to improve his employees' work skills.
Personally, I tend to believe that employeesare the most important element of a successful company. Without of excellentemployees, one company cannot find their（its）own way to access along run profits. So, I support the view that
这篇文章，小毛病有点多~
还有就是用词重复，不停的说那几个关键词~
然后就是有的句子我不是很明白你要表达的意思~这个就请见谅啦
还有就是说最高级的时候貌似说one of the most...比较好~
你看看我改的，可能有不对的地方~再交流~
作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-9-9 23:17
TPO13
Sorry,来晚了= =
The professor's opinion is not in agreement with that of the reading passage, which suggests that selling the fossils to private ownership(ownership更倾向于所有权的意思，建议咩咩用private businessmen/owners)will exert a negative effect on scientists and the general public. She argues that the benefits of private fossils selling greatly out-weight the disadvantages. She uses three specific ideas to support her point.(这一段整个字数很多哦，考试的时候是限制字数的，225一下~，所以最后一句可以不要或者改成by using three ideas.)
First of all, she points out that the fossils can be great exposure for the public but not less exposure（重复）. Selling fossils to private owners can make a lot of fossils available. And the public schools and libraries can buy fossils in a legal way. That is to say, the public can have more chances to get access to most important（这一点文章貌似没有提呀） fossils. It is directly oppositewith the reading passage.（这句感觉也多余了）
Second, she agues that the idea that scientists are likely to lose some of important fossils（这段重点的是some discoveries of the fossils ） is also not realistic. Before people put value on a fossil, it needs to be identified first. And only the scientists can identified fossils. It means that all fossils sold to public owners should pass the hands of scientists. They can get more accesses to identify fossils rather than miss（missing） them out.
Last but not least, she claims that it is better for more fossils to be found rather than remain underneath. There are not many fossil collection institutions in universities or science institutions. So, even though the commercial collects may make some damages, it is better than to bury them under the earth.
Conclusion:咩咩的综合写的已经不错了，找不到错了...不过要注意控制字数哦，婷婷也有这样的问题，还有每个段最后没有必要来个总结，这个是以防字数不够时用的招~
ETS倾向于多写一些听力的细节
作者: 羊咩咩yw 时间: 2012-9-11 18:07
TPO15
The reading passage talks about several measures to stop the spread of the cane toad in Australia. On the country, the professors claims that these measures will not be feasible to stop the spread of those animals. She uses three specific ideas to oppose the main measures of the reading passage, as presented below.
First of all, she points that the young cane toads and cane toad eggs are living in the strings or the lacks. They will be carried from one side to the other sides by the water in those strings or lacks. Therefore, the fence cannot prevent cane toads from moving into other parts of Australia. It is opposite with the reading passage.
Second, she holds that the cane toad cannot be easily captured and destroyed by volunteers who without professional training. Instead of destroy the cane toads, those volunteers, who do not receive the profession training, may destroy another frog species.This kind of frog looks like the cane toads, especially the young cane toads. And this kind of frogs have already in danger. Therefore the reading is wrong to suggests that cane toads can easily be captured by hand.
Last but not least, contradicting to what is stated in the reading that a disease-causing virus will not harm most of the infected species, the professor argues that it can attract the native cane toads in American , which is one part of the local ecosystem. She explains that the cane toads which infect by this virus might be taken to other places by scientists or other persons. So, this method cannot be feasible.
9.10 独立
I strongly incline to the view that the ability to adapt oneself to the new environment is more important than excellent knowledge for a people who want to achieve success in a new job. There are two reasons behind my opinion.
At the first place, people, who can adapt to different environment, have the ability keep a good relationship with his/her colleagues in his new job, which will exert a positive effect in his/her job fulfillment. No one in this world is entirely independent or is omnipotent. We need other people's help or assistance when we encounter some troubles or challenges. If we cannot get along with our colleagues, which is because we cannot adapt ourselves to new environment, it would be much more tough for us to solve those problems along. Take my working experience as an example, I still remembered last year, I had a bad experience in my first job after graduated. I was a assiduous students in an famous university, I learn a lot of excellent knowledge from my professor. However, I did not learn how to relate with other peoples in school, which makes me fell awkward to communicate with my colleagues. So it is hard for me to do paper works along during a short time without my colleagues' helps. I felt down and blue at that time, I gave up my first work which I loved most. In this sense, knowing how to adapt oneself to new environment is more crucial than having excellent knowledge.
Besides, knowing how to adapt to a new environment can improve one's efficiency and quality of job fulfillment. No one can deny the fact that in order to adapt a new environment, it is necessary for one to communicate with others. People who know how to communicate with his/her colleagues can improve his/her efficiency of job fulfillment. With the excellent ability of working fulfillment, one can easily succeed in doing a new job.
Of course, we need to admit that knowledge is power, which can make a people outstanding. Without professional knowledge in a particular filed, one can hardly make a big difference. However, before one individual can use his excellent knowledge, the most important thing for him/her is to adapt to a new work environment.
Personally, I tend to believe that people who have the ability to adapt to new environment can get further along in his/her career, even though he/she without excellent knowledge.
作者: 小兔爱twins 时间: 2012-9-11 20:41
Istrongly incline to the view that the ability to adapt oneself to the newenvironment is more important than excellent knowledge for a people who want toachieve success in a new job. Thereare two reasons behind my opinion. （很直白，可以稍微包装一下开头，有一点不是很明白 你有两个mainreasons 为什么body分了三段。。。 ）
At the firstplace, people, who can adapt to different environment, have theability keep a good relationship with his/hercolleagues in his new job, which will exert a positive effect in （我觉得on比较好）his/her job fulfillment. No one in this world isentirely independent or is omnipotent.We need other people's help or assistance when we encounter some troubles orchallenges. If we cannot get along with our colleagues, which is because wecannot adapt ourselves to new environment, it would be much more tough for usto solve those problems along. Take my working experience as an example, Istill remembered last year, I had a bad experience in my first job aftergraduated. I was a assiduous students in an famous university, Ilearn a lot of excellent knowledge frommy professor. However, I did not learn how torelate with other peoples in school, which makes me fell awkward tocommunicate with my colleagues. So it is hard for me to dopaper works along during a short time without my colleagues' helps. I felt down andblue at that time, I gave up my first work which I loved most. In this sense,knowing how to adapt oneself to new environment is more crucial than having excellent knowledge.（表述上没有大问题 建议句型要注意变化）
Besides, knowinghow to adapt to a new environment can improve one's efficiency and quality of job fulfillment. No one can deny thefact that in order to adapt a new environment, it is necessary for one to communicate with others. People who know how to communicatewith his/her colleagues can improve his/her efficiency of job fulfillment.With the excellent ability of working fulfillment, one can easilysucceed in doing a new job. （fulfillment这个词有蛮多可以替换的 建议换换）
Of course, we need to admit（用一个副词去替换 grantedly，admittedly 都可以）that knowledge is power, which can make a people outstanding. Withoutprofessional knowledge in a particular filed, one can hardly make a bigdifference. However, before one individual can use his excellent knowledge, themost important thing for him/her is to adapt to a new work environment.（这段建议完善一下。。。 观点没有讲到位 有点薄弱的说理）
Personally, Itend to believe that people who have the ability to adapt to new environmentcan get further along in his/her career, even though he/she without excellentknowledge.（这结尾语气写的有点点像开头。。。多看看范文哈~~）
作者: fuzhengrui 时间: 2012-9-11 21:55
要点齐全但是语法上面有点小问题
The reading passage talks about several measures to stop the spread of the cane toad in Australia. On the country, the professors claims that these measures will not be feasible to stop the spread of those animals. She uses three specific ideas to oppose the main measures of the reading passage, as presented below.
First of all, she points (OUT) that the young cane toads and cane toad eggs are living in the strings(STREAMS) or the lacks(???). They will be carried from one side to the other sides(删了sides) by the water in those strings or lacks. Therefore, the fence cannot prevent cane toads from moving into other parts of Australia. It is opposite with the reading passage.
Second, she holds that the cane toad cannot be easily captured and destroyed by volunteers who without professional training. Instead of destroy the cane toads, those volunteers who do not receive the profession training, may destroy another frog species.This kind of frog looks like the cane toads, especially the young cane toads. And this kind of frogs have already(been) in danger. Therefore the reading is wrong to suggests that cane toads can easily be captured by hand.
Last but not least, contradicting to what is stated in the reading that a disease-causing virus will not harm most of the infected species, the professor argues that it can attract(affect) the native cane toads in American which is one part of the local ecosystem. She explains that the cane toads which infect by this virus might be taken to other places by scientists or other persons. So, this method cannot be feasible.
作者: 羊咩咩yw 时间: 2012-9-13 18:55
TPO17
The reading passage talks about a phenomenon that because of the increasing of human population, the number of birds in the United Stated will necessarily decline. On the country, the professor claims that the arguments in the reading are not convincing, She uses three specific ideas to oppose the main claims of the reading passage.
First of all, it is true that the development of urbanization may exert a negative effect to the birds, but it is dose not necessary mean these activities will harm all the types of birds. Sh argues that the fact is that the expending of settlements provides more larger and suitable habitat for some kinds of birds., and the size of those bird populations become more larger now.
Second, she points out it is also true that the growth of agriculture will harm the distraction of birds habitats but it is not in the way assumed in the reading passage. With the introduction of new kinds of crops, which can produce more foods, less and less wilderness area are converted to agricultural use.
Last but not least, she claims that in the past, the using of chemical pesticides did do harm to the birds. But with the development of science, new less toxic pesticides are introduced to use in agriculture. Besides, there also has a growing trend to produce new type of crops which is genetically transformed can resist the insects by themselves. Therefore, the birds will not be harmed by those chemical pesticides.
9.12 独立
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Patience is usually not a good strategy. We should take action now rather than later.
I disagree with the statement that patience is usually not a good strategy, and we should take action now. In fact, hardly can one define the concept of patience accurately due to the diverse ideas of different people. But as far as I am concerned, I tend to believe that people with patience are willing to spend time thinking about how to fulfill tasks and goals in a logical way with discretion, and it also indicates that people should take action in the right time and right location rather than now.
One of my explanation is that people who are able to keep patient can increase the possibility of success. Doing things in a logical way can help people avoid many unnecessary troubles. That is to say, people can have a continuous performance without making mistakes,either in business or in society, if they are willing to take a over all thinking before take action. Take Steve Jobs as an example, it is well aware that it takes a long time for him to introduce a new product to all his consumers. High quality and fantastic design of his products tell us that only after a lot of discussions and tests among Steve's team, can it provide us a enjoyable using experience. In this case, patience is the main key of people's success.
Another consideration to my judge is that taking action immediately may result in big disasters. Without carefully thinking, people will make a lot of mistakes. Some mistake can revise easily, but the others will bring serious consequences. For business person, hasty decisions for investments may lead to bankrupt. For doctors, their impulsive behaviour may exert a harmful effect on patients' lives. For teachers, without being patience for their students, they may lose their confidence in studs. Such examples tell us that we cannot take action just because we want to do it, we need to calm down and be patient to make a plan to avoid making mistakes. In this sense, patience is good strategy for all of us.
Of course, we should admit that in some special cases people should take action as soon as possible. When students feel bed about their performance in school, they should take action now. And when we do not see our family members during a long time, we should take action now. But, after we make all the decisions, we need to be patient enough to take all things down. Therefore, patience is one of the most valuable merits for every person to persue and it is usually a good strategy.
In conclusion, in order to avoid making irreparable mistakes, people should learn how to keep patient in their lives. Patience is one of the most valuable merits and it play a necessary role in the process of people's whole lives.
作者: xeyyxzty 时间: 2012-9-13 21:14
能力有限哈~可能评价的不是很到位
I disagree with the statement that patience isusually not a good strategy, and we should take action now. In fact, hardly canone(anyone?个人感觉哈) definethe concept of patience accurately due to the diverse ideas of different people. But asfar as I am concerned, I tend to believe that people with patience are willingto spend time thinking about how to fulfill tasksand goals（有这个用法吗？还是achieve goals?） in a logical way with discretion, and it(我不太清楚这个指代的是什么) alsoindicates that people should take action in the righttime and right location rather than now.
One of my explanations is that people who are able to keep patient can increasethe possibility of success. Doing things in a logical way can help people avoidmany unnecessary troubles. That is to say, people can have a continuous performance without making mistakes,either in business or in society, ifthey are willing to take an over all thinking before takeàtakingaction. Take Steve Jobs as an example, it is well aware that it takes a longtime for him to introduce a new product to all his consumers. High quality and fantastic design of his products tell usthat only after a lot of discussions andtests among Steve's team, can it provide us a enjoyable using experience.(我明白你意思，但是这么写很奇怪~only aftercareful tests can the products, which have high quality and fantastic design,offer consumers enjoyable experience，你再改一下吧) In thiscase, patience is the main key of people's success.
Another consideration to my judge is thattaking action immediately may result in big disasters（不确定disasters是否恰当哈）. Without carefully thinking, people will makea lot of mistakes. Some mistakes can reviseeasily(be found if revised) , but the otherswill bring serious consequences. Forbusiness person-->businessmen, hasty decisions for investments may leadto bankrupt. For doctors, their impulsive behaviour may exert a harmful effect on patients' lives.For teachers, without being patience for their students, they may lose theirconfidence in studs. Such examples tell us that we cannot take action justbecause we want to do it, we need to calm down and be patient to make a plan toavoid making mistakes. In this sense, patience is good strategy for all of us.
貌似这两段都是在说mistakes吧~区分不是很明显~个人意见
Of course, we should admit that in some special cases peopleshould take action as soon as possible. When students feel bed（don’t satisfy with their performance） abouttheir performance in school, they should take action nowàimmediately. And when we do not see our family members during a longtime, we should take action nowàimmediately/ without hesitation. But, after we make all the decisions, we needto be patient enough to take allthings down（什么意思？）.Therefore, patience is one of the most valuable merits for every person topersue and it is usually a good strategy.
In conclusion, in order to avoid makingirreparable mistakes, people should learn how to keep patient in their lives.Patience is one of the most valuable merits and it plays a necessary rolein the process of people's whole lives.
觉得说理的部分不是很convincing~
然后句子有各种小错误~
作者: tracyn 时间: 2012-9-14 01:23
TPO17
The reading passage talks about a phenomenon that because of the increaseing of human population, the number of birds in the United Stated will necessarily decline. On the country, the professor claims that the arguments in the reading are not convincing, She uses three specific ideas to oppose the main claims of the reading passage.
First of all, it is true that the development of urbanization may exert a negative effect to on the birds, but it is dose not necessary mean these activities will harm all the types of birds这句话有点奇怪. She argues that the fact is that the expendingexpanding(这个词能不能这么用不太清楚耶~~) of settlements provides more larger and more suitable habitats for some kinds of birds., and the size of those bird populations become more larger now.
Second, she points out that it is also true that the growth of agriculture will harm the distractionof birds’ habitats, but it is not in the way assumed in the reading passage. With the introduction of new kinds of crops, which can produce more foods, less and less wilderness areas are converted to agricultural use ones.
Last but not least, she claims that in the past, the usingusage of chemical pesticides did do harm to the birds. But with the development of science, new less toxic 这样的话最好把一个形容词变成从句 pesticides are introduced to use in agriculture. Besides, there also hasis a growing trend to produce new type of crops which isare genetically transformed and can resist the insects by themselves. Therefore, the birds will not be harmed by those chemical pesticides.
内容方面基本没什么问题啦～～
作者: 羊咩咩yw 时间: 2012-9-14 18:41
9. 13 独立
Colleges and universities should offer students a better job preparation before they start working.
In recent years, the idea that offering students a better job preparation before they start working has gained increasing support in most places of China. Some people even argue that in order to find ideal jobs after graduation, students should choose more preparation courses instead of traditional subjects in the last year of college. I totally agree with them.
The main reason to provide students a better job preparation is that they can adapt themselves to a new environment during a short time, which will help them build their confidence in future work. Most student, if not all , are protected by parents and teachers in school for at least 20 years, so they do not know how to encounter the troubles and challenges along in a working environment, or, in some cases, they do not know how to keep a good relationship with colleges and supervisors. A good job preparation can provide them some feasible methods to solve those problems and build a positive working attitude. Take my experience as an example, I still remembered 4 years ago I had a wonderful experience in my first job. Based on the knowledge and practical skills learning form my university, I can communicate with my colleagues effectively, with their help, I complete all my jobs in a short time with high quality. It is the job preparation that give me an opportunity to learn how to process all the things related to work.
Another consideration to my judge is that universities can also benefit form offering students a better job preparation. If most of college's students can find their ideal jobs, this will boost the school's reputation among its potential applicants. As a result , universities can enroll more better students who can bring those school a long term benefit. According to a recent research in the Internet with 2500 excellent students in middle school, over 90 percent of them tend to choose a shool with high reputation of employment rate. Therefore, it is necessary for a university to provide job preparation to students.
To sum up, students, it is thought, benefit from the professional assistance of professor, the positive studying environment of campus, and, the most important one, the excellent job preparation from universities. So, we should call upon all the universities to give students a better job transition course in their last stop in school.
作者: bonfin 时间: 2012-9-14 20:36
修改 9. 13 独立
修改 Colleges and universities should offer students a better job preparation before they start working.
In recent years, the idea that offering students a better job preparation before they start working has gained increasing support in most places of China. Some people even argue that in order to find ideal jobs after graduation, students should choose more preparation courses instead of traditional subjects in the last year of college. I totally agree with them.
The main reason to provide students a better job preparation is that they can adapt themselves to a new environment during a short time, which will help them build their confidence in future work. Most student（students）, if not all , are protected by parents and teachers in school for at least 20 years, so they do not know how to encounter the troublesand challenges（改为how to deal with the troubles and challenges they encounter //因为不是怎样遭遇困难，而是怎样解决遭遇的困难，我这么认为哈） along in a working environment, or, in some cases, they do not know how to keep a good relationship with colleges and supervisors. A good job preparation can provide them some feasible methods to solve those problems and build a positive working attitude. Take my experience as an example, I still remembered 4 years ago I had a wonderful experience in my first job. Based on the knowledge and practical skills learning form my university, I can communicate with my colleagues effectively, with their help, I complete all my jobs in a short time with high quality. (这句话是完整的，前面最好用句号)It is the job preparation that give（gives） me an opportunity to learn how to process all the things related to work.
Another consideration to my judge is that universities can also benefit form (from) offering students a better job preparation. If most of college's students can find their ideal jobs, this will boost the school's reputation among its potential applicants. As a result , universities can enroll more better students who can bring those school a long term benefit. According to a recent research in the Internet with 2500 excellent students in middle school, over 90 percent of them tend to choose a shool with high reputation of employment rate. Therefore, it is necessary for a university to provide job preparation to students.
To sum up, students, it is thought, （建议写为it is thought that students）benefit from the professional assistance of professor, the positive studying environment of campus, and, the most important one, the excellent job preparation from universities. So, we should call upon all the universities to give students a better job transition course in their last stop in school.
文章的构思不错，论点比较独特~有些建议修改的地方可以再讨论哈，毕竟只是我的想法啦~
作者: 羊咩咩yw 时间: 2012-9-15 15:23
TO ~9.14给我改作文滴同学，实在不好意思哈，我今天有点事所以不能早点写完，我会在9点贴上来的，然后也会提前去给你改完作文的，实在不好意思哈~~
作者: 羊咩咩yw 时间: 2012-9-15 20:18
9.14 独立
Do you agree with the viewpoint that people are now easier to become educated than in the past?
With the development of education system, the idea that people are now easier to become educated than in the past has gained increasing support in recent years. People feel that they have more chances to receive professional educations nowadays than in the past. I totally agree with them.
First, with the progress of modern technology and science, a lot of alternative sources have been used in education, such as computer, television and the on-line curricula which provides people more chances to be educated. The on-line curricula can help people who hope to gain more knowledge increase their range of study. Besides, more and more television programs impart various types of knowledge. People can be educated at any time and in different locations. Take one famous television programs named Yi Zhan Dao Di as an example, people take part in this programs need to answer different kinds of questions about mathematics, history, language and culture ,etc, at the same time the audience can learn those knowledge form their answers, or they can use send messages to answer those questions. In this case, people nowadays are easier to become educated.
Second, with the increasing of income level, people nowadays can afford more self-study courses and trainings than before. They can learn practical skills and knowledge form these courses which,in the past, were only available in traditional schools. Take New-oriental English School as an example, it provide various class to enroll students at different ages. People can get professional instructions and assistances in there when they are learning English. In contrast, hardly can people find a place to learn English.
Finally, the government has generate more education projects to ensure all the citizens have chances to become educated. Besides, in some underdevelopment areas, primary schools, middles, high schools and even universities have been build to meet the requirements of people's education demanding, which are never happened in the past.
To sum up, thanks for the development of our society to provide us a positive studying environment which filled with advanced technology and teaching methods. Therefore, it is safe to concluded that people now are definitely easier to become educated than in the past.
作者: E月羽 时间: 2012-9-15 20:48
9月14
With the development of education system, the idea that people are now easier to become(没有这种用法get ) educated than in the past has gained increasing support in recent years. People feel that they have more chances to receive professional educations nowadays than in the past. （和上句话重复）I totally agree with them.
First, with the progress of modern technology and science, a lot of alternative（可替代的？available） sources have been used in education, such as computer, television and the on-line curricula which provides people more chances to be educated. The on-line curricula can help people who hope to gain more knowledge increase their range of study. Besides, more and more television programs impart various types of knowledge. People can be educated at any time and in different locations. Take one famous television programs named Yi Zhan Dao Di （你确定它的外文名是这个？）as an example, people take part in this programs need to answer different kinds of questions about mathematics, history, language and culture ,etc, at the same time the audience can learn those knowledge form（from） their answers, or they can use send messages to answer those questions. In this case, people nowadays are easier to become educated.
Second, with the increasing of income level, people nowadays can afford more self-study courses and trainings than before. They can learn(acquired) practical skills and knowledge form(from) these courses which,in the past, were only available in traditional schools. Take New-oriental English School as an example, it provide various class to enroll students at different ages. People can get professional instructions and assistances(单数) in there when they are learning English. In contrast, hardly can people find a place to learn English. ()
Finally, the government has generate(generated) more education projects to ensure all the citizens have chances to become educated. Besides, in some under development areas, primary schools, middles, high schools and even universities have been build to meet the requirements of people's education demanding, which are never happened in the past.
To sum up, thanks for the development of our society to provide us a positive studying environment which filled with advanced technology and teaching methods. Therefore, it is safe to concluded(conclud) that people now are definitely easier to become educated than in the past.
作者词汇基础扎实，拼写也很棒；全文结构较为严谨；作者应适量增加从句的使用量。
| 欢迎光临 ChaseDream (https://forum.chasedream.com/) |
Powered by Discuz! X3.3 |