标题: 蝴蝶渡海的作文贴，让砖来的更猛烈一些吧 [打印本页] 作者: 蝴蝶渡海 时间: 2012-8-19 21:32 标题: 蝴蝶渡海的作文贴，让砖来的更猛烈一些吧 8月19日 Do you agree or disagree, the way a person dressed is a good indication of his/her personality or character
There is no denying that one has to communicate with many unfamiliar faces during the business or studying or exercise. From the long terms experiences, people have summed up the key factors that influences our communication. One of them is that the way a person dressed is a good reflection about one’s character or life attitude. People from all walks of life hold different attitudes toward this issue. Some people advocate that person with fine appearance will give us a good feeling and tell us that he is fine person , while others suggest that we can’t judge one’s personality only by his clothes or face. In my view, I agree with the topic that we can get his or her character by their exteriors.
Above all, my main reason is that the first impression always makes us familiar with someone fundamentally. Though the style of the clothes or the clothes colour they dressed, we can get well know about the person’s disposition or temple. For example, we can image a situation thatwe communicate with the stranger during business or in some public activities. The guy who wear a man’s suit neatly could give you a good impression, we can easily combine “clean””tidy” or other positive words with him. In the contrary, when the guy wears a dirty sports cloth in an official party, in some extent, we always think he has a bad life habit and do not want to acquire with him. That is to say, the appearance will become an index which help us to judge someone’s personality.
What is more, once a scientific magazine publish an essay about the relationship between person’s cloth style and its personality. In that magazine, what it always focuses on is that cloth colour and cloth style can reflect person’s mind in near days. In bad mind, people usually wear dark colour with simple image, furthermore, the unglazed colour worse the bad mind simultaneous. Another important conclusion, people who is outgoing probably wears fashion clothes, they want to delivery an information that they are full of energy and want to attract others in public. Though that essay, we could know that the way a person dressed is a good indication.
Admittedly, everyone wants to have an attractive appreance and wear excellent clothes, who want to keep a good clothes style and positive attitude need to take care of it for a long time. The one who do not care about himself could not focus on others. That is horrible to work with someone who does not care others. Nevertheless, there is still a possibility that a good man with bad dressed and we need to think about a varied of reasons.
In a nutshell, taken what I have mentioned above into consideration, I definitely stand up for the topic that a person’s clothes style can reflect what kind of person who really is. During our work or life, we need to take care of our appearance and remain a good impression to others. 作者: 瓜瓜不瓜 时间: 2012-8-20 19:53 8月19日 Do you agree or disagree, the way a person dressed is a good indication of his/her personality or character
红色错误，蓝色建议，高亮精彩。
There is no denying that one has to communicate with many unfamiliar faces(face这个词语用的略奇怪，确定有这样的表达么？要是不确定就保险一点，people~) during the business or（,） studying or exercise.(我觉得excercise并不与business、study并列，可以去掉。) From the long terms(long-term) experiences, people have summed up the key factors that influences our communication. One of them is that the way a person dressed is a good reflection about (of)one’s character or lifeattitude. People from all walks of life(神马词组哦？)hold different attitudes（attitude建议换成opinion，hold与attitude不搭，另外上一句最后一个词就是attitude，重复频率略高） toward this issue. Some people advocate that person with fine appearance will give us a good feeling and tell us that he is fine person , while others suggest that we can’t judge one’s personality only by his clothes or face. In my view, I agree with the topic that we can get his or her character by their exteriors.
Above all, my main reason is that the first impression always makes us familiar with someone fundamentally（建议去掉，感觉用在这里没有什么意义）. Though（Through） the style of the clothes or the clothes colour(the colour of clothes) they dressed, we can get well know about the person’s disposition or temple. For example, we can image a situation thatwe communicate with the stranger during business or in some public activities. The guy who wear a man’ssuit neatly could give you a good impression, +and we can easily combine “clean””tidy” or(and) other positive words with him. In the contrary, when the guy wears a dirty sports cloth in an official party, in some extent, we always think he has a bad life habit and do not want to acquire with him. That is to say, the appearance will become an index(index 这个比喻超级形象，赞，但是要是能改成一般现在时就更好了) which help us to judge someone’s personality.
What is more, once a scientific magazine publish an essay about the relationship between person’s cloth style and its personality（这个句子用于举例的开头还可以，但是用在第二段的开头就不合适。中间段落的第一句一般都是点出你的理由，后面再展开论述。）. In that magazine, what it always focuses on is that cloth colour and cloth style can reflect person’s mind in near days. In bad mind,（想表达神马意思？坏心情？bad mood） people usually wear dark colour with simple image, (. futhermore 是adv. 不能用来连接两个句子）Furthermore, the unglazed colour worse the bad mind simultaneous. Another important conclusion, people who is outgoing probably wears fashion clothes, they want to delivery an information that they are full of energy and want to attract others in public. Though that essay, we could know that the way a person dressed is a good indication. （这一段整个都讲了一个essay，虽然essay的内容和主题有关，但是这样的表达不effective）
Admittedly, everyone wants to have an attractive appreance and wear excellent clothes, who（闹不明白是想要引导定语从句，还是做名词性从句。定语从句的话，先行词与引导词who太远。名词性从句的话，who前面应该用句号，want变wants） want to keep a good clothes style and positive attitude need to take care of it for a long time. The one who do（does） not care about himself could not focus on others. That is horrible to work with someone who does not care others. Nevertheless, there is still a possibility that a good man with bad dressed and we need to think about a varied of reasons. （这个让步段说实话完全没有正确。但是瓜瓜不才，也提不出神马建设性意见。蝴蝶可以去群里问问大牛。这一段逻辑也不太行。）
In a nutshell, taken what I have mentioned above into consideration, I definitely stand up for the topic that a person’s clothes style can reflect what kind of person who really is. During our work or life, we need to take care of our appearance and remain a good impression to others.
总评：作为第一篇作文，还是不错的。 但是要改进的地方蛮多哒。 标点的错误。 or和and的作用其实还是不太一样的，有点微妙。 蝴蝶用了很多长句子，但是并不是effective and efficient的表达，有些句子完全可以不用从句表达清楚。 在中间第二段的处理和让步段的观点逻辑还需要进一步斟酌。 加油！~作者: 蝴蝶渡海 时间: 2012-8-21 11:01 8月20日 your job has more effect on your happiness than your social life does.
There is no denying that job is the major composition of our daily life. We human beings spend enormous time doing everyday work in order to earn money and achieve our value. Thus job has affected our daily life and brought us happiness or sadness. Some people advocate that job can bring us more happiness than our social life does. In my view, I fully supportive of the opinion that job has more effect on our happiness.
My statement can be proved by the following reasons. First of all, social life activity cannot bring us real happiness. Although social life can bring us pleasure such as playing cards with our intimate friends or accessing cinema and theater to have a movie enjoying, all of them are temporary and most of them are positive. We cannot feel any achievements and glory when the activity finished. That is to say, what social life brings us happiness is not “realistic”.
What is more, on the contrary, job has affected every aspects of our social life. During the job, one can meet the colleague with the same value or mind. One can plan a bright future and achieve the goal as the plan mentioned with our colleague. What is the most important is that we earned much money to change our life, and we can use it to buy a lot of things or make a donation to change the poor. It not only changed ourselves happiness, but also made the brightly future.
Admittedly, job has negative effect on our happiness. There will be no possibility of everything is going smoothly. It is inevitably that we will meet difficulties with so many unpleased and probably tuned our mind badly. Nevertheless, in my opinion, it is still an essential factor that make us progress.
In summary, due to the above-mentioned reasons, we could safely arrive at a conclusion that job plays a more overwhelming part when it comes to one’s happiness than social life does. Under this instruction, I firmly believe that one need have a job and enjoy it. We human beings should still dedicate ourselves to job as we can and make a better a world.
作者: 喵喵了个咪 时间: 2012-8-21 15:01 8.20独立改 There is no denying that job is the major composition(我觉得这里用element好些) of our daily life(lives主谓一致). We human beings spend enormous time doing everyday work in order to earn money and achieve our value. Thus job has affected our daily life(lives) and brought us happiness or sadness. Some people advocate that job can bring us more happiness than our social life does. In my view, I fully supportive of the opinion that job has more effect on our happiness.(这句话没有谓语。直接说I fully support the opinion…就可以了)
My statement can be proved by the following reasons. First of all, social life(多余的)activity(用复数) cannot bring us real happiness. Although social life can bring us pleasure such as playing cards with our intimate friends or(否定句才用or) accessing cinema and theater to have a movie enjoying, all of them are temporary and most of them are positive. We cannot feel any achievements and glory when the activity finished. That is to say, what social life brings us happiness(调整下语序the happiness what social life brings us) is not “realistic”. What is more, on the contrary,(两个连接词，取其一就行) job has affected every aspects of our social life. During the job, one can meet the colleague with the same value or mind. One can plan a bright future and achieve the goal as the plan mentioned with our colleagues(这里用复数好些). What is the most important is that we earned much money to change our life, and we can use it to buy a lot of things or make a donation to change the poor. It not only changed(gives) ourselves happiness, but also made(makes) the brightly future(bright future或者future brightly).这句时态不对。这里不是过去发生的动作，用一般时就可以了。 Admittedly, job has negative effect on our happiness. There will be no possibility of everything is going smoothly. It is inevitably that we will meet difficulties with so many unpleased and probably tuned our mind badly.(句子结构不对。And前后两个分句不是一个主语。后半句缺少主语) Nevertheless, in my opinion, it is still an essential factor that make us progress. In summary, due to the above-mentioned reasons, we could safely arrive at a conclusion that job plays a more overwhelming part when it comes to one’s happiness than social life does. Under this instruction, I firmly believe that one need have a job and enjoy it. We human beings should still dedicate ourselves to job as we can and make a better a world.
蝴蝶有一个大问题要注意。就是句子的结构，你总是会给句子加一个多余的谓语或者缺少谓语。还有一个问题就是并列句的时候。看清前后两个分句是否是一个主语。如果不是后半句就不能省略主语。 作者: 蝴蝶渡海 时间: 2012-8-23 13:11 8月22日 parents should help children to do their work or encourage children to do their work independently.
There is no denying that parents expect their children to have brightly future. They spent a plenty of time to educate their children since they were little kids. So many parents today eager to find a method that educate their children effective. From my perspective, parents should take different methods to educate children under different solutions.
My main reason is that there is no universal ways of teaching. Each child has its typical character and may meet different problems. Sometimes，Parents need to help their child to do the work, and they deserve to show as a model to demonstrate the way of solving the problems because their children really do not know how to do it . But, what parents to do are just “help” and teaching their children the key factors to solve this kind of problems. It is important that children have the ability to solve the problem in good order and effective without any help when they face it again.
In the contrary, sometimes parents encourage children to do their work independently when Child has the ability to get over the problems. For instance, parents could encourage the child to try to make the first step, and praise the kid with some gifts. And then tell the kid tries to do the next step and do it step by step until finished it. It is far more important that a valor and confident mind developed in every child’s growing process.
Admittedly, it is undoubtedly that parents have anoverwhelming influence on their children throughout their lives. They teach their children how to speak, how to behavior well in the society and how to build up their value of life. However, some parents spoil the little children and take their children’s position to do the homework. All these behaviors are obeyed the rule of what we have mentioned.
In summary, due to the above-mentioned reasons, we could safely arrive at a conclusion that parents should take various methods to educate children under different solutions. In this case, I firmly believe that parents could educate their children more excellently and provide great help to their children in their growth.
作者: klllun 时间: 2012-8-23 21:39 8月22日 parentsshould help children to do their work or encourage children to do their workindependently. There is no denying that parentsexpect their children to have brightly future. They spent a plenty of time toeducate their children since they were little kids. So many parents today eagerto find a method that educate their children effective effectively. From my perspective, parentsshould take different methods to educate children under different solutions.用situation更合适 My main reason is that there isno universal ways of teaching. Each child has its typical character and may meet differentproblems. Sometimes，Parentsneed to help theirchild要一致的表达their children to do the work, and they deserve to show asa models to demonstrate the way ofsolving the problems because their children really do not know how to do it(对应的是problems，那么需要用的是them ) properly . But, what parents to do are just “help”and teaching their children the key factors to solve this kind of problems.It is important that childrenhave the ability to solve the problem in good order and effectively (这里修饰的是solve而不是problem) without any help when they faceit again. In/ON the contrary, sometimes parentsencourage children to do their work independently when Child has the ability toget over the problems. For instance, parents could encourage the child to tryto make the first step, andpraise the kid with some gifts. And（连着的and读上去不是很舒服，可以换成in addition,这样的词语） then tell the kid tries to do the next step and do it step by step untilfinished it. It is far more important that a valor and confident minddeveloped in every child’s growing process. Admittedly, it is undoubtedlythat parents have an overwhelming influence on their children throughout theirlives. They teach their children how to speak, how to behavior 应该用动词behave well in the society， and how to build up their valueof life.However, some parents spoil thelittle children and taketheir children’s position to do the homework. All these behaviors areobeyed the rule of what we I have mentioned.最后两句的连贯性有点问题呢？但是有的家长又溺爱了孩子。那么这些所有的行为又遵守了你所提到的规则。。。 In summary, due to theabove-mentioned reasons, we could safely arrive at a conclusion thatparents should take variousmethods to educate children under different solutions. In this case, I firmly believethat parents could educate their children more excellently and provide greathelp to their children in their growth. 感觉观点有，但是少了实际的例子，充实性还要加强。 在写作方面，看得出来背了一些句子，还是很不错的。就是还要把自己的东西融汇进去，注意句式更多样一点。 修改方面自己的作文也很一般的，共同探讨呀。作者: 蝴蝶渡海 时间: 2012-8-23 23:35 8月23日 For future career success, is relate well to other people more important thanstudying hard at school?
So fierce is the job competition today that each university graduates has to come up with thousands of ways to get a better job position. To achieve an ideal job and have a bright career future, nowadays, students train themselves very hard. Some said that the key factors to get a better job chance is related to the fine relationship with the people, while others suggest that the only way to become succeed is to studying hard at school. From my own perspective, I am strongly supportive the statement that whether you get a good job chance is settled by the degree of hard studying.
My first main statement is that a firm knowledge basis is the fundamental. During the working process, one will meet many problems about the professional knowledge which need to be settled. To avoid the embarrass that caused by the lack of professional knowledge, and we must grasp the key knowledge adroitly during the learning process at school. Take a suitable example, I major in accounting during my university learning process. When I go to a big company for a short internship, I always make interior accounting mistake that make me feel so shameful. Then I realized that having a large stable knowledge is essential to our future career success.
What is more, most of students who are studying hard at school will get a high compliment from their tutors, and those who will give the students the most cogent help will actually recommend their proud students indeed. At usual, those job chances supported by the tutor are having a promising career which is looking forward by us. Thus, there is no denying that we need to study hard at school.
Admittedly, the guy who is studying hard at school also has a good relationship with friends. But, what the good relationship is just based on the normal student relationships. It is not the important factor to influence our future career success.
In a nutshell, according to the reasons above, we could safely arrive at a conclusion that the factor which influenced our future career success was settled by the hard studying. In that case, we need to study much harder than before and dedicate ourselves to achieve a bright future.
作者: kchszy061ban 时间: 2012-8-24 17:47 蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误 So fierce is the job competition today that each university graduates（这个不用复数吧？） has to come up with thousands of ways to get a better job position. To achieve an ideal job and have a bright career future, nowadays, students train themselves very hard. Some said（say） that the key factors to get a better job chance is related to the fine relationship with the people, while others suggest that the only way to become succeed is to（多余）studying hard at school. From my own（多余） perspective, I am strongly supportive the statement that whether you get a good job chance is settled by(determined by or settled on?) the degree of hard studying. My first main statement is that a firm knowledge basis is the(可以去掉额，或者用名词) fundamental. During the working process, one will meet many problems about the professional knowledge which need to be settled. To avoid the embarrass that caused by the lack of professional knowledge, and（去掉） we must grasp the key knowledge adroitly during the learning process at school. Take a suitable example, I major in accounting during my university learning process. When I go to a big company for a short internship, I always make interior accounting mistakes that make me feel so shameful. Then I realized （用现在时）that having a large stable knowledge is essential to our future career success. What is more, most of students who are studying hard at school will get a high compliment from their tutors, and those who（这里用which代替就好了） will give the students the most cogent help will actually recommend their proud students indeed. At usual, those job chances supported by the tutor are having a promising career which is looking forward by us. Thus, there is no denying that we need to study hard at school. Admittedly, the guy who is studying hard at school also has a good relationship with friends. But, what the good relationship is just based on the normal student relationships. It is not the important factor to influence our future career success.（只说理不举例会扣分的了） In a nutshell, according to the reasons above, we could safely arrive at a conclusion that the factor which influenced（用现在时） our future career success was settled by the hard studying. In that（this） case, we need to study much harder than before and dedicate ourselves to achieve a bright future.（时态要一致） 楼主写完之后要检查下，整体结构没问题，然后每个论点，例子是否很好的支持论点。接着是时态，有没有重复说理，句式的变换和单词的多样化。句式变换前后句子不要一样。一段内句式变化要多余三个什么的。有一点是不要怕烦错误和花费时间改正。
这些都是我自己的看法，欢迎讨论，butterfly across the sea 作者: 蝴蝶渡海 时间: 2012-8-25 14:38 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave.
Every day, every hour, and even every minute, colossal amounts of people watch movies or televisions all over the world. Some advocate that these behaviors are such “illness” and badly influence young people behaves, while others suggest that watching television or movies are beneficial to young people. From my perspective, I am fully supportive of the opinion that Movies and television have more positive effects.
Above all, my main reason is that according to watching TV or movies, we could get a good understanding of our county, our society, or even the whole world. The full of knowledge will be adopted by us though the TV or movies. Now just image a situation that we are watching TV in the living room, when we choose the nation’s culture channel, thus, there are many contents coming to our eyes and ears. In other words, we could just sit at chairs and travel all over the world. That is amazing, isn’t it?
What is more, at present, every family has its daily family talk. We always talk about movies or TV to promote family affection. If you do not watch TV or movies, the talk material is absent. Recently, a scientific research shows that young people who always watch TV are more optimistic than those who do not. That is to say, young people watch TV or movies will turn confident and make daily life colorful, even changed young people disposition.
Admittedly, young people who indulge in the TV or movies are negative to their developments. It will take bad effects on their learning process that young people watch too much TV or movies. Everyone need establish its own criterion about how long they are allowed to watch. Nevertheless, I still in favor of the opinion that movies and TV have more positive effects than negative during the young people develop.
In conclusion, taken what I have mentioned above into consideration, I definitely stand up for the assertion that young people who watch TV or movies will get positive effects. Even though, too much watching will do harm to young people grow, and what we need to keep an eye on is the "limit". 作者: jijismile 时间: 2012-8-25 16:33 蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误
Every day, every hour, and even every minute, colossal amounts of people watch movies or televisions all over the world. Some advocate that these behaviors are such “illness” and badly influence young people behaves(这个词是不是可以去掉), while others suggest that watching television or movies are is beneficial to young people. From my perspective, I am fully supportive of the opinion thatMmovies and television have more positive effects. Above all, my main reason is that according to watching TV or movies, we could get a good understanding of （much information about）our county, our society, or even the whole world. The full（All kinds）of knowledge will be adopted(absorbed) by us though the TV or movies. Now just image a situation that we are watching TV in the living room, and(总是感觉这一句有另个主语，就加了个and，你参考一下吧)when we choose the nation’s culture channel, thus, there are many contents coming to our eyes and ears. In other words, we could just sit at chairs and travel all over the world. That is amazing, isn’t it?
What is more, at present, every family has its daily family talk. We always talk about movies or TV to promote family affection. If you do not watch TV or movies, the talk material is absent. Recently, a scientific research shows that young people who always watch TV are more optimistic than those who do not. That is to say, young people who watch TV or movies will turn confident and make daily life colorful, even changed young people disposition. Even disposition of young people can be changed into much better.
Admittedly, young people who indulge in the TV or movies are negative to their developments. It will take bad effects on their learning process that while young people watch too much TV or movies. Everyone need establish its his own criterion about how long they are allowed to watch(spend on watching TV or movies). Nevertheless, I still in favor of the opinion that movies and TV have more positive effects than negative during the young people develop.
In conclusion, taken what I have mentioned above into consideration, I definitely stand up for the assertion that young people who watch TV or movies will get positive effects. Even though, too much watching will do harm to (growing of) young people grow, and what we need to keep an eye on is the "limit".
P.S. 第一次改评别人作文，如有不妥，还望见谅 作者: 蝴蝶渡海 时间: 2012-8-28 15:15 Ever since we were child, we had kept in touch with different kinds of friends. As the times goes on, some of them become intimates eventually, while others will never meet again. When I at fundamental school, one of the teachers said that wec an know a person through the types of friends he had. Due to the shallow experience, I did not consider what the exactly mean he said at that period. But now, I am fully supportive the opinion that we can acquaint with a person through the types of friend he had.
To demonstrate the perspective, my main reason is that your intimate friends’ disposition can reflect your character indeed. We human being usually chooses the one who has the similar disposition, same profession or the common habits with you to make friend, and always shares interesting ideas between each other. For example, a guy who has a PhDs degree and work In the lab don’t like to make friend with a. drunkard. An athlete will have little chances to make real friends with a printer. That is to say, it is the common factor which exists in our character connects us together. To some certain extent, I am not only on behalf of myself, but also reflect what the level we are in.
What is more, between friends, we help each other and fight with the task in common. The real friend will help you when you are in the trap. As a Chinese old saying goes that, a friend in need is a friend indeed. Others will judge a person when the real problems come. Take a suit example, when there is a fierce competition confront with us, we have to organize the team to compete with others fighters. There is only one possibility that I cooperate with my best friends immediately. Because that is easy to communicate, to adjusting, working together. We friends are aiming at the same the goal and can relieve the each others’ stress when we meet the stubborn difficulty. Thus, we can observe a man’s friends’ character to deduce the man that what kind of person he real is indirectly.
However, we may imprudently judge someone just through the friends that he has. Each person has its various facets and someone even has multiple personality. When we want to acquaint with a stranger deeply, we had better judge it according to a long time.
In summary, due to the above-mentioned reasons, we could safely arrive at a conclusion that we can know a person through what types of friend he had. Under this instructions, I firmly believe that we human being need to choose friends more cautious. 作者: steigen 时间: 2012-8-28 17:54 Ever since we were （a）child, we had kept in touch with different kinds of friends. As the times goes on, some of them become intimates eventually, while others will never meet again. (觉得这块用完成时比较好些)When I （was）at fundamental school, one of the teachers said that wec an know a person through the types of friends he had.（引用别人话的时候尽量要使用“”） Due to the shallow experience, I did not consider what the exactly mean he said at that period. But now, I am fully supportive the opinion that we can acquaint with a person through the types of friend he had（has）. (觉得开头蛮好的，从背景-现象-结论) To demonstrate the perspective, my main reason is that your intimate friends’ disposition can reflect your character indeed. We human being usually chooses（choose）the one who has the similar disposition, same profession or the common habits with you to make friend, and always shares interesting ideas between each other. For example, a guy who has a PhDs degree and work in the lab don’t like to make friend with a. drunkard. An athlete will have little chances to make real friends with a printer. That is to say, it is the common factor which exists in our character connects us together. To some certain extent, I am not only on behalf of myself, but also reflect what the level we are in( I am in.前面讲的是我自身，后面是我们，感觉不搭) What is more, between friends, we help each other and fight with the task in common.(这里尽量不要用and 来承接) The real friend will help you when you are in the trap. As a Chinese old saying goes that, a friend in need is a friend indeed.（同样的问题，引用的句子一定要标明“”美国人是把这些东西都视为是侵权的） Others will judge a person when the real problems come.（这个句子有点汉语直译啊，润色下） Take a suit example, when there is a fierce competition confront with us, we have to organize the team to compete with others fighters（others / other fighters 。others是代词不能这么用）. There is only one possibility that I cooperate with my best friends immediately. Because that is easy to communicate, to adjusting, working（adjust, and work）together. We friends (我们这些朋友的意思吗？？)are aiming at the same the（可以没有） goal and can relieve the（可以没有）each other’s stress when we meet the stubborn difficulty. Thus, we can observe a man’s friends’ character to deduce the man that what kind of person he real is indirectly. However, we may imprudently judge someone just through the friends that he has. Each person has its various facets and someone even has multiple personality. When we want to acquaint with a stranger deeply, we had better judge it according to a long time. (这个让步段，三个句子做的很好，但是把步给让出去了，记得一定要收回来，要再次强调朋友可以反映一个人的你的论点，这样会让这个段落更加饱满) In summary, due to the above-mentioned reasons, we could safely arrive at a conclusion that we can know a person through what types of friend he had. Under this instructions, I firmly believe that we human being need to choose friends more cautious.
整体的结构上是做的是蛮好的，利用的是让步的写法，让文章更加完整了很多。
问题是 1.连接词，还有the 等等简单词汇的用法，也都需要细细斟酌的还有注意时态
2. 不要忘记下次引用语句时候要加上引号噢~~
3. 前后句连接的不够流畅，缺少逻辑性，我也很难攻克这一点啊。。。
说的不对的地方请多多谅解啊~ 我们一起多讨论讨论啊~~ 作者: 蝴蝶渡海 时间: 2012-8-29 16:19 8月28日 agree or disagree? If child want to do well in school, parents should limit the hours of watching TV programs or movies
It is undeniable that our parents accompany with our growing process. They are familiar with our disposition, our shortcoming, and they are looking forward to our bright future. Thus, there is an intense debate coming into pubic view. Should parents control the hours of watching TV programs or movies of their children? In my perspective, I am fully supportive of the opinion that parents should limit the hours of watching TV programs or movies of children.
To demonstrate the opinion, my main reason is that little child does not have the ability of controlling themselves well. To most of children, they are easily addicted in the TV programs or movies and have no other energy to focus on their homework. But homework is an essential learning process to let teachers knowing what you have understood. Furthermore, when child does not finish their homework in high-quality first time without any criticism, they will do it again. When this situation happens for long time they will failure in school. Taking my little brother for example, he is good at studying math and English until he fall into the movies and computer games. He does not have interest in learning and we are so worried about him. Thus, from my own experience, I am agreed with the opinion.
What is more, if child spends a huge of time in watching TV or movies in home, it means that they will have less time to communicate with their parents or their friends. It Is better for children to play games with their friends or classmates outsider. Through their communicating, child may make friend with some new guy and live in a good mood. To some other facets, undeniable, there are so many TV programs covered with violence or pornographic through a series of pieces. It is badly harmful to children’s thinking. Children who are watching too much TV will have huge possibility to make access with badly information and trap in the dilemma.
Admittedly, some people with the contrary situation emphasis that children can comprehend acknowledge by watching TV program. Nevertheless, the bad influence of watching too much TV over weights what it can benefit to children. Thus, I agree with my opinion definitely.
In summary, due to the above-mentioned reasons, we could safely arrive at a conclusion that. Parents should limit the hours of watching TV programs or movies of their children. Under this instructions, I firmly believe that children will grow up healthy 作者: shendang 时间: 2012-8-30 09:15 绿色-我觉得好的部分；红色-有点问题；蓝色-小结 It is undeniable that ourparents accompany with our growing process. They are familiar with ourdisposition, our shortcoming, and they are looking forward to our brightfuture. Thus, there is an intense debate coming into pubic view. Should parentscontrol the hours of watching TV programs or movies of their children? In myperspective, I am fully supportive of the opinion（看了那么多模板比较少见到的一个表支持的表达）that parents should limitthe hours of watching TV programs or movies of children. 我现在还在纠结什么样的开头是好的，不过你的开头有背景，有观点，感觉还是蛮清晰且简明扼要。但是感觉一开始没必要用undeniable，直接说就行了，而且后面也有用过。
To demonstrate the opinion, mymain reason is that little child does not have the ability of controllingthemselves well. To most of children, they are easily addicted in（应该是be addictited to 吧） the TV programs or movies and（have no other energy to focuson their homework 是结果，个人觉得应该改成表示结果的连接词会比较好，或者用GMAT常用的那种ing表示结果的表达） have no other energy tofocus on their homework. But homework is an essential learning process to letteachers knowing what you have understood. Furthermore, when child does notfinish their homework in high-quality first time without any criticism, theywill do it again. When this situation happens for long time they will failure（应该是fail） in school. Taking my littlebrother for example, he is good at studying math and English until he fall intothe movies and computer games. He does not have interest in learning and we areso worried about him. Thus, from my own experience, I am agreed with theopinion.
What is more, if child spends a huge of time in watching TVor movies in home, it means that they will have less time to communicate withtheir parents or their friends. It Is better for children toplay games with their friends or classmates outsider. Through theircommunicating, child may make friend with some new guy and live in a good mood.To some other facets,(觉得这一句之后的整个部分得重启一段，和之前communicate内容不同)undeniable（很简洁，感觉放在逗号中间，比there is no deny that那种长的好）, there are so many TVprograms covered with violence or pornographic through a series of pieces. Itis badly harmful to children’s thinking（mind 会好一点吗）. Children who are watchingtoo much TV will have huge possibility to make access with（make access with什么意思~~没搜到例句）badly information and trapin the dilemma.
Admittedly, some people withthe contrary situation emphasis that children can comprehend acknowledge bywatching TV program. Nevertheless, the bad influence ofwatching too much TV over weights what it can benefit to children. Thus, I agree with myopinion definitely.
In summary, due to the above-mentioned reasons, we couldsafely arrive at a conclusion that. Parents should limit thehours of watching TV programs or movies of their children. Under thisinstructions, I firmly believe that children will grow up healthy 逻辑清晰（我怎么当初就写不应该限制时间呢…），但感觉句型变化少了点~~ 不是我8.29号不改TT，我晚上网络有问题，怎么也连不上…作者: 蝴蝶渡海 时间: 2012-8-30 22:51 There is no denying that teachers’ play an essential role to improve the quality of the education. Recently, some criticizers emphasis that, due to the low salary, teachers do not have much motivation to keep a high quality of education. Is it a cogent statement? In my perspectives, I am fully supportive that opinion that it is not the best method to improve quality of education by increasing teachers’ salaries.
To demonstrate this statement convincingly, my main reason is that there is no correlation between teachers’ salaries and quality of education. As we all know that, teachers who are care about the degrees of their students will not change their mind with the changing salaries. They are focusing on what the level their students have understood. For example, when I was studying at high school, the average salaries of teachers are much lower than the teachers’ in now. However, I do not think that previous teachers have any unfaithful to duty than nowadays teachers’. That is to say, salaries are not the crucial factors which influence the quality of education most.
What is more, factors which influence the quality of the education have huge kinds of categories. We have to admit that teachers’ salaries may motive parts of teachers to work hard. But, as far as I am concerned, teachers usually only have effect on teaching student how to learn, and he key point is that whether students want to learn or escape from the heavy task. We need to concentrate on the students’ learning mind, how to keep them in highly interest towards knowledge, and how to make their first right step independently.
Admittedly, with the salaries improving, teachers may offer some of salaries as a gift to motive their students more diligent. However, this circumstance may not happen in every class. Thus, the benefit from increasing salaries will not behave of obviously.
In summary, due to the above-mentioned reasons, we could safely arrive at a conclusion that increasing teachers’ salaries is not the best way to improve quality of education. Under this instruction, I firmly believe that the quality of education is not only the teachers’ duty, but also our hard working to make our world better.
作者: 蝴蝶渡海 时间: 2012-9-16 11:11 9月15日 Some people think university professors should spend more time doing research while others think they should spend more time educating students. What is your view?
There is no doubt that university professor’s main roles are to educate students and do some research to enhance innovation. However, some people advocate that it is more important for university professor to educate students than to do some research, while others suggest that professor need to do more research for their university. In my perspectives, I am fully supportive of the opinion that professors need to take more vigor to educating students.
To demonstrate the opinion, my main reason is that professor plays a key role in educating students and takes a vital responsibility for students’ learning process. Frankly speaking, each student wants to be taught by an excellent professor. A good university professor not only can instruct us professional knowledge, but let us have a good attitude of life. For instance, one of my university professors gives me a deep impression, and what his word has changed my attitude and makes me more confident. When my first time to take the university English competition, I did not have valor to compete with others and I feel extremely nervous and anxious to accomplish it. I even did not know what to do to adjust my heartbeats. Thus, I ask him for help and he gave me a lot of advice to make me relax. At last, he said a successful man is the one who can keep look forward and never draw back! These words made me feel that I have to fight just like warriors. As a consequence, I got an outstanding result and become more confident than before.
Another reason is that the future of the society is the young generations and our future’s development is based on their efforts and intelligence. Thus, Professor need take focus on educating students, because what he has done influenced us much. In other words, one professor who educated many high level students will also benefit to his research and earn him reputation. Furthermore, obviously, it is important that one professor has its own research finding. Not only does a good research benefit to his reputation, but also has influence on university. Nevertheless, in my opinion, a professor who has many excellent students will get more admire and University’s rule of thumb is to develop the students who are eager to enhance themselves.
In conclusion, due to the all reasons we have emphasized, we can definitely assert that professor need to spend more time to educating students rather than do their research. If each professor could fulfill this obligation, I think each student will also dedicate their energy to study better. 作者: 超级无敌小鹤鹤 时间: 2012-9-16 17:29
9.15 独立作者: 蝴蝶渡海 时间: 2012-9-19 16:35
The lecture refutes the view stated in the reading passage that Ethanol fuel made from plants will not become a good replacement for gasoline by claiming that Ethanol fuel will actually replace the energy of gasoline. There are many reasons to demonstrate the view.
First, the lecture rejects the statement in the reading passage that the new energy will not help to solve one of the biggest environment problems caused by gasoline. In the lecture the professor demonstrates a challenging idea that Ethanol fuel will not add any carbon dioxide because it is made of corn and sugar. What is more, during the plants growing, corn and other plants will absorb much carbon dioxide from the air. It will benefit to the environment in the long term.
Second, the belief in the passage that the amounts of new fuel will reduce the number of plants available for feeding farm animals and other uses is debated in the lecture. The professor assert s his opinion that there is existing a plant which can produce colossal numbers of new fuel, but most animals will not feed on it. Therefore, the perspective showed in the passage is not convinced.
Third, due to the huge production the new fuel’s price will become lower and lower, and the new fuel will compete with gasoline in terms of price in the future. This directly contradicts the points that without government supporting the new energy will much expensive than normally energy. Furthermore, the professor imply that the Ethanol fuel’s price will drop down to the 40% . 作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-9-19 18:59
9.18 综合 嘿嘿，婷婷来找错啦~ The lecture refutes the view stated in the reading passage that Ethanol fuel made from plants will not become a good replacement for gasoline by claiming that Ethanol fuel will actually replace(substitute/supplant,前面有replace啦) the energy of gasoline. There are many（three） reasons to demonstrate the view First, the lecture rejects the statement in the reading passage that the new energy will not help to solve one of the biggest environment problems caused by gasoline. In the lecture the professor demonstrates a challenging idea that Ethanol fuel will not add any carbon dioxide because it is made of corn and sugar（这个听力木有啊）. What is more, during the plants growing, corn and other plants will absorb much carbon dioxide from the air（as its nutrient）. It will benefit to（benefit是及物动词~） the environment in the long term. Second, the belief in the passage that the amounts of new fuel will reduce the number（这个用于可数名词，在这里不适合，应该用amount/quantity） of plants available for feeding farm animals and other uses is debated in the lecture. The professor asserts his opinion that there is existing a（part of）plant(cell membrane传说中细胞膜) which can produce colossal numbers（amounts/quantities） of new fuel, but most animals will not feed on it. Therefore, the perspective showed in the passage is not convinced. Third, due to the huge production the new fuel’s price will become lower and lower, and the new fuel will compete with gasoline in terms of price in the future. This directly contradicts the points that without government supporting the new energy will much expensive than normally energy. Furthermore, the professor imply that the Ethanol fuel’s price will drop down to the 40% (as its production is three times greater).
Conclusion：句式多样，用词也很好，文采很好啦，不过部分听力细节还得注意哦~ 蝴蝶加油！ 作者: 蝴蝶渡海 时间: 2012-9-20 17:46
The lecture refutes the explanations stated in the reading passage that the yellow cedar steadily declining is due to the insect parasites, the brown bears and the changes of climates, by claiming that those hypothesis are not adequate.
First, lecturer rejects the statement in the reading passage that yellow cedar decline may be caused by insect parasites. He demonstrates a challenging idea that the healthy trees will produce a chemical material to resist the insect by themselves and the insects always eat the dead leaves. Thus, the insect is not the fundamental reason why the yellow cedar trees reduce.
Second, contrary to the opinion in the passage that brown bears destroy the cedar bark that the healthy tree cannot survive. The professor asserts that the brown bears only exist in the mainland. But the yellow cedar tree also died in a large number in the island. Therefore, it is not the brown bears that cause the tree's number declining.
Third, the professor said that the yellow cedar tree dead in the low elevation where the climate is warm and this directly contradicts the points that the gradual changes of climate cause the tree dead. It is not the low temperature in the winter that cause the tree dead 作者: 蝴蝶渡海 时间: 2012-9-20 17:48
综合写作是我开始写了几篇后弄的自己的模版，不知道这个自己弄得到底行不行，套了几篇发现还都差不多。但是效果还真不知道怎么样呢作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-9-20 18:05
9.19 综合 来看看蝴蝶的自创模版~
The lecture refutes the explanations stated in the reading passage that the yellow cedar steadilydeclining(直接用decline就好，它有名词用法) is due to the insect parasites, the brown bears and the changes of climates, by claiming that those hypothesis(hypotheses) are not adequate. First, lecturer rejects the statement in the reading passage that yellow cedar decline may be caused by insect parasites. He demonstrates a challenging idea that the healthy trees will（用can比较好，是cedar tree的一种能力） produce a chemical material to resist the insect by themselves and the insects always eat the dead leaves(这里有小出入，already damaged trees or sick ones,没说是吃leaves). Thus, the insect is not the fundamental reason why the yellow cedar trees reduce. Second, contrary to the opinion in the passage that brown bears destroy the cedar bark (so) that the healthy tree cannot survive.（这里是逗号，前面那句只能算是状语啊） The professor asserts that the brown bears only exist in the mainland. But the yellow cedar tree also died in a large number in the island. Therefore, it is not the brown bears that cause the tree's number declining.(这强调句用的太好了) Third, the professor said that the yellow cedar tree dead in the low elevation where the climate is warm(warmer用比较级）and this directly contradicts the points that the gradual changes of climate cause the tree dead. It is not the low temperature in the winter that cause the tree dead
conclusion: 写的很好啊，嘿嘿，就用这个模版吧，其他小错误见上 作者: 蝴蝶渡海 时间: 2012-9-20 18:07
婷婷碉堡了。。你这太效率了吧作者: kiddy72 时间: 2012-10-13 20:19
蝴蝶你的作文贴是这一个吗？作者: 蝴蝶渡海 时间: 2012-10-13 21:41 10.12 The most important characteristic of a politician or a leader is the good communication skill.
As we all know that, politicians or leaders’ words were not only represented themselves, they even stand for a different future. Thus, a good communication skill is a vital factor that every leader has to be trained. Nevertheless, some suggested that a good communication skill is not the most important disposition to a good leader. Other abilities such as problem dealing, composure, genial, or even valor are more important than a so-called excellent communication skill. From my own perspectives, I am fully supportive of the opinion that the good communication skill is the most crucial factors.
To demonstrate my view, I hold the main reason that leaders who own a good communication skill can develop a warm relationship with his subordinate. In today’s society, an integral group with outstanding working efficiency must be a unite team. Leaders can use their excellent communication skill to encourage the subordinate to work harder and hand with the conflict between employees in a proper way. For example, my brother works in the KPMG as an administrator, everyday they have a colossal of work to finish. To keep a upward atmosphere, My brother need to talk to each employee by consulting their feeling and mind. He also needs to pay attention to relief the conflict that people comes from different nations with different culture. He said “You need to care about each person’s opinion and ease off people unhealthy mind when it happen at the first time. If so, our group member will feel like working in the big family. Thus, I always communicate with my subordinate and the efficiency will improve in a normally way.” According to my brother’s experience, we can conclude that a good communication skill is more important than other factors.
Another reason is that high-level politician always negotiates with other country’s leader. To make sure the benefit maxim, it is undeniable that a huge difference may exist between two nations. When this happened, a good communication skill will help the leader get the upper hand in the negotiation. When the negotiation turn into a paradox, a good communication will relief the awkward situation. For instance, Premier Zhou, who works hard to make China a bright future, is impressed by each Chinese. When new china was established in 1949, China needs to establish diplomatic relations with other country. But the new international condition is rough, and Premier Zhou faces many problems. What is more, there is a lot of reporters mentioned intense topics to ask Premier Zhou. To our surprise, he can answer all of question in a magic way and relief many dangerous situation. That is to say, a good communication skill is important for a high-level leader.
Admittedly, communication skill can bring an excellent group and an efficient work atmosphere. Nevertheless, other factors we have mentioned in the first paragraph will also play a vital function during the work and diplomacy. Subordinate may be attracted and imitated by leader’s other character. But a good communication skill’s virtues overweigh other factors’ advantage. Thus, I am in favor of the opinion.
In summary, due to the above-mentioned reasons, we could safely arrive at a conclusion that it is the most important disposition a leader has a good communication skill. Under this instruction, leaders or politicians need to develop their communication ability to make their future brightly.作者: kiddy72 时间: 2012-10-13 22:50 The most important characteristic of a politician or a leader is the good communication skill.
As we all know that, politicians or leaders’ words were not only represented themselves, they even stand for a different future. Thus, a good communication skill is a vital factor that every leader has to be trained. Nevertheless, some suggested不用过去吧 that a good communication skill is not the most important disposition to a good leader. Other abilities such as problem dealing, composure, genial, or even valor are more important than a so-called excellent communication skill. From my own perspectives不用复数吧, I am fully supportive of the opinion that the good communication skill is the most crucial factors.这个也不用吧
To demonstrate my view, I hold the main reason that leaders who own a good communication skill can develop a warm relationship with his subordinate. In today’s society, an integral group with outstanding working efficiency must be a unite team. Leaders can use their excellent communication skill to encourage the subordinate to work harder and hand with the conflict between employees in a proper way. For example, my brother works in the KPMG as an administrator, everyday they have a colossal of work to finish. To keep a upward atmosphere, My brother need to talk to each employee by consulting their feeling and mind. He also needs to pay attention to relief the conflict that people comes from different nations with different culture. He said “You need to care about each person’s opinion and ease off people unhealthy mind when it happen at the first time. If so, our group member will feel like working in the big family. Thus, I always communicate with my subordinate and the efficiency will improve in a normally way.” According to my brother’s experience, we can conclude that a good communication skill is more important than other factors.
Another reason is that high-level politician always negotiates with other country’s leader. To make sure the benefit maxim, it is undeniable that a huge difference may exist between two nations. When this happened, a good communication skill will help the leader get the upper hand in the negotiation. When the negotiation turn into a paradox, a good communication will relief the awkward situation. For instance, Premier Zhou, who works hard to make China a bright future, is impressed by each Chinese. When new china was established in 1949, China needs to establish diplomatic relations with other country. But the new international condition is rough, and Premier Zhou faces many problems. What is more, there isare a lot of reporters mentioned intense topics这个是定于后置？to ask Premier Zhou. To our surprise, he can answer all of questions in a magic way and relief many dangerous situation. That is to say, a good communication skill is important for a high-level leader.
Admittedly, communication skill can bring an excellent group and an efficient work atmosphere. Nevertheless, other factors we have mentioned in the first paragraph will also play a vital function during the work and diplomacy. Subordinate may be attracted and imitated by leader’s other character. But a good communication skill’s virtues overweight other factors’ advantage. Thus, I am in favor of the opinion.
In summary, due to the above-mentioned reasons, we could safely arrive at a conclusion that it is the most important disposition that a leader has a good communication skill. Under this instruction, leaders or politicians need to develop their communication ability to make their future brightly bright就行了吧.
写的真好 词汇句式都好高级 小地方注意一下就ok啦 膜拜之～～加油！作者: 蝴蝶渡海 时间: 2012-10-14 17:01 10.13 Do you agree or disagree? It is better to workwith your own computer and telephone at your home than work in your company'soffice. In modern society, due tothe rough traffic condition, there is a current that people choose their homeas their working place by using computers and telephone to communicate withtrader. At this point, some people advocate that working in one’s own home cansave a plenty of time, while others suggest that working in company’s office isbetter than stay at home. From my own perspectives, I am fully supportive ofthe opinion that working in company’s office is better than using computer andtelephone at home.
To demonstrate the view, Ihold the main reason that ones can communicate with other colleagues and getmore idea when working in company’s office. Currently, we always focus on theteamwork, and no one can get successful in business area alone. Through thediscussion or communication among the co-workers, inspiring each other,eventually, new idea always springs up at this circumstance. Take anappropriate example, my uncle works as an engineer in a wine-production factorywith flexible working time, and he needs to change the taste of the wine to enhancethe quality of the wine. Sometimes, to create a new kind of wine, he needs tostudy for a couple of weeks at home. When he faces this situation, he alwaysconsults his colleague in the office to get more advice. He said that thisbehavior usually help him get a upper hand. Thus, from my uncle’s experience,working in the office with his colleague can do him a favor.
Another reason is thatworking in the office can make people concentrated on the job itself. Have youever had this experience? When people want to focus on solving a problem, thearound environment takes an important role in the result. Just like students needto stay at classroom to study. In the same way, people need to work in thecompany’s office. When one works at home by computers and telephone, he may bedistracted by other things such as children, family member or otherentertainment activity. All of the factors probably influence you efficient. Admittedly, there are somedrawbacks on working in the office, and other employee also can disturb one’sefficiency. What is more, due to nowadays traffic condition, people work athome can save much time. Nevertheless, the benefit of working in the officeoverweighs its drawbacks. Therefore, I am still in favor of the opinion thatworking in the office is better than working at home.
In summary, due to the above-mentioned reasons,we could safely arrive at a conclusion that working at homehas many bad influences that decelerate the efficiency.Under this instruction, I firmly believe that people had better choose their workingposition in the office and brought a bright future.作者: AnthonySummer 时间: 2012-10-14 21:44 Do you agree or disagree? It is better to work with your own computer and telephone at your home than work in your company's office.
In modern society, due to the rough traffic condition, there is a current that people choose their home as their working place by using computers and telephones to communicate with others. At this point, some people advocate that working in one's own home can saveplenty of time, while others suggest that working in company's office is better than stay at home. From my own perspectives, I am fully supportive of the opinion that working in company's office is better than using a computerand telephone at home.
To demonstrate the view, I hold the main reason that ones can communicate with other colleagues and get more idea when working in company's office. Currently, we always focus on the teamwork, and no one can get success in the business area alone. Through the discussion or communication among the co-workers, inspiring each other, eventually, new idea always springs up in this circumstance. Take an appropriate example, my uncle works as an engineer in a wine-production factory with（是用with吗，感觉文章结构有问题~） flexible working time, and he needs to change the taste of the wine to enhance the quality of the wine.（有些啰嗦这句，of the wine直接删掉吧） Sometimes, to create a new kind of wine, he needs to study for a couple of weeks at home. (too much simple sentence, he need study several weeks at home for creating a new taste of wine.)When he faces this situation, he always consults his colleague in the office to get more advice. He said that this behavior usually helps him get an upper hand. Thus, from my uncle's experience, working in the office with his colleague can do him a favor.
Another reason is that working in the office can make people concentrated on the job itself. Have you ever had this experience? When people want to focus on solving a problem, the around environment takes an important role in the result. Just like students need to stay at the classroom to study. In the same way, people need to work in the company's office. When one works at home with computers and telephone, he may be distracted by other things such as children, family member or other entertainment activity. All of factors probably influence you efficient.
Admittedly, there are some drawbacks on working in the office, and other employees also can disturb one’ssufficiency. What is more, due to nowadays traffic condition, people work at-home can save much time. Nevertheless, the benefit of working in the office overweighs its drawbacks. Therefore, I am still in favor of the opinion that working in the office is better than working at home.
In summary, due to the above-mentioned reasons, we could safely arrive at a conclusion that working at home has many bad influences that decelerate the efficiency. Under this instruction, I firmly believe that people had better choose their working position in the office and brought a bright future.
文章离子和结构不错，但是太多简单句的堆砌和拼写错误了（淡红色的），希望多多使用复杂句。
说的不对的地方多多指教啊~ 作者: 蝴蝶渡海 时间: 2012-10-14 23:21
这些淡红色的都是拼写错误？能说说一些句子的改发么？作者: 蝴蝶渡海 时间: 2012-10-15 00:08 10.14 The best way to improve the quality of educationis to increase teachers ‘salaries’. There is no denying that teachers’ play an essential role toimprove the quality of the education. Recently, some criticizers emphasis that,due to the low salary, teachers do not have much motivation to keep a highquality of education. Is it a cogent statement? In my perspectives, I am fullysupportive that opinion that it is not the best method to improve quality ofeducation by increasing teachers’ salaries.
To demonstrate this statementconvincingly,I hold main reason is that there is no correlation between teachers’ salariesand quality of education. As we all know that, teachers who care about thedegrees of their students will not change their mind even the salariesdecelerate. They are focusing on what the level their students have understood.For example, when I was studying in high school, the average salaries ofteachers are much lower than current teachers’ salaries. To our surprising, everyearly morning when we get into the classroom, we can notice our teacher havestand in the front of the classroom, and they work so hard without anyruthless. I think previous teachers do not have any behaviors that deceivingstudents about the learning. That is to say, salaries are not the crucialfactors which influence the quality of education most.
What is more, factors which influencethe quality of the education have huge kinds of categories. Frankly speaking, teachers’salaries may motive parts of teachers to work hard. But, as far as I amconcerned, teachers only have effect on teaching student how to learn, and thekey point that judging a student’s learning resultis that whether the students eager to learn. We need to concentrate on thestudents’ learning mind, how to keep them in highly interest towards knowledge,and how to make their first right step independently. Thus, there is nothing todo with the teachers’salaries.
Admittedly, with the salaries improving,some benefit could spring up. Teachers may offer some of salaries as a gift tomotive their students more diligent. However, this circumstance may not happenin every class. The benefit from increasing salaries will not behave obviously.
In summary, due to the above-mentionedreasons, we could safely arrive at a conclusion thatincreasing teachers’ salaries is not thebest way to improve quality of education.Under this instruction, I firmly believethat the quality of education is not only the teachers’ duty, but also our students’hard working tomake our bright future.作者: birdie089123 时间: 2012-10-15 11:32 10.14 The best way to improve the quality of educationis to increase teachers ‘salaries’.
There is no denying that teachers’（尽量别缩写） play an essential role to improve the quality of the education. Recently, some criticizers（critics用这个词是否好点，因为没在一些常用词典查到） emphasis that,due to the low salary, teachers do not have much motivation to keep a high quality of education. Is it a cogent statement? In my perspectives, I am fully supportive that opinion that （不知道that能不能省，感觉连续两that略显拗口，其实我也不是太懂）it is not the best method to improve quality ofeducation by increasing teachers’ salaries. （我觉得直接用increasing teachers’ salaries is not the best method to ... 比较简练清晰）
To demonstrate this statement convincingly, I hold main reason is that there is no（加上necessary可能更好）correlation between teachers’ salaries and quality of education. As we all know that, teachers who care about the degrees of their students will not change their mind even the salaries decelerate（用词有问题，这是减速吧，decrease？）. They are focusing on what the level their students have understood. For example, when I was studying in high school, the average salaries of teachers are much lower than current teachers’ salaries. To my surprising, every early morning when I（we尽量用I 老美思想。他们不是社会主义，更关心自己哈哈） get into the classroom, I can notice my teacher have stood in the front of the classroom, and they work so hard without any （complaints 是不是跟贴切？）. I think previous teachers do not have any behaviors that deceiving students about the learning. （不懂这句意思）That is to say, salaries are not the crucial factors which influence the quality of education most. 感觉这段不是很有说服力，例子不是很好支持topic sentence （老师薪水与教育质量），说到这又觉得下这个结论很突然，你再斟酌一下。至少先应该讲清楚老师和教育质量的关系。
What is more, factors which influence the quality of the education have huge kinds of categories. Frankly speaking, teachers’ salaries may motive parts of teachers to work hard. ,ut（but 一般不做句首）, as far as I amconcerned, teachers only have effect on teaching student how to learn, and the key point that judging a student’s (performance?) is that whether the students eager to learn. We need to concentrate on the students’ learning mind, how to keep them in highly interest towards knowledge, and how to make their first right step independently. Thus, there is nothing to do with the teachers’salaries. 问题类似，逻辑问题，TS(topic sentence)决定quality的factor多， detail：薪水决定老师表现，老师不决定学生表现。所以我们要concentrate在学生上。仔细看detail =/=>TS
我给你一个修改的例子，我认为你写作逻辑问题比较严重：
教育质量与学生表现有关+ Salary决定老师表现 + 老师表现与学生表现无关 => salary 不能提高教学质量（即使我觉得这么写也有点欠妥，老师还是应该与quality有关的，更好的应该写一下其他的factor从反面论证，不止salary决定，应该驳斥 best way to improve）
Admittedly, with the salaries improving,some benefit could spring up. Teachers may offer some of salaries as a gift tomotive their students more diligent. However, this circumstance may not happen in every class. The benefit from increasing salaries will not behave obviously.
还是老问题，不是充分条件，你是想说出现的问题，但这个理由不是第一反应：我觉得（salary提高=>学费变贵）更容易让人接受 In summary, due to the above-mentionedreasons, we could safely arrive at a conclusion that increasing teachers’ salaries is not the best way to improve quality of education. Under this instruction, I firmly believe that the quality of education is not only the teachers’ duty, but also our students’ hard working to make our bright future.（句子构成有问题，1quality是老师duty，同时学生努力有好future。与主旨无关）
总结评论：
我就只指出你的毛病：
1 模版痕迹太重，很多东西可以一句话说好，不必要用像To demonstrate this statement convincingly, I holding the main reason 。。。直接写出后面的TS就行，简练而且不容易犯错。
2 论证逻辑问题，把写作文当做数学公式推导，我以前也是这样，多看看别人，多思考就明白了。
3 老不打空格，让阅卷人印象不好，有碍阅读。
4 不肯定的单词就不用，宁可用最简单的词。 作者: 蝴蝶渡海 时间: 2012-10-15 21:40
十分感谢bird同学的倾力批改作者: 蝴蝶渡海 时间: 2012-11-12 22:25 11月11日 独立 It is more important to choose friends that have fun withthan to choose friends that will help you when you need them. Please usespecific details and examples to support your opinion. The questionthat what is the real friend always confuses people’s mind. Each person has itsown criterion. In our daily life, we usually share joy or sadness with ourintimates, even to make a plan combining our own experience with friends’advice. Nevertheless, it is undeniable that various kinds of friends exiting surroundingus. Some of them just accompany with you only have with, while others can giveyou a potent support. From my perspectives, I am fully supportive of the viewthat we had better choose friends who can do us a favor when we need them.
To beginwith, as a Chinese old saying goes , ”a friend in need is a friend indeed” Whenobstacles encounter front of us in daily life and work, a real friend could bein favor of us and give us vital suggestions. With the dilemma coming, a truefriend is willing to comfort us and help us get out of trouble. For example, Ididn't play well the first time when I took part in the basketball game in highschool. During the whole competition, I made a lot of mistakes that leading ourteam lose this match. After that, I felt so depressed and blamed myself manytimes. But my friends talk a lot to encourage me out of the tough time, and thata truly friend can bring to you but not a couple of gay who want to get awayfrom you when you really need them.
What is more, friends that will help you when youare in need also could have fun with you. It means that a friend can own bothof the characters, no conflicting between the two sides. Thus we cannotacquaint with gay who have no similar interests. In my opinion, the basis isthat friends can share similar interest, and the “real” friend can encourageyou when you are in need. A suitable example, one of my best friends, a gaynamed Ray, he always help me to get over math problem. However, we also gettogether to play cards, football or basketball game and enjoy ourselves verymuch. There are always full of laugh between he and me. Sometimes we alsoinspire each other to be a better man.
Furthermore, if all my friends which just havingfun with me, I will take much more time to get out of trouble by myself. Evenworse, they will blame on me if I make a mistakes which involved all of us.Thus, it is important that we choose the real friends.
Inconclusion, I intend to stand on the side that friends will help you when youare in need. A real friend can help you when you get trouble. A true friend notonly can help you when you are in trap, but also cherish our time which weget-together.作者: lizchang1990 时间: 2012-11-13 01:15
11月11日 独立 It is more important to choose friends that have fun withthan to choose friends that will help you when you need them. Please usespecific details and examples to support your opinion.
The question that what is the real friend (貌似陈述句is放到后面吧)always confuses people’s mind(用minds,其实后面这个有点chinglish了,就直接confuses people OK了). Each person has its (可以用its? 求讨论,感觉一般人都写his or her ) own criterion. In our daily life, we usually share joy(可以用复数的) or sadness with our intimates, even to make a plan combining our own experience with friends’ advice(很少看见这种用法哦. 你这个递进关系感觉不好,the former 范围更广更深,都同甘共苦了,the latter分量感觉不足 ). Nevertheless, it is undeniable that various kinds of friends exiting surroundingus(小错误了,你这句话 我没看懂啥意思. 换表达哦~). Some of them just accompany with you only have with(后面的only have with建议去掉 ), while others can give you a potent support. From my perspectives, I am fully supportive of the view that we had better choose friends who can do us a favor when we need them. (开头导入不错,层层衔接,有层次跟逻辑性)
To begin with, as a Chinese old saying goes , ”a friend in need is a friend indeed” (这个地方你得注意下标点符号呀,最后面要句话结尾)When obstacles encounter front of us in daily life and work,(这句建议改了,encounter后面不对劲,改为主动更好表达些) a real friend could be in favor of us and give us vital suggestions. With the dilemma coming, a true friend is willing to comfort us and help us get out of trouble. For example, I didn't play well the first time when I took part in the basketball game in high school. During the whole competition, I made a lot of mistakes that leading our team lose this match. After that, I felt so depressed and blamed myself many times. But my friends talk a lot to encourage me out of the tough time, and that a truly friend can bring to you but not a couple of gay (呵呵,你用这个词要注意了哦!!!! Guys才对的)who want to get away from you when you really need them. (这段读下来很不错,至少没有大的理解问题,我偏爱简洁有力的话. 拿高分就要言简意赅,你这段不错~)
What is more, friends that will help you when you are in need also could have fun with you. It means that a friend can own both of the characters, no conflicting between the two sides. Thus we cannot acquaint with gay(真的要注意这个危险词) who have (用has)no similar interests. In my opinion, the basis is that friends can share similar interest, and the “real” friend can encourage you when you are in need. A suitable example, one of my best friends, a gay named Ray, he always help(用helps) me to get over math problem. However, we also get together to play cards, football or basketball game and enjoy ourselves very much. There are always full of laugh between he (宾格him)and me. Sometimes we also inspire each other to be a better man.(看来我俩真的要讨论这个观点了,have fun 还是help 你的朋友更好!)
Furthermore, if all my friends which just having(没必要用having,直接have) fun with me, I will take much more time to get out of trouble by myself.(大家跟你玩,你还能get out of trouble? 感觉不对哦) Even worse, they will blame on me if I make a mistakes which involved all of us. Thus, it is important that we choose the real friends.(这个论点额,像你自己说的,不好,感觉有点凑字数的酱油段.也许我俩的那个论点偏向需要讨论下下)
In conclusion, I intend to stand on the side that friends will help you when you are in need. A real friend can help you when you get trouble. A true friend not only can help you when you are in trap, but also cherish our time which we get-together. (结尾不错)
Mentioned to the young group, there are always some words come to people’s mind such as creative, enthusiastic, energy, helpful. Given to the young group the great expectation, the society spares tough responsibility to them. People want the young men to exercise themselves in the tough environment and give the old the most power aid as possible as they can. Thus, the topic that whether young man in modern society is more willing to help the old than used young person as a heatedly discussion issue has been controversial since it was raised up. Toward this issue, in my opinion, I am fully supportive of that it is no direct connection between the young person and their mind to help others.
First of all, reported by colossal amounts of newspaper in modern society, some young guys do not offer their seat to the olds on bus or young person who is full of energy do not help other employees to carry the documents. What is the worse, some guy do not take their responsibility to adopt their old parents. That is to say, there are still many stories about the young generations do not help the olds even their parent. On the contrary, most of our parents make a positive example. They lived in the old age with low living stand and bad environment, but they support both children’s and our grandparents’ living during their young age. They are willing to help others who are in troubles. Above all, we can get a definite conclusion that the young generations’ mind to help others has few relative with the times they lived in.
What is more, a young man who is eager to help others is decided by many factors like character or the background of education instead of his time lived in. Just like what I have mentioned in the first example, needless to say, there is still some young guys who have the similar age with our parents do not help others or abandon their parents and children. From my own perspectives, the personal character or the background of education is the main factors which influence their behavior much. People with high degree can earn more money to afford the burden that caused by children and parents and take responsibility to “help”. Also, people with kind disposition like to aid others with their patience and adroit problem solving skill. To some extent, the time people lived in is nothing to do with people’s mind whether to help or selfish.
Finally, I want to demonstrate a challenge idea that some young people who like to help others, but their minds are not really “like”. It is means that some young generation behaves positive to give aid to others with their bad goal. Nevertheless, Under this condition, there is still no connection with the times people lived in.
In summary, due to the above-mentioned reasons, we could safely arrive at a conclusion that the young generation’s helping mind is nothing to do with the time. Under this instruction, I firmly believe that if we want to make our young to donate much more, we need to improve our living stand and education level, then a bright future will come to us. 作者: zhisheng2200 时间: 2012-11-24 21:36
11月22日 独立:同不同意：现在的年轻人比过去的年轻人更乐于帮助人？ Mentioned to the young group, there are always some words come to people’s mind such as creative, enthusiastic, energy, helpful. Given to the young group the great expectation, the society spares tough responsibility to them. People want the young men to exercise themselves in the tough environment and give the old the most power(可以两个形容词连用吗？) aid as possible as they can. Thus, the topic that whether young man in modern society is more willing to help the old than used young person as a heatedly discussion issue has been controversial since it was raised up. Toward this issue, in my opinion, I am fully supportive of that it is no direct connection between the young person and their mind to help others.
First of all, reported by colossal amounts of newspaper in modern society, some young guys do not offer their seat to the olds on bus or young person who is full of energy do not help other employees（staff应该更好一些） to carry the documents. What is the worse, some guy do not take their responsibility to adopt their old parents. That is to say, there are still many stories about the young generations do not help the olds even their parent. On the contrary, most of our parents make a positive example. They lived in the old age with low living standard and bad environment, but they support both children’s and our grandparents’ living during since their young age. They are willing to help others who are in troubles. Above all, we can get a definite conclusion that the young generations’ mind to help others has few relative with the times they lived in.
What is more, a young man who is eager to help others is decided by many factors like character or the background of education instead of his time lived in. Just like what I have mentioned in the first example, needless to say, there is are still some young guys who have the similar age with our parents do not help others or abandon their parents and children. From my own perspectives, the personal character or the background of education is the main factors which influence their behavior much. People with high degree can earn more money to afford the burden that caused by children and parents and take responsibility to “help”. Also, people with kind disposition like to aid others with their patience and adroit problem-solving skill. To some extent, the time people lived in is nothing to do with whether people are accommodating or selfish.
Finally, I want to demonstrate a challenge idea that some young people who like to help others, but their minds are not really “like”. It is means that some young generation behaves positive to give aid to others with their bad goals. Nevertheless, under this condition, there is still no connection with the times people lived in.
In summary, due to the above-mentioned reasons, we could safely arrive at a conclusion that the young generation’s helping mind is nothing to do with the time. Under this instruction, I firmly believe that if we want to make our young to donate much more, we need to improve our living standard and education level, and then a bright future will come to us. 我感觉三段的逻辑还是有些混乱，而且结论和标题有些不对头吧，你的结论是时代和年轻人的品德无关，按题目的愿意应该是新时代年轻人不乐于助人。第三段基本上没有展开，束缚力不足。应该多举一些具体的例子。作者: zhisheng2200 时间: 2012-11-24 21:37
11月22日
独立:同不同意：现在的年轻人比过去的年轻人更乐于帮助人？
Mentioned to the young group, there are always some words come to people’s mind such as creative, enthusiastic, energy, helpful. Given to the young group the great expectation, the society spares tough responsibility to them. People want the young men to exercise themselves in the tough environment and give the old the most power(可以两个形容词连用吗？) aid as possible as they can. Thus, the topic that whether young man in modern society is more willing to help the old than used young person as a heatedly discussion issue has been controversial since it was raised up. Toward this issue, in my opinion, I am fully supportive of that it is no direct connection between the young person and their mind to help others.
First of all, reported by colossal amounts of newspaper in modern society, some young guys do not offer their seat to the olds on bus or young person who is full of energy do not help other employees（staff应该更好一些） to carry the documents. What is the worse, some guy do not take their responsibility to adopt their old parents. That is to say, there are still many stories about the young generations do not help the olds even their parent. On the contrary, most of our parents make a positive example. They lived in the old age with low living standard and bad environment, but they support both children’s and our grandparents’ living during since their young age. They are willing to help others who are in troubles. Above all, we can get a definite conclusion that the young generations’ mind to help others has few relative with the times they lived in.
What is more, a young man who is eager to help others is decided by many factors like character or the background of education instead of his time lived in. Just like what I have mentioned in the first example, needless to say, there isare still some young guys who have the similar age with our parents do not help others or abandon their parents and children. From my own perspectives, the personal character or the background of education is the main factors which influence their behavior much. People with high degree can earn more money to afford the burden that caused by children and parents and take responsibility to “help”. Also, people with kind disposition like to aid others with their patience and adroit problem-solving skill. To some extent, the time people lived in is nothing to do with whether people are accommodating or selfish.
Finally, I want to demonstrate a challenge idea that some young people who like to help others, but their minds are not really “like”. It is means that some young generation behaves positive to give aid to others with their bad goals. Nevertheless, under this condition, there is still no connection with the times people lived in.
In summary, due to the above-mentioned reasons, we could safely arrive at a conclusion that the young generation’s helping mind is nothing to do with the time. Under this instruction, I firmly believe that if we want to make our young to donate much more, we need to improve our living standard and education level, and then a bright future will come to us.