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标题: 有志者，事竟成。 小女子的IBT作文，欢迎大家拍砖！虚心求教！共同进步！ [打印本页]
作者: 235852140 时间: 2012-8-14 01:42
标题: 有志者，事竟成。 小女子的IBT作文，欢迎大家拍砖！虚心求教！共同进步！
8.14 独立写作
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement. Although science and technology will continue to improve, the most significant improvement for the quality of people's lives have already taken place
With the science and technology developing rapidly, the issue of whether our lives have been improved or not is so much concerned that it aroused a wide discussion. A common belief is that the most significant improvement for the quality of people's lives, such as relations among people and environment of the Earth, have already taken place. In taking various factors into account, to large extent, I side on the opposite.
First of all, it is no denying that science and technology bring a lot of convenience to our daily life. With the invention of mobile phones, we are able to keep close touch with our families and friends even though we are mils apart. With a simple click on my laptop, I get all the information I want from the internet and even buy a new dress for my mother without going outside. And with some easy operate on the washing machine, I get out of many chores and enjoy a coffee with my friends... Can you imagine what our lives will be if all of those inventions disappeared? Return to protohistory age? Therefore, it is the science and technology that facilities us every day.
To carry the idea further, the conclusion that technology ultimately widens the gap among people is awkward in serving as a convincing reference that can offer objective understanding about the role that technology plays in personal relation. For example, citizens living in Beijing have to spent at lease two hours to arrival in Tianjin by train, but after the speed increased, it only costs 25 minutes by the inter-city train. These improvement brings people in these two cities together and is in favor of their development.
Finally，I have to concede that we did destroy our environment at past and some region of earth still doing that for development. However, those environmental problems do not all contribute to the improvement of science and technology. Taking the water pollution as an example, we, human beings, discharged untreated sewage into the rivers. How can we easily say that it is all because of science? I suppose that we would better search our hearts. Moreover, those people who always complain the effects of science and technology may fail to consider many other factors, such as money, and also they may blind to see the convenience and benefits they bring.
In conclusion, the science and technology not only bring us lots of convenience but also keep people closely. And it is not the science itself take place some important thing for quality of people's lives, but ourselves did.
用时：一个小时（蜗牛一般）
自我感觉：科学类话题稍微好写一点，但是怀疑是否有跑题的说
欢迎从文章结构，思路，遣词造句等各方面挑刺。
作者: 235852140 时间: 2012-8-14 23:48
8.14 综合 tpo12
The lecture claims that the professional painting, which depicts a full-length portrait of a teenage girl, is not Jane Austen. This claim is totally in disagreement with that of the reading passage, which suggests that there are good reasons to believe she is the subject.
According to the lecture, although the Austen's family gave authority to use the portrait as an illustration in an edition of her letters, it is not convincing to conclude that the girl in the portrait is Jane Austen. The reason is that it was 70 years after Jane dead when her family gave permission and the member of her family might have never seen her certainly. The reading passage, by contrast, suggests that Austen's family clearly recognized it as a portrait of the author.
The second point of difference between the lecture and the reading passage is the similarity of the face in the Cassandra's sketch and the painting. The professor asserts that Austen's family is very large and thus there might be some other children or teenagers who looks like Austen. However, the reading passage holds that many details in the painting, such as eyebrows, nose, and mouth, are very much like those in the sketch.
Finally, the lecture argues that it can not be concluded only because of the style of Ozias Humphrey since he did not selling paints in London when Austen was a teenager and when he was in London, Austen was 27 years old, older than the girl in the portrait. However, the reading passage contends that he might be hired by the wealthy Austen family in the late 1780s and early 1790s, exactly the period when Jane was a teenager.
用时：20分钟
总结：听力有听两边，部分细节听的不好。
作者: klllun 时间: 2012-8-15 20:43
红色错误,蓝色修改建议
The lecture claims that the professional painting, which depicts a full-length portrait of a teenage girl, is not Jane Austen. This claim is totally in disagreement with that of the reading passage, which suggests that there are good reasons to believe she is the subject.(第一段的描述很清晰啊，继续加油呀)
According to the lecture, although the Austen's family gave authority to use the portrait as an illustration in an edition of her letters, it is not convincing to conclude that the girl in the portrait is Jane Austen. The reason is that it was 70 years after Jane dead when her family gave permission and the member of her family might have never seen her certainly. The reading passage, by contrast, suggests that Austen's family clearly recognized it as a portrait of the author.
The second point of difference between the lecture and the reading passage is the similarity of the face in the Cassandra's sketch and the painting. The professor asserts that Austen's family is very large and thus there might be some other children or teenagers who looks like Austen. However, the reading passage holds that many details in the painting, such as eyebrows, nose, and mouth, are very much like those in the sketch.（似乎最后一句这样描述也可以，当如果增加更多听力中的细节，比如还例句了一个人跟AUSTEN 长的尤其像，会更好。听力中的例子尽量用上哦~）
Finally, the lecture argues that it can not be concluded only because of the style of Ozias Humphrey since he did not selling paints in London when Austen was a teenager and when he was in London, Austen was 27 years old, older than the girl in the portrait. （这里用的句子前面都有not了，似乎可以使用not...until的句型）However, the reading passage contends that he might be hired by the wealthy Austen family in the late 1780s and early 1790s, exactly the period when Jane was a teenager.（这里听力出错了哟，是因为stamp表明的时间不符合）
听力加油哦！
作者: 235852140 时间: 2012-8-16 14:55
8.15 独立 Parents should allow their children to make mistakes and let them learn from their own mistakes. D/A.
In recent years, the issue of family education is so much concerned that it aroused a wide discussion. A common belief is that parents should allow their children to make mistakes and let them learn from own mistakes, although making mistakes is a terrible thing. After taking various factors into consideration, at large extent, I agree with this opinion.
To begin with, making mistakes and then learning from it are the best lessons for children. Since children have not attend to the society yet, they do not be forced to pay a high price for mistakes and it is the only time for them to get experience from frustration. Moreover, success comes to those who are willing to risk making mistakes and learn from those mistakes. For example, when I was eight years old in the elementary school, my mother have never woken me up daily to avoid me be late for school and I got late one day. My teacher letted me make stand in front of my classmates for a long time as punishment. It caused me to feel shame and I carved a word-"early"-into my desk to remind me. I have not been late for any classes or meeting thereafter.
Moreover, always protecting children from making mistakes would result in the loss of their creativity. Every kid has his or her own fresh ideas and imaginations because they have not understood and got used to fixed rules yet. Taking Newton as an example, he usually dismantled some machines and sometimes can not install them back, but his parents have never punished him. It contributes to Newton's success in his later life.
Finally, I have to concede that some mistakes, which are concerned about children's health and value system as well as social stability, must be restricted rigidly, such as being addicted to smokes, alcohol, or even drugs, but others can be turned a blind eye. And it is better for children to experience difficult, because if the parents clear obstacles in front of their children's roads all the time, their children would be too comfortable to face any problems by themselves.
In conclusion, allow children to make mistakes and learn from them not only are the best lessons for them but also do good to their development of creativity and independence. After all, parents can not help their children forever.
作者: sherryzhangh 时间: 2012-8-16 15:46
Parents should allow their children to make mistakes and let them learn from their own mistakes. D/A.
In recent years, the issue of family education is so much concerned that it aroused a wide discussion. A common belief is that parents should allow their children to make mistakes and let them learn from it.own mistakes, Although making mistakes is a terrible thing. After taking various factors into consideration, at large extent, I agree with this opinion.
To begin with, making mistakes and then learning from it are the best lessons for children. Since children have not attend to the society yet, they do not be forced to pay a high price for mistakes and it is the only(不是only吧，人生时时有挫折)good time for them to get experience from frustration. Moreover, success comes to those who are willing to take risks and make ing mistakes as well as and learn from those mistakes. For example, when I was eight years old in the elementary school, my mother have never woke n me up daily to avoid me to be late for school. and I got late one day. But one day I was later for school, my teacher letted me makemade me stand in front of my classmates for a long time as punishment. It caused me to feel shamed and I carved a word-"early"-into my desk to remind myself. I have not been late for any classes or meeting thereafter. (你这个例子太可爱了，有小岳飞的风范)
Moreover, always protecting children from making mistakes would result in the loss of their creativity. Every kid has his or her own fresh ideas and imaginations because they have not understood and got used to fixed rules yet. Taking Newton as an example, he usually dismantled some machines and sometimes cannot install them back, but his parents have never punished him. It contributes to Newton's success in his later life.
Finally, I have to concede that some mistakes, which are concerned about children's health and value system as well as social stability, must be restricted rigidly, such as being addicted to smokes, alcohol, or even drugs, but others can be turned a blind eye. And it is better for children to experience difficulties, because if the parents clear obstacles in front of their children's roads all the time, their children would be too comfortable to face any problems by themselves.
In conclusion, allow children to make mistakes and learn from them not only are the best lessons for them but also do good tobenefit their development of creativity and independence. After all, parents cannot help their children forever.
结构还可以，但是还可以更紧凑一些。多用逻辑连词。加油！
作者: sherryzhangh 时间: 2012-8-16 17:23
谢谢亲的更改,很详细,很受用, 我的语法是很弱, 标点符号也不知道怎么用. 给你改的没有那么详尽,是根据语感和经验改的,不一定对.
改的不对的话可以告诉我,希望共同进步. 谢谢 !
对了 综合什么时候可以改告诉我.
作者: 235852140 时间: 2012-8-16 21:28
8.15 综合 交的好晚 不好意思哦 
The lecture claims that the private trade of fossils has many benefits, which overweighs the disadvantages. This is totally in disagreement with that of the reading passage, which holds that it is an unfortunate development for both scientists and the general public.
According to the lecture, the professor believed that the public does not loss the chance to see fossils but obtain more opportunities to see them. The reason is that commercial fossil hunting makes lots of fossils available for purchase, and as a result, many public schools and libraries can buy some and display them for the public. However, the reading passage believed that private collectors always do not allow the public to see fossils, which lead to a decline in public interest in fossils.
The second point of difference between the lecture and the reading passage is whether scientists are losing access to some of valuable and important fossils. The lecture asserts that it is impossible since every fossil must be evaluated before selling and scientists are the only group of people who are able to give a scientific identified. Therefore， every fossil passes through the hands of archaeologists first and thus scientists do not miss out any potentially crucial discoveries. The reading passage, by contrast, claims that wealthy fossil buyers can spent virtually limitless amounts of money to acquire rarest fossils, but scientists and the museums and universities can not compete successfully with them.
Finally, the professor said that many fossils might be undiscovered without commercial fossil collectors, even though they sometimes destroy valuable evidence. It is because that universities and other institution do not have enough fossil collecting project. However, the reading passage suggests that most commercial fossil collectors are untrained or uninterested in carrying out the careful field work.
In conclusion, the lecture and the reading passages hold completely different opinion toward effects of private trade of fossil.
总结：这篇听力里的女人说话好难听懂啊！听了好几遍。。
作者: sherryzhangh 时间: 2012-8-16 22:53
The lecture claims that the privatetrade of fossils has many benefits, which overweighs the disadvantages. 加个连词吧 （ however, 或者 onthe contrary） This is totally in disagreementwith that of the reading passage, which holds that it is an unfortunatedevelopment for both scientists and the general public.
According tothe lecture, the professor believed that the public does not loss the chance tosee fossils but obtain more opportunities to see closely view them. The reason is that commercial fossil huntingmakes lots of fossils available for purchase, and as a result, manypublic schools and libraries can afford to buysome and display them for the public. However, the reading passage believedthat private collectors always do not allow the public to see fossils, whichlead to a decline in public interest in fossils.
The secondpoint of difference between the lecture and the reading passage is whetherscientists are losing access to some of valuable and important fossils. Thelecture asserts that it is impossible since every fossil must be evaluatedbefore selling and scientists are the only groups of people who are able to giveprovide a scientific identificationidentified. Therefore， every fossil passes through the hands of archaeologistsfirst and thus scientists do not miss out any potentially crucial discoveries.The reading passage, by contrast, claims that wealthy fossil buyers can spentvirtually limitless amounts of money to acquire rarest fossils, but scientistsand the museums and universities cannot compete with them successfully. (调换位子)
Finally, theprofessor said that many fossils might be undiscovered without if is not (这应该是个条件关系吧，如果没有什么 就没有什么 )commercial fossil collectors, even though they sometimesdestroy valuable evidence. （这个不应该是个国因关系吧，应该是虽然经常毁坏， 但是总比还埋在地下好吧） It is because thatuniversities and other institution do not have enough fossil collectingproject.（这个应该事学校和科学家没有资金去开采吧） However, the reading passage suggests that mostcommercial fossil collectors are untrained or uninterested in carrying out thecareful field work.
Inconclusion, the lecture and the reading passages hold completely differentopinion toward effects of private trade of fossil.
作者: 235852140 时间: 2012-8-17 13:34
8.16 独立 Nowadays, it is much easier to achieve success with help from one’s family than what is like before.
不同意，body部分思路：
第一段：成功是很复杂的，包括内外很多因素，家庭的帮助只是其中之一。并且，家庭的帮助和一个人的成功没有直接联系。
第二段：即使有直接联系，也很难说一定是正面影响，很可能是负影响。 举例：富二代--条件太好--以至于失去奋斗的动力--不能去的个人成功。
第三段：让步，家庭的确会对孩子的心智发展起到一定作用，但是这不意味着孩子更容易成功。因为大家都是和自己同时代的人比，不是和过去的人比。--成功的困难度没有变
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
As is often the case, achieving success in future is acknowledged as a complicated task whose solutions involves a combination of efforts on both the internal and external layers and can not be simplified by merely highlighting the significance of family's help. One's talent, hardworking, and opportunities and so on also contribute to one's success. Therefore, there is no direct relation between one's success and his or her family's help, and not mentioned people are now much easier to achieve success than before.
Though family's help enjoys relation with one's success, there is no guarantee that a smooth operation would be accomplished. In the shadow of the family, one might be too dependent on it to have the ability of independence, especially for those family with good financial conditions, because living in a wealthy family, most of the people might loss the power of struggle. Taking the rich second generation for example, their parents have given them everything they need, without any effort on the kids' part. Thus, how can they become individual success?
Final, I have to concede that family education, at some degree, is helpful to children's mental development, but it does not mean that one is much easier to achieve success now. We are competing with those in the same era, not those in the past. Therefore, no matter how the external elements change, the difficulty of achieving succuss never change.
In conclusion, being successful is a complicated task that has never been easier to achieve. What is more, it is essential for us to have circumspection before drawing any conclusion.
作者: sherryzhangh 时间: 2012-8-17 14:39
I understand that nowadays, (Nowadays, It is understandable that, with the improvement of people's living standards, family's help, such as economic support, can play an important role in one's success. But does itis that means people are much easier to be successful at present? Taking various factors into account, however, I side on the opposite.
As ( it 感觉少个主语)is often the case, achieving success in future is acknowledged as a complicated task for individual（这个whose是谁的宾语从句？）whose solutions involves a combination of efforts on both the internal and external layers and cannot be simplified by merely highlighting the significance of family's help. (这个长句太长了，如果没有把握的话可以不用这么长， 这个句子很混乱)Moreover, one's talent, hardworking, and opportunities and so on also contribute to one's success. Therefore, there is no direct relation between one's success and his or her family's help, and not mentioned it is rather unconceivable that people are now much easier to achieve success than before.
Though family's network may contributes a lot for individual success. help enjoys relation with one's success, there is no guarantee that a smooth operation would be accomplished. Worst yet, in the shadow of the family, one might be too dependent on it to have the ability of independence, especially for those families(注意单复数) with good financial conditions, because living in a wealthy family, most of the people might loss the power of struggle. Taking the rich second generation for example, their parents have given them everything they need, without any effort on the kids' part. Thus, how can they become achieve individual success?
Final, I have to concede that family education, at some degree, is helpful to children's mental development, but it does not mean that one is much easier to achieve success now. We are competing with those in the same era, not those in the past. Therefore, no matter how the external elements change, the difficulties of achieving success never change.
In conclusion, being successful is a complicated task that has never been easier to achieve. What is more, it is essential for us to have circumspection before drawing any conclusion.
感觉你的论证不是很有利，没有层次感和逻辑性。如果这样的话文章很松散，会更不好写。结尾的再阐述，有些跑题。
作者: 235852140 时间: 2012-8-17 14:51
谢谢sherry 这两天给我改作业~~
有几个争议哦： 1. as is often the case 是固定搭配 2. whose是individual的 那个句子我可以保证没有问题 是我学的模版
3. 第三段的这个 Though family's help enjoys relation with one's success, 我认为是刚好和上文衔接的
作者: 235852140 时间: 2012-8-21 23:17
8.21 独立
It is often not a good thing to move to a new city or a new country because of the lose of oldfriends
With the development of science and technology, people all around the world are very convenient to travel form place to place. And because of some uncertain reasons, citizens might be forced to move to a new city. A common belief is that moving to a new city is nor often a good thing because of the loss of friends. However, after weighing both the potential risks and benefits, I stand at the opposite.
To begin with, modern technology facilities us to keep close with our friends, no matter how far it is. With a simple click on our laptops or mobile phones, we are able to chat with our friends about what happened recently, and even enjoy a "face-time". Also, we can browse each others' blogs and share the newest photos together. Therefore, it is much easier for modern people to have a stable social circle with the help of advanced technology.
To carry the idea further, it might be a good thing to move to a new city because one can make new friends who come from the new place. For example, nowadays, most of under-graduated students would like to go aboard in favor of making more foreigner friends. By getting acquainted with them, they can open up their eyes and learn various culture.
Finally, I have to concede that moving to a new city will reduce the possibility of meeting old friends face to face or having a party with them together. However, we would never be unfamiliar as long as we keep close touch with them. Taking Minhong Yu as an example, many of his friends have moved to other countries, but when he established the school named New Oriental, his friends came back to give him a hand. The reason is that they are bosom friends who will never forget each other.
In conclusion, moving to a new city does not contribute to a loss of friends, but give rise to enlarge the social circle.
总结： 用时30分钟。果然计时的情况下写的就比较弱。
作者: Serena0710 时间: 2012-8-22 21:55
标题: 蓝色表建议，红色为错误
With the development of science and technology (这句话都被说烂了呀亲~~~我觉得可以换成 thanksto the advanced technology, people all around theworld are very convenient to travel form place to place (convenient 的用法有误哦~~不能形容人。正确的是：it isconvenient for people all over the world to travel from place to place ). Andbecause of some uncertain reasons, citizens might be forced to move to a new city
. A common beliefis that moving to a new cityis nor(maybe you want to use not?) often a good thing because of (because of 用的过多，可用 for theloss of ….) the loss of friends. However, after weighing both thepotential risks and benefits, I stand at the opposite.
Tobegin with, modern technology facilities us to keep close (keep close意为躲起来。我觉得用keep in touch能表达你的意思) with ourfriends, no matter how far it is. With a simple click on our laptops ormobile phones, we are able to chat with our friends about what happened（过去时？）recently,and even enjoy a "face-time（确定有这个用法？）". Also, we canbrowse each others' blogs and share the newest （最新的，用latest）photostogether. Therefore, it is much easier for modern people to have a stablesocial circle with the help of advanced technology.
Tocarry the idea further （What idea? Our reader do not understand!）, it mightbe a good thing to move to a new city because one can make new friends who comefrom the new place(表达的不够好哦~直接用个there就好). For example,nowadays, most of under-graduated students would like to go aboard in favorof（这个也有点怪怪的，需要再斟酌！） makingmore foreigner friends. By getting acquainted with them, they （这两个代词分别指代foreign friend和students，犯了指代不清的毛病，要把them改成foreign friends） can open up theireyes(开阔眼界可不是睁开眼睛哦，要改成widen their horizon)andlearn various culture.
Finally,I have to concede that moving to a new city will reduce the possibility ofmeeting old friends face to face or having a party with them together （此词可以去掉，与with语义重复）. However,we would never be unfamiliar（ 此词改为distant更好，意为有距离感的）as long as we keepclose touch with them. Taking Minhong Yu as an example, many of his friendshave moved to other countries, but when he established the school named NewOriental, his friends came back to give him a hand. The reason is that they arebosom friends who will never forget each other.
Inconclusion, moving to a new city does not contribute （contribute是个积极意义的动词，意为贡献什么的，这里表达的是负面意思，要换一个~~最一般的是lead，很中性，LZ注意一下，还有更好的表达） to a lossof friends, but give rise to enlarge the social circle.
总评：
优点是文章的逻辑结构，观点把握的不错
缺点是表达方面比较欠缺。LZ会想当然的用一些很chinglish的表达法。注意积累更地道的语言。加油！
作者: 235852140 时间: 2012-8-28 11:57
8.27 独立 know a person from type of friends that he has,agree or disagree
昨天想占座的时候，发现已经10点半多了。只好写了自己贴出来先放着。
As an old saying: Birds of a feather flock together. And it is easy for us to see a group of people with the same hobbies, preference, or customs hanging out together. So can we know a person from type of friends that he or she has? After taking various consideration,To large degree, I strongly agree with this idea.
In the first place, people who share the same hobbies and interests would be more likely to become friends since they have the same things to talk about and to do. Music lovers might get together to strike up a band; basketball fans might play basketball together; and learning amateurs would like to spent whole days in the library along with their study buddy, etc. By doing so, people can learn from friends and make common progress at a certain field. Hardly can one live with another person who has the totally different preference with him or her.
Moreover, friends can more or less influence each other in their daily life no matter it is intentionally or unconscious because of the imitation of human nature. From the psychological point, one would like to follow others' behaviors around he or she, especially friends. Taking the dorm mates as an example, if one sleeps late every night while others go to bed very early, he might sleep early too because he might feel boring or does not want to bother others after his roommates falling asleep. And thus this person changed his late night routine gradually. It is the so called-one takes the behavior of one’s company.
Last but not the least, people make friends on the basis of his/her value system, including ethics, view of live, and view of the world. People with a correct value would not like to get along with people who has some bad habits, who is addicted to drugs or even who are crimes. But when we meet some people with a lot of good qualities or being an expert in some fields, most of us will admire them and want to make friends with them.
Now that people, on the basis of their own value system, are likely to make friends with others who share the common points or characters and they influence each other in daily life, there is no denying that we can know a person from types of friends one has. In short, what kinds of friends one has can reflect what kinds of this people is.
作者: 235852140 时间: 2012-8-29 12:25
8.28 独立
Students' academic records are the major concern of most of parents. Besides investing in the facilities for education and providing them with a good learning environment, most of parents would like to limit their children's access to TV programs or movies which include violent and adult elements. To large degree, I agree with this proposal.
In the first place, watching TV programs or movies is a waste of time for children. As we all know, every TV programs or movies has at least forty-five minutes to play, and it is very difficult to move away one's eyes from the fascinating programs when being attracted by the ups and downs plot. Not to mention children who have a lower level of self control. If they are addicted to some serial cartoons or soap operas, there is no doubt that they would yearn day and night to the plays, be distracted during lessons, and neglect their homeworks.
Moreover, watching TV programs or movies do harm to the health of children because of radiation. Since children are still in the process of growing, their physical condition are not strong enough to resist most of damages. When they enjoy the stories in the movies, they might sit in front of the TV and stare at the screen all the time. As a result, they not only are lack of time to do exercise but also have to wear glasses. Nowadays, the rate of children who wear glasses are increasing dramatically not due to study hard but because of watching programs.
Finally, I have to mention that recently, most of the movies have the plot about violence or adult in order to make a larger profits. Those types of movies are eroding the mental development of modern children since they have not form correct value systems and they might imitate the behaviors of the actors in the movies. Considering the increasing rate of teenage crime in China, the television programmers can hardly absolve themselves from the blame.
Taking the above consideration into account, I strongly suggest that parents limit their children's hours of watching televisions or movies for a well development of children both physically and mentally.
作者: kchszy061ban 时间: 2012-8-29 18:48
蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误
As an old saying: Birds of a feather flock together. And it is easy for us to see a group of people with the same hobbies, preference, or customs hanging out together. So can we know a person from type of friends that he or she has? After taking various consideration s（感觉这里要加复数）,To large degree, I strongly agree with this idea.
In the first place, people who share the same hobbies and interests would be more likely to become friends since they have the same things to talk about and to do. Music lovers might get together to strike up a band; basketball fans might play basketball together; and learning amateurs would like to spent whole days in the library along with their study buddy, etc. By doing so, people can learn from friends and make common progress at a certain field. Hardly can one live with another person who has the totally different preference with him or her.
Moreover, friends can more or less influence each other in their daily life no matter it is intentionally or unconscious（ly是adv） because of the imitation of（用is是不是好点？） human nature. From the psychological point, one would like to follow others' behaviors around he or she, especially friends. Taking the dorm mates as an example, if one sleeps late every night while others go to bed very early, he might sleep early too because he might feel boring or does not want to bother others after his roommates falling asleep. And thus this person changed his late night routine gradually. It is the so called-one takes the behavior of one’s company.
Last but not the least, people make friends on the basis of his/her value system, including ethics, view of live, and view of the world. People with a correct value would not like to get along with people who has some bad habits, who is addicted to drugs or even who are crimes. But when we meet some people with a lot of good qualities or being an expert in some fields, most of us will admire them and want to make friends with them. （这里要突出一下反应出know a person）
Now that people, on the basis of their own value system, are likely to make friends with others who share the common points or characters and they influence each other in daily life, there is no denying that we can know a person from types of friends one has. In short, what kinds of friends one has can reflect what kinds of this people is.
不错啊，嘿嘿。例子很生动的说。建议每段后在点下题就好了。
Students' academic records are the major concern of most of parents. Besides investing in the facilities for education and providing them with a good learning environment, most of parents would like to limit their children's access to TV programs or movies which include violent and adult elements（这个是成人元素么，不过不是很明白，大人怎么就不好了）. To large degree, I agree with this proposal.
In the first place, watching TV programs or movies is a waste of time for children. As we all know, every TV programs or movies has at least forty-five minutes to play（用 lasts at least forty-five minutes long 可以不？）, and it is very difficult to move away one's eyes from the fascinating programs when being attracted by the ups and downs plot. Not to mention children who have a lower level of self control. If they are addicted to some serial cartoons or soap operas, there is no doubt that they would yearn day and night to the plays, be distracted during lessons, and neglect their homeworks.
Moreover, watching TV programs or movies do harm to the health of children because of radiation. Since children are still in the process of growing, their physical condition are not strong enough to resist most of damages. When they enjoy the stories in the movies, they might sit in front of the TV and stare at the screen all the time. As a result, they not only are lack of time to do exercise but also have to wear glasses. Nowadays, the rate of children who wear glasses are increasing dramatically not due to study hard but because of watching programs.这段很好
Finally, I have to mention that recently, most of the movies have the plot about violence or adult in order to make a larger profits. Those types of movies are eroding the mental development of modern children since they have not form correct value systems and they might imitate the behaviors of the actors in the movies. Considering the increasing rate of teenage crime in China, the television programmers can hardly absolve themselves from the blame.
Taking the above consideration into account, I strongly suggest that parents limit their children's hours of watching televisions or movies for a well development of children both physically and mentally.
整体都不错啊，例子举得都很自然。 还有额，要计时写就用TPO 来写，然后stu里面有记录，复制过来就行了。 这样感觉还不错哈
作者: 235852140 时间: 2012-8-29 23:18
8.29 独立 The best way to improve the quality of education is to increase teachers' salaries'.
The issue of education has always been a wide discussion topic. There is no doubt that teachers, as the executor of education, play a very important role in it. However, does that means the best way to improve the quality of education is to increase teachers' salaries? After weighing both the benefits and potential risks, however, I side on the opposite.
In the first place, there is no correlation between teachers' salaries and their teaching abilities. On the one hand, some of professors, who have a excellent ability of teaching, would like to achieve extraordinary career in the field of education just because they enjoy the process of teaching. They give up the opportunities to obtain lots of money by publishing books or making speeches out of the school, but teach in the university devotedly. Thus, the stimulation on salaries can not help them in teaching at all. On the other hand, increasing salaries can not improve teaching abilities of teachers who are accustomed to perfunctory. This kind of teacher might has less sense of responsibility and an attitude of satisfaction about his or her life. They would not be stired up the passion of education by money too. Therefore, teachers salaries are helpless to improve the quality of education.
However, I do not mean that salary does not make sense. And I admit that teachers play an important role in modern education. They not only deliver knowledge to the next generation but also do many researches for academic advancement. Most of students admire them and treat them as their modals, and thus their good personalities and correct behaviors promote students to form a correct value system. Frankly, teachers deserve a good salary, and universities must provide them with a rational salary to ensure their good quality of life. But that is enough. After all, increasing their salaries is not the first choice for school since it will increase the education cost. Besides increasing teachers' salaries, there are many other ways to enhance the quality of education, such as arousing competition among staffs and organizing teacher forum which gives convenience for them to communicate and exchange ideas. Those methods do not need to invest too much but produce a desired result.
In conclusion, teachers are the essential part of education, but increasing teachers' salaries is not the priority to enhance the quality of education. There are many other methods for us to choose.
作者: 蝴蝶渡海 时间: 2012-8-30 20:49
The issue of education has always been a wide discussion topic. There is no doubt that teachers, as the executor of education, play a very important role in it. However, does that means the best way to improve the quality of education is to increase teachers' salaries? After weighing both the benefits and potential risks, however, I side on（side on无表明什么什么的立场的意思，个人理解用stand on更合适一些） the opposite view.(这里的however用的有些牵强，不明显的转折)
In the first place, there is no correlation between teachers' salaries and their teaching abilities. On the one hand, some of professors, who have a（an） excellent ability of teaching, would like to achieve extraordinary career in the field of education just because they enjoy the process of teaching. They give up the opportunities to obtain lots of money by publishing books or making speeches out of the school, but teach in the university devotedly. Thus, the stimulation on salaries can not help them in teaching at all. On the other hand, increasing salaries can not improve teaching abilities of teachers who are accustomed to perfunctory. This kind of teacher might has（have） less sense of responsibility and an attitude of satisfaction about his or her life. They would not be stired（stirred） up the passion of education by money too. Therefore, teachers（teachers’） salaries are helpless to improve the quality of education.
However, I do not mean that salary does not make sense. And I admit that teachers play an important role in modern education. They not only deliver knowledge to the next generation but also do many researches for academic advancement. Most of students admire them and treat them as their modals, and thus their good personalities and correct behaviors promote students to form a correct value system. Frankly speaking, teachers deserve a good salary, and universities must provide them with a rational salary to ensure their good quality of life. But that is enough. After all, increasing their salaries is not the first choice for school since it will increase the education cost. Besides increasing teachers' salaries, there are many other ways to enhance the quality of education, such as arousing competition among staffs and organizing teacher forum which gives convenience for them to communicate and exchange ideas. Those methods do not need to invest too much but produce a desired result.
In conclusion, teachers are the essential part of education, but increasing teachers' salaries is not the priority to enhance the quality of education. There are many other methods for us to choose.
总结：感觉235852140同学的语言基础还是很好的，语法错误点较少，逻辑什么也比较明晰。但是感觉这么安排结构有些问题。让步段有些过长，最好能用两观点再加让步，比如把二段分成两段再加长些，让步段在消弱下
今天家里有些急事，我的作文还没写，先把需要给你改的任务完成吧。实在不好意思
作者: 蝴蝶渡海 时间: 2012-8-30 20:51
最后说下，三段，四段我确实是没看出错误。整体文章前前后后也看了有4,5遍。感觉主要是段落的布置有些问题，再就是缺少吸引人眼球的句子。但是整体错误极少
作者: 235852140 时间: 2012-8-31 17:59
8.30 独立 It's more important for government to spend money to build art museums and music performance center than to build recreational facilities(such as swimming pool,playground)
Government in every country always face the same problems in financial, and thus how to spend money properly and effectively becomes a widely discussed issue. Among many problems, whether government should spend more money to build art museums and music performance center than recreational facilities is one of the most concerned topics. Taking various considerations into account, to large degree, I agree with this proposal.
It's more important for government to spend money to build art museums and music performance center than to build recreational facilities(such as swimming pool,playground)
Government in every country always face the same problems in financial, and thus how to spend money properly and effectively becomes a widely discussed issue. Among many problems, whether government should spend more money to build art museums and music performance center than recreational facilities is one of the most concerned topics. Taking various considerations into account, to large degree, I agree with this proposal.
In the first place, art museums and music performance center can represent and reflect the culture and history of one country, whereas the recreational facilities, such as swimming pool and playground, are too ordinary to show any culture. For example, Louvre Museum in Paris is one of the biggest, oldest, and most famous museum，which stored an incredible amount of famous antiques, paintings, and sculptures. It represents French art, culture, and history about ancient Greece, Egypt, and Roman. Moreover, it attracts people from all over the world to visit and appreciate its beauty. However, the recreational facilities are so often to see that no one will go to a foreign country just because of them.
Moreover, recreational facilities can be built commercially by private enterprises for the pursuit of profits, because it needs less money to build compared with art museums and music performance center which require huge investments. And the maintenance fee of art museums are also very expensive since these are such a number of precious articles needed special care. Obviously, it is difficult for any citizen or common organization to undertake. Therefore, government has to take the responsibility to invest in those expensive but significant programs without worrying about the lack of recreational facilities.
Finally, I have to concede that recreational facilities are one important part of a city because they provide places for citizens to have entertainment. Without those necessary facilities, people in the country would feel boring. But considering the reasons above, the government still should pay more attention on art museums and music performance center. By doing so, the country will not only attracts more foreigners to visit but also earns a larger profits which can be invested in other field.
In conclusion, it is wiser to for government to spend more money on art museums and music performance center that recreational facilities.
作者: pedrohuo 时间: 2012-8-31 18:56
红色为错误，蓝色为修改建议，绿色为段后总结，高亮为精彩！
Government in every country always face(s) the same problems in (感觉faces the same financial problems更好)financial, and thus how to spend money properly and effectively becomes a widely discussed(类似的还有much-debated) issue. Among many(these感觉和上文的意思更启承) problems, whether government should spend more money to build art museums and music performance center than(rather than更好些。否则像中文的杂糅。因为在WHETHER的句子里。一般不用THAN。虽然前面有比较级MORE。) recreational facilities is one of the most concerned topics. Taking various considerations into account, to large degree, I agree with this proposal(个人建议：前面是WHETHER句子。并没有明确表态。这里AGREE WITH是不是有点含糊呢，观点不清晰很致命啊).
It's more important(也可用pivotal) for government to spend money to build art museums and music performance center than to build recreational facilities(such as swimming pool, playground)
Government in every country always face the same problems in financial, and thus how to spend money properly and effectively becomes a widely discussed issue. Among many problems, whether government should spend more money to build art museums and music performance center than recreational facilities is one of the most concerned topics. Taking various considerations into account, to large degree, I agree with this proposal. (貌似贴重复了.去掉上面的第二段更好。要不然啰嗦)
In the first place, art museums and music performance center can represent and reflect the culture and history of one country, whereas the recreational facilities, such as swimming pool and playground, are too ordinary to show any culture. For example, Louvre Museum in Paris is one of the biggest, oldest, and most famous museum，which stored an incredible amount of famous antiques, paintings, and sculptures. It represents French art, culture, and history about ancient Greece, Egypt, and Roman. Moreover, it attracts people from all over the world(也可worldwide地道但是字数就少了-_-!) to visit and appreciate its beauty. However, the recreational facilities are so often to see that no one will go to a foreign country just because of them. (也可for the sake of. However, no one would go abroad only for the sake of such common recreational facilities.不一定好。只是小例子。哈哈)
Moreover, recreational facilities can be built commercially by private enterprises for the pursuit of profits, because it needs less money to build compared with art museums and music performance center which require huge investments. And the maintenance fee of art museums are also very expensive since these are such a number of precious articles needed(也可required) special care. Obviously, it is difficult for any citizen or common organization to undertake. Therefore, government has to take the responsibility to invest in those expensive but significant programs without worrying about the lack of recreational facilities. (推荐在段首加入KEY Sentence.这样直接就能知道作者的观点。而不是读到最后才知道。避免误判)
Finally(推荐Admittedly。Finally表示让步段不是特别明显。评分人需要读很久才知道是让步的表述), I have to concede that recreational facilities are one important part of a city because they provide places for citizens to have entertainment. Without those necessary facilities, people in the country would feel boring. But considering the reasons above, the government still should pay more attention on art museums and music performance center. By doing so, the country will not only attracts more foreigners to visit but also earns a larger profits which can be invested in other field.
In conclusion, it is wiser to for government to spend more money on art museums and music performance center that(than) recreational facilities. （比较级的句子略微有些多。能否换一种表达呢。The advantages of art museums and music performance centers overweigh those of recreational facilities undoubtedly.）
文章整体的表述还是非常的好的。但是感觉楼主的句子和句式还可再提炼些。比如加入点倒装句什么的。还有感觉楼主快要进入下一阶段了。就是把长句变成地道的短句。这样长短句的完美搭配才是好作文。最后的最后。
除去贴重复的1.2段。才375个字。考试时候不过400字很危险很危险。
作者: 235852140 时间: 2012-9-3 00:54
9.2. 独立 it is better to relax by a movie or reading a book than doing physical exercise. Do you agree?
第一次把作文写成中立的观点啊。还有让步段写的很短，实在想不出说什么了。我一直不觉得字数一定要上400，可是好多同学说要上400。 新东方的老师说不是必要的。 我矛盾了哦，这次真是好不容易上了400字。。。。个人觉得让步段就很鸡肋。好像删掉的说~~~
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Relaxing is one of the most important part of everyone's life. With a sufficient relax, one can relieve all the stress, tension, and stain from work or study. So how to completely relax becomes a widely discussed issue. Some people would like to watch a new movie or read an interesting book, whereas others prefer to go outside and do physical exercise with friends. In my opinion, both of these methods are effective and each of them has its own strengths and weakness. The commend that the former overweights the latter is oversimplified and irrational.
In the first place, every way to relax has its own advantages and disadvantages, so there is no real right or wrong selection of relaxation. . Reading a book in a quiet place, such as library or coffee shop, can make us feel the silence in our heart and learn some scientific knowledge, arts knowledge, and living wisdom; but it seems to be a lonely time when we are reading with no friends to chat with. Now, You might say that watching a new movie with friends is a good way to relax and enhance friendship at the same time, but considering that you have to stare at the screen, it might be harmful to your eyesight. And last, doing physical exercise is benefit to our health and can ease the mood if we have troubles at work. However, it also consume a lot of energy at the same time, which might makes one more tired. Therefore, there is not a completely good or radically bad way to relax.
Moreover, everyone has different preference and conditions, and they choose mental relaxation or physical relaxation, as appropriate. For workers or farmers, who have a large amount of manual labor at work, they are willing to choose some relaxing way that do not need to drain fatigue, such as enjoying a movie or reading a fiction; however, for office worker, who sit in front of the computer and stare at the screen all the time, they prefer to go to the park or fitness center to do physical exercise. Therefore, with various conditions and circumstances, different people would have different choice.
Admittedly, I have to concede that the energy consumed by reading a book or watching a movie is less than that of doing physical exercise. However, proper exercise can keep people health, make people energetic, and think more clearly during the work and study.
In conclusion, there is no absolutely good way to relax and every method has its own benefits. In other words, effective relaxation depends on one's condition and preferences.
作者: 白冬冬 时间: 2012-9-3 15:06
Relaxing is one of the most important part of everyone's life. With a sufficient relax, one can relieve all the stress, tension, and stain from work or study. So how to completely relax becomes a widely discussed issue. Some people would like to watch a new movie or read an interesting book, whereas others prefer to go outside and do physical exercise with friends. In my opinion, both of these methods are effective and each of them has its own strengths and weakness. The commend(conclusion?) that the former overweights the latter is oversimplified and irrational. (开头简洁有力！很好~~~要是有一些高级词汇会更好~！)
In the first place, every way（method） to relax has its own advantages and disadvantages, so there is no real right or wrong selection of relaxation. . Reading a book in a quiet place, such as library or coffee shop（in such a quiet place as library or coffee shop）, can make us feel the silence in our heart(chinglish了一点，可以说listen to our own heartbeat ) and learn some scientific knowledge, arts knowledge, and living wisdom（题目说让我们找一个最有用的relax方式，这个例子跑题了）; but it seems to be a lonely time( 还是chinglish 了一点，可以改成lonely for us if） when we are reading with no friends to chat with. Now, You might say that watching a new movie with friends is a good way to relax and enhances friendship at the same time, but considering that you have to stare at the screen, it might be harmful to your eyesight. And last, doing physical exercise is benefit to our health and can ease the mood if we have troubles at work. However, it also consume a lot of energy at the same time, which might makes one more tired. Therefore, there is not a completely good or radically bad way to relax.
Moreover, everyone has different preference and conditions, and they choose mental relaxation or physical relaxation, as appropriate. For workers or farmers, who have a large amount of manual labor at work, they are willing to choose some relaxing way that do not need to drain fatigue, such as enjoying a movie or reading a fiction; however, for office workers, who sit in front of the computer and stare at the screen all the time, they prefer to go to the park or fitness center to do physical exercise. Therefore, with various conditions and circumstances, different people would have different choices. （补一个自己的例子呗？）
Admittedly, I have to concede that the energy consumed by reading a book or watching a movie is less than that of doing physical exercise.（这个转折不是很有力，因此在这句后边加一句解释的话就比较有力了。即：； hence， ****）However, proper exercise can keep people health, make people energetic, and think(这个think与make 并列，逻辑不通，动词的主语发出者有混淆~）more clearly during the work and study.
In conclusion, there is no absolutely good way to relax and every method has its own benefits. In other words, effective relaxation depends on one's condition and preferences.
整体的逻辑还是很清楚的！框架什么的都没问题。就是倒数第二段的admittedly不够有力。可以再补充一句。
语言的话，我觉得可以在修改一下。把简单句扩充成复杂句，套一些句型，比如not only but also ， on no account should we forget that 。。。。这样就更好啦~~
字数方面我觉得没必要追求400+，350足矣，语言地道+逻辑清楚是王道~~
作者: 235852140 时间: 2012-9-5 23:45
9.5 独立
in order to solve the problems of the present and the future, people should review the past.
这次写到了400+字~~
As an old Chinese saying: take history as a mirror. History, as a fortune leaved by time, can not only teach us the attitude toward difficulties but also reduce the possibility of problems. So can we depend on the past to solve our current or future troubles? After taking various considerations into account, I strongly agree that people should review the history in order to solve the problems of the present and the future.
In the first place, it is no doubt that history leaves us a fortune, including precious ideas, values, and perspectives of life. These valuable heritage, having been proved through the test of time, can provide us with good methods and solutions when we face the difficulties in our modern lives. For instance, Franklin Roosevelt, as one of the greatest presidents in the United States, led the country rebound from the great depression when the society was full of unemployment, bankrupt, collapse, and slump. He said that the only thing we fear was fear itself. This spirit and courage inspired people in the 1933 as well as people in the modern society. When we faced the financial crisis again in 2008, Roosevelt's word still reminded us of being brave.
Moreover, learning the past can prevent people from possible mistakes even tragedies. Obviously, everyone is not born with knowledge and experience, and along with the growth, parents and teachers taught us keep right from wrong by telling the history as well as their own stories. By doing so, we avoid making mistakes and facing problems. For example, a child may do not know how to cross the road. By listening to parents' warning, he or she might cross the road safely.Similarly, if we review the past or comply with forefather's advice, we could avoid many troubles.
Finally, I have to mention that reflection on some period of historical events would bring people deep thinking, especially national humiliation, and warn them how to behave both at present and in the future. The Chinese people, for instance, have learned from their modern history of humiliation that when a country loses sovereignty, its people lose dignity and status. Remembering this period of history, they would not stop the step of improving in the world competition. And when they face current or future problems among countries, they would take an appropriate action.
In conclusion, the past is a good lesson for contemporary people to solve their present and future problems, because it brings us the positive spirit toward difficulties, helps us deal with issues before they happen, and warn us take every effort to make progress.
作者: 235852140 时间: 2012-9-6 15:06
9.5. 综合
The lecture claims that predation is the most likely cause of sea otter declination after all. This is totally in disagreement with that of reading passage, which suggests that the main reason is environmental pollution.
In the first place, the professor said that the pollution theory was weakened by the fact that no one really found any dead sea otter washing off on Alaska beaches. That is not people who believe the pollution theory expect. On the other hand, if a sea otter is killed by a predator, it will be eaten immediately so it will not wash up on shore. The reading passage, by contrast, holds that pollution is the more likely cause since water samples from the area revealed increased levels of chemicals that threatens the sea otter.
The second point of difference between the lecture and the reading passage is that the professor believes that the declination of sea otters is essentially caused by human hunters. She did not mean that human hunters killed the otter directly, but they hunted a large amount of whales that orca prefer to hunt. That lead the orca changed their diet to hunt some smaller prey such as sea otters, seals, and sea lions. Thus, those species are all endangered at the same time. However, the reading holds that this fact again pointed to environmental pollution, since it usually affects the entire ecosystem rather than a species.
Finally, the lecture claims that the uneven pattern of otter decline better describes the predation theory than the pollution hypothesis. What happened to otters are depend on where they lived in. Because otters are large, they can not arrive at shallow or rocky locations, so these places remain the number of otters. But for other locations where otters are easily to access in, the amount of them declined greatly. This phenomena, by contrast, used to support the opinion of the reading, which suggests that ocean currents or other environmental factors may have created uneven concentration of pollutants along the coast.
In conclusion, the lecture and the reading passage are debating the reason of otters' declination: predation theroy or environmental pollution.
作者: safeandsound 时间: 2012-9-6 17:06
谢谢亲的批改~~很受用呢
[attach]105803[/attach]
作者: haduni 时间: 2012-9-6 23:48
标题: 实在是抱歉，现在才给你改好
9.5. 综合
The lecturer(演讲者比较好) claims thatpredation is the most likely cause of sea otter declination after all. This istotally in disagreement with thatof(改为the statement in) readingpassage, which suggests that the main reason is environmental pollution.
In the first place, the professor said that thepollution theory was weakened by the fact that no one really found any dead seaotter washing off on Alaska beaches. That is not（改为The fact conflictswith what） people who believe（改为hold更好） the pollution theory expect. On the other hand, if a sea otter is killed by apredator, it will be eaten immediately so it will not wash up on shore.（这一句可以和上一句的内容一起构成一个句子，不用分开写） The reading passage, by contrast, holds that pollution is the morelikely cause since water samples from the area revealed increased levels ofchemicals that threatens the sea otter.
The second point of difference between thelecture and the reading passage is that the professor believes that thedeclination of sea otters is essentially caused by human hunters. She did notmean that human hunters killed the otter directly, but they hunted a largeamount of whales that orca prefer to hunt. That lead（results in that） the orca changestheir diet and hunts some smaller prey such as sea otters, seals, and sealions. Thus, those species are all endangered at the same time. However, thereading holds that this fact again pointed to environmental pollution, since itusually affects the entire ecosystem rather than a species.
Finally, the lecture claims that the unevenpattern of otter decline better describes(改为bolsters) the predation theory than the pollution hypothesis. What happened（happens） to otters are(删除) depend on where they live in（删除）. Because otters（我觉得你应该说的是orca） are large, they cannotarrive at shallow or rocky locations, so these places remain the number of otters（in these places the number of otters remains）. But for otherlocations where otters are easily to access in(删除), the amount(population)of them declined(declines)greatly. This phenomena(单复数错误), by contrast, usedto support the opinion of the reading, which suggests that ocean currents orother environmental factors may have created uneven concentration of pollutantsalong the coast.
In conclusion, the lecture and the reading passage are debating the reason ofotters' declination: predation theory or environmental pollution.
1. 时态和第三人称单复数问题需要注意
2. 用词不够恰当，但稍加注意即可
3. lecture中的要点列写的非常详细，这说明你听力很好（让我羡慕），但是应当适当加强一下逻辑连接词的使用。
作者: 235852140 时间: 2012-9-11 21:01
9.12 独立Patience is usually not a good strategy. We should take action now rather than later.
Everyone, with different backgrounds and different circumstances, would form various personalities, and facing problems or dealing with matters, people will take totally different actions. Among them, two kinds of behavior are very common: being patient to think about the best solution, or taking actions immediately. Some people maintain that patience is usually not a good strategy and we should take action now rather than later. After taking various considerations into account, I hold that each of them has its own advantages and which strategy shoud be choosed depends on the situation.
In the first place, it is better to take action immediately when something emergent happens, because under such an emergency, one does not have enough time to consider too much and any delay might cause grave consequences. Taking fire accidence for example, no one in a fire will not make every effort to struggle to survive. Imagining, is it possible to stay in the fire and be patient to escape? Absolutely not. Moreover, taking actions right away can make one grasp opportunities in time. Since opportunity is gone in a flash, it will never wait for your patient consideration. An opportunity to a good job, for example, comes unexpectedly, and if you do not take action quickly to pursue it, others might take your chance.
On the other hand, there are also some situations that need people to be patient before taking actions, such as doing surgery, defusing a bomb, and executing a new policy, etc. With careful and detained considerations about both the superficial benefits and the potential risks, people might be able to make the best and the most appropriate decisions finally. And by doing so, most of possible mistakes and terrible results can be avoided. As an Chinese old saying: look before you leap. For instance, I used to be a very careless person, and I usually handed in my exam papers without any check. That results in many times of failures in my courses, not because I did not know the answers, but because I was so casual that I made many silly mistakes. Afterwards, I tried to be patient to check all the questions twice during every examination, and as expected, my academic results became among the best.
Therefore, based on the various factors, both the patience and the prompt action are significant for solving problems, and they complement each other. Being patient leads to a wise decision, whereas taking action contributes to decisiveness. Thus, it is wise for us to be flexible in the use of both these two methods to adapt to any changes.
作者: frankiyian 时间: 2012-9-12 12:28
修改附件
作者: 235852140 时间: 2012-9-14 11:40
9.13 独立
colleges or universities should offer more courses to prepare students for the future before they start working.
The issue of education has always been a widely discussed point. And universities, serving as the disseminators of knowledge, always catch much attention from people. Recently, a common belief is that universities should offer more courses to prepare students for the future before they start working. After taking various considerations into account, however, I side on the opposite.
Firstly, I have to concede that by taking more courses, students would obtain more academic knowledges. But does learning more knowledges mean having more strengths when students are hunting jobs? The answer is no， because there are many aspects that employers often take into account, such as communication skills, teamwork spirit, and working experience, etc. No employers will investigate just one of these aspects. And it is far from enough for students if they only take more classes.
Moreover, taking more courses might occupy too much students' time that should be putted into other practical activities, such as taking internships or speech contests. This time wasted by the extra courses comes from not only the class time, but also relatively work time after class, because students are usually forced to finish many homework and researches. Since the social activities play an very important role in developing students' capacity for work, students might even lose the competitive force when looking for jobs. Taking my sister as an example, she took too much courses in the university and did not participate in any activity since she did not have enough time to do so. Although she got an A in almost all subjects, she now has a big trouble in hunting jobs. Everytime that she was interviewed by companies, the interviewer asked her what her most unforgettable internship experience was. Without any working experience, she was rendered speechless and failed the interview.
Finally, it should also be taken into account that is that worth offering more courses for students. Do not forget that more courses will cost more money on employing professors and providing relatively facilities. And thinking of the consequences it brings, it is not a cost-effective investment. But if universities put the investment on other practical fields, they will receive a great return. For instance, they could invest money on organizing a speech contest to improve the skill of presentation of students, or simply help students establish contacts with employing unit. These methods need less money but receive a good report.
In conclusion, providing more courses for students in universities or colleges is not an effective way to improve their capacities for work, and might even get an bad result.
作者: xeyyxzty 时间: 2012-9-14 21:44
来晚啦~SORRY~~~
The issue of education has always been a widelydiscussed point. Anduniversities, serving as the disseminators of knowledge, always catch muchattention from people. Recently, a common belief is that universitiesshould offer more courses to prepare students for the future before they startworking. After taking various considerations into account, however, I side onthe opposite.
第一段真棒~羡慕哦~~~
Firstly, I have to concede that by taking more courses,students would obtain more academic knowledges. But does learning more knowledges mean havingmore strengths when students are hunting jobs? The answer is no， because there are many aspects that employers often takeinto account, such as communication skills, teamwork spirit, and workingexperience, etc. No employers will investigate just one of these aspects. Andit is far from enough for students if they only take more classes.
Moreover, taking more courses might occupy toomuch students' time(time of students，哪个好其实我也不清楚哈) that should be putted intoother practical activities, such as taking internships or speech contests. Thistime wasted by the extra courses comes from not only the class time, but alsorelatively work time after class, because students are usually forced to finish many（我也不知道在既有可数又有不可数的时候怎么办~所以删除吧） homework and researches. Since the socialactivities play an very important role in developing students' capacity forwork, students might even lose the competitive force when looking for jobs.Taking my sister as an example, she took too much courses in the university anddid not participate in any activity since she did not have enough time to doso. Although she got an A (As) in almost all subjects, she now has a big trouble inhunting jobs. Everytime that she was interviewed by companies, the interviewerasked her what her most unforgettable internship experience was. Without anyworking experience, she was rendered speechless and failed the interview.
Finally, it should also be taken into account that is that worth offeringmore courses for students.（我凌乱了～） Do notforget that more courses will cost more money on employing professors andproviding relatively(relevant) facilities. And thinking of the consequences it brings, itis not a cost-effective investment. But if universities put the investment onother practical fields, they will receive a great return. For instance, theycould invest money on organizing a speech contest to improve the skill ofpresentation of (for，个人意见哈) students, or simply help students establishcontacts with employing unit. These methodsneed (such activities ask for less money) lessmoney but receive a good report.
In conclusion, providing more courses forstudents in universities or colleges is not an effective way to improve theircapacities for work, and might even get an bad result.
总体写的真棒~不过个人感觉用词有点口语化~可能是错觉哈
a/an感觉用的不好吧~小问题，注意就好了
整体看真的很好
作者: 235852140 时间: 2012-9-17 23:51
9.17 独立Grades encourage students to learn.
In the history of education, grade, as a method to evaluate and test the academic records of students, plays an important role in almost all country. Some educators and parents believe that grades encourage students to learn. After taking the facial benefits and potential risks into account, however, I side on the opposite.
To begin with, I have to concede that grade is a measurable method which can reflect students' learning effect to some extent. And it is true that students who learn the knowledge well are more likely to get a higher grade. However, it ranks students simply by the scores without any other aspects being considered, such as their abilities of scientific research, creativity, and eloquence. Thus, it is not a comprehensive and convincing method to evaluate a student.
Moreover, since grade can not comprehensively reflect students' learning reports, it may not encourage students and even discourage them. For those students who usually receive higher grades in exams, they always get a strong sense of achievement and are inspired to make more efforts. But these kind of students are minority and most of students lose confidence because of a low grade. Taking one of my classmate in my high school as an example, he had a big interest in chemistry, and he used to do many chemical experiments by himself. He even learned many university courses about chemistry. But one time, he did not focus on preparing the chemical examination and as a result, he failed the exam. When he looked at the final report, he got shocked and suspected his ability in learning chemistry. After that, he can not recover from the setback until he won the Chinese Chemistry Olympiad.
Finally, though grades can encourage students to learn, it may results in a bad phenomenon. We all know there is such a thing named examination capacity, which means a student with poor academic knowledge can get a much better grade far from his or her true level. That is because such kind of students always know the examination scope and well prepare for the contents without learning any other unrelated knowledge. They strongly rely on the examination scope and always memorize the right answers by rote. Therefore, the grading system does not encourage students to learn the real knowledge and build an interest of learning, but encourage them to be memorizing machines.
In conclusion, the grading system has many defects, and can not encourage students to learn true skill and genuine knowledge.
作者: 235852140 时间: 2012-9-18 10:13
9.17 综合
In the lecture, the professor casts doubt on the benefits of planting genetically modified trees on a large scale and claims that it might bring serious problems and causes. This is totally in disagreement with that of the reading passage, which holds that planting genetically modified trees promises to bring a number of benefits.
According to the lecture, since genetically modified trees are resistant to one particular condition, they can not adapt to any change in climate and hence may die out. The professor suggests that when the nature trees experience the threatened environment, some of them can resistant and survive. But for genetically modified plants, they are too much uniform and when they are threatened by some conditions have not been designed for, such as threatens from insects, they will all die. However, the reading passage holds that this kind of trees are much handier than nature trees and more likely to survive than their nature counterparts.
The second different point between the lecture and the reading is the economic returns of planting genetically modified trees. The professor believes that the costs of modified trees are much more than unmodified trees because planters can not collect seeds of the trees every year by free. By law, they have to pay the company every time they plant. The reading passage, on the contrast, says that genetically modified trees will bring a large amount of benefits because they grow faster, give greater fields-of food, fruit, or other products-and be hardier.
Finally, the professor claims that genetically modified trees will do harm to wild trees, and even damage them, because the modified trees grow aggressively and thus occupy too much resources, such as water, which is necessary for the grow of other trees. As a result, the wild trees fail the competition with modified trees and hence be crowding-out. The reading, by contrast, considers that genetically modified trees prevent over exploitation of wild trees because they satisfy the demand for wood in many areas and save the endangered native trees.
In conclusion, the lecture stands on the opposite side of the reading toward the issue of planting genetically modified trees.
作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-9-18 11:53
9.17 综合
9.17 综合
妈呀，358个字，绝对超了的，考试的时候最多不能超225的说~
In the lecture, the professor casts doubt on the benefits of planting genetically modified trees on a large scale and claims that it might bring serious problems and causes. This is totally in disagreement with that of the reading passage, which holds that planting genetically modified trees promises to bring a number of benefits.开头很好~
According to the lecture, since genetically modified trees are resistant to one particular condition, they can not adapt to any change in climate and hence may die out. The professor suggests that when the nature trees experience the threatened environment, some of them can resistant（resist） and survive. But for genetically modified plants, they are too much uniform and when they are threatened by some conditions have not been designed for, such as threatens from insects（这个算是自己推断的观点了，因为阅读里有一个ringspot virus infection）, they will all die. However, the reading passage holds that this kind of trees are much handier than nature trees and more likely to survive than their nature counterparts.
The second different point between the lecture and the reading is the economic returns of planting genetically modified trees. The professor believes that the costs of modified trees are much more than unmodified trees because planters can not collect seeds of the trees every year by free. By law, they have to pay the company（什么company，需要说一下） every time they plant. The reading passage, on the contrast, says that genetically modified trees will bring a large amount of benefits because they grow faster, give greater fields-of food, fruit, or other products-and be hardier.
(这个纯属阅读细节，不要求写的)
Finally, the professor claims that genetically modified trees will do harm to wild trees, and even damage them, because the modified trees grow aggressively and thus occupy too much resources, such as water, which is necessary for the grow of other trees. As a result, the wild trees fail the competition with modified trees and hence be crowding-out（很形象）. The reading, by contrast, considers that genetically modified trees prevent over exploitation of wild trees because they satisfy the demand for wood in many areas and save the endangered native trees.
In conclusion, the lecture stands on the opposite side of the reading toward the issue of planting genetically modified trees.
Conclusion：真的写的很好哇！！文字、逻辑，样样不差。不过也要注意综合的要求，字数不能超了哦，建议不要写阅读细节~加油
作者: 搞G战士DB 时间: 2012-9-18 21:31
In the history of education, grade, as a method(grade算不上是method吧，用grade去评价优劣才是方法，可以用tool,implement) to evaluate and test the academic records of students, plays an important role in almost all country（countries）.Some educators and parents believe that grades encourage students to learn. After taking the facial benefits and potential risks into account, however, I side on the opposite.开头好赞！！！
To begin with, I have to concede that grade is a measurable method（同上） which can reflect students' learning effect to some extent. And it is true that students who learn the knowledge well are more likely to get a higher grade. However, it ranks students simply by the scores without any other aspects being considered, such as their abilities of scientific research, creativity, and eloquence. Thus, it is not a comprehensive and convincing method to evaluate a student.
Moreover, since grade can not(cannot) comprehensively reflect students' learning reports, it may not encourage students and even discourage them. For those students who usually receive higher grades in exams, they always get a strong sense of achievement and are inspired to make more efforts. But these(this) kind of students are minority and most of students lose confidence because of a low grade. Taking one of my classmate(s) in my high school as an example, he had a big interest in chemistry, and he used to do many chemical experiments by himself. He even learned many university courses about chemistry. But one time, he did not focus on preparing the chemical examination and as a result, he failed the exam. When he looked at the final report, he got shocked and suspected his ability in learning chemistry. After that, he can not(cannot) recover from the setback until he won the Chinese Chemistry Olympiad. 这段也不错，提一个关于例子的建议。这个例子的目的在于给前面说的低分的学生可能会丧失信心这个观点提供支持。那么你这里最后编成你这位同学一直没能从这个挫折中走出来最后泯然众人矣，应该比说直到拿到化学竞赛奖 有说服力。你觉得呢？
Finally, though grades can encourage students to learn, it may results in a bad phenomenon. We all know there is such a thing named examination capacity, which means a student with poor academic knowledge can get a much better grade far from his or her true level. （GPA不好的人泪目了……）That is because such kind of students always know the examination scope and （are）well prepare(-d) for the contents without learning any other unrelated knowledge. They strongly rely on the examination scope and always memorize the right answers by rote. Therefore, the grading system does not encourage students to learn the real knowledge and build an interest of learning, but encourage them to be memorizing machines.
In conclusion, the grading system has many defects, and can not（cannot） encourage students to learn true skill and genuine knowledge.
总体来说很好哈，结构，论证，举例，用词都很棒。必不可免的有一些小问题，但比我好多了！学到了很多。
关于can not和cannot，can't=cannot。
其实我觉得你的问题应该是cannot 和can not 的区别。事实上，这两个是不一样的。
Cannot是“不可以”，而can not是“可以不”。举个例子：
I cannot believe this! （我无法相信！等于I can't believe this!）
I can not believe this! （我可以不相信！也就是说，I can believe this, or I can not believe this。我并不一定要相信，我可以选择不相信。）
作者: 搞G战士DB 时间: 2012-9-18 21:52
感谢亲的修改……那么多错误，对着屏幕我脸都红了……
作者: 235852140 时间: 2012-10-11 16:56
10.10 独立
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: Movies are worth watching only when they teach us something about the real life.
With the improvement of people's living standard, entertainment becomes an essential part of modern people's daily lives. Among various leisure activities, watching movies is very popular. Nowadays, some people claim that movies are worth watching only when they teach us something about the real life. After taking various considerations into account, however, I stand on the opposite.
In the first place, movie, as a public media, should reflect the different aspects of the diversified world to spread different opinions, various life styles, and all kinds of social phenomena. Not all of the movies should teach us something about the real life, since some educational films have already been given this task. With the directors' creativity, imagination, and thought, more movies are responsible for making diversity and fantasy which interested people to watch them. For example, the load of the ring: the return of the king, a film fulled of imagination, has amazingly won eleven Oscar awards, including the best film award and the best director award. The reason why the movie was successful is not that it educates people something about the real life, but is that it has creative idea, wonderful scenes, and attractive stroy line. In other words, almost every people like the movie, so it succussed.
Moreover, all kinds of movies worth watching, not only the one that can teach us something about the real life because the original intention of watching movies is to relax or to fell happy. And most of the modern directors are producing films which conform this needs of the audience in order to obtain a larger profit. Taking my old sister as an example, she loves enjoying romantic love movies with her husband in the theater. She has already owned a good love and a happy family, so the ups and downs of the story mode in the film can not teach her anything about her real life. She wants to watch such a kind of film just because she enjoys recalling her love time. Thus, can we say that the romantic love movies are not worth watching for her?
Finally, I have to concede that the educational movies are indeed valuable. They might give us some encourage when we are struggling to our dream; they might offer good suggestions if we are facing difficult choices; even they might change a decadent person to a ambition one when he or she has just experienced a huge failure. However, since movies are a kind of entertainment tool, they cannot just be restricted to reflect our real life. The audience needs a diversified film industry to satisfy their appetite.
In conclusion, I believe many kinds of movies are worth producing and watching due to audience various needs. Also, the statement that movies areworth watching only when they teach us something about the real lifeis oversimplified and wrong.
作者: chasedreamabc 时间: 2012-10-14 00:21
10.10 独立
With the improvement of people's living standard, entertainment becomes an essential part of modern people's daily lives. Among various leisure activities, watching movies is very popular. Nowadays,(这个地方用nowadays好像很突兀，个人感觉用thus更好一点)some people claim that movies are worth watching only （only do people claim movies are worth watching）when they teach us something about the real life（the part of real life ）. After taking various considerations into account, however, I stand on the opposite.
In the first place,(+a,名词不能单独使用)movie, as a public media, should reflect the different aspects of the diversified world to spread different opinions, various life styles, and all kinds of social phenomena. Not all of the movies should teach us something about the real life （和第一段重复了，T讲求多元化的句式，可以写成show us the real world ）, since (这里用since怎么讲呢，自从...以来...，逻辑上面说不是很通，可以用although，然后把句中的already去掉，就不会冗余了，关于since的用法 http://zhidao.baidu.com/question/345965405.html&__bd_tkn__=23f5552b256b9f1d4e15bb62b0a224a1860bdfea8078338d51fed8133ea5c69d362ad36bb4bcda3b39bb3949f6bbe47087ac3af56e60b1f4e7eb60157b58f83b9b62adf85b0f03de0125276ad431bd0e3a739976702d)some educational films have already been given（finished）this task. With the directors' creativity, imagination, and thought, more（+and more） movies are responsible for making diversity and fantasy which interested people to watch them. For example, the load of the ring: the return of the king, a film fulled of imagination, has amazingly won eleven Oscar awards, including the best film award and the best director award. The reason why the movie was successful is not（the reason is not...句子不完整吧，that没有先行词）that it（指代movie还是reason，不是很明确）educates people something about the real life（第三遍了，有点新意啊，亲）, but is that it has creative idea（好像少一个形式主语，it）, wonderful scenes, and attractive stroy line. In other words, almost every people like（+s） the movie, so it succussed.
PS:最后几句话没有看的很明白，不知是不是有的词没有打上的原因
Moreover, all kinds of movies worth watching,（V.呢） not only the one that can teach us something about the real life（第四遍了）because the original intention of watching movies is to relax（没见过be to relax）or to fell happy. And most of the modern directors are producing films which conform this needs of the audience in order to obtain a larger profit. Taking my old sister as an example, she loves enjoying （enjoys） romantic love （没必要了吧）movies with her husband in the theater. She has already owned a good love and a happy family, so the ups and downs of the story mode in the film can not teach her anything about her real life. She wants to watch such a kind of film just because she enjoys recalling her love time. Thus, can we say that the romantic love movies are not worth watching for her? 这段的例子举得不是很好，说服性稍微弱一点
Finally, I have to concede that the educational movies are indeed valuable. They might give us some encourage when we are struggling to our dream; they might offer good suggestions if we are facing difficult choices; even they might change a decadent person to a ambition one when he or she has just experienced a huge failure. However, since movies are a kind of entertainment tool, they cannot just be restricted to reflect our real life. The audience needs a diversified film industry to satisfy their appetite. 排比句很好哈
In conclusion, I believe many kinds of movies are worth producing and watching due to audience various needs. Also, the statement that movies areworth watching only when they teach us something about the real lifeis oversimplified and wrong.
结尾一般，算是点题，但是那句话出现第五遍了
作者: 235852140 时间: 2012-10-14 00:50
嘿嘿~谢谢Alex队长点评~
作者: 235852140 时间: 2012-10-15 07:54
10.15
Agree or disagree, in order to succeed, you should be more like others than be different from everyone
Everyone in the fierce competitive society is pursuing success. And there are many ways to achieve success. Among various viewpoints，a common belief is that one should be more like others than be different from everyone, in order to succeed. After weighing up both the superficial benefits and potential risks, however, I side on the opposite.
In the first place, most successful people share one common characteristics——distinctive, which makes them stand out of the crowd. Some of them have extraordinary abilities in a certain field, such as athletes who won the Olympic champion; some of them own unusual perseverance, such as Edison who experienced hundreds of times of failure before the invention of bulb; and some of them usually come up with fresh ideas，such as Steve Jobs who led the Apple to the world's largest maker of mobile phone. Therefore, it is being different that contributes to people's success.
So, why being different makes people more likely to success, while keeping accordance with everyone causes people ordinary？ In my perspective, it is because that the development of mankind demands difference in the aspect of both science and art. On the one hand, the scientific inventions and discoveries that bring huge convenience and benefits to our lives ask for bold new attempts. Only by keeping trying new can we create something new. On the other hand, the famous works of art in the world all comes from the artists' creativity and extraordinary talents. No one likes to see the same or similar works. Thus, sticking to convention or imitating others will never push our society forward, so do people's success.
Finally, I have to concede that people should study others' good personalities and comply with the social standard of behavior. Of course, things like diligent and studious are the keys to success, and one cannot challenge the law in order to be different from others. However, except of those basic elements which everyone knows, it is more essential to be different from the public.
In conclusion, it is the difference rather than similarity that bring success to people because of our society's intrinsical needs.
作者: chasedreamabc 时间: 2012-10-15 17:03
Everyone in thefiercecompetitive（固定搭配fierce competition，可以把 in thefiercecompetitive 放在句末做后置定语，everyone is pursuing success in the fiercecompetition）society is pursuing success. And there are many ways（methods）to achieve success（前面有一个success了，这里直接用win，表达也比较地道）. Among（后面就说了2个点，用between）various viewpoints，a common belief is that one should be more like others than be different from everyone, in order to succeed. After weighing up both the superficial benefits and potential risks, however, I side on the opposite.
In the first place, most successful people share one commoncharacteristics（one和characteristics矛盾了，单复不一致去掉s）——distinctive, which makes them stand out of the crowd. Some of them have extraordinary abilities in a certain field, such as athletes who won the Olympic champion; some of them own unusual perseverance, such as Edison who experienced hundreds of times of failure before the invention of bulb; and some of them usually come up with fresh ideas，such as Steve Jobs who led the Apple to the world's largest maker of mobile phone. Therefore, it is being（可以不要）different that contributes to people's success.（换一个词，prosperity，词汇太单一啦）
PS:没什么太多的改动是都是简单句，没可能有错滴
So, why being different makes people more likely to success, while keeping（keep有名词词性，那么用keeping在严格语法就显得不是很正确了） accordance with everyone causes people ordinary？ In my perspective, it is because that the development of mankind demands difference in the aspect of both science and art. On the one hand, the scientific inventions and discoveries that bring huge convenience and benefits to our lives ask for bold new attempts. Only by keeping trying new can we create something new. On the other hand, the famous works of art（the artist，讲求简练一下啦） in the world all comes from the artists' creativity and extraordinary talents. No one likes to see the same or similar works. Thus, sticking to convention or imitating others will never push our society forward, so do people's success.
Finally, I have to concede that people should study others' good personalities and comply with the social standard of behavior. Of course, things like diligent and studious are the keys to success, and one cannot challenge the law in order to be different from others. However, except of those basic elements which everyone knows, it is more essential to be different from the public.
In conclusion, it is the difference rather than similarity that bring success to people because of our society's intrinsical needs.
PS:字数一般，语言显得过于的简单了，没有什么出彩的地方。在句式上面尝试一下多元化，增加复杂句和长句子，显得不是很单一；词汇也是有点少，success可以替换没替换的地方至少有4处，比昨天一句话出现5遍有进步了
作者: 235852140 时间: 2012-11-17 12:22
Agree or disagree：it is important to be completely honest with your friends.
There is no doubt that honesty is a good virtue. And most of time, people should remain honest with their partners around, especially with their friends, since friends are our precious fortune in the world and we cannot live without friends. But does it mean one must be completely honest with them at any time? After taking many considerations into account, I disagree with this idea.
In the first place, a white lie proves to be more beneficial than a cruel truth under many circumstances. For example, if one of your friends are preparing for a job interview and his or her mother is in grave condition at the same time, which one would you choose: to tell he or she the truth, or to give a white lie? Obviously, being honest at this time will interrupt your friend's job hunting and thus may influence his/her future career. Also, he cannot do anything with his/her mother. But telling a white lie may help the person get the job successfully at least. Therefore, a white lie is more useful sometimes.
Moreover, people need to be tactful in the complex interpersonal relationships, including friendships. When getting along with various people, being smooth is one of the good interpersonal skills, which might help you make more friends. Taking my classmate Ruth for example, she is a frank and outspoken girl. She always point out others' shortages or embarrassing things, and as a result almost all my classmates are unwilling to talk or contact with her. On the contrary, my roommate Lydia usually praise others' advantages and avoids saying some real but wounding words. She won many friends.
Finally, I have to concede that being honest with friends can establish a mature trust which is an important element in the friendship. But being absolutely honest is impractical. It is necessary to be flexible in some cases, such as to protect our friends' feeling and to better get along with them. Therefore, white lies exist more or less among people's relationships. In fact, there is a survey from the China Social Psychology saying that ninety-four percent people tell at least one lie in a day and telling lies serves as a natural instinct that no one can never tell a lie.
In conclusion, being completely honest is not a wise behavior which may hunt others feelings and influence the relationship itself, while telling a white lie and being a tactful person are sometimes necessary.
作者: 235852140 时间: 2012-11-17 23:08
11.17 独立 在家工作好还是去公司工作好？
Working serves as an important part of people's whole lives since we almost spent one-thirty time of life on working. Consequently, the working environment is so much concerned that it has always been a widely discussed issue among people. A large amount of people seem to have a peasant association with the idea that working at home can increase their work efficiency. However, is this really the case? After taking various considerations into account, I believe that it is more beneficial to work at the company than to work at home.
In the first place, working at the company can provide every employee with an opportunity to communicate, especially in our modern society, because team work has a wide range of application in many fields, including in the company culture. By getting together in the office of the company, staffs are able to share their knowledges, ideas, and innovation. Also, when they are facing some problems or dilemmas, this method will save them lots of time solving problems. It is impossible to achieve if everyone stay at home to work. Even though those who would like to work at home use email or telephone to contact with their leaders and colleagues，is it more efficient or more convenient than just talking directly to his/her colleagues sitting at the next table? Taking Google as an example, it not only ask for the attendance of every employee on weekdays，but also dismantled the barriers of all office tables to form an open working environment which is conducive to staffs' communication.
In addition to the convenience of communication, it is commonly acknowledged that people can put more concentration on the job if they are in the office where has little attraction. It is because that they have nothing else to do instead of working due to the dull and monotonous environment. On the contrary, at home, there are various entertainments and matters will draw one's attention, such as the popular new television program, the scent of the meal cooking by your mother, or your crying baby. All of these might interrupt your train of thought and thus decrease your working efficiency. For example, my sisters' unit does not require employees to work at the company. Thus she had did her works at home before she realized that she often did not finish her tasks on time. Now, she insisted to go to her office to avoid being attracted by the television programs.
Finally, working at the company avails the leader to manage the company and employees. On the one hand, leaders can convey their instructions and objectives with staffs face to face at the meeting without calling or mailing them one by one. On the other hand, in case of some emergencies or modifications about the work, leaders can conduct employees right the first time. It is hard to imagine what is the leader's position if no one is in the company. Even if the job like internet customer services of Amazon company, which just require employees sitting in front of the computers and speaking through keyboards, asks for employees to work in Amazon's office block.
In conclusion, working at the company is more beneficial to the employees themselves, to the leaders, and to the companies, than working at home.
作者: 浅吟天 时间: 2012-11-18 21:03
黄色 好的，绿色，建议加评价，红色 有问题的
Working serves as an important part of people's whole lives since we almost spent one-thirty time of life on working. Consequently, the working environment is so much concerned that it has always been a widely discussed issue among people. A large amount of people seem to have a peasant association with the idea that working at home can increase their work efficiency. However, is this really the case? After taking various considerations into account, I believe that it is more beneficial to work at the company than to work at home. （看了你后面的文笔，我觉得第一段不用套那么多句式，还可以更好）
In the first place, working at the company can provide every employee with an opportunity to communicate, especially in our modern society, because team work has a wide range of application in many fields, including in the company culture(in many field, 包括公司文化，我觉得这两者不是很包呢). By getting together in the office of the company, staffs are able to share their knowledges, ideas, and innovation(为什么前两个复数，这个不加了呢). Also, when they are facing some problems or dilemmas, this method will save them lots of time solving problems. It is impossible to achieve if everyone stay at home to work. Even though those who would like to work at home use email or telephone to contact with their leaders and colleagues，is it more efficient or more convenient than just talking directly to his/her colleagues sitting at the next table? Taking（我不知道是不是take,因为我一直这么背的，望告之。。） Google as an example, it not only ask for the attendance of every employee on weekdays，but also dismantled the barriers of all office tables to form an open working environment which is conducive to staffs' communication. （例子好！）
In addition to the convenience of communication, it is commonly acknowledged that people can put more concentration on the job if they are in the office where has little attraction. It is because that they have nothing else to do instead of working due to the dull and monotonous environment. On the contrary, at home, there are various entertainments and matters will draw one's attention, such as the popular new television program, the scent of the meal cooking by your mother, or your crying baby.(好想象力！) All of these might interrupt your train of thought（这是个短语吗？） and thus decrease your working efficiency. For example, my sisters' unit does not require employees to work at the company. Thus she had did her works at home before she realized that she often did not finish her tasks on time.（这句话有点拧巴，Thus she had done her works at home, however she realized that she often did not finish her tasks on time.） Now, she insisted(前面有个Now了，现在时) to go to her office to avoid being attracted by the(去掉吧) television programs.
Finally, working at the company avails the leader to manage the company and employees. On the one hand, leaders can convey their instructions and objectives with staffs face to face at the meeting without calling or mailing them one by one. On the other hand, in case of some emergencies or modifications about the work, leaders can conduct employees right(普及下我把，短语？) the first time. It is hard to imagine what is the leader's position if no one is in the company. Even if the job like internet customer services of Amazon company, which just require（单数） employees sitting in front of the computers and speaking through keyboards, asks(这句话的主语是job，应该是amazon，换一换就好了) for employees to work in Amazon's office block.
In conclusion, working at the company is more beneficial to the employees themselves, to the leaders, and to the companies, than working at home.
很好的组织，很清楚的观点！建议把第三段的意见放到第一个后，都是讲得交流，沟通传达的问题。相当于在公司的两个好处，然后列一个在家的坏处，这样更清晰。
作者: 浅吟天 时间: 2012-11-19 08:30
讨论几个问题：
1. innovation,我心思是创新的意思，不可数呢。查了查是作为革新、创新的意思，是不可数的。作为新方法、新制度、新事物的意思来讲是可数的。 那并列的话，是不是都加S都复数 保持一致比较好？ 是的，既然新事物也是可数的，复数还是说的通的。当时看到三个并列，觉得最后一个不写像笔误。
2. Taking Google as an example, it not only...but also... 。 这句用taking不用take 是因为如果take了，这句话就多了一个谓语。就病句了。 按你这么说也不是很对，taking的主语是it 发出的主动，这样。。可以吗？我印象中是take G for example. 句号，一个类似祈使句吧。（额 我蹩脚的解释，你有什么意见告诉我啊）
4. conduct employees right the first time. right the first time 我想说第一时间的意思。不知道有木有这个用法。我没查到。 我当时是觉得conduct有点奇怪，查了下朗文，有两个解释比较像：1，to carry out a particular activity or process, especially in order to get information or prove facts。但这个不对员工。2，to take or lead someone somewhere。这个的例句都是具体的conduct somebody to something。没有你那个意思，引领，带领。你觉得呢？
喜欢认真的孩子~~~
作者: 235852140 时间: 2012-11-27 19:25
11.27. an efficient leader will always try to make everyone feel that he's in part of a decision making
Management is one of the most important factors that contribute to the success of companies, and leader, as the manager of company, plays an essential role in the process of management. Consequently, how to be an efficient leader has always been a widely discussed issue among people. Recently, some entrepreneurs claim that an efficient leader will always try to make everyone feel that he's in part of a decision making. After taking various considerations into account, I strongly agree with this idea.
In the first place, the leader can attain more extensive suggestions, ideas, and innovations by making every staffs involved in the process of decision making. There is no doubt that one person's ability is limited to some degree, and as an old saying in China:" the fire burns high when everybody adds wood to it". This point of view is especially effective in the company because leaders always have too many matters to solve every day. They could not deal with everything by themselves and ensure to make the best decision at the same time. In most cases, they have to discuss the questions with subordinates, ask for some novel and creative suggestions, and then make the final decision. Take Google as an example. Google's leaders have rarely made decisions only by themselves, but instead of it, they always let staffs discuss and make the decisions together. Thus, this is an efficient method for leaders.
In addition to the benefit to leader's efficient work, it can arouse every staff's sense of responsibility to the company. If employees just work and follow the leader's decisions and instructions, is there any difference between them and machines? And also they might feel boring and become unconcerned toward the company's development. But if the leader always communicate with them about some decisions and seek for their ideas, they might realize that they are one of the important parts of the company and treat the company's grow as part of their own careers. For example, my sister is running her own business now. She used to be a dictatorial leader who rarely discussed issues with employees. As a result, almost all the employees lost the passion of work and the company's efficiency is very low. Afterwards, she changed her habits and tried to listen to her staffs' voice. By doing so, her company is now in a good condition and everyone in her company make every effort to work.
Finally, I have to concede that making everyone feel that he's part of the decision making is difficult since everyone may have different opinion toward a certain issue. And there might be some hard time to make everyone be in agreement, which will lead a waste of time and energy. However, I did not mean that to make staffs take participate in the process of decision making is equal to completely follow their ideas or to make decisions in accordance with the opinions of the majority. I believe it is the process of communication and listening that intensify employee's sense of being. Therefore, whatever the final decision, the employees will be encouraged.
In conclusion, it is beneficial for leader to try to make everyone feel that he or she is part of a decision making.
作者: 未知未来2 时间: 2012-11-27 23:27
There is no doubt that honesty is a good virtue. And most of time, people should remain honest with their partners around, especially with their friends; （两句话）since friends are our precious fortune in the world and we cannot live without friends（them,前面用过friends了，用them会不会好一些）. But does it mean one must be completely honest with them at any time? After taking many considerations into account, I disagree with this idea.
In the first place, a white lie proves to be more beneficial than a cruel truth under many circumstances. For example, if one of your friends are preparing for a job interview and his or her mother is in grave condition at the same time, which one would you choose: to tell he or she the truth, or to give a white lie? Obviously, being honest at this time will interrupt your friend's job hunting and thus may influence his/her future career. Also, he cannot do anything with his/her mother. But telling a white lie may help the person get the job successfully at least. Therefore, a white lie is more useful sometimes.
Moreover, people need to be tactful in the complex interpersonal relationships, including friendships. When getting along with various people, being smooth is one of the good interpersonal skills, which might help you make more friends. Taking my classmate Ruth for example, she is a frank and outspoken girl. She always point(-s) out others' shortages or embarrassing things, and as a result almost all my classmates are unwilling to talk or contact with her. On the contrary, my roommate Lydia usually praise (-s) others' advantages and avoids saying some real but wounding words. She won many friends.
Finally, I have to concede that being honest with friends can establish a mature trust which is an important element in the friendship. But being absolutely honest is impractical. It is necessary to be flexible in some cases, such as to protect our friends' feeling and to better get along with them. Therefore, white lies exist more or less among people's relationships. In fact, there is a survey from the China Social Psychology saying that ninety-four percent people tell at least one lie in a day and telling lies serves as a natural instinct that no one can never tell a lie.
In conclusion, being completely honest is not a wise behavior which may hunt others feelings and influence the relationship itself, while telling a white lie and being a tactful person are sometimes necessary.
文章读着非常舒服，娓娓道来一样~~例子也很充实，句式也有很多变化，就提一个小建议哈 第二点和第三点内容感觉都在说做人要flexible~~可以写如果都说实话了，怎么给friends惊喜啊；都说实话了自己还有木有个人空间啦，万一这个friend 跟别人乱说肿么办。。。个人意见哈~~学习了！！~~~还有实在抱歉啊，刚开始时不知道小分队是怎么操作的，不知道咱们是一组要你改我，我改你，后面明白了又忘了去改了。。。真是抱歉！！
作者: Saturn光环 时间: 2012-11-28 22:52
11.27. an efficient leader will always try to make everyone feel that he's in part of a decision making
Management is one of the most important factors that contribute to the success of companies, and leader, as the manager of company, plays an essential role in the process of management. Consequently,how to be an efficient leader has always been a widely discussed issue among people how to be an efficient leader is an issue that has been widely discussed among people (读起来不怎么顺,改成这样试试？). Recently, some entrepreneurs claim that an efficient leader will always try to make everyone feel that he's in part of a decision making. After taking various considerations into account, I strongly agree with this idea.
In the first place, the leader can attain(怎么觉得应该是obtain) more extensive suggestions, ideas, and innovations by making every staffs involved in the process of decision making. There is no doubt that one person's ability is limited to some degreein contrast to the wisdom of the crowd, and as an old saying in China:" the fire burns high when everybody adds wood to it". This point of view is especially effective in the company because leaders always have too many matters to solve every day. They could not deal with everything by themselves and ensure to make the best decision at the same time.（A effective leader should utilize everyone’s talent to solve a variety of problems encountered everyday instead of working alone精简一下句子） In most cases, they have to（用should 会不会好点）discuss the questions with subordinates, or organize the brainstorm where your teammates can bring up novel and creative suggestions your teammates ask for some novel and creative suggestions, and then make the final decision. Take Google as an example. Google's leaders have rarely made decisions only by themselves, but instead of it, they always let staffs discuss and make the decisions together. （Instead of making decisions only by themselves, they always let their staffs participate in decision making.精简句子）Thus, this is an efficient method for leaders.
Second, in addition to the benefit to leader's efficient work, it can arouse every staff's a sense of responsibility to the company among every staffs. If employees just work and followunder the leader's decisions and instructions made by leaders, is there any difference between them and machines? And also they might feel boring and become unconcerned toward the company's development. But if the leader always communicate with them about some decisions and seek for their ideas, they might realize that they are one of the important parts of the company and treat the company's grow as part of their own careers.（So an effective leader should motivate the employee by constantly communicating with them about decisions and opinions, which can maintain cohesion in a company that everyone feel like they are a part of it. 精简句子）For example, my sister is running her own business now. She used to be a dictatorial leaderdictator who rarely discussed issues with employees. As a result, almost all the employees lost the passion of work and the company's efficiency is very low. Afterwards, she changed her habits and tried to listen to her staffs' voice. By doing so, her company is now in a good condition and everyone in her company make every effort to work. (My sister used to be a dictatorial leader that rarely discussed any issue with her staff in a company she started. After suffering low efficiency, she changed her management style to a modest leader who pay attention to the voice from her employee. Now her employee is working with her cohesively and her company is stronger than it ever was.精简句子)
FinallyMoreover, I have to concede that making everyone feel that he's part of the decision making is difficult since everyone may have different opinion toward a certain issue. And there might be some hard time to make everyone be in agreement, which will lead a waste of time and energy. However, I did not mean that to make staffs take participate in the process of decision making is equal to completely follow their ideas or to make decisions in accordance with the opinions of the majority. I believe it is the process of communication and listening that intensify employee's sense of being. Therefore, whatever the final decision, the employees will be encouraged.
Moreover, I have to say that it’s hard to unit everyone in decision making since everyone has one’s own opinion. However, let staffs take participate in the process of decision making is not equal to follow their ideas. The key is to have everyone together and listen carefully about their ideas and feelings. A good leader should use his brain, use his negotiating skills to convince hisemployees instead of using his authority . Therefore, your employee will follow you.
（我自己按自己的理解写了一段，觉得有很多细节加上去让整个段落显的中心不突出。第一个句子既然是让步就要突出后面弱化前面，所以前面很多细节让人觉得重心跑前面去了。which will lead a waste of time and energy；follow their ideas； to make decisions in accordance with the opinions of the majority.这些细节可以再斟酌一下如何加到这个段落里面来.）
In conclusion, it is beneficial for leader to try to make everyone feel that he or she is part of a decision making.
总结：
1.觉得很多语言不够简练，可以把一些很长的句子想办法缩到一起去，
2.有时候可以长短句结合，可以使文章读起来更舒服。
3.可以看出有很多细节能想出来很不错，但是就整篇文章来说读起来不是很通顺。
4.本人非大神，言多必失，有什么地方句子表达还不够标准的请仔细指出，互相学习。。
作者: 袋袋 时间: 2012-11-29 19:27
Management is one of the most important factors that contribute to the success of companies, and leader, as the manager of company, plays an essential role in the process of management. Consequently, how to be an efficient leader has always been（is always这里表示一般情况，没有时态的区别，用一般现在时较好） a widely discussed issue among people. Recently, some entrepreneurs claim that an efficient leader will （ought to）always try to make everyone feel that he's in part of a decision making. After taking various considerations into account, I strongly agree with this idea.
第一段介绍背景，引入话题，并且表述了自己的观点，我觉得写的很好~
In the first place, the leader can attain more extensive suggestions, ideas, and innovations by making every staffs involved in the process of decision making. There is no doubt that one person's ability is limited to some degree, and as(这样的话，这个分句就没有main verb) an old saying in China:" the fire burns high when everybody adds wood to it". This point of view is especially effective in the company because leaders always have too many matters to solve every day. They could not deal with everything by themselves and ensure to make the best decision at the same time（个人觉得let alone ensure to make the best decision at the same time）. In most cases, they have to discuss the questions with subordinates, ask for some novel and creative suggestions, and then make the final decision. Take Google as an example. Google's leaders have rarely made decisions only by themselves, but instead of it, they always let staffs discuss and make the decisions together. Thus, this is an efficient method for leaders.
论据很充实，而且角度很好，但是个人觉得思维还是中文式的。
In addition to the benefit to（of） leader's efficient work, it can arouse every staff's sense of responsibility to the company. If employees just work and follow the leader's decisions and instructions, is there any difference between them and machines? And also (可以直接用also，个人觉得what’s more更好)they might feel boring and become unconcerned toward the company's development. But if the leader always communicate with them about some decisions and seek for their ideas, they might realize that they are one of the important parts of（直接a important part of 比较简洁吧） the company and treat（这个动词从语法上看不清楚是和realize还是和are并列） the company's grow as part of their own careers. For example, my sister is running her （用have比较好）own business now. She used to be a dictatorial leader who rarely discussed issues with employees. As a result, almost all the employees lost the passion of work and the company's efficiency is very low. Afterwards, she changed her habits and tried to listen to her staffs' voice（用the voice of her stuff比较好）. By doing so, her company is now in a good condition and everyone in her company makes every effort to work.
Finally, I have to concede that making everyone feel that he's part of the decision making is difficult since everyone may have different opinion toward a certain issue. And there might be some hard time to make everyone be in agreement(直接用involved比较好), which will lead a waste of time and energy. However, I did not mean that to make staffs take participate in the process of decision making is equal to completely follow their ideas or to make decisions in accordance with the opinions of the majority. I believe it is the process of communication and listening that intensify employee's sense of being. Therefore, whatever the final decision is, the employees will be encouraged.
In conclusion, it is beneficial forto leaders to try to make everyone feel that he or she is part of a decision making.
总的来说，我觉得各方面都不错，但是连接词的使用上还可以更加多样和自然。
作者: 袋袋 时间: 2012-11-29 19:29
亲 我改好了。但是不晓得怎样把word中的内容带格式粘过来。。。
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