ChaseDream
标题: 给自己点动力,写作文！求各路大神犀利指导~\(≧▽≦)/~ [打印本页]
作者: winnie98 时间: 2012-8-13 22:39
标题: 给自己点动力,写作文！求各路大神犀利指导~\(≧▽≦)/~
请大家狠拍！
请大神赐教。
作文写的慢，担心30min写不完
PS：虽然请求狠拍，也得看准了再拍，千万别乱拍...
作者: winnie98 时间: 2012-8-14 01:58
8.13独立：know about the events happening around the world that do not affect our life.D\A
With the staggering development of contemporary society, the fast-paced way of life has rendered that many individuals are occupied with a whole load of work and deprived of time to focus on worldwide events. Thus, some people believe that there is no need to know about international events which do not give influence on their daily life. However, I personally consider that we should know what vital events happened all over the world as following aspects.
To begin with, knowing world circumstances enable us to follow the rapid steps of the world. It is universally acknowledged that international cooperation has become indispensable part of our lives and it has been exerting profound influence on the way we work. Therefore, if we ignore the world occurrence, lack of correct judgment regarding multinational cooperation will ensue. Take an international company for example, when they invest in an abroad project, knowing the local events, such as politics, local consumption habits and security, cannot only help them decide how to make the project for adapting to the local economic environment, but also for making maximum profit. Thus, knowing international events really give us positive influence that we can enlarge our business and reduce risks in oversea markets.
Furthermore, it is apparent that there are a growing number of people to go abroad for further education. Before they go oversea, they should know something concerning the events of the foreign countries to adapt the local lifestyle and different culture. A recent study conducted by the Chinese Ministry of Education reveals that before Chinese students go abroad, a increasing number of them prefer to go to the target countries for travel in advance, rather than for further education directly. This atmosphere witnesses that current students tend to be rational, which means they would like to kwon whether they are really fond of the foreign countries and can adapt to the different lifestyle. Consequently, such positive situation attributes to the effective utilization of international information and events.
In addition, knowing international information can enrich our edge and offer a large proportion of opportunities for us to accumulate new experience. To illustrate, when I was a junior student in university, I found an oversea internship of summer vacation by Internet. With the vacation beginning, I did this internship in a Japanese enterprise located in Tokyo. Although the period of internship is short, I still learnt a plenty of things which I could not understand on campus and also expanded my outlook. Thus, it is undeniable that I accept the influence by knowing worldwide information.
Taking all these points into consideration, I am convinced that modern people need to know international events, on grounds that we are affected on the way we work, learn and live.
作者: winnie98 时间: 2012-8-14 19:03
8.14综合：TPO12
求大神狠批！！！~~~~~~
The reading material makes the point that a teenage girl in a professional painted, full-length portrait, which recently has been come up for sale, is Jane Austen, even though there is no title in the professional painting. However, the professor in the lecture refutes this viewpoint. He contends that it is debatable and problematic.
First, the passage interprets that Austen family has clearly claimed that the girl in the portrait is Jane Austen, owing to the illustration in an edition of her letters. In contrast, the professor argues that when the Austen family announced this viewpoint, Jane has been dead for roughly seventy years. That means the family members themselves failed to see her, thus their evidence did not have persuasion.
Second, the professor argues against the point in the passage that the girl is Jane, on grounds that the face in the portrait resembles the one in Cassandra’s sketch, which we know depicts Austen. He asserts that the Austen family had a large proportion of family members and would have many teenagers, who really might resemble the character in the Cassandra’s sketch, such as the cousins of Jane. According to the lecture, the similar face still cannot demonstrate the point of the passage.
Third, the professor says that Ozias Humphrey, a social portrait painter, did not start to sell his masterpieces in London until Jane was twenty years old. Thus, it is a persuasive proof that Jane was older than the girl Humphrey painted. This viewpoint is contrary to the idea presented in the reading material that Humphrey was active between late 1780s and early 1790s, when Jane Austen was the same age of the painted girl.
作者: Kerouac 时间: 2012-8-15 16:01
标题: 鉴于我作文水平实在有限，所以只能说说我的一些疑惑。不好意思那么晚回复你。
Thus, some people believe that there is no need to（这里可以替换一些高级词needless to,不过要是追求字数，还是你这个好）know about international events which do not give influence on their daily life.
To begin with, knowing world circumstances enable us to follow the rapid steps of the world. It is universally acknowledged （universally acknowledged 是指普遍公认的。。。。还是普遍公认，that对于公认作解释？） that international cooperation has become indispensable part of our lives and (and 前后不一致，has become and has been exerting) it has been exerting profound influence on the way we work (这句话读起来有点拗口，on the way we work). Therefore, if we ignore the world occurrence, lack of correct judgment regarding multinational cooperation will ensue(ensue是动词，放到最后不太恰当，后面无所指了）. Take an international company for example, when they invest in an abroad project, knowing the local events, such as politics, local consumption habits(消费习惯，两个都是名词） and security, cannot only help them decide how to make the project for adapting to the local economic environment, but also for making maximum profit. Thus, knowing international events really give us positive influence that we can enlarge our business and reduce risks in oversea markets.
Furthermore, it is apparent that there are a growing number of people to go abroad for further education. Before they go oversea, they should know something concerning the events of the foreign countries to adapt the local lifestyle and different culture. A recent study conducted by the Chinese Ministry of Education reveals that before Chinese students go abroad, a increasing number of them prefer to go to the target countries for travel in advance, rather than for further education directly. This atmosphere witnesses that current students tend to be rational, which means they would like to kwon（这是什么意思）whether they are really fond of the foreign countries and can adapt to the different lifestyle. Consequently, such positive situation attributes to the effective utilization of international information and events.
In addition, knowing international information can enrich our edge and offer a large proportion of opportunities（提供很多机会，proportion我觉得可以去掉） for us to accumulate new experience. To illustrate, when I was a junior student in university, I found an oversea internship of summer vacation by Internet. With the vacation beginning, I did this internship in a Japanese enterprise located in Tokyo. Although the period of internship is short, I still learnt a plenty of things which I could not understand（这个好像只有动词解释吧？动词+on campus ,是说这个动词是接前面的things?我语法不太好哈） on campus and also expanded my outlook. Thus, it is undeniable that I accept the influence by knowing worldwide information（这个knowing在这里是什么意思？难以预料的？）.
作者: klllun 时间: 2012-8-15 20:03
winnie, 诶，昨天的独立没有上呀。。。好吧，我灰扭扭滴走掉
作者: margrate 时间: 2012-8-15 21:45
标题: 0814 综合
The reading material makes the point that a teenage girl in a professional painted, full-length portrait, which recently has been come up for sale, is Jane Austen, even though there is no title in the professional painting. However, the professor in the lecture refutes this viewpoint. He contends that it is debatable and problematic.
You can use ‘point’ in place of ‘makes the point’;
I made the same mistake with you----Questions: summarize the points made in the lecture. So I think in the 1st paragraph, we have to summarize the main idea of the lecture, rather than the content of the passage.
First, the passage interprets that Austen family has clearly claimed that the girl in the portrait is Jane Austen, owing to the illustration in an edition of her letters. In contrast, the professor argues that when the Austen family announced this viewpoint, Jane has been dead for roughly seventy years. That means the family members themselves failed to see her, thus their evidence did not have persuasion.
Second, the professor argues against the point in the passage that the girl is Jane, on (the) grounds that the face in the portrait resembles the one in Cassandra’s sketch, which we know depicts Austen. He asserts that the Austen family had a large proportion offamily members and would have many teenagers, who really might resemble the character in the Cassandra’s sketch, such as the cousins of Jane. According to the lecture, the similar face still cannot demonstrate the point of the passage.
Third, the professor says that Ozias Humphrey, a social portrait painter, did not start to sell his masterpieces in London until Jane was twenty years old. Thus, it is a persuasive proof that Jane was older than the girl Humphrey painted. This viewpoint is contrary to the idea presented in the reading material that Humphrey was active between late 1780s and early 1790s, when Jane Austen was the same age of the painted girl
1. It is not Ozias Humphrey who sold the canvas. It’s another man in the lecture. The lecture tell us the painter whose painting canvas had not been sold by “the another man”, who sold the painting canvas to Ozias Humphrey at a late time when JA was 27 years old.2. ‘Contray’ is a noun, rather than an adjective; you can use ‘contradictory’ instead.
In conclusion, you have mastered the main points of the lecture. And I suggest you’d better put the three points of the lecture at the beginning of each paragraph. Your arrangement is also appropriate.Any questions, please contact me.
Any questions, please contact me.
作者: winnie98 时间: 2012-8-15 21:57
8.14独立：Do you agree or disagree with the following statement. Although science and technology will continue to improve, the most significant improvement for the quality of people's lives have already taken place
As modern high technology is rapidly developing, there is a controversial issue that the most vital improvement for the quality of our lives has occurred, even though science and technology will increasingly continue to improve. However, I personally believe that we still have a host of problems regarding the life quality and need to continuously enhance our technology, rather than just feel satisfied with current improvement as the following aspects.
Apparently, we have a large proportion of serious problems which still have no effective measures to figure out and pose a threat to our daily life. Take the air pollution for example.The air pollution has become an indispensable part of problems we need to address and it has been exerting profound influence on the way we live. A recent research conducted by the Chinese Ministry of Environment reveals that there are a growing number of people who get sickness owing to the negative influence of air pollution on their health. Thus, it is imperative that scientists are supposed to focus on how to decrease the air pollution, purify the air and enhance the air quality. Obviously, modern scientists have not found out the most satisfactory approaches to tackle the serious air problems. Consequently, it cannot be considered that we have already studied the most crucial hi-tech invention, on grounds that there are still a host of troubles concerning our lives.
Furthermore, there is no evaluation criteria to judge which improvement is the most significant for our lives. For instance, one invention of vehicles enables people to travel to anywhere and directly meet friends. In addition, vehicles also make it possible that commercial goods would be transported to every country, while that would not be realized in the past. Another one is the cell phone which brings us great convenience. A phone call can help people communicate with each other conveniently and quickly, even though they are in different cities, provinces or even nations. Compared with vehicles, we cannot just say the cell phone play a more important role in our lives than the vehicles, because both of them impact us and enhance our life quality tremendously.
Taking all above points into consideration, I am convinced that the striking promotion of science and technology will generate useful and advanced inventions that give us far more positive improvement on the life quality in the future than its counterpart at present.
我知道应该写5段，主体写3段，但是主体最后一段我实在不知道写什么合适~~~~(>_<)~~~~
求赐教
作者: winnie98 时间: 2012-8-15 22:00
不好意思，我白天没在家。刚刚写完
作者: klllun 时间: 2012-8-16 00:09
winnie虫子明天来改哈，占个位子先
作者: winnie98 时间: 2012-8-16 12:11
8.15独立：Do you agree or disagree with the following statement. Parents should allow their children to make mistakes and let them learn from their own mistakes
There is a common atmosphere that, the young, who are not psychologically mature, have not built so complete values and outlook on life. During this period, they sometimes tend to hold biased viewpoints and then may make mistakes. Thus, recently, that brings about a controversial issue that whether parents should allow their children to make mistakes. Some people assert that parents should help children avoid doing things in error as far as possible, so that children can be kept away from both physical and psychological harm. However, I personally believe that forgiveness should be allowed as the following aspects.
It is universally agreed that practice makes perfect. Deciding how to address problems personally can enhance children’s ability of analyzing and dealing with problems, even though they may make mistakes. However, some parents believe that they can conduct their children with their abundant life experience which can give children correct selections and avoid children make similar mistakes as parents. Besides that, parents prefer to arrange the whole things that the young can get a shortcut to grow excellent, rather than give children chances to decide by themselves, In contrast, excessively paying attention and doting on children will render children are hardly able to make decisions by themselves and difficult to becoming successful after they grow up, because they fail to know how to confront troubles. Even though there may be some errors children make, the benefits of decision by themselves outweigh its drawbacks.
Furthermore, even if parents make arrangement for children, it is still impossible that children can never do things in error. When children make mistakes, parents should actually take consideration regarding the approaches that how to rectify children’s mistakes. For instance, a child made an error that the time that he should have learnt at home was utilized for playing computer games. When his parents found this circumstance, not only did parents mention his error immediately, but also played the computer games with him. Afterwards, his parents told him that he should focus on knowledge at the time of learning, while he should enjoy the leisure activities at leisure time. If he played games at learning time instead of learning, he should give negative influence on both sides. After that, the child listened to his parents and utilized the suitable time on suitable things. Consequently, making mistakes is not serious, as long as there are correct approaches to help children recognize the errors and learn a lesson from errors.
However, mistakes also have drawbacks when it brings children benefits. If children begin to get accustomed to make errors, that will impel children live in the negative way and form incorrect values. In this situation, parents should give the young correct psychological direction, prevent children from often making errors, and arrange some part of children’s things. By contrast, parents still should give children space to make decision by themselves, correct their mistakes in patience, and let them learn from their own mistakes.
Taking all the above points into consideration, I am convinced that allowing children’s mistakes and making them learn a lesson from mistakes are relatively rational.
作者: winnie98 时间: 2012-8-16 18:01
8.15综合TPO13
The lecture mainly points out that the benefits of the commercial fossil market far outweigh its disadvantages, even though there may be some negative consequences which private collection brings about. However, the viewpoint of the reading passage is somewhat questionable and debatable when compared with the lecture as follows.
Firstly, the passage claims that the circumstance that individual collects fossils will render the public are hardly able to appreciate the fossils and then decrease public interest in fossils. In contrast, the professor rebuts that the public are likely to exhibit ancient fossils as a result of commercial fossil trade, rather than not fossil commerce. Commercial fossils collection makes it possible that even some low-level institute, such as schools, also can purchase fossils.
Secondly, the professor asserts that before private purchase, collectors would identify the fossils to ensure whether they are worth by scientific approaches. Moreover, only scientists have the professional ability to identify the fossils and thus have access to fossils, even though they are collected by private individuals. This point is contradictory to the idea in the passage that scientists lose access to vital fossils.
Thirdly, the professor argues aganist the viewpoint in the passage that commercial fossil collector can destroy valuable scientific evidence associated with the fossils they unearth, on the grounds that many fossils which were undiscovered are dug out to satisfy the demand of collectors. Provided that there is no commercial fossil trade, a host of precious fossils would continue to go undiscovered.
作者: klllun 时间: 2012-8-16 20:46
The lecture mainly points out that the benefits of thecommercial fossil market far outweigh its disadvantages, even though there maybe some negative consequences which private collection brings about. However,the viewpoint of the reading passage is somewhat questionable and debatablewhen compared with the lecture as follows.
Firstly, the passage claims that the circumstance thatindividual collects fossils will render the public are hardly able toappreciate the fossils and then decrease public interest in fossils. Incontrast, the professor rebuts that the public are likely to exhibit ancientfossils as a result of commercial fossil trade, rather than not fossil commerce（这句省略的是不是太多了，是希望与commercial fossil trade平行吗？介词补出平行更好的）. Commercial fossils collection makes itpossible that even some low-level institute, such as schools, also can purchasefossils.（听的很全，表述很好，赞一个）
Secondly, the professor asserts that before privatepurchase, collectors would identify the fossils to ensure whether they areworth by scientific approaches. Moreover, only scientists have the professionalability to identify the fossils and thus have access to fossils, even thoughthey are collected by private individuals. This point is contradictory to theidea in the passage that scientists lose access to vital fossils.
Thirdly, the professor argues against the viewpoint in thepassage that commercial fossil collector can destroy valuable scientificevidence associated with the fossils they unearth, on the grounds that manyfossils which were undiscovered are dug out to satisfy the demand ofcollectors. Provided that there is no commercial fossil trade, a host ofprecious fossils would continue to go undiscovered.（只有鸡蛋里面找骨头啃啦，再来点细节吧~）
Winnie的语言驾驭能力很好啊，继续保持，多听点细节，加入其中，完美啦~
作者: klllun 时间: 2012-8-16 21:18
第一次修改独立作文啊，虫子的作文水平有限的，多多包涵了
8.14独立：Doyou agree or disagree with the following statement. Although science andtechnology will continue to improve, the most significant improvement for thequality of people's lives have already taken place
As modern high technology israpidly developing, there is a controversial issue that the most vitalimprovement for the quality of our lives has occurred, even though science andtechnology will increasingly continue to improve. However, I personally believethat we still have a host of problems regarding the life quality and need tocontinuously enhance our technology, rather than just feel satisfied withcurrent improvement as the following aspects.
Apparently, we have a largeproportion of serious problems which still have no effective measures to figureout and pose a threat to our daily life. Take the air pollution for example.The air pollution has become an indispensable part of problems we need toaddress and it has been exerting profound influence on the way we live. Arecent research conducted by the Chinese Ministry of Environment reveals thatthere are a growing number of people who get sickness owing to the negativeinfluence of air pollution on their health. Thus, it is imperative thatscientists are supposed to focus on how to decrease the air pollution, purifythe air and enhance the air quality. （平行看上去很舒服，不错的）Obviously, modern scientists have not found out the mostsatisfactory approaches to tackle the serious air problems. Consequently, itcannot be considered that we have already studied the most crucial hi-techinvention, on grounds that there are still a host of troubles concerning ourlives.
Furthermore, there is noevaluation criteria to judge which improvement is the most significant for ourlives. For instance, one invention of vehicles enables people to travel toanywhere and directly meet friends. In addition, vehicles also make it possiblethat commercial goods would be transported to every country, while that wouldnot be realized in the past. （while后面补出主语更好）Another one is the cell phonewhich brings us great(exceedingly) convenience.A phone call can help people communicate with each other conveniently andquickly, even though they are in different cities, provinces or even nations.Compared with vehicles, we cannot just say the cell phone plays a more important role in our lives than thevehicles, because both of them impact us and enhance our life qualitytremendously.
Taking all above points intoconsideration, I am convinced that the striking promotion of science andtechnology will generate useful and advanced inventions that give us far morepositive improvement on the life quality in the future than its counterpart atpresent.
用词什么的都觉得不错呀，整篇文章看上去很流畅很舒服。对于最后一段，我觉得找不到什么可写的时候，就写一点让步吧。因为对于一边倒的已经写完了。那就来反着时候，这样哗啦啦，内容就出来了。加油哦，把字数轰上去，就更棒了~
作者: hysx1988 时间: 2012-8-16 22:34
There is a common atmosphere that, the young, who are not psychologically mature, have not built so complete values and outlook on life. During this period, they sometimes tend to hold biased viewpoints and then may make mistakes. Thus, recently, that brings about a controversial issue that whether parents should allow their children to make mistakes. Some people assert that parents should help children avoid doing things in error as far as possible, so that children can be kept away from both physical and psychological harm. However, I personally believe that forgiveness should be allowed as the following aspects.
It is universally agreed that practice makes perfect. Deciding how to address problems personally can enhance children’s ability of analyzing and dealing with problems（ability to do sth, 固定搭配）, even though they may make mistakes. However, some parents believe that they can conduct their children with their abundant life experience which can give children correct selections and avoid children make（making） similar mistakes as parents. Besides that, parents prefer to arrange the whole things that the young can get a shortcut to grow excellent, rather than give children chances to decide by themselves, In contrast, excessively paying attention（to） and doting on children will render children are（一个句子出现两个主谓结构有误） hardly able to make decisions by themselves and difficult to becoming successful after they grow up, because they fail to know how to confront troubles. Even though there may be some errors children make, the benefits of decision by themselves outweigh its drawbacks.
Furthermore, even if parents make arrangement for children, it is still impossible that children can never do things in error. When children make mistakes, parents should actually take consideration（一般用take sth into consideration吧） regarding the approaches that how to rectify children’s mistakes. For instance, a child made an error that the time that he should have learnt at home was utilized for playing computer games. When his parents found this circumstance, not only did parents mention his error immediately, but also played the computer games with him. Afterwards, his parents told him that he should focus on knowledge at the time of learning, while he should enjoy the leisure activities at leisure time. If he played games at learning time instead of learning, he should give negative influence on both sides. After that, the child listened to his parents and utilized the suitable time on suitable things. Consequently, making mistakes is not serious, as long as there are correct approaches to help children recognize the errors and learn a lesson from errors.
However, mistakes also have drawbacks when it（they） brings children benefits. If children begin to get accustomed to make errors, that will impel children （to）live in the negative way and form incorrect values. In this situation, parents should give the young correct psychological direction, prevent children from often making errors, and arrange some part of children’s things. By contrast, parents still should give children space to make decision by themselves, correct their mistakes in patience, and let them learn from their own mistakes.
Taking all the above points into consideration, I am convinced that allowing children’s mistakes and making them learn a lesson from mistakes are relatively rational.
整体文章结构清晰，内容详实。有几个小建议：
1、 长句过多，ETS更倾向于长短句结合，句式多变哦，而不一定全是长难句。
2、 文中的例子有点少，建议加点例子，文章会更生动有趣点。
作者: winnie98 时间: 2012-8-17 13:18
8.16综合TPO14
The lecture mainly points out that salvage logging is not so beneficial to a damaged forest and to the economy as the reading passage says. The viewpoints in the reading passage are also questionable and debatable as the following three aspects.
Firstly, the passage claims that removing dead trees can offer space for new generation to grow immediately and help forest area recover from the disasters. However, the professor in the lecture rebuts that it is not necessary for forests to clean up the remains of dead trees. Additionally, the soil with the remains of dead trees also can promote the new tree generation to grow.
Secondly, the professors argues against the point in the passage that rotting wood is a highly suitable habitat for insects, which can damage healthy trees, on the grounds that there are not only harmful insects, but also good animals. For instance, some birds, which do good to the forests, also live there.
Thirdly, the professor asserts that salvage logging gives small effects on both the economy and job opportunities. Besides, economic influence cannot also last very long, because it is just utilized by some industries, such as helicopter makers. Moreover, the job that salvage logging requires more workers than traditional one is only temporary and thus cannot really help the people who need jobs.
作者: winnie98 时间: 2012-8-17 15:06
8.16独立：Nowadays, it is much easier to achieve success with help from one’s family than what is like before.
Have you meet inequitable competition on campus or off campus? In contemporary society, there is a trend that an increasing number of the young make success through their family’s support. Whether achieving success with family’s help at present is much easier than that in the past becomes a controversial issue. Some people believe that it is a dispiteous truth that success is not equal with efforts. However, I personally think that even though there is something unfair, we still can make effort for success by ourselves as the following aspects.
To begin with, personal capacity and effort is indispensible part of success and they have been exerting profound influence on the way we work. Take two employees for example. One had an outstanding education background and made great efforts, while another one had a excellent family background and often worked out of mind. Although both of them worked at the same enterprise through different approaches and achieved identical aim, their promotion was completely different due to their diversified performance. The former was promoted as a project manager, whereas the latter was still a basis employee. Do you know why？That is because the former had ability to make the project and he could be competent for this position. However, the latter had no ability to do such tasks, just depended on his relationship of family, and could not be believed to complete the tasks with the expectation of the company. Thus, personal capacity and effort still play a vital role in success.
Furthermore, as the global economy develops strikingly, enterprises, especially multinational companies, need excellent employees to help them achieve maximum profits. That means if the employees just reply on their personal relationship without which they cannot enter in the companies, the companies maybe cannot employ them on grounds that companies should consider their own profits. For instance, if P&G group employed people depended on relationship, P&G would not achieve such great success around the world. Consequently, for the development of companies, they would need the excellent employees rather than incapable employees.
However, it is undeniable that effective family support can help individuals make success more easily and quickly than others, on the grounds that they are likely to conveniently work at the companies they like. Thus, that means they have more opportunities to be successful .In contrast, even though they meet these chances, they still cannot hold chances because of lack of capacity.
Taking all the above points into consideration, I am convinced that people, who do not have family support but have personal capacity, also have chances to be successful, as long as they are willing to insist making efforts.
作者: klllun 时间: 2012-8-17 19:41
The lecture mainly points out that salvagelogging is not so beneficial to a damaged forest and to the economy as thereading passage says. The viewpoints in the reading passage are alsoquestionable and debatable as the following three aspects.
Firstly, the passage claims that removingdead trees can offer space for new generation to grow immediately and helpforest area recover from the disasters. However, the professor in the lecture rebutsthat it is not necessary for forests to clean up the remains of dead trees.Additionally, the soil with the remains of dead trees also can promote the newtree generation to grow.
Secondly, the professors argues against thepoint in the passage that rotting wood is a highly suitable habitat forinsects, which can damage healthy trees, on the grounds that there are not onlyharmful insects, but also good animals. For instance, some birds, which do goodto the forests, also live there.
Thirdly, the professor asserts that salvagelogging gives small effects（give effect to=carry out 实行，时生效，这里使用有点奇怪，用have effect on） on both the economy and job opportunities. Besides, economic influencecannot also(因为没有前文表述是一样的情况，所以没有必要) last very long, because it（指代有问题，economic influence?） is justutilized by some industries, such as helicopter makers. Moreover, the job thatsalvage logging requires more workers than traditional one is only temporaryand thus cannot really help the people who need jobs.（还有技能方面的问题，当然是小点的咯，不写也没啥）
考试的时候咱们都用熟悉的词组吧，练习的时候就随便发挥。加油啊~
作者: kchszy061ban 时间: 2012-8-17 21:04
The lecture mainly points out that salvage logging is not so beneficial to a damaged forest and to the economy as the reading passage says. The viewpoints in the reading passage are also questionable and debatable as the following three aspects. (这里加个according to the speaker)
Firstly, the passage claims that removing dead trees can offer space for new generation to grow immediately and help forest area recover from the disasters. However, the professor in the lecture rebuts that it is not necessary for forests to clean up the remains of dead trees. Additionally, the soil with the remains of dead trees also can promote the new tree generation to grow.(这里的一个remians还不是很准确额)
Secondly, the professors argues against the point in the passage that rotting wood is a highly suitable habitat for insects, which can damage healthy trees, on the grounds that there are not only harmful insects, but also good animals （and insects）. For instance, some birds, which do good to the forests, also live there.
Thirdly, the professor asserts that salvage logging gives small effects on both the economy and job opportunities. Besides, economic influence cannot also last very long, because it is just utilized by some industries, such as helicopter makers（貌似这里是移动树需要直升机和运输工具，租用这些东西都很贵）. Moreover, the job that salvage logging requires more workers than traditional one is only temporary and thus cannot really help the people who need jobs.
Have you meet inequitable competition on campus or off campus? In contemporary society, there is a trend that an increasing number of the young make success through their family’s support. Whether achieving success with family’s help at present is much easier than that in the past becomes a controversial issue. Some people believe that it is a dispiteous truth that success is not equal with efforts. However, I personally think that even though there is something unfair, we still can make effort for success by ourselves as the following aspects. 其实这里说的是than in the past，着一点也要说出来额
To begin with, personal capacity and effort is （are）indispensible parts of success and they have been exerting profound influence on the way we work. Take two employees for example. One had an outstanding education background and made great efforts, while another one had a excellent family background and often worked out of mind. Although both of them worked at the same enterprise through different approaches and achieved identical aim, their promotion was completely different due to their diversified performance. The former was promoted as a project manager, whereas the latter was still a basis employee. Do you know why？That is because the former had ability to make the project and he could be competent for this position. However, the latter had no ability to do such tasks, just depended on his relationship of family, and could not be believed to complete the tasks with the expectation of the company. Thus, personal capacity and effort still play a vital role in success.
Furthermore, as the global economy develops strikingly, enterprises, especially multinational companies, need excellent employees to help them achieve maximum profits. That means if the employees just reply on their personal relationship without which they cannot enter in the companies, the companies maybe cannot employ them on grounds that companies should consider their own profits. For instance, if P&G group employed people depended on relationship, P&G would not achieve such great success around the world. Consequently, for the development of companies, they would need the excellent employees rather than incapable employees.
However, it is undeniable that effective family support can help individuals make success more easily and quickly than others, on the grounds that they are likely to conveniently work at the companies they like. Thus, that means they have more opportunities to be successful . In contrast, even though they meet these chances, they still cannot hold chances because of lack （lacking）of capacity.
Taking all the above points into consideration, I am convinced（这里可不可以写成firmly believe） that people, who do not have（这里写为strong family background） family support but have personal capacity, also have chances to be successful, as long as they are willing to insist making efforts.
楼主的整体结构都很好，有一点就是木有与过去的比较一下。
作者: klllun 时间: 2012-8-18 20:26
木有作文改也~
作者: winnie98 时间: 2012-8-18 21:42
8.17独立: the most important characteristic of a good political or business leader is the ability to take responsibility for mistakes?
Have you respected a good political or business leader? What charisma makes you fond of him or her? Some people claim that an excellent leader should have ability to take responsibility for mistakes. However, I personally believe that the charisma of outstanding leadership is strong spirit and unremitting efforts, rather than responsibility of mistakes as the following aspects.
To begin with, it is apparent that strong spirit is indispensible part of leadership and it has been exerting profound influence on the way we work. Take a survey as an example. A recent survey conducted by the Chinese Ministry of Education reveals that for the youngsters, majority of them think that the most attractive characteristic of leadership is the strong will which is one of most vital keys for leaders to achieve success. This survey is one of the great demonstration that strong will is also significant. Strong will cannot only encourage leaders themselves to conquer difficulties, but also their employees to have confidence to follow the leaders, on the grounds that leaders need to build up trust and confidence to illustrate their ability.
Furthermore, unremitting efforts also play a vital role in leadership, which is the most important factor for leaders to attain success. As the modern society develops strikingly, it is impossible for enterprises or even nations to easily achieve success. If they would like to be successful, they should make some excellent projects through great efforts. Otherwise, they may have no competition with other companies or countries. For instance, Apple Computer Inc is a worldwide famous group that people from more than two hundreds of countries are utilizing its products. One of the most vital keys to its success is that they make unremitting efforts to innovate its electronic products which aim to make individuals conveniently and comfortably enjoy their lives. Consequently, to the leaders, efforts are not less important point than responsibility for mistakes.
However, undeniably, leaders can also make mistakes, because there is no person who never makes errors and always keeps correct. Thus, when they make mistakes, what attitude they hold and how to address the problems are more important. That means that they need courage to take responsibility for mistakes and prevent more mistakes happened. In spite of this, it is still not the most important characteristic for leaders, on the grounds that spirit and efforts are also important factors on the way to succeed.
Taking all the above points into consideration, I am convinced that not only are the responsibility for mistakes significant, but also both the strong spirit and unremitting efforts are two of the most important and indispensible factors.
作者: winnie98 时间: 2012-8-18 22:26
8.17综合：TPO15
The lecture mainly points out that themeasures which the reading passage offers to prevent the spread of the canetoad in Australia are questionable and debatable, and maybe cause damages.
Firstly, the professor asserts that theyoung and eggs of toads are often found in rivers and streams, that means the flowingof rivers would make the young and eggs of toads from on the side to another side. Thus, building anational fence cannot stop the spread of cane toads. This viewpoint iscontradictory to the view in the reading passage that a national fence thatblocks the advance of the toads will prevent them from moving places that theyhave not colonized.
Secondly, the professors argue against thepoint in the passage that the toads could be captured and destroyed byvolunteers. The professor asserts that Australian citizens who are willing tobe volunteers to join the forces to destroy the toads do not accept any training.That may make them fall into dangers, on the grounds that some of the toads aredangerous.
Thirdly, the passage demonstrates thatutilizing a disease-causing virus can control the cane toad populations andwill not harm most of the infected species. In contrast, the professor rebutsthat the virus will do harm to the original habitats and make the wholeeco-system suffer the bad influence.
作者: jiaosisisisi 时间: 2012-8-19 00:31
8.17独立: the most important characteristic of a good political or business leader is the ability to take responsibility for mistakes?
Have you respected a good political or business leader? What charisma makes you fond of him or her? (what makes you love this dog ，make somebody do something，同理what makes you be fond of this dog )Some people claim that an excellent leader should have ability to take responsibility for mistakes. However, I personally believe that the charisma of outstanding leadership is （感觉特指加个the 比较顺口，你可以考虑下）strong spirit and unremitting efforts, rather than responsibility of mistakes as the following aspects.
To begin with, it is apparent that strong spirit is indispensible part of leadership and it has been exerting profound influence on the way we work. Take a survey as an example. A recent survey conducted by the Chinese Ministry of Education reveals that for the youngsters, majority of them think （think 不是好东西，可以考虑believe 或者hold the viewpoint）that the most attractive characteristic of leadership is the strong will which is one of most vital keys for leaders to achieve success. This survey is one of the great demonstration that strong will is also significant. Strong will cannot only （你用not only 就不能用cannot 让人感觉像是can't only ，或者直接就用大家最爱的倒装句型吧，Not only can strong will encourage……）encourage leaders themselves to conquer difficulties, but also their employees to have confidence to follow the leaders, on the grounds that leaders need to build up trust and confidence to illustrate their ability.
Furthermore, unremitting efforts also play a vital role in leadership, which is the most important factor for leaders to attain success. As the modern society develops strikingly, it is impossible for enterprises or even nations to easily achieve success. If they would like to be successful, they should make some excellent projects through great efforts. Otherwise, they may have no competition with other companies or countries（我理解你的意思，是----否则没有竞争力的意思，competition是竞争，建议，otherwise，they might not be so competitive as other companies or countries ）. For instance, Apple Computer Inc is a worldwide famous group that people from more than two hundreds of countries are utilizing its products. One of the most vital keys to its success is that they make unremitting efforts to innovate its electronic products which aim to make individuals conveniently and comfortably enjoy their lives. Consequently, to the leaders, efforts are not less important point than responsibility for mistakes.
However, undeniably, leaders can also make mistakes, because there is no person who never makes errors and always keeps correct. Thus, when they make mistakes, what attitude they hold and how to address the problems are more important. That means that they need courage to take responsibility for mistakes and prevent more mistakes happened费解，我没有理解额。。。. In spite of this, it is still not the most important characteristic for leaders, on the grounds that （你on了好几次grounds....我建议你可以重复多样的找几个短语用）spirit and efforts are also important factors on the way to succeed.
Taking all the above points into consideration, I am convinced that not only are the responsibility for mistakes significant（is ,因为还原了正常语序就是the responsibility for sth is significant~主语是不可数名词，所以用is ）, but also both the strong spirit and unremitting efforts are two of the most important and indispensible factors.
连接词用的很舒畅
首段的开头提问方式很好，主题明确
整体文章结构清晰，语句也很通顺流畅
基本没有出现错误
结尾紧扣中心，首尾呼应。总之很赞啦~加油O(∩_∩)O~
首段的开头提问方式很好，主题明确
整体文章结构清晰，语句也很通顺流畅
基本没有出现错误
结尾紧扣中心，首尾呼应。总之很赞啦~加油O(∩_∩)O~
作者: winnie98 时间: 2012-8-19 13:21
8.18独立：The best way to improve the quality of education is to increase teachers' salaries
As the contemporary society develops strikingly, the youngsters need accept high-quality education to enhance their competition, which can help them hunting great jobs. Thus, we would consider that what approach can improve the quality of education to make students excellent. Some people hold the viewpoint that schools should increase teachers’ salaries to strengthen the education. However, I personally believe that although increasing teachers’ salaries may have a certain extent of effects, it is not the best way to improve the quality of education as the following aspects.
To begin with, modern teaching facilities are indispensible part of education and they have been exerting profound influence on the way we learn. Take Japanese department as an example. The students majoring in Japanese have the courses regarding simultaneous interpretation, when they are seniors. With this situation, professors need simultaneous interpretation equipments to conveniently and effectively teach students. If universities have no such equipments, it is in the approach high-quality education that the professors cannot teach students. Thus, advanced teaching facilities are increasingly significant to improve the education quality in the modern schools, on the grounds that good facilities can effectively offer students excellent learning environment and professionally help students enhance their own abilities.
Furthermore, the teaching skills of professors also play a vital role in the quality of education. Even though the different professors teach the same knowledge, there will be different effects on the comprehension of students. That means the experienced professors may explain the knowledge in a simple way to understand, while the new professors may have less experience to explain the knowledge and teach it in a relatively complicated way. At this time, students may understand more concerning the same knowledge in the simple way than its counterpart in the complex way. Consequently, the teaching skills are also vital for schools to improve the quality of education.
However, it is undeniable that increasing teachers’ salaries may encourage teachers to more focus on their teaching than ever before, because teachers also need money to support their family. In contrast, this way may have a certain degree of effects on education quality, whereas it is not the best way to influence on education, due to the same vital role of teaching facilities and skills.
Taking all the above points into consideration, I am convinced that there are many other approaches also have essential position in the way to improve the education quality, such as teaching equipments and skills. Thus, increasing the teachers’ salaries is not the best way to attain high-quality education.
作者: winnie98 时间: 2012-8-19 16:13
8.18综合：TPO16
The lecture mainly points out that the science of archaeology was improved by a new British government guideline in the twentieth century. However, this viewpoint is contradictory to the idea in the reading passage with the following reasons, according to the professor.
Firstly, the professor asserts that owing to the new guide, construction could start to be built, after the archaeologists saw whether the construction sites had archaeological value and interest. If the sites had the value, the government and archaeologists would make a plan to preserve the sites. In contrast, this viewpoint is opposite to the point in the passage that valuable artifacts were lost to construction projects.
Secondly, the professor argues against that it was inadequate that the financial support for archaeological research from the government in the twentieth century. The professor demonstrates that the payment for the archaeological research was paid by the construction companies, rather than the government. It was new financial support.
Thirdly, the passage claims that it was difficult to have a career in archaeology. However, the professor rebuts that the present career in archaeology was one of the jobs which could attain the highest payment and has increasing job opportunities, on the grounds that the new guideline offered a lot of new paid work for archaeologists and also the expert archaeologists were hired all stages of the process to construction.
作者: JennyW9261 时间: 2012-8-19 20:08
标题: 8.18独立：The best way to improve the quality of education is to increase teachers'
As the contemporary society develops strikingly,the youngsters need accept (
我觉得need+名词就行了，不然也应该用need+to do)high-qualityeducation to enhance their competitivenesscompetition, which canhelp them getting/findinghunting（我觉得hunting是找工作的过程，但我想你的意思是找到更好的工作） great jobs.Thus, we would consider it is a question that whatapproach can improve the quality of education to make students excellent. Somepeople hold the viewpoint that schools should increase teachers’ salaries tostrengthen the education. However, I personally believe that althoughincreasing teachers’ salaries may have a certain extent of effects, it is notthe best most effective wayto improve the quality of education as the following aspects.
To begin with, modern teaching facilities are indispensableindispensible part ofeducation and they have been exerting profound influence on the way we learn.Take Japanese(是不是应该是Japanesestudying department？) department asan example. The seniors studentsmajoring in Japanese have the courses regarding simultaneous interpretation., when they areseniors.With this situation, professorsneed simultaneous interpretation equipments to conveniently and effectivelyteach students. If universities have no such equipments, it is in the approachhigh-quality education that the professors cannot teach students.(这句话我没有懂诶，是用的强调语气？) Thus,advanced teaching facilities are increasingly(个人觉得前面的举例没有体现越来越significant，所以我觉得去掉increasingly比较好) significantto improve the education quality in the modernschools, on the grounds that good facilities can effectively offer studentsexcellent learning environment and professionally help students enhance theirown abilities. （我觉得这里点名一下“所以提升facilities是improve thequality of education 的重要一点”会比较紧扣主题一点）
Furthermore, the teaching skills of professorsalso play a vital role in the quality of education. Even thoughthe different professors teach the same knowledge, there will be differenteffects on the comprehension of students.Different professors will have distincteffects on the comprehension of students in terms of teaching same knowledge. That means This isbecause that the experienced professors may explain theknowledge in a simple way to understand, while the new professors may have lessexperience to explain the knowledge and teach it in a relatively complicated uneffective way.At this time, students may understand more concerning the same knowledge in thesimple way than its counterpart in the complex way. ConsequentlyIn conclusion, theteaching skills are also vital for schools to improve the quality of education.
However, it is undeniable that increasingteachers’ salaries may encourage teachers to more focusmore ontheir teaching than ever before, because teachers also need money to supporttheir family. In contrast, this way may have a certain degree of effects oneducation quality, whereas it is not the best way to influence on education,due to the same vital role of teaching facilities and skills. （这段让步要不要和conclusion合为一体？）
Taking all the above points into consideration, Iam convinced that there are many other approaches which also haveessential position in the way to improve the education quality, such asteaching equipments and skills. Thus, increasing the teachers’ salaries is notthe best way to attain high-quality education.
我觉得观点表达的不错，词汇量也蛮大的（比我大！！膜拜词汇量大的人
@_@）连接词有的用的不太合适，有的用逻辑连接词的地方可能需要思考一下逻辑是不是合理。
有的语言微微有点罗嗦，可以简化。另外建议多用被动句。
不过有的地方是我的常规用法，并不是你错了。所以修改仅供参考哈。
8.18综合：TPO16
The lecture mainly points out that the science ofarchaeology was improved by a new British government guideline in the twentiethcentury. However, this viewpoint is contradictory to the idea in the readingpassage with the following reasons, according to the professor.
Firstly, the professor asserts that owing to thenew guide, construction could start to be built, after the archaeologists saw examed
whetherthe construction sites had archaeological value and interest. If the sites hadthe value, the government and archaeologists would make a plan to preserve thesites. In contrast, this viewpoint is opposite （In contrast和the viewpointis opposite有点语义重复吧）to the pointin the passage that valuable artifacts were lost to construction projects.
Secondly, the professor argues against that it wasinadequate that the financial support for archaeological research from thegovernment in the twentieth century. The professor demonstrates that thepayment for the archaeological research was paid by the construction companies,rather than the government. It was new financial support.
Thirdly, the passage claims that it was difficultto have a career in archaeology. However, the professor rebuts that the presentcareer in archaeology was one of the jobs which could attain the highestpayment and has increasing job opportunities,on the grounds that the new guideline offered a lot of new paid work forarchaeologists and also the expert archaeologists were hired all stages of theprocess to construction.
综合写作我还不太熟。语法上逻辑上都挑不出啥错。就是问一下
professorargue什么的要不要用过去时？
第一次帮人改，不好的地方见谅哦！欢迎就意见不一致的地方进行探讨！谢谢啦！
作者: JennyW9261 时间: 2012-8-19 20:10
啊。。我第一次帮人改额。。在word里面改的。。然后那些划的线都没有了！附件给你发一个你看看好不好？[attach]104956[/attach]
作者: 江湖笑 时间: 2012-8-19 22:31
标题: 8月18日-综合-批改by江湖笑
The lecture mainly points out that the science of archaeology was improved by a new British government guideline in the twentieth century. However, (according to the professor, ) this viewpoint is contradictory to the idea (shown) in the reading passage with the following reasons, according to the professor.
Firstly, the professor asserts that owing to the new guide(guideline可能比较适合吧), a construction could start to be built, after the archaeologists saw(examine) whether the construction sites had(has) archaeological value and interest(这后面感觉有些多余). If the sites had(has) the value, the government and archaeologists would make a plan to preserve the sites. In contrast, this viewpoint is opposite to the point in the passage that valuable artifacts were lost to construction projects.
Secondly(这些链接词可以换得丰富多彩一些，比如Moreover等等), the professor argues against that it was inadequate that the financial support for archaeological research from the government in the twentieth century.(原句不知道是什么句型好像读不通，改为the financial support for archaeological research from the goverment in the twentieth century was inadequate) The professor demonstrates that the payment for the archaeological research was paid by the construction companies, rather than the government. It was new financial support.
Thirdly, the passage claims that it was difficult to have a career in archaeology. However, the professor rebuts that the present career in archaeology was one of the jobs which could attain the highest payment and has increasing job opportunities, on the grounds that the new guideline offered a lot of new paid work for archaeologists and also the expert archaeologists were hired (in) all stages of the process to(of) construction.(这里应该举一些例子，详细一点，比如那些具体的工作形式)
总体来说，我觉得，1.每段开头的连接词可以变化一下；2.有些句式好像有点毛病，你再看看，反正我觉得能理解意思，但感觉不怎么自然；3.听力的细节方面再加强一些。
作者: winnie98 时间: 2012-8-20 12:59
8.19综合TPO17
The lecture mainly points out that the birds population has no trend to decrease in the future in the United States. However, this viewpoint is contradictory to the point in the reading passage which is unconvincing and questionable as the following aspects according to the lecturer.
Firstly, the passage claims that birds’ natural habitats will continue to disappear, due to the expansion of human populations and settlements. In contrast, the professor in the lecture rebuts that the birds’ populations will not be negatively influenced by such expansion, whereas they have a increasing trend on the grounds that they can be easily found in the cities and citizens often complain about the growing birds’ populations.
Secondly, the professor asserts that the growth of agriculture will not be so soon, because of the new crops which can produce more food and take up fewer lands than the traditional ones. Thus, this viewpoint is contradictory to the view in the passage that agriculture activities must increase to keep pace with the growing human population and lead to the decline of bird populations in rural areas.
Thirdly, the professor argues against the point in the passage that the chemical pesticides have significantly contributed to declines in bird population and there will continue to be a need to control agricultural pests in the future. The professor demonstrates that there has been studied advanced pesticides that have two shifts, compared with the traditional ones. One change is that new pesticides with much less toxin have been developed, and another one is that there is a growing trend to develop more pest resistant crops which reduce the need to chemical pesticides and do not harm birds.
作者: winnie98 时间: 2012-8-20 15:21
8.19独立
o you agree or disagree, the way a person dressed is a good indication of his/her personality or character
Have you ever evaluated a person via his dressing up? A majority of people would unconsciously hold the viewpoint that dressing up can indicate one’s personality. However, is it correct that we estimate a person through his dress? I personally believe that it is unfair that people consider the way a person dressed is a good demonstration of his personality as the following aspects.
To start with, the behaviors are indispensible part of indication which we judge people’s personalities and the behaviors have been exerting profound influence on the way we work, live and learn. Take one of my classmates in university as an example. She often dressed so exaggeratedly that nearly all of us could not stand her dressing. At first, we asserted that she should not be a girl who focused on learning and made efforts to pursue her dream. In contrast, we all misunderstood her. Roughly a month later, we found that she always discussed problems she did not understand after courses were over and review her lessons in the library at leisure time. At this time, we recognized that she was an actually outstanding student and often assist others in learning. Consequently, owing to this example, it is apparent that we should judge a person with behaviors, rather than the way a person dressed.
Furthermore, how a person’s friends are also plays a vital role in the indication of one’ personality. It is universally acknowledged that birds of a feather flock together. It means that the people who have similar personalities and habits would become friends. Thus, we can evaluate someone through the ways that he makes friends and how his friends are. For instance, the excellent students who are willing to make unremitting efforts for their aims are impossible to make friends who have no dreams, on the grounds that they have no common topics to chat with each other and they are different sorts of people.
However, it is really undeniable that the way a person dressed also can indicate the personalities of people to a certain extent, because diversified kinds of people would love diversified styles of clothes. For example, the bright people may prefer to dress colorful and brightly, while the introverted people may prefer the clothes of dark colors rather than bright ones. Although the indication of one’s character can be through the way to dress, it is still biased and not the good way to evaluate a person, because appearance does not represent all the things.
Taking all the above points into consideration, I am convinced that the way a person dressed is not a good way to indicate personalities, whereas there are other approaches to judge personalities, such as one’s behaviors and friends.
作者: ykhjy 时间: 2012-8-20 17:06
8.19综合TPO17 修改~蓝色good 黄色需修改 红色我改的 绿色批注建议
The lecture mainly points out that the birds population has no trend to decrease in the future in the United States. However, this viewpoint is contradictory to the point in the reading passage which is unconvincing and questionable as the following aspects according to the lecturer.[指出topic以及contradiction的关系，ok ]
Firstly, the passage claims that birds’ natural habitats will continue to disappear, due to[这里需要一个连词，这个due to可以当作because么，我查字典看 due to是adv，because是conj] the expansion of human populations and settlements. In contrast, the professor in the lecture rebuts that the birds’ populations will not be negatively influenced by such expansion, whereas they have a increasing trend on the grounds that they can be easily found in the cities and citizens often complain about the growing birds’ populations.[这里内容有点问题噢~这里的重点是一些鸟的数量会下降，但是还有一些鸟的数量会上升，所以鸟的总体数量不会下降]
Secondly, the professor asserts[这个词是断言，感觉有武断的意思] that the growth of agriculture will not be so soon, because of the new crops which can produce more food and take up fewer lands than the traditional ones[这个不太准确额，是表达的问题，虽然我明白你的意思。你这里意思容易让别人误会人民会少用土地，而文中只是说每个单位土地利用效率提高了]. Thus, this viewpoint is contradictory to the view in the passage that agriculture activities must increase to keep pace with the growing human population and lead to the decline of bird populations in rural areas.[最好再多些细节，如there is no need to expand wild areas]
Thirdly, the professor argues against the point in the passage that the chemical pesticides have significantly contributed to declines in bird population and there will continue to be a need to control agricultural pests in the future. The professor demonstrates that there has been studied advanced pesticides that have two shifts, compared with the traditional ones. One change is that new pesticides with much less toxin have been developed, and another one is that there is a growing trend to develop more pest resistant crops which reduce the need to chemical pesticides and do not harm birds.[这段很好！]
作者: winnie98 时间: 2012-8-20 17:54
due to=owing to 就是可以当因为用......
作者: kchszy061ban 时间: 2012-8-20 20:34
Have you ever evaluated a person via his/her(这个有性别歧视的) dressing up? A majority of people would unconsciously hold the viewpoint that dressing up can indicate one’s personality. However, is it correct that we estimate a person through his dress? I personally believe that it is unfair that people consider the way a person dressed is a good demonstration of his personality as the following aspects.
To start with, the behaviors are indispensible part of indication which we judge people’s personalities and the behaviors（这个和前面就重复啦） have been exerting profound influence on the way we work, live and learn. Take one of my classmates in university as an example. She often dressed（dresses） so exaggeratedly that nearly all of us could not stand her dressing. At first, we asserted that she should not be a girl who focused on learning and made efforts to pursue her dream. In contrast, we all misunderstood her. Roughly a month later, we found that she always discussed problems she did not understand after courses were over and review（过去式） her lessons in the library at leisure time. At this time, we recognized that she was an actually outstanding student and often assist others in learning. Consequently, owing to this example, it is apparent that we should judge a person with behaviors, rather than the way a person dressed.（这里面的behavior不是很specific 和detail，个人观点）
Furthermore, how a person’s friends are also plays a vital role in the indication of one’ personality. It is universally acknowledged that birds of a feather flock together.（这里不用句号，用which连接一下就好了） It means that the people who have similar personalities and habits would become friends. Thus, we can evaluate someone through the ways that he makes friends and how his friends are. For instance, the excellent students who are willing to make unremitting efforts for their aims are impossible to make friends who have no dreams, on the grounds that they have no common topics to chat with each other and they are different sorts of people.
However, it is really undeniable that the way a person dressed also can indicate the personalities of people to a certain extent, because diversified kinds of people would love diversified styles of clothes. For example,（这个和后面的the都不是很特指就不用） the bright（extoverted） people may prefer to dress colorful and brightly, while the introverted people may prefer the clothes of dark colors rather than bright ones. Although the indication of one’s character can be through the way to dress, it is still biased and not the good way to evaluate a person, because appearance does not represent all the things.
Taking all the above points into consideration, I am convinced（这个是被动语态么，可以用firmly believe额） that the way a person dressed is not a good way to indicate personalities, whereas there are other approaches to judge personalities, such as one’s behaviors and friends.
整体结构都在，就差进一步提炼下了，建议进一步修改下，然后咱们还可以在批改额。感觉这样提高的会好一点。
作者: winnie98 时间: 2012-8-21 16:40
8.20独立：your job has more effect on your happiness than your social life does.
When it comes to the effect of jobs on people’s lives, some people hold the viewpoint that jobs impact their happiness far more than their social lives do. Do you consider this sort of viewpoint is rational? I personally believe that jobs give more influence on the social life rather than happiness as the following aspects.
To start with, a job is indispensible part of our lives and it has been exerting profound influence on the way we communicate with others. Due to work, we need to communicate with many sorts of people, such as our clients, team members and cooperative partners. In this process, it is apparent that knowing so many people would enrich our social lives and improve our communication skills, even though we may encounter something unhappy regarding work. For instance, once my team met some troubles concerning a cooperative project with another enterprise. Although team members felt depressed at once, we got together to discuss the solutions day and night. Through our shared efforts, we communicated well with cooperative partners, overcame the difficulties and achieved the project successfully. After that, we made good friends with cooperative partners. Thus, we may not attain happiness from our jobs, but can know new friends through the communication concerning the jobs.
Furthermore, jobs attended by social life also play a vital role in the common life at leisure time. Take my mother as an example to illustrate this viewpoint. My mother made a host of friends, after she graduated from the university and joined in her jobs. When she had spare time, she often had a afternoon tea with these friends. They were more easily chatted with each other about work and family, on the grounds that they had similar social status and life which means they have more common words than others. Consequently, if they do not had such similar jobs, they would not know each other and have this kind of social life, let alone achieve happiness.
However, it is undeniable that we will feel delight after we do jobs successfully, because achieving success through own efforts can make us learn more about our work and lives. In spite of this, if we did not have social life built by jobs, how could we attain success without social relationship? Thus, social life is the premise of happiness from work.
Taking all the above points into consideration, I am convinced that jobs have far more effect on our social lives than happiness, because we live in human society and should consider social life at first.
作者: sherryzhangh 时间: 2012-8-21 21:15
8.20独立：your job has more effect on your happiness than yoursocial life does.
When it comes to the effectof jobs on people’s lives, some people hold the viewpoint that jobs impacttheir happiness far more than their social lives do. Do you consider this sortof viewpoint is rational? I personally believe that jobs give more influence onthe social life rather than happiness as the following aspects.（这句话好像表达有问题，我觉得你是想说你个人觉得工作相比社交更能带来幸福感。 可是你写的这个句子翻译过来是“我个人觉得工作会对社交产生影响，而不是幸福感，请看如下论述）个人觉得应该改为 Ipersonally believe that jobs give more influence on happiness than social lifedoes, the reasons are as follows.
To start with, a job isindispensible part of our lives and it has been exerting profound influence onthe way we communicate with others. Due to work, we need to communicate withmany (all) sorts of people, such as ourclients, team members and cooperative partners. In this process, it is apparently that knowing so many people would enrich oursocial lives and improve our communication skills, even though we may encountersomething unhappy (unpleasant) regarding work.For instance, once my team met some troubles concerning a cooperative projectwith another enterprise. Although team members felt depressed at once, we gottogether to discuss the solutions day and night. Through our shared efforts, wecommunicated well with cooperative partners, overcame the difficulties andachieved the project successfully. After that, we made good friends withcooperative partners. Thus, we may not attain happiness from our jobs, but canknow new friends through the communication concerning the jobs.
(看到这我才知道你审题审错了， 题目问的是你同意／不同意， 工作相比社交生活更能带来幸福感 ， 你写成了 工作能带来更好的社交生活，不一定带来幸福感)
Furthermore, jobs attendedby social life also play a vital role in the common life at leisure time. Takemy mother as an example to illustrate this viewpoint. My mother made a host offriends, after she graduated from the university and joined in her jobs. Whenshe had spare time, she often had a afternoon tea with these friends.They were more easily chatted with each other about work and family, on thegrounds that they had similar social status and life，（如果不用逗号的话就用“that”）which means they have more common words topics than others. Consequently, if they do not hadsuch similar jobs, they would not know each other and have this kind of sociallife, let alone achieve happiness.
However, it is undeniablethat we will feel delight after we do jobs successfully, because achievingsuccess through own efforts can make us learn more about our work and lives. Inspite of this, if we did not have social life built by jobs, how could weattain success without social relationship? Thus, social life is the premise ofhappiness from work.
Taking all the above points into consideration, Iam convinced that jobs have far more effect on our social lives than happiness,because we live in human society and should consider social life at first.
你的段落结构很清晰， 可是审题一定要审清呀， 要不然给人的感觉还是混乱。
作者: winnie98 时间: 2012-8-21 22:47
555555555555555555555
作者: sherryzhangh 时间: 2012-8-22 11:48
你的其他方面都很好, 长句如果没有把握的话,还是谨慎为妙,要不然意思表达得完全不对. 加油!!!
作者: winnie98 时间: 2012-8-22 15:01
8.21综合：TPO9这回计时写的，时间那个紧啊...
The lecture mainly points out that it is not truth regarding the saying that buzzing has generated a host of controversy and many critics would like to see it banned. However, according to the speaker, his viewpoint is contradictory to the points in the reading passage concerning the drawbacks of buzzing as the following aspects.
Firstly, the speaker argues against the viewpoint in the passage that with buzzing what consumers hear is paid adverting, which may give a person incorrect information about the buzzed product. The speaker claims that the buzzers are not like the advertisers. Actually, they just try to utilize the products, consider the products great and then will be hired by the companies of the products. Thus, they need not pretend consumers and will tell the truth about the products.
Secondly, the speaker states that consumers will ask a majority of questions regarding the products, such as the prices, services and how long the buzzers use the products. If the buzzers cannot well answer the questions, consumers will not purchase the products. Thus, this circumstance is opposite with the point in the passage that consumers listen to the endorsements less critically than buzzers should.
Thirdly, the passage asserts that buzzing is likely to have on social relationships, which is the worst harmful effect. In contrast, the speaker rebuts that if the products is bad and low-quality, it is impossible that the companies will sell this sort of products. Besides, the buzzers just attempt to utilize the products to open the information about the products for the consumers.
作者: winnie98 时间: 2012-8-22 19:20
8.21独立：It is often not a good thing to move to a new city or a new country because of the lost of old friends
After you graduate from universities and have to be confronted with the future options, do you meet the dilemma that whether you should work in the hometown or move to a new city or country？Some people hold the viewpoint that it is not a suitable election to move to a new place, due to the lost of old friends. However, I personally believe that moving to a new place may be a great opportunity for us to develop our career and should not be the reason that renders the lost of old friends, as the following aspects.
To start with, the career option is an indispensible part of our lives and it has been exerting profound influence on the way we work and live. It is possible that we can obtain great opportunities to develop career and then attain self-actualization by hunting suitable jobs. Take my classmates as an example. Actually, he is a country boy. The economy of his hometown develops slowly, which means his hometown cannot offer a good chance for him to hunt a suitable job. Thus, he selected to work in Beijing after graduation, on the grounds that there is a so attractive job for him and he really had passion for it. Currently, he has been a manager of the department and often says to me that if he did not select this job, he might still earn little money and could not have satisfaction regarding the job. According to this example, it is apparent that moving to a new place is not a terrible thing, inversely it may bring us entirely new lives.
Furthermore, social lives virtually play a vital role in our common lives, which have uniform influence on ourselves. Although moving to other places may make us meet old friends infrequently, we still keep connected through many advanced social equipments, such as cell phones, e-mails, social network and so on. We can chat with friends anywhere, provided that we are willing to contact with them. For instance, I have a good friend whose university is not in our hometown and then we have few opportunities to meet with each other until we take long-term holidays. In spite of this, we still keep our friendship. When one of us encounters some troubles, we will share troubles with each other and discuss how to address them on the Internet. Consequently, even though a person moves to a new city or even a new country, it does not mean he/she will lost the old friends.
However, it is undeniable that the long distance may have negative effect on the friendship, because they cannot assist each other directly when they are in troubles. Besides, they may have little time to connect with others, owing to the high pressure of jobs. In contrast, whether friendship can be kept well reply on what they think in their mind, rather than where they live. Thus, moving to other places is not the real reason concerning the lost of old friends.
Taking all the above points into consideration, I am convinced that moving to a new city or even a new country is not the real reason which leads to the lost of old friends. In addition, moving may offer a new life for a person, because of the new career opportunities.
作者: kchszy061ban 时间: 2012-8-22 20:46
After you graduate from universities and have to be confronted with the future options, do you meet the dilemma that whether you should work in the hometown or move to a new city or country？Some people hold the viewpoint that it is not a suitable election（selection？） to move to a new place, due to the lost of old friends. However, I personally believe that moving to a new place may be a great opportunity for us to develop our career and should not be the reason that renders the lost of old friends, as the following aspects.
To start with, the career option is an indispensible part of our lives and it has been（is） exerting profound influence on the way we work and live. It is possible that we can obtain great opportunities to develop career and then attain self-actualization by hunting suitable jobs. Take my classmates as an example. Actually, he is a country boy. The economy of his hometown develops slowly, which means his hometown cannot offer a good chance for him to hunt a suitable job. Thus, he selected to work in Beijing after graduation, on the grounds that there is a so attractive job for him and he really had passion for it. Currently, he has been a manager of the department and often says to me that if he did not select this job, he might still earn little money and could not have satisfaction regarding the job. According to this example, it is apparent that moving to a new place is not a terrible thing, inversely it may bring us entirely new lives.
Furthermore, social lives virtually play a vital role in our common lives（这里可不可以换为daily work or study）, which have uniform influence on ourselves. (这句我觉得可以不要，直接下句就好做开头)Although moving to other places may make us meet old friends infrequently, we still keep connected through many advanced social equipments, such as cell phones, e-mails, social network and so on. We can chat with friends anywhere, provided that we are willing to contact with them. For instance, I have a good friend whose university is not in our hometown and then we have few opportunities to meet with each other until we take long-term holidays. In spite of this, we still keep our friendship. When one of us encounters some troubles, we will share troubles with each other and discuss how to address them on the Internet. Consequently, even though a person moves to a new city or even a new country, it does not mean he/she will lost the old friends.
However, it is undeniable that the long distance may have negative effect on the friendship, because they（they 换为friends，前面没有friends怎用代词额？） cannot assist each other directly when they are in troubles. Besides, they may have little time to connect with others, owing to the high pressure of jobs. In contrast,（这里和前面并不是很强烈的对比，in contrast，是不是太强烈的对比了） whether friendship can be kept well reply（rely） on what they think in their mind, rather than where they live. Thus, moving to other places is not the real reason concerning the lost of old friends.
Taking all the above points into consideration, I am convinced that moving to a new city or even a new country is not the real reason which leads to the lost of old friends. In addition, moving may offer a new life for a person, because of the new career opportunities.
小处注意，然后把句子提炼下就好啦
作者: lemonyhu 时间: 2012-8-23 13:06
winnie！！我今天下午有点事儿，回来可能要晚上了，我一定回来就给你改~~所以不好意思让你稍等一下啊~~~怕你着急~~~~~
作者: winnie98 时间: 2012-8-23 19:42
8.22独立:parents should help children to do their work or encourage children to do their work independently
When it comes to education, obviously parenting is the first education which everyone accepts since they were born. As the society develops staggeringly, whether parents should help children to do work or encourage children to do work independently becomes a controversial issue. Some people hold the viewpoint that parent should help their children to do work. Nevertheless, I personally believe that children should complete their work by themselves rather than by the parents’ assistant as the following aspects.
To start with, parenting plays a vital role in the children’s education, which means whether the way of parenting is correct decides the children’s future. Making children work independently can give optimistic influence on their future. Take my two classmates as an example. The first one, a bright and independent girl, has her own viewpoint regarding the future career and is hardly willing to accept her parents help to do internship. Because of her own clear aim, she makes a specific schedule to make unremitting efforts for the future goal and gradually decrease the distance between the goal and reality. However, another girl is entirely dependent on her parents. No matter what difficulty she encounters, she will always ask help from parents, even though the difficulty is actually not that harsh. Due to her reliance, she still has no specific goal for the future in the third-year of university. According to the comparison, it is apparent that a specific goal and great efforts are extremely significant on the way to achieve success. If children excessively rely on parents, it makes roughly impossible for them to be successful.
Furthermore, the capacity of independence is an indispensible part of success and it is exerting profound effect on the way we learn, work and live. A recent research conducted by the Chinese Ministry of Education reveals that one of the most essential characters which the successful have is the capacity of independence. That means this character is imperative for the young to make their way because of the high pressure of social work and intensive competition. Consequently, parents should cultivate children’s capacity of independence for suiting the social life.
Although it is undeniable that children need the correct help and conduction from parents in the childhood, parents are supposed to pay attention to encouraging children to accomplish work independently. After all, well customs are simply formed before people become adults.
Taking all the above points into consideration, I am convinced that parents should choose the correct approach to educating children. Not only should children accept correct parenting, but also doing things independently is one of the most vital abilities children should learn.
作者: winnie98 时间: 2012-8-23 20:55
8.22综合：TPO_20
The lecture mainly points out about the forest fire which is great and creative, although it may bring about some cost. In contrast, according to the professor, this viewpoint is contradictory to the point in the reading passage that the forest fires caused three sorts of damage with the following reasons.
Firstly, the professor states that after the forest fires, the vegetation recovered quickly and replaced with new plants. Besides, new trees, which were recovered after the old ones were destroyed by the fire, could account for the new space to grow, where it was constituted by the small plants. However, this viewpoint is opposite with the statement in the passage that the fires caused tremendous damage to the trees and other vegetation in the Yellowstone.
Secondly, the professor argues against the opinion in the passage that forest fires destroyed the habitats of animals and food chairs. The professor claims that not only did the population of animals recover quickly, but also ideal habitats for animals are created. For instance, the rabbits, which some animals mainly depend on living are currently much stronger than they were ever before, on the grounds that these animals altered their food chairs.
Thirdly, the passage asserts that the Yellowstone lost the value as a tourist attraction and the local economy also impacts negatively. Nevertheless, the professor rebuts that the local economy was not adversely influenced by the fires, while the economy started increasing and attracted more tourists each year after the forest fires. Additionally, the rain fall is the main factor, which gives negative effect on the economy, rather than forest fires.
作者: lemonyhu 时间: 2012-8-23 22:08
8.22独立:parents should help children to do their work or encourage children to do their work independently
When it comes to education, obviously parenting is the first education which everyone accepts since they were born. As the society develops staggeringly, whether parents should help children to do work or encourage children to do work independently becomes a controversial issue. Some people hold the viewpoint that parents should help their children to do work. Nevertheless, I personally believe that children should complete their work by themselves rather than by the parents’ assistant as the following aspects.
To start with, parenting plays a vital role in the children’s education, which means whether the way of parenting is correct decides the children’s future. Making children work independently can give optimistic influence（这个我也不确定，但是give…influence貌似不太对~ have？）on their future. Take my two classmates as an example. The first one, a bright and independent girl, has her own viewpoint regarding the future career and is hardly willing to accept her parents’ help to do internship. Because of her own clear aim, she makes(这个例子感觉过去时是不是会更清楚？过去有了很好的计划，然后得到了结果) a specific schedule to make unremitting efforts for the future goal and gradually decrease the distance between the goal and reality. However, another girl is entirely dependent on her parents. No matter what difficulty she encounters, she will always ask help from parents, even though the difficulty is actually not that harsh. Due to her reliance, she still has no specific goal for the future in the third-year of university. According to the comparison, it is apparent that a specific goal and great efforts are extremely significant on the way to achieve success. If children excessively rely on parents, it makes roughly impossible for them to be successful.
Furthermore, the capacity of independence is an indispensible part of success and it is exerting profound effect on the way we learn, work and live. A recent research conducted by the Chinese Ministry of Education reveals that one of the most essential characters which the successful have（这部分是要用the successful 代表这群人？那后面是该用have还是has呢？） is the capacity of independence. That means this character is imperative for the young to make their way because of the high pressure of social work and intensive competition. Consequently, parents should cultivate children’s capacity of independence for suiting the social life.
Although it is undeniable that children need the correct help and conduction from parents in the childhood, parents are supposed to pay attention to encouraging children to accomplish work independently. After all, well customs are simply formed before people become adults.
Taking all the above points into consideration, I am convinced that parents should choose the correct approach to educating children. Not only should children accept correct parenting, but also doing things independently is one of the most vital abilities children should learn.
winnie我好激动，好文章啊！句式多样，用词多样，除了一些小错误，灰常过瘾啊~~~~
学习了！！
作者: winnie98 时间: 2012-8-23 23:20
谢谢啦~我祈求25号的writing不要太难
| 欢迎光临 ChaseDream (https://forum.chasedream.com/) |
Powered by Discuz! X3.3 |