ChaseDream
标题: 『写作小分队』 求轰炸 [打印本页]
作者: margrate 时间: 2012-8-13 22:15
标题: 『写作小分队』 求轰炸
0813 Independent
Subject: know about the events happening around the world that do not affect our life.D\A
Have you ever lived in a situation where no outside information is available for you? How horrible it is to live in such a situation! One cannot live without knowing about the events happening around the world. I do agree that the events happening around the world have a significant influence on our daily life.
To begin with, major events will keep you moving forward. Knowing about the events happening around the world will keep you informed for major changes which will lead to far-reaching consequences and dramatically change the world. For example, from 18 century to mid-19 century, the processes of The Industrial Revolution of Britain were going on step by step. However, on the other side of the world at the same time, Qing Dynasty of China lagged far behind Britain with no incentive to study from the profound transformation of the Industrial Revolution. And then China, ever leading the way almost in all aspects, fell behind the majority countries and was oppressed by the Western Countries for a long time. If Chinese government had taken any focuses on major events, the Chinese would not have suffered from the bully and oppression. Therefore, if we know about some events taken place around the world, we could at least keep our pace with times, rather than being ignorant to the world.
Moreover, as illustrated in Butterfly Effect, a subtle difference of the original condition will cause a surprised consequence. If you neglect the events happening around yourself, let alone the events happening around the world, you will be eliminated by the world around yourself. For example, as a leader of a company, you only focus on the events happening in your company without any consideration of the outside word, such as your competitors. What will happen to the company？As expected, your company will soon disappear.
Last but not least, to know what is related to you or what is important. Obviously, facing large amount of events occurring every day, you cannot decide which kind of events will affect us most so that we have to learn how to screen information. Centralizing on the events that we are interested in, that happen in our field will improve the efficiency to deal with them, which will not only save time, but also enhance the quality to process these events.
All in all, everyone has to know about the events happening around the world because of their profound influences on our life.
作者: margrate 时间: 2012-8-14 12:37
标题: 0814 Integrate TPO 12
多谢狂批，第一次按照考试时间写，差点木有写完
From the lecture, it points out that the evidence that the subject of the painting portrait should be Jane Austen is unconvincing form the age of Jane Auste, the resemblance, and the canvas used. The specific reasons are as follows.
First, the portrait was proposed when Jand Jane Austen had died for almost 70 year. Even though Austen's family clearly recongnized it as a portrait of the author and climed that the girl in the portrait was Jane Austen, for Jane Austen had died 70 years, there should be nobody who had seen her or known her before.
Second, there may be many Janes who were resembled Jane Austen in Austen's family. Austen's family was such a big family that there might be many relevant young girls resembling Jane Austen. It was supposed that the subject of the portrait may be a distant neice of Jane Austen. Furthermore, as illustrated in the article, the face in the portrait clearly resembles that one in the sketch. Only resemblance could not be sound enought the subject is Jane Austen.
Finally, the canvas used by the painter shows that this kind of canvas was used when Jane Austen was older than teenager. From the canvas used, we can defer the date of this portrait was later than the active time of the portrait paninter. So the subject should not be Jane Austin.
作者: 浅吟天 时间: 2012-8-14 15:18
黄色模版加好的，绿色批注红色我改的
Have you ever lived in a situation where no outside information is available for you? How horrible it is to live in such a situation! One cannot live without knowing about the events happening around the world. I do agree that the events happening around the world have a significant influence on our daily life.
(开头说的我们不能没有信息around，但题目是有信息对我们有木有影响，可在贴题一些)
To begin with, major events will keep you moving forward. Knowing about the events happening around the world will keep you （加个being）informed for major changes which will lead to far-reaching consequences and dramatically change the world. For example, from 18 century to mid-19 century, the processes of The Industrial Revolution of Britain were going on step by step. However, on the other side of the world at the same time, Qing Dynasty of China lagged far behind Britain with no incentive to study from the profound transformation of the Industrial Revolution. And then China, ever leading the way almost in all aspects, fell behind the majority countries and was oppressed by the Western Countries for a long time. If Chinese government had taken any focuses on major events, the Chinese would not have suffered from the bully and oppression. Therefore, if we know about some events taken place around the world, we could at least（这个词放这有点怪） keep our pace with times, rather than being ignorant to the world.
Moreover, as illustrated in Butterfly Effect, a subtle difference of the original condition will cause a surprised（换个表负面的词把） consequence. If you neglect the events happening around yourself, let alone the events happening around the world, you will be eliminated by the world around yourself. For example, as a leader of a company, you only focus on the events happening in your company without any consideration of the outside word（world）, such as your competitors. What will happen to the company？As expected, your company will soon disappear（这个词有点奇怪了，换个倒闭，失利什么的把lose its strength.）
Last but not（the）least, to know what is related to you or what is important. Obviously, facing large amount of events occurring every day, you cannot decide which kind of events will affect us most so that we have to learn how to screen information. Centralizing on the events that we are interested in,(加个and,不过自己写一般很少看到接两个定语的) that happen in our field will improve the efficiency to deal with them, which will not only save time, but also enhance the quality to process these events.
All in all, everyone has to know about the events happening around the world because of their profound influences on our life.
很高兴成为第一个帮楼主改作文的人~~
楼主的作文写的太赞了！！！
逻辑清楚，用词优雅，例子很好阐述主题！
剩下的我只有挑骨头了。。
1，有那么一两个小词用的不当，若控制好就native了
2，第四段，讲关心哪方面的信息能提高efficiency to deal with，但题目是effect了吗，与如何有效处理信息还是有偏差的。有点小小偏题~
Lz是花了多久功夫练成这样的？有没有什么好书好方法推荐下，还就是平时的积累？
作者: margrate 时间: 2012-8-14 18:16
我把第一句做了以下改动，
Have you ever lived only in your own world, overlooking what was happening around you? 感觉这样貌似能稍微贴题一些
此处求指导
个人总结，关于Butterfly Effect的例子是在某NN那里看到的，其实觉得这个例子不太好用在这个文章里的，原因在于Butterfly Effect强调的是初始的一点偏差导致结果的不同。感觉这种学术上的例子，特别是在考试的时候，如果不是很确定渊源不能轻易使用。
参照浅浅的建议（哈哈，浅浅的想法真的不错，学习了）：
我昨天也写了这个例子的，看到你的butterfly effect 和商业的例子在想有人跟我想的很像啊。。
我觉得蝴蝶效应是一个点引起大面积的变化，而 a piece of event 也能对我们生活产生很大改变，比如一件事改变了你的整个思想，这个思想去指导这之后所有的行动。所以两者有可比性，写清楚就好，不知这样理解如何？
作者: 浅吟天 时间: 2012-8-14 20:01
我昨天也写了这个例子的，看到你的butterfly effect 和商业的例子在想有人跟我想的很像啊。。
我觉得蝴蝶效应是一个点引起大面积的变化，而 a piece of event 也能对我们生活产生很大改变，比如一件事改变了你的整个思想，这个思想去指导这之后所有的行动。所以两者有可比性，写清楚就好，不知这样理解如何？
作者: margrate 时间: 2012-8-15 10:53
标题: 0815 TPO 13 Integrated
0815 TPO 13 Integrated
写完后粘帖到word里好多错误啊，拼写错误已改，求改作
The lecture talks about that even though there are negative factors on the commercial fossils business, as a matter of fact, these negative influences are exaggerated. The reasons are as follows.
First, schools and museums can find new interesting fossils to satisfy the students and other people so that the public won't find it harder to see fossils. Therefore, there won't be a decline in public interest in fossils. The sales of fossils will encourage more people to discover new findings. Meanwhile, the whole quantity of the fossils being available to the public will increase, instead of decrease.
Second, the concern that scientists are likely to lose access to some of the most important fossils and there by miss out on potentially crucial discoveries about extinct life forms is unrealistic. The only person who can identify the fossils and who can tell the quality and location is scientist. That is to say, even though these fossils are destined to go to private collectors, they will be sent to the scientist first. In other words, scientist will have the opportunity to touch the fossils and won't miss out on potentially crucial discoveries.
Finally, though little amount of damages will be occurred, there will be incentives to discover more valuable fossils. In other words, if these fossils are damaged, people will go further way to discover new fossils. Actually, these kinds of damage will let more fossils to be exposed to the world, rather than completely undiscovered.
作者: margrate 时间: 2012-8-15 12:42
标题: 0814 独立
8月14日
感觉这种题目好难写，废话都不知道怎么写，这要是在考试的时候写，就死定了！
求改，多谢！
Subject: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement. Although science and technology will continue to improve, the most significant improvement for the quality of people's lives have already taken place
Some people argue that although science and technology will continue to improve, the most significant improvement for the quality of people's lives have already taken place. This opinion undermines the important role that science and technology will play in our life and ignores the unremitting and profound influences that science and technology will have. I definitely agree that more significant improvement for the quality of people's lives will incur continuously.
First, there is no the most significant improvement, however, there is only more significant improvement for the quality of people's lives, triggered by continuing improvement of science and technology. For example, we hope that the train will go faster than ever before, in the meantime, we also hope that alone with the enhancement of the speed, the safety will also be guaranteed. We expect the improvement on medical technology so that we can deal with any difficult miscellaneous diseases. We wish all things like that. Our need has to be satisfied with the continuing improvement of science and technology which will lead to more significant improvement for the quality of people's lives.
Second, we could not deny the sustaining advancement brought about by science and technology to our life. Almost each impressive change on science and technology initiates a change in the quality of people's lives. For example, the success of the iPhone has made Apple the world's most profitable smartphone manufacturer. The iPhone has changed our ways to do things. We could work whenever and wherever possible without taking a computer on our hands, which facilitate our life most. The most important is that we, common people, have never envisioned this kind of change will come so quickly. And such kinds of changes have taken place more quickly than before. When will the next profound change happen? How and how much it will improve the quality of people's life? No one could give us a certain answer.
Finally, the impact of science and technology has become and will be much more extensive and various. In history, it took more than 110 years from using steamer engine to electric power; 90 years from electric power into a digital world, characterized by atomic energy, information technology, and space technology. Surprisingly it took less than 40 years into the Information Revolution. As time goes, each intensive improvement has taken profound promotion for the quality of people's lives. Moreover, the comprehensive influences that the continuing improvement of science and technology on people's lives has become various, involving all aspects of our lives.
At last, that what will happen next minute for the achievements and consequences that science and technology could bring about are definitely beyond our expectation. The most significant improvement for the quality of people's lives will always happen driving by the improvement of science and technology.
作者: winnie98 时间: 2012-8-15 22:21
Alex,我今天白天不在家...正在给margrate改8.14综合，请不要不给我分配~~~~(>_<)~~~~
谢谢啦~~~~~
作者: winnie98 时间: 2012-8-15 22:56
批注：
0814 Integrate TPO 12
From the lecture, it points out that the evidence that the subject of the painting portrait should be Jane Austen is unconvincing form(→from) the age of Jane Auste, the resemblance, and the canvas used. The specific reasons are as follows.
First, the portrait was proposed when Jand Jane Austen had died for almost 70 years. Even though Austen's family clearly recongnized(→recognized) it as a portrait of the author and climed(→ claimed) that the girl in the portrait was Jane Austen, for Jane Austen had died 70 years, there should be nobody who had seen her or known her before.
Second, there may be many Janes who were resembled Jane Austen in Austen's family. Austen's family was such a big family that there might be many relevant young girls resembling Jane Austen. It was supposed that the subject of the portrait may be a distant neice of Jane Austen. Furthermore, as illustrated in the article, the face in the portrait clearly resembles that one in the sketch. Only resemblance could not be sound enought(→ enough是写这个词嘛？) that the subject is Jane Austen.
Finally, the canvas used by the painter shows that this kind of canvas was used when Jane Austen was older than teenager. From the canvas used, we can defer(→ infer是推测，defer是推迟) that the date of this portrait was later than the active time of the portrait paninter. So the subject should not be Jane Austin.
2、3、4段应同时包含三要素:阅读观点，演讲观点(+细节),及二者之间的关系。
三要素的顺序无所谓。
我觉得演讲观点+细节说的已经很清楚详细，如果能稍微的提提阅读文章进行对比一下会更好
PS：我首段的大错误还好被你发现了~~~~
作者: 超级无敌小鹤鹤 时间: 2012-8-17 10:12
TPO 13
The lecture talks about that even though there are negative factors on the commercial fossils business(用trade会更好), as a matter of fact, these negative influences are exaggerated. The reasons are as follows.(这样开头也可以，但是我建议可以试着改成 The reading XXX. The professor, however, XXX的格式~~~这样开头部分将阅读和听力的核心观点都点一下会更好~~ eg：The reading passage mentions that there are some negative factors on the commercial fossils trade. The lecture, however, feels that these influences are just exaggerated and actually, the benefits of the trade just outweigh its disadvantages.)
First, schools and museums can find new interesting fossils to satisfy the students and other people so that the public won't find it harder(hard，前面并没有用到比较级，所以这儿用hard原级就可以啦~~) to see fossils. Therefore, there won't be a decline in public interest in fossils(therefore和there连着，有种重复的感觉，不妨改成：Therefore, no decline will appear in public interest in fossils). The sales of fossils will encourage more people to discover new findings. Meanwhile, the whole quantity of the fossils being available to the public will increase, instead of decrease.
Second, the concern that scientists are likely to lose access to some of the most important fossils and there by miss out on potentially crucial discoveries about extinct life forms is unrealistic.(最好改成the professor thinks that the concern 。。。。。。。) The professor also mentions that The only person who can identify the fossils and who can tell the quality and location is scientist. That is to say, even though these fossils are destined to go to private collectors, they will be sent to the scientist first. In other words, scientist will have the opportunity to touch the fossils and won't miss out on potentially crucial discoveries.
Finally, though little amount of damages will be occurred, there will be incentives to discover more valuable fossils.(同样的 这儿最好用professor做主语) In other words, if these fossils are damaged, people will go further way to discover new fossils. Actually, these kinds of damage will let more fossils to be exposed to the world, rather than completely undiscovered. (这儿漏掉了一个点，就是 原来的时候there aren't that many fossil collecting operations that are run by universities and other scientific institutions.)
文章总的来说很不错，有两个tips：
1、在写三个分论点的时候，最好以professor thinks这样的形式写。毕竟你的作文是来总结professor和reading部分的内容的，而不是你自己写。
2、你的听力部分把握的很不错，所以综合部分你的内容没有什么太大问题，因此你可以稍微注意一下自己的一些表达，平时练习的时候稍微斟酌一下，争取综合部分拿高分！
作者: 超级无敌小鹤鹤 时间: 2012-8-17 11:22
独立 批改ing
Subject: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement. Although science and technology will continue to improve, the most significant improvement for the quality of people's lives have already taken place
Some people argue that although science and technology will continue to improve, the most significant improvement for the quality of people's lives have already taken place(这儿argue的宾语从句你直接引用了题目部分，这要最不是很明智~~ 建议你稍微用自己的语言改一下~~ eg：science and technology change the quality of our lives a lot and the most significant improvement has already taken place). This opinion not only undermines the important role that science and technology will play in our life and but also (灵活运用各种连接词~~ ) ignores the unremitting and profound influences that science and technology(they，和前面重复，可以用they替代，同时可省略that) will have. I definitely agree that more significant improvements for the quality of people's lives will incur continuously.
First, there is no the most significant improvement, however, there is only more significant improvement for the quality of people's lives(我明白你的意思，但是我觉得你这样表达好像有点太“中文翻译”了，如果是我写，我会这样写：First, no improvement for the quality of people's lives can be just considered as the most significant one, as some more significant ones will always appear sooner or later), triggered by continuing improvement of science and technology. For example, we hope that the train will go faster than ever before,(; 这儿改成分号更好) in the meantime, we also hope that alone with the enhancement of the speed, the safety will also be guaranteed. We expect the improvement on medical technology so that we can deal with any difficult miscellaneous diseases. We wish all things like that. Our need has to(will，这儿没必要用has to) be satisfied with the continuing improvement of science and technology which will lead to more significant improvement for the quality of people's lives.
Second, we could not deny the sustaining advancement brought about by science and technology to our life. Almost each impressive change on science and technology initiates a change in the quality of people's lives. For example, the success of the iPhone has made Apple the world's most profitable smartphone manufacturer. The iPhone has changed our ways to do things. We could possibly(possible在后面会引起whenever and wherever修饰possible的歧义) work whenever and wherever possible without taking a computer on our hands, which facilitate our life most(这儿好像还是用原级a lot好，没看出你这句话的比较色彩). The most important is that we, common people, have never envisioned this kind of change will come so quickly.(这句话写得挺好的，不过如果弄成倒装就perfect了~~ The most important is that this kind of changes come so quickly that we, common people, have never envisioned.) And such kinds of changes have taken place more quickly than before.(和前句意思重复，去掉之) When will the next profound change happen? How and how much it will improve the quality of people's life? No one could give us a certain answer.
Finally, the impact of science and technology has become and will be much more extensive and various. In history, it took more than 110 years from using steamer engine to using(from A to B，A和B要结构对等，既然A是using，B也要using~) electric power; 90 years from a word with electric power only into a digital world(one), characterized by atomic energy, information technology, and space technology. Surprisingly it took less than 40 years into the Information Revolution. As time goes, each intensive improvement has taken profound promotion for the quality of people's lives. Moreover, the comprehensive(这儿没明白你为什么用comprehensive) influences that the continuing improvement of science and technology on people's lives has become various, involving all aspects of our lives.
At last, (at last用在总结段落，逻辑上不是很好，不如用一个 So it is no doubt )that what will happen next minute for the achievements and consequences that science and technology could bring about are definitely beyond our expectation. The most significant improvement for the quality of people's lives will always happen driving by the improvement of science and technology.
我觉得你的作文挺好的~~~ 所以你现在应该不仅仅要求自己去表达意思，而是要用尽量好的方式去表达~~ 感觉你倒装和强调句好像不怎么用，其实在作文中多用一些句式是很好的，尤其是像你这样基础不错的，多用一些表达，变换一些句式，文章一下就提高一个档次咯~~~
加油！高分可以的~~
作者: Crystaljoy 时间: 2012-8-17 13:47
最后一个高亮句子，是不是driven by 更好
作者: Crystaljoy 时间: 2012-8-17 13:51
写的太赞了，改的太好了！嗷嗷啊~
作者: margrate 时间: 2012-8-17 13:53
嗯，是应给用driven的，谢谢Crystaljoy
作者: 超级无敌小鹤鹤 时间: 2012-8-17 13:53
恩恩 我大意了。。。
作者: margrate 时间: 2012-8-17 13:57
To HeHe
太感谢HeHe的批改了，许多地方都点到了问题所在，我正迷茫于该怎么继续写下去。写到这里，我是不是应该先去看一下一些参考书呢？有什么好的规划建议呢？因为时间紧张，所以要好好努力的
作者: 超级无敌小鹤鹤 时间: 2012-8-17 14:02
你写得挺好的~~ 你现在的问题可能在怎么去更好的表达上了~ 你可以去看看185篇，不用学人家的结构和格式，主要去看看人家一些比较漂亮的、地道的表达~
作者: margrate 时间: 2012-8-17 14:27
Fighting 去！
作者: margrate 时间: 2012-8-18 00:50
标题: 0817 综合 TPO 15
The reading passage introduces three measures to control the population of cane toad, including building national fence, sending volunteers to capture and destroy cane toad, and developing a disease-causing virus. The lecture, however, contends that it is impossible to get rid of cane toad and these measures will neither successful nor environmental protected. Specific reasons are as follows.
First of all, the passage points out that a fence will prevent the toads from moving into some parts of Australia where have not been colonized. However, the professor argue that young toad and toad eggs will flow over rivers and streams from one side to another side, which will not avoid the toads coming into places where have not been colonized. So the lecture totally disagrees with the measure of building fence.
Second, the reading passage state that volunteers can capture and destroy the toads because they are easily caught. In contrast, the lecture claims that these untrained volunteers will destroy other native animals, such as the native frog, especially the young ones. This measure is also disputed by the lecture.
Thirdly, the passage illustrates that the researchers are developing a kind of virus to control the cane toad population. The professor strongly opposes the virus which will be transported to other continent, and thus infect other native species, furthermore, cause ecologic disaster.
In conclusion, the points made in the lecture contradict with the measures presented in the reading passage.
作者: ykhjy 时间: 2012-8-18 14:28
没找到 lz 8.17的独立
作者: margrate 时间: 2012-8-18 21:14
标题: 0817 独立
ykh我盗用了你的例子哦！终于逼着自己写完了，这次写的真木有感觉，耗时太长！ 自我深刻检讨中。。。
Dependent:Is the most important characteristic of a good political or business leader is the ability to take responsibility for mistakes?
Lots of characteristics are treated as important attributes that a good political or business leader should possess, such as the ability to accommodate new concept, and take responsibility for mistakes and so on. However, in my opinion, the ability to analyze the situation and make good decisions plays the most important role to be a good political and business leader.
First, reviewing the situation in a particular way can guide a political or business leader to make unique and innovative decisions. What a leader should do is to make appropriate decisions responding to the current situation to lead the subordinates to moving forward at the right direction. For example, Steve Jobs, former leader of Apple Corporation and also an exceptional inventor, responding to the current situation in which diversified functions are needed to be realized on a smart phone which nobody has ever invented, invented the iPhone. If he was not able analyze the situation, he would not make good decision, and then get succeeded.
Second, it is the contextual intelligence for a political or business leader that not only increases the possibility of success, but also decreases the possibility of making mistakes. On the one hand, decisions are made by leaders according to his analysis of current changing situation. Moreover, the high ability to analyze the situation leads to good decisions. For example, the Great Cultural Revolution of China, initiated by Chairman Mao, lasted more than 10 years from 1966 to 1976. This revolution was initiated under the false judgment of Chairman Mao to the situation, which caused Chinese people and China itself into an unexpected dilemma. On the other hand, decision making corresponding to the changing situation tends to make it few mistakes. For example,
Finally, unlike the ability to scaling up the situation and make good decisions which is the most important characteristic of a good political or a business leader, the abilities either to accommodate various concepts or to take responsibility for mistakes are the basic attributes which everyone should acquire. In such a diversified and multi-conception world, whatever you do, you have to take great responsibility for mistakes. By contrast, as a leader, you can fail to accept all kinds of concepts, and fail to undertake the mistakes you make, however, you definitely cannot make decisions without considering situation, let alone you cannot make good decisions.
In conclusion, what makes a political or business leader successful is the ability to analyze the situation and make good decisions. Unique and innovative decisions will be made after considering the situations, high possibilities of success will appear as well as low possibilities of failure or mistakes will be achieved. The most important is it is such unique ability that shapes a successful political or business leader.
作者: ykhjy 时间: 2012-8-18 22:39
0817 独立 修改~
蓝色good 黄色需修改 红色我改的 绿色总结
ykh我盗用了你的例子哦！终于逼着自己写完了，这次写的真木有感觉，耗时太长！ 自我深刻检讨中。。。额。。是ykhjy额。。
Dependent:Is the most important characteristic of a good political or business leader is the ability to take responsibility for mistakes?
Lots of characteristics are treated as important attributes that a good political or business leader should possess, such as the ability to accommodate new concept, and take responsibility for mistakes and so on. However, in my opinion, the ability to analyze the situation and make good decisions plays the most important role to be a good political and business leader.
First, reviewing the situation in a particular way can guide a political or business leader to make unique and innovative decisions. What a leader should do is to make appropriate decisions responding to the current situation to lead the subordinates to moving forward at the right direction. For example, Steve Jobs, former leader of Apple Corporation and also an exceptional inventor, responding to the current situation in which diversified functions are needed to be realized on a smart phone which nobody has ever invented, invented the iPhone. If he was not able to analyze the situation, he would not make a good decision, and then【这个感觉 用 let alone 会不会好点】 get succeeded.
Second, it is the contextual intelligence for a political or business leader that not only increases the possibility【可以用个chance】 of success, but also decreases the possibility of making mistakes. On the one hand, decisions are made by leaders according to his【their和前面leaders对应】 analysis of current changing situation. Moreover, the high ability to analyze the situation leads to good decisions. For example, the Great Cultural Revolution of China, initiated by Chairman Mao, lasted more than 10 years from 1966 to 1976. This revolution was initiated under the false judgment of Chairman Mao to the situation, which caused Chinese people and China itself into【我不知道有没有这个搭配？】 an unexpected dilemma. On the other hand, decision making corresponding to the changing situation tends to make it few mistakes【这里的it是代表啥？】. For example, ？
Finally, unlike the ability to scaling up the situation and make good decisions which is the most important characteristic of a good political or a business leader, the abilities either to accommodate various concepts or to take responsibility for mistakes are the basic attributes which everyone should acquire【good point！】. In such a diversified【这个词形容world不是那么恰当额。complex会不会适合点呢
】 and multi-conception world, whatever you do, you have to take great responsibility for mistakes. By contrast, as a leader, you can fail to accept all kinds of concepts,【不要逗号】 and fail to undertake the mistakes you make, however, you definitely cannot make decisions without considering situation, let alone you cannot make good decisions【你想说更不必说能做一个好的决定？那应该用can，而且let alone 后面能直接加句子么？有点疑问。个人觉得这里用后果接得比较顺：or the decision might not be good】.
In conclusion, what makes a political or business leader successful is the ability to analyze the situation and make good decisions. Unique and innovative decisions will be made after considering the situations, high possibilities of success will appear as well as low possibilities of failure or mistakes will be achieved. The most important is it is such unique ability that shapes a successful political or business leader.
【总体来说，结构还蛮清楚的，用词变化也挺多，只是有个which 无处不在，可以偶尔用用that什么的，这方面你比我行
。有些地方我不太确定可以讨论下。】
作者: margrate 时间: 2012-8-18 22:50
标题: 辛苦亲了 我慢慢消化完 再和你交流哈
0817 独立 修改~蓝色good 黄色需修改 红色我改的 绿色总结ykh我盗用了你的例子哦！终于逼着自己写完了，这次写的真木有感觉，耗时太长！ 自我深刻检讨中。。。额。。是ykhjy额。。
Dependent:Is the most important characteristic of a good political or business leader is the ability to take responsibility for mistakes?Lots of characteristics are treated as important attributes that a good political or business leader should possess, such as the ability to accommodate new concept, andtake responsibility for mistakes and so on. However, in my opinion, the ability to analyze the situation and make good decisions plays the most important role to be a good political and business leader.First, reviewing the situation in a particular way can guide a political or business leader to make unique and innovative decisions. What a leader should do is to make appropriate decisions responding to the current situation to lead the subordinates to moving forward at the right direction. For example, Steve Jobs, former leader of Apple Corporation and also an exceptional inventor, responding to the current situation in which diversified functions are needed to be realized on a smart phone which nobody has ever invented, invented the iPhone. If he was not able to analyze the situation, he would not make a good decision, and then【这个感觉 用 let alone 会不会好点】 get succeeded.Second, it is the contextual intelligence for a political or business leader that not only increases the possibility【可以用个chance】 of success, but also decreases the possibility of making mistakes. On the one hand, decisions are made by leaders according to his【their和前面leaders对应】 analysis of current changing situation. Moreover, the high ability to analyze the situation leads to good decisions. For example, the Great Cultural Revolution of China, initiated by Chairman Mao, lastedmore than10 years from 1966 to 1976. This revolution was initiated under the false judgment of Chairman Mao to the situation, which caused Chinese people and China itself into【我不知道有没有这个搭配？】 an unexpected dilemma. On the other hand, decision making corresponding to the changing situation tends to make it few mistakes【这里的it是代表啥？】. For example, ？Finally, unlike the ability to scaling up the situation and make good decisions which is the most important characteristic of a good political or a business leader, the abilities either to accommodate various concepts or to take responsibility for mistakes are the basic attributes which everyone should acquire【good point！】. In such a diversified【这个词形容world不是那么恰当额。complex会不会适合点呢】 and multi-conception world, whatever you do, you have to take great responsibility for mistakes. By contrast, as a leader, you can fail to accept all kinds of concepts,【不要逗号】and fail to undertake the mistakes you make, however, you definitely cannot make decisions without considering situation, let alone you cannot make good decisions【你想说更不必说能做一个好的决定？那应该用can，而且let alone 后面能直接加句子么？有点疑问。个人觉得这里用后果接得比较顺：or the decision might not be good】.In conclusion, what makes a political or business leader successful is the ability to analyze the situation and make good decisions. Unique and innovative decisions will be made after considering the situations, high possibilities of success will appear as well as low possibilities of failure or mistakes will be achieved. The most important is it is such unique ability that shapes a successful political or business leader.
【总体来说，结构还蛮清楚的，用词变化也挺多，只是有个which 无处不在，可以偶尔用用that什么的，这方面你比我行。有些地方我不太确定可以讨论下。】-- by 会员 ykhjy (2012/8/18 22:39:40)
作者: margrate 时间: 2012-8-19 12:59
标题: 0818 独立
9818 独立The best way to improve the quality of education is to increase teachers' salaries
The debate on which is the best way to improve the quality of education is hot in China in recent years. On the one hand, the quality of education in China is seriously challenged facing the problems like why there is no Chinese winning Nobel Prize, why students become indifferent to the society? Therefore, both the government and the people are aware of the significance of improving the quality. Some argue that increasing teachers’ salaries is the best way to improve the quality of education. However, as far as I am concerned, I am in favor of the opinion that converting the teaching methods is the best solution.
To begin with, improving the teaching method is superior to increasing teachers’ salaries to improve the quality of education. On the one hand, compared with American education, considered as a relative successful education in the world, China's education concentrates too much on the grades, on the percentage of the National Entrance Examination, on whether you have got a medal of Mathematical Olympiad and so on, which ignores the essence of education. Education is to help students to develop a healthy outlook on life, which conspicuously will not achieve by increasing teachers' salaries. On the other hand, the conversion of teaching method will significantly impact not only the traditional conception of education, but also the inveterately traditional conception of success of the Chinese people. As this conversion goes, the quality of education will continuously improve.
Finally, increasing the teachers' salaries is one of the methods to enhance the quality of education, but not the best. It is undeniable that as the teachers' salaries increase, the teacher will dedicate both more time and more energy to students and classes. However, it is also undeniable that even the teachers dedicate more than ever before, if they do not use an appropriate method to teach students, the improvement won't achieve as expected. For example, in recent year, teachers' salaries in China have doubled, even tripled as a couple years ago. Furthermore, under such a circumstance, the number of students who entry the universities does increase. However, the quality of students in China seems to be decreasing for some students become more and more indifferent than before, or become more selfish, which are really beyond our expectation.
In conclusion, it appears that, for China, figuring out what the real meaning of education, then converting the teaching method should be the best way to improve the quality of education. Increasing teachers’ salaries can temporarily improve the quality of education in the aspect of grade, percentage of National entrance examination and things like that, but it is neither the best nor permanent way to solve the problem.
作者: margrate 时间: 2012-8-19 13:19
标题: 0818 综合 TPO 16
The reading passage points out three serious problems impact archaeology in Britain, such as the loss of valuable artifacts in construction projects, the inadequate financial support for archaeological research, and the difficulty to have a career in archaeology. In the lecture, the professor introduces new guidelines adopted in Britain which have successfully addressed the three problems.
To begin with, the guidelines state that any constructions have to be examined by the archaeologists to confirm whether the construction site has interesting or valuable artifacts. If the answer is yes, then further preservation plan will be made by local government officials, archaeologists, and constructor. On the contrary, the concern in the passage that many valuable artifacts were lost to construction projects is unnecessary.
Second, the passage indicates that many archaeologists felt that the financial support for archaeological research was inadequate and changing government priorities brought about periodic reductions in funding. As a matter of fact, the Rules explicitly claim that the construction company has to pay for all the funds if the any archaeology researches are done on the construction site under the preservation plan, which guarantee the money resources for researches.
Finally, as mentioned in the passage, the position available for archaeologists is limited to the universities and government agencies. However, the guidelines actually provide more paid works than before. The increase jobs and career opportunities has increased professional archaeologists.
作者: 陈喵喵holdon 时间: 2012-8-19 16:30
9818 独立The best way to improve the quality of education is to increase teachers' salaries
The debate on which is the best way to improve the quality of education is hot in China in recent years.
On the one hand(下文有on the other hand对应吗??), the quality of education in China is seriously challenged facing the problems
like(like貌似有点口语化,书面的话用such as, for example之类的比较好)why there is no Chinese winning Nobel Prize, why students become indifferent to the society? Therefore, both the government and the people are aware of the significance of improving the quality. Some argue that increasing teachers’ salaries is the best way to improve the quality of education. However, as far as I am concerned, I am in favor of the opinion that converting the teaching methods is the best solution.
To begin with, improving the teaching method is superior to increasing teachers’ salaries to improve the quality of education. On the one hand, compared with American education, considered as a relative successful education in the world, China's education concentrates too much on the grades, on the percentage of the National Entrance Examination, on whether you have got a medal of Mathematical Olympiad and so on, which ignores the essence of education
(好长的一个句子..我个人觉得句子太长会造成表意不明). Education is to help students to develop a healthy outlook on life, which conspicuously will not
achieve(be achieved) by increasing teachers' salaries. On the other hand, the conversion of teaching method will significantly impact not only the traditional conception of education, but also the
inveterately(划了红线..其实我不认识这个单词= =)traditional conception of success of the Chinese people. As this conversion goes, the quality of education will continuously improve
(有个例子是不是更好?).
Finally, increasing the teachers' salaries is one of the methods to enhance the quality of education, but not the best. It is undeniable that as the teachers' salaries increase, the teacher will dedicate both more time and more energy to students and classes. However, it is also undeniable that even the teachers dedicate more than ever before, if they do not use an appropriate method to teach students, the improvement won't achieve as expected. For example, in recent year, teachers' salaries in China have doubled, even tripled as a couple years ago.
Furthermore(感觉这里的句意好像是转折的?用furthermore不对吧), under such a circumstance, the number of students who entry the universities does increase. However, the quality of students in China seems to be decreasing for some students
become(这个句子有两个谓语,become变成 becoming?)more and more indifferent
than before(这个than before应该也包括了后面的selfish吧,还是放到selfish后面吧), or become more selfish, which are really beyond our expectation.
In conclusion, it appears that, for China, figuring out what the real meaning of education, then converting the teaching method should be the best way to improve the quality of education. Increasing teachers’ salaries can temporarily improve the quality of education in the aspect of grade, percentage of National entrance examination and things like that, but it is neither the best nor permanent way to solve the problem.
-- by 会员 margrate (2012/8/19 12:59:31)
句式和词汇用的很多,提个小意见,有些句子太长了,长句套短句,短句套从句,从句套短语,有点影响表达.可以断开一些句子再用不同句式,那样反而逻辑清楚.
例子太少,全文感觉说理是重头,下午刚看了个帖子说ETS很喜欢例子..
anyway,词汇方面还是向margrate学习哈,我老是很词穷..
作者: 陈喵喵holdon 时间: 2012-8-19 16:36
The reading passage points out three serious problems
impact(这个句子也有两个谓语, point和impact,后面用从句或者impacting?)archaeology in Britain, such as the loss of valuable artifacts in construction projects, the inadequate financial support for archaeological research, and the difficulty to have a career in archaeology. In the lecture, the professor introduces new guidelines adopted in Britain which have successfully addressed the three problems.
To begin with, the guidelines state that any constructions have to be examined by the archaeologists to confirm whether the construction site has interesting or valuable artifacts. If the answer is yes, then further preservation plan will be made by local government officials, archaeologists, and constructor. On the contrary, the concern in the passage that many valuable artifacts were lost to construction projects is unnecessary.
Second, the passage indicates that many archaeologists felt that the financial support for archaeological research was inadequate and changing government priorities brought about periodic reductions in funding. As a matter of fact, the Rules explicitly claim that the construction company has to pay for all the funds if the any archaeology researches are done on the construction site under the preservation plan, which guarantee the money resources for researches.
Finally, as mentioned in the passage, the position available for archaeologists is limited to the universities and government agencies. However, the guidelines actually provide more paid works than before. The increase jobs and career opportunities has increased professional archaeologists.
-- by 会员 margrate (2012/8/19 13:19:39)
最后一点是不是应该再稍微拓展下?具体提供的jobs什么的?
这篇语言明白很多,改不出什么错误哈..
作者: margrate 时间: 2012-8-19 18:40
9818 独立The best way to improve the quality of education is to increase teachers' salaries
The debate on which is the best way to improve the quality of education is hot in China in recent years.
On the one hand(下文有on the other hand对应吗??), the quality of education in China is seriously challenged facing the problems
like(like貌似有点口语化,书面的话用such as, for example之类的比较好)why there is no Chinese winning Nobel Prize, why students become indifferent to the society? Therefore, both the government and the people are aware of the significance of improving the quality. Some argue that increasing teachers’ salaries is the best way to improve the quality of education. However, as far as I am concerned, I am in favor of the opinion that converting the teaching methods is the best solution.
这里的on the one hand，我后面把on the other hand 改了，就忘记改前面了，改打！
这里还有个问题：全文下来，举例的地方多，such as, for exmple用多了，我们举例还有其他的可以用的么？
To begin with, improving the teaching method is superior to increasing teachers’ salaries to improve the quality of education. On the one hand, compared with American education, considered as a relative successful education in the world, China's education concentrates too much on the grades, on the percentage of the National Entrance Examination, on whether you have got a medal of Mathematical Olympiad and so on, which ignores the essence of education
(好长的一个句子..我个人觉得句子太长会造成表意不明).
（我写英语作文的时候，这个习惯确实不太好，有了句子，就总是习惯顺手就套上了，回头把这个句子改改。）Education is to help students to develop a healthy outlook on life, which conspicuously will not
achieve(be achieved) by increasing teachers' salaries. On the other hand, the conversion of teaching method will significantly impact not only the traditional conception of education, but also the
inveterately(划了红线..其实我不认识这个单词= =根深蒂固嗒)traditional conception of success of the Chinese people. As this conversion goes, the quality of education will continuously improve
(有个例子是不是更好?).
Finally, increasing the teachers' salaries is one of the methods to enhance the quality of education, but not the best. It is undeniable that as the teachers' salaries increase, the teacher will dedicate both more time and more energy to students and classes. However, it is also undeniable that even the teachers dedicate more than ever before, if they do not use an appropriate method to teach students, the improvement won't achieve as expected. For example, in recent year, teachers' salaries in China have doubled, even tripled as a couple years ago.
Furthermore(感觉这里的句意好像是转折的?用furthermore不对吧，这里还没有转折，不过用furthermore确实有些欠缺，让我再想想看), under such a circumstance, the number of students who entry the universities does increase. However, the quality of students in China seems to be decreasing for some students
become(这个句子有两个谓语,become变成 becoming?)more and more indifferent
than before(这个than before应该也包括了后面的selfish吧,还是放到selfish后面吧，这个有道理), or become more selfish, which are really beyond our expectation.
In conclusion, it appears that, for China, figuring out what the real meaning of education, then converting the teaching method should be the best way to improve the quality of education. Increasing teachers’ salaries can temporarily improve the quality of education in the aspect of grade, percentage of National entrance examination and things like that, but it is neither the best nor permanent way to solve the problem.
-- by 会员 margrate (2012/8/19 12:59:31)
句式和词汇用的很多,提个小意见,有些句子太长了,长句套短句,短句套从句,从句套短语,有点影响表达.可以断开一些句子再用不同句式,那样反而逻辑清楚.
例子太少,全文感觉说理是重头,下午刚看了个帖子说ETS很喜欢例子..
anyway,词汇方面还是向margrate学习哈,我老是很词穷..
-- by 会员 陈喵喵holdon (2012/8/19 16:30:47)
句式这方面还是太欠缺了，看来我还得花些时间看一下185
我不光词穷，我例子也穷，写的时候就是想不起来要用些什么例子，我得多练练，顺便再去别家蹭些例子用！
辛苦喵喵了
作者: margrate 时间: 2012-8-19 18:42
The reading passage points out
that three serious problems
impact(这个句子也有两个谓语, point和impact,后面用从句或者impacting?) （point out 后面少加了that 了，该打！ ）archaeology in Britain, such as the loss of valuable artifacts in construction projects, the inadequate financial support for archaeological research, and the difficulty to have a career in archaeology. In the lecture, the professor introduces new guidelines adopted in Britain which have successfully addressed the three problems.
To begin with, the guidelines state that any constructions have to be examined by the archaeologists to confirm whether the construction site has interesting or valuable artifacts. If the answer is yes, then further preservation plan will be made by local government officials, archaeologists, and constructor. On the contrary, the concern in the passage that many valuable artifacts were lost to construction projects is unnecessary.
Second, the passage indicates that many archaeologists felt that the financial support for archaeological research was inadequate and changing government priorities brought about periodic reductions in funding. As a matter of fact, the Rules explicitly claim that the construction company has to pay for all the funds if the any archaeology researches are done on the construction site under the preservation plan, which guarantee the money resources for researches.
Finally, as mentioned in the passage, the position available for archaeologists is limited to the universities and government agencies. However, the guidelines actually provide more paid works than before. The increase jobs and career opportunities has increased professional archaeologists.
-- by 会员 margrate (2012/8/19 13:19:39)
最后一点是不是应该再稍微拓展下?具体提供的jobs什么的?
这篇语言明白很多,改不出什么错误哈..
-- by 会员 陈喵喵holdon (2012/8/19 16:36:13)
我后面Job没怎么听好，就忘记了，又觉得再写，字数就太多了。弱弱的问一下，字数太多扣分么？
作者: 陈喵喵holdon 时间: 2012-8-19 20:28
举例的话除了for example, such as...这个....for instance?比方说这个意思我也想不出来别的了..有时候可以用As XXX实例... 或者 It can be illustrated/explained by ... 这种句式来举例??
其实我也想不出来例子,只能平时多留意下,然后就是临场编了..
字数在适当范围内多一些不会扣分的吧...可能会影响时间和检查错误..不要太多就行了..
我独立也总是写不多,写到三百字就扯不出来了..像你说的,我太简单了写的,不充实...很苦恼啊..还是脑子里墨水太少的缘故= =
作者: margrate 时间: 2012-8-28 19:57
标题: TPO1 0827 综合
The reading passage explores the policy that companies in the United States offer the option of a four-day workweek to their employees which only offers 80% of their normal pay. The professor, however, states that this policy would be beneficial neither the economy nor the individual companies nor employees who opt this policy.
First, expense of the company will arise rather than decrease. Even though the passage suggests that, under this policy, the profits of the company will increase, the professor in the lecture argues that more staff will be employed so that the cost of training and medical will definitely increase. Furthermore, more infrastructure facilities, such as the office space and computer amount, will increase, and then cost of things like this will exceed the profits from fewer overworked and error-prone employees.
Moreover, despite the statement in the passage that the whole unemployment rate will be reduced for the country as a whole, the professor contends that this policy will make the company hire more employees. Meanwhile, under this option, the employees who opt four days a week will take more overtime work. And the expectation that
Finally, the professor asserts that this policy will raise the risk for employees whereas the author of the passage claims that the quality of the employees' lives will be improved. When the economy decline, employees’ risk will arise when they choose four days. Also employees who work five days a week will be promoted more easily than employees who work four days a week.
In conclusion, the professor clearly identifies the weakness in the reading passage and convincingly show that the disadvantages proposed in the passage.
作者: lemonyhu 时间: 2012-8-28 20:37
The reading passage explores the policy that companies in the United States offer the option of a four-day workweek to their employees which only offers 80% of their normal pay.（这种从句套从句容易错，这句which的先行词是employees，但是明显从句说的是company，如果改成简单的with 80%of..我觉得更简单明白还不容易出错。） The professor, however, states that this policy would be beneficial neither the economy nor the individual companies nor employees who opt this policy.（这种用法没见过）
First, expense of the company will arise（arise是发生产生的意思，没有上升的意思） rather than decrease. Even though the passage suggests that, under this policy, the profits of the company will increase, the professor in the lecture argues that more staff will be employed so that the cost of training and medical will definitely increase. Furthermore, more infrastructure facilities, such as the office space and computer amount, will increase and then cost of things like this will exceed the profits from fewer overworked and error-prone employees.（对最后这句话我还是觉得拆成稍微短点的更明白，前面的长句已经很不错了~）
Moreover, despite the statement in the passage that the whole unemployment rate will be reduced for the country as a whole, the professor contends that this policy will make the company hire more employees. Meanwhile, under this option, the employees who opt four days a week will take more overtime work. And the expectation that ？（这段是没听完还是没写完？）
Finally, the professor asserts that this policy will raise the risk for employees whereas the author of the passage claims that the quality of the employees' lives will be improved. When the economy declines, employees’ risk will arise when they choose four days. Also employees who work five days a week will be promoted more easily than employees who work four days a week.
In conclusion, the professor clearly identifies the weakness in the reading passage and convincingly show that the disadvantages proposed in the passage.
点还挺全的出了第二个点后面没写完，
然后有些长句子有些不达意，建议稍微改短一些更明白
作者: margrate 时间: 2012-8-28 20:49
标题: 0827 独立
Know a person from type of friends that he has,agree or disagree
Even though there is a saying that things of one kind come together, and people of one mind fall into the same group, however, with the change of the conception of human beings, which triggered by the fierce competition among people, it could not deny that we can hardly know the person well from the friends he/she makes.
First, one nowadays can either tolerant or accept more different people than ever can, then make friends with all sorts of people with different backgrounds, concepts, as well as different characteristics. Therefore, it is difficult in knowing a person well from his/her friends. From a recent survey conducted by SINA WEIBO to investigate how much you know your friends. It shows that only 10% of the persons think that they know their friends well. Most of those surveyed suggest that they make friends with other people with the purpose of consolidating their common interests in business, rather than having common hobbies and so forth. Hence, we can hardly know a person from the type of friends he/she has.
Moreover, even though you can know someone from its friends, it is obvious that you could only know part of the person, such as his characteristics or hobbies in some part. Take one of my friends as example. Lily is very willing to make friends with people from various classes and business fields due to her work as a senior sales manager for cosmetics. She has trained herself for many colorful hobbies or skills to deal with her customers and has made friends with these people. And she leaves the impressions to her customers as very optimistic. However, as a matter of fact, she makes friends with these customers just because she wants to improve her business. So you are not able to identify what the education background she is, what she really likes, and what she is seeking for.
In conclusion, with the increasing complexity of one’s background, as well as the enhancing tolerance and acceptance of one to deal with different people and make friends with all sorts of people, it is cannot deny that only from the type of friends of one has, hardly can we know a person well.
作者: jijismile 时间: 2012-8-28 21:09
TO margrate
sorry，我今天可能要晚点来看，之前一直没看到你发上，明早你一定让你看到！~
作者: margrate 时间: 2012-8-28 22:08
TO margrate
sorry，我今天可能要晚点来看，之前一直没看到你发上，明早你一定让你看到！~
-- by 会员 jijismile (2012/8/28 21:09:23)
好滴，没有关系啦，是我发的太晚了
作者: jijismile 时间: 2012-8-29 00:29
蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误
Know a person from type of friends that he has, agree or disagree
Even though there is a saying that things of one kind come together, and people of one mind fall into the same group, however, with the change of the conception of human beings, which triggered by the fierce competition among people (triggered 前面是不是需要一个be，我语法不好，只是感觉，仅作参考吧), it could not deny that we can hardly know the person well from the friends he/she makes.
First, one nowadays can either tolerant tolerate or accept more different people than ever can（这处也是仅供参考，改为than ever he can 或者是直接than ever）, then make friends with all sorts of people with different backgrounds, concepts, as well as different characteristics. Therefore, it is difficult in knowing a person well from his/her friends. From a recent survey conducted by SINA WEIBO to investigate how much you know your friends. It shows that only 10% of the persons think that they know their friends well. Most of those surveyed suggest that they make friends with other people with the purpose of consolidating their common interests in business, rather than having common hobbies and so forth. Hence, we can hardly know a person from the type of friends he/she has.
Moreover, even though you can know someone from its friends, it is obvious that you could only know part of the person, such as his characteristics or hobbies in some part. Take one of my friends as an example(或者直接for example). Lily is very willing to make friends with people from various classes and business fields due to her work as a senior sales manager for cosmetics. She has trained herself for many colorful hobbies or skills to deal with her customers and has made friends with these people. And she leaves the impressions to on her customers as very optimistic（这个地方as用在expression后面，我没见过，也没查到，建议再推敲一下）. However, as a matter of fact, she makes friends with these customers just because she wants to improve her business. So you are not able to identify what the education background she is, what she really likes, and what she is seeking for.
In conclusion, with the increasing complexity of one’s background, as well as the enhancing tolerance and acceptance of one to deal with different people and make friends with all sorts of people, it is cannot deny that only from the type of friends of one has, hardly can we know a person well.
TO Margrate
一定看了不少文章吧，我就没怎么看文章，所以就出现一下中式英语，你的就很好了。像你学习！~
个别语法错误，非常少；有些我感觉可能不对，又无法确定的，Margrate仅作参考吧，你要是见过类似的用法，就请无视我。呵呵
还有就是在陈述原因的第二条中，也就是第三段，我感觉这段要强调的是“通过朋友，只能了解一个人的一部分”，但是最后好像没有体现出能够了解的这“仅仅的一部分”是什么，而还是说“通过朋友，你无法知道这个，无法知道那个”，我的感觉这一段最后不够扣题
最后弱弱的问个问题，1 he/she 为了凑字还是为了严谨2 Margrate看了多少文章比如185里面的，然后可以背了一些文章，还是找到一些好句子单独记得
不胜感激！~~
作者: margrate 时间: 2012-8-29 15:34
蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误
Know a person from type of friends that he has, agree or disagree
Even though there is a saying that things of one kind come together, and people of one mind fall into the same group, however, with the change of the conception of human beings, which triggered by the fierce competition among people (triggered 前面是不是需要一个be，我语法不好，只是感觉，仅作参考吧), it could not deny that we can hardly know the person well from the friends he/she makes.
First, one nowadays can either tolerant tolerate or accept more different people than ever can（这处也是仅供参考，改为than ever he can 或者是直接than ever）, then make friends with all sorts of people with different backgrounds, concepts, as well as different characteristics. Therefore, it is difficult in knowing a person well from his/her friends. From a recent survey conducted by SINA WEIBO to investigate how much you know your friends. It shows that only 10% of the persons think that they know their friends well. Most of those surveyed suggest that they make friends with other people with the purpose of consolidating their common interests in business, rather than having common hobbies and so forth. Hence, we can hardly know a person from the type of friends he/she has.
Moreover, even though you can know someone from its friends, it is obvious that you could only know part of the person, such as his characteristics or hobbies in some part. Take one of my friends as an example(或者直接for example). Lily is very willing to make friends with people from various classes and business fields due to her work as a senior sales manager for cosmetics. She has trained herself for many colorful hobbies or skills to deal with her customers and has made friends with these people. And she leaves the impressions to on her customers as very optimistic（这个地方as用在expression后面，我没见过，也没查到，建议再推敲一下）. However, as a matter of fact, she makes friends with these customers just because she wants to improve her business. So you are not able to identify what the education background she is, what she really likes, and what she is seeking for.
In conclusion, with the increasing complexity of one’s background, as well as the enhancing tolerance and acceptance of one to deal with different people and make friends with all sorts of people, it is cannot deny that only from the type of friends of one has, hardly can we know a person well.
TO Margrate
一定看了不少文章吧，我就没怎么看文章，所以就出现一下中式英语，你的就很好了。像你学习！~
个别语法错误，非常少；有些我感觉可能不对，又无法确定的，Margrate仅作参考吧，你要是见过类似的用法，就请无视我。呵呵
还有就是在陈述原因的第二条中，也就是第三段，我感觉这段要强调的是“通过朋友，只能了解一个人的一部分”，但是最后好像没有体现出能够了解的这“仅仅的一部分”是什么，而还是说“通过朋友，你无法知道这个，无法知道那个”，我的感觉这一段最后不够扣题
最后弱弱的问个问题，1 he/she 为了凑字还是为了严谨2 Margrate看了多少文章比如185里面的，然后可以背了一些文章，还是找到一些好句子单独记得
不胜感激！~~
-- by 会员 jijismile (2012/8/29 0:29:36)
这个文章我写到后面也写搓了，最后写不下去了，就有些写乱了；
我185没看，因为我木有时间啦；我算是半个英语专业的啦，只是接触这些写作的时间长了写而已；
作文吧，如果你的时间充分，建议你背一下新概念3；如果时间不够充分，就多换一些句式吧；我觉得语法的问题不是一天两天能解决的；只能突击一下了；
第一处改错稍稍推敲了一下，如果加了which be，首先是改成非限定性定语从句了，然后我这里强调的是change 是由××trigerred的，可以直接用过去分词来修饰的；
其他的地方我觉得你都改的好细致的
作者: jijismile 时间: 2012-8-29 17:46
恩，谢谢margrate
作者: margrate 时间: 2012-10-4 19:12
标题: 10.4 独立
The best way to increase students’ interest in a subject is to teach them the significance of the subject outside of school
Have you found that students are not capable enough to recognize the importance of the subject in society even there are teachers teaching them? Have you ever found that students will always get bored when their teacher repeats again and again about how important it is to learn a certain subject? Have you also found that students always show great interests when they can handle experiments or paly the roles by themselves? If the answers are yes, you will be undoubtedly stand on my side with the opinion that notifying the students the important role a subject plays in society will not be the best way to increase their enthusiasm to a subject.
First of all, even though you tell them the significance of the subject outside of school, it obviously that, as pupils, high school students, even college students, they would be unnecessary to realize the significance of the subject. According to studies form educational researchers, they point out that students, especially the young ones, have difficulty in establishing a mature recognition about what they are doing. Therefore, it always less efficient to intensify students' interest in a subject thought persuading them the significance of a certain subject outside of school.
Moreover, young students are not willing to do what you teach them. The statistic study revealed that the more times you repeat, the more the young students will reject. It is not a good way to enforce the students to learn something passively. However, we can encourage the students to learn more actively by changing a little about our teaching method. Meanwhile, they could recognize the significance and necessity to obtain some knowledge. Unexpectedly, t is more likely to improve their interests.
In order to enhance students' enthusiasm, it would be better to open some pragmatic subjects, instead of subjects in which students could only get the knowledge from their book. That is to say, the students will learn more if they can either learn by themselves or learn from practice. In my college, teachers are prone to strengthen the role of students in classes. Not only will students be arranged to play different roles which exist in real company, but also they have to cope with specific problems that they will encounter in company. As a result of this arrangement, students do realize what they have to master, what will constrain their business. Therefore, because of the vivid simulation practice, students do show great interests in the subjects they learn.
In conclusion, it obviously seems that making the students play the role is superior to stressing and repeating the significance of a subject outside of school. Furthermore, it also appears that students’ interests are negatively molded by teaching the importance of subjects to students
作者: 最后一次杀T 时间: 2012-10-4 23:08
黄色高亮为精彩
The best way to increase students’ interest in a subject is to teach them the significance of the subject outside of school.
Have you found that students are not capable enough to recognize the importance of the subject in society even there are teachers teaching them? Have you ever found that students will always get bored when their teacher repeats again and again about how important it is to learn a certain subject? Have you also found that students always show great interests when they can handle experiments or play the roles by themselves? If the answers are yes, you will be undoubtedly stand on my side with the opinion that notifying the students the important role a subject plays in society will not be the best way to increase their enthusiasm to a subject.
First of all, even though you tell them the significance of the subject outside of school, it is obviously that, as pupils, high school students, even college students, they would be unnecessary to realize the significance of the subject. According to studies form from educational researchers, they point out that students, especially the young ones, have difficulty in establishing a mature recognition about what they are doing. Therefore, it is always less efficient to intensify students' interest in a subject thought through persuading them the significance of a certain subject outside of school.
Moreover, young students are not willing to do what you teach them. The statistic study revealed that the more times you repeat, the more the young students will reject. It is not a good way to enforce the students to learn something passively. However, we can encourage the students to learn more actively by changing a little about our teaching method. 【可以改成被动 students can be easily encouraged to learn more actively by changin a little about the teaching methods.】Meanwhile, they could recognize the significance and necessity to obtain some knowledge. Unexpectedly, it is more likely to improve their interests.
In order to enhance students' enthusiasm, it would be better to open some pragmatic subjects, instead of subjects in which students could only get the knowledge from their book. That is to say, the students will learn more if they can either learn by themselves or learn from practice. In my college, teachers are prone to strengthen the role of students in classes. Not only will students be arranged to play different roles which exist in real company, but also they have to cope with specific problems that they will encounter in company. As a result of this arrangement, students do realize what they have to master, and what will constrain their business. Therefore, because of the vivid simulation practice, students do show great interests in the subjects they learn.
In conclusion, it obviously seems that making the students play the role is superior to stressing and repeating the significance of a subject outside of school. Furthermore, it also appears that students’ interests are negatively molded by teaching the importance of subjects to students.
文章写得非常流畅，个别笔误以外，没发现什么语法问题。。膜拜中。。。
论据和举例也很合理，学习了。。
我表示改margaret童鞋作文 各种不忍心改。。生怕破坏了某种结构。。
作者: margrate 时间: 2012-10-5 09:17
黄色高亮为精彩The best way to increase students’ interest in a subject is to teach them the significance of the subject outside of school.Have you found that students are not capable enough to recognize the importance of the subject in society even there are teachers teaching them? Have you ever found that students will always get bored when their teacher repeats again and again about how important it is to learn a certain subject? Have you also found that students always show great interests when they can handle experiments or play the roles by themselves? If the answers are yes, you will be undoubtedly stand on my side with the opinion that notifying the students the important role a subject plays in society will not be the best way to increase their enthusiasm to a subject. First of all, even though you tell them the significance of the subject outside of school, it is obviously that, as pupils, high school students, even college students, they would be unnecessary to realize the significance of the subject. According to studies formfrom educational researchers, they point out that students, especially the young ones, have difficulty in establishing a mature recognition about what they are doing. Therefore, it is always less efficient to intensify students' interest in a subject thoughtthrough persuading them the significance of a certain subject outside of school.Moreover, young students are not willing to do what you teach them. The statistic study revealed that the more times you repeat, the more the young students will reject. It is not a good way to enforce the students to learn something passively. However, we can encourage the students to learn more actively by changing a little about our teaching method. 【可以改成被动 students can be easily encouraged to learn more actively by changin a little about the teaching methods.】Meanwhile, they could recognize the significance and necessity to obtain some knowledge. Unexpectedly, it is more likely to improve their interests.In order to enhance students' enthusiasm, it would be better to open some pragmatic subjects, instead of subjects in which students could only get the knowledge from their book. That is to say, the students will learn more if they can either learn by themselves or learn from practice. In my college, teachers are prone to strengthen the role of students in classes. Not only will students be arranged to play different roles which exist in real company, but also they have to cope with specific problems that they will encounter in company. As a result of this arrangement, students do realize what they have to master, and what will constrain their business. Therefore, because of the vivid simulation practice, students do show great interests in the subjects they learn.In conclusion, it obviously seems that making the students play the role is superior to stressing and repeating the significance of a subject outside of school. Furthermore, it also appears that students’ interests are negatively molded by teaching the importance of subjects to students.
文章写得非常流畅，个别笔误以外，没发现什么语法问题。。膜拜中。。。论据和举例也很合理，学习了。。我表示改margaret童鞋作文 各种不忍心改。。生怕破坏了某种结构。。-- by 会员 最后一次杀T (2012/10/4 23:08:44)
那个被动的句子改的真好！感觉都不一样了！我30分钟内都木有写完的，conclusion和finanlly都是后来补上的。多谢了
作者: margrate 时间: 2012-10-9 16:07
标题: 1010 综合
The lecture and the reading passage explore the influences of "let it burn" policy of 1988 Yellowstone Fire. The reading passage asserts it to be destructive, however, the professor points out that the fire also brought about creation. Furthermore, the fire was fundamental to the environment.
First of all, the passage believes that tremendous damage to the park's trees and other vegetation were caused by the fires. As a matter of fact, the professor says that the scorched land created new opportunities for more plants to live in the land. Vegetation seeds also appeared on high level. This is the first point where the lecture is inconsistent with the reading passage.
Moreover, the professor also proposes that not only did the fires lead to the increase of animal population, but also made more chances for new species. The destructive habitat became the ideal habitats for other small animals, such as rabbit and hears. Then the whole food chains had been strengthened and became stronger than before. This is another point which contrary to the reading passage that the park wildlife was affected.
Finally, the reading passage deems that the fire had a negative influence on the local tourist economy. In fact, the lower number of tourists in that year was unusual, because of the fierce fire, intrigued by the unusual strong wind, mentioned by the professor. And there was also no fire like 1988 later on. Therefore, the tourists came back to the park during the next years. This was the third part that the reading passage and lecture conflicts with each other.
Above all, according to the professor, the fire actually generated more opportunities either to the plant and vegetation, or to the wildlife, or to the local economy.
作者: margrate 时间: 2012-10-10 10:02
标题: 1009综合
TPO 19
The lecture apparently casts doubt on the critics about the buzzing in the reading passage. According to the passage, buzzing exerts negative influence on either the product information, the trustful claims of the buzzers, or the social relationships. However, yet none of them are consistent with the eye of the lecture.
First of all, the student claims that it is because the buzzers have used the products and the products are good that the consumers really get truth from the buzzers. In contrast, the reading passage points out that it is the payment for buzzers that motive them to promote the products to consumers so that consumers won't get truth. So the lecture totally disagrees with the view made in the passage.
Moreover, the passage illustrates that consumers listen to buzzers less critically than they should do. In the lecture, the student contends that consumers do not believe whatever the buzzers say. As a matter of fact, consumers will ask a lot questions. If the buzzer is not able to answer the questions, consumers will not buy the products. The lecture also disapproves the standpoint in the passage.
Finally, the passage raises the issue that buzzing will lead to the diffusion of mistrust as well the expectation of dishonest. The student opposes the writer's expectation, contending that unless the quality of the products is good can the company recruit buzzers. Then the consumers introduced by buzzers will become more trustful and attract more consumers.
Above all, the points made in the lecture contradict with what is presented in the reading passage.
帮我改的同学麻烦帮忙看看怎么精简一下，我觉得写的好臃肿，字数有些多了，辛苦了
作者: margrate 时间: 2012-10-10 11:45
标题: 1009 独立
It's more important for the government to build art museums and music performance center than to build recreational devices (such as swimming pool, playgrounds)
As exercising is playing a significant role in our society as entertainment is, building art museums and music performance center is as important as building recreational devices, such as swimming pool, playgrounds. None of them are dispensable to our society, our country, and our lives. I will stand on my side with the opinion that no one is more important than another one. That is to say, I suggest government should pay the same energy and resources to build art centers as to build recreational devices.
First, the unbalanced investment to the building of art centers and recreational devices will introduce unbalanced development of the whole society. Let us imagine that if the whole country pays much more to the development to the art center. It is the government itself that make the signal that we need more artists instead of athlete. What will happen next? The citizens will take it for granted that if their children learn arts, or related subjects, it will be guaranteed a promising job. Then the whole society will swamp into the unbalanced circumstances in which a short of physical experts will appeared in the near future. So whichever is over-strengthened, there will be an unbalance of the whole society. We have to keep the belief of sustainable development in mind.
Moreover, both art centers and recreational devices are harmoniously coordinated with each other to sustain our lives. Unless the two parts are mutually development, can the quality of lives be improved. Once a time, the Chinese government overstressed the development of the economy, leading to an educational fault. This principle is also appropriate for the development of the art centers and the recreational devices. So only one is flourishing, the other will undermine the effectiveness or ultimately negatively molded the thriving one.
Finally, the government should certainly pay relatively more attention to one of the two aspects during specific periods, aiming to enhance self-improvement either of art or of physics. For example, during the 2008 summer Olympic Games, the Chinese government invested much more on the construction of recreational devices, especially the construction of a lot versatile gymnasiums, with the purpose of encouraging citizen to participate in the Olympic Game. Meanwhile, the government also hopes to strengthen the consciousness of exercising of the citizens. It was pretty a reasonable way to help citizens establish such kind of thinking. When the art was weakening, the government should also commit more to the investment of the art museums and performance center.
Above all, it is unadvisable for the government to put into more to build art museums and music performance center than to build swimming poor, playgrounds and so on. Furthermore, a balanced and sustainable development of both orientations is encouraged.
30+10+10 455
作者: 正儿八经潜水 时间: 2012-10-10 20:53
10.9.独立 修改
It's more important for the government to build art museums and music performance center than to build recreational devices (such as swimming pool, playgrounds)
As exercising（这里应该说art和music,可能笔误了）is playing a significant role in our society as entertainment is, building art museums and music performance center is as important as building recreational devices, such as swimming pool, playgrounds. None of them are dispensable to our society, our country, and our lives. I will stand on my side with the opinion that no one is more important than another one. That is to say, I suggest government should pay the same energy and resources to build art centers as to build recreational devices.
First, the unbalanced investment to the building of art centers and recreational devices will introduce unbalanced development of the whole society. Let us imagine that if the whole country pays much more to the development to（of） the art center. It is the government itself that makesthe signal that we need more artists instead of athlete. What will happen next? The citizens will take it for granted that if their children learn arts,（这里没必要加逗号） or related subjects, it will be guaranteed(guarantee) a promising job. Then the whole society will swamp into the unbalanced circumstances in which a short of physical experts will appeared(appear) in the near future. So whichever is over-strengthened, there will be an unbalance of the whole society. We have to keep the belief of the balanced, stable and(我觉得加了更好些)sustainable development in mind.
（第一个论点写得非常好，鉴于第三个论点，这段开头要加个In general为好）
Moreover, both art centers and recreational devices are harmoniously coordinated with each other to sustain(好像没有这种用法，建议用regulate) our lives. Unless the two parts are mutually development(developed),（这里没必要加逗号）can the quality of lives be improved. Once a time, the Chinese government overstressed the development of the economy, leading to an educational fault. This principle is also appropriate for the development of the art centers and the recreational devices.（这个类比似乎不准确，没什么联系）So only one is flourishing, the other onewill undermine the effectiveness or ultimately negatively molded(这里语法错了吧)the thriving one.
（这一段其实是想说两者对于生活是缺一不可的，我认为这个作为第一个论点更好，简单地叙述出两者各自的重要性。另外，2 hints: 这段中主要的主语是建筑，其实是不对的，因为不可以说建筑develop，可以说art和exercising ;三个论点的字数最好一个比一个长，不然容易被认为论证不充分，容易被扣分）
Finally, the government should certainly pay relatively more attention to one of the two aspects during specific periods, aiming to enhance self-improvement either of art or of physics. For example, during the 2008 summer Olympic Games, the Chinese government invested much more on the construction of recreational devices, especially the construction of a lot versatile gymnasiums, with the purpose of encouraging citizens to participate in the Olympic Games. Meanwhile, the government also hopes to strengthen the consciousness(awareness更好) of exercising of the citizens. It was pretty a reasonable way to help citizens establish such kind of thinking.Similarly ,when the art was weakening, the government should also commit more(就用pay more attention吧，commit用在这儿不合适) to the investment of(to)the art museums and performance center.
(这一段也写的不错)
Above all, it is unadvisable for the government to put into more（put more efforts） to build art museums and music performance center than to build swimming poor, playgrounds and so on. Furthermore, a balanced and sustainable development of both orientations is encouraged.(总结段要总结三个论点，还要加一句特殊情况特殊对待)
作者: 阿伦艾弗森 时间: 2012-10-10 21:55
The lecture apparently casts doubt on the critics about the buzzing in the reading passage. According to the passage, buzzing exerts negative influence on either the product information, the trustful claims of the buzzers, or the social relationships. (可以不用交代这么详细，这样字数就少些了)However, yet （不要这样表肯定）none of them are consistent with the eye of the lecture.
First of all, the student claims thatit is because the buzzers have used the products and the products are good that the consumers really get truth from the buzzers.（建议改成：the consumers can get truth from buzzers who used products）(有一个phone service的小细节建议补全) In contrast, the reading passage points out that it is the payment for buzzers that motive them to promote the products to consumers so that consumers won't get truth. So the lecture totally disagrees with the view made in the passage.
Moreover, the passage illustrates that consumers listen to buzzers less critically than they should do.（建议改成will lose critical thinking when they listen buzzers） In the lecture, the student contends that consumers do not believe （这个语气有点太强硬了，建议改成will just believe by buzzers answer their question）whatever the buzzers say. As a matter of fact, consumers will ask a lot questions. If the (不用特指)buzzer is not able to answer the questions, consumers will not buy the products. The lecture also disapproves the standpoint in the passage.
Finally, the passage raises the issue that buzzing will lead to the diffusion of mistrust as well the expectation of dishonest. The student opposes the writer's expectation, by contending that unless the quality of the products is good can the company recruit buzzers. Then the consumers introduced by buzzers will become more trustful and attract more consumers.(in social relationship)
Above all, the points made in the lecture contradict with what is presented in the reading passage.
一点拙见，还望共同进步
作者: margrate 时间: 2012-10-10 22:05
10.9.独立 修改
It's more important for the government to build art museums and music performance center than to build recreational devices (such as swimming pool, playgrounds)
As exercising（这里应该说art和music,可能笔误了）is playing a significant role in our society as entertainment is, building art museums and music performance center is as important as building recreational devices, such as swimming pool, playgrounds. None of them are dispensable to our society, our country, and our lives. I will stand on my side with the opinion that no one is more important than another one. That is to say, I suggest government should pay the same energy and resources to build art centers as to build recreational devices.
First, the unbalanced investment to the building of art centers and recreational devices will introduce unbalanced development of the whole society. Let us imagine that if the whole country pays much more to the development to（of） the art center. It is the government itself that makesthe signal that we need more artists instead of athlete. What will happen next? The citizens will take it for granted that if their children learn arts,（这里没必要加逗号） or related subjects, it will be guaranteed(guarantee) a promising job. Then the whole society will swamp into the unbalanced circumstances in which a short of physical experts will appeared(appear) in the near future. So whichever is over-strengthened, there will be an unbalance of the whole society. We have to keep the belief of the balanced, stable and(我觉得加了更好些)sustainable development in mind.
（第一个论点写得非常好，鉴于第三个论点，这段开头要加个In general为好）
Moreover, both art centers and recreational devices are harmoniously coordinated with each other to sustain(好像没有这种用法，建议用regulate) our lives. Unless the two parts are mutually development(developed),（这里没必要加逗号）can the quality of lives be improved. Once a time, the Chinese government overstressed the development of the economy, leading to an educational fault. This principle is also appropriate for the development of the art centers and the recreational devices.（这个类比似乎不准确，没什么联系）So only one is flourishing, the other onewill undermine the effectiveness or ultimately negatively molded(这里语法错了吧)the thriving one.
（这一段其实是想说两者对于生活是缺一不可的，我认为这个作为第一个论点更好，简单地叙述出两者各自的重要性。另外，2 hints: 这段中主要的主语是建筑，其实是不对的，因为不可以说建筑develop，可以说art和exercising ;三个论点的字数最好一个比一个长，不然容易被认为论证不充分，容易被扣分）
Finally, the government should certainly pay relatively more attention to one of the two aspects during specific periods, aiming to enhance self-improvement either of art or of physics. For example, during the 2008 summer Olympic Games, the Chinese government invested much more on the construction of recreational devices, especially the construction of a lot versatile gymnasiums, with the purpose of encouraging citizens to participate in the Olympic Games. Meanwhile, the government also hopes to strengthen the consciousness(awareness更好) of exercising of the citizens. It was pretty a reasonable way to help citizens establish such kind of thinking.Similarly ,when the art was weakening, the government should also commit more(就用pay more attention吧，commit用在这儿不合适) to the investment of(to)the art museums and performance center.
(这一段也写的不错)
Above all, it is unadvisable for the government to put into more（put more efforts） to build art museums and music performance center than to build swimming poor, playgrounds and so on. Furthermore, a balanced and sustainable development of both orientations is encouraged.(总结段要总结三个论点，还要加一句特殊情况特殊对待)-- by 会员 正儿八经潜水 (2012/10/10 20:53:36)
你的意思是说将第一段和第二段的位置倒一下，对么？
作者: 陈喵喵holdon 时间: 2012-10-11 13:43
The lecture and the reading passage explore the influences of "let it burn" policy of 1988 Yellowstone Fire. The reading passage asserts it to be destructive, however, the professor points out that the fire also brought about creation. Furthermore,
the fire was fundamental to the environment似乎信息有误.(最好亮下两者的观点,reading反对此policy,professor支持.)First of all, the passage believes that tremendous damage to the park's trees and other vegetation were caused by the fires. As a matter of fact, the professor says that the scorched land created new opportunities for more plants to live in the land. Vegetation seeds also appeared on high level. This is the first point where the lecture is inconsistent with the reading passage.
(缺少lecture中信息:火灾后植被更diverse)Moreover, the professor
also(有moreover再用also感觉有点重复) proposes that not only did the fires lead to the increase of animal population, but also made more chances for new species. The destructive habitat became the ideal habitats for other small animals, such as rabbit and
hears(hear是什么). Then the whole food chains had been strengthened and became stronger than before. This is another point which contrary to the reading passage that the park wildlife was affected.
Finally, the reading passage deems that the fire had a negative influence on the local tourist economy. In fact, the
lower(smaller) number of tourists in that year was unusual, because of the fierce fire, intrigued by the unusual strong wind, mentioned by the professor. And there was also no fire like 1988 later on. Therefore, the tourists came back to the park during the next years. This was the third part that the reading passage and lecture conflicts with each other.
Above all, according to the professor, the fire actually generated more opportunities either to the plant and vegetation, or to the wildlife, or to the local economy.
(综合写作总结段不必要?)-- by 会员 margrate (2012/10/9 16:07:55)
貌似以前也给你改过 口语小分队也见过 呵呵
条理很清楚,点也基本都到了,不过每段陈述的套路好像有点千篇一律,都是最后加上一句‘这是两者持的矛盾观点’,最好适当变通一下.
Good Luck..
作者: margrate 时间: 2012-10-11 14:23
The lecture and the reading passage explore the influences of "let it burn" policy of 1988 Yellowstone Fire. The reading passage asserts it to be destructive, however, the professor points out that the fire also brought about creation. Furthermore,
the fire was fundamental to the environment似乎信息有误.(最好亮下两者的观点,reading反对此policy,professor支持.)First of all, the passage believes that tremendous damage to the park's trees and other vegetation were caused by the fires. As a matter of fact, the professor says that the scorched land created new opportunities for more plants to live in the land. Vegetation seeds also appeared on high level. This is the first point where the lecture is inconsistent with the reading passage.
(缺少lecture中信息:火灾后植被更diverse)Moreover, the professor
also(有moreover再用also感觉有点重复) proposes that not only did the fires lead to the increase of animal population, but also made more chances for new species. The destructive habitat became the ideal habitats for other small animals, such as rabbit and
hears(hear是什么). Then the whole food chains had been strengthened and became stronger than before. This is another point which contrary to the reading passage that the park wildlife was affected.
Finally, the reading passage deems that the fire had a negative influence on the local tourist economy. In fact, the
lower(smaller) number of tourists in that year was unusual, because of the fierce fire, intrigued by the unusual strong wind, mentioned by the professor. And there was also no fire like 1988 later on. Therefore, the tourists came back to the park during the next years. This was the third part that the reading passage and lecture conflicts with each other.
Above all, according to the professor, the fire actually generated more opportunities either to the plant and vegetation, or to the wildlife, or to the local economy.
(综合写作总结段不必要?)-- by 会员 margrate (2012/10/9 16:07:55)
-- by 会员 陈喵喵holdon (2012/10/11 13:43:40)
额 我还没来得及更新呢 这个又重新写了一份 你要是有时间的话 就帮忙再看一下这一篇吧 应该是hare，打错了 hare=rabbit 意思相同，种类不同
我觉得最后一个总结好像也木有必要的
The reading passage criticizes the "let it burn" policy leading to serious consequences to the Yellowstone Park in 1988. The professor, however, announces that the fire is more creative than destructive.
First, the reading passage claims that the park's trees and other vegetation were damaged by the fire. By contrast, the lecture points out that the fire create new opportunities for new plant species to survive which were not able to survive in the scorched place before. Some certain seeds now could exist in high level.
Second, according to the passage, wildlife was affected by the firs. But the professor indicates that not only the population of the animals increases, but also the new species appear. The fire created an ideal habitat for some small animals, such as rabbits and hears. Consequently, the number of predators living on these small animals increases. So some certain food chains were strengthened, rather than disrupted.
Finally, the passage asserts that the fire negatively influenced the local tourism economy. The professor refutes that actually, the fire in 1988 was caused by the combination of multi-factors, such as the strong wind, the dry air. However, such kind of fire did not come back each year later. So tourists still go to the park every year.
作者: margrate 时间: 2012-10-11 16:58
标题: 1010 综合
我写跑题了，求指导！这个hold不住
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement Movies are worth watching only when they teach us something about the real life.
Have you had such kind of feeling that you fell either tired or empty after you watch a movie which teach you nothing, just for wasting time? Have you noticed that you will be attracted automatically if the movies really teach you something about the real life? And are you deeply fascinated by movies that can tell you something, such as the love, the courage, the life meaning and so on? You will stand on my side with the opinion that movies are worth watching only when they teach us something about the real life.
The most important meaning for the movie is to impart unfamiliar things to human beings. According to a statistic analysis for China's film industry, it suggests that more than 70 percent of the consumers who go to theaters watching movie is young people, nearly 20 percent of them is children. It is not a surprise that the middle age people only account for 10 percent of them. The older adult's perspective, experiences are much richer than the young. So the young will find it is interesting to watch the movie for they could learn something really different from what they know. It is because the movies teach the something about the real life that they are willing to watch the movie.
It will be a luxury approach to waste your time if the movie does not tell you something meaningful. Even though some people indicate that watching movies, regardless of whether they are worth or meaningful, create more opportunities to share time with friends, families, this is not the point. However, the opposite is the right one. You spend time with your friends or families; it is because you want to share something happy or meaningful with them. So why do you waste your time watching a movie which just makes all of you disappointed? That is to say, if the movies are not able to grant something to us, they are not worth watching. Watching such kind of movies will also make you tired. After all, there are more ways for us to relax, to entertain, and to learning.
The meaningful movies which can tell us something about the real life will attract us automatically. Think about this: why do some television programs is so popular all the time, while some of them die out without any notice? It is the information, the different and new experience, and the various culture from another world that those programs teach us that make them prevail. Therefore, just like the spread of the television programs, the spread and popularity of movies are for the same reason. Recently, there is a very hot documentary movie The tip of the tongue of China, regarded as the most successful documentary movie of China, appealing thousands of Chinese people, especially the young. As we all know, the young commonly take fewer interests in documentary movies. It is the vivid illustration and the glorious knowledge of Chinese food that fascinate the young people. Such kind of movies is really worth watching.
作者: 陈喵喵holdon 时间: 2012-10-11 19:39
The reading passage criticizes the "let it burn" policy leading to serious consequences to the Yellowstone Park in 1988. The professor, however, announces that the fire is more creative than destructive.(感觉还是应该把两者的观点再明确化一些,reading要停止这个policy而professor很赞成)
First, the reading passage claims that the park's trees and other vegetation were damaged by the fire. By contrast, the lecture points out that the fire create(created) new opportunities for new plant species to survive which were not able to survive in the scorched place before(信息有误,为一些以前需要open and shaded space来生长的植物提供了机会). Some certain seeds now could exist in high level(原意为一些植物的seeds只有在高温下能develop,而火灾提供了这种机会).
Second, according to the passage, wildlife was affected by the firs(fire). But the professor indicates that not only the population of the animals increases, but also the new species appear. The fire created an ideal habitat for some small animals, such as rabbits and hears(hares). Consequently, the number of predators living on these small animals increases. So some certain food chains were strengthened, rather than disrupted.
Finally, the passage asserts that the fire negatively influenced the local tourism economy. The professor refutes that actually, the fire in 1988 was caused by the combination of multi-factors, such as the strong wind, the dry air(+little rainfall). However, such kind of fire did not come back each year later. So tourists still go to the park every year.
不知道为什么字体换颜色的功能突然不行了，所以就用了加粗加下划线，见谅。
比前面那篇信息更准确，交代也比较不啰嗦一些，有进步哈。
作者: 陈喵喵holdon 时间: 2012-10-11 19:49
Have you had such kind of feeling that you fell(felt) either tired or empty after you watch a movie which teach you nothing, just for wasting time(直接用a waste of time,不然感觉像目的是浪费时间)? Have you noticed that you will be attracted automatically if the movies really teach you something about the real life? And are you deeply fascinated by movies that can tell you something, such as the love, the courage, the life meaning and so on?(这个和上一个问句的意思好像差不多) You will stand on my side with the opinion that movies are worth watching only when they teach us something about the real life.
The most important meaning for the movie is to impart unfamiliar things to human beings. According to a statistic analysis for China's film industry, it suggests that more than 70 percent of the consumers who go to theaters watching movie is young people, nearly 20 percent of them is children. It is not a surprise that the middle age people only account for 10 percent of them. The older adult's perspective, experiences are much richer than the young. So the young will find it is interesting to watch the movie for they could learn something really different from what they know. It is because the movies teach the something about the real life that they are willing to watch the movie(这个句子的主语好混乱,后面的they是观众吧,句子里指代的是movies).
It will be a luxury approach to waste your time if the movie does not tell you something meaningful. Even though some people indicate that watching movies, regardless of whether they are worth or meaningful, create more opportunities to share time with friends, families, this is not the point. However, the opposite is the right one. You spend time with your friends or families; it is because you want to share something happy or meaningful with them.(这个point很好！) So why do you waste your time watching a movie which just makes all of you disappointed? That is to say, if the movies are not able to grant something to us, they are not worth watching. Watching such kind of movies will also make you tired.(这两句的描述好像跟这段的观点不一致,跑偏了)After all, there are more ways for us to relax, to entertain, and to learning.(这段缺少例子)
The meaningful movies which can tell us something about the real life will attract us automatically. Think about this: why do some television programs is so popular all the time, while some of them die out without any notice? It is the information, the different and new experience, and the various culture from another world that those programs teach us that make them prevail. Therefore, just like the spread of the television programs, the spread and popularity of movies are for the same reason. Recently, there is a very hot documentary movie The tip of the tongue of China, regarded as the most successful documentary movie of China, appealing thousands of Chinese people, especially the young. As we all know, the young commonly take fewer interests in documentary movies. It is the vivid illustration and the glorious knowledge of Chinese food that fascinate the young people. Such kind of movies is really worth watching.(这段的观点:人们会自然而然被有意义的电影吸引,讲的应该不是看该类电影的原因吧?讲的好像是一种现象,一个客观事实,或者说是只看有意义电影这个现象.最好找一个别的理由加以论证)
缺少结尾段??
作者: margrate 时间: 2012-10-11 22:21
The reading passage criticizes the "let it burn" policy leading to serious consequences to the Yellowstone Park in 1988. The professor, however, announces that the fire is more creative than destructive.(感觉还是应该把两者的观点再明确化一些,reading要停止这个policy而professor很赞成)First, the reading passage claims that the park's trees and other vegetation were damaged by the fire. By contrast, the lecture points out that the fire create(created) new opportunities for new plant species to survive which were not able to survive in the scorched place before(信息有误,为一些以前需要open and shaded space来生长的植物提供了机会). Some certain seeds now could exist in high level(原意为一些植物的seeds只有在高温下能develop,而火灾提供了这种机会). Second, according to the passage, wildlife was affected by the firs(fire). But the professor indicates that not only the population of the animals increases, but also the new species appear. The fire created an ideal habitat for some small animals, such as rabbits and hears(hares). Consequently, the number of predators living on these small animals increases. So some certain food chains were strengthened, rather than disrupted.Finally, the passage asserts that the fire negatively influenced the local tourism economy. The professor refutes that actually, the fire in 1988 was caused by the combination of multi-factors, such as the strong wind, the dry air(+little rainfall). However, such kind of fire did not come back each year later. So tourists still go to the park every year.
不知道为什么字体换颜色的功能突然不行了，所以就用了加粗加下划线，见谅。比前面那篇信息更准确，交代也比较不啰嗦一些，有进步哈。-- by 会员 陈喵喵holdon (2012/10/11 19:39:03)
再改
The reading passage criticizes the "let it burn" policy leading to serious consequences to the Yellowstone Park in 1988 and want to ban it. The professor, however, announces that the fire is more creative than destructive.
First, the reading passage claims that the park's trees and other vegetation were damaged by the fire. By contrast, the lecture points out that the fire created new opportunities for new plant species that could not grow otherwise. Smaller plants took over the areas of trees destroyed by the fire. And the high heat of the fire promoted the germination of certain species.
Second, according to the passage, wildlife was affected by the fires. But the professor indicates that not only the population of the animals recovers, but also the new species appear. The fire created an ideal habitat for some small animals, such as rabbits and hares. Consequently, the number of predators living on these small animals increases. So some certain food chains were strengthened, rather than disrupted.
Finally, the passage asserts that the fire negatively influenced the local tourism economy. The professor refutes that actually, the fire in 1988 was caused by the combination of multi-factors, such as low rainfall, unusual strong winds, and the dry air. However, such kind of fire did not come back each year later. So tourists still go to the park every year.
作者: margrate 时间: 2012-10-16 15:06
标题: 1015综合
TPO 1 1015综合
The reading passage maintains that a four-day workweek is beneficial. The professor in the lecture, however, demonstrates that this it will not work as the reading discusses.
First, according to the reading, the shortened workweek would increase company profits, while the professor states that this policy would force companies to spend a lot more. Hiring more staff will increase the cost on training and medical issues, as well as the cost on office space and computers. All these cost will offset the benefits.
Second, the reading passage shows that the unemployment will be reduced under this policy. Contrary to the reading, the professor points out that, because of the increasing cost from hiring more staff, companies will force employees to work overtime, or raise the expectation that staff who work four-days will do the same work as five-day staff, leading to no more jobs being offered and unpleasant jobs.
Third, even though the reading contends that a four-day workweek would be better for individual employees, the professor indicates that the shortened workweek will low either employees’ job ability or promotion opportunity of the four-day staff. The four-day staff will be the first one to lose their jobs when economy goes down. And the companies will make it a priority to promote five-day staff who can cover and supervise the jobs all the week.
Above all, the professor in the lecture clearly analyses the three weaknesses of the four-day workweek and strongly refutes what has been discussed in the reading passage.
作者: 阿伦艾弗森 时间: 2012-10-16 21:17
The reading passage maintains that a four-day workweek is beneficial. The professor in the lecture, however, demonstrates that this it will not work as the reading discusses.
First, according to the reading, the shortened workweek would increase company profits, while the professor states that this policy would force companies to spend a lot more. Hiring more staff will increase the cost on training and medical issues,as well as the cost(hiring无逻辑主语)on office space and computers. All these cost will offset the benefits.
Second, the reading passage shows that the unemployment will be reduced under this policy. Contrary to the reading, the professor points out that, because of the increasing cost from hiring more staff, companies will force employees to work overtime, or raise the expectation that staff who work four-days will do the same work as five-day staff, leading to no more jobs being offered and unpleasant jobs.（这句话有些别扭，语法中being这样的词最好不要出现在句中）
Third, even though the reading contends that a four-day workweek would be better for individual employees, the professor indicates that the shortened workweek will low either employees’ job ability or promotion opportunity of the four-day staff. The four-day staff will be the first one to lose their jobs when economy goes down. And the companies will make it a priority to promote five-day staff who can cover and supervise the jobs all the week.
Above all, the professor in the lecture clearly analyses the three weaknesses of the four-day workweek and strongly refutes what has been discussed in the reading passage.
一点拙见，望共同进步
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