ChaseDream
标题: 求综合部分提高..Writing加油!! [打印本页]
作者: 陈喵喵holdon 时间: 2012-8-13 17:04
标题: 求综合部分提高..Writing加油!!
一战综合Fair..词穷.. 求指教求提高!!
作者: 陈喵喵holdon 时间: 2012-8-13 17:06
8.13 综合 TPO11
The reading talks about the decline of literature reading by young people, such as novels, plays and poems. However, the professor states some opposite opinions according to the reading passage in its three main aspects.
Firstly, the professor mentions that except the influences from reading literatures, young people can benefit from other books, such as books in fields of science, history or political issues. According to the professor, these books are also with high quality, creative and can stimulate imagination, while the reading states that fewer benefits will be received by a missing of literature reading.
Besides, there are more culture formations nowadays for young people instead of only reading books or journals. For instance, music and movies don not stand for low standards or empty meanings. Culture is changing and becoming more direct, although the reading seems to regard involving in all other forms of culture as a waste of time.
In addition, aiming at the reading’s statement of attributing all the faults to readers, the professor argues that authors also have responsibilities for the trend of less literature. Many literatures have become quite difficult to understand. As a result, there is no doubt there will be less audience or less support.
In conclusion, the reading is relatively partial for the meaning of literature and too subjective to impute all the problems to readers in terms of the professor.
作者: 上善若水1018 时间: 2012-8-14 09:25
The reading passage talks about the decline of literature readingby young people, such as novels, plays and poems (原文是literature reading的减少，产生了不好的影响。重点是不好的影响，这点要指出来。后面speaker一直在反驳的也是effect，而不是decline).However, the professor states some oppositeopinions according to the reading passage in its three main aspects.
Firstly, the professor mentions that except theinfluences from reading literatures, young people can benefit from other books,such as books in fields of science, history or political issues. According tothe professor, these books are also with high quality, creative and canstimulate imagination, while the reading passage states that fewer benefits will be received by a missingof literature reading.
Besides, there are more culture formationsnowadays for young people instead of only reading books or journals. Forinstance, music and movies don not stand for low standards or empty meanings.Culture is changing and becoming more direct, although the reading passage seems to regard involving in all other formsof culture as a waste of time.
In addition, aiming at the reading’s statement ofattributing all the faults to readers, the professor argues that authors alsohave responsibilities for the trend of less literature. Many literatures havebecome quite difficult to understand. As a result, there is no doubt there willbe less audience or less support.
In conclusion, the reading is relatively partialfor the meaning of literature and too subjective to impute all the problems toreaders in terms of the professor. （这段有没有都可，一般综合都是4段论：开头，第一，第二，第三就够了）
除了第一段主旨复述错误，其他部分基本上把听力都表现出来了。反正综合写作就是考听力的，把听到的完整复述就可以了。
另外还是写reading passage或者passage吧，只写reading让人看着感觉怪怪的。
作者: 陈喵喵holdon 时间: 2012-8-14 09:52
The reading passage talks about the decline of literature readingby young people, such as novels, plays and poems (原文是literature reading的减少，产生了不好的影响。重点是不好的影响，这点要指出来。后面speaker一直在反驳的也是effect，而不是decline).However, the professor states some oppositeopinions according to the reading passage in its three main aspects.
Firstly, the professor mentions that except theinfluences from reading literatures, young people can benefit from other books,such as books in fields of science, history or political issues. According tothe professor, these books are also with high quality, creative and canstimulate imagination, while the reading passage states that fewer benefits will be received by a missingof literature reading.
Besides, there are more culture formationsnowadays for young people instead of only reading books or journals. Forinstance, music and movies don not stand for low standards or empty meanings.Culture is changing and becoming more direct, although the reading passage seems to regard involving in all other formsof culture as a waste of time.
In addition, aiming at the reading’s statement ofattributing all the faults to readers, the professor argues that authors alsohave responsibilities for the trend of less literature. Many literatures havebecome quite difficult to understand. As a result, there is no doubt there willbe less audience or less support.
In conclusion, the reading is relatively partialfor the meaning of literature and too subjective to impute all the problems toreaders in terms of the professor. （这段有没有都可，一般综合都是4段论：开头，第一，第二，第三就够了）除了第一段主旨复述错误，其他部分基本上把听力都表现出来了。反正综合写作就是考听力的，把听到的完整复述就可以了。另外还是写reading passage或者passage吧，只写reading让人看着感觉怪怪的。-- by 会员 上善若水1018 (2012/8/14 9:25:18)
最后一段有点凑字的感觉.. 我看每个地方写对于综合的适合字数都写的不一样呢
所以就老是怕写太少一看就不行..
虽然我也知道不用conclusion段落.但直接叙述完没有任何铺垫前兆的就结束文章了会不会有点奇怪??
作者: 上善若水1018 时间: 2012-8-14 10:36
你看他给出的reading passage也是没有任何结论段的，所以没问题。
另外关于字数的问题，我一战综合写了200-210字，仍然是good。所以我个人理解关键点是如何有效复述听力和阅读，而不是字数够不够。题目都说了，有效的论述是150-220个字。所以我的原则是够150就行
当然你会发现写150比写220要难的多了。
作者: 陈喵喵holdon 时间: 2012-8-15 16:54
8.15综合 TPO13
第三点听得有点不清楚.. 听力是硬伤啊..
The professor argues back that there are more benefits than disadvantages in private commercial markets of fossils, while the reading passage states three possible negative aspects of this kind of business.
Actually it is a greater public exposure for fossils traded by these commercial purchases according to the professor rather than a declining one. Because it is unlikely to see schools or libraries displaying fossils at high frequency or exposures, it is the opposite of the reading passage's loss of public interests statement.
Also, the professor contends that it is unrealistic to have fewer valuable discoveries. It is experts who identify valuable fossils before they are traded in the community. They are responsible for the tests and discoveries of fossils. As a result, the statement of missing extinctive species maintained by the reading passage is not reliable.
In addition, although the professor acknowledges some potential damages caused by private trades, there are more fossils remaining undiscovered. Compared to the loss of valuable scientific evidence, relatively more fossils need to be found by scientists. However, the reading passage cannot blame all of these to private collectors.
作者: 陈喵喵holdon 时间: 2012-8-15 17:41
8.15独立
有点扯话的感觉.. 好词穷..
The appropriate way for parents to educate children is a topic which has been discussed for many decades, especially whether to allow their children to make mistakes as well as to benefit from mistakes. I think it is beneficial for parents to educate in this way for three reasons.
Firstly, the best learning method for a child is to experience rather than to be told facts or results by other people according to many psychologists. Moreover, experiencing mistakes leads to longer memories and deeper influences throughout a child’s whole life. Researches statistics indicate that most young adults remember more of what they did and what they have done improperly than opinions or occasions described by their parents. Consequently, there is no doubt that it is better to let children experience, even mistakes.
Additionally, making mistakes always make children progress faster. Edison took thousands of tests with failures and mistakes before he eventually invented bulb, which has been regarded as one of the most significant innovations in recent centuries. Generally, mistakes can lead to deeper understandings and more precise judgments, which can be treated as the basis of later success.
Also, to teach a child by simply telling or describing will result in dependence of children for their parents. They may lack the ability to judge things or make decisions. For example, one of my neighbors has a mother who takes charge of nearly everything of her, and as a result, she becomes too dependent on her mother and cannot handle things individually.
In conclusion, on the basis of benefits which can be gained by experiencing personally and making mistakes, and the drawbacks of too much care and telling everything, parents should allow their children to make mistakes instead of being afraid of mistakes.
作者: kaddish 时间: 2012-8-16 13:29
标题: 修改
The professor argues back that there are more benefits than disadvantages in private commercial markets of fossils, while the reading passage states three possible negative aspects of this kind of business.
Actually it is a greater public exposure for fossils traded by these commercial purchases according to the professor rather than a declining one. Because it is unlikely to see schools or libraries displaying fossils at high frequency or exposures, it is the opposite of the reading passage's loss of public interests statement.
Also, the professor contends that it is unrealistic to have fewer valuable discoveries. It is experts who identify valuable fossils before they are traded in the community. They are responsible for the tests and discoveries of fossils. As a result, the statement of missing extinctive species maintained by the reading passage is not reliable.
In addition, although the professor acknowledges some potential damages caused by private trades, （最好改成field work）there are more fossils remaining undiscovered. (there are 这里最好不要用，就直接more fossils still remians undiscovered)Compared to the loss of valuable scientific evidence, relatively more fossils need to be found by scientists.However, the reading passage cannot blame all of these to private collectors. 这句话没必要吧
作者: sarahpx 时间: 2012-8-16 14:26
8.15独立
有点扯话的感觉.. 好词穷..
The appropriate way for parents to educate children is a topic which has been discussed for many decades（the last several decades have witnessed the discussion about an appropriate way for parents to educate their children, 跟鹤鹤学的，你看这样如何？）, especially whether to allow their children to make mistakes as well as to benefit from mistakes（benefit是在make mistake之后发生的吧，我个人感觉不好用在平行结构里，then链接会不好点？）. I think it is beneficial for parents to educate in this way for three reasons.
Firstly, the best learning method for a child is to experience rather than to be told facts or results by other people according to many psychologists(放到句首去）. Moreover, experiencing mistakes leads to longer memories and deeper influences throughout a child’s whole life. Researches statistics(能更具体就好了）indicate that most young adults remember more of what they did and what they have done improperly than opinions or occasions described by their parents. Consequently, there is no doubt that it is better to let children experience, even mistakes.
Additionally, making mistakes always make children progress faster. Edison took thousands of tests with failures and mistakes before he eventually invented bulb, which has been regarded as one of the most significant innovations in recent centuries. Generally, mistakes can lead to deeper understandings and more precise judgments, which can be treated as the basis of later success.（这里面的例子最好举跟孩子有关的吧，毕竟爱迪生是成人，例子里面不能阐释孩子是不是progress faster）
Also, to teach a child by simply telling or describing will result in dependence of children for（on） their parents. They may lack the ability to judge things or make decisions. For example, one of my neighbors has a mother who takes charge of nearly everything of her, and as a result, she becomes too dependent on her mother and cannot handle things individually.（例子可以表现的更具体一点，否则有点感觉车轱辘话来回说）
In conclusion, on the basis of benefits which can be gained by experiencing personally and making mistakes, and the drawbacks of too much care and telling everything（这句跟哪个并列没明白……）, parents should allow their children to make mistakes instead of being afraid of mistakes.
作者: 陈喵喵holdon 时间: 2012-8-18 16:57
8.18 综合 TPO16
Evidence form a recent guideline has been offered by the professor, aiming to argue in the three aspects included in archaeology science stated by the reading passage. Instead of the rising of serious problems and limitations, the professor says there are improvements and opportunities.
First of all, according to the professor, there will be examinations before every construction projects to determine whether there is artifact value. Generally, not only builders and construction officers, but also artifact experts will be gathered to make plans and release documents before the allowance of construction in a certain area. Consequently, no particular cultural artifacts will be lost as the reading passage claimed.
In addition, it is construction companies' responsibility to pay for the site examination rather than governments'. More work and plans will be done in a wider range compare to the past. However, the situation of inadequate financial support described in the reading passage will not exist.
Also, it is opposite as asserted in the reading passage, which means there will be more paid work being provided at every stage of archaeology from examination artifacts' values, processing data to preservations. Because of the transition from zero job opportunities in the past to becoming the highest British professional workforce field, the professor can overthrow conclusions made in the reading passage.
作者: 陈喵喵holdon 时间: 2012-8-18 19:21
8.18 独立
Many families with successful relatives are trying to help children achieve success. As a result, the last several years has witnessed a debate of whether it is a more important factor for families' help leading someone to success than in the past. Generally it is not an essential contributor, because of three main reasons discussed in the following essay.
Firstly, aid from the family is not an essential factor that results in someone's success. A recent study released by national education department states that less than 40% of young adults who have relatively high academic success or better career beginning have parents with high education level or superior family circumstances. Family background may be a basis or a sort of impetus rather than a determining factor, so someone can get basic support from his family as in the past.
Additionally, there is a phenomenon that many people may benefit from their relatives economically. For example, help to invest new business or get social identities. Nevertheless, a research conducted by Nanjing University students shows nearly two-thirds of persons who got succeeded mainly by economical aid from their relatives failed or faced a depression in their later lifetime. A conclusion which explains the role of family effect in a career's starting point rather than in the determination of final success can be drawn.
Furthermore, fairness has been regarded as a more significant concept in the modern society. Compared to family help, the whole society, as well as most companies, thinks more of a person's abilities and personalities. National government has announced the punishment of institutions which give priority to staff with better family background. That will lead to fair competition atmosphere irrespective of family influences.
In conclusion, the increasing role of reaching success with the help of family lacks evidence. It is the personal capability factor that primarily determines.
作者: margrate 时间: 2012-8-19 13:29
Many families with successful relatives are trying to help children achieve success. As a result, the last several years has witnessed a debate of whether it is a more important factor for families' help leading someone to success than in the past. Generally it is not an essential contributor, because of three main reasons discussed in the following essay.
Firstly, aid from the family is not an essential factor that results in someone's success. A recent study released by national education department states that less than 40% of young adults who have relatively high academic success or better career beginning have parents with high education level or superior family circumstances.（这个例子好，这样子举例子更好！学习了！）Family background may be a basis or a sort of impetus rather than a determining factor, so someone can get basic support from his family as in the past.
Additionally, there is a phenomenon that many people may benefit from their relatives economically. For example, help to invest new business or get social identities.（这要是个句子吧，要么就用such as）Nevertheless, a research conducted by Nanjing University students shows nearly two-thirds of persons who got succeeded mainly by economical aid from their relatives failed or faced a depression in their later lifetime. A conclusion which explains the role of family effect in a career's starting point rather than in the determination of final success can be drawn.(这里可以调整语序，主句太短，从句太长，A conclusion can be drawn which explains the role of family effect in a career's starting point rather than in the determination of final success)
Furthermore, fairness has been regarded as a more significant concept in the modern society. Compared to family help, the whole society, as well as most companies, thinks more of a person's abilities and personalities. National government has announced the punishment of institutions which give priority to staff with better family background. That will lead to fair competition atmosphere irrespective of family influences.
(这段脱离主题了！)
In conclusion, the increasing role of reaching success with the help of family lacks evidence. It is the personal capability factor that primarily determines.
举例方式很好，学习了。
后面的论证脱离主题了
作者: margrate 时间: 2012-8-19 19:17
8.18 综合 TPO16
Evidence form a recent guideline has been offered by the professor,
aiming to argue in the three aspects included in archaeology science stated by the reading passage. Instead of the rising of serious problems and limitations, the professor says there are improvements and opportunities.
（建议P1对三个problem做一下总结）
First of all, according to the professor, there will be examinations before every construction projects to determine whether there is
artifact value. Generally,
not only builders and construction officers, but also artifact experts will be gathered to make plans and release documents before the allowance of construction in a certain area. Consequently, no particular cultural artifacts will be lost as the reading passage claimed.
In addition, it is construction companies' responsibility to pay for the site examination rather than governments'. More work and plans will be done in a wider range
compare （两个动词哦）to the past.
However（换成therefore吧？）, the situation of inadequate financial support described in the reading passage will not exist.
Also,
it （it的真正主语是什么？）is opposite as asserted in the reading passage,
which means （which修饰的是谁？）there will be more paid work
being provided（这个being provided在这里，谈不上错了，但是用being是很有风险的，在GMAT中，这样用是相当有风险的；而且这样是在表示“正有很多工作被提供”对吧？） at every stage of archaeology from examination artifacts' values, processing data to preservations.
Because of the transition from zero job opportunities in the past to becoming the highest British professional workforce field（首先，这个because of相当于是一个adv， 它不是because，可以单独成句）, the professor can overthrow conclusions made in the reading passage.
-- by 会员 陈喵喵holdon (2012/8/18 16:57:33)
总体上，阐述蛮清晰的，用词很清新的感觉！读起来很舒服哦！稍稍有点太简炼，不够充实！
作者: 陈喵喵holdon 时间: 2012-8-19 19:48
8.19综合 TPO17
According to the statement of declining US-birds population resulted by increasing population and more use of agricultural pesticides, the professor claims three promising factors instead of the three possible negative aspects from the reading passage.
To begin with, thought it is true that there is urban growth recently, developments of better and larger birds habitats of other types do exist. Consequently, birds population actually increases overall. In addition, the professor contends that some birds population may shrink, while others are growing on the contrary of the reading passage.
Moreover, less land is utilized by agriculture despite the fact that it is admittedly true for the growth of agriculture. Because of more new varieties of productive crops, relatively larger amounts of production per unit land can be achieved. In fact, there is no need to destroy rural areas as asserted by the reading passage.
Additionally, the professor does not deny the incorrect traditional use of pesticides which has been replaced by 2 positive changes. Awareness of negative consequences leads to these changes, which include fewer toxic pesticides and an increasing trend of pesticide-resistant crops. The reading passage failed to recognize these two alterations on the basis of genetic modified technology and less need for pesticides that result in less harm to birds.
作者: 陈喵喵holdon 时间: 2012-8-19 20:32
Many families with successful relatives are trying to help children achieve success. As a result, the last several years has witnessed a debate of whether it is a more important factor for families' help leading someone to success than in the past.Generally it is not an essential contributor, because of three main reasons discussed in the following essay.
Firstly, aid from the family is not an essential factor that results in someone's success. A recent study released by national education department states that less than 40% of young adults who have relatively high academic success or better career beginning have parents with high education level or superior family circumstances.（这个例子好，这样子举例子更好！学习了！）Family background may be a basis or a sort of impetus rather than a determining factor, so someone can get basic support from his family as in the past.
Additionally, there is a phenomenon that many people may benefit from their relatives economically. For example, help to invest new business or get social identities.（这要是个句子吧，要么就用such as）Nevertheless, a research conducted by Nanjing University students shows nearly two-thirds of persons who got succeeded mainly by economical aid from their relatives failed or faced a depression in their later lifetime. A conclusion which explains the role of family effect in a career's starting point rather than in the determination of final success can be drawn.(这里可以调整语序，主句太短，从句太长，A conclusion can be drawn which explains the role of family effect in a career's starting point rather than in the determination of final success)
Furthermore, fairness has been regarded as a more significant concept in the modern society. Compared to family help, the whole society, as well as most companies, thinks more of a person's abilities and personalities. National government has announced the punishment of institutions which give priority to staff with better family background. That will lead to fair competition atmosphere irrespective of family influences.
(这段脱离主题了！)
In conclusion, the increasing role of reaching success with the help of family lacks evidence. It is the personal capability factor that primarily determines.
举例方式很好，学习了。
后面的论证脱离主题了-- by 会员 margrate (2012/8/19 13:29:03)
关于第三段的脱离主题问题 其实我是真的真的想不出论点了...只有写个社会不允许家庭帮助这种不公正现象存在...哎..
作者: margrate 时间: 2012-8-19 21:18
Many families with successful relatives are trying to help children achieve success. As a result, the last several years has witnessed a debate of whether it is a more important factor for families' help leading someone to success than in the past.Generally it is not an essential contributor, because of three main reasons discussed in the following essay.
Firstly, aid from the family is not an essential factor that results in someone's success. A recent study released by national education department states that less than 40% of young adults who have relatively high academic success or better career beginning have parents with high education level or superior family circumstances.（这个例子好，这样子举例子更好！学习了！）Family background may be a basis or a sort of impetus rather than a determining factor, so someone can get basic support from his family as in the past.
Additionally, there is a phenomenon that many people may benefit from their relatives economically. For example, help to invest new business or get social identities.（这要是个句子吧，要么就用such as）Nevertheless, a research conducted by Nanjing University students shows nearly two-thirds of persons who got succeeded mainly by economical aid from their relatives failed or faced a depression in their later lifetime. A conclusion which explains the role of family effect in a career's starting point rather than in the determination of final success can be drawn.(这里可以调整语序，主句太短，从句太长，A conclusion can be drawn which explains the role of family effect in a career's starting point rather than in the determination of final success)
Furthermore, fairness has been regarded as a more significant concept in the modern society. Compared to family help, the whole society, as well as most companies, thinks more of a person's abilities and personalities. National government has announced the punishment of institutions which give priority to staff with better family background. That will lead to fair competition atmosphere irrespective of family influences.
(这段脱离主题了！)
In conclusion, the increasing role of reaching success with the help of family lacks evidence. It is the personal capability factor that primarily determines.
举例方式很好，学习了。
后面的论证脱离主题了-- by 会员 margrate (2012/8/19 13:29:03)
关于第三段的脱离主题问题 其实我是真的真的想不出论点了...只有写个社会不允许家庭帮助这种不公正现象存在...哎..
-- by 会员 陈喵喵holdon (2012/8/19 20:32:21)
我觉得实在写不出比较有利的例子，可以扩充你的前两个点
作者: klllun 时间: 2012-8-20 11:55
8.19综合 TPO17
According to the statement of decliningUS-birds population resulted by （result的用法只有result in 与result from.前者是表示导致了什么结果，后者是表示由什么原因表示，所以这里应该是用from会比较合适） increasing population and more use ofagricultural pesticides, the professor claims three promising factors insteadof the three possible negative aspects from the reading passage.（学到了，第一段喵喵所说的连接。用一个句子把文章内容与作者观点都涵盖到了，表意清晰）
To begin with, thought（though） it is true that there is urban growthrecently, developments of better and larger birds habitats of other types doexist. Consequently, birds population（用population ofbirds会更好，或者birds’ population） actually increases overall.In addition, the professor contends that some birds populationmay shrink, while others are growing on the contrary of the readingpassage. （这里喵喵同学说的对啊，我的确有点没有听清楚那几个动物的关系，还写了。。。⊙﹏⊙b汗）
Moreover, less land is utilized byagriculture despite the fact that it is admittedly true for the growth ofagriculture. Because of more new varieties of productive crops, relativelylarger amounts of production per unit land can be achieved. In fact, there is no needto destroy rural areas as asserted by the reading passage.
Additionally, the professor does not denythe incorrect traditional use of pesticides which has been replaced by 2positive changes. Awareness of negative consequences leads to these changes,which include fewer toxic pesticides and an increasing trend ofpesticide-resistant crops. The reading passage failed to recognize these twoalterations on the basis of genetic modified technology and less need forpesticides that result in less harm to birds.
语言表达很流畅，句式很多样。不错啊！听力内容很准确啊，特别是对于瀑布汗的虫子，听不懂还胡诌滴。。。只是还可以加入一些细节，听力中的例子写进去是可以有效提高level的。当然要准确了，这个还要多多练习的。
作者: 陈喵喵holdon 时间: 2012-8-25 15:35
8.25 综合 TPO23
Althoughthe professor contends that the causes of the declining population of yellowcedar in northeastern America are unknown, the three factors which arementioned in the reading passage cannot be blamed to be main attributes.
Firstly,according to the professor, yellow cedars actually will not suffer from such alarge amount of damage from bettles, which are assumed to be primary killers ofyellow cedar tree species in the reading passage, as there are powerfulchemicals around this kind of trees to protect them from insect attacks.Additionally, bettles will damage themselves or even die in the cases of cedarattacks, so that it could not be fundamental bettle problem.
Inaddition, despite the fact that brown bears do eat yellow cedars to someextent, it cannot be an overall contributor on the basis of the professor'sstatement. Either the mainland or islands of North America has a decliningpopulation of brown bears, which will not set risk on yellow cedars, while thereading passage regards brown bears as a principal cause that absorbs cedars assugar. Anyway, it will not play a role even to weaken yellow cedars.
Furthermore,the reading passage forgets an important fact that more yellow cedars die inwarmer regions, which can overthrew its claim of the frozen weather reason, asthe professor claims. It is admitted that the root system may be sensitive tothe cold weather, but it will not kill the trees. As a consequence, thisclimate aspect is not adequate to explain the reasons behind the decliningphenomenon as well in professor's perspective.
作者: ykhjy 时间: 2012-8-26 14:55
8.25 综合 TPO23 修改蓝色good 黄色需修改 红色我改的 绿色批注建议
【这里加上一个according to the lecture 会不会好点，否则总觉得有失客观】Although the professor contends that the causes of the declining population of yellow cedar in northeastern America are unknown, the three factors which are mentioned in the reading passage cannot be blamed to be main attributes [感觉这个词不太适当，用reasons把].
Firstly,according to the professor, yellow cedars actually will not suffer from such a large amount of damage from bettles, which are assumed to be primary killers of yellow cedar tree species in the reading passage, as there are powerful chemicals around this kind of trees to protect them from insect attacks.Additionally, bettles will damage themselves or even die in the cases of cedar attacks,[我听到的是有些受虫害的数本来就是病的，和bettles没啥关系，这里信息不太准确] so that it could not be fundamental bettle problem [这句话表达有点问题，要么说 bettle couldn't be the fundamental problem，要么说 it couldn't be the fundamental problem that it is bettle that....].
Inaddition, despite the fact that brown bears do eat [be able to damage 感觉eat 不恰当，我这里只是举个例子]yellow cedars to some extent, it cannot be an overall contributor on the basis of the professor's statement. Either the mainland or islands of North America has a declining population of brown bears[the yellow cedar] , which will not set risk on yellow cedars, while the reading passage regards brown bears as a principal cause that absorbs cedars assugar. 【这里的信息不对啦，应该是不管是mainland还是island的yellow cedar数量都在下降，而island是没有熊的，所以熊这个假设不对 】Anyway, it will not play a role even to weaken yellow cedars.
Furthermore,the reading passage forgets an important fact that more yellow cedars die in warmer regions, which can overthrew its claim of the frozen weather reason, as the professor claims. It is admitted that the root system may be sensitive tothe cold weather, but it [指代不明]will not kill the trees. 【虽然意思是有了，这里的细节还不够，最后能具体具体再具体，比如说more yellow cedars die in low elevation area 】As a consequence, this climate aspect is not adequate to explain the reasons behind the declining phenomenon as well in professor's perspective.
【总的来说，文章结构清晰，写作文采挺好的。
tips：1.有些地方用了另一种表达方式可能和文中意思就有差别了
2. 一定要听清楚lecture中的point！ 搞错了就白写了
3. 细节一定要很具体。
加油加油
有问题可以找我讨论o~】
作者: 陈喵喵holdon 时间: 2012-8-26 20:30
8.25 综合 TPO23 修改蓝色good 黄色需修改 红色我改的 绿色批注建议【这里加上一个according to the lecture 会不会好点，否则总觉得有失客观】Although the professor contends that the causes of the declining population of yellow cedar in northeastern America are unknown, the three factors which are mentioned in the reading passage cannot be blamed to be main attributes [感觉这个词不太适当，用reasons把].Firstly,according to the professor, yellow cedars actually will not suffer from such a large amount of damage from bettles, which are assumed to be primary killers of yellow cedar tree species in the reading passage, as there are powerful chemicals around this kind of trees to protect them from insect attacks.Additionally, bettles will damage themselves or even die in the cases of cedar attacks,[我听到的是有些受虫害的数本来就是病的，和bettles没啥关系，这里信息不太准确] so that it could not be fundamental bettle problem [这句话表达有点问题，要么说 bettle couldn't be the fundamental problem，要么说 it couldn't be the fundamental problem that it is bettle that....].Inaddition, despite the fact that brown bears do eat [be able to damage 感觉eat 不恰当，我这里只是举个例子]yellow cedars to some extent, it cannot be an overall contributor on the basis of the professor's statement. Either the mainland or islands of North America has a declining population of brown bears[the yellow cedar] , which will not set risk on yellow cedars, while the reading passage regards brown bears as a principal cause that absorbs cedars assugar. 【这里的信息不对啦，应该是不管是mainland还是island的yellow cedar数量都在下降，而island是没有熊的，所以熊这个假设不对 】Anyway, it will not play a role even to weaken yellow cedars.Furthermore,the reading passage forgets an important fact that more yellow cedars die in warmer regions, which can overthrew its claim of the frozen weather reason, as the professor claims. It is admitted that the root system may be sensitive tothe cold weather, but it [指代不明]will not kill the trees. 【虽然意思是有了，这里的细节还不够，最后能具体具体再具体，比如说more yellow cedars die in low elevation area 】As a consequence, this climate aspect is not adequate to explain the reasons behind the declining phenomenon as well in professor's perspective.
【总的来说，文章结构清晰，写作文采挺好的。tips：1.有些地方用了另一种表达方式可能和文中意思就有差别了 2. 一定要听清楚lecture中的point！ 搞错了就白写了 3. 细节一定要很具体。 加油加油 有问题可以找我讨论o~】-- by 会员 ykhjy (2012/8/26 14:55:27)
说的很有道理啊！
一样觉得细节很重要！可是听力是我的硬伤，细节是在不确定不敢往上写，像这篇有几个细节也错了，所以非常苦恼啊！
你总结的逻辑+细节这两点很受用！
作者: 陈喵喵holdon 时间: 2012-8-26 22:50
8.26综合 TPO24
写完回头一看才发现开头太长了...T T
The professor holds a relatively skeptical attitude toward the reasons which are given in the reading passage to explain researchers' recent discovery of possible opportunities to study actual animal tissues by fossils. It is a 70-million-year old dinosaur, named Tyrannosaurus rex (T. rex), whose leg bones have been deliberately broken, which leads to these possibilities, and the doubts from the professor are illustrated as follows.
Firstly, the soft flexible organic substance in the branching channel of T rex's leg bones mentioned in the reading passage is not necessary to prove the existence of blood vessels, because as they die, bacterium inside may leave behind trace of these substances. Consequently, such substance may from something else rather than blood vessels according to the professor.
Additionally, the professor contends that researchers have found identical iron materials which are assumed to be remains of red blood cells on the basis of the reading passage in other animal fossils in same places, even animals without red blood cells originally. In this case, spheres' origin is suppose to be different ones , or only a kind of mineral instead of blood cells, as asserted by the professor.
Furthermore, the collagen evidence provided in the reading passage can never last over 100,000 years based on the professor. If it do exist in T rex's fossils, it actually contradicts to the scientific fact and is too improbable. To demonstrate this, the professor claims that the collagen may from more recent sources, such as researchers, as a result of the existence of this composition in human skin.
作者: sherryzhangh 时间: 2012-8-27 14:33
The professor holds a relatively skeptical attitude toward the reasons which are given in the reading passage to explain researchers' recent discovery of possible opportunities to study actual animal tissues by fossils. It is a 70-million-year old dinosaur, named Tyrannosaurus rex (T. rex), whose leg bones have been deliberately broken, which leads to these possibilities (possible explanations of the substance), and the doubts from the professor are illustrated as follows.
Firstly, the soft flexible organic substance in the branching channel of T rex's leg bones mentioned in the reading passage is not necessarily to prove the existence of blood vessels,(这好像没有因果关系吧，是说不大可能是blood vessels, 而可能是其他的生物留下来的东西) because as they die, bacterium inside may leave behind trace of these substances. Consequently, such substance may from something else rather than blood vessels according to the professor.
Additionally, the professor contends that researchers have found identical iron materials which are assumed to be remains of red blood cells on the basis of the reading passage in other animal fossils in same places, even animals without red blood cells originally. In this case, spheres' origin is suppose to be different ones , or only a kind of mineral instead of blood cells, as asserted by the professor.
Furthermore, the collagen evidence provided in the reading passage can never last over 100,000 years based on the professor. If it does exist in T rex's fossils, it actually contradicts to the scientific fact and is too improbable. To demonstrate this, the professor claims that the collagen may from more recent sources, such as researchers, as a result of the existence of this composition in human skin.
作者: 陈喵喵holdon 时间: 2012-8-27 16:58
8.27综合TPO1
While the reading passage states that employees should have an option to work 4 or 5 days a week, which can be beneficial to companies, economic conditions and workers' lives, the professor holds an opposite opinion that none of these aspects will be positively influenced. The reasons are given as follows.
Firstly, according to the professor, once employees can choose to work 4 days a week, companies will be forced to spend a larger amount of money, as more new-employee trainings are required and medical benefits will increase. Generally, it costs almost the same for health benefits whether workers have one more day of job involvement. Moreover, the reading passage neglects the fact of the additional office space and computers costs resulted by hiring more workers. In this case, the cost will actually exceed the relatively tiny profits gained.
In addition, the overall employment rate will not grow because of other choices made by companies based on costly hiring of new workers. For example, companies may require employees to work overtime or have higher expectations of their work efficiency in order to finish a 5-day work within 4 days. In fact, no extra jobs will be created as the reading passage claimed.
Furthermore, as asserted by the professor, shorter work time may lead to less stable jobs as well as fewer chances to advance careers rather than more free time and improved personal satisfaction which are contended in the reading passage. What is worse, employees who choose to work 4 days may lose jobs more easily in downturn, or miss opportunities to be promoted, since a 5-day work period weekly is more desirable in management positions to have better continuous coverage and supervision.
作者: 陈喵喵holdon 时间: 2012-8-27 20:03
8.27 独立 写了整整45分钟.. T T
Know a person from type of friends that he has,agree or disagree
Friendship is a kind of relationship which plays an important role in one's life, and friends generally interact with each other, share experience and especially help each other. As a result, a judgment of knowing a person from types of his friends has been made and accepted by many persons. From my point of view, I judge a person from his own perspectives and behaviors rather than his friends, and the reasons are as follows.
To begin with, it is widely believed that personal characteristics are main factors to determine a person, as different persons have quite distinctive personalities from each other, even among friends. As the saying goes, there are one thousand Hamlet within one thousand audience. That simply indicates various opinions of different persons, which is an aspect of personalities. Furthermore, friends will always share different opinions and experiences, which can reflect reasonless judgments based on only friend circles.
In addition, friends usually share ideas with each other as well as learn from others' advantages to offset own weakness. In this case, an estimation of a person from his friends will lead to a wrong one. In a public speech in Peking University given by Jack Ma, the CEO of Alibaba, the importance of learning from friends and making friends with various sorts of persons is emphasized. Therefore, it suggests that friends are not with exactly the same talent or abilities, or even opposite ones.
Last but not the least, a friend in need is a friend indeed, thus friends sometimes share common sides by assisting each other instead of being similar to each other. For instance, a research conducted in Nanjing University by Nanjing Daily, which investigated the most prominent feature among friendship, revealed that nearly 70% of participants regarded help from friends in an emergency as the most significant feature than similarities or differences with friends. In this respect, conclusions drawn from one's friends will definitely result in problems.
To conclude, friends may have distinctive characteristics respectively, learn mutually or sincerely help each other. Consequently, to simply judge a person by his friends assuming that friends are identical may be partial and have some aspects ignored.
作者: 羊咩咩yw 时间: 2012-8-28 15:07
While the reading passage states that employees should have an option to work 4 or 5 days a week, which can be beneficial to companies, economic conditions and workers' lives, the professor holds an opposite opinion that none of these aspects will be positively influenced. The reasons are given as follows.
Firstly, according to the professor, once employees can choose to work 4 days a week, companies will be forced to spend a larger amount of money, as more new-employee trainings are required and medical benefits will increase（我觉得应该把这个分句内容补充在第一句话之前，然后得出公司会pay more money 的结论，这样逻辑更通一点，个人意见哟~~呵呵）. Generally, it costs almost the same for health benefits whether workers have one more day of job involvement. Moreover, the reading passage neglects the fact of the additional office space and computers costs resulted by hiring more workers. In this case, the cost will actually exceed the relatively tiny profits gained.
In addition, the overall employment rate will not grow because of other choices made by companies based on costly hiring of new workers. For example, companies may require employees to work overtime or have higher expectations of their work efficiency in order to finish a 5-day work within 4 days. In fact, no extra jobs will be created as the reading passage claimed.
Furthermore, as asserted by the professor, shorter work time may lead to less stable jobs as well as fewer chances to advance careers rather than more free time and improved personal satisfaction which are contended in the reading passage. What is worse, employees who choose to work 4 days may lose jobs more easily in downturn(这里的经济萧条写全会更好~~), or miss opportunities to be promoted, since a 5-day work period weekly is more desirable in management positions to have better continuous coverage and supervision.
1. 第一个点听力的句子是：Offering employees the option of a four-day workweek will probably force companies to spend more, possibly a lot more. 然后你的这句once employees can choose to work 4 days a week，听力原文中只是给出可能性，但是你的once出来以后就给人一种：一旦..就...，所以我觉得在逻辑上合原文有出入。个人意见哈~~呵呵
2. Moreover, the reading passage neglects the fact of the additional office space and computers costs resulted by hiring more workers. 我觉得直接写成，neglects the costs of the additional office space and computers, which will cut into the companies' profits. 你觉得呢？
3. 第三段的点读起来也有点点小出入，不知道是不是我太挑剔了，其实你已经写得不错了~听力里面讲的是，这种选择虽然能够给employee更多free time ，但同样也增加了风险。之后才列举了风险是什么，但你的TS有点把细节当观点了~~也是个人观点哟，如果我说得不好不要怪我吖~~呵呵
作者: 陈喵喵holdon 时间: 2012-8-28 18:53
8.27综合TPO1While the reading passage states that employees should have an option to work 4 or 5 days a week, which can be beneficial to companies, economic conditions and workers' lives, the professor holds an opposite opinion that none of these aspects will be positively influenced. The reasons are given as follows.Firstly, according to the professor, once employees can choose to work 4 days a week, companies will be forced to spend a larger amount of money, as more new-employee trainings are required and medical benefits will increase（我觉得应该把这个分句内容补充在第一句话之前，然后得出公司会pay more money 的结论，这样逻辑更通一点，个人意见哟~~呵呵）. Generally, it costs almost the same for health benefits whether workers have one more day of job involvement. Moreover, the reading passage neglects the fact of the additional office space and computers costs resulted by hiring more workers. In this case, the cost will actually exceed the relatively tiny profits gained.In addition, the overall employment rate will not grow because of other choices made by companies based on costly hiring of new workers（这个观点好像和原文不太一样，我去回顾下，在来和你讨论哈~~）. For example, companies may require employees to work overtime or have higher expectations of their work efficiency in order to finish a 5-day work within 4 days. In fact, no extra jobs will be created as the reading passage claimed.Furthermore, as asserted by the professor, shorter work time may lead to less stable jobs as well as fewer chances to advance careers rather than more free time and improved personal satisfaction which are contended in the reading passage. What is worse, employees who choose to work 4 days may lose jobs more easily in downturn(这里的经济萧条写全会更好~~), or miss opportunities to be promoted, since a 5-day work period weekly is more desirable in management positions to have better continuous coverage and supervision.
不好意思吖~来改晚了，下次如果和我分到了一组，可以提前告诉我你想看到修改稿的时间，我会尽量在之前改完滴~~呵呵总体结构很好，就是个别的观点可能是因为表达的原因总觉得和原文有出入呢，我还没写，我去写写，然后来和你讨论~~plus,有些句子用得很精彩-- by 会员 羊咩咩yw (2012/8/28 15:07:11)
没有你慢慢改，我不急哈
之前也有人说我因为表达的关系显得跟原文有出入..很苦恼因为我自己也不觉得.. 想问下能不能帮忙指出具体是哪些地方??麻烦啦~
作者: lemonyhu 时间: 2012-8-28 20:21
8.27 独立写了整整45分钟.. T T
Know a person from type of friends that he has,agree or disagree
Friendship is a kind of relationship which plays an important role in one's life, and friends generally interact with each other, share experience and especially help each other. As a result, a judgment of knowing a person from types of his friends has been made and accepted by many persons. From my point of view, I judge a person from his own perspectives and behaviors rather than his friends, and the reasons are as follows.
To begin with, it is widely believed that personal characteristics are main factors to determine a person, as different persons have quite distinctive personalities from each other, even among friends. As the saying goes, there are one thousand Hamlet within one thousand audience. That simply indicates various opinions of different persons, which is an aspect of personalities. Furthermore, friends will always share different opinions and experiences, which can reflect reasonless judgments based on only friend circles.
In addition, friends usually share ideas with each other as well as learn from others' advantages to offset own weakness. In this case, an estimation of a person from his friends will lead to a wrong one. In a public speech in Peking University given by Jack Ma, the CEO of Alibaba, the importance of learning from friends and making friends with various sorts of persons is emphasized. Therefore, it suggests that friends are not with exactly the same talent or abilities, or even opposite ones.（这句话说的是friends有可能share opposite personality 对吧？但是跟在前面一句后头就感觉意思正好表达反了似的）
Last but notthe least, a friend in need is a friend indeed, thus friends sometimes share common sides by assisting each other instead of being similar to each other. For instance, a research conducted in Nanjing University by Nanjing Daily, which investigated the most prominent feature among friendship, revealed that nearly 70% of participants regarded help from friends in an emergency as the most significant feature than similarities or differences with friends. In this respect（aspect？）, conclusions drawn from one's friends will definitely result in problems.
To conclude, friends may have distinctive characteristicsrespectively,（我觉得有distinctive就够了，不需要多一个respectively，反而有点累赘）learn mutually or sincerely help each other.（这句话跟前面连在一句话里有点奇怪） Consequently, to simply judge a person by his friends assuming that friends are identical may be partial and have some aspects ignored.
看完我也受启发啊！！好文！！！
错误很少，就是有些地方我觉得有点歧义~有待讨论
关于阅读的问题~~我其实就是读==练==因为一开始做的时候觉得阅读做的特烂，还没做完，结果分还行吧，26~
技巧什么的实在是没什么发言权啊
喵喵是一战？
作者: 羊咩咩yw 时间: 2012-8-28 20:25
我已经写上了我的想法了哟~~呵呵，希望不会觉得我太挑剔，你已经很棒了~~
作者: 陈喵喵holdon 时间: 2012-8-28 22:28
8.27 独立写了整整45分钟.. T T
Know a person from type of friends that he has,agree or disagree
Friendship is a kind of relationship which plays an important role in one's life, and friends generally interact with each other, share experience and especially help each other. As a result, a judgment of knowing a person from types of his friends has been made and accepted by many persons. From my point of view, I judge a person from his own perspectives and behaviors rather than his friends, and the reasons are as follows.
To begin with, it is widely believed that personal characteristics are main factors to determine a person, as different persons have quite distinctive personalities from each other, even among friends. As the saying goes, there are one thousand Hamlet within one thousand audience. That simply indicates various opinions of different persons, which is an aspect of personalities. Furthermore, friends will always share different opinions and experiences, which can reflect reasonless judgments based on only friend circles.
In addition, friends usually share ideas with each other as well as learn from others' advantages to offset own weakness. In this case, an estimation of a person from his friends will lead to a wrong one. In a public speech in Peking University given by Jack Ma, the CEO of Alibaba, the importance of learning from friends and making friends with various sorts of persons is emphasized. Therefore, it suggests that friends are not with exactly the same talent or abilities, or even opposite ones.（这句话说的是friends有可能share opposite personality 对吧？但是跟在前面一句后头就感觉意思正好表达反了似的）
Last but notthe least, a friend in need is a friend indeed, thus friends sometimes share common sides by assisting each other instead of being similar to each other. For instance, a research conducted in Nanjing University by Nanjing Daily, which investigated the most prominent feature among friendship, revealed that nearly 70% of participants regarded help from friends in an emergency as the most significant feature than similarities or differences with friends. In this respect（aspect？）, conclusions drawn from one's friends will definitely result in problems.
To conclude, friends may have distinctive characteristicsrespectively,（我觉得有distinctive就够了，不需要多一个respectively，反而有点累赘）learn mutually or sincerely help each other.（这句话跟前面连在一句话里有点奇怪） Consequently, to simply judge a person by his friends assuming that friends are identical may be partial and have some aspects ignored.
看完我也受启发啊！！好文！！！
错误很少，就是有些地方我觉得有点歧义~有待讨论
关于阅读的问题~~我其实就是读==练==因为一开始做的时候觉得阅读做的特烂，还没做完，结果分还行吧，26~
技巧什么的实在是没什么发言权啊
喵喵是一战？-- by 会员 lemonyhu (2012/8/28 20:21:13)
我写作有个大缺点就是有时候为了图词汇和短语多样去用别的表达方式导致歧义或者跟原意违背！自己又不觉得！非常苦恼啊！
不是一战..阅读和听力都是问题....快要考试了真是欲哭无泪啊..
回头去读了下lemo的意见都给的很有道理啊！如果有空的话能帮我指出下具体歧义的地方吗??如果没空也没事..大家准备考试都很忙..thx啦~
作者: 陈喵喵holdon 时间: 2012-8-28 22:45
我已经写上了我的想法了哟~~呵呵，希望不会觉得我太挑剔，你已经很棒了~~
-- by 会员 羊咩咩yw (2012/8/28 20:25:26)
啊很有启发！
第一点就是为了能用到尽量多的表达方式惹的祸！第二点自己回头读也觉得很绕！第三点太受启发了...细节不能当论点！
咩亲说的太好了~ many thx~!!!
作者: 陈喵喵holdon 时间: 2012-8-29 16:44
8.29综合TPO3
第二点没听明白 T T
While there are three aspects included in the reading passage proving that this particular painting is not from Rembrandt, the professor gives reasons from some experts' examinations to indicate that it is actually belong to Rembrandt.
When referring to the inconsistent detail of the white linen cap and luxurious fur collar, which reflects different social status, the professor states that the collar was added on the top of the original painting hundreds of years after it was made in order to increase the value of the painting by shaping the woman into a relatively formal one. In this case, the point claimed in the reading passage is overthrown to some extent.
Secondly, according to the professor, when the collar layer of the painting is removed, the light-shadow error contended in the reading passage will no longer exist anymore. Originally, the woman's face is illuminated, which will be very realistic and correspond to the expectation of Rembrandt. That is why it is currently not partially in shadow.
In addition, in terms of the aspect of panel wooden pieces that glued together, which is regarded impossible in Rembrandt's work based on the reading passage, the professor claims that it was Rembrandt, who painted at single pieces at first, then added on top and sides, aiming to make the painting more grand and valuable. Therefore, it seems to fit the style of Rembrandt. Moreover, the wooden pieces of the painting come from the same tree as another work of Rembrandt, which is a self-portrait with a hat.
作者: 陈喵喵holdon 时间: 2012-8-29 19:15
8月29日 总算字数上去了可是写了好久..又是将近45分钟..
The best way to improve the quality of education is to imcrease teachers' salaries'.
Education has been regarded as one of the most important issues in modern society, which has been struggling in recent decades and discussed widely, especially on how to improve its quality. In this case, some experts contend that the key to the improvement of education is to increase teachers' salaries, which may become a significant stimulus to their teaching. However, from my point of view, I do not agree to put so much emphasis on salary rises, and the reasons are as follows.
To begin with, rises of teachers' salaries cannot be treated as a powerful incentive as some people think, because it may lead to slack work rather than effective teaching. For example, a research conducted in Fudan University by Shanghai Daily, aiming to test the relationship between salary level and teaching quality among teachers in a relatively similar academia background, indicates that they are not positively related. Moreover, in some academic areas such as psychology and geology, higher salaries may link to comparatively negative teaching outcomes. Specifically, factors of different courses or different teaching environments should be taken into consideration when experts are exploring this relationship.
Nevertheless, other primary factors that may influence teaching quality become more significant. One is the method of teaching, which plays a dominant role in daily classes. Generally, with the same knowledge and same level of students, what will determine the teaching process? Yang Fujia, one of educationists in the association of Chinese Education, answered this question in one of his speeches in University of Nottingham, which highlighted the significance of teaching methods. He claimed that valid ways of getting knowledge will result in better achievements. Therefore, teaching methods do have a crucial effect.
Additionally, another aspect that probably makes sense, is the responsibility a teacher has. It is the teachers who make class arrangements and communicate with students, but no particular rules govern how much effort they make when teaching. Thus, attitudes, or whether with enough responsibilities, affect teaching qualities. Yang Yi, the primary school teacher who has won the Chinese Outstanding Youth award, sets an example of making every effort to teach. He not only has high enrollment rates in classes with students of lower starting points, but also nurtures hundreds of students with his beautiful youth. It is the teaching responsibility which drives him forward.
To conclude, teaching methods and responsibilities play more important roles in education quality rather than increasing teachers' salaries, since it does not solve the fundamental problem and may lead to opposite effects.
作者: 夜游的恶鸟 时间: 2012-8-30 10:31
晚饭前给你改并交作业~
作者: 夜游的恶鸟 时间: 2012-8-30 18:37
改
8.29综合TPO3
第二点没听明白 T T
While there are three aspects included in the reading passage proving that thisparticular painting is not from Rembrandt, the professor gives reasons fromsome experts' examinations to indicate that it is actually belong to Rembrandt.
When referring to the inconsistent detail of the white linen cap and luxuriousfur collar, which reflects different social status, the professor states thatthe collar was added on the top of the original painting hundreds of yearsafter it was made in order to increase the value of the painting by shaping thewoman into a relatively formal one. In this case, the point claimed in thereading passage is overthrown to some extent.
Secondly, according to the professor, when the collar layer of the painting isremoved, the light-shadow error contended in the reading passage will no longer exist anymore(有些重复。去掉anymore). Originally, the woman's face is illuminated, which will be veryrealistic and correspond to the expectation of Rembrandt. That is why it iscurrently not partially in shadow. （没有听清但是可以避开没有听见的部分写，很好啊，这里讲的是衣服反光的原因）
In addition, in terms of the aspect of panel wooden pieces that glued together,which is regarded impossible in Rembrandt's work based on the reading passage,the professor claims that it was Rembrandt, who painted at single pieces atfirst, then added on top and sides, aiming to make the painting more grand andvaluable. Therefore, it seems to fit the style of Rembrandt. Moreover, the wooden pieces of the painting（这里只是说原来的那一块，应该是单数吧） come from the same tree as another work of Rembrandt, which is aself-portrait with a hat.
作者: 夜游的恶鸟 时间: 2012-8-30 19:19
喵喵，不是不想给你改独立……我看了好久好久，不知道哪里应该改了，我觉得你整个独立的思路就是在写aw。比我高级了好多，句子形式也很多而且都不赘述。
不好意思要麻烦你再找个大牛看看了，我觉得你反驳题目得很好！
看了你的作文给我很多启发，就像你给我改作文中说的我句子太单一了，啰嗦。谢谢呢！
我是9.8号，这几天再练习练习！加油呢！~
作者: 陈喵喵holdon 时间: 2012-10-7 23:12
10.7
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:The governmentand corporation should share all their scientific discoveries with othercountries in the world?
Nowadays, governments and corporations from all countries are doing scientific experiments and have made many scientific discoveries to solve natural and social problems. On this basis, another issue, which is whether to share all their scientific discoveries with countries in rest of the world, raises. Generally, that can be related to aspects of development, politics and peace. In my point of view, I totally agree that governments and corporations should share with other nations, and the reasons are as follows.
To begin with, countries throughout the world need to have balanced developments. If governments and corporations from a single country conceal their discoveries purposely from other countries, imbalance among nations will appear and that will slow down the overall progress of the world. For example, most countries in Africa lack scientific technologies. As a result, they develop relatively slowly compared to advanced countries such as the United States and England. In more details,these undeveloped nations face shortage of food or proper cures of diseases dueto scientific challenges. Thus, scientific innovations need to be shared andthat will lead to a balanced advancement across the world.
Furthermore, to share scientific innovations as well as to help each other is one of the basic principles all countries in the world need to follow. The United Nations have announced that all states are equal and have fair chances to develop. It is the duty of some advanced countries to assist other countries which are lack of scientific discoveries.
Finally, imagine what will happen if governments and corporations do not share their scientific discoveries. As a consequence, certain conflicts or even wars may be caused. Currently,competitions among countries have become more relevant to resources and related conflicts do exist. For instance, the competition between China and Japan on Diaoyu Island is strongly related to the competition of natural resources in this area. Therefore, technologies about how to utilize resources efficiently are regarded more significant. Once scientific technologies of appropriate use of resources have been shared, natural resources such as land or sea area will no longer be an incentive of national conflicts or wars.
To conclude, governments and corporations should share their scientific discoveries, as a mean of making a balanced development, helping other countries and avoiding disputes among different nations.
作者: Yeeisstrong 时间: 2012-10-8 15:45
10.7
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:The governmentand corporation should share all their scientific discoveries with othercountries in the world?
Nowadays, governments and corporations from all countries are doing scientific experiments and have made many scientific discoveries to solve natural and social problems. On this basis, another issue, (which is)(可以去掉，有点多余) whether to share all their scientific discoveries with countries in rest of the world, raises. Generally, that can be related to aspects of development, politics and peace. In my point of view, I totally agree that governments and corporations should share with other nations, and the reasons are as follows.（比较顺利的引出自己的观点）
To begin with, countries throughout the world need to have balanced developments. If governments and corporations from a single country conceal their discoveries purposely from other countries, imbalance among nations will appear and that will slow down the overall progress of the world. For example, most countries in Africa lack scientific technologies. As a result, they develop relatively slowly compared to advanced countries such as the United States and England. In more details, these undeveloped nations face shortage of food or proper cures of diseases due to scientific challenges. Thus, scientific innovations need to be shared and that will lead to a balanced advancement across the world.
Furthermore, to share scientific innovations as well as to help each other is one of the basic principles all countries in the world need to follow(be followed). The United Nations have announced that all states are equal and have fair chances to develop. It is the duty of some advanced countries to assist other countries which are lack of scientific discoveries.(这段观点提的很好，但是要是再加个例子就更生动了，比如中国对朝鲜的援助，嘿嘿)
Finally, imagine what will happen if governments and corporations do not share their scientific discoveries. As a consequence, certain conflicts or even wars may be caused. Currently, competitions among countries have become more relevant to resources and related conflicts do exist. For instance, the competition between China and Japan on Diaoyu Island（百度了下这是大陆的一种说法，英语说法Fishing Island）is strongly related to the competition of natural resources in this area. Therefore, technologies about how to utilize resources efficiently are regarded more significant. Once scientific technologies of appropriate use of resources have been shared, natural resources such as land or sea area will no longer be an incentive of national conflicts or wars.
To conclude, governments and corporations should share their scientific discoveries, as a mean of making a balanced development, helping other countries and avoiding disputes among different nations.
文章总体结构清晰，三个论点还可以。我的水平不怎么样，只能改到这了。多看点老美写的，更native吧~
作者: 陈喵喵holdon 时间: 2012-10-8 20:07
10.8综合TPO18
The reading passage explores three ways to prevent Torreya from dying out. The professor’s lecture deals with the same issue. However, she thinks that none of these three solutions are satisfactory answers to the extinction problem of Torreya, which contradicts what thereading states. In the lecture, she uses three specific points to support her opinions.
To begin with, even though the reading passage suggests a solution of planting Torreya in the same location under its current microclimate condition, the professor argues in the lecture that the recovery of this species is unlikely to happen by this means. This is because the regarded ideal living condition of Torreya in this area is now affected by the climate of larger regions in Florida, which has an increase of overall temperature due to global warming. Moreover, many regions there are becoming drier, which means there is not anywhere in this original place suitable enough for Torreya to live.
Furthermore, despite the solution provided in the reading that Torreya can be moved to different places, or even far fromits Florida microclimate, the professor contends that there is another example of such kind of plant migration, which is to change black locust’s living location, and its consequences are really negative. Then she supports this view with the fact that as soon as black locusts arrived in the new place, it spreadvery quickly and killed trees in the new environment, which was also a species indanger, and it finally became extinct. In other words, such sort of migration may lead to unexpected outcomes and cannot be considered as a solution.
Finally, the professor asserts that it is probably not a solution to raise Torreya in research centers, whereas the author of the reading claims that it can be a feasible way. The professor proves that this claim is indefensible by pointing out that relatively small population in research centers cannot resist diseases, as resistant species need to have genetic diversity. As a result, it is not a satisfactory answer as Torreya kept in research centers is not capable of surviving in long term.
作者: 陈喵喵holdon 时间: 2012-10-8 21:31
10.8
People who move out of their native village or town are more successfuland happier than who stay in their native village or town for their whole life.A\D
Asked what determines a persons’ success or life attitude, there is one factor that cannot be ignored, environment. As a result, many teenagers attempt to study in othercities, and eventually move out of their native village or town, aiming to havea better life. Personally, I quite agree with such behavior, which means relatively more chances to be successful and happy, rather than staying intheir native village or town for their whole life.
To begin with, cities other than people’s native ones always have larger potential for them to develop careers. Apart from a person’s intrinsic ability,opportunity is a vital factor in one’s career. Also, in a comparatively bigger stage, one can express himself creatively. For example, a rising star in hotel industry, Hotel Zhang, has moved out of his original hometown to Shanghai, and has opened five business hotels at the age of 20. However, it is not hard to imagine that if he stays in his hometown, he probably finds a normal job and spends his whole life in this way. It is the movement to Shanghai that changes his life. In other words, greater potential in a bigger city leads to his success.
Moreover,people will have more positive life attitudes resulted from a migration to another place. In more details, different types of entertainment, as well as fresh things can be full of one’s life in a new city. A research conducted by agroup of students from Peking University shows that participants express higher degree of happiness when they move out of their native environment and experience new things. Generally, it can be considered as a new life incentive and a way to broaden one’s views.
Although some may argue that in new places people tend to have no friends and relatives,as a consequence they may feel lonely under some circumstances, it is reasonable to regard that as an opportunity to meet new people and make more friends. In addition, people can develop their independent characteristics instead of relying on others. Personally speaking, after I have attended university and left my hometown, I have made more friends and become happier than ever before.
To conclude, for both the greater career development chances and richer experiences,a person will be easier to success and be happy to move out of the original place instead of staying in hometown the whole lifetime.
作者: 阿伦艾弗森 时间: 2012-10-9 19:32
黄亮精彩，蓝色建议，红色错误。
Asked what determines a persons’ success or life attitude, there is one factor that cannot be ignored, environment. （asked 的逻辑主语最好是人，建议后半句改为 we cannot ingnore environmental factor.）As a result, many teenagers attempt to study in othercities, and eventually move(ing) out of their native village or town,(这句话直接做插入语就好，这样你后面的aiming 的逻辑主语也刚好是many teenagers了) aiming to have a better life. Personally, I quite agree with such behavior, which means relatively more chances to be successful and happy, rather than staying in their native village or town for their whole life.（这有一个rather than的比较，最好前后结构一致）
To begin with, cities other than people’s native ones always have larger potential for them to develop careers. Apart from a person’s intrinsic ability,opportunity is a vital factor in one’s career. Also, in a comparatively bigger stage, one can express himself creatively. For example, a rising star in hotel industry, Hotel Zhang, has moved out of his original hometown to Shanghai, and has opened five business hotels at the age of 20.（最好交代的更清楚一点，加入对TS的说明） However, it is not hard to imagine that if he stays in his hometown, he probably finds（时态） a normal job and spends his whole life in this way. It is the movement to Shanghai that changes his life. In other words, greater potential in a bigger city leads to his success.
Moreover,people will have more positive life attitudes resulted from a migration to another place. In more details, different types of entertainment, as well as fresh things can be full of one’s life in a new city. A research conducted（这个词多指指挥吧） by a group of students from Peking University shows that participants express higher degree of happiness when they move out of their native environment and experience new things. Generally, it can be considered as a new life incentive and a way to broaden one’s views.
（可以加个逻辑词）Although some may argue that in new places people tend to have no friends and relatives,as a consequence they may feel lonely under some circumstances, it is reasonable to regard that as an opportunity to meet new people and make more friends. In addition, people can develop their independent characteristics instead of relying on others. Personally speaking, after I have attended university and left my hometown, I have made more friends and become happier than ever before.(这一段写的很好啊。逻辑紧密)
To conclude, for both the greater career development chances and richer experiences,a person will be easier to success and be happy to move out of the original place instead of staying in hometown the whole lifetime.
1.逻辑联系紧密，超级棒。
2.注意一下逻辑主语的问题。
3.细节上的小词和时态在注意一下就OK咯！！
一点拙见，还望共同进步。！~
作者: 阿伦艾弗森 时间: 2012-10-9 21:07
The reading passage explores three ways to prevent Torreya from dying out. The professor’s lecture deals with the same issue. However, she thinks that none of these three solutions are satisfactory answers to the extinction problem of Torreya, which contradicts what thereading states. In the lecture, she uses three specific points to support her opinions.
To begin with, even though the reading passage suggests a solution of planting Torreya in the same location under its current microclimate condition, the professor argues in the lecture that the recovery of this species is unlikely to happen by this means. This is because the regarded ideal living condition of Torreya in this area is now affected by the climate of larger regions in Florida, which has an increase of overall temperature due to global warming. Moreover, many regions there are becoming drier, which means there is not anywhere in this original place suitable enough for Torreya to live.
Furthermore, despite the solution provided in the reading that Torreya can be moved to different places, or even far fromits Florida microclimate, the professor contends that there is another example of such kind of plant migration, which is to change black locust’s living location, and its consequences are really negative. Then she supports this view with the fact that as soon as black locusts arrived in the new place, it spread very quickly and killed trees in the new environment, which was also a species indanger(这句话最好放在trees后面), andit finally became extinct.（这个小句子可以独立出来，长句+短句的形式比较好） In other words, such sort of migration may lead to unexpected outcomes and cannot be considered as a solution.
Finally, the professor asserts that it is probably not a solution to raise Torreya in research centers, whereas the author of the reading claims that it can be a feasible way. The professor proves that this claim is indefensible by pointing out that relatively small population in research centers cannot resist diseases, as resistant species need to have genetic diversity. As a result, it is not a satisfactory answer as Torreya kept in research centers is not capable of surviving in long term. （还有一个小细节，就是research center 地方不够大……无法提供足够地方使多数量和多样的T树生存）
写的挺不错的。
写文章时注意长短句的结合会让文章更好~！
作者: 陈喵喵holdon 时间: 2012-10-10 22:24
10.10综合TPO20 感觉信息的正确性还是有点玄,听力不好硬伤...
The reading passage explores the issue of why it is necessary to suppress natural forest fires. The professor’s lecture deals with the same issue. However, he thinks that such fires are natural and play roles in not only destructive but also creative ways, which contradicts what the reading states. Also, in the lecture, he uses three specific points to refute the reading passage.
To begin with, even though the reading suggests that trees and vegetations have been influenced a lot after the long-lasting forest fires in Yellowstone, the professor argues in the lecture that new plants have opportunities to grow as well as that trees and vegetation in Yellowstone have become more diverse since the fire. This is because plants that do not have chances to grow in the past are able to germinate, especially small plants, which had always developed in shadows. In addition, plants that are suitable in heated environments can live under that circumstance. Obviously, the professor’s argument disproves its counterpart in the reading.
Moreover, despite the statement in the reading that wildlife in the forest has suffered a lot during this forest fire,the professor contends that animals can also recover from the fire and have new opportunities to grow. Then he supports his idea with the fact that it is especially ideal for small animals such as rabbits to survive under conditions after the forest fire. Additionally, these animals’ predators can develop and result in stronger supply chains.
Finally, the professor asserts that the declining trend of tourism mentioned in the reading is under unusual conditions such as little rainfall and strong wind, whereas the author of the reading claims that the business which relies on tourism in the Yellowstone area suffer due to the decreasing of the park’s tourism attraction. The professor proves this claim to be indefensible by pointing out that such unusual weather conditions are not current senses. In other words, it never happens again and tourists come each year after that.
作者: loveluyuanbai 时间: 2012-10-10 23:45
作者: 陈喵喵holdon 时间: 2012-10-11 01:24
10.10独立
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: Movies are worthwatching only when they teach us something about the real life.
As the increase of movie industry recently, there are more people becoming interested in watching movies in their spare time. However, many people think it is only worth while watching movies which are meaningful for their lives. Otherwise it will be a waste of time. Personally,I do not agree with such view by holding the opinion that to watch all kinds ofmovies make sense to our lives.
To begin with, it is undeniable that watching movies can be a way of entertainment instead of necessarily being a method to learn something. In other words, we can have fun watching different kinds of movies, such as watching comedies. For example, recently I have watched a movie named ‘High Kick’, which was produced in Korea and contains many elements of humor. I laughed so often that I felt really happy when watching it. Moreover, though there are many daily activities which involve entertainment,watching movies is one that cannot be ignored among them. A research done by agroup of students from the Peking University reveals that over 80% participants regard watching films as one of their entertainments, and most of them responded positively after watching films with the hope of having fun. Thus,films are worth watching also when they can bring us good moods.
Furthermore, watching films always accompanied by together with friends and family members, which leads to opportunities to enjoy social and family life. Under this condition, watching films is necessary although their content may not help us accumulate our knowledge. President Bush once said he liked spending time with his family watching different sorts of movies, and in this way a good relationship within his family was maintained as he usually did not have much time to stay with his family members. From this example, watching movies is really a useful way to develop relationships whether their contents are beneficial or not.
Nevertheless, some may argue that time is really important for modern people and as a result, watching movies that cannot teach us something about the real life can be an inappropriate use ofspare time. At this point, what does spare time really mean? It is a chance to relax ourselves, and to watch movies can perfectly achieve this goal. For instance, if you are watching the film ‘Tropical Forest’, which is mainly about nature sceneries, you will probably feel mentally relaxed as if you are traveling in a scenery spot.
To conclude, I regard watching movies as a way to have fun, enjoy ourselves with friends or families, as well as to relax ourselves. Therefore, the statement of only watching movies when they can teach us real-life knowledge is indefensible and meaningless.
作者: bonnenuit 时间: 2012-10-11 17:32
As the increase of movie industry recently, there are more people becoming interested in watching movies in their spare time. However, many people think it is only worth while watching movies which are meaningful for their lives. Otherwise it will be a waste of time. Personally,I do not agree with such view by holding the opinion that to watch all kinds of movies makes sense to our lives.
To begin with, it is undeniable that watching movies can be a way of entertainment instead of necessarily being a method to learn something. In other words, we can have fun watching different kinds of movies, such as watching comedies. For example, recently I have watched a movie named ‘High Kick’, which was produced in Korea and contains(时态不一致） many elements of humor. I laughed so often that I felt really happy when watching it. Moreover, though there are many daily activities which involve entertainment,watching movies is one that cannot be ignored among them. A research done by a group of students from the Peking University reveals that over 80% participants regard watching films as one of their entertainments, and most of them responded（时态） positively after watching films with the hope of having fun. Thus,films are worth watching also when they can bring us good moods.
Furthermore, watching films always accompanied by together with friends and family members（缺主语，否则accompanied发生就不对了，是人被accompanied的，而不是 watching films), which leads to opportunities to enjoy social and family life. Under this condition, watching films is necessary although theircontent may not help us accumulate our knowledge. President Bush once said that(写作中最好别省） he liked spending time with his family watching different sorts of movies, and in this way a good relationship within his family was maintained as he usually did not have much time to stay with his family members. From this example, watching movies is really a useful way to develop relationships whether their contents are beneficial or not.
Nevertheless, some may argue that time is really important for modern people and as a result, watching movies that cannot teach us something about the real life can be an inappropriate use of spare time. At this point, what does spare time really mean? It is a chance to relax ourselves, and to watch movies can perfectly achieve this goal. For instance, if you are watching the film ‘Tropical Forest’, which is mainly about nature sceneries, you will probably feel mentally relaxed as if you are traveling in a scenery spot.
To conclude, I regard watching movies as a way to have fun, enjoy ourselves with friends or families, as well as to（既然前面enjoy也没有，这个to也可以省略） relax ourselves. Therefore, the statement of only watching movies when they can teach us real-life knowledge is indefensible and meaningless.
虽然你没怎么用高级词汇
但文章很直白简单易懂
论据也很充分
个别时态问题注意一下就可以了
作者: 陈喵喵holdon 时间: 2012-10-11 20:06
想问下关于我文中几个时态错误的问题比方说was produced和contains 我当时是觉得 拍是过去拍的 而包括了什么是客观事实
所以一个用了过去时一个用了现在时..后面有几个错误也是这个愿意造成的，而忽略了时态一致问题
希望能解答下哈
谢谢批改啊 受益~
作者: 陈喵喵holdon 时间: 2012-10-11 20:07
As the increase of movie industry recently, there are more people becoming interested in watching movies in their spare time. However, many people think it is only worth while watching movies which are meaningful for their lives. Otherwise it will be a waste of time. Personally,I do not agree with such view by holding the opinion that to watch all kinds of movies makes sense to our lives.
To begin with, it is undeniable that watching movies can be a way of entertainment instead of necessarily being a method to learn something. In other words, we can have fun watching different kinds of movies, such as watching comedies. For example, recently I have watched a movie named ‘High Kick’, which was produced in Korea and contains(时态不一致） many elements of humor. I laughed so often that I felt really happy when watching it. Moreover, though there are many daily activities which involve entertainment,watching movies is one that cannot be ignored among them. A research done by a group of students from the Peking University reveals that over 80% participants regard watching films as one of their entertainments, and most of them responded（时态） positively after watching films with the hope of having fun. Thus,films are worth watching also when they can bring us good moods.Furthermore, watching films always accompanied by together with friends and family members（缺主语，否则accompanied发生就不对了，是人被accompanied的，而不是 watching films), which leads to opportunities to enjoy social and family life. Under this condition, watching films is necessary although theircontent may not help us accumulate our knowledge. President Bush once said that(写作中最好别省） he liked spending time with his family watching different sorts of movies, and in this way a good relationship within his family was maintained as he usually did not have much time to stay with his family members. From this example, watching movies is really a useful way to develop relationships whether their contents are beneficial or not.Nevertheless, some may argue that time is really important for modern people and as a result, watching movies that cannot teach us something about the real life can be an inappropriate use of spare time. At this point, what does spare time really mean? It is a chance to relax ourselves, and to watch movies can perfectly achieve this goal. For instance, if you are watching the film ‘Tropical Forest’, which is mainly about nature sceneries, you will probably feel mentally relaxed as if you are traveling in a scenery spot.To conclude, I regard watching movies as a way to have fun, enjoy ourselves with friends or families, as well as to（既然前面enjoy也没有，这个to也可以省略） relax ourselves. Therefore, the statement of only watching movies when they can teach us real-life knowledge is indefensible and meaningless.虽然你没怎么用高级词汇
但文章很直白简单易懂
论据也很充分
个别时态问题注意一下就可以了
-- by 会员 bonnenuit (2012/10/11 17:32:46)
想问下关于我文中几个时态错误的问题比方说was produced和contains 我当时是觉得 拍是过去拍的 而包括了什么是客观事实
所以一个用了过去时一个用了现在时..后面有几个错误也是这个愿意造成的，而忽略了时态一致问题
希望能解答下哈
谢谢批改啊 受益~
作者: 陈喵喵holdon 时间: 2012-10-11 21:39
综合TPO21
The reading passage explores the benefits of genetic modified trees, and the professor deals with the same issue in the lecture. However, she thinks that there aresome serious problems and costs with trees with genetic modification, which contradicts the reading. Also, the professor supports her opinion by offering three specific areas of evidence.
To begin with, although the reading suggests that genetic modified trees are always designed to be morelikely to survive than natural trees, the professor in the lecture claims that such modified trees may be resistant to one certain kind of condition, but it may not survive in diverse conditions. This is because when face different types of conditions, such as varied climates or insects, natural trees will ensure some individuals to survive while others are killed. Nevertheless, the genetic modified tress are totally different, which means they are so uniform that when they are exposed to conditions which they are not designed for, they are likely to be completely wiped out. Obviously, the professor’s argument disproves the counterpart in the reading passage.
Moreover, despite the statement in the reading that there will be economic benefits as a result of planting genetic modified trees, the professor contends that hidden costs cannot be ignored. In other words, seeds with genetic modification are much more expensive and after they grow up, the people growing them cannot get their seeds legally. Instead they have to pay the company that modified the trees in order to continue planting them.
Finally, the professor asserts that genetic modified trees will cause more damage to local wild trees, whereas the author of the reading claims that trees with genetic modification will prevent overexploitation of wild trees. The professor proves that this claim is indefensible by pointing out that genetic modified trees always grow so aggressively that local wild trees cannot compete natural resources such as water with them.
作者: Catherie 时间: 2012-10-12 17:34
TPO 21 修改
红色部分 表示需改正
黄色部分 表建议
绿色表 very good
The reading passage explores the benefits of genetic modified trees, and the professor deals with the same issue（容易误解为the benefits of genetic modified trees） in the lecture. However, she thinks that there are some serious problems and costs with trees with（of） genetic modification, which contradicts the reading. Also, the professor supports her opinion by offering three specific areas of evidence.
To begin with, although the reading suggests that genetic modified trees are always designed to be more likely to survive than natural trees, the professor in the lecture claims that such modified trees may be resistant to one certain kind of condition, but(之前用了though，不能再用 but) it may not survive in diverse conditions. This is because when facing（前面省略了主语natural trees，那么用Ving） different types of conditions, such as varied climates or insects, natural trees will ensure some individuals to survive while others are killed. Nevertheless, the genetic modified tress are totally different, which means they are so uniform that when they are exposed to conditions which they are not designed for, ?. (逗号不具有连接句子的功能，后面是一个新的句子)They are likely to be completely wiped out. Obviously, the professor’s argument disproves the counterpart in the reading passage.
Moreover, despite the statement in the reading that there will be economic benefits as a result of planting genetic modified trees, the professor contends that hidden costs cannot be ignored. In other words, seeds with genetic modification are much more expensive and after they grow up, the people growing them cannot get their seeds legally. Instead they have to pay the company that modified the trees in order to continue planting them.
Finally, the professor asserts that genetic modified trees will cause more damage to local wild trees, whereas the author of the reading claims that trees with genetic modification will prevent overexploitation of wild trees. The professor proves that this claim is indefensible by pointing out that genetic modified trees always grow so aggressively that local wild trees cannot compete natural resources, such as water, with them.
总体写的挺好的，字数也很足……
作者: 陈喵喵holdon 时间: 2012-10-12 21:23
10.12综合TPO22
The reading passage explores the critics about regarding ethanol fuels as an alternative to gasoline in the United States. However, the professor in the lecture thinks that it is actually a good replacement of gasoline, and no one of the critics offered in the reading is convincing. Also, the professor supports his view by pointing out three areas of evidence.
To begin with, although the reading suggests that the increased use of ethanol fuel would not help to solve the environmental problem of global warming, the professor contends that the use of ethanol fuel at least not adds global warming. This is because during the growing process ofcorns, which are the materials of making ethanol, carbon dioxide is absorbed to make nutrition, which means CO2 is removed meanwhile it is produced. As aresult, that counteracts the exaggeration of global warming. Obviously, the professor disproves the counterpart in the reading passage.
Moreover, despite the statement provided in the reading that ethanol is made of corns that are food for some animals, the professor argues that this does not have to reduce sources of food for animals.In other words, ethanol-making uses a composition of corns’ cell walls, which is not eaten by animals and always recycles in the nature.
Finally, the professor asserts that ethanol’s price will be able to compete with gasoline, whereas the author of the reading claims that ethanol’s price will be very high as soon as the government stops offering tax subsidies. The professor proves that this claim is indefensible by pointing out that once the production of ethanol becomes larger resulted from people’s greater consumption, its price will drop consequently. In more details, there may be an over 3 times production of ethanol which leads to a price decrease of40%.
作者: 陈喵喵holdon 时间: 2012-10-12 22:31
10.12独立
The most important characteristic of a politician or a leader is the good communication skill
Recently the topic of characteristics which are important for becoming a successful politician or a leader has been discussed more. Meanwhile, while there is increased attention on interactive communication skills, it has been considered as the most significant characteristic for politicians and leaders. Personally, I do not agree with this view, and the reasons are as follows.
To begin with, there are other factors which cannot be ignored when talking about the characteristics to determine a successful politician or leader, responsibility. This is because it is the basis to deal with problems toward the right direction, as well as to determine whether one person will make every effort to solve problems. As the former president of the United States, Bush, stated in one of his speeches in Harvard University, responsibility could help to form a group in a proper way, and was a kind of characteristic that will be used in every step when settling problems. Thus, responsibility is a factor that cannot be weighed less important than communication skills.
Moreover, it is the organizing ability which plays a vital role in judging an excellent politician or leader. In other words, relatively better ability to organize people and to take advantage of members is crucial. A research organized by students from the Peking University reveals over 70% of participants to consider organizing ability when choosing a leader or voting for a politician. Furthermore, politicians or leaders with comparatively outstanding organizing ability will always lead to better performances. To conclude, group operations can be more efficient when there is a leader with good organizational skills.
In addition, although there is undeniable importance of interactive communication skills, it cannot be considered as the most important element for a successful politician or leader. If a politicianor leader with excellent skills of communication does not have the ability to lead a group or organize members appropriately, or cannot be responsible enough to move forward, there may be negative consequences. In the example of the Database Designing and Management course’s group work, our leader has really good communication skills to express ideas but does not allocate the right things to everyone according to our personalities. As a result, our final markis below the average, despite us members’ hard working on the project.
In conclusion, communication skills cannot be ignored when determining a politician or leader, whereas it cannot be the only, or the most important characteristic. However, other factors such as responsibility and organizing skills should be taken into consideration as well.
作者: Catherie 时间: 2012-10-13 15:41
标题: 10月12日批改
红色部分 表示需改正
黄色部分 表建议
绿色表 very good
10.12综合TPO22
The reading passage explores the critics（？这个单词是批评家的意思） about regarding（去掉其中一个） ethanol fuels as an alternative to gasoline in the UnitedStates. However, the professor in the lecture thinks that it is actually a goodreplacement of gasoline, and no one of the critics offered in the reading isconvincing. Also, the professor supports his view by pointing out three areas（aspects） of evidence.
To begin with, although the reading suggeststhat the increased use of ethanol fuel would（用现在时will） nothelp to solve the environmental problem of global warming, .The professorcontends that the use of ethanol fuel at least not adds(wiil not add/dose not add) global warming. This is because during the growing processof corns, which are the materials of making ethanol, carbon dioxide is absorbedto make nutrition, which means CO2 is removed meanwhile it is produced. As a result,that counteracts theexaggeration of global warming(个人觉得这句感觉很chi-english). Obviously, the professor disproves thecounterpart in the reading passage.
Moreover, despite the statement provided inthe reading that ethanol is made of corns that are food for some animals, theprofessor argues that this does not have to reduce sources of food for animals.In other words, ethanol-making uses a composition of corns’ cell walls, whichis not eaten by animals and always recycles in the nature.
Finally, the professor asserts that ethanol’sprice will be able to compete with gasoline, whereas the author of the readingclaims that ethanol’s price will be very high as soon as the government stopsoffering tax subsidies. The professor proves that this claim is indefensible by pointing outthat once the production of ethanol becomes larger resulted from people’sgreater consumption, its price will drop consequently. In more details, theremay be an over 3 times production of ethanol which leads to a price decrease of (by)40%.
写的挺好的，细节什么都都有了……字数真的好足。。。。要避免一些简单的语法错误。
作者: 陈喵喵holdon 时间: 2012-10-13 16:19
红色部分 表示需改正黄色部分 表建议绿色表 very good 10.12综合TPO22
The reading passage explores the critics（？这个单词是批评家的意思） about regarding（去掉其中一个） ethanol fuels as an alternative to gasoline in the UnitedStates. However, the professor in the lecture thinks that it is actually a goodreplacement of gasoline, and no one of the critics offered in the reading isconvincing. Also, the professor supports his view by pointing out three areas（aspects） of evidence.
To begin with, although the reading suggeststhat the increased use of ethanol fuel would（用现在时will） nothelp to solve the environmental problem of global warming, .The professorcontends that the use of ethanol fuel at least not adds(wiil not add/dose not add) global warming. This is because during the growing processof corns, which are the materials of making ethanol, carbon dioxide is absorbedto make nutrition, which means CO2 is removed meanwhile it is produced. As a result,that counteracts theexaggeration of global warming(个人觉得这句感觉很chi-english). Obviously, the professor disproves thecounterpart in the reading passage.
Moreover, despite the statement provided inthe reading that ethanol is made of corns that are food for some animals, theprofessor argues that this does not have to reduce sources of food for animals.In other words, ethanol-making uses a composition of corns’ cell walls, whichis not eaten by animals and always recycles in the nature.
Finally, the professor asserts that ethanol’sprice will be able to compete with gasoline, whereas the author of the readingclaims that ethanol’s price will be very high as soon as the government stopsoffering tax subsidies. The professor proves that this claim is indefensible by pointing outthat once the production of ethanol becomes larger resulted from people’sgreater consumption, its price will drop consequently. In more details, theremay be an over 3 times production of ethanol which leads to a price decrease of (by)40%. 写的挺好的，细节什么都都有了……字数真的好足。。。。要避免一些简单的语法错误。-- by 会员 Catherie (2012/10/13 15:41:15)
第一段的regarding不是about的意思,是连着后面的regard...as...
标点的问题貌似我原来的写的没有,转载复制后就有了。
关于chi-english那句,counteract二氧化碳的排放是听力原文的说法,我改成了counteractGW的加剧。
作者: AnthonySummer 时间: 2012-10-13 21:33
The most important characteristic of a politician or a leader is the good communication skill
Recently the topic of characteristics which are important for becoming a successful politician or a leader has been discussed more. Meanwhile, while there is increased attention on interactive communication skills, it has been considered as the most significant characteristic for politicians and leaders. Personally, I do not agree with this view, and the reasons are as follows.（希望能精简 with the following reasons：）
To begin with, there are other factors which cannot be ignored when talking about the characteristics to determine a successful politician or leader, responsibility. This is because it is the basis to deal with problems toward the right direction, as well as to determine whether one person will make every effort to solve problems. As the former president of the United States, Bush, stated in one of his speeches in Harvard University,（加个连词that吧）responsibility could help to form a group in a proper way, and was a kind of characteristic that will be used in every step when settling (setting) problems. Thus, responsibility is a factor that cannot be weighed less important than communication skills.
Moreover, it is the organizing ability which plays a vital role in judging an excellent politician or leader. In other words, relatively better ability to organize people and to take advantage of members is crucial. A research organized by students from the Peking University reveals over 70% of participants to consider organizing ability when choosing a leader or voting for a politician. Furthermore, politicians or leaders with comparatively outstanding organizing ability will always lead toa(加个冠词)better performances. To conclude, group operations can be more efficient when there is a leader with good organizational skills.
In addition, although there is undeniable importance of interactive communication skills, it cannot be considered as the most important element for a successful politician or leader. If a politician or leader with excellent skills of communication does not have the ability to lead a group or organize members appropriately, or cannot be responsible enough to move forward. There may be negative consequences. In the example of the Database Designing and Management course's group work, our leader has really good communication skills to express ideas but does not allocate the right things to everyone according to our personalities. As a result, our final mark is below the average, despite our members' hard working on the project.
In conclusion, communication skills cannot be ignored when determining a politician or leader, whereas it cannot be the only, or the most important characteristic. However, other factors such as responsibility and organizing skills should be taken into consideration as well.
Nice job！有说的不对的地方请多多指出，多多指教啊，加油！
作者: Catherie 时间: 2012-10-14 10:44
哦哦，原来是这样，那基本都没什么问题了，你几号考？
作者: 陈喵喵holdon 时间: 2012-10-14 22:26
哦哦，原来是这样，那基本都没什么问题了
，你几号考？
-- by 会员 Catherie (2012/10/14 10:44:27)
还不知道..想报这周末的,可是在的城市没有考点..T T 你呢??
作者: Catherie 时间: 2012-10-15 18:27
哦哦，原来是这样，那基本都没什么问题了
，你几号考？
-- by 会员 Catherie (2012/10/14 10:44:27)
还不知道..想报这周末的,可是在的城市没有考点..T T 你呢??
-- by 会员 陈喵喵holdon (2012/10/14 22:26:24)
11.2号……
作者: 陈喵喵holdon 时间: 2012-10-21 20:08
10.21独立
If you need to discuss upsetting or controversial problems with others,you will use e-mail or text messaging, OR use thetelephone or voice-messaging.
As the recent development of communication technology, people nowadays have more choices when it comes to contact each other, such as e-mails, text messages, telephone calls or voice messages.However, when people are discussing upsetting or controversial problems withothers, these communication methods do not have equal effects. Personally speaking, I prefer to use telephone calls or voice messages while having such sensitive topics because of their advantages which listed below.
To begin with, controversial topics themselves have meanings which are easy to misunderstand, so using direct voice communication is a better choice. Generally, information written down has higher possibilities to convey unexpected meanings than voice messages, which to some extent contributed to the creation of voice communication tools, such asvoice call and cell phones. In addition, telephones and voice messages can express with different voices and tones, which can make communications more accurately. For example, a higher volume may indicate different opinions, which can be noticed by listeners and by this means, to avoid further opposite response.
Moreover, as disputable topics’ needs for interaction by participants, contact of telephones and voice messages fulfill this requirement. To further the discussion, speakers need to share opinions,make comments and solve problems, which cannot be obtained by simply writing ane-mail or a text message. A research done by students from the Peking University reveals that most participants of the survey prefer voice messages rather than written-form information because they can be regarded as interactive communications, and that is one of the goals of disputable topic discussion.
Finally, what is needed in a talk of upsetting and controversial topic is efficiency, as more time can be saved by voice messages delivery and understanding. A good case in point is the popular communication application, Weixin. It adds voice function to traditional textone, and result in uses of large number of persons to discuss daily things, including debatable issues. Based on Weixin’s function, it becomes a symbol of free and convenient talking. Consequently, that supports the assertion that voice messages are more feasible in terms of controversial topics discussion.
From what has been discussed above, I can safely draw the conclusion that to use telephones and voice messages is more advantageous than to use e-mails and text messages, since they can provide more precise expression of information, more interactive atmosphere and higher efficiency.
作者: bonnenuit 时间: 2012-10-22 13:05
As the recent development of communication technology, people nowadays have more choices when it comes to contact(with) each other, such as e-mails, text messages, telephone calls or voice messages.However, when people are discussing upsetting or controversial problems with others, these communication methods do not have equal effects. Personally speaking, I prefer to use telephone calls or voice messages while having such sensitive topics because of their( 如果这个their就近看的话就是topics了,会曲解句意）advantages which listed below.
To begin with, controversial topics themselves have meanings which are easy to (be misunderstaood)misunderstand, so using direct voice communication is a better choice. Generally, information written down has higher possibilities to convey unexpected meanings than voice messages do, which to some extent contributed to the creation of voice communication tools, such a svoice call and cell phones（这句真心没看懂，which后面这个to是接convey的宾语从句？）. In addition, telephones and voice messages can express with different voices and tones, which can make communications more accurately. For example, a higher volume may indicate different opinions, which can be noticed by listeners and by this means（and前最好加个逗号，否则两个by就并列成同一个意思了）, to avoid further opposite response.
Moreover, as disputable topics’ needs（‘s只能用于人或活物上，换of) for interaction by participants, contact of telephones and voice messages fulfill this requirement. To further the discussion, speakers need to share opinions,make comments and solve problems, which cannot be obtained by simply writing ane-mail or a text message. A research done by students from the Peking University reveals that most participants of the survey prefer voice messages rather than written-form information because they can be regarded as interactive communications, and that is one of the goals of disputable topic discussion(太复杂了点，直接one goal of....).
Finally, what is needed in a talk of upsetting and controversial topic is efficiency, as more time can be saved by voice messages delivery and understanding(被动）. A good case in point is the popular communication application, Weixin. It adds voice function to traditional textone, and results in uses of large number of persons to discuss daily things(这个表达不对，that many people use weixin。。。。。） , including debatable issues. Based on Weixin’s function, it becomes a symbol of freedom and convenient talking. Consequently, that(that最好不要在一个独立完整句子里做主语） supports the assertion that voice messages are more feasible in terms of controversial topics discussion.
From what has been discussed above, I can safely draw the conclusion that to use（using） telephones and voice messages is more advantageous（这个词不常见，换reliable） than to use e-mails and text messages, since they（指代不明） can provide more precise expression of information, more interactive atmosphere and higher efficiency.
有些指代词使用不是很恰当 建议多看看语法
句型可以多变换一下 祈使句啊 倒装句啊 都可以用用
长句子不一定好 也容易产生错误
作者: 陈喵喵holdon 时间: 2012-11-3 17:29
11.3独立Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Peopletoday would be happier if they had fewer possessions.
As the increase of people’s living standards in recent decades, disputes related to possessions such as unfair distributions or competitions occur at a higher frequency. As a result, some contend that people nowadays would be happier if they had fewer possessions. However, I totally disagree with this statement and regard possessions as a quite important factor in modern life. The reasons are as follows.
To begin with, it is admittedly that basic personal needs cannot be satisfied without enough possessions. On one hand, daily consumptions such as food, clothes and transportations need money, and more possessions means higher levels in both quantity and quality. On the otherhand, more possessions guarantee spiritual enjoyment beyond fundamental daily necessities. For example, a relatively larger amount of money is required in not only pleasure activities such as attending concerts, but also relaxation like traveling across other countries. In addition, based on a research that was conducted by 7 students in the Peking University, over 90% of research participants showed higher satisfaction if they could own more possessions, which would met their essential needs. Therefore, fewer possessions will not lead to happier life attitudes.
Furthermore, disease, one of the factors deprive of people’s happiness, requires considerable amount of money, and as a result, more possessions can solve this problem. Recently, more concern has been put on human health while disease has been regarded as one of the major human killers. Except the curing difficulties, the extremely expensive medical fees cannot be ignored. Suppose that one member of a family suffers from a disease but the family cannot afford the fees. Under such circumstance, how can they obtain happiness? To conclude, more possessions can offer opportunities to cure adisease, which guarantees the health problem, and that is the basis of living ahappy life.
Finally, some argue that when people have more possessions, they tend to be more selfish and that may lead to unfair competitions and treatments. However, it is the nature of some persons that determines such behavior, and this sort of behaviors exists no matter how wealth a person is. A good case in point is that although the economic standards has enhanced substantially since Chinese liberation, some citizens who became wealthy afterwards still experience economic disputes. Only when people have better natures and positive living attitudes can they become happier.
To summarize, to have fewer possessions does not necessarily mean a happier live as more possessions can both meet people’s daily needs and result in a comparatively high-quality life. Also, it is the human nature, instead of possessions, determines daily behaviors and living attitudes.
作者: bonnenuit 时间: 2012-11-4 15:03
As the increase of people’s living standards in recent decades, disputes related to possessions such as unfair distributions or competitions occur at a higher frequency. As a result, some contend that people nowadays would be happier if they had fewer possessions. However, I totally disagree with this statement and regard possessions as a quite important factor in modern life. The reasons are as follows.
To begin with, it is admittedly(去ly) that basic personal(这个可以不要） needs cannot be satisfied without enough possessions. On one hand, daily consumptions such as food, clothes and transportations need money（这个需要花钱有点怪，不可能是主动发出的，改need paid), and more possessions means higher levels in both quantity and quality. On the otherhand, more possessions guarantee spiritual enjoyment beyond fundamental daily necessities. For example, a relatively larger amount of money is required in not only pleasure activities such as attending concerts, but also relaxation like traveling across other countries. In addition, based on a research that was conducted by 7 students in the Peking University, over 90% of research participants showed（用一般现在时，因为是表示一个客观现象） higher satisfaction if they could own more possessions, which would met their essential needs. Therefore, fewer possessions will not lead to happier life attitudes.
Furthermore, disease, one of the factors deprive of people’s happiness, requires considerable amount of money, and as a result, more possessions can solve this problem. Recently, more concern has been put on human‘s health while disease has been regarded as one of the major human killers. Except for the curing difficulties(这个表达很有问题）, the extremely expensive medical fees cannot be ignored. Suppose that one member of a family suffers （这种假设情况要用过去式了）from a disease but the family cannot afford the fees. Under such circumstance, how can they obtain happiness? To conclude, more possessions can offer opportunities to cure adisease, which（which不能指代前面一整句话，用连词连接） guarantees the health problem, and that is the basis of living ahappy life.
Finally, some argue that when people have more possessions, they tend to be more selfish and that（that也不可以知道前面的一整句话） may lead to unfair competitions and treatments. However, it is the nature of some persons that determines such behavior, and this sort of behaviors exists no matter how wealth a person is. A good case in point is that although the economic standards has enhanced（改被动） substantially since Chinese liberation, （两个独立的句子都有主谓宾要用连词连接，根据句意是个转折，加个however）some citizens who became wealthy afterwards still experience economic disputes. Only when people have（only开头，have要倒装，） better natures and positive living attitudes can they become happier.
To summarize, to have fewer possessions does not necessarily mean a happier live as more possessions can both meet people’s daily needs and result in a comparatively high-quality life. Also, it is the human nature, instead of possessions, determines daily behaviors and living attitudes.
作者: dreamcece 时间: 2012-11-7 13:05
To conclude, more possessions can offer opportunities to cure adisease, which（which不能指代前面一整句话，用连词连接） guarantees the health problem, and that is the basis of living ahappy life.-- by 会员 bonnenuit (2012/11/4 15:03:14)
楼上说的不太准确哦，用which引导的非限制定从是有这个功能的，不过楼主的这句话确实分句太多成分有点奇怪就是了。
作者: 陈喵喵holdon 时间: 2012-11-7 20:31
11.7独立Collegesor universities should offer students a better job preparation before theystart working.
Recently, the debate of whether colleges or universities should provide students with higher levels of job preparation has been discussed more, as these two institutions are more or less the basis of students’ future development and play important roles in their career. Personally, I favor the opinion that it is necessary for students to have better job preparation from their colleges and universities, and the reasons are as follows.
To begin with, as the considerable difference between university life and career life, it is common that many graduates find it difficult to adapt to their jobs. As a result, colleges or universities should take responsibility to have them better prepared in order to avoid these problems. Lectures and seminars including features such as future job analysis and interpersonal communications are especially required. As a research conducted by 7 students from the Peking University shows, among over 300 undergraduate participants, nearly 90% tend to have positive feedbacks about job preparation arrangements, because such arrangements offer them tipson job-related decision making and interpersonal relationships. Take myself as an example, I am a senior undergraduate who will be involved in job-hunting soon, but when I had an internship in a medical company last summer, I faced many difficulties like behaving interactively to my colleges and arranging my daily work properly. In addition, I am struggling with my future career direction. Consequently, better job preparation is needed in colleges and universities so that those problems can be overcome.
Moreover, by giving higher standards of job preparation, colleges or universities will gain positive reputations. In other words, excellent job performances from graduates can lead to better education reputations of their universities. A good case in point is the City University London, which has high academic reputations within accounting and financing areas. Although its overall ranking is not very high, its good reputation resulted from its graduates’ good performances in jobs makes it a dream school for many applicants. To conclude, to provide relatively better preparations for students, as the City University London, can be beneficial for the university itself.
Additionally, it is a reasonable approach when referring to the job and society side. Organizations, companies or associations, which recruit graduates with better job preparation offered by their universities, can operate more efficiently. Furthermore, they tend to have fewer conflicts. As the CEO of Tencent, Ma Huateng, stated in one of his lectures in Nanjing University, his company preferred employees with more basic preparations for jobs in their college time, since that would benefit the company in both daily operation and internal relationships.
In summary, from what has been discussed above, we may safely say that to have preparation of job in colleges or universities will have favorable influences on not only the individual student side, but also the university and public side. Therefore, colleges and universities should be responsible to offer their students better job preparation.
作者: 陈喵喵holdon 时间: 2012-11-7 20:37
To conclude, more possessions can offer opportunities to cure adisease, which（which不能指代前面一整句话，用连词连接） guarantees the health problem, and that is the basis of living ahappy life.-- by 会员 bonnenuit (2012/11/4 15:03:14)
楼上说的不太准确哦，用which引导的非限制定从是有这个功能的，不过楼主的这句话确实分句太多成分有点奇怪就是了。
-- by 会员 dreamcece (2012/11/7 13:05:00)
谢谢cece指正~的确有时候成分太乱了..
作者: 小滋滋 时间: 2012-11-8 18:06
Recently, the debate of whether colleges or universities should provide students with higher levels of job preparation has been discussed more(widely), as these two institutions are more or less the basis of students’ future development and play important roles in their career. Personally, I favor the opinion that it is necessary for students to have better job preparation from their colleges and universities, and the reasons are as follows.
To begin with, as the considerable difference between university life and career life, it is common that many graduates find it difficult to adapt to their jobs. As a result, colleges or universities should take responsibility to have them better prepared(make them better prepare更好点吧) in order to avoid these problems. Lectures and seminars including features such as future job analysis and interpersonal communications are especially required. As（？According to好点吧？） a research conducted by 7 students from the Peking University shows, among over 300 undergraduate participants, nearly 90% tend to have positive feedbacks about job preparation arrangements, because such arrangements offer them tipson job-related decision making and interpersonal relationships. Take myself as an example, I am a senior undergraduate who will be involved in job-hunting soon, but when I had an internship in a medical company last summer, I faced many difficulties like behaving interactively to my colleges and arranging my daily work properly. In addition, I am struggling with my future career direction. Consequently, better job preparation is needed in colleges and universities so that those problems can be overcome.
Moreover, by giving higher standards of job preparation, colleges or universities will gain positive reputations. In other words, excellent job performances from graduates can lead to better education reputations of their universities. （这句话和前面那句话其实是一句，可以删掉，保留又没什么错，就是感觉有点累赘）A good case in point is the City University London, which has high academic reputations within accounting and financing areas. Although its overall ranking is not very high, its good reputation resulteding from its graduates’ good performances in jobs makes it a dream school for many applicants. To conclude, to provide relatively better preparations for students, as the City University London, can be beneficial for the university itself.
Additionally, it is a reasonable approach when referring to the job and society side. Organizations, companies or associations, which recruit graduates with better job preparation offered by their universities, can operate more efficiently. Furthermore, they tend to have fewer conflicts. As the CEO of Tencent, Ma Huateng, stated in one of his lectures in Nanjing University that (,去掉，这才是一句话吧？)his company preferred employees with more basic preparations for jobs in their college time, since that would benefit the company in both daily operation and internal relationships.
In summary, from what has been discussed above, we may safely say that to have preparation of job in colleges or universities will have favorable influences on not only the individual student side, but also the university and public side. Therefore, colleges and universities should be responsible to offer their students better job preparation
结构论点论据都很好，就是注意一下句式变换和词汇变换吧...
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