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标题: Cynhtia9192求狠拍^_^ [打印本页]
作者: Cynthia9192    时间: 2012-8-8 12:47
标题: Cynhtia9192求狠拍^_^
8月19日求狠批，望大家不吝赐教！(*^__^*)
作者: Cynthia9192    时间: 2012-8-8 21:27
8月8日
What is the main role of the university professor, to educate students or to do research?

On contemporary society, education is enjoying an increasingly high attention from the public. Many problems in the education field make people feel puzzled. Such as to a university professor which should occupy their more time between the research and the education on their students. It seems to be reasonable to many people that professors should pay more time on educating students, nevertheless if we take a deeper consideration; it is not difficult to make the judgment that doing research is the more crucial thing to university professor.  The foremost reason for my standpoint is that if the professor does research well, they can teach students well. The procedure of doing researches is to understand theory more deeply. A report conducted by a certain news agency came to us that about 85 percent professors who get the title of “excellent teacher” are all doing research well. There is no doubt that with the increasing knowledge in the science, professors can answer the question of students more persuasively. They also can help leading students to make hypothesis in a right direction and help them do the research by themselves. As a result, doing research and educating students has a close connection, the more professors focus time on research, the better they teach students.
 Further lending credence to my position is that the quality of the research stands for the strength of the university in the academic field. In the university, we all know that how much and how well the research in the top academic journal is an essential part of the reputation to university. And we know that about 80 percent of the Nobel Prize winners were university professors in the 2011, and their university were becoming more noted. Besides, in my university, a few of my classmates had published research on journals. So professors should make their effort to raise the ability of the university, as well as students.
In addition, even though to some extent, student going to university is to learn knowledge, so you may say that professor should focus time on teaching. However, to university students, self-study ability is a necessary and the basic knowledge is not the main thing that the professor should teach. Students should learn most of it by themselves. The knowledge in a high level is the core in university academic education. Hence what the professor should pay more attention to is the research, in this way, they can help students to go further.
 Therefore taking into account all these factors mentioned above, all the account justifies an unshakable conclusion that doing research is not only benefit for the professors but also contribute to the university and students.
作者: hjl80959    时间: 2012-8-9 08:49


蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误

What is the main role of the university professor, to educate students or to do research?

On contemporary society, education is enjoying an increasingly high attention from the public. Many problems in the education field make people feel puzzled. Such as to a university professors（are the scarce resource） which(这个倒装句的谓语去哪了？人后面的定语从句也不应该是which 应是that or who) should occupy their more time between the research and the education on their students. It seems to be reasonable（这种句子楼主很喜欢用撒，只是不够简洁，reasonably，不就好） to many people that professors should pay more time on educating students, nevertheless if we take a deeper consideration; it is not difficult to make the judgment that doing research is the more crucial thing to university professor.  The foremost reason for my standpoint is that if the professor does research well, they can teach students well. The procedure of doing researches is to understand theory more deeply. A report conducted by a certain news agency came to us that about 85 percent professors who get the title of “excellent teachers” are all doing research well. There is no doubt that （同样，这种从句楼主真的很喜欢用）with the increasing knowledge in the science, professors can answer the question of students more persuasively. They also can help leading （help do sth）students to make hypothesis in a right direction and help them do the research by themselves. As a result, doing research and educating students has a close connection, the more professors focus time on research, the better they teach students.

写的是挺好的，问题是貌似太长了，开头段应该快速切入，100字左右，你这个最起码150+了吧，而且后面又太短，头重脚轻，你可以吧前面一点的内容放到后面来
 Further lending credence to my position is that the quality of the research stands for the strength （ability 学术能力这么说）of the university in the academic field. （同时不明白这句话什么意思，什么叫更深层次的将信心带到位置中是学术能力的体现，好吧我知道什么意思了：我更确信的是研究的质量代表了学术能力，可能我是太水了，只是这种表达总怪怪的）In the university, we all know that how much and how well the research in the top academic journal is an essential part of the reputation to university. And we know that about 80 percent of the Nobel Prize winners were university professors in the 2011, and （最好换个词 consequently）their university were becoming more noted. Besides, in my university, a few of my classmates had published research on journals. So professors should make their effort to raise the ability of the university, as well as students.

举的例子挺好的，但是楼主很喜欢用调查结果来说明论据，这个怎么说，少用为好
In addition, even though to some extent, student going to university is to learn knowledge, so you may say that professor should focus time on teaching. However, to university students, self-study ability is a necessary and the basic knowledge is not the main thing that the professor should teach. Students should learn most of it by themselves. The knowledge in a high level is the core in university academic education. Hence what the professor should pay more attention to is the research, in this way, they can help students to go further.学生是应该自主学习基础知识，更高层次的内容是核心，那基础知识可以不教，核心知识教授教不教?楼主说了一半不说了，仓促结尾，让人觉得说明不完整
 Therefore taking into account all these factors mentioned above, all the account justifies an unshakable conclusion that doing research is not only benefit for the professors but also contribute to the university and students.最后再点一下前面几点吧







写的挺好的，除了开头段过长，中间段过短，一位没什么硬伤，用词也不错，也很流畅。



文章结构重新揣摩一下吧

作者: tyyhappy    时间: 2012-8-9 16:24
我是来抢饭碗哒^_^

On(In) contemporary society, education is enjoying an increasingly high attention from the public. Many problems in the education field make people feel(不要feel ，啰嗦，make sb adj就可以) puzzled. Such as to a university professor which should occupy their more time（their more time觉得有点中文） between the research and the education on their students. It seems to be reasonable to many people that professors should pay more time on educating students, nevertheless if we take a deeper consideration; it is not difficult to make the judgment that doing research is the more crucial thing to university professor（据他人建议，一个句子最好表述一个意思，这儿句子有点长。）.  The foremost reason for my standpoint is that if the professor does research well, they can teach students well. （读到这句子觉得文章怎么开始展开的没读出来。）The procedure of doing researches is to understand theory more deeply. A report conducted by a certain news agency came to us that about 85 percent professors who get the title of “excellent teacher” are all doing research well. There is no doubt that（Undoubtedly比较简洁） with the increasing knowledge in the science, professors can answer the question of students more persuasively. They also can help leading students to make hypothesis in a right direction and help them do the research by themselves. As a result, doing research and educating students has a close connection, the more professors focus time on research, the better they teach students.
Further lending credence to my position is that the quality of the research stands for the strength of the university in the academic field. In the university, we all know that how much and how well the research in the top academic journal is an essential part of the reputation to university. And we know that about 80 percent of the Nobel Prize winners were university professors in the 2011, and their university were becoming more noted. Besides, in my university, a few of my classmates had published research on journals. So professors should make their effort to raise the ability of the university, as well as students.
In addition, even though to some extent, student going to university is to learn knowledge, so you may say that professor should focus time on teaching. However, to university students, self-study ability is a necessary and the basic knowledge is not the main thing that the professor should teach. Students should learn most of it by themselves. The knowledge in a high level is the core in university academic education. Hence what the professor should pay more attention to is the research, in this way, they can help students to go further.（论证很充分，但是例子有点少。）
Therefore taking into account all these factors mentioned above, all the account justifies an unshakable conclusion that doing research is not only benefit for the professors but also contribute to the university and students.

词汇很丰富有木有，论证很充分有木有。不画优美句子了哈，觉得通篇词汇都很好，要画有点多。
但是，结构有点不是很典型，同意楼上。
然后可以再简练一些表达。


亲爱滴↖(^ω^)↗加油^_^
看好你哦。
作者: Cynthia9192    时间: 2012-8-10 13:51
谢谢糖糖~~~糖糖明儿也加油呀！
作者: Cynthia9192    时间: 2012-8-10 17:16
In the lecture theprofessor states that the memoir is accurate to some extent, and it is a reliablehistorical resource. However, this departs from the reading passage, whichcontends that the memoir that Chevalier wrote is less exciting and glamorousthan it seems. The lecture by the professor, unquestionably, casts doubt on thereading material.
 To begin with, the speaker claims that In theSwitzerland, exactly Chevalier had to pay much on many parties. He got moneyafter he sold. But before he got his money it was a few days. Hence he borrowedsome money before got his money. Contrary to the belief in the lecture, thereading passage maintains that, if he was wealthy he did not have to borrowmoney. Therefore, the lecture directly contradicts what the passage indicates.
  Moreover, the lecture argues that, everynight after Chevalier had the conversation with the Volitaire, he written whathe remembered down on the notes. And when he written the memoir, he regularlyconsulted that notes. The reading material, conflicts with the listeningmaterial, makes the point that the accuracy of the conversation is not reliablebecause that many years has pasted. This is another part where lecturecontradicts the reading.
  Finally, the professor takes the positionthat in the prison many other people had even more power than Chevalier, butthey did not escaped away. Besides, old document informed us that afterChevalier escaped, his room repaired. But the reading illustrates that it is dueto the bribe to Chevalier' jailer and the help of his friends, that he couldescape from the prison. Hence, the contents in the writing passage are totallyjeopardized by the speaker.
作者: Cynthia9192    时间: 2012-8-11 00:05
TPO8 综合
  In the lecture the professorstates that the memoir is accurate to some extent, and it is a reliablehistorical resource. However, this departs from the reading passage, whichcontends that the memoir that Chevalier wrote is less exciting and glamorousthan it seems. The lecture by the professor, unquestionably, casts doubt on thereading material.
 To beginwith, the speaker claims that In the Switzerland, exactly Chevalier had to paymuch on many parties. He got money after he sold. But before he got his moneyit was a few days. Hence he borrowed some money before got his money. Contraryto the belief in the lecture, the reading passage maintains that, if he was wealthyhe did not have to borrow money. Therefore, the lecture directly contradictswhat the passage indicates.
  Moreover,the lecture argues that, every night after Chevalier had the conversation withthe Volitaire, he written what he remembered down on the notes. And when hewritten the memoir, he regularly consulted that notes. The reading material,conflicts with the listening material, makes the point that the accuracy of theconversation is not reliable because that many years has pasted. This isanother part where lecture contradicts the reading.
  Finally,the professor takes the position that in the prison many other people had evenmore power than Chevalier, but they did not escaped away. Besides, old documentinformed us that after Chevalier escaped, his room repaired. But the reading illustratesthat it is due to the bribe to Chevalier' jailer and the help of his friends,that he could escape from the prison. Hence, the contents in the writingpassage are totally jeopardized by the speaker.
作者: ykhjy    时间: 2012-8-11 14:37
TPO8 综合 修改~蓝色模版，黄色需修改，红色我改的，绿色总结
In the lecture the professorstates that the memoir is accurate to some extent, and it is a reliablehistorical resource. However, this departs from the reading passage, whichcontends that the memoir that Chevalier wrote is less exciting and glamorous than it seems【in reality.】. The lecture by the professor, unquestionably, casts doubt on thereading material.【说明了主要内容以及lecture和reading的关系，达到目的了。】
To beginwith, the speaker claims that In the Switzerland, exactly【actually】 Chevalier had to paymuch on many parties. He got money after he sold. But before he got his money it【there】 was a few days. Hence he borrowed some money before got his money.【我觉得这里最好能说明他缺的是cache，为什么缺，然后说明他借钱不代表他没钱】 Contraryto the belief in the lecture, the reading passage maintains that, if he was wealthyhe did not have to borrow money. Therefore, the lecture directly contradictswhat the passage indicates.
Moreover,the lecture argues that, every night after Chevalier had the conversation withthe Volitaire, he written【wrote】 what he remembered down on the notes. And when he written【wrote】 the memoir, he regularly consulted that notes. The reading material,conflicts with the listening material, makes the point that the accuracy of theconversation is not reliable because that many years has pasted【Chevalier wrote the memoir many years after the conversations happened】. This is another part where lecture contradicts the reading.
Finally,the professor takes the position that in the prison many other people had even more powerful friends than Chevalier, but they did not【could not to】 escaped away【through bribing】. Besides, old document informed us that after Chevalier escaped, his room needed to be repaired. But the reading illustratesthat it is due to the bribe to Chevalier' jailer and the help of his friends,that he could escape from the prison. Hence, the contents in the writingpassage are totally jeopardized by the speaker.
【我觉得重点在于lecture的内容，有时候把reading中的内容放在后面说，感觉有点奇怪，就像最后一段，已经说明了chevalier不太可能通过贿赂，后面又说reading illustrates。。。可能也和illustrate有点关系，因为它通常来说是有证据的说明。lz细节抓的还是挺好的哈。】



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