ChaseDream

标题: 择日不如撞日来来来写作文！ [打印本页]

作者: 浅吟天 时间: 2012-8-3 23:41
标题: 择日不如撞日来来来写作文！
其实我特胆小，想了很久还是决定开个贴，自己写自己改毕竟看不到全面缺点，望大家指教！！

8.4 独立 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
It is often not a good thing to move to a new city or a new country because of the lose of old friends

I don’t think that there is a logical link between move to a new place and the lose of old friends. As I see, the way to solve the lose of old friends can be the development of new friendship instead of move, and move to a new city could have other more important reasons, such as pursuing study or having a better job.

Some people may argue that moving is a good physical way to get out of the hurt of loss old friends, because you can have a totally new life in a new place where nobody will mention your background. However, avoiding is not a good solution. Even if you have already changed your physical position, it is all in vain if you can not adjust your mood and the perspective of the lose. What’s more, you may run from city to city times and times and finally exhausted. At that time, you will find that the lose happens on yourself. So I don’t think move to a new place will do good to a person. Instead of this negative way to combat the lose, establishing new bund is a healthier method to get out of the lose.

Even if move to a new city or a country has some positive effect on a person, such as the new scenery. Is it often a good thing? The answer may be no. There are many considerations should be taken when choosing to move. For example, you need to adapt to the new climate and custom. And you need to find a new job in an alien city in this fierce job-market. Therefore, the drawbacks may offset the advantage.

In a nutshell, if you think change can bring about fresh atmosphere to your life, then a journey is enough. Change to a new city or a new country will face more challenges, and thus it is not a reasonable choice to make such decision only because the lose of old friends. So it is often not a wise thing to move.

弱问是不是有点跑题。。。

作者: bob9603 时间: 2012-8-4 00:26
给你改了，我给你发qq邮箱了，你有空看下~加油哈，fighting~！

作者: bob9603 时间: 2012-8-4 09:23
看早上给你发的word版的，昨天的那个格式不太对，有些东西显示不出来~

作者: 浅吟天 时间: 2012-8-4 09:38

看早上给你发的word版的，昨天的那个格式不太对，有些东西显示不出来~

-- by 会员 bob9603 (2012/8/4 9:23:00)

啊，居然bob改了！。。。快考G吧，真不好意思。。马上去看

作者: ykhjy 时间: 2012-8-5 20:37
8.4 独立 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
It is often not a good thing to move to a new city or a new country because of the lose of old friends
我总算弄清楚谁改谁的了。。蓝色模版，黄色需修改，红色修改，绿色总结
I don’t think that there is a logical link between move to a new place and the lose of old friends. As I see, the way to solve the lose of old friends can be the development of new friendship instead of move, and move to a new city could have other more important reasons, such as pursuing study or having a better job. 【我觉得是有点偏题了。lz好像想多了，既然题目问move to a new city 和lose old friends的关系，那么就围绕这俩的关系，而最后一句，明显已经偏题。楼主应该明确观点，是认同还是不认同，就算你觉得没有必要谈论这个问题，也要找出它们之间内在的关系。lz，你是不是跳跃思维了额。】

Some people may argue that moving is a good physical way to get out of the hurt of loss old friends, because you can have a totally new life in a new place where nobody will mention your background. However, avoiding is not a good solution. Even if you have already changed your physical position, it is all in vain if you can not adjust your mood and the perspective of the lose 【to the new environment】. What’s more, you may run from 【a】 city to 【another】 city times and times【all the time】 and finally 【will be】 exhausted. At that time, you will find that the lose happens on yourself. So I don’t think move to a new place will do good to a person. Instead of this negative way to combat the lose, establishing new bund is a healthier method to get out of the lose.【这段说明需要建立新友谊来脱离失去旧朋友的痛苦。那么lz应该是认同move to a new city will lose old friends 咯？我觉得楼主还是需要明确你的观点,再展开论述。】

Even if move to a new city or a country has some positive effect on a person, such as the new scenery. Is it often a good thing? The answer may be no. There are many considerations should be taken 【into account】 when choosing to move. For example, you need to adapt to the new climate and custom. And you need to find a new job in an alien city in this fierce job-market. Therefore, the drawbacks may offset the advantage. 【这段说的是move to a city 不一定是件好事，这和失去old friends没关系把？】

In a nutshell, if you think change can bring about fresh atmosphere to your life, then a journey is enough. Change to a new city or a new country will face more challenges, and thus it is not a reasonable choice to make such decision only because the lose of old friends. So it is often not a wise thing to move. 【额。lz这个结尾让我好困惑，你的前提是move to a new city 一定会lose old friends 咯？你讨论的问题是该不该move to a new city?lz。。好像真的偏题了】

【我觉得楼主需要重新审题，可以多看一些这类文章的范文。建议楼主遇到这类题目的时候，可以先简化下问题，先回答agree or disagree 。一起加油！~

】

作者: 浅吟天 时间: 2012-8-5 22:02
8月5日
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement. Movies and television have more negative
effects than positive effects on the way young people behave.
这个话题总让我没话说。挤了出来，看了ls帮我改的第一篇，我在想我是不是又偏题了。。

It is true that the television and movies always bring about a new vision about the world, and it is also true that these medias make our life more colorful and enjoyable. However, hardly can I agree that these advantages are overweight the drawbacks. From my part of view, movies and television have more negative effects on youth. For example, heavy exposure to the screen could do harm to the eyesight and the context maybe not suitable for the youth.

To begin with, young people always do not have a complete world value and they can't tell the evil from the good sometimes. If they addicted in one kind of movies and television, they would imitate it and bring the bad behavior to the real life. For example, the movies have some violent bits that a man has a preference to kill the people who wear green shirt. Some children may be influenced by that plot, so when they see the people with green shirt they have the impulse to beat him. However, this undesirable impulse never emerges before they watch this movie. And a statistic survey shows that when the police ask the juvenile who has committed a crime what is the purpose of the crime, some of them answer that they just want to experience the crime in the movies. Thus, we can see, the context of movies and television sometimes do harm to the youth.

Even if the context is harmful such as soap opera and cartoon. The television and movies still have some negative effects. Firstly, do you aware that more and more young people are wearing eyeglass now? The phenomenon is not only because they have the genetic eyesight drawback but because they have spent too much time exposuring to the screen to which the eyesight is vulnerable. Secondly, the time that spends on television program and movies may deprive their communication time with family and friends and make them more and more aloof to the changes outsides. As we all know, communication ability is a useful skills in the future career and how can young people practice their skills when they only face the screen alone.

In the nutshell, admittedly, television and movies change our life greatly, but the negative effects do more harm to the young people.

作者: 浅吟天 时间: 2012-8-5 22:13
哎，我看了你改的，我真觉得没讲清楚。。我想讲的还是move to a new city不是个好事对lose的人。谢谢了！再问一句，你觉得我是不是该多用点模板，我一直不是很喜欢用，但又觉得这样一段段思路分界不清楚。

8.4 独立 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
It is often not a good thing to move to a new city or a new country because of the lose of old friends
我总算弄清楚谁改谁的了。。蓝色模版，黄色需修改，红色修改，绿色总结
I don’t think that there is a logical link between move to a new place and the lose of old friends. As I see, the way to solve the lose of old friends can be the development of new friendship instead of move, and move to a new city could have other more important reasons, such as pursuing study or having a better job. 【我觉得是有点偏题了。lz好像想多了，既然题目问move to a new city 和lose old friends的关系，那么就围绕这俩的关系，而最后一句，明显已经偏题。楼主应该明确观点，是认同还是不认同，就算你觉得没有必要谈论这个问题，也要找出它们之间内在的关系。lz，你是不是跳跃思维了额。】

Some people may argue that moving is a good physical way to get out of the hurt of loss old friends, because you can have a totally new life in a new place where nobody will mention your background. However, avoiding is not a good solution. Even if you have already changed your physical position, it is all in vain if you can not adjust your mood and the perspective of the lose 【to the new environment】. What’s more, you may run from 【a】 city to 【another】 city times and times【all the time】 and finally 【will be】 exhausted. At that time, you will find that the lose happens on yourself. So I don’t think move to a new place will do good to a person. Instead of this negative way to combat the lose, establishing new bund is a healthier method to get out of the lose.【这段说明需要建立新友谊来脱离失去旧朋友的痛苦。那么lz应该是认同move to a new city will lose old friends 咯？我觉得楼主还是需要明确你的观点,再展开论述。】

Even if move to a new city or a country has some positive effect on a person, such as the new scenery. Is it often a good thing? The answer may be no. There are many considerations should be taken 【into account】 when choosing to move. For example, you need to adapt to the new climate and custom. And you need to find a new job in an alien city in this fierce job-market. Therefore, the drawbacks may offset the advantage. 【这段说的是move to a city 不一定是件好事，这和失去old friends没关系把？】

In a nutshell, if you think change can bring about fresh atmosphere to your life, then a journey is enough. Change to a new city or a new country will face more challenges, and thus it is not a reasonable choice to make such decision only because the lose of old friends. So it is often not a wise thing to move. 【额。lz这个结尾让我好困惑，你的前提是move to a new city 一定会lose old friends 咯？你讨论的问题是该不该move to a new city?lz。。好像真的偏题了】

【我觉得楼主需要重新审题，可以多看一些这类文章的范文。建议楼主遇到这类题目的时候，可以先简化下问题，先回答agree or disagree 。一起加油！~

】

-- by 会员 ykhjy (2012/8/5 20:37:06)

作者: sherryzhangh 时间: 2012-8-6 11:10
It is true that the television and movies always bring about a new vision about the world, and it is also true that these media s make our life more colorful and enjoyable. However, hardly can I agree that these advantages are overweight the drawbacks. From my point~~part~~ of view, movies and television have more negative effects on youth. For example, heavy exposure to the screen could do harm to the eyesight and the context maybe not suitable for the youth.

To begin with, young people always do not have a complete world value and they can't tell the evil from the good sometimes. If they addicted in one kind of movies and television, they would imitate it and bring the bad behavior to the real life. For example, the movies have some violent bits that a man has a preference to kill the people who wear green shirt. Some children may be influenced by that plot, so when they see the people with green shirt they have the impulse to beat him. However, this undesirable impulse never emerges before they watch this movie. And a statistic survey shows that when the police ask the juvenile who has committed a crime what is the motivation ~~purpose~~ of the crime, some of them answer that they just want to experience the crime in the movies. Thus, we can see, the context of movies and television sometimes do harm to the youth.

Even if the context is harmful such as soap opera and cartoon. The television and movies still have some negative effects. (开头是一个什么Statement? 你是想说肥皂剧和卡不但在内容上可能造成对青少年的不利，而且长时间沉迷还会造成身体上和心理上的不利。Another equally important idea is the movies and television such as soap opera and carton not only may cause some extremely harmful behaviors of youth, but also may lead to physical and psychological impairment to them.) Firstly, do you aware that more and more young people are wearing eyeglass now? The phenomenon is not only because they have the genetic eyesight drawback but (also) because they have spent too much time exposure to the screen ~~to which~~thus the eyesight is vulnerable. Secondly, the time that spends on television program and movies may deprive their communication time with family and friends and make them more and more aloof to the changes outsides. As we all know, communication ability is a useful skills in the future career and how can young people practice their skills when they only face the screen alone.
In the nutshell, admittedly, television and movies change our life greatly, but the negative effects do more harm to the young people.

作者: 浅吟天 时间: 2012-8-6 15:09
1，第三段我想说的是，就算他们content上没有问题，长时间看也不好。。是我自己harmless,写成harmful ,误导了。
2，这个想再问一下，“they have spent too much time exposure to the screen ~~to which~~thus the eyesight is vulnerable.”我想表达视力对长时间看屏幕很脆弱（额，中文怎么这么别扭），我觉得我的表达可能是有问题，但你帮我改了后thus是因果，他们不是因果关系。能再帮我看看正确的表达吗
3，还有，最最重要的问题，你觉得我偏题了吗？题要写的是more negative effect than positive...但我写的是它有什么negative effect，觉得吗？
----------------------------------------------------
It is true that the television and movies always bring about a new vision about the world, and it is also true that these media s make our life more colorful and enjoyable. However, hardly can I agree that these advantages are overweight the drawbacks. From my point~~part~~ of view, movies and television have more negative effects on youth. For example, heavy exposure to the screen could do harm to the eyesight and the context maybe not suitable for the youth.

To begin with, young people always do not have a complete world value and they can't tell the evil from the good sometimes. If they addicted in one kind of movies and television, they would imitate it and bring the bad behavior to the real life. For example, the movies have some violent bits that a man has a preference to kill the people who wear green shirt. Some children may be influenced by that plot, so when they see the people with green shirt they have the impulse to beat him. However, this undesirable impulse never emerges before they watch this movie. And a statistic survey shows that when the police ask the juvenile who has committed a crime what is the motivation ~~purpose~~ of the crime, some of them answer that they just want to experience the crime in the movies. Thus, we can see, the context of movies and television sometimes do harm to the youth.

Even if the context is harmful such as soap opera and cartoon. The television and movies still have some negative effects. (开头是一个什么Statement? 你是想说肥皂剧和卡不但在内容上可能造成对青少年的不利，而且长时间沉迷还会造成身体上和心理上的不利。Another equally important idea is the movies and television such as soap opera and carton not only may cause some extremely harmful behaviors of youth, but also may lead to physical and psychological impairment to them.) Firstly, do you aware that more and more young people are wearing eyeglass now? The phenomenon is not only because they have the genetic eyesight drawback but (also) because they have spent too much time exposure to the screen ~~to which~~thus the eyesight is vulnerable. Secondly, the time that spends on television program and movies may deprive their communication time with family and friends and make them more and more aloof to the changes outsides. As we all know, communication ability is a useful skills in the future career and how can young people practice their skills when they only face the screen alone.
In the nutshell, admittedly, television and movies change our life greatly, but the negative effects do more harm to the young people.

-- by 会员 sherryzhangh (2012/8/6 11:10:13)

[/quote]

作者: ykhjy 时间: 2012-8-6 16:47
我觉得刚开始写的时候，用一些模版会好点，这样不太会犯什么严重的错误，而且利于你有个整体的思路。后面写多了，就会形成自己的东西，其实那也叫模版，是自己的模版。

哎，我看了你改的，我真觉得没讲清楚。。我想讲的还是move to a new city不是个好事对lose的人。谢谢了！再问一句，你觉得我是不是该多用点模板，我一直不是很喜欢用，但又觉得这样一段段思路分界不清楚。

】

-- by 会员 ykhjy (2012/8/5 20:37:06)

-- by 会员浅吟天 (2012/8/5 22:13:36)

作者: sherryzhangh 时间: 2012-8-6 20:39
1，第三段我想说的是，就算他们content上没有问题，长时间看也不好。。是我自己harmless,写成harmful ,误导了。（了解了。）
2，这个想再问一下，“they have spent too much time exposure to the screen ~~to which~~thus the eyesight is vulnerable.”我想表达视力对长时间看屏幕很脆弱（额，中文怎么这么别扭），我觉得我的表达可能是有问题，但你帮我改了后thus是因果，他们不是因果关系。能再帮我看看正确的表达吗（ they have spent too much time staring at TV screen which result vulnerable eyesight 我也不知道怎么表达，我的语法特烂)
3，还有，最最重要的问题，你觉得我偏题了吗？题要写的是more negative effect than positive...但我写的是它有什么negative effect，觉得吗？偏题不至于，只是论述不够全面，这种独立作文是要你选择一个立场，同意还是不同意这种statement, 如果同意，那就分点分段论证，常用的论证方法就是例证，一般分三段，每段一个分论点statement. 最后一个结尾段。其实这就是草稿，写多了，习惯了就成了你模板的最初形态，然后你再完善你的模板。应该就能得个不错的分了。
----------------------------------------------------

作者: 浅吟天 时间: 2012-8-8 00:21

（ they have spent too much time staring at TV screen which result vulnerable eyesight 我也不知道怎么表达，我的语法特烂)

-- by 会员 sherryzhangh (2012/8/6 20:39:39)

我自己看了这句话半天也不知道，感觉中文就有问题，什么叫视力对长时间看电视易受伤害。
改成 they have spent too much time staring at TV screen which result poor eyesight , 就对了，虽然通俗了。vulnerable 脆弱的, 敏感的形容 eyesight有点不恰当，对吧。

作者: 浅吟天 时间: 2012-8-8 17:02
8月8日独立
What is the main role of the university professor, to educate students or to do research?

Everyone has many roles in daily life, including the university professor. Some people hold that to educate students should be taken priority when a professor consider his role while others think that they should put doing research at the top of the agenda. From my perspective, I agree with the first opinion.

From its definition we can clearly see the anticipation of the public when creating this position. "University professor" means that a teacher who has professional knowledge and skills in the college that can be infused to students.So I think the main role is to cultivate students. Although some professor put lots of their time in doing research, spending precious time on the subject not means this is the major point of their role. Professors can discover new phenomenon from the research and thus get the cutting-edge information in a specific sphere. In this way, they can teach students the recent knowledge with professional insight. What's more, to educate students and to do research is not in a completely rival part. For example, a big project or new research often can not be done by one person, so the professor always needs some student assistants. To these students, this is a good chance to put theory into practice. In other word, even in the research, the professor can educate students as well. So I consider doing research as an essential and practical way to improve the professor himself and supplement academic education.

What's more, if a person's major role is to do research, we can call him a scientist instead of a university professor. As we all know that scientists spend almost totally their time on research and they do not have a duty to get the
Information spread out. On the other hand, university professor are not free of cultivation and inspiration which are the essential duty of their position.

Admittedly, there are more and more professors immerse in their own study, but if they ignore the importance of education, they are not doing their job well and the university and parents will not allow them to do so. If the main role is not to educate, however, I believe that there will be no blame for the ignorance of education.

In a nutshell, university profession's major role is to educate. Doing research is a way of university professor to be more professional and therefore to teach his or her students well, Which is a complement to the main role.

作者: 浅吟天 时间: 2012-8-8 18:10
8月8 综合 TPO6
第三个点没听清楚。
The lecturer rejects the ideas presented in the reading passage about the drawbacks of online encyclopedias. In her opinion, online encyclopedia has few errors and no access to fabricate randomly and presents the original edition.

The lecturer doesn't agree with the first drawback of the communal online encyclopedia that it lacks the academic credentials because it is created and edited by internet users instead of experts. She contends that the context of the online encyclopedias is closely perfect due to its changeable attribute. On the other hand, if there is an error in the traditional printed encyclopedias, it has remained decades without correction.

Regarding the opportunity to all users to fabricate online encyclopedias randomly, the lecturer explains that there are two ways to protect from these changes. Firstly, when original creating the encyclopedia, the crucial facts will be formated and thus no one can change the essential context. Therefore, the information will be kept reliable. Secondly, there is a person whose job is to observe whether someone wants to fabricate or corrupt the information. And he has the right to eliminate the malicious changes. On the contrary, the reading passages suggests that everyone can randomly delete or fabricate the original text , and thus there is no guarantee of the quality of the text.

Additionally, the lecturer challenges the last drawback in the material that the communal encyclopedia focus too frequently. She thinks that the traditional encyclopedia is affected by the limited space, so the arrangement of the context is totally decided by the people who edited it with personal feelings. While in the online encyclopedia, the original edition material is presented.

作者: ykhjy 时间: 2012-8-9 14:49
8月8日独立修改~~蓝色模版，黄色需修改，红色我改的，绿色总结
What is the main role of the university professor, to educate students or to do research?

Everyone has many roles in daily life, including the university professor. Some people hold that to educate students should be taken priority when a professor consider his role while others think that they should put doing research at the top of the agenda. From my perspective, I agree with the first opinion.【明确了立场，开始的时候用模版还是蛮保险的】

From its【太突兀，which？把后面的university professor提到这里比较好】 definition we can clearly see the anticipation of the public when creating this position. "University professor"【it】 means that a teacher who has professional knowledge and skills in the college that can be infused to【infuse】 students.So I think the main role 【of the professor 】is【should be】 to cultivate students. Although some professors put【spend】 lots of their time in doing research, spending precious time on the subject means this is the major point of their role【it isn't their major role to do research】.【Actually】 Professors can discover new phenomenon from the research and thus【and】 get the cutting-edge information in a specific sphere 【thus】 In this way, they can teach students the recent knowledge with professional insight. What's more【建议这里用，as a matter of fact，因为前面说的也是通过research to educate students，这里用as a matter of fact 可以点明两者关系实质】, to educate students and to do research is【are】 not in a completely rival part. For example, a big project or new research often can not be done by one person, so the professor always needs some student assistants. To these students, this is a good chance to put theory into practice. In other word, even in the research, the professor can educate students as well. So I consider doing research as an essential and practical way to ~~improve the professor himself and~~【突出重点比较好】supplement academic education.【这个point很好喔】

What's more【前面有了what’s more，可以换一下词，比如 in addition 什么的】, if a person's major role is to do research, we can call him a scientist instead of a university professor. As we all know that scientists spend almost totally their time on research and they do not have a duty to get the Information spread out. On the other hand, university professor are not free of cultivation and inspiration which are the essential duty of their position.【和scientist相比较，这个切入点不错。能有点论据说为什么是他们的本质职责会更好】

Admittedly, there are more and more professors immerse in their own study, but if they ignore the importance of education, they are not doing their job well and the university and parents will not allow them to do so. If the main role is not to educate, ~~however,~~ I believe that there will ~~be no~~ blame for the ignorance of education【不会指责忽视教育？双重否定。。】.【这一段的让步应该说的是professor有做研究的职责，第一句只说越来越多教授投入到他们的研究，这只是一个现象，并没有对此作出解释+后面说的如果叫兽忽视教育怎么怎么样。。。对于整篇文章结构上来说，这一段也构成不了让步了。】

In a nutshell, university profession's major role is to educate. Doing research is a way of university professor to be more professional and therefore to teach his or her students well, Which is a complement to the main role.【总结很好！，点明俩role间的关系】
【整篇文章立场是明确了，只是论证过程中，最好能突出point，多加些论据，还有让步那一段得注意下，比如说教授也有职责做研究说明为什么，然后再说但这并不代表他们可以忽视教育的职责】

作者: 浅吟天 时间: 2012-8-9 16:31
8月9日综合 tpo7
超时了10分钟。。

The lecturer rejects the ideas in the reading passage that American companies will not meet high ecological standards in order to get the certification from an international organization. He argues that people in United States do react to these ecocertification labels and they have the willing to pay a higher price for these products. What's more, the US companies have to keep up with the rest of the world.

To begin with, the lecturer doesn't agree with the first claim in the material that Americans are unaware about the ecocertification label. He contends that people can distinguish the claims made by the company itself and the claims guaranteed by certifications. That is to say，American consumers will react to the advertising in ecocertification lable.

Regarding the price, the reading passage argues that consumers in American are strongly influenced by price, and thus they will not buy ecocertified wood due to its higher price. However, the lecturer explains that only if the price is much higher, consumers will not buy the product. The price of ecocertified wood is not 5% higher than normal price, so the consumers will take the ecocertification effect into account and be likely to buy it. Furthermore, Americans always pay much attention to protecting environment, thus there is definitely a market for ecocertified wood.

Additional, the lecturer agree with the argument that American companies keep up with the rest of the world.If they do not produce ecocertified wood, the foreign companies will swarm into the domestic market and thus take place of American companies. American people do care about environment, so they are willing to buy the product of foreign companies. In order to avoid this negative effect, the US companies have to keep up with the rest of the world to get the ecocertification. On the contrary, the reading suggests that pursuing certification doesn't make sense because American companies not sell their products abroad and there is no threat in the domestic market.

作者: kchszy061ban 时间: 2012-8-9 20:51
蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误

The lecturer rejects the ideas presented in the reading passage about the drawbacks of online encyclopedias. In her opinion, online encyclopedia has few errors and no access to fabricate randomly and presents the original edition.

The lecturer doesn't agree with the first drawback of the communal online encyclopedia that it lacks the academic credentials because it is created and edited by internet users instead of experts. She contends that the context of the online encyclopedias is closely perfect due to its changeable attribute. On the other hand, if there is an error in the traditional printed encyclopedias, it has remained decades without correction.（不错的哈）

Regarding the opportunity to all users to fabricate online encyclopedias randomly, the lecturer explains that there are two ways to protect from these changes. Firstly, when original creating the encyclopedia, the crucial facts will be formated and thus no one can change the essential context. Therefore, the information will be kept reliable. Secondly, there is a person whose job is（这里直接用特殊编辑就可以了额） to observe whether someone wants to fabricate or corrupt the information. And he has the right to eliminate the malicious changes. On the contrary, the reading passages suggests that everyone can randomly delete or fabricate the original text , and thus there is no guarantee of the quality of the text.（听力和阅读的字数分配的不错。）

Additionally, the lecturer challenges the last drawback in the material that the communal encyclopedia focus too frequently. She thinks that the traditional encyclopedia is affected by the limited space, so the arrangement of the context is totally decided by the people who edited it with personal feelings. While in the online encyclopedia, the original edition material is presented.

语言不错，只是听力笔记做好就行了

作者: 浅吟天 时间: 2012-8-9 20:55
首先，真心谢谢你！改的好详细
嗯我开始从“自由人”规范用模版了，希望有天模板能有我自己的套路。讨论这个颜色的

8月8日独立修改~~蓝色模版，黄色需修改，红色我改的，绿色总结
What is the main role of the university professor, to educate students or to do research?

Everyone has many roles in daily life, including the university professor. Some people hold that to educate students should be taken priority when a professor consider his role while others think that they should put doing research at the top of the agenda. From my perspective, I agree with the first opinion.【明确了立场，开始的时候用模版还是蛮保险的】

From its【太突兀，which？把后面的university professor提到这里比较好】 definition we can clearly see the anticipation of the public when creating this position. "University professor"【it】 means that a teacher who has professional knowledge and skills in the college that can be infused to【infuse】我觉得这个infuse是修饰knowledge and skill的，所以我用了被动。 students.So I think the main role 【of the professor 】is【should be】 to cultivate students. Although some professorsput【spend】这个我搭配不好，想问下是不是没有put some time的说法，其实我本用的spend但觉得与后面重复所以换了个词。 lots of their time in doing research, spending precious time on the subject not meansthis is the major point of their role【it isn't their major role to do research】.【Actually】 Professors can discover new phenomenon from the research and thus【and】 get the cutting-edge information in a specific sphere 【thus】 In this way, they can teach students the recent knowledge with professional insight. What's more【建议这里用，as a matter of fact，因为前面说的也是通过research to educate students，这里用as a matter of fact 可以点明两者关系实质】, to educate students and to do research is【are】 not in a completely rival part. For example, a big project or new research often can not be done by one person, so the professor always needs some student assistants. To these students, this is a good chance to put theory into practice. In other word, even in the research, the professor can educate students as well. So I consider doing research as an essential and practical way to ~~improve the professor himself and~~【突出重点比较好】supplement academic education.【这个point很好喔】

What's more【前面有了what’s more，可以换一下词，比如 in addition 什么的】, if aperson's major role is to do research, we can call him a scientist instead of a university professor. As we all know that scientists spend almost totally their time on research and they do not have a duty to get the Information spread out. On the other hand, university professor are not free of cultivation and inspiration which are the essential duty of their position.【和scientist相比较，这个切入点不错。能有点论据说为什么是他们的本质职责会更好】

Admittedly, there are more and more professors immerse in their own study, but if they ignore the importance of education, they are not doing their job well and the university and parents will not allow them to do so. If the main role is not to educate, ~~however,~~ I believe that there will ~~be no~~ blame for the ignorance of education【不会指责忽视教育？双重否定。。】我想说“若育人不是main role就不会有老师家长的责备了（双重否定突出他们的天职就是教学），但我第一个词admittedly的确用的不好，没有让步关系，误导了”.【这一段的让步应该说的是professor有做研究的职责，第一句只说越来越多教授投入到他们的研究，这只是一个现象，并没有对此作出解释+后面说的如果叫兽忽视教育怎么怎么样。。。对于整篇文章结构上来说，这一段也构成不了让步了。】

In a nutshell, university profession's major role is to educate. Doing research is a way of university professor to be more professional and therefore to teach his or her students well, Which is a complement to the main role.【总结很好！，点明俩role间的关系】
【整篇文章立场是明确了，只是论证过程中，最好能突出point，多加些论据，还有让步那一段得注意下，比如说教授也有职责做研究说明为什么，然后再说但这并不代表他们可以忽视教育的职责】

-- by 会员 ykhjy (2012/8/9 14:49:09)

[/quote]

作者: 浅吟天 时间: 2012-8-9 21:52
今天不写新作文，根据建议重写了8月8日独立
What is the main role of the university professor, to educate students or to do research?

思路：main role 是育人
1.从 “大学教授”这个名称可以看出主次。科研是充实教师自己知识，专业的方式。
2.若天天科研就是科学家，不是教授了。科学家不育人没关系，教师就失职了
3.育人科研并不矛盾。举例，需要学生助手，他们从中学东西。

Everyone has many roles in daily life, including the university professor. Some people hold that to educate students should be taken priority when a professor consider his role while others think that they should put doing research at the top of the agenda. From my perspective, I agree with the first opinion.

From the definition of university professor we can clearly see the anticipation of the public when creating this position. It means that a teacher who has professional knowledge and skills in the college that can be infused to students. So I think the main role of the professor should be to cultivate students. Although some professors spend lots of their time in doing research, spending precious time on the subject doesn’t mean this is the major point of their role. Actually Professors can discover new phenomenon from the research and get the cutting-edge information in a specific sphere. Thus, in this way, they can teach students the recent knowledge with professional insight. So I consider doing research as an essential and practical way to improve the professor himself.

What's more, if a person's major role is to do research, we can call him a scientist instead of a university professor. As we all know that scientists spend almost totally their time on research and they do not have a duty to get the Information spread out. On the other hand, university professor are not free of cultivation and inspiration which are the essential duty of their position, because if they ignore the importance of education, they are not doing their job well and the university and parents will not allow them to do so. However, if assuming the main role is not to educate, I believe that there will be no blame for the ignorance of education

Last but not the least, some people may argue that if professors put much emphasis on education, it will reduce their energy to do research, which is crucial for a teacher to be professional. Nevertheless, to educate students and to do research are not in completely rival part.s For example, a big project or new research often can not be done by one person, so the professor always needs some student assistants. To these students, this is a good chance to put theory into practice. In other word, even in the research, the professor can educate students as well.

In a nutshell, university profession's major role is to educate. Doing research is a way of university professor to be more professional and therefore to teach his or her students well, Which is a complement to the main role.

作者: 浅吟天 时间: 2012-8-10 17:56
8月10日独立
Some people say we should never be impolite to another person. Do you agree or disagree?

If the question asked was whether we should never be impolite to another person, and require an absolute yes-no answer, I think i will say no. Admittedly, we should not impolite to others randomly, but in some case impolite is acceptable or even necessary.

To begin with, sometimes impolite is inevitable. Imagining this picture, you have a quarrel with others. There will be no compromise. The best way to avoid the quarrel into a fight is using the serious or even impolite words to warning the opposite. Another example is that someone always harass your home, if
you are too polite and gentle to him, he will not afraid of you and doing the same things again and again, which is an unnecessarily big distraction. However, if you say to him you will call the police, maybe he will never appear in front of your house again. This cold face and impolite tune is a way to protect yourself from perpetual disruption. In this case, impolite behavior is somewhat necessary.

In addition, impolite is the smallest way to express dissatisfaction. A boss may act impolitely to his employees to express that he is not content about their performance instead of other more serious indecent behavior. Instead of firing the employee directly,from this impolite tone employees can detect where can be improved, and do it better next time. This strategy will not cause a high turnover rate.

Besides, in some circumstance, impolite behavior can be forgivable. For example, someone hears a bad new, such as losing a close friend or family member, he can not control himself and smooth the feeling when the news strikes him. If someone else talk to him at that moment, it is possible that he will give an impolite response or do not want to answer. But if he explain or even apologize for his impolite behavior, it' ok because we all made by flesh and blood. Thus everyone can understand him in that situation.

All in all, although impolite behavior has negative effect most of times, this doesn't mean that we should never be impolite. In some circumstance, impolite behavior is understandable.

作者: 浅吟天 时间: 2012-8-10 18:38
8.10 综合 TPO8
The lecturer rejects the ideas in the reading passage that doubts the accuracy of Chevalier de Seingalt's memoir.In her opinion, the three details in the memoir are reliable that Chevalier could be wealthy but at the same time borrow money, the record of conversations was accurate and he escaped the prison from the ceiling.

To begin with, the lecturer doesn't agree with the first inaccuracy in the reading materials that Chevalier borrowed considerable amount of money while he was very rich. She contends that Chevalier had a huge amount of properties, but he should sell them firstly to change them into cash. As the reading passage mentions, he spent money on parties and gambling which needed cash. So he could borrow cash directly from his friends without selling things. This doesn’t contradict with the claim that he was wealthy enough.

Regarding the conversations, the lecturer explains that Chevalier had a habit to take note every day, so even the particular details could not be lost and the memoir is reliable. On the contrary, the reading passage claims that Chevalier wrote the memoir many years after the conversation happened which makes it inaccurate.

In addition, the lecture challenges the last point in the passage that Chevalier bribed to free himself instead of climbing through the roof. She argues that other prisoners even richer than Chevaliers had no ability to bribe successfully, let alone Chevalier. What's more, the government once repaired the ceiling of the prison just after the escape of Chevalier. A simple logical line is that if Chevalier didn't escape from the roof, there was no need to do so.

作者: kchszy061ban 时间: 2012-8-10 19:37
是听的次数多了，就记住细节了。要是听新题的话，还是有点吃力的了，所以，把听力提上去就好啊。

作者: kaddish 时间: 2012-8-10 20:26
标题: 8.9修改
The lecturer rejects the ideas in the reading passage that American companies will not meet high ecological standards in order to get the certification from an international organization. He argues that people in （the）United States do react to these ecocertification labels and they have the willing to pay a higher price for these products. What's more, the US companies have to keep up with the rest of the world.(我看楼主第一段写了这么多，而且提到超时问题，建议第一段内容简化，用下模板的形势)

To begin with, the lecturer doesn't agree with the first claim in the material that Americans are unaware about the ecocertification label.（我觉得不是没有意识到而是是否能区分的问题） He contends that people can distinguish the claims made by the company itself and the claims guaranteed by certifications. That is to say，American consumers will react to the advertising in ecocertification lable.

Regarding the price, the reading passage argues that consumers in American are strongly influenced by price, and thus they will not buy ecocertified wood due to its higher price. However, the lecturer explains that only if the price is much higher, consumers will not buy the product. The price of ecocertified wood is not 5% higher than normal price, so the consumers will take the ecocertification effect into account and be likely to buy it（没有指代清楚）. Furthermore, Americans always pay much attention to protecting environment, thus there is definitely a market for ecocertified wood.

Additional, the lecturer agree（agrees） with the argument that American （should标明一个立场）companies keep up with the rest of the world.If they do not produce ecocertified wood, the foreign companies will swarm into the domestic market and thus take place of American companies. In addtion,American people do care about environment, so they are willing to buy the product of foreign companies. In order to avoid this negative effect, the US companies have to keep up with the rest of the world to get the ecocertification. On the contrary, the reading suggests that pursuing certification doesn't make sense because American companies (do)not sell their products abroad and there is no threat in the domestic market. (国外市场不是不卖是卖的少)
总结：语言挺通顺的，要点也抓全了，但是有些句子还可以稍加凝练下，总之，fighting!

作者: GWinner 时间: 2012-8-11 16:07
8.10 综合 TPO8
精彩错误修改提议综合
The lecturer rejects the ideas in the reading passage that doubts the accuracy of Chevalier de Seingalt's memoir.In her opinion, the three details in the memoir are reliable that Chevalier could be wealthy but at the same time borrow money, the record of conversations was accurate and he escaped the prison from the ceiling.[感觉其实没有必要在第一段详细的把具体内容说出来, 第一段简洁明了就好了~]

To begin with, the lecturer doesn't agree with the first inaccuracy in the reading materials that Chevalier borrowed considerable amount of money while he was very rich.[这里说的有点不太清楚阿..lecturer到底同同意哪个呢?while感觉会引起逻辑歧义]She contends that Chevalier had a huge amount of properties, but he should sell them firstly to change them into cash. As the reading passage mentions, he spent money on parties and gambling which needed cash. So he could borrow cash directly from his friends without selling things.[我听的是说卖掉资产变现需要一定时间,为了弥补这个变现的时间差,他才向别人借钱...不知道对不对] This doesn’t contradict with the claim that he was wealthy enough.

Regarding the conversations, the lecturer explains that Chevalier had a habit to take note every day, so even the particular details could not be lost and the memoir is reliable. On the contrary, the reading passage claims that Chevalier wrote the memoir many years after the conversation happened which makes it inaccurate.[综合写作感觉应该是lecture站更多的篇幅哈~LZ可以再多写写lecture的细节...多强调lecture~lecture和reading平分秋色就不好了]

In addition, the lecture challenges the last point in the passage that Chevalier bribed to free himself instead of climbing through the roof.[貌似是ceiling...而且应该是他用一个metal的东西弄的] She argues that other prisoners even richer than Chevaliers had no ability to bribe successfully, let alone Chevalier. What's more, the government once repaired the ceiling of the prison just after the escape of Chevalier. A simple logical line is that if Chevalier didn't escape from the roof, there was no need to do so.

LZ写的不错~听力的点基本都到位了应该这是我十分欠缺的...不知道LZ再做听力的时候做笔记有什么技巧呢? 求指教~~

一个问题在前面也说到过就是应该大力写lecture 写的越细节越好~少写甚至可以忽略reading的内容~我感觉ETS很注重看一个人还原听力内容的能力看OG范文的时候也发现有的段落甚至根本没提reading的事儿

最后就是大家都普遍存在的问题啦句子和词汇的用法...这点在综合写作里面体现的不多就不过多强调啦

我们共同加油哦~~~

作者: lemonyhu 时间: 2012-8-11 16:26
8月10日独立
Some people say we should never be impolite to another person. Do you agree or disagree?

If the question asked was whether we should never be impolite to another person, and require an absolute yes-no answer, I think i will say no. Admittedly, we should not impolite to others randomly, but in some case impolite is acceptable or even necessary.

To begin with, sometimes impolite is inevitable. Imagining this picture, you have a quarrel with others. There will be no compromise. The best way to avoid the quarrel into a fight is using the serious or even impolite words to warning the opposite. Another example is that someone always harass your home, if you are too polite and gentle to him, he will not afraid of you and doing the same things again and again, which is an unnecessarily big distraction. However, if you say to（tell） him you will call the police, maybe he will never appear in front of your house again. This cold face and impolite tune is a way to protect yourself from perpetual disruption. In this case, impolite behavior is somewhat necessary.

In addition, impolite is the smallest way to express dissatisfaction. A boss may act impolitely to his employees to express that he is not content about their performance instead of other more serious indecent behavior. Instead of firing the employee directly,from this impolite tone employees can detect where can be improved, and do it better next time. This strategy will not cause a high turnover rate.

Besides, in some circumstance, impolite behavior can be forgivable. For example, someone hears a bad new(news 不能用单数表示新闻把？), such as losing a close friend or family member, he can not control himself and smooth the feeling when the news strikes him.（这句话应该分成两个短句子） If someone else talk to him at that moment, it is possible that he will give an impolite response or do not want to answer. But if he explain or even apologize for his impolite behavior, it' ok because we all made by flesh and blood. Thus everyone can understand him in that situation.

All in all, although impolite behavior has negative effect most of times（我觉得缺少介词呢）, this doesn't mean that we should never be impolite. In some circumstance, impolite behavior is understandable

1、LZ的文章写的很通顺很清晰，论点也很分明~

2、句子的使用上还可以更多元一些~
3、一些词语和句子的使用上欠妥当~平常注意就好啦
4、总体来说给人一种一气呵成的痛快感~
（红色是我认为不太妥当的地方，水蓝色是我觉得好的句子~）

作者: 浅吟天 时间: 2012-8-11 18:09
TO GWinner:

1，原来你还在这里问了我听力的问题啊。。我刚在你那儿问你。。这篇听力还不算难，我还可以应付，难了就不会了。。我的方法不是很传统，就是阅读一定要每个细节读懂！！这样才能在听力时抓到些平时不熟的词，更好掌握意思。但我就是写不下来意思，只处在掌握的分上，所以才问你如何听的这么细致，连journal这种都还原了。。
2，第二段平分篇幅了，是因为我没记下了听力讲啥

3，再问个问题，第一段要不要列出教授的主要驳斥点？一列篇幅就冗长了。。

作者: 浅吟天 时间: 2012-8-11 18:24
讨论下这个色的

想问下
1，你觉不觉得我第二三段在说一个问题，都是有时需要impolite，没有层次也没有递进。
2，还有，你觉得我第二段的两个例子妥吗，有没有说服力，写的时候就觉得在自说自话。

8月10日独立
Some people say we should never be impolite to another person. Do you agree or disagree?

If the question asked was whether we should never be impolite to another person, and require an absolute yes-no answer, I think i will say no. Admittedly, we should not impolite to others randomly, but in some case impolite is acceptable or even necessary.

To begin with, sometimes impolite is inevitable. Imagining this picture, you have a quarrel with others. There will be no compromise. The best way to avoid the quarrel into a fight is using the serious or even impolite words to warning the opposite. Another example is that someone always harass （请问有什么表骚扰的好词，词穷了）your home, if you are too polite and gentle to him, he will not afraid of you and doing the same things again and again, which is an unnecessarily big distraction. However, if you say to（tell） him you will call the police, maybe he will never appear in front of your house again. This cold face and impolite tune is a way to protect yourself from perpetual disruption. In this case, impolite behavior is somewhat necessary.

In addition, impolite is the smallest way to express dissatisfaction. A boss may act impolitely to his employees to express that he is not content about their performance instead of other more serious indecent behavior. Instead of firing the employee directly,from this impolite tone employees can detect where can be improved, and do it better next time. This strategy will not cause a high turnover rate.

Besides, in some circumstance, impolite behavior can be forgivable. For example, someone hears a bad new(news 不能用单数表示新闻把？), such as losing a close friend or family member, he can not control himself and smooth the feeling when the news strikes him.（这句话应该分成两个短句子） If someone else talk to him at that moment, it is possible that he will give an impolite response or do not want to answer. But if he explain or even apologize for his impolite behavior, it' ok because we all made by flesh and blood. Thus everyone can understand him in that situation.

All in all, although impolite behavior has negative effect most of times（我觉得缺少介词呢most of the time,对了我刚才改你的，最后一段也有这个词，你也改了把）, this doesn't mean that we should never be impolite. In some circumstance, impolite behavior is understandable

1、LZ的文章写的很通顺很清晰，论点也很分明~

2、句子的使用上还可以更多元一些~
3、一些词语和句子的使用上欠妥当~平常注意就好啦
4、总体来说给人一种一气呵成的痛快感~
（红色是我认为不太妥当的地方，水蓝色是我觉得好的句子~）

-- by 会员 lemonyhu (2012/8/11 16:26:40)

作者: 浅吟天 时间: 2012-8-11 21:55
8月11日独立
To improve the quality of education university should spend more money on salary for professor.

As we all know, money can buy many things. However, whether it can but the quality of education is a question. Some people argue that money can stimulate a better perform of professor while others hold the opposite view. From my perspective, spending more money on salary for professor is not an efficient way to improve the quality of education.

To make this question clear, we need to understand the effect of this addition salary. To be honest, i agree that everybody love money. The more money you own, the stronger purchasing power you have. Nevertheless, does that means this addition salary will have the same effect as original amount of salary? Firstly, the marginal utility is decreasing. Professors are not like some people struggling for food and clothing. It is entirely possible that the original salary has already high enough for professors to lead a decent and desirable life. Therefore, the additional amount of money is not as seductive as the original amount. Secondly, if the university uses the method of increasing money to persuade professor to improve the quality of education, it may have the opposite result. Professors are the elites of the society. The honorable ambitions and passions of teaching bring them to the classroom, rather than a high salary. If the university intends to spur professors’ better performance, the president should give them intangible and spiritual award. On the contrary, directly giving professors tangible reward such as additional salary will hurt their feelings.

Even if the additional money is exactly what the professor want, it is still hard to say that it will turn to be the incentive to improve their education quality. For example, some professors think that if they change their job, they will have a higher salary than present. Thus the increased amount is considered as the compensation of their opportunity cost. They will take it for granted. In this circumstance, the university wastes the investment because the addition salary doesn't converse into the impetus of professors to improve the education quality.

In a nutshell, the university uses the strategy of spending more money salary will not achieve its goal of the improvement of education quality. The reason is that the additional salary has little influence on professor and it is hard to transfer the money into where the university want it to go.

作者: lemonyhu 时间: 2012-8-11 22:43
讨论来~~~

一开始我在思考三段的推进问题，但是我觉得现在看来第二段应该在加强一些说理，因为之举一个例子不进行分析是不是有些不足？但我觉得例子很好~
harass已经算是不常见的啦我认为~~~

作者: GWinner 时间: 2012-8-11 23:19

TO GWinner:

1，原来你还在这里问了我听力的问题啊。。我刚在你那儿问你。。这篇听力还不算难，我还可以应付，难了就不会了。。我的方法不是很传统，就是阅读一定要每个细节读懂！！这样才能在听力时抓到些平时不熟的词，更好掌握意思。但我就是写不下来意思，只处在掌握的分上，所以才问你如何听的这么细致，连journal这种都还原了。。
2，第二段平分篇幅了，是因为我没记下了听力讲啥

3，再问个问题，第一段要不要列出教授的主要驳斥点？一列篇幅就冗长了。。

-- by 会员浅吟天 (2012/8/11 18:09:00)

1.每个细节都读的话就木有时间记笔记了我> <....我真是做什么都慢半拍阿......这篇是我听了两遍之后的结果> <所以才能有更多细节.....感觉考试只能靠寂静填细节了
2.有时候我也是于是乎我就各种瞎编乱造带胡诌......有点是点
3.感觉第一段其实不用列详细的东西哈~大概把author和lecturer之间怎么反驳反驳的是reason还是theory的truth神马的说说就好了不用具体到是什么...我是这么想的> <...

作者: sarahpx 时间: 2012-8-12 11:59

8.11 改老规矩，你懂的~

As we all know, money can buy many things. However, whether it can buy the quality of education is a question. Some people argue that money can stimulate a better perform of professor while others hold the opposite view. From my perspective, spending more money on salary for professor is not an efficient way to improve the quality of education.

To make this question clear, we need to understand the effect of this addition salary. To be honest, I agree that everybody loves money. The more money you own, the stronger purchasing power you have. Nevertheless, does that mean this addition salary will have the same effect as original amount of salary? Firstly, the marginal utility is decreasing. Professors are not like some people struggling for food and clothing. It is entirely possible that the original salary has already high enough for professors to lead a decent and desirable life. Therefore, the additional amount of money is not as seductive as the original amount. Secondly, if the university uses the method of increasing money to persuade professor to improve the quality of education, it may have the opposite result. Professors are the elites of the society. The honorable ambitions and passions of teaching bring them to the classroom, rather than a high salary. If the university intends to spur professors’ better performance, the president should give them intangible and spiritual awards. On the contrary, directly giving professors tangible reward such as additional salary will hurt their feelings（这句有点过了，而且上文也提到everybody loves money，有点confused）.

Even if the additional money is exactly what the professor want, it is still hard to say that it will turn to be the incentive to improve their education quality. For example, some professors think that if they change their job, they will have a higher salary than present. Thus the increased amount is considered as the compensation（你想把它当做“补偿”的意思是吗，可是这个词本身是表示广义的薪酬，会有点歧义） of their opportunity cost. They will take it for granted. In/under this circumstance, the university wastes the investment because the addition salary doesn't converse into the impetus of professors to improve the education quality.

In a nutshell, the university uses the strategy of spending more money salary will not achieve its goal of the improvement of education quality. The reason is that the additional salary has little influence on professor and it is hard to transfer the money into where the university want it to go（transfer into 后面应该接名词性的吧，不是一个状语）.

总结：

1. 逻辑层次清晰，非常值得学习哦~

2. 有些地方用词有点欠妥，句式也比较单一，注意长短句结合，可以试试用虚拟，反问或者让步等等。

3. 论证比较好，但是论据比较不充分额，最好是有更specific的例子。

4. 用递进关系写的话说不定会拿高分的哦~`~加油，浅浅

作者: 浅吟天 时间: 2012-8-12 16:25
我再问一问哈，因为我隐约觉得这篇还有上升空间，嘿嘿
1，这篇这么递进呢，不是很懂。我的思路是增加的那部分钱对叫兽没效（两个例子)--即使有效他们也不一定把它转化为质量保证。我觉得已经有个让步了，不知怎么递进。。
2，第二次收到“长短句结合”的建议了，你觉得我是长句太多了哇？
3，谢谢你“虚拟，反问或者让步”的建议，以前完全没注意到。。一起加油！！

8.11 改老规矩，你懂的~

As we all know, money can buy many things. However, whether it can buy the quality of education is a question. Some people argue that money can stimulate a better perform of professor while others hold the opposite view. From my perspective, spending more money on salary for professor is not an efficient way to improve the quality of education.

To make this question clear, we need to understand the effect of this addition salary. To be honest, I agree that everybody loves money. The more money you own, the stronger purchasing power you have. Nevertheless, does that mean this addition salary will have the same effect as original amount of salary? Firstly, the marginal utility is decreasing. Professors are not like some people struggling for food and clothing. It is entirely possible that the original salary has already high enough for professors to lead a decent and desirable life. Therefore, the additional amount of money is not as seductive as the original amount. Secondly, if the university uses the method of increasing money to persuade professor to improve the quality of education, it may have the opposite result. Professors are the elites of the society. The honorable ambitions and passions of teaching bring them to the classroom, rather than a high salary. If the university intends to spur professors’ better performance, the president should give them intangible and spiritual awards. On the contrary, directly giving professors tangible reward such as additional salary will hurt their feelings（这句有点过了，而且上文也提到everybody loves money，有点confused）.

Even if the additional money is exactly what the professor want, it is still hard to say that it will turn to be the incentive to improve their education quality. For example, some professors think that if they change their job, they will have a higher salary than present. Thus the increased amount is considered as the compensation（你想把它当做“补偿”的意思是吗，可是这个词本身是表示广义的薪酬，会有点歧义） of their opportunity cost. They will take it for granted. In/under this circumstance, the university wastes the investment because the addition salary doesn't converse into the impetus of professors to improve the education quality.

In a nutshell, the university uses the strategy of spending more money salary will not achieve its goal of the improvement of education quality. The reason is that the additional salary has little influence on professor and it is hard to transfer the money into where the university want it to go（transfer into 后面应该接名词性的吧，不是一个状语）.

总结：

1. 逻辑层次清晰，非常值得学习哦~

2. 有些地方用词有点欠妥，句式也比较单一，注意长短句结合，可以试试用虚拟，反问或者让步等等。

3. 论证比较好，但是论据比较不充分额，最好是有更specific的例子。

4. 用递进关系写的话说不定会拿高分的哦~`~加油，浅浅

-- by 会员 sarahpx (2012/8/12 11:59:17)

作者: sarahpx 时间: 2012-8-12 16:46
这篇是有上升的空间啊，你的例证不充分呢~我感觉你的让步是不是可以说是跟上面的一个递进？如果我们来辩论这个主题你明显是把我方后路堵了一个。不过偶逻辑超烂，说错了也说不定……一般的递进是 more importantly这类词引导？

我再问一问哈，因为我隐约觉得这篇还有上升空间，嘿嘿
1，这篇这么递进呢，不是很懂。我的思路是增加的那部分钱对叫兽没效（两个例子)--即使有效他们也不一定把它转化为质量保证。我觉得已经有个让步了，不知怎么递进。。
2，第二次收到“长短句结合”的建议了，你觉得我是长句太多了哇？
3，谢谢你“虚拟，反问或者让步”的建议，以前完全没注意到。。一起加油！！

-- by 会员 sarahpx (2012/8/12 11:59:17)

-- by 会员浅吟天 (2012/8/12 16:25:29)

作者: 浅吟天 时间: 2012-8-13 10:48
8月12日综合 tpo10
请今帮我改作文的亲帮我看看模版哈。中间几段有没有点啰嗦？
the lecturer rejects the argument in the reading passage that the decline of sea otter's populations is mainly due to environmental pollution. She contends that predation theory seems the more likely explanation of the decline.

The lecturer doesn't agree with the first reason listed in the reading material that pollution causes the deaths of sea otters. She argues that the fact is although living in the heave polluted area, the sea otters haven't been found died. That is to say, the increased levels of chemical pollution is not responsible for the death.

Regarding the population decline in the entire ecosystem, the lecturer holds that it can be totally explained by the theory of predation. Because larger prey such as other whales are hunted by human, orcas who prefer to hunting these larger preys have to change their taste to prey some much smaller sea mammals such as seals,
sea lions and sea otter. Therefore, it presents the decline of the entire ecosystem rather than a single species.On the contrary, the passage suggests that environmental pollution affects all sea mammals.

Additionally, the lecturer challenges the last reason in the reading passage that the uneven pattern of otter decline is attributed to the pollution locations. She claims that because orcas are too large to living in the shallow areas, they can only prey sea mammals in accessible locations. Therefore, the population of otters in shallow areas is much higher than other places,which precisely explains the phenomenon of uneven location. On the other hand, the reading passage holds that ocean currents or other environmental factors are the reason to create this uneven concentration of the decline of sea otters.

作者: 浅吟天 时间: 2012-8-13 10:53
TO Sara
我懂你的意思了。要递进就直接点，我的表达是“即使承认（也就是说第一点就不承认）。。。，后面那样也不对”。好下次写成more importantly

作者: sherryzhangh 时间: 2012-8-13 13:24
浅,你好, 这篇我确实没有听得很清楚,看着范文给你改了一下,我的语法很烂, 凭语感给你做了一些修改,不一定对. 有意见告诉我.谢谢!
The lecturer rejects the argument in the reading passage that the decline of sea otter's populations is mainly due to environmental pollution. She contends that predation theory seemsto be the more likely explanation of the decline.

The lecturer doesn't agree with the first reason listed in the reading material that pollution causes the deaths of sea otters. She argues that the fact is: although living in the heave polluted area, the dead bodies of sea otters haven't been found which apparently had been eaten by predators. That is to say, the increased levels of chemical pollution are not responsible for the death.

Regarding the population decline in the entire ecosystem, the lecturer holds that it can be totally explained by the theory of predation. Because larger prey such as other whales are hunted by human, orcas who prefer to hunting these larger preys have to change their ~~taste~~target to prey some much smaller sea mammals such as seals,sea lions and sea otter. Therefore, it presents the decline of the entire ecosystem rather than a single species. On the contrary, the passage suggests that environmental pollution affects all sea mammals.

Additionally, the lecturer challenges the last reason in the reading passage that the uneven pattern of otter decline is attributed to the pollution locations. She claims that because orcas are too large to living in the shallow areas, they could only prey sea mammals in accessible locations. Therefore, the population of otters in shallow areas is much higher than other deeper water places which precisely explain the phenomenon of uneven location. On the other hand, the reading passage holds that ocean currents or other changing environmental factors are the reason to create this uneven concentration of the decline of sea otters.

作者: 浅吟天 时间: 2012-8-13 21:15
讨论一个地方，这个颜色的

浅,你好, 这篇我确实没有听得很清楚,看着范文给你改了一下,我的语法很烂, 凭语感给你做了一些修改,不一定对. 有意见告诉我.谢谢!
The lecturer rejects the argument in the reading passage that the decline of sea otter's populations is mainly due to environmental pollution. She contends that predation theory seemsto be the more likely explanation of the decline.

The lecturer doesn't agree with the first reason listed in the reading material that pollution causes the deaths of sea otters. She argues that the fact is: although living in the heave polluted area, the dead bodies of sea otters haven't been found which（which一来跟在found后面立修饰对象太远，二来指代the dead bodies of sea otters 后面不能被捕食者吃，逻辑不对。但我找不到简练的改法，你觉得这样行不：the dead bodies of sea otters haven't been found yet, which is consistant with the predation theory that otters are eaten so that there aren't dead bodies washed off on the beach.) apparently had been eaten by predators. That is to say, the increased levels of chemical pollution are not responsible for the death.

Regarding the population decline in the entire ecosystem, the lecturer holds that it can be totally explained by the theory of predation. Because larger prey such as other whales are hunted by human, orcas who prefer to hunting these larger preys have to change their ~~taste~~target to prey some much smaller sea mammals such as seals,sea lions and sea otter. Therefore, it presents the decline of the entire ecosystem rather than a single species. On the contrary, the passage suggests that environmental pollution affects all sea mammals.

Additionally, the lecturer challenges the last reason in the reading passage that the uneven pattern of otter decline is attributed to the pollution locations. She claims that because orcas are too large to living in the shallow areas, they could only prey sea mammals in accessible locations. Therefore, the population of otters in shallow areas is much higher than other deeper water places which precisely explain the phenomenon of uneven location. On the other hand, the reading passage holds that ocean currents or other changing environmental factors are the reason to create this uneven concentration of the decline of sea otters.

-- by 会员 sherryzhangh (2012/8/13 13:24:32)

作者: 浅吟天 时间: 2012-8-13 21:18
TPO10 综合很多点没听好，补了一次，留个底

the lecturer rejects the argument in the reading passage that the decline of sea otter's populations is mainly due to environmental pollution. She contends that predation theory seems to be the more likely explanation of the decline.

The lecturer doesn't agree with the first reason listed in the reading material that pollution causes the deaths of sea otters. She argues back that the fact is although living in the heave polluted area, the sea otters haven't been found died. That is to say, the increased levels of chemical pollution is not responsible for the death. What’s more, the phenomenon that there are no bodies on the beach is consistent with the predation theory. If sea otter is eaten by predator, obviously, its body can not be washed off on the beach.

Regarding the population decline in the entire ecosystem, the lecturer states that it can be totally explained by the theory of predation. Because larger prey such as other whales are hunted by human, orcas who prefer to hunting these larger preys have to change their target to prey some much smaller sea mammals such as seals, sea lions and sea otters. Therefore, orcas’ big diet makes the decline of the entire ecosystem rather than a single species. On the contrary, the passage suggests that environmental pollution affects all sea mammals.

Additionally, the lecturer challenges the last reason in the reading passage that the uneven pattern of otter decline is attributed to the pollution locations. She claims that because orcas are too large to living in the shallow areas, they can only prey sea mammals in accessible locations. Therefore, the population of otters in shallow areas is much higher than other deeper places, which precisely explains the phenomenon of uneven location. On the other hand, the reading passage holds that environmental factors bring to the unbalanced pollution which is the reason that creates the uneven concentration of the decline of sea otters.

作者: 浅吟天 时间: 2012-8-13 22:58
8月13日独立
know about the events happening around the world that do not affect our life.D\A
拉到word上一看，拼错了一堆，要死了。。

Some people may argue that what is happening far away has no effect on our life that we still eat, work and sleep in our original rhythm.However, have you ever heard about the butterfly effect that butterflies flutter their wings in the Amazon may launch an upheaval .And it is the same as to the events happening around the rest of the world, in my perspective, the events do affect our emotion, behavior and thought.

To begin with, the events somewhat control our feelings. For example, when you watch the Olympic Games in the television, you will also be nervous about the fierce matches. When you see your national team doing well, you will also be excited and happy about their achievements. Moreover, it may also stimulate the honorable national pride emotion. Actually all these feelings will not happen if you haven't know the events. Another example is the big earthquake happened in Wenchuan China. Have you ever felt depressive and sad about the lost of lives? I think mostly of the chinese people were immersing in the low feeling these days. Although the eaurthquale doesn't hit around, but it also entirely affect their daily life because we were all touched by the misfortune of
our fellowmen.

What's more, the events happening around the world make much sense about the behavior and decisions we made, especially in the copper world. How can a company success in other countries without knowing the events in here. For example, American people are more and more aware of protecting the environment, and thus they'd like to buy environmental friendly products. If a foreign company want to have a market share in USA, it must concern about this subtle change of customers' perception. Instead making low-price product to attract potential customers, advertising a product with ecoqualification is a much more effective way to seize the market successfully. From the example, we can see how big influencial the events happening in the rest of the world can be.

More importantlly, some events even changes the thought and world value of somebody. Still taking the Wenchuan earthquake for example, i know some high school students living outside to earthquake-affecting areas change their majors to seismology in the university. Maybe some of them want to be businessmen or politicians at the first sight, but an earthquake make them clear that predicting earthquake accurately to save more people's lives is exactly what they want. Thus, i can safely say their trace of life have obviously been changed by this events.

From the reasons listed about, we can see the events happening around the world definitely affect our life whether the change is conscious or unconscious. We, human beings, interact with others. Therefore, we are inevitably affected by the events others made.

作者: 上善若水1018 时间: 2012-8-14 10:26
Some people may argue that what is happening far away hasno effect on our life that (and?) we still eat, work and sleep in our original (regular? ordinary?) rhythm.However, have you ever heard about the butterfly effect that butterfliesflutter their wings in the Amazon may launch an upheaval. And it is the same as to the eventshappening around the rest of the world,(.) in myperspective, the events do affect our emotion, behavior and thought. （这句话你是准备写成一句话还是两句话呢？写复杂句式的时候一定注意是否加了合适的连接词，避免出现一句话里两个主谓宾的现象）

To begin with, the events somewhat control ourfeelings. For example, when you watch the Olympic Games in the television, youwill also be nervous about the fierce matches. When you see your national teamdoing well, you will also be excited and happy about their achievements.Moreover, it may also stimulate the honorable national pride emotion. Actuallyall these feelings will not happen if you haven't know the events. Anotherexample is the big earthquake happened in Wenchuan China. Have you ever feltdepressive and sad about the lost of lives? I think mostly(most) of theChinese people（去掉people） were immersing in the low feeling these days.Although the earthquake doesn't hit around, but it also (still)entirely affect their (our) daily life because we were all touched by themisfortune of ourfellowmen. （earthquake这个例子需要全部改成过去式）

What's more, the events happening around the worldmake much sense about the behavior and decisions we made, especially in thecopper world (copper world?没看懂) . Howcan a company success in other countries without knowing the events in here （这句话看着很怪how can a company be successful without knowing theevents happening in the target markets/countries. For example, Americanpeople(Americans，去掉people) are more and more aware of protecting theenvironment, and thus they'd like to buy environmental friendly products. If aforeign company want to have a market share in USA, it must concern about thissubtle change of customers' perception. Instead of makinglow-price product to attract potential customers, advertising a product withecoqualification is a much more effective way to seize (grasp更加贴切) themarket successfully. From the example, we can see how big influential theevents happening in the rest of the world can be. （这段怎么感觉是某TPO综合写作啊）

More importantly, some events even changes thethought and world value of somebody. Still taking the Wenchuan earthquake for example(这里就不要总for example了，直接单刀直入)，I knowsome high school students living outside to earthquake-affecting areas changetheir majors to seismology in the university. Maybe some of them want to bebusinessmen or politicians at the first sight, but an earthquake make themclear that predicting earthquake accurately to save more people's lives isexactly what they want. Thus, I can safely say their trace of life haveobviously been changed by this events. （这个例子你改写一下，就说my friendschanged major balabala的，他本来是什么major，梦想是business，但后来看了地震以后是怎样的。这样可以使得这个例子更加具体真实specific。你写起来也会比较容易）

From the reasons listed about （above）, we can see the events happening around theworld definitely affect our life whether the change is conscious or unconsciou. We, human beings,interact with others. Therefore, we are inevitably affected by the eventsothers made.
根据OG评分标准
Address the writing topic effectively (有效地阐明主题)
Well organized and well-developed (条理清楚，发展充分)
Use specific details and examples to support your view (论据具体明确)
这三点都做到了
Word choices and sentence variety (遣词造句能力)
词汇量比较丰富。但是对复杂句式的把握能力不好，读起来非常拗口。建议多加斟酌。

作者: 浅吟天 时间: 2012-8-14 15:48
谢谢上善mm的认真批改！！
我的语言功底就是有问题，在努力遮掩中被发现了。。下面再问你些具体问题，有点小傻，莫见怪~这个颜色的

Some people may argue that what is happening far away hasno effect on our life that (and?) we still eat, work and sleep in our original (regular? ordinary?)rhythm.However, have you ever heard about the butterfly effect that butterfliesflutter their wings in the Amazon may launch an upheaval. And it is the same as to the eventshappening around the rest of the world,(.) in myperspective, the events do affect our emotion, behavior and thought.（这句是不是把中间的逗号改成句号就可以变成两个句子了？我不确定 it is the same as A .有没有表达清楚它与蝴蝶效应相似？）（这句话你是准备写成一句话还是两句话呢？写复杂句式的时候一定注意是否加了合适的连接词，避免出现一句话里两个主谓宾的现象）

To begin with, the events somewhat control ourfeelings. For example, when you watch the Olympic Games in the television, youwill also be nervous about the fierce matches. When you see your national teamdoing well, you will also be excited and happy about their achievements.Moreover, it may also stimulate the honorable national pride emotion. Actuallyall these feelings will not happen if you haven't know the events. Anotherexample is the big earthquake happened in Wenchuan China. Have you ever feltdepressive and sad about the lost of lives? I think mostly(most) of theChinese people（去掉people） were immersing in the low feeling these days.Although the earthquake doesn't hit around, but it also (still)entirely affect their (our)（这是一个一直困扰的问题，前面我都用的You怎么怎么地的，这里我不知道什么情况把我包含在里面用our,什么时候用their。忽略和后面那个匹配的问题）daily life because we were all touched by themisfortune of ourfellowmen.（earthquake这个例子需要全部改成过去式）

What's more, the events happening around the worldmake much sense about the behavior and decisions we made, especially in thecopper world (copper world?没看懂) . Howcan a company success in other countries without knowing the events in here （这句话看着很怪（ How can a company succeed in other countries without knowing about their thoughts? 这样呢，还是有点怪

？）how can a company be successful without knowing theevents happening in the target markets/countries. For example, Americanpeople(Americans，去掉people) are more and more aware of protecting theenvironment, and thus they'd like to buy environmental friendly products. If aforeign company want to have a market share in USA, it must concern about thissubtle change of customers' perception. Instead ofmakinglow-price product to attract potential customers, advertising a product withecoqualification is a much more effective way to seize (grasp更加贴切) themarket successfully. From the example, we can see how big influential theevents happening in the rest of the world can be.（这段怎么感觉是某TPO综合写作啊）（哈哈，就是的，才写过可以用就直接搬了）

More importantly, some events even changes thethought and world value of somebody. Still taking the Wenchuan earthquake for example(这里就不要总for example了，直接单刀直入)（Still taking the Wenchuan earthquake 就可以了？），I knowsome high school students living outside to earthquake-affecting areas changetheir majors to seismology in the university. Maybe some of them want to bebusinessmen or politicians at the first sight, but an earthquake make themclear that predicting earthquake accurately to save more people's lives isexactly what they want. Thus, I can safely say their trace of life haveobviously been changed by this events.（这个例子你改写一下，就说my friendschanged major balabala的，他本来是什么major，梦想是business，但后来看了地震以后是怎样的。这样可以使得这个例子更加具体真实specific。你写起来也会比较容易）

From the reasons listed about （above）, we can see the events happening around theworld definitely affect our life whether the change is conscious or unconsciou. We, human beings,interact with others. Therefore, we are inevitably affected by the eventsothers made.
根据OG评分标准
Address the writing topic effectively (有效地阐明主题)
Well organized and well-developed (条理清楚，发展充分)
Use specific details and examples to support your view (论据具体明确)
这三点都做到了
Word choices and sentence variety (遣词造句能力)
词汇量比较丰富。但是对复杂句式的把握能力不好，读起来非常拗口。建议多加斟酌。

-- by 会员上善若水1018 (2012/8/14 10:26:12)

作者: 浅吟天 时间: 2012-8-14 16:32
8.13 综合 tpo11

the lecturer rejects the reasons and effects about the decline of reading literature in the passage. She claims that reading less literature doesn't have as much negative effects as the materials said.

The lecturer does not agree with the first effect that we lose intellectual stimulation because we reading less literature. She contends that there are many kinds of books other than literature have high qualities, such as science books and historical books. these books are as creative as novels. Thus, the lecturer claims that do not assume only literature can encourage us to exercise our imaginations and expand our understanding of language.

What's more, the lecturer argues back that what instead of literature are also of great value. How can you say that a brilliant music and a good movie are meaningless? Because cultures are changing nowadays, other expressions emerge. Maybe their more direct forms are a better expression of the culture. On the contrary, the reading material holds a negative opinion about all other forms of entertainment.

In addition, the lecturer points out that it is the authors themselves should be blame for rather than readers, because they deliberately make literatures difficult to understand nowadays. Even if the people who was fond of literature will not have the interest to read them either. On the other hand, the reading material states that it is the poor standards of reader make the publishers to invest less in literature and support fewer serious writers.

作者: 上善若水1018 时间: 2012-8-14 21:40
我帮你改写了几个句子，仅供参考。我自己对句式的把握也很一般，而且词汇极度匮乏。平时工作中用到的都是公式化的英语，所以写出来的东西大都挑不出大毛病但是让人读了索然无味。于是独立作文就可恶的杯具了。
改写部分加粗高亮
Some people may argue thatwhat is happening far away has no effect on our life that (and?) we still eat, work and sleep in our original (regular? ordinary?) rhythm. However, have you ever heard about thebutterfly effect that butterflies flutter their wings in the Amazon may launchan upheaval. And it is the same as to the events happeningaround the rest of the world,(.) in myperspective, the events do affect our emotion, behaviorand thought.（这句是不是把中间的逗号改成句号就可以变成两个句子了？我不确定 it is the same as A .有没有表达清楚它与蝴蝶效应相似？）（这句话你是准备写成一句话还是两句话呢？写复杂句式的时候一定注意是否加了合适的连接词，避免出现一句话里两个主谓宾的现象）However, if you have heard thebutterfly effect, that butterflies flutter their wings in the Amazon may launchan upheaval, you will have the feeling that the events happening around therest of the world have similar impacts on us. In my perspective, the events do affect our emotion, behaviorand thought profoundly.

To begin with, the events somewhat control ourfeelings. For example, when you watch the Olympic Games in the television, you willalso be nervous about the fierce matches. When you see your national team doingwell, you will also be excited and happy about their achievements. Moreover, itmay also stimulate the honorable national pride emotion. Actually all thesefeelings will not happen if you haven't know the events. Another example is thebig earthquake happened in Wenchuan China. Have you ever felt depressive andsad about the lost of lives? I think mostly(most) of the Chinese people（去掉people） were immersing in the low feeling these days. Althoughthe earthquake doesn't hit around, but it also (still) entirelyaffect their (our)（这是一个一直困扰的问题，前面我都用的You怎么怎么地的，这里我不知道什么情况把我包含在里面用our,什么时候用their。忽略和后面那个匹配的问题）我觉着就是尽量保持一致性就可以。这也是为什么我建议你第三个例子全部改成one of myfriends 之类的。当你知道自己具体指的是什么人的时候，自然就知道用our还是their了。过于宽泛的指代本来就容易犯错。daily life because we were all touched by the misfortuneof our fellowmen.（earthquake这个例子需要全部改成过去式）

What's more, the events happening around theworld make much sense about the behavior and decisions we made, especially inthe copper world (copper world?没看懂) . How can a company success in other countrieswithout knowing the events in here （这句话看着很怪（ How can a company succeed in other countrieswithout knowing about their thoughts? 这样呢，还是有点怪

？）我帮你改写了下，之前可能忘记标注出来了，你看看是不是可以How can a company be successful without knowing theevents in the target markets/countries. /How can a company succeed in global competitionwithout knowing the world events. Forexample, American people(Americans，去掉people)are more andmore aware of protecting the environment, and thus they'd like to buyenvironmental friendly products. If a foreign company want to have a marketshare in USA, it must concern about this subtle change of customers'perception. Instead of makinglow-price product to attract potential customers, advertising a product with ecoqualificationis a much more effective way to seize (grasp更加贴切) the market successfully. From the example, wecan see how big influential the events happening in the rest of the world canbe.（这段怎么感觉是某TPO综合写作啊）（哈哈，就是的，才写过可以用就直接搬了）

More importantly, some events even changes thethought and world value of somebody. Still taking the Wenchuan earthquake forexample(这里就不要总forexample了，直接单刀直入)（Stilltaking the Wenchuan earthquake 就可以了？）我的意思是直接讲故事。More importantly…..ofsomebody. My nephew grew up in a city2000km away from Wenchuan and his dream was to be an entrepreneur. However, afterthe earthquake, he switched his major to seismology, because he balabala继续展开 . 如果不加这个for example心里就不踏实的话，加了也无妨。这样改写的好处你可以看出来就是不需要纠结到底是用you,they还是we。给人的感觉还很具体真实。另外不要用businessman了，这个词太老土。用entrepreneur ，I know somehigh school students living outside to earthquake-affecting areas change theirmajors to seismology in the university. Maybe some of them want to be businessmenor politicians at the first sight, but an earthquake make them clear thatpredicting earthquake accurately to save more people's lives is exactly whatthey want. Thus, I can safely say their trace of life have obviously beenchanged by this events.（这个例子你改写一下，就说my friends changed majorbalabala的，他本来是什么major，梦想是business，但后来看了地震以后是怎样的。这样可以使得这个例子更加具体真实specific。你写起来也会比较容易）

From the reasons listed about （above）, we can see the events happening around the worlddefinitely affect our life whether the change is conscious or unconsciou. We, human beings, interact with others.Therefore, we are inevitably affected by the events others made.

作者: 陈喵喵holdon 时间: 2012-8-15 00:26
the lecturer rejects the reasons and effects about the decline of reading literature in the passage. She claims that reading less literature doesn't have as much(many?) negative effects as the materials said.(综合里听力部分和阅读部分的描述时态是不是一致更好?)

The lecturer does not agree with the first effect that we lose intellectual stimulation because we reading(read) less literature. She contends that there are many kinds of books other than literature have(having, there be doing句型?) high qualities, such as science books and historical books. these books are as creative as novels. Thus, the lecturer claims that do not assume only literature can encourage us to exercise our imaginations and expand our understanding of language.(claim后面加that引导的从句,这里加do not开始的一个完整的句子好奇怪的感觉)

What's more(我之前的tutor说what's more是一个有点口语的表达,Moreover貌似更书面一些), the lecturer argues back that what instead of literature are also of great value. How can you say that a brilliant music and a good movie are meaningless? Because cultures are changing nowadays, other expressions emerge. Maybe their more direct forms are a better expression(better expressions,前面是forms)of the culture. On the contrary, the reading material holds(这里时态和第一段写reading的时态不一样诶) a negative opinion about all other forms of entertainment.

In addition, the lecturer points out that it is the authors themselves should be blame(blalmed) for rather than readers, because they deliberately make literatures difficult to understand nowadays. Even if the people who was fond of literature will not have the interest to read them either. On the other hand, the reading material states that it is the poor standards(单复数有点乱) of reader make the publishers to invest less in literature and support fewer serious writers.

觉得浅你的动词用的挺多样的基本不重复，还有基本点都总结到了，也能感觉到在尽量多用各种句式，这点值得学习。
但觉得小错误有点多，时间充裕的话应该回头查下小错误什么的吧?
感觉你听力的点总结的不错啊..第一次改不知道这样行不行哈~

作者: bob9603 时间: 2012-8-15 09:55
真是几天不见，长进不少啊，都写了这么多了，真厉害~~~加油~~

作者: 浅吟天 时间: 2012-8-15 10:06
To 上善MM:
感动的掩面奔走啊。。。
嗯，没有什么要讨论的了，那个人称和实例的问题我谨记！
最近写作的气势越来越弱，我发现仅写只有练已有的熟悉程度，还是不够的，于是准备停一下开始看作文书了，若MM还有时间也去瞅瞅好的短语高级词汇这类的吧~

作者: 浅吟天 时间: 2012-8-15 10:09
To 喵喵：
怎么不行，改得很好！
居然发现这篇有这么多语法错误，真是见笑了。
请问一般你会写完剩多久检查呢

作者: 浅吟天 时间: 2012-8-15 10:10
怂恿你也去开个贴。。

真是几天不见，长进不少啊，都写了这么多了，真厉害~~~加油~~

-- by 会员 bob9603 (2012/8/15 9:55:40)

作者: bob9603 时间: 2012-8-15 11:43

怂恿你也去开个贴。。

真是几天不见，长进不少啊，都写了这么多了，真厉害~~~加油~~

-- by 会员 bob9603 (2012/8/15 9:55:40)

-- by 会员浅吟天 (2012/8/15 10:10:23)

貌似你在toefl里很顺手啊~~~~

作者: 陈喵喵holdon 时间: 2012-8-15 11:53

To 喵喵：
怎么不行，改得很好！
居然发现这篇有这么多语法错误，真是见笑了。
请问一般你会写完剩多久检查呢

-- by 会员浅吟天 (2012/8/15 10:09:46)

我写文和打字速度都蛮快的检查了一遍下来往往还有五分钟+
我的弱点是听力所以综合就很悲剧听不到点上
不过从你这里感受到了要多用动词和句式!! 要开始积累总结啦~~
谢谢浅哦加油~!

作者: 浅吟天 时间: 2012-8-17 21:28
8月17日独立
Is the most important characteristic of a good political or business leader is the ability to take responsibility for mistakes

What are the characteristics needed of a good leader, the answers may be honest, professional skills, communication ability and so on. In my opinion, taking responsibility for mistake is the most important characteristic, because it is the keystone of all others.

Taking responsibility is a fundamental quality. Imaging this circumstance, the mistake has already been detected by the leader, but for his own sake, he conceals the reality and pretend everything go on the right way. Although the “peace” may have been maintained for a while, common sense tells us this concealed mistake if not be corrected at the primary stage, just as the butterfly effect, it will end up with an upheaval to the company. At that time, not only the leader feel more shameful about what he have done, but also the company will suffer a great lose. Take Mitsubishi motors as an example. The leader of Mitsubishi knew there was a significant defect in the break system of one kind of their cars, but the top executive chose to stifle this fact. However, the public uncovered this dope, and thus this scandal stirred up an adverse influence. Just because the leader didn't want to take the blame for, Mitsubishi lost the market shares as well as the confidence of customers. Only if the leader can take responsibility for mistake, the things can be done on the right and efficient way.

Moreover, the reason why taking responsibility for mistake is essential for a leader is that other characteristics are established on this responsibility. Assuming the leader in the Mitsubishi would commit this mistake to the public and retreat all cars from the market. Although this confession would have led a great loss in the profit, it would gain strong public support and understandings, which could contribute to the long-term success of the company. At that time, most people will say this leader has a character to deal with the public relations well or a sober mind in emergence under the pressure. I would like to say these characters are basic on the characteristic of taking responsibility for mistake. If he has no courage to face the blame at the first step, all these excellent abilities will make no sense.

All in all, admittedly there are many other characteristics indispensible for a good leader. However, taking responsibility is the fundamental one, how can you expect a person to achieve more when he has no courage to admit the mistake he once made.

作者: 浅吟天 时间: 2012-8-17 21:32
8月17日综合 tpo15
第三点没听太清楚（啊，写完了又听了一遍，理解错了好多，今天改的童鞋对不住了。。）

The lecturer rejects the methods in the reading passage to protect the spread of cane toad in Australia. She claims that none of the efforts will success.

The lecturer does not agree with the first solution in the reading passage that building a national fence will prevent cane toad from moving into the boarder. She argues back that most toad eggs lie in the river or stream, so the flood from one side to another will also carry the toad eggs into Australia. Therefore, the physical fence is inefficient for prevent their movement.

Regarding the capture effort, the lecturer explains that most volunteers are untrained so that they can not tell the native frogs from cane toads. And some native frogs are endanger, if they are caught by volunteers, their situation goes worse. On the other hand, the reading passages only talks about that volunteers can capture and destroy the cane toads.

In addition, the lecturer challenges the last way in the material. She contends that disease-causing virus is a bad idea. it will affect the habitat of reptiles and amphibian. And if an infected species is transported back to America, it will infect the native toad and cause the eco disaster. Because the disease-causing virus has effect on a number of species, the whole ecosystem will suffer. On the contrary, the reading material claims that this virus which specialized in cane toad will not harm the most infected species.

作者: 浅吟天 时间: 2012-8-19 16:47
8.19 综合 tpo17
没人来改作文还是要写滴，还要好好给别人改作文，嗯嗯！

The lecturer rejects the ideas in the reading passage that the number of birds in the United States will decline due to the increasing of human beings and activities of humans. She points out the three reasons given in the passage are unconvincing.

The lecturer does not agree with the first claim in the material that the expansion of human populations should responsible for the disappearance of birds' natural habitats. She argues back that nowadays people are providing birds better and larger habitats than before. Consequently, these habitats increase the population of birds. Some people may even complain about the increasing birds in their communities. Thus she claims the bird population doesn't decrease for the loss of natural habitats.

Furthermore, the lecturer challenges the second point in the passage. She claims that less land are used for agriculture. The reason why less land can still maintain the growing human population is that United States have introduced many productive crops. The growth of agriculture output is contributed to the increasing unit output. Thus, there is no need to destroy wildness areas to convert them into agricultural use.

In addition, regarding the use of chemical pesticides, the lecturer contends that people have been aware of the traditional pesticides and promoted two alternative ways. Firstly, new pesticides with less poison are designed to kill agricultural and home garden pests. Secondly, the more important way is to train resistant crops which can resist insects without the large scale use of pesticides. Therefore, crops do not harm birds at all. On the contrary, the passage claims that whether it is directly and indirectly, the pesticide has an adverse effect on the population of the birds.

作者: 浅吟天 时间: 2012-8-19 18:19
8月19日独立
Do you agree or dis agree, the way a person dressed is a good indication of his/her personality or character

We have many choices when we decide to buy a clothing or wear it. The reason why we choose this one rather than that one is related to our preference. I agree that in the most times, the way a person dressed is a reflection of his or her personality, but there are few exceptions.

To make the issue clear, firstly we need to category the different situations. In the working place, when the company or the industrial standard requires you to have a certain dress, how can you refuse to take the cloth on. For example, the lawyers have to wear suit and tie in the court. Can you imagine a male lawyer who wears causal cloth and earring when seriously argue with someone. Of course, you will say this is absurd and ridiculous. The same is true of waiter, banker, public servant and so on. In this circumstance, what you need to do is to obey, otherwise you may lose your job. So the way a person dressed totally has no correlation with his or her own style.

In other situations, i agree with this argument that the personality can be seen on this small daily activity. If we do not like the style of the cloth, we probably will not buy it. So the choosing process shows your thought and characters. Take one famous dancer in China YangLiping as an example, although she is a celebrity with a considerable income, she never put money on some luxurious clothing. She is fascinated by the exotic clothes, some of which are presented a certain culture with religious meaning and some of which are printed the scene of the nature. From the way she dressed, we can certainly get some information about her personality.

In addition, some people may argue that nowadays many people are flow the fashion. So the dress has no reference to people's true opinions. However, i would like to say following the crowd is just a reflection of their personalities. Not all people like to follow the smart clothes which are changeable every year, they have their own life pace and style. The people who afraid they are old-fashioned implicate they like to be the same with others. Perhaps they do not know what they truly want and have little confidence on themselves.

As the reason i listed above, when the way a person dressed is an indication of his or her personality is depend on different situations whether he or she can truly express himself/herself. As the position required, the clothes is nothing with the personality while other circumstances the way is definitely a good reference to a person's character.

作者: Serena0710 时间: 2012-8-19 19:28
标题: 红色代表错误，蓝色代表一些建议
What are the characteristicsneeded of a good leader, （此句与下一句需要用句号隔开，不然有语法上的问题。另外，我认为可以改成为what characteristics do a good leader need? 也许更好一些）。The answers may behonest, professional skills, communication ability and so on. In my opinion,taking responsibility for mistake is the most important characteristic, becauseit is the keystone of all(加个the 会不会更好) others.

Taking responsibility is a fundamentalquality. Imaging (Imagine) this circumstance, the mistake has already beendetected by the leader, but for his own sake, he conceals the reality andpretend everything go(goes) on the right way (我查了一下，everygoes the right way 应该更好一些). Although the “peace” may have been maintained for a while, commonsense tells us this concealed mistake if not becorrected at the primary stage (句子有语法问题哦，改成if the cincealed mistake are not corrected at the primarystage), justas (需要改成according to) the butterfly effect, it will end up with an upheaval (理解你的意思，但是用unexpected impair 貌似更好些) to the company. At thattime, not only the leader feel more shameful (也可以考虑用guilty) about what he have (has) done, but also the company will suffer a great lose (loss). Take Mitsubishimotors as an example. The leader of Mitsubishi knew there was a significantdefect in the break system of one kind of their cars, but the top executivechose to stifle this fact. However, the public uncovered this dope, and thusthis scandal stirred up an adverse influence. Just because the leader didn'twant to take the blame for (for 可以去掉), Mitsubishi lost the market shares as well as the confidence ofcustomers. Only if the leader can take responsibility for mistake, the (the去掉) things can be done on the (改成 a 更好) right and efficient way. （这段的例子觉得是可以的，但是更好的话可以加入一些具体的数据更有说服力，比如公司损失了多少亿元）

Moreover, the reason why taking responsibilityfor mistake is essential for a leader is that other characteristics areestablished on this responsibility. Assuming(要不要改成assume that) the leader in the Mitsubishi would commit this mistake tothe public and retreat all cars from the market. Although this confession wouldhave led a great loss in the profit, it would gain strong public support and understandings(understandings是可数名词？？), which could contribute tothe long-term success of the company. At that time, most people will say this leaderhas a character to deal with the public relations well ora sober mind (aswell as a sober mind) in emergence under thepressure. I would like to say these characters arebasic (based) on the characteristic oftaking responsibility for mistake. If he(he直接出现在这里指代不清楚。换成the leader mentioned in theexample) has no courage to face the blame at thefirst step, all these (用the other更好的) excellent abilities willmake no sense. （建议第二段再来个例子。另外这个论点一定程度上和第一个有所重复，建议再好好构思一下。）

All in all,admittedly there are many other characteristics indispensible for (indispensable to) a good leader. However, taking responsibility is the fundamental one,(此处句号断开，否则语法上有问题) how can you expect a person to achieve more when he has nocourage to admit the mistake he once made. （最后一段的逻辑连接词用不太好，感觉逻辑上非常混乱，再斟酌一下）

总评：1.语法上错误略多，以后要注意咯~
2.语言比较中式，有一本书叫answers to all TOEFL questions, 这本书里的语言非常地道，建议每天看几篇，做笔记，之后复习，效果不错。语言上会有一定改进
3. 思路不太好。拿出之前的题库185训练一下思路是个不错的方法哦~~

PS：真的非常非常抱歉，因为我的原因，昨天没有及时给你批改。希望LZ别介意啊~~加油！

作者: 浅吟天 时间: 2012-8-19 20:37
To serena:
每次看到别人认真的批改都很感动。因为规则必须要改，但改的多认真这个都看个人了。谢谢！
我写完还检查了一遍没想到还是错了那么多。表达也很不地道，瓶颈期写来写去没长进。最近在看“慎小嶷”的那本书，你说的那个是不是就是北美范文185哇？（小白已自行解决，下下来了...)
再问3个问题：
1， “he conceals the reality andpretend everythinggo(goes) on the right way (我查了一下，everygoes the right way 应该更好一些).” 先不说意思，单看句子一个主语两个动词，其中一个加的是从句是不是有点奇怪？
2, Imaging (Imagine) this circumstance, the mistake has already beendetected by the leader... 我想问下，那个imagine会不会造成有两个动词了这句，虽然我觉得imaging开头，mistake主语也不对。
3， understandings(understandings是可数名词？？) 我知道有a much deeper understanding 于是又查了个句子：our behaviouris correspond with that of othersbase onserious of evaluations and understandings.你觉得呢

作者: 浅吟天 时间: 2012-8-20 00:10
从今天开始记录错误
Everything goes the right way
Loss n lose v lost adj
Are based on…
指代问题 he写清楚

作者: Amashine 时间: 2012-8-20 14:24

浅

8.19 综合 tpo17

总体来说，写的很好啦，逻辑清楚，内容完整……优点一大堆

The lecturer rejects the ideas in the reading passage that the number of birds in the United States will decline due to the increasing of human beings and activities of humans. She points out the three reasons given in the passage are unconvincing.

The lecturer does not agree with the first claim in the material that the expansion of human populations should (缺了一个be )responsible for the disappearance of birds' natural habitats. She argues back that nowadays people （我感觉改成”people, nowadays,” 这样更好，相当于加了个插入语）are providing birds better and larger habitats than before. Consequently, these habitats increase the population of birds. Some people may even complain about the increasing birds in their communities. Thus she claims the bird population doesn't decrease for the loss of natural habitats.

（灰色标出来的，habitat这个词用的重复率有点高，考虑一下替换，如accommodation, settlement……）

这段建议再听下听力，听力说some type数量减少，other type数量增多

Furthermore, the lecturer challenges the second point in the passage. She claims that less land are used for agriculture. The reason why less land can still maintain the growing human population is thatUnited States have (the United States has )introduced many productive crops. The growth of agriculture output is contributed to the increasing unit output. Thus, there is no need to destroy wildness areas to convert them into agricultural use.

这段内容非常完整，建议可以把几个简单句并成一个复杂句

如：Furthermore, the lecturer challenges the second point in the passage by claiming that less land are used for agriculture.

In addition, regarding the use of chemical pesticides, the lecturer contends that people have been aware of the traditional pesticides and promoted two alternative ways. Firstly, new pesticides with less poison are designed to kill agricultural and home garden pests. Secondly, the more important way is to train resistant crops which can resist insects without the large scale use of pesticides. Therefore, crops do not harm birds at all. On the contrary, the passage claims that whether it is directly and indirectly, the pesticide has an adverse effect on the population of the birds.

这段非常好

圈灰的lecturer也可以找其它词替换，如speaker, professor……

总体字数有点多，280左右，综合写作OG上有要求是150-225字数，可以尽量用简略一点的语言，我发现你的句式用的很好，向你学习。建议练习写复杂句，更上一层楼~

作者: 浅吟天 时间: 2012-8-20 15:02
TO Amashine:

嗯，你说到我一直在考虑的地方了。。
1，lecturer我也再想要不要花样多多的问题，但为保持人称就他一个所以一直沿用。想确切问下到处替换可不？
2，你说的简略就是复合句哇？以前有人说我不会长短句结合，然后我开始刻意写简单句，尽量注意读起来有长有短，看来不得章法。。请问如何长短结合啊？

作者: 浅吟天 时间: 2012-8-20 15:15
8.19 笔记

Habitat settlement
The United States 加单数
People, nowadays, are providing…

作者: T不死 时间: 2012-8-20 15:58
We have many choices when we decide to buy a clothing（a piece of clothes） or wear it. The reason why we choose this one rather than that one（this one貌似要有对象指代，是否可以改为a particular piece of clothes好点） is related to our preference. I agree that in the most times, the way a person dressed is a reflection of his or her personality, but there are few（如果是支持观点，那么but改为although好点，如果是反对观点么few改为 a few或some好点）exceptions.

To make the issue clear, firstly we need to category the different situations. In the working place, when the company or the industrial standard requires you to have a certain dress, how can you refuse to take the cloth on（建议改为abide by this instruction or requirement）. For example, the lawyers have to wear suit and tie in the court. Can you imagine a male lawyer who wears causal cloth and earring when seriously argue with someone. Of course, you will say this is absurd and ridiculous. The same is true of waiter, banker, public servant and so on. In this circumstance, what you need to do is to obey, otherwise you may lose your job. So（貌似so 在这里是个连词，不是副词，不能独立成句，这里是个断句，So可以改为therefore,hence这些副词可以独立成句） the way a person dressed totally has no correlation with his or her own style.

这个例子挺好的

In other situations, I agree with this argument that the personality can be seen on this small daily activity. If we do not like the style of the cloth, we probably will not buy it. So (同样的问题)the choosing process shows your thought and characters. Take one famous dancer in China YangLiping as an example（take A as an example应该是个祈使句，所以后面可以用逗号，不能直接跟一个句子）, although she is a celebrity with a（不定冠词a貌似可以去掉） considerable income, she never put money on some luxurious clothing. She is fascinated by the exotic clothes, some of which are presented a certain culture with religious meaning and some of which are printed the scene of the nature. From the way she dressed, we can certainly get some information about her personality.

In addition, some people may argue that nowadays many people are flow（这个用法我不是很看明白） the fashion. So the dress has no reference to people's true opinions. However, i would like to say following the crowd is just a reflection of their personalities. Not all people like to follow the smart clothes which are changeable every year（感觉这样修饰有点不简洁直接为smart changeable clothes好点）,（加连词because） they have their own life pace and style. The people who afraid they are old-fashioned implicate they like to be the same with others.(不是很看懂改句啊) Perhaps they do not know what they truly want and have little confidence on themselves.

As the reason I listed above, when(whether) the way a person dressed is an indication of his or her personality is depend on different situations whether he or she can truly express himself/herself. As the position required, the clothes is nothing (not correlation) with the personality while other circumstances the way is definitely a good reference to a person's character.

整篇文章还是挺通畅的，要注意一些小词的用法，另外关注句子的完整性，避免断句，关注连词的使用。

作者: 浅吟天 时间: 2012-8-20 16:31
唉，好多问题，讨论下这个色的。我语法很烂哈，可能有点小白

We have many choices when we decide to buy a clothing（a piece of clothes） or wear it. The reason why we choose this one rather than that one（this one貌似要有对象指代，是否可以改为a particular piece of clothes好点）我在想，one是泛指，可不可以指代前面那个a piece of clothes ？is related to our preference. I agree that in the most times, the way a person dressed is a reflection of his or her personality, but there are few（如果是支持观点，那么but改为although好点，如果是反对观点么few改为 a few或some好点）（其实这是我第一次写两边倒分情况的文章，不知全文表达清楚没，这样的话but是不是就可以了）exceptions.

To make the issue clear, firstly we need to category the different situations. In the working place, when the company or the industrial standard requires you to have a certain dress, how can you refuse to take the cloth on（建议改为abide by this instruction or requirement）. For example, the lawyers have to wear suit and tie in the court. Can you imagine a male lawyer who wears causal cloth and earring when seriously argue with someone. Of course, you will say this is absurd and ridiculous. The same is true of waiter, banker, public servant and so on. In this circumstance, what you need to do is to obey, otherwise you may lose your job. So（貌似so 在这里是个连词，不是副词，不能独立成句，这里是个断句，So可以改为therefore,hence这些副词可以独立成句）这个问题好好问下，也就是说so一般都是连接两个句子的，若我前面打了句号，都不该用了哇） the way a person dressed totally has no correlation with his or her own style.

这个例子挺好的

In other situations, I agree with this argument that the personality can be seen on this small daily activity. If we do not like the style of the cloth, we probably will not buy it. So (同样的问题)the choosing process shows your thought and characters. Take one famous dancer in China YangLiping as an example（take A as an example应该是个祈使句，所以后面可以用逗号，不能直接跟一个句子）（抱歉，这里没懂，能否再讲讲）, although she is a celebrity with a（不定冠词a貌似可以去掉） considerable income, she never put money on some luxurious clothing. She is fascinated by the exotic clothes, some of which are presented a certain culture with religious meaning and some of which are printed the scene of the nature. From the way she dressed, we can certainly get some information about her personality.

In addition, some people may argue that nowadays many people are flow（这个用法我不是很看明白） the fashion. So the dress has no reference to people's true opinions. However, i would like to say following the crowd is just a reflection of their personalities. Not all people like to follow the smart clothes which are changeable every year（感觉这样修饰有点不简洁直接为smart changeable clothes好点）,（加连词because） they have their own life pace and style. The people who afraid they are old-fashioned implicate they like to be the same with others.(不是很看懂改句啊) Perhaps they do not know what they truly want and have little confidence on themselves. （改成这样呢on the other hand,wearing the latest fashion indicates that this kind of people like to be the same with others and do not know what they truly want）

As the reason I listed above, when(whether) the way a person dressed is an indication of his or her personality depends on different situations whether he or she can truly express himself/herself(这句有两个whether了，我不是很清楚这样改后可以吗). As the position required, the clothes is nothing (not correlation) with the personality while other circumstances the way is definitely a good reference to a person's character.

整篇文章还是挺通畅的，要注意一些小词的用法，另外关注句子的完整性，避免断句，关注连词的使用。

-- by 会员 T不死 (2012/8/20 15:58:30)

作者: Serena0710 时间: 2012-8-20 19:21

To serena:
每次看到别人认真的批改都很感动。因为规则必须要改，但改的多认真这个都看个人了。谢谢！
我写完还检查了一遍没想到还是错了那么多。表达也很不地道，瓶颈期写来写去没长进。最近在看“慎小嶷”的那本书，你说的那个是不是就是北美范文185哇？（小白已自行解决，下下来了...)
再问3个问题：
1， “he conceals the reality andpretend everythinggo(goes) on the right way (我查了一下，everygoes the right way 应该更好一些).” 先不说意思，单看句子一个主语两个动词，其中一个加的是从句是不是有点奇怪？
2, Imaging (Imagine) this circumstance, the mistake has already beendetected by the leader... 我想问下，那个imagine会不会造成有两个动词了这句，虽然我觉得imaging开头，mistake主语也不对。
3， understandings(understandings是可数名词？？) 我知道有a much deeper understanding 于是又查了个句子：our behaviouris correspond with that of othersbase onserious of evaluations and understandings.你觉得呢

-- by 会员浅吟天 (2012/8/19 20:37:22)

哎哟哟~我没有及时看反馈，现在才给你答复，不好意思咯~
1. 两个动词并列其中一个加动词，只能说这个并列不是特别严格，但是我觉得在托福的作文里没有什么原则上的错误，可以用。用G的那套语法来要求托福作文，有点累。
2. 中间需要逗号隔开。但是imaging是不对的哦~这叫垂悬修饰，没有动作的发出者，不管是G的语法还是一般日常语法，都是不对的~
3. 哈哈~你赢啦！我当时偷了个小懒儿，没有查understanding的具体用法，这下长知识咯~~~

浅是个很认真的姑娘（小伙儿？），我相信你一定可以打败IBT小怪兽的！

作者: Amashine 时间: 2012-8-20 19:21
TO 浅

那样替换是可以的

长短句衔接，我也不会啦~我感觉啊，既然你长句短句都会写的话，可以在写完一篇作文后，特意回去看一下，自己感觉哪里应该长句，哪里应该短句，稍微变换一下，找找感觉~恩，我也要尝试一下~似乎没想过这个问题

作者: 浅吟天 时间: 2012-8-21 14:54
TO Serena:
感觉你很忙的啊~~~话说有男僧会喜欢这么柔的名字和这么小乖的头像吗，咦，我这是在夸自己吗
我就是G的语法没学通。。。一知半解的。。。那个第二句啊， (Imagine) this circumstance, the mistake has already been detected by the leader... 一句话两个动词没有and连句子啊，为啥呢。表打我
最后一句话默默心里没底的飘过~~~

作者: 浅吟天 时间: 2012-8-21 14:56
那就该怎么写怎么写吧。。我一般喷完没时间反过去修改句式了

TO 浅

那样替换是可以的

长短句衔接，我也不会啦~我感觉啊，既然你长句短句都会写的话，可以在写完一篇作文后，特意回去看一下，自己感觉哪里应该长句，哪里应该短句，稍微变换一下，找找感觉~恩，我也要尝试一下~似乎没想过这个问题

-- by 会员 Amashine (2012/8/20 19:21:08)

作者: Serena0710 时间: 2012-8-21 17:28

TO Serena:
感觉你很忙的啊~~~话说有男僧会喜欢这么柔的名字和这么小乖的头像吗，咦，我这是在夸自己吗
我就是G的语法没学通。。。一知半解的。。。那个第二句啊， (Imagine) this circumstance, the mistake has already been detected by the leader... 一句话两个动词没有and连句子啊，为啥呢。表打我
最后一句话默默心里没底的飘过~~~

-- by 会员浅吟天 (2012/8/21 14:54:45)

哈哈~浅姑娘，把逗号改成that吧~~
我实习，还挺忙的，哈哈~

作者: 浅吟天 时间: 2012-8-21 18:24
8月21日综合 tpo19
第一次写这么少的字，想看看自己写清楚没
The speaker rejects the ideas in the reading passage that buzzing has many disadvantages that it should be banned. He contends that buzzing has its own merits.

To begin with, the speaker does not agree with the first opinion in the material that buzzing gives people incorrect information. He argues back that buzzers do tell the truth, because they have used the product themselves and think it is good. Although buzzers are paid, they accept the employ for good usage experience.

Furthermore, the speaker challenges the second point. He explains that people always ask him a lot of questions about the product, and if he can not answer well, the potential customer will not buy the product. This means customers do not accept the claims without thinking. On the contrary, the reading material states that people are less critical about the products that buzzers recommend.

In addition, regarding the social relationship, the speaker claims that if the product is not good enough, the company will not recruit buzzers. The function of buzzers is to set good example of the usage experience. As a matter of fact, the buzzing can establish a trustful atmosphere. On the other hand, the reading passage states that buzzing will cause the spread of mistrust.

作者: fairyfinger 时间: 2012-8-22 09:29
The speaker rejects the ideas in the reading passage that buzzing has many disadvantages that it should be banned. He contends that buzzing has its own merits.

To begin with, the speaker does not agree with the first opinion in the material that buzzing gives people incorrect information. He argues back that buzzers do tell the truth,because they have used the product themselves and think it is good. Although buzzers are paid, they accept the employ for good usage experience.

Furthermore, the speaker challenges the second point. He explains that people always ask him a lot of questions about the product, and if he can not answer well, the potential customer will not buy the product. This means customers do not accept the claims without thinking.On the contrary, the reading material states that people are less critical about the products that buzzers recommend.

In addition, regarding the social relationship, the speaker claims that if the product is not good enough, the company will not recruit buzzers. 这里我听到的是will not be able to 。意思有些偏差The function of buzzers is to set good example of the usage experience. As a matter of fact, the buzzing can establish a trustful atmosphere. On the other hand, the reading passage states that buzzing will cause the spread of mistrust.

楼主写得挺好的，如果还有时间可以写个小结尾。毕竟字数多点总是好的

作者: 浅吟天 时间: 2012-10-20 10:38
两次的分界线。。。上次24分。综合 good 独立 good，我觉得还有空间。。
11.24日最后一次杀T

好久不写，发现以前练的感觉尽失，有种重头来过的感觉。。。

作者: 浅吟天 时间: 2012-10-20 10:46
10.19 独立好久没写，写的很差。。先谢过改的童鞋了
Do you agree or disagree? It is better to work with your own computer and telephone at your home than work in your company's office.

Generally, the major difference between working at home and in the company’s office is whether you are around by co-workers. Although the technology has a stunning impact on our life, does that mean it is better for all kinds of people and all kinds of industry to let staff work at home? I thinks the answer is no.

To make this matter clear, firstly, we need to figure out one question: who will be better? the answer can be staff themselves and the company. We can analyse the different situations one by one.

To begin with, I don’t think it’s better for staff themselves to work with the computer and telephone at home all day. Admittedly, working at home means you have a comparatively flexible timetable and you can seat wherever you want, such as sofa and bed, to make you comfortable. But this telecommuting style also has some negative effects. Firstly, to a person who lacks the concept of time, flexible of time means he can put his own things at the top of the agenda at the working hour. To be more precise, not working in the company’s office means no one will scrutinize your work, then you may have no motivate to finish it. Secondly, working at home is easy to lead misunderstandings because there is little emotional cue. Becides, long-time facing only digital devices receiving and feeding back information makes you be a part of this mechanism, which is not beneficial for a person’s mental health because you don’t really contact with others.

If the answer is that company will be better, I don’t agree either. For some industry, employees need to discuss frequently to finish the task together, although the computer and telephone can also get the communication done, it is much clearer and more efficient to have a face-to-face talk to get more contents and specific details. What’s more, computer and telephone can only ensure information will not be delayed, but can not get the tangible materials be passed from one apartment to another. Even the fast express delivery will make a one day delay which may cause the company miss the best time to make a strategy and thus lose competitive strength.

In a nutshell, whether from the perspectives staff or the company, it is not better to work at home. Because working at home with computer and telephone can’t generate the equal consequence comparing with working in the company’s office, which plays a vital role in the development of the staff and the success of the company.

作者: xiumu2280 时间: 2012-10-20 15:15
Do you agree or disagree? It is better to work with your own computer and telephone at your home than work in your company's office.

Generally, the major difference between working at home and in the company’s office is whether you are around by co-workers(这个around by co-workers感觉表达不太好，face to face with co-workers). Although the technology has a stunning impact on our life, does that mean it is better for all kinds of people and all kinds of industry to let staff work at home? I thinks the answer is no.

To make this matter clear, firstly, we need to figure out one question: who/which choice will be better? the answer can be staff themselves and the company（感觉这句少点词，不知道想表达什么）. We can analyse the different situations one by one.(这种开头比较新颖）

To begin with, I don’t think it’s better for staff themselves to work with the computer and telephone at home all day. Admittedly, working at home means you have a comparatively flexible timetable and you can seat wherever you want, such as sofa and bed, to make you comfortable. But this telecommuting style also has some negative effects. Firstly, to a person who lacks the concept of time, flexible of time means he can put his own things at the top of the agenda at the working hour. To be more precise, not working in the company’s office means no one will scrutinize your work, then you may have no motivate to finish it. Secondly, working at home is easy to lead misunderstandings（lead misunderstandings easily) because there is little emotional cue. Becides/besides, long-time facing only digital devices receiving and feeding back information makes you be a part of this mechanism, which is not beneficial for a person’s mental health because you don’t really contact with others.(感觉应该有个结尾，有点唐突）这段有些词汇用的不错,句子有点罗嗦，部分句子

If the answer is that company will be better, I don’t agree either. For some industry, employees need to discuss frequently to finish the task together, although the computer and telephone can also get the communication done, it is much clearer and more efficient to have a face-to-face （这里用这个表达了··前面还没看到这里··）talk to get more contents and specific details. What’s more, computer and telephone can only ensure information will not be delayed, but can not get the tangible materials be passed from one apartment/department to another. Even the fast express delivery will make a one day delay which may cause the company miss/misses the best time to make/define strategy a strategy and thus lose competitive strength.

In a nutshell, whether from the perspectives (OF加)staff or the company, it is not better to work at home. Because working at home with computer and telephone can’t/cannot generate the equal consequence comparing with working in the company’s office, which plays a vital role in the development of the staff and the success of the company.

用了好多WILL ，我之前也是有这个问题，其实好多是可有可无的，注意下就好。
加油~~！！！

作者: 浅吟天 时间: 2012-11-16 10:22
11.15
综合 tpo21

The lecturer rejects the benefits presented in the reading passage about the genetically modified trees. In her opinion, these trees are not great as they first sound.

The lecture does not agree with the first point made in the reading materials that genetically modified tress are designed to be hardier. She contends that they only can resist one particular condition. Non-modified trees have genetic diversity, which means although some individual trees are killed in one condition, others will survive, whereas the genes of modified trees are much more uniformed. If a catastrophe hits this area, such as a climate change, it will wipe out all genetically modified trees.

Regarding economic benefits, the lecturer explains that there are some hidden costs. Firstly, farmers need to pay much more to obtain each seed. Secondly, everytime you collect seeds, you have to pay company the extra fee. On the contrary, the reading passage just focus on the greater returns on the farming investment while ignores the relatively cost.

Additionally, the lecturer challenges the idea that genetically modified trees prevent overexploitation of wild trees. She argues that these more agressive trees may compete with wild trees for more water, nutritions. The condition is more crowded than before. Thus introducing genetically modified trees deviates from the initial purpose to save the endangered native trees.

作者: 浅吟天 时间: 2012-11-16 10:23
11月15日
独立 Agree or disagree: your job has greater happiness than your social life.
一不写退到解放前。。挤得我好痛苦。谢谢改的同学了。另外问一下什么是social life 我对这个概念很模糊

What is social life? Dancing, singing, or drinking? It may bring you some temporary happiness, unfortunately it cannot last long. But job can bring you some much more meaningful things. Thus I hold that job has greater happiness than social life.

Firstly, you can get the feeling of satisfaction by doing your job. For example, after several month of hard working, a banker finally saw the company that he had joined to packing go public. What did he feel? He must have a sense of achievement. This kind of feeling will not fade as the activity passes by, but leave a long-last happiness. We, human beings, do some work not only because we have to make a living, but also because we need to get a measurable sense of personal worth, which is one of our innate requirements. However, the social life may be colorful as someone argues, but it is set up by discontinuous events which cannot generate the feeling of satisfaction that can last for a long while. Not alone the happiness acquired in it.

Secondly, the job can bring my family members happy and so it can make me happy. It may sound a little bit difficult to understand, let me explain it. I still remember the smiling faces of my grandparents the first time i brought some gifts to them. So I was totally inspired by that, and work hard to give them a better life. I hadn’t realized that doing my job well could bring so much difference until that time. My relatives happiness is the terminate goal of my life, everytime I think about this, I find myself full of energy and doing my work happily.

What’s more, there are some disadvantages about social life. For example, you have to join some social activities to make acquaintance with someone who may give you a favor in the future. This is not a rare case in commercial world and political cycle. So the things you do maybe not from your heart, such as the behavior of proposing a toast on a dinner. For my part, I’d rather stay home idling my time than join these kind of activities. Undoubtedly, the reluctant behaviors will not bring me happiness.

In a nutshell, the job doesn’t have the disadvantages the social life has. On the contrary, it can give you a sense of accomplishment which is a good incentive to happiness. And the reward you get from your job will ensure a better life of your family, which will in turn make you happy.

作者: Crystal的秋天 时间: 2012-11-16 15:45
标题: 11.15独立修改
What is social life? Dancing, singing, or drinking? 差不多吧It maybring you some temporary happiness, unfortunately it cannot last long. But jobcan bring you much more meaningful things. Thus I hold that job has greaterhappiness than social life这句表达很奇怪. Job带给我们更多的欢乐，或者创造更多的欢乐，用have，表达不清晰。
Firstly, you can get the feeling of self-satisfaction by doing your job. Forexample, after several month of hard working, a banker finally saw the companythat he had joined to （to 后面是原型） packing gopublic. What did he feel? He must have a sense of achievement. This kind offeeling will not fade as the （这个词不太准确）time passesby, but leave a long-last happiness. We, human beings, do some work not onlybecause we have to make a living, but also because we need to get a measurablesense of personal worth, which is one of our innate requirements. However, thesocial life may be colorful as someone argues, but it is set up bydiscontinuous events which cannot generate the feeling of satisfaction that canlast for a long while. Let alone the happiness acquired in it.
Secondly, the job can bring my family members 用名词and so itcan make me happy. It may sound a little bit difficult to understand, let meexplain it. I still remember the smiling faces of my grandparents the firsttime I brought some gifts to them. So I was totally inspired by that, and work(这跟前面并列吗) hard to give them a better life. Ihadn’t realized that doing my job well could bring so many differences untilthat time. My relatives happiness is the terminate goal of my life, every timeI think about this, I find myself full of energy and doing my work happily.
What’s more, there are some disadvantages about social life. For example, youhave to join some social activities to make acquaintance with someone who maygive you a favor in the future. This is not a rare case in commercial world andpolitical cycle. So the things you do maybe not from your heart, such as thebehavior of proposing a toast on a dinner. For my part, I’d rather stay home 用形容词就好my timethan join these kind of activities. Undoubtedly, the reluctant behaviors will notbring me happiness.
In a nutshell, the job doesn’t have the disadvantages as the social life has.On the contrary, it can give you a sense of accomplishment which is a goodincentive to happiness. And the reward you get from your job will ensure a betterlife of your family, which will in turn make you happy.

逻辑还可以，但是事例不是特别的有说服力，另外口语化表达太严重，还要注意一下一些单词的准确意思，不要用太多意思含糊不清的单词。

看word更清楚些

作者: Crystal的秋天 时间: 2012-11-16 15:54
不好意思，我看过你给我的点评，我之前没细致的看题目，可以用have happiness, 但我我对题目的理解是，“是工作还是social life 可以给我们快乐？” 总觉得，have happiness怪怪的，不过我不知道我的理解对不对啊

作者: AnthonySummer 时间: 2012-11-16 21:51
11.15

综合 tpo21

The lecturer rejects the benefits presented in the reading passage about the genetically modified trees. In her opinion, these trees are not great as they first sound. (感覺這裡表達great不是很好，具體寫好：planting genetically modification trees on a large scale promises to bring a number of benefits. ）

The lecture does not agree with the first point made in the reading materials that genetically modified trees are designed to be hardier. She contends that they only can resist one particular condition. Non-modified trees have genetic diversity, which means although some individual trees are killed in one condition, others will survive, whereas the genes of modified trees are much more uniformed. If a catastrophe hits this area, such as a climate change, it will wipe out all genetically modified trees.

Regarding economic benefits, the lecturer explains that there are some hidden costs. Firstly, farmers need to pay much more to obtain each (each用在這不好吧~用明確點的genetic modifier trees') seed. Secondly, everytime you collect seeds, (不光college seeds，還有其他環節聽力中講到了，越多細節約好）you have to pay （noun前要冠詞）the company the extra fee. On the contrary, the reading passage just focus on the greater returns on the farming investment while ignores the relative cost.

Additionally, the lecturer challenges the idea that genetically modified trees prevent overexploitation of wild trees. She argues that these more agressive trees may compete with wild trees for more water, nutritions. The condition is more crowded than before. Thus introducing genetically modified trees deviates from the initial purpose to save the endangered native trees.

感覺都用自己的語言概括重寫了，這點很好，但是有一些細節沒把握到，加油啊！

作者: 浅吟天 时间: 2012-11-17 21:21
11.17 独立在家工作好还是去公司工作好？（机经没写英文)
Some people are so glad that the development of technology has provide them the condition to be telecommuters, which means they have a more flexible time schedule, less pressure and so on. But is it really good as they expected? With a close analysis, working at home has some disadvantages. In my opinion, I advocate working in the corporate.

Firstly, from the perspective of employee, the fixed working hours is good for your health. Although some may argue that this means a employee has to get up early in the morning, I don't think get up earlier is a bad habit, because we are physically more energetic in the morning, in other word, we can do more things, which will bring you a sense of accomplishment. What's more, without the motivation to working outside the house, some person are bad at time control, they always have an disordered life style. Because the time are at their disposal, they may put the minor but interesting personal affair at the top of the agenda and think about working later. However sometimes they may addicted to having fun and lose the concept of time. Although they get the temporary happiness, the feeling of guilty and emptiness will grasp them the next day. And in the long-term, this irregular exhausted life will have a negative effect on your health because it interrupts the circulation system, especially for girls, who may appear older than their real ages. Working at home means you have a plenty time under your control, however the flexible time is a double-edge sword.

Secondly, at the stand of the company, the advantage of working at corporation again outweigh that of working at home. The quality of the business of some company need the intensive communication, admittedly the telephone and computer make the discussion more smoothly, it is still the face-to-face communication can drive the ideas home more properly and clearly. For example, i was an intern in pwc, an accounting firm, at the end of a year, we need to check the balance sheet of companies, our team members are all sitting in the office, because we need to share the process and information frequently. In addition, computer cannot pass the tangible materials as soon as emails. If there is an important agreement need to be signed, but it is delayed on the express way, you cannot image how big the loss the company will suffer in this changeable business environment. Just as that famous saying, time is money. So it is better to require staffs working at company.

In a nutshell, no matter from the aspect of a person or a company, it is better to work in the office than at home, because the regular timetable is beneficial for a person's health and because working together can settle the problem down more efficiently.

作者: 浅吟天 时间: 2012-11-18 20:38
11.18 综合 tpo20
The lecturer rejects the critic's opinion in the reading passage, she contends that the natural forest fires are just a natural part in the ecology cycle. "let it burn" has it own merits. Take yellowstone for example, she emphasis the influences after the 1988's natural fire.

Firstly, the lecturer doesn't agree with the first disadvantage about the natural fire in the materials. In her opinion, after the fire, the scorch land had grew many new plants. Although the fire caused tremendous damage to the trees and vegetations at that time, it brought the opportunity of the growth, which increased the diversity of the park, that otherwise wouldn't happen. For example, without the fire, some seeds wound never germinate, because the condition of germination needs high-level heat.

Secondly, the lecturer also challenges the negative effect on wildlife. She argues that animals had been recovered and the natural fire brought an important new opportunity. For example, some smaller plants replaced the trees after the fire, which provided desirable food to rabbits and hires. And this in turn increased the number of the predators which depend on these small animals. In other words, the natural fire made the food-chain much stronger than before.

In addition, regarding the economic effect, the lecturer explains that there isn't any natural fire after 1988, and tourists came back the next year and each year after the fire. On the contrary, the reading passage says that the local businesses relied on park visitors suffered a great loss.

作者: 235852140 时间: 2012-11-18 20:43
11.17 独立在家工作好还是去公司工作好？（机经没写英文) 批改
错误建议好
Some people are so glad that（我觉得用some people开头是不太好的选择，就是太多人说some people..other people了一下让考官觉得很无聊或者很平庸。直接这句说，nowardays，我觉得都好） the development of technology has provide them the condition to be telecommuters, which means they have a more flexible time schedule, less pressure and so on. But is it really good as they expected? With a close analysis, working at home has some disadvantages. In my opinion, I advocate working in the corporate.

Firstly, from the perspective of employee, the fixed working hours is(改are)good for your(说their更好，前面employees更好) health. Although some may argue that this means a employee has to get up early in the morning, I don't think get(改getting，动词不能做主语，动名词做主语可以) up earlier is a bad habit, because we are physically more energetic in the morning, in other word, we can do more things, which will bring you a sense of accomplishment.（句号呢？run-on句型了哦。另外，翻译过来是：我们能做更多的事情，这样能给你带来成就感。应该是给自己带来成就感哦。逻辑。you改us）What's more, without the motivation to working outside the house, some person are bad at time control, they always have an disordered life style.（这句也是run-on句型。some person are这有一个谓语动词are，后面 they always have有一个have，两个谓语出现在一个句子里，中间要有连词连接。） Because the time are（改is） at their disposal, they may put the minor but interesting personal affair（+s） at the top of the agenda and(改but) think about working later. However sometimes they may （+be,固定搭配：be addicted to sth）addicted to having fun and lose the concept of time. Although they get the temporary happiness, the feeling of guilty and emptiness will grasp them the next day. And in the long-term, this irregular exhausted life will have a negative effect on your health（前面说他们得到了一时的快乐…这里说长期来说，…对你的健康不好，人称！） because it interrupts the circulation system（说biological clock更好，紊乱了人体的生物钟么）, especially for girls, who may appear older than their real ages.（其实这个who引导的修饰girl的从句，从语法上，你的意思就成了：“因为它会中断你的循环系统，特别是会打乱那些可能看起来比实际年龄大的女孩。”而我知道你是想说特别是对女孩不好，它们会因此而看起来比实际年龄大。这个who引导的是定语从句，是修饰和限定的作用。用不好就出笑话了） Working at home means you have a plenty（+of） time under your control, however the flexible time is a double-edge sword. （这段中的人称一会是you，一会是we，一会是they, 逻辑有些混乱。不如直接说人们，而且总是说“你就…”也不礼貌。还要注意语法。）

Secondly, at the stand of the company, the advantage of working at corporation again outweigh(+s,主语是the advantage,或者你把advantage复数了) that of working at home. The quality of the business of some company need（+s,主语是quality） the intensive communication,admittedly the telephone and computer make the discussion more smoothly, it is still the face-to-face communication can drive the ideas home（不知道这个用法对不对）more properly and clearly. (这句还是run-on句型，admittedly是adv，不能连接句子用。这句话中都三个谓语了) For example, i was an intern in pwc, an accounting firm, at the end of a year, we need（needed） to check the balance sheet of companies, our team members are（were） all sitting in the office, because we need（needed） to share the process and information frequently.（run-on句型。。）In addition, computer cannot pass the tangible materials as soon as emails. If there is an important agreement need to be signed, but it is delayed on the express way, you cannot image how big the loss the company will suffer in this changeable business environment. Just as that famous saying, time is money. So it is better to require staffs working at company.

In a nutshell, no matter from the aspect of a person or a company, it is better(前面就是better,可以换换别的词) to work in the office than at home, because the regular timetable is beneficial for a person's health and because（去掉because） working together can settle the problem down more efficiently.

总结：楼主要提高语法啊。病句太多了。这样可不行。硬伤哦。一个句子中只能有一个谓语，如果有两个或以上就要用连词连接，副词不行。实在不行就句号，总比一直逗号安全。还有单复数，人称等。虽然都是小问题，但是太多的小问题就是大问题了。最后，多一点要求的话就是增加用词的多样性。祝31~~

作者: 浅吟天 时间: 2012-11-18 21:17
to 235852140
十分感谢你这么仔细这么仔细的修改！！！看得我心惊肉跳。。我都想说有点抱歉错了这么多。。
总结一下
1，run-on问题
2，举例的时态问题
3，每段人称要统一，最好they通篇到底
4，开头。这个要再琢磨一下

作者: 235852140 时间: 2012-11-18 21:41
谢谢亲的批改哦~~你看的也很仔细啊~错多了有什么不好意思的~现在发现比考试的时候出现要好多了~是吧~而且我也会看了注意的~~

讨论几个问题：
1. innovation,我心思是创新的意思，不可数呢。查了查是作为革新、创新的意思，是不可数的。作为新方法、新制度、新事物的意思来讲是可数的。那并列的话，是不是都加S都复数保持一致比较好？
2. Taking Google as an example, it not only...but also... 。这句用taking不用take 是因为如果take了，这句话就多了一个谓语。就病句了。
3. train of thought就是思路的意思
4. conduct employees right the first time. right the first time 我想说第一时间的意思。不知道有木有这个用法。我没查到。

作者: 浅吟天 时间: 2012-11-19 14:48
11月18日
独立 Do you agree with the viewpoint that people are now easier to become educated than in the past?

Had you ever got the access to the internet in the past? Had you ever received the scholarship from the government to finish your study? And had you ever lived in a environment that society encouraging education? If you answers are all no, then you are with the same opinion of mine that people are easier to become educated nowadays than in the past. I will explain it in three demotions.

Firstly, with the stunning developing speed of technology, the computer and internet have profoundly influenced people's life. One of the main changes is that the computer and the internet serve as efficient tools to facilitate education. With the internet, you can connect almost the whole world. Just with a simple click of the mouse, maybe there are 10,000 pages of useful information will appear on the screen in few seconds by using the search engine Google. It is much easier than using the library resource, which requires plenty of time. What's more, the internet not only save the time but also provide opportunity to be educated. For example, last year my uncle planed to take the ACCA test, but there wasn't a class in our town. Without the assistance of on-line courses, he needed to drive the car for 3 hours to the nearby town to get that 1.5 hours class, which apparently would waste much of his energy and time. He once told me that if there wasn't an on-line course, he would have given up. So we can see that the technology give us the convenience to become educated, while in the past, there wasn't such a great innovation.

Secondly, governments have put great emphasis on the education recent years. They have set several policies to encourage education. For example, Chinese government has drew up the compulsory coursed to ensure all the youth can be educated from primary school to high school, which means people in a wider coverage than before have the access to education. Besides, there are also many national scholarships for university students to finish their education. One of my classmates Lily who comes from the rural place of china can receive that scholarship every year to compensate the tuitions, which guarantees her to finish the study. Unfortunately, there wasn't variety of policies aiding education in the past, and thus only teenagers in comparatively worth families can acquire the chance to get knowledge.

Thirdly, the society also gives priority to education, which establishes a beneficial atmosphere to allow people acquire knowledge. As we can know, many universities allow people in the nearby communities to join the classes freely. That's means no matter you are a tailor or a baker who has(这里用单数吗？) already missed the gold education time, you can sit in the classroom to become educated again. In addition, Yale and Harvard have already put their opening classes on the internet to set an good example that the society encourages more people to be educated. However, in the past, the courses of prestigious universities are exclusive to their own students.

In a nutshell, nowadays people have a wider access and tools to become literacy, and the government and the society all create an atmosphere to improve the likelihood of education. Compared with people in the old days, people are much easier to become educated because of the above reasons.

作者: 我把托福踩脚下 时间: 2012-11-20 03:25
11月18日
独立 Do you agree with the viewpoint that people are now easier to become educated than in the past?

Had you ever got the access to the internet in the past? Had you ever received the scholarship from the government to finish your study? And hadn’t you ever stayed out of the social life of encouraging education, had you? If you answers are all no, then you are same opinion as me that people are easier to become educated nowadays than in the past. I will explain it in three demotions.(问句开头，赞)

Firstly, with the stunning developing speed of technology, the computer and internet have profoundly influenced people's life. One of the main changes is that the computer and the internet serve as efficient tools to facilitate education. With the internet, you can connect almost the whole world. Just with a simple click of the mouse, maybe there are 10,000 pages of useful information will appear on the screen in few seconds by using the search engine Google.（这段使用wit伴随关系，用了三次，建议换一个词， by吧）It is much easier than using the library resource, which requires plenty of time.（这句话，我不赞同哦，因为图书馆资源现在已经包括了网络资源了。图书馆通常提供很多的联网电脑） What's more, the internet not only save the time but also provide opportunity to be educated. For example, last year my uncle planed to take the ACCA test, but there wasn't a class in our town. Without the assistance of on-line courses, he needed to drive the car for 3 hours to the nearby town to get that 1.5 hours class, which apparently would waste much of his energy and time. He once told me that if there wasn't an on-line course, he would have given up. So we can see that the technology give us the convenience to become educated, while there wasn't such a great innovation in the past。你的例子举得很好.

Secondly, governments have put great emphasis on the education recent years. They have set several policies to encourage education. For example, Chinese government has drew up the compulsory coursed to ensure all the teenagers /adolescentcan be educated from primary school to high school, which means people in a wider coverage than before have the access to education. Besides, there are also many national scholarships for university students to finish their education. One of my classmates Lily who comes from the rural place of china can receive that scholarship every year to compensate the tuitions, which guarantees her to finish the study. Unfortunately, there wasn't variety of policies aiding education in the past, and thus only teenagers in comparatively worth families can acquire the chance to get knowledge.

Thirdly, the society also gives priority to education, which establishes a beneficial atmosphere (establish an atmosphere 换成 establish atmosphere around 吧，)to allow people acquire knowledge. As we can know, many universities allow people in the nearby communities to join the classes freely. That's means no matter you are a tailor or a baker who hasalready missed the gold education time, you can be given a chance to sit in the classroom to become educated again. In addition, Yale and Harvard have already put their opening classes on the internet to set a good example that the society encourages more people to be educated. However, in the past, the courses of prestigious universities are exclusive to their own students.

In a nutshell, nowadays people have a wider access and tools to become literacy, and the government and the society all create an atmosphere(貌似是创造大气层的意思) 改：Create an atmosphere with people to improve the likelihood of education. Compared with people in the old days, people are much easier to become educated because of the above reasons.

这篇文章结构很漂亮，问句开头的方式给人耳目一新

没有大的语法问题

如果中间三段的首句句式不那么单一就更完美了。

作者: 我把托福踩脚下 时间: 2012-11-20 03:29
That's means no matter you are a tailor or a baker who hasalready missed the gold education time 这句话结构不对，重写哦

作者: ningjie111 时间: 2012-11-20 11:09
11.18 综合 tpo20
The lecturer rejects the critic's opinion in the readingpassage, she contends that the natural forest fires are just a natural part inthe ecology cycle. "let it burn" has it own merits. Take yellowstonefor example, she emphasis the influences after the 1988's natural fire.

Firstly, the lecturer doesn't agree with the first disadvantage about thenatural fire in the materials.（总觉得这段阅读是说大火会造成植物的损害，lecture说不会反而会促进植物的生长） Inher opinion, after the fire, the scorch land had grew many new plants. Althoughthe fire caused tremendous damage to the trees and vegetations at that time, itbrought the opportunity of the growth, which increased the diversity of thepark, that otherwise wouldn't happen. For example, without the fire, some seedswound（would？） never germinate, because the condition of germination needs high-levelheat.

Secondly, the lecturer also challenges the negative effect on wildlife. Sheargues that animals had been recovered and the natural fire brought animportant new opportunity. For example, some smaller plants replaced the treesafter the fire, which provided desirable food to rabbits and hires. And this inturn increased the number of the predators which depend on these small animals.In other words, the natural fire made the food-chain much stronger than before.

In addition, regarding the economic effect, thelecturer explains that there isn't any natural fire after 1988, and touristscame back the next year and each year after the fire. On the contrary, thereading passage says that the local businesses relied on park visitors suffereda great loss.

是不是要一个结尾比较好？
总体还是很好的，很流畅而且用自己的语言概括了文章和教授的内容。。只是第三段越写越仓促的感觉。。。。

作者: 浅吟天 时间: 2012-11-20 19:13
11月19日
独立 It is more important to choose friends that have fun with than to choose friends that will help you when you need them

If you ask me, what is your definition of friendship. I will answer that a true friend is who can help you when you are in the trouble, and stay with you when you are in bad mood. Therefore, I'd like to choose friends fit in this standard. Obviously, the friends that you can have fun with are less important than friends that will help you when you need them.

Firstly, when you are helpless, what you need is just someone's company. In my own experience, at that time, friends that you have fun with are usually stay away from you, because they don't want to waste their time to persuade you and what they want is just idling time with you. However, a friend indeed will stand on your side, encouraging you to get out of the desperation. Take myself for example. I broke up with my boyfriend recently, which totally interrupted my train of thought when i was study. I didn't want to talk to anyone, but my intimate Lily just accompanied with me silently for several hours. Finally, i burst into tears and cried on her shoulder. It is Lily let me found the outlet and released the negative feelings. After that, i felt much better. When people are in the adversity, only a truly friend will help. And this is meaningful.

Secondly, I cherish long-term friendship. But hardly can friends that you can have fun with become your buddy. It is easy to understand, because you just gather together to join some activities, and after that, you may not contact with each other. What's more, the happiness you acquire from these kind of friends is temporary. For example, I attended a party last month, we toasted to each other at the dinner, and we danced under the hot music. However, the next day I felt exhausted physically and what made thing worse is that i felt mentally empty because I wasted a plenty of time to get some perceived pleasure. On the contrary, when i was with my intimate, i always can get some new ideas from them, which provides me a different perspective to see the world.

In addition, the friends that you have fun with may be not know much about you, let alone help you directly and correctly when you need them. Only after a long period sharing ideas and experience can a friend know where you strengths and weaknesses are. Thus when you need them to help, they know what they need to do can efficiently help you in the great extent. But instead of having deep talk about the world value or life, friends that you can have fun with always seize your time to enjoy life together, such as dancing, singing, and going shopping. Maybe the time spend together are fun, but they still know little about your personality. Even if they want, they have no ability to help you.

In a nutshell, you can not rely on friends that you always have fun with. And in my dictionary friends who will help you when you need is truly friends. That’s why I count them more important.

作者: 浅吟天 时间: 2012-11-20 19:17
问个问题哈，第一点我的意思跟你一样啊，“阅读是说大火会造成植物的损害，lecture说不会反而会促进植物的生长” 难道我没表达清楚？
第三段其实是我没听大清楚。我先没说，就像看下是不是还是会被发现的。。果然。。
另外讨教一下结尾的写法，因为我首段一般会概括一下，所以结尾应该怎么写不重复呢？

11.18 综合 tpo20
The lecturer rejects the critic's opinion in the readingpassage, she contends that the natural forest fires are just a natural part inthe ecology cycle. "let it burn" has it own merits. Take yellowstonefor example, she emphasis the influences after the 1988's natural fire.

Firstly, the lecturer doesn't agree with the first disadvantage about thenatural fire in the materials.（总觉得这段阅读是说大火会造成植物的损害，lecture说不会反而会促进植物的生长） Inher opinion, after the fire, the scorch land had grew many new plants. Althoughthe fire caused tremendous damage to the trees and vegetations at that time, itbrought the opportunity of the growth, which increased the diversity of thepark, that otherwise wouldn't happen. For example, without the fire, some seedswound（would？） never germinate, because the condition of germination needs high-levelheat.

Secondly, the lecturer also challenges the negative effect on wildlife. Sheargues that animals had been recovered and the natural fire brought animportant new opportunity. For example, some smaller plants replaced the treesafter the fire, which provided desirable food to rabbits and hires. And this inturn increased the number of the predators which depend on these small animals.In other words, the natural fire made the food-chain much stronger than before.

In addition, regarding the economic effect, thelecturer explains that there isn't any natural fire after 1988, and touristscame back the next year and each year after the fire. On the contrary, thereading passage says that the local businesses relied on park visitors suffereda great loss.

是不是要一个结尾比较好？
总体还是很好的，很流畅而且用自己的语言概括了文章和教授的内容。。只是第三段越写越仓促的感觉。。。。

-- by 会员 ningjie111 (2012/11/20 11:09:36)

作者: 浅吟天 时间: 2012-11-20 19:32
讨论几个问题，这个颜色的，我语法不好，见谅下

11月18日
独立 Do you agree with the viewpoint that people are now easier to become educated than in the past?

Had you ever got the access to the internet in the past? Had you ever received the scholarship from the government to finish your study? And hadn’t you ever stayed out of the social life of encouraging education, had you? If you answers are all no, then you are same opinion as me that people are easier to become educated nowadays than in the past. I will explain it in three demotions.(问句开头，赞)

Firstly, with the stunning developing speed of technology, the computer and internet have profoundly influenced people's life. One of the main changes is that the computer and the internet serve as efficient tools to facilitate education. With the internet, you can connect almost the whole world. Just with a simple click of the mouse, maybe there are 10,000 pages of useful information will appear on the screen in few seconds by using the search engine Google.（这段使用wit伴随关系，用了三次，建议换一个词， by吧）It is much easier than using the library resource, which requires plenty of time.（这句话，我不赞同哦，因为图书馆资源现在已经包括了网络资源了。图书馆通常提供很多的联网电脑） What's more, the internet not only save the time but also provide opportunity to be educated. For example, last year my uncle planed to take the ACCA test, but there wasn't a class in our town. Without the assistance of on-line courses, he needed to drive the car for 3 hours to the nearby town to get that 1.5 hours class, which apparently would waste much of his energy and time. He once told me that if there wasn't an on-line course, he would have given up. So we can see that the technology give us the convenience to become educated, while there wasn't such a great innovation in the past。你的例子举得很好.

Secondly, governments have put great emphasis on the education recent years. They have set several policies to encourage education. For example, Chinese government has drew up the compulsory coursed to ensure all the teenagers /adolescentcan be educated from primary school to high school, which means people in a wider coverage than before have the access to education. Besides, there are also many national scholarships for university students to finish their education. One of my classmates Lily who comes from the rural place of china can receive that scholarship every year to compensate the tuitions, which guarantees her to finish the study. Unfortunately, there wasn't variety of policies aiding education in the past, and thus only teenagers in comparatively worth families can acquire the chance to get knowledge.

Thirdly, the society also gives priority to education, which establishes a beneficial atmosphere(establish an atmosphere 换成 establish atmosphere around 吧，)atmosphere 有氛围的意思把。这个around后面接to do 会不会有点奇怪。to allow people acquire knowledge. As we can know, many universities allow people in the nearby communities to join the classes freely. That's means no matter you are a tailor or a baker（主语+谓语，后面who是修饰宾语）我不知道这样对不对，若要该请问怎么该？ who has already missed the gold education time, you can be given a chance to sit in the classroom to become educated again. In addition, Yale and Harvard have already put their opening classes on the internet to set a good example that the society encourages more people to be educated. However, in the past, the courses of prestigious universities are exclusive to their own students.

In a nutshell, nowadays people have a wider access and tools to become literacy, and the government and the society all create an atmosphere(貌似是创造大气层的意思) 改：Create an atmosphere with people to improve the likelihood of education. Compared with people in the old days, people are much easier to become educated because of the above reasons.

这篇文章结构很漂亮，问句开头的方式给人耳目一新

没有大的语法问题

如果中间三段的首句句式不那么单一就更完美了。你说的是firstly,secondly 的问题？

-- by 会员我把托福踩脚下 (2012/11/20 3:25:50)

作者: 浅吟天 时间: 2012-11-20 22:16
11.20 综合tpo18

The lecturer rejects three ways to address the decline of Torreya. In her opinion, none of them are the satisfaction solutions.

Firstly, the lecturer doesn't agree with the first option in the material that to reestablish Torreya in the same location. She contends that this method is unlikely to be successful. Although microclimate is suitable for Torreya to exist, the overall climate still affects large region. For example, the globe warming the wetland drained by human beings in Florida makes the surroundings drier than before, which mean the conditions in the North Florida would never have been the same as original one. Thus, it is not beneficial for the existence of Torreya.

Secondly, regarding moving to an entirely different location, the lecturer explains that one black tree, which had been introduced to further north place, had spread quickly. Consequently, it killed many local trees which were already endangered themselves. By the same token, moving Torreya to the forests further north will have an unpredicted outcome.

In addition, the lecturer challenges the third option in the material that preserving Torreya in research centers. She argues that population of Torreya kept in the centers is limited and thus torreya in the research center can not resist diseases due to relatively smaller genetic diversity. However, the laboratory simply has no capacity to hold such large population. Therefore, this method is unfeasible.

作者: ningjie111 时间: 2012-11-20 22:51
大概是我第一段的开头我理解错了。。。关于结尾，你可以换种方法来说。比如这篇，你可以说从以上的观点来看，虽然很多人想文章中的作者一样反对这个policy。教授任然支持这个policy并且认为它能带来好处巴拉巴拉之类的。。。

问个问题哈，第一点我的意思跟你一样啊，“阅读是说大火会造成植物的损害，lecture说不会反而会促进植物的生长” 难道我没表达清楚？
第三段其实是我没听大清楚。我先没说，就像看下是不是还是会被发现的。。果然。。
另外讨教一下结尾的写法，因为我首段一般会概括一下，所以结尾应该怎么写不重复呢？

-- by 会员 ningjie111 (2012/11/20 11:09:36)

-- by 会员浅吟天 (2012/11/20 19:17:37)

作者: Crystal的秋天 时间: 2012-11-20 23:02
It is more important to choose friends that have fun with than to choose friends that will help you when you need them

If you ask me, what is your definition of friendship. I will answer that a true friend is who can help you when you are in the trouble, and stay with you when you are in bad mood. Therefore, I'd like to choose friends fit in this standard.这个在表达偏奇怪 Obviously, the friends that you can have fun with are less important than friends that will help you when you need them.

Firstly, when you are helpless, what you need is just someone's company. In my own experience, at that time, friends that you have fun with are usually stay 两个动词away from you, because they don't want to waste their time to persuade you and what they want is just idling time with you. However, a friend indeed will stand on your side, encouraging you to get out of the desperation. Take myself for example. I broke up with my boyfriend recently, which totally interrupted my train of 这个词有必要吗？thought when i was study. I didn't want to talk to anyone, but my intimate Lily just accompanied with me silently for several hours. Finally, i burst into tears and cried on her shoulder. It is Lily （强调句that不要省略）let me found（动词原形） the outlet and released the negative feelings. After that, i felt much better. When people are in the adversity, only a truly friend will help. And this is meaningful.

Secondly, I cherish long-term friendship. But hardly can friends that you can不需要 have fun with become your buddy. It is easy to understand, because you just gather together to join some activities, and after that, you may not contact with each other. What's more, the happiness you acquire from these kind of friends is temporary. For example, I attended a party last month, we toasted to each other at the dinner, and we danced under the hot music. However, the next day I felt exhausted physically and what made thing worse is that i felt mentally empty because I wasted a plenty of time to get some perceived pleasure. On the contrary, when i was with my intimate, i always can get some new ideas from them, which provides me a different perspective（angle of view） to see the world.

In addition, the friends that you have fun with may be not know much about you, let alone help you directly and correctly when you need them. Only after a long period sharing ideas and experience can a friend know where you(your) strengths and weaknesses are. Thus when you need them to help, they know what they need to do can efficiently help you in the great extent(to a large extent). But instead of having deep talk about the world value or life, friends that you can have fun with always seize your time to enjoy life together, such as dancing, singing, and going shopping. Maybe the time spend together are fun, but they still know little about your personality. Even if they want, they have no ability to help you.(这个让步很好)

In a nutshell, you can not rely on friends that you always have fun with. And in my dictionary friends who will help you when you need is truly friends. That’s why I count them more important.

整篇文章看的出，句型很多样，观点还不错，但是句子表达很繁琐，有点中文直译的感觉。

作者: lizchang1990 时间: 2012-11-21 13:43
亲, 我今天晚上10：30回来上传了，因为待会去教室没得网~，我的你第二天晚上前改完都OK.

抱歉~~~

作者: 浅吟天 时间: 2012-11-21 18:20
11.21 综合 tpo17

The reading passage and the lecturer both talk about the effect of growing
human population on birds population. However, they hold different views. The reading passage asserts that birds population is and will continue(能不能这样写啊？) to decline due to the increase in agriculture and pesticide. On the contrary, the lecturer holds that the birds' population will not decline because of human activities.

Firstly, the lecturer does not agree with the first opinion in the reading materials that the expanding settlements are responsible for the disappearance of bird's natural habitats. She thinks the reasoning is unconvincing. Nowadays, urban has provided better and larger habitats for some kinds of birds. Meanwhile, citizens even complain about the increase of bird's population. Some unusual birds such as hawks appear in the city due to the increase of the prey like some rodents. The lecturer says that there isn't a uniform decline of the bird's population. In other words, some birds maybe shrink, but others are growing.

Secondly, the lecturer challenges the second point in the passage that the growth of agriculture will cause further destruction of bird habitat. She argues that in the United States, less and less lands are used for agriculture, because more variety crops have been introduced. The growing human population is satisfied by the increasing per unit outcome of the land instead by the expanding of land. As a result, there is no need to destroy the natural environment.

In addition, regarding the pesticides, the lecturer explains that the pesticide usage in the past cannot predict the future circumstance. Admittedly, pesticides are harmful. However, two main changes have been conducted. The one is to use new and much less toxic poisons. The other is to cultivate pest-resisted crops. So the crops can be unattractive to insects while less pesticides are used. Thus, these crops will not hurt the bird's population at all.

作者: 浅吟天 时间: 2012-11-21 19:42
11月21日
独立 Patience is usually not a good strategy. We should take action now rather than later
为啥我觉得找几个point越来越难了呢？还是刚好这两天的很难写？不知道大家有没有这样的感觉。请问改我作文的同学，你一般是怎么想到point的？马上要考试了！！这个很困扰我啊。。。。

Does patience equal to loss of opportunities? Does patience mean passive waiting? Well, in my opinion, this is not always the case. It is too arbitory to say that patience is usually not a good strategy. In some circumstance, it has its own merits.

Firstly, patience can cease you to make mistakes. An old saying is that look before leap. Without taking everything into consideration, the action maybe too rush. For example, when I was a little girl, my father taught me how to play chess. After I comprehended the principle, I confidently thought I would win. However, almost every time I play chess with my father, I lost the game. After several times, my father told me that I was too rush to make a decision, which seemly a sound decision while there is a trick sit by your opponent behind it. If you keep patience, and watch it carefully, you would avoid mistake and thus make a better step. This was a precious lesson to me, I keep my father’s words in mind that wait and hope.

While some people may argue in this changeable copper world, patience means you cannot grasp the best chance to increase the profits. I think, on the contrary, patience may bring perfect result and let even bigger benefits. Take Apple as an example. Ipad was a sensational innovation at that time. But seldom people know that Steve Jobs had suspended this task for a period. Although the main technique and idea about Ipad had already conceived, the problem of battery wasn’t be settled down. Not until the researcher had created the 15 hours battery, Ipad wasn’t put into the market. Providing that Steve Jobs took action at that time launching the advertisement of Ipad, admittedly, it was still a milestone in computer industry, we would never feel as amazing as it is now about this new product. Because one of the big advantages that distinguished Ipad from other computers is its long standby time, which obviously satisfied users experience. As a result, the patient decision by Steve Jobs not let Apple lost its chance to seize the market shares but let a huge profit and an enduring increase in the Apple’s share price.

In a nutshell, whether from the perspective of an individual or a company, patience is not always a negative strategy. Rather it can reduce the chance of making mistakes and lead a perfect result.

作者: lmylacoste 时间: 2012-11-22 21:41
The reading passage and the lecturer both talk about the effect of growing
human population on birds population. However, they hold different views. The reading passage asserts that birds population is and will continue(能不能这样写啊？) (我觉得最好不要)to decline due to the increase in agriculture and pesticide. On the contrary, the lecturer holds that the birds' population will not decline because of human activities.（这个原因似乎不太准确）

Firstly, the lecturer does not agree with the first opinion in the reading materials that the expanding settlements are responsible for the disappearance of bird's natural habitats. She thinks the reasoning is unconvincing. Nowadays, urban has provided better and larger habitats for some kinds of birds. Meanwhile, citizens even complain about the increase of bird's population. Some unusual birds such as hawks appear in the city due to the increase of the prey like some rodents. The lecturer says that there isn't a uniform decline of the bird's population. In other words, some birds maybe shrink, but others are growing.（写的很全！）

Secondly, the lecturer challenges the second point in the passage that the growth of agriculture will cause further destruction of bird habitat. She argues that in the United States, less and less lands are used for agriculture, because more variety crops have been introduced. The growing human population is satisfied by the increasing per unit outcome of the land instead（应该是rather than吧） by the expanding of land. As a result, there is no need to destroy the natural environment.

In addition, regarding the pesticides, the lecturer explains that the pesticide usage in the past cannot predict the future circumstance. Admittedly, pesticides are harmful. However, two main changes have been conducted. The one（first似乎更好） is to use new and much less toxic poisons. The other is to cultivate pest-resisted crops. So the crops can be unattractive to insects while less pesticides are used. Thus, these crops will not hurt the bird's population at all.

感觉很好，像是听写，good，有些我都没有听出来，看来我得听写一遍了。。。

作者: lmylacoste 时间: 2012-11-22 22:18
Does patience equal to loss of opportunities? Does patience mean passive waiting?（good） Well, in my opinion, this is not always the case. It is too arbitory(arbitrary当心错别字) to say that patience is usually not a good strategy. In some circumstance, it has its own merits.

Firstly, patience can cease you to make mistakes. An old saying is that look before leap. Without taking everything into consideration, the action maybe（漏了谓语啊 may be）too rush. For example, when I was a little girl, my father taught me how to play chess. After I comprehended the principle, I confidently thought I would win. However, almost every time I play chess with my father, I lost the game. After several times, my father told me that I was too rush to make a decision, which seemly a sound decision while there is a trick sit（搭配的不太好，trick没有固定搭配，用made就好） by your opponent behind it. If you keep patience, and watch it carefully, you would avoid mistake and thus make a better step. This was a precious lesson to me, I keep my father’s words in mind that（后面不是句子，用to keep你看如何） wait and hope.

While some people may argue 这里最好也加，算是插入语哈in this changeable copper world, patience means you cannot grasp the best chance to increase the profits. I think, on the contrary, patience may bring perfect result and let even bigger benefits. Take Apple as an example. Ipad was a sensational innovation at that time. But seldom people know that Steve Jobs had suspended this task for a period. Although the main technique and idea about Ipad had already conceived, the problem of battery wasn’t be （多出来的成分）settled down. Not until the researcher had created the 15 hours battery, Ipad wasn’t put into the market. Providing that Steve Jobs took action at that time launching the advertisement of Ipad, admittedly, it was still a milestone in computer industry, we would never feel as amazing as it is now about this new product. Because one of the big advantages that distinguished Ipad from other computers is its long standby time, which obviously satisfied users experience. As a result, the patient decision by Steve Jobs not let Apple lost its chance to seize the market shares but let a huge profit and an enduring increase in the Apple’s share price.

In a nutshell, whether from the perspective of an individual or a company, patience is not always a negative strategy. Rather it can reduce the chance of making mistakes and lead a perfect result.

总的来说，写得很棒，考虑到其中有很多好词，好句，我给满分！

关于观点，我再提两句

cease you to make mistakesgrasp the best chance to increase the profits

这两点都很好

譬如还有，

增加效率（patience 少犯错，就不用弥补）

增加信心（不犯错，self-achievement）
还有怎么增加效率呢？Pat能让你想到最好的办法，让你找到最好的朋友帮手，让你能看穿问题本质。。。
减少损失

有问题明天还可以告诉我~

作者: 浅吟天 时间: 2012-11-23 15:16
to lmy
嗯我觉得后面的点很拓思路啊~谢谢你了！

总结下：
1，best way
2，提效率（两方面，少犯错；看穿问题本质） ------从而信心！
3，等待出好产品---牟利

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