ChaseDream

标题: 8.3 第一次参加小分队，求砖拍~ [打印本页]

作者: sarahpx 时间: 2012-8-3 21:49
标题: 8.3 第一次参加小分队，求砖拍~
8.2 独立写作
Parents should help children to do their work or encourage children to do their work independently.

In this day and age, parents, the first and the most important person for every kid, are bothered by many dilemmas during child rearing: more beverages or not, more TV time or less, private school or public school? Eventually, they will run into this one: should they help with their kids’ school work or not? If they tend to help out every night, the situation may last as long as their children’s school years go. If they step back, their kids might risk falling behind in class, because all other kids are getting help from their parents. Nevertheless, “everyone else is doing it” is not a good reason for this action. Rather than help their children with school works, parents should encourage kids to solve their problem independently.

Apparently, coping with the works from children, parents consume a great deal of time and energy, which should have been used on job performance and home affairs. In Asian society, there never run short of parents working 12-8 hours at day job, and 4-5 hours as their kids’ tutors. Under the increasing burden, one day the white-collar parents will lose their former high performances; even the most vigorous ones cannot escape from this adversity. Take my colleague Melisa as an example. She suddenly fell behind from the top-5 sales to the failing group after her 7-year-old daughter attended primary school. Making hand work from art class, solving math puzzles, and supervising her girl’s word dictations, all these extra works turned her into careless and rude sales person when meeting clients. She lost her clients’ faith, and also her boss’. This is unfair for a young mother.

Besides, parents are not the good roles when tutoring kids at home. Parents already did their learning procedures when they were in school. In this phrase of their life, their priorities are to earn money and feed family. When taking on the helping role in kids’ school works, they have to relearn everything all over again with elder brains, be better at the works than their kids are, and explain every puzzle in easy-to-learn way. These procedures are really hard for parents. For example, if you have a kid in 3^rd grade, you must make endeavor to find three ways to solve a math question, to create four new colors out of three-primary colors with palettes, and even to collect pictures of more than 5 kinds of butterflies. Parent, who is neither a developmental expert nor a certificated teacher, can easily blur the line between helping and doing it for kids.

Admittedly, if you help out your kids as much as other parents, your children may achieve higher scores when ranking. And if you don’t do that, your children would probably lose their confidence on the ranking table. But the high score are the ultimate goal of education? You may take it serious right now, however, what are your considerations about the ability to face difficulties, the time management ability, the curiosity of knowledge, and the innovative spirit?The distinction should be critical because helping their school works gain one goal but fail all the others. Finally, we have to accept that our high-scored boy and girl have to do their researches independently. They have to overcome the depression and helplessness when facing tough problems, both academic and domestic.

Based on the discussion above, I strongly advocate parents to let go on their school work. Because tutoring on their homework do not effective as you imaged, but negatively influence you and your kids.

之前考过，用过模板，结果都fair，这次不拿模板写的，但是超时~哎

作者: 桃花影子 时间: 2012-8-4 09:44
标题: 一起fight啦~~
In this day and age, parents, the first and the most important person for every kid, are bothered by many dilemmas during child rearing: more beverages or not, more TV time or less, private school or public school? Eventually, they will run into this one: should they help with their kids’ school work or not? If they tend to help out every night, the situation may last as long as their children’s school years go.（这句不太明白你想要表达的意思）If they step back, their kids might risk falling behind in class, because all other kids are getting help from their parents.（这句话也是同样问题，如果他们step back，他们的小孩就可能有落后的危险，因为所有别的小孩都从他们父母那取得帮助。这是我对你这句话的解读，不知道有没有错误。后来我明白你想要表达的意思了，我觉得主要问题就出在这个step back上面吧，它是有退后的意思，所以造成了我解读成“如果他们退回到过去，他们就会发现……”这样的误会。因而导致了我对你想要表达的意思陷入了一头雾水的状态。所以最好还是选择一些清晰明了的词，例如ignore之类）Nevertheless, “everyone else is doing it” is not a good reason for this action. Rather than help their children with school works, parents should encourage kids to solve their problem independently.
你开头的内容很丰富，有背景，有各方观点，有自己的看法。唯一不足的是一些句式的欠缺和逻辑性的考量。

Apparently, coping with the works from children, parents consume a great deal of time and energy, which should have been used on job performance and home affairs. In Asian society, there never run short of parents working （weird）12-8 hours at day job, and 4-5 hours as their kids’ tutors. Under the increasing burden, one day the white-collar parents will lose their former high performances; even the most vigorous ones cannot escape from this adversity（这个词会不会太严重了？）. Take my colleague Melisa as an example. She suddenly fell behind from the top-5 sales to the failing group after her 7-year-old daughter attended primary school. Making hand work from art class, solving math puzzles, and supervising her girl’s word dictations, all these extra works turned her into careless and rude sales person when meeting clients. She lost her clients’ faith, and also her boss’. This is unfair for a young mother.
这段的观点挺好的，值得我借鉴。例子也suitable。不过要是末尾再有一个结论点题相信会更好。

Besides, parents are not the good roles（还是语言表达的问题，不太明白是说parents是一个不合适的角色，还是一个bad的角色when tutoring kids at home. You may express it more explicitly.因为这是一个论点句，我觉得还是表达清楚一点比较好，否则读者万一理解错了就会有一个先入为主的观念，带着错误的理解读下文就会变得weird。） when tutoring kids at home. Parents already did their learning procedures when they were in school. In this phrase of their life, their priorities are to earn money and feed family. When taking on the helping role in kids’ school works, they have to relearn everything all over again with elder brains,to be better at the works than their kids are, and explain every puzzle in an easy-to-learn way. These procedures are really hard for parents. For example, if you have a kid in 3^rd grade, you must make endeavor to find three ways to solve a math question, to create four new colors out of three-primary colors with palettes, and even to collect pictures of more than 5 kinds of butterflies.(Eh.. excuse me?) Parent, who is neither a developmental expert nor a certificated teacher, can easily blur the line between helping and doing it for kids.

Admittedly, if you help out your kids as much as other parents, your children may achieve higher scores when ranking. And if you don’t do that, your children would probably lose their confidence on the ranking table. But the high score are(is the high score) the ultimate goal of education? You may take it serious right now, however, (这个however貌似不是上句的插入吧？这样的话，上句结束以后应该要句号。)what are your considerations about the ability to face difficulties, the time management ability, the curiosity of knowledge, and the innovative spirit?（其实我不知道这样用问好还是不好，个人感觉改成陈述句更符合行文规范一些。你也可以请教一下大牛~）The distinction should be critical because helping their school works gain one goal but fail all the others. Finally, we have to accept that our high-scored boy and girl have to do their researches independently. They have to overcome the depression and helplessness when facing tough problems, both academic and domestic.

Based on the discussions above, I strongly advocate parents to let go on their(应该是说他们小孩的吧，这里的their变成了是parents了。)school work. Because tutoring on their homework do not effective as you imaged, but negatively influence you and your kids.

总结：总的来说，文章大致思路还是比较清晰的。字数也不少。另外，懂得用一些比较formal的词汇还是挺不错的。

比较欠缺的几点一个是句式的问题。不知道是我的问题还是什么，很多句子总觉得怪怪的~

另一个就是论点，我发现亲的三段全部都是用来反驳argument的，可以尝试一下从正面的角度来写。例如我自己就是，写了两段independent怎么好，接着写了一段with the help of their parents怎么不好。这样的。

最后，我想说的是~我真的没试过给别人改作文~~以上的意见或建议可能比较肤浅吧%>_<%亲听听就好了~~说得不对的地方就抱歉了~~~~

作者: sarahpx 时间: 2012-8-4 15:27
谢谢桃花~~确实有些词现在看起来才发现歧义了(⊙o⊙)…

作者: sarahpx 时间: 2012-8-5 05:47
8.4 独立作文
For future career success, is relate well to other people more important than studying hard at school?

Coming amid the deepest global economic slump for several decades, youngsters have never been so eager to seek one direction that lead them thrive on future career. To a majority of people, they study hard to gain high academic scores, expecting to win applause and respect on future jobs just like they were in school. However, things do not always happen like that. Personally, I reckon that positively building up social network is more important than hard studying.

To begin with, relating well to others improves one of the most critical working competences—communication skills. No matter in your private interpersonal circles or in public occasions, you may hardly know any welcomed “star” who is silent and clumsy. From entertaining new friends by talking jokes to impressing audience with a great speech, they usually accumulate the ability to talk humorously and effectively. And they do benefit from the improvement. Take my brother Joey as an example. After entering the university, fabulous parties and club activities turn him from a silent and shy boy to a talkative gentleman. Now he has already got an intern job when his classmates just start applications. It is the networking that encourages him to speak himself soundly.

Moreover, recommendation from your acquaintance is a gateway to the opportunity boosting your career. Have you ever waited for several weeks to send a resume to a company when courting their new position? Have you ever stayed in a pushing line in order to get chance to talk to a recruiter for a few minutes? Have you ever racked your wits about a job promotion? Getting one specific letter from your enterprise internal referee, things may go much more smoothly. Additionally, social statistical research reveals that recommending way is overwhelming superior to common online applications. Mercer, one of the biggest human resource consulting companies in the U.S., announced a report about the data of different recruitment passing rates from more than 340 multinational corporations. Indirectly as it is, recommending way maintains a passing rate of 42.3%, which is twice higher than the rate of online way.

Admittedly, under no circumstance can we deny that school-time is the best time for receiving education. Apart from the adequate educational resources and long period of fixed time, our energy and mind are mounting to best conditions. Nevertheless, do the knowledge and skills we learn from school help your future work? Even special as doctors, they can hardly avoid placating their patients, handling the relations with nurses, and even negotiating with indignant family members of patients. And these issues can be buffered when you have a relatively large network of friendship.

Based on the discussions above, we can draw a conclusion that social network weights more heavily when pursuing a promising career than studying in school does.

作者: lemonyhu 时间: 2012-8-5 12:04
8.4 独立作文
For future career success, is relate well to other people more important than studying hard at school?

Coming amid the deepest global economic slump for several decades, youngsters have never been so eager to seek one direction that lead（这里是不是要用单三？因为修饰的是one direction~待定） them thrive on future career. To a majority of people, they study hard to gain high academic scores, expecting to win applause and respect on future jobs just like they were in school. However, things do not always happen like that. Personally, I reckon that positively building up social network is more important than hard studying.

To begin with, relating well to others improves one of the most critical working competences—communication skills. No matter in your private interpersonal circles or in public occasions, you may hardly know any welcomed “star” who is silent and clumsy. From entertaining new friends by talking jokes（我google了一下~貌似telling jokes要更常用~当然talk也可以） to impressing audience with a great speech（应该用复数，要和they相对）, they usually accumulate the ability to talk humorously and effectively. And they do benefit from the improvement. Take my brother Joey as an example. After entering the university, fabulous parties and club activities turn him from a silent and shy boy to a talkative gentleman. Now he has already got an intern job when his classmates just start applications. It is the networking that encourages him to speak himself soundly.（这个搭配有点怪怪的）

Moreover, recommendation from your acquaintance is a gateway to the opportunity boosting your career. Have you ever waited for several weeks to send a resume to a company when courting their new position? （一般指的是体育里的站位问题）Have you ever stayed in a pushing line（waiting list？） in order to get chance to talk to a recruiter for a few minutes? Have you ever racked your wits about a job promotion? Getting one specific letter from your enterprise internal referee, things may go much more smoothly. Additionally, social statistical research reveals that recommending way is overwhelming（overwhelmingly） superior to common online applications. Mercer, one of the biggest human resource consulting companies in the U.S., announced a report about the data of different recruitment passing rates from more than 340 multinational corporations. Indirectly as it is, recommending way maintains a passing rate of 42.3%, which is twice higher than the rate of online way.

Admittedly, under no circumstance can we deny that school-time is the best time for receiving education. Apart from the adequate educational resources and long period of fixed time, our energy and mind are mounting to best conditions. Nevertheless, do the knowledge and skills we learn from school help your future work? Even special as doctors, they can hardly avoid placating their patients, handling the relations with nurses, and even negotiating with indignant family members of patients. And these issues can be buffered when you have a relatively large network of friendship.

Based on the discussions above, we can draw a conclusion that social network weights more heavily when pursuing a promising career than studying in school does.

总体来说很喜欢楼主行文的风格和句子词汇的运用，但是有些单词尤其是搭配好像不太恰当~
水蓝色是我觉得很好的句式，红色是我觉得稍微有不妥的地方~~

读了楼主的文章我也和受启发呢~~~
加油加油！！

作者: sarahpx 时间: 2012-8-5 15:48
确实，我词汇搭配挺薄弱的，有的时候记不得固定搭配急了就自己编……哎真该好好背短语例句*……%*%……
many thx to lemo!! BTW 你的我也改好了~

作者: sarahpx 时间: 2012-8-5 23:16
8.5 综合

TPO3

The reading passage explores the issue that one painting, known as attributed to Rembrandt, is not his authentic work by offering three evidences. However, with thorough reexamination of some experts, the lecturer holds a completely opposite idea against what the reading passage states.

First of all, the lecturer argues that the fur collar wasn’t the part of the original painting. The X-rays and some analysis of the painting have showed that the fur collar was painted 100 years after the painting was initially made. It is very possible that someone added the fur collar to make the portrait more formal. Therefore, the lecturer contradicts the opinion of the reading passage presenting the inconsistency of the portrait.

Moreover, the lecturer indicates that, as long as the fur collar was removed, the original painting presents a light colored cloth, which reflects the light illuminating the lady’s face. This is definitely running counter to the light and shadow error mentioned in reading passage, because the light and shadow of original one are very realistic and as the same what we expect from Rembrandt.

Finally, to challenge the evidence that the panel of the painting made by several piece of wood glued together, the lecturer provides some new findings that illustrates the painting was made on one single piece of wood. One of the finding shows that the panel was enlarged with extra wood to make it more grand and valuable. In addition, another finding reveals that the original piece of wood and the wood panel of another painting by Rembrandt are from the very same tree.

作者: guodonghu 时间: 2012-8-6 11:13
黄色精彩处红色错误蓝色建议绿色总结，走你~~~

8.5 综合

TPO3

The reading passage explores the issue that one painting, known as attributed to Rembrandt, is not his authentic work by offering three evidences. （句式很好，值得我学习）However, with thorough reexamination of some experts, the lecturer holds a completely opposite idea against what the reading passage states.

First of all, the lecturer argues that the fur collar wasn’t the part of the original painting. The X-rays and some analysis of the painting have showed that the fur collar was painted 100 years after the painting was initially made. It is very possible that someone added the fur collar to make the portrait more formal(add the paint's value by making the dress seem more formal \ 画more formal 是为了提高value ，the lecturer is emphasizing the point of rasing vlaue not making it seem more formal). Therefore, the lecturer contradicts the opinion of the reading passage presenting the inconsistency of the portrait.

Moreover, the lecturer indicates that, as long as the fur collar was removed, the original painting presents a light colored cloth, which reflects the light illuminating the lady’s face. This is definitely running counter to the light and shadow error mentioned in reading passage, because the light and shadow of original one are very realistic and as the same what we expect from Rembrandt.

Finally, to challenge the evidence that the panel of the painting made by several pieces（单复数啊亲） of wood glued together, the lecturer provides some new findings that illustrates the (orginial) painting was made on one single piece of wood. One of the finding shows that the panel was enlarged with extra wood to make it ~~more grand~~（用grander 听力中此处是教授的口语错误，grand的比较级是grander 纯属个人意见）and more valuable. In addition, another finding reveals that the original piece of wood and the wood panel of another painting by Rembrandt （此处提是R的自画像，你就更完美了，增加细节得高分）are from the very same tree.

总结：
LZ的听力真好，我听了好几遍有些细节才注意到。LZ练听力的技巧介绍一下好么？
LZ的词汇，句子写的都很好，看出来写作功底很强。把听力再练的强一点就厉害了，综合作文肯定能拿good的。
其中单复数，比较级还是要注意

ps
综合写作我刚练过3篇，觉得听力是最重要的，很多地方我听一遍是记不下来的。
我听了好几遍，自己又写了一篇，才敢献丑给LZ改，哈哈~

谢谢你给我推荐的书，我正在看，里面的内容很好，对我很有帮助。
非常乐意与你讨论作文
谢谢LZ帮我改我的独立作文。

作者: guodonghu 时间: 2012-8-6 11:19
谢谢 sarahpx
我这人逻辑超差。
文章句子单一，没有什么出彩的地方，这方面我要加强。

作者: guodonghu 时间: 2012-8-6 12:16
8.5独立开头我又仔细的想了想：
Version 1
As a girl, have you ever imagined you were Rose in Titanic who owed a legendary love? As(当) you were in adversity,have you been inspired by the scene of Shawshank's successful escape. As your beloved needed your help, have you imagined you were the 'Spiderman' who could give his beloved a hand at an emergency ? Undoubtedly, most of protagnists and highlights on the screens bring us many positive influences for our life.

Version 2
As a young man, have you ever imagined you were the one like Spiderman or Superman who could save the world someday? As a young lady, have you ever imagined you were the one like Rose whose love sotry moved millions of young men worldwide.Undoubtedly, most of protagnists and highlights on the screens bring us many positive influences for our life.

作者: sarahpx 时间: 2012-8-6 18:35
灰常灰常感谢果冻君，还因为我专门去听。听力我真心不敢说好，我这篇有些词比如light-colored cloth inconstant 、error什么的都是倒回去再听了下才弄清楚。

黄色精彩处红色错误蓝色建议绿色总结，走你~~~

8.5 综合

TPO3

The reading passage explores the issue that one painting, known as attributed to Rembrandt, is not his authentic work by offering three evidences. （句式很好，值得我学习）However, with thorough reexamination of some experts, the lecturer holds a completely opposite idea against what the reading passage states.

First of all, the lecturer argues that the fur collar wasn’t the part of the original painting. The X-rays and some analysis of the painting have showed that the fur collar was painted 100 years after the painting was initially made. It is very possible that someone added the fur collar to make the portrait more formal(add the paint's value by making the dress seem more formal \ 画more formal 是为了提高value ，the lecturer is emphasizing the point of rasing vlaue not making it seem more formal). Therefore, the lecturer contradicts the opinion of the reading passage presenting the inconsistency of the portrait.

Moreover, the lecturer indicates that, as long as the fur collar was removed, the original painting presents a light colored cloth, which reflects the light illuminating the lady’s face. This is definitely running counter to the light and shadow error mentioned in reading passage, because the light and shadow of original one are very realistic and as the same what we expect from Rembrandt.

Finally, to challenge the evidence that the panel of the painting made by several pieces（单复数啊亲） of wood glued together, the lecturer provides some new findings that illustrates the (orginial) painting was made on one single piece of wood. One of the finding shows that the panel was enlarged with extra wood to make it ~~more grand~~（用grander 听力中此处是教授的口语错误，grand的比较级是grander 纯属个人意见）and more valuable. In addition, another finding reveals that the original piece of wood and the wood panel of another painting by Rembrandt （此处提是R的自画像，你就更完美了，增加细节得高分）are from the very same tree.

总结：
LZ的听力真好，我听了好几遍有些细节才注意到。LZ练听力的技巧介绍一下好么？
LZ的词汇，句子写的都很好，看出来写作功底很强。把听力再练的强一点就厉害了，综合作文肯定能拿good的。
其中单复数，比较级还是要注意

ps
综合写作我刚练过3篇，觉得听力是最重要的，很多地方我听一遍是记不下来的。
我听了好几遍，自己又写了一篇，才敢献丑给LZ改，哈哈~

谢谢你给我推荐的书，我正在看，里面的内容很好，对我很有帮助。
非常乐意与你讨论作文
谢谢LZ帮我改我的独立作文。

-- by 会员 guodonghu (2012/8/6 11:13:55)

作者: sarahpx 时间: 2012-8-6 18:48
这种排比确实比较吸引人，有画面感。总体感觉version 1比version2 要好，更好的体现如何有positive influence，如果第三个例子换一个更启发性强的就完美了。

8.5独立开头我又仔细的想了想：
Version 1
As a girl, have you ever imagined you were Rose in Titanic who owed a legendary love? As(当) you were in adversity,have you been inspired by the scene of Shawshank's successful escape. As your beloved needed your help, have you imagined you were the 'Spiderman' who could give his beloved a hand at an emergency ? Undoubtedly, most of protagnists and highlights on the screens bring us many positive influences for our life.

Version 2
As a young man, have you ever imagined you were the one like Spiderman or Superman who could save the world someday? As a young lady, have you ever imagined you were the one like Rose whose love sotry moved millions of young men worldwide.Undoubtedly, most of protagnists and highlights on the screens bring us many positive influences for our life.

-- by 会员 guodonghu (2012/8/6 12:16:26)

作者: sarahpx 时间: 2012-8-6 22:24
8.6综合
TPO 4

The reading passage explores the issue that dinosaurs were endotherms by illustrating three specific arguments—polar dinosaurs, leg position and movement and Haversian canals. However, offering some new findings of dinosaurs, the lecturer does not think those arguments can prove the passage’s opinion.

First of all, the reading passage demonstrates that the fossils found in Polar Regions indicate dinosaurs’ ability of keeping at a constant temperature under extremely cold environment. Nevertheless, the lecturer refutes this argument by the fact that the Polar Regions, where dinosaurs’ fossils have been found, were much warmer than today. And the lecturer also points out that the dinosaurs could move to warmer places just like many modern reptiles.

Moreover, the lecturer argues that the structure of dinosaurs’ legs, which were placed under the bodies, do not prove they to be endotherms, but suggest that they can support more weights. So with these legs dinosaurs can grow to large size. Being large had advantages for dinosaurs, therefore we do not need the idea of endothermy. That obviously contradicts the passage’s opinion.

Finally, to challenge the argument that Haversian canals in the bones show dinosaurs were endotherms, the lecturer introduces a new finding of dinosaurs’ bones, called growth rings. Growth rings indicate the period of time that dinosaurs weren’t growing rapidly. The pattern, that rapid growth followed by no growth or slow growth, and then rapid growth again, is the characteristic of animals are not endotherms.

作者: kaddish 时间: 2012-8-7 16:06
标题: 8.6综合修改
sorry来迟了
The reading passage explores the issue that dinosaurs were endotherms by illustrating three specific arguments—polar dinosaurs, leg position and movement and Haversian canals. However, offering some new findings of dinosaurs, the lecturer does not think those arguments can prove the passage’s opinion.

First of all, the reading passage demonstrates that the fossils found in Polar Regions indicate dinosaurs’ ability of keepingat去掉a constant temperature under extremely cold environment. Nevertheless, the lecturer refutes this argument by the fact that the Polar Regions, where dinosaurs’ fossils have been found, were much warmer than today. And the lecturer also points out that the dinosaurs could move to warmer places just like many modern reptiles.这里的hibernate我觉得也是一个点

Moreover, the lecturer argues that the structure of dinosaurs’ legs, which were placed under the bodies, do not prove they（them） to be endotherms, but suggest that they can support more weights. So with these legs dinosaurs can(can dinosaurs介词短语前置要倒装吧） grow to large size. Being large had advantages（语病。have的主语一般是人） for dinosaurs, therefore we do not need the idea of endothermy（这句话有点诡异。。）. That obviously contradicts the passage’s opinion.

Finally, to challenge the argument that Haversian canals in the bones show dinosaurs were endotherms（这句话也有语病，建议修改）, the lecturer introduces a new finding of dinosaurs’ bones, called growth rings. Growth rings indicate the period of time that dinosaurs weren’t growing rapidly. The pattern, that rapid growth followed by no growth or slow growth, and then rapid growth again, is the characteristic of animals are not endotherms. 这段听的很全嘛，好厉害呦

总：楼主的语言功底蛮强的，句型多样化，学习了，第二段的论据描述中，有点不太准确建议重听下，霍霍~~fighting

作者: sarahpx 时间: 2012-8-7 16:23
额，非常多谢Kad~~听力还是不行，所以只记得一部分，像hibernate 最后一段的a-year-round growth 什么的听到了都记不下了，你的听力好强，要多向你学习~~~

作者: sarahpx 时间: 2012-8-7 19:28
8.7 综合写作
TPO 5
综合
The reading passage introduces three possible theories to explain what function the Chaco great houses were built for. However, by providing some new findings about the Chaco great houses, the lecturer holds the opinion that none of the theories is convincing.

First of all, the reading passage provides one theory suggesting that the Chaco structures were built only for living, because they look like apartments. On the contrary, the lecturer argues that the inside of the houses causes serious doubt on the idea that many people lived there. If many people lived there, there would have many fireplaces, where each family did cooking. As a matter of fact, there were very few fireplaces found only for ten families. But there were enough rooms for over 100 families. So the primary function of the great houses could not have been residential.

Moreover, the reading passage demonstrates that the great houses could be used for food storage, like grain maize. However, the lecturer thinks that this idea is unsupported by evidences. Because the excavations of the great houses have not uncovered many traces of maize or containers, we cannot figure out why there isn’t maize spilled on the floor or why there aren’t remains of containers.

Finally, due to the broken pots revealed in the mound, the third theory from the passage believes that the houses were for ceremonial centers. On the other hand, the lecturer contradicts this idea by offering the fact that besides the broken pots, the mound of Pueblo Alto contains lots of other building material, like sand, stones, and construction tools, which were trash left by the end of the construction. Therefore, the pots could also be trash, leftover by the meals of construction workers.

In conclusion, the lecturer definitely identifies the weakness of every theory from the reading passage.

作者: chasedreamabc 时间: 2012-8-8 11:11
The reading passage introduces three possible theories to explain what function the Chaco great houses were built for (不能说built for function,把这话还原一下: explain the great houses were built for what function,很明显是awkward类型的错误,简单的改法是把function去掉). However, by providing some new findings about the Chaco great houses, the lecturer holds the opinion that none of the theories is convincing.

First of all, the reading passage provides one theory suggesting that the Chaco structures were built only for living (living没有错误,推荐一个更贴近的小词dwelling,阅读部分尽量显示你的词汇), because they look like apartments. On the contrary, the lecturer argues that the inside of the houses causes serious doubt on the idea that many people lived there. If many people lived there, there would have many fireplaces, where each family did cooking. As a matter of fact, there were very few fireplaces found only for ten families. But there were enough rooms for over 100 families. So the primary function of the great houses could not have been residential.

Moreover, the reading passage demonstrates that the great houses could be used for food storage, like grain maize. However, the lecturer thinks that this idea is unsupported by evidences. Because the excavations of the great houses have not uncovered many traces of maize or containers, we cannot figure out why there isn’t maize spilled on the floor or why there aren’t remains of containers.

Finally, due to the broken pots revealed in the mound, the third theory from the passage believes that the houses were for(be for 是赞成的意思,house不能发出这个动作,这里应该是用were built for )ceremonial centers. On the other hand, the lecturer contradicts this idea by offering the fact that besides the broken pots, the mound of Pueblo Alto contains lots of other building material, like sand, stones, and construction tools, which(从语法上which修饰tools,但是和听力部分,which的逻辑主语不单单是tools,而应该跳跃修饰material, which指代错误,有关which的讨论http://forum.chasedream.com/GMAT_SC/thread-338615-1-1.html) were trash left by the end of the construction. Therefore, the pots could also be trash, leftover by the meals of construction workers.

In conclusion, the lecturer definitely identifies the weakness of every theory from the reading passage.

作者: sarahpx 时间: 2012-8-11 22:54
8.11
To improve the quality of education university should spend more money on salary for professor.

“If we were interested in making money, we wouldn't have become teachers.” By this sentence, Dr. Phillip Bernard in Flubber shows his willingness for being engaged in the marvelous educational career, however, leaving a stereotype that the majority of teachers are never related to wealth. Conscientious and meticulous as they are, teachers are always compensated by average, or even lower salaries. University professors, the elite members of the educational industry, are not supposed to be treated like that.

First and foremost, persistently devoted themselves to their students, professors deserve the considerably high salary in among the whole society. It could be never effortless to open an appropriate course for students. Professors in the universities always have to be aware about the most significant principle of teaching: they must deliver knowledge and skills comprehensively, reliably and acceptably. Under this principle, preparations for every single class, which include elaborately designed courses’ teaching plans, detailed handouts, appealing lectures in class, and even carefully answers to various questions from students, should need their greatest endeavor. Besides, they also take on responsibilities other than passing on knowledge. For instance, from an advisor for beneficial extracurricular to a consultant to help my get a satisfying job, from a good listener for my worries about interpersonal relationship to a couch of my personal academic speech, my professor of Operational research played different roles during the my college lifetime. Will the warm-hearted gentleman get paid by taking care of me? Actually, he scarcely paid back.

Aside from the vital role in the education processes, professors always bear the responsibility of scientific researches. Under no circumstance can we forget that it is the progress of scientific research that gears up the contents of students’ curriculum. Based on their advanced methods and skills, the professors are the perfect person. In other words, they have to offer additional effort and time to deal with those complex issues. Therefore, we never run short of professors who work day and night. Have you ever seen a professor concentrated on the image from an electron microscope midnight in his laboratory? Have you ever seen a professor testing some optical solutions to a tough physical problem? Have you ever seen a professor hiding behind a big tree to capture different feeding gestures of one kind of unusual bird? They work so hard because treat their job sacred and important. But are they treated back by the salary?

More importantly, a lower-paid compensation system of professors will frustrate a myriad of potential teachers, who are considering education as their personal career. Take my economic professor as an example. Due to the humorous style and meaningful contents in the class, he is one of the most welcoming professors of our department. However, after graduation, we found out that he and his family lived in a small apartment off campus. It is also astonishing that his annual salary is one-third of the average level of ours. His daughter told me that she will never be a teacher in the future. There are rigorous standards to select a professor: they must have at least one PhD for this position. It means that these PHDs give up other well-paid jobs then become professors. If the salary is uncompetitive, how will we maintain the talents backups?

Admittedly, there are endless aspects that universities should invest on, like facility, hardware of scientific researches, staff’s compensation and so on. But it is the professors who are the backbones of higher education. On if we show more respect on economic dimension to them, can we gain real bonanza from universities.

1小时10分写完的，不好意思一激动写多了点……

作者: sarahpx 时间: 2012-8-12 20:32
TPO 10 综合写作

The reading passage focuses on the issue that the population decrease of sea otters is attribute to the environmental pollution. To illustrate this view, the passage lists three reasons to make more comprehensive explanation. However, by offering some new findings of sea otters’ decline, the lecturer argues that the predation is more likely cause the decline after all.
First of all, people seldom find dead sea otters washing off the beaches. According to the lecturer, if the infected pollution were the main reason, there should be large amount of dead sea otters on along the coasts. On the other hand, this fact that dead sea otters are hard to find is consistent with predator hypothesis, because if otters are killed by predators, they will be eaten immediately. That is definitely contradicted to what the reading passage explained.

Moreover, because of the excessive hunting of whales by human hunters, orcas have to change the diet to the only available food resource—small sea mammals, like seals, sea lions and sea otters. This demonstration is running counter to the second view from the passage, which indicts that merely environmental pollution can the decline of entire ecosystem, because the other possible factor orcas hunts large prey, like whales, for food.

Finally, whether the sea otters’ population decline or not depends on whether their locations are accessible to orcas. The reading passage states that only the pollution hypothesis can explain that only otters from some Alaskan locations decline while ones from other places don’t. However, the lecturer points out the fact that, because of their large sizes, orcas cannot access shallow and rocky locations. And it is the shallow and rocky locations where sea otter populations do not declined. This fact indicates the passage’s third reason is unconvincing.

作者: GWinner 时间: 2012-8-13 18:29
TPO 10 综合写作
精彩错误修改提议综合The reading passage focuses on the issue that the population decrease of sea otters is attribute to the environmental pollution. To illustrate this view, the passage lists three reasons to make more comprehensive explanation.[感觉这句话可以并到前面哈~(我有合并句子强迫症嘿嘿)--and lists three reasons as a futher explanation to illustrate his opinion] However, by offering some new findings of sea otters’ decline,[decline有点多了这里可以删掉~保证美观反正后面提了不影响逻辑(好吧我又强迫症了)] the lecturer argues that the predation is [+the]more likely cause [+of]the decline after all.

First of all, people seldom find dead sea otters washing off the beaches. According to the lecturer, if the infected pollution were the main reason, there should be large amount of dead sea otters on along the coasts. On the other hand, this fact that dead sea otters are hard to find is consistent with predator hypothesis,[原来听力是这个意思阿...我还以为是什么物质什么什么的T T] because if [if有点多可不可以用once呢?]otters are killed by predators, they will be eaten immediately. That is definitely contradicted to what the reading passage explained.

Moreover, because of the excessive hunting of whales by human hunters, orcas have to change the diet to the only available food resource—small sea mammals, like[such as我承认我有GMAT后遗症...] seals, sea lions and sea otters.[原来是这个意思!!!我直接被otters, orca, whale三个主题给弄晕了...跪倒在LZ强大地听力面前!!!!!] This demonstration is running counter to the second view from the passage, which indicts that merely environmental pollution can [这里少个动词~?]the decline of entire ecosystem, because the other possible factor orcas hunts large prey, like whales, for food.[这里稍微有点没读懂...]

Finally, whether the sea otters’ population decline or not depends on whether their locations are accessible to orcas. The reading passage states that only the pollution hypothesis can explain that[the reason why] only otters from some Alaskan locations decline while ones from other places don’t. However, the lecturer points out the fact that, because of their large sizes, orcas cannot access shallow and rocky locations. And it is the shallow and rocky locations where sea otter populations do not declined. This fact indicates the passage’s third reason is unconvincing.

首先我必须赞叹一下!!!LZ你的听力实在是太强大了!!!!!!! 考否传授一下经验哈....像orca这种词是怎么听出来的呢? 还有LZ你是怎么记笔记才能做到把细节还原的那么清楚呢??? 赐教啊赐教!!!!!~~~

LZ咱俩写作的结构差不多~感觉LZ你的听力那么好其实可以再重笔墨的多写写听力内容哈肯定会加分的!

稍稍有个小问题就是有时候用词重复性有点多这个注意一下下就好~毕竟是综合写作不那么看重语言的^^

还望LZ赐教听力笔记技巧~~不甚感激!!~~~努力!!!

作者: sarahpx 时间: 2012-8-13 18:47
是哈，用词有点重复，有的内容也重复……一定改
但是说实在的我真没干什么还原细节啊……对照听力原文刚刚看了下，还有好些句没听到，不过也没写进去所以你也没看出罢了。记听力就把lecturer讲的关键意见的动词，搭配还有逻辑连接词记下来，这样应该七七八八差不多的。在这里面比如什么：change the diet， consistent with， depend on， be accessible to等等。

关于GWinner的orcas otters我真的无解，因为我没听错，可能唯一有用的是你在读到orcas的时候顺便在脑子里模拟下这次的读音，到时候听起来没那么别捏。倒是whales 和orcas 弄混了点，后来一看笔记觉得非常矛盾就发现错了。

TPO 10 综合写作
精彩错误修改提议综合The reading passage focuses on the issue that the population decrease of sea otters is attribute to the environmental pollution. To illustrate this view, the passage lists three reasons to make more comprehensive explanation.[感觉这句话可以并到前面哈~(我有合并句子强迫症嘿嘿)--and lists three reasons as a futher explanation to illustrate his opinion] However, by offering some new findings of sea otters’ decline,[decline有点多了这里可以删掉~保证美观反正后面提了不影响逻辑(好吧我又强迫症了)] the lecturer argues that the predation is [+the]more likely cause [+of]the decline after all.

First of all, people seldom find dead sea otters washing off the beaches. According to the lecturer, if the infected pollution were the main reason, there should be large amount of dead sea otters on along the coasts. On the other hand, this fact that dead sea otters are hard to find is consistent with predator hypothesis,[原来听力是这个意思阿...我还以为是什么物质什么什么的T T] because if [if有点多可不可以用once呢?]otters are killed by predators, they will be eaten immediately. That is definitely contradicted to what the reading passage explained.

Moreover, because of the excessive hunting of whales by human hunters, orcas have to change the diet to the only available food resource—small sea mammals, like[such as我承认我有GMAT后遗症...] seals, sea lions and sea otters.[原来是这个意思!!!我直接被otters, orca, whale三个主题给弄晕了...跪倒在LZ强大地听力面前!!!!!] This demonstration is running counter to the second view from the passage, which indicts that merely environmental pollution can [这里少个动词~?]the decline of entire ecosystem, because the other possible factor orcas hunts large prey, like whales, for food.[这里稍微有点没读懂...]

Finally, whether the sea otters’ population decline or not depends on whether their locations are accessible to orcas. The reading passage states that only the pollution hypothesis can explain that[the reason why] only otters from some Alaskan locations decline while ones from other places don’t. However, the lecturer points out the fact that, because of their large sizes, orcas cannot access shallow and rocky locations. And it is the shallow and rocky locations where sea otter populations do not declined. This fact indicates the passage’s third reason is unconvincing.

首先我必须赞叹一下!!!LZ你的听力实在是太强大了!!!!!!! 考否传授一下经验哈....像orca这种词是怎么听出来的呢? 还有LZ你是怎么记笔记才能做到把细节还原的那么清楚呢??? 赐教啊赐教!!!!!~~~

LZ咱俩写作的结构差不多~感觉LZ你的听力那么好其实可以再重笔墨的多写写听力内容哈肯定会加分的!

稍稍有个小问题就是有时候用词重复性有点多这个注意一下下就好~毕竟是综合写作不那么看重语言的^^

还望LZ赐教听力笔记技巧~~不甚感激!!~~~努力!!!

-- by 会员 GWinner (2012/8/13 18:29:07)

作者: wxc1125 时间: 2012-8-13 19:09
天哪我觉得你的作文写的太好了真的！！我根本写不出来这种你教教我怎么写的吧用的词儿都好好我虽然见过可是根本想不起来也不会用句子也特别单调。然后思路根本就不开阔只会举例子凑字数道理的那种话几乎写不出因为连中文都想不出- -就算写出来了也是特简单的句子我快急死了。。。提高不了我也每天练习呢。。。。19号考试

作者: sarahpx 时间: 2012-8-13 22:43
TPO11 综合写作
According to the lecturer, she definitely opposes the arguments that reading passage provides to support the opinion that the less literature reading trend of people now has bad influence on the reading public, culture in general, and literature itself. Although the reading passage lists three explanations why the trend harm these three dimensions respectively, the lecturer points out that none of the explanations is adequate.

First of all, it is incorrect to assume that someone who is not reading literature is not reading a good book. The lecturer states that a book does not have to be literature to be intellectually stimulating. And books about science, history and political analysis are also of high quality. What is more, the lecturer mentions that these books are as creative as literature; therefore they can stimulate the imagination as well. Obviously, this completely contradicts to the counterpart in the passage.

Moreover, even if people are doing less reading not only literature but also the other kinds of books, the level of culture does not decline. To challenge the second argument from the passage, the lecturer states that there is plenty of valuable cultural material which is not written, such as music, movies. These cultural activities are not lowering cultural standards. Besides, the lecturer states the fact that culture has changed, which means there are many forms of culture are available other than literature.

Finally, it is sometimes the authors’ fault making less support for modern literature. By providing the fact that modern literature sometimes intend to be difficult to understand, the lecturer does not subscribe to the passage’s third argument that authors gain less support because they lack audience. In fact, the lecturer contends that the early generation would not read lots of nowadays literature either.

In conclusion, the lecturer clearly weaken what presents in the passage and illustrates these three bad influence of the trend is unconvincing.

作者: wxc1125 时间: 2012-8-14 11:40

TPO11 综合写作
According to the lecturer, she definitely opposes the arguments that reading passage provides to support the opinion that the less literature reading trend of people now has bad influence on the reading public, culture in general, and literature itself. Although the reading passage lists three explanations why the trend harm these three dimensions respectively, the lecturer points out that none of the explanations is adequate.

First of all, it is incorrect to assume that someone who is not reading literature is not reading a good book. The lecturer states that a book does not have to be literature to be intellectually stimulating. And books about science, history and political analysis are also of high quality. What is more, the lecturer mentions that these books are as creative as literature; therefore they can stimulate the imagination as well. Obviously, this completely contradicts to the counterpart in the passage.

Moreover, even if people are doing less reading not only literature but also the other kinds of books, the level of culture does not decline. To challenge the second argument from the passage, the lecturer states that there is plenty of valuable cultural material which is not written, such as music, movies. These cultural activities are not lowering cultural standards. Besides, the lecturer states the fact that culture has changed, which means there are many forms of culture are available other than literature.

Finally, it is sometimes the authors’ fault making less support for modern literature. By providing the fact that modern literature sometimes intend to be difficult to understand, the lecturer does not subscribe to the passage’s third argument that authors gain less support because they lack audience. In fact, the lecturer contends that the early generation would not read lots of nowadays literature either.

In conclusion, the lecturer clearly weaken what presents in the passage and illustrates these three bad influence of the trend is unconvincing.

-- by 会员 sarahpx (2012/8/13 22:43:42)

刚看了一个帖子说第一句最好先说lecture的。。是这样么？我觉得你作文写的很好想来问问你。发现你这篇和之前那几篇不一样了哈模板

作者: lxc1989614 时间: 2012-8-14 18:49
To improve the quality of education university should spend more money on salary for professor.

“If we were interested in making money, we wouldn't have become teachers.” Teacher is the last career for a person who is interested in making money.这个是我的建议哈，我觉得你这个开头的句子不是很漂亮，我引用了“你是我这个世界上最不想嫁的那个人”这句话改编了一下~~嘿嘿，变成“喜欢赚钱的人最不想当老师”这个意思~~ By this sentence, Dr. Phillip Bernard in Flubber shows his willingness for being engaged in the marvelous educational career, however, leaving a stereotype that the majority of teachers are never related to wealth. Conscientious and meticulous as they are, teachers are always compensated by average, or even lower salaries. University professors, the elite members of the educational industry, are not supposed to be treated like that. 开头很好~~我喜欢~~~

First and foremost, persistently devoted themselves这个还是写professors吧，不然指代不清，因为你已经是新的一段了。。。to their students, professors deserve the considerably high salary in among the whole society. It could be never effortless for the professors加一下比较好~不然又不知道是谁了~~ to open an appropriate course for students. Professors in the universities always have to be aware about the most significant principle of teaching: they must deliver knowledge and skills comprehensively, reliably and acceptably. Under this principle, preparations for every single class, which include elaborately designed courses’ teaching plans, detailed handouts, appealing lectures in class, and even carefully answers to various questions from students, should need their greatest endeavor. Besides, they also take on responsibilities other than喜欢这个用法啊！ passing on knowledge. For instance, from an advisor for beneficial extracurricular to a consultant to help my (meto) get a satisfying job, from a good listener for my worries about interpersonal relationship to a couch of my personal academic speech, my professor of Operational research played different roles during the my college lifetime. Will the warm-hearted gentleman get paid by taking care of me? Actually, he scarcely paid back.

Aside from the vital role in the education processes, professors always bear the responsibility of scientific researches. Under no circumstance can we forget that it is the progress of scientific research that gears up the contents of students’ curriculum. Based on their advanced methods and skills, the professors are the perfect person. In other words, they have to offer additional effort and time to deal with those complex issues. Therefore, we never run short of professors who work day and night. Have you ever seen a professor concentrated on the image from an electron microscope midnight in his laboratory? Have you ever seen a professor testing some optical solutions to a tough physical problem? Have you ever seen a professor hiding behind a big tree to capture different feeding gestures of one kind of unusual bird? They work so hard because treat their job sacred and important. But are they treated back by the salary? 个人感觉这段反问稍多啊。。。不适合放在论述段吧？

More importantly, a lower-paid compensation system of professors will frustrate a myriad of potential teachers, who are considering education as their personal career. Take（taking） my economic professor as an example. Due to the humorous style and meaningful contents in the class, he is one of the most welcoming professors of our department. However, after graduation, we found out that he and his family lived in a small apartment off campus. It is also astonishing that his annual salary is one-third of the average level of ours. His daughter told me that she will never be a teacher in the future. There are rigorous standards to select a professor: they must have at least one PhD for this position. It means that these PHDs give up other well-paid jobs then become professors. If the salary is uncompetitive, how will we maintain the talents backups? 这段没什么错误，但是我觉得句子不是很连贯，所以显得有点罗嗦了。

Admittedly, there are endless aspects that universities should invest on, like facility, hardware of scientific researches, staff’s compensation and so on. But it is the professors who are the backbones of higher education. On是only吗？ if we show more respect on economic dimension to them, 木有逗号吧？can we gain real bonanza from universities.

LZ你写的真好，我水平有限，找不出什么错误，给跪了。。。。

不过，高级词汇太多了其实，没必要的，很容易用错的。。。。

作者: kchszy061ban 时间: 2012-8-14 20:22
蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误

According to the lecturer, she definitely opposes the arguments that reading passage provides to support the opinion that the less literature reading trend of people now has bad influence on the reading public, culture in general, and literature itself. Although the reading passage lists three explanations why the trend harm（harm是动词么） these three dimensions respectively, the lecturer points out that none of the explanations is adequate.

First of all, it is incorrect to assume that someone who is not reading literature is not reading a good book. The lecturer states that a book does not have to be literature to be intellectually stimulating. And books about science, history and political analysis are also of high quality. What is more, the lecturer mentions that these books are as creative as literature; therefore they can stimulate the imagination as well. Obviously, this completely contradicts to the counterpart in the passage.

Moreover, even if people are doing less reading not only literature but also the other kinds of books, the level of culture does not decline. To challenge the second argument from the passage, the lecturer states that there is plenty of valuable cultural material which is not written, such as music, movies. These cultural activities are not lowering cultural standards. Besides, the lecturer states the fact that culture has changed, which means there are many forms of culture are available other than literature.

Finally, it is sometimes the authors’ fault making less support for modern literature. By providing the fact that modern literature sometimes intend to be difficult to understand, the lecturer does not subscribe to the passage’s third argument that authors gain less support because they lack audience. In fact, the lecturer contends that the early generation would not read lots of nowadays literature either.

In conclusion, the lecturer clearly weaken what presents in the passage and illustrates these three bad influence of the trend is unconvincing.

很好额

作者: sarahpx 时间: 2012-8-15 10:31
8.15 独立写作

（以前写的一篇，欢迎抨击）
Tender as they are, children are lovely treasures that every parent will make great effort to prevent them from touching any possible harm. Based on this natural instinct, parents are more supposed to keep their kids away from mistakes, which would drive them to unpredictably mental and physical hurt, rather than to let them go. Nonetheless, it is the enlightenment of successes and mistakes that makes who we are. Life will be uncompleted when we deliberately choose not to face the setbacks. I would like to illustrate my perspective as below.

First of all, learning from mistakes provides children greater chance to find an appropriate solution. Scientific truth helps us to confirm this trend. A recent survey conducted by a group of socialists from CASS, the most authoritative organization in Chinese sociological researches, shows that 64.3% of kids in Asia will have the tendency not to repeat the incorrect ways and create a new feasible method. They are much more likely to add a test figuring out what makes them fail the first time. That process definitely promotes kids to understand the issues more comprehensively.

What’s more, facing to the mistakes help children develop the ability to defeat with adversities. History abounds with examples of this. We all know that we show supreme respect to the heroes in World War II not because the braveness to kill enemy but because the courage to stand up after being knocked down. Therefore, it is advisable for parents to encourage kids to conquer the fear of screwing up again.

Admittedly, the frustrations and the conceivable dangers from children’s unpredictable faults make inevitable influence on their growth, especially when the faults are connected with long-lasting damages, such as body hurt, scars, and disabilities. That is why many parents forbid their kids to light up fireworks, to swim in a clear river, and even to cut the pancakes with sharp knife. However, it is impossible to completely avoid every accident during their childhood. If kids cannot escape from messing up things, why don’t they make good use of them? Supervised under specific conditions, letting kids to attempt whatever they like develops their interests in the future lifetime.

Based on the discussion above, I can safely draw a conclusion that making mistakes is an indispensible part of children’s education. Because, when lacking of great benefits during learning the mistakes they did, your children are probably running a risk to lose the future competitions in life.

作者: 陈喵喵holdon 时间: 2012-8-16 00:04

8.15 独立写作

（以前写的一篇，欢迎抨击）
Tender as they are, children are lovely treasures that every parent will make great effort(make an effort/make efforts) to prevent them from touching any possible harm(touch harm搭配吗?). Based on this natural instinct, parents are more supposed to keep their kids away from mistakes, which would drive them to unpredictably mental and physical hurt, rather than to let them go. Nonetheless, it is the enlightenment of successes and mistakes that makes(make) who we are. Life will be uncompleted when we deliberately choose not to face the setbacks. I would like to illustrate my perspective as below.

First of all, learning from mistakes provides children greater chance to find an appropriate solution. Scientific truth helps us to confirm this trend. A recent survey conducted by a group of socialists from CASS, the most authoritative organization in Chinese sociological researches, shows that 64.3% of kids in Asia will have the tendency not to repeat the incorrect ways and create a new feasible method. They are much more likely to add a test figuring out what makes them fail the first time. That process definitely promotes kids to understand the issues more comprehensively.

What’s more这个短语好像有些口语化, facing to(这个to可以去掉吧)the mistakes help children develop the ability to defeat with adversities. History abounds with examples of this. We all know that we show supreme respect to the heroes in World War II not because the braveness to kill enemy but because the courage to stand up after being knocked down. Therefore, it is advisable for parents to encourage kids to conquer the fear of screwing up again.

Admittedly, the frustrations and the conceivable dangers from children’s unpredictable faults make inevitable influence on their growth, especially when the faults are connected with long-lasting damages, such as body hurt, scars, and disabilities. That is why many parents forbid their kids to light up fireworks, to swim in a clear river, and even to cut the pancakes with sharp knife(名词要么单数要么复数要么加the). However, it is impossible to completely avoid every accident during their childhood. If kids cannot escape from messing up things, why don’t they make good use of them? Supervised under specific conditions, letting kids to(let do) attempt whatever they like develops their interests in the future lifetime.

Based on the discussion above, I can safely draw a conclusion that making mistakes is an indispensible(这个单词是?)part of children’s education. Because, when lacking of great benefits during learning the mistakes they did, your children are probably running a risk to lose the future competitions in life.

-- by 会员 sarahpx (2012/8/15 10:31:07)

Sara用词很多样啊,尤其是形容词,值得学习.
给的理由也是层层递进,最后一层是反面解释,给的例子也很有说服性,还有具体数据..这些数据是背的吗?
要是说读下来有点不顺的地方就是觉得有时候可能为了词汇和句式的多变导致把句子写的过长过绕有点妨碍句意的表达..
不过总体来说写的挺好的啊..

作者: sarahpx 时间: 2012-8-16 13:19
TPO13 综合写作
The reading passage and the lecture are both concerned with the private purchases of important fossils. Presenting three specific arguments, the reading passage gives credence to the claim that these purchases have negative impacts on both scientists and general public. However, the lecturer argues that they have been exaggerated and the benefits of fossils trade exceed the disadvantages.

First of all, the lecturer believes that the public is likely to have greater exposure to fossils rather than less exposure. Although the reading passage indicates that the private fossils commercials will make public harder to see them, the lecturer points out the truth that commercial fossils hunting makes it possible for many low-level institutions, such as schools and libraries, routinely buy interesting fossils and show them in public. This is completely contradicts the counterpart of the passage.

Moreover, the lecturer conducts that it is not realistic to state that the private purchases of fossils can lead to missing out discoveries of anything important. To illustrate this point, the lecturer reveals the fact that before every fossil is available for purchase, it needs to be scientifically identified. Therefore, under detailed examinations and tests, fossil has to pass the hands of scientists, even though it will finally go to a private collector.

Finally, to counter the assertion of passage that there can be damage from private collectors, the lecturer contends that the private owners have made more contribution other than damage to science. As a matter of fact, if it were not for them, many fossils would never been discovered.

In conclusion, the lecturer has weakened the opinion of the passage by proving that none of its arguments is convincing.

作者: sarahpx 时间: 2012-8-16 13:22
现在看起来很多不可饶恕的错啊……哎，怎么得了。谢谢喵喵，很仔细[

quote]

-- by 会员 sarahpx (2012/8/15 10:31:07)

-- by 会员陈喵喵holdon (2012/8/16 0:04:34)

[/quote]

作者: margrate 时间: 2012-8-16 16:55
标题: TPO 13 综合
Sara的作文写的真好，我是欣赏着读下来的，除了字数有些多，感觉有些臃肿外，其他都很好，对比的很充实！
真感觉没有什么必要改的！

作者: sarahpx 时间: 2012-8-19 22:36
TPO 17综合写作

The reading passage explores the issue that human activities, including growing population, agriculture activities and the use of pesticides, are the main reason for declines in bird population. However, with some new findings mentioned in the lecture, the professor believes that these arguments from the passage are unconvincing.

First of all, it is stated in the passage that birds’ habitats are increasingly reduced because of urban growth. The professor, however, contends that some birds’ population may shrink, while others will grow. The professor also explains that urban development actually provides better and larger habitats for some other kinds of birds, such as pigeons and hawks. Therefore, it won’t cause uniform decline of bird population in the future. And this absolutely contradicts the first argument of the passage.

The next view mentioned by the passage is that the growing agriculture activities destroy the wildness habitats of birds, which will cause continuous decline of bird population. Running counter to this assertion, the professor expresses that less and less land is being used for agriculture every year. Besides, resulted from the introduce of new more productive crops, there is no need to destroy wildness area, because the new crops can produce more food per unit of land.

Finally, to demur the third assertion from the passage that pesticides can lead to dramatic decrease of birds, the professor offers the fact that two changes have been made towards traditional pesticides. First, there are less toxic pesticides. Second, there is a growing trend to develop pest-resistant crops, which are genetically designed to be unattractive to pests. Then the pest-resistant crops reduce the need for chemical pesticides and won’t harm birds at all.

作者: 小兔爱twins 时间: 2012-8-20 21:39

The reading passage exploresthe issue that human activities, including growing population, agricultureactivities and the use of pesticides, are the main reason for declines in birdpopulation. live;">（内容没有问题但是表述上不够简练。。）However, with some new findings mentioned in the lecture,the professor believes that these arguments from the passage are unconvincing.

First of all, it is stated in the passage thatbirds’ habitats are increasingly reduced because of urban growth. Theprofessor, however, contends that some birds’ population may shrink, whileothers will grow. The professor also explains that urban development actuallyprovides better and larger habitats for some other kinds of birds, such aspigeons and hawks. Therefore, it won’t cause uniform decline of bird populationin the future. And this absolutelycontradicts the first argument of the passage.有这样的对照很好反正小作文反复强调矛盾就对了~~

The next view mentioned by（我觉得用in好你看阅读题里面都是。。。。 mentioned in thepassage） the passage is that the growingagriculture activities destroy the wildness habitats of birds, which will causecontinuous decline of bird population. Running counter to this assertion, theprofessor expresses that less and less land is being used for agriculture everyyear. Besides, resulted from the introduce of new more productive crops, thereis no need to destroy wildness area, because the newcrops can produce more food per unit of land.比我总结的好！！！

Finally, to demur the third assertion fromthe passage that pesticides can lead to dramatic decrease of birds, theprofessor offers the fact that two changes have been made towards traditionalpesticides. First, there are less toxic pesticides. Second, there is a growingtrend to develop pest-resistant crops, which are genetically designed to beunattractive to pests. Then the pest-resistant crops reduce the need forchemical pesticides and won’t harm birds at all.

总体比我写的好~~~个人感觉~~ 在总结啊还有细节那些处理的比我到位~~~

作者: sarahpx 时间: 2012-8-25 23:40
8.26 独立

What is the main role of the university professor, to educate students or to do research?
In this day and age, university professor, the most crucial backbone of higher education, is always trapped in numerous dilemmas: apply the academic exchange programs or not; attend the administrational conference or not; narrow my current research scope or not; offer the brilliant student a position or not? Eventually, they will encounter this one: what I devote myself for, academic researches or students? If they focus on the comprehensive instructions for students, significantly scientific researches will probably cease to develop. If they set back the on-class education and continuously work on science and researches, a majority of students, associated with many other people, will feel disappointed. Nevertheless,” many people think so” is not a wise excuse to follow their assertion. Generally speaking, the academic researches desire more time and afford from university professors.

At the first place, it is the breakthrough of university professors’ researches that gears up the development of the whole society. Under no circumstance should I suspect that universities have a greater chance to organize precisely designed academic systems than any other kind of scientific research institutions, both on software and on hardware. For instance, equipped with the most advanced computer database system, teams of professors from Stanford University have obtained many breakthroughs in internet development, raising the total operating speed of information technology industry. What is more, undertaking meaningful researches, professors always play appropriate role to transfer their academic study into realistic application. Because of their academic status, big financial groups and manufacturing corporations contend to offer fund for the cutting-edge researches, anticipating to be the first user of professors’ outcome.

Another equivalently important factor is that strong academic capacity always benefits the university itself on many levels. Although the quality of graduated students, the range of subjects as well as their scales all have great influence, U.S. News, the most recognized university ranking, regards academic power to be the supreme dimension to evaluate the fluctuated strengthens of universities. It is not unrealistic to raise donations and sponsors by an upward ranking trend. Take my brother Mike’s school as an example. Mike is a pharmacy student in Michigan State University. His department recently received a donation for talented students, because several new patents and drugs boost their professional ranking. In other words, with good academic reputation, universities can not only take more students of high potential, but also gain financial enrichment.

Granted, meticulous and efficient as they are, professors have no possibility to cover researches as well as heavy teaching tasks. Lots of students will argue that it is unfair when they pay great number of tuitions yet receiving education devoid of master’s intact teaching. However, it seems that students have omitted the essentials of advanced education- figuring out how to learn by yourself. It is you not the professors who can guide you into a path towards the successful life. Namely, Mark Zuckerburg has never counted on his professors’ directions or advice to create fabulous Facebook. Libraries, tutoring classes and students’ academic groups, these study resources enable every diligent student to gain as much as they dream about during the university times.

In nutshell, considering the outweighing advantages from researches illuminated above, professors should provide more time on researches rather than on teaching.

作者: sarahpx 时间: 2012-8-26 18:35
TPO 24 (又超时了，26min烦死了，把笔记记下来的都写上去就会成这样了，快考了啊啊，求快速提高打字速度的方法……55555555)

The reading passage explores the issue that T.rex, a 70-milion-year-old fossil, possibly has remains of actual tissues by providing three new findings of T.rex. However, the professor from the lecture argues that this idea is skeptical. To illustrate his opinion, he presents us three sound reasons.

In the first place, the soft material found inside the channels of leg bone is not necessary the remains of actual tissues. It is more likely to be something else. According to the lecture, there might be bacteria once lived in the hollows of bones. Therefore, the soft material might be the traces of soft and moist residue left by bacteria. This argument completely contradicts the first counterpart of the passage.

Moreover, to challenge the second identification from the passage, the professor explains that the spheres might come from a different origin. Although the passage states that the reddish material in the spheres could be the remains of red blood cells, the professor argues that this cannot be true. He offers the fact that scientific findings of other animals also contain reddish material even though these animals did not have red blood cells when they alive. In other words, the spheres have a great chance to be something else, such as reddish minerals.

Finally, the professor opposes the third assertion of the passage by expressing that collagen cannot last as long as seven million years. According to the lecture, people have never found collagen older than 1000 years before. The result from the passage that collagen exists in T.rex is opposite to this fact. The possible explanation for the existence of collagen is not from T.rex, but from some more recent sources. For example, it might from human skin. Then it probably came from the skins of researchers who were handling the bones.

作者: kchszy061ban 时间: 2012-8-27 13:00

蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误

In this day and age, university professor, the most crucial backbone of higher education, is always trapped in numerous dilemmas: apply the academic exchange programs or not; attend the administrational conference or not; narrow my current research scope or not; offer the brilliant student a position or not? Eventually, they will encounter this one: what I devote myself for, academic researches or students? If they focus on the comprehensive instructions for students, significantly scientific researches will probably cease to develop. If they set back the on-class education and continuously work on science and researches, a majority of students, associated with many other people, will feel disappointed. Nevertheless,” many people think so” is not a wise excuse to follow their assertion. Generally speaking, the academic researches desire more time and afford from university professors.（开头不错，就是应该一开始就提出主论点就好了）

At the first place, it is the breakthrough of university professors’ researches that gears up the development of the whole society. Under no circumstance should I suspect that universities have a greater chance to organize precisely designed academic systems than any other kind of scientific research institutions, both on software and on hardware. For instance, equipped with the most advanced computer database system, teams of professors from Stanford University have obtained many breakthroughs in internet development, raising the total operating speed of information technology industry. What is more, undertaking meaningful researches, professors always play appropriate role to transfer their academic study into realistic application. Because of their academic status, big financial groups and manufacturing corporations contend to offer fund for the cutting-edge researches, anticipating to be the first user of professors’ outcome.

Another equivalently important factor is that strong academic capacity always benefits the university itself on many levels. Although the quality of graduated students, the range of subjects as well as their scales all have great influence, U.S. News, the most recognized university ranking, regards academic power to be the supreme dimension to evaluate the fluctuated strengthens of universities. It is not unrealistic to raise donations and sponsors by an upward ranking trend. Take my brother Mike’s school as an example. Mike is a pharmacy student in Michigan State University. His department recently received a donation for talented students, because several new patents and drugs boost their professional ranking. In other words, with good academic reputation, universities can not only take more students of high potential, but also gain financial enrichment.（这一段不错，就是应该联系下research在这里的作用）

Granted, meticulous and efficient as they are, professors have no possibility to cover researches as well as heavy teaching tasks. Lots of students will argue that it is unfair when they pay great number of tuitions yet receiving education devoid of master’s intact teaching. However, it seems that students have omitted the essentials of advanced education- figuring out how to learn by yourself. It is you not the professors who can guide you into a path towards the successful life. Namely, Mark Zuckerburg has never counted on his professors’ directions or advice to create fabulous Facebook. Libraries, tutoring classes and students’ academic groups, these study resources enable every diligent student to gain as much as they dream about during the university times. （不错）

In nutshell, considering the outweighing advantages from researches illuminated above, professors should provide more time on researches rather than on teaching.

我觉得楼主应该在最后把主题重申，总结一下就好。而且最后一段和前面联系的有点牵强额。

e,我写成27 号的独立了，麻烦帮改下吧。

作者: 猫和鸭 时间: 2012-8-28 00:14
TPO 24

The reading passage explores the issue that T.rex, a 70-milion-year-old fossil, possibly has remains of actual tissues by providing three new findings of T.rex. However, the professor from the lecture argues that this idea is skeptical. To illustrate his opinion, he presents us three sound reasons.开头简洁明了，很赞！In the first place, the soft material found inside the channels of leg bone is not necessary the remains of actual tissues. It is more likely to be something else. According to the lecture, there might be bacteria once lived in the hollows of bones. Therefore, the soft material might be the traces of soft and moist residue left by bacteria. This argument completely contradicts the first counterpart of the passage.Moreover, to challenge the second identification from the passage, the professor explains that the spheres might come from a different origin. Although the passage states that the reddish material in the spheres could be the remains of red blood cells, the professor argues that this cannot be true. He offers the fact that scientific findings of other animals also contain reddish material even though these animals did not have red blood cells when they alive. In other words, the spheres have a great chance to be something else, such as reddish minerals.
MM，你这个模板我转走啦，写得真好啊！Finally, the professor opposes the third assertion of the passage by expressing that collagen cannot last as long as seven million years. According to the lecture, people have never found collagen older than 1000 years before. The result from the passage that collagen exists in T.rex is opposite to this fact. The possible explanation for the existence of collagen is not from T.rex, but from some more recent sources. For example, it might from human skin. Then it probably came from the skins of researchers who were handling the bones.

MM，我不是来批改的，我是来学习的，我的水平太弱了，我把你的写作当成范文学习啦，实在不好意思，心虚地很啊，不知道怎么给你改哈，希望你见谅，同时祝你考出理想的成绩！吼吼！！还有那个独立，我也真的不知道怎么改了，我怕万一给改错了就更不好了

BTW：请教一下，这个综合写作不需要一定得有个IN SUMMARY之类的结尾的吗？为毛我看到好多模板都是有这个滴呢。

作者: sarahpx 时间: 2012-9-13 19:04
9.13 综合
TPO18
The reading passage demonstates three possible ways to save Torreya taxifoha, a type of everygreen tree in Florida, from extinction. However, the lecturer presents some new finding of this issue, showing that none of these three ways provides a satisfactory solution.

The first flaw in the passage is that the reestablishment of Torreya taxifoha is unlikely to succeed, because its original habitats are greatly affected by the changes of larger regions. The passage reckons that the micro-climate of the original areas is very suitable for Torreya taxifoha to thrive again. In contrast, the lecturer points out that many areas has become drier due to the global warming or the drained wetlands in Florida. That is to say, Torreya taxifoha is unlikely to survive within its original microclimate.

The passage's second flaw concerns that assisted migration of Torreya taxifoha will make them survive. But, according to the lecturer, the tranplantation of Torreya taxifoha may has unpredicted outcomes for the new location. The lecturer offers an example of another kind of tree, which was moved north to a new environment. This tree spread so quickly that it killed many other native plants. Therefore, the lecturer contricts the second way to rescue Torreya taxifoha.

Finally, the although Torreya taxifoha can be easily preserved in research centers, the passage ignores that this kind of Torreya taxifoha kept in centers will not be able to ressist diseases. The population of Torreya taxifoha is supposed to be large and genetically diverse to survive diseases. These capabilities cannot be found in the popluation of Torreya taxifoha which preserved in research centers. Therefore, Torreya taxifoha in such centers will not be capable to survive diseases in a long time.

To sum up, the lecturer weakens three solutions from the passage respectively, indicating that none of the solutions can save this endangered tree.
（用另外一个方式写的，尽量减少废话了）

作者: ioioke 时间: 2012-9-14 10:55
The reading passage demonstrates three possible ways to save Torreya taxifoha, a type of evergreen tree in Florida, from extinction. However, the lecturer presents some new finding of this issue, showing that none of these three ways provides a satisfactory solution.

The first flaw in the passage is that the reestablishment of Torreya taxifoha is unlikely to succeed, because its original habitats are greatly affected by the changes of larger regions. The passage reckons that the micro-climate of the original areas is very suitable for Torreya taxifoha to thrive again. In contrast, the lecturer points out that many areas have(复数形式)become drier due to the global warming or the drained wetlands in Florida. That is to say, Torreya taxifoha is unlikely to survive within its original microclimate.

The passage's second flaw concerns that assisted migration of Torreya taxifoha will make them survive. But（建议使用however，but的语气太强了）, according to the lecturer, the tranplantation of Torreya taxifoha may has unpredicted outcomes for the new location. The lecturer offers an example of another kind of tree, which was moved north to a new environment. This tree spread so quickly that it killed many other native plants. Therefore, the lecturer contricts the second way to rescue Torreya taxifoha.

Finally, the although Torreya taxifoha can be easily preserved in research centers, the passage ignores that this kind of Torreya taxifoha kept in centers will not be able to ressist diseases. The population of Torreya taxifoha is supposed to be large and genetically diverse to survive diseases. These capabilities cannot be found in the population of Torreya taxifoha which preserved in research centers. Therefore, Torreya taxifoha in such centers will not be capable to survive diseases in a long time.

To sum up, the lecturer weakens three solutions from the passage respectively, indicating that none of the solutions can save this endangered tree.

亲写得真好，向你学习，看了一下，有350+的字数，会不会太多？如果时间够的话，应该也没问题，主意部分单词的拼写，有时间检查一下就好了。对了，这个植物的名字是torreya taxifoha么？

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