ChaseDream

标题: 写作小分队---一战写作20,目标25，fighting---求拍砖，狠狠拍，别客气呀 [打印本页]

作者: pinkyhuayin 时间: 2012-7-26 15:00
标题: 写作小分队---一战写作20,目标25，fighting---求拍砖，狠狠拍，别客气呀
6.30 一战 writing 20....integrated writing---limited

只有献丑啦，今天报名参加写作小分队，开始练习作文。作文这段项目一直投入的精力不够，这个成绩也不奇怪。
目标二战 25，fighting,请各路高手，狠狠拍砖，别客气哈。要想挫败别人，必先挫败自己

作者: pinkyhuayin 时间: 2012-7-26 15:01
今天想写篇作文，这个题目越看越眼熟，原来上个月看机经的时候，写过这一遍，哎，先贴出来献丑啦。

7.26
Do you agree with the viewpoint that peopleare now easier to become educated than in the past?

Neverdoes the topic of education fail to fascinate us in this fast developedsociety. more and more people focus on education, because it is widely acceptedthat “ the better educated person , the better kind of life”. My view is thatit is much easier for people to get educated than in the past for threereasons- government support. Instinct demand, and convenient search.

First,in nowadays, everyone has the equal right to get primary education from school,because of the great support of government which distributes more recourse thanever before. China
is a good case in this point. Everyone has been entitled totake a 9-years basic education from a child to a teenage before entering to an university whichprovides higher education. Also, the increasing number of schools and teachersmakes it possible that more people can get education. To be specific, thegovernment supply financial aid to the poor to keep study.
moreover,as the greatly intense competition, people have instinct demand to get moreeducation than ever before. According to a recent survey, more than halfpercent people feel the competition and are likely to get further study to keeptheir status ,especial on the top of the social heap. for instance, my sisterwho is working in a global bank plans to take several financial exam-CFA .onlyif she passes the exam , she will get the opportunity to be promoted. Thus,hundreds of training organization have surfaced in modern society, which also makes people easier toget education than in the past.

furthermore,thanks to the greatest invention of this century-internet, people could obtainuseful information from all around the world. For instance, if a scientist in adeveloping like China
is doing reach in a new area which only is studied in a developed country, hecan use the internet to search the useful information. What he need to do is justtyping the key words and then clicking search button, no more than one secondhe could find whatever he wants.
Finally,there is no doubt that people nowadays are more convenient to get education than in the past. If thereis anyone out there who still doubts that the poor doesn’t have chance to geteducation, who still wonders if there is not a suitable and interesting subjectto study, who still questions if it is inconvenient to get useful information,my essay is the answer.

作者: pinkyhuayin 时间: 2012-7-26 17:47
明天楼主有事外出，提前交作业~\(≧▽≦)/~啦啦啦。

这篇文章是呕心沥血近两个小时写出来的。其中，特别花了心思在文章的逻辑结构上面，这个是比较薄弱的地方，多多关注，多多指正哦，鞠躬。

7月27日Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People should know the events happening around the world, even if it unlikely has some influence on your daily life.

as we are living in an age of information that none of our ancestor have ever referred to, the earth seems like a small village,and all the countries are connected tightly by the internet-the information highway. People should pay attention on what happen surrounding or far away them in order to keep steps. No matter on the level of an individual, a local government, or a country, to learn from others is of great importance.

First, to widen eyes ,open mind and inspire potential, individual need to know the events happening around the world. Only focus on a little spot,man’ mind would be narrowed. That is also the reason why we are encouraged to read more books. Fortunately, internet brings us so much free electronic reading resources that we can find anything we interested in. There is no excuse to constrain ourselves in a narrowed atmosphere. And the big events is always a social topic, people share different opinions about them. It is necessary for individual to know big events to make a better social relationship with other. Otherwise, a frustrated feeling would surface that –Am I living on anther planet?

Moreover, it is a wise choice for government learn experience from others, no matter successful ones or failed ones. Admittedly, different government face different problems. But, the core sprit to pursuit is the same- a better life for human. The solution of environment problem is a good case in this point. As people notice the global warm caused by greenhouse effect, governments make rules and regulations to control the emission of CO2,which is harm to ozone layer. Japan, the first one, improved eco-environment paper products to substitute plastic bags. And it is now widely accepted in the world.

Furthermore, a country has the responsibility to know the events occur in the world, especially about other countries. Every country is a member of international community. There is no doubt that none can avoid the influence from others. Take the European Crisis as an example. Greek, in the deep debt, has shaking the confidence of Euro in other countries, which leads to the decrease of Euro in international market. And other European countries are in the center of this crisis storm. Therefore, a government should not only focus on domestic affairs, but also the trends of the global .

In sum, people should know events in the world, even their influence may not effect directly. The individuals can far-sight in perspective ,the government can learn more from others, and country can keep awareness of global trends, all from the events in the world.

作者: fairyfinger 时间: 2012-7-29 11:08
7月27日Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People should know the events happening around the world, even if it unlikely has some influence on your daily life.

as(As) we are living in an age of information that none of our ancestor have ever referred to, the earth seems like a small village,and all the countries are connected tightly by the internet-the information highway. People should pay attention on what happen surrounding( in their surroundings) or far away from them in order to keep steps. No matter on the level of an individual, a local government, or a country, to learn(learning ) from others is of great importance.

First, to widen eyes ,open mind and inspire potential, individual need to know the events happening around the world. Only focus on a little spot,man’ mind would be narrowed. That is also the reason why we are encouraged to read more books. Fortunately, internet brings us so much free electronic reading resources that we can find anything we interested in. There is no excuse to constrain ourselves in a narrowed atmosphere. And the big events is always a social topic, people share different opinions about them. It is necessary for individual to know big events to make a better social relationship with other(S). Otherwise, a frustrated feeling would surface that –Am I living on anther planet?

Moreover, it is a wise choice for government to learn experience from others, no matter successful ones or failed ones. Admittedly, different government face different problems. But, the core sprit(spirit) to pursuit is the same- a better life for human(s). The solution of environment problem is a good case in this point. As people notice the global warm caused by greenhouse effect, governments make rules and regulations to control the emission of CO2,which is harm to ozone layer. Japan, the first one, improved eco-environment paper products to substitute plastic bags. And it is now widely accepted in the world.

Furthermore, a country has the responsibility to know the events occur in the world, especially about other countries. Every country is a member of international community. There is no doubt that none can avoid the influence from others. Take the European Crisis as an example. Greek, in the deep debt, has shaking the confidence of Euro in other countries, which leads to the decrease of Euro in international market. And other European countries are in the center of this crisis storm. Therefore, a government should not only focus on domestic affairs, but also the trends of the global .

In sum, people should know events in the world, even their influence may not effect directly( are not direct就ok啦). The individuals can far-sight in perspective ,the government can learn more from others, and country can keep awareness of global trends, all from the events in the world.

lz词语搭配神马的还需要加强，总的来说论述得还不错！结构什么的都很清楚～加油！

作者: pinkyhuayin 时间: 2012-7-29 22:02
to my dear partner,此作文我好像写了一个晚上。。。三个小时肯定有了，呵呵，因为我自己已经改了几遍，这稿算是比较满意的吧，也就这个水平了。所以请你在批改的时候，重点放在我这个文章的逻辑结构上面。当然，整体的逻辑机构肯定是没有问题了。我指的是，具体每一个句子。你读起来的时候，是否感觉逻辑清楚，条理很强，还有论证是不是到位。anyway，希望，你可以把你觉得不通顺的地方，或者逻辑结构需要改善的地方，论据薄弱的地方告诉我，非常感谢，鞠躬，上菜。

7月29日

10.08.20NA the most important investment for a company is tospend money to improve the work skills of its employees.

we are living in a age of revolution and companies, asindependent organizations, are facing fierce competition to pursuit themaximum profits. Thus, when it comes to the important investment for a company,people hold divergent ideas. In my view, the most important investment is tospend money on creativeness, management and charity, but not just work skill.

Yet my disagreement does not suggest that the investmentof employee personal work skill should be abandoned, but rather included alongwith other indispensable factors in determining the investment of a company,since talents are the foundation for every development, and a company can notmake lasting high profit without talents. It is also a wise choice to keeptalents from job-hopping by providing person skill training. For instance,present skill guides employees to use PPT to show their thinkings and hands-ontraining gives them opportunities to manipulate specialized facilities.

However, other more crucial elements can not be ignoredas I listed above. First, the creativeness. As competition is on the raise inmodern society, creativeness is an edged sword for a company to break though oreven be a leader. Take Apple Inc, not the Newton

’s butJobs’s, as an example. The fantastic function and impeccable design attract thewhole world crazy for its product. There is not doubt that the key success ofApple Inc is the its unparalleled creativeness in high-tech industry. Second,management. Contrast to skill training for individuals, the high efficientmanagement tools can enhance the whole company’s competitiveness by theimproving labor work efficiency and saving cost. According to a survey of TOP500 FORTUNE companies in the world , most of these top companies adapt to updatemanagement tools every year in order to maintain their advantages. Third, thecharity. Maybe some people question “does it work?”. However, the charityactivity of a company is always an impressive advertisement, especially certainhot-spot projects about starvation and poverty. Sadly, thousands of children in Africa aredied of starvation. JNJ, an American company targets children and young asconsumers, sets up a fund from its profit to help hungry and homeless childrenin Africa. Thischarity activity moves many young mothers to purchase its product. Not only theprofit the company gains, but a good reputation in the world as well.

In sum, creativeness,management and charity are the most valuable area for a company to invest. Ifthere is anyone out there who doubts the influence of novelty ,who wonders thepower of organization ,who questions the appeal of benevolence, my issue is theanswer.

作者: pinkyhuayin 时间: 2012-7-29 22:04
是的，是的，词汇还是我的一个薄弱环节，要加强啊。常常为了一个可以替换的词，想半天，囧。。。

作者: gre呀gre 时间: 2012-7-30 22:32

we are living in a（an） age of revolution and companies, （and）asindependent（对不起这个词我在韦氏都查不到- -） organizations, are facing （a）fierce competition to pursuitthe maximum profits. Thus, when it comes to the important investment for acompany,people hold divergent ideas. In my view, the most important investmentis to spend money on creativeness, management and charity, but not just workskill.

Yet my disagreement does not suggest that the investment of employee（employees’） personal work skill should be abandoned, but rather includedalongwith other indispensable factors in determining the investment of acompany,since talents are the foundation for every development, and a companycan not make lasting（直接用last） high profit without talents.（这句话好难懂- -不过我懂了- - 连接词用的有点奇怪，感觉有点生硬啊~） It is also a wise choice to keep talents from job-hopping byproviding person（personal） skill training（神马意思？为了跳槽而提供training？）. For instance,present skill guides employees to use PPT to showtheir thinkings and hands-on training gives them opportunities to manipulatespecialized facilities.

However, other more crucial elements can not be ignored as I listedabove. First（firstly，书面语中不用first来列举）, the creativeness. （不是完整句子）As competition is on ~~the~~ raisein modern society, creativeness is an edged sword（赞！） for a company to break though or evenbe a leader. Take Apple Inc, not the Newton’s but Jobs’s, as anexample. The fantastic function and impeccable design attract（attract后面的句子意思有点奇怪，只能吸引人或者目光神马的，吸引crazy逻辑上不通顺~） the whole world crazy for its product. There is not doubt that thekey success of Apple Inc is the its unparalleled creativeness in high-tech industry.

Second（secondly，同上）,management. Contrast to skill training forindividuals, the high efficient management tools can enhance the wholecompany’s competitiveness by the improving labor work efficiency and savingcost. According to a survey of TOP500 FORTUNE companies in the world , most ofthese top companies adapt to update management tools every year in order to maintaintheir advantages.

Third（thirdly，同上）, the charity. Maybe some people question “does it work?”. However,the charity activity of a company is always an impressive advertisement,especially certain hot-spot projects about starvation and poverty. Sadly,thousands of children in Africa aredied of starvation. JNJ, an American companytargets children and young as consumers, （and）sets up a fund from its profit to help hungry and homelesschildrenin Africa. This charity activity moves many young mothers to purchaseits product. Not only the profit the company gains, but a good reputation inthe world as well.（not only but also是半倒桩，而且前后要对称，这里想说赢得了利润和声望，并列的地方不对，应该是the company gains not only the profits but a good reputation in theworld as well.）

In sum, creativeness,management and charity are the most valuablearea for a company to invest. If there is anyone out there who doubts theinfluence of novelty ,who wonders the power of organization ,(and)whoquestions the appeal of benevolence, my issue is the answer.

写的挺好的，就是句子有点点绕，例子都举得很棒！都是具体的例子而且非常国际化~tips：

1。中间说明三个重要因素的地方没有分段啊，我觉得分段才能更清晰啊~

2. 让步段太长了啊，有点点喧宾夺主了~

3. 每一段感觉说的都不够清楚，没有展开去说，尤其是第二个观点，无论是例子还是论述都不够展开~

妹纸！你写的真的挺好的，就是有些长难句感觉是为了长难句而长难句了，我不知道怎么改，就是感觉不够流畅，不够地道，anyway，加了个油~

作者: pinkyhuayin 时间: 2012-7-31 11:00
谢谢楼上点评啦，我觉得现在自己不会写简单句了。本来想的是简单句，写着写着就复杂了。。。还是要回归滴~

你点评的很仔细，辛苦啦。不过有几个地方是插入语，所以不用连词。是了使句子多变设计的，可能不够自然吧，所以别人看来还是生硬啊

加油↖(^ω^)↗

作者: pinkyhuayin 时间: 2012-8-2 14:53
8月1日

If you need todiscuss upsetting or controversial problems with others, you will use e-mail ortext messaging，OR use the telephone orvoice-messaging。
As we are living in an age of high-tech with no previoushuman experience that could be referred to, more methods to communication havesurface, including text messaging andvoice message. When it comes to upsetting or controversial problems, peoplehave different choices. I prefer to voice message for following reasons.

To begin with, voice messaging conveys more informationthan text messaging. According to a survey conducted by Harvard about theefficiency of communication, more 70 percent meaning can be transferredproperly by talking, while only 30 percent by words. Why ? Let’s see anexample. “ You deserve it !” Only threesimple words, two controversial meanings. One hand, it is used for praise whenpeople succeed .On the other hand, totally different, it is a kind of when people lose. Therefore, via the tones invoice messaging, we can find hint, tell true from lies and avoid mistakes.

Moreover, there is no doubt that telephone is a amazinginvention , which brings about direct communication . It seems that people fromdistance place are talking face to face. In a unpleasant circumstance, communicationin time is of great important. GM, an American automobile company, found itsproduct have technical problem. The CEO made an apology on TV and radio programand announced to call cars back. This direct communication won the trust ofcustomers. If the company just put some notes, some customer may miss them orrealize the problem months later. How do they feel? I am afraid that will be adifferent story.

Furthermore, it is a wise choice discuss embarrassingproblems by voice message, since humans are always emotional animals. Eventhough people claim we are clam and thinking , emotion is an indispensablepart. During Asian economic crisis, big companies had to dismiss employees inorder to survive. One old man wanted to suicide when he get the dismissalletter. Luckily, his son, who studied abroad, noticed it when he called hisfather and prevented such a tragedy from happening. The voice message can givepeople more energy ,encourage them to come over difficulties and build up theirconfidence.

In sum, not only the entire and direct information voice messagingconveys, but also the emotions. That is the reason why voice message issuperior to text message.

作者: pinkyhuayin 时间: 2012-8-2 14:59
8.2 it is often not a good thing to move to a new city
or a new countrybecause of the lose of old friends.
Thereis no doubt that everyone around the world need friends from child to adult. Meantime,living in modern society ,some people have to move to a new city
or even a new country due todifferent reasons. however, true friends will not be lost even though ones cannot be together everyday. Thus, my view in this case is that immigration hasnothing to do with losing old friends.
Asthe old saying goes,“afriend in need is a friend indeed”. I think this is the best answer to thequestion- who is a real friend. Friendship is an indispensable relationshipbetween people who you can share happiness and pains with. If friends will belost just because they can not get together everyday, I have to point out thatthey is not real friends. It is sad but true,so people do not need to worryabout losing such friends.

Moreover,with the development of modern technology, people can keep touch with others mucheasily than ever before. Besides traditional hand writing letters, there are manyother communication methods. the internet is a good point in this case. Though theinternet, people can talk to each other and even see the video at the same timeonly if you get a computer and linked internet.

Furthermore,there are many benefits to move to another city or even country to start a newlife. It is widely accepted that when people move into a new environment, hewill be much more interested in meeting strange people and making new friends.people can also learn how other people live ,which a meaningful experience.it is apparent thatthose who often travel to meet different people in different cities orcountries are more widen-sight and develop an excellent communication skill. Themore you get ,the more you can share with your friends.

Although I agree that changing live environment willlose some old friends, I feel that advantages are more obvious. Moving to livein a new cityor country is an good opportunity to meet different people ,make new friend andlearn new culture.

作者: ykhjy 时间: 2012-8-4 15:02
pink 同学。。

我没清楚谁改谁的。我昨天改了另一个童鞋的综合我也是先改别人的再做作业的。。。我错了
蓝色成模版，黄色是原词，红色修改，绿色总结
8.2 it is often not a good thing to move to a new city
or a new countrybecause of the lose of old friends.
There is no doubt that everyone around the world need friends from child to adult. Meantime,living in modern society ,some people have to move to a new city or even a new country due to different reasons. however, true friends will not be lost even though ones【they】 cannot be together everyday. Thus, my view in this case is that immigration has nothing to do with losing old friends. 【首段阐述很清楚，观点鲜明。】
As the old saying goes,“a friend in need is a friend indeed”. I think this is the best answer to the question- who is a real friend. Friendship is an indispensable relationshipbetween people who you can share happiness and pains with. If friends will belost just because they can not get together everyday, I have to point out that they is【are】 not real friends. It is sad but true,so people do not need to worryabout losing such friends.【这一段提出了true friend的概念，与首段对应，提出会因为迁移而失去友谊的不是真正的朋友。我觉得观点很好。但最好举个例子，因为这段说的大部分是你的观点，没有论据，特别是说明为什么因为移民失去的友谊就不是真的朋友。因为按照你的观点，是不是可以类比爱情，因为距离分开的爱情有的是，但是是不是这些都不是真正的爱情。其实是不是有可能爱情真正存在过，只是因为距离产生了很多别的因素。。。友情是不是也是这样？纯属个人观点。总之有个例子会好点】

Moreover,with the development of modern technology, people can keep touch with others mucheasily than ever before. Besides traditional hand writing letters, there are manyother communication methods. the internet is a good point in this case. Through theinternet, people can talk to each other and even see the video at the same timeonly if you get a computer and linked【link the】 internet. 【这一段说明科技的发展让距离不是问题，友情还是可以联系。观点很好，但是要注意指出能方便与旧朋友联系，可以举个例子。】

Furthermore,there are many benefits to move to another city or even country to start a newlife. It is widely accepted that when people move into a new environment, hewill be much more interested in meeting strange people and making new friends.people can also learn how other people live ,which 【is】 a meaningful experience.it is apparent thatthose who often travel to meet different people in different cities orcountries are more widen-sight and 【they always】 develop an excellent communication skills. Themore you get ,the more you can share with your 【old 】 friends.【 which can be very beneficial for strengthen the friendship with your old friends.】【还是那个问题，最好有个能点明与旧朋友的关系的句子】

Although I agree that changing live environment willlose some old friends, I feel that advantages are more obvious. Moving to livein a new cityor country is an good opportunity to meet different people ,make new friend and learn new culture.【我觉得这个结尾有点与你的观点矛盾，因为你支持immigration不会失去旧朋友，而这里说的是living to a new city 的好处比较多。虽然你这里用了although，这一段像是让步，但是结尾不应该全偏向你观点的反面。你可以总结一下，先让步迁移到某个地方某个地方是有可能失去旧朋友，但是你还会拥有很多真正的朋友，而且现在的科技发展，以及在另一个城市生活的经历给了你很多保障让你和旧朋友交流联系，所以。。。】

作者: pinkyhuayin 时间: 2012-8-11 16:03
8月11日

To improve the quality of education university should spend more money onsalary for professor.
Never does the topic of education fail to fantastic oureyes. When it comes to improvement of the education quality. Some people arguethat university should spend more money on salary for the professor. But, I donot agree with that.

Yet my disagreement does not mean that the important ofsalary should be ignored, but rather included with other indispensable factors,since the salary is a reasonable critia to value the professor’s ability.Education is also a big market, which means “the better job you do ,the higher paidyou get”.

However, in order to promote the whole quality ofuniversity, there is much to leave. First of all, basic facilities is crucial part,including building schools and dorms, greening the campus, setting up the labsand library, etc. According to a survey conducted by Harvard , student are morewilling to study in good environment. Moreover, the academic atmosphere is keyfactor. There is no doubt that university is the best place to do research forstudent. And the academic atmosphere will attract more student to focus ontheir study and research during the cherish time. Take Jenny, one of my friend,as an example. Her major is Chemistry, and she did not like it much before.However, a big change happened when she got to the university. She did notbelieve how serious her classmates and professor took about the courses, andthen she began to like the class and experiments in the lab. Interactioninfluence each student. Last but not least, the quality of education cultivatenot only elite in specialized region but also a well-round student. Besidecommon course, university should also supply other colorful courses forstudents who is interested in them, such as the piano introduction, speechskill, computer coding. Only the university which can catch up the step of theworld can get a faster improvement than others.

In sum, my view is that many other elements are superior to theprofessor’s salary to enhance university education, including basic facilities,academic atmosphere and colorful courses.

作者: 夏之鱼语 时间: 2012-8-12 16:28
标题: 8.11修改~
To improve the quality of education, 【加个逗号】university should spend more money on salary for professor. Never does the topic of education fail to fantastic our eyes.【不理解哎】 When it comes to 【the】improvement of the education quality，【改成逗号】some people argue that university should spend more money on salary for the professor. But, I do not agree with that【it】.【蓝色标记处有点Chinglish的感觉，或者不那么简洁】

Yet my disagreement does not mean that the important【importance】 of salary 【rising】 should be ignored, but rather included with other indispensable factors, since the salary is a reasonable critia to value the professor’s ability. 【不理解：我的异议并不意味着提高教师工资是不重要的，而是相比于其他一些必不可少的要素而言，因为工资是一个评价教授能力的合理标准。PS：如果你想表达的意思是：我并不是说教师的工资不重要，只是还有其他更为重要的因素。那么这样改如何：I do not mean to ignore the important role of the professor’s salary totally, since it is also an ideal criterion to measure the professor’s capability. However, when compared with the other indispensable factors, such as…, they are not the preference for the university to invest.】Education is also a big market【baby English而且，和后面的一句逻辑不衔接。大的市场是针对商人而言，而这里想表达的意思应该是工资与努力成正比。】, which means “the better job you do, the higher paid you get”.

However, in order to promote the whole quality of university, there is much to leave. First of all, basic facilities is 【a】crucial part, including building schools and dorms【teaching buildings and dormitories’ equipment_这里应该是facilities的列举而不是措施】, greening the campus, setting up the labsand library, etc. According to a survey conducted by Harvard, student【s】 are more willing to study in good environment. Moreover, the academic atmosphere is 【also a】key factor. There is no doubt that 【the】university is the best place to do research for student【s】【for students to do research】. And the【good ,删去the】 academic atmosphere will attract more student【s】 to focus on their study and research during the cherish time【建议把下划线部分去掉,有道说cherish没有只有V.词性】. Take Jenny, one of my friend【s】, as an example. Her major is Chemistry, and she did not like it much before【表达不对，可以说One year before/when she was in high school】. However, a big change happened【things changed】 when she got【went/attended】 to the university. She did not believe how serious her classmates and professor took about the courses,【it is unbelievable for her to understand how her classmates and professors can be so serious about this subject, but gradually, she also …】and then she began to like the class【es】 and experiments in the lab. Interaction influence each student.【interaction makes the influence between students】 Last but not 【the】 least, the quality of education cultivate【s】not only 【the】elite in specialized region【field。。。感觉region会不会更偏向于地域。。。不确定，仅参考】 but also a well-round【well-balanced】student. Beside common course, university should also supply other colorful【various】 courses for students who is interested in them, such as the piano introduction, speech skill【s】, computer coding. Only the university which can catch up 【要不要加with呀？not sure。。。】the step of the world can 【it】get a faster improvement than others.

In sum, my view is that many other elements are superior to the professor’s salary 【which help more】to enhance university education, including basic facilities, academic atmosphere and colorful courses.

备注：考试时如果有时间建议重点检查名词单复数问题，有些用词不太自如，有点词不达意，语句表达偏向chinglish，可以多背些特别的句式，没把握的长难句尽量不写，句式简单总比意思混了要好些。第二段逻辑性不是很强，其实我还没理解这段在文中所起的作用：如果是观点之一，那它和下面那段的关系式并列还是递进？有点抢了下面观点的感觉。

最后，以上内容仅代表个人观点，多多指教~~^ ^

作者: pinkyhuayin 时间: 2012-8-23 19:31
8.23 综合 tpo 21

In the lecture, the professorargues that even though there are some benefits, the problems of genetic trees cannot be ignored ,and even overweight its merits..

The first problem theprofessor points out is that genetic trees can survive only in a specificcondition, but do not have ability to fit new atmosphere. Even though they arerough before as the reading indicates. Once the climate changes or a new pestinvades , genetic trees can not adapt to certain changes and will die out dueto their uniform.

Moreover, the professdisputes the statement in the reading that genetic trees will bring greatprofit for tree farmers. On the contrast, the cost of the genetic trees seedsis quiet higher than common ones, and by the laws, farmers also need to payextra fees to companies every years. In this sense, farmers ,who plant genetictrees ,can not make higher profit as the reading mentions.

Furthermore, the reading passageclaims that genetic trees can replace wild trees for demanding of wood, andrare trees can be protected. The professor disagrees with this view. Becausegenetic trees are always planted among native trees, and they more competitivethan native trees in live;">absorbing sunlight ,water and nutrition. Thenative trees are threatened by fast growing genetic trees.

作者: pinkyhuayin 时间: 2012-8-24 13:00
tpo22

The reading passage claims that ethanol fuel can not replace gasoline due to production of carban dioxide ,threaten to animal foods and less competetive price,the professor disputes the these three theories.

The first statement the professor uses to debate the reading is that the ethanol fuel do produce carbon dioxide,but also react with the carbon dioxide. The ethanol fuel is made from crop-corns,which absorb carbon dioxide during their growing process. In this sense, ethanol fuel performs better than gasoline in global warming problem.

Moreover,the reading passage argues that the ethanol fuel will take the plants for animals,which leads to the lack of a substantial source of food for animals,while the professor points out that the plants to produce ethanol fuel is not suitable for animals to eat at all. Therefore, the development of ethanol fuel do not influence livestock keeping.

Furthermore, the professor admits that currently,ethanol fuel is supported by government subsidies as the reading indicates,so they have a low price to compete with gasoline.However,according to a survey,as the mass production of ethanol fuel manufactured increases three times, the price will reduces forty percents totally. Which means ethanol fuel can competet with gasoline without the help from the government.

作者: 小兔爱twins 时间: 2012-8-24 20:45

In the lecture, the professor argues that even though there are somebenefits as the passage mentioned（最好能能提到reading，反正反复强调阅读和听力矛盾就对了）, theproblems of genetic trees cannot be ignored ,and even overweight its merits.

The first problem the professor points out is that genetic trees cansurvive only in a specificcondition, but do not have ability to fit newatmosphere. Even though they are rough before as the reading indicates. Oncethe climate changes or a new pestinvades , genetic trees can not adapt tocertain changes and will die out dueto their uniform.

Moreover, the profess disputes the statement in the reading thatgenetic trees will bring greatprofit for tree farmers. On the contrast, thecost of the genetic trees seedsis quiet higher than common ones, and by thelaws, farmers also need to payextra fees to companies every years. In thissense, farmers ,who plant genetictrees ,can not make higher profit as thereading mentions.

Furthermore,the reading passage claims that genetic trees can replace wild trees fordemanding of wood, and rare trees can be protected. The professor disagreeswith this view. Becausegenetic trees are always planted among native trees, andthey more competitivethan native trees in live;">absorbing sunlight ,water and nutrition. Thenative treesare threatened by fast growing genetic trees.

没有什么大问题~~ 加油哦~~

作者: ykhjy 时间: 2012-8-25 14:26
tpo22 修改~蓝色good 黄色需修改红色我改的绿色批注建议

The reading passage claims that ethanol fuel can not replace gasoline due to production of carban dioxide ,threaten [这个不是 noun] to animal foods and less competetive price[不是很准确，因为现在价格还是有竞争力的，文中说的是未来。可以加个 in the future.lz这里是个创新，不过保守来说，直接说有仨问题会避免以偏概全。], [yet 两个谓语，别忘了连词] the professor disputes ~~the~~ these three theories.

The first statement the professor uses to debate the reading is that the ethanol fuel do [这个是不是该用does，因为看文中ethanol fuel 后面跟的是单数形式的动词，如果不确定，建议用另一种方式，比如说although、it is true that 之类的]produce carbon dioxide,but also reacts[这里是什么 react with CO2？如果是ethanol fuel 可能不太准确，应该是growing process of plants把] with the carbon dioxide. The ethanol fuel is made from [plants such as] crop-corns,which [can] absorb carbon dioxide during their growing process. In this sense, ethanol fuel performs better than gasoline in global warming problem.

Moreover,the reading passage argues that the ethanol fuel will take the plants for animals,which leads to the lack of a substantial source of food for animals,while the professor points out that the plants to produce ethanol fuel is not suitable for animals to eat at all. [这里信息不是很准确哈，animals不能吃的是parts of plants，应该是植物的一部分把]Therefore, the development of ethanol fuel do not influence livestock keeping.

Furthermore, the professor admits that currently,ethanol fuel is supported by government subsidies as the reading indicates,so they have a low price to compete with gasoline.However,according to a survey,as the mass production of ethanol fuel manufactured increases three times, the price will reduces forty percents totally. Which means ethanol fuel can competet with gasoline without the help from the government.[最好细节再多一点，比如因为demand的上升，production就会上升。。。]

【整篇文章，结构挺清晰的。需要注意的是信息的准确性。有些可能是表述的问题。有问题欢迎讨论~~加油加油

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