ChaseDream
标题: 水极了的Hans开始写作文啦 [打印本页]
作者: hansxiao7 时间: 2012-7-12 12:51
标题: 水极了的Hans开始写作文啦
从今开始一天一篇，从水库向水杯前进！
作者: hansxiao7 时间: 2012-7-12 12:51
7月12日
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement that colleges or universities should offer more courses to prepare students for the future before they start working.
Coincident with the fierce competition in the job market on the contemporary life, there are increaing number of universities or colleges are offering more courses to prepare students for future before they start working in order to make students adapt to the working environment after graduating. This has become a hot topic in the modern world. I think this kind of thing is exceptionally beneficial for students,and here are my reasons.
To begin with, it is undeniable that main courses of universities are imparting theories and equations to students, and subsequently students may wonder how to efficiently use them to real work. After getting courses before initiating working, students can get pratical skills to be extremely in a beneficial place in the future competition. At the same time, students will also get more opportunities of advancement than those who don't get the courses. As a student who major in civil engineering, structural analysis is a main course for me when I was in my university. After studying it, I was indeed proficient in solving structural problems in exams. Unfortunately, I could hardly analyze any building with that at that time. Thanks to the courses of their uses in another course before graduate, I finally grasped the idea of designing real building with that. On no account can we ignore the great impact of the applicant courses before graduation.
In addition, some courses before graduation are even more significant than applicant courses, especially the classes to teach students how to contact with others. It is extremely incontrovertible that the knowledge of communication has a typically great influence on people's development in the future, which is more important than the knowledge by rote. For example, after my graduation, the primary thing was to get accquaintance with team members and bosses in my new working place. With the knowledge of communication after taking courses from my university, I could not merely understand how to get along with them politely, but also help my team work tremendously more efficient. That also led my advancement after working 2 years in the same position.
Judging from above evidence, it is indeed appropriate to say colleges or universities should offer more courses to prepare students for the future before they start working. With significant benefits, students who take these cousres will really get a good future.
作者: hansxiao7 时间: 2012-7-13 09:27
7月13独立
Concomitant with the growing awareness of the extremely detrimental environment in big cities, there are increasingly amount of people are moving from cities to rural areas in order to get healthy. However, many citizens insist that this behavior is at the sacrifice of diminishing the quality of taking care of their families. As far as I am concerned, living in rural or suburbs is less convenient for people to take care of their families, and subsequently the people who live in urban areas can take better care of their families compared with people who live in rural areas.
To begin with, it is undeniable that large quantities of modern technology, such as the washing machine and cooking robots,which is tremendously mature and versatile,is making people easier to look after their family members. Living in urban means that people will get the advanced technology and innovations as soon as possible. On contrast, these development should spend lots of years spreading and proliferating in rural. For example, the cooking robots are particularly common in Shenzhen, China, and even some restaurants are using them instead of real people. With that unprohibitive machine, people can not merely cook palatable feast for family members, but also finish cooking in just few minutes, which is more imperative in the increasingly frantic world. However, in rural areas, people today cannot have the access to buy such a perfect robot to take care of their family members.
In addition, living in urban means people are more accessible to public devices. Just as wings are indispensable for birds, so are categories of public devices to humans. They are all integral parts of people's lives, and living cities means they can take better care of their families with them, especially advanced medical technology of urban's clinics. Because medical cares and technology in cities by all means have typically greater benefits than in rural,it is incontrovertible that citizens can look after their family members when they are ill and hospitalized.When my grandma is ill, my mother prefer to take her to cities' big hospitals, rather than let her diagnosed by rural clinics. On no account can we ignore the great significance and convenience of living in urban.
Judging from above evidence,compared with people who live in urban areas,the people who live in rural areas can take worse care of their families. Living in cities means people are more accessible to technologies and public devices, which are all essential for people to take care of their families.
作者: hansxiao7 时间: 2012-7-13 09:28
只有415个字。。。囧爆了。。。还差点没写完
作者: chasedreamabc 时间: 2012-7-13 10:56
老规矩，红色为错误，蓝色为存疑，高亮是精彩
好久没改作文了，可能有改错的地方
Coincident with the fierce competition in the job market on the contemporary life, there are increaing number（are ＆ number，单复数，任意改动一个，用there be有点冗） of universities or collegesare offering（offer）more courses to prepare students for future before they start working in order to make students adapt to the working environment after graduating. This has become（2个动词，became）a hot topic in the modern world. I think this kind of thing（指代不清晰）is exceptionally beneficial for students, and here are my reasons.
To begin with, it is undeniable that main courses of universities are imparting theories and equations to students, and subsequently students may wonder how to efficiently use them to real work. After getting courses before initiating working, students can get pratical（practical） skills to be extremely in a beneficial place in the（a） future competition. At the same time, students will also get more opportunities of advancement （advanced opportunities）than those who don't（do not） get the courses. As a student who major in civil engineering, structural analysis is a main course for me (前文用的a student，现在用me 显得不是很恰当，下同)when I was in my university. After studying it, I was indeed proficient in solving structural problems in exams. Unfortunately, I could hardly analyze any building with that（that指的是？ by the skill） at that time. Thanks to the courses of their（指代是什么？用所有格就不是of了，their courses） uses（主语courses）in another（other） course before graduate（before doing ，graduating）, I finally grasped the idea of designing real building with that. On no account can we ignore the great impact of the applicant courses before graduation.
In addition, some courses before graduation are even more significant than applicant courses, especially the classes to teach students（应该被动） how to contact with others. It is extremely incontrovertible that the knowledge of communication has a typically great influence on people's development in the future, which （指代距离过远）is more important than the knowledge by rote. For example, after my graduation（I graduated）, the primary thing was to get acquaintance with team members and bosses（numbers包含boss的吧？） in my new working（work本身有n.的词性，这个前文也出现的很多次）place. With the knowledge of communication after taking courses from my university（take…from…？）, I could not merely（not…only…，but…also…）understand how to get along with them politely, but also help my team work tremendously more efficient. That also led my advancement after working 2 years in the same position.
Judging from above evidence（+s）, it is indeed appropriate to say colleges or universities should offer more courses to prepare students for the future before they start working. With significant benefits, students who take these cousres（courses） will really get a good future.
PS:Hans写完一定要检查一下，一些单复数＆拼写错误就没有了
另外被动的地方参考一下http://baike.baidu.com/view/135.htm，比较详细
作者: hansxiao7 时间: 2012-7-14 07:18
7月14独立
With the development of society, there are growing number of people who have different ideas with their grandparents in the modern world. Grandparents' ideas and suggestions seem to have been obsolete, and consequently lots of people, especially young citizens, insist that the advices from our grandparents have no use for their grandchildren because the world changed a lot during the past 50 years. As far as I am concerned, there are still substantial amount of advices are extremely essential for our development, although some has been out-dated with the improvement of science and technology today.
To begin with, on no account can we ignore the significant impact of grandparents' suggestions on our moral establishment. It is undeniable that when we were in our childhood years, grandparents always told us such fairy tales as White Snow. Instead of bringing us sheer enjoyment, this category of story was indeed a approach for our grandparents to impart moral values to us. In China, there are large quantities of stories about Lei Feng, who dedicated himself to the construction of the country. When I was a child, my grandparents ever told me his stories to encourage me to be a helpful person in the future. Therefore, It is extremely essential and imperative for us to get the criterion of morals from our grandparents because the moral values are the same even the world has changed a lot during fifty years. In addition, grandparents can also give us advices of the society. As students, it is undeniable that our grandparents have more social experience than us. For instance, they can tell us how to contact with others politely. Their advices can be exceptionally beneficial for our future development.
However, it is hardly appropriate to say all advices of them are entirely true and useful for us. With the development of the technology, generation gap is an inevitable question for us. Their ideas about the social development maybe out of date. A case in the point is that when I finished the entrance exam of universities, my grandpa wanted me to choose civil engineering as my major. In his mind, civil engineering was a major that could be really useful for a person's future capacity, but it is not the same today with the increasingly competitive job markets. Lots of architects have already occupied the market of estates, and subsequently, I chose designing spacecrafts as my major in order to get more opportunities to be employed.
Judging from above evidence, it is significant for our grandparents to give moral and social advices to us, but some of their advices of the social development are out of date. Only by noticing that can we get the best option of our future development.
作者: kchszy061ban 时间: 2012-7-14 17:32
Concomitant with the growing awareness of the extremely detrimental environment in big cities, there are increasingly amount of people are moving from cities to rural areas in order to get healthy. However, many citizens insist that this behavior is at the sacrifice of diminishing the quality of taking care of their families. As far as I am concerned, living in rural or suburbs is less convenient for people to take care of their families, ;（这个地方就用分号了，是两个句子）and subsequently the people who live in urban areas can take better care of their families compared with people who live in rural areas（去掉显得简洁一些哈）.
To begin with, it is undeniable that large quantities of modern technology复数额，亲, such as the washing machines and cooking robots,which isare tremendously mature and versatile, is making people(it,make it easire for people,) easier to look after their family members. （这里加个连接词什么的，）Living in urban means that people will get the advanced technology and innovations as soon as possible. On contrast, these developments should spend lots of years spreading and proliferating in rural areas. For example, the cooking robots are particularly common in Shenzhen, China, and even some restaurants are using them instead of real people. With that unprohibitive machine, people can not merely cook palatable feast for family members, but also finish cooking in just few minutes, which is more imperative in the increasingly frantic world. However, in rural areas, people today cannot have the access to buy such a perfect robot to take care of their family members.
In addition, living in urban means people are more accessible to public devices. Just as wings are indispensable for birds, so are categories of public devices to humans. They are all integral parts of people's lives, and living （in）cities means they can take better care of their families with them, especially advanced medical technology of urban's clinics. Because medical cares and technology in cities by all means have typically greater benefits than in rural, it is incontrovertible that citizens can look after their family members when they are ill and hospitalized. （For example）When my grandma is ill, my mother prefer to take her to cities' big hospitals, rather than let her diagnosed by rural clinics. On no account can we ignore the great significance and convenience of living in urban.（结尾和前面要有联系的额。）
Judging from above evidence, compared with people who live in urban areas, the people who live in rural areas can take worse care of their families. Living in cities means people are more accessible to technologies and public devices, which are all essential for people to take care of their families.
总体不错额，句子和用词都还好。就是整体的结构要处理好。呵呵，加油亲。
还有不好意思改晚了，I am really sorry.
作者: 包子不包子 时间: 2012-7-14 22:13
7月14独立
With the development of society, there are is a growing number of people who have different ideas with their grandparents in the modern world. Grandparents' ideas and suggestions seem to have been obsolete, and consequently lots of people, especially young citizens, insist that the advices from our grandparents have no use for their grandchildren because the world changed a lot during the past 50 years. As far as I am concerned, there are still substantial amount of advices are extremely essential for our development, although some has been out-dated with the improvement of science and technology today.
To begin with, on no account can we ignore the significant impact of grandparents' suggestions on our moral establishment. It is undeniable that when we were in our childhood years, grandparents always told us such fairy tales as White Snow. Instead of bringing us sheer enjoyment, this category of story was indeed a an approach for our grandparents to impart moral values to us. In China, there are large quantities of stories about Lei Feng, who dedicated himself to the construction of the country. When I was a child, my grandparents ever told me his stories to encourage me to be a helpful person in the future. Therefore, It is extremely essential and imperative for us to get the criterion of morals from our grandparents because the moral values are the same even the world has changed a lot during fifty years. In addition, grandparents can also give us advices of the society. As students, it is undeniable重复了 换个句型吧 that our grandparents have more social experience than us. For instance, they can tell us how to contact with others politely. Their advices can be exceptionally beneficial for our future development.换了一个论点还是重启一段比较好的
这段例证有些琐碎 加强句子的高效性哦~
However, it is用了好多强调句啊 hardly appropriate to say all advices of them are entirely exactly true and useful for us. With the development of the technology, generation gap is an inevitable question for us. Their ideas about the social development maybe out of date. A case in the point is that when I finished the entrance exam of universities, my grandpa wanted me to choose civil engineering as my major. In his mind, civil engineering was a major that could be really useful for a person's future capacity, but it is not the same today with the increasingly competitive job markets. Lots of architects have already occupied the market of estates, and subsequently, I chose designing spacecrafts as my major in order to get more opportunities to be employed.段尾加一句话总结吧
Judging from above evidence the evidence above, it is significant for our grandparents to give moral and social advices to us, but some of their advices of the social development are out of date. Only by noticing that can we get the best option of our future development.最后一段怎么感觉跑题了 应该是说祖父母的意见是否还有用 怎么说到自身发展了？Hans再想想？
观点是没有什么问题 句型再多遍一些更好 j句子要在高效一些
要注意最后总结 小心跑题哈 加油~~
作者: hansxiao7 时间: 2012-7-15 10:42
With the development of human beings, a large quantitiy of problems has become extremely obvious, such as the polluted environment and the conflicts of humans. There are lots of people insist that the most important problems in today's world will be solves in our life time. However, as far as I am concered, the most important problems will never be solved and those problems will become particularly deteriorated.
The pollution of our environment has become a significant problem since the industrial time. After innovating steam machines, more fossil fuels have been burned in order to improve the quality of people's life. Apart from bringing sheer convenience, the burning of fossil fuels emit the substantial amount of carbon dioxide and other greenhouse gases. Subsequently, global warming has a typically great impact on our lives. The thaw of glaciers engulf islands; habitats of animals are diminishing in a astounding speed; weather around the world has become hotter and hotter. These are all grievous problems of the industriation, and that has originated a vicious cycle. The hotter the weather, the more fuels are used to produce electricity to conduct air-conditioning. At the same time, the contamination of water, the misuses and abuses of unrewable resouces all lead to rapid environmental deterioration. Some people may argue that we can harness new energy sources to handle this problems. However, exploiting this environmentally fridendly resouces will spend a number of time. By all means, we cannot wait the proliferations of that category of sources in our lifetime.
In addition, the conflicts and wars are becoming frequently on the contemporary life. Science and technology has improved since the past hundred years, but the humanity has not become a littile improved. Only the humanity can solve the problem of wars and conflicts because they can impart high moral values to people. But as you see, too much emphasis was put on innovations and developments, and that will lead to dilemmas and originate calamities. A case in the point in the Fishing Island, which is the territory of China, but Japan always say the island is a part of Japan in order to get the military benefits. In our lifetime, we can never achieve the entire peace with the lure and ambience of people who have differnent religions and ideas.
To sum up, the most important problems for human beings, especially the environmental pollution and wars, will not be sovled in our lifetime.
作者: kchszy061ban 时间: 2012-7-16 09:53
With the development of human beings, a large quantitiy of problems hasve become extremely obvious, such as the polluted environment and the conflicts of humans. There are lots of people insist that the most important problems in today's world will be solves in our lifetime. However, as far as I am concered, the most important problems will never be solved and those problems will become particularly deteriorated.
The pollution of our environment has become a significant problem since the industrial time. After innovating steam machines, more fossil fuels have been burned in order to improve the quality of people's life. Apart from bringing sheer convenience, the burning of fossil fuels emit the substantial amount of carbon dioxide and other greenhouse gases. Subsequently, global warming has a typically great impact on our lives. Such as The thaw of glaciers engulf islands; habitats of animals are diminishing in a astounding speed; weather around the world has become hotter and hotter. These are all grievous problems of the industriation, and that has originated a vicious cycle. The hotter the weather, the more fuels are used to produce electricity to conduct air-conditioning. At the same time, the contamination of water, the misuses and abuses of unrewable resouces all lead to rapid environmental deterioration. Some people may argue that we can harness new energy sources to handle this problems. However, exploiting this environmentally fridendly resouces will spend a number of time. By all means, we cannot wait the proliferations of that category of sources in our lifetime.
In addition, the conflicts and wars are becoming frequently on the contemporary life. Science and technology has been improved since（during 或in）the past hundred years, but the humanity has not become a littile improved（是说humanity没有进步？）. Only the humanity can solve the problem of wars and conflicts because they can impart high moral values to people. But as you see, too much emphasis was put on innovations and economical developments, and that will lead to dilemmas and originate calamities. A case in the point in the Fishing Island, which is the territory of China, but Japan always say the island is a part of Japan in order to get the military benefits. 这个转折的就很突兀，加个连接词会好一点。In our lifetime, we can never achieve the entire peace with the lure and ambience of people who have differnent religions and ideas.
To sum up, the most important problems for human beings, especially the environmental pollution and wars, will not be sovled in our lifetime.
Hans的作文，论述的很好。其实我觉得第一段里面的分论点可以写成两段额。这样可以增加段数。
作文毕竟是在有限时间内写成，然后你只要把自己的观点论述明白就好。不需要perfect的。
作者: hansxiao7 时间: 2012-7-16 12:01
多谢kch啦O(∩_∩)O
作者: hansxiao7 时间: 2012-7-16 19:27
Currently, the society is developing rapidly, so is styles of clothes for people to choose. Apart from bringing sheer beautiful appearance, some people argue that clothes is an extremely typical indicator of people's character or personality. However, from my perspective, large categories of clothes cannot represent people's personality.
To begin with, it is exceedingly undeniable that lots of people who choose what they will dress mainly on the basis of modern trends, rather than their characteristic. Not only adolescence but also adults, who prefer to the most prevalent clothes and follow popularity, are all eager to dress large quantities of clothes. If we just judge them with their dress, it will lead to grievous misjudgments. A case in the point is the popularity of Japanese style in China 10 years ago. Splits on jeans, metallic buttons and sprinkling rings: these are all Japanese styles. In order to get more benefits and get more attention, nearly all clothes in China were designs with those and everyone had at least had one on that period. With the prevalent trend, hardly can we identify people's personality just by their clothes.
In addition, for the purpose of discipline in working places, there are substantial amount of places ordering their employees or students to wear the identical uniform. It is generally accepted that their clothes can show people's jobs, but it is hardly appropriate for us to use the way people dressed as a dictation of people's personality, but . In schools, everyone students wear clothes with the same color and style, those who do not follow the order will get punishments and should pay for exorbitant prices, even forced to quit school in China. In working places, if employees work without uniform, bosses and superintendents will order them to pay a fine for not following the regulation. In army, soldiers who without the uniform will be considered as losing allegiance and ambition, and subsequently be seen as betrayal person. On no account can we recognize people's characteristic by their clothes because attires are always of extremely great similarity.
To sum up, with the similarity of uniforms and popular trends which are all of great significance on people's clothes, we can scarcely say the way a person dressed is a good indication of his personality.
作者: qianjun06 时间: 2012-7-17 11:53
Currently, the society is developing rapidly, so isdoes the styles of clothes for people to choose. Apart from bringing sheer beautiful appearance, some people argue that clothes is an extremely typical indicator of people's character or personality. However, from my perspective, large categories(什么意思？没看懂） of clothes cannot represent people's personality.
To begin with, it is exceedingly undeniable that lots of people who choose what they will dress mainly on the basis of modern trends, rather than their characteristic. Not only adolescence but also adults, who prefer to the most prevalent clothes and follow popularity, are all eager to dress large quantities of clothes穿大量的衣服？可以改成拥有许多fashionable dress. If we just judge them with their dress, it will lead to grievous misjudgments. A case in the point is the popularity of Japanese style in China 10 years ago. Splits on jeans, metallic buttons and sprinkling rings: these are all Japanese styles. In order to get more benefits and get more attention, nearly all clothes in China were designs with those stylesand everyone had at least had one on that period. With the prevalent trend, hardly can we identify people's personality just by their clothes.
In addition, for the purpose of discipline in working places, there are substantial amount of places ordering their employees or students to wear the identical uniform. It is generally accepted that their clothes can show people's jobs, but it is hardly appropriate for us to use the way people dressed as a dictation of people's personality, but . In schools, everyone students wear clothes with the same color and style, those who do not follow the order will get punishments and should pay for exorbitant prices, evenbe forced to quit school in China. In working places, if employees work without uniform, bosses and superintendents will order them to pay a fine for not following the regulation. In army, soldiers who without the uniform will be considered as losing allegiance and ambition, and subsequently be seen as betrayal person. On no account can we recognize people's characteristic by their clothes because attires are always of extremely great similarity.
To sum up, with the similarity of uniforms and popular trends which are all of great significance on people's clothes, we can scarcely say the way a person dressed is a good indication of his personality.
理由蛮充分，少了段吧，多加个例子，或者反证一下
作者: hansxiao7 时间: 2012-7-18 09:42
Currently ,with the development of science and society, it is exceedingly obvious that people are getting more convenience than ever before. However, with entirely comfortable life, lots of people insist that humans are now less happy and less satisfied than people in the past. From my perspective, the idea is incontrovertible on the contemporary life and here are my reasons.
To begin with, modern science and technology, such as steam machines, cars and computers, can lead to great dilemmas and originate calamities. At the sacrifice of fossil fuels and atmosphere, society is developing in an particularly astounding speed, and subsequently make people to live increasingly comfortable and convenient. However, the rapid deterioration of environment and misuses and abuses of unrenewable resources have both tremendously contributed to people's bad health in the modern world. Drinking water in river streams can lead to cancers; breathing polluted air will cause respiratory diseases such as asthma; eating contaminated food can render people get cardiac vascular disease: these are very scarce in ancient times. How can people get satisfied and happy with growing contamination? In addition, instant food, instant communications, faster transportations:all of these innovations are developed to save time. Ironically, instead of make more leisure time available, they have contributed to the pace of human affairs which is more frantic and more rushed than ever before. With less time to relax, the substantial amount of people died because of their hard working. On no account can we ignore the great impact of science and technology on that people are now less happy.
In addition, it is undeniable that growing population has made the society more competitive, and consequently most people are not satisfied. For getting exceptionally beneficial in future job markets, people should acquire more knowledge than before, especially for students. For example, as a student who major in civil engineering, compared to just getting practical experience in ancient times, I need to learn structural analysis, knowledge of reinforced concrete to make me easier to get employed in the future. Diplomas of college will never become very useful, even the ones of master. With the gradually fiercer competitions, a quantity of load has been put on our shoulder. Even after getting jobs, you must study for credentials in order to get advancements. That is why I get the conclusion that people today are less happy with the competitive situation.
To sum up, with the proliferation of science and technology and fiercer competition, hardly can people be more happy than people in ancient times.
作者: lcaecar 时间: 2012-7-20 08:22
Currently ,with the development of science and society, it is exceedingly obvious that people are getting more convenience than ever before. However这里改成让步更通顺一些, with entirely comfortable life, lots of people insist that humans are now less happy and less satisfied than people in the past. From my perspective, the idea is incontrovertible on the contemporary life and here are my reasons.这里可能有歧义
To begin with, modern science and technology指代不对-steam machines，cars，computers ≠ science and technology；car --> automobiles 更美式一点, such as steam machines, cars and computers, can lead to great dilemmas and originate calamities. At the sacrifice of fossil fuels and atmosphere, society is developing in an particularly astounding speed, and subsequently make people to live increasingly comfortable and convenient. However, the rapid deterioration of environment and misuses and abuses精简一点节省时间，表达也简练 of unrenewable resources have both tremendously contributed to people's bad health in the modern world. Drinking water in river streams can lead to cancers; breathing polluted air will cause respiratory diseases such as asthma; eating contaminated food can render people get cardiac vascular disease好排比: these are very scarce in ancient times. How can people get satisfied and happy with growing contamination? In addition, instant food, instant communications, faster transportations:all of these innovations are developed to save time. Ironically, instead of make more leisure time available, they have contributed to accelerated the pace of human affairs which is more frantic and more rushed than ever before. With less time to relax, the substantial amount of people died because of their hard working. On no account can we ignore the great impact of science and technology on that people are now less happy.
In addition, it is undeniable that growing population has made the society more competitive, and consequently most people are not satisfied. For getting exceptionally beneficial benefit in future job markets, people should acquire more knowledge than before, especially for students. For example, as a student who major in civil engineering, compared to just getting practical experience in ancient times, I need to learn structural analysis, knowledge of reinforced concrete to make me easier to get employed in the future. Diplomas of college will never become very useful, even the ones of master. With the gradually fiercer competitions, a quantity of load has been put on our shoulder. Even after getting jobs, you must study for credentials in order to get advancements. That is why I get the conclusion that people today are less happy with the competitive situation.
To sum up, with the proliferation of science and technology and fiercer competition, hardly can people be more happy than people in ancient times.
楼主写作水平很高，增长了词汇量
但是读起来却很费力，托福作文不只是长句，从句堆积起来的，为了增加可读性在例子过度或者举例子之前考虑一用一些短句子来过度，不要追求过度修饰...
作者: hansxiao7 时间: 2012-7-21 08:50
7.21
Currently, with the gradually fiercer competition on the contemporary life, people are wondering how to particularly succeed. Therefore, there are substantial amount of people arguing that those who do not accept other's criticism cannot succeed in a team. As far as I am concerned, whether a person should accept team members' criticism depend on several conditions to some extent.
To begin with, it is undeniable that most of the criticisms from our team are always very fair, especially those including morals, respect and ethics. These are all inevitably integral factors for success in a team. A specific case in the point is the racial discrimination, which can be extremely detrimental to the cohesion of the team. White people, especially those with racialism, consider black and yellow men as inferior race. However, people are all the same in the modern world and every race is equivalent. Considering respect and friendship, when others give us these criticisms, we must accept that because mutual respect is the fundament of the team's success. Providing that a white man uses a large number of rude words to estimate others, without criticism he will become a bomb in the team and devastate the whole mission, not to speak of the success. No wonder some of the criticism we must accept in order to get final success.
However, it is hardly appropriate to argue that all of criticisms should be accepted for team members. In quantities of situations, some team members critic us because they want to be put in an exceptionally more beneficial place in the team than they deserve. As is known to all, benefits and awards are attributed on the basis of contributions and efforts. Subsequently, we should not accept this category of criticism for everyone's rights. For instance, as a student who major in civil engineering, I once was a leader of a surveying team, and I could rank team members' scores after the mission. Some people in my team argued that they could not have a C with other people's A. In fact, they scarcely came to the working site and were always late. On no account can we accept this kind of criticism for protecting all team members' rights.
Judging from the evidence above, some principal criticism can not merely help us to build better relationship with team members, but also lead to the final success. But some unfair criticism, we must ignore them for holding justice in the team.
作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-7-21 21:19
加油 小孩~~
作者: guodonghu 时间: 2012-7-22 08:39
7.21
Currently, with the gradually fiercer competition on the contemporary life, people are wondering how to particularly succeed. Therefore,there aresubstantial amount of people argue (arguing) that those who do not accept other's criticism cannot succeed in a team. As far as I am concerned, whether a person should accept team members' criticism depend on several conditions to some extent.
To begin with, it is undeniable that most of the criticisms from our team arealways (用词过于绝对)very fair, especially those including morals, respect and ethics. These are all inevitably integral factors for success in a team. A specific case in the point is the racial discrimination, which can be extremely detrimental to the cohesion of the team. White people, especially those with racialism, consider black and yellow men as inferior races. However, people are all the same in the modern world and every race is （equivalent） equal.. Considering respect and friendship, when others give us these criticisms, we must accept that them because mutual respect is the fundament of the team's success. Providing that a white man uses a large number of rude words to estimate others, without criticism he will become a bomb in the team and devastate the whole mission, not to speak of the success. No wonder some of the criticisms we must accept in order to get final success.
However, it is hardly appropriate to argue that all of criticisms should be accepted for team members. In quantities of situations, some team members critic (critic 是名词)criticize us because they want to be put in an exceptionally more beneficial place in the team than they deserve. As is known to all, benefits and awards are attributed on the basis of contributions and efforts. Subsequently, we should not accept this category of criticism for everyone's rights. For instance, as a student who majors in civil engineering, I once was a leader of a survey team, and I could rank team members' scores after the mission. Few(Some) (用some给我的感觉指团队里面的一些人，这样的感觉就是团队中有一部分人认为你是不公正的，给我的感觉teamleader有问题，用few的话指少部分人提出批评，大部分人对你还是认可的） people in my team argued that they could not have a C with other people's A. In fact, they scarcely came to the working site and were always late. On no account can we accept this kind of criticism for protecting all team members' rights.
Judging from the evidences above, some principal criticisms can not merely help us to build better relationship with team members, but also lead to the final success. But some unfair criticisms, we must ignore them for holding justice in the team.
总的来说写的很好。
结构很好，论证有力，例子选的也很恰当。值得我好好学习。
水平有限，文章硬伤我没有找到。仅有一些小地方需要再斟酌一下。
名词单复数，动词，有些错误仔细检查应该可以避免。
望尽快修改我作文，谢谢！
作者: hansxiao7 时间: 2012-7-22 09:37
加油 小孩~~
-- by 会员 晨依Jacqueline (2012/7/21 21:19:43)
作者: hansxiao7 时间: 2012-7-22 10:25
7.22
Currently, with the gradually fiercer competition, people are wondering how to succeed on the contemporary life.At the same time, people have noticed the significance of dreams and goals, which are integral factors for their future success. Substantial amount of people argue that people should focus on realistic goals rather than ambitious dreams. However, on the contrary of the former opinion is my heartfelt agreement on the idea that the significance of the ambitious dreams, even some are not realistic, outweighs the one of realistic goals.
To begin with, ambitious dreams have played an essential role in the development of whole humans. Since ancient times, people spontaneously have their dreams, and have tried their best to achieve them. That's mainly from the desire to live better and extremely more convenient. Ancient people did not want to taste the bloody meat any more, so they developed fire the cook food; Europeans were not willing to live in their limited places, and subsequently they used compass to voyage to Asia and the New World; producers were not able to build factories along any river streams, and therefore they innovated steam machines; people even wanted to fly in the sky as birds, and consequently the planes became an important vehicle for transportation. Those are all dreams, even unrealistic. People might used large quantities of satires to tell the dreamers: "Why do not you change your dreams to unrealistic ones?" While without those unrealistic dreams, how was the society developing in such an astounding speed at that time? The realistic ones can inevitably make the society stable, not to make it develop. Just as sky is the desire to birds, so are the dreams to the humans. On no account can we ignore the tremendous importance of the dreams to humans' development.
In addition, some dreams seem to be unrealistic, but they could be finally achieved. Just as the saying goes, nothing is impossible. A case in the point is Jan Vermeer, who was one of the most famous master of painting in light and shadow in Dutch Golden Age. He wanted to become a painter, rather than the traditionary professions as the lawyer and politician. But people at that time thought it was only a dream of hogwash. Consequently, Jan were not capable of selling anyone of his painting until he died, leaving no assets but a large number of debts for his family members. Life likes a box of chocolate, and you will never know what flavor of the next one. After ten years, some people found Jan's painting, and his dream finally came true after his death. Providing that a person dedicate his whole life to try to achieve his dream, his dream can finally come true, even at the beginning everyone think that is unrealistic.
To sum up, with the significance of the dreams to humans' development and the idea that ambitious dreams can also be achieved, people should focus on their dreams rather than just realistic goals.
作者: hansxiao7 时间: 2012-7-23 15:38
7.23
Signed by rapid change and progression. Television, which is one the most prevalent technology in past decades, have extremely reshaped our lives our world, especially for children. Children prefer to watch cartoon and comic programs for a long time. Subsequently, substantial number of people argue that parents should limit the hours that a child spends on watching TV in order to make them do well at school. I truly agree with the former opinion and here are my reasons.
To begin with, watching TV for a particularly long time will do harm to children's physical development . With the radiation from the colorful screen, the possibility for children to gradually become short-sighted will dramatically raise. From empirical experience, children will not blink their eyes and sit exceedingly close to TV. Therefore, their eye sights will diminish in an astounding speed. If parents do not limit the hours children used to watch TV to protect their eyes, they will have trouble in watching blackboards in class, and that will inevitably make them perform worse. A case in the point is my best friend Daniel, he enjoyed the cartoon Transformer when studying in elementary school. At that period, he could watch the cartoon as many as he wanted, and consequently he soon became short-sighted. After that, he was not capable of seeing the words on blackboards clearly, and finally his study scores declined. That is why I get the conclusion that without the limitation of watching TV from their parents, children will study worse because of the short sights.
Another equally important point is that spending too much time in watching TV is exceedingly detrimental to children's mental progression. It is incontrovertible that children have worse ability to control themselves than adults. For children, they may be addicted with watching categories of TV programs. Hence, their study in school will indeed be influenced. Just as the hemp to some people, so is TV to children. In addition, some TV programs, such as Revenge and the Walking Dead, can have a typically great impact on children's thoughts, behaviors and attitudes. These programs are too bloody and violent. Providing that children happen to see these scenes, they may wonder how that happen and even imitate them in reality. That will not merely decrease their study score, but also make them go astray. The longer time they watch TV, the more possible for children to watch these programs after their favourite cartoons. No wonder parents should limit their children's time on watching TV in order to protect them.
To sum up, it is undeniable that with the great harmful physical and psychological effects, parents should limit the hours that a child spends on watching TV, rather than make them control the time by themselves.
作者: 易雨水巷 时间: 2012-7-23 15:47
蓝色为意见或建议 红色为错误高亮为精彩 绿色为总结
Currently, with the gradually fiercer competition, people are wondering how to succeed on the contemporary life. At the same time, people have noticed the significance of dreams and goals, which are integral factors for their future success. Substantial amount of people argue that people should focus on realistic goals rather than ambitious dreams. However, on the contrary of the former opinion is my heartfelt agreement on the idea that the significance of the ambitious dreams, even some are not realistic, outweighsthe one of realistic goals. (我读着略微有点儿凌乱了，是不是要表达这个意思， On the contrary, instead of the former opinion, my heartfelt idea is that the significance of the ambitious dreams outweighs that of realistic goals . han 可以试着再改改，我只是提个建议)
To begin with, ambitious dreams have played an essential role in the development of whole humans. Since ancient times, people spontaneously have their dreams, and have tried their best to achieve them. That's (That is 托福作文里不可以出现缩写的哦) mainly from the desire to live better and extremely more convenient. Ancient people did not want to taste the bloody meat (raw meat 未加工的肉，生肉好像应该用raw，其实你可以查一下“茹毛饮血”怎么翻译的) any more （anymore）, so they developed fire the cook food （建议invented the invention of making fire artificially to cook food）; Europeans were not willing to live in their limited places, andsubsequentlythey used compass to voyage to Asia and the New World; producers were not able to build factories along any river streams, and therefore they innovated steam machines; people even wanted to fly in the sky as birds, and consequently the planes became an important vehicle for transportation. Those are all dreams, even unrealistic. People might used (use) large quantities of satires to tell the dreamers: "Why do not you change your dreams to unrealistic ones?" While （while 当“然而”表示转折的时候，应该是连接句子的，这里直接用转折词， nevertheless, nonetheless, however等就可以吧）without those unrealistic dreams, how was the society developing in such an astounding speed at that time? The realistic ones can inevitably make the society stable, not to make it develop (as opposed to development). Just as sky is the desire to birds, so are the dreams to the humans. On no account can we ignore the tremendous importance of the dreams to humans' development.（倒装！）
In addition, some dreams seem to be unrealistic, but they could be finally achieved. Just as the saying goes, nothing is impossible. A case in the point is Jan Vermeer, who was one of the most famous master （masters）of painting in light and shadow in Dutch Golden Age. He wanted to become a painter, rather than the traditionary （traditional） professions (+such ?) as the lawyer and politician. But people at that time thought it was only a dream of hogwash. Consequently, Jan were not capable of selling anyone of his painting until he died, leaving no assets but a large number of debts for his family members. Life likes a box of chocolate, and you will never know what flavor of the next one. After ten years, some people found Jan's painting, and his dream finally came true after his death. Providing that a person dedicate his whole life to try to achieve his dream, his dream can finally come true, even at the beginning everyone think that is unrealistic.
To sum up, with the significance of the dreams to humans' development and the idea that ambitious dreams can also be achieved, people should focus on their dreams rather than just realistic goals. （结尾很简练紧凑）
to Han:
其实基本上没什么大问题，词汇也比较丰富，雨巷学到很多呢O(∩_∩)O~
蓝色部分基本上是雨巷对于一些句子、短语的说法的建议，仅供参考
加油↖(^ω^)↗
作者: hansxiao7 时间: 2012-7-24 10:02
7.24
Currently, with the gradually development of humanity, people have been more and more polite in past decades. Morals are imparted to people by parents, teachers and family members. Subsequently, in order to make the society more harmony, substantial number of people argue that there is never a reason to be rude to another person. However, on the contrary to the former opinion, my heartfelt agreement is that this depends on some situations to some extent.
To begin with, it is extremely undeniable that hardly should we be impolite to others in most of situations. Impolite and rudeness are always regarded as a unmoral behavior, and that will lead to grievous problems, especially for those who have specific careers. If soldiers use foul words to complain about the commander's order, on no account can they continue their careers; if employees show impolite behaviors to superintendents and bosses, they will pay exorbitant price and even be fired; if teachers do some unmoral things to students, they maybe accused by students' parents. Because the mutual respect is the foundation of their social relationships, rudeness can never happen on any condition\. No wonder people can never be rude to others in most of the situations.
However, even it is generally accepted that rudeness is a signal of an unmoral person, it is hardly appropriate to say that people can never be rude. If people are sometimes rude to their friends and then explain the reason, under special circumstance can we condone them. As we know, instant food, instant communication, faster transportation, all of these innovations are designed to save time. Ironically, instead of making more leisure time available, the development have contributed to the pace of human affairs which is more frantic and more rushed than ever before. Subsequently, with the life of a rapid rhythm, people sometimes may feel exceedingly annoyed with no reason. We can understand what they are suffering,and also the reason why they are rude to us. For example, I told a large number of interesting jokes to my best friend Daniel. However, instead of laughing, he ignored me. It is incontrovertible that this behavior is particularly impolite, so at that time I was very angry. While on the next day he explained that he felt large quantities of pressure from his study, we were friends again. There are some reason for people to be rude.Therefore, we should condone rather than condemn them after them explanation.
To sum up, some people can never be rude because of their careers' limitation.But for our friends, we can understand why they are rude to us sometimes because of the life of a quick rhythm.
作者: hansxiao7 时间: 2012-7-25 08:34
7.25
Currently, society is developing, so does the accumulation of social problems. Among those problems are most obvious ones: the polluted environment, the increasing daily pressure and the wars and conflicts among people. Therefore, substantial amount of people argue that the most important problems in today's world will be solved in our lifetime. However, contrary to the former opinion, my heartfelt agreement is that hardly can we solve any of the problems in our lifetime. Here are my reasons.
To begin with, with the gradually boost of economics, rapid environmental deterioration and the misuse of unrewable resources have become grievous problems. Since the industrial time, burning of the fossil fuels has contributed to the contaminated river streams, polluted atmosphere and the scarce of large quantities of resources. That also make people less healthy than ever before. For instance, the factories dumping polluted water with high proportion of metallic ions into the clean river. Subsequently, vegetables which are irrigated with that kind of water will also diminish people's intelligence because of the detrimental effect of the ions. Not to speak of the large categories of cancers, respiratory diseases and cardinal vascular diseases which are the consequence of the polluted environment. This problem cannot be easily handled because the contemporary fuels and producing factories will still be used for hundreds of years. Some people may think we can solve it by harnessing new resources, such as the wind and solar power. Nevertheless, the improvement and proliferation of that technology will spend many years. Hence, we will never say the final solution of the problem in our lifetime.
In addition, the society and modern technology have all made the pressure dramatically increase. Instant food, instant communication, faster transportation: all of these innovations are designed to save time. Ironically, instead of making more leisure time available, the development has render the pace of human affairs more frantic and more rushed than ever before. Consequently, people have nearly no time to have physical and mental relaxation. That also lead to a large number of problems, such as the coronary heart disease and death because to the exhaustion. In addition, with the gradually fiercer competition, the rhythm of our lives will become more and more rapid. And that will make the problem of highly pressure more serious, rather than be solved in our lifetime.
Moreover, the wars and conflicts among people cannot be solved according to Darwin's evolution theory. In order to get more resources to survive, people will uses different excuses to invade others. In order to get the raw oil, America invaded large quantities of countries; in order to get military benefits, Japan occupies the Fishing Island is its territory; in order to get more benefits, commanders order their citizens to submit more taxes in Africa. The nature of human, the lure of treasure and the less developed humanity has made millions of people still have a miserable life and have to face the dangers of starvation and exposure. Science is developing, but that problem will never be solved just with the technology. That's why I get the conclusion this problem will never be solved in our lifetime.
To sum up, although the society is developing, we cannot solve any of the problems in our lifetime.
作者: Vance1991 时间: 2012-7-25 09:40
蓝色为意见或建议 红色为错误高亮为精彩 绿色为总结
Currently, with the gradually development of humanity, people have been more and more polite in past decades. Morals are imparted to people by parents, teachers and family members(这里parents和family members是不是有点重合了？). Subsequently, in order to make the society more harmony, substantial number of people argue that there is never a reason to be rude to another person. However, on the contrary to the former opinion, my heartfelt agreement is that this depends on some situations to some extent.
To begin with, it is extremely undeniable that hardly should we be impolite to others in most of situations. Impolite(Impoliteness) and rudeness are always regarded as a unmoral behavior(as unmoral behaviors 前面用are，这里要behaviors), and that will lead to grievous problems, especially for those who have specific careers. If soldiers use foul words to complain about the commander's order, on no account can they continue their careers; if employees show impolite behaviors to superintendents and bosses, they will pay exorbitant price and even be fired; if teachers do some unmoral things to students, they maybe(may be) accused by students' parents. Because the mutual respect is the foundation of their(their是指前面的teachers?换people‘s会好点吧) social relationships, rudeness can never(be) happen on any condition(in any condition). No wonder people can never be rude to others in most of the situations.
However, even it is generally accepted that rudeness is a signal of an unmoral person, it is hardly appropriate to say that people can never be rude. If people are sometimes rude to their friends and then explain the reason, under special circumstance can we condone them(we can condone them这里不能部分倒装，如果要部分倒装的话是only under special circumstances...而且必须在句首吧). As we know, instant food, instant communication, faster transportation, all of these innovations are designed to save time. Ironically, instead of making more leisure time available, the development have(has) contributed to the pace of human affairs which is(are) more frantic and more rushed than ever before. Subsequently, with the life of a rapid rhythm, people sometimes may feel exceedingly annoyed with no reason. We can understand what they are suffering,(空格)and also the reason why they are rude to us(us换成others). For example, I told a large number of interesting jokes to my best friend Daniel. However, instead of laughing, he ignored me. It is incontrovertible that this behavior is particularly impolite, so at that time I was very angry(分成两个句子，一个句子里只能有一个谓语动词，或者可以把逗号换成分号的！). While on the next day he explained(to me) that he felt large quantities of pressure from his study, we were friends again(分成两个句子，一个句子里只能有一个谓语动词，或者可以把逗号换成分号的！). There are some reason for people to be rude.Therefore, we should condone rather than condemn them after them(their) explanation(s).
To sum up, some people can never be rude because of their careers' limitation.But for our friends, we can understand why they are rude to us sometimes because of the life(lifestyle会更好些) of a quick rhythm.
楼主的一些用词很高级，很棒！部分句子也很精彩！
不过，标点符号和部分倒装那里要注意一下。
作者: hansxiao7 时间: 2012-7-25 11:26
蓝色为意见或建议 红色为错误高亮为精彩 绿色为总结Currently, with the gradually development of humanity, people have been more and more polite in past decades. Morals are imparted to people by parents, teachers and family members(这里parents和family members是不是有点重合了？). Subsequently, in order to make the society more harmony, substantial number of people argue that there is never a reason to be rude to another person. However, on the contrary to the former opinion, my heartfelt agreement is that this depends on some situations to some extent.To begin with, it is extremely undeniable that hardly should we be impolite to others in most of situations. Impolite(Impoliteness) and rudeness are always regarded as a unmoral behavior(as unmoral behaviors 前面用are，这里要behaviors), and that will lead to grievous problems, especially for those who have specific careers. If soldiers use foul words to complain about the commander's order, on no account can they continue their careers; if employees show impolite behaviors to superintendents and bosses, they will pay exorbitant price and even be fired; if teachers do some unmoral things to students, they maybe(may be) accused by students' parents. Because the mutual respect is the foundation of their(their是指前面的teachers?换people‘s会好点吧) social relationships, rudeness can never(be) happen on any condition(in any condition). No wonder people can never be rude to others in most of the situations.However, even it is generally accepted that rudeness is a signal of an unmoral person, it is hardly appropriate to say that people can never be rude. If people are sometimes rude to their friends and then explain the reason, under special circumstance can we condone them(we can condone them这里不能部分倒装，如果要部分倒装的话是only under special circumstances...而且必须在句首吧). As we know, instant food, instant communication, faster transportation, all of these innovations are designed to save time. Ironically, instead of making more leisure time available, the development have(has) contributed to the pace of human affairs which is(are) more frantic and more rushed than ever before. Subsequently, with the life of a rapid rhythm, people sometimes may feel exceedingly annoyed with no reason. We can understand what they are suffering,(空格)and also the reason why they are rude to us(us换成others). For example, I told a large number of interesting jokes to my best friend Daniel. However, instead of laughing, he ignored me. It is incontrovertible that this behavior is particularly impolite, so at that time I was very angry(分成两个句子，一个句子里只能有一个谓语动词，或者可以把逗号换成分号的！). While on the next day he explained(to me) that he felt large quantities of pressure from his study, we were friends again(分成两个句子，一个句子里只能有一个谓语动词，或者可以把逗号换成分号的！). There are some reason for people to be rude.Therefore, we should condone rather than condemn them after them(their) explanation(s).To sum up, some people can never be rude because of their careers' limitation.But for our friends, we can understand why they are rude to us sometimes because of the life(lifestyle会更好些) of a quick rhythm.
楼主的一些用词很高级，很棒！部分句子也很精彩！不过，标点符号和部分倒装那里要注意一下。-- by 会员 Vance1991 (2012/7/25 9:40:20)
谢谢VANCE！话说那个第二个忘断句的那个因为前一句有while所以不用断 vanca说的问题很重要，下次一定改正！
作者: Vance1991 时间: 2012-7-25 22:56
饿，那个while。。。我中午午睡的时候意识到了。。。
作者: hansxiao7 时间: 2012-7-26 10:06
7.26
Currently, with the gradually fiercer competition, people are willing to get educated in order to put then in an exceptionally beneficial place in the job market. Thanks to the social development, people are now indeed easier to become educated than in the past. Among the various reasons that contribute to that phenomenon are two obvious ones: the development of science and technology, and the social stability.
To begin with, it is extremely undeniable that people are easier to acquire knowledge today with the additional help of the technology. Signed by rapid change and progression, science and technology, which have stepped into era of tremendous maturity and versatility, are reshaping our lives and world. Large quantities of innovations, especially the Internet, render people get access to educational resources around the world. However, in ancient times, people could never achieve. For instance, could people in Europe learn how to cook Chinese food from people in China in the medieval? Could artists in America learn how to handle light and shadow from Jan Vermeer in Dutch Golden Age? Could artisans in Asia acquire the knowledge of Australia rock fresco from tribal people hundreds of years ago? Obviously, the answer are all "no". On the contrary, in the modern world, you can learn from celebrated teachers wherever you are, and consequently get the most advanced knowledge. No wonder people on the contemporary life are easier to get educated than before.
Another equally significant factor is that since the social is extremely stable, people are capable of having better study environment than in ancient time. In the past, because of the frequent wars and conflicts, there were millions of people who had miserable life and had to face the dangers of starvation and exposure. Compared to the modern world, fire and sword is the main rhythm of society, hardly could people get enough necessities, not to speak of getting educated. That is actually real in ancient China, especially in Qing Dynasty. People were always suffering to survive, and they could not acquire any knowledge. However, in today's China, society is not merely stable, but also exceedingly harmony. People do not need to worry about subsisting.Consequently, more people get educated. On no account can we ignore the great significance of the social stability to people's education. That is why I jump into the conclusion that people today are much easier to get educated.
Judging from the evidence above, with the development of technology and the stablity of modern society, people are easier to get educated than in the past.
作者: huluhulufei 时间: 2012-7-26 19:29
Re--7.23
Signed by（Noticeable as） rapid change and progression.(改为逗号) Television（应为小写）, which is one （加个 of）the most prevalent technology in past decades, have extremely reshaped our lives (加个and?) our world, especially for children. Children prefer to watch cartoon and comic programs for a long time. Subsequently, substantial numbers of people argue that parents should limit the hours that a child spends on watching TV in order to make them do well at school. I truly agree with the former(哪个？此处只看到一个) opinion and here are my reasons.
To begin with, watching TV for a particularly long time will do harm to children's physical development. With the radiation from the colorful screen, the possibility for children to gradually become short-sighted will dramatically raise.（There is an increasing trend these days about the possibility for children to become short-sighted, due to the radiation from TV screen. 这么说是不是更舒服一点？） From empirical experience, children will not blink their eyes and sit exceedingly close to TV. Therefore, their eye sights will diminish in an astounding speed. If parents do not limit the hours children used to watch TV（the time that children spend on TV, 这么说是不是舒服些？而且哪个used感觉怪怪的）to protect their eyes, they will have trouble in watching blackboards in class, and that（which） will inevitably make them perform worse. A case in the point is my best friend Daniel, he enjoyed the cartoon Transformer when studying in elementary school. At that period, he could watch the cartoon as many as he wanted, and consequently he soon became short-sighted. After that, he was not capable of seeing the words on blackboards clearly, and finally his study scores declined. That is why I get the conclusion that without the limitation of watching TV from their parents, children will study worse because of the short sights. 观点明确，举例很好！
Another equally important point is that spending too much time in（on）watching TV is exceedingly detrimental to children's mental progression. It is incontrovertible that children have worse ability to control themselves than adults. For children, they may be addicted with watching categories of TV programs. Hence, their study in school will indeed be influenced. Just as the hemp to some people, so is TV to children. In addition, some TV programs, such as Revenge and the Walking Dead, can have a typically great impact on children's thoughts, behaviors and attitudes. These programs are too bloody and violent. Providing that children happen to see these scenes, they may wonder how that happen and even imitate them in reality. That will not merely decrease their study score, but also make them go astray. The longer time they watch TV, the more possible for children to watch these programs after their favourite cartoons (什么意思？). No wonder parents should limit their children's time on watching TV in order to protect them.句子很好！用词比较难，观点明确~
To sum up, it is undeniable that with（when face with） the great harmful physical and psychological effects, parents should limit the hours that a child spends on watching TV, rather than make them control the time by themselves.
1Hans 用词上很大胆，在形容词和副词上，大胆些很好！不过在动词上，应谨慎一些。
2句式应该调整到更舒服的形式。
3 思路和文章结构都很好~ 是feifei 改的第一篇四段式哦~ 加油！！
作者: hansxiao7 时间: 2012-7-27 08:35
Currently, with the gradually developing science and technology, people are capable of knowing every events around the world as soon as they happen. At the same time, substantial amount of people prefer not to handle this convenience because they think the big events have nothing to do with people. However, on the contrary to that decision, my heartfelt agreement is that we should know the events happening around the world. Here are my reasons.
To begin with, it is hardly appropriate to say events around the world unlikely have influence on our daily lives. Just as a butterfly can cause a hurricane when it flap its wing, consequently, big events can also have typically great impact on our world. Wars near Arab world can cause the scarce of raw oil, and therefore the petroleum we use will raise its price; the government puts out a new politician about chemical industry, and hence the stock will change dramatically; a storm hit Taiwan, and subsequently the fruits' price in China will become extremely high. It seems that some events are not particularly relative to our lives. However, according to the butterfly effect, all things are connected, and a single event can also change our lives to some extent. No wonder we should focus the news around the world.
In addition, with the additional help of big events, we can have large quantities of topics to discuss with others. Obviously, that can inevitably improve our interpersonal relationship and communication. We are able to change different ideas about the conflicts around the China South Sea, the presidential election in America and also the Kobe Bryant in London Olympic Games. It is incontrovertible that the same topic can not merely diminish the difference of people among regions, but also make people have more knowledge. That is why I get the conclusion that we should focus on the worldwide events.
Another equally important point is that acquiring knowledge of events can also put us in an exceptionally beneficial place in the job markets. On the contemporary life, diplomas of bachelor, even ones of master have become particularly common. Accordingly, in order to choose the best employees, interviewers will prefer to ask their opinions towards a big events, rather than only look at their score and ranks. For example, when I was a sophomore, I wanted to enter the students union and I participated in an interview. At that time, the interviewer asked me something about the economic crisis in Greece. I finally failed to pass the interview because I could not answer that question. On no account can we ignore the great significance of knowledge of events.
To sum up, with a large number of benefits, hardly can we argue that we should not know the events happening around the world.
作者: chasedreamabc 时间: 2012-7-27 17:19
7.26 独立
Currently, with the gradually fiercer competition, people are willing to get educated in order to put then in an exceptionally beneficial place in the job market. Thanks to the social development, people are now indeed easier to become educated than in the past. Among the various reasons that contribute to that phenomenon are two obvious ones: the development of science and technology, and the social stability.
To begin with, it is extremely undeniable that people are easier to acquire knowledge today with the additional help of the technology. Signed by rapid change and progression, science and technology, which have stepped into era of tremendous maturity and versatility, are reshaping our lives and world. Large quantities of innovations, especially the Internet, render people get access to educational resources around the world. However, in ancient times, people could never achieve. For instance, could people in Europe learn how to cook Chinese food from people in China in the medieval?（在许佚的挑战toefl作文满分中说道，你又不是外国人怎么知道外国人的能力）Could artists in America learn how to handle light and shadow from Jan Vermeer in Dutch Golden Age? Could artisans in Asia acquire the knowledge of Australia rock fresco from tribal people hundreds of years ago? Obviously, the answer are all "no". On the contrary, in the modern world, you can learn from celebrated teachers wherever you are, and consequently get the most advanced knowledge. No wonder people on the contemporary life are easier to get educated than before.
Another equally significant factor is that since the social is extremely stable, people are capable of having better study environment thanin ancient time. （重复率挺高的了，formerly，passby）In the past, because of the frequent wars and conflicts, there were millions of people who had miserable life and （and前后成分不对称） had to face the dangers of starvation and exposure. Compared to the modern world, fire and sword is the main rhythm of society, hardly could people get enough necessities, not to speak of getting educated. That is actually real in ancient China, especially in Qing Dynasty. People were always suffering to survive, and they could not acquire any knowledge. However, in today's China, society is not merely stable, but also exceedingly harmony. People do not need to worry about subsisting.Consequently, more people get educated. On no account can we ignore the great significance of the social stability to people's education. That is why I jump into the conclusion that people today are much easier to get educated.
Judging from the evidence above, with the development of technology and the stablity（stability）of modern society, people are easier to get educated than in the past.
作者: hansxiao7 时间: 2012-7-27 18:45
7.26 独立
Currently, with the gradually fiercer competition, people are willing to get educated in order to put then in an exceptionally beneficial place in the job market. Thanks to the social development, people are now indeed easier to become educated than in the past. Among the various reasons that contribute to that phenomenon are two obvious ones: the development of science and technology, and the social stability.
To begin with, it is extremely undeniable that people are easier to acquire knowledge today with the additional help of the technology. Signed by rapid change and progression, science and technology, which have stepped into era of tremendous maturity and versatility, are reshaping our lives and world. Large quantities of innovations, especially the Internet, render people get access to educational resources around the world. However, in ancient times, people could never achieve. For instance, could people in Europe learn how to cook Chinese food from people in China in the medieval?（在许佚的挑战toefl作文满分中说道，你又不是外国人怎么知道外国人的能力）Could artists in America learn how to handle light and shadow from Jan Vermeer in Dutch Golden Age? Could artisans in Asia acquire the knowledge of Australia rock fresco from tribal people hundreds of years ago? Obviously, the answer are all "no". On the contrary, in the modern world, you can learn from celebrated teachers wherever you are, and consequently get the most advanced knowledge. No wonder people on the contemporary life are easier to get educated than before.
Another equally significant factor is that since the social is extremely stable, people are capable of having better study environment thanin ancient time. （重复率挺高的了，formerly，passby）In the past, because of the frequent wars and conflicts, there were millions of people who had miserable life and （and前后成分不对称） had to face the dangers of starvation and exposure. Compared to the modern world, fire and sword is the main rhythm of society, hardly could people get enough necessities, not to speak of getting educated. That is actually real in ancient China, especially in Qing Dynasty. People were always suffering to survive, and they could not acquire any knowledge. However, in today's China, society is not merely stable, but also exceedingly harmony. People do not need to worry about subsisting.Consequently, more people get educated. On no account can we ignore the great significance of the social stability to people's education. That is why I jump into the conclusion that people today are much easier to get educated.
Judging from the evidence above, with the development of technology and the stablity（stability）of modern society, people are easier to get educated than in the past.
-- by 会员 chasedreamabc (2012/7/27 17:19:22)
作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-7-27 19:52
亲、这个句子不大对吧？
Among the various reasons that contribute to that phenomenon are two obvious ones:
作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-7-27 20:22
亲、这个句子不大对吧？
Among the various reasons that contribute to that phenomenon are two obvious ones:
-- by 会员 晨依Jacqueline (2012/7/27 19:52:01)
Sorry I'm wrong...
I will search for the explanations
I see...倒装
作者: Vance1991 时间: 2012-7-27 23:09
蓝色为意见或建议 红色为错误高亮为精彩 绿色为总结
Currently, with the gradually developing science and technology, people are capable of knowing every events around the world as soon as they happen. At the same time, substantial amount of people prefer not to handle this convenience because they think the big events have nothing to do with people(换成them会不会好点). However, on the contrary to that decision, my heartfelt agreement is that we should know the events happening around the world. Here are my reasons.
To begin with, it is hardly appropriate to say events around the world unlikely have influence on our daily lives. Just as a butterfly can cause a hurricane when it flap its wing, consequently, big events can also have typically great impact on our world. Wars near Arab world can cause the scarce of raw oil, and therefore the petroleum we use will raise its price(这个...petroleum是不会自己raise自己的price的吧
); the government puts out a new politician about chemical industry, and hence the stock will change dramatically(说全球的stock都上涨更能说明world wide impact); a storm hit Taiwan, and subsequently the fruits' price in China will become extremely high(excellent example!). It seems that some events are not particularly relative to our lives. However, according to the butterfly effect, all things are connected, and a single event can also change our lives to some extent. No wonder we should focus the news around the world.
In addition, with the additional help of big events, we can have large quantities of topics to discuss with others. Obviously, that can inevitably improve our interpersonal relationship and communication. We are able to change different ideas about the conflicts around the China South Sea, the presidential election in America and also the Kobe Bryant in London Olympic Games. It is incontrovertible that the same topic can not merely diminish the difference of people among regions, but also make people have more knowledge. That is why I get the conclusion that we should focus on the worldwide events.
Another equally important point is that acquiring knowledge of events can also put us in an exceptionally beneficial place in the job markets. On the contemporary life, diplomas of bachelor, even ones of master have become particularly common. Accordingly, in order to choose the best employees, interviewers will prefer to ask their opinions towards a big events, rather than only look at their score and ranks. For example, when I was a sophomore, I wanted to enter the students union and I participated in an interview. At that time, the interviewer asked me something about the economic crisis in Greece. I finally failed to pass the interview because I could not answer that question. On no account can we ignore the great significance of knowledge of events.
To sum up, with a large number of benefits, hardly can we argue that we should not know the events happening around the world.
楼主的作文真心棒啊!词汇很高级,例子很有力,语句优美!错误很少!
作者: hansxiao7 时间: 2012-7-28 10:18
7.28
Signed by rapid change and progression, clothes, which has stepped into era of tremendous maturity and versatility, is reshaping our lives and world dramatically. At the same time, substantial people argue that we can use the way people dressed as an accurate indicator of their personality. However, on the contrary to that opinion, my heartfelt agreement is that hardly can we recognize a person's characteristic only by his dressing. Here are my reasons.
To begin with, for lots of people, especially those who have specific careers, they should dress the identical uniform. If they do not wear uniforms, that will lead to grievous misjudgments. For instance, if employees are not willing to dress their working uniforms, they will inevitably get punishment from their bosses and superintendents, even be finally fired; if soldiers do not wear the army clothes, they will be regarded as showing no respect to his glory; if students are not capable of wearing their school uniforms, they can be ordered to quit school in China. Those uniforms shows specific careers instead of characteristics. Subsequently, we can scarcely judge their personality just from the way they dressed.
In addition, the popularity of a categories of clothes can render people dress the same. Not merely adolescents but also adults, who are enthusiastic about following trends, are willing to dress the most prevalent clothes. For them, styles,materials and even colors are the same. A case in the point is in China, 1990, when Japanese styles became extremely popular in both cities and suburbs. Obviously, because the way they dressed are particularly identical, how can we judge their personality? That is why I get the conclusion that we cannot use the way people dresses as indicators to their characters.
Another equally important point is that with the limitation of people's economic situation and the social stability, people sometimes just use clothes as a method to keep away from coldness. When millions of people have miserable life, how can they care about clothes which can help them show personality? It is incontrovertible in ancient China, especially in Qing dynasty. Fire and sword were the rhyme of society, and people were struggling to get access to indispensable necessities. That is even same in some countries in Africa. They just use poor clothes to cover their body, with no style. No wonder for those people the way they dress cannot show their characteristic.
To sum up, it is incontrovertible that with large quantities of constraints and people's desire to follow trends, we cannot use what and how they dress as a indication of their character.
作者: hansxiao7 时间: 2012-7-29 09:19
7.29独立
Currently, with the gradually fiercer competition, bosses of companies are wondering how to get the most advantage of their investment and then get success. Substantial amount of people argue that the most important investment for a company is to spend money to improve the work skills of its employees. I truly agree with that argument and here are my reasons.
To begin with, it is extremely undeniable that with the investment to improve their employees' skills, companies can put themselves in an exceptionally beneficial place in the market. The more skills their employees get, the more efficiency can they acquire. However, if they are not willing to do, they will pay the exorbitant price. Signed by rapid change and progression, science and technology, especially for some specific careers, have changed the way they work. Providing that when the personal computers ushered the electronic era but companies just get rid of them, it is incontrovertible that they will be abandoned by trends. A case in the point is a architecture company in Harbin, China. In 1998, computers had wide spreaded in China. However, the company still used paper and pencil, rather than categories of softwares such as CAD to draw the design paper. That made them have less and less benefits because of less efficiency. Subsequently, it finally bankrupted in 1999, leaving large quantities of debts. That is why I get the conclusion that investing money to improve employees' skills is a vitally integral part of companies' success.
Another equally important point is that the investment to improve skills can not merely contribute to employees' loyalty, but also help to improve their interpersonal relationship. Because employees should gather together to acquire knowledge with such investment, it is enormously gratifying when they have a sense of accomplishment from achieving arduous goals and a feeling of closeness between colleagues. A case in the point is when I was a sophomore, I joined a surveying team in Jinan. Before working, the company used a large number of money to help us improve our skills. During that learning period, I got acquaintance with many friends, and all of my colleagues knew more about each other. Consequently, they felt the company became a family, and hardly could they leave their colleagues. No wonder the investment to improve employees' skills is particularly significant.
Judging from the evidence above,, with the benefits to become more competitive and make employees more loyal, obviously, spending money to improve the skills of employees is most essential to companies.
作者: 易雨水巷 时间: 2012-7-29 16:04
蓝色为意见或建议 红色为错误 高亮为精彩 绿色为总结
7.28
Signed by rapid change and progression, clothes, which has stepped into era oftremendous maturity and versatility,is reshaping our lives and world dramatically. At the same time, substantialpeople argue that we can use the way people dressed as an accurate indicator oftheir personality. However, on the contrary to that opinion (水巷建议去掉，另外，however 和on the contrary 是不是有点儿重复), my heartfeltagreement is that hardlycan we recognize a person's characteristic only by his dressing. Hereare my reasons.
To begin with, for lots of people, especially those who have specific careers,they should dress the identical uniform. If they do not wear uniforms, thatwill lead to grievous （额 水巷查了下这个单词，是痛苦的意思，这个用在这里好像不太合适，最起码有点儿过了） misjudgments. For instance, if employees are notwilling to dress their working uniforms, they will inevitably get punishmentfrom their bosses and superintendents,even be finally fired; if soldiers do not wear the army clothes, they will beregarded as showing no respect to his glory; if students are not capable ofwearing their school uniforms, they can be ordered to quit school in China.Those uniformsshows （show）specific careers instead of characteristics. Subsequently, we can scarcely judge theirpersonality just from the way they dressed.
In addition, the popularity of a categories of clothes can render people dressthe same. Not merely adolescents but also adults, who are enthusiastic aboutfollowing trends, are willing to dress the most prevalent clothes. For them （for sb 的形式出现过了，想想换个什么好，其实水巷觉得直接去掉就OK的）, styles, materials and even colors are the same. A case in thepoint is in China, 1990, when Japanese styles became extremely popular in bothcities and suburbs. Obviously, because the way they dressed are （is） particularly identical, how can we judge theirpersonality? That is why I get the conclusion that we cannot use the way peopledresses as indicators to their characters.
Another equally importantpoint is that with the limitation of people's economic situation and thesocial stability, people sometimes just use clothes as a method to keep awayfrom coldness. When millions of people have (live) miserablelife, how can they care aboutclothes which can help them show personality? (因为上段已经用过了，而且句中出现两个can。所以水巷建议直接用陈述句就可以，they pay no attention to dressing up to show their personalities仅供参考) It isincontrovertible in ancient China, especially in Qing dynasty. （待斟酌）Fire and sword werethe rhyme of society, and people were struggling to get access to indispensablenecessities. That is even same in some countries in Africa. They just use poorclothes to cover their body, with no style. No wonder for those people the waythey dress (dressed) cannot show their characteristic.
To sum up, it is incontrovertible that with (换成in view of 会不会好一点) large quantities ofconstraints and people's desire to follow trends, we cannot use what and howthey dress as a （an）indication of their character.
To hans:
1.词汇灰常灰常丰富啊！好多单词水巷都要用到有道的。学到不少。
2. 有个问题就是hans好像比较喜欢一个句型句式反复用，比如it is incontrovertible 比如how can….
作者: hansxiao7 时间: 2012-7-29 18:26
蓝色为意见或建议 红色为错误 高亮为精彩 绿色为总结
7.28
Signed by rapid change and progression, clothes, which has stepped into era oftremendous maturity and versatility,is reshaping our lives and world dramatically. At the same time, substantialpeople argue that we can use the way people dressed as an accurate indicator oftheir personality. However, on the contrary to that opinion (水巷建议去掉，另外，however 和on the contrary 是不是有点儿重复), my heartfeltagreement is that hardlycan we recognize a person's characteristic only by his dressing. Hereare my reasons.
To begin with, for lots of people, especially those who have specific careers,they should dress the identical uniform. If they do not wear uniforms, thatwill lead to grievous （额 水巷查了下这个单词，是痛苦的意思，这个用在这里好像不太合适，最起码有点儿过了） misjudgments. For instance, if employees are notwilling to dress their working uniforms, they will inevitably get punishmentfrom their bosses and superintendents,even be finally fired; if soldiers do not wear the army clothes, they will beregarded as showing no respect to his glory; if students are not capable ofwearing their school uniforms, they can be ordered to quit school in China.Those uniformsshows （show）specific careers instead of characteristics. Subsequently, we can scarcely judge theirpersonality just from the way they dressed.
In addition, the popularity of a categories of clothes can render people dressthe same. Not merely adolescents but also adults, who are enthusiastic aboutfollowing trends, are willing to dress the most prevalent clothes. For them （for sb 的形式出现过了，想想换个什么好，其实水巷觉得直接去掉就OK的）, styles, materials and even colors are the same. A case in thepoint is in China, 1990, when Japanese styles became extremely popular in bothcities and suburbs. Obviously, because the way they dressed are （is） particularly identical, how can we judge theirpersonality? That is why I get the conclusion that we cannot use the way peopledresses as indicators to their characters.
Another equally importantpoint is that with the limitation of people's economic situation and thesocial stability, people sometimes just use clothes as a method to keep awayfrom coldness. When millions of people have (live) miserablelife, how can they care aboutclothes which can help them show personality? (因为上段已经用过了，而且句中出现两个can。所以水巷建议直接用陈述句就可以，they pay no attention to dressing up to show their personalities仅供参考) It isincontrovertible in ancient China, especially in Qing dynasty. （待斟酌）Fire and sword werethe rhyme of society, and people were struggling to get access to indispensablenecessities. That is even same in some countries in Africa. They just use poorclothes to cover their body, with no style. No wonder for those people the waythey dress (dressed) cannot show their characteristic.
To sum up, it is incontrovertible that with (换成in view of 会不会好一点) large quantities ofconstraints and people's desire to follow trends, we cannot use what and howthey dress as a （an）indication of their character. To hans:1.词汇灰常灰常丰富啊！好多单词水巷都要用到有道的。学到不少。2. 有个问题就是hans好像比较喜欢一个句型句式反复用，比如it is incontrovertible 比如how can….-- by 会员 易雨水巷 (2012/7/29 16:04:05)
作者: hansxiao7 时间: 2012-7-30 09:23
7.30
Currently, the society is dramatically developing, so does the accumulation of problems. Under this condition, substantial amount of people argue that with so many problems, people in the modern world are less happy and less satisfied than people in the past. I truly agree with that statement and here are my reasons.
To begin with, the development of society, especially modern technology, has contributed to the life of a quick rhythm. Obviously, signed by rapid change and progression, science and technology, which have stepped into era of tremendous maturity and versatility, are reshaping our lives and world. Instant food, instant communication, faster transportation:all of these innovations are designed to save time. Ironically, instead of making more leisure time available, they have contributed to the more frantic and more rushed pace of human affairs. That also lead to the growing daily pressure.Therefore, just as the storm can ruin trees physically, so does daily pressure and quick life rhythm to people. Cardinal vascular diseases, coronary heart disease and categories of mental diseases have become extremely common for people, especially for people in developing countries. A case in the point is in 2005, nearly 50 people died in China when they were working just because of the enormous pressure from working place, family and society.Inevitably, people get less happy than in the past with large quantities of pressure and the rapid rhythm.
Another equally important point is that people get less satisfied because the proliferation of environmental pollution. Since people have burned fossil fuels for hundreds of years, environmental deterioration and misuse of unrewable resources have become very common. Those behaviors are particularly detrimental to the atmosphere. Subsequently, people in the modern world are more susceptible than people in the past. For instance, in China, some factories just dump their contaminated water with high proportion of metallic ions directly into the clean streams of river. With drinking that high concentration of such metallic ions as copper, people near that river are subject to large categories of cancers. From empirical evidence, most of the elder citizens in Changqing, a small village near a unknown polluted river, have died because of drinking that water. No wonder people can get less satisfied than ever before.
Nevertheless, some people may insist that with the help of varied technology, people are now more comfortable. Consequently, people have become happier. In my opinion, the comfortable and convenient life have prevented people from developing into stronger and more independent individuals. People have become weaker and have less chance to develop. That is why people get satisfied.
To sum up, it is incontrovertible that with the high pressure, more pollution and less opportunities to evolve, people now are less happy and less satisfied than people in the past.
作者: fairyfinger 时间: 2012-7-30 10:58
蓝色为意见或建议 红色为错误高亮为精彩 绿色为总结
7.29独立
Currently, with the gradually fiercer competition, bosses of companies are wondering how to get the most advantage of their investment and then get success. Substantial amount of people argue that the most important investment for a company is to spend money to improve the work skills of its employees. I truly agree with that argument and here are my reasons.
To begin with, it is extremely undeniable that with the investment to improve their employees' skills, companies can put themselves in an exceptionally beneficial place in the market. The more skills their employees get, the more efficiency can they acquire. However, if they are not willing to do, they will pay the exorbitant price. Signed by rapid change and progression, science and technology, especially for some specific careers, have changed the way they work. Providing that when the personal computers ushered (in) the electronic era but companies just get rid of them, it is incontrovertible that they will be abandoned by trends. A case in the point is a architecture company in Harbin, China. In 1998, computers had wide spreaded in China. However, the company still used paper and pencil, rather than categories of softwares such as CAD to draw the design paper. That made them have less and less benefits because of less efficiency. Subsequently, it finally bankrupted in 1999, leaving large quantities of debts. That is why I get the conclusion (come to the conclusion会不会顺一点?? )that investing money to improve employees' skills is a vitally integral part of companies' success.
Another equally important point is that the investment to improve skills can not merely contribute to employees' loyalty, but also help to improve their interpersonal relationship. Because employees should gather together to acquire knowledge with such investment, it is enormously gratifying when they have a sense of accomplishment from achieving arduous goals and a feeling of closeness between colleagues. A case in the point is(这个句式上面也用到了，可以考虑换一种） when I was a sophomore, I joined a surveying team(survey team就可以啦) in Jinan. Before working, the company used a large number of money to help us improve our skills. During that learning period, I got acquaintance with many friends, and all of my colleagues knew more about each other. Consequently, they felt the company became a family, and hardly could they leave their colleagues. No wonder the investment to improve employees' skills is particularly significant.
Judging from the evidence above,, with the benefits to become more competitive and make employees more loyal, obviously, spending money to improve the skills of employees is most essential to companies.
楼主的用词很多样化很好，有很多好的短语。
就是有时候句式会重复，可能自己写的时候不太注意，LZ在检查的时候可以试着变换句型～～
词汇语言结构举例什么的都很好的～～LZ加油！！：）
作者: fairyfinger 时间: 2012-7-31 22:35
蓝色为意见或建议 红色为错误高亮为精彩 绿色为总结
今天回来晚了Sorry！
7.30
Currently, the society is dramatically developing, so does the accumulation of problems. Under this condition, substantial amount of people argue that with so many problems, people in the modern world are less happy and less satisfied than people in the past. I truly agree with that statement and here are my reasons.
To begin with, the development of society, especially modern technology, has contributed to the life of a quick rhythm. Obviously, signed by rapid change and progression, science and technology, which have stepped into era of tremendous maturity and versatility, are reshaping our lives and world. Instant food, instant communication, faster transportation:all of these innovations are designed to save time. Ironically, instead of making more leisure time available, they have contributed to the more frantic and more rushed pace of human affairs. That also lead to the growing daily pressure.Therefore, just as the storm can ruin trees physically, so does daily pressure and quick life rhythm to people. Cardinal vascular diseases, coronary heart disease and categories of mental diseases have become extremely common for people, especially for people in developing countries. 这个specially in发展中国家想说明啥呢？是说发展中国家压力更大么还是？A case in the point is in 2005, nearly 50 people died in China when they were working just because of the enormous pressure from working place, family and society.Inevitably, people get less happy than in the past with large quantities of pressure and the rapid rhythm.
Hans我有点不是很明白，这个过劳死和生活快节奏有什么直接关系么？难道不是应该是过劳死和劳动量过大有关么@。@【所以这就是为什么我的思维被限制死了T T～～
Another equally important point is that people get less satisfied because of the proliferation of environmental pollution. Since people have burned fossil fuels for hundreds of years, environmental deterioration and misuse of unrewable resources have become very common. Those behaviors are particularly detrimental to the atmosphere. Subsequently, people in the modern world are more susceptible than people in the past. For instance, in China, some factories just dump their contaminated water with high proportion of metallic ions directly into the clean streams of river. With drinking that high concentration of such metallic ions as copper, people near that river are subject to large categories of cancers. From empirical evidence, most of the elder citizens in Changqing, a small village near a unknown polluted river, have died because of drinking that water. No wonder people can get less satisfied than ever before.
这个环境污染和rapid pace有神马关系呢。。。楼主好像没有点粗来???
Nevertheless, some people may insist that with the help of varied technology, people are now more comfortable. Consequently, people have become happier. In my opinion, the comfortable and convenient life have prevented people from developing into stronger and more independent individuals. People have become weaker and have less chance to develop. That is why people get satisfied.
To sum up, it is incontrovertible that with the high（higher，全都是比较） pressure, more pollution and less opportunities to evolve, people now are less happy and less satisfied than people in the past.
总得来说语言和结构什么的都很好
可是我有个疑问的说。。。那个题目是有两部分的，而我感觉你主要是侧重在后半部了。前面貌似只稍微提了下？
这题出的不好= =+
楼主加油！^^
作者: hansxiao7 时间: 2012-8-1 06:12
蓝色为意见或建议 红色为错误高亮为精彩 绿色为总结
今天回来晚了Sorry！
7.30
Currently, the society is dramatically developing, so does the accumulation of problems. Under this condition, substantial amount of people argue that with so many problems, people in the modern world are less happy and less satisfied than people in the past. I truly agree with that statement and here are my reasons.
To begin with, the development of society, especially modern technology, has contributed to the life of a quick rhythm. Obviously, signed by rapid change and progression, science and technology, which have stepped into era of tremendous maturity and versatility, are reshaping our lives and world. Instant food, instant communication, faster transportation:all of these innovations are designed to save time. Ironically, instead of making more leisure time available, they have contributed to the more frantic and more rushed pace of human affairs. That also lead to the growing daily pressure.Therefore, just as the storm can ruin trees physically, so does daily pressure and quick life rhythm to people. Cardinal vascular diseases, coronary heart disease and categories of mental diseases have become extremely common for people, especially for people in developing countries. 这个specially in发展中国家想说明啥呢？是说发展中国家压力更大么还是？A case in the point is in 2005, nearly 50 people died in China when they were working just because of the enormous pressure from working place, family and society.Inevitably, people get less happy than in the past with large quantities of pressure and the rapid rhythm.
Hans我有点不是很明白，这个过劳死和生活快节奏有什么直接关系么？难道不是应该是过劳死和劳动量过大有关么@。@【所以这就是为什么我的思维被限制死了T T～～
Another equally important point is that people get less satisfied because of the proliferation of environmental pollution. Since people have burned fossil fuels for hundreds of years, environmental deterioration and misuse of unrewable resources have become very common. Those behaviors are particularly detrimental to the atmosphere. Subsequently, people in the modern world are more susceptible than people in the past. For instance, in China, some factories just dump their contaminated water with high proportion of metallic ions directly into the clean streams of river. With drinking that high concentration of such metallic ions as copper, people near that river are subject to large categories of cancers. From empirical evidence, most of the elder citizens in Changqing, a small village near a unknown polluted river, have died because of drinking that water. No wonder people can get less satisfied than ever before.
这个环境污染和rapid pace有神马关系呢。。。楼主好像没有点粗来???
Nevertheless, some people may insist that with the help of varied technology, people are now more comfortable. Consequently, people have become happier. In my opinion, the comfortable and convenient life have prevented people from developing into stronger and more independent individuals. People have become weaker and have less chance to develop. That is why people get satisfied.
To sum up, it is incontrovertible that with the high（higher，全都是比较） pressure, more pollution and less opportunities to evolve, people now are less happy and less satisfied than people in the past.
总得来说语言和结构什么的都很好
可是我有个疑问的说。。。那个题目是有两部分的，而我感觉你主要是侧重在后半部了。前面貌似只稍微提了下？
这题出的不好= =+
楼主加油！^^
-- by 会员 fairyfinger (2012/7/31 22:35:02)
楼主果然不适合写这种题目啊。。。我这是两个论点，可能楼主看的比较急。。。1。节奏过快造成生活压力，让人生病，所以不快乐2.环境恶化让人也生病，所以不快乐。。。
作者: fairyfinger 时间: 2012-8-1 10:35
确实不熟悉哈哈
感觉思维被题目局限了，继续努力ing～～～：）
作者: janet311 时间: 2012-9-19 10:45
你去了starwood么？
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