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标题: yangyangyu练作文,求拍,求踢,求猛击 [打印本页]
作者: yangyangyu 时间: 2012-6-14 22:22
标题: yangyangyu练作文,求拍,求踢,求猛击
好了，今儿开始练习作文吧！如题~ 加油加油加了个油！！！
作者: yangyangyu 时间: 2012-6-14 23:55
6月14日110415 NA
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Compared with hiring famous teachers, school should pay more attention to improve facilities.
To spend their budget more on hiring famous teachers or updating school facilities seems like a hard choice for the school authorities. However, for me, I think for a better performance of the school and its students, school should better give more emphasis on improving its teaching quality.
Schools are established to help students discover their potential and equip them with knowledge to accomplish their dreams. There are many criteria that are the basis of a good school, such as its academic performance, the faculty, school environment and also the set of curriculum. Even the set of facilities is one essential element in the school environment, for the school as a whole; it merely does a supportive function. In another saying, the facilities do help create a better environment for students to find their real talents; but that’s just an external contribution. Some world famous schools also enjoy the best school facilities, like the rich collection of books in the well-built library and a high-tech online searching engine for essays, however, if their students never come to the library or seek information through that engine; how can we say that these facilities aid students with their study and are significant for the learning process?
Moreover, to improve the school facilities, for example, decorating the school restaurants as a palace, actually may do little help for students’ study, instead, increase students’ interests on recreation and luxurious life.
On the contrary, the hiring of famous teachers truly shows the school’s focus on its core value “education”. Those famous teachers would be at least supreme in at least one aspect to match this title of “famous”. They can help students with their academic study. What’s more, those famous teachers would have their personal charm, and give students inspiration and encouragement on their schooling and even a positive attitude towards life. This is very significant for the students’ further education and future life; and it’s what the school facilities can never rival at.
In sum, schools should never ignore it’s faculty quality, and try to hire some more famous teachers matters more than the only emphasis on the outside facilities.
作者: kchszy061ban 时间: 2012-6-15 10:46
爱死你了，yangyang，你改的真仔细。 向yangyang学习哦
作者: yangyangyu 时间: 2012-6-15 10:53
爱死你了，yangyang，你改的真仔细。 向yangyang学习哦
-- by 会员 kchszy061ban (2012/6/15 10:46:41)
(*^__^*) 嘻嘻…… 过奖咯, 相互学习咯，相信我们都会有很多收获与进步的啦！ban ban 加油！！！！！！！
作者: kchszy061ban 时间: 2012-6-15 13:09
To spend their budget more on hiring famous teachers or updating school facilities seems（这里可不可以用is really，可以肯定一点，因为这个问题是肯定存在的） like a hard choice for the school authorities. However, for me, （其实我一直觉得开头就写自己观点显的不是很客观，所以避免用I think类似的语言）I think for a better performance of the school and its students, school should better give more emphasis on improving its teaching quality.
Schools are established to help students discover their potential and equip them with knowledge to accomplish their dreams. There are many criteria that are the basis of（to judge whether it is是不是可以额） a good school, such as its academic performance, the faculty, school environment and also the set of curriculum. Even（although？） the set of facilities is one essential element in the school environment, for the school as a whole; it merely does a supportive function. In another saying, the facilities do help create a better environment for students to find their real talents; but that’s just an external contribution. Some world famous schools also enjoy the best school facilities, like the rich collection of books in the well-built（high-level） library and a high-tech online searching engine for essays（可以去掉）, however, if their students never come to the library or seek information through that engine;（你老是爱用这个；分手了？）how can we say that these facilities aid students with their study and are significant for the learning process?
Moreover, to improve the school facilities, for example, decorating the school restaurants as a palace, actually may do little help for students’ study, instead, increase students’ interests on recreation and luxurious life.（Moreover,improving school facilities,such as decorating the school restaurants like a palace,could have bad effects to foster students’ interests on recreation and luxurious life rather than help them for their study.)然后，感觉这段就一句话，yangyang，你好懒额
On the contrary, the （action of ）hiring of(去掉) famous teachers truly shows the school’s focus on its core value “education”. Those famous teachers would be at least supreme in at least（重复） one aspect to match this title of “famous”. They can help students with their academic study.What’s more, those famous teachers would have their personal charm, and thus can use it to (这样可以连贯一下前面？)give students inspiration and encouragement on their schooling and even a positive attitude towards life. This is very significant for the students’ further education and future life; and it’s what the school facilities can never rival at. (很深入)
In sum, schools should never ignore its faculty quality, and try to hire some more famous teachers matters more than the only emphasis on the outside(external) facilities.
2.yangyang看了十天提高toefl作文了米？
3.yangyang你应该把这篇文章写成famous teachers的好处为重点的文章，把这个强调在前面，对于facilities的不好，则是放在后面处理，略微带过就好。其实famous teachers可以带给学校more founding，更多的学生来叫学费，从而还可以有多余money来用于facilities；然后，famous teachers不只是他/她自己来，而是他她的真个社会关系了，学术搭档了，都也会向他/她工作的地方集中，还有这些老师有能力把他们所在的学科做到世界前沿，从而培养出更多famous students，只不过最后这个可以作为例子，而不是论点。
作者: yangyangyu 时间: 2012-6-15 15:19
6月15日110514 ML
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It was easier for people in the past to identify which type of career or job would have a secure or successful future.
Modern society, full of fierce competition is influenced by a great amount of uncertain factors. As a result, it's hard for people to indentify the would-be secure or successful job in the future. Considering about this, some may estimate that in the past, with less technology and fewer work force, the situation could be better. However, in fact, they have no big difference. It's no easier for our ancestors to identify what kind of job or career would have a stable or promising future.
First of all, future always keeps a veil on the face to be away from us, and we will never know what may happen in the next minute to us, let alone to our career life. Before the world financial crisis in 2008, bankers and brokers took a high proportion among those millionaires or even billionaires, and to be a banker or broker is lots of youngsters' dreams. However, the crisis pulled them down overnight, which was out of many people's surprise. Sometimes, career life is like taking a roller coaster with eyes closed, and it's difficult to tell when we will meet our ups and downs in this drastically changing world.
Even though someone may argue that we can make assumptions about the future trend based on the past records and recent materials at hand, they just overestimate the stability of the working market. No work or career can be promised to be the everlasting reputed or successful one. In the 1980s, the newly set reform and opening-up policy in China nurtured a new popular business- speculation, and those who caught up with this trend made great fortune. However, this blossom soon vanished when some new regulations were raised up.
Therefore, the changeable society makes it's impossible for any business leads the top forever; the limitation of our knowledge circumscribes us from an insightful prediction. Last but not the least, in different times, the definition of a secure and successful job can be different.
All in all, to predict the future successful or secure job is a hard task for both modern people and those in the past.
作者: yangyangyu 时间: 2012-6-15 15:37
To spend their budget more on hiring famous teachers or updating school facilities seems（这里可不可以用is really，可以肯定一点，因为这个问题是肯定存在的） like a hard choice for the school authorities. However, for me, （其实我一直觉得开头就写自己观点显的不是很客观，所以避免用I think类似的语言）I think for a better performance of the school and its students, school should better give more emphasis on improving its teaching quality.
Schools are established to help students discover their potential and equip them with knowledge to accomplish their dreams. There are many criteria that are the basis of（to judge whether it is是不是可以额） a good school, such as its academic performance, the faculty, school environment and also the set of curriculum. Even（although？） the set of facilities is one essential element in the school environment, for the school as a whole; it merely does a supportive function. In another saying, the facilities do help create a better environment for students to find their real talents; but that’s just an external contribution. Some world famous schools also enjoy the best school facilities, like the rich collection of books in the well-built（high-level） library and a high-tech online searching engine for essays（可以去掉）, however, if their students never come to the library or seek information through that engine;（你老是爱用这个；分手了？）how can we say that these facilities aid students with their study and are significant for the learning process?
Moreover, to improve the school facilities, for example, decorating the school restaurants as a palace, actually may do little help for students’ study, instead, increase students’ interests on recreation and luxurious life.（Moreover,improving school facilities,such as decorating the school restaurants like a palace,could have bad effects to foster students’ interests on recreation and luxurious life rather than help them for their study.)然后，感觉这段就一句话，yangyang，你好懒额
On the contrary, the （action of ）hiring of(去掉) famous teachers truly shows the school’s focus on its core value “education”. Those famous teachers would be at least supreme in at least（重复） one aspect to match this title of “famous”. They can help students with their academic study.What’s more, those famous teachers would have their personal charm, and thus can use it to (这样可以连贯一下前面？)give students inspiration and encouragement on their schooling and even a positive attitude towards life. This is very significant for the students’ further education and future life; and it’s what the school facilities can never rival at. (很深入)
In sum, schools should never ignore its faculty quality, and try to hire some more famous teachers matters more than the only emphasis on the outside(external) facilities.
2.yangyang看了十天提高toefl作文了米？
3.yangyang你应该把这篇文章写成famous teachers的好处为重点的文章，把这个强调在前面，对于facilities的不好，则是放在后面处理，略微带过就好。其实famous teachers可以带给学校more founding，更多的学生来叫学费，从而还可以有多余money来用于facilities；然后，famous teachers不只是他/她自己来，而是他她的真个社会关系了，学术搭档了，都也会向他/她工作的地方集中，还有这些老师有能力把他们所在的学科做到世界前沿，从而培养出更多famous students，只不过最后这个可以作为例子，而不是论点。
-- by 会员 kchszy061ban (2012/6/15 13:09:07)
ban ban, 好棒！说的很好！非常感谢啊！
哈哈，先回答你的那几个问题吧（文章我晚点根据你的建议再改改，对了，文章其他盆友改过最好也自己再改改咯，毕竟好文章其实不光是写出来，也是改出来的哦，改得越是面目全非的最好啦！后续还可以再交流哈）
1.i think. 这类主观判断. 恩，确实啊，我之前都没有考虑过这方面的问题，可能因为看到，它问的是"Do you disagree or agree" 就自说自话啦，这里主观说不太好么?
2."分号", 恩，我有的时候挺喜欢用 ";"的， 特别是本来是两个句子，但是第二句我没有单列。";"应该没错哦，其实分号在这里的作用就是"句号",只是用了分号，第二句的首字母不用大写，感觉结构会紧一点. (btw, 为什么会认为是“分手”了咧？ 分号=分手
)
3. 是啊，那段就没有很多论据的支撑，哎，我的论据、论点不够啊，逻辑性不好就是我一大弱项了== 我懒了==
4. 十天提高toefl作文？ 我木有看啊，你是说的慎小嶷写的那本《十天突破新托福Essays》? 其实作文，我目前什么资料都还没看的，直接就写得.
有啥好资料推荐么?
5.对哦，我很喜欢你第三点评价，醍醐灌顶啊！！
谢谢， 谢谢 ban ban 童鞋的辛苦修改！撒花！！！ 加油 加油！！！
作者: kchszy061ban 时间: 2012-6-15 16:49
那本书木有电子版了，是张红岩，十天搞定TOEFL作文。在你占座页面的首页有下载的，你木有看到？额额 木有，是你分号用的好多，你的嗜好，嘿嘿
作者: kchszy061ban 时间: 2012-6-16 09:51
yangyang 真幸福哈，我昨天晚上写好了，不过怕你费神就想自己先改下了。 等你写额，
作者: yangyangyu 时间: 2012-6-16 13:48
yangyang 真幸福哈，我昨天晚上写好了，不过怕你费神就想自己先改下了。 等你写额，
-- by 会员 kchszy061ban (2012/6/16 9:51:08)
噢啦，给你改啦哈~详见 你作文贴 18楼~
作者: kchszy061ban 时间: 2012-6-16 17:27
In（yangyang你介词加不？）Modern society, full of fierce competition is influenced by a great amount of uncertain factors. As a result, it's hard for people to indentify the would-be secure or successful job in the future. Considering about this, some may estimate that in the past, with less technology and fewer work forces, the situation could be better. However, in fact, they have（had） no big difference. It's no easier for our ancestors to identify what kind of job or career would have a stable or promising future.
First of all, future always keeps a veil on the face to be away from us, and we will never know what may happen in the next minute to us建议去掉）, let alone to（同去） our career life. Before the world financial crisis in 2008, bankers and brokers took a high proportion among those millionaires or even billionaires, and to be a banker or broker is lots of youngsters' dreams. However, the crisis pulled them down overnight, which was out of many people's surprise. Sometimes, career life is like taking a roller coaster with eyes closed, and it's difficult to tell when we will meet our ups and downs in this drastically changing world.（这句好）
Even though someone may argue that we can make assumptions about the future trend based on the past records and recent materials at hand, they just overestimate the stability of the working market. No work or career can be promised to be the everlasting reputed or successful one（去掉+without any changes）. In the 1980s, the newly setted reform and opening-up policy in China nurtured a new popular business- speculation, and those who caught up with this trend made great fortune. However, this blossom soon vanished when some new regulations were raised up.(yangyang 你再来个小总结这段就完美了额。额，还有下段的小总结句)
Therefore, the changeable society makes it's impossible for any business leads the top forever（私下觉得lead the top用法不对，然后貌似也和主题关系不是很大额，secure，successfu 一定是要在前沿么）; the limitation of our knowledge circumscribes us from an insightful prediction. Last but not the least, in different times, the definition of a secure and successful job can be different.
All in all, to predict the future successful or secure job is a hard task for both modern people and those in the past.
1yang yang 的例子多了，不过只是一笔带过，没有深入展开，例子展开后既可以表达自己观点，又可以增加字数哈，yangyang可以看下范文中例子展开的方法；
2 例子之后呢，来个总结，或者进一步的解释例子起作用的原因，这样可以保持好的逻辑结构额。
3 yangyang习惯怎样写作文？是边想边写还是先都想好再写，都想好再写可以保持logic，tpo听力里面well-made play就有说这个，然后还有一个文学听力将怎么写文章中的角色，听下就用，还是不错的额。
作者: kchszy061ban 时间: 2012-6-17 22:12
yangyang 你要偷懒了，，，，，，还有，看到有人背作文200 句子和35 好句，我就开始也背了。 你要不要背。想着不写下来怎么练习呢，yangyang，既然要考试toefl 就不要放松自己额。
作者: yangyangyu 时间: 2012-6-19 13:07
yangyang 你要偷懒了，，，，，，还有，看到有人背作文200 句子和35 好句，我就开始也背了。 你要不要背。想着不写下来怎么练习呢，yangyang，既然要考试toefl 就不要放松自己额。
-- by 会员 kchszy061ban (2012/6/17 22:12:22)
谢谢ban ban! 恩, 我会努力跟上大家的进度的~ 对，其实我觉得写好作文多背一点东西是很重要的啊~我就是看得挺多，但是背少了~~我们都加油吧~~相互监督，每天都要都去学点好句子，好词哈！！！之前有个认识的美国朋友推荐我看: 除了NY times, 还有New York Review of Books ,London Review of Books都不错. 你有时间也多看一点吧~老外写得，遣词造句什么的都可以学学!
作者: yangyangyu 时间: 2012-6-19 13:08
6月18日101017 大陆 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is better to relax by a movie or reading a book than doing physical exercise.
After the whole exhausting day exposing to a computer screen at office, immersing in the book sea at library, “what to do for some rest?” arises in modern people’s mind. For some, a wonderful movie or a fantastic book helps our brain to take a breath. I do agree that books and movies are beneficial for relaxation at a certain degree, like comedies and funny books can bring us a lot of amusement. However, the assertion that watching movies or reading books is more effective than doing physical exercise needs a second thought. And personally speaking, I think doing sports works better to relax, by clearing our head away from the daily work or study, by providing us a outlet to let go of our pressure and anxiety in a healthy way, and also doing exercise is not merely a way of relaxation, more importantly it is a positive and lively attitude towards life.
Working out in the gyms or doing sports in an open playground, our head can totally free from the daily data, documentations or other kinds of desk jobs. Instead, we can focus on our own thoughts, the self. The concentration of the self, the listening to our heart, and the understanding of our true wants, will calm us down, and keep us away from the outside tensions and pressure. Yoga, for example, is one of the exercises favored by many people. In its soft and quiet music, our thoughts flow, our body stretches and then we can get a rest both mentally and physically.
Unlike reading or watching movies, sports always entail a participation of our whole body. The office or library life strains our eyes and drains our mind. To read or watch movies, we also need to use our eyes and mind, which may do no good for a rest. By doing sports, we can have a real outlet to explicit our tension and meanwhile keep fit.
What’s more, doing exercise is not merely a way of relaxation, but a positive life attitude. Life lies in movement. Every time, when I feel depressed, I’d like to go out jogging a bit. It encourages me to keep moving on, to never give up on the way to a final line. Sometimes we feel hard for life and easily get disheartened that’s because we lack the ambition and a belief for a better future. Physical exercises offer us that positive attitude.
All in all, as these reasons shown above, I think it’s better to relax by doing physical exercise than reading a book or watching a movie.
作者: DanielleZ 时间: 2012-6-19 15:44
After the whole exhaustingday exposing to a computer screen at office, immersing in the book sea atlibrary, “what to do for some rest?” arises in modern people’s mind. （写的非常精彩呢~）For some, a wonderful movie or a fantasticbook helps our brain to take a breath. I do agree that books and moviesare beneficial for relaxation at a certain degree, like comedies and funnybooks can bring us a lot of amusement. However, the assertion that watchingmovies or reading books is more effective than doing physical exercise needs asecond thought. And personally speaking, I think doing sports works better torelax, by clearing our head away from the daily work or study, by providing usa outlet to let go of our pressure and anxiety in a healthy way, and also doingexercise is not merely a way of relaxation, more importantly it is a positiveand lively attitude towards life.（第一段写的非常好，用了排比，以及形容词修饰，etc，学习了）
Working out in the gyms or doing sports in an openplayground, our head can totally free from the daily data, documentations orother kinds of desk jobs. Instead, we can focus on our own thoughts, the self. Theconcentration of the self, the listening to our heart, and the understanding ofour true wants, will calm us down, and keep us away from the outside tensionsand pressure. （好句子）Yoga, for example, is one of the exercisesfavored by many people. In its soft and quiet music, our thoughts flow, ourbody stretches and then we can get a rest both mentally and physically.
Unlike reading or watching movies, sports alwaysentail a participation of our whole body. The office or library life strainsour eyes and drains our mind. To read or watch movies, we also need to use oureyes and mind, which may do no good for a rest. By doing sports, we can have areal outlet to explicit our tension and meanwhile keep fit.（举个小例子会好一些）
What’s more, doing exercise is not merely a wayof relaxation, but a positive life attitude.（好句子~） Life lies inmovement. Every time, when I feel depressed, I’d like to go out jogging a bit. Itencourages me to keep moving on, to never give up on the way to（建议till） a final line. Sometimeswe feel hard for life and easily get disheartened that’s because we lack theambition and a belief for a better future which physical exercise could bring to us（建议加上）.Physical exercises offer us that positive attitude.
All in all, as these reasons shown above, I thinkit’s better to relax by doing physical exercise than reading a book or watchinga movie.
作者: DanielleZ 时间: 2012-6-19 15:50
Dear Yangyang，
1.第一段，写的非常不错。各种华丽的排比以及形容词，一下就把我震撼啦。哈哈~
2.后面三段，我看到banban同学给你分析的时候，也说过。例子说明的不时特别充分（像第三段的jogging，那个例子，我觉得可以再多说几句）。
3. 学到了好多词啊，好多词~灰常谢谢啦~
加油~
作者: kchszy061ban 时间: 2012-6-19 15:54
yangyang你这篇写的太好了，
作者: DanielleZ 时间: 2012-6-20 16:26
yangyang 你要偷懒了，，，，，，还有，看到有人背作文200 句子和35 好句，我就开始也背了。 你要不要背。想着不写下来怎么练习呢，yangyang，既然要考试toefl 就不要放松自己额。
-- by 会员 kchszy061ban (2012/6/17 22:12:22)
Banban，
之前你给我修改文章的时候，说过要背诵~我也决定试试看啊~嘿嘿~
作者: yangyangyu 时间: 2012-6-21 15:08
6月20日110827 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Patience is usually not a good strategy. We should take action now rather than later.
Are you in great depression because your life doesn’t go on the way as you expected? Are you messing up for the lack of ability to calm down when encountering problems? Are you hurting your dreams by being impatient? Undoubtedly, patience is a good strategy. It is an essential trait of our personality, a necessity for success.
In this life, lots of things may not go accord with our intentions. So what to do with that? To be irritated and complain about everything or calm down to keep a positive attitude? Impatience will lead us to irritation, to anxiety, which makes no use to the problems, yet puts us in low spirits and hard times. Otherwise, to be patient, and calm down can we get down to work or even explore a better way to make a change.
Moreover, “A beard well lathered is half shaved”, rashly digging into things without any preparation will in many times yield an unsatisfying result. Take overseas traveling for example. Without enough previous study of the journey destination, getting everything packaged and ready beforehand, it would be almost impossible for any traveler to really have a wonderful trip. One of my mother’s friends went to Nepal last year, but she just stayed there for one day, and hurried to buy a ticket back home. The reason is that this trip was made in haste, only until she arrived in Nepal, did she realize that it’s not the type she favored, and that the poverty, untidiness, harsh weather all made her feel sick. Thus, even though we are longing to go to somewhere for a visit, we still need to be patient enough to get things in order first.
Last but not least, patience is a cherished power, a power that can support us to keep waiting and fighting for our dreams, to motivate us to never give up because a better future is always ahead. To study abroad is many Chinese students’ dreams, but some cannot bear the long period of time devoted to the preparation of language exams, selection of dream schools or even the seemed complicated application procedure, and gave up in the midway. From many real stories, we can truly find that success belongs to those patient people who have the strong will to wait, to preserve, to endure the boring or even disheartening process.
"He that can have Patience, can have what he will.” Benjamin Franklin once said. Yes, it’s true, patience is a good strategy, a wisdom of life.
作者: kchszy061ban 时间: 2012-6-21 15:54
yangyang给我改作文额，嗯嗯，我的目前还没人改啊
作者: qianjun06 时间: 2012-6-21 16:21
6月20日110827 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Patience is usually not a good strategy. We should take action now rather than later. 批改
Are you in great depression because your life doesn’t go on the way as you expected? Are you messing up for the lack of ability to calm down when encountering problems? Are you hurting your dreams by being impatient? Undoubtedly, patience is a good strategy. It is an essential trait of our personality, a necessity for success.
In this life, lots of things may not go accord with our intentions. So what to do with that? To be irritated and complain about everything or calm down to keep a positive attitude? Impatience will lead us to irritation, to anxiety, which makes no use to the problems, yet puts us in low spirits and hard times. Otherwise, to be patient, and calm down can we get down to work or even explore a better way to make a change.
Moreover, “A beard well lathered is half shaved”, rashly digging into things without any preparation will in many times yield an unsatisfying result. Take overseas traveling for example. Without enough previous study of the journey destination, getting everything packaged and ready beforehand, it would be almost impossible for any traveler to really have a wonderful trip. One of my mother’s friends went to Nepal last year, but she just stayed there for one day, and hurried to buy a ticket back home. The reason is that this trip was made in haste, .onlyOnly until she arrived in Nepal, did she realize that it’s not the type she favored even made her fell uncomfortable, including poverty ,untidiness,harsh weather. sick用的太过了，有恶心你的意思。 , and that the poverty, untidiness, harsh weather all made her feel sick. Thus, even though we are longing to go to somewhere for a visit, we still need to be patient enough to get things in order first.
Last but not least, patience is a cherished power, a power thatwhich或者重启一句 can support us to keep waiting and fighting for our dreams, to motivate us to never give up because a better future is always ahead. To study abroad is many Chinese students’ dreams, but some cannot bear the long period of time devoted to the preparation of language exams, selection of dream schools or even the seemed complicated application procedure, and gave up in the midway. From many real stories, we can truly find that success belongs to those patient people who have the strong wills to wait, to preserve, to endure the boring or even disheartening process.
"He that can have Patience, can have what he will.” Benjamin Franklin once said. Yes, it’s true,有点口语化 patience is a good strategy, a wisdom of life.
作者: kchszy061ban 时间: 2012-6-21 17:18
yangyang 我也给你改下吧
作者: kchszy061ban 时间: 2012-6-21 19:29
Are you in great depression because your life doesn’t go on the way as you expected? Are you messing up for the lack of ability to calm down when encountering problems? Are you hurting your dreams by being impatient? Undoubtedly, patience is a good strategy. It is an essential trait of our personality, a necessity for success.
In this life, lots of things may not go accord with our intentions. So what to do with that? To be irritated and complain about everything or calm down to keep a positive attitude? Impatience will lead us to irritation, to anxiety, which makes no use to（solve） the problems, yet（instead） puts us in low spirits and hard times. Otherwise, to be patient, and calm down can we get down to work or even explore a better way to make a change(yangyang work a better way？make a change太中性化了呗，用个比较positive的词).
Moreover, “A beard well lathered is half shaved”, rashly digging into things without any preparation will in many times yield an unsatisfying result. Take overseas traveling for example. Without enough previous study of the journey destination, getting everything packaged and ready beforehand, it would be almost impossible for any traveler to really have a wonderful trip. One of my mother’s friends went to Nepal last year, but she just stayed there for one day, and hurried to buy a ticket back home. The reason is that this trip was made in haste, only until she arrived in Nepal, did she realize that it’s not the type she favored, and that the poverty, untidiness, harsh weather all made her feel sick. Thus, even though we are longing to go to somewhere for a visit, we still need to be patient enough to get things in order first.(this example is not rare,people may confront with similar problems which need patience as this one,therefore,patience is ……)
Last but not least, patience is a cherished power, a power that can support us to keep waiting and fighting for our dreams, to motivate us to never give up because a better（bright） future is always（去掉） ahead if we continue on. To study abroad is many Chinese students’ dreams, but some cannot bear the long period of time devoted to the preparation of language exams, selection of dream schools or even the seemed complicated application procedure, and gaive up in the midway. (这里来一个过渡句就好了)From many real stories, we can truly find that success belongs to those patient people who have the strong will to wait, to preserve, to endure the boring or even disheartening process.
"He that can have Patience, can have what he will.” Benjamin Franklin once said. Yes, it’s true, patience is a good strategy, a wisdom of life.
1 yangyang的主要意思one：不焦躁可以取得成功two：急于做某事容易产生不好的效果 three;耐心能让我们最终取得成功；
2yangyang的各部分处理的很好，分论点的准备可以把第二段放后面，这个是对文章中心是次要的了；
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