ChaseDream

标题: 拖延症老人终于下决心开写了，求砖拍，求鄙视 [打印本页]

作者: zombiee 时间: 2012-6-10 11:11
标题: 拖延症老人终于下决心开写了，求砖拍，求鄙视
6.10开始起航，先熟悉一下，热身，立马投入小分队的大军中~
TOEFL我来啦

作者: jiaosisisisi 时间: 2012-6-10 11:32
blessings for u!

作者: zombiee 时间: 2012-6-10 15:09

blessings for u!

-- by 会员 jiaosisisisi (2012/6/10 11:32:43)

thx for your kindness.

作者: zombiee 时间: 2012-6-10 15:09
6月10日100312 NA

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? To make children do well at school, parents should limit the hours that a child spends on watching TV.

As some scholars said, TV is the worst invention in the 20th century. Scientists from Tsinghua university have a survey to found out how the electrical device has affected human beings in the last one hundred years. The researchers set two groups. One group is aged between 60 to 70 who did not watch TV more than 1 hour daily and did not have affected by TV in the paper and pencil era. The other group, to the opposite , is composed of people aged between 10 to 20 who definitely are the new-agey technology beneficiaries. Researchers gave the two groups the same tests that require them to think logically and concentrately regardless of their knowledge backgroud. To our surpise the elder group did better on most of tests written either with or without visual and audio material. But the younger group sucks in the test without visual and audio and could not focus during the whole test. The researchers suggested that TV watching experience could lower the volunteer’s capability of logical thinking and concentration far more than we had previously thought.
Maybe it is too extreme to condemn TV just becaue its convinence brings about our laziness and distraction. Admittedly the widely spread invention of 20th century has entertained us with amusement and informed us with the most recently viedo news and knowledge.
But when it comes to children at school, how should their parents consider the pros and cons of TV. As far as I am concerned, to make children do well at school, parents are supposed to limit the hours that children spend on watching TV. According to the recent report of a survey, 92 percent of the TV programs are not suitable to the children and the rest are only for entertainment.
Besides most TV programs today are full of obscene and offensive language and behavior. Although we adults may not affected by these material. But, both common sense and our experience with children inform us that people tend to mimic the language and behavior they are exposed to.
In sum, it is in our best interest to limit the hour that children spend on TV. That is to say if you have to pay for the good performance at school, control your TV controller.

作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-6-10 16:20
来拜读僵尸先森的大作~

作者: zombiee 时间: 2012-6-10 20:13

来拜读僵尸先森的大作~

-- by 会员晨依Jacqueline (2012/6/10 16:20:50)

怎么没声儿了，是不是去吐了

作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-6-10 22:11

来拜读僵尸先森的大作~

-- by 会员晨依Jacqueline (2012/6/10 16:20:50)

怎么没声儿了，是不是去吐了

-- by 会员 zombiee (2012/6/10 20:13:48)

Mr. Zombie
我是害怕先入为主了影响给你互评的童鞋发挥呀。不细致说啦~
Personally speaking, I think there are a few differences between the writing of G & T.
To be exact, G & T require different skills of their test-takers.(You'd better refer to the OG if it is convenient.)

Your Strength--sufficient data(very persuasive!), rigorous logical analysis, advanced expression, etc.

Your Weakness--structure(Important! In my view, a good composition should observe some disciplines and be well-organized. ) small spelling mistakes.
Anyway, you did a better job than I did the first time.

作者: zombiee 时间: 2012-6-11 00:03

来拜读僵尸先森的大作~

-- by 会员晨依Jacqueline (2012/6/10 16:20:50)

怎么没声儿了，是不是去吐了

-- by 会员 zombiee (2012/6/10 20:13:48)

Your Strength--sufficient data(very persuasive!), rigorous logical analysis, advanced expression, etc.

-- by 会员晨依Jacqueline (2012/6/10 22:11:47)

Thank you so much! Appreciate your recommendation.
My virgin composition get its value by your reply.

作者: zombiee 时间: 2012-6-11 00:31
My word program does not have the spell checking function. =。=

作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-6-11 01:04
join our QQ group~
discuss more with group members!

you could reread the post on the top of the webpage(the post to which you stick your URL ) and discover the everyday arrangement of revising compositions.
you have already got your task on 10th Jun.
Check it on that post~~~Then,
follow the rules on the post--revise other's writing and get ur own writing revised. It's easy.
sorry for giving you such a late reply.
Good night Mr. Zombie

作者: zombiee 时间: 2012-6-11 11:58

join our QQ group~
discuss more with group members!

you could reread the post on the top of the webpage(the post to which you stick your URL ) and discover the everyday arrangement of revising compositions.
you have already got your task on 10th Jun.
Check it on that post~~~Then,
follow the rules on the post--revise other's writing and get ur own writing revised. It's easy.
sorry for giving you such a late reply.
Good night Mr. Zombie

-- by 会员晨依Jacqueline (2012/6/11 1:04:33)

Thank you for inform me all this details. So moved by your kindness.
Little lacqueline, Burning night oil is not good for you health. Have a nice dream tonight.

作者: acrophobiahy 时间: 2012-6-11 18:54

红色修改，蓝色好词好句

As some scholars said, TV is the worst inventionin the 20th century. Scientists from Tsinghua University have conducted a survey to found out how the electricaldevice has affected human beings in the last one hundred years. The researchersset two groups. One group (includes people) is aged between 60 to 70 , who did not watch TV more than 1 hour daily and did nothave affected by TV in the paper and pencil era. The other group, to the opposite,is composed of people aged between 10 to 20, who definitely are the new-agey (new-age ?) technology beneficiaries.Researchers gave the two groups the same tests that require them to thinklogically and concentrately (concentrately 好像没有这个副词吧) regardless of their knowledge background. To our surprise the elder group did better on most of testswritten either with or without visual and audio material. But the younger groupsucks （suck吸，是不是打错词了呢？） in the test without visual and audio and could not focusduring the whole test. The researchers suggested that TV watching experiencecould lower the volunteer’s capability of logical thinking and concentration farmore than we had previously thought.

Maybe it is too extreme to condemn TV just because its convenience brings about our laziness and distraction.Admittedly，thewidely spread invention of 20th century has entertained us with amusement andinformed us with the most recently video news and knowledge.

But when it comes to children at school, howshould their parents consider the pros and cons of TV. As far as I am concerned, to make children do wellat school, parents are supposed to limit the hours that children spend on watching TV.According to the recent report of a survey, 92 percent of the TV programs arenot suitable to the children and the rest are only for entertainment.

Besides most TV programs today are full of obscene and offensive language and behavior. Although we adults maynot affected by these material ~~But~~, both common sense and our experience with children informus that people tend to mimic the language and behavior they are exposed to. （although but 不能同时用）

In sum, it is in our best interest to limit the hourthat children spend on TV. That is to say if you have to pay for the goodperformance at school, control your TV controller.

第一次给你批改作文~~

先说一下作文结构吧。写托福作文，通常呢我们采用的都是五段式，首段+正文3段+末段。首段一般是引出问题，点名自己的立场。正文3段，也有几种不同的写法。一般是写所支持的理由1，理由2，还有让步写对立观点的好处1。也可以叫做2-1 模式吧。最后的末段总结。具体的，你可以看看张红岩的《十天搞定托福作文》，里面写得挺清楚的。你也可以多看看一些范文啊，或者像晨依，鸟儿的作文贴。

再者说一下内容。我觉得，若是支持题目观点，我们应该在作文中突出电视对孩子的负面影响，并且这些影响要与孩子在学校的表现相关。例如，电视中充斥着暴力场景，会导致孩子崇尚暴力，而在学校中欺负其他同学。或者，他们对电视的兴趣过高，不认真完成作业，导致成绩不好。我想这样的例子更有说服力，你觉得呢。

语言方面呢，比我好多了，不过要注意拼写啊~~

还有，你利用数据的能力很强，可以充分发挥这个优势~~这样的话，肯定能很有说服力~~

加油啊↖（＾ω＾）↗

作者: Crystaljoy 时间: 2012-6-11 18:58
晨依is sooo sweet~

作者: zombiee 时间: 2012-6-12 17:37

In sum, it is in our best interest to limit the hourthat children spend on TV. That is to say if you have to pay for the goodperformance at school, control your TV controller.

第一次给你批改作文~~

语言方面呢，比我好多了，不过要注意拼写啊~~

还有，你利用数据的能力很强，可以充分发挥这个优势~~这样的话，肯定能很有说服力~~

加油啊↖（＾ω＾）↗

-- by 会员 acrophobiahy (2012/6/11 18:54:17)

谢谢MM的批注，很细心，很专业。

作者: zombiee 时间: 2012-6-12 17:38
感觉很难写啊，弄了好几个小时
6月11日110821 NA
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? There is never a reason to be rude (impolite) to another person.

Generally speaking, it is unacceptable to be rude to another person , so courtesy is more preferred by most people. From childhood we have been educated to be polite to the elders, be friendly to the peers and be nice to the youngers. Rudeness is normally viewed as a moral failing. However, from my point of perspective, rudeness is excusable or even justified in some circumstance. This is a topic the answer to which depend on a case by case basis.

In everyday life good manners such as returning a greeting, listening to others when they are talking and appologizing when you make a mistake etc. are generally regarded as morally what we should do. Becaue people want to be respected and politely treated anywhere at any case. We perfer good service based on coutesy. For instance, when we have dinner at a restaurant, the waiters are trained to talk like a gentleman, behave as well-educated and use nice gestures while serving us. And we talk gentlely for fear of disturb others and smile to the strangers to show kindness. Traditional customs, education, and modern civilization all lead us to be polite and courtly to each other.

However, we shall see, in fact, there are various circumstances in which rudeness is morally acceptable. Everyone would agree that the normal niceties of social intercourse should be suspended or ignored if a crisis suddenly arises. If I am talking to you and you see a child about to chase a ball into the street or grab hold of a freshly painted railing, you should interrupt and shout a warning without any preliminary apology. Morover, there are some topics that many people consider unsuitable or inappropriate for discussion with anyone other than a few privileged members of their circle of family and friends—matters such as salaries, personal hygiene, marital intimacies, or a person’s self-destructive habits. We can’t help to interrupt these topic and invite the charge of “mind your own business”. And our rudeness will be forgiven in virtue of the good intentions behind it.

In addition, we have the right to show our view in a more direct way. If a criminal or a traitor offers you his hand and you refuse to shake it, this will normally be understood. You just express your standpoint and believe in your belief. Besides, challenging the conventions is often viwed as rude but sometimes valuable, independent-minded, and creative. A well-known but still wonderful anecdote about Beethoven illustrates this point. The composer was walking through a park with Goethe, who is twenty years his senior and the most celebrated German author of his time.When they noticed that a small group of nobles accompanied by their entourage were coming toward them along the same path, Goethe followed the custom of the day and stepped aside, bowing to his social superiors as they passed. Beethoven, however, kept to his course, walking straight through the middle of the group, with his hands behind his back, head high, eyes forward. Catching up with his companion, a shocked Goethe asked how he could be so disrespectful toward the nobility, to which Beethoven replied, "There are thousands of them, but only two of us."

To sum up, civility, politeness, and good manners rest on the observance of conventions. However, nowdays knowledge, technology, economic organization, life style, beliefs, and values are constantly evolving. Rudeness has its new updating definition in current multiple culture. So to be rude or not depend on a case by case basis.

作者: zombiee 时间: 2012-6-12 22:23
6月12日 090403 NA
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The best way to improve the quality of education is to increase teachers' salaries.

In modern society, it is commonsense that children are the future of human, and that teachers are shaping our future. It is no secret that teachers are given the respect they deserve. But in the remote undeveloped areas teachers are even living beyond their incomes. These teachers are underpaid for their invaluable services to today’s youth. As far as I am concerned, increase teacher’s salaries will improve the quality of education to some extent.

To begin with, improving teachers salaries is more likely to improve the quality of education by helping retain high-quality teachers, or by motivating teachers to improve their efforts in the classroom. Many of government finance polices are designed to improve the living standard of teachers in undeveloped area. For instance, the Hope project in China is motivated to improve the material circumstance of education and salaries given to teachers. Now after years of implement of the policy increased salaries harvest improved quality of education.

But this increasing salary strategy is not worked if the teachers is already well paid and or the teacher is not deserve the increased salary. Unfortunately, research consistently finds that those attributes are unrelated to a teacher's effectiveness. Simply increasing the amount of money that a teacher is paid for earning a master's degree or sticking around another year will not motivate her to improve her effectiveness in the classroom. True, higher salaries should lead more people to enter the profession—but an increase in teacher candidates shouldn't be expected to improve teacher quality, either. That's because research consistently shows that just about nothing we can observe about a teacher before she enters the classroom accurately predicts how effective she'll be. Some people have what it takes to be a great teacher, and some don't--and we have no way to tell before they start teaching. Increasing the pool of people who want to become teachers won't improve teacher quality unless school systems can accurately identify the best and worst candidates. However, They can't.

Finally, higher teacher salaries should be expected to increase teacher retention—but higher salaries are just as attractive to bad teachers as they are to great teachers. Increasing teacher salaries across the board without consideration of how effective a teacher is in the classroom, then, won't improve teacher quality.

To sum up, Simply increasing teacher salaries without addressing the system by which those salaries are distributed will solve nothing. However, if we finally address the archaic and counterproductive compensation system for public school teachers—so that it pays effective teachers more than it pays ineffective ones—then improving teacher salaries might finally make sense.

作者: zombiee 时间: 2012-6-13 12:09
6月13日110211 NA
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents should allow their children to make mistakes and let them learn from their own mistakes.

As Galieo said, "You cannot teach a man anyting; you can only help him find it within himself." Nowadays as science and technology are improving our daily life, everone has his oppotunity to be successful. When we walk into a bookstore, there are tens or hundreds books and viedo tapes on the topic of sucess. Moreover, there are bunch of pedagogies about teaching children to become suceed. "Never lose at the starting line " is the most used slogan. Parents and caretakers of children want the same for their children. The desire to see children be successful may lead to much too care for the children. In my perspective, somtimes parents should allow their children to make mistakes and let them learn from their own mistakes.
First of all, when parents "help" their children avoiding mistakes, they are at the same time to instill dependence in them. By offering clues, suggestions, asking questions to stimulate a solution parents take the place of their children to be independently solve the problem. Maybe teaching children to avoid mistake can bring us the illusion of helping them to succeed, but it never works when the children face the chellenge by themselves. In addition when parents allow the child to solve a problem or complete a difficult task, they show the children their trust for solving the problem alone. This trust will help them in developing teamworking spirits with others in their careers afterward. Thirdly, experience and mental virtue come from internal factors, every great man has his success from the process that he make mistakes, solve problems ,struggles and come out triumphant. Almost every achivement in our life may depend on the trial-and-error experiment, why strip off children their own natrual given rights to learn from mistakes.

In addition, most great men achieve their sucess through learning from mistakes. For instance, when the great scientist Einstan was still a little boy, his teacher told him to drop school because he was too slow to catch up with his classmates. But he never admitted he was not good as others and kept on studying to become a famous inventor. When Mickael Jordan was in high school, his PE teacher told him that he was not qualified for the basketball team player. He locked himself in the changing room and cried, then he kept on practice and finally become the superstar in basketball.

However, in fact there are some mistakes parents should interrupt. For example, if a child's safety is under threat, and when the consequences of had behavior is serious. When the child is still a toddler, parents should keep them from playing fire, broken glasses, and dangerous material. When the child bully his classmates and lie to others for a long time and the consequence is vague in a long run, his parent should preach the child and tell him the serious consequence of him bad behavior.

In sum, learning from mistakes could help children to be independent, trustful, self-esteemed, and innovative. But parents have to keep their children from danger too. We are not born with experience and knowledge, we learn it mostly from our own mistakes. So without failure there is no success, and it is important to allow children to fail and make mistakes in a healthy and supportive manner.

作者: vanessa923 时间: 2012-6-13 21:58
标题: 改6月12！
黄色好，红色改，蓝色建议。
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The best way to improve the quality of education is to increase teachers' salaries.

In modern society, it is commonsense that children are the future of human, and that teachers are shaping our future. It is no secret that teachers are given the respect they deserve. But in the remote undeveloped areas teachers are even living beyond their incomes. These teachers are underpaid for their invaluable services to today’s youth. As far as I am concerned, increase teacher’s salaries will improve the quality of education to some extent.

To begin with, improving teachers salaries is more likely to improve the quality of education by helping retain high-quality teachers, or by motivating teachers toimprove their efforts（有点奇怪） in the classroom. Many of government finance polices（？） are designed to improve the living standard of teachers in undeveloped area. For instance, the Hope project in China is motivated to improve the material circumstance of education and salaries given to teachers. Now after years of implement of the policy increased salaries harvest improved quality of education.

But this increasing salary strategy is not worked if the teachers is already well paid and or the teacher is not deserve（d） the increased salary. Unfortunately, research consistently finds that those attributes are unrelated to a teacher's effectiveness. Simply increasing the amount of money that a teacher is paid for earning a master's degree or sticking around another year will not motivate her to improve her effectiveness in the classroom. True, higher salaries should lead more people to enter the profession—but an increase in teacher candidates shouldn't be expected to（用are not supposed to 会更好） improve teacher quality, either. That's because research consistently（你好像很喜欢用这词呢，呵呵) shows that just about nothing we can observe about a teacher before she enters the classroom accurately predicts how effective she'll be.（很奇怪） Some people have what it takes to be a great teacher, and some don't--and we have no way to tell before they start teaching. Increasing the pool of people who want to become teachers won't improve teacher quality unless school systems can accurately identify the best and worst candidates. However, They can't.

Finally, higher teacher salaries should be expected to increase teacher retention—but higher salaries are just as attractive to bad teachers as they are to great teachers.（句子不错） Increasing teacher salaries across the board without consideration of how effective a teacher is in the classroom, then, won't improve teacher quality.

To sum up, Simply increasing teacher salaries without addressing the system by which those salaries are distributed will solve nothing. However, if we finally address the archaic and counterproductive compensation system for public school teachers—so that it pays effective teachers more than it pays ineffective ones—（这里的破折号用法我不是很清楚，不好评判。）then improving teacher salaries might finally make sense.
总结：
语句还算通顺。有些表达不太地道。第二个论据说的有些混乱与空荡，建议加些实例，而不是单纯的说理。
加油！

作者: zombiee 时间: 2012-6-13 22:32

黄色好，红色改，蓝色建议。
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The best way to improve the quality of education is to increase teachers' salaries.

In modern society, it is commonsense that children are the future of human, and that teachers are shaping our future. It is no secret that teachers are given the respect they deserve. But in the remote undeveloped areas teachers are even living beyond their incomes. These teachers are underpaid for their invaluable services to today’s youth. As far as I am concerned, increase teacher’s salaries will improve the quality of education to some extent.

To begin with, improving teachers salaries is more likely to improve the quality of education by helping retain high-quality teachers, or by motivating teachers toimprove their efforts（有点奇怪） in the classroom. Many of government finance polices（？） are designed to improve the living standard of teachers in undeveloped area. For instance, the Hope project in China is motivated to improve the material circumstance of education and salaries given to teachers. Now after years of implement of the policy increased salaries harvest improved quality of education.

But this increasing salary strategy is not worked if the teachers is already well paid and or the teacher is not deserve（d） the increased salary. Unfortunately, research consistently finds that those attributes are unrelated to a teacher's effectiveness. Simply increasing the amount of money that a teacher is paid for earning a master's degree or sticking around another year will not motivate her to improve her effectiveness in the classroom. True, higher salaries should lead more people to enter the profession—but an increase in teacher candidates shouldn't be expected to（用are not supposed to 会更好） improve teacher quality, either. That's because research consistently（你好像很喜欢用这词呢，呵呵) shows that just about nothing we can observe about a teacher before she enters the classroom accurately predicts how effective she'll be.（很奇怪） Some people have what it takes to be a great teacher, and some don't--and we have no way to tell before they start teaching. Increasing the pool of people who want to become teachers won't improve teacher quality unless school systems can accurately identify the best and worst candidates. However, They can't.

Finally, higher teacher salaries should be expected to increase teacher retention—but higher salaries are just as attractive to bad teachers as they are to great teachers.（句子不错） Increasing teacher salaries across the board without consideration of how effective a teacher is in the classroom, then, won't improve teacher quality.

To sum up, Simply increasing teacher salaries without addressing the system by which those salaries are distributed will solve nothing. However, if we finally address the archaic and counterproductive compensation system for public school teachers—so that it pays effective teachers more than it pays ineffective ones—（这里的破折号用法我不是很清楚，不好评判。）then improving teacher salaries might finally make sense.
总结：
语句还算通顺。有些表达不太地道。第二个论据说的有些混乱与空荡，建议加些实例，而不是单纯的说理。
加油！

-- by 会员 vanessa923 (2012/6/13 21:58:03)

谢谢，我例子确实很缺，提醒了我，你也加油

作者: 包子不包子 时间: 2012-6-14 11:20
6月13日110211 NA
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents should allow their children to make mistakes and let them learn from their own mistakes.

As Galieo said, "You cannot teach a man anyting everything?; you can only help him to find it within himself." Nowadays as science and technology are improving our daily life, everone has his oppotunity to be successful. When we walk into a bookstore, there are tens or of hundreds books and viedo tapes on the topic of sucess. Moreover, there are bunch of pedagogies about teaching children to become suceed. "Never lose at the starting line " is the most used slogan. Parents and caretakers of children want the same for their children. The desire to see children to be successful may lead to much too too much care for the children. In from my perspective, somtimes parents should allow their children to make mistakes and let them learn from their own mistakes.

First of all, when parents "help" their children avoiding mistakes, they are at the same time to instill dependence in them. they them 的指代不大明白 By offering clues, suggestions, asking questions to stimulate a solution parents take the place of their children to be independently solve the problem. 这句彻底不明白了...Maybe teaching children to avoid mistakes can bring us the illusion of helping them to succeed, but it never works when the children face the chellenges by themselves. In addition when parents allow the children to solve a problem or complete a difficult task, they show the children their trust for solving the problem alone. This trust will help them in developing teamworking spirits with others in their careers afterward. Thirdly, experience and mental virtue come from internal factors, every great man has his success from the process that he make mistakes, solve problems ,struggles and come out triumphant. Almost every achivement in our life may depend on the trial-and-error experiment, why strip off children their own natrual given rights to learn from mistakes.
注意细节都是小错误
个别句子可以在简练些
这段讲了三个原因啊有风险吧一段一个topic比较保险

In addition, most great successful men achieve their sucess through learning from mistakes. For instance, when the great scientist Einstan was still a little boy, his teacher told him to drop school because he was too slow to catch up with his classmates. But he never admitted he was not good as others and kept on studying to become a famous inventor 是scientist吧. When Mickael Jordan was in high school, his PE teacher told him that he was not qualified for the basketball team player. He locked himself in the changing room and cried, then he kept on practice and finally become the superstar in basketball.
achieve their sucess through learning from mistakes是topic但是在后面的例子中没有对mistakes的展开描述
可以对一个例子细致展开

However, in fact there are some mistakes parents should interrupt. For example, if a child's safety is under threat, and when the consequences of had？？ behavior is serious. When the child is still a toddler, parents should keep them from playing fire, broken glasses, and dangerous material. When the child bully his classmates and lie to others for a long time and the consequence is vague in a long run, his parent should preach the child and tell him the serious consequence出现好多遍换个词outcome results of him bad behavior.

In sum, learning from mistakes could help children to be independent, trustful, self-esteemed, and innovative. But parents have to keep their children from danger too. We are not born with experience and knowledge, we learn it mostly from our own mistakes. So without failure there is no success, and it is important to allow children to fail and make mistakes in a healthy and supportive manner.

作者: zombiee 时间: 2012-6-14 15:47

6月13日110211 NA
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents should allow their children to make mistakes and let them learn from their own mistakes.

As Galieo said, "You cannot teach a man anyting everything?; you can only help him to find it within himself." Nowadays as science and technology are improving our daily life, everone has his oppotunity to be successful. When we walk into a bookstore, there are tens or of hundreds books and viedo tapes on the topic of sucess. Moreover, there are bunch of pedagogies about teaching children to become suceed. "Never lose at the starting line " is the most used slogan. Parents and caretakers of children want the same for their children. The desire to see children to be successful may lead to much too too much care for the children. In from my perspective, somtimes parents should allow their children to make mistakes and let them learn from their own mistakes.

First of all, when parents "help" their children avoiding mistakes, they are at the same time to instill dependence in them. they them 的指代不大明白 By offering clues, suggestions, asking questions to stimulate a solution parents take the place of their children to be independently solve the problem. 这句彻底不明白了...Maybe teaching children to avoid mistakes can bring us the illusion of helping them to succeed, but it never works when the children face the chellenges by themselves. In addition when parents allow the children to solve a problem or complete a difficult task, they show the children their trust for solving the problem alone. This trust will help them in developing teamworking spirits with others in their careers afterward. Thirdly, experience and mental virtue come from internal factors, every great man has his success from the process that he make mistakes, solve problems ,struggles and come out triumphant. Almost every achivement in our life may depend on the trial-and-error experiment, why strip off children their own natrual given rights to learn from mistakes.
注意细节都是小错误
个别句子可以在简练些
这段讲了三个原因啊有风险吧一段一个topic比较保险

In addition, most great successful men achieve their sucess through learning from mistakes. For instance, when the great scientist Einstan was still a little boy, his teacher told him to drop school because he was too slow to catch up with his classmates. But he never admitted he was not good as others and kept on studying to become a famous inventor 是scientist吧. When Mickael Jordan was in high school, his PE teacher told him that he was not qualified for the basketball team player. He locked himself in the changing room and cried, then he kept on practice and finally become the superstar in basketball.
achieve their sucess through learning from mistakes是topic但是在后面的例子中没有对mistakes的展开描述
可以对一个例子细致展开

However, in fact there are some mistakes parents should interrupt. For example, if a child's safety is under threat, and when the consequences of had？？ behavior is serious. When the child is still a toddler, parents should keep them from playing fire, broken glasses, and dangerous material. When the child bully his classmates and lie to others for a long time and the consequence is vague in a long run, his parent should preach the child and tell him the serious consequence出现好多遍换个词outcome results of him bad behavior.

In sum, learning from mistakes could help children to be independent, trustful, self-esteemed, and innovative. But parents have to keep their children from danger too. We are not born with experience and knowledge, we learn it mostly from our own mistakes. So without failure there is no success, and it is important to allow children to fail and make mistakes in a healthy and supportive manner.

-- by 会员包子不包子 (2012/6/14 11:20:42)

谢谢，努力改进~

作者: zombiee 时间: 2012-6-14 15:48
6月14日110415 NA
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Compared with hiring famous teachers, school should pay more attention to improve facilities.

Generally speaking there are two main factors that contribute to the performance of a school, and they are quality of teachers and facilities. The dilemma whether school should pay more attention to hire famous teachers than improve facilities or vice versa is coming up to a fierce debate. In my perspective, they are eqully important and interwoven with each other.

First and formost, a good teacher is critical to one’s lifetime education, especially at school. My first English teacher in my middle school enlighten me about conciseness, creativity, and logicality of a language, and the sound of her is still in my mind when I use Engish to express my ideas. Given that a good teacher is often famous, most schools today more likely to hire famous teachers to improve the quality of education. For instance, many famous sholars in history always enroll in a college of a university to do their research, develop their studies and pass their knowledge on to their students. Take my mentor in physics for example, he is a famous physist in China, and take a professor career in my university. The president of my university made an effort to hire him in the 19th century, and as a result the professor improved the reputation of our school and increased the enrollment of students as well as their quality.

In addition, without strong facilities, the it is hard to retain the famous teachers, not to mention to improve the education quality of a school. Suppose that the famous physist in my university complain about the facilities a lot, and he can not use the poor facilities even to do normal experrments. How could he still catch up with the front of the science and technology? Not to speak to pass it on to his students. In fact the poor facilities in a school are more likely to dismiss a famous teacher than to induce one. Moreover, poor facilities in school harm its qulity of education to the most extent. As we all known, qualified facilities, such as expensive experiment instrument, nice teaching environment, fantastic exchange equipment, will pave our way for truth and knowledge.

Finally, famous teachers and strong facilities are intertwined so much that the most creative application of those two is the distance education. This is a huge improvement of human eduction and it is so convenient that what you need is just a computer on site. Also distance education is a big invention to schools, and many school today are spreading rapidly without more expense of space, teachers, or other matched facilities. All the distance learning students have to do is turn on the computer and they are in a famous teacher’s class.

To sum up, hiring famous teachers and improving facilities are both so important to schools. It can not be too excessive to intensify either of them.

作者: DanielleZ 时间: 2012-6-15 00:08
Dear Zombiee:
首先不好意思，我的作文水品就是个小白水平。所以有可能有些问题指出的并不是非常正确，请见谅哈~问题如下：
1. 我认为你的作文其实写的很好了，有些词用的非常好。我也学习了不少东西~有些我觉得写的很好的句子，我已经标黄了。
2. 文章中还是有些拼写的错误，我已经纠正过来了。红色下划线的就是了。
3. 第一段的举例我稍微有点疑问，也已经在相应的位置标出。请查看。
然后就木有啦~今天学到很多，谢谢啦！我们一起加油吧~哈哈~
Generallyspeaking there are two main factors that contribute to the performance of aschool, and they are quality of teachers and facilities. The dilemma whether schoolshould pay more attention to hire famous teachers than improve facilities orvice versa is coming up to a fierce debate. In my perspective, they areequally important and interwoven with each other.

First and foremost, a good teacher is critical toone’s lifetime education, especially at school. My first English teacher in mymiddle school enlighten meabout conciseness, creativity, and logicality of a language, and the sound ofher is still in my mind when I use English to express my ideas.(我觉得写的很好，有细节，很具体)Given that a good teacher is often famous, most schools today more likely tohire famous teachers to improve the quality of education. For instance, manyfamous scholars in history always enroll in a college of a university to dotheir research, develop their studies and pass their knowledge on to theirstudents. Take my mentor in physics for example, he is a famous physicist inChina, and take a professor career in my university. The president of myuniversity made an effort to hire him in the 19th century, and as a result theprofessor improved the reputation of our school and increased the enrollment ofstudents as well as their quality.（我有一点点疑惑，物理老师的这个例子，想说明的不是a good teacher is critical to one’s lifetimeeducation 这个论点，对吧？如果不是支持这个论点的话，我觉得可以分作两段写，也可以说的更充分一些嘛；或者说physicist这个例子，跟这段的第一句的关联不是特别明确）

In addition, without strong facilities, ~~the~~it is hard to retain~~the~~ famous teachers, not to mention to improve the education quality of aschool.（有个递进的描述，而且我还学了not to mention的用法）Suppose that the famous physicist in my university complain about the facilitiesa lot, and he can not use ~~the~~ poor facilities even to do normal experriments.How could he still catch up with the front of the science and technology? Notto speak to pass it on to his students. In fact ~~the~~ poor facilities in aschool are more likely to dismiss a famous teacher than to induce one.Moreover, poor facilities in school harm its quality of education to the mostextent. As we all known, qualified facilities, such as expensive experimentinstruments, nice teaching environment, fantastic exchange equipments(是指的交换机的意思么？我查了下google，交换机应该是switch吧？),will pave our way for truth and knowledge.

Finally, famous teachers and strong facilities areintertwined so much that the most creative application of those two is thedistance education. This is a huge improvement of human education and it is soconvenient that what you need is just a computer on site. Also distanceeducation is a big invention to schools, and many schools today are spreadingrapidly without more expense of space, teachers, or other matched facilities.All the distance learning students have to do is to turn on ~~the~~ computersand they are in a famous teacher’s class.

To sum up, hiring famous teachers and improvingfacilities are both so important to schools. It can not be too excessive tointensify either of them.

作者: DanielleZ 时间: 2012-6-15 00:17
刚把我修改的文章发上来，就发现我自己的文章也已经被你修改完啦~真速度~~谢谢啦~

作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-6-16 11:32
honestly speaking ur composition will be more attractive if u could have ur first paragraph a little revised! although simple beginning also has its own advantages, I still think it should be paid great attention to because it is actually an important introduction to lead the reader to ur following paragraphs. to start ur passage directly is good; to start ur passage with a charming & attractive sentence is better. what do u think?

作者: zombiee 时间: 2012-6-16 21:19

honestly speaking ur composition will be more attractive if u could have ur first paragraph a little revised! although simple beginning also has its own advantages, I still think it should be paid great attention to because it is actually an important introduction to lead the reader to ur following paragraphs. to start ur passage directly is good; to start ur passage with a charming & attractive sentence is better. what do u think?

-- by 会员晨依Jacqueline (2012/6/16 11:32:55)

Totally agree! I am trying. THANKS to Jacqueline.

作者: zombiee 时间: 2012-6-16 21:20
6.15

In the competitive job market, the criterion for most people to find a job perhaps is whether the job or career would have a secure or successful future. Because of the social improvement, increasing worker flows between cities and suburbs, or between companies, leads to unstable and insecure future of the young people. I think it is equally easy for both people in the past and current to identify which type of career or job would have a secure or succesful future. In my perspective, this dilemma is depended on the definition of the secure or successful future.

First and foremost, nowadays people are more free than in the past to choose their career so as to decide their future. The freedom of our generation is unimaginable to our elders. Most of the graduates of the unversities have so many choices of jobs. The most popular job always is well-paid, secure, respectful, and decent. So it is identified as a teacher, an CEO, a dentist, a lawyer and so on. After all, careers with a secure or successful future are attracted to most of the students at school, they struggle to get a competitive GPA, pass exams to certifications, and participate in social works. All they do is to pave the way to their ideal career. To some extent, they already know the type of job with which they would have a secure future.

In addition, people in the past relatively did not have so much opportunities to have a say on their future, and what they considered is how to may a live with a job. They did not have much expectation on their career, not to mention had a secure and successful future. The dreaming career is mostly like to be farmer, worker, carpenter, postman and so on. The material life was horrible and the living standard was much lower than it is now. So as the proverb says, no dream is built on empity. Our ancestors are more likely struggle to live than to have a day-dream about type of career or job would have a secure or successful future.

Finally, to dream about future is one thing and to build your career is another. Actully there is no security to keep your career leading to your dreaming future. What we could control is stick to what we choose and make efforts to realize a happy living future.

All in all, it is equally easy for both people in the past and current to identify which type of career or job would have a secure or succesful future.

作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-6-16 23:14
又把我名字拼错了...窘...anyway, Mr. Zombiee, add oil.

作者: lunating 时间: 2012-6-17 23:03
6.15

蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误

In the fiercely competitive job market, the criterion for most people to find a job perhaps is whether the job or career would have a secure or successful future. Because of the social improvement (progress 表社会进步), increasing worker flows between cities and suburbs, or between companies, leads (lead flows后边应该接原型吧) to unstable and insecure future of the young people. Personally,(感觉接个连词更好，但是personally有点口语化额) I think it is equally easy for both people in the past and current to identify which type of career or jobs would have a secure or succesful(stable or bright) future. In my perspective, this dilemma is depended on the definition of the secure or successful future.(这个真可以找词换换，下边也是。。就是我也没想好还有什么词可以替代来着T.T)

First and foremost, nowadays people are more free than in the past to choose their career so as to decide their future. The freedom of our generation is unimaginable to our elders. Most of the graduates of the unversities have so many choices of jobs. The most popular(attractive) job always is well-paid, secure, respectful, and decent. So it is identified as a teacher, an CEO, a dentist, a lawyer and so on(or other vocation). After all, careers with a secure or successful future are attracted to most of the students at school(enrollment 在校生好像这么表达来着，不确定~),.Thus, they struggle to get a competitive GPA, pass exams to certifications, and participate in social works. All they do is to pave the way to their ideal career. To some extent, they already know the type of job with which they would have a secure future.

In addition, people in the past relatively did not have so much opportunities to have a say onin their future, and what they considered is how to ~~may a live~~ make a living with a job. They did not have much expectation on their career, not to mention had a secure and successful future. The~~dreaming career is~~ dream job was mostly like to be farmer, worker, carpenter, postman and so on. The material life was horrible and the living standard was much lower than it is now. So as the proverb says, no dream is built on ~~empity~~ empty. Our ancestors are more likely struggle to live than to have a day-dream about type of career or job would have a secure or successful future.

Finally, to dream about future is one thing and to build your career is another. ~~Actully~~ Actually there is no security to keep your career leading to your dreaming future. What we could control is to stick to what we choose and make efforts to realize a happy living future.

All in all, it is equally easy for both people in the past and current to identify which type of career or job would have a secure or succesful future.

Conclusin：
整个文章写得很不错哦，扣题扣得很准啦~~

文章除了几个拼写的小错误以及有些词的表达不够地道外，最大的疑惑是我没有看出来怎么就总结为equally easy了，第三段讲的是past 的negative的一面，，，又回顾了一遍，发现好像看明白了，就是觉得很牵强。。我觉得在总结的时候，再次强调下定义不同，然后引出结论吧。

不好意思现在才改完啦

作者: zombiee 时间: 2012-6-18 13:55

6.15

-- by 会员 lunating (2012/6/17 23:03:10)

谢谢MM的批改，很仔细很认真。加油

作者: zombiee 时间: 2012-6-18 13:55
6.16

In modern society, movies and television have more and more effects on the way the youth think and hehave. We are exposed to the movies and television all the time, and the young people are even more likely to be influenced by the videos on show. When it comes to the question wether the movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave, I , honestly, have to say the pros and cons of video broadcasting to young people depend on the content and extent of itself. I will state my points as follows:

First and foremost, most of the nagetive effects come from the violent and pornographic content of the media. Movies and television program full of killing, raping, and stealing could bring about juvenile delinquency. Researchers from social science academy reported that more than 86 percent juvenile in a particular school showed violent behavior after they had watched movies and TV programs that not suitable for their age. They also said that young people did not form a stable personility or a firm belief in value, so they were always inclined to mimic the way adults bahave and imiate what they though mature and cool.

Furthermore, most of the bad babit is formed in the childhood. The young people are more likely to be attracted by the movies and TV programs, which is composed of audio and video, than the books and newspapers. Perhaps the most enjoyable and happy moments in the juvenile’s daily lives is when they are watching TV or movie after school. However, there are also cigarette advertisement in the interval of TV programs and pornographic moments in the movies, even though the government or any other group have already censored them. It is palpable and profounded that juvenile tend to have negative memories of these content and some day in the future replay the language and behavior they had learned.

However, movies and TV programs are the most great inventions last century. At school, teachers could use the broadcasting media to illustrate the curriculum more vividly and enlight the students more effectively. At home, children could enjoy the family atmosphere with their parents and siblings. Juvenile could both informed and enjoyed by the media. So thanks to the great inventions, childrens are more having fun both with the class and the family.

All in all, there are pros and cons about the movies and television, we should adopt their positive points and avoid their shortcomings. To compare the negative and positive effects of broadcasting media we should base it on a case by case background.

作者: zombiee 时间: 2012-6-18 15:06
6.17

Nowadays, to be a university professor is the perfect career of the intellectual, and a faculty in university is both respected and well-paid. When it comes to the criteria to judge a university professor, peple’s views diverge. Someone argues that the main role of a university professor is to educate students rather than to do reasearch. But others have opposite view on this. In my perspective, both educating students and doing research are equally important to a university professor.

On one hand, education quality is vital to a professor’s reputation, most of the students choose their mentor according to the education quality of him. After all, students are more concerned about their performance and background knowledge, which passed on by their teacher. A professor who takes more effort to educate students is more likely to be esteemed as a respected and thoughtful mentor. It is both common sense and daily experience to know that the primary responsibility of a professor is to educate and cultivate. Suppose that a professor can not do his duties well, how could he even do research well.

On the other hand, although education quality is critical to a professor’s performance, to do research is where the reputation and career of a professor built on. In the academic circles, reseach and study are nessary to publish papers at journals and magzines in a certain academic sphere. And it is always the criteria of a university to judge the performance of a professor by the quality and quantity of papers in one semester. To their concern, the reseach and study of a professor is depended on the thesis, so a good faculty should have done a lot of contributive and thought-provoking research.

Finally, both educating students and doing research are equally important to a university professor, that is to say, they are intertwined and progressed together. If a professor does well in his reseach, he could educate his students with the reseach and incite the students to do the further studies, vice versa. The outstanding and excellent professor we acknowledged are always do a good job both in education and research.

In conclusion, to be a good professor is a hard-working job. It is no use to intensify either side of the obligations. Both educating students and doing research are equally important to a university professor, and they interwoven to form a professor whom can worth our respect.

作者: lunating 时间: 2012-6-18 17:33
6.16

In modern society, movies and television have more and more effects on the way the youth think and hbehave. We are exposed to the movies and television all the time, and the young people are even more likely to be influenced by the videos on show. When it comes to the question whether the movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave, I , honestly, have to say the pros and cons of video broadcasting to young people depend on the content and extent of itself(it指什么，video?没看明白==). I will state my points as follows:

First and foremost, most of the nageative effects come from the violent and pornographic content of the media. Movies and television programs full of killing, raping, and stealing could bring about juvenile delinquency. Researchers from social science academy reported that more than 86 percent juvenile in a particular school showed violent behavior after they had watched movies and TV programs that not suitable for their age.(这个统计数据很赞！！)They also said that young people did not form a stable personiality or a firm belief in value, so they were always inclined to mimic the way adults bahaveing and imitate what they thought mature and cool.

Furthermore, most of the bad bhabitsis are formed in the childhood. The young people are more likely to be attracted by the movies and TV programs, which is composed of audio frequency (audio是形容词) and video, rather than the books and newspapers. Perhaps the most enjoyable and happyiest moments in the juvenile’s daily lives is when they are watching TV or movie after school. However, there are also cigarette advertisement in the interval of TV programs and pornographic moments in the movies, even though the government or any other groups have already censored them. It is palpable and profounded that juvenile tend to have negative memories of these contents and some day in the future will replay the language and behavior they had (have) learned.

However, movies and TV programs are the ~~most~~greatest inventions last century. Atthe school, teachers could use the broadcasting media to illustrate the curriculum more vividly and enlighten the students more effectively. At home, children could enjoy the family atmosphere with their parents and siblings. Juvenile could both informed and enjoyed by the media. So thanks to the great inventions, childrens are ~~more~~ having more fun both ~~with the~~ in class and with their family.

All in all, there are pros and cons about the movies and television, we should adopt their positive points and avoid their shortcomings. To compare the negative and positive effects of broadcasting media we should base it on a case bycasebackground (没看明白==).

Conclusion：
小z整个文章的结构特别好，让步很自然，有很多新词汇和句型的运用与扩充，看到你的进步啦~~还有统计数据的运用，增加论证的说服力！
当然，从全文可以看到，可能由于时间的原因，单词的拼写错误明显，还有部分句子使用的不够地道。这些相信在日后一天一天的磨练中会慢慢消退的。
加油！↖(^ω^)↗

作者: zombiee 时间: 2012-6-18 18:26
6.18

Which is healthy way to relax is the topic of our daily life. People want to find a way to relax more effective and efficient due to the high pressure they endure and the necessarity of mind and body health. In my perspective, there are many ways to relax, and the effective type of activity to relax is depended on the situation of a person’s health status, age, and the work he occupies.

First and foremost, the blue-collar workers do manual work all day, and if they want to relax the better choice for them may be to relax by a movie or reading a book than physical exercise. But when it comes to the white-collar ones, to do physical exercise after work are the most popular and effect way to relax from the brain strains. To illustrate, I am working at a research and design institute in China, and the main role for me is to do the caculation, analysis, and comparation—actually all brainwork. Day after day, may co-workers and I are all tired and fatigue about the monotonous work and the most thing we want to do after work is go to the gym and do some exercise. We take up running and yoga after our sedentary work. After exercise, we can reduce the risk of or get rid of obesity, diabetes, cardiovascular disease and so on.

Furthermore, to young people the most exciting relax game from work is often the physical exercise. Because they are more energetic and vital than the elders. Running, playing basketball, dancing etc. are all fast and quick-responsed exercise, and bring about the effect of fast and strong heartbeat. So maybe most physical exercise is not fit for those who are old, weak or ill. And what they needed for relaxing is reading a book or watching a movie rather than doing physical exercise. In the gyms, there are signs anywhere to warn people who are not suitable for the particular item, because it is so dangerous for them to the physical exercise intensively.

To sum up, the effective type of activity to relax is depended on the situation of a person’s health status, age, and the work he occupies. People could consult their doctors, gym choaches, and their friends and families to find a better way to relax.

作者: zombiee 时间: 2012-6-19 18:15
6.19

The most core competition of the modern companies is human resource, and this is the most frequently quoted words of the explanation of how to improve the performance of a company. Unlike last century, the main factors to a good performance of a company are machines, location, government policy, and market share of the product. In 21st century, IT industry , genetic engineering, and astronautical industry,ect. have sprung out as the most influential industries to the human race. Furthermore the most important factor to these high tech industries is human resource. In my perspective, the most important investment for a company is to spend money to improve the work of its employees.

As the famous saying goes, the competition of the 21st century is the competition of human resource. But how to save and explore the human resource is on the table of the CEOs. It is never excessive to put effort on improvement of work environment, development of employees, and salary welfare. When we work all day long with the same work by the same way, the most thing we want to improve is likely to be the motivation--and furthermore creative ability. That is why human resource is so critical and even vital to a competitive company, and that is to say creation lies in human resource. What creation to a modern company is what wings to a bird. To improve the creative ability of employees, a company should invest more strength and expense on the work skills of its employees. As for IT industry, Google , apple Inc., IBM etc. spend more than 60 percent of the profit every year to the education of employees. Thanks to this brilliant strategy, the annual profits of these companies have increase more than 8 percent.

Moreover, It is beneficial to a company to invest in the improvent of employees’s work skill in a long run. For instance, in Dell each specific engineer is part of the larger picture of business priorities that are being driven by the innovation and creation of them. Dell distributed the share of company to every employee—the shareholder, and reimburese the expense of books, tuition, trafic fare and other expense of education and train courses of employees. There are more than ample motivation for engeneers, workers, and technicians to improve their work skill and require sufficient professtional knowledge. Dell’s goal is accomplished after years of this strategy and the company is among the most compatitive IT companies in the world.

All in all, the most important investment for a company is to spend money to improve the work of its employees.

作者: lunating 时间: 2012-6-19 20:11
6.17

Nowadays, to be a university professor is the perfect career of the intellectual, and a faculty in university is both respected and well-paid. When it comes to the criteria to judge a university professor, peple’s views diverge. Someone argues that the main role of a university professor is to educate students rather than to do reasearch. But others have opposite view on this. In my perspective, both educating students and doing research are equally important to a university professor.

On one hand, education quality is vital to a professor’s reputation, most of the students choose their mentor according to the education quality of him. After all, students are more concerned about their performance and background knowledge, which passed on by their teacher. A professor who takes more effort to educate students is more likely to be esteemed as a respected and thoughtful mentor. It is both common sense and daily experience to know that the primary responsibility of a professor is to educate and cultivate. Suppose that a professor can not do his duties well, how could he even do research well. (有两点疑惑：1. duties不包括research吗；2.其实现实中很多教授就像生活大爆炸里的Sheldon那样research很有钻研，但educate不在行)

On the other hand, although education quality is critical to a professor’s performance, to do research is where the reputation and career of a professor built on. In the academic circles, research and study are nessary to publish papers at journals and magazines in a certain academic sphere. And it is always the criteria of a university to judge the performance of a professor by the quality and quantity of papers in one (each) semester. To their concern, the reseach and study of a professor is depended on the thesis, so a good faculty should have done a lot of contributive and thought-provoking research.

Finally, both educating students and doing research are equally important to a university professor, that is to say, they are intertwined and progressed together. If a professor does well in his reseach, he could educate his students with the reseach and incite(朗文解释：to deliberately encourage people to fight, argue etc 词性有问题) the students to do the further studies, vice versa. The outstanding and excellent professor we acknowledged are always do a good job both in education and research.

In conclusion, to be a good professor is a hard-working job. It is no use to intensify either side of the obligations. Both educating students and doing research are equally important to a university professor, and they interwoven to form a professor whom can (whom用法不对，whom是宾格，但在这个句子里貌似做的是主语吧) worth our respect.

Conclusion：
小z的这篇文章很不错，行文衔接也很自然，而且基本没有什么拼写错误~~
个别单词用的不太恰当，可能是想变换着多用些不同的表达，多积累表达同一含义的词汇是好的，但是个人认为，也要对这些词语进行一些整理查找验证哪些是最常用，最适合的搭配，哪些是不能用来搭配的，或者外国人基本不用这种搭配。再有就是积累的同时顺道了解一下词语的色彩。
继续努力哦亲，做最完美的自己~~~

抱歉最近白天都用来做阅读和练口语，晚上才准备作文，所以写文和改文的速度都有些滞后、、、

作者: lunating 时间: 2012-6-19 20:54
6.18

Which is healthy way to relax is the (current/popular/hot) topic of our daily life. People want (are eager) to find a way to relax more effectively and efficiently due to the high pressure they endure and the necessarity of mind (mental) and body health. In my perspective, there are many ways (methods) to relax, and the effective type of activity to relax is depended (depends) on the situation of a person’s health status, age, and the work he occupies.

First and foremost, the blue-collar workers do manual work all day, and if they want to relax the better choice for them may be to relax by a movie or reading a book than physical exercise. But when it comes to the white-collar ones, to do physical exercise after work are the most popular and effective way to relax from the brain strains. To illustrate, I am working at a research and design institute in China, and the main role for me is to do the calculation, analysis, and ~~comparation~~ comparison—actually all brainwork. Day after day, may co-workers and I are all tired and fatigue about the monotonous work and the most commom/simplest/usual thing we want to do after work is go to the gym and do some exercise with several friends. We take up running and yoga after our sedentary work. After exercise, we can reduce the risk of (应该可以去掉吧) or even get rid of obesity, diabetes, cardiovascular disease and so on.

Furthermore, to young people the most exciting relax game from work or study is often the physical exercise. Because they are more energetic and vital than the elders. Running, playing basketball, dancing etc. are all fast and quick-responsed exercise, and bring about the effect of fast and strong heartbeat. So maybe most physical exercise is (activities are) not fit (suitable) for those who are old, weak or ill. And what they needed for relaxing is just reading a book or watching a movie rather than doing physical exercise. In the gyms, there are signs anywhere to warn people who are not suitable for the (some) particular items, because it is so dangerous for them to do the physical exercise intensively.

To sum up, the effective type of activity (activities) to relax is depended on the situation of a person’s health status, age, and the work he occupies. People could consult their doctors, gym choaches, and their friends and families to find a better way to relax.

Conclusion:
结尾感觉有点牵强，整个文章的感觉不是特别的流畅。
不过，结构，还有论点都是很不错的。可以再稍微改改。：）

作者: a273007862 时间: 2012-6-20 07:49
占个座一会来改0619~~独立~~

作者: a273007862 时间: 2012-6-20 21:47

6.19

The most core competition of the modern companies is human resource, and this is the most frequently quoted words of the explanation of how to improve the performance of a company. Unlike last century, the main factors to a good performance of a company are machines, location, government policy, and market share of the product. In 21st century, IT industry , genetic engineering, and astronautical industry,ect. have sprung out as the most influential industries to the human race. Furthermore the most important factor to these high tech industries is human resource. In my perspective, the most important investment for a company is to spend money to improve the work of its employees.

As the famous saying goes, the competition of the 21st century is the competition of human resource. But how to save and explore the human resource is on the table of the CEOs. It is never excessive to put effort on improvement of work environment, development of employees, and salary welfare. When we work all day long with the same work by the same way, the most thing we want to improve is likely to be the motivation--and furthermore creative ability. That is why human resource is so critical and even vital to a competitive company, and that is to say creation lies in human resource. What creation to a modern company is what wings to a bird. To improve the creative ability of employees, a company should invest more strength and expense on the work skills of its employees. As for IT industry, Google , apple Inc., IBM etc. spend more than 60 percent of the profit every year to the education of employees. Thanks to this brilliant strategy, the annual profits of these companies have increase more than 8 percent.

Moreover, It is beneficial to a company to invest in the improvent of employees’s work skill in a long run. For instance, in Dell each specific engineer is part of the larger picture of business priorities that are being driven by the innovation and creation of them. Dell distributed the share of company to every employee—the shareholder, and reimburese the expense of books, tuition, trafic fare and other expense of education and train courses of employees. There are more than ample motivation for engeneers, workers, and technicians to improve their work skill and require sufficient professtional knowledge. Dell’s goal is accomplished after years of this strategy and the company is among the most compatitive IT companies in the world.

All in all, the most important investment for a company is to spend money to improve the work of its employees.

-- by 会员 zombiee (2012/6/19 18:15:05)

The most core competition of用in the modern companies is human resource, and this is the most frequently quoted words ~~of the~~用to ~~explanation of~~ explain，一次那么有of不太好~~how to improve the performance of a company. Unlike last century, the main factors to a good performance of a company哈哈我们来找茬吧~~看看是不是一块用单数，一会用复数了呢~~要注意啊~~ are machines, location, government policy, and market share of the product. In 21st century, IT industry , genetic engineering, and astronautical industry,ect. have sprung out as the most influential industries to the human race. Furthermore the most important factor to these high tech industries is human resource. In my perspective, the most important investment for a company is to spend money to improve the work of its employees.

我觉得开头有点长啊，你写的是很好，举例很多，我认为可以放在下面的段落中，第一段应该说一下背景，然后就直接亮出观点

As the famous saying goes, the competition of the 21st century is the competition of human resource. But how to save and explore the human resource is on the table of the CEOs. It is never excessive to put effort on improvement of work environment, development of employees, and salary welfare. When we work all day long with the same workers by the same way, the most 这应该有一个形容词啊，important？ thing we want to improve is likely to be the motivation--and furthermore ？这块加这个是是神马意思？可以去掉哈creative ability. That is why human resource is so critical and even vital to a competitive company, and that is to say creation lies in human resource. What creation to a modern company is what wings to a bird. To improve the creative ability of employees, a company should invest more strength and expense on the work skills of its employees. As for IT industry, Google , apple Inc., IBM etc. spend more than 60 percent of the profits every year to the education of employees. Thanks to this brilliant strategy, the annual profits of these companies have increase more than 8 percent.这个写的很好~~表扬表扬~~学习学习~~

Moreover, It is beneficial to a company to invest in the improvent of employees’s work skill in a long run. For instance, in Dell each specific engineer is part of the larger picture of business priorities that are being driven by the innovation and creation of them. Dell distributed the share of company to every employee—the shareholder, and reimburese the expense of books, tuition, trafic fare and other expense of education and train courses of employees. There are more than ample motivation for engeneers, workers, and technicians to improve their work skill and require sufficient professtional knowledge. Dell’s goal is accomplished after years of this strategy and the company is among the most compatitive IT companies in the world.蓝色是拼写错误~~一定要留时间检查啊~~

All in all, the most important investment for a company is to spend money to improve the work of its employees.

感觉你的两个观点有重复，其实第一点说的是人力是竞争核心，是谁的竞争核心？必然是公司，所以对公司有益啊~所以跟第二点重复了呀！第一点可以从员工的角度出发，说他们收益了，然后再说公司受益了，这不就是2个不重复的点了吗~~

你的例子真的很好~~加油~~

作者: CCcarol 时间: 2012-6-20 21:47
好吧~ 我就是来加个油~~~

作者: DanielleZ 时间: 2012-6-21 19:45
Hi 僵尸先森~
waiting for your assignment 哦~

作者: zombiee 时间: 2012-6-22 00:10
6.20

In modern society, people live a high-speed life: we get up in a hurry to work, grab fast food at Mcdonald, do our work quickly and efficiently, and so forth. It seems that we all immerse ourselves in bunches of daily trifles, and even do not have any time to take a breath. Almost everyone believes that we should take action now rather than later, patience is usually not a good strategy. However, as in my perspective, it is more important to be patient than hasty.

First and the foremost, as the old Chinese saying put it: haste makes waste. The proverb means acting too quickly may actually slow things down. For instance, the Great Leap Forward event in China in 1960s, which meant to use stereotyped machines, untrained workers and undeveloped technology to catch up even exceed the developed countries in less than 5 years, has actually done damage to the Chinese industry and agriculture. When we try to do something quickly("haste") we are more likely to make mistakes and end up spending more time, money, etc, doing it("waste"). The passage of time is irreversible, so plan before you act.

Moreover, as the Chinese say goes, look before you leap. In our daily life, we need listen to others’ advice, opinions, and criticism before we make our decision. Actually, in a project or a program for our customers, companies usually first listen to the customers demand, then convoke co-workers to arrange the assignment to make a plan, even revise the plan several times according to some factors affect the project, and finally take actions to deal with it. During this whole process, we have to be patient with customers, co-workers, leaders, and others involved in the project. If not, the whole plan may not work and the project could fail eventually.

Finally, however, overdue patience is harmful to us. For example, when we have emergencies, we definitely should solve the problem without hesitation. When we see a child chase a ball in face of a high speed car, or an old man fall down the stairs, we should protect them and stretch out hands to help them immediately. Under certain circumstance, there is no need to be patient and make a plan before we act.

All in all, patience is more critical and even vital than haste. We should take our time to think and plan before we act. Time is so valuable and so limit to us all that we have to use it more reasonable and effective.

作者: zombiee 时间: 2012-6-22 00:14

Hi 僵尸先森~
waiting for your assignment 哦~

-- by 会员 DanielleZ (2012/6/21 19:45:34)

不好意思，来啦~

作者: zombiee 时间: 2012-6-22 11:08
6.21

In our daily school lives, we take courses with our classmates, and obtain knowledge from our professional tutors. They both play a important role to help us, especially when we come up with a difficult question. But who should we turn to? Our intimate friends-classmates-with whom we take courses, have dinner together, and play games. Or the respected mentor-our professional tutor- from whom we obtain our knowledge, learn lessons, and require necessary skills with schoolwork. From my perspective, the person we should turn to depend on the type of our problems that we can’t deal with independently.

On the one hand, if our problem is tend to be a personal or a simple one, asking classmates for help is a better idea. Personally speaking, if my classmate has a problem with following the notes about the course or ask for the best way of learning and speaking in front of others, I can give some useful advice according to my same experience and knowledge. Moreover, my suggestions and opinions are targeted at s/he’s problem, especially if I know the classmate deeply and closely. That is to say, I, rather than a professional tutor, am a best choice for my classmate on these problems.

On the other hand, if the problem with schoolwork is out of my ability, or if the question is more professional for me to answer, I will suggest my classmate to turn to the professional tutor for help. For example, when my classmate confront a big challenge with his special subject of scientific research, which definitely out of my scope of knowledge, he should go to the tutor’s office even though he has to make appointment first, or he has to wait according to the tutor’s schedule. Suppose that I answered the question conceitedly, my classmate may get on the wrong track to solve the problem and fail eventually. For sake of my classmate, I will not give a bad advice and ruin his schoolwork.

All in all, if one of your classmates needs help with some schoolwork, the solution I would recommend my classmate should do is depended on the type of his problem. Whether to ask me for help or to find a professional tutor for help, I will do my best to help my classmates.

作者: kchszy061ban 时间: 2012-6-22 11:41

蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误

In our daily school lives, we take courses with our classmates, and obtain knowledge from our professional tutors. They both play a important role to help us, especially when we come up with a difficult question. But who should we turn to? Our intimate friends-classmates-with whom we take courses, have dinner together, and play games. Or the respected mentor-our professional tutor- from whom we obtain our knowledge, learn lessons, and require necessary skills with schoolwork. From my perspective, the person we should turn to depend on the type of our problems that we can’t deal with independently.

On the one hand, if our problem is tends to be a personal or a simple one, asking classmates for help is a better idea. Personally speaking, if my classmate has a problem with following the notes about the course or ask for the best way of learning and speaking in front of others, I can give him/her some useful advice according to my same experience and knowledge. Moreover, my suggestions and opinions are targeted at s/he’s problem, especially if I know the classmate deeply and closely. That is to say, I, rather than a professional tutor, am a best choice for my classmate on these problems.

On the other hand, if the problem with schoolwork is out of my ability, or if the question is more(too) professional for me to answer, I will suggest my classmate to turn to the professional tutor for help. For example, when my classmate confront a big challenge with his special subject of scientific research, which definitely out of my scope of knowledge, he should go to the tutor’s office even though he has to make appointment first, or he has to wait according to the tutor’s schedule. Suppose that I answered the question conceitedly, my classmate may get on the wrong track to solve the problem and fail eventually. For sake of my classmate, I will not give a bad advice and ruin his schoolwork.

All in all, if one of your classmates needs help with some schoolwork, the solution I would recommend my classmate should do is depended on the type of his problem. Whether to ask me for help or to find a professional tutor for help, I will do my best to help my classmates.(其实这句话与主题关系不大额)

文章整体不错，不过，这篇文章两面都包含，结果就是两方面都木有很好的展开和支持。

作者: DanielleZ 时间: 2012-6-22 15:00

Hi 僵尸先森~
waiting for your assignment 哦~

-- by 会员 DanielleZ (2012/6/21 19:45:34)

不好意思，来啦~

-- by 会员 zombiee (2012/6/22 0:14:39)

嘿嘿~改完啦~其实都没有修改什么，学习了很多好句子啊。全都记在小本上啦~
In modernsociety, people live a high-speed life: we get up in a hurry to work, grab fast food at McDonald,do our work quickly and efficiently, and so forth. Itseems that we all immerse ourselves in bunches of daily trifles, andeven do not have any time to take a breath. Almost everyone believes that weshould take action now rather than later, patience is usually not a goodstrategy. However, as in my perspective, it is more important to be patientthan hasty.

First and the foremost, as the old Chinese sayingput it: haste makes waste. The proverb means acting too quickly may actuallyslow things down. For instance, the Great Leap Forward event in China in 1960s,which meant to use stereotyped machines, untrained workers and undevelopedtechnology to catch upeven exceed the developed countries in less than 5 years, has actuallydone damage to the Chinese industry and agriculture. When we try to dosomething quickly("haste") we are more likely to make mistakes andend up spending more time, money, etc, doing it("waste"). The passageof time is irreversible, so plan before you act.

Moreover, as the Chinese say goes, look before youleap. In our daily life, we need listen to others’ advice, opinions, andcriticism before we make our decision. Actually, in a project or a program forour customers, companies usually first listen to the customers demand, then convoke co-workers toarrange the assignment to make a plan, even revise the plan several timesaccording to some factors affect the project, and finally take actions to dealwith it. During this whole process, we have to be patient with customers, co-workers,leaders, and others involved in the project. If not, the whole plan may notwork and the project could fail eventually.

Finally, however, overdue patience is harmful tous. For example, when we have emergencies, we definitely should solve theproblem without hesitation. When we see a child chase a ball in face of a highspeed car, or an old man fall down the stairs, we should protect them andstretch out hands to help them immediately. Under certain circumstance, thereis no need to be patient and make a plan before we act.

All in all, patience is more critical and evenvital than haste. We should take our time to think and plan before we act. Timeis so valuable and so limit
ed to us all that we have to use it morereasonable and effective.

作者: zombiee 时间: 2012-6-22 20:15
6.22

Have you ever been upset and depressed when discuss problems with others but have no results? Have you ever put all your strength to argue for your standpoint but not been understood by others? Have you ever so confused that when exchange opinions with others about controversial problems but fell into a quarrel? If you have ever had such experiences, you would know how wonderful it is to use e-mail or text messaging to solve these problems.

Email or text messaging is effective and efficient in exchanging ideas especially when we discuss upsetting or controversial problems. Take my thesis for example, when I first came up with the topic, I felt confused and self-contradictory so I discussed the topic with my classmates and friends. To my surprise, everyone had his/her own points on the specific topic and views from his/her own respect. I went for help but, to my disappointment, the result was horrible. When things got worse, I turned to my tutor for help and got a piece of advice: why not tell your classmates to type their brilliant ideas down and communicate them with e-mail or text messaging. I did what my mentor told me, and harvested a great deal with the thesis and more importantly of the exchange method. To illustrate, when we type every word we want to argue with others, we can not help ourselves to make an effort to say it clearly, logically, and even rhetoric. So we reconstruct the main point with logical thinking and precise words, and rebuild it with care. Meanwhile, the unwarranted ideas, points out of scope, and even personal attack are all eliminated by ourselves. What an amazing finding! See? How fantastic it is as express yourself via email or text messaging.

This case is not rare, in reality, frequently we deal with written information more effectively. There are several advantages in using email or text messaging, and it is recordable, precise, easy to be referred etc. When we use email or text messaging to express our ideas and exchange opinions about controversial problems with others, we can get the main point of others from written materials effectively just according to its clear and reasonable structure. Moreover, we can find the pitfalls or drawbacks in their email or messaging easily and precisely. Finally, we could revise the incorrect points and improve our ideas just from the correction by others. This is effective and efficient way to improve and revise our standpoint, let alone learning the good points from the written material we have read.

Email or text messaging may have some merits, but it suffers from the disadvantage that it is more time-consuming than the telephone or voice-messaging. Telephone or voice-messaging is definitely a immediately reflective system. We can flip our thoughts freely on the tip of our tongue, exchange our ideas immediately and conveniently. But when it comes to the special situation that we need to discuss upsetting or controversial problems with others, the disadvantages of telephone or voice-messaging, such as vague to understand, easily to induce quarrel and tend to forgetful if not written down, outweigh its advantages in most of cases.

All in all, Email or text messaging is effective and efficient in exchanging ideas especially when we discuss upsetting or controversial problems.

作者: 包子不包子 时间: 2012-6-23 07:13
6.22

Have you ever been upset and depressed when discuss problems with others but have no results? Have you ever put all your strength to argue for your standpoint but not been understood by others? Have you ever so confused that when exchange opinions with others about controversial problems but things fell into a quarrel? If you have ever had such experiences, you would know how wonderful it is to use e-mail or text messaging to solve these problems.

Email or text messaging is effective and efficient in exchanging ideas especially when we discuss upsetting or controversial problems. Take my thesis for example, when I first came up with the topic, I felt confused and self-contradictory so I discussed the topic with my classmates and friends. To my surprise, everyone had his/her own points on the specific topic and views from his/her own respect. I went for help but, to my disappointment, the result was horrible. When things got worse, I turned to my tutor for help and got a piece of advice: why not tell your classmates to type their brilliant ideas down and communicate them with e-mail or text messaging. I did what my mentor told me, and harvested a great deal with the thesis and more importantly of the exchange method. To illustrate, when we type every word we want to argue with others, we can ~~not~~ help ourselves to make an effort to say it clearly, logically, and even rhetoric. So we reconstruct the main point with logical thinking and precise words, and rebuild it with care. Meanwhile, the unwarranted ideas, points out of scope, and even personal attack are all eliminated ~~by ourselves~~. What an amazing finding! See? 不大适合正式书面语吧How fantastic it is as express yourself via email or text messaging.感觉这段叙述有些琐碎了

This case is not rare, in reality, frequently we deal with written information more effectively.不用再说written information了吧直接说e-mail好处就好 There are several advantages in using email or text messaging, and it is recordable, precise, easy to be referred etc. When we use email or text messaging to express our ideas and exchange opinions about controversial problems with others, we can get the main point of others from written materials effectively just according to its clear and reasonable structure. Moreover, we can find the pitfalls or drawbacks in their email or messaging easily and precisely. Finally, we could revise the incorrect points and improve our ideas just from the correction by others. This is effective and efficient way to improve and revise our standpoint, let alone learning the good points from the written material we have read.逻辑很好啊但是句子有些简单了

Email or text messaging may have some merits, but it suffers from the disadvantage that it is more time-consuming than the telephone or voice-messaging. Telephone or voice-messaging is definitely a immediately reflective system. We can flip our thoughts freely on the tip of our tongue, exchange our ideas immediately and conveniently. But when it comes to the special situation that we need to discuss upsetting or controversial problems with others, the disadvantages of telephone or voice-messaging, such as vague to understand, easily to induce quarrel and tend to forgetful if not written down, outweigh its advantages in most of cases.

All in all, Email or text messaging is effective and efficient in exchanging ideas especially when we discuss upsetting or controversial problems.
总体蛮好的可能都是叙述的实例所以显得橘子有些琐碎多变化下句式吧

作者: zombiee 时间: 2012-6-23 13:10
6.23

Have you ever read a book downloaded on your mobile phone or tablet computer anywhere you have time? Have you ever taken your online course via remote education network and sat in front of your screen to discuss or answer questions through microphone? Have you ever learned a foreign language by wearing your earphones to listen to the native speakers at any spare time? If you have never had such experiences, you would never know easier now to become educated than in the past.

No one can deny the fact that a person’s education is the most important aspect of his or her life. Thanks to the developed science and technology today, increasing education tools and material fill our minds with the latest knowledge and information. Nowadays education can be obtained at any time and at any place. “Knowledge is power”, whatever you want to learn, just search it on Internet, which connected with famous universities in the world, know-it-all encyclopedia, and professors service in any institute. Living in “information explosion age”, human race get what they eager to know more easily and efficiently. For instance, one high school in the state of Taxes in U.S. emancipates students from classroom, in other words, to free the students to accomplish their textbooks content in any way they like. This is a huge step to bring the children to the realistic world and educate them use the modern tools and whatever they acquire to inform themselves. They visit the real factory, study the technology in practice, and obtain knowledge more vividly and impressively to shed the restricted inhibition of the preaches by teachers. In fact, it is now easier to become educated than in the past due to the dramatic change in modern society and progress in knowledge and technology over the recent decades.

To the contrary, education is hard to obtain in the past. According to the historical recording , human race experienced a pains-taking path to obtain knowledge. Not to mention the prehistory times, in the last century, only a few people who are well financed and born in noble can have the right to be educated. The birthright to be educated equally has not been realized until a few decades ago, especially to women, the poor, and the disabled. Moreover, the only way to impart knowledge is to preach it in the class by teachers. Even worse is the person who cannot afford to school has no means to self-educated, due to the pains-taking effort to earn his or her life and isolation to the knowledge in expensive books.

Although the path to the wisdom and knowledge has been paved by science and technology, it must be admitted that, shortage of funds is still the one of the biggest questions that students nowadays have to face because that tuition fees and prices of books are soaring by the day. Increasing number of students at campus still have to take part-time jobs during their school time or pay their loan after graduation, let alone the drop-outs who have to give up their degree because of shortage of funds. However, this is the inevitable path to let everyone have their right of education. The cost of education is decreasing by the day.

From what has been discussed above, the conclusion that people are now easier to become educated than in the past can be safely draw.

作者: phoebe0624 时间: 2012-6-23 19:19
我来插楼，僵尸先生加油！

顺祝端午快乐！

作者: zombiee 时间: 2012-6-23 22:43

我来插楼，僵尸先生加油！

顺祝端午快乐！

-- by 会员 phoebe0624 (2012/6/23 19:19:29)

呦，端午快乐！！哈哈

作者: DanielleZ 时间: 2012-6-24 01:03

6.23

Have you ever read a book downloaded on your mobile phone or tablet computer anywhere you have time? Have you ever taken your online course via remote education network and sat in front of your screen to discuss or answer questions through microphone? Have you ever learned a foreign language by wearing your earphones to listen to the native speakers at any spare time? If you have never had such experiences, you would never know easier now to become educated than in the past.

No one can deny the fact that a person’s education is the most important aspect of his or her life. Thanks to the developed science and technology today, increasing education tools and material fill our minds with the latest knowledge and information. Nowadays education can be obtained at any time and at any place. “Knowledge is power”, whatever you want to learn, just search it on Internet, which connected with famous universities in the world, know-it-all encyclopedia, and professors service in any institute. Living in “information explosion age”, human race get what they eager to know more easily and efficiently. For instance, one high school in the state of Taxes in U.S. emancipates students from classroom, in other words, to free the students to accomplish their textbooks content in any way they like. This is a huge step to bring the children to the realistic world and educate them use the modern tools and whatever they acquire to inform themselves. They visit the real factory, study the technology in practice, and obtain knowledge more vividly and impressively to shed the restricted inhibition of the preaches by teachers. In fact, it is now easier to become educated than in the past due to the dramatic change in modern society and progress in knowledge and technology over the recent decades.

To the contrary, education is hard to obtain in the past. According to the historical recording , human race experienced a pains-taking path to obtain knowledge. Not to mention the prehistory times, in the last century, only a few people who are well financed and born in noble can have the right to be educated. The birthright to be educated equally has not been realized until a few decades ago, especially to women, the poor, and the disabled. Moreover, the only way to impart knowledge is to preach it in the class by teachers. Even worse is the person who cannot afford to school has no means to self-educated, due to the pains-taking effort to earn his or her life and isolation to the knowledge in expensive books.

Although the path to the wisdom and knowledge has been paved by science and technology, it must be admitted that, shortage of funds is still the one of the biggest questions that students nowadays have to face because that tuition fees and prices of books are soaring by the day. Increasing number of students at campus still have to take part-time jobs during their school time or pay their loan after graduation, let alone the drop-outs who have to give up their degree because of shortage of funds. However, this is the inevitable path to let everyone have their right of education. The cost of education is decreasing by the day.

From what has been discussed above, the conclusion that people are now easier to become educated than in the past can be safely draw.

-- by 会员 zombiee (2012/6/23 13:10:48)

僵尸先生现在开头喜欢用排比哈~学习，学习

作者: 包子不包子 时间: 2012-6-24 14:03
6.23

Have you ever read a book downloaded on your mobile phone or tablet computer anywhere you have time? Have you ever taken your online course via remote education network and sat in front of your screen to discuss or answer questions through microphone? Have you ever learned a foreign language by wearing your earphones to listen to the native speakers at any spare time? If you have never had such experiences, you would never know easier now to become educated than in the past是不是少了什么啊读起来怪怪的

No one can deny the fact that a person’s education is the most important aspect of his or her life. Thanks to the developed science and technology today, increasing education tools and material fill our minds with the latest knowledge and information. Nowadays education can be obtained at any time and at any place. “Knowledge is power”, whatever you want to learn, just search it on Internet, which connected with famous universities in the world, know-it-all encyclopedia, and professors service in any institute. Living in “information explosion age”, human race get what they eager to know more easily and efficiently. For instance, one high school in the state of Taxes in U.S. emancipates students from classroom, in other words, to free the students to accomplish their textbooks content in any way they like. This is a huge step to bring the children to the realistic world and educate them use the modern tools and whatever they acquire to inform themselves. They visit the real factory, study the technology in practice, and obtain knowledge more vividly and impressively to shed the restricted inhibition of the preaches by teachers. In fact, it is now easier to become educated than in the past due to the dramatic change in modern society and progress in knowledge and technology over the recent decades.

To on the contrary, education is hard to obtain in the past. According to the historical recording , human race experienced a pains-taking path to obtain knowledge. Not to mention the prehistory times, in the last century, only a few people who are well financed and born in noble can have the right to be educated. The birthright to be educated equally has not been realized until a few decades ago, especially to women, the poor, and the disabled. Moreover, the only way to impart knowledge is to preach it in the class by teachers. Even worse is the person who cannot afford to school has no means to self-educated, due to the pains-taking effort to earn his or her life and isolation to the knowledge in expensive books. 再说说现在的教育情况吧

Although the path to the wisdom and knowledge has been paved by science and technology, it must be admitted that, shortage of funds is still ~~the~~ one of the biggest questions that students nowadays have to face because that tuition fees and prices of books are soaring up by the day. Increasing number of students at campus still have to take part-time jobs during their school time or pay their loan after graduation, let alone the drop-outs who have to give up their degree because of shortage of funds. However, this is the inevitable path to let everyone have their right of education. The cost of education is decreasing by the day.这句话和上面的联系包子没有看出来啊

From what has been discussed above, the conclusion that people are now easier to become educated than in the past can be safely ~~draw.~~drew
很好的文了~ 论点相当有力用词好好~
包子不大确定题目里指的是people但是zombiee和我都用了不少篇幅去讨论学生的受教育情况不只靠这样有没有风险
还有啊 zombiee能很自然地把事例过渡到论证总结逻辑啊包子要怎么学习唉

作者: zombiee 时间: 2012-6-24 22:32

6.23

Have you ever read a book downloaded on your mobile phone or tablet computer anywhere you have time? Have you ever taken your online course via remote education network and sat in front of your screen to discuss or answer questions through microphone? Have you ever learned a foreign language by wearing your earphones to listen to the native speakers at any spare time? If you have never had such experiences, you would never know easier now to become educated than in the past是不是少了什么啊读起来怪怪的

No one can deny the fact that a person’s education is the most important aspect of his or her life. Thanks to the developed science and technology today, increasing education tools and material fill our minds with the latest knowledge and information. Nowadays education can be obtained at any time and at any place. “Knowledge is power”, whatever you want to learn, just search it on Internet, which connected with famous universities in the world, know-it-all encyclopedia, and professors service in any institute. Living in “information explosion age”, human race get what they eager to know more easily and efficiently. For instance, one high school in the state of Taxes in U.S. emancipates students from classroom, in other words, to free the students to accomplish their textbooks content in any way they like. This is a huge step to bring the children to the realistic world and educate them use the modern tools and whatever they acquire to inform themselves. They visit the real factory, study the technology in practice, and obtain knowledge more vividly and impressively to shed the restricted inhibition of the preaches by teachers. In fact, it is now easier to become educated than in the past due to the dramatic change in modern society and progress in knowledge and technology over the recent decades.

To on the contrary, education is hard to obtain in the past. According to the historical recording , human race experienced a pains-taking path to obtain knowledge. Not to mention the prehistory times, in the last century, only a few people who are well financed and born in noble can have the right to be educated. The birthright to be educated equally has not been realized until a few decades ago, especially to women, the poor, and the disabled. Moreover, the only way to impart knowledge is to preach it in the class by teachers. Even worse is the person who cannot afford to school has no means to self-educated, due to the pains-taking effort to earn his or her life and isolation to the knowledge in expensive books. 再说说现在的教育情况吧

Although the path to the wisdom and knowledge has been paved by science and technology, it must be admitted that, shortage of funds is still ~~the~~ one of the biggest questions that students nowadays have to face because that tuition fees and prices of books are soaring up by the day. Increasing number of students at campus still have to take part-time jobs during their school time or pay their loan after graduation, let alone the drop-outs who have to give up their degree because of shortage of funds. However, this is the inevitable path to let everyone have their right of education. The cost of education is decreasing by the day.这句话和上面的联系包子没有看出来啊

From what has been discussed above, the conclusion that people are now easier to become educated than in the past can be safely ~~draw.~~drew
很好的文了~ 论点相当有力用词好好~
包子不大确定题目里指的是people但是zombiee和我都用了不少篇幅去讨论学生的受教育情况不只靠这样有没有风险
还有啊 zombiee能很自然地把事例过渡到论证总结逻辑啊包子要怎么学习唉

-- by 会员包子不包子 (2012/6/24 14:03:00)

谢谢包子的批改，包子谬赞我了，这个作文我严重超时。还有逻辑真的很难写好，还得多练啊。you would never know （how） easier now to become educated than in the past.

作者: DanielleZ 时间: 2012-6-24 23:48

6.23

Have you ever read a book downloaded on your mobile phone or tablet computer anywhere you have time? Have you ever taken your online course via remote education network and sat in front of your screen to discuss or answer questions through microphone? Have you ever learned a foreign language by wearing your earphones to listen to the native speakers at any spare time? If you have never had such experiences, you would never know easier now to become educated than in the past是不是少了什么啊读起来怪怪的

No one can deny the fact that a person’s education is the most important aspect of his or her life. Thanks to the developed science and technology today, increasing education tools and material fill our minds with the latest knowledge and information. Nowadays education can be obtained at any time and at any place. “Knowledge is power”, whatever you want to learn, just search it on Internet, which connected with famous universities in the world, know-it-all encyclopedia, and professors service in any institute. Living in “information explosion age”, human race get what they eager to know more easily and efficiently. For instance, one high school in the state of Taxes in U.S. emancipates students from classroom, in other words, to free the students to accomplish their textbooks content in any way they like. This is a huge step to bring the children to the realistic world and educate them use the modern tools and whatever they acquire to inform themselves. They visit the real factory, study the technology in practice, and obtain knowledge more vividly and impressively to shed the restricted inhibition of the preaches by teachers. In fact, it is now easier to become educated than in the past due to the dramatic change in modern society and progress in knowledge and technology over the recent decades.

To on the contrary, education is hard to obtain in the past. According to the historical recording , human race experienced a pains-taking path to obtain knowledge. Not to mention the prehistory times, in the last century, only a few people who are well financed and born in noble can have the right to be educated. The birthright to be educated equally has not been realized until a few decades ago, especially to women, the poor, and the disabled. Moreover, the only way to impart knowledge is to preach it in the class by teachers. Even worse is the person who cannot afford to school has no means to self-educated, due to the pains-taking effort to earn his or her life and isolation to the knowledge in expensive books. 再说说现在的教育情况吧

Although the path to the wisdom and knowledge has been paved by science and technology, it must be admitted that, shortage of funds is still ~~the~~ one of the biggest questions that students nowadays have to face because that tuition fees and prices of books are soaring up by the day. Increasing number of students at campus still have to take part-time jobs during their school time or pay their loan after graduation, let alone the drop-outs who have to give up their degree because of shortage of funds. However, this is the inevitable path to let everyone have their right of education. The cost of education is decreasing by the day.这句话和上面的联系包子没有看出来啊

From what has been discussed above, the conclusion that people are now easier to become educated than in the past can be safely ~~draw.~~drew
很好的文了~ 论点相当有力用词好好~
包子不大确定题目里指的是people但是zombiee和我都用了不少篇幅去讨论学生的受教育情况不只靠这样有没有风险
还有啊 zombiee能很自然地把事例过渡到论证总结逻辑啊包子要怎么学习唉

-- by 会员包子不包子 (2012/6/24 14:03:00)

-- by 会员 zombiee (2012/6/24 22:32:28)

有个例子我跟你用的差不多哎，但你写的比我流畅多了。。。我要加油啊~我觉得这几天的题目都不是特别好写呢~我例子太少了

作者: DanielleZ 时间: 2012-6-25 16:49
hi, zombie~
头疼的事处理完没有啊？作文写好了告诉我一声哈~
虽然我自己昨天的也没有写。。。。。哎。。。。。

作者: zombiee 时间: 2012-6-26 00:16
6.25

Can you remember your first lesson your grandparents teach you? Can you recall your childhood mess-up which your grandparents get rid of? Can you recount the lovely story which you share with your grandparents? If you have not any of such experience, you would never know how useful and helpful the advice from grandparents is.

For a toddler, it is so important to listen to and do what grandparents told him/her to do. Grandparents have spent years in the mastering the art of raising children, and they have built a knowledge base of babysitting. Moreover most of them are retired from work, they have bunch of time deal with the pre-school education, and they are fond of little children. This case is much more universal today than in the past, because parents are often busy in their business and hardly have time to look after their children. As a result increasingly children are grandparents educated, so what grandparents said is useful and influential to their lives afterward.

For a teenager, grandparents are more likely to be a mentor of his/her life. They have age –matched experience and knowledge about studying at school, exchanging with others, and living a happy and wonderful puberty time. Furthermore, they are always more patient than parents with children, and their benignancy is the most effective cure for teenagers with rebellion and feistiness. For instance, when people in their juvenile time, they tend to listen to a story of their grandparents who once experienced the same scenario, rather than listen to their parents’ boring and endless preach. In fact, teenagers always benefit much from the grandparents’ childhood stories and mimic their grandparents’ good deeds.

For an adult, however they are more likely to complain about the excessive care their grandparents imposed on them. After years of obedience, they assert that the advice from grandparents has no use for them because the world changed a lot during the past 50 years. Admittedly, grandparents are mostly stereotyped and old-fashioned in some respects such as fashion, high-tech, new culture etc. But the criterion and the essence of right thing to do is not changed.

All in all, the advice from grandparents is useful for their grandchildren even though the world changed a lot during the past 50 years.

作者: kchszy061ban 时间: 2012-6-26 17:49

蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误

Can you remember your first lesson your grandparents teach you? Can you recall your childhood mess-up which your grandparents get rid of? Can you recount the lovely story which you share with your grandparents?（排比不错，只是我怎么觉得和advice 相差很远） If you have not any of such experience, you would never know how useful and helpful the advice from grandparents is.

For a toddler, it is so important to listen to and do what grandparents told him/her to do. Grandparents have spent years in the mastering the art of raising children, and they have built a knowledge base of babysitting. Moreover, most of them are retired from work, they have bunch of time deal with the pre-school education, and they are fond of little children. This case is much more universal today than in the past, because parents are often busy in their business and hardly have time to look after their children. As a result, increasingly children are grandparents educated, so what grandparents said is useful and influential to their lives afterward.

For a teenager, grandparents are more likely to be a mentor of his/her life. They have age –matched experience and knowledge about studying at school, exchanging with others, and living a happy and wonderful puberty time. Furthermore, they are always more patient than parents with children, and their benignancy is the most effective cure for teenagers with rebellion and feistiness. For instance, when people in their juvenile time, they tend to listen to a story of their grandparents who once experienced the same scenario, rather than listen to their parents’ boring and endless preach. In fact, teenagers always benefit much from the grandparents’ childhood stories and mimic their grandparents’ good deeds.

For an adult, however, they are more likely to complain about the excessive care their grandparents imposed on them. After years of obedience, they assert that the advice from grandparents has no use for them because the world changed a lot during the past 50 years. Admittedly, grandparents are mostly stereotyped and old-fashioned in some respects such as fashion, high-tech, new culture, etc. But the criterion and the essence of right thing to do is not changed. （这里再加上一个总结句，联系下主题，还有就是总觉得but转折的很突兀额，联系的不是很紧密）

All in all, the advice from grandparents is useful for their grandchildren even though the world changed a lot during the past 50 years.

按时间顺序来写，但是这个最后一段是纯反对，让步的不是很明显。很好了，限时写这样不错。

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