ChaseDream

标题: nirvanababy [打印本页]

作者: nirvanababy 时间: 2012-6-9 22:07
标题: nirvanababy
Victory won't come to me unless I go to it.

{综合作文}
1.如果讲座中的论点与阅读文章中的观点相抵触，考生可以通过下列其中一种方法进行分析说明：
·总结概括讲座中的要点，解释这些要点如何对阅读文章中的某些具体观点产生怀疑。
·总结概括讲座中的要点，解释这些要点如何对阅读文章中的某些具体陈述和论点提出质疑。
·总结概括讲座中的要点，确切地解释这些要点如何回答阅读文章中所提出的问题。
2.如果讲座中的论点支持并强化阅读文章中的内容，考试可以通过下列其中一种方法进行分析说明：
·总结概括讲座中的要点，准确说明这些要点如何支持阅读文章中的解释性论述。
·总结概括讲座中的要点，准确说明这些要点如何加强阅读文章中的某些具体观点。

｛独立作文｝
很好地展开论点、运用恰当清晰的解释、例证和细节。

作者: nirvanababy 时间: 2012-6-9 23:44
[6.9综合]TPO17

The lecturer is mainly discussing that birds’ population will not decrease, which disputes what stated in the passage.

To begin with, the lecturer argues that while the habitat of some birds will decrease because the expanding of the human habitat, the habitat of other types of birds will increase. More than that, human habitat can provide better places to birds to live. So, the human activity will not affect the birds’ population.

Moreover, according to the lecturer, the agriculture needs less and less land to develop crops, since the productive crops can produce more in per unit land. As a result, the speed of the expansion of the agricultural land will be not as soon as that mentioned in the passage. This directly contradicts what the passage indicates.

Finally, people realize that traditional pesticides may have a bad effect on the reproduction ability of birds. So, they begin to use new and less toxic pesticide method. On the other hand, the cultivation of pest-resistant crops reduces the use of pesticide. Therefore, the birds will not get hurt from the toxic pesticide.

To sum up, the contends narrated in the passage are totally criticized by the lecturer.

作者: nirvanababy 时间: 2012-6-10 14:08
[6.9 独立] Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People are now easier to become educated than in the past.

In the past, getting education may be a luxury to somebody. However, the development of the society and the advent of new technology make people more easily to get educated.

First of all, as we know, many countries take the compulsory education into act. The right of getting primary education is protected by the policy and supported by the society and family. Our government also makes some favorable polices, like nine-year compulsory education and student loans. Moreover, many charity foundation and volunteer organizations provide money, infrastructure and other teaching resources to the remote mountain areas, which makes the children in these places are more easily to get education than before. Take for example our country, the establishment of hope primary school helps many children in the Western China. With social-awareness, more and more people volunteer to teach children in the remote areas and make contributions to the improvement of the whole society.

Secondly, with the increase demand of learning, more and more training classes appear. By taking these courses, people not only can enrich their knowledge, but also can improve their skills that may be useful in their study and work. The easier way to be educated makes them grasp more chances to live a better life.

Thirdly, contemporary technology makes more information and knowledge available. People can learn different kinds of courses on the internet. For example, you can learn the free open class from different schools when you are just surfing on the internet. These courses involve physics, economics, arts and so on. On the other hand, some net schools also provide more professional study courses, such as tutoring classes for some certification tests and language courses. Admittedly, virtual world offer more opportunities for people who urge for knowledge. More importantly, the development of the portable devices makes learning everywhere possible. You can listen to podcasts and learn courses on your iPhone or iPad, or you can read ebook on your amazon kindle. The time you spend on the subway or bus can be fully used to study.

In conclusion, with the insurance of policy, the progress of the society and the improvement of the technology, people at present can be educated more easily.

作者: 默存追日 时间: 2012-6-10 16:37
标题: 今天的意思是我和同学互改？那就和同学改写标记一致吧。
[6.9 独立] Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People are now easier to become educated than in the past.

In the past, getting education may be a luxury to somebody. However, the development of the society and the advent of new technology make people more easily to get educated.

First of all, as we know, many countries take the compulsory education into act. The right of getting primary education is protected by the policy and supported by the society and family. Our government also makes some favorable polices, like nine-year compulsory education and student loans（不太知道托福对书面写作语法要求怎样，like正规语法要求是表示比较——主语比较，表示举例的话建议用 such as ）. Moreover, many charity foundation and volunteer organizations provide money, infrastructure and other teaching resources to the remote mountain areas, which makes the children in these places are more easily to get education than before（which & this不能指代前面整个句子，一般用一个抽象名词做前句同位语，同位语跟随一个名从进行阐述。again，我不知道托福对写作语法的具体要求到底有多高，这里是GMAT的语法规则应用，是适用于商业合同之类的正规书面语吧，相对法则规章的语法要求低一级。）.Take for example our country, （学习这个短语。） the establishment of hope primary school helps many children in the Western China. With social-awareness, more and more people volunteer to teach children in the remote areas and make contributions to the improvement of the whole society.（喜欢这类例子，楼主是善良的孩子。）

Secondly, with the increase demand of learning, more and more training classes appear. By taking these courses, people not only can enrich their knowledge, but also can improve their skills that may be useful in their study and work. The easier way （我找不到way的前方逻辑承接，楼主前文阐述应该是一种situation，用way承接不如situation稳妥吧？） to be educated makes them grasp more chances to live a better life.

Thirdly, contemporary technology makes more information and knowledge available. People can learn different kinds of courses on the internet. For example, you can learn the free open class from different schools when you are just surfing on the internet. These courses involve physics, economics, arts and so on. On the other hand, （前面要是有on the one hand就更好了。） some net schools （网络学校的例子很好。）also provide more professional study courses, such as tutoring classes for some certification tests and language courses. Admittedly, virtual world offer more opportunities for people who urge for knowledge. More importantly, the development of the portable devices makes learning everywhere possible. You can listen to podcasts and learn courses on your iPhone or iPad, or you can read ebook on your amazon kindle. The time you spend on the subway or bus can be fully used to study.

In conclusion, with the insurance of policy, the progress of the society and the improvement of the technology, people at present can be educated more easily.

第三段要是能再加一句话就更好的，body就更balance了。木有看到typo，是个细心的孩子。

语法要求我是完全按照GMAT的SC，可能托福木有这么严格的语法要求。楼主自我揣度啊。

文章逻辑推进我不敢多说，木有觉得有什么问题。

楼主要是担心的话，我极度建议楼主找熟悉托福作文的同学再看一下，我昨天是写我人生中的托福第三篇作文- -!

个人偏好首段和末端写更多一些，至少和body段落相当，这个貌似是个人习惯问题？楼主自己判断一下啊。

作者: nirvanababy 时间: 2012-6-10 21:25
谢谢你的建议

辛苦啦！

[6.9 独立] Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People are now easier to become educated than in the past.

In the past, getting education may be a luxury to somebody. However, the development of the society and the advent of new technology make people more easily to get educated.

First of all, as we know, many countries take the compulsory education into act. The right of getting primary education is protected by the policy and supported by the society and family. Our government also makes some favorable polices, like nine-year compulsory education and student loans（不太知道托福对书面写作语法要求怎样，like正规语法要求是表示比较——主语比较，表示举例的话建议用 such as ）. Moreover, many charity foundation and volunteer organizations provide money, infrastructure and other teaching resources to the remote mountain areas, which makes the children in these places are more easily to get education than before（which & this不能指代前面整个句子，一般用一个抽象名词做前句同位语，同位语跟随一个名从进行阐述。again，我不知道托福对写作语法的具体要求到底有多高，这里是GMAT的语法规则应用，是适用于商业合同之类的正规书面语吧，相对法则规章的语法要求低一级。）.Take for example our country, （学习这个短语。） the establishment of hope primary school helps many children in the Western China. With social-awareness, more and more people volunteer to teach children in the remote areas and make contributions to the improvement of the whole society.（喜欢这类例子，楼主是善良的孩子。）

Secondly, with the increase demand of learning, more and more training classes appear. By taking these courses, people not only can enrich their knowledge, but also can improve their skills that may be useful in their study and work. The easier way （我找不到way的前方逻辑承接，楼主前文阐述应该是一种situation，用way承接不如situation稳妥吧？） to be educated makes them grasp more chances to live a better life.

Thirdly, contemporary technology makes more information and knowledge available. People can learn different kinds of courses on the internet. For example, you can learn the free open class from different schools when you are just surfing on the internet. These courses involve physics, economics, arts and so on. On the other hand, （前面要是有on the one hand就更好了。） some net schools （网络学校的例子很好。）also provide more professional study courses, such as tutoring classes for some certification tests and language courses. Admittedly, virtual world offer more opportunities for people who urge for knowledge. More importantly, the development of the portable devices makes learning everywhere possible. You can listen to podcasts and learn courses on your iPhone or iPad, or you can read ebook on your amazon kindle. The time you spend on the subway or bus can be fully used to study.

In conclusion, with the insurance of policy, the progress of the society and the improvement of the technology, people at present can be educated more easily.

第三段要是能再加一句话就更好的，body就更balance了。木有看到typo，是个细心的孩子。

语法要求我是完全按照GMAT的SC，可能托福木有这么严格的语法要求。楼主自我揣度啊。

文章逻辑推进我不敢多说，木有觉得有什么问题。

楼主要是担心的话，我极度建议楼主找熟悉托福作文的同学再看一下，我昨天是写我人生中的托福第三篇作文- -!

个人偏好首段和末端写更多一些，至少和body段落相当，这个貌似是个人习惯问题？楼主自己判断一下啊。

-- by 会员默存追日 (2012/6/10 16:37:21)

作者: nirvanababy 时间: 2012-6-10 21:28
[6.9独立]Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People are now easier to become educated than in the past.

In the past, getting education may be a luxury to somebody. However, the development of the society and the advent of new technology make people more easily to get educated.

First of all, as we know, many countries take the compulsory education into act. The right of getting primary education is protected by the policy and supported by the society and family. Our government also makes some favorable polices, like nine-year compulsory education and student loans. Moreover, many charity foundation and volunteer organizations provide money, infrastructure and other teaching resources to the remote mountain areas, which makes the children in these places are[Microsoft1]more easily to get education than before.Take for example our country[Microsoft2], the establishment of hope primary school helps many children in the Western China. With social-awareness, more and more people volunteer to teach children in the remote areas and make contributions to the improvement of the whole society.

Secondly, with the increase demand of learning, more and more training classes appear. By taking these courses, people not only can enrich their knowledge, but also can improve their skills that may be useful in their study and work. The easier way to be educated makes them grasp more chances to live a better life.

Thirdly, contemporary technology makes more information and knowledge available. People can learn different kinds of courses on the internet. For example, you can learn the free open class from different schools when you are just surfing on the internet. These courses involve physics, economics, arts and so on. On the other hand, some net schools also provide more professional study courses, such as tutoring classes for some certification tests and language courses. Admittedly, virtual world offer more opportunities for people who urge for knowledge. More importantly, the development of the portable devices makes learning everywhere possible. You can listen to podcasts and learn courses on your iPhone or iPad, or you can read ebook on your amazon kindle. The time you spend on the subway or bus can be fully used to study.

In conclusion, with the insurance of policy, the progress of the society and the improvement of the technology, people at present can be educated more easily.

[Microsoft1]删掉
[Microsoft2]感觉有点怪，是不是可以写成For example, in my country…

第一段多写一点。

作者: joan31217 时间: 2012-6-11 12:56
The lecturer is mainly discussing that birds’ population will not decrease, which disputes what stated in the passage.

To begin with, the lecturer argues that while the habitat of some birds will decrease because the expanding of the human being's habitat, the habitat of other types of birds will increase. More than that, human being's habitat can provide better places to birds to live. So, the human activity will not affect the birds’ population.

Moreover, according to the lecturer, the agriculture needs less and less land to develop crops, since the productive crops can produce more in per unit land. As a result, the speed of the expansion of the agricultural land will be not as soon as that mentioned in the passage. This directly contradicts what the passage indicates.

Finally, people realize that traditional pesticides may have a bad effect on the reproduction ability of birds. So, they begin to use new and less toxic pesticide method. On the other hand, the cultivation of pest-resistant crops reduces the use of pesticide. Therefore, the birds will not get hurt from the toxic pesticide.

To sum up, the contends narrated in the passage are totally criticized by the lecturer.

总体写的不错，语言简单明了，语法也没错误。
我觉得可以稍微提下reading passage里的观点，尽管主要应该说lecture的观点，但reading的观点要简单提一下。
对不起，改晚了

作者: nirvanababy 时间: 2012-6-12 10:49
你说对不起我还不好意思了，谢谢你啦童鞋！

The lecturer is mainly discussing that birds’ population will not decrease, which disputes what stated in the passage.

To begin with, the lecturer argues that while the habitat of some birds will decrease because the expanding of the human being's habitat, the habitat of other types of birds will increase. More than that, human being's habitat can provide better places to birds to live. So, the human activity will not affect the birds’ population.

Moreover, according to the lecturer, the agriculture needs less and less land to develop crops, since the productive crops can produce more in per unit land. As a result, the speed of the expansion of the agricultural land will be not as soon as that mentioned in the passage. This directly contradicts what the passage indicates.

Finally, people realize that traditional pesticides may have a bad effect on the reproduction ability of birds. So, they begin to use new and less toxic pesticide method. On the other hand, the cultivation of pest-resistant crops reduces the use of pesticide. Therefore, the birds will not get hurt from the toxic pesticide.

To sum up, the contends narrated in the passage are totally criticized by the lecturer.

总体写的不错，语言简单明了，语法也没错误。
我觉得可以稍微提下reading passage里的观点，尽管主要应该说lecture的观点，但reading的观点要简单提一下。
对不起，改晚了

-- by 会员 joan31217 (2012/6/11 12:56:13)

作者: nirvanababy 时间: 2012-6-12 17:01
[6.10综合]TPO18

In the reading passage, the writer claims that there could be three ways to protect an evergreen tree named Torreya taxifoha, which is endangered. However, the lecturer refutes the opinions in three aspects.

First of all, the lecturer asserts that the climate changes due to the global warming. As result, some places are not as cold as before and even some wetlands are dryer. The trees cannot survive under the changed microclimate. That casts doubt on the feasibility of the reestablishment plan assumed in the reading material.

Second, the lecturer argues that Torreya taxifoha may spread quickly and kill other endangered trees in the new environment if researchers move them to the new places by citing another kind of trees which are moved to north areas. The new environment might be more suitable for the Torreya taxifoha to live as the passage indicates, but the movement also brings damages.

Third, although researchers can protect the trees and conduct research on them, it is hard for researchers to keep such relative large and genetic diverse trees as Torreya taxifoha. This directly contradicts what the passage indicates.

写完之后改了包子的作文发现lecture讲到的一些细节自己没有写下来，比如resist disease.

作者: nirvanababy 时间: 2012-6-12 17:03
[6.10独立] Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? To make children do well at school, parents should limit the hours that a child spends on watching TV.

Referring to the problem whether parents limit the hours a child spends on watching TV, views differ greatly. Some people think that children can relax and gain some useful knowledge from the TV shows. But as far as I’m concerned, TV shows have more bad affects on children than the good ones.

First and foremost, with more and more violence materials appear in movies or TV shows, children are more easily getting reach to them. As a result, children may imitate the action of the TV characters. For example, a student in America killed his classmate with no reason. When police got into investigation, they found the TV shows with violence influenced him deeply and distorted his mind. Parents sometimes cannot guarantee that their children can keep away from this kind of TV shows. Because if the children spend several hours on the TV shows, parents who have their other work could not speculate them frequently. One way to solve the problem is to limit the hours that they watch TV.

Moreover, children indeed can relax themselves by watching TV shows, but the knowledge they can get from the TV shows may be slight. Because the children like to watch cartoon and some funny TV shows. These programs are made just for fun and don’t have the useful information people expected. On the contrary, children should read more books to enrich their knowledge and take part in activities to improve their ability to get along with other children. These are more meaningful than spending a couple of hours on TV shows. Children who are close to nature will have incredible imagination, creation and more importantly, the sympathy to the whole nature.

Last but not least, children may spend so many times on TV shows that they could not finish their homework on time. If they get used to the bad habit, they will became procrastinators. If they continue to procrastinate, they will not catch up with the courses in the school. On the other hand, getting addicted in watching TV shows could damage their eyesight. Therefore, cutting down the hours they spend on TV means a lot to their study and health.

In conclusion, parents should pay attention to the influence of TV shows and limit the hours their children spending on the TV shows.

作者: nirvanababy 时间: 2012-6-12 17:03
[6.11综合]TPO19

作者: nirvanababy 时间: 2012-6-12 17:06
[6.11独立] Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? There is never a reason to be rude (impolite) to another person.

作者: zombiee 时间: 2012-6-12 22:52

[6.10独立] Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? To make children do well at school, parents should limit the hours that a child spends on watching TV.

Referring to the problem whether parents limit the hours a child spends on watching TV, views differ greatly. Some people think that children can relax and gain some useful knowledge from the TV shows. But as far as I’m concerned, TV shows have more bad affects on children than the good ones.

First and foremost, with more and more violence materials appear in movies or TV shows, children are more easily getting reach to them. As a result, children may imitate the action of the TV characters. For example, a student in America killed his classmate with no reason. When police got into investigation, they found the TV shows with violence influenced him deeply and distorted his mind. Parents sometimes cannot guarantee that their children can keep away from this kind of TV shows. Because if the children spend several hours on the TV shows, parents who have their other work could not speculate them frequently. One way to solve the problem is to limit the hours that they watch TV.

Moreover, children indeed can relax themselves by watching TV shows, but the knowledge they can get from the TV shows may be slight. Because the children like to watch cartoon and some funny TV shows. These programs are made just for fun and don’t have the useful information people expected. On the contrary, children should read more books to enrich their knowledge and take part in activities to improve their ability to get along with other children. These are more meaningful than spending a couple of hours on TV shows. Children who are close to nature will have incredible imagination, creation and more importantly, the sympathy to the whole nature.

Last but not least, children may spend so many times on TV shows that they could not finish their homework on time. If they get used to the bad habit, they will became procrastinators. If they continue to procrastinate, they will not catch up with the courses in the school. On the other hand, getting addicted in watching TV shows could damage their eyesight. Therefore, cutting down the hours they spend on TV means a lot to their study and health.

In conclusion, parents should pay attention to the influence of TV shows and limit the hours their children spending on the TV shows.

-- by 会员 nirvanababy (2012/6/12 17:03:19)

红：不太对，蓝：建议修改，绿：好词好句
Referring to(主语是views不能发出这个动作吧，应该是人发出的动作) the problem（problem表出了问题，直接跟whether从句做宾从即可） whether parents（+should） limit the hours a child spends on watching TV, views differ greatly. Some people think that children can relax and gain some useful knowledge from the TV shows. But as far as I’m concerned, TV shows have more bad affects on children than the good ones.

First and foremost, with more and more violence materials（content） appear in movies or TV shows, children are more easily getting reach（exposed） to them. As a result, children may imitate the action of the TV characters. For example, a student in America killed his classmate with no reason. When police got into investigation, they found the TV shows with violence influenced him deeply and distorted his mind. Parents sometimes cannot guarantee that their children can keep away from this kind of TV shows. Because if the children spend several hours on the TV shows, parents who have their other work (be busy in their careers) could not speculate(watch on) them frequently. One way to solve the problem is to limit the hours that they(指代不明前面有两个复数名词)(the children spend on TV) watch TV.

Moreover（表顺接，这里开始转折）, children indeed can relax themselves by watching TV shows, but the knowledge they can get from the TV shows may be slight. Because ~~the~~ children like to watch cartoon and some funny TV shows. These programs are made just for fun and don’t have the useful information people expected. On the contrary, children should read more books to enrich their knowledge and take part in activities to improve their ability to get along with other children. These are more meaningful than spending a couple of hours on TV shows. Children who are close to nature will have incredible imagination, creation and （，）more importantly, the sympathy to the whole nature.

Last but not least, children may spend so many times on TV shows that they could not finish their homework on time. If they get used to the bad habit, they will became procrastinators. If they continue to procrastinate, they will not catch up with the courses in the school. On the other hand, getting addicted in（to） ~~watching~~ TV shows could damage their eyesight. Therefore, cutting down the hours they spend on TV means a lot to their study and health.

In conclusion, parents should pay attention to the influence of TV shows and limit the hours their children spending on the TV shows.
总体不错，表达清楚，句式有变换，注意一些词的用法和句意的准确表达。还有就是努力增加字数。好像感觉写的挺仓促，最后一段有点少，不过时间有限写成这样也可以了。
第一次改，不妥之处请见谅，加油

作者: nirvanababy 时间: 2012-6-12 23:05

-- by 会员 nirvanababy (2012/6/12 17:03:19)

红：不太对，蓝：建议修改，绿：好词好句
Referring to(主语是views不能发出这个动作吧，应该是人发出的动作) the problem（problem表出了问题，直接跟whether从句做宾从即可） whether parents（+should） limit the hours a child spends on watching TV, views differ greatly. Some people think that children can relax and gain some useful knowledge from the TV shows. But as far as I’m concerned, TV shows have more bad affects on children than the good ones.

First and foremost, with more and more violence materials（content） appear in movies or TV shows, children are more easily getting reach（exposed） to them. As a result, children may imitate the action of the TV characters. For example, a student in America killed his classmate with no reason. When police got into investigation, they found the TV shows with violence influenced him deeply and distorted his mind. Parents sometimes cannot guarantee that their children can keep away from this kind of TV shows. Because if the children spend several hours on the TV shows, parents who have their other work (be busy in their careers) could not speculate(watch on) them frequently. One way to solve the problem is to limit the hours that they(指代不明前面有两个复数名词)(the children spend on TV) watch TV.

Moreover（表顺接，这里开始转折）, children indeed can relax themselves by watching TV shows, but the knowledge they can get from the TV shows may be slight. Because ~~the~~ children like to watch cartoon and some funny TV shows. These programs are made just for fun and don’t have the useful information people expected. On the contrary, children should read more books to enrich their knowledge and take part in activities to improve their ability to get along with other children. These are more meaningful than spending a couple of hours on TV shows. Children who are close to nature will have incredible imagination, creation and （，）more importantly, the sympathy to the whole nature.

Last but not least, children may spend so many times on TV shows that they could not finish their homework on time. If they get used to the bad habit, they will became procrastinators. If they continue to procrastinate, they will not catch up with the courses in the school. On the other hand, getting addicted in（to）~~watching~~ TV shows could damage their eyesight. Therefore, cutting down the hours they spend on TV means a lot to their study and health.

In conclusion, parents should pay attention to the influence of TV shows and limit the hours their children spending on the TV shows.
总体不错，表达清楚，句式有变换，注意一些词的用法和句意的准确表达。还有就是努力增加字数。好像感觉写的挺仓促，最后一段有点少，不过时间有限写成这样也可以了。
第一次改，不妥之处请见谅，加油

-- by 会员 zombiee (2012/6/12 22:52:47)

谢谢亲帮我改的作文，建议收下啦。
第一句就改为，Views differ greatly when it comes to whether parents limit the hours a child spends on watching TV.
第三段主要还是写的支持限制，如果把moreover改成however，这句话后面还有一个but呢，but后的内容是本段的重心。首句可不可以改为：Moreover, the knowledge they can get from the TV shows may be slight，although children indeed can relax themselves by watching TV shows.

作者: nirvanababy 时间: 2012-6-13 17:01
[6.12综合]TPO20

作者: nirvanababy 时间: 2012-6-13 17:02
[6.12独立]

作者: nirvanababy 时间: 2012-6-13 17:03
[6.13综合]TPO21

In the reading passage, the writer claims that growing genetically modified trees will bring a lot of benefits. However, the lecturer refutes the opinions in three aspects.

First of all, the lecturer asserts that the natural trees may be survived in few amounts if suffer from climate changes and insects because of their genetic diversities. On the contrary, the genetically modified trees lack of genetic variety. Therefore, they might die away in some certain conditions.

Moreover, the lecturer argues that although cultivating genetically modified trees can bring economic benefits, it will cost much more than growing natural trees. For one thing, the farmers would pay more to buy the seeds of genetically modified trees. For another thing, it is cited in the laws that farmers should pay company money once they plant a genetically modified tree. As a result, considering the hinder costs, they may not get more benefits than growing unmodified trees.

Finally, the genetically modified trees may spread aggressively. They will compete with native trees for nutrient elements in the soil, sunlight, water and spaces. Consequently, genetically modifies trees will damage native trees other than preventing them from destroy. This directly contradicts what the passage indicates.

To sum up, the contents narrated in the passage are totally jeopardized by the professor, and the professor has completely different points.

作者: nirvanababy 时间: 2012-6-13 17:03
[6.13独立]

作者: nirvanababy 时间: 2012-6-13 17:04
[6.14综合]TPO22

作者: nirvanababy 时间: 2012-6-13 17:07
[6.14独立]

作者: zljdsz 时间: 2012-6-13 23:47
标题: 6.10综合改byzljdsz
In the reading passage, the writer claims that there could be three ways to protect an evergreen tree named Torreya taxifoha, which is endangered. However, the lecturer refutes the opinions in three aspects.

First of all, the lecturer asserts that the climate changes due to the global warming. 首句最好也加上表示“反对”的词，我认为As result, some places are not as cold as before and even some wetlands are dryer改为diminished. The trees cannot survive under the changed microclimate.细节上多说点，字数就上去了，像是这里听力里说了是larger area怎么怎么样，然后micro怎么样 That casts doubt on the feasibility of the reestablishment plan assumed in the reading material.

Second, the lecturer argues that Torreya taxifoha may spread quickly and kill other endangered 不是那些树本来就endanger吧，是因为Torrya使得他们快灭绝！trees in the new environment if researchers move them to the new places by citing another kind of trees which are moved to north areas. The new environment might be more suitable for the Torreya taxifoha to live as the passage indicates, but the movement also brings damages.这里听力里头说的是一个例子，并没有明确说是T树

Third, although researchers can protect the trees and conduct research on them, it is hard for researchers to keep such relative large and genetic diverse trees as Torreya taxifoha.和听力不一致，听力是说因为在research center会不够规模，所以不容易成功抵御疾病 This directly contradicts what the passage indicates.

1、字数太少了把，我用word看了有185
2、听力听的不到位，很多逻辑漏了，细节漏了，建议你多听听力吧，字数还是要多点的，220要有的
3、结尾没有。。。结尾就再强调下怎么怎么反对
4、句式语法倒是没什么问题，但你要想你20min才写了这些错误会少，那要是写到200-300，错误自然。。。，so加强内容吧

作者: nirvanababy 时间: 2012-6-14 08:43

In the reading passage, the writer claims that there could be three ways to protect an evergreen tree named Torreya taxifoha, which is endangered. However, the lecturer refutes the opinions in three aspects.

First of all, the lecturer asserts that the climate changes due to the global warming. 首句最好也加上表示“反对”的词，我认为As result, some places are not as cold as before and even some wetlands are dryer改为diminished. The trees cannot survive under the changed microclimate.细节上多说点，字数就上去了，像是这里听力里说了是larger area怎么怎么样，然后micro怎么样 That casts doubt on the feasibility of the reestablishment plan assumed in the reading material.

Second, the lecturer argues that Torreya taxifoha may spread quickly and kill other endangered 不是那些树本来就endanger吧，是因为Torrya使得他们快灭绝！trees in the new environment if researchers move them to the new places by citing another kind of trees which are moved to north areas. The new environment might be more suitable for the Torreya taxifoha to live as the passage indicates, but the movement also brings damages.这里听力里头说的是一个例子，并没有明确说是T树

Third, although researchers can protect the trees and conduct research on them, it is hard for researchers to keep such relative large and genetic diverse trees as Torreya taxifoha.和听力不一致，听力是说因为在research center会不够规模，所以不容易成功抵御疾病 This directly contradicts what the passage indicates.

1、字数太少了把，我用word看了有185
2、听力听的不到位，很多逻辑漏了，细节漏了，建议你多听听力吧，字数还是要多点的，220要有的
3、结尾没有。。。结尾就再强调下怎么怎么反对
4、句式语法倒是没什么问题，但你要想你20min才写了这些错误会少，那要是写到200-300，错误自然。。。，so加强内容吧

-- by 会员 zljdsz (2012/6/13 23:47:34)

第三段，听力里说了一种树造成了什么影响，所以建议不要种Torrya，所以我写的以另外一种树为例Torrya可能造成什么影响，用的是may，后面也写了以那个树为例。听力里面有说some of trees are already becoming endangered or extinct.

第四段，听力里有句话：research centers would simply not have enough capacity to keep a large and diverse population of Torrya tress. 我写的并没有和听力不一致。漏了一个点是对的。

我写之前看OG上说字数在150~225词就行了，范文也没有结尾段，所以这篇我也没写，以后还是写上吧。听力我还是要多练习的，谢谢你的建议！

作者: kchszy061ban 时间: 2012-6-14 10:16
蓝色建议，红色错误，高亮beautiful sentences

First of all, the lecturer asserts that the（此处特指是否必须）natural trees may be survived in few amounts if suffered from climate changes and insect infections(这样and前后一致不知会不会好点) because of their genetic diversities. On the contrary, the genetically modified trees lack of genetic variety. Therefore, they might die away in some （这个some是否可以去掉，然后under certain ）certain conditions.

Moreover, the lecturer argues that although cultivating genetically modified trees can bring economic benefits, it will cost much more than growing natural trees. For one thing, the farmers would pay more to buy the seeds of genetically modified trees. For another thing, it is cited in the contract（law是国家法律）that farmers should pay company money once they plant a genetically modified tree. As a result, considering the hinder costs, they may not get more benefits than growing unmodified trees.

Finally, the genetically modified trees may spread aggressively. They will compete with native trees for nutrient elements in the soil（建议去掉，保持并列的平衡和词义楚）, sunlight, water and spaces. Consequently, genetically modifies trees will damage native trees other than preventing them from destroy. This directly contradicts what the passage indicates.

To sum up, the contents narrated in the passage are totally jeopardized by the professor, and the professor has completely different points.
很全面和具体，阅读和听力分配很好。

作者: nirvanababy 时间: 2012-6-14 10:40

蓝色建议，红色错误，高亮beautiful sentences

To sum up, the contents narrated in the passage are totally jeopardized by the professor, and the professor has completely different points.
很全面和具体，阅读和听力分配很好。

-- by 会员 kchszy061ban (2012/6/14 10:16:36)

童鞋，这篇好像应该是包子不包子帮我改，辛苦你了。你要是想互相改，要去http://forum.chasedream.com/TOEFL_Writing/thread-661450-1-1.html 占座的，每天晚上十点分组，我看到昨天的没有你哦。这篇要是你写了我还是帮你改吧，今天记得占座

听力中有：By law, you have to pay the company everytime you plant. 没有说contract.
另外谢谢你的建议！

作者: 包子不包子 时间: 2012-6-14 10:48
In the reading passage, the writer claims that growing genetically modified trees will bring a lot of benefits. However, the lecturer refutes the opinions in three aspects.

First of all, the lecturer asserts that the natural trees may be survived survive in few amounts if suffer from climate changes and insects because of their genetic diversities. On the contrary, the genetically modified trees lack of genetic variety. Therefore, they might die away in some certain conditions.

Moreover, the lecturer argues that although cultivating genetically modified trees can bring economic benefits, it will cost much more than growing natural trees. For one thing, the farmers would pay more to buy the seeds of genetically modified trees. For another thing, it is cited in the laws that farmers should pay company money once they plant a genetically modified tree. As a result, considering the hinder costs, they may not get more benefits than growing unmodified trees.这个好像不大准确啊

Finally, the genetically modified trees may spread aggressively. They will compete with native trees for nutrient elements in the like soil, sunlight, water and spaces. Consequently, genetically modifiesd trees will damage感觉不大准确用outcompete native trees other than preventing them from destroy. This directly contradicts what the passage indicates.
damage[?dæm?d?]n1. injury or harm impairing the function or condition of a person or thing
2. loss of something desirable
3.Informal cost; expense (esp in the phrase what's the damage?)

vb1.(tr) to cause damage to
2.(intr) to suffer damage

To sum up, the contents narrated in the passage are totally jeopardized by the professor, and the professor has completely different points

作者: nirvanababy 时间: 2012-6-14 11:10

In the reading passage, the writer claims that growing genetically modified trees will bring a lot of benefits. However, the lecturer refutes the opinions in three aspects.

First of all, the lecturer asserts that the natural trees may be survived survive in few amounts if suffer from climate changes and insects because of their genetic diversities. On the contrary, the genetically modified trees lack of genetic variety. Therefore, they might die away in some certain conditions.

Moreover, the lecturer argues that although cultivating genetically modified trees can bring economic benefits, it will cost much more than growing natural trees. For one thing, the farmers would pay more to buy the seeds of genetically modified trees. For another thing, it is cited in the laws that farmers should pay company money once they plant a genetically modified tree. As a result, considering the hinder costs, they may not get more benefits than growing unmodified trees.这个好像不大准确啊

Finally, the genetically modified trees may spread aggressively. They will compete with native trees for nutrient elements in the like soil, sunlight, water and spaces. Consequently, genetically modifiesd trees will damage感觉不大准确用outcompete native trees other than preventing them from destroy. This directly contradicts what the passage indicates.
damage[?dæm?d?]n1. injury or harm impairing the function or condition of a person or thing
2. loss of something desirable
3.Informal cost; expense (esp in the phrase what's the damage?)

vb1.(tr) to cause damage to
2.(intr) to suffer damage

To sum up, the contents narrated in the passage are totally jeopardized by the professor, and the professor has completely different points

-- by 会员包子不包子 (2012/6/14 10:48:33)

第三段写错了，应该写profits。

And finally, genetically modified trees might actually cause even more damage to the local wild trees. 听力里面有这句话，我就直接把cause damage（n.）改写成damage（v.）了。

谢谢你的建议！

作者: vanessa923 时间: 2012-6-17 17:49

[6.13独立]

-- by 会员 nirvanababy (2012/6/13 17:03:18)

baby不好意思啦,最近都没怎么上来.恩恩,我还记得欠着改你的6月13独立呢.恩恩.写完了发信息哈.

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