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标题: 默存追日 作文贴 [打印本页]
作者: 默存追日 时间: 2012-6-5 21:42
标题: 默存追日 作文贴
6.5 独立写作
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People now are less happy and less satisfied than people in the past time.
The rapid development of our world brings a lot of expected and unexpected changes. Speaking of these changes, some of them make our lifes more happy and more satisfied, but some of them sadly come to the opposite. Broadly speaking, some people who prefer the simple life hold the statement that they prefer to live in the past society, and the other people think that present is a nicer time. In my perspective, I choose to stand by the latter group of people.
Knowledge is such a powerfull tool that possessing it can diminish nearly all life problems. The substantial accumulation of knowledge must be the prominent advantage for current society, because the accumulaton will improve the standard of our daily life.
The perfecting of so many system will uplevel of the quality of our life. For instance, the perfecting of teaching system will make us learn knowledge in school more efficient. Today the process of perfecting is undoutly much better than the past.
Although the advantages listed above improve our lifes obviously, we could not ignore the disadvantages that the development brings to us. For that point, the ascending pressures of daily work and study cause so many social problems.
To sum up, even though so many problems have appeared with the development of society, I am inclined to agree with the issue that people now are more happy and more satisfied than people in the past time.
作者: 默存追日 时间: 2012-6-5 21:45
写少了，应该写多少字啊？
作者: joan31217 时间: 2012-6-6 12:55
The rapid development of our world brings a lot of expected and unexpected changes. Speaking of these changes, some of them make our lifes more happy ( happier )and more satisfied, but some of them sadly come to the opposite. Broadly speaking, some people who prefer the simple life hold the statement that they prefer to live in the past society, and the other people think that present is a nicer time. In my perspective, I choose to stand by the latter group of people. (开头不错）
Knowledge is such a powerfull tool that possessing it can diminish nearly all life problems. The substantial accumulation of knowledge must be the prominent advantage for current society, because the accumulaton will improve the standard of our daily life.
The perfecting of so many system will uplevel of the quality of our life. For instance, the perfecting of teaching system will make us learn knowledge in school more efficient. Today the process of perfecting is undoutly much better than the past.
Although the advantages listed above improve our lifes obviously, we could not ignore the disadvantages that the development brings to us. For that point, the ascending pressures of daily work and study cause so many social problems.
To sum up, even though so many problems have appeared with the development of society, I am inclined to agree with the issue that people now are more happy and more satisfied than people in the past time.
1.楼主句子写的很漂亮，就是字数太少了，OG规定独立写作要300字左右，但是一般咱们写至少也要350字才稳妥些。
2.第二个论点跑题了啊， 既然现在人们更快乐和满足就应该朝着这个方向写，即使你想辩证的写最后也要绕回来说优点大于缺点。
3.如果两个论点不能写够字数，最好还是标准的三个论点吧。
4. 每个论点的基本结构是：转折词-分论点-举例或者解释-转换说法的分论点。这样每段至少3,4句话了。
5.看得出底子不错，加油~~~
作者: vanessa923 时间: 2012-6-6 18:56
亲，才239个，确实少啊！
作者: 默存追日 时间: 2012-6-6 22:26
The rapid development of our world brings a lot of expected and unexpected changes. Speaking of these changes, some of them make our lifes
more happy ( happier )and more satisfied, but some of them sadly come to the opposite. Broadly speaking, some people who prefer the simple life hold the statement that they prefer to live in the past society, and the other people think that present is a nicer time. In my perspective, I choose to stand by the latter group of people.
(开头不错）Knowledge is such a powerfull tool that possessing it can diminish nearly all life problems. The substantial accumulation of knowledge must be the prominent advantage for current society, because the accumulaton will improve the standard of our daily life.
The perfecting of so many system will uplevel of the quality of our life. For instance, the perfecting of teaching system will make us learn knowledge in school more efficient. Today the process of perfecting is undoutly much better than the past.
Although the advantages listed above improve our lifes obviously, we could not ignore the disadvantages that the development brings to us. For that point, the ascending pressures of daily work and study cause so many social problems.
To sum up, even though so many problems have appeared with the development of society, I am inclined to agree with the issue that people now are more happy and more satisfied than people in the past time.
1.楼主句子写的很漂亮，就是字数太少了，OG规定独立写作要300字左右，但是一般咱们写
至少也要350字才稳妥些。
2
.第二个论点跑题了啊， 既然现在人们更快乐和满足就应该朝着这个方向写，即使你想辩证的写最后也
要绕回来说优点大于缺点。
3.如果两个论点不能写够字数，最好还是标准的三个论点吧。（其实是三个论点，第二个论点由于排版不当造成困惑了，不好意思。）
4. 每个论点的基本结构是：
转折词-分论点-举例或者解释-转换说法的分论点。这样
每段至少3,4句话了。
5.看得出底子不错，加油~~~
-- by 会员 joan31217 (2012/6/6 12:55:40)
作者: 默存追日 时间: 2012-6-6 22:27
亲，才239个，确实少啊！
-- by 会员 vanessa923 (2012/6/6 18:56:58)
作者: 默存追日 时间: 2012-6-9 00:30
6.8 独立写作
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? In order to solve the problems of the present and the future, people should review the past.
Throughout the human history, later generation posterity’s cognition of realistic issues always depends on the accumulation of predecessors’ experience and knowledge. Because different problems invariably occur under different circumstances, however, we should analyse the problems case by case. Hence, I’m inclined to agree with the statement that in order to solve the problem of the present and the future, people should review the past and should take current and future influential variables into consideration. The reasons will be discussed as follow.
As is known to all, culture is the heritage of the former generation and would be influence and penetrated each other. Methodology to solve the problems is an important part of culture. We should take the internal advantage of the culture. For example, basic living things , such as making Kung Pao Chicken, already have their thorough solution. For that matter, the most efficient way to deal with it is to review , learn, and obey the past.
From the changing angle, nowadays, change is the most outstanding characteristics of our world. With the coming of knowledge economic, it is obvious that some of the previous knowledge is becoming obsolete. Lack of judging ability will serious affect our accuracy of deffering the outdated knowledge and the useful knowledge. In such circumstances, we should do a lot of research of current issues.
What is more, there are more and more consideration and predict about future. Most of time, problem about future always more sophisticated and, for that reason, the feature makes it harder to estimate precisely. On this occasion, we not only do enough reasearch about current issues to see the future trends, but also find enduring principles of the predessedor to gain the guidance of big picture.
All of all, when some unexpected issues occur, we should analyse them case by case. To sum up, I am stand by the viewpoint that in order to solve the problem of the present and the future, people should review the past and should take current and future influential variables into consideration.
作者: joan31217 时间: 2012-6-9 07:45
Throughout the human history, later generation posterity’s cognition of realistic issues always depends on the accumulation of predecessors’ experience and knowledge. Because different problems invariably occur under different circumstances, however, we should analysze the problems case by case. Hence, I’m inclined to agree with the statement that in order to solve the problem of the present and the future, people should review the past and should take current and future influential variables into consideration. The reasons will be discussed as follow.
As is known to all, culture is the heritage of the former generation and would be influence and penetrated on each other. Methodology to solve the problems is an important part of culture. We should take the internal advantage of the culture. For example, basic living things , such as making Kung Pao Chicken, already have their thorough solution. (这个例子让我很意外，呵呵）For that matter, the most efficient way to deal with it is to review , learn, and obey the past.
From the changing angle, nowadays, change is the most outstanding characteristics of our world. With the coming of knowledge economic, it is obvious that some of the previous knowledge is becoming obsolete. Lack of judging ability will serious affect our accuracy of deffering the outdated knowledge and the useful knowledge. In such circumstances, we should do a lot of research of current issues.
What is more, there are more and more considerations and predicts about future. Most of time, problems about future always are more sophisticated and, for that reason, the feature(有点指代不明） makes it harder to estimate precisely. On this occasion, we not only do enough reasearch about current issues to see the future trends, but also find enduring principles of the predessedor to gain the guidance of big picture.
All of all, when some unexpected issues occur, we should analyze them case by case. （这句有点跑题）To sum up （这两个重复了）, I am stand by the viewpoint that in order to solve the problem of the present and the future, people should review the past and should take current and future influential variables into consideration.
楼主语言真棒，读得很舒服，能看出底子很好。
这篇文章是蛮难写的，所以字数很难很多。
结尾处有点草率，应该再多点。
作者: 默存追日 时间: 2012-6-9 20:58
Throughout the human history, later generation posterity’s cognition of realistic issues always depends on the accumulation of predecessors’ experience and knowledge. Because different problems invariably occur under different circumstances, however, we should analy
sze the problems case by case. Hence, I’m inclined to agree with the statement that in order to solve the problem of the present and the future, people should review the past and should take current and future influential variables into consideration. The reasons will be discussed as follow.
As is known to all, culture is the heritage of the former generation and would be influence and penetrated
on each other. Methodology to solve the problems is an important part of culture. We should take the internal advantage of the culture. For example, basic living things , such as making Kung Pao Chicken, already have their thorough solution.
(这个例子让我很意外，呵呵）For that matter, the most efficient way to deal with it is to review , learn, and obey the past.
From the changing angle, nowadays, change is the most outstanding characteristics of our world. With the coming of knowledge economic, it is obvious that some of the previous knowledge is becoming obsolete. Lack of judging ability will serious affect our accuracy of deffering the outdated knowledge and the useful knowledge. In such circumstances, we should do a lot of research of current issues.
What is more, there are more and more consideration
s and predict
s about future. Most of time, problem
s about future always
are more sophisticated and, for that reason,
the feature(有点指代不明） makes it harder to estimate precisely. On this occasion, we not only do enough reasearch about current issues to see the future trends, but also find enduring principles of the predessedor to gain the guidance of big picture.
All of all, when some unexpected issues occur, we should analyze them case by case.
（这句有点跑题）To sum up （这两个重复了）, I am stand by the viewpoint that in order to solve the problem of the present and the future, people should review the past and should take current and future influential variables into consideration.
楼主语言真棒，读得很舒服，能看出底子很好。
这篇文章是蛮难写的，所以字数很难很多。
结尾处有点草率，应该再多点。-- by 会员 joan31217 (2012/6/9 7:45:45)
主谓不一致。
虎头蛇尾。
谢谢joan，每次错误纠正都很有帮助啊！！辛苦！！
作者: 默存追日 时间: 2012-6-10 08:44
6.9 独立写作
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People are now easier to become educated than in the past.
The issue that people are now easier to become educated than in the past is a highly controversial peg to hang on. During the more and more tanglesome time, the gap between different kinds of people is largening. Completing the whole process of educating at least needs three subjects-educator, learner, and educational media. To make the issue more sense, we should discuss the topic from different perspectives that deeply affect the topic.
Everyone would admit the fact that the training process of educators is better off. The pre-educators have been selected under the increasing improvement of the national quality. This satistactory fact would partially improve the efficiency of education prominently, because the improving of educators quality will definitely make the transmission of education more efficacious.
Learining, as the name indicates, has lot many meanings as to which source one would choose to understand things of his own interest. Speaking of interests, modern people gradually lose veracious autognosis, because material desire and peer pressure distort people’s values. So many poor modern people cannot find their real interests. Therefore, they maybe majoring in fields that they are not really into. The tragic result must affect the efficiency of education.
Needless to say that the highly developing of material world improves the conditions of our modern education, we could deliver the knowledge more efficient by current educational media. For instance, the amelioration of educating infrastracture lessens the bad interruptions brought by physical environment during the process of education. The improvement that resource allocation becomes more balanced also adds advantages to the system of education.
Summing up the above, we should analyse the issue case by case that people are now easier to become educated than in the past. The development of world brings the better educators and environment of education with no doubt. However, due to the rapid changing of the society, the continuous inflation of lust and pressure makes people more difficult to find the real interests and makes learners more difficult to keep tranquil during the procedure of learning.
作者: nirvanababy 时间: 2012-6-10 14:56
红色改错，蓝色疑问或建议，高亮是写得很好的。
The issue that people are now easier to become educated than in the past is a highly controversial peg to hang on. During the more and more tanglesome time, the gap between different kinds of people is largening. Completing the whole process of educating at least needs three subjects-educator, learner, and educational media. To make the issue more sense（sensible）, we should discuss the topic from different perspectives that deeply affect the topic.
Everyone would admit the fact that the training process of educators is better off. The pre-educators have been selected under the increasing improvement of the national quality. This satistactory（satisfactory）fact would partially improve the efficiency of education prominently, because the improving of educators quality will definitely make the transmission of education more efficacious.
Learining（Learning）, as the name indicates, has lot many meanings as to which source one would choose to understand things of his own interest. Speaking of interests, modern people gradually lose veracious autognosis, because material desire and peer pressure distort people’s values. So many poor modern people cannot find their real interests. Therefore, they maybe(may be) majoring in fields that they are not really into. The tragic result must affect the efficiency of education.
Needless to say that the highly developing of material world improves the conditions of our modern education, we could deliver the knowledge more efficient by current educational media. For instance, the amelioration of educating infrastracture lessens the bad interruptions brought by physical environment during the process of education. The improvement that resource allocation becomes more balanced also adds advantages to the system of education.
Summing up the above, we should analyse the issue case by case that people are now easier to become educated than in the past.（感觉有点冗余，本来分析的就是issue case，为什么还要by caseXXX来分析issue case，如果要这么写一般是通过一个case来分析一个问题）The development of world brings the better educators and environment of education with no doubt. However, due to the rapid changing of the society, the continuous inflation of lust and pressure makes people more difficult to find the real interests and makes learners more difficult to keep tranquil during the procedure（procedure一般是手续程序之类的，建议用process较好） of learning.
文章比较新颖，是从三个方面来分析的，有立论也有驳论，句子和用词都有深厚功底。但是鉴于文章末尾强调的是“选择困难”，即驳论的部分，建议3、4段换位置，文章整体从支持到反驳，感觉逻辑更清晰，也更有说服力一点。
作者: 默存追日 时间: 2012-6-10 16:39
红色改错，蓝色疑问或建议，高亮是写得很好的。
The issue that people are now easier to become educated than in the past is a highly controversial peg to hang on. During the more and more tanglesome time, the gap between different kinds of people is largening. Completing the whole process of educating at least needs three subjects-educator, learner, and educational media. To make the issue more
sense（sensible）, we should discuss the topic from different perspectives that deeply affect the topic.
Everyone would admit the fact that the training process of educators is better off. The pre-educators have been selected under the increasing improvement of the national quality. This
satistactory（satisfactory）fact would partially improve the efficiency of education prominently, because the improving of educators quality will definitely make the transmission of education more efficacious.
Learining（Learning）, as the name indicates, has lot many meanings as to which source one would choose to understand things of his own interest.
Speaking of interests, modern people gradually lose veracious autognosis, because material desire and peer pressure distort people’s values. So many poor modern people cannot find their real interests. Therefore, they
maybe(may be) majoring in fields that they are not really into. The tragic result must affect the efficiency of education.
Needless to say that the highly developing of material world improves the conditions of our modern education, we could deliver the knowledge more efficient by current educational media. For instance, the amelioration of educating infrastracture lessens the bad interruptions brought by physical environment during the process of education. The improvement that resource allocation becomes more balanced also adds advantages to the system of education.
Summing up the above, we should analyse the issue case by case that people are now easier to become educated than in the past.（感觉有点冗余，本来分析的就是issue case，为什么还要by caseXXX来分析issue case，如果要这么写一般是通过一个case来分析一个问题）The development of world brings the better educators and environment of education with no doubt. However, due to the rapid changing of the society, the continuous inflation of lust and pressure makes people more difficult to find the real interests and makes learners more difficult to keep tranquil during the
procedure（procedure一般是手续程序之类的，建议用process较好） of learning.
文章比较新颖，是从三个方面来分析的，有立论也有驳论，句子和用词都有深厚功底。
但是鉴于文章末尾强调的是“选择困难”，即驳论的部分，建议3、4段换位置，文章整体从支持到反驳，感觉逻辑更清晰，也更有说服力一点。-- by 会员 nirvanababy (2012/6/10 14:56:03)
typo总是很多，小问题总是花费同学们的时间，下次自己先check一遍，辛苦了！
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