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标题: [6月2日]冰冻的作文帖子！！！ [打印本页]

作者: h14zpsn 时间: 2012-6-2 21:33
标题: [6月2日]冰冻的作文帖子！！！
题目：
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Communication skill is the most important character of those who are successful.

作文：
The statement raised by the question is about communication skill is the most important character for the persons who are successful. Some people think it is true. Considered the competitive environment in the modern world, people who have good communication skill can help them to solve problem easily and build up relationship with other people in a very short time. However, the others may refute this perspective. In their idea, a person’s success depends on many different factors. Communication is just one of all these characters. For my part, I will agree with the later one- communication skill is not the most important character that contributes to a person’s success.

First a person’s success relies on many different factors, featuring consciousness, intelligence, and even physical health. All these factors are all important. We cannot deny any one of them or just focus on one factor solely. It is common in our daily life that many famous persons can achieve success even without a very good communication skill. Forrest Gump is an outstanding example. He has some problems in his mental. By this way, Forrest is not very well in many sides of life, including communication. However, with extraordinary perseverance, he also achieves his own success finally.

Furthermore, in my opinion, if a person wants to be successful, he needs to find what his advantage is. I think this advantage can be the most significant resource people can use to help them to achieve their goal. For example, as the greatest inventor in the history, Edison created thousands of new products and technologies. Some of these inventions have changed the world absolutely. Edison cultivated his innovation when he was child and got fun from creating new things. This passion of inventions leads him to get what he wanted finally.

It is undeniable that good communication is a key ability for every people in the society. Communication can bring us more social resource and connect the individuals with the whole world. As citizens in the modern world, people need to focus on all fields. The success of a human-being contains not just communication but also many other things.

作者: h14zpsn 时间: 2012-6-2 23:33
自己占沙发~~~

作者: teresaz318 时间: 2012-6-3 22:36
The statement raised by the question is about (whether) communication skill is the mostimportant character(性格品质。Element, ingredient 好点吗？)for the persons（people success,后面可以去掉）whoare successful. Some people think it is true. Considered the competitiveenvironment in the modern world, people who have good communication skill canhelp them to solve problems easily and build uprelationship with other people in a very short time. However, the others mayrefute this perspective. In their idea, a person’s success depends on manydifferent factors. Communication is just one of the allthese characters. For my part, I ~~will~~ 为什么will? agree with the later one-communication skill is not the most important (你已经用了important 好几次了，好多词可以换：crucial, significant, vital, critical…etc) character ~~that~~ contributesto a person’s success.

First a person’s success relies on many different factors, featuring 什么意思或者你解释一下这里的用法? consciousness, intelligence, and even physical health. All thesefactors are all important. We cannot deny any one of them or just focus on onefactor solely. It is common in our daily life that many famous persons canachieve success even without a very good communication skill. ForrestGump is an outstanding example. He has some problems in his mental. By thisway, Forrest is not very well in many sides of life, including communication.However, with extraordinary perseverance, he also achieves his own successfinally.

Furthermore, in my opinion, if a person wants to be successful, he needs tofind what his advantage is. I think this advantage can be the most significantresource people can use to help them to achieve their goal. For example, as one of the greatestinventor in the history, Edison created thousands of new products andtechnologies. Some of these inventions(个人认为特意写一个invention总比这样空泛的谈好，说个灯泡总比在这白吹显得实际，这样好像很空泛) have changed the world absolutely. Edison cultivated培养―不是发明哦，你是想说他从小培养出爱发明呢?还是？his innovation when he was child and got fun from creating newthings. This passion of inventions leads lead 单复数 him toget what he wanted (he want to be?)finally.

It is undeniable that good communication is a key ability for every people inthe society. Communication can bring us more social resource and connect theindividuals with the whole world. As citizens in the modern world, people needto focus on all fields. The success of a human-being contains not justcommunication but also many other things.

老实说我觉得这样写好像有点乱，因为说白了挺难写
我明白你想说除了Communication skills 其他的都很重要，但好像先写communication 很重要再admittedly 其实很多skills 也重要那样会容易一点而且显得主题比较明确，总比point太多那样写好，因为阅卷人可能觉得有点乱印象不怎么深刻

好吧！加油啊！才第一篇～继续努力！！

作者: h14zpsn 时间: 2012-6-4 11:08

The statement raised by the question is about (whether) communication skill is the mostimportant character(性格品质。Element, ingredient 好点吗？)for the persons（people success,后面可以去掉）whoare successful. Some people think it is true. Considered the competitiveenvironment in the modern world, people who have good communication skill canhelp them to solve problems easily and build uprelationship with other people in a very short time. However, the others mayrefute this perspective. In their idea, a person’s success depends on manydifferent factors. Communication is just one of the allthese characters. For my part, I ~~will~~ 为什么will? agree with the later one-communication skill is not the most important (你已经用了important 好几次了，好多词可以换：crucial, significant, vital, critical…etc) character ~~that~~ contributesto a person’s success.

First a person’s success relies on many different factors, featuring 什么意思或者你解释一下这里的用法? consciousness, intelligence, and even physical health. All thesefactors are all important. We cannot deny any one of them or just focus on onefactor solely. It is common in our daily life that many famous persons canachieve success even without a very good communication skill. ForrestGump is an outstanding example. He has some problems in his mental. By thisway, Forrest is not very well in many sides of life, including communication.However, with extraordinary perseverance, he also achieves his own successfinally.

Furthermore, in my opinion, if a person wants to be successful, he needs tofind what his advantage is. I think this advantage can be the most significantresource people can use to help them to achieve their goal. For example, as one of the greatestinventor in the history, Edison created thousands of new products andtechnologies. Some of these inventions(个人认为特意写一个invention总比这样空泛的谈好，说个灯泡总比在这白吹显得实际，这样好像很空泛) have changed the world absolutely. Edison cultivated培养―不是发明哦，你是想说他从小培养出爱发明呢?还是？his innovation when he was child and got fun from creating newthings. This passion of inventions leads lead 单复数 him toget what he wanted (he want to be?)finally.

It is undeniable that good communication is a key ability for every people inthe society. Communication can bring us more social resource and connect theindividuals with the whole world. As citizens in the modern world, people needto focus on all fields. The success of a human-being contains not justcommunication but also many other things.

老实说我觉得这样写好像有点乱，因为说白了挺难写
我明白你想说除了Communication skills 其他的都很重要，但好像先写communication 很重要再admittedly 其实很多skills 也重要那样会容易一点而且显得主题比较明确，总比point太多那样写好，因为阅卷人可能觉得有点乱印象不怎么深刻

好吧！加油啊！才第一篇～继续努力！！

-- by 会员 teresaz318 (2012/6/3 22:36:10)

嗯嗯···谢谢Teresa的教导，我会努力哒~~终于有人鸟我了···感动ing~~~

作者: Crystaljoy 时间: 2012-6-4 17:25
冰冻加入小分队可以互改哇~但是得写小分队当天的机经题目就是了。那样主要是为了方便临考的亲亲们。

作者: voilaasia 时间: 2012-6-4 20:43
矮油。更新呢更新呢？小马甲想跟着走呢！

作者: h14zpsn 时间: 2012-6-5 22:44

冰冻加入小分队可以互改哇~但是得写小分队当天的机经题目就是了。那样主要是为了方便临考的亲亲们。

-- by 会员 Crystaljoy (2012/6/4 17:25:58)

嗯嗯，好的啊，我也会跟进各位亲的帖子的~~

作者: h14zpsn 时间: 2012-6-5 22:44

矮油。更新呢更新呢？小马甲想跟着走呢！

-- by 会员 voilaasia (2012/6/4 20:43:59)

前两天病倒了呢···烧的没有脑细胞出来写作文了~~今天蹦达回来了~~

作者: h14zpsn 时间: 2012-6-5 22:45
前几天病倒了，所以没有写了~~~O.O~~~~这几天得抓了个紧了啊~~~
题目：

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People now are less happy and less satisfied than people in the past.

作文：

With the development of the society, many people care more about the quality of their daily life and internal happiness. Some people think they are happier than the people in the past, because the technology in the modern society is advanced, and entertainment is also more available. However, the other people are not satisfied with the situation that they are in right now. They image the people in the past were happier and more satisfied with their life. For my part, I want to refute the former idea and agree with the later one.

First, advanced technology is not always a good single for modern people. Although many new products, such as internet, mobile phone, make people connect with each other. Many people may lose themselves in the e-world and generally unable to contact their friends in the real world. Actually, people spend a growing amount of time to stay online. With statistics, people in United States spend averagely 13 hours per week on internet. These 13 hours are taken from the social activities mostly. By this way, technology can be the main factor caused the unhappiness in the modern world.

In addition, pressure is another issue people need to consider if they want to pursue happy. In the past, people did not have too much pressure. The life pace is not so fast. Although the living standard is not as good as the one in modern society, people are more easily satisfied with their work and family. As Aristotle said, the real happiness is from the human’s internal world, without depending on anyone else. People in the past can be more independent than the people at now. Persons in the modern world always want to pursue a higher social status and greater reputation. All these things are illusions, since these halos rely on other people’s work and attention. By this way, human at now hardly obtain the real happiness from outside.

In conclusion, people need to concentrate on their own life and find what they really want to pursue if people want to find the real happiness in this highly developed world. Do not lose yourself in the virtual world or pursue something unreal. A person needs to find the way he wants to insist on and get the happiness from his own internal world.

作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-6-5 22:53

矮油。更新呢更新呢？小马甲想跟着走呢！

-- by 会员 voilaasia (2012/6/4 20:43:59)

前两天病倒了呢···烧的没有脑细胞出来写作文了~~今天蹦达回来了~~

-- by 会员 h14zpsn (2012/6/5 22:44:50)

冰冻君~注意身体哇~~加油

作者: voilaasia 时间: 2012-6-6 01:31

矮油。更新呢更新呢？小马甲想跟着走呢！-- by 会员 voilaasia (2012/6/4 20:43:59)

前两天病倒了呢···烧的没有脑细胞出来写作文了~~今天蹦达回来了~~-- by 会员 h14zpsn (2012/6/5 22:44:50)

发烧这事儿不能掉以轻心，注意别反复啊。冲刺归冲刺，喝水睡眠维生素，饮食锻炼balance。（小马甲要注意说话风格，自己也觉得自己有点古怪。同学别介意。）

作者: h14zpsn 时间: 2012-6-6 12:57
6.6
题目：
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Food in the past was much healthier than today

作文：
Food is always the most important part in people’s daily life. After developing thousands of years, food in modern world is not merely a bundle of water, protein, and fat. People will care more about the taste and even the health factor. It is undeniable that the food in today is more delicious than ever before. However, many people concern that the food in the past was much healthier than today. For my part, I support this idea and use the following statements to support my choice.

In the first place, the technology has changed the origin of the food. With the development of the technology, many food producers use various kinds of biochemical methods to ensure their food products look good. For example, in China, every people will take about 183g antibiotics on average annually. However, most of these antibiotics do not come from the medicine, rather come from the food. The farmers in the ranch spray a lot of antibiotics to ensure the pigs and cows healthy. However, these antibiotics will come to human body through food chain and impact people’s health profoundly.

Furthermore, fast living style is another main reason that leads to the food unhealthy. People at today do not spend too much time on eating, because they are always very busy and suffer pressure from all sizes of their lives. The only way to solve this problem is to eat fast food. However, the synonym of fast food is junk food. Junk food can be made very easily and ate conveniently. Nevertheless, junk food cannot balance people daily nutrition and often cause obesity. For now, obesity has become the first potential health problem for many developed countries in the world.

In conclusion, the reasons why the food in the past was healthier than today are the incorrect use of new technology and appearance of junk food. People need to be aware of the situation they are in right now and struggle to find an alternative to enforce the food to be better.

作者: jasmine35 时间: 2012-6-6 18:36
6.5 独立
With the development of the society, many people care more about the quality of their daily life and internal happiness. Some people think they are happier than the people in the past, because the technology in the modern society is advanced, and entertainment is also more available. However, the other（the other 是指两者中的另一个吧，用在这里貌似不太合适）people are not satisfied with the situation that they are in right now. They image the people in the past were happier and more satisfied with their life.（这句话双谓语了把） For my part, I want to refute the former idea and agree with the later one.

First, advanced technology is not always a good single（我觉得这个词用得很好呀） for modern people. Although many new products, such as internet, mobile phone, make people connect with each other.（这句没说完，应该是和下面一句连在一起的吧） Many people may lose themselves in the e-world and generally unable to contact their friends in the real world. Actually, people spend a growing amount of time to stay online. With statistics, people in United States spend averagely 13 hours per week on internet. These 13 hours are taken from the social activities mostly. By this way, technology can be the main factor caused the unhappiness in the modern world.

In addition, pressure is another issue people need to consider if they want to pursue happy（应该换个名词呢）. In the past, people did not have too much pressure. The life pace is not so fast.（是不是应该用过去时呀） Although the living standard is not as good as the one in modern society, people are more easily satisfied with their work and family. As Aristotle said, the real happiness is from the human’s internal world, without depending on anyone else. People in the past can be more independent than the people at （这个介词好诡异）now. Persons in the modern world always want to pursue a higher social status and greater reputation. All these things are illusions, since these halos rely on other people’s work and attention. By this way,（上一段用的也是这个啊，是不是考虑换换呀） human at now hardly obtain the real happiness from outside.

In conclusion, people need to concentrate on their own life and find what they really want to pursue if people want to find the real happiness in this highly developed world. Do not lose yourself in the virtual world or pursue something unreal. A person needs to find the way he wants to insist on and get the happiness from his own internal world.

我的实力不够呀，只能找找语法错误什么的，也不知道提的对不对……

作者: h14zpsn 时间: 2012-6-6 18:48

6.5 独立
With the development of the society, many people care more about the quality of their daily life and internal happiness. Some people think they are happier than the people in the past, because the technology in the modern society is advanced, and entertainment is also more available. However, the other（the other 是指两者中的另一个吧，用在这里貌似不太合适）people are not satisfied with the situation that they are in right now. They image the people in the past were happier and more satisfied with their life.（这句话双谓语了把） For my part, I want to refute the former idea and agree with the later one.

First, advanced technology is not always a good single（我觉得这个词用得很好呀） for modern people. Although many new products, such as internet, mobile phone, make people connect with each other.（这句没说完，应该是和下面一句连在一起的吧） Many people may lose themselves in the e-world and generally unable to contact their friends in the real world. Actually, people spend a growing amount of time to stay online. With statistics, people in United States spend averagely 13 hours per week on internet. These 13 hours are taken from the social activities mostly. By this way, technology can be the main factor caused the unhappiness in the modern world.

In addition, pressure is another issue people need to consider if they want to pursue happy（应该换个名词呢）. In the past, people did not have too much pressure. The life pace is not so fast.（是不是应该用过去时呀） Although the living standard is not as good as the one in modern society, people are more easily satisfied with their work and family. As Aristotle said, the real happiness is from the human’s internal world, without depending on anyone else. People in the past can be more independent than the people at （这个介词好诡异）now. Persons in the modern world always want to pursue a higher social status and greater reputation. All these things are illusions, since these halos rely on other people’s work and attention. By this way,（上一段用的也是这个啊，是不是考虑换换呀） human at now hardly obtain the real happiness from outside.

In conclusion, people need to concentrate on their own life and find what they really want to pursue if people want to find the real happiness in this highly developed world. Do not lose yourself in the virtual world or pursue something unreal. A person needs to find the way he wants to insist on and get the happiness from his own internal world.

我的实力不够呀，只能找找语法错误什么的，也不知道提的对不对……

-- by 会员 jasmine35 (2012/6/6 18:36:43)

谢谢jasmine亲，万分感谢你的批改啊~~~我抓紧改过来~~~

作者: 泾渭不凡 时间: 2012-6-7 08:49
冰冻加油，话说，前辈们不是一直说body部分一般写三段么，冰冻君为什么都写两段。。。。饭饭酱不太懂。。。

呐呐哪~~加个油~~

作者: h14zpsn 时间: 2012-6-7 09:43

冰冻加油，话说，前辈们不是一直说body部分一般写三段么，冰冻君为什么都写两段。。。。饭饭酱不太懂。。。

呐呐哪~~加个油~~

-- by 会员泾渭不凡 (2012/6/7 8:49:33)

这个我也很纠结啊··感觉搞的跟G一样的，以前我考T作文就写3段，开头，内容，结尾，那时候还有25分呢~~现在我想试着加长一点。饭饭帮我看看文章有什么不好的地方么~~~~

作者: jiaosisisisi 时间: 2012-6-7 18:01
我来占座了，马上给你修改噢！！！

Food is always the most important part in people’s daily life. After developing thousands of years, food in modern world is not merely a bundle of water, protein, and fat. People will care more about the taste and even the health factor. It is undeniable that the food in today is more delicious than ever before. However, many people concern that the food in the past was much healthier than today. For my part, I support this idea and use the following statements to support my choice.

In the first place, the technology has changed the origin of the food. With the development of the technology, many food producers use various kinds of biochemical methods to ensure their food products look good. For example, in China, every people will take about 183g antibiotics on average annually. However, most of these antibiotics do not come from the medicine, rather come from the food. The farmers in the ranch spray a lot of antibiotics to ensure the pigs and cows healthy. However, these antibiotics will come to human body through food chain and impact people’s health profoundly.

Furthermore, fast living style is another main reason that leads to the food unhealthy. People at today do not spend too much time on eating, because they are always very busy and suffer pressure from all sizes of their lives. The only way to solve this problem is to eat fast food. However, the synonym of fast food is junk food. Junk food can be made very easily and ate conveniently. Nevertheless, junk food cannot balance people daily nutrition and often cause obesity. For now, obesity has become the first potential health problem for many developed countries in the world.

In conclusion, the reasons why the food in the past was healthier than today are the incorrect use of new technology and appearance of junk food. People need to be aware of the situation they are in right now and struggle to find an alternative to enforce the food to be better.

这是唯一一篇我一口气读到第四段时，还没有觉得哪里需要修改的文章，无论文章的structure，语言的organization ，还有段落与句子之间的transitions 链接词，或者point的develop也是非常natural ，非常persuasive的。
高亮部分都是值得我学习的地方！

如果非要鸡蛋里面挑石头，我觉得文章的最后一句，Situation 作先行词后面的定语从句they are in 来修饰，感觉跟right now 紧紧链接，读起来非常拗口，而且容易误会是in now的使用方式。我的记忆中时间状语是紧紧跟着系动词的。不知道people need to be aware of the situation they are right now in ” 会不会好些
Enforce the food to be better 弱弱感觉有点Chinglish，作为solutions，寻找食物的替代品的建议也是否来得有点突然。

Anyway，真的写的很不错的文章，再非要挑毛病的话，就是字数其实可以再加一些的，我查了下总共341字，其实你除了科技、junk food之外，可以再寻找一个point来再增加一段！～～～最后祝顺利crack TOEFL！

作者: 泾渭不凡 时间: 2012-6-7 18:45

冰冻加油，话说，前辈们不是一直说body部分一般写三段么，冰冻君为什么都写两段。。。。饭饭酱不太懂。。。

呐呐哪~~加个油~~

-- by 会员泾渭不凡 (2012/6/7 8:49:33)

-- by 会员 h14zpsn (2012/6/7 9:43:07)

饭饭托福作文一窍不通呀。。。就有点G的底子而已。。。还跟着冰冻学捏。。。饭饭不敢乱说。。要不饭饭会把你带到坑里的。。。加油哈~~~~~~

作者: h14zpsn 时间: 2012-6-7 21:34

我来占座了，马上给你修改噢！！！

-- by 会员 jiaosisisisi (2012/6/7 18:01:14)

谢谢jiao亲的批改啊~~~我会尽量改正我的不足的，jiao也加油啊~~~^^

作者: h14zpsn 时间: 2012-6-7 21:35

冰冻加油，话说，前辈们不是一直说body部分一般写三段么，冰冻君为什么都写两段。。。。饭饭酱不太懂。。。

呐呐哪~~加个油~~

-- by 会员泾渭不凡 (2012/6/7 8:49:33)

-- by 会员 h14zpsn (2012/6/7 9:43:07)

饭饭托福作文一窍不通呀。。。就有点G的底子而已。。。还跟着冰冻学捏。。。饭饭不敢乱说。。要不饭饭会把你带到坑里的。。。加油哈~~~~~~

-- by 会员泾渭不凡 (2012/6/7 18:45:17)

哪里啊~~~饭饭老是谦虚的哇~~~那反正看到啥就说哈~~~~

作者: h14zpsn 时间: 2012-6-7 22:32
题目：
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? High school students should take a course on basic economic

作文：

The statement in the question is about whether the high school students should take a course on basic economic. Some people believe the basic economic class is essential for the high school class, because fundamental economic knowledge can help students to have a profound understanding about the world around them. However, since the economic courses will be taught in the college, other people propose the economic classes are not necessary for the high school students. For my part, I will support the former option and refute the later one. Following statements will back up my viewpoint.

First, basic economic knowledge can assist students to have a basic idea about how to utilize such knowledge in their daily lives. For example, if high school students have some ideas about the currency rate, they may care more about their money in their pocket and the intrinsic value of the products they see in the store. The economic knowledge grants high school students a very unique sight to observe the world. No matter what major these students will choose in college, they can benefit a lot from such economic courses.

Furthermore, such fundamental economic education also can help high school students to cultivate their interests in the economic majors. Giving students some basic knowledge about economic, these classes can lead students to a path of academic. Many high school students may become interested in the economic and choose to dedicate into this field. Since there are a lot of economic problems in the world, the more sophisticated economists in the future, the better the world will be.

In addition, economic is also highly correlated with many other things, including students’ personal habits. High school students can learn how to deal with study and rest efficiently. Students even can obtain some abstract philosophy from such course. For me, I learned a very useful function-risk and return tradeoff- from my basic economic class. Such simple rules guide me to make some main decisions in my life and impact my future deeply.

Considering the statements above, I believe it is necessary to have high school students learn some basic economic knowledge. All the knowledge learned from these economic classes will impact a student’s both personal and academic future

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