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标题: ARGUMENT 72 [打印本页]

作者: waywong 时间: 2012-5-15 01:01
标题: ARGUMENT 72
这是掐时间写的。。。时间还剩5分钟的时候写了330个字。。然后后面在写了点。。求拍。。肯定有很多用词不当和语法错误。。。。

This message told us that the claim that the conditions of the majority of competent workers who have lost jobs is undermined by a recent report on the Elthyrian economy.The survey points out that far more jobs are provided and the unemployment rate in Rlthyria is the lowest level since 1999.However, not enough evidences have been provided to make readers convince that the claim made by a national newspaper is incorrect.

First of all, the author cites a survey to support his argument, so he should provide evidences to prove that the survey design (such as the selection of sample, the design of the questions, the management of the research data and the verification of the research outcomes) and the implement are in strict accordance with scientific process; the conclusions made by the research are objective and neutral; the people who in charge of the case have not influences on other beneficial elements.Without this information, we cannot evaluate the real economic condition of Elthyria and the real employment situation.

And the second, the author says there are more jobs created than have been eliminated and the unemployment rate is the lowest level since 1999 in Elthyria, it also needs more evidence to indicate that the outcomes of the survey can well represent the all employment situation of Elthyria.Because it is possible that the data just can represent the total Elthyrian employment situation, perhaps the majority of competent workers who have lost jobs are resulted from some companies which have serious economic problems.These cases need the author a great majority of evidence to proof.

Furthermore, the author points out a statement that two-thirds of these newly created jobs have been in industries that tend to pay above-average wages and the jobs are full-time.The author must provide evidence about what industry are the newly created jobs for.These newly created jobs may only appear in some high technic industries.And it is not strange if the competent workers who have lost jobs are the workers of traditional industries.Besides, there are no evidences indicating that the situation of the rest one-third of these created jobs.If these jobs’ wages are lower than the average wages and the vast of these jobs are part-time, the arguer cannot make a conclusion that the employment condition is optimistic.

In sum, only after providing enough evidences might readers believe that the claim made by a national newspaper is incorrect.

作者: 普渡哥 时间: 2012-5-15 10:52
结尾太短，要减分。

作者: 普渡哥 时间: 2012-5-15 10:54
This message told us that the claim that the conditions of the majority of competent workers who have lost jobs is undermined by a recent report on the Elthyrian economy.The survey points out that far more jobs are provided and the unemployment rate in Rlthyria is the lowest level since 1999.However, not enough evidences have been provided to make readers convince that the claim made by a national newspaper is incorrect.
看看第一段，有的用过去时，有的有现在时，乱乱的。
第一句连续两个that，美国人不会这么写。
第一句一会workers, 一会is, 单复数搞不清。。。

作者真的要多连连才行。

作者: waywong 时间: 2012-5-15 12:57

This message told us that the claim that the conditions of the majority of competent workers who have lost jobs is undermined by a recent report on the Elthyrian economy.The survey points out that far more jobs are provided and the unemployment rate in Rlthyria is the lowest level since 1999.However, not enough evidences have been provided to make readers convince that the claim made by a national newspaper is incorrect.
看看第一段，有的用过去时，有的有现在时，乱乱的。
第一句连续两个that，美国人不会这么写。
第一句一会workers, 一会is, 单复数搞不清。。。

作者真的要多连连才行。

-- by 会员普渡哥 (2012/5/15 10:54:22)

好的。。谢谢普渡哥了。。我等会继续练

作者: 竹林中人 时间: 2012-5-15 20:02
可能你是第一次卡时间写吧，感觉有些凌乱。仅说说你的第二段，仅在抽象层面谈调查需要怎样，这显得华而不实，具体到这个题目，该怎么写你要想好。

作者: waywong 时间: 2012-5-15 23:36

可能你是第一次卡时间写吧，感觉有些凌乱。仅说说你的第二段，仅在抽象层面谈调查需要怎样，这显得华而不实，具体到这个题目，该怎么写你要想好。

-- by 会员竹林中人 (2012/5/15 20:02:38)

好的。谢谢中人了。。。。。确实是有很大的问题。。而且时间到了也打不完。悲剧。。

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