ChaseDream

标题: 瓜瓜卷土重来啦！！！！ [打印本页]

作者: 瓜瓜不瓜 时间: 2012-5-1 22:29
标题: 瓜瓜卷土重来啦！！！！
谢谢晨依将我领进了写作小分队

512托福首战，10天不算不算多不算少，疯狂写作吧！！！！！！
废话不多说，先谢谢各位给我改作文的兄弟姐妹们！！！

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今天是6月22日，一个多月以后我胡汉三又回来啦！！！！
Go on and on!!!!
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928 920T出分，看到分数，真的哭了出来。谢谢这一路上陪伴我的人们。除了感谢，不知道要说什么。默默祝愿T写作版有越来越多的CDers获益。

作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-5-1 23:14
瓜瓜加油~！明儿下午回学校了给你改呼~

作者: 瓜瓜不瓜 时间: 2012-5-2 09:06
瓜瓜作文小分队第一篇作文终于在早上一个小时的奋斗中完成了求各种拍砖！！！！

5月1日 111119 NA Some jobs can pay high salaries but require employees to leave their family and friends. Some jobs pay few salaries but allow employees staying with family and friend. Which job do you prefer? Why?

The definitions of success vary from people to people. Some people regard money as the only criterion of achievement, while some think a lot of others’ respect. However, in my philosophy, the happiness sharing with my family and friends is my life goal. Thus, faced these two completely different kind of work, I choose the one can give me the opportunity to stay with family and friend though with poor salaries without hesitation.

There is no doubt that salaries are important, giving people material support to life, and sheltering them from starvation and coldness. However, as not keen on luxury life, I regard money as a tool that allows me to live, but not a goal to live. As long as the salary can cover my life expense, whether the amount is large or small become the least important concern for me.

As the old saying goes, life is too short to allow people to regret. Instead of chase money, I am more willing to pursue happiness, which for me is spending time with my family and friend. I quite agree with Maslow on his theory that people are motivated to fulfill a hierarchical pyramid of needs. While the needs for survival are at the bottom of the pyramid, such as food, water, which can be satisfied by money, the need of love and belonging is much superior than the basic need. What’s more, the need of love and belonging cannot be satisfied by money. By no means but cultivation can we gain love and feel belongings.

Last but not least, I strongly oppose people work only for money. Longing for money may led people abandon morality, and thereby some make dirty fortune even commit crime. There are several food scandals happening in China recently, such as melamine milk, watery pork, and so on and almost all of them are related to money. The sickness of pursuit of money drives people blind, which is harmful to all human beings.

So, as the reasons I referred above, my prefer the job that allow me to stay with my family and friends regardless its poor salaries. Life is precious, and it should be spend on the things we value most. Furthermore, people should work for joy, not just for money itself. Following this belief, we will arrive the destination we want and the society will become a more harmonious place.

作者: 瓜瓜不瓜 时间: 2012-5-2 09:07

哦也也

作者: 易雨水巷 时间: 2012-5-2 15:05
可能要晚些才能给瓜瓜改,不要着急哈^_^

蓝色为建议或疑问高亮为精彩红色为错误绿色为总结
5月1日 111119 NASome jobs can pay high salaries but require employees to leave their family andfriends. Some jobs pay few salaries but allow employees staying with family andfriend. Which job do you prefer? Why?

The definitions of success vary from people topeople.（感觉这话有点儿别扭额，可以换成，People from divergent backgrounds holddifferent opinions about the definitions of success. ） Some people regardmoney as the only criterion of achievement, while some think a lot of others’respect. However, in myphilosophy, the happiness sharing with my (这个my可以去掉，一方面去掉无所谓，另一方面后面接着又出现my略感重复)family and friends is my life goal. Thus,faced（faced with/facing）these two completely different kind ofwork, I choose the one can give me the opportunity to stay with family andfriend though with poor salaries without hesitation(建议放到I 后面， Iwithout hesitation choose the….).

There is no doubt that salaries are important, giving people material supportto life, and sheltering them from starvation and coldness. However, as not keenon luxury life, I regard money as a tool that allows me to live, but not a goalto live. As long as the salary can cover my life expense, whether the amount islarge or small become the least important concern for me. (缺少主题句TS，另外这种一般是作为让步段放在倒数第二段写的，详情参见鸟儿姐姐的一个帖子http://forum.chasedream.com/TOEFL_Writing/thread-710250-1-1.html)

As the old saying goes, life is too short to allow people to regret. Instead of chase(instead of 后面跟动名词 instead of chasing) money, I am more willing to pursue happiness, which for me isspending time with my family and friend. I quite agree with Maslow on histheory that people are motivated to fulfill a hierarchical pyramid of needs. While the needsfor survival are at the bottom of the pyramid, such as food, water, which canbe satisfied by money, the need of love and belonging is much superior than (be superior to) the basic need. What’s more(不要连写， What is more), the need of love and belonging cannot be satisfied by money. By no means but cultivation canwe gain love and feel belongings .(belongs 作为负数是财产、所有物、亲戚的意思，这里是不是表达有点儿问题，换个词？)

Last but not least, I strongly oppose people work only for money. Longing formoney may led people abandon morality （lead sbto do sth lead people to abandon morality或者用词组 result in / lead to+名词词组）, and thereby some makedirty fortune even commit crime. There are several food scandals happening inChina recently, such as melamine milk, watery pork, and so on and almost all ofthem are related to money. The sickness of pursuit of money drives peopleblind, which is harmful to all human beings.

So,(换成 Tosum up/ In conclusion之类的总结词吧) as the reasons I referred above, my (I) preferthe job that allow me to stay with my family and friends regardless （in regardless of） its poor salaries. Lifeis precious, and it should be spend on the things we value most. Furthermore,people should work for joy, not just for money itself. Following this belief,we will arrive (+at arrive不及物动词)thedestination we want and the society will become a more harmonious place.

To 瓜瓜
雨巷意见可能比较多，比较啰嗦，希望瓜瓜不要介意哦~
1.论述段缺乏主题句TS啊，这个问题需要特别注意！
2.一些词组的搭配上存在问题，要细心一点儿奥O(∩_∩)O~
3.雨巷感觉论述的逻辑有点儿问题额….个人观点
为5.12而战！一起加油！ Rock!O(∩_∩)O~

作者: 瓜瓜不瓜 时间: 2012-5-2 17:09
嗯嗯我等哈

作者: 瓜瓜不瓜 时间: 2012-5-2 20:56
收到点名啦谢谢雨巷啦感觉语法错误确实有点多。TS问题一定注意。

有木有觉得我的第四段是不是和文章主题没有关系？讲追逐钱地去工作会导致的后果，似乎和题目没有关系？我写的时候很犹豫要不要写这一段的。，

作者: 瓜瓜不瓜 时间: 2012-5-2 22:16
5月2日独立写作
20110820 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The most important investment for a company is to spend money on improving skills of its employees.

Nowadays, with rapid progress of development and furious competition among trading, it become more and more important for a company to decide where should the investment be spend on. Personally, I strong oppose the idea that the the most important investment should be expensed on improving skill of its employees.
To begin with, comparing to skill of its employees, the technology that a company adopts is a more critical factor to determine the success of an enterprise, especially in modern society. As Xiaoping Dung, the former president of China, once point out that technology is the primary productive force, no one can deny the powerful drive force that technology bring to the world. It is no longer a era that labor force represent output, but a time technology-oriented industries win the market. Even if the skill of a company employees stand on the top, without the improvement of its technology, it cannot develop sustainably. For example, in China, employees are of high skill, but because of the outdated equipments, the profit for majority of Chinese corporation is below the average line of the world.

In addition, if employees do not have high loyalty of their corporation, then the expense on tuition will be nothing but a great waste of money. Consider this situation in IT industry: the training investment of a computer engineer is quite large, and the job-hopping in the IT company is higher than average, so the large amount of investment on tuition probably leads to a loss for the company. Therefore, it is unwise to blindly invest on employees education regardless of the practical situation.

What is more, even all the facts shows that the company is in need of investment on employees’ training, it cannot state as the top priority, as other factors such as advertisement are equally or even more important. Nowadays, visual sense has a great impact on consumptions, it become quite true that good advertisement stimulate people and drive them will to consume. Coca Cola may be a good instance: even though the company invest on its technology and employees, the advertisement which is the largest expense is the essential reason for its popularity.

To sum up, as we are in a technology-oriented era, it is unwise to say that the most important investment should be spend on improving the skill of employees, especially when the fluidity of employees and other factors such as advertisement are taken into consideration.

作者: 瓜瓜不瓜 时间: 2012-5-2 22:57
5.2 综合写作第一次试水 ABC兄，我写的很粗糙感觉，憋不出什么话 T.T

top3

The passage cast doubts on the reality of one painting of Rembrandt. However, the lecture shows the results of the further research of the painting to demonstrate that the painting is drawn by Rembrandt.

First, the research finds the luxurious fur collar the woman wearing was painted a hundred years after originally paint and in original painting, the woman’s collar is white. This directly contradict what the passage states. What is more, the additional painting tended to add its valuable.

Second, the light and shadow are also not showed as the original painting. Once remove the error painting, the face appears to be not shadowed, which go consistent with the way Rembrandt used to. This fact also contradicts the content passage says.

Third, the back of the painting is enlarged, in older to make it grant and valuable. The original panel is a signal piece. What is more, it was from the very tree which Rembrandt’s another famous painting’s panel was made of.

作者: 易雨水巷 时间: 2012-5-3 15:23

收到点名啦谢谢雨巷啦感觉语法错误确实有点多。TS问题一定注意。有木有觉得我的第四段是不是和文章主题没有关系？讲追逐钱地去工作会导致的后果，似乎和题目没有关系？我写的时候很犹豫要不要写这一段的。，-- by 会员瓜瓜不瓜 (2012/5/2 20:56:23)

我木有见过这样写得,所以感觉你的逻辑有些问题,当然我的逻辑更糟糕T.T。如果不是为了字数就不要加了,或者你把它归到那段说钱够用就好了,这样就成了先正面论述,再反面论述,个人意见啦…

作者: chasedreamabc 时间: 2012-5-3 17:48
The passage cast(+s, )doubts on the reality of one painting of Rembrandt.（Rembrandt's painting，因为是people所以直接用's）However, the lecture shows the results of the further research of the painting to demonstrate that the painting is (was)drawn by Rembrandt.

First, the research finds the luxurious fur collar the woman wearing was painted a hundred years after originally paint and in original painting,(+and 连接词，逗号不连接两个句子) the woman’s collar is white. This directly contradict what the passage states. What is more, the additional painting tended to add its valuable.

Second, the light and shadow are also not showed as the original painting. Once remove the error painting, the face appears to be not shadowed, which go consistent with the wayRembrandt used to. This fact also contradicts the content passage says.

Third, the back of the painting is enlarged, in older to make it grant and valuable. The original panel is a signal piece. What is more, it was from the very tree（这个要表达什么？） which Rembrandt’s another famous painting’s panel was made of.

PS：框架清晰，听力细节捕捉详细，没有什么大的遗漏。

在文中如果可以加入更多一些和passage的对比，既可以弥补字数，又可以增强对比性

作者: 瓜瓜不瓜 时间: 2012-5-3 20:53
5.3
综合，写了超时3分钟T.T
TOP3
The lecture casts doubt on the passage. While the passage says that the dinosaurs are endotherms, the speaker gives some evidences that indict them are not.

First, the lecture points out that the dinosaur fossils discovered in polar region is not strong enough to support the conclusion of the passage. For one thing, the climate was much warmer several million ago in polar regions. For another, the fossils may be the dinosaurs who migrate from other regions.

The another point the lecture shows to challenge the passage is that the reason why dinosaur legs are positioned underneath. This leg position and movement is to support its huge weight, which is one of advantage of dinosaurs.

Last, the lecture indicts that even though dinosaurs have Haversian canals, they also have grow rings. The grow rings infer that dinosaurs stop growing or grow slowly in a while, then grow fast again. It is well-known that bones grow slowly in cold body condition than warm body condition. Clearly, the dinosaurs temperature changed during time based on the study of grow rings. Thus, the lecture reach the conclusion that dinosaurs are not endothermy

作者: tyyhappy 时间: 2012-5-3 21:02
蓝色为建议或疑问高亮为精彩红色为错误绿色为总结

Nowadays, with rapid progress of development(这个短语读起来有点别扭呀) and furious competition among trading, it become more and more important for a company to decide where should the investment be spend(spent) on. Personally, I strong(strongly) oppose the idea that the the(删掉个the) most important investment should be expensed on improving skill of its(个人认为这个its离company比较远，不如再写一次company) employees.

To begin with, comparing to（comparing to 表主动，个人认为compared to） skill of its employees, the technology that a company adopts is a more critical factor to determine the success of an enterprise, especially in modern society. As Xiaoping Dung, the former president of China, once point(pointed) out that technology is the primary productive force, no one can deny the powerful drive force that technology bring(s) to the world. It is no longer a(an) era that labor force represent output, but a time technology-oriented industries win the market. Even if the skill of a company employees stand on the top, without the improvement of its technology, it cannot develop sustainably. For example, in China, employees are of high skill, but because of the outdated equipments(equipment同people 哈，单复同形，不加s表示抽象含义，加s表示成套设备), the profit for majority of Chinese corporation is below the average line(level 感觉更好些) of the world.

In addition, if employees do not have high loyalty of（loyalty to）their corporation, then the expense on tuition will be nothing but a great waste of money. Consider this situation in IT industry: the training investment of(the investment of training更顺口) a computer engineer is quite large, and the job-hopping in the IT company is higher than average, so the large amount of investment on tuition probably leads to a loss for the company. Therefore, it is unwise to blindly invest on employees education regardless of the practical situation.（这一段挺好的，论证举例一气呵成。）

What is more, even all the facts shows（show） that the company is in need of investment on employees’ training, it cannot state as the top priority, as other factors such as advertisement are equally or even more important. Nowadays, visual sense has a great impact on consumptions, it become(becomes) quite true that good advertisement（advertisements） stimulate people and drive them will（删掉will） to consume. Coca Cola may be a good instance: even though the company invest on its technology and employees, the advertisement which is the largest expense is the essential reason for its popularity.

To sum up, as we are in a technology-oriented era, it is unwise to say that the most important investment should be spend(spent) on improving the skill of employees, especially when the fluidity of employees and other factors such as advertisement are taken into consideration.

Happy意见比较多，发上来的也比较晚，瓜瓜表要介意哈。^_^

结构整齐，开头结尾干净利索。

瓜瓜用词很丰富，修饰词语很多，重样的时候也比较少。

但是注意一些小的语法错误哪。例如单三和过去分词形式。还有一些固定搭配和用法哈。

作者: 瓜瓜不瓜 时间: 2012-5-3 21:51
5月3日09.10.31 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is often not a good thing to move to a new city or a new country because of the loss of old friends.

Have you ever been brother whether to move to a new city or not? Have you ever feel so worried to leave old friends? Yes, I have worried about these things. But I still believe that it is a good thing to go to a strange continent and to make acquaintance of new friends, especially for young people. Here are my reasons.

First of all, to start in a brand-new city is a challenge for everyone, and a challenge is good because it drives people forward. It is human nature that we are afraid of challenges, as challenges probably bring us nothing but failure. However, imagine if no one would like take a step, what the world will be. Columbus is a good example to take. He sailed on the big ocean, not scared by the uncertainty. Finally, he discovered the New World, and made such a great contribution to the whole world. The courage of Columbus is exactly what people need when they are afraid to the new environment.

In addition, migration does not mean loss of friend because people will meet new friends in the new environment. What is more, different friends have their own distinct quantity which people can learn things from. As a student who left one’s hometown, I never regret my decision. I went to a university which is several thousand miles away, and the city and people there were totally strange to me. However, during four year of school time, I have gained more friends, and learnt a lot from them. What is more, I become more independent and braver.

Last but not least, even if people go to a new city, it does not mean that them will lose old friends. As the saying goes, true friend will not be apart by time and distance. Personally, I think the friend who left just because they are not in the same city is true friend.

To sum up, I strongly encourage people go to new city to take challenges and make new friends. This experience will not only widen one’s horizon but also will definitely be a treasure in one’s life.

作者: 瓜瓜不瓜 时间: 2012-5-3 23:43

改的很好我就是喜欢严厉姐哈哈

作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-5-4 20:08
5月3日独立修改
Have you ever been brother(bothered?) whether to move to a new city or not? Have you ever feel so worried to leave old friends? Yes, I have worried about these things. But(感觉有点唐突) I still believe that it is a good thing to go to a strange continent(有点大了是不是、、city/country就行哈) and to make acquaintance of(with) new friends, especially for young people. Here are my reasons.(我觉得问句的开头很好哇~)

First of all, to start in a brand-new city is a challenge for everyone, and a(the、应该特指啦)challenge is good because it drives people (to)forward. It ishuman nature that (makes people...直接那么写接不上哇)we are afraid of challenges, as challenges probably bring us nothing but failure. However, imagine if no one would like (to)take a step, what the world will be. Columbus is a good example to take. He sailed on the ~~big~~ ocean, not scared by the uncertainty. Finally, he discovered the New World, and made such a great contribution to the whole world. The courage of Columbus is exactly what people need when they are afraid to the new environment.

In addition, migration(啊啊这个词真好哇我写的时候就一直move move move的就偏偏想不到，赞！) does not mean loss of friend because people will meet new friends in the new environment. What is more, different friends have their own distinct quantity which people can learn things from. As a student who left one’s hometown, I never regret my decision. I went to a university which is several thousand miles away, and the city and people there were totally strange to me. However, during four year(s) of school time, I have gained more friends,(搭配不地道，get比gain要好) and learnt a lot from them. What is more, I become more independent and braver.

Last but not least, even if people go to a new city, it does not mean that them(they) will lose old friends. As the saying goes, true friend will not be apart by time and distance(这个是不是自己写的呀？我觉得最好能查查正式点的说法~). Personally, I think the friend who left just because they are not in the same city is true friend.(这个句子不是很明白)

To sum up, I strongly encourage people go to new city to take challenges and make new friends. This experience will not only widen one’s horizon but also will definitely be a treasure in one’s life. (结尾赞！简单明了，意味深长！)

【CONCLUSION】
瓜瓜的作文写得很赞~
有些小细节再注意下，长短句稍微结合结合~
加油！

作者: 瓜瓜不瓜 时间: 2012-5-4 21:48
5.4 Integrated Writing TPO5

The lecture casts doubts on the three theories the passage shows to explain the use of Chaco structure—“great houses”.

First, the professor denies the theory that the Chaco structures were residential, because if the theory is true, then there should be many fire place. However, the fact is even in the biggest house which is supposed to hold more than 100 families, the number of fire place is only 10.

Second, the lecture challenges the explanation that the houses were used to store maize, which is the main crop of the Chaco. The professor says that if this theory is true, then there should be more maize containers. Actually, the excavation shows that there is only a few containers.

Last, the lecture rules out the possibility which the passage lists that the Chaco structures were used as ceremonial centers. The excavation shows there are not only pots, but a large number of building materials, such as sand and stones. It is quite possible that the broken pots were the daily rubbish that the construction workers threw away.

作者: 瓜瓜不瓜 时间: 2012-5-4 23:17
5月4日10.8.28 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The main purpose for people who have jobs is for money rather than social status.

Living in this fast-pace society, people rush to work. Buried oneself in heavy work, people seem to have no rest to think about what they are working for. Though it may seem to be quite realistic to say that people work for money rather than social status, I am in favor of the statement that the main purpose for people to have job is for many. And here are my reasons.

First of all, there is no doubt that money is the direct incentive for people to have job. It is well improved that the money stimulate and drive people to work. As the saying goes, money is not everything, but no money is totally unacceptable. It is with money that people can buy food, can have place to live. However, I am not saying that the social status is not important. If analyzing this question on a material aspect, money is definitely more essential than social status. Flame and reputation do count in some respects, but they can solve people daily needs.

In addition, money is a quite effective and efficient way to motivate people, and that is what we call bonus. Usually, companies offer an attractive bonus to those employees who work hard or solve a specific problem during work. And this kind of material award gives more direct and powerful drive than the social status does. It is a true story happened in the famous company called Huawei. A few years ago, this IT company met a technological problem, and the problem remained unsolved after several months. At the end, the manager proposed that the one solved the problem was going to have a large amount of money. In no more than two weeks, the problem was solved. It cannot deny the magic power of money.

Last but not least, money is a more realistic way than social status to evaluate employees’ work. It turns out employees are always satisfied by this direct way to be paid off, which benefits both employees and employers.

To sum up, because money is the most direct incentive to workers, and it motivates and satisfies people more effectively than social statues, I hold the belief tightly that people work for money rather than social statues.

作者: Herisson0509 时间: 2012-5-5 10:03
迟到的修改请见谅啊
TOP3
The lecture casts doubt on the passage. While the passage says that the dinosaurs are endotherms, the speaker gives some evidences that indict them are not.

First, the lecture points out that the dinosaur fossils discovered in polar region is not strong enough to support the conclusion of the passage. For one thing, the climate was much warmer several million ago in polar regions. For another, the fossils may be the dinosaurs who migrate from other regions.When the polar regions were cold, dinosaurs have migrated to warmer areas that are not suit for endotherms to live.

The another point the lecture shows to challenge the passage is that the reason why dinosaur legs are positioned underneath. Actually, the dinosaurs’ legs are positioned underneath their bodies.This leg position and movement is to support its huge weight, which is one of advantage of dinosaurs.

Last, the lecture indicts that even though dinosaurs have Haversian canals, they also have grow rings. The grow rings infer that dinosaurs stop growing or grow slowly in a while, then grow fast again. It is well-known that bones grow slowly in cold body condition than warm body condition. Clearly, the dinosaurs temperature changed during time based on the study of grow rings. Whereas, in the reading, endothermys don’t have this characteristic. Thus, the lecture reach the conclusion that dinosaurs are not endothermy.这一段听到的内容还蛮丰富的

瓜瓜

1.字数有些单薄了我建议你找个模版研究研究拿来自己用会使文章显得充实些鸟开的写作入门贴里有个模版还不错toefl专区里也有人上传的模版你都去看看自己提炼提炼精华

2.听力加强吧内容少

3.可以多看看满分范文我记得群共享里有的

再接再厉啊但是我是真的不行一起多多MB大神们的加油

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-5-5 10:17
5.4 综合改文
5.4 Integrated Writing TPO5

The lecture casts doubts（doubt） on the three theories the passage shows to explain the use of Chaco structure—“great houses”.

First, the professor denies the theory that the Chaco structures were residential, because if the theory is true, then there should be many（这样表达有点中式）fire place（fireplaces）. However, the fact is (that )even in the biggest house which is supposed to hold more than 100 families, the number of fire place is only 10.(加一个结论Therefore，the professor believes that the primary function of the great house can not be houses.)

Second, the lecture(lecturer用人比较好)challenges the explanation that the houses were used to store maize, which is the main crop of the Chaco. The professor says that if this theory is true,（换一下表达） then there should be more maize containers. Actually, the excavation shows that there is（are） only a few containers.

Last, the lecture rules out the possibility which the passage lists that the Chaco structures were used as ceremonial centers. The excavation shows there are not only pots, but a large number (quantities 感觉material是不可数的)of building materials, such as sand and stones. It is quite possible that the broken pots were the daily rubbish that the construction workers threw away.

To sum up...

Conclusion:瓜瓜的细节抓的很紧，不错，但是字数少了点哦

1.每一段的连接词注意多样性，可以用to begin with, besides, in addition, furthermore, what is more, moreover, last but not least之类的词

2.在每段后面加一个结论

3.还有最后一段，再写一个总结性的句子

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-5-5 10:37
5.4 独立改文
5月4日10.8.28 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The main purpose for people who have jobs is for money rather than social status.

Living in this fast-pace society, people rush to work. Buried oneself in heavy work, people seem to have no rest to think about what they are working for. Though it may seem to be quite realistic to say that people work for money rather than social status, I am in favor of the statement that the main purpose for people to have job is for many. And here are my reasons.
开头很好呀~（补充一个词，功利主义utilitarian）
First of all, there is no doubt that money is the direct incentive for people to have job(加上“因为它可以满足人们的物质需求”).It is well improved that the money stimulatesand drives people to work. As the saying goes, money is not everything, but no money is totally unacceptable.（这句话是找来的吗？后半句我感觉怪怪的） It is with money that people can buy food, can have place to live. However, I am not saying that the social status is not important. If analyzing this question on a material aspect, money is definitely more essential than social status. Flame and reputation do count in some respects, but they can solve（meet） people daily needs.

In addition, money is a quite effective and efficient way to motivate people, and that is what we call bonus. Usually, companies offer an attractive bonus to those employees who work hard or solve a specific problem during work. And this kind of material award gives more direct and powerful drive than the social status does. It is a true story happened in the famous company called Huawei. A few years ago, this IT company met a technological problem, and the problem remained unsolved after several months. At the end, the manager proposed that the one solved the problem was going to have a large amount of money. In no more than（within） two weeks, the problem was solved.(Thus, )It cannot deny the magic power of money.

Last but not least, money is a more realistic（用过了，换practical） way than social status to evaluate employees’ work. It turns out employees are always satisfied by this direct way to be paid off, which benefits both employees and employers.瓜瓜这是不是少了一个例子？

To sum up, because(since更好点)money is the most direct incentive to workers, and it motivates and satisfies people more effectively than social statues, I hold the belief tightly that people work for money rather than social statues.

Conclusion：

1.文字很不错，基本上没有错的！

2.不过观点方面还要加强哦，感觉前面两个段的论点表达得有点像。用例子把他们区分吧

作者: 瓜瓜不瓜 时间: 2012-5-5 22:11
5.5 TOP6

Comparing with traditional encyclopedias, the passage lists three demerits of communal online encyclopedias. However, the lecturer cites several reasons to question the author’s opinion.

To begin with, the lecture points out that even though there are errors in communal encyclopedias, traditional encyclopedias are never closely perfect as well. What is more, it is more convenient to correct errors on the Internet than offline. It is a obvious advantage the communal encyclopedias have and challenges the author’s criticism on online encyclopedias.

Furthermore, the lecture contradicts the article statement that communal encyclopedias are often vulnerable to the corruption of unscrupulous users. As the lecturer says, with two methods that adopted nowadays—one is to use reading-only format, another is to recruit special online editor—the problem can be solved.

Last but not least, the lecture put forward the opinion that the unlimited space of communal encyclopedias are better than traditional ones, which conflicts with the author’s opinion. As the Internet offers a larger space, it allows users to explore topics more deeply.

To sum up, the lecture demonstrate some merits of online encyclopedias.

作者: 瓜瓜不瓜 时间: 2012-5-6 00:00
5.5 独立NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents should help children to do their work rather than encouraging them to do the work on their own.

It is a universal truth that as the first teacher of a child, parents play an essential role in child’s growth. Thus, what kind of education parents adopted directly put a great influence on what kind of person a child is going to be. Nowadays, there is a hot debate on whether parents should help children to do their work or encourage them do do work by themselves. Personally, I stand for the idea that parents should allow and encourage children do things on their own.

To begin with, there is no doubt that allowing children to deal with their own stuff can make children independent, which is a good characteristic for their growth. Take a well-known true story about Einstein as example to help me to clarify this point. It happened when Einstein was in elementary school. One day the teacher asked each student to make a wooden stool. While most students turned to their parents for help, Einstein finished this homework by his own. What is more, he made three stools, without help of parents. Though his stool were not as good-looking as others’, he grew from the work and stepped toward independence, which became the key factor to his success.

In addition, only by doing thing by their own can children gain the happiness from process. And only though the hardness can children learn a lesson from growth. A survey conducted by Xinghua University shows that children who are willing to deal with things by themselves in teenagers are more inclined to succeed in their future career. The investigators gives two reasons to explain the outcome: for one thing, children learn from the process; for another, children tend to treasure the success once them gain it by their own.

Admittedly, as it is human nature, parents are willing to set everything for children. However, it may be the best way for children’s growth. What if something happens that parents cannot help to set down? Parents age, and finally one day them can help children anymore. Allowing children learn to deal with things earlier, and giving them encouragement are the best action parents should take.

To sum up, children’s self-management makes children more independent, gives them opportunities to experience the happiness and misery , and makes them treasure success. Thus, I hold the belief that parents should encourage children to do work by their own.

作者: Herisson0509 时间: 2012-5-6 08:11
Comparing with traditional encyclopedias, the passage lists three demerits of communal online encyclopedias. However, the lecturer cites several reasons to question the author’s opinions.

To begin with, the lecture points out that even though there are errors in communal encyclopedias, traditional encyclopedias are never closely perfect as well. What is more, it is more convenient to correct errors on the Internet than offline. It is a obvious advantage the communal encyclopedias have, which challenges the author’s criticism on online encyclopedias.

Furthermore, the lecture contradicts the article statement that communal encyclopedias are often vulnerable to the corruption of unscrupulous users. As the lecturer says, with two methods that adopted nowadays—one is to use reading-only format, another is to recruit special online editor—the problem can be solved.这段可以再加些内容进来把每种方法的作用写出来不然显得你听到的内容太少了哎我第二个way木有听到

Last but not least, the lecture puts forward the opinion that the unlimited space of communal encyclopedias are better than traditional ones, which conflicts with the author’s opinion. As the Internet offers a larger space, it allows users to explore topics more deeply.The diversity of use in topics can reflect the great diversity of users' interests that online encyclopedias offer is one of their strongest advantages

To sum up, the lecture demonstrates some merits of online encyclopedias.结尾如果想加一句的话我建议你去找句比较不错的借鉴一下

瓜瓜真的要提升一下字数了考试要求最少要225字的

把听到的key points 都写出来给ETS证明一下你听懂了

作者: 瓜瓜不瓜 时间: 2012-5-6 22:06
啊最少要225个字啊！！！？我担忧了

作者: 瓜瓜不瓜 时间: 2012-5-6 22:12
刺猬你貌似弄错了哦综合字数是150-225之间不是说不少于225呢。

还有你批改中，把倒数第二段划蓝色是什么意思？没有看懂额。。

作者: 瓜瓜不瓜 时间: 2012-5-6 23:03
TOP7 integrated writing
The reading passage explores the issue of ecocertification. The professor’s lecture deals with the same issue. However, he thinks that the wood company in US will and have to do adopt the econcertification, which contradicts what the reading states. And in the lecture, he uses three specific points to support his idea.

First, even though the passage suggests that American consumers do not value or trust advertisement because they are exposed to too many advertisement, the professor points out that it is not true. The lecture says American consumers do distinct some specific ones from numerous advertisement, and they do trust certification granted by independent agency with worldwide reputation. These facts demonstrate ecocertification is rather in need, which obviously challenge the statement made by the passage.

In addition, despite the view in the reading passage that ecocertification will increase the prince of wood, the professor shows that price is only taken into consideration when the difference of price is small. That is to say, the additional cost of ecocertification is not the reason keep wood factory from the action.

Last, the professor claims that pursuing certification makes sense for wood company in US, whereas the passage asserts this movement is meaningless. The lecture states that if the wood companies do capture with others from the rest of the word, then the domestic wood company will be ruled out from the furious market competition.

作者: 瓜瓜不瓜 时间: 2012-5-7 10:56
迟到了。。婷婷比啊内
5月6日10.10.30 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People are now easier to become educated than in the past.

Education seems to be a permanent topic of human beings, as it plays such an important role in one life. With rapid development of society, it is no doubt that people are now easier to become educated than in the past. Here are my reasons.

First of all, comparing to the past, it is a worldwide truth that people have more opportunities now to get education. While campuses enlarge the enrolment, more school are being built up, which means more teenagers as well as adults can go to class to get educated. Dated back to the old days in China, only boys are allowed to go to school, whereas girls who long for knowledge have no way to get educated. What is worse, as the tuition fee is so high, it is impossible for children from poor families to afford it. Luckily, situation has been largely improved now, and going to school is no longer a dream for every child.

In addition, modern society provides people multiplied of resources, which are helpful for their study. Many public libraries are set up in most cities, and lots of public lectures and speeches are delivered all over the world. Besides, internet enriches our access to search information, allowing us to get what we want without the limit of distance. When I was young and the internet was not so widely used, I wanted to read a novel book, but neither the local book store nor the library had a copy. At the end, I had to give up the intention. However, with Internet, I can buy books online, or download whatever I like to read. It is obvious that we get lots of convenience from Internet.

Admittedly, there are too much information around us nowadays, and it is difficult for us to identify which is true. However, through the process of require true information, people gain the ability of discrimination, which is also an objective of education.

To sum up, because of larger enrollment and more resource accesses, we can safely arrive that People are now easier to become educated than in the past.

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-5-7 15:24
5.6 综合改
TOP7 integrated writing
The reading passage explores the issue of ecocertification. The professor’s lecture deals with the same issue. (这两句话这么改吧：Both the reading passage and the professor's lecture explore the issue of ecocertification.显得简洁些)However, he thinks that the wood company in US will and have to do adopt the econcertification, which contradicts what the reading states. And in the lecture, he uses three specific points to support his idea.

First, even though the passage suggests that American consumers do not value or trust advertisementsbecause they are exposed to too many advertisements, the professor points out that it is not true. The lecture says American consumers do distinct some specific ones from numerous advertisement, and they do trust certification granted by independent agency(agencies通常二选一： the agency/agencies之前什么都不加)with worldwide reputation. These facts demonstrate ecocertification is rather in need, which obviously challenge the statement made by the passage.

In addition, despite the view in the reading passage that ecocertification will increase the prince（price） of wood, the professor shows that price is only taken into consideration when the difference of price is small(big这里瓜瓜是不是写错了，应该是价格差别很大的时候，消费者才会考虑价格的因素). That is to say, the additional cost of ecocertification is not the reason keep(to keep/ keeping) wood factory from the action.

Last, the professor claims that pursuing certification makes sense for wood company in US, whereas the passage asserts this movement is meaningless. The lecture states that if the wood companies do capture with others from the rest of the word, then the domestic wood company will be ruled out from the furious market competition.

建议瓜瓜在这里加一个结尾哦，就多一句话不过会显得结构很完整

Conclusion：1.观点、细节都给出了，模板用得融为一体了，很好！

2.注意冠词的使用

瓜瓜，加油~

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-5-7 15:58
5.6 独立改文
没事的，婷婷这才开始改呢~
5月6日10.10.30 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People are now easier to become educated than in the past.

Education seems to be a permanent topic of human beings, as it plays such an important（瓜瓜换个更高级的词哦，感觉important太常见了，用essential/vital/inevitable） role in one life. With rapid development of society, it is no doubt that people are now easier to become educated than in the past. Here are my reasons.

First of all, comparing to the past, it is a worldwide truth that people have more opportunities now to get education. While campuses enlarge the enrolment（enrollment）, more schools are being built up, which means more teenagers as well as adults can go to class to（删掉） get educated. Dated(dating) back to the old days in China, only boys are(were) allowed to go to school, whereas girls who long（longed）for knowledge have（had) no way to get educated. What is worse, as the tuition fee is（was） so high, it is(was) impossible for children from poor families to afford it. Luckily, situation has been largely improved now, and going to school is no longer a dream for every child.（瓜瓜,我感觉dating back这个例子用过去式比较好）

In addition, modern society provides people multiplied of resources, which are helpful for their study. Many public libraries are set up in most cities（metropolises）, and lots of public lectures and speeches are delivered all over the world. Besides, internet enriches our access to search information, allowing us to get what we want without the limit of distance（and time时间限制也可以放进去）. When I was young and the internet was not so widely used, I wanted to read a novel book, but neither the local book store nor the library had a copy. At the end, I had to give up the intention. However, with Internet, I can buy books online, or download whatever I like to read. It is obvious that we get lots of convenience from Internet.

Admittedly, there are too much information around us nowadays, and it is difficult for us to identify which is true. However, through the process of require true information, people gain the ability of discrimination, which is also an objective of education.
瓜瓜的让步段不太切题，这里变成写信息的discrimination了，可以写;虽然现在的教育变得容易了，但是不容忽视的是很多rural area的人任然不能受到很好的学习。但是with the joint effort of the government and society，这一现状会逐渐改善。

To sum up, because of larger enrollment and more resource accesses, we can safely arrive（嘿嘿，这个表达好，婷婷学走了）that People are now easier to become educated than in the past.

Conclusion：瓜瓜的文章现在已经没有错了，逻辑也很好。不过让步段要注意切题哦。继续保持吧~

作者: Crystaljoy 时间: 2012-5-7 16:15
5月6日10.10.30 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People are now easier to become educated than in the past.

瓜瓜加油~~~我来督促你来了~~~

Education seems to be a permanent topic of human beings, as it plays such an important role in one（one’s） life. With rapid development of society, it is no doubt that people are now easier to become educated than in the past. Here are my reasons. (感觉开头稍显平淡了，可以prepare几个精彩句式，另外重要性在讲的具体一点。)

First of all, comparing to （compare to 比作；compare with 比较. 比较对象还要对等，即同一类。）the past, it is a worldwide truth that people have more opportunities now to get education.（Today, undeniably，people have more access to education compared with last generation.）While campuses enlarge the enrolment,(while 要么是对比，要么是让步，在这里都不合适。Campus“校园，校园生活”，感觉指代学校不贴切。With the ever-increasing enrolment number, )more school (school好像多指初级教育那种吧？schools and universities) are being built up, which means more teenagers as well as adults can go to class to get educated(for education. 如果一个N就可以隐含V意思就不要用V词组啦，更简洁有效). Dated back to the old days in China, (暗示后文改用过去时态了！)only boys are allowed togo to school, whereas girls who long for knowledge have no way（access/approach/opportunity） to get educated. What is worse, as the tuition fee is so high, it is impossible for children from poor families to afford it（the high tuition fee之间意思有逻辑联系，可以连接起来）. Luckily, （such）situation has been largely improved now, and going to school is no longer a （out-of-reach 确切）dream for every child. (most children 严谨)

In addition, modern society provides peoplemultiplied of( 确定么？) resources, which are helpful for their study. Many public libraries are set up in most cities, and lots of public lectures and speeches are delivered all over the world. Besides, internet enriches our access to search（删除。access to 一般接N）information, allowing us to get what we want without the limit of distance（time and space）. ( Once 后面是举例吧？不是一般描述了) When I was young and the internet was not so widely used, I wanted to read a novel book, but neither the local book store nor the library had a copy. At the end, I had to give up the intention. However, （today）with Internet, I can buy books online, or download whatever I like to read. It is obvious that we get lots of convenience from Internet. (internet 只是resource的一种具体列举，却占了太多篇幅。最后的总结句建议还是总结一下resource---education)

Admittedly, there are too much information around us nowadays（there be 少用，至少ＧＭＡＴ认为不对。The explosive information flood our ears and eyes every day）, and it is difficult for us to identify which is true. However, through the process of require (of 后面用Ving) true information, people gain the ability of discrimination（我一直以为是“歧视”= = 刚查了原来还有distinguish的意思）, which is also an objective of education. （让步一般是承让对方观点，这里好像又引出一个新的问题？）

To sum up, because of larger enrollment and more resource accesses, we can safely arrive （at the conclusion）that People are now easier to become educated than in the past.

整体感觉：

结构清晰，意思的推进还是很有逻辑的。

期待更好的地方：

1. 表达再确切严谨点。可以多加一些adj啊，most之类的限定或者修饰,也会生动一点呢。

2. 句式有点散，再背一些好的长的句式。

3. 感觉开头稍显平淡，再吸引人点。

4. 论证方面：观点句要清晰，例子要契合，总结要扣题。

作者: 瓜瓜不瓜 时间: 2012-5-7 20:29
婷婷提出的让步段思路太好了！！！我就是搞不太懂要怎么写让步段

作者: 瓜瓜不瓜 时间: 2012-5-7 20:35
鸟儿热泪盈眶

给出的意见太好了！！全部吸取了！！！

作者: 瓜瓜不瓜 时间: 2012-5-7 23:05
5.7 integrated writing TOP8
The reading passage and the lecture explore the same issue of the Chevalier’s memoir. However, the professor thinks that the memoir is quite reliable, which contradicts the idea of the passage. And the professor use three specific points to suppor his argument.

First, even though the passage suggusts that Chevalier cannot be wealthy while living in Switzerland, the professor points it is not true. The professor argues in the lecture that as Chevalier spent a lot of money on parties and gambling, he uesed to convert assets o cash. In this persective, it is not wise to assert Chevalier was poor at that time.

In addition, desipte the view of the passage that it is impossible for Chevalier to remember exact conversation with Voltaire, the professor shows that Chevalier wrote notes about the talking with Voltaire every night after their conversation, and he referred to these note in his writing. What is more, it is comfirmed in the later that these notes really exist.

Last, the professor claims that Chevalier’s experience of prison break was true, whereas the passage asserts that it was made up. The professor demostrates the fact that prisoners in Venetian prsion whose friends were more powerful failed to bride the jailer. Besides, the government document shows that the ceiling of Chevailer’s room was once prepared. Obviously, Chevailier did escape from the jail.

To sum up, the professor cites some truth to challenge the statement of the passage, and demonstrates the memoir is rather reliable.

作者: 瓜瓜不瓜 时间: 2012-5-7 23:59
5月8日 independent writing
11.9.16 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Children should choose the same career as their parents. Use specific examples to support your answer.

Have you ever wondered what carrer to take? Have your parents suggusted you to choose the same career as them? Have you ever be honest to ask youself what you really desire? As it is such an essential decision in one’s life, people have to deal with choice of carrer seriously and carefully. Personally, I strong oppose the idea that children should follow their parents’ carrer choice.

First of all, I always hold the belife that interst is the best guide, no matter in one’s study or career, and children should choose the career they really love to. Only with passion, can people make a difference in his or her life. Take Steve Jobs for example, who dropped out of University to persuit the dream of his Apple Empire. As Jobs was crazy about music and electronic device, he successfully combined them together. Thus came the fantastic equipment—ipod. Without the strong intersts which drived Jobs forward, there would be no ipod at all.

In addition, if all children choose the same career as their parents, then there will be no innovation in the world. That would be a scary future. Just imagine days without Facebook. If Mark Zuckberg had followed his parents’ step to be a dentist or a psychiater, then there would be one more doctor in the world, and no Fackbook, where people keep in touch with friends and make aquaintance of strangers. Obviously, leting children to choose their own career brings world surprises, and those innovations enrich our daily life.

Admittedly, there are advantages for children to choose the career as their parents. They can get more professional guide and may gain extra care in the career, which contribute to success to one’ career path. However, these advantages do not represent happiness. I will believe that only when doing thing people love, can they gain truly happiness and satisfaction.

In a nutshell, children should choose their career based on their own interests, rather than follow their parents, not only because interests guarantee a continuous flow of passion, but also because it will bring surprising innovations to the world.

作者: nika1228 时间: 2012-5-8 01:00
5.5 独立NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents should help children to do their work rather than encouraging them to do the work on their own.
蓝色建议红色错误高亮精彩
It is a universal truth that as the first teacher of a child, parents play an essential role in child’s growth. Thus, what kind of education parents adopted directly put(建议exert) a great influence on what kind of person a child is going to be. Nowadays, there is a hot debate on whether parents should help children to do their work or encourage them do(to) do work by themselves. Personally, I stand for the idea that parents should allow and encourage children do things on their own.

To begin with, there is no doubt that allowing children to deal with their own stuff can make children independent, which is a good characteristic for their growth. Take a well-known true story about Einstein as example to help me to clarify this point. It happened when Einstein was in elementary school. One day the teacher asked each student to make a wooden stool. While most students turned to their parents for help, Einstein finished this homework by his own. What is more, he made three stools, without help of parents. Though his stool（stools ）were not as good-looking as others’, he grew from the work and stepped toward independence, which became the key factor to his success(in the future).

In addition, only by doing thing by their own（前面有个by，这里independently吧）can children gain the happiness from process. And only though（through） the hardness can children learn a lesson from growth. A survey conducted by Xinghua（是清华吗？Tsinghua）University shows that children who are willing to deal with things by themselves in teenagers are more inclined to succeed in their future career. The investigators gives(give) two reasons to explain the outcome: for one thing, children learn from the process; for another, children tend to treasure the success once them gain it by their own.（这段句子都没有什么问题，不过逻辑上可以再思考一下，TS说自己做事能收获幸福能学到东西，下面论据是更容易成功因为能学到东西和更加珍惜自己的成果。这样说下来是不是觉得论据和论点结合的不是很好呢？）

Admittedly, as it is human nature, parents are willing to set everything for children. However, it may be the best way for children’s growth.(这里好像没有对前文转折啊，放在这里是不是有点奇怪) What if something happens that parents cannot help to set down? Parents age, and finally one day them can help children anymore.( with the growth of parents’ age, they become weak than before, and they cannot help their children anymore) Allowing children learn to deal with things earlier, and giving them encouragement are the best action parents should take.

To sum up, children’s self-management makes children more independent, gives them opportunities to experience the happiness and misery（前文没提到过痛苦，而且感觉这里放痛苦对论点不是特别有利，建议删掉） , and makes them treasure success. Thus, I hold the belief that parents should encourage children to do work by their own.

Con:

首先诚挚的道歉，我改晚了，不找什么借口了，总之很不好。。。道歉道歉。。。

1．论证方式多样，有名人、有调查研究，有推理，确实给人一种全面的感觉

2．注意逻辑结构，加强每段论点与论据的结合

3．一些小语法错误尽量避免（这点我也同样啦）

Con:

首先诚挚的道歉，我改晚了，不找什么借口了，总之很不好。。。道歉道歉。。。

1．论证方式多样，有名人、有调查研究，有推理，确实给人一种全面的感觉

2．注意逻辑结构，加强每段论点与论据的结合

3．一些小语法错误尽量避免（这点我也同样啦）

作者: nika1228 时间: 2012-5-8 01:00
啊。。con复制了两遍。。太粗心了我

作者: 瓜瓜不瓜 时间: 2012-5-8 11:24
没关系的哈

作者: 瓜瓜不瓜 时间: 2012-5-8 22:38
TOP 9 integrated writing
The reading passage and the lecture explore the issue of fue-cell engines which use hydrogen. However, the professor casts doubts on the idea of the passage that the fuel-cell engines have several advantages over the internal-combustion engines and will soon replace them. The professor use three specific aspects to support his argument.

First, even though the passage show that the Hydrogen is a plentiful sources compared with petroleum, the professor demostrates that the hydrogen is not a solution to solve the resource problem. According to the lecture, pure liquid hydgroge should be stored in cold condition, which is a technic problem for the manufacturers.

Second, despite of the view in the passage that hydrogen-based fuel cells can solve pollution, the professor points out that the production of hydreogen will produce more pollution because the prodution uses coal and oil as fuel. Thus, cars do not produce the environment, while the production of hydreogen does.

Last, the professor challenges the statement in the passage that fuel-cell engines are economically competitive. As the lecture shows, the containner of liquid hydgrogen is made of expensive mental, and the material is so rare that it is not useful so far. Therefore, fuel-cell engines won’t help people save money.

To sum up, the professor shows three reason to contradict the passage’s statement that fuel-cell engines are not that promising as there are so many problems remain unsolved.

作者: 瓜瓜不瓜 时间: 2012-5-9 00:15
5月7日独立11.7.8 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is better to choose a friend with whom you can have fun than to choose a friend that will help you when you are in need. Use specific examples to support your answer.

Have you ever wonder about what is real friendship? Have you ever bothered how to choose a friend? In this utilitarian society, many people tend to choose friend that will help them when they are in need. However, personally, I would like to choose friend who can bring me happiness and share fun with me. Here are my reasons.

First of all, I hold the belief that fun is the top priority in one’s life, and everything people do is to pursuit happiness. So, people make friends not because they want friend’s help, but just because they pursue fun. There was an anecdote of Confucius, the famous ancient philosopher and educator in China. Confucius was in a high social status, but he made friend with Qirong Song,who shared the same interest with Confucius in music, but had no social status. Clearly, there was no opportunity that Song can help Confucious, but Confucious choose him to be his friend, because Confucious enjoyed changing opinion about music and playing music together with Song. If Confucious chose friends who can offer help to him, then he would definitely miss such a good friend.

In addition, only pure friendship based on fun rather than utilitarian purpose can be called as true friendship, and last long. The history has witnessed a lot so-called friendship, which based on benefitial relations, but it turns out these kind of friendship would not last long. Take the relationship of two classmates in high school for example. Tom asked Susan to be his friend just because he wanted to copy her homework. Susan did not realize the purpose of Tom, she shared her work with Tom for more than two years. However, after graduation, Tom has never contact Susan initially. Until recently did Susan realize that this kind of relationship is everything but friendship. Obviously, the friendship built on benefial relation will fade with time, while true friend will not.

Adimittedly, choosing friend who can help you when you are in need is not a that bad standard, which may be regard as useful standard when people are picking up friends. While helpping a lame dog over stile is moving, it should be considered as the benefits of friendship rather than a purpose of a relationship.

To sum up, I stand for the point of view that people should choose friend with who you have fun, in other word, follow your heart, rather than choose friend on utilitarian purpose.

作者: 易雨水巷 时间: 2012-5-9 12:28
TOP 9 integrated writing
The reading passage and the lecture explore the issue of fue-cell （fuel-cell）engines which usehydrogen. However, the professor casts doubts on the idea of the passage thatthe fuel-cell engines have several advantages over the internal-combustionengines and will soon replace them. The professor use (uses)three specific aspects to support his argument.

First, even though the passage show (shows) thatthe Hydrogen is a plentiful sources（source）compared with petroleum,the professor demostrates (demonstrates) thatthe hydrogen is not a solution to solve the resource problem. According to thelecture, pure liquid hydgroge (hydrogen) shouldbe stored in cold condition, which is a technic (technical)problem for the manufacturers.

Second, despite of the view in the passage that hydrogen-based fuel cells cansolve pollution, the professor points out that the production of hydreogen (hydrogen) will produce more pollutionbecause the prodution (production) uses coal andoil as fuel. Thus, cars do not produce （pollute？） the environment, whilethe production of hydreogen (hydrogen) does.

Last, the professor challenges the statement in the passage that fuel-cellengines are economically competitive. As the lecture shows, the containner (container) of liquid hydgrogen (hydgrogen) is made of expensive mental, andthe material is so rare that it is not useful so far. Therefore, fuel-cellengines won’t help people save money.

To sum up, the professor shows three reason (reasons)to contradict the passage’s statement that fuel-cell engines are not thatpromising as there are so many problems remain unsolved.
To 瓜瓜
拼写手误，甚是神伤。咱俩继续练吧，虽说就这两天了。。。。
GOOD LUCK！

作者: 瓜瓜不瓜 时间: 2012-5-9 17:42
好滴

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-5-9 21:36
5月7日独立11.7.8 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is better to choose a friend with whom you can have fun than to choose a friend that will help you when you are in need. Use specific examples to support your answer.

Have you ever wonder about what is real friendship? Have you ever bothered how to choose a friend? In this utilitarian society, many people tend to choose friend that will help them when they are in need. However, personally, I would like to choose friend who can bring me happiness and share fun with me. Here are my reasons.瓜瓜开头写得太赞了~

First of all, I hold the belief that fun is the top priority in one’s life, and everything people do is to pursuit happiness. So, people make friends not because they want friend’s help, but just because they pursue fun. There was an anecdote of Confucius, the famous ancient philosopher and educator in China. Confucius was in a high social status, but he made friend with Qirong Song（who is this,婷婷没猜出来）,who shared the same interest with Confucius in music, but had no social status. Clearly, there was no opportunity that Song can help Confucious（Confucius）, but Confucious(Confucius) choose him to be his friend, because Confucious enjoyed changing(exchanging，这里应该是交换的意思吧？) opinion about music and playing music together with Song. If Confucious chose friends who can offer help to him, then he would definitely miss such a good friend.

In addition, only pure friendship based on fun rather than utilitarian purpose can be called as true friendship,（不用逗号） and last long. The history has witnessed a lot so-called friendship, which based on benefitial（beneficial） relations, but it turns out these kind of friendship would not last long（换成forever，和之前的不一样才好）. Take the relationship of two classmates in high school for example. Tom asked Susan to be his friend just because he wanted to copy her homework. Susan did not realize the purpose of Tom, she shared her work with Tom for more than two years. However, after graduation, Tom has never contact（contacted） Susan initially. Until recently did Susan realize that this kind of relationship is everything but friendship. Obviously, the friendship built on benefial relation will fade with time, while true friend will not.

Adimittedly(admittedly), choosing friend who can help you when you are in need is not a that bad standard, which may be regard（regarded） as useful standard when people are picking up friends. While helpping(helping) a lame dog over stile is moving, it should be considered as the benefits of friendship rather than a purpose of a relationship.

To sum up, I stand for the point of view that people should choose friend with who you have fun, in other word, follow your heart, rather than choose friend on utilitarian purpose.

Conclusion:瓜瓜注意拼写错误哈，逻辑很好，挑不出其他毛病了

5.7 改瓜瓜的文

ps: 瓜瓜，后面的写完，告诉我一声哦~

作者: 瓜瓜不瓜 时间: 2012-5-9 21:41
我5.7 5.8的独立都写完啦 5.9的今天等下写

作者: 瓜瓜不瓜 时间: 2012-5-9 23:38
5.9 TOP10
The reading passage and the lecture explore the reason why sea otter population declined along the Alaskan coast. While the passage considers that pollution hypothesis could explains this situation, the professor points out the predator hypothesis is more likely to answer the question.

First,while the passage thinks that the industrial chemical pollutions infected otters and indirectly killed them, the professor demostrates that this assertion is rather weak, because there were no dead otters found on the coast. According to the professor, if otters were dead becaust of pulltion, then there should be dead bodies. The absence of the dead bodies supports the predator hypothesis, because predators ate up otters, and leave no bodies.

Second, the passage indictis that as the decline of sea mammals in the entire ecosystem may attributrs to orcas, who prefer to hunt large prey, pollution is best explanation to the decline. However, the professor shows that it is caused by orcas. because the decline of large prey, orcas tended to fed on small animals, and eventually cause the entire decline of sea mammals.

Last, the professor points out the uneven pattern of otter decline is exactly the evidence of predator hypothesis, which contradicts the view of passage. According to the professor, as orcas were not accessible to the shadow and rocky place, otter population was higher than the coast, which is easier for orca to reach.

In a nutshell, the professor demostrate the predator hypothesis is more rational than the pollution one to explain the decline of otter population on the Alaskan coast.

作者: 瓜瓜不瓜 时间: 2012-5-10 10:46
5月9日Independent Writing 终于有进步只超时了5分钟，我摔
11.8.5 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is better for your friend to ask you for help (suppose you are good at the subject) than to turn to a tutor when he finds it hard to pass an examination.

Have you ever be troubled with a tough subject and wondered what to do with it? The choice seems to be clear but kind of difficult to decide—to ask your friend who are good at this subject or to turn to a tutor. If this situation happens on my friend, I, personally, would like he come up to me for help. Here are my reasons.

First of all, friendship not only means sharing happiness, but also means sticking through hard times. To help a friend with his subject at the time he need is like to save a lame dog go over stairs. There is no doubt that giving out a hand to friend at emergency will consolide friendship. Take my best friend John for example. There was a preriod when I was in high school, during whih I was not good at chemistry, while John was. Everytime I was stuck on a puzzle, I turn to John, even when the final exam was nearby. John showed nothing but patience, and anwsered every question I put forward. Through hard times, we understand more about friendship, and we has substained our friendship since then.

In addition, helping friend to solve subject problem is not only a one-way pay. That is to say, people who offer help also improve his or her owm knowledge,because knowledge is revised at the same time when people use it. A recent survey conducted by Tsinghua University demostrates that by helping others solving on certain subjects, people enhance their memory by a large extent, which the experiment shows to be 47 percent.

Admittedly, professors seem to be more reliable to give the right answer to one’s problem on a certain object. However, the obstacle is that it seems professors are always quite busy. It is obvious that they do not have time to answer every students question. What is more, since the distinction of students, it is difficult for professor to give a specific suggestion to every student on how to improve their academic scores.

To sum up, as help from friends is easier to reach, and friends can also improve through help, I stand for the idea that it is better for one to ask friends’ help when he or she has problems on subjects.

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-5-11 14:05
婷婷was not available yesterday.
呵呵，今天改完贴这
5.9 独立改
5月9日Independent Writing 终于有进步只超时了5分钟，我摔
11.8.5 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is better for your friend to ask you for help (suppose you are good at the subject) than to turn to a tutor when he finds it hard to pass an examination.

Have you ever be troubled with a tough subject and wondered what to do with it? The choice seems to be clear but kind of difficult to decide—to ask your friend who are good at this subject or to turn to a tutor. If this situation happens on my friend, I, personally, would like he(him)（to）come up to me for help. Here are my reasons.

First of all, friendship not only means sharing happiness, but also means sticking through hard times. To help a friend with his subject at the time he needs is like to save a lame dog go over stairs. There is no doubt that giving out a hand to friend at emergency will consolide(consolidate)friendship. Take my best friend John for example. There was a preriod(period) when I was in high school, during whih(删掉) I was not good at chemistry, while John was. Everytime(Every time) I was stuck on a puzzle, I turn（turned） to John, even when the final exam was nearby. John showed nothing but patience, and anwsered(answered) every question I put forward. Through hard times, we understand more about friendship, and we has substained(sustained)our friendship since then.

In addition, helping friend to solve subject problem is not only a one-way pay. That is to say, people who offer help also improve his or her owm（own） knowledge,because knowledge is revised at the same time when people use it. A recent survey conducted by TsinghuaUniversity demostrates(demonstrates) that by helping others solving on certain subjects, people enhance their memory by a large extent, which the experiment shows to be 47（瓜瓜，这个数据有点低，再高一点~） percent.（在后面来点总结性的说理比较好，要不然就显得太短了）

Admittedly, professors seem to be more reliable to give the right answer to one’s problem on a certain object. However, the obstacle is that it seems professors are always quite busy. It is obvious that they do not have time to answer every students'(所有格) question. What is more, since the distinction of students, it is difficult for professor to give a specific suggestion to every student on how to improve their academic scores.

To sum up, as help from friends is easier to reach, and friends can also improve through help, I stand for the idea that it is better for one to ask friends’ help when he or she has problems on subjects.

Conclusion:1.瓜瓜一定要注意拼写哦，还有仔细拼一下demonstrate

2.中间说理的那段，如果数例不够的话，就再分析一下数例，这样更完整

3.分论点安排得很好，不错！

综合改
5.9 TOP10
The reading passage and the lecture explore the reason why (the这个地方感觉加个冠词比较好)sea otter population declined along the Alaskan coast. While the passage considers that pollution hypothesis could explains this situation, the professor points out the predator hypothesis is more likely to answer the question.

First,while the passage thinks that the industrial chemical pollutions infected otters and indirectly killed them, the professor demostrates(demonstrates) that this assertion is rather weak, because there were no dead otters found on the coast. According to the professor, if otters were dead becaust(because) of pulltion(pollution)（直接写killed by pollution）, then there should be dead bodies. The absence of the dead bodies supports the predator hypothesis, because predators ate up otters, and leave no bodies.

Second, the passage indictis(indicates) that as the decline of sea mammals in the entire ecosystem may attributrs(attributes)to orcas, who prefer to hunt large prey, pollution is best explanation to the decline. However, the professor shows that it is (actually)caused by orcas.(不用标点)because the decline of large prey, orcas tended（tend） to fed on small animals（such as seal lions, seals and otters这里把例子给出来比较好）, and eventually cause the entire decline of sea mammals.

Last, the professor points out the uneven pattern of otter decline is exactly the evidence of predator hypothesis, which contradicts the view of passage. According to the professor, as orcas were not accessible to the shadow and rocky place, otter population was higher than the coast（这点听力中没有体现）, which is easier for orca to reach.

In a nutshell, the professor demostrate(demonstrates) the predator hypothesis is more rational than the pollution one to explain the decline of otter population on the Alaskan coast.

Conclusion:瓜瓜这篇，拼写错误有几个，一定要注意拼准了哦~其他的都不错啦！

5.9 TOP10
The reading passage and the lecture explore the reason why (the这个地方感觉加个冠词比较好)sea otter population declined along the Alaskan coast. While the passage considers that pollution hypothesis could explains this situation, the professor points out the predator hypothesis is more likely to answer the question.

First,while the passage thinks that the industrial chemical pollutions infected otters and indirectly killed them, the professor demostrates(demonstrates) that this assertion is rather weak, because there were no dead otters found on the coast. According to the professor, if otters were dead becaust(because) of pulltion(pollution)（直接写killed by pollution）, then there should be dead bodies. The absence of the dead bodies supports the predator hypothesis, because predators ate up otters, and leave no bodies.

Second, the passage indictis(indicates) that as the decline of sea mammals in the entire ecosystem may attributrs(attributes)to orcas, who prefer to hunt large prey, pollution is best explanation to the decline. However, the professor shows that it is (actually)caused by orcas.(不用标点)because the decline of large prey, orcas tended（tend） to fed on small animals（such as seal lions, seals and otters这里把例子给出来比较好）, and eventually cause the entire decline of sea mammals.

Last, the professor points out the uneven pattern of otter decline is exactly the evidence of predator hypothesis, which contradicts the view of passage. According to the professor, as orcas were not accessible to the shadow and rocky place, otter population was higher than the coast（这点听力中没有体现）, which is easier for orca to reach.

In a nutshell, the professor demostrate(demonstrates) the predator hypothesis is more rational than the pollution one to explain the decline of otter population on the Alaskan coast.

Conclusion:瓜瓜这篇，拼写错误有几个，一定要注意拼准了哦~其他的都不错啦！

作者: 瓜瓜不瓜 时间: 2012-5-11 22:42
5.11 tpo12
The reading passage and the lecture explore the issue of a portrait of Jane Austin. However, the professor points out that the portrait’s subject is not Austen, which contradicts the opinion of the passages. The professor uses three specific points to support his assertion.

First, even though Austen’s family gave permission to use the portrait as an illustration in an edition of her letters, the professor demonstrates that this fact is not convincing. According to the professor, the authority was given after Austen had dead for 70 years, and the relative can not see Austen personally. Thus, it is not sure whether it’s Austen’s portrait.

Second, despite the view of passage that the face in the portrait resembles the one in Cassandra’s sketch, which people know depict Austen, the professor points out its subject probably is Austen’s cousin. The professor suggests that Austen had a large extension of family, and her cousin were in the similar age to her. What is more, some expert also claims that girl in the portrait is one of Austen’s cousins.

Last, the professor challenges the claim of the passage that the portrait is painted by Humphrey when Austen was a teenager. As the professor shows, the carvant of the portrail is not match the time period of Austen. It seems the William did not sell this kind of carvant when Austen was supposed to be a teenage.

In a nutshell, the professor shows that the subjects of the portrait cannot be Austen, which contradicts the idea of the passage.

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-5-16 20:55
5.11迟来的综合改文
5.11 tpo12
The reading passage and the lecture explore the issue of a portrait of Jane Austin. However, the professor points out that the portrait’s subject is not Austen, which contradicts the opinion of the passages. The professor uses three specific points to support his assertion.

First, even though Austen’s family gave permission to use the portrait as an illustration in an edition of her letters, the professor demonstrates that this fact is not convincing. According to the professor, the authority was given after Austen had dead for （almost）70 years, and the relative can not see Austen personally. Thus, it is not sure whether it’s Austen’s portrait.

Second, despite the view of passage that the face in the portrait resembles the one in Cassandra’s sketch, which people know depict Austen, the professor points out its subject probably is Austen’s cousin(relative). The professor suggests that Austen had a large extension of family, and her cousins were in the similar age to her. What is more, some expert also claims that girl in the portrait is one of Austen’s cousins(distant niece).

Last, the professor challenges the claim of the passage that the portrait is painted by Humphrey when Austen was a teenager. As the professor shows, the carvant（canvas帆布的意思~） of the portrail(portrait) is not match the time period of Austen. It seems the William did not sell this kind of carvant(canvas) when Austen was supposed to be a teenage.

In a nutshell, the professor shows that the subjects of the portrait cannot be Austen, which contradicts the idea of the passage.

Conclusion:1.瓜瓜第二点细节有一点点出入哦

2.注意拼写，检查，多检查

3.语言上已经很好了，呵呵~

作者: 瓜瓜不瓜 时间: 2012-6-22 16:37
人工挤入第一页瓜瓜come back！

作者: 瓜瓜不瓜 时间: 2012-6-25 19:04
6月24日110108 ML Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Food in the past was much healthier than today.

As food is the basic of lives, people have been paying a great attention to food since thousands of years ago. There is no doubt that with society moving forward, food is becoming more and more various. However, the question is put forward—whether food in the past was much healthier than today. Even though food today tastes better than in the past, I, personally, hold the opinion tightly that food in the past was much healthier.

First of all, it is self-evident that a lot field whose soil has been polluted nowadays. As almost all original food come from field, it is certain that these original food contain some pollution, which is harmful to human being’s health. Take used batteries for example. Lots of toxin elements from abandoned batteries poison not only soil but also water, thus vegetables, as well as fish contain those toxin. What is worse, those toxins accumulate along with biologic chains, and human beings, who are at the top of the chain, eat all these toxin elements.

Second, food additives in food production also make food unsafe for people today. Nowadays, some food factories, in order to cut cost down, use more and more chemical substances to produce food addictives, which are not supposed to be added into food. Take the scandal of Chinese milk in 2010 for example. In order to reach the standard of protein concentration, some factories put melamine in to milk. However, melamine is a kind of industrial material, and do harm to human beings’ brains. As things like this scandal happens all over the world, how can we say without hesitation that food today are healthier?

Last but not least, technology progresses, especially transgenic plants, make people exposed to uncertain risk. Lots of peanuts and beans are the production of genetically modified plants. It remains as a mystery what is side-effect of GM. Although people prefer nature food to GM food, a lot GM food still exists in our daily life.

Admittedly, there are more various food today than in the past and technology does bring us convenience. But, endless pollution, numerous food additives and uncertain GM food make food today not as healthy as in the past.

停了一个多月以后，文章真心写不出来，这一篇憋死我了T.T///

作者: kchszy061ban 时间: 2012-6-25 20:40
As food is the basic（basic for?） of lives, people have been paying a great attention to food since thousands of years ago. There is no doubt that with society moving forward, food is becoming more and more various. However, the question is put forward—whether food in the past was much healthier than today. Even though food today tastes better than in the past, I, personally, hold the opinion tightly that food in the past was much healthier.

First of all, it is self-evident that a lot field whose soil has been polluted nowadays. As almost all original food come from field, it is certain that these original food contain some pollution, which is harmful to human being’s health. Take used batteries for example. Lots of toxin elements from abandoned batteries poison not only soil but also water, thus vegetables, as well as fish contain those toxin. What is worse, those toxins accumulate along with biologic chains, and human beings, who are at the top of the chain, eat all these toxin elements.

Second, food additives in food production also make food unsafe for people today. Nowadays, some food factories, in order to cut cost down, use more and more chemical substances to produce food addictives, which are not supposed(这个改为allowed是不是更好) to be added into food. Take the scandal of Chinese milk in 2010 for example. In order to reach the standard of protein concentration, some factories（intendly） put (large amount of )melamine in to milk. However(while,but,换一下词), melamine is a kind of industrial material, and do harm to human beings’ brains. As things like this scandal happens（这个似乎也是不能随便推广到全球的额。） all over the world, how can we say without hesitation that food today are healthier?

Last but not least, technology progresses, especially transgenic plants, make people exposed to uncertain risk. Lots of peanuts and beans are the production of genetically modified plants. It remains as a mystery what is side-effect of GM. Although people prefer nature food to GM food, a lot GM food still exists in our daily life.

Admittedly, there are more various food today than in the past and technology does bring us convenience. But, endless pollution, numerous food additives and uncertain GM food make food today not as healthy as in the past.

瓜瓜你的语言很顺畅，逻辑也很严密。嘿嘿，不错不错。

作者: kchszy061ban 时间: 2012-6-25 21:24
瓜瓜我爱死你啦，哈哈，你改的很认真的说。看你的作文写的比我好太多，以后多看下你作文。

作者: tyyhappy 时间: 2012-6-26 15:00
瓜瓜，我来催债来了，25号的作文呢·····刷新好几遍的人好哀怨·····

作者: 瓜瓜不瓜 时间: 2012-6-26 19:24
我错了T.T HAPPY 今天白天出去耍了。。马上改你的！

作者: 瓜瓜不瓜 时间: 2012-6-26 19:24
6月25日101022 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The advice from grandparents has no use for their grandchildren because the world changed a lot during the past 50 years.

Have you come up with such a situation—your grandparents offer advice which seems to be unavailable for you? While the old likes to guide the young to follow their wish, the young regard these kind of suggestions out-of-date, because they think that the world has been changing all the time. Personally, I do not think it is right to turn down Grandparents’ advice just for the above reason.

To begin with, Grandparents have gone through lots of troubles and difficult time, thus they have a much richer life experiences than Grandchildren. An old Chinese saying goes like this：The amount of salt eaten by the old is larger than the amount of rice eaten by the young. Though there is a little exaggeration in this saying, it point out a truth that as Grandparents have experienced so much, they know what is a proper way to take.

Second, admitted that the world does change a lot though 50 years, we cannot conclude that Grandparents has not move with times. In no ways can a person be cut off from the outside world. Therefore, the old go with the times and update their knowledge constantly. There is a well-known old man in Britain, who went to Cambridge University at his 70’s, and read newspaper every day. Such kind of “fashion” old man is quite common in modern society. What’s more, Internet and TV make information spread even wider and more quickly. So, it is unwise to assert that advice from Grandparents is out-of-date.

Admittedly, some suggestion may be not that useful in modern society, but it is not the reason for Grandchildren to turn a deaf ear to Grandparents’ advice. It is definitely not harmful for one to listen different opinion from different people, because analyzing problem from various aspects help people understand it better, and make a right choice.

To sum up, as Grandparents have richer life experiences, move forward with times, the young should not refuse their advice just because they think that the advice is out-of-date and becomes useless. Anyway, why not listen a different voice which is helpful for one to make a right choice?

作者: tyyhappy 时间: 2012-6-26 22:04
Have you come up with such a situation—your grandparents offer advice which seems to be unavailable for you? While the old likes(like) to guide the young to follow their wish, the young regard these kind(kinds) of suggestions out-of-date, because they think that the world has been changing all the time. Personally, I do not think it is right to turn down Grandparents’ advice just for the above reason.

To begin with, Grandparents have gone through lots of troubles and difficult time, thus they have a much richer life experiences(experience) than Grandchildren(grandchildren为什么大写了呢). An old Chinese saying goes like this：The amount of salt eaten by the old is larger than the amount of rice eaten by the young. Though there is a little exaggeration in this saying, it point(points) out a truth that as Grandparents have experienced so much, they know what is a proper way to take.
(这一段的论证略感单薄，给了一个谚语和一句解释，感觉有些不足哪。)
Second, admitted that the world does change a lot though (through) 50 years, we cannot conclude that Grandparents has not move (moved) with times. In no ways can a person be cut off from the outside world. Therefore, the old go with the times and update their knowledge constantly. There is a well-known old man in Britain, who went to Cambridge University at his 70’s, and read newspaper every day. Such kind of “fashion” old man is quite common in modern society. What’s more, Internet and TV make information spread even (more widely) wider and more quickly. So, it is unwise to assert that advice from Grandparents is out-of-date.
（这一段论证的思路是因为老人们很多也很紧跟社会脚步，所以他们的建议也紧跟社会脚步。我觉得可以再在后面论证的时加一部分就是给个例子他们的建议怎样紧跟社会进步了。这样比较到位。）
Admittedly, some suggestion(s) may be not that useful in modern society, but it is not the reason for Grandchildren to turn a deaf ear to Grandparents’ advice. It is definitely not harmful for one to listen (to) different opinion(s) from different people, because analyzing problem from various aspects help people understand it better, and （觉得这里加个语气助词更好。）make a right choice.

To sum up, as Grandparents have richer life experiences, move forward with times, the young should not refuse their advice just because they think that the advice is out-of-date and becomes useless. Anyway, why not listen (to) a different voice which is helpful for one to make a right choice?

总的来说瓜瓜的作文结构清楚，用词有闪光点。

但是觉得论证部分还有待加强，小错误比较多。

作者: 瓜瓜不瓜 时间: 2012-6-27 18:56
6月26日100206 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? High school students should take a course on basic economics.

Have you ever be thinking about what the meaning of high school education? Have you ever been in a dilemma whether to take a course on basic economics? Nowadays, as the world is full of economic news, no one can deny that economic has been one of the hottest topics all around the world. Thus, to the question whether college students should choose a course on basic economics, my answer is definitely yes.

First of all, high school education means more than just giving people a skill to earn a living, and it should help people to understand the world better. In the modern society, everything, such as competitions between countries, war and peace and so on, all is related to economic. A person without basic knowledge on economics may even cannot understand the behind meaning of news. For example, Tom, my closet friend, who is an electrical engineer, hasn’t taken any course on economics. More than once has Tom told me about his regret that he did pick any course about economics, because he always reading newspapers but cannot understand the proper nouns and cannot figure out what the news talking about.

Second, having a command of knowledge on economics helps people to make a good use of their property. To be more specific, with knowledge of economics, people can analyse current economic and one’s owe finance condition. Thus, he or she can choose the suitable investment strategy. My aunt is just a excellent investor, who make choice by her own understanding. When my aunt in college, though daily homework is quite busy, she still take a course on economics without hesitation. The basic knowledge seems to be a bridge, which leads my aunts to the world of economic.

Admittedly, taking an extra course will absolutely occupies the leisure time of students. However, think about the benefits the economics course will bring. Isn’t it worthwhile to sacrifice some time to acquire the useful knowledge? Anyway, for high school students, learning knowledge is the top task.

To sum up, it already seems to be self-evident that college student should to sign up an economics course, as it help people to understand the world better, and make a wiser investment strategy.

作者: qianjun06 时间: 2012-6-28 18:46
6月26日100206 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? High school students should take a course on basic economics. 批改蓝色好句子

Have you ever be thinking about what the meaning of high school education? Have you ever been in a dilemma whether to take a course on basic economics? Nowadays, as the world is full of economic news, no one can deny that economic has been one of the hottest topics all around the world. Thus, to the question whether college students should choose a course on basic economics, my answer is definitely yes. 提问式的开头写的真流畅

First of all, high school education means more than just giving people a skill to earn a living, and it should help people to understand the world better. In the modern society, everything, such as competitions between countries, war and peace and so on, all is related to economic. A person without basic knowledge on economics may even cannot understand the behind meaning of news. For example, Tom, my closet friend, who is an electrical engineer, hasn’t taken any course on economics. More than once has Tom told me about his regret that he did pick any course about economics, because he always reading newspapers but cannot understand the proper nouns and cannot figure out what the news talking about.

Second, having a command of knowledge on economics helps people to make a good use of their property. To be more specific, with knowledge of economics, people can analyse current economic and one’s owe finance condition. Thus, he or she can choose the suitable investment strategy. My aunt is just a excellent investor, who make choice by her own understanding. When my aunt in college, though daily homework is quite busy, she still take a course on economics without hesitation. The basic knowledge seems to be a bridge, which leads my aunts to the world of economic.

Admittedly, taking an extra course will absolutely occupies the leisure time of students. However, think about the benefits the economics course will bring. Isn’t it worthwhile to sacrifice some time to acquire the useful knowledge? Anyway, for high school students, learning knowledge is the top task.

To sum up, it already seems to be self-evident that college student should to sign up an economics course, as it help people to understand the world better, and make a wiser investment strategy.

文章虽然不花俏，但是就是很顺，文字表达很通顺，而且variable，文底真心好啊MOre than 那句后面的he did pick any course about economics是虚拟用法吗？

作者: 瓜瓜不瓜 时间: 2012-6-28 22:35
6月27日101009NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Compared with people who live in cities, people who live in rural areas can take better care of their families.

The last several years have witness a huge change of society. Under urbanization process, more and more people moves from rural areas to cities. However, is there really so many merits to living in the cities? Some critics hold the opinion that people living in rural areas can take better care of their families. I, personally, do not agree their contention.

To begin with, facilities, especially health care system, are much more advanced in cities than rural areas. With strong supports of technology and capital, family members can be well treated once he or she is ill. However, partly due to poverty, the hospital facilities in rural areas are always not that abundant and advanced as cities. Take my aunt, Jessica, who lived in countryside for example. Last year, Jessica caught a strange headache, but when she went to local hospital, the doctor told her that there was nothing wrong. Jessica went back home, but the headache got worse and worse. After a month, Jessica cannot stand the pain and went to a hospital in cities. To everyone’s supervise, after CT scan, the doctor found that there was a tumour in her brain. Fortunately, it was not too late. Had the tumour excised in the city hospital, Jessica become well again. There is no doubt family members can get better hospital treatment in cities.

In addition, various entertainment places give people a lot of choice to spend time with families, which is helpful to strengthen the relation between families. Especially of the old, they will not felt lonely, and families getting-together avoid the old feel depressed. Nowadays, it is quite common to see news that the old die because of loneliness and depression. Those so-called empty-nest elders often live in rural areas, and their children already move to cities. Because of long distance, their children cannot go home often. Thus, it is self-evident that empty-nest elders get no care from their children, and they are more inclined to become depressed.

Admittedly, in cities, people are busier at work, which may squeeze the time to spend with families. However, modern transportation systems largely shorten the distance and save the time. With the help of cars, trains, and plains, families in cities, even in different cities, can get together easily. On the contrary, such convenient transportation seems to be impossible in rural areas.

In summary, with the above-mentioned reason, I, definitely stand for the opinion that people living in cities can take better care of families than those living in rural areas.

作者: 瓜瓜不瓜 时间: 2012-6-29 22:53
100306 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? In order to solve the problems of the present and the future, people should review the past.

As the old saying no way is smooth, it is unavoidable that people come across problems from time to time. Troubles are not that scary, because a man is strong enough to break them down. However, one question is put forward whether reviewing the past is helpful to solve the problem of the present and the future? My answer is definitely yes.

First of all, reviewing the past helps people to figure out how the problem has come up. Roman is not built in one day, and so is the problem. Events happened in the past contribute to problem of today or future. Only when people understand the root of the problem can them find a perfect solution. The Chinese old story perfectly proves this truth. When Confucius was invited by Emperor Zhou to help him to solve the poverty of the country, Confucius did not give his advice immediately. However, he went to local citizens house and asked their living condition in the past. What’s more, he read a lot of history book to investigate the root of poverty. In the end, all his hard work paid off as his suggestion went so well that the all country get rid of poverty.

In addition, people can find a better solution once review the past, because the past teaches people a lesson and warms them not to commit the same mistakes. Even problems may vary from one to another, but there is always something in common for people to learn from the past experience. I, personally, regard concluding the reason why I fail in the past the best way to improve. Think about the process of the invention of incandescent lamp. Edison had tried more than a thousand materials until he found the perfect one. If Edison had not concluded the failure in the past, there might be no such miraculous invention.

Admittedly, as the time changes, even the same problem may have different solution from the past, which may make reviewing the past a waste of time. However, there are always some eternal principles existing in all problems-- for example--thinking twice before doing, doing a good research before starting, and so on. These kind principles the past teach us never go out-of-date.

In summary, it is quite worthwhile to review the past because of the above-mentioned reason. The past gives people more than just experience and lesson, and it makes people mature to face trouble turning up in life.

作者: kchszy061ban 时间: 2012-6-30 11:36

蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误

The last several years have witness a huge change of society. Under urbanization process, more and more people moves from rural areas to cities. However, is there really so many merits to living in the cities? Some critics hold the opinion that people living in rural areas can take better care of their families. I, personally, do not agree their contention.（瓜瓜这里的转折很abrupt 的说）

To begin with, facilities, especially health care system, are much more advanced in cities than rural areas. With strong supports of technology and capital, family members can be well treated once he or she is ill. However, partly due to poverty, the hospital facilities in rural areas are always not that abundant and advanced as cities. Take my aunt, Jessica, who lived in countryside for example. Last year, Jessica caught a strange headache, but when she went to local hospital, the doctor told her that there was nothing wrong. Jessica went back home, but the headache got worse and worse. After a month, Jessica cannot stand the pain and went to a hospital in cities. To everyone’s supervise, after CT scan, the doctor found that there was a tumour in her brain. Fortunately, it was not too late. Had the tumour excised in the city hospital, Jessica become well again. There is no doubt family members can get better hospital treatment in cities.（这里例子不错）赞瓜瓜下了

In addition, various entertainment places give people a lot of choices to spend time with families, which is helpful to strengthen the relation between families. Especially of the old, they will not felt lonely, and families getting-together avoid the old feel depressed. Nowadays, it is quite common to see news that the old die because of loneliness and depression. Those so-called empty-nest elders often live in rural areas, and their children already move to cities. Because of long distance, their children cannot go home often.（这里是分开，好像和主题有一点小偏差） Thus, it is self-evident that empty-nest elders get no care from their children, and they are more inclined to become depressed.

Admittedly, in cities, people are busier at work than those in the rural areas, which may squeeze the time to spend with families. However, modern transportation systems largely shorten the distance and save the time. With the help of cars, trains, and plains, families in cities, even in different cities, can get together easily. On the contrary, such convenient transportation seems to be impossible in rural areas.

In summary, with the above-mentioned reasons, I, definitely stand for the opinion that people living in cities can take better care of families than those living in rural areas.

瓜瓜前重后轻，哈哈。看你前面写的胜过后面。不过，后面段子的例子加些可以增强说服力和字数了。改晚了，昨天荷花节，看荷花，青年园的破荷花，还不错

作者: 瓜瓜不瓜 时间: 2012-6-30 18:00
6.29 综合 TPO14
The reading passage and the lecture explore the same issue of salvage logging, which is a way to deal with destructed forest. However, the professor claims that salvage logging is not that beneficial either to the environment or to the economy, which contradicts what the reading states. And in the lecture, the professor use three specific points to support her contention.

First, even though the reading passage suggests that dead trees take up space and should be removed to make room for fresh growths, the professor points out that those dead trees are good for future generation. This is because the remaining of the dead trees can be composition in the soil, which means they become some kind of nutrition. While trees get nutrition from soil, the remaining of dead trees obviously contributes to the generation.

Moreover, despite the statement in reading that decraying wood is a suitable habitat for insects, and they can damage lives, the professor contends that the truth is opposite. According to her, most of insects are good for the growth of new trees, and they are food of bird. In conclusion, the rotting trees which are the habitats of insects are good for the all environment in long term.

Third, the professor asserts that the economic effects salvage logging brings is temporary and limits, which conflicts the view of the passage. As the professor points out, in severely damaged forests, lumbers can be recovered only by expensive vehicles, such as helicopters. What is more, jobs created by salvage logging are not long-lasting, and often taken up by outsiders.

In a nutshell, the professor use strong points to refute the statement of the passage that the salvage logging benefit not only the environment but also economy.

作者: 瓜瓜不瓜 时间: 2012-6-30 18:10
6月29日独立

11.9.16 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Children should choose the same career as their parents. Use specific examples to support your answer.

Have you ever wondered what carrer to take? Have your parents suggusted you to choose the same career as them? Have you ever be honest to ask youself what you really desire? As it is such an essential decision in one’s life, people have to deal with choice of carrer seriously and carefully. Personally, I strong oppose the idea that children should follow their parents’ carrer choice.

First of all, I always hold the belife that interst is the best guide, no matter in one’s study or career, and children should choose the career they really love to. Only with passion, can people make a difference in his or her life. Take Steve Jobs for example, who dropped out of University to persuit the dream of his Apple Empire. As Jobs was crazy about music and electronic device, he successfully combined them together. Thus came the fantastic equipment—ipod. Without the strong intersts which drived Jobs forward, there would be no ipod at all.

In addition, if all children choose the same career as their parents, then there will be no innovation in the world. That would be a scary future. Just imagine days without Facebook. If Mark Zuckberg had followed his parents’ step to be a dentist or a psychiater, then there would be one more doctor in the world, and no Fackbook, where people keep in touch with friends and make aquaintance of strangers. Obviously, leting children to choose their own career brings world surprises, and those innovations enrich our daily life.

Admittedly, there are advantages for children to choose the career as their parents. They can get more professional guide and may gain extra care in the career, which contribute to success to one’ career path. However, these advantages do not represent happiness. I will believe that only when doing thing people love, can they gain truly happiness and satisfaction.

In a nutshell, children should choose their career based on their own interests, rather than follow their parents, not only because interests guarantee a continuous flow of passion, but also because it will bring surprising innovations to the world.

作者: chenglu9066 时间: 2012-6-30 18:32

红色为错误，高亮为精彩部分，蓝色为有疑问部分
As the old saying （goes）no way is smooth, it is unavoidable that people come across problems from time to time. Troubles are not that scary, because a man is strong enough to break them down. However, one question is put forward whether reviewing the past is helpful to solve the problem of the present and the future? My answer is definitely yes.

First of all, reviewing the past helps people to figure out how the problem has come up. Roman is not built in one day, and so is the problem. Events happened in the past contribute to problem of today or future. Only when people understand the root of the problem can them find a perfect solution. The Chinese old story perfectly proves this truth. When Confucius was invited by Emperor Zhou to help him to solve the poverty of the country, Confucius did not give his advice immediately. However, he went to local citizens house and asked their living condition in the past. What’s more, he read a lot of history book to investigate the root of poverty. In the end, all his hard work paid off as his suggestion went so well that the all country get rid of poverty.

In addition, people can find a better solution once review the past, because the past teaches people a lesson and warms them not to commit the same mistakes. Even problems may vary from one to another, but there is always something in common for people to learn from the past experience. I, personally, regard concluding the reason why I fail in the past the best way to improve. Think about the process of the invention of incandescent lamp. Edison had tried more than a thousand materials until he found the perfect one. If Edison
had not concluded the failure in the past, there might be no such miraculous invention.

Admittedly, as the time changes, even the same problem may have different solution from the past, which may make reviewing the past a waste of time. However, there are always some eternal principles existing in all problems-- for example--thinking twice before doing, doing a good research before starting, and so on. These kind principles the past teach us never go out-of-date.

In summary, it is quite worthwhile to review the past because of the above-mentioned reason（复数reasons）. The past gives people more than just experience and lesson, and it makes people mature to face trouble turning up in life.

文章总体感觉：行文流畅，只有俩错误。长短句错落有致，例子选取的也扣住论点，值得学习哦~
建议：如果想取得更高的分数，
首先：例子得加入更多细节：如孔夫子这个人加些简短的介绍，他是伟大的思想家，他如何被人尊重之类的。这样会显得更充实饱满。
其次：例子写完之后，在扣住论点，重新结合例子再将论点简要的总结一遍，点题，这样显得更加严谨哦。例如，在孔夫子例子后，加上：孔夫子在搜集过去的经验与书籍知识中，如何如何figure out how the problem has come up，这些东东如何帮助人们get rid of the poverty .
大家一起加油哦~

作者: 包子不包子 时间: 2012-7-1 21:53
6.29 综合 TPO14
The reading passage and the lecture explore the same issue of salvage logging, which is a way to deal with destructed forest. However, the professor claims that salvage logging is not that beneficial either to the environment or to the economy, which contradicts what the reading states. And in the lecture, the professor uses three specific points to support her contention.

First, even though the reading passage suggests that dead trees take up space and should be removed to make room for fresh growths, the professor points out that those dead trees are good for future generation. This is because the remaining of the dead trees can be composition in the soil, which means they become some kind of nutrition. While trees get nutrition from soil, the remaining of dead trees obviously contributes to the generation. 感觉这段橘子有些琐碎逻辑还是蛮好滴稍改一下就好~

Moreover, despite the statement in reading that decraying wood is a suitable habitat for insects, and they can damage lives, the professor contends that the truth is opposite. According to her, most of insects are good for the growth of new trees, and they are food of birds. In conclusion, the rotting trees which are the habitats of insects are good for the all environment in long term.

Third, the professor asserts that the economic effects of salvage logging ~~brings~~ is temporary and limits limited, which conflicts the view of the passage. As the professor points out, in severely damaged forests, lumbers can be recovered only by expensive vehicles, such as helicopters.再说一句limit the availability of logging就更好了~ What is more, jobs created by salvage logging are not long-lasting, and often taken up by outsiders.

In a nutshell, the professor use strong points to refute the statement of the passage that the salvage logging benefit not only the environment but also economy.

句子再高效些就好有点琐碎
一点小错误吧错吧错~~

作者: 包子不包子 时间: 2012-7-1 22:00
6月29日独立

11.9.16 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Children should choose the same career as their parents. Use specific examples to support your answer.

Have you ever wondered what carrer to take? Have your parents suggusted you to choose the same career as them? Have you ever be honest to ask youself what you really desire? As it is such an essential decision in one’s life, people have to deal with choice of carrer seriously and carefully. Personally, I strong oppose the idea that children should follow their parents’ carrer choice.

First of all, I always hold the belife that interst is the best guide, no matter in one’s study or career, and children should choose the career they really love to. Only with passion, can people make a difference in his or her life. Take Steve Jobs for example, who dropped out of University to persuit the dream of his Apple Empire. As Jobs was crazy about music and electronic device, he successfully combined them together. Thus came the fantastic equipment—ipod. Without the strong intersts which drived Jobs forward, there would be no ipod at all.和下一段一样总结一句更好~

In addition, if all children choose the same career as their parents, then there will be no innovation in the world. That would be a scary future.Just imagine days without Facebook. If Mark Zuckberg had followed his parents’ step to be a dentist or a psychiater, then there would be one more doctor in the world, and no Fackbook, where people keep in touch with friends and make aquaintance of strangers. Obviously, leting children to choose their own career brings world surprises, and those innovations enrich our daily life.

Admittedly, there are advantages for children to choose the career as their parents. They can get more professional guide and may gain extra care in the career, which contribute to success to one’s career path. However, these advantages do not represent happiness. I will believe that only when doing things people love, can they gain truly happiness and satisfaction.

In a nutshell, children should choose their career based on their own interests, rather than follow their parents, not only because interests guarantee a continuous flow of passion, but also because it will bring surprising innovations to the world.

一点细节问题啦其他都很好
喜欢瓜瓜的例子超级恰当有说服力~包子想不到啊。。。

作者: 瓜瓜不瓜 时间: 2012-7-2 21:39
6/30 TOP 15

The passage and the lecture explore the way to stop the spread of the cane toad, which is a large amphibian species native to central and South America, and was deliberately introduced to Australia. The professor hold the opinion that the three ways that the passage puts forward are not going to be successful. And she gives her own reason.

To begin with, the professor claims that a national fence will not work out, which refuses the idea of the passage. According to her, young toad and eggs can be transported in the rivers and stream. Thus, a nation fence will not be effective, as it cannot cut off flows.

Second, the professor disagrees with the method in the passage that volunteers organized by the government can capture and destroy young toads and toad eggs. As the professor says, it is difficult for untrained volunteers to recognize toads from frogs, especially the youth. It may lead the decline of the population of native frogs.

Last, the professor points out that the way that using a disease-causing virus to control the cane toad population is not reasonable. One reason is that virus will infect other species. What is more, as animals sometimes are transported to South America, the virus will infect the native toad, which will break the balance of the local ecology.

In a nutshell, the professor puts forward her opinion to indicate the three way the passage suggests will not be successful to control the spread of toad in Australia.

作者: 瓜瓜不瓜 时间: 2012-7-2 22:19
7.1 TPO 16
The passage and the lecture explore the issue of archaeology in United Kingdom. While the passage shows the three problems and limitation in the science of archaeology, the professor indicates that the rule adopted in United Kingdom in 1990 has changed the situation.

First, the professor claims that the damage caused by construction projects was cut down. According to her, the guidelines require that examination should be taken before any construction, and if the test shows that the place does have an archaeology value, the constructors, archaeologists, and officials should get together to make a plan to reserve this place. Thus, it is unlikely that many artifacts were lost to construction projects, as the passage says.

Second, the professor suggests that the fund of archaeology was no longer provided by government, because the guidelines ask construction company to undertake the cost of initial action and preservation fee. As the professor indicates, with financial supports from construction company, archaeologists have abundant funds to do more researches than the past.

Last, the professor states that there are more archaeologists than ever. As she says, archaeologists are needed in every state as they not only do examination but also write reports for construction companies. Archaeologists get well paid and more people want to do this kind of job.

In summary, the professor points out that the obstacles in archaeology in the United Kingdom the passage shows were no longer existing.

作者: DanielleZ 时间: 2012-7-3 17:45
瓜瓜~waiting for you assignment 哦~

作者: 瓜瓜不瓜 时间: 2012-7-3 20:38
马上哈！！！

作者: 瓜瓜不瓜 时间: 2012-7-3 21:14
7.2 综合 TPO17
The passage and the lecture explore the issue of the population og birds. While the passage asserts that the number of birds are likely to continue to decrease, the professor points out this is not true. And the professor use three specific points to support her contention.

First, even though the passage claims that the expand of human population and settlements cause the disappearance of bird's habitats, the professor contradict this opinion. According to her, urbanization provides better and larger habitats to bird. What is more, many kind of birds, like hawks and pigeons, can be seen in cities now. As the professor admitted, the number of some birds declines, but some increase.

Second, although it is a truth that the growing human population asks for more crops, the professor thinks that lands used for agricultural activities are actually less than before. Thus, agricultural lands do not squeeze habitats of birds. As the professor shows, with the progress of technology and the use of more productive crops, there is no need for human to convert wilderness areas to agricultural use. Therefore, the professor refutes the assume of the passage.

Last, the professor disagrees with the opinion of the passage that the use of chemical pesticides has significantly contribute to declines in bird population, because people has already been aware of this phenomenon and take two main actions. One action is that new pesticides have less toxic composition. Another one, which is more important, is that people are growing pest-resist crop.

In a nutshell, the professor denies the viewpoint of the passage, and gives out her reason to demonstrate that the number of birds does not decline.

作者: DanielleZ 时间: 2012-7-3 21:56
7.2 综
综合改完啦，总体瓜瓜写的很好。只是有些小错，在文中已经表明出来了。另外，每个理由的听力部分，我觉得瓜瓜可以都多说两句。交代的更清楚一些。加油啦~
The passageand the lecture explorethe issue of the population og birds. While the passage asserts that the numberof birds are likely to continue to decrease, the professor points out this is nottrue. And the professor use three specific points to support hercontention.

First, even though the passage claims that the expand(expansion) of human population and settlements cause(causes) the disappearance of bird's habitats, theprofessor contradict this opinion. According to her, urbanization providesbetter and larger habitats to birds. What is more, many kinds ofbirds, like hawks and pigeons, can be seen in cities now(听力里面说了一个complain，我理解应该不只是看到，应该是非常多从而说明鸟的数量多。所以我觉得这点要说一下呢).As the professor admitted, the number of some birds declines, but someincrease.

Second, although it is a truth that the growinghuman population asks for more crops, the professor thinks that lands used foragricultural activities are actually less than before. Thus, agricultural landsdo not squeeze habitats of birds. As the professor shows, with the progress oftechnology and the use of more productive crops, there is no need for human toconvert wilderness areas to agricultural use. Therefore, the professor refutesthe assume(assumption) of the passage.

Last, the professor disagrees with the opinion ofthe passage that the use of chemical pesticides has significantly contribute todeclines in bird population, because people has already been aware of thisphenomenon and take two main actions. One action is that new pesticides haveless toxic composition. Another one, which is more important, is that peopleare growing pest-resist crops.（我觉得关于pest-resist crops这块，瓜瓜可以再说两句，交代清楚一些呢）

Ina nutshell, the professor denies the viewpoint of the passage, and givesout her reason to demonstrate that the number of birds does not decline.

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-7-6 12:35

6月29日独立

11.9.16 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Children should choose the same career as their parents. Use specific examples to support your answer.

Have you ever wondered what carrer to take? Have your parents suggusted you to choose the same career as them? Have you ever be honest to ask youself what you really desire? As it is such an essential decision in one’s life, people have to deal with choice of carrer seriously and carefully. Personally, I strong oppose the idea that children should follow their parents’ carrer choice.

First of all, I always hold the belife that interst is the best guide, no matter in one’s study or career, and children should choose the career they really love to. Only with passion, can people make a difference in his or her life. Take Steve Jobs for example, who dropped out of University to persuit the dream of his Apple Empire. As Jobs was crazy about music and electronic device, he successfully combined them together. Thus came the fantastic equipment—ipod. Without the strong intersts which drived Jobs forward, there would be no ipod at all.

In addition, if all children choose the same career as their parents, then there will be no innovation in the world. That would be a scary future. Just imagine days without Facebook. If Mark Zuckberg had followed his parents’ step to be a dentist or a psychiater, then there would be one more doctor in the world, and no Fackbook, where people keep in touch with friends and make aquaintance of strangers. Obviously, leting children to choose their own career brings world surprises, and those innovations enrich our daily life.

Admittedly, there are advantages for children to choose the career as their parents. They can get more professional guide and may gain extra care in the career, which contribute to success to one’ career path. However, these advantages do not represent happiness. I will believe that only when doing thing people love, can they gain truly happiness and satisfaction.

In a nutshell, children should choose their career based on their own interests, rather than follow their parents, not only because interests guarantee a continuous flow of passion, but also because it will bring surprising innovations to the world.

-- by 会员瓜瓜不瓜 (2012/6/30 18:10:59)

6月29日独立
感觉都没有什么能改了~
11.9.16 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Children should choose the same career as their parents. Use specific examples to support your answer.

Have you ever wondered what carrer(career) to take? Have your parents suggusted(suggested) you to choose the same career as them? Have you ever be honest to ask youself(yourself) what you really desire? As it is such an essential decision in one’s life, people have to deal with choice of carrer seriously and carefully. Personally, I strong oppose the idea that children should follow their parents’ carrer choice.（开头用一连串反问，很有气势的说~，直接点题，好！）

First of all, I always hold the belife（belive） that interst(interest) is the best guide, no matter in one’s study or career, and children should choose the career they really love to（to应该省略吧？）. Only with passion, can people make a difference in his or her life. Take Steve Jobs for example, who dropped out of University to persuit(pursuit) the dream of his Apple Empire. As Jobs was crazy about music and electronic device（devices）, he successfully combined them together. Thus came the fantastic equipment—ipod. Without the strong intersts(interests) which drived Jobs forward, there would be no ipod at all.

In addition, if all children choose the same career as their parents, then there will be no innovation in the world. That would be a scary future. Just imagine days without Facebook. If Mark Zuckberg(Zuckerberg) had followed his parents’ step to be a dentist or a psychiater, then there would be one more doctor in the world, and no Fackbook(Facebook), where people keep in touch with friends and make aquaintance(acquaintance) of strangers. Obviously, leting(letting,最近学了一个abetting感觉也不错) children to choose their own career(careers，加个s比较好，因为是好多人的career)brings world surprises, and those innovations enrich our daily life.

Admittedly, there are advantages for children to choose the career as their parents. They can get more professional guide and may gain extra care in the career, which contribute to success to one’ career path. However, these advantages do not represent happiness. I will believe that only when doing thing people love, can they gain truly happiness and satisfaction.

In a nutshell, children should choose their career based on their own interests, rather than follow their parents, not only because interests guarantee a continuous flow of passion, but also because it will bring surprising（enormous/huge） innovations to the world.

Conclusion:

1.瓜瓜是不是打字太快了，好多拼写错误哦~快快改

2.用了转折写法，很有感觉

3.例子很好，有detail，适当更换一些词，看起来更精炼

4.保持啊，就快到彼岸啦~

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-7-6 13:01

100306 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? In order to solve the problems of the present and the future, people should review the past.

As the old saying no way is smooth, it is unavoidable that people come across problems from time to time. Troubles are not that scary, because a man is strong enough to break them down. However, one question is put forward whether reviewing the past is helpful to solve the problem of the present and the future? My answer is definitely yes.

First of all, reviewing the past helps people to figure out how the problem has come up. Roman is not built in one day, and so is the problem. Events happened in the past contribute to problem of today or future. Only when people understand the root of the problem can them find a perfect solution. The Chinese old story perfectly proves this truth. When Confucius was invited by Emperor Zhou to help him to solve the poverty of the country, Confucius did not give his advice immediately. However, he went to local citizens house and asked their living condition in the past. What’s more, he read a lot of history book to investigate the root of poverty. In the end, all his hard work paid off as his suggestion went so well that the all country get rid of poverty.

In addition, people can find a better solution once review the past, because the past teaches people a lesson and warms them not to commit the same mistakes. Even problems may vary from one to another, but there is always something in common for people to learn from the past experience. I, personally, regard concluding the reason why I fail in the past the best way to improve. Think about the process of the invention of incandescent lamp. Edison had tried more than a thousand materials until he found the perfect one. If Edison had not concluded the failure in the past, there might be no such miraculous invention.

Admittedly, as the time changes, even the same problem may have different solution from the past, which may make reviewing the past a waste of time. However, there are always some eternal principles existing in all problems-- for example--thinking twice before doing, doing a good research before starting, and so on. These kind principles the past teach us never go out-of-date.

In summary, it is quite worthwhile to review the past because of the above-mentioned reason. The past gives people more than just experience and lesson, and it makes people mature to face trouble turning up in life.

-- by 会员瓜瓜不瓜 (2012/6/29 22:53:43)

100306 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? In order to solve the problems of the present and the future, people should review the past.

As the old saying no way is smooth, it is unavoidable that people come across problems from time to time. Troubles are not that scary, because a man is strong enough to break them down. However, one question is put forward whether reviewing the past is helpful to solve the problem of the present and the future? My answer is definitely yes.

First of all, reviewing the past helps people to figure out how the problem has come up. Roman is not built in one day, and so is the problem. Events happened in the past contribute to problem of today or future. Only when people understand the root of the problem can them（they,这是主语） find a perfect solution. The Chinese old story perfectly proves（demonstrates） this truth. When Confucius was invited by Emperor Zhou to help him to solve the poverty of the country, Confucius did not give his advice immediately. However, he went to local citizens house(citizens' houses) and asked (asked about)their living condition in the past. What’s more（what is more）, he read a lot of history book(这里感觉怪怪的，用historic documents) to investigate the root of poverty. In the end, all his hard work paid off as his suggestion went so well that the all country get(got注意时态) rid of poverty.

In addition, people can find a better solution once review the past, because the past teaches people a lesson and warms them not to commit the same mistakes. Even problems may vary from one to another, but there is always something in common for people to learn from the past experience. I, personally, regard concluding the reason why I fail in the past （as）the best way to improve（这句话感觉不太顺，但是没有错）. Think about the process of the invention of incandescent lamp. Edison had tried more than a thousand materials until he found the perfect one. If Edison had not concluded the failure in the past, there might be no such miraculous invention.

Admittedly, as the time changes, even the same problem may have different(various) solution from the past, which may make reviewing the past a waste of time. However, there are always some eternal principles existing in all problems-- for example--thinking twice before doing,doing a good research(carrying out a discreet research)before starting, and so on. These kind（kinds of) principles the past teach(teaches) us never go out-of-date.

In summary, it is quite worthwhile to review the past because of the above-mentioned reason(reasons). The past gives people more than just experience and lesson, and it makes people mature to face trouble turning up in life.

Conclusion:

1.大问题木有了，注意语言的流畅性

2.还有就是注意时态了，还有加不加s的问题

3.结构很好~

作者: 瓜瓜不瓜 时间: 2012-7-7 16:30
7.5日综合TPO 20
The passage and the lecture discuss the "let it burn "policy depending on the forest fire in Yellowstone. While the passage claims that this policy should be abandon as it caused problems, the professor point that the truth is opposite. And the professor use three specific points to support her opinion.

First, even though the passage says that Yellowstone fires damaged trees and other vegetation in the park, the professor contend that fires did not cause this problem, indeed, the fires enrich the plants in the park. That is because the fires give opportunities to small plants while large trees were burn down. What is more, some seeds came to grow, as they have to exposed to high temperature.

Second, despite the view of the passage that forest fires had bad influence on wildlife and weaken the food chains, the professor states that the species in the park became more various and food chains were also strengthened. According to the professor, the various vegetation made the park become a ideal habitat for small animals like rabbits and so on, which provides their predators food to live on. Thus, the food chains become stronger than before.

Last, although the passage asserts that the fires decrease the value of Yellowstone and harm the local economy, the professor argues that this situation would happen only if the fires happened every year, which is nearly impossible. As the professor suggests, the 1980s catastrophe happened when the rainfall that year was low. The history proves that there were still a lot of tourists next year. Thus, the view of passage is weakened.

In summary, the professor refute the idea of passage that the ”let it burn ” policy is not a good one.

作者: DanielleZ 时间: 2012-7-7 18:36
瓜瓜，我7.6的综合和独立都已经补上啦~等你的写好了，也告诉我一声哈~http://forum.chasedream.com/TOEFL_Writing/thread-727156-5-1.html

作者: 瓜瓜不瓜 时间: 2012-7-7 20:01
好的哈！

作者: 瓜瓜不瓜 时间: 2012-7-7 23:45
TPO 21
The passage and the lecture discuss about the genetic modified trees. While the passage is in favor of the application of genetic modified trees, the professor disproves the opinion of the passage. And she uses three specific points to support her own opinion that genetic modified trees are not that good.

First, even though the passage claims that genetically modified trees are more likely to survive than nature trees, the professor contend that genetic modification only makes trees resist one particular condition, but it does not ensure their survive. As she says, nature trees have diverse genes, which make some of individuals to survive when pest or extreme climate happens. However, trees whose genes modified, are uniformed and may be completely wiped out when catastrophe happens.

Second, despite the view of the passage that genetically modified trees bring economic benefits, the professor contradicts this statement. According to the professor, seeds of genetically modified plants are more expensive than the normal ones. What is more, every time farmers plant these trees, they have to pay the company, who modifies the genes of trees.

Last, although the passage suggests that use genetically modified trees can prevent overexploitation of wild trees, the professor argues that trees with modified genes can do damage to the growth of wild trees. This is because genetically modified trees are more aggressive than the nature ones. Thus, they will outcompete the wild trees.

In summary, the professor refuses the contention of the passage, and shows her own opinion that the genetically modified trees are not that good.

作者: srafcatt 时间: 2012-7-8 07:34
标题: tpo15综合修改
模板和点都有抓到，非常好。

The passage and the lecture explore the way to stop the spread of the cane toad, which is a large amphibian species native to c(大写)entral and South America, and was deliberately introduced to Australia. The professor holds the opinion that the（in）three ways that the passage puts（putting） forward are not going to be successful. And she give her own reason.

To begin with, the professor claims that a national fence will not work out, which refuses the idea of the passage. According to her, young toad and eggs can be transported in the rivers and streams. Thus, a nation fence will not be effective, as it cannot cut off flows.

Second, the professor disagrees with the method in the passage that volunteers organized by the government can capture and destroy young toads and toad eggs. As the professor says, it is difficult for untrained volunteers to recognize toads from frogs, especially the youth. It may lead the decline of the population of native frogs.

Last, the professor points out that the way that using a disease-causing virus to control the cane toad population is not reasonable. One reason is that virus will infect other species. What is more, as animals sometimes are transported to South America, the virus will infect the native toad, which will break the balance of the local ecology.

In a nutshell, the professor puts forward her opinion to indicate the three ways the passage suggests will not be successful to control the spread of toad in Australia.

作者: srafcatt 时间: 2012-7-8 07:41
标题: tpo16
瓜瓜，你很能坚持耶，盖了那么多层楼。钦佩一下~~~~综合已经有自己的套路了，不要变~~继续熟练ing~~

建议：综合写作的得分点是听力的内容，听力和阅读的关系，一定要用dispute，argue ，disagree等词来体现讲座不同意阅读材料的观点。另外虽然阅读不重要，但是为了体现关系，每段都要带一下。

The passage and the lecture explore the issue of archaeology in United Kingdom. While the passage shows the three problems and limitation in the science of archaeology, the professor indicates that the rule adopted in United Kingdom in 1990 has changed the situation.

First, the professor claims that the damage caused by construction projects was cut down. According to her, the guidelines require that examination should be taken before any construction, and if the test shows that the place does have an archaeology value, the constructors, archaeologists, and officials should get together to make a plan to reserve this place. Thus, it is unlikely that many artifacts were lost to construction projects, as the passage says.

Second, the professor suggests that the fund of archaeology was no longer provided by government, because the guidelines ask construction company to undertake the cost of initial action and preservation fee. As the professor indicates, with financial supports from construction company, archaeologists have abundant funds to do more researches than the past.

Last, the professor states that there are more archaeologists than ever. As she says, archaeologists are needed in every state as they not only do examination but also write reports for construction companies. Archaeologists get well paid and more people want to do this kind of job.

In summary（in a nutshell很好，in summary 更常见，用这个考试吧。）, the professor points out that the obstacles in archaeology in the United Kingdom the passage shows were no longer existing.

作者: srafcatt 时间: 2012-7-8 07:42
瓜瓜，评论的来的晚了些，对不起。希望不会耽误你即将到来的考试。best wishes for you~~~

作者: 瓜瓜不瓜 时间: 2012-7-8 20:14
7月6日Do you agree with the viewpoint that people are now easier to become educated than in the past?

The last decades haves seen the huge progress in education. Both developments of technology and the movement of people’s thinking make education more and more accessible to people. Thus, I totally agree to the viewpoint that people are now easier to become educated the in the past.

First of all, as more and more people get to know the essential role of education in one’s life, education is paid a lot of attention, which drive people to pursue knowledge eagerly than the past. As Maslow’s hierarchy of need demonstrates, once people’s physiological needs are satisfied, they begin to seek esteem and self-actualization, which ask one to have good education. Take my parents for example. As my mother had a miserable childhood, when food is the top concern of her family, she dropped out of high school and started to work. Now, my mother is no longer to worried about bread, and she return to part-time school to continue her study.

In addition, the modern technology provides various access to education, which help people to learn at any time they want. Distance learning, telephone classes and so on program enable people to choose classes they are interested in. I, majored in finance, recently is fascinated by philosophy, but I have no time to listen to a professor lecture. The internet does do me a great favor. I download the video of professor’s lectures and buy E-book from internet bookshop. Thus, I can learn philosophy at my leisure time.

Admittedly, there are still many poor families to poor to support their children to school, and their educations remain a problem. However, fortunately, more and more hope school are built, which provides children from poor family the chance to get educated. What is more, as the gender discrimination is eliminated, girls have the equal chance as boys to get education.

In summary, as the above-mentioned reasons, we can safely arrive to the conclusion that people are now easier to become educated than in the past. It is the right of every one to get education, and the education brightens people and guides them to truth and happiness.

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-7-8 22:40

7月6日Do you agree with the viewpoint that people are now easier to become educated than in the past?

The last decades haves seen the huge progress in education. Both developments of technology and the movement of people’s thinking make education more and more accessible to people. Thus, I totally agree to the viewpoint that people are now easier to become educated the in the past.

First of all, as more and more people get to know the essential role of education in one’s life, education is paid a lot of attention, which drive people to pursue knowledge eagerly than the past. As Maslow’s hierarchy of need demonstrates, once people’s physiological needs are satisfied, they begin to seek esteem and self-actualization, which ask one to have good education. Take my parents for example. As my mother had a miserable childhood, when food is the top concern of her family, she dropped out of high school and started to work. Now, my mother is no longer to worried about bread, and she return to part-time school to continue her study.

In addition, the modern technology provides various access to education, which help people to learn at any time they want. Distance learning, telephone classes and so on program enable people to choose classes they are interested in. I, majored in finance, recently is fascinated by philosophy, but I have no time to listen to a professor lecture. The internet does do me a great favor. I download the video of professor’s lectures and buy E-book from internet bookshop. Thus, I can learn philosophy at my leisure time.

Admittedly, there are still many poor families to poor to support their children to school, and their educations remain a problem. However, fortunately, more and more hope school are built, which provides children from poor family the chance to get educated. What is more, as the gender discrimination is eliminated, girls have the equal chance as boys to get education.

In summary, as the above-mentioned reasons, we can safely arrive to the conclusion that people are now easier to become educated than in the past. It is the right of every one to get education, and the education brightens people and guides them to truth and happiness.

-- by 会员瓜瓜不瓜 (2012/7/8 20:14:09)

婷婷来罗~
7月6日Do you agree with the viewpoint that people are now easier to become educated than in the past?

The last decades haves(have) seen the huge progress in education. Both developments of technology and the movement(movement最好前后一致~这个地方是转变的意思吧，建议用transformation哦) of people’s thinking make education more and more accessible to people. Thus, I totally agree to the viewpoint that people are now easier to become educated the in the past.

First of all, as more and more people get to know the essential role of education in one’s life, education is paid a lot of attention, which drive（drives） people to pursue knowledge eagerly(more eagerly这里用比较时) than the past. As Maslow’s hierarchy of need（这个例子超赞的！！） demonstrates, once people’s physiological needs are satisfied, they begin to seek esteem and self-actualization, which ask（asks） one to have good education. Take my parents for example. As my mother had a miserable childhood, when food is the top concern of her family, she dropped out of high school and started to work. Now, my mother is no longer to worried about bread, and she return(returns) to part-time school to continue her study.
这一段的小错误有点多哦，注意检查~
In addition, the modern technology provides various access（accesses） to education, which help people to learn at any time they want. Distance learning, telephone classes and so on program （这个是什么用法？）enable people to choose classes they are interested in. I, majored in finance, recently is fascinated by philosophy, but I have no time to listen to a professor（professor's） lecture. The internet(通常internet是用小写，如果是the Internet则是因特尔公司，专指~) does do me a great favor. I download the video of professor’s lectures and buy E-book from internet（online） bookshop. Thus, I can learn philosophy at(婷婷记得好像是on啊) my leisure time.

Admittedly, there are still many poor families to（too） poor to support their children to school, and their educations remain a problem. However, fortunately, more and more hope school(charity school) are built, which provides（promisees感觉好点） children from poor family the chance to get educated. What is more, as the gender discrimination is （gradually）eliminated, girls have the equal chance as boys to get (acquire/obtain)education.

In summary, as the above-mentioned reasons, we can safely arrive to(这个不确定，好像是at?)the conclusion that people are now easier to become educated than in the past. It is the right of every one to get education, and the education brightens people and guides them to truth and happiness.
Conclusion:

呀呀，信手捏来，炉火纯青了，表扬一下~

1.不过要注意，小错误还是有的哦，不要让它影响得分了，像是比较级的变形，三单，还有名词的复数形式，一定要注意检查~

2.注意词汇的多样性，become educated多换几种说话哦

瓜瓜，加油~~~

作者: 瓜瓜不瓜 时间: 2012-7-9 14:56
To 婷婷：
热泪盈眶！握爪感谢！瓜瓜订正：
===========================与婷婷交流部分==========================
1.Distance learning, telephone classes and so on program （这个是什么用法？）enable people to choose classes they are interested in.

改成：Modern teching forms, such as distance learning, telephone classes and so on,enable people to choose classes they are interested in.
so on 后面确实不能跟名词，婷婷帮我看看这个里面form能不能有更合适的词？

2. at leisure time 我查了下是对的，但貌似更地道的表达是： at (one's) leisure. leisure is a noun.

3.如果瓜瓜想表达“使得人们能随时随地学习”这个表达行不行： allow people to learn anytime and anyplace

==============================以下是自我总结收获======================

希望小学：charity school
arrive at the conclusion reach the conclusion
gender discrimination is gradually eliminated
obtain sth.
transformation of people's thought

作者: DanielleZ 时间: 2012-7-9 18:22
7.6 TPO21
瓜瓜写的很好，木有问题啦。而且我觉得模版使用的也挺自然的。加油啦~
The passageand the lecture discuss about the genetic modified trees. While the passage isin favor of the application of genetic modified trees, the professor disprovesthe opinion of the passage. And she uses three specific points to support herown opinion that genetic modified trees are not that good.

First, even though the passage claims thatgenetically modified trees are more likely to survive than nature trees, theprofessor contend that genetic modification only makes trees resist oneparticular condition, but it does not ensure their survive. As she says, naturetrees have diverse genes, which make some of individuals to survive when pestor extreme climate happens. However, trees whose genes modified are uniformedand may be completely wipedout when catastrophe happens.

Second. Despite the view of the passage thatgenetically modified trees bring economic benefits, the professor contradictsthis statement. According to the professor, seeds of genetically modifiedplants are more expensive than the normal ones. What is more, every timefarmers plant these trees, they have to pay the company, who modifies the genesof trees.

Last, although the passage suggests that usegenetically modified trees can prevent overexploitation of wild trees, theprofessor argues that trees with modified genes can do damage to the growth ofwild trees. This is because genetically modified trees are more aggressive thanthe nature ones. Thus, they will outcompete(我记得听力里面说的应该是competeout吧？)the wild trees.

In summary, the professor refuses the contentionof the passage, and shows her own opinion that the genetically modified treesare not that good.

作者: 瓜瓜不瓜 时间: 2012-7-10 01:10
7.9 独立来自小马JJ
Agree or disagree, in order to succeed, you should be more like others than be different from everyone else.

Imagine yourself were put in such a situation: everyone seems to hold the same opinion while you have different idea. Will you speak out your thought and let your voice be heard? It may be kind of embarrassed, as you seem to be the only one different from the rest. However, I, would like to let the world hear my voice. Thus, I definitely support for the contention that, one should be different from everyone else.

First of all, in such a uniform society, it is more likely that an innovational idea will not only attract attention, but also bring success. No one can deny the fact that many people who have novel thinking succeed. Steve Jobs may be the best example. Before he started Apple Company, no one had ever stepped into the field of personal computer. What is more, he is the first one to use a platform—which we now know as ITunes—to transform documents into mobile equipment. The end of the story of Steve is that he received not only millions of money, but also reputation all over the world. Even though he passed away, his fascinating ideas still provide miracle to the whole world.

In addition, a person who would like to put forward his or her own thinking must be one owning great courage, which is the indispensable quality if one wants to achieve success. The slogan of Nike goes “just do it”. That is the attitude we should hold and stick to. Say words you want, and do things you like. Avril, the famous pop singer, lives a different life from normal youth. Unlike five brother and sister, she dropped out of school and founded a band. While most girls are busy with nail polish, she practiced guitar day and night. The song “anything but ordinary” was a hit to the music world. This young girl has the courage to follow her heart, and the strength from inside supports her and made her the hottest pop star.

Admittedly, a person who is different from the time probably is not understand by the contemporary. However, as the old saying goes, gold will glitter forever. The famous painter Van Gogh might never thought his painting would be loved by so many people when he was alive. Even though few people wanted to buy his painting, Van Gogh never stop creating. In that time, he is lonely because his style was so different. However, if he had not stuck on his pursuit, there would be no such amazing masterpiece now, such as Starry Night.

People who are different may suffer from misunderstanding and loneliness, but it does not mean that one should not follow his or her heart. Due to the above-mentioned reasons, the times need different voice, and if you want to succeed, try to be a guy different from others.

作者: 瓜瓜不瓜 时间: 2012-7-10 01:47
7.9 TOP13 自己练的综合
The passage and the lecture discuss whether the commercial fossil collectors are good. The professor claims that the advantages that commercial fossil collection brings overweight the disadvantages, which obviously contradicts the viewpoint of the passage. In the lecture, the professor uses three specific points to support her contention.

First, even though the passage asserts that private collectors make it hard for public to access the fossil, the professor points out that it is private collector who give fossils more exposure. This is because the public museum and institution do not have enough money to purchase fossil in commercial fossil hunting. However, the private collectors have abundant capital.

In addition, the professor disagree the statement in the passage that fossils in private collector are likely missed out by scientists. According to her, fossils should be scientific identified by scientists before they are bought by private collectors. Thus, by no means will scientist miss out important fossils.

Last, the professor points out that although commercial collectors often destroy valuable fossil, the commercial trading make more fossils to be discovered. The commercial operation provides the capital to dig fossil. It is better because more fossils are found rather than stay undiscovered.

In a nutshell, the professor refuses the standpoint of the passage that the commercial fossil collection brings demerits, and gives out her reason to support private collectors.

作者: 瓜瓜不瓜 时间: 2012-7-10 20:26
Agree or disagree, in order to succeed, you should be more like others than be different from everyone else.

Imagine yourself were put in such a situation: everyone seems to hold the same opinion while you have different idea. Will you speak out your thought and let your voice be heard? It may be kind of embarrassed, as you seem to be the only one different from the rest. However, I, would like to let the world hear my voice. Thus, I definitely support for the contention that, in order to succeed, one should be different from everyone else.

First of all, in such a uniform society, it is more likely that an innovational idea will not only attract attention, but also bring success. No one can deny the fact that many people who have novel thinking succeed. Steve Jobs may be the best example. Before he started Apple Company, no one had ever stepped into the field of personal computer. What is more, he is the first one to use a platform—which we now know as ITunes—to transform documents into mobile equipment. At the end of the story, Steve received not only millions of money, but also reputation all over the world. Even though he passed away, his fascinating ideas still provide miracle to the whole world. Times are eager to hear different idea, which make one with distinct think more likely to succeed.

In addition, a person who would like to put forward his or her own thinking must owns great courage, which is the indispensable quality if one wants to achieve success. The slogan of Nike goes “just do it”. That is the attitude we should hold and stick to. Say words you want, and do things you like. Avril, the famous pop singer, lives a different life from normal youth. Unlike five brothers and sisters, she dropped out of school and founded a band. While most girls are busy with nail polish, she practiced guitar day and night. The song “anything but ordinary” was a hit to the music world. This young girl has the courage to follow her heart, and the strength from inside supports her and made her the hottest pop star. It is obvious that the courage a person who are not afraid to be different has will help him to realize his dream.

Admittedly, a person who is different from the time probably is not understood by the contemporary. However, as the old saying goes, gold will glitter forever. The famous painter Van Gogh might never thought his painting would be loved by so many people when he was alive. Even though few people wanted to buy his painting, Van Gogh never stop creating. In that time, he is lonely because his style was so different. However, if he had not stuck on his pursuit, there would be no such amazing masterpiece now, such as Starry Night.

All in all, People who are different may suffer from misunderstanding and loneliness, but it does not mean that one should not follow his or her heart. Due to the above-mentioned reasons, the times need different voice, and if you want to succeed, try to be a guy different from others.

T.T 木有人改，自己默默地修改了一下。
每一段说理那里最后加了个总结、改了下语法上的错误，这篇写了1个小时= =！

作者: 瓜瓜不瓜 时间: 2012-8-19 10:51
Nowadays, it is much easier to achieve success with help from one's family than what is like before

When it comes to factors that contribute to success, people probably think of hard work of oneself and the help from other people. However, once referring to outside help, the help from one’s family seems to be so essential that no one could deny its indispensible role. With the evolvement of the society, I, personally, hold the opinion that it is much easier to achieve success with the help from one’s family than what is like before.

The most important reason is that network is playing a more and more significant role in the modern society, and the network which is based on family is so strong and effective. Take a simple but common situation for example. Just imagine you are the member of a university admission department, and there are two applicant compete for the last admission. One is your nephew and other is a stranger. It may be cruel but true that you would pick your nephew even though the other one is a bit over him. In the chaotic web of network today, there is no doubt that this kind of help does make a big difference.

In addition, besides the importance of network, it is self-evident that even though the rapid peace of modern life, people treasure family more than before, which is an emotion push that drive people to help their family. Blood band is definitely the strongest relationship, under which people are more inclined to spare no effort to help, because they regard helping family as one’s obligation. This kind of obligation feeling put a pressure on people’s mind, and force them to pay more effort to events related to their family.

Admittedly there are other factors contributing to success, such as opportunity, times and so on. What is more, in the highly developed society, it seems to be harder for people to succeed than past, as opportunity is limited while competitors are so many. However, when look around, do you find any opportunity? And ask yourself then would you like to offer help to your family as much as you can? For two answer are both yes, then it cannot deny the common truth that it is more likely to succeed with the help from family than before.

From what has been discussed above, we can safely reach to the conclusion that because of the important role of network and the strong emotion push in modern society, it is easier for people to achieve success with the help of family than it was before.

作者: N只梨花压海棠 时间: 2012-8-19 14:24

When it comes to factors that contribute to success, people probably think of hard work ofoneself (双of 不地道，可以用one' hardworking) and the help from other people. However, once referring to outside help, the help from one’s family seems to be so essential that no one(no one else 是不是好一些) could deny its indispensible role. With the evolvement of the society(换种表达方式，with+blah blah blah太老套了), I, personally, hold the opinion that it is much easier to achieve success with the help from one’s family than what is like before(paraphrase一下).

The most important reason is that network is playing a more and more(老外很反感more and more, 可以改成 increasingly 或者直接比较) significant role in the modern society, and the network which is based on family is so strong(strong这词用的很好啊) and effective. Take a simple but common situation for example. Just imagine you are the member of a university admission department, and there are two applicant compete for the last admission. One is your nephew and other is a stranger. (标点符号啊，亲)It may be cruel but true that you would pick your nephew even though the other one is a bit over him. In the chaotic web of network today, there is no doubt that this kind of help does make a big difference.(第一段例子可以了，但是貌似从主题句到论证的过程还不是太全面，加点讲理的话)

In addition, besides the importance of network, it is self-evident that even though the rapid peace of modern life, people treasure family more than before, which is an emotion(emotional) push that drive people to help their family. Blood band(bond吧？) is definitely the strongest relationship, under which people are more inclined to spare no effort to help, because they regard helping family as one’s obligation. This kind of obligation feeling put a pressure on people’s mind, and force them to pay more effort to events related to their family. (这段不够convincing, 家人关系可以说一两句，但是一段来描述实在有点浪费)

Admittedly there are other factors contributing to success, such as opportunity, times and so on. What is more, in the highly developed society, it seems to be harder for people to succeed than past, as opportunity is(复数哦) limited while competitors are so many(countless感觉能生动些). However, when look around, do you find any opportunity? (when looking around)And ask yourself then would you like to offer help to your family as much as you can? For two answer(s) are both yes, then it cannot deny the common truth that it is more likely to succeed with the help from family than before.(这句很混乱，it指代用的太多，把句子结构拆开或者直接换名词)

From what has been discussed above, we can safely reach to the conclusion that because of the important role of network and the strong emotion push in modern society, it is easier for people to achieve success with the help of family than it was before.(paraphrase)

to 瓜瓜同学，可以看出文章的文字功底还是不错了，但是有些句子匠气太重了，需要摆脱中国式思维方法，这里给你提供关于你second point的几个思路：
你第一个论证点说家庭来network很重要，不错，接下来就要说家人来找networking很方便和strong---你提过的这方面再详细说
家人间关系很好是个emotional push，还可以说家人可以提供的不仅仅是关系啊，还有Money啊Money, 还有心灵上的安抚啊，可以说的sensational一点，在现在这个险恶的社会中，没家人的support没人能成功啊 , 通过这些方面来和过去对比来说就很全面了

作者: 超级无敌小鹤鹤 时间: 2012-8-19 18:10
我是来瞻仰某瓜的作文的

作者: 瓜瓜不瓜 时间: 2012-8-19 22:06
819 TOP 18 Partner with K~
The reading passage and the lecture discuss the possible solution to protect Torreya from extinct. While the passage puts forward three method to stop the decline of Torreay, the professor points out that these solution will not work. The professor uses three specific points to support her contention.

First, the professor refuses the reestablish plan, which is stated by the passage. According to her, as the microclimate is largely affected by the change of large region, the original place will not be suitable for Torreya. What is more, because of global warming or the drain of Florida, this location will be much drier than now, which will definitely become unsuitable for Torreya.

In addition, the professor claims that the relocation plan is also going to fail. To support her assertion,she use the example of the black locus, which is remove from its original location to another place. The black locus spread quickly in the new environment and kill lots of local plants, which are also in danger. The professor disagree the second proposal becaust of its unpredicted outcome.

In the last, the professor turns down the third option--to preserve Torreya in research centers. As the professor says, the population of Torreya is to small to allow it to survive from disease. This kind of survival asks for the species genetic diversity, which is impossible to make in the research centers.

In summary, the professor demonstrates that the three proposals from the passage are not going to work.

作者: kaddish 时间: 2012-8-20 12:04
标题: 修改~~
The reading passage and the lecture discuss the possible solution to protect Torreya from extinct. While the passage puts forward three method to stop the decline of Torreay, the professor points out that these solution will not work. The professor uses three specific points to support her contention.嘿嘿，我觉得第一段用模板挺好的

First, the professor refuses the reestablish 这是动词plan, which is stated by the passage. According to her, as the microclimate is largely affected by the change of large region, the original place will not be suitable for Torreya. What is more,（我觉得这里不存在递进关系，是一个举例说明） because of global warming or the drain of Florida, this location will be much drier than now, which will definitely become unsuitable for Torreya.

In addition, the professor claims that the relocation plan is also going to fail. To support her assertion,she use the example of the black locus, which is remove （removed）from its original location to another place. The black locus spread quickly in the new environment and kill lots of local plants, which are also in danger. The professor disagree the second proposal becaust of its unpredicted outcome.
In the last, the professor turns down the third option--to preserve Torreya in research centers. As the professor says, the population of Torreya is to toosmall to allow it to survive from disease.这里最好有个并列连词，large 和diversity是两个并列条件 This kind of survival asks for the species genetic diversity, which is impossible to make用的有点奇怪 in the research centers.

In summary, the professor demonstrates that the three proposals from the passage are not going to work.

作者: 瓜瓜不瓜 时间: 2012-8-20 16:51
8月19日
Do you agree or disagree, the way a person dressed is a good indication of his/her personality or character.

用时：1:11 摔！！！

How many times do you judge somebody just through the way he/ she dressed? It seems to be human beings’ instinct that we cannot help ourselves paying attention the outlook of all things, as well as people. However, I, reject the notion that the way a person dressed is a good reflection of one’s personality or character.

Generally, three of factors decide the way a person dressed, profession, situation and personality. Decided by multiple elements, the way people dressed cannot be blindly asserted to be a good indication of inner mind. Even a out-going and open-minded person has to wear suit and tie when he is at work. This is not because he is rigorous, but because he wants to look professional. Same situation is that no way would a hip-pop music star wear big T-shirt and worn jean forever. Thus, it is unwise to judge a person through the way he/ she dressed regardless of other factor .

Anyway, it is so ridiculous to judge a person merely from appearance. The irony novel “The Million Pound Note”, written by Mark Twain, shows us the amusing and absurd story, in which, the protagonist was treated so well just because his outstanding appearance. The story counterattacks money worship, and meanwhile warm people do not judge people just by appearance.

Admittedly, sometimes the way people dressed does indict personality, as a neat freak never would wear untidily, and a fashion chaser would always add something to adorn his/ her suit. However, by no means will it be wrong to judge people through long-time communication. Only when a person you go with through for a period, would you can acknowledge him/ her more comprehensively.

All in all, it is unwise to judge a person personality only by the way he/ her dressed, as lots of other factors have influence on the option of wearing. Moreover, I insist to acknowledge a person through long-time communication.

作者: 蝴蝶渡海 时间: 2012-8-20 19:05
How many times do(did) you judge somebody just though the way he/ she dressed? It seems to be human beings’ instinct that we can help ourselves paying attention (to)the outlook of all things, as well as people. However, I, reject the notion that the way a person dressed is a good reflection of one’s personality or character.

Generally, three of(vital)factors decide the way a person dressed, profession, situation and personality. Decided by multiple elements, the way people dressed cannot be blindly asserted to be a good indication of inner mind. Even a（an）out-going and open-minded person has to wear suit and tie when he is at work. This is not because he is rigorous, but because he wants to look professional.（过于典型的中式英语。。虽说我也不知道怎么改。提供我自己想的吧，he want to embody professional） Same situation is that no way would a hip-pop music star wear big T-shirt and worn jean forever. Thus, to judge a person through the way he/ she dressed regardless of other factor.(这句是病句吧，无明显主语, to do 作主语有些牵强)（Thus，we cannot judge someone only by the cloths he or she wore）

Anyway, it is so ridiculous to judge a person merely from appearance. The irony novel “The Million Pound Note”, written by Mark Twain, shows us the amusing and absurd story, in which, the protagonist was treated so well just because his outstanding appearance. (此句后半我不知道是不是对的，最好找鸟或者hehe问问)The story counterattacks money worship, and meanwhile warm（warns） people do not judge people just by appearance.

Admittedly, sometimes the way people dressed does indict（这个是起诉的意思吧。。是不用错词了？） personality, as a neat freak never would wear untidily, and a fashion chaser would always add something（改成fashion elements好点）to adorn his/ her suit. However, by no means will it be wrong to judge people through long-time communication. Only when a person you go with through for a period, would you can acknowledge him/ her more comprehensively.

All in all, it is unwise to judge a person personality only by the way he/ her dressed, as lots of other factors have influences on the option of wearing. Moreover, I insist to acknowledge a person through long-time communication.

作者: 蝴蝶渡海 时间: 2012-8-20 19:07
感觉你的结尾有些短，最好能呼应一下你前面的各种论据

作者: 瓜瓜不瓜 时间: 2012-8-21 02:23
820 Independent Writing:
D/A your job has more effect on your happiness than your social life does.

用时：1:12 我摔！字数：383. 让步段好难写T.T 捂脸….

As happiness is the ultimate goal of life, every time come to the topic what affects one’s happiness, there will be heated debate. Whether it is jobs or social life that contributes more to the sense of happiness? I, personally, support that jobs have more influence. Here are my reasons.

Obviously, as material is the base of a person’s living, the quantity and quality of material, which people get from work, do directly affect their feeling of happiness. According to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs theory show, only when physiological needs are statisfied can people start to persue higher needs, such as love and belongings, esteem, and so on, which are all closely related to one’s inner happiness. Just imagine a person suffering from starvation. Worried about how to feed himself, he may be in a long-term anxiety and too busy with earning a living to think about the happiness. Clearly, jobs provide bread, prevent people from hunger and coldness, allow they to chase higher inner persuit.

Once jobs meet the need of material, jobs become more than a method of earning a living, as people seek self-actualization in their career, which brings super satisfaction in one’s mind. Take Bill Gates for example. For this billiinaire, there is no need to worry about his physiological needs, but he never stop working. Why? What pushes him to leave luxury life behind and bury himself in work? Definitely happiness. Bill Gates expressed how statified every time the Mircrosoft got a new break in his autobiography. He said the feeling cooprate with his colleague excites him and keep him energitic everyday. There is no doubt that jobs do bring huge happiness to people.

Admittedly, social life makes people’s life more colourful, and it is also a dispensible part contributing to happiness. However, in many situation, the people we contact with and the place we go for activities are decided by jobs, which consctruct material base. It is human beings’ instinct to enjoy high quality of life, including social life. The jobs offer an access towards it.

Generally speaking, jobs not only statisfy material needs, but also offer peole an access to realize their value, which both are closely related to happniess. Thus, we can safely reach the conclusion that jobs have a more significant influence than social life on happniess.

作者: GWinner 时间: 2012-8-21 20:42
我来啦不好意思哈有点晚> <~~
820 Independent Writing:
D/A your job has more effect on your happiness than your social life does.

用时：1:12 我摔！字数：383. 让步段好难写T.T 捂脸….[我也用时超久> <希望考场上给力!!!]

精彩错误修改提议综合

As happiness is the ultimate goal of life, every time [对这个用法不熟悉哈..怎么觉得应该是every time when it comes to...]come to the topic what affects one’s happiness, there will be [+a]heated debate. Whether it is jobs or social life that contributes more to the sense of happiness? I, personally, support that jobs have more influence. Here are my reasons.
[Following are my reasons是不是更好点? 感觉here有点太口语哈]
Obviously, as material is the base of a person’s living, the quantity and quality of material, which people get from work, do directly affect their feeling of happiness. According to Maslow’s hierarchy[Haha!这个例子NB!!]of needs theory show[According后面直接名词就好了~], only when[是不是用after更有层次感?]physiological needs are statisfied can people start to persue higher needs,[这个only...can...倒装用得好!!] such as love and belongings, esteem, and so on, which are all closely related to one’s inner happiness.Just imagine a person suffering from starvation. Worried about how to feed himself, he may be in a long-term anxiety and too busy with earning a living to think about the happiness.Clearly, jobs provide bread, prevent people from hunger and coldness, allow they[them] to chase higher inner persuit.[?]

Once jobs meet the need of material, jobs[用代词吧~they] become more than a method of earning a living, [Once这个逻辑性好像有点不对...感觉应该是not only but also的关系吧?]as people seek self-actualization in their career, which brings super satisfaction in one’s mind. Take Bill Gates for example. For this billiinaire, there is no need to worry about his physiological needs, but he never stop working. Why? What pushes him to leave luxury life behind and bury himself in work? Definitely happiness. Bill Gates expressed how statified every time the Mircrosoft got a new break in his autobiography.[in his...显得头重脚轻, 可以放到前面去读起来会更舒服]He said [+that]the feeling cooprate with his colleague excites him and keep him energitic everyday.[这句话读起来怪怪的...你看变成这样如何? When cooperating with his colleague, he never feels tired to conquer the working difficulties.] There is no doubt that jobs do bring huge happiness to people.

Admittedly, social life makes people’s life more colourful, and it is also a dispensible part contributing to happiness. However, in many situation, the people we contact with and the place we go for activities are decided by jobs, which consctruct material base. It is human beings’ instinct[这个词儿不知道是否合适但用nature一定没错~] to enjoy high quality of life, including social life. The jobs offer an access towards it.

Generally speaking, jobs not only statisfy material needs, but also offer peole an access to realize their value[用你刚刚提到的马斯洛里面的自我实现那个词会更好!], which both [both of which]are closely related to happniess. Thus, we can safely reach the conclusion that jobs have a more significant influence[have influence on? have effect on...???] than social life on happniess.

瓜同学的文章结构和思路都灰常不错~马斯洛那个例子很添彩^^

提出以下几个TIPS供瓜同学参考~

·感觉文章里面有些地方有点太口语了哈不知道ETS到底是怎么定位独立写作的不过总觉得如果出现太多口语性的东西(比如here are my reasons或者一些问句)会不会有所影响...我个人来说是以避免为主的也不确定瓜同学可以再问问别人哈~
·文章里的句式还是挺多样的连接词也用的不错有些词汇的用法还需要谨慎千万别用词典查中文意思翻译过来就直接用
·再就是一些细节性的东西喽~比如最后一段里的both of which啦之类的瓜同学第一遍写好以后可以先自己读一遍有些问题立刻就会发现的啦~

木有神马可在挑的错误啦~加油哦！！！

作者: 瓜瓜不瓜 时间: 2012-8-21 22:37
GW同学提的意见都很好~特别是中间第二段的第一句话的逻辑！确实用not only... but also 会更好！

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