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标题: 【写作小分队】tyyhappy 欢迎狂批^_^ [打印本页]
作者: tyyhappy 时间: 2012-4-22 16:20
标题: 【写作小分队】tyyhappy 欢迎狂批^_^
4月22日 独立写作
110115 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The main role of the university professor is to educate students rather than to do research.
Professors nowadays are reported to have devote much more time to doing researches than educating students, for the simple reason that lots of researches are demanded when rated professor level. Such is society condition that professors who are both academy teachers and science researchers merely focus on specific studies linked to their own benefits, neglecting the duty of imparting fundamental knowledge to students and the advantages of more creative ideas that come up with lots of young adults. To my standpoint, professors should pay more attention to educate students.
First of all, it goes without saying that graduates play a significant role in the future. An observation shows that each year almost 8000 million graduates flow to work in fields of construction medical treatment finance and so on. What if they are not taught completely and systematically at school? How would they compete with peers to get a job and how could they do well in their own domains. Take my older sister for example, who is majored in market but lacked with training of selling in schools. Unfortunately, not until a year later after graduation did she get a job as a result of short of abilities of market analysis and selling skills. Consequently, professors should firstly act a teacher rather than a research.
Also playing an important part is more ideas which come up with by young adults. It is undoubted that young adults receive new knowledge more quickly and then think out of more creative thoughts. For professors why not educate them with full energy and gather the new together to do experiments more effectively and efficiently. My classmate Victor speaks highly of his tutor, who teaches him how to read papers, make surveys and work with data, and now plays a crucial role in their research which is composed by 5 graduates. Professors who are only focused to researches are unable to understand the feelings of dedication and receive honor from students. So I believe that teaching should be professors’ main work.
Admittedly, researches are essential to promote the development of technology and professors are obliged to make studies. Just as coins have two sides, provided too much attention is paid to experiments, students are ignored and to avoid the negative impact professors should balance the role between a teacher and a researcher.
As far as I am concerned, professors are regarded as teachers firstly by the public when we take the view to scan the whole picture. Despite the merits of performing researches, educating students takes advantages of more ideas when doing experiments and instructing superior students.
作者: 夏雨霏霏 时间: 2012-4-23 14:45
Professors nowadays are reported to have devoted much more time to doing researches than educating students, for the simple reason that lots of researches are demanded when rated professor level. Such is society condition that professors who are both academy teachers and science researchers merely focus on specific studies linked to their own benefits, neglecting the duty of imparting fundamental knowledge to students and the advantages of more creative ideas that come up with lots of young adults. To my standpoint, professors should pay more attention to educate students.
First of all, it goes without saying that graduates play a significant role in the future.An observation shows that each year almost 8000 million graduates flow to work in fields of construction, medical treatment ,finance and so on(个人觉得2个之后就so on 就行了). What if they are not taught completely and systematically at school? How would they compete with peers to get a job and how could they do well in their own domains. Take my older sister for example, who is majored in market but lacked with training of selling in schools. Unfortunately, not until a year later after graduation did she get a job as a result of short of abilities of market analysis and selling skills. Consequently, professors should firstly act a teacher rather than a research.
Also playing an important part is more ideas which come up with by young adults. It is undoubted that young adults receive new knowledge more quickly and then think out of more creative thoughts. For professors why not educate them with full energy and gather the new together（？）to do experiments more effectively and efficiently. My classmate Victor， now playing a crucial role in their research which is composed by 5 graduates speaks highly of his tutor, who teaches him how to read papers, make surveys and work with data. Professors who are only focused to researches are unable to understand the feelings of dedication and receive honor from students. So I believe that teaching should be professors’ main work.
Admittedly, researches are essential to promote the development of technology and professors are obliged to make studies. Just as coins have two sides, provided too much attention is paid to experiments, students are ignored. Therefore, to avoid the negative impact, professors should balance the role between a teacher and a researcher.
As far as I am concerned, professors are regarded as teachers firstly by the public when we take the view to scan the whole picture. Despite the merits of performing researches, educating students takes advantages of more ideas when doing experiments and instructing superior students
句子挺好的，但是我觉得论证不够有力
作者: tyyhappy 时间: 2012-4-24 21:42
Has it ever happened to you? Have your professor ever assigned a task of making surveys which consume a mass of time as you are just given a chance to attend a national academic conference? Such is the common dilemma that projects appear at the same time and how would you do with it? To my standpoint, performing several projects together makes working more effective and avoids deadline faults.
First of all, it goes without saying that doing things in the meantime is more effective. Supposing one focuses on one subject for days and nights, brains are no longer excited according to a persistent topic. Take my friend, who covers about three subjects in one night, such as math, English and Finance, for example. He says the more time you pay to something, the more tedious and harder it seems for you, for your brain is coping with too much and getting tired of it. In addition, there are possibilities people may get new ideas from other projects. Archimedes thought of putting an object into water, measuring the water spoiled out as the cubage of the object, which happened as he was taking a bath. The case indicates that doing projects concurrently may lead to new thoughts.
Also playing an important part is saving time. Experiments can never be done without waiting. Mice in labs have to digest new drugs and need time to respond to them and for some sort of chemicals it takes hours or days to react. Hardly anyone would stand by tubes or cages until changes come up. Why not search for the information wanted by Finance professor and doing experiments about how mice reflect to the new chemical. My classmate Leon is a perfect case, who has achieved lots of projects each semester. No one has made full use of time better than him, who always makes several experiments in the meantime because he is good at computing and controlling time. So I believe that it is undeniable that time is saved by making projects together.
Admittedly, one may make faults if covering many things together for the fact that things are easily mistaken and minds are not concentrated. Just as coins have two sides, together making projects may cause bad influence. Therefore, to avoid the negative impact, we should work carefully and seriously if we handle them all.
As far as I am concerned, a large amount of people do two or more projects at the same time when they take the view to scan the whole picture. Despite the merits of focusing on one subject, performing concurrently takes advantages of saving time and acting effectively.
写的很痛苦呀···找不到论据，没有例子，还总是用重复的词语·····碰到这种题目就蔫了·······
辛苦批改者呀·····
作者: 易雨水巷 时间: 2012-4-25 19:44
红色为错误，蓝色为建议和疑问，高亮为精彩，绿色为总结
Has it ever happened to you? Have your professor ever assigned a taskof making surveys which consume a mass of time (建议用cost plenty of time)as you are just given achance to attend a national academic conference? （这样两句have ever， 不是排比，感觉又不如合成一句呢， Has it ever happened to you, whenyour professior…）Such is thecommon dilemma that projects appearat the same time and how would you do with it? To mystandpoint（With reference to my standpoint/ From mystandpoint）, performing several projects together makes workingmore effective and avoids deadline faults.
First of all, it goeswithout saying that doing things in the meantime is more effective（effective 可以换成favorable）. Supposing onefocuses on one subject for days and nights, brains are no longer excitedaccording to a persistent topic. Take my friend, who covers about threesubjects in one night, such as math, English and Finance, for (+an) example. He says the more time you pay tosomething, the more tediousand harder it seems for you(可以去掉), for your brain is coping with (这是个及物的词组吧)too much and getting tired of it（下划线部分可以单独成句啊）. In addition, there arepossibilities people may get new ideas from other projects. Archimedes thoughtof putting an object into water, measuring the water spoiled out as the cubageof the object, which happened as he was taking a bath. The case indicates thatdoing projects concurrentlymay lead to （lead to 感觉一般后面接不好的结果，contribute to？）new thoughts.
Also playing an importantpart is saving time. Experiments can never bedone without waiting. (双重否定是肯定，然后这句成了experiment can bedone with waiting.貌似与主题不符合了额)（+For instance，之类的连接词）Mice in labs have to digest new drugs and need timeto respond to them and for some sort of chemicals it takes hours or days toreact. Hardly anyone would stand by tubes or cagesuntil changes come up (Hardly would anyone stand by…否定词在前的倒装句). Why not searchfor the information wanted by Finance professor and doing experiments about howmice reflect to the new chemical. My classmate Leon is a perfect case, who hasachieved lots of projects each semester. No one has made full use of timebetter than him, who always makes several experiments in the meantime （可以换成meanwhile, in the meantime 已经用过了PS这句和前面那句，连着两个，who的非定语从句啊）because he is good at computing and controllingtime. So I believe that it is undeniable that time is saved by makingprojects together.
Admittedly, one may make faults if covering many things together for the factthat things are easily mistaken and minds are not concentrated. Just as coins havetwo sides, together making projects may cause bad influence.(分成两句，Just as the saying goes” every coin has two sides”. Imean that/that’s to say, together making projects may cause bad influence. ) Therefore, toavoid the negative impact, we should work carefully and seriously if we handlethem all.
As far as Iam concerned, a large amount of people do two or more projects at the same timewhen they take the view to scan the whole picture.(其实我觉得这句放在这里不太合适额，可以放在first of all 那段的论述里) Despite the merits of focusing on (可以用concentrating on ) one subject, performing concurrently takesadvantages of saving time and acting effectively.
To happy：易雨水巷的意见可能比较多，希望happy不要介意哦，其实happy写的比易雨水巷要好多了呢O(∩_∩)O，易雨水巷也找不出例子，纠结了半天整篇文章就用了一个例子~~o(>_<)o~~ 易雨水巷觉得happy的例子还可以，就是需要在表达上再下点儿功夫呢，稍加简练、润色之类的
另外，happy可以注意一下句式、词组的搭配哦
加油↖(^ω^)↗
作者: tyyhappy 时间: 2012-4-25 22:03
真谢谢妞。（我猜是个妞咯）
学到了很多，收获了不少哪，嗯，回去琢磨去嘞^_^
作者: 易雨水巷 时间: 2012-4-26 21:54
真谢谢妞。（我猜是个妞咯）
学到了很多，收获了不少哪，嗯，回去琢磨去嘞^_^
-- by 会员 tyyhappy (2012/4/25 22:03:26)
你猜对了 O(∩_∩)O
come on 一起rock
作者: tyyhappy 时间: 2012-5-2 11:25
5-2
Have you ever noticed such companies who broke up because of lacking a matching manager? Have you ever encountered the situation that several difficulties are still remained just before deadline of a task? Such are social realities that company managers are in want of qualified and skilled employees for the simple reason that companies can run effectively and efficiently in low costs by this way. From my standpoint, the most important investment for a company is to pay on employees training.
First of all, it goes without saying that the more skilled workers are the more effective and efficient the company is. Take my roommate Victor, who works in one of the Top global corporations, for an example. He learns how to do accounts via training and now does better compared to newcomers in finance department. Supposing a company pays a lot on profitable projects, however there are possibilities mistakes are made frequently resulting in failures just because of unqualified workers. That sounds terrible! Not to mention the operational efficiency is very low. Managers should appoint assignments to matching staff and production workers should make equipment runs smoothly. Hardly is anyone born with abilities above, consequently, companies are doomed to spend on improving the skills of staff in order to operate in a efficiency way.
Also playing an important part is the fact workers get a sense of confidence when getting more skills. Great companies are composed of excellent employees who are confident diligent and loyal. People who have business relation are probably to make contacts with the confident; people in the same company are willing to cooperate with the confident; people who are in charge of the department would like assign missions to the confident. What on earth makes them conduct confident? The skills they get and the tasks they finish by using skills. For instance, my colleague learned how to hold lectures from a training class and now has successfully given several about how to go aboard in many universities. Subsequently, a great many of students who are impressed deeply by his performances consult a lot. Therefore, I believe that skills are vital for employees to build confidence so that companies should pay more on training.
Admittedly, less is spent on project investment which brings profit to companies. Just as the old saying goes” every coin has two sides”. That is to say, spending too much on labor investment has bad influence. Therefore, to avoid negative impact we can take measures to make budgets and balance the costs between projects and trainings.
As far as I am concerned, the most important investment is improving skills of employees when we take the view to scan the whole picture. Despite the merits of investing in projects, investments in training take more advantages of running more effectively and making workers more confident.
好久没写，没感觉呀没感觉······
作者: 瓜瓜不瓜 时间: 2012-5-2 23:35
happy 5.2是咱两互批，请多多指教
红色为优点 绿色为不足和疑问 HAPPY第一次批你的 我尽量哈
Have you ever noticed such companies who broke up because of lacking a matching（Match 一般用于形容颜色搭配，换成suitable个人觉得更好） manager? Have you ever encountered the situation that several difficulties are still remained(加上 unsolved更好) just before deadline of a task? Such are social realities that company managers are in want of qualified and skilled employees for the simple reason that companies can run effectively and efficiently in low costs by this way. From my standpoint, the most important investment for a company is to pay on employees training.（开头很棒！！music姐姐也是推荐这种疑问排比开头）
First of all, it goes without saying that the more skilled workers are，the more effective and efficient the company is. Take my roommate Victor, who works in one of the Top global corporations, for an example. He learns（用has learnt 表明两个动作发生的前后顺序，更好） how to do accounts via training and now does better compared to newcomers in finance department. Supposing a company pays a lot on profitable projects, however there arepossibilities mistakes （possible mistakes)are made frequently resulting in failures just because of unqualified workers. That sounds terrible! Not to mention the operational efficiency is very low. Managers should appoint assignments to matching(suitable) staff and production workers should make equipment runs(语法错误，run）smoothly. Hardly is anyone born with abilities above,（逗号变句号）consequently, companies are doomed to spend on improving the skills of staff in order to operate in a efficiency way.
Also playing an important part is the fact workers get a sense of confidence （这话读着怪怪地，但又说不出是哪里错了，happy你自己试试改改）when getting more skills. Great companies are composed of excellent employees who are confident（，） diligent and loyal. People who have business relation are probably to make contacts with the confident; people in the same company are willing to cooperate with the confident; people who are in charge of the department would like assign missions to the confident. What on earth makes them conduct confident? The skills they get and the tasks they finish by using skills. For instance, my colleague learned how to hold lectures from a training class and now has successfully given several about how to go aboard in many universities. Subsequently, a great many of students who are impressed deeply by his performances consult a lot. Therefore, I believe that skills are vital for employees to build confidence so that companies should pay more on training.
Admittedly, less is spent on project investment which brings profit to companies. Just as the old saying goes” every coin has two sides”. （标点有误，取决于你要把这句名言归到前句还是后句）That is to say, spending too much on labor investment has bad influence. Therefore, to avoid negative impact we can take measures to make budgets and balance the costs between projects and trainings.
As far as I am concerned, the most important investment is improving skills of employees when we take the view to scan the whole picture. Despite the merits of investing in projects, investments in training take more advantages of running more effectively and making workers more confident.
PS： happy 写的很不错呢！
拼写错误基本没有，标点符号稍稍注意下用法吧
开头写的极好。 每段总分结构，倒数第二段让步段，整篇文章思路很是清楚。句子也很好，词汇也丰富，我学习榜样也！
作者: tyyhappy 时间: 2012-5-6 16:57
5-6独立
Have you ever taken an internet class which is given via videos and by which you can learn something whenever and wherever you like? Have you ever noticed that more lectures are given to the public in universities these days? Such is society reality that it becomes easier for people to learn knowledge for the simple reason that more and more people would like become further educated. From my standpoint, widespread internet and open universities provide more opportunities so that people are nowadays more likely to get educated than in the past.
First of all, it goes without saying that internet plays a vital part in making it more convenient for people to take classes. One can see class videos about the ecology; one is able to listen to lecture involved new ideas on Ted; one may take internet classes related to business just the same as having real classes at schools. A great many of information is provided on the internet and whether one gets educated in this method depends on how he or she uses it. For instance, my classmate Victor, who can speak fluent French, spares no efforts to learn it through the internet, by remembering words and grammar on Hujiang and talking frequently with Frenchmen via Skype. He is forever talking about new resources about learning French on the website or good methods mentioned by an internet learner. When it comes to learning French, he points out that without the internet he was unable to grasp a language so effectively. Therefore, internet counts for education indeed.
Also playing an important part is the fact that universities provide more chances for the public to get educated. An observation shows that more than 200 universities’ lectures are open to societies nowadays, involving business geography biology and so on. In addition more and more libraries are accessible to the public so that books are more conveniently available for readers, especially updated essays and journals. Just take my university, which is filled with social students on weekends, for an example. Curriculums about account, finance, investment and economic are given to them who choose the major of finance but have no time to take classes on weekdays. Consequently, universities are offering more opportunities for the public to get educated.
Admittedly, more lures are emerging as the society develops, such as computer games which may probably call much attention and take up time for studying. As the old saying goes, each coin has two sides. Therefore, to avoid the negative impact, we should take control of time and balance the entertainment and learning.
As far as I am concerned, despite the shortcomings mentioned above, we benefit more according to learning as the society develops. When we take the view to scan the whole picture, we cannot emphasize the importance of internet that offers us useful information and online classes too much. Moreover, universities’ openness undoubtedly makes sense.
作者: tyyhappy 时间: 2012-5-7 11:08
5-7独立
People who are always telling jokes often make far more friends than others for the simple reason that they bring more happiness and interest to daily life. Such is human nature that people prefer relaxing and entertaining atmosphere. However, jokes and happiness are never able to solve any problem when you come across troubles or difficulties and only those who are always prepared to do others a favor can help you get rid of problems when you are in need. From my standpoint, it is more important to choose friends that will assist you when needed in learning, living and emotion aspects.
First of all, it goes without saying that people who are forward to help others would not reject others’ request of dealing with a complex learning problem. In their opinions, learning is both from each other and in the process of dealing with difficult problems they may generate new and creative ideas. Take my friend Victor who seldom refuses others’ request for example. He is popular and welcomed not only our class but also the whole department for he is forever willing to tackle your matters about major subject. Hardly anyone makes completed notes than him at class and his notebooks are undoubtedly borrowed to copy by others frequently when exams are on the corner. On the contrary, why some scarcely lend notebooks to others when asked is beyond me. Consequently, they are limited outsiders in community. So I believe that making friends with those who are pleasure to help others are significant when it comes to learning.
Also playing an important part is the fact they give suggestions and advices when emotion problems come up. Take my roommate Anny, who came across emotion puzzles not long before, for an example. Unhappy and sad for several days, she was puzzled what to do next so she talked lots with us for suggestion. Friends would always consider your feelings when you confront emotion problem; friends are always suggesting you to be calm and peace when emotional puzzles come up; friends are always accompanying you when you are in need of feeling care. Warm and careful as friends who are ready to assist you are, they are worth making friends with. Therefore, I emphasize that friends should be helpers but not jokers.
Admittedly, people who enable friends to laugh a lot attract us, as human nature indicates that we want a relaxed and humorous atmosphere rather than a sad one. Just as my mother has told my before, nothing is perfect. However, one can choose to make friend with one who meets the two features mentioned.
As far as I am concerned, despite the merits of making a harmonious atmosphere when together with joker friends, we would choose ones who will help us when needed when we take the view to scan the whole picture.
这种作文题写起来没感觉呀·······写的痛苦泪奔···
辛苦批改者呀~~
作者: lucystar2012 时间: 2012-5-7 22:31
5-6独立
Have you ever taken an internet class which is given via videos and by which you can learn something whenever and wherever you like? Have you ever noticed that more lectures are given to the public in universities these days? Such is society reality that it becomes easier for modernpeople to learn knowledge for the simple reason that more and more people would like become（to get） further educated compared to past . From my standpoint, widespread internet and open universities(courses from universities) provide more opportunities so that people are nowadays more likely to get educated than in the past.
First of all, it goes without saying that internet plays a vital part in making it more convenient for people to take classes. One can see class videos about the(去掉) ecology; one is able to listen to lecture involved new ideas on Ted; one may take internet classes related to business just the same as having real classes at schools. A great many of information is provided on the internet and whether one gets educated（or not） in this method depends on how he or she uses it. For instance, my classmate Victor, who can speak fluent French, spares no efforts to learn it through the internet, by remembering words and grammar on Hujiang(不懂) and talking frequently with Frenchmen via Skype. He is forever（always） talking about new resources about learning French on the website or good methods mentioned by an internet learner. When it comes to learning French, he points out that without the internet he was unable to grasp a language so effectively. Therefore, internet counts for education indeed.
Also playing an important part is the fact that universities provide more chances for the public to get educated. An observation shows that more than 200 universities’ lectures are open to societies nowadays, involving business， geography， biology and so on. In addition more and more libraries are accessible to the public so that books，especially updated essays and journals（换了一下顺序），are more conveniently available for readers,. Just take my university, which is filled with social students on weekends, for an example. Curriculums about account, finance, investment and economic are given to them who choose the major of finance but have no time to take classes on weekdays. Consequently, universities are offering more opportunities for the public to get educated.
Admittedly, more lures are emerging as the society develops, such as computer games which may probably call much attention and take up time for studying. As the old saying goes, each coin has two sides. Therefore, to avoid the negative impact, we should take control of time and balance the entertainment and learning.
As far as I am concerned, despite the shortcomings mentioned above, we benefit more according to（from） learning as the society develops. When we take the view to scan the whole picture, we cannot emphasize the importance of internet that offers us useful information and online classes too much. Moreover, universities’ openness undoubtedly makes significant sense.
红色和深桃红色是我修改的，蓝绿色是我觉得不错的~~~然后绿色是不懂的。。
总体来看，主题很明显，结构清晰，语法也错误少~~非常喜欢你这篇文章！
作者: tyyhappy 时间: 2012-5-8 21:32
5-8
Have you ever quarreled with parents about choice of academic major as you hold different views? Have you ever thought deeply about your interest and abilities in order to decide your career? Such is common problem that whether children should choose the similar career as their parents. From my standpoint, interest and abilities cannot be ignored when we make decisions about career so that there is no need to work in the same field as parents.
First of all, it goes without saying that interest plays an indispensable role in determining careers. No one becomes a famous constructor when he is interested in art instead of physics; no actor performs well while he spares no efforts on beloved construction; no one can make great contributions to his investment bank as he spends most time on his favorite acting or watching movies. Take my sister, who learns finance in a famous university, for example. Until the moment to make final decision her parents were persuading her to become a teacher as her father. However after my sister’s careful consideration, she regarded interest as the most vital factor for career and chose finance in the end. Smart as she is, she points out that, on one hand, it is you who are doomed to focus in the domain selected for a life but not your parents, and on the other hand, choosing a life or a field or a career you are fond of does good to you. Consequently, I believe that interest goes beyond parent’s career.
Also playing an undeniable part is abilities. We cannot emphasize the importance of the fact that careers should match abilities, or in other word, advantages and disadvantages. For instance, my classmate Victor, who chooses account as major, is always complaining about her carelessness. As we all know, accountants deal with figures and charts every day, with addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division every day. So careless as she is that she failed to pass several subjects related to account though she does utmost to calculate carefully. In fact, she is a girl with wonderful ideas and creative thoughts when puzzles come up or problems emerge so there must be a more appropriate one for her. Therefore, I emphasize that abilities count for career choices.
Admittedly, parents’ careers and occupations have great influences on children as a result of the fact that children grow up in circumstances related to the vocation and know about the profession more. Just as the old saying goes, each coin has two sides. Therefore, children are limited to a specific profession from childhood and this does harm to diversity their interests and knowledge ranges.
As far as I am concerned, children should make decisions avoiding only followed parents’ careers. When we take the whole picture, we should pay attention to what children like. Moreover, abilities should be involved when it comes to careers.
作者: tyyhappy 时间: 2012-5-8 22:44
^_^5-7的独立在9楼，怕你没找到嘿^_^交的有些早哪
作者: 包子不包子 时间: 2012-5-9 00:14
Have you ever quarreled with parents about choice of academic major as you hold different views? Have you ever thought deeply about your interest and abilities in order to decide your career?好唉~ Such is a common problem that whether children should choose the similar career as their parents. From my standpoint, interests and abilities cannot be ignored when we make decisions about career so that there is no need to work in the same field as parents.
First of all, it goes without saying that interest plays an indispensable role in determining careers. No one becomes(是不是can be 好一些嘞） a famous constructor when he is interested in art instead of physics; no actor performs well while he spares (sparing 还是spares 呀 不大确定)no efforts on beloved construction; no one can make great contributions to his investment bank as he spends most of his time on his favorite acting or watching movies. Take my sister, who learns finance in a famous university, for example. Until the moment to make final decision her parents were persuading her to become a teacher as her father. However after my sister’s careful consideration, she regarded interest as the most vital factor for career and chose finance in the end. Smart as she is, she points out that, on one hand, it is you who are doomed to focus in ( on？)the domain selected for a life but not your parents, and on the other hand, choosing a life or a field or a career you are fond of does good to you. Consequently, I believe that interest goes beyond parent’s career. 开头很好啊 学习学习 要仔细读才懂得 =。= 我的水平啊。。。 感觉个别连接词有些别扭 也可能只是个人感觉啦~
Also playing an undeniable part is abilities. We cannot emphasize the importance of the fact that careers should match abilities, or in other word, advantages and disadvantages（没大看懂啊）. For instance, my classmate Victor, who chooses account as major, is always complaining about her carelessness. As we all know, accountants deal with figures and charts every day, with addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division every day. So careless as she is that she failed to pass several subjects related to account though she does utmost to calculate carefully. In fact, she is a girl with wonderful ideas and creative thoughts when puzzles come up or problems emerge so there must be a more appropriate one for her. Therefore, I emphasize that abilities count for career choices.
很有条理的 逻辑清晰 是不是有结尾段更好呢 有些突兀的感觉
新人包子 在学习改作文中 现在可能眼力不济 不能帮什么忙哈~
作者: tyyhappy 时间: 2012-5-9 11:04
Have you ever quarreled with parents about choice of academic major as you hold different views? Have you ever thought deeply about your interest and abilities in order to decide your career?好唉~ Such is
a common problem that whether children should choose the similar career as their parents. From my standpoint, interest
s and abilities cannot be ignored when we make decisions about career so that there is no need to work in the same field as parents.
First of all, it goes without saying that interest plays an indispensable role in determining careers. No one becomes(是不是can be 好一些嘞） a famous constructor when he is interested in art instead of physics; no actor performs well while he spares (sparing 还是spares 呀 不大确定)no efforts on beloved construction; no one can make great contributions to his investment bank as he spends most of his time on his favorite acting or watching movies. Take my sister, who learns finance in a famous university, for example. Until the moment to make final decision her parents were persuading her to become a teacher as her father. However after my sister’s careful consideration, she regarded interest as the most vital factor for career and chose finance in the end. Smart as she is, she points out that, on one hand, it is you who are doomed to focus in ( on？)the domain selected for a life but not your parents, and on the other hand, choosing a life or a field or a career you are fond of does good to you. Consequently, I believe that interest goes beyond parent’s career. 开头很好啊 学习学习 要仔细读才懂得 =。= 我的水平啊。。。 感觉个别连接词有些别扭 也可能只是个人感觉啦~
Also playing an undeniable part is abilities. We cannot emphasize the importance of the fact that careers should match abilities, or in other word, advantages and disadvantages（没大看懂啊）. For instance, my classmate Victor, who chooses account as major, is always complaining about her carelessness. As we all know, accountants deal with figures and charts every day, with addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division every day. So careless as she is that she failed to pass several subjects related to account though she does utmost to calculate carefully. In fact, she is a girl with wonderful ideas and creative thoughts when puzzles come up or problems emerge so there must be a more appropriate one for her. Therefore, I emphasize that abilities count for career choices.
很有条理的 逻辑清晰 是不是有结尾段更好呢 有些突兀的感觉
新人包子 在学习改作文中 现在可能眼力不济 不能帮什么忙哈~
-- by 会员 包子不包子 (2012/5/9 0:14:10)
包子童鞋，你少复制了两段嘿，我贴在下面了。
话说改的好早哈，谢谢嘞^_^
Admittedly, parents’ careers and occupations have great influences on children as a result of the fact that children grow up in circumstances related to the vocation and know about the profession more. Just as the old saying goes, each coin has two sides. Therefore, children are limited to a specific profession from childhood and this does harm to diversity their interests and knowledge ranges.
As far as I am concerned, children should make decisions avoiding only followed parents’ careers. When we take the whole picture, we should pay attention to what children like. Moreover, abilities should be involved when it comes to careers.
作者: tyyhappy 时间: 2012-5-14 11:57
5-14
Have you ever come up with emotion problems between your boyfriend or girlfriend that you are not willing to complain to your friend as a privacy? Have you ever encountered someone who speaks badly of your friend and would you tell your friend about it? Such is common dilemma that we could not be completely honest with our friends for the simple reason that we as human beings have our own secrets and furthermore much care should be paid to our friends feelings while communicating. From my standpoint, there are no possibilities to be completely honest with friends.
First of all, it goes without saying that we each have privacies such as feeling problems and life puzzles. No one would tell his friends how often quarrels take place in family when asked about; no one would inform his friends about the salary gaps between husband and wife. So how will you deal with when coming across an unfriendly one who is curious about your personal life? Measures such as refusing answer similar questions or just answering without honest can be taken. Take my ever friend Victor, who is always caring about my family account, for example. Hardly would anyone make friends with her or tell her the truth of their conditions. Consequently, I emphasize the necessity of the existence of unhonest to friends.
Also playing an important part is friend feelings. Honest and kind as majorities are that we are used to tell the truth scarcely with lies, but there are merely limited ones who sometimes speak badly of others because of jealousy. It is unnecessary to talk with our friends about whatever we hear about them. In addition, a survey indicates that most friends who get cancers or serious illness are not informed honestly about their sickness by familiars, in order to convince them that they are going to be well and get out of hospital soon. Therefore, friend feelings count for a lot.
Admittedly, in most conditions, we should stick to be honest as friends are doomed to share happiness and sadness together. Just as the old saying goes, each coin has two sides. Therefore, to avoid the negative impact of unhonest, in merely several limited situations people are permitted to be honest.
As far as I am concerned, it is inevitable to be unhonest with friends sometimes. When we take the view so scan the whole picture, we choose to tell lies or keep silent when it comes to our secrets. Moreover, friends are protected from badly influenced words sometimes when we are not telling the truth.
作者: 雅宝2011 时间: 2012-5-15 22:51
蓝色为错误或者疑惑，紫色为修改，高亮为精彩！
5-14
Have you ever come up with emotion problems between your boyfriend or girlfriend that you are not willing to complain to (your friend)them as a privacy? Have you ever encountered someone who speaks badly of your friend, and then （would you)told your friend honestly about it? Such is common dilemma that we could not be completely honest with our friends for the simple reason that we as human beings have our own secrets and furthermore much care should be paid to our friends feelings while communicating. From my standpoint, there are no possibilities to be completely honest with friends.
First of all, it goes without saying that we each have privacies such as feeling problems and life puzzles. No one would tell his friends(even his sincerely friends ) how often quarrels take place in family (withouthesitation )when asked about; no one would inform his friends about the salary gaps between husband and wife. So how will you deal with when coming across an unfriendly one who is curious about your personal life? Measures such as refusing（to） answersimilar questions or just answering without (being) honest或是dishonestly） can be taken. Take my ever friend Victor, who is always caring about my family accounts, for example. Hardly would anyone make friends with her or tell her the truth of their conditions.（觉得再加些让人觉得不舒服的个人感觉会更好） Consequently, I emphasize the necessity of the existence of unhonest（dishonest）to friends （under some special circumstance 更加严谨些）
Also playing an important part is friend feelings. Honest and kind as majorities are that we are used to telling the truth scarcely with lies, but there are merely limited ones who sometimes speak badly of others because of jealousy. It is unnecessary to talk with our friends about whatever we heard about them. In addition, a survey indicates that most friends who get cancers or serious illness are not informed honestly about their sickness by familiars, in order to convince them that they are going to be well and get out of hospital soon. Therefore, friend feelings count for a lot.（感觉这个论点不够充分，仅是个人感觉啊）
Admittedly, in most conditions, we should stick to be honest as friends are doomed to share happiness and sadness together. Just as the old saying goes, each coin has two sides.（这个句子好像最好不要用，我看无老师写过这个好像是中式自创）Therefore, to avoid the negative impact of unhonest（dishonest）, in merely several limited situations people are permitted to be honest.
As far as I am concerned, it is inevitable to be dishonest with friends sometimes. When we take the view so scan the whole picture, we choose to tell lies or keep silent when it comes to our secrets. Moreover, friends are protected from badly influenced words sometimes when we are not telling the truth.
Tyyhappy:我是菜鸟一个，只能帮你修改下边边角角，不知道改的是否准确，你仅作参考哈~文章写得非常流畅，开头排比也很亮，衔接很好，连词很自然。但是有些小问题一起谈论一下：1.你的前两个论点很好，但感觉有种意犹未尽的感觉，最后的时候我不太理解你的那个蓝色句子。2.模板痕迹有些。觉得在形容词上，词汇有些偏单薄，有些不能很深刻准确的表达自己的想法。记得大神说过，托福作文常重视我们遣词造句的能力，可以看看鸟儿和prodliu他们的作文借鉴下好的形容词。在造句上，觉得还是中式思维多些，很直白的表达方式。3.求请教：在这个文章上要不要写些，虽然别人说他的坏话，但朋友的缺点也是客观事实，我们是不是要婉转的告诉他呢？
额，我水平不好，建议只作参考，在研究ETS作文大体喜欢什么不喜欢什么，等过几天看出来个什么子丑寅卯，再跟你切磋啦~
PS：呃，不好意思啊，现在才把你的作文改好，我的作文贴要明天才能放上去了，发现自己前期素材准备的不是很好，写起来磕磕绊绊的，受打击啊~~~~(>_<)~~~~
作者: 雅宝2011 时间: 2012-5-17 19:14
happy 不好意思 食言了是在没勇气把那烂作文交给你改，sorry。那个我看了一下你其他的作文，发现了一个问题，好像都是一个模板啊？
作者: tyyhappy 时间: 2012-5-17 22:52
happy 不好意思 食言了是在没勇气把那烂作文交给你改，sorry。那个我看了一下你其他的作文，发现了一个问题，好像都是一个模板啊？
-- by 会员 雅宝2011 (2012/5/17 19:14:00)
to 雅宝2011
不好意思，才回复你哈。
关于上篇作文：
1count for意思是有价值有意义，我查了下这个应该当及物动词使用，所以我那个句子是错的，事实上，这是我自己造的一个句子。所以，看来不太适用哎。
2我也颇感词汇使用的时候不够用，可是也不知道应该怎么去解决这个问题，同时感觉自己的副词和形容词用的特别不顺手。
3这个朋友的例子我自己在用的时候心里面也很犹豫，觉得不合适，但是短时间内也想不出来了···
谢谢雅宝的认真批改。
关于雅宝的作文，没关系，雅宝什么时候出作品俺就去看看，提个建议之类类的。不过我觉得作文写出来就接受各种批评才不虚此写哈。
关于我的作文，雅宝没有说错哪，是一个模板，开头是仔细筛选的，结尾就随便写了写。中间论证的头尾是模板哪。这就是我大概会用的模板了，雅宝觉得这个模板可行不呢？^_^
关于雅宝的t,我个人觉得一定会获得好成绩哒，感觉雅宝的学习习惯很好。比如研究清楚ets和多看看别人的作文（这样挺好哒，学习好的，避免自己犯同样的错误。）。
共同努力哦，加油^_^
作者: 雅宝2011 时间: 2012-5-19 02:06
to happy
哈哈，刚看到回帖啊。
那个谢谢鼓励，一起加油。
你手头上李笑来或是新概念么，不然你去看看鸟儿的作文贴吧，我个人不喜欢用模板，因为那样写作文总觉得在往上套，你会觉得作文是个流水线上的商品，而不是自己亲手雕琢的艺术品。鸟儿他们那些大神们的作文，很少可以看到模板的痕迹，但是不置可否的是，大家都是在模仿高分作文，最后形成自己的模板。
我觉得模板最重要的作用就是给你提供思路，和衔接感。happy 的模板用的很好，若不是我看你以前的，都没发现聪明的你用一个模板写了好几篇作文，(*^__^*) 嘻嘻……
说明你善于灵活运用，但是，我挺担心这样是拿不了高分啊。只是建议，建议啊。。。这两天要是付作文，@你哦，O(∩_∩)O哈哈~
加油`
作者: tyyhappy 时间: 2012-6-26 09:55
6-24
Have you ever noticed that some life advices given by grandparents are still useful and helpful although years passed by? I still remember when I was young my grandpa told me girls had better not stay too late at other’s house. Have you ever talked with grandma about your career and asked for advice? Last vocation while I was visiting my grandma, she suggested me to work hard no matter if there is a boss around. Such is the reality at least for me that grandparents’ suggestions guide and help me to some extent. From my view, world changed rapidly but advices about how to live a life and what to do with our work are still valuable.
First of all, it goes without saying that grandparents experience more so that their proposals about how to conduct and behavior sound reasonable. Grandma may order children wash their hands before and after meal; Grandma will suggest granddaughter to behave well while she is wearing a skirt; Grandpa might tell boys to always be brave and strong because they are men. Such guidance mentioned above should be informed with children since they were young so that they keep them in heart, behavior like that and repeat until it develops into a habit. Therefore, I emphasize that what grandparents think we should know is exactly what we need to know.
Secondly, their opinions about how to work also play an important part even if in modern offices today. Grandparents may suggest us to be just honest and hardworking though these characters might not lead us to promotions directly. However, so simple but vital is the proposal that it still works now, which is concluded from grandparents’ whole work life. For example, workers who always speak highly of his or her boss but work less diligently will probably get a better opportunity than those who do more but say nothing. If grandchildren learn from the case that they could have done less and gotten more by saying beautiful words, then it is absolutely wrong. Grandparents would point out that nothing can be compared with working hard and eventually making profits for companies and these seemingly easier ways to reach higher positions work only in short-term and certainly will fail in long –term. In fact their views always turn out to be true. So, I believe that grandparents will probably put up some useful advices according to their own work life.
Admittedly, as technology develops so fast that some thoughts are out of date.
Accountants today use computers instead of abacus, so grandparents’ experiences about how to use abacus more efficiently seems invaluable. In fact, not all suggestions from grandparents should be adopted.
As far as I am concerned, though time flied advices given by parents are partly useful and helpful. How to live a good life and what to do correctly at work never changes with ages. So why not visit them regularly, take care of them carefully and listen to what they talk patiently?
一个月没写····憋死我了···没有速度没有思路没有句子可用词汇匮乏·····
不好意思，上传晚了呢。^_^
一个月没写····憋死我了···没有速度没有思路没有句子可用词汇匮乏·····
不好意思，上传晚了呢。^_^
作者: 瓜瓜不瓜 时间: 2012-6-26 18:35
happy稍微等我下哦 我白天出去high了。。马上写。。写完马上给你改哈
作者: 瓜瓜不瓜 时间: 2012-6-26 20:20
6-24 红色为错误 蓝色为建议 绿色是段落和逻辑上的点评 紫色是总评
Have you ever noticed that some life advices given by grandparents are still useful and helpful although years passed by? I still remember when I was young my grandpa told me （+that）girls had better not stay too late at other’s house. Have you ever talked with grandma about your career and asked for advice? Last vocation while I was visiting my grandma, she suggested me to work hard no matter if there is a boss around. Such is the reality at least for me that grandparents’ suggestions guide and help me to some extent. From my view, world changed rapidly but advices about how to live a life and what to do with our work are still valuable. (第一段写的挺好的，反问句+回答)
First of all, it goes without saying that grandparents experience（缺少谓语） more so that their proposals about how to conduct and behavior sound reasonable. Grandma may order children wash their hands before and after meal; Grandma will suggest granddaughter to behave well while she is wearing a skirt; Grandpa might tell boys to always be brave and strong because they are men. Such guidance mentioned above should be informed with children since they were young so that they keep them in heart, behavior like that and repeat until it develops into a habit. Therefore, Iemphasize（感觉这个词用在这里的感觉不太对，强调？用一般的hold the opinion吧） that what grandparents think we should know is exactly what we need to know.
Secondly, their opinions（opinion不可数） about how to work also play an important part even if in modern offices today. Grandparents may suggest us to be just honest and hardworking though these characters might not lead us to promotions directly. However, so simple but vital is the proposal that it still works now（这个倒装句好像有点问题，so...that被你拆开来用了，应该不能分开倒装，不知道你有木有懂我的意思。。）.which is concluded from grandparents’ whole work life. For example, workers who always speak highly of his or her boss but work less diligently will probably get a better opportunity than those who do more but say nothing. If grandchildren learn from the case that they could have done less and gotten more by saying beautiful words, then it is absolutely wrong. Grandparents would point out that nothing can be compared with working hard and eventually making profits for companies and these seemingly easier ways to reach higher positions work only in short-term and certainly will fail in long –term. In fact their views always turn out to be true. So, I believe that grandparents will probably put up some useful advices according to their own work life.（语言有一点chinglish额。。我是看的比较懂。。）
Admittedly, as（as以后就木有主句了） technology develops so fast that some thoughts are out of date. Accountants today use computers instead of abacus, so grandparents’ experiences about how to use abacus more efficiently seems invaluable.（加一个转折吧，However,）In fact, not all suggestions from grandparents should be adopted.(这个让步瓜瓜觉得并没有写的很好，给了一个算盘经验没有用的例子，但是主要是要给出支持：有些经验并没有过时，那么支持这个论点的例子呢？要写出来才行。）
As far as I am concerned, though time flied（flies一般现在时就好，flied的话主句的时态也要改） advices given by parents are partly useful and helpful. How to live a good life and what to do correctly at work never changes with ages. So why not visit them regularly, take care of them carefully and listen to what they talk patiently?
happy不好意哦，瓜瓜来晚了，恕罪恕罪啦！批得有点严格，不要见怪哦
总评：拼写基本木有错误，总分总5段式也出来了，每个段落重点也比较明确
但是逻辑上有待加强哈！
一起加油！！！！
作者: tyyhappy 时间: 2012-6-26 21:34
6-26
Have you ever figured out why Economics crisis occurred in 2009 and how it influenced our country’s economics? Have you ever thought about whether you are interested in economics or finance which is seemingly related a lot to money? Such is the society reality that most high school students have no idea of how economics runs. From my point of view, high school students should take a course on basic economics.
First of all, it goes without saying that basic economics helps us to understand more completely how the world looks like today. For example, why universities accept more students after the economic crisis is beyond most high school students. It seems as if people were becoming much richer in the crisis because more people chose to pay for high tuitions under that condition. In fact, the choices of going back to school just resulted from the economics influences that most companies cut down their employees to save costs. This case is not rare, in reality; phenomenon in society partly has something to do with economics. Thus, it is necessary for high school students to learn economics.
Secondly, understanding of economics also plays an important role in career choices. Students who have the concept of economics will probably figure out whether they enjoy facing financial reports and invoices everyday as an accountant or whether they would like to make researches on how to price finance products. Students who have not learnt economics before have difficulties in making clear what finance engineer or bank workers do in daily work. Consequently, with the understanding of basic economics, they are more likely to make appropriate decisions, avoiding choosing some uninteresting subject. So I believe grasping fundamental economies is essential.
Admittedly, high school students already learn a lot subjects today and additional subject may put pressure on them. However, adolescence is the best time for studying in one’s whole life, if students carefully make study plans and they will probably overcome the challenge.
As far as I am concerned, despite the mere shortcoming of adding economics to high school course, the merits easily surpass. Fully understanding the world and making appropriate decisions are so important that courses should be provided with high school students.
基本没感觉，写了还不到400字···
作者: 瓜瓜不瓜 时间: 2012-6-27 18:58
6-26
Have you ever figured out why Economics（不用大写） crisis occurred in 2009 and how it influenced our country’s economics? Have you ever thought about whether you are interested in economics or finance which is seemingly related a lot to money? Such（Such能这么用么？一般都是it作为形式主语的吧，such貌似没有这个功能哦） is the society reality that most high school students have no idea of how economics runs. From my point of view, high school students should take a course on basic economics.
First of all, it goes without saying that basic economics helps us to understand more completely how the world looks like today. For example, why universities accept more students after the economic crisis is beyond most high school students（没读懂什么意思）. It seems as if people were becoming much richer in the crisis because more people chose to pay for high tuitions under that condition. In fact, the choices of going back to school just resulted from the economics influences that most companies cut down their employees to save costs. This case is not rare, in reality; phenomenon in society partly has something to do with economics. Thus, it is necessary for high school students to learn economics.
Secondly, understanding of economics also plays an important role in career choices. Students who have the concept of economics will probably figure out whether they enjoy facing financial reports and invoices（invoice) everyday as an accountant or whether they would like to make researches on how to price finance products. Students who have not learnt economics before have difficulties in making clear what finance engineer or bank workers do in daily work. Consequently, with the understanding of basic economics, they are more likely to make appropriate decisions, avoiding choosing some uninteresting subject. So I believe grasping fundamental economies is essential.
Admittedly, high school students already learn a lot subjects today and additional subject may put pressure on them. However, adolescence is the best time for studying in one’s whole life, if students carefully make study plans and they will probably overcome the challenge.
As far as I am concerned, despite the mere shortcoming of adding economics to high school course, the merits easily surpass. Fully understanding the world and making appropriate decisions are so important that courses should be provided with high school students.
基本没感觉，写了还不到400字···
第一段写的挺好的，让步段也写对了。基本上没有什么问题哦。鼓掌！
作者: tyyhappy 时间: 2012-6-27 20:06
^_^好嘞~~
作者: tyyhappy 时间: 2012-6-27 20:07
6-27
Have you ever consistently worked for several days with little time to send your lovely child to school? Have you ever found it inconvenient to take care of parents who live far away from your own home? Such is the common dilemma that when it comes up to family reasonability less leisure time and inconvenient conditions such as transportation brings up puzzles and problems for modern people. From my point of view, people who live in cities have less opportunities and possibilities to carefully and considerately look after their family members.
First of all, it goes without saying that a plenty of work and social activities occupy people lots of time and consequently reduce their time to care for families. Take my father for example, who seldom has dinner together with my mother and me since I was young. Therefore, there is no chance for me to ask him about difficulty math problems which puzzled me a lot. Also, it is already the next morning when he was informed of my high final examination scores. Little spare time to communicate with family members sometimes leaves them a bad impression that you are not taking account of them completely. In fact, this case does not just appear like that, but also it is the reality that one omits to give considerations to families.
Also, the flexible and convenience of taking care of parents and children
in rural areas plays a vital role. Nowadays city planners are enlarging cities and transportations are more unavailable which result in more inconvenience for people to look after family members. My friend who lives in a great modern city is a perfect paragon. Each time it takes her three hours to drive to see her parents, who live just in the opposite side of the same city. She could be saved much misery and time if they choose rural places where people tend to live nearby or together. Consequently, the convenience of taking care of parents and children in rural areas far weigh out the conditions in cities.
Admittedly, qualified schools and advanced medical environment leads to a convenient condition of taking care of families in cities. However, nowadays more key senior schools and quality hospital are constructed all over the country as society develops rapidly.
As far as I am concerned, despite the limited virtues of taking care of families in cities, living in rural places provides more chances and possibilities to give them great considerations.
作者: chenglu9066 时间: 2012-6-28 17:20
蓝色为精彩部分，红色为有问题和需修改的部分，紫色为总评
Have you ever consistently worked for several days with little time to send your lovely child to school? Have you ever found it inconvenient to take care of parents who live far away from your own home?(排比句，好！)Such is the common dilemma that when it comes up to family reasonability less leisure time and inconvenient conditions such as transportation brings up puzzles（红色部分为一个完整句子，但是在such is the common…..for modern people这一长句中such as后面应加名词性词组，如此才可以与problems for modern people 对应）and problems for modern people. From my point of view, people who live in cities have less opportunities and possibilities to carefully and considerately look after their family members.
First of all, it goes without saying that a plenty of work and social activities occupy people lots of time and consequently reduce their time to care for families.Take my father for example, who seldom has dinner together with my mother and me since I was young.（take ..example后应该跟着的是完整的句子，who引导的从句应修改为 he seldom…..young） Therefore, there is no chance for me to ask him about difficulty（difficult） math problems which puzzled me a lot. Also, it is already the next morning when he was informed of my high final examination scores. Little spare time to communicate with family members sometimes leaves them a bad impression that you are not taking account of them completely.In fact, this case does not just appear like that, but also it is the reality that one omits to give considerations to families.
Also,the flexible（flexibility）and convenience of taking care of parents and children in rural areas plays a vital role（plays a vital role in rural areas ）. Nowadays city planners are enlarging cities and transportations are more unavailable which result in more inconvenience for people to look after family members. My friend who lives in a great modern city is a perfect paragon. Each time it takes her three hours to drive to see her parents, who live just in the opposite side of the same city. She could be saved (被动语态在这里使语义逻辑不通，应改为she could save)much misery and time if they choose rural places where people tend to live nearby or together. Consequently, the convenience of taking care of parents and children in rural areas far weigh out the conditions in cities.
Admittedly, qualified schools and advanced medical environment leads to a convenient condition of taking care of families in cities. However, nowadays more key senior schools and quality hospital are constructed all over the country as society develops rapidly.
As far as I am concerned, despite the limited virtues of taking care of families in cities, living in rural places provides more chances and possibilities to give them great considerations
To tyyhappy
1排比句的开头很精彩！
2本文在举例说明部分做得不错。
3有些语法错误，已标明。以后多多注意哦~
PS：我纯属菜鸟，正在摸索中，有啥问题，咱们互相多指教指教哈
作者: tyyhappy 时间: 2012-6-28 19:34
6-26
Have you ever figured out why Economics（不用大写） crisis occurred in 2009 and how it influenced our country’s economics? Have you ever thought about whether you are interested in economics or finance which is seemingly related a lot to money? Such（Such能这么用么？一般都是it作为形式主语的吧，such貌似没有这个功能哦） is the society reality that most high school students have no idea of how economics runs. From my point of view, high school students should take a course on basic economics.
First of all, it goes without saying that basic economics helps us to understand more completely how the world looks like today. For example, why universities accept more students after the economic crisis is beyond most high school students（没读懂什么意思）. It seems as if people were becoming much richer in the crisis because more people chose to pay for high tuitions under that condition. In fact, the choices of going back to school just resulted from the economics influences that most companies cut down their employees to save costs. This case is not rare, in reality; phenomenon in society partly has something to do with economics. Thus, it is necessary for high school students to learn economics.
Secondly, understanding of economics also plays an important role in career choices. Students who have the concept of economics will probably figure out whether they enjoy facing financial reports and invoices（invoice) everyday as an accountant or whether they would like to make researches on how to price finance products. Students who have not learnt economics before have difficulties in making clear what finance engineer or bank workers do in daily work. Consequently, with the understanding of basic economics, they are more likely to make appropriate decisions, avoiding choosing some uninteresting subject. So I believe grasping fundamental economies is essential.
Admittedly, high school students already learn a lot subjects today and additional subject may put pressure on them. However, adolescence is the best time for studying in one’s whole life, if students carefully make study plans and they will probably overcome the challenge.
As far as I am concerned, despite the mere shortcoming of adding economics to high school course, the merits easily surpass. Fully understanding the world and making appropriate decisions are so important that courses should be provided with high school students.
基本没感觉，写了还不到400字···
第一段写的挺好的，让步段也写对了。基本上没有什么问题哦。鼓掌！
-- by 会员 瓜瓜不瓜 (2012/6/27 18:58:39)
To 瓜瓜
谢谢瓜瓜的批改。
关于“Such（Such能这么用么？一般都是it作为形式主语的吧，such貌似没有这个功能哦） is the society reality that most high school students have no idea of how economics runs.”和“why universities accept more students after the economic crisis is beyond most high school students（没读懂什么意思）. ”
第一句貌似是倒装句，第二句sth is beyond sb:对于某人来说，XX是难以理解的。这两个又是套的模板···
我发现一套模板就用不好·····omg···
作者: tyyhappy 时间: 2012-6-28 21:22
蓝色为精彩部分，红色为有问题和需修改的部分，紫色为总评
Have you ever consistently worked for several days with little time to send your lovely child to school? Have you ever found it inconvenient to take care of parents who live far away from your own home?(排比句，好！)Such is the common dilemma that when it comes up to family reasonability less leisure time and inconvenient conditions such as transportation brings up puzzles（红色部分为一个完整句子，但是在such is the common…..for modern people这一长句中such as后面应加名词性词组，如此才可以与problems for modern people 对应）and problems for modern people. From my point of view, people who live in cities have less opportunities and possibilities to carefully and considerately look after their family members.
First of all, it goes without saying that a plenty of work and social activities occupy people lots of time and consequently reduce their time to care for families.Take my father for example, who seldom has dinner together with my mother and me since I was young.（take ..example后应该跟着的是完整的句子，who引导的从句应修改为 he seldom…..young） Therefore, there is no chance for me to ask him about difficulty（difficult） math problems which puzzled me a lot. Also, it is already the next morning when he was informed of my high final examination scores. Little spare time to communicate with family members sometimes leaves them a bad impression that you are not taking account of them completely.In fact, this case does not just appear like that, but also it is the reality that one omits to give considerations to families.
Also,the flexible（flexibility）and convenience of taking care of parents and children in rural areas plays a vital role（plays a vital role in rural areas ）. Nowadays city planners are enlarging cities and transportations are more unavailable which result in more inconvenience for people to look after family members. My friend who lives in a great modern city is a perfect paragon. Each time it takes her three hours to drive to see her parents, who live just in the opposite side of the same city. She could be saved (被动语态在这里使语义逻辑不通，应改为she could save)much misery and time if they choose rural places where people tend to live nearby or together. Consequently, the convenience of taking care of parents and children in rural areas far weigh out the conditions in cities.
Admittedly, qualified schools and advanced medical environment leads to a convenient condition of taking care of families in cities. However, nowadays more key senior schools and quality hospital are constructed all over the country as society develops rapidly.
As far as I am concerned, despite the limited virtues of taking care of families in cities, living in rural places provides more chances and possibilities to give them great considerations
To tyyhappy
1排比句的开头很精彩！
2本文在举例说明部分做得不错。
3有些语法错误，已标明。以后多多注意哦~
PS：我纯属菜鸟，正在摸索中，有啥问题，咱们互相多指教指教哈
-- by 会员 chenglu9066 (2012/6/28 17:20:58)
谢谢chenglu的细心批改哪^_^Q你。
作者: tyyhappy 时间: 2012-6-28 21:38
6-28
Have you ever read through piles of professional books in order to prepare for a further study or research in the same field? Have you ever figured out the mistakes or faults you made before to avoid remaking it again unconsciously? Such is a useful skill that human beings go over the past with the purpose of conquering new problems and puzzles in societies. From my point of view, what happened before provide us a plenty of useful materials and practical experiences, and they will probably assist a lot in making certain about present and future problems.
First of all, a large number of resources and materials lead to a complete understanding of puzzling problems. For example, steeping on the moon last century by satellites surprised the world because of its extremely difficulty and wonderful shot. No one could ignore the immense written materials made by the old generation or omit the practical experiences and researches before. With these precious resources, the dream of flying out of the earth turns out to be an unbelievable reality for human beings. Therefore, we con not emphasize more about the importance of reviewing history knowledge.
Also, mistakes or faults conducted before avoid us repeating useless work or remaking wrong decisions. Though conflicts and wars still commonly happen nowadays, they appear partly. None of the countries would lead a political controversy to a worldwide war due the extremely cruel World War Two. Millions of people died painfully in the toxic gas or gun-shot; numerous mothers lost their lovely children who devote themselves to protect the country and public’s safety. Terrible results deeply impress the world. Consequently presidents and chairmen or chairwomen across the world nowadays are doing utmost to avoid leading different opinions or profit conflicts to world wars. It is just the horrible history that influences decisions and policies made for present and furture.
Admittedly, devoting too much to the past figures might create less. However, balancing drawing knowledge from the past and creating new ideas is a necessary skill for scientists politicians workers and so on. It is somewhat reasonable innovation develop the world but not the so called experience, but just like how could one invent a computer without electric energy experience and history work as mentioned.
As far as I am concerned, despite the limited shortcomings of concentrating on the past, the merits of it easily surpass. Reviewing the past by human nature is inevitable in order to figure out the information provided by the former and prevent from making mistakes again.
每次都超过半小时，happy要速度要速度~~
作者: sang824 时间: 2012-6-29 16:36
Have you ever read through piles of professional books in order to prepare for a further study or research in the same field? Have you ever figured out the mistakes or faults you made before to avoid remaking it them again unconsciously? Such is a useful skill that human beings go over the past with the purpose of conquering new problems and puzzles in societies. From my point of view, what happened before provide us a plenty of useful materials and practical experiences, and they will probably assist a lot in making certain about present and future problems.
First of all, a large number of resources and materials lead to a complete understanding of puzzling problems. For example, steeping(??) on the moon last century by satellites surprised the world because of its extremely difficulty and wonderful shot. No one could ignore the immense written materials made by the old generation or omit the practical experiences and researches before. With these precious resources, the dream of flying out of the earth turns out to be an unbelievable reality for human beings. Therefore, we con can not emphasize more about the importance of reviewing history knowledge.
Also, mistakes or faults conducted before avoid us(不确定这种说法，prevent us from?) repeating useless work or remaking wrong decisions. Though conflicts and wars still commonly happen nowadays, they appear partly. None of the countries would lead a political controversy to a worldwide war due the extremely cruel World War Two. Millions of people died painfully in the toxic gas or gun-shot; numerous mothers lost their lovely children who devote themselves to protect the country and public’s safety. Terrible results deeply impress the world. Consequently presidents and chairmen or chairwomen across the world nowadays are doing utmost to avoidleading holding different opinions or profit conflicts to world wars. It is just the horrible history that influences decisions and policies made for present and furture.
Admittedly, devoting too much to the past figures might create less. However, balancing drawing knowledge from the past and creating new ideas is a necessary skill for scientists politicians workers and so on. It is somewhat reasonable innovation that develop the world but not the so called experience, but just like how could one invent a computer without electric energy experience and history work as mentioned.(这两句话之间的联系没有看懂诶，感觉是连接词的问题，但替换以后感觉前后关于experience的意见不一致？)
As far as I am concerned, despite the limited shortcomings of concentrating on the past, the merits of it easily surpass. Reviewing the past by human nature is inevitable in order to figure out the information provided by the former and prevent from making mistakes again.
To happy:
文章的开头排比很不错，是不是两句就够啦？
感觉没什么大错误，语法表达都很完整，就是注意个别用词搭配
例子赞一个哈哈，我现在就开始focus on 各种杜撰例子了..
加油！
作者: tyyhappy 时间: 2012-6-29 20:10
Have you ever read through piles of professional books in order to prepare for a further study or research in the same field? Have you ever figured out the mistakes or faults you made before to avoid remaking
it them again unconsciously? Such is a useful skill that human beings go over the past with the purpose of conquering new problems and puzzles in societies. From my point of view, what happened before provide us a plenty of useful materials and practical experiences, and they will probably assist a lot in
making certain about present and future problems.
First of all, a large number of resources and materials lead to a complete understanding of puzzling problems. For example, steeping(??) on the moon last century by satellites surprised the world because of its extremely difficulty and wonderful shot. No one could ignore the immense written materials made by the old generation or omit the practical experiences and researches before. With these precious resources, the dream of flying out of the earth turns out to be an unbelievable reality for human beings. Therefore, we con can not emphasize more about the importance of reviewing history knowledge.
Also, mistakes or faults conducted before avoid us(不确定这种说法，prevent us from?) repeating useless work or remaking wrong decisions. Though conflicts and wars still commonly happen nowadays, they appear partly. None of the countries would lead a political controversy to a worldwide war due the extremely cruel World War Two. Millions of people died painfully in the toxic gas or gun-shot; numerous mothers lost their lovely children who devote themselves to protect the country and public’s safety. Terrible results deeply impress the world. Consequently presidents and chairmen or chairwomen across the world nowadays are doing utmost to avoidleading holding different opinions or profit conflicts to world wars. It is just the horrible history that influences decisions and policies made for present and furture.
Admittedly, devoting too much to the past figures might create less. However, balancing drawing knowledge from the past and creating new ideas is a necessary skill for scientists politicians workers and so on. It is somewhat reasonable innovation that develop the world but not the so called experience, but just like how could one invent a computer without electric energy experience and history work as mentioned.(这两句话之间的联系没有看懂诶，感觉是连接词的问题，但替换以后感觉前后关于experience的意见不一致？)
As far as I am concerned, despite the limited shortcomings of concentrating on the past, the merits of it easily surpass. Reviewing the past by human nature is inevitable in order to figure out the information provided by the former and prevent from making mistakes again.
To happy:
文章的开头排比很不错，是不是两句就够啦？
感觉没什么大错误，语法表达都很完整，就是注意个别用词搭配
例子赞一个哈哈，我现在就开始focus on 各种杜撰例子了..
加油！
-- by 会员 sang824 (2012/6/29 16:36:21)
谢谢sang~~
这个排比的用法“十天搞定托福作文”上有哪，其实是三个最好，可是我憋的好痛苦的说，还有最好能把例子和接下来的观点对应。
用词搭配很苦恼，觉得sang的作文表达好舒服的说，sang是怎么做到的，求经验^_^。
作者: tyyhappy 时间: 2012-6-29 20:13
@chenglu。让我话痨一下吧，昨儿和chenglu聊了之后，今儿看了185的20页，主要看了论证和结构还有用词，看了鸟儿的作文，看了词汇，看了词组。下笔舒服多了。谢谢亲爱哒。
6-29
Have you ever thought completely about your interest in order to make decisions about career plan? Have you ever made wide researches about society labor demands? Such is the common reality that when choosing career for future we should take various factors into considerations. In my point of view, children have no needs to pick the similar career as their parents.
First of all, it goes without saying that interest plays an undoubtedly vital role in deciding career. No one would make great effort to a subject he is tired of, or one could hardly compete with a concentrating and focused student who fall in love with his major. Take Bill gates for example, he is doomed to make contributions to computer science according to his love for computing and designing. People who follow parents’ career seldom focus on his current work, not to mention future plans. Totally obeying to parents or running after them turns out to live an ordinary and meaningless life to some extent. Consequently, I argue for that children should make clear what they are interested in and consider it as an aspect when making decisions of dreams.
Also, society demands but not merely parents’ occupations should be taken into consideration. If the field or domain that parents work in for all life is going down, then what is the meaning for children to be engaged in the same but not brilliant field? Besides, as technology and science develop, the demands of society change rapidly. Shouldn’t we go into an easily access domain rather than copy out parents’ path? For instance, students majored in finance nowadays are difficult to hunt for a job as supply of workers in financial department surpass the demand largely. However, sometimes it is just because parents work in banks and benefit a lot from their occupation that most pick finance. Therefore, we cannot emphasize much about the importance of society needs.
Admittedly, sometimes parents’ work experience influence children a lot and naturally they cultivate an interest since they are young. However, choices of careers depend on plenty factors such as interest demands of course including growing up environment but not only the last one. To avoid the negative impact of copying parents’ path directly, all factors mentioned should be considered.
As far as I am concerned, children should carefully think about careers but not follow parents’ work career again. Interest is undoubtedly regarded as an important part since children would like to work on what they adore. Moreover, society demands should also be given attention.
作者: srafcatt 时间: 2012-6-30 16:20
kchszy06ban,先道个歉，我不是来抢你任务的~~~tyyhappy对我太好了，我来回报她一下。ttyhappy，你28日的作文真心写的不错，赞一下~~
作者: srafcatt 时间: 2012-6-30 16:21
标题: 6.29 独立作文修改帖
Have you ever thought completely about your interest in order to make decisions about career plan? Have you ever made wide researches about society labor demands? Such is the common reality that when choosing career for future we should take various factors into considerations(take sth. into consideration). In my point of view, children have no needs(应为need,若为“需要”之意，是不可数名词) to pick the similar career as their parents.
First of all, it goes without saying that interest plays an undoubtedly vital role in deciding career. No one would make great effort to a subject he is tired of, or one could hardly compete with a student concentrating and focusing on his major wonderfully. Take Bill Gates for example, he is doomed to make contributions to computer science according to his love for (of) computing and designing.In most cases，people who follow parents’ career seldom (fail to) focus on his current work, not to mention future plans. Totally obeying to parents or running after them，to some extent，（插入语的使用会加分，插入语放在谓语前） turns out to live an ordinary and meaningless life. Consequently, I argue for （believe）that children should make （be） clear about what they are interested in and consider it as an aspect （a important factor）when making decisions of （about）dreams.
Also,It's society demands but not（rather than）merely parents’ occupations should be taken into consideration. If the field（field指的是具体的田地或场地，用areas吧） or domain that parents work in for all life is going down, then what is the meaning for children to be engaged in the same but not brilliant（promising怎么样？） field? Besides, as technology and science develop, the demands of society change rapidly. Shouldn’t we go into an easily（应为easy） access domain rather than copy our parents’ path? For instance, students majored（who major） in finance nowadays are difficult to hunt for a job as supply of workers in financial department surpass （surpass为优于，超越之意，是褒义词，用于形容意料之外的成绩。这句话这么说怎么样？Vacancies in demand are rare.）the demand largely. However, sometimes it is just because parents who work in banks and benefit a lot from their occupations that make the most pick finance. Therefore, we cannot emphasize much about the importance of society needs.
Admittedly, sometimes parents’work (working) experience influence children a lot and naturally they cultivate an interest since they are young. However, choices of careers depend on plenty factors such as interest demands of course including growing up environment but not only the last one. To avoid the negative impact of copying parents’ path directly, all factors mentioned should be considered.
As far as I am concerned, children should carefully think about careers but not follow parents’ work career again. Interest is undoubtedly regarded as an important part since children would like to work on what they adore(adore用于崇拜或爱慕某人，用are crazy about吧~~). Moreover, society demands should also be given attention.
594字。非常之多的字呀~~~钦佩一下。那种排比式的开头确实拉风。Tyyhappy，看得出来你很勤奋呀。而且热心，再次谢谢你看我的作文。
问题是：
1.重复性的结构相同的句子出现多次，鉴于字数很多，你可以考虑直接删掉。
2.用词需要更加准确，这个很重要。在你想用某个词之前，可以查字典确认一下用法。
加油吧~~~祝tyyhappy 写作高分~
作者: tyyhappy 时间: 2012-7-1 10:22
6-30
Have you got a friend who grown up with you for years, knowing your favorite songs and your special eating habit? Have you ever made new friends when moved to a new city for the sake of work or study? Such is common reality that people keep in touch with their ever-best friends and in the meantime make new friends when living in a different new environment. From my perspective, it is accepetable and sometimes good when moving to a new city though living old friends.
First of all, it goes without saying that communication tools today enable us to keep in touch with our friends no matter how far we live apart. As technology and science develop at a rapid speed, mobile phones and personal computers make it possible for us to talk at any time. Take myself for example, my best friend now studies in my hometown almost thousands kilometers far away from my university. For several times a week we give calls to each other in order to get information about what is going on in each other’s daily life: Whether the boy who she adores give her text messages to play outside or how I conquer the dilemma of conflicted schedules. Constant and frequent communications turn out to close connections with best friends. Therefore, the high-tech communication tools ensure our relationship with our friends.
Also, the fact that we are able to make new friends in new places plays an important role in indicating the merit of living in new cities. Hardly can anyone live a life all his or her life time at a certain unchanged place. To crave for our brilliant future or experience a different life, by human nature, we consequently move to new metropolis. It is obvious that new friends, who have common habits with you or who work together with you would be made. That is to say, the number of friends never reduced for your moving. For instance, Zedong Mao and Enlai Zhou met each other while working together for the liberty of China’s public, and subsequently become close friends in the rest of their life. It should not be ignored that friends come from all over the world, but not only a focused city or country. Thus, the drawback of moving out seems to fade up.
Admittedly, none of us could touch with all our old friends for all the time and common topics become less for distances. However, life does not always run as what we want it to be. On the other hand, really best friend are those who would not lose contact with you wherever you live.
As far as I am concerned, it is acceptable and exciting, to some extent, when changing into a new environment as I mentioned all above.
作者: tyyhappy 时间: 2012-7-1 11:00
7-1
Have you ever finished school work with complete help of parents and been spoken highly of teachers? It is not seemingly comfortable to be praised for others’ effort. Have you ever come into the situation that teachers are not informed of your drawbacks as you hand on homework well at the aid of parents? Such is common question which would encounter when parents help children do schoolwork instead of letting them finish independently. Form my perspecitive, it is not wise for parents to give a hand to kids for following reasons.
First of all, it goes without saying that teachers conclude from children homework about how they grasp knowledge and who is in need of extra consideration for poor performance. What if parents together do homework with children and it appears that those students are good at this part. Take myself my example, my experience at high school is a typical counter-example. I remember there is a time that difficult math problems are assigned to us and each time I turn to my father for help to work them out which consequently leads to perfect homework for a long time. However, the action turns out to be a short-sighted behavior for I get low scores in the final exam in need of independently work. If I have had done homework on my own would I still have got the same scores as before and I guess the answer is no. Therefore, the shortcoming of dependently work far outweighs it good.
Also, the truth that children should cultivate independent thinking patterns plays a vital role when it comes to accomplish homework. No one would come up with excellent ideas if he or she always relies on others; no one is able to complete a challenging task wonderfully if one never does with it alone. Obviously, the theory suits children as well. For instance, once my little sister went out to visit her school friend by bus. It is the first time for her to catch a bus in the complicated transportations and she easily made a mistake by getting on an opposite direction bus. This is not rare. Consequently, I believe children should be brought up without too much help from parents.
Admittedly, sometimes extra guidance leads to an effective work. However, there are other ways such as internet books and experiences from precedent which would probably act as well.
As far as I am concerned, it is not essential to help children with their schoolwork for the reasons I mention above.
作者: sang824 时间: 2012-7-1 12:58
Have you got a friend who grown up with you for years, knowing your favorite songs and your special eating habit? Have you ever made new friends when moved to a new city for the sake of work or study? Such is common reality that people keep in touch with their ever-best friends and in the meantime make new friends when living in a different new environment. From my perspective, it is accepetable and sometimes good when moving to a new city though living old friends??.
First of all, it goes without saying that communication tools today enable us to keep in touch with our friends no matter how far we live apart. As technology and science develop at a rapid speed, mobile phones and personal computers make it possible for us to talk at any time. Take myself for example, my best friend now studies in my hometown almost thousands kilometers far away from my university. For several times a week we give calls to each other in order to get information about what is going on in each other’s daily life: Whether the boy who she adores give her text messages to play outside or how I conquer the dilemma of conflicted(conflicting) schedules. Constant and frequent communications turn out to close connections with best friends. Therefore, the high-tech communication tools ensure our relationship with our friends.
Also, the fact that we are able to make new friends in new places plays an important role in indicating the merit of living in new cities. Hardly can anyone live a lifeall his or her life time(living all his/her life或者live through his/her lifetime) at a certain unchanged place. To crave for our brilliant future or experience a different life, by as human nature, we consequently move to new metropolis. It is obvious that(换成obviously吧？文章太多 it is...that的表达) new friends, who have common habits with you or who work together with you would be made. That is to say, the number of friends never reduced for because of your moving. For instance, Zedong Mao and Enlai Zhou met each other while working together for the liberty of China’s public, and subsequently become close friends in the rest of their life. It should not be ignored that friends come from all over the world, but not only a focused city or country. Thus, the drawback of moving out seems to fade up.
Admittedly, none of us could touch with all our old friends for all the time and common topics become less for distances. However, life does not always run as what we want it to be. On the other hand, really best friend are those who would not lose contact with you wherever you live.
As far as I am concerned, it is acceptable and exciting, to some extent, when changing into a new environment as I mentioned all above.(感觉结尾总结可以再把观点理由重述一下)
To happy: 几乎没有什么语法错误是我很膜拜的吖吼吼
好多倒装的句式用得很精彩
这篇文章写的时候我就在想论证it is a good thing 呢还是 loss of old friends, 想到前者好让步就那么写了不知道可行不～
还有关于表达，我倒觉得自己很欠缺呢，因为ETS又不喜欢绕来绕去的长句，我很纠结怎么才能达到简洁有效的表达呢
只有象鸟儿解说的多学习范文啦先。。
一起加油！
作者: tyyhappy 时间: 2012-7-1 16:42
Have you got a friend who grown up with you for years, knowing your favorite songs and your special eating habit? Have you ever made new friends when moved to a new city for the sake of work or study? Such is common reality that people keep in touch with their ever-best friends and in the meantime make new friends when living in a different new environment. From my perspective, it is accepetable and sometimes good when moving to a new city though living old friends??.
First of all, it goes without saying that communication tools today enable us to keep in touch with our friends no matter how far we live apart. As technology and science develop at a rapid speed, mobile phones and personal computers make it possible for us to talk at any time. Take myself for example, my best friend now studies in my hometown almost thousands kilometers far away from my university. For several times a week we give calls to each other in order to get information about what is going on in each other’s daily life: Whether the boy who she adores give her text messages to play outside or how I conquer the dilemma of conflicted(conflicting) schedules. Constant and frequent communications turn out to close connections with best friends. Therefore, the high-tech communication tools ensure our relationship with our friends.
Also, the fact that we are able to make new friends in new places plays an important role in indicating the merit of living in new cities. Hardly can anyone live a lifeall his or her life time(living all his/her life或者live through his/her lifetime) at a certain unchanged place. To crave for our brilliant future or experience a different life, by as human nature, we consequently move to new metropolis. It is obvious that(换成obviously吧？文章太多 it is...that的表达) new friends, who have common habits with you or who work together with you would be made. That is to say, the number of friends never reduced for because of your moving. For instance, Zedong Mao and Enlai Zhou met each other while working together for the liberty of China’s public, and subsequently become close friends in the rest of their life. It should not be ignored that friends come from all over the world, but not only a focused city or country. Thus, the drawback of moving out seems to fade up.
Admittedly, none of us could touch with all our old friends for all the time and common topics become less for distances. However, life does not always run as what we want it to be. On the other hand, really best friend are those who would not lose contact with you wherever you live.
As far as I am concerned, it is acceptable and exciting, to some extent, when changing into a new environment as I mentioned all above.(感觉结尾总结可以再把观点理由重述一下)
To happy: 几乎没有什么语法错误是我很膜拜的吖吼吼
好多倒装的句式用得很精彩
这篇文章写的时候我就在想论证it is a good thing 呢还是 loss of old friends, 想到前者好让步就那么写了不知道可行不～
还有关于表达，我倒觉得自己很欠缺呢，因为ETS又不喜欢绕来绕去的长句，我很纠结怎么才能达到简洁有效的表达呢
只有象鸟儿解说的多学习范文啦先。。一起加油！
-- by 会员 sang824 (2012/7/1 12:58:44)
谢谢sang^_^
是呀，我论证的时候关于论点也很纠结的说。保险起见还是loss friends吧。可以多看看185，上面观点还挺主流的，也很好的提供了思路。
我经常绕来绕去就几个句子，说的太顺口了，都不知道换换，哎要注意。
作者: qianjun06 时间: 2012-7-2 20:41
7-1 批改
Have you ever finished school work with complete help of parents and been spoken highly of teachers? It is not seemingly comfortable to be praised for others’ effort. Have you ever come into the situation that teachers （are not informed of ）被告知缺点?are not aware of your drawbacks as you hand on homework well at the aid of parents? Such is common question which would encounter when parents help children do schoolwork instead of letting them finish independently. Form my perspecitive, it is not wise for parents to give a hand to kids for following reasons.
First of all, it goes without saying that teachers conclude from children homework about how they grasp knowledge and who is in need of extra consideration for poor performance. What if parents together do homework with children and， it appears that those students are good at this partwhat if 是条件从句，主句没有了. Take myself my example, my experience at high school is a typical counter-example. I remember there is a time that difficult math problems are assigned to us and each time I turn to my father for help to work them out which consequently leads to perfect homework for a long time. However, the action turns out to be a short-sighted behavior for I get low scores in the final exam in need of independently work. If I have had done homework on my own would I still have got the same scores as before and I guess the answer is no. Therefore, the shortcoming of dependently work far outweighs it good.it's advantages
Also, the truth that children should cultivate independent thinking patterns plays a vital role when it comes to accomplish homework. No one would come up with excellent ideas if he or she always relies on others; no one is able to complete a challenging task wonderfully if one never does with it alone. Obviously, the theory suits children as well. For instance, once my little sister went out to visit her school friend by bus. It is the first time for her to catch a bus in the complicated transportations and she easily made a mistake by getting on an opposite direction bus. This is not rare. Consequently, I believe children should be brought up without too much help from parents.
Admittedly, sometimes extra guidance leads to an effective work. However, there are other ways such as internet books and experiences from precedent which would probably act as well.这段有点粗糙，本来已经是转折了，再用个however就用转回去了，缺少个例子
As far as I am concerned, it is not essential to help children with their schoolwork for the reasons I mention above.
作者: tyyhappy 时间: 2012-7-6 16:18
7-5综合
The reading passage raises the issue that if the park let the big fire go, then the policy has many negative effects. This standpoint is strongly questioned in the lecture which provides with drastically different evidences and argues that big fires are part of ecologic and have positive effects on many parts.
The professor begins pointing out that the big fires provide new environments to new plants. As in the past environment, there is less open area for little plants to grow, however after the big fire the open places are just suitable for them to plant. However, the statement disagrees with the standpoint that big fire has brought great damage to the park's trees and vegetation.
The professor goes on to mention that the new plants which comes out after the new environment provides opportunities for other new animals to live here, such as small rabbits and so on. However, according to the reading passage, the park's wildlife was deeply endangered by the fire for many species cannot escape. Therefore, the lecture goes against with what is presented in the reading passage.
Finally, the professor states that the big fire in fact bring benefits to the local economy. For tourists would like to see The Yellow Park after a rare big fire, the next year floods of people visited the park and it turns out to boost the economy. The view casts doubt with the contents of the reading passage, which considers that big fires decrease the local economy as a result of fewer tourists in that year.
问题：听力漏点了，只能听着大点，听不完全下面的论证过程。
作者: DanielleZ 时间: 2012-7-7 19:36
The reading passage raisesthe issue that if the park let the big fire go, then the policy has manynegative effects(我感觉这两句话可以成一句). This standpoint is strongly questioned inthe lecture which provides with drastically different evidences and argues thatbig fires are part of ecologic and have positive effects on many parts.
The professor begins pointing out that the big firesprovide new environments to new plants. As in the past environment, there isless open area for little plants to grow, however after the big fire the openplaces are just suitable for them to plant. However, the statement disagreeswith the standpoint that big fire has brought great damage to the park's treesand vegetation.
The professor goes on to mention that the newplants which comes out after the new environment provides opportunities forother new animals to live here, such as small rabbits and so on. However,according to the reading passage, the park's wildlife was deeply endangered bythe fire for many species cannot escape. Therefore, the lecture goes againstwith what is presented in the reading passage.
Finally, the professor states that the bigfire in fact bring benefits to the local economy. Fortourists would like to see The Yellow Park after a rare big fire, the next year floods of people visited the park and it turns out toboost the economy(这个理由没有听全哦，我找不到原文，只能自己听写了一下,做个参考吧~)Theview casts doubt with the contents of the reading passage, which considers thatbig fires decrease the local economy as a result of fewer tourists in that year.
第三个理由原文：
And the last, Fires, like 1988 Yellowstone’s fire, would be a problem to the tourism ifthey happen ever year, but they don’t. It was fair unusual the combination factorsthat year, low rain fall, unusual the strong winds, accumulation of dry undergrowth.The cause of the fire to be massive, this combination has not occur since, And Yellowstonehas not seen that fire since 1988, visitors came back the park the next year,and each year after that
Happy，这篇写的语法没有什么问题，但是第三个理由没有听对，你自己的修改的时候也发现这个问题了。嘿嘿~加油！
作者: tyyhappy 时间: 2012-7-7 20:43
7-6 独立
Have you ever attended an online class of biology or economy? Have you ever listened to an open lecture given by universities? Such is common reality that nowadays open universities and convenient internet are likely to provide more opportunities to obtain knowledge than before. In my point of view, people nowadays are more easily available to knowledge than people in the past days.
First of all, it goes without saying that modern people can take advantage of rapidly developed computers and widely used internet to get educated. Online classes, various of books and videos of lectures are offered to housewives workers and all kinds of people who lack massive time or great opportunities to study in universities. Take my best friend Victor for example, he learns French all and merely on the internet. The books downloaded from the internet and websites about how to learn French turns out to play an important role for him in the process of self-learning. Hardly can anyone in the past believe that we learn a language without a teacher talking with us face by face. Also, it is the website called Ted that shows plenty lectures in diversity areas and these lectures improve my ability of listening to English a lot. Therefore, I state that we have more chances to learn contrast to the past days.
Also, open lectures and various programs given by universities play a vital role in promoting educations. Diversity programs are provided to students who merely have time at night or weekend but are in deep eager to study in universities. For instance, my university is filled with bank workers and company managers on weekends for they are taking further study in business or finance. As far as I am concerned, account finance engineering and math which largely improves skills at work is taught as fundamental subjects in these programs. In addition, open lectures are increasing. Last week, there was an open lecture about Black-Shores equation given by Shores who are given the Nobel Prize Award in my university. That is to say, scholars, students and anyone else have the access to attend the lecture. How surprising and exciting is the new. Consequently, we cannot emphasize more about the fact that people get more opportunities to get knowledge.
Admittedly, nowadays more lures emerge and they may probably take up time or energy from people. However, if we take control of time and balance the schedule, we will probably come over these negative impacts.
As far as I am concerned, the more developed our society is as today, the more easily for people to get educated. For one thing, we benefit from the massive knowledge on the internet. Moreover, more lectures and classes are reachable in universities.
好几天没练习，手生·····
作者: tyyhappy 时间: 2012-7-7 20:45
The reading passage raisesthe issue that if the park let the big fire go, then the policy has manynegative effects(我感觉这两句话可以成一句). This standpoint is strongly questioned inthe lecture which provides with drastically different evidences and argues thatbig fires are part of ecologic and have positive effects on many parts.
The professor begins pointing out that the big firesprovide new environments to new plants. As in the past environment, there isless open area for little plants to grow, however after the big fire the openplaces are just suitable for them to plant. However, the statement disagreeswith the standpoint that big fire has brought great damage to the park's treesand vegetation.
The professor goes on to mention that the newplants which comes out after the new environment provides opportunities forother new animals to live here, such as small rabbits and so on. However,according to the reading passage, the park's wildlife was deeply endangered bythe fire for many species cannot escape. Therefore, the lecture goes againstwith what is presented in the reading passage.
Finally, the professor states that the bigfire in fact bring benefits to the local economy. Fortourists would like to see The Yellow Park after a rare big fire,the next year floods of people visited the park and it turns out toboost the economy(这个理由没有听全哦，我找不到原文，只能自己听写了一下,做个参考吧~)Theview casts doubt with the contents of the reading passage, which considers thatbig fires decrease the local economy as a result of fewer tourists in that year.第三个理由原文：And the last, Fires, like 1988 Yellowstone’s fire, would be a problem to the tourism ifthey happen ever year, but they don’t. It was fair unusual the combination factorsthat year, low rain fall, unusual the strong winds, accumulation of dry undergrowth.The cause of the fire to be massive, this combination has not occur since, And Yellowstonehas not seen that fire since 1988, visitors came back the park the next year,and each year after thatHappy，这篇写的语法没有什么问题，但是第三个理由没有听对，你自己的修改的时候也发现这个问题了。嘿嘿~加油！-- by 会员 DanielleZ (2012/7/7 19:36:30)
谢谢daniellez,有点小苦恼呢，关于综合，如果记了就容易漏点，不记回头又想不起来了····哎····苦逼听力。
作者: tyyhappy 时间: 2012-7-7 21:15
7-6
综合
The reading passage raises the issue that the society benefits a lot from genetic modification. However, this statement is strongly questioned in the lecture which provides with drastically different evidences and argues that it has seriously negative impacts.
The professor begins pointing out that tress may not survive when pests or others changes in climates occurred. Because there are plenty of trees varying in genes, part of they are doomed to get through these damages and pick up by nature however some died. But the genetically modified trees are uniform and they will soon die out when deadly factors appear. This view disagrees with the standpoint that genetically modified trees are made to resist dangers as demonstrated in the reading passage.
The professor goes on to mention that farmers spend more on genetically modified tress. It goes without saying that companies will charge more for the special seeds. According to the reading passage, farmers make extra profits as these trees grow faster than normal ones. Therefore, the lecture goes against with what is represented in the reading passage.
Finally, the professor states that these trees pose a threat on other trees. Genetically trees grow faster and better so that they spread and take up more space in forests. As a consequence, normal trees have to compete with them for water or nutrients. This view casts doubt on the contents of the reading passage which considers that special tress will protect other trees from cutting down for their accumulations meet the need of wood.
作者: 包子不包子 时间: 2012-7-8 06:38
7-6
综合
The reading passage raises the issue that the society benefits a lot from genetic modification. However, this statement is strongly questioned in the lecture which provides with drastically different evidences and argues that it has seriously negative impacts.
The professor begins pointing out that tress may not survive when pests or others changes in climates occurred. Because there are plenty of wild trees varying in genes, part of they them are doomed to get through these damages and pick up by nature however some died. But the genetically modified trees are uniform and they will soon die out when deadly factors appear. This view disagrees with the standpoint that genetically modified trees are made to resist dangers as demonstrated in the reading passage.
The professor goes on to mention that farmers spend more on genetically modified tress. It goes without saying that companies will charge more for the special seeds. According to the reading passage, farmers make extra profits as these trees grow faster than normal ones. Therefore, the lecture goes against with what is represented in the reading passage.少了一小点信息by law...
Finally, the professor states that these trees pose a threat on other trees. Genetically modified trees grow faster and better so that they spread and take up more space 可以用aggressive in forests. As a consequence, normal trees have to compete with them for water or nutrients. This view casts doubt on the contents of the reading passage which considers that special tress will protect other trees from cutting down for their accumulations meet the need of wood.
只有些小错误 其他都蛮好
但是包子不大清楚 是不是要完全遵照听力原文的表述嘞 看到HAPPY用了很多自己的表达 在有听力原文的情况下 嘿嘿
作者: 丰碑无语Yee 时间: 2012-7-8 09:50
7-6 独立
Have you ever attended an online class of biology or economy? Have you ever listened to an open lecture given by universities? Such is common reality that nowadays open universities and convenient internet are likely to provide more opportunities to obtain knowledge than before. In my point of view, people nowadays are more easily available to knowledge than people in the past days.
First of all, it goes without saying that modern people can take advantage of rapidly developed computers and widely used internet to get educated. Online classes, various of (various 是形容词建议去掉of)books and videos of lectures are offered to housewives workers and all kinds of people who lack massive time or great opportunities to study in universities. Take my best friend Victor for example, he learns French all and merely on the internet. The books downloaded from the internet and websites about how to learn French turns out to play an important role for him in the process of self-learning. Hardly can anyone in the past believe that we learn a language without a teacher talking with us face by face. Also, it is the website called Ted that shows plenty lectures in diversity areas and these lectures improve my ability of listening to English a lot. Therefore, I state that we have more chances to learn contrast to the past days.
Also, open lectures and various programs given by universities play a vital role in promoting educations. Diversity programs are provided to students who merely have time at night or weekend but are in deep eager to study in universities. For instance, my university is filled with bank workers and company managers on weekends for they are taking further study in business or finance. As far as I am concerned, account finance engineering and math which largely improves skills at work is taught as fundamental subjects in these programs. In addition, open lectures are increasing. Last week, there was an open lecture about Black-Shores equation given by Shores who are given the Nobel Prize Award in my university. That is to say, scholars, students and anyone else have the access to attend the lecture. How surprising and exciting is the new.（这个语气用这不错啊，更生动啦.但是我觉得应该这样 How surprising and exciting the new is!）Consequently, we cannot emphasize more about the fact that people get more opportunities to get knowledge.
Admittedly, nowadays more lures emerge and they may probably take up time or energy from people. However, if we take control of time and balance the schedule, we will probably come over these negative impacts.（这段再有个例子就好啦，虽然字数已经很多）
As far as I am concerned, the more developed our society is as today, the more easily for people to get educated. For one thing, we benefit from the massive knowledge on the internet. Moreover, more lectures and classes are reachable in universities.
Happy的写作水平比我强多啦，我觉得总体写得不错啦，我也从文章中学到了很多，有什么迅速提高作文水平的方法求赐教啊~
PS：好不容易才找到happy的作业地址啊
作者: tyyhappy 时间: 2012-7-8 18:03
7-7独立
Have you ever spent few hours on a seemingly difficult math problem？ However, your friend help you work it out directly in few minutes. Have you ever been assigned a task which needs to be accomplished soon when you travelled outside? Who would you ask for assistance? I guess your friend. Such is common reality that we would like to make friends with those who would give us a hand whenever. In my point of view it makes sense to choose useful and helpful friends other than friends who have lots of fun with you.
First of all, it goes without saying that friends' help may lead to more efficient study. Sometimes a piece of recommendation or guidance from friends may enlighten us suddenly. Take myself for example, once I was working on company's financial sheets to calculate some important figures. It is my friend that pointed out figuring out such things by excel costs plenty time and she suggested to search a website called Wind for these figures. How lucky! The website has provided all what I wanted and needed to work out already and it saved much time for me. What if my friend had not told me about the wonderful website, the massive work must have driven me crazy. Therefore, I state that we should we should make friends who are ready to do you a favor.
Also, friend's help in daily life plays a vital role when considering choosing friends. There are emergencies that we could not deal with merely by ourselves. For instance, once I failed to catch the train on which my friend took my bags and computers. It turns out to be a tragic because my friend has to take these bags to her hometown however far from mine. With worry, ideas came to my mind that I could ask another friend to bring it back home, who just studied in that city and were going back to home. And things went on well at last with my bags back few days later. That's why I emphasize friends who would solve your problems are undoubtedly important.
Admittedly, staying and playing with friends who always crack jokes add up happiness. However, why not we ourselves play the role in such relationship or just choose friends who possess both qualities? My best friend Victor is a perfect paragon. He is highly spoken of for his kindness and helpful actions, in addition he appears humors.
As far as I am concerned, being ready to help us comes first when it comes to choose friends for reasons mentioned above.
作者: DanielleZ 时间: 2012-7-8 19:18
The reading passage raisesthe issue that if the park let the big fire go, then the policy has manynegative effects(我感觉这两句话可以成一句). This standpoint is strongly questioned inthe lecture which provides with drastically different evidences and argues thatbig fires are part of ecologic and have positive effects on many parts.
The professor begins pointing out that the big firesprovide new environments to new plants. As in the past environment, there isless open area for little plants to grow, however after the big fire the openplaces are just suitable for them to plant. However, the statement disagreeswith the standpoint that big fire has brought great damage to the park's treesand vegetation.
The professor goes on to mention that the newplants which comes out after the new environment provides opportunities forother new animals to live here, such as small rabbits and so on. However,according to the reading passage, the park's wildlife was deeply endangered bythe fire for many species cannot escape. Therefore, the lecture goes againstwith what is presented in the reading passage.
Finally, the professor states that the bigfire in fact bring benefits to the local economy. Fortourists would like to see The Yellow Park after a rare big fire,the next year floods of people visited the park and it turns out toboost the economy(这个理由没有听全哦，我找不到原文，只能自己听写了一下,做个参考吧~)Theview casts doubt with the contents of the reading passage, which considers thatbig fires decrease the local economy as a result of fewer tourists in that year.第三个理由原文：And the last, Fires, like 1988 Yellowstone’s fire, would be a problem to the tourism ifthey happen ever year, but they don’t. It was fair unusual the combination factorsthat year, low rain fall, unusual the strong winds, accumulation of dry undergrowth.The cause of the fire to be massive, this combination has not occur since, And Yellowstonehas not seen that fire since 1988, visitors came back the park the next year,and each year after thatHappy，这篇写的语法没有什么问题，但是第三个理由没有听对，你自己的修改的时候也发现这个问题了。嘿嘿~加油！-- by 会员 DanielleZ (2012/7/7 19:36:30)
谢谢daniellez,有点小苦恼呢，关于综合，如果记了就容易漏点，不记回头又想不起来了····哎····苦逼听力。
-- by 会员 tyyhappy (2012/7/7 20:45:24)
我基本上记得时候也是记得多了来不及听，所以我尝试就记个论点的记个词，例子的记个词。然后就可以自己发挥一下，把听力额内容串起来了。
我觉得还比较有帮助的~你可以试试啊~
作者: DanielleZ 时间: 2012-7-9 00:16
Have you everspent few hours on a seemingly difficult math problem？ However, your friend help you work it outdirectly in few minutes. Have you ever been assigned a task which needs to beaccomplished soon when you travelled outside? Who would you ask for assistance? I guess the answer would be your friend(我觉得加上以后会感觉稍微清楚一点呢). Such is common reality that wewould like to make friends with those who would give us a hand whenever. In mypoint of view it makes sense to choose useful and helpful friends other thanfriends who have lots of fun with you.
First of all, it goes without saying that friends'help may lead to more efficient study. Sometimes a piece of recommendation orguidance from friends may enlighten us suddenly. Take myself for example, onceI was working on company's financial sheets to calculate some importantfigures. It is my friend that pointed outfiguring out such things by excel costs plenty timeand she suggested to search a website called Wind for these figures. How lucky!The website has provided all what I wanted and needed to work out already and it saved muchtime for me. What if my friend had not told me about the wonderful website, themassive work must have(时态，had) driven me crazy. Therefore, I state that weshould we should make friends who are ready to do you a favor.
Also, friend's help in daily life plays a vitalrole when considering choosing friends. There are emergencies that we could notdeal with merely by ourselves. For instance, once I failed to catch the trainon which my friend took my bags and computers. It turns out to be a tragicbecause my friend has to take these bags to her hometown however far from mine.With worry, ideas came to my mind that I could ask another friend to bring itback home, who just studied (happenedto study我才happy应该想表达的是正好的意思吧，所以我觉得happen to do 比just要准确捏~) in that city and were going back to home. Andthings went on well at last with my bags back few days later. That's why Iemphasize friends who would solve your problems are undoubtedly important.
Admittedly, staying and playing with friends whoalways crack jokes add up happiness. However, why not we ourselves play therole in such relationship or just choose friends who possess both qualities? Mybest friend Victor is a perfect paragon. He is highly spoken of for hiskindness and helpful actions, in addition he appears humors.
As far as I am concerned, being ready to help uscomes first when it comes to choose friends for reasons mentioned above.(原因再简单总结一下我觉得会更好一些。)
其实这篇文章，我写的非常痛苦。改了happy这篇文章后，我感觉又多了一些思路。
总体文章写的木有大问题，理由用的也不错。加油啊！
作者: tyyhappy 时间: 2012-7-9 00:39
7-8独立
Could I provide him with professional and wonderful suggestions of his schoolwork? Could I make proper plans and schedules for him according to his task and goad? Such are questions that I think over and answers are no. In my point of view, he had better turn to the professor or a professional tutor for help in order to accomplish his work effectively and efficiently.
First of all, it goes without saying that a professional master would come up with qualified recommendations by making use of his knowledge and experience. Take myself for example, I have ever done utmost to write a personal statement for a university when I required to submit for some reason. Hardly could any friends of mine produce such an essay at high school as we had never done it before, of course including me. However, my Chinese teacher turned up in my mind as she was good at writing and I asked her advice. The decision turned out to be a wise action, and she pointed out that I should compare myself to something to make a difference from other students'. It is the wonderful idea that leaded my essay to an extraordinary one at that time. Therefore, I state that great tutors should be his first choice.
Also, an appropriate plan or schedule provided by the experienced tutor for him also plays a vital role in choosing assistant. Only experienced and professional tutors or masters could set proper plans for they have dealt with similar incidents or matters a lot before. For instance, once I was preparing for my music test, my music tutor made a schedule for me due to my appearance and abilities. That is to say, I was trained under professional guidance and the schedule turned out to be effective. What if I just reviewed by myself without a systematic plan raised by my master, I just can imagine. Consequently, we cannot emphasize the importance of masters much according to the evidence mentioned above.
Admittedly, sometimes we are more likely to express our ideas more greatly when chatting with our close friends. However, we can take measures to cultivate our communication patterns with tutors or professors more naturally. What I often be advised is to regard the tutor as your parent or brother, and you are familiar with them.
As far as I am concerned, he should turn to a professional tutor instead of me for all merits as above. If he make good use of available resources and refer to diversity suggestions, his school work will probably be finished with high quality.
作者: tyyhappy 时间: 2012-7-9 00:41
Have you everspent few hours on a seemingly difficult math problem？However, your friend help you work it outdirectly in few minutes. Have you ever been assigned a task which needs to beaccomplished soon when you travelled outside? Who would you ask for assistance?I guess the answer would be your friend(我觉得加上以后会感觉稍微清楚一点呢). Such is common reality that wewould like to make friends with those who would give us a hand whenever. In mypoint of view it makes sense to choose useful and helpful friends other thanfriends who have lots of fun with you.
First of all, it goes without saying that friends'help may lead to more efficient study. Sometimes a piece of recommendation orguidance from friends may enlighten us suddenly. Take myself for example, onceI was working on company's financial sheets to calculate some importantfigures. It is my friend that pointed outfiguring out such things by excel costs plenty timeand she suggested to search a website called Wind for these figures. How lucky!The website has provided all what I wanted and needed to work out already and it saved muchtime for me. What if my friend had not told me about the wonderful website, themassive work must have(时态，had) driven me crazy. Therefore, I state that weshould we should make friends who are ready to do you a favor.
Also, friend's help in daily life plays a vitalrole when considering choosing friends. There are emergencies that we could notdeal with merely by ourselves. For instance, once I failed to catch the trainon which my friend took my bags and computers. It turns out to be a tragicbecause my friend has to take these bags to her hometown however far from mine.With worry, ideas came to my mind that I could ask another friend to bring itback home, who just studied (happenedto study我才happy应该想表达的是正好的意思吧，所以我觉得happen to do 比just要准确捏~) in that city and were going back to home. Andthings went on well at last with my bags back few days later. That's why Iemphasize friends who would solve your problems are undoubtedly important.
Admittedly, staying and playing with friends whoalways crack jokes add up happiness. However, why not we ourselves play therole in such relationship or just choose friends who possess both qualities? Mybest friend Victor is a perfect paragon. He is highly spoken of for hiskindness and helpful actions, in addition he appears humors.
As far as I am concerned, being ready to help uscomes first when it comes to choose friends for reasons mentioned above.(原因再简单总结一下我觉得会更好一些。)
其实这篇文章，我写的非常痛苦。改了happy这篇文章后，我感觉又多了一些思路。总体文章写的木有大问题，理由用的也不错。加油啊！-- by 会员 DanielleZ (2012/7/9 0:16:11)
谢谢dan，辛苦啦^_^
作者: kchszy061ban 时间: 2012-7-9 11:24
Could I provide him（这个有性别歧视在里面的额） with professional and wonderful suggestions of his schoolwork? Could I make proper plans and schedules for him according to his task and goad? Such are questions that I think over and answers are no. In my point of view, he had better turn to the professor or a professional tutor for help in order to accomplish his work effectively and efficiently.
First of all, it goes without saying that a professional master would come up with qualified recommendations by making use of his knowledge and experience. Take myself for example, I have ever done utmost to write a personal statement for a university when I required to submit for some reasons. Hardly could any friends of mine produce such an essay at high school as we had never done it before, of course including me. However, my Chinese teacher turned up in my mind as she was good at writing and I asked her advice. The decision turned out to be a wise action, and she pointed out that I should compare myself to something to make a difference from other students'. It is the wonderful idea that leaded my essay to an extraordinary one at that time. （这个转折的有一点突兀）Therefore, I state that great tutors should be his first choice.
Also, an appropriate plan or schedule provided by the experienced tutor for him also plays a vital role in choosing assistant. Only experienced and professional tutors or masters could set proper plans for they have dealt with similar incidents or matters a lot before. For instance, once I was preparing for my music test, my music tutor made a schedule for me due（according） to my appearance and abilities. That is to say, I was trained under professional guidance and the schedule turned out to be effective. What if I just reviewed by myself without a systematic plan raised by my master, I just can imagine. Consequently, we cannot emphasize the importance of masters much according to the evidence mentioned above.
Admittedly, sometimes we are more likely to express our ideas more greatly when chatting with our close friends. However, we can take measures to cultivate our communication patterns with tutors or professors more naturally. What I often be advised is to regard the tutor as your parent or brother, and you are familiar with them.
As far as I am concerned, he should turn to a professional tutor instead of me for all merits as above. If he make good use of available resources and refer to diversity suggestions, his school work will probably be finished with high quality.
队长的作文句式多样，表达清楚，真应该多看下。
作者: tyyhappy 时间: 2012-7-9 23:17
7-6
综合
The reading passage raises the issue that the society benefits a lot from genetic modification. However, this statement is strongly questioned in the lecture which provides with drastically different evidences and argues that it has seriously negative impacts.
The professor begins pointing out that tress may not survive when pests or others changes in climates occurred. Because there are plenty of wild trees varying in genes, part of they them are doomed to get through these damages and pick up by nature however some died. But the genetically modified trees are uniform and they will soon die out when deadly factors appear. This view disagrees with the standpoint that genetically modified trees are made to resist dangers as demonstrated in the reading passage.
The professor goes on to mention that farmers spend more on genetically modified tress. It goes without saying that companies will charge more for the special seeds. According to the reading passage, farmers make extra profits as these trees grow faster than normal ones. Therefore, the lecture goes against with what is represented in the reading passage.少了一小点信息by law...
Finally, the professor states that these trees pose a threat on other trees. Genetically modified trees grow faster and better so that they spread and take up more space 可以用aggressive in forests. As a consequence, normal trees have to compete with them for water or nutrients. This view casts doubt on the contents of the reading passage which considers that special tress will protect other trees from cutting down for their accumulations meet the need of wood.
只有些小错误 其他都蛮好
但是包子不大清楚 是不是要完全遵照听力原文的表述嘞 看到HAPPY用了很多自己的表达 在有听力原文的情况下 嘿嘿-- by 会员 包子不包子 (2012/7/8 6:38:50)
to 包子
恩恩，实在是记了就听不全，听全了就只能自己随便记两笔，回头再自己组织··哎，苦逼听力···要是能用原文多好啊^_^
作者: tyyhappy 时间: 2012-7-9 23:19
7-6 独立
Have you ever attended an online class of biology or economy? Have you ever listened to an open lecture given by universities? Such is common reality that nowadays open universities and convenient internet are likely to provide more opportunities to obtain knowledge than before. In my point of view, people nowadays are more easily available to knowledge than people in the past days.
First of all, it goes without saying that modern people can take advantage of rapidly developed computers and widely used internet to get educated. Online classes, various of (various 是形容词建议去掉of)books and videos of lectures are offered to housewives workers and all kinds of people who lack massive time or great opportunities to study in universities. Take my best friend Victor for example, he learns French all and merely on the internet. The books downloaded from the internet and websites about how to learn French turns out to play an important role for him in the process of self-learning. Hardly can anyone in the past believe that we learn a language without a teacher talking with us face by face. Also, it is the website called Ted that shows plenty lectures in diversity areas and these lectures improve my ability of listening to English a lot. Therefore, I state that we have more chances to learn contrast to the past days.
Also, open lectures and various programs given by universities play a vital role in promoting educations. Diversity programs are provided to students who merely have time at night or weekend but are in deep eager to study in universities. For instance, my university is filled with bank workers and company managers on weekends for they are taking further study in business or finance. As far as I am concerned, account finance engineering and math which largely improves skills at work is taught as fundamental subjects in these programs. In addition, open lectures are increasing. Last week, there was an open lecture about Black-Shores equation given by Shores who are given the Nobel Prize Award in my university. That is to say, scholars, students and anyone else have the access to attend the lecture. How surprising and exciting is the new.（这个语气用这不错啊，更生动啦.但是我觉得应该这样 How surprising and exciting the new is!）Consequently, we cannot emphasize more about the fact that people get more opportunities to get knowledge.
Admittedly, nowadays more lures emerge and they may probably take up time or energy from people. However, if we take control of time and balance the schedule, we will probably come over these negative impacts.（这段再有个例子就好啦，虽然字数已经很多）
As far as I am concerned, the more developed our society is as today, the more easily for people to get educated. For one thing, we benefit from the massive knowledge on the internet. Moreover, more lectures and classes are reachable in universities.
Happy的写作水平比我强多啦，我觉得总体写得不错啦，我也从文章中学到了很多，有什么迅速提高作文水平的方法求赐教啊~
PS：好不容易才找到happy的作业地址啊
-- by 会员 丰碑无语Yee (2012/7/8 9:50:15)
to 丰碑
不好意思，总是忘了粘链接···
不敢当赐教，给你我练习的方法丰碑参考下^_^
《十天提高托福作文》看看，再读下185篇，再搭电梯看看鸟儿的作文，再背一些好的句子肯定棒棒哪^_^。（我是这么练的，觉得还挺有效果滴~~）
加油↖(^ω^)↗
作者: Crystaljoy 时间: 2012-7-13 01:06
7-8独立
Could I provide him with professional and wonderful suggestions of（to） his schoolwork? Could I make proper plans and schedules for him according to his task and goad（goal？）? Such are questions that I think over and answers are no(总觉得一句话中,主语换来换去不好,容易使读的人感到累。就像我们自己读英文句子，不管再长，先提取的是一套主谓宾，然后才接收其他用修饰语串联起来的次要信息。这点你再体会体会。我的修改：My answer, after deep analysis, goes to no.). In my point of view, he had better turn to the professor or a professional tutor for help in order to accomplish his work effectively and efficiently.
First of all, it goes without saying that a professional master would come up with qualified recommendations by making use of（有点别扭，benefited from后置修饰吧） his knowledge and experience. Take myself for example, I have ever done utmost to write a personal statement for a university when I required to submit for some reason.（下划线的地方感觉不合适。once I was required to submit a personal statement）Hardly could any friends of mine produce（感觉你找写手一样） such an essay at high school as we had never done it before, of course including me. However, my Chinese teacher turned up in my mind as she was（a master） good at writingand I asked her advice（删去，这句跟后一句联系更大）. The decision （to ask her for advice）turned out to be a wise action (one), and she pointed out that I should compare myself to something to(把你比作什么。。？) make a difference from other students' (through novel metaphors ). It is the wonderful idea thatleaded （, which made 一个主要意思尽量一句串起来）my essay to an extraordinary one at that time. Therefore, I state that great tutors should be his first choice.
Also, an appropriate plan or schedule provided by the experienced tutor for him also plays a vital role in choosing assistant（这个论点有点诡异？）. Only experienced and professional tutors or masters could set proper plans for they have dealt with similar incidents or matters a lot before. For instance, once I was preparing for my music test, my music tutor made a schedule for me due to my appearance（performance？）and abilities. That is to say, I was trained under professional guidance and the schedule turned out to be (much more) effective. (I cannot imagine) What if I just reviewed by myself without a systematic plan raised (set up) by my master, I just can imagine. Consequently, we cannot emphasize the importance of masters(too) muchaccording to the evidence mentioned above.
Admittedly, sometimes we are more likely to express our ideas more greatly (honestly and directly) when chatting with our close friends. However, we can take measures to cultivate our communication patterns with tutors or professors more naturally. What I often be advised is to regard the tutor as your parent or brother, and(someone) you are familiar with them.
As far as I am concerned, he should turn to a professional tutor instead of me for all merits as(listed) above. If he (could) make good use of available resources and refer to diversity suggestions, his school work will probably be finished with high(higher) quality.
小哈。你的结构基本符合ETS的要求。但是表达要再注意一下，有时候表达影响了理解内容。
1.and 不要滥用了。一个句子一个主要意思，附属信息可以用which等连接词串起来。
2.长短句结合。即使是叙事体，也不能很多短句的写成流水账。可用上such, this,转折词等，显得环环相扣，有逻辑。
3.别太罗嗦。多写实词增强细节，少写可有可无的状语。
4.每段主题句一定要表述清楚，不能有歧义。让步段也得合情合理，不是勉强凑结构的，而是使得逻辑更完整。
5.写完多读几遍。
考前把你写过的读几遍，JJ题目观点准备好。考试时候好好检查，问题不大啦~ 加油！
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