ChaseDream

标题: 【写作小分队の探险者】5.20 托福求狠拍 [打印本页]

作者: 探险者 时间: 2012-4-17 20:47
标题: 【写作小分队の探险者】5.20 托福求狠拍
好久没写作文了，看到了CD上的作文小组，果断加入。期待大家多提意见。。。
4月17日110311 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Although science and technology will continue to improve, the most significant improvement for the quality of people’s lives have already taken place.

Granted, the basic needs of human beings have been met owing to the highly developed technology. For one thing, modern refrigeration technology has been used to keep alive the traditional ways of producing many kinds of food, making it available for both being ordered from and delivered to anywhere at a distance. Also, people are now able to afford their own vehicles with satisfied salary. No one has to worry about how to reach their destinations, since public transits have already been fully developed, too. Finally, updated technology, which is interlocked with improving our living quality, remains much fewer. Supposed that program designers figure out how to censor material on the Internet, while others can also figure out how to break the code. Consequently, tremendous amount of money is wasted on such new technology, but the expense has nothing to do with our daily lives.

Even though the wide range of new techniques offer people a fascinated society, people are born with unlimited natural desire, especially for their cultural pride. Provided that the minorities of China, who are now living in the prosperous cities and involving of the assimilation of their culture, promote their children to learn more about Putong Hua（这样合适吗？？） without any education about their native language. Also, the populations of these minorities are too small to have regular schools, which does harm to their transition of culture. Maybe in the future, the second-generation kids might ask them where they came from and what is their mother tongue, but in vain. It is arguable that their language is the key to form their spiritual value and racial consciousness, and thus government has to incorporate the traditional culture with what is taught in the modern education to promote the pedagogical methodology, such as double-language schooling.

Other challenges that people face are the constant pollution that surround them every day, which is the potential danger to our living standard. The increasingly promoted technology might also wade into the dangerous water of environmental damage, which carries（carrys汗啊，原来写成这个了） exhaust fumes, UV rays and even toxic water to our tranquil and serene lives. With noises and pollutant made by modern industry, effective measures in confronting the environmental degradation are desperately needed. To reduce these problems may slow down the industrial production of certain countries but make better people's comfort and convenience, which matches our demand of high-quality lives.

Overall, I believe that the cultural progression plays a crucial role in ensuring ones' desirable lifestyle. The demand of the recovery of natural ecosystem, mostly from years ago onward, really makes sense for improving our living quality. Although our fundamental requirement for daily lives has been reached due to struggling over generations, the desire to uplift our living standard would still accompany the promotion of modern technology at an unprecedentedly high speed.

4月17日TPO13
The reading passage analyzes the issue that fossil business has many negative effects, and the instructor deals with the same issue. She opposes the reading that the advantages of fossil commercialize outweighs the disadvantages with three compelling justifications.

To begin with, the reading charges the commercialize fossil collectors for fewer touch with general public, while the lecturer indicates that there is much greater exposure for fossils to the public. In fact, the fossil commercialize makes that available through purchasing, especially for schools and libraries.

What's more, she identifies that it is nonetheless possibly for scientists to lose access to significant evidence and even miss out on fundamentally important findings. Since the fossils, which are taken into business, should be identified by scientists before being put on a value. Also, it is the experts who can identify them and tell what they are. Clearly, private collections are always opened to experts first, and thus there is no doubt that scientific community has the access to the important fossil evidence.

Even though the writer of the reading explores that commercial fossil collectors often do damage to evidence which is potentially valuable, the instructor verifies that to be not true. Arguably，most of the fossils remain undiscovered, and it is much better for scientists to find accurate data of their locations and surroundings.

作者: lxyuan2001 时间: 2012-4-18 10:19
楼主我看咱俩干脆互相作伴批改文章吧，我另外一篇求拍帖也没人回应。我是打算考5.12的托福。之前考过一次105，但是学校要107最少，所以这次再接在励。以前作文一次28一次29，有运气成分
先说说对你文章的评价，我觉得你语言特别好，词汇量大、句子结构也够复杂。相比之下我的就要逊色一些啦。不过还是就我的个人观点给你提提意见。时间紧，先看第一篇
文章结构：这个可能是你这篇最大的问题，题目问的是科技在未来会不会给人来再次带来巨变，你写的是文化进步让人们想拥有更多科技改变，这个不是特别扣题。。。。还有，第一段你讨论的是有些科技解决了人类基本需求，但是提高生活质量的科技还不够，这个挺扣题。但是第二段，你讨论文化趋同损害少数民族的独特性，这个就有点牵强。第三段写环境问题挺好的。总之文章结构如果我写的话，就会采用直接段首点题：虽然人类的生活在几千内产生了巨大变化，但是科技进步能够让我们的生活质量产生更为剧烈的变化。然后第二段写比如科技可以让我们的家居更智能化；第三段写交通工具可以更智能化；第四段写也许未来我们可以发明时光机器，这样学习知识就轻而易举。最后总结、重复点题。
关于语言，我直接在下面改啦：
The advent of Windows Seven System symbolizes the further progression of techniques to reach the cutting-edged(cutting edge, 名词). Even though people's living standard has been remarkably improved during the past period, it is no wonder that people's natural desire for more improved living quality would certainly appear(maintain the momentum, 保持势头) due to the development of the culture and the severe environmental challenges.

Granted, the basic needs of human beings have been met owing to the highly developed technology. For one thing, modern refrigeration technology has been used to keep alive the traditional ways of producing many kinds of food, making it available for both being ordered from and delivered to anywhere at a distance. Also, people are now able to afford their own vehicles with satisfied（satisfying） salary. No one has to worry about how to reach their destinations, since public transits(transportation systems) have already been fully developed, too. Finally, updated technology, which is interlocked with improving our living quality, remains much fewer. Supposed that program designers figure out how to censor material on the Internet, while others can also figure out how to break the code. Consequently, tremendous amount of money is wasted on such new technology, but the vast expense has nothing to do with(little benefit to) our daily lives.

Even though the wide range of new techniques offer people a fascinated(fascinating) society, people are born with unlimited natural desire, especially for their cultural pride. Provided that the minorities of China, who are now living in the prosperous cities and involving of the assimilation of their culture, promote their children to learn more about Putong Hua（这样合适吗？？better use ‘mandarin’） without any education about their native language. Also, the populations of these minorities are too small to have regular schools, which does harm to their cultural reservation and transition of culture.. Maybe in the future, the second-generation kids might ask them where they came from and what is their mother tongue, but in vain. It is arguable(are you trying to say ’inarguable’?) that their language is the key to form their spiritual value and racial consciousness, and thus government has to incorporate the traditional culture with what is taught in the modern education to promote the pedagogical methodology(methodology 是方法论，这里应该用methods), such as double-language(bilingual) schooling.

Other challenges(Another widespread challenge) that people face is are the constant pollution that surrounds them every day, which is the potential danger to our living standard. The increasingly promoted technology might also wade into the dangerous water of environmental damage(不是很确定wade into the water of可以这样用来做比喻嘛？没见过的说。。。。), which carries（carrys汗啊，原来写成这个了） exhaust fumes, UV rays and even toxic water to our tranquil and serene lives. With noises and pollutant made by modern industry, effective measures in confronting the environmental degradation are desperately needed. To reduce（Reducing） these problems may slow down the industrial production of certain countries but make better people's comfort and convenience, which matches our demand of high-quality lives.

Overall, I believe that the cultural progression plays a crucial role in ensuring ones' desirable lifestyle. The demand of the recovery of natural ecosystem, mostly from years ago onward, really makes sense for improving our living quality. Although our fundamental requirement for daily lives has been reached due to(as a result of, due to 用了好多遍啦 ) constant struggling over generations, the desire to uplift our living standard would still accompany the promotion of modern technology at an unprecedentedly high speed.

下面是我写的，请不吝赐教啊！！！

do you like old friends or new friends more?
Friends are lifelong assets that will accompany us when we feel lonely, provide suggestions when we are in dilemma, and offer emotional support when we fell into depression. While some people might be busy expanding their network in Facebook or Twitter, I would rather stick to my old friends and discover more about them, because I think keeping my old friends is much more essential and rewarding than making new friends. I will try to illustrate my point of view as below.

Running into someone who can be treated as a valuable friend is a real bonanza in life, and this has been proved true several times by my personal experience. When I entered university several years ago, I was suffering loneliness deeply because it was just incredibly hard to find someone to talk to and who can understand what you are trying to express and provide helpful suggestions. But I still remember how grateful I was when I run into a girl, who almost had the same experiences and interests as me, as well the same outgoing and bold personalities. Indeed, amongst the thousands of hundreds people we come across in our life, spotting someone who has the same interests, educational background, and personalities as you do is just like throwing a dice.

Moreover, even you are lucky to have several soul mates it still cost a plenty of time and energy to maintain and develop the relationship. Some people may think that spending money to buy friends' birthday presents or contributing a whole weekend to hang out with friends is a real waste of time. However I believe there is nothing more worthwhile than that, since a friend is a rich asset that you can always learn new things from him or her. You may find your friend even more valuable when time pass by because they can always come up with new experiences and share them with you without considering privacy.

Admittedly, it's critical to expand personal networks especially considering career path, given that knowing more professional experts in the work field will boost your career life at later stage. Nevertheless, I strongly insist that it's unwise to spend too much energy or effort to get to know new people and try to make friends with them, for the reason that to foster a true friendship has no other way but devoting a long period of time.

Based on the discussions above, it's safe to draw the conclusion that although it's necessary to extend personal network, it's more intelligent to spend most of your time to build up a stronger relationship with your old friends. Trust me, you will soon find how rewarding and satisfying the friendships are.

作者: 豆豆Vickey 时间: 2012-4-18 12:09
幸会~同是5.12。刚开始混CD，请前辈多多指教~写的作文直接跟帖就可以了是么？

作者: 探险者 时间: 2012-4-18 16:10
标题: 写作
你直接看写作小分队大本营的帖子，里面有如何交作文的方法，还有修改的要求

作者: 探险者 时间: 2012-4-18 16:16
标题: 回复lxyuan2001
好啊。你第一次考的挺高的，请教下你的口语是怎么练的啊？
我现在困惑在task 2，可能是自己的素材积累的比较少了。3或4感觉记得笔记抓不住重点，第一次考试的时候就说的很不好，请不吝赐教啊

作者: 探险者 时间: 2012-4-18 20:43
标题: 4月18日综合独立
4月18日20101105 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Spending money on travelling and vacation is better than saving for future.

Some individuals, especially the Asian people, prefer to save money for the future and accumulate substantial sums of money to purchase durable endorsements, which may bring about longer enjoyment. Nevertheless, because of the financial crisis and increasingly high pressure from daily lives, others may spend money on travelling and vacation. Clearly, the expeditions on such short-term enjoyment deserve its remarkable value.

Even though things that last longer such as souvenirs can slow me down and calm my anxious and wandering mind, durable items may cost even more than short-period pleasure like travelling, and thus it certainly takes more time for the middle class to save that much money to make the investment. And do we really need a luxurious SUV? Or do we really need a beautiful closet full of stylish clothes? Or even eating in the upscale restaurant every weekend? Absolutely not. What we really need is to release ourselves from recurring strain due to breakneck speed of work. It is indispensable that people may be tied down by the high psychological pressure before they can enjoy the long-term entertainment. Therefore, hanging out for an excursion not only costs small amount of your salaries, but contributes to your mental recovery as well, which enhances your performance in your company with refreshed and energetic motivation.

More importantly, the unpredictable financial market can give rise to success overnight, but soon jeopardize it. Admittedly, it is arguable that eastern people always save their wages for future use, like the marriage of their kids and helping with their parents. However, the financial crisis which began in 2008 brought about tremendous amount of bankrupts of entrepreneurs and the loss of people's accumulations, leading to fundamental decrease in the masses' living quality. Supposed that people have spent their money on vacations, not only did they escape from that striking earthquake of the market, but also experience the fantastic self-conducted trip and the tranquil gathering among their immediate family. What's more, travelling to other places, even abroad, tend to expand ones' outlook with real sightseeing instead of enhancing their imagination to create its own virtue world from TV program.

Granted, it is nonetheless possibly for individuals to unlimited invest their modest accumulation on such entertainment like a trip. The unreasonable expedition on travelling will definitely drive up the strain of many other things in your daily lives, from cooking vegetables to dairy products, from clothing to furniture, from public transits to the unprecedented price of the petroleum, as their costs account for a large ration of your salary. As a result, learning how to distribute your money to express its deservation and how to make two ends meet is of great significance, particularly for the young. For the one thing, you have to relax yourselves to better devote to your job; for another thing, undoubtedly, you have to take into consideration your parents' health and the cost for your kids schooling. To some degree, it is the money you have that hold the key for your future.

While we human beings, especially for us Asian people, are born with the natural desire to save adequate money for our future, we have to carefully explore what we can attain in turn due to the changeable financial market and the dangerous economic crisis, let alone whether we can share the durable souvenirs. With the assistance of how to reasonably spend your money, one can certainly enjoy himself with a short-term travelling without worrying about continuing intense work.

4.18TPO 14

The reading passage analyzes the issue that salvage logging after the disastrous damage may have positive effects, and the instructor of the listening deals with the same issue. However, she thinks that what has been considered as advantages may also lead to some negative impact.

First of all, the lecturer expresses that the cleaning up of the dead trees is unnecessary to provide good conditions for growth. However, natural decomposing process can rich the soil, which is useful for the future generation of trees. In contrast, the soil with cleaning up may lack the nutrition(不可数) needed in the growth.

What's more, the spruce bark beetle has been living in the forest for over 100 years, and thus its damage doesn't account for the major one. More importantly, the forests not just provide habitat for damaged insects, but for birds and useful insects as well. And salvage jogging may do harm to the habitat of those animals in the long run.

Additionally, the economic benefits made by salvage logging is small, the damaged forest should be recovered by the maintenance of helicopter and other vehicles. Also, job creation is temporary and they are always opened to outsiders who are more experienced and training than the local residents.

第二点最后的more harm than the insects没有写出来，主要是笔记没有记清楚

有些乱

最后关于vehicle很贵expensive的没有听出来，只是表达了不清楚的maintain

4.18TPO 14

The reading passage analyzes the issue that salvage logging after the disastrous damage may have positive effects, and the instructor of the listening deals with the same issue. However, she thinks that what has been considered as advantages may also lead to some negative impact.

First of all, the lecturer expresses that the cleaning up of the dead trees is unnecessary to provide good conditions for growth. However, natural decomposing process can rich the soil, which is useful for the future generation of trees. In contrast, the soil with cleaning up may lack the nutrition(不可数) needed in the growth.

What's more, the spruce bark beetle has been living in the forest for over 100 years, and thus its damage doesn't account for the major one. More importantly, the forests not just provide habitat for damaged insects, but for birds and useful insects as well. And salvage jogging may do harm to the habitat of those animals in the long run.

Additionally, the economic benefits made by salvage logging is small, the damaged forest should be recovered by the maintenance of helicopter and other vehicles. Also, job creation is temporary and they are always opened to outsiders who are more experienced and training than the local residents.

第二点最后的more harm than the insects没有写出来，主要是笔记没有记清楚

有些乱

最后关于vehicle很贵expensive的没有听出来，只是表达了不清楚的maintain

作者: bechasing 时间: 2012-4-19 08:49

好久没写作文了，看到了CD上的作文小组，果断加入。期待大家多提意见。。。
4月17日110311 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Although science and technology will continue to improve, the most significant improvement for the quality of people’s lives have already taken place.

-- by 会员探险者 (2012/4/17 20:47:08)

Theadvent of WindowsSeven System symbolizes the further progression of techniques to reach thecutting-edged. Even though people's living standard has beenremarkably improved during the past period, it is no wonder that people'snatural desire for more improved living quality would certainly appear due tothe development of the culture and the severe environmental challenges（how thesevere environmental challenges improve people’s life?）.

Granted, the basic needs of human beings havebeen met owing tothe highly developed technology. For one thing, modern refrigeration technologyhas been used to keep alive the traditional ways of producing many kinds offood, making itavailable for both being ordered from and delivered to anywhere at adistance. Also, people are now able to afford their own vehicles with satisfiedsalary. No one has to worry about how to reach their destinations, since publictransits have already been fully developed, too. However, … ~~Finally,~~ ~~updated technology, which is interlocked withimproving our living quality, remains much fewer.~~ 【~~Supposedthat program designers figure out how to censor material~~s on the Internet, while others can also figure out how tobreak the code. Consequently, tremendous amount of money is wasted on such newtechnology, but the expense has nothing to do with our daily lives. 】【】要表达什么意思？从本段第一句到最后一句好像不太连贯啊，基本需求满足了，方便了生活（食物、出行等），然后举的例子就不明白要说明什么了。建议如下：在however后面说人们生活中还存在很多需要改善的例子。

Even though the wide range of new techniquesoffer people a fascinated society, people are born with unlimited natural desire, especially fortheir cultural pride. Provided that the minorities of China, who are now livingin the prosperous cities and involving of the assimilation of their culture,promote their children to learn more about Putong Hua（Putonghua或者最好写Mandarin） without any education about their nativelanguage. Also, the populations of these minorities are too small to haveregular schools, which doesharm to their inheritance ~~transition~~（转变之意，用在此处不太合适，lz是想表达继承的意思吧） of culture. Maybe in the future, thesecond-generation kids might ask them where they come ~~came~~ from and what is their mother tongue, but in vain. It isarguable that their language is the key to form their spiritual value and racial consciousness（Good!）, and thusgovernment has to incorporate the traditional culture with what is taught inthe modern education to promote the pedagogical methodology, such as double-language schooling. 说的有点隐晦，估计老外看了半天才明白哈。建议如下：随着科技的不断进步，文化的多样性也面临不断消失的危险，少数名族的文化延续和传播面临着重要的挑战。

Other challenges that people face are theconstant pollution that surround them every day, which is the potential dangerto our living standard. The increasingly promoted technology might also wade into the dangerouswater（危险的水？）of environmental damage,which carries exhaust fumes, UV rays and even toxic water to our tranquil and serene lives.【With noisesand pollutant made by modern industry, effective measures in confronting theenvironmental degradation are desperately needed. To reduce these problems may slow down theindustrial production of certain countries but make better people's comfort andconvenience, which matches our demand of high-quality lives. 】【】处的论证不充分。为什么要说减小产量呢？建议思路如下：因为发展面临着重要的环境问题，威胁到了地球的可持续发展和人们的健康生活，So，为了全面可持续发展，改善人居生态环境，就进一步需要发展新的科学和技术来解决现在的严峻的环境问题。

Overall, I believe that the culturalprogression plays a crucial role in ensuring ones' desirable lifestyle. Thedemand of the recovery of natural ecosystem, mostly from years ago onward,really makes sense for improving our living quality. Although our fundamentalrequirement for daily lives has been reached due to struggling overgenerations, the desire touplift our living standard would still accompany the promotion of moderntechnology at an unprecedentedlyhigh speed.

大赞lz的词汇量啊，各处亮点。各处放光。真心学习了。Ps：你考过G了已经？
作文的构思还不是很清晰，lz可以先列一下提纲再写作，以这样的语言写作水平，完全可以写出漂亮的作文
加油加油~~

作者: lxyuan2001 时间: 2012-4-19 13:07
口语我的发音是小时候之前在美国念过一年书打下的功底。之前我裸考过一次，96分，口语26，第二次105，口语只有24. 估计老美觉得我模板痕迹太重了。这次我就主要练表达连贯性和逻辑了。至于方法，我也没啥方法，前面1.2题就是讲的细一点，真实一点，然后扣题。三四题我觉得很简单啊，就是听力嘛，第三题记录听力中反驳和支持的亮点，记得越详细越好。第四题就是记支持的例子，例子记得越详细说的时候压力越小。然后掌握好时间就行。后两题我觉得挺难得，综合性强。尤其要表达自己观点的那个题，总是卡壳。最后一题我掌握不太好时间，还在联系。你有什么好的建议吖？

对了，帮我看看作文吧，我觉得你的语言很好，句式变化也比较多样，希望多多指教啊！

作者: lxyuan2001 时间: 2012-4-19 13:08
咱们就互相批改吧，反正我经常来滴，嘿嘿。你在哪里考试啊？我北外

作者: 探险者 时间: 2012-4-19 18:01
标题: 回复lxyuan2001
在郑州考试

作者: 探险者 时间: 2012-4-19 20:35
标题: 回复lxyuan2001
修改作文，刚发上来，也请多指教
你的语言感觉非常流畅，文章读起来很舒服的感觉，而且观点也很明确。

我觉得词汇和复杂的句子不需要刻意的使用，在自己修改作文的时候，可以把那些很简单的词汇进行高级的替换，或者是换一种说法，比如important可以换成of great importance等等。词汇的替换可以参考慎小嶷编写的作文书，其中有很好的方法，还有个大表格供选择。你的用词很棒啊，学习了不少！！！

你的观点是keep old friends更好，但是在第一和第二个论点中，没有指明这两点。我在你的第一二段中把握自己的看法写下了，仅供参考。

黄色为很好的部分，红色是我的修改

do you like old friends or new friends more?
Friends are lifelong assets that will accompany us when we feel lonely, provide suggestions when we are in dilemma, and offer emotional support when we fell into depression. While some people might be busy expanding their network in Facebook or Twitter, I would rather stick to my old friends and discover more about them, because I think keeping my old friends is much more essential and rewarding than making new friends. I will try to illustrate my point of view as below. 观点很明确

Running into someone who can be treated as a valuable friend is a real bonanza in life, and this has been proved true several times by my personal experience. When I entered university several years ago, I was suffering loneliness deeply because it was just incredibly hard（可以换成difficult，大一点的有formidable） to find someone to talk to and who can understand what you are trying to express and provide helpful suggestions. But I still remember how grateful I was when I run into a girl, who almost had the same experiences and interests as me, as well the same outgoing and bold personalities. Indeed, amongst the thousands of hundreds people we come across in our life, spotting（很好的结构） someone who has the same interests, educational background, and personalities as you do is just like throwing a dice.我觉得如果只是说得到一个好朋友的不易，并不一定说要珍惜过去的朋友，也可以支持寻找新朋友需要用心之类的。所以个人觉得加一句和你的主题关联一下： Clearly， that promotes your relationship to last many years, leading your friendship to be deeper and more meaningful with time.最后的这个with time就是提及了old friend

Moreover, even you are lucky to have several soul mates it still cost（costs） a plenty of time and energy to maintain and develop the relationship. Some people may think that spending money to buy（purchase） friends' birthday presents or contributing a whole weekend to hang（contribute to的to应该是个介词吧，后面加的是名词，用hanging out） out with friends is a real waste of time. However，（however表示转折的时候，后面要加一个逗号，然后是句子） I believe there is nothing more worthwhile than that, since a friend is a rich asset that you can always learn new things from him or her. You may find your friend even more valuable when time pass by because they can always come up with new experiences and share them with you without considering privacy. 这里觉得也可以加一句关联old friendship。（—that is, no one has to worry about being uneasy among old friends.表示亲密的朋友可以相互分享个人经历，没有因为隐私的原因而感到uneasy）

Admittedly, it's critical to expand personal networks(第一段出现了，可以换个说法nurture fresh socialized circle) especially considering career path, given that knowing more professional experts in the work field will boost your career life at later stage. Nevertheless, I strongly insist that it's unwise to spend too much energy or effort to get to know new people and try to make friends with them, for the reason that to foster a true friendship has no other way but devoting a long period of time. 如果只是因为需要devote time就表示这么做不值得，觉得不太充分。可以写人们有different value theology,因此need time to get know with each other,而且可能得不到好的结果but leading to an adverse outcome，因此保持对old friends 的联系是really makes sense

Based on the discussions above, it's safe to draw the conclusion that although it's necessary to extend personal network, it's more intelligent to spend most of your time to build up a stronger relationship with your old friends. Trust me, you will soon find how rewarding and satisfying the friendships are.

作者: 探险者 时间: 2012-4-19 20:36
标题: 4月19日独立作文求拍
4月19日101203 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents should encourage their children to do their schoolwork independently rather than help children to do their schoolwork？

用时35min

发现自己写文章时在set example方面比较匮乏

Indeed, our parents have been involved in our daily lives ever since our childhood, devoting themselves to our upbringing and inculcating high moral value to us, which attach importance to our formative personalities. Granted, I don't want to be a pretentious or rebellious teenager. But sometimes, parents’ participation in our everyday schoolwork may have some negative impact for compelling justifications, which range from parents not knowing why their children are confused by the questions, to overprotecting their kids from encountering problems independently and bravely thinking up their own opinions.

Clearly, parents’ involvement in our studies has been declining in most schools, especially among public education. Parents are always puzzled by the refreshed terminology and the new explanations to analyze that. It is remarkably formidable for them to find out what students are supposed to learn, let alone whether or not they are dealing with their assignments through the proper methods. The lack of printed books due to online schooling, the lack of communications owing to parents' hardworking and even the computerized transcripts all help to keep our parents away from our learning. In addition, some well-intentious, highly careful teachers often discourage students’ parents to involve in their kids' schoolwork on the ground that students may be misguided as the result of different approves. And the result? Even more distance.

Another reason I'm against parents being in control is that it means students won't study through their own thinking capacity. By that I mean if parents are much more involved in students' assignment, we may resolve problems just through our parents assistance. Arguably, students are not passive receptacles of predigested knowledge and it makes sense that learning by understanding is of fundamental significance. We are going through the difficult period of studying, which accompanies with the growth of our brain and the formation of our independent thinking ability. Predictably, it is undoubted that we will participate in the competitive social settings in the future, which will benefit from our practice of overcoming difficulties, and only what you have consolidated in your own can lead to your promotion. Therefore, learning by ourselves is the irreplaceable experience at certain stage of age, and thus parents making their kids independently focusing on their studies certainly matters.

What's more, even though we are more informed of the contemporary technological society, some outgoing and quite active adolescents may become nervous and stemmed in front of their parents because of their respect to the elder. It is incredible that we are deeply influenced by our parents, namely we are prone to follow up them or even imitate them without coming up with our own ideas, even those maybe thought-provoking. With the depression like that, students may not be confident enough in tackling adversities due to the absence of our parents, causing them to be unskilled of the interpersonal and communication arts. Consequently, it is no wonder that students may lose the cherished opportunities of expressing themselves in front of their leaders and companions and have no access to critical thinking practice, which does harm to their career path. Apparently, we have to adjust ourselves to facing formidable situations without the help of our parents and entitle ourselves to be competent to the future jobs.

I would like to say that I personally agree with the statement that parents should involve little to their kids' schoolwork, and with my examples I want to illustrate how far away parents are from the modern pedagogical methods and the disadvantages caused by parents' overprotection.

作者: 探险者 时间: 2012-4-19 20:39
标题: 回复bechasing
谢谢修改啊，对思路方面提了很多意见，本来这一篇自己的思路不是很清楚，现在已经认真修改过了，觉得文章清晰很多
没错，列提纲是很好的办法啊。。。我的下一篇列列个提纲，感觉写的时候不会无厘头了

作者: 豆豆Vickey 时间: 2012-4-19 21:06
探路者辛苦啦~嘿嘿，篇幅很长嘛~下面是我的批改：
黄色为亮点
蓝色为我补充的内容
红色为不妥的地方
Some individuals, especially the Asian people, prefer to save money for the future and accumulate substantial sums of money to purchase durable endorsements, which may bring about longer enjoyment. Nevertheless, because of the financial crisis and increasingly high pressure from daily lives(这个表达也不能算错，我个人认为换occupation更好一点), others may spend money on ~~travelling~~(travel) and vacation. Clearly, the expeditions on such short-term enjoyment deserve its remarkable value.

Even though things that last longer such as souvenirs can slow me down and calm my anxious and wandering mind, durable items may cost even more than short-period pleasure like~~travelling~~（travel， travelling 是adj. 或者现代分词，在这里用n.就好）, and thus it certainly takes more time for the middle class to save ~~that much money to make the investment~~（much money, which could be used for investment）. And do we really need a luxurious SUV? Or do we really need a beautiful closet full of stylish clothes? Or even eating in the upscale restaurant every weekend? Absolutely not. What we really need is to release ourselves from recurring strain due to breakneck speed of work.(Good！) It is indispensable that people may be tied down by the high psychological pressure before they can enjoy the long-term entertainment. Therefore, hanging out，such for an excursion, not only costs small amount of your salaries, but contributes to your mental recovery as well, ~~which~~（这个从句用的有些不恰当，指代不明）（It is obvious that the activity）enhances your performance in your company with refreshed and energetic motivation.( good!)

More importantly, the unpredictable financial market can give rise to success overnight, but soon jeopardize it. Admittedly, it is arguable that eastern people always save their wages for future ~~use~~(这个似乎可以省略掉), like the marriage of their kids and helping with their parents. However, the financial crisis which began in 2008 brought about tremendous amount of bankrupts（bankrupt） of entrepreneurs and the loss of people's accumulations(事项说明失业率的增加么？还是？), leading to fundamental decrease in the~~masses'~~ living quality. Supposed that people have spent their money on vacations, not only did they escape from that striking earthquake of the market, but also experience the fantastic self-conducted trip and the tranquil gathering among their immediate family. What's more, travelling to other places, even abroad, ~~tend~~(tends此句当中的动名词作主语的谓语动词是用的事单数：）to expand(如果用broaden会不会更合适一些呢？) ones' outlook with real sightseeing instead of enhancing their imagination to create its own virtue world from TV program.

Granted, it is nonetheless possibly for individuals to unlimited invest（没能理解） their modest accumulation on such entertainment like a trip. The unreasonable expedition on travelling will definitely drive up the strain of many other things in your daily lives, from cooking vegetables to dairy products, from clothing to furniture, from ~~public transits~~（我觉得交通公具的选择会不会好一些呢？the option of transportation）to theunprecedented price of the petroleum, as their costs account for a large ration of your salary. As a result, learning how to distribute your money to express its deservation and how to make the two ends meet is of great significance, particularly for the young. For the one thing, you have to relax yourselves to better devote to your job; for another thing, undoubtedly, you have to take into considerationthe cost of your parents' health and ~~the cost foryour kids schooling~~（the education of children）（形成一个A of B and C的结构，即：B和C的A）. To some degree, it is the money you have that hold the key for your future.

While we human beings, especially for us Asian people, are born with the natural desire to save adequate money for our future, we have to carefully explore what we can attain in turn due to the changeable financial market and the dangerous economic crisis, let alone whether we can share the durable souvenirs. With the assistance of how to reasonably spend your money, one can certainly enjoy himself with a short-term ~~travelling~~(travel) without worrying about continuing intense work.

总结：
首先，看了探路者的文章我确实自愧不如，相比较而言我写的文章更为baby talk, 没有什么复杂的句式和精彩的用词。文章中有很多地方值得我学习^ ^下面是豆豆对探路者的表扬啦~
1. 在用词及造句方面我已经用黄颜色标注出来，很低级的描述几乎没有出现
2. 通过用词及造句的表达可以看出探路者思考的比较深刻（因为相比较我自己的文章显得很浅显啦）
其次，我总结出以下三点不足供探路者参考：
1.在组合复杂句式的时候注意一下指代的问题句子就完美啦^ ^
2.在第一个举例论证当中能够举出更为具体的例子，这篇文章体现出的只是一两句话组合在一起的较为宽泛的说理，比如“people可以释放来自……的压力”可以更为具体一些，比如“举出某人某事的例子，或者历史事件，科学研究，新闻报道等等”
3.我认为你在第三段中出现了大篇幅的违背你的立场的内容，几句话之后才出现转折。在首段转折并表明你的观点之后，后面就不需要每一段内容都要转折啦~直接进行举例论证支持就行了。或许你是想作为一个铺垫，我建议你在中间段的段首综述一下此论据就ok了。
我会再思考一下，如果有补充直接修改本帖，然后短信你~

作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-4-19 21:20
TPO14修改~
红色为错误，绿色为疑惑or建议，高亮为精彩！(原文中标记的红色部分没有修改)
The reading passage analyzes the issue that salvage logging after the disastrous damage may have positive effects, [and the instructor of the listening deals with the same issue. ]However, she thinks that what has(have)been considered as advantages may also lead to some negative impact.(个人认为首先开头写得不错，但是感觉不够简洁，[...]里面的句子大意是listening和reading讲了same issue，可是你有木有注意到前一个句子对issue的限定已经是have positive effects了，这个样子的话你看看是不是把listening的观点说反了？所以建议去掉这半句，直接连however句就很好。)

First of all, the lecturer expresses that the cleaning up of the dead trees is unnecessary to provide good conditions for growth. However(这个前面刚写了，可以换一个~Oppositely/Conversely等等...), natural decomposing process can rich the soil, which is useful for the future generation of trees. In contrast, the soil with cleaning up may lack the nutrition(不可数) needed in the growth.(不得不说探险者的听力真的很强大！但是however用在这里转折的有一点点wired。还有一个小建议：在每一段能够尽量点出reading和listening的关系，说明听力反驳了阅读。)

What's more, the spruce bark beetle has been living in the forest for over 100 years, and thus its damage doesn't account for the major one. More importantly, the forests(不够准确呢，说dead trees比较好喔) not just provide habitat for damaged(不是被损坏的虫子，是坏虫子啊harmful insects) insects, but for birds and useful insects as well. And salvage jogging may do harm to the habitat of those animals in the long run.(还是上面提过的一点，尽量用第三人称转述prof和author的观点，并说明他们的关系，不要只是提供what you have listened in the material)

Additionally, the economic benefits made by salvage logging is(are) small, the damaged forest should be recovered by the maintenance of helicopter and other vehicles. Also, job creation is temporary and they(既然前面是is了，这里说they就不合适啦) are always opened to outsiders who are more experienced and training(well-trained肿么样...) than the local residents.

[Conclusion]

1 对于探险者超级强大的听力能力表示膜拜~! 细节除了自己提到的两处其他的都很详细而且基本上都是非常贴近原文的!!

2 建议注意一下描述二者关系的部分。

3 开头再斟酌斟酌。

总的来说，真的很腻害! 继续加油哦~

作者: miss绿光 时间: 2012-4-20 01:06
4月19日101203 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents should encourage their children to do their schoolwork independently rather than help children to do their schoolwork？

用时35min

发现自己写文章时在set example方面比较匮乏

Indeed, our parents have been involved in our daily lives ever since our childhood, devoting themselves to our upbringing and inculcating high moral value to us, which attach [attaches] importance to our formative personalities. Granted, I don't want to be a pretentious or rebellious teenager.[Granted… but…] But sometimes, parents’ participation in our everyday schoolwork may have some negative impact [impacts] for compelling justifications, which range from parents not knowing why their children are confused by the questions, to overprotecting their kids from encountering problems independently and bravely thinking up their own opinions.[ 我感觉结构很好，但是读的时候我有点费解，有点过长了，个人意见。]

Clearly, parents’ involvement in our studies has been declining in most schools, especially among public education. Parents are always puzzled by the refreshed terminology and the new explanations to analyze that. It is remarkably formidable for them to find out what students are supposed to learn, let alone whether or not they are dealing with their assignments through the proper methods. The lack of printed books due to online schooling, the lack of communications owing to parents' hardworking and even the computerized transcripts all help to keep our parents away from our learning. In addition, some well-intentious[google之，出现的项目很少，估计不是常用搭配，不过其中一个是the science of language里面提到well前缀提到了这个，你斟酌一下哈~ ], highly careful teachers often discourage students’ parents to involve[from involving] in their kids' schoolwork on the ground that students may be misguided as the result of different approves. And the result? Even more distance.
其实你不要觉得自己举例不好，你看，你这一段说的理非常顺，也用了someparents, some children BALABALA的，你觉得不够specific是吧？其实很简单，改成myparents/the parents of my friend…这样是不是就变得超级有说服力了？要不别人会argue你，光说some，我怎么知道是谁？代入自己的ownexperience，更加persuasive！

Another reason I'm against parents being in control is that it means students won't study through their own thinking capacity. By that I mean if parents are much more involved in students' assignment, we may resolve problems just through our parents assistance. Arguably, students are not passive receptacles of predigested knowledge and it makes sense that learning by understanding is of fundamental significance. We are going through the difficult period of studying, which accompanies with the growth of our brain and the formation of our independent thinking ability. Predictably, it is undoubted that we will participate in the competitive social settings in the future, which will benefit from our practice of overcoming difficulties, and only what you have consolidated in your own can lead to your promotion.[太长了，尝试缩减一下吧。] Therefore, learning by ourselves is the irreplaceable experience at certain stage of age, and thus parents making their kids independently focusing on their studies certainly matters. [这段话166字，一共5句，尤其后三句都很长，放在一起会让人读的有点累，建议长短句结合]
举例方法如上~

What's more, even though we are more informed of the contemporary technological society, some outgoing and quite active adolescents may become nervous and stemmed in front of their parents because of their respect to the elder. It is incredible that we are deeply influenced by our parents, namely we are prone to [TPO里出现过，代替be likely todo,活学活用，好！]follow up them or even imitate them without coming up with our own ideas, even those maybe thought-provoking. With the depression like that, students may not be confident enough in tackling adversities due to the absence of our parents, causing them to be unskilled of the interpersonal and communication arts. Consequently, it is no wonder that students may lose the cherished opportunities of expressing themselves in front of their leaders and companions and have no access to critical thinking practice, which does harm to their career path. Apparently, we have to adjust ourselves to facing formidable situations without the help of our parents and entitle ourselves to be competent to the future jobs.[这段也是，全部长难句，我觉得长短句结合更好。比如可以像前两段一样，把topic sentence写的简单一些，让人家很容易grab your idea。回想一下TPO的阅读，TS都是比较简单明了的对吧？当然我只是举例，你这个TS还是挺明了的，even though的让步~]

I would like to say that I personally agree with thestatement that parents should involvelittle to their kids' schoolwork [我很喜欢这个表达，以前不同意的时候我都直接用not，这里用little表示否定还显得比较不极端，学习了], and with myexamples I want to illustrate how far away parents are from the modernpedagogical methods and the disadvantages caused by parents' overprotection.

你的字数超多啊！膜拜~从你文章中，我可以感受到你超多的词汇量和超级强大的语言功底，我一直边看边有道之~感觉你是考过GRE/GMAT的，直接考T的人一般不会在这么短的时间里打出这么多字重点是full of 高级词汇&长难句…

因为我没有考过托福，所以我也只是说说自己不一定对的感觉：
文章的三点理由都是可以作为支撑的，论述也没有问题。我最大的感觉就是看着费劲，长难句多固然好，但是感觉有点像要考人了。其实除了在GRE/GMAT/LAST…的阅读里，美国本土的杂志/文章还是不偏晦涩的，我不知道在T这样的一个语言考试里语言要怎么样，看见前面的回复已经有筒子考过两次了，可以听听他的意见~
最后，再膜拜一下词汇帝^^认识单词多不是最厉害的，能把难词自然地运用进来真的需要功底！
=======================

今天太晚了我就不写了，明天写完后来这个把链接给你~加油^^

作者: miss绿光 时间: 2012-4-20 18:16
我的作文写完啦~和要求的不一样，我写的是机经的题目，麻烦你拉！是下面这个网址的48楼~
http://forum.chasedream.com/TOEFL_Writing/thread-700995-5-1.html

作者: lxyuan2001 时间: 2012-4-21 14:12
探险者的作文功底是公认的好，请你给我们大家分享一下用词和变化句式的一些心得吧？

下面是我改的，高亮为优秀，红色是更改。另外，我觉得你现在主要问题在于用词不是很准确，虽然用的大词很多，但并不是老外们会用的搭配，因此给理解上带来了一定障碍。你可以试着用google 或者bing, 把想查的搭配用""引上，然后查询，如果少于100就说明几乎没人这么用，比如"hold the key for future"...

EFT;">

EFT;">4月18日20101105 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Spending money on travelling and vacation is better than saving for future.

Some individuals, especially the Asian people, prefer to save money for the future and accumulate substantial sums of money to purchase durable endorsements, which may bring about longer enjoyment. Nevertheless, because of the financial crisis and increasingly high pressure from daily lives, others may spend money on travelling and vacation. Clearly, the expeditions on such short-term enjoyment deserve its(their) remarkable value.

Even though things that last longer(survive over time)such as souvenirs can slow(calm) me down and calm(relax) my anxious and wandering mind, durable items may cost even(这里没有递进关系，用even不如用considerable/alot) more than short-period pleasure like travelling, and thus it certainly takes more time for the middle class to save that much money to make the investment. And(用and引出例子不是很自然，试着用Justby asking ourselves some simple questions you will then get the whole picture.) Do we really need a luxurious SUV? Or do we really need a beautiful closet full of stylish clothes? Or even eating in the upscale restaurant every weekend? Absolutely not. What we really need(desirefor) is to release ourselves from recurring strain due to breakneck speed of work. It is indispensable that people may be tied down by the high psychological pressure before they can enjoy the long-term entertainment. Therefore, hanging out for an excursion not only costs small amount of your salaries, but contributes to your mental recovery as well, which enhances your performance in your company with refreshed and energetic motivation.

More importantly, the unpredictable financial market can give rise to success overnight, but soon jeopardize it. Admittedly, it is arguable(inarguable) that eastern people always save their wages for future use, like the marriage of their kids and helping with their parents. However, the financial crisis(sluggisheconomy) which began in 2008 brought about tremendous amount of bankruptciesof entrepreneurs and the loss of people's accumulations(deposits), leading to fundamental decrease in the masses' living quality. Supposed that people have spent their money on vacations, not only did they escape from that striking earthquake(catastrophe) of the market, but also experience the fantastic self-conducted trip and the tranquil gathering among their immediate family. What's more, travelling to other places, even abroad, tend to expand ones' outlook with real sightseeing(ofthe naturallandscapte) instead of enhancing their imagination to create its own virtue world from TV program.

Granted, it is nonetheless possibly（possible） for individuals to unlimited(unlimitedly) invest their modest accumulation on such entertainment like a trip(这句话太像GRE长难句了，建议简化一下句式). The unreasonable expedition on travelling will definitely drive up the strain(changetopressure) of many other things in your daily lives, from cooking vegetables to dairy products, from clothing to furniture, from public transits to the unprecedented price of the petroleum, as their costs account for a large ration(portion) of your salary. As a result, learning how to distribute your money to express its deservation(liveup to itsvalue) and how to make two ends meet is of great significance, particularly for the young. For the one thing, you have to relax yourselves to better devote to your job; for another thing, undoubtedly, you have to take into consideration your parents' health and the cost for your kids schooling. To some degree, it is the money you have that hold the key for your future.

EFT;">While we human beings, especially for us Asian people, are born with the natural desire to save adequate money for our future, we have to carefully explore what we can attain in turn due to the changeable(fast-moving) financial market and the dangerous economic crisis, let alone whether we can share the durable souvenirs. With the assistance of how to reasonably spend your money, one can certainly enjoy himself with a short-term travelling without worrying about continuing intense work.

作者: lxyuan2001 时间: 2012-4-21 16:47
TPO 13, The extended family(grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles) is less important now than it was in the past.

30min 完成，请大家指教：）

In recent decades, a bizarre yet widespread phenomenon is witnessed by the globe that many yound counples made the decision to spend rest of their lives by themselves, without embracing any new babies into the families. One assumption of the cause is that the shaky financial environment leads to people's disbelief of social security, and the recent sluggish global economy even add more pressure to our lives. With a trend of shrinking population across the world, from developed countries such as France to the developing countries like China, we inevitably will have less extended family numbers in future. For me, that's the real reason why we need to care more about our grandparents, aunts and cousins ever than before.
Swamped by endless and tedious office work or fully occupied with social networkings, seldom do we have time to enjoy the bliss of family life. You probably won't remember the last time you hear your grandparents babbling about the old funny stories, or what age your aunt is. While it can easily occurs to you that the deadline of some project is approaching next week. We cannot deny that family life is one of the most indispensable way to enjoy life, to share happiness and to confide our worries or deep secrets. Without them, we might found ourselvs standing in the middle of an enormous extensive social web, feeling isolated by numerous unrelated events, comments, ideas that overwhelm your mind. Indeed, as the world becomes larger and more complicated, it's always a wise choice to go back to the big family and relax.
From the perspectives of our extended family members, they as well in a state of needing someone badly to care about them. Especially the old families, who might not be able to afford more than one child when they were young, now have to stay in the nursing house day and night, eagering to see their children to drop by to speak some words. I would always remember the precious time I have spent with my grandfather, who died one month ago because of brain disease. Given how engaged his four children were, he was not dare to even give a call to them and let them know how much he missed them, while we can all tell his strong emotion from his wrinkled and distorted face before his death. His death reminded me to show empathy and concern toward the elderly, just to express my sincere gratitude to their effort raising my mother or father in the past.
Admittedly, in our daily lives there are numerous people we have to care about their feelings, such as spouse, parents, friends, children, etc. One may argue that spending time in the extended family is not as significant and imperative as in direct family members or friends. Nonetheless, the genes in our DNA indicate that we have unbreakable connections with these so called "far relatives". Yet the mere similarities in blood means heavy responsiblitiy and obligation to become a good grandchild, or cousin.
As a conclusion, dramatic change has taken place across the globe that the number of family members has experienced exponential decrease in the recent decades, and at the same time we are more devoted to social events. However, the extended family is still of great significance to us and we should all bear in mind that it's an inevitable yet a rewarding relationship that we should maintain.

作者: 探险者 时间: 2012-4-23 21:19
标题: 回复lxyuan2001 作文修改

In recent decades, a bizarre yet widespread phenomenon is witnessed by the globe that many yound counples(young couples) made the decision to spend (the) rest of their lives by themselves, without embracing any new babies into the families（embrace本身有accept sb. into a group的意思，所以觉得后面的多余）. One assumption of the cause is that the shaky financial environment leads to people's disbelief of social security, and the recent sluggish global economy（这和前面的shaky意思有些许的重复，这句话可改为： One possible explanation is that the shaky financial environment leads to both people’s disbelief to social security and increasing high pressure of our daily lives）even add more pressure to our lives. With a trend of shrinking population across the world, from developed countries such as France to the developing countries like China, we inevitably will have less extended family numbers in future. For me, that's the real reason why(直接用therefore怎么样，原来的用法显得多余) we need to care more about our grandparents, aunts and cousins ever than before.

Swamped by endless and tedious office work or fully occupied with social networkings, seldom do we have time to enjoy the bliss of family life. You probably won't remember the last time you hear your grandparents babbling about the old funny stories, or what age your aunt is. While（这里while是个并列连词，单独一个句子的用法少见，如果用However，是不是更好） it can easily occurs to you that the deadline of some project is approaching next week. We cannot （在前面做了些铺垫，这个句子应该是和你的主题绝对相关的一句，那么用否定式来表示，常常会显得说服力不足，可以用肯定式，比如，Undoubtedly，blabla）deny that family life is one of the most indispensable way to enjoy life, to share happiness and to confide our worries or deep secrets. Without them, we might found ourselvs standing in the middle of an enormous extensive（enormously extensive修饰形容词的是副词） social web, feeling isolated by numerous unrelated events, comments, ideas that overwhelm your mind. Indeed, as the world becomes larger and more complicated, it's always a wise choice to go back to the big family and relax.

From the perspectives of our extended family members, they（是不是缺个be动词啊） as well in a state of needing someone badly to care about them. Especially（如果用Particularly， old families是不是更好）the old families, who might not be able to afford more than one child when they were young, now have to stay in the nursing house day and night, eagering to see their children to drop by to speak some words. I would always remember the precious time I have spent with my grandfather, who died one month ago because of brain disease. Given how engaged his four children were, he was not dare to even give a call to them and let them know how much he missed them, while we can all tell his strong emotion from his wrinkled and distorted face before his death. His death reminded me to show empathy and concern toward the elderly, just to express my sincere gratitude to their effort raising my mother or father in the past.

Admittedly, in our daily lives，（加个逗号） there are numerous people we have to care about their feeling（这句话貌似有问题，如果用的是定语从句，而又指的是关心他人的内心，则应当为there are numerous people whose feelings we have to care about）, such as spouse, parents, friends, children, etc. One may argue that spending time in the extended family is not as significant and imperative as in direct family（immediate family比较地道） members or friends. Nonetheless, the genes in our DNA（） indicate that we have unbreakable connections with these so called "far relatives". Yet the mere similarities in blood means heavy responsiblitiy（responsibility） and obligation to become a good grandchild, or cousin.

As a conclusion, dramatic change has taken place across the globe that the(a) number of family members has experienced an（这里觉得应当有个冠词）exponential decrease in the recent decades, and at the same time we are more devoted to social events. However, the extended family is still of great significance to us and we should all bear in mind that it's an inevitable yet a rewarding relationship that we should maintain.

觉得你的这篇文章写得很不错，总体上讲是篇好文。有着清晰的思路和结构。但是，我觉得你可能有些刻意在使用修饰词汇为自己的文章增色，并且使用了不少亮点句型。但是，我不知道有没有这么想过：如果文章都是这种华丽丽的修饰，是不是显得过于装饰，而这时，在我的阅读中，对你的观点的理解变成了次要，而是着重看这些修饰，反而使文章的可读性下降。综上，我觉得我自己的作文就是在犯这种毛病，因为好的句子是用的合适，而不是多。觉得刻意再斟酌一下一下词句的使用，使得句子更易读明白，观点更清晰。我指的是在名词和动词前的修饰太频繁了，读起来很费劲。

作者: 探险者 时间: 2012-4-23 21:20
标题: 4月23日独立综合
4月23日10211 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents should allow their children to make mistakes and let them learn from their own mistakes.

With the advent of teenagers' participation in the social settings, it is incredible that we adolescents may make mistakes, which range from missing important details of a research project to rudely talking to the elder. Some parents are afraid that their kids might be addicted into some negative lure like drugs, and thus they overprotect them from making any mistakes. However, going through some difficulties due to wrongdoings is an irreplaceable experience at certain stage of age. Clearly, it makes sense that parents make their kids learn from their own mistakes.

Indeed, even though teenagers have to experience mistakes and get a lesson from that, parents' direction is remarkably incredible. For one thing, careful and devoted parents are always there to support us, no matter what mistakes we have made. Some parents have been dedicate themselves into their kids' upbringing for several years, keeping them from going astray and teaching them meaningful value. Also, adolescents won't feel uneasy in front of their parents, although they have cause some terrible events. No one has to worry about not being perfect among their immediate family. Finally, nothing can be more useful than the guidance given by our parents. Undoubtedly, we can confide in and discuss our terrible behaviors, which consolidates the process our personality formation.

More importantly, it is fundamentally significant that the young should suffer from the adversities owing to their terrible performance. To begin with, many different mistakes may occur during our research process, and that helps to incorporate what we are actually experiencing into what we have acquired from textbooks. Obviously, students are not passive receptacles of predigested knowledge, namely that they had better grasp provoking thoughts through training. For instance, if a student hasn't met any misleading during his experiment, his ideas from printed books will stopped to be effective whenever he's encountering something wrong. Aside from the difference between operating and learning, students may have difficulties getting along with their companions when dealing with a group project, which is common among the contemporary youths. Supposed a student may express some inappropriate behaviors or evaluations to his colleagues, he will have go through such adversity and be experienced coping with it. Apparently, adolescents have to grasp such opportunities of awful performance to enhance their working and searching experience, which would lead to their promotion in their career path.

Survey results have consistently shown that students who take advanced subjects and experience failures of those exams are more likely to get excellent grade in university. This is because tough terms, complicated ideas and the striking depression make students more mentally spurred in their studies and effectively motivate them to utilize as many resources and methods as possible to meet those challenges. Also, the more mistakes they learn from, the more perspectives they may attain to come up with new ideas, which will definitely facilitate the progression of their critical thinking abilities. Further, the experience of conquering such adversities and involving their own profound and refreshed standpoints will boost ones' self-confidence and enhance their self-esteem. Eventually, learning from your wrongdoings will pay off both intellectually and emotionally.

Overall, one the one hand, parents' involvement and protection may support us with consolidated affection and keep us from addiction to impolite and harmful behaviors; on the other hand, with the examples above I want to illustrate that mistakes is not just something depressed, but promote you to enhance your capacity and consolidate yourself to be welfare.

4月23日TPO19

In the reading passage, the author explores that buzzing has led to many controversy, while the lecturer who are working as a buzzer contradicts that opinion. And the lecturer supports his ideas with three justifications.

To begin with, the author of the reading thinks that people who are paid to advertise a product may mislead the consumers. In contrast, the speaker is opposed to that. Since companies find people who are the user of their products and think highly of that to be buzzers. Even though they are paid to plug the product, they are not the same as ordinary advertisements--that is, buzzers will tell customers the truth because they really think the product to be great.

Also, the reading identifies that consumers may listen to their evaluations less critically, which may be not true. Customers will certainly ask buzzers a lot of questions, such as the price, whether they use the product or not and how long they have been using it. If they cannot get satisfied answers, they won't buy it.

Finally, the lecturer refutes the idea that it is buzzers who do harm to social relationships. To be a buzzer, one person is both sincere and has good products. Additionally, buzzers are so experienced that they looked trustful and are opened to their customers.

4月23日TPO19

In the reading passage, the author explores that buzzing has led to many controversy, while the lecturer who are working as a buzzer contradicts that opinion. And the lecturer supports his ideas with three justifications.

To begin with, the author of the reading thinks that people who are paid to advertise a product may mislead the consumers. In contrast, the speaker is opposed to that. Since companies find people who are the user of their products and think highly of that to be buzzers. Even though they are paid to plug the product, they are not the same as ordinary advertisements--that is, buzzers will tell customers the truth because they really think the product to be great.

Also, the reading identifies that consumers may listen to their evaluations less critically, which may be not true. Customers will certainly ask buzzers a lot of questions, such as the price, whether they use the product or not and how long they have been using it. If they cannot get satisfied answers, they won't buy it.

Finally, the lecturer refutes the idea that it is buzzers who do harm to social relationships. To be a buzzer, one person is both sincere and has good products. Additionally, buzzers are so experienced that they looked trustful and are opened to their customers.

作者: Crystaljoy 时间: 2012-4-25 09:31
看完你给他人的几篇互改，想说：

认真的探险者会高飞！

作者: 易雨水巷 时间: 2012-4-25 13:48
sorry 还没有给你改昨天的综合T.T,还在上课!请允许我晚上完成,抱歉了。

作者: lxyuan2001 时间: 2012-4-25 17:54
4月23日10211 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents should allow their children to make mistakes and let them learn from their own mistakes.

With the advent of teenagers' participation in the social settings, it is incredible that we adolescents may make mistakes so frequently（加上好像顺一点), ~~which range~~ from missing important details of a research project to rudely talking to the elderly. Some parents are afraid that their kids might be addicted into some ~~negative~~（这个搭配不常用， fatal更好一些） lure like drugs, and thus they overprotect them from making any mistakes. However, going through some difficulties due to wrongdoings is an irreplaceable experience at certain stage of age. Clearly, it makes sense that parents make their kids learn from their own mistakes.

Indeed, even though teenagers have to experience mistakes and get a lesson from that, parents' direction is remarkably ~~incredible~~essential(incredible之前用过，并且在这里你要表现的应该是重要，而不是“不可思议”). For one thing, careful and devoted parents are always there to support us, no matter what mistakes we have made. Some parents have ~~been~~ dedicated themselves into their kids' upbringing for several years, keeping them from going astray(用在这里真是awesome!) and teaching them meaningful value. Also, adolescents won't feel uneasy in front of their parents, although they have caused some terrible ~~events~~ troubles. No one has to worry about not being perfect(or ‘being imperfect’) among their immediate family. Finally, nothing can be more useful(helpful) than the guidance given by our parents. Undoubtedly, we can confide in and discuss our terrible behaviors, which consolidate the process of our personality formation. (这段可能和你的中心思想有点相悖，题目着重在问家长是不是应该允许孩子犯错从而吸取教训，你的中心思想是应该允许。但是这段却说家长的指导很有必要，所以我迷茫了。。。。)

More importantly, it is fundamentally significant that the young should suffer from the adversities owing to their terrible performance. To begin with, many different mistakes may occur during our research process, and that helps to incorporate what we are actually experiencing into what we have acquired from textbooks. Obviously, students are not passive receptacles of predigested knowledge, namely that they had better grasp provoking thoughts through training. For instance, if a student hasn't met any misleading （缺谓语，可以加上phenomenon） during his experiment, his ideas from printed books will stopped to be effective whenever he's encountering something wrong. Aside from the difference between operating and learning（承上启下）, students may have difficulties getting along with their companions when dealing with a group project, which is common among the contemporary youths. Supposed （that） a student may express some inappropriate behaviors or evaluations to his colleagues, he will have go through such adversity and be experienced coping with it. Apparently, adolescents have to grasp such opportunities of awful performance to enhance their working and searching experience, which would lead to their promotion in their career path.（这段好）

Survey results have consistently shown that students who take advanced subjects and experience failures of those exams are more likely to get excellent grade in university. This is because tough terms, complicated ideas and the striking depression make students more mentally spurred in their studies and effectively motivate them to utilize as many resources and methods as possible to meet（overcome） those challenges. Also, the more mistakes they learn from, the more perspectives they may attain to come up with new ideas, which will definitely facilitate the progression of their critical thinking abilities. Further, the experience of conquering such adversities and involving their own profound and refreshed standpoints will boost ones' self-confidence and ~~enhance their self-esteem~~（这个和boost self-confidence重合了）. Eventually, learning from your wrongdoings will pay off both intellectually and emotionally.

Overall, one the one hand, parents' involvement and protection may support us with consolidated affection（猜你想说的是坚固的感情，不如直接用solid affection） and keep us from addiction to impolite and harmful behaviors; on the other hand, with the examples above I want to illustrate that mistakes is not just something depressed(depressing), but (also something that )promotes you to enhance your capacity and consolidate yourself to be welfare（画线的真不知道啥意思@￥%￥#……%）.

还想再说下你的逻辑问题，首段你持一边到的观点：认为家长应该放任孩子犯错。末段你持两分法，认为家长保护和指导有必要，同时孩子能从犯错中获得好处。这个前后矛盾是很明显的。你这篇文章写到了700多字（30分钟内写得么？牛逼怎两个字了得。。。），其实我认为第二段可以删去，然后第三段分为两段，主题由三个例子撑起（学习知识、与朋友相处、上难课程），最后一总结就够了：）

作者: lxyuan2001 时间: 2012-4-25 17:55
TPO 19, to become well-informed, a person must get information from many different news sources.

Our society has witnessed an information boom in recent decades, which is a result of the exponential leap of technology and science, as well as economy. While some people may constantly complained about how many junk emails they receive everyday and how many advertising phone calls they pick up a month, there are other people who have taken advantages of these phenomenon to gather information and find business opportunities. Therefore, it's essential to acquire information from different and updated sources in order to be well-informed.

First of all, making use of different news sources renders the opportunities to compare each piece of information you get and to ensure its accuracy. Take my personal experience as an example.As I was doing internship in an investment bank, one particular thing caught my notice: when some financial incident happened, sales people would always watch the television, go the news website, hold conference calls to exchange opinions, and talk with their clients about their viewpoints. At the beginning I thought this was a huge trouble spending such great amount of time gathering information on one event. Then I realize that what they are doing is trying to compare information of various news sources, to find the difference between each view, and ultimately form their own opinions. This experience enabled me to aware that by accessing to several sources of news information, one can avoid being misled by the perspective of that single article.

Moreover, as the news agencies are more and more specialized, it's imperative to accumulate specific knowledge from several types of newspapers, websites, and TV programs. For example, one may become interested in the overall influence of Afghanistan War and want to conduct a thorough research into this field. He/she not only has to search through the political news website to discover the historical episodes, but also visit biological website to learn about the environmental impacts of the war, and to scan <The Economy> to find out the business influence of the war that have been caused over long run. Consequently, looking into specialized news agencies provide the reader with a comprehensive view of what has happened.

Some people may argue that adapting to several news sources cost time and money, while sticking to single newspaper or website that they rely on is relative convenient. Nevertheless, increasingly severe competition among news agencies is commonplace nowadays and hence causes frequent drop in the quality of the news reported. Therefore, keeping an eye on a wide range of newspaper, websites, and television program provides a platform where one can ensure him/herself be updated with the latest news clips of highest quality.

Based on the discussion above, we can safely draw a conclusion that gathering information from varied news sources are critical to a well-informed person, for the reasons that it helps to build up a comprehensive sense of different aspects of one event, and that it makes sure people acquire high quality and most updated news.

作者: 探险者 时间: 2012-4-25 18:23
标题: 回复lxyuan2001
当时自己写的很纠结。这篇文章写的超时了，也是因为第二段的缘故，总计写了40min。我自己写文章时总想写成让步加正面论证的方式，因此写了第二段，说明了一下家长的指导和帮助有必要，然后再证明孩子要犯错和从中学习。还是要好好考虑一下自己的逻辑问题，写作文时提纲列的简单，所以写的时候有些地方没想好会写偏。
多谢指导啊！！！文章还是要多多修改才好啊

作者: 探险者 时间: 2012-4-25 18:25
标题: 回复易雨水巷
没关系啦，大家来帮我修改作文，自己觉得这样进步很多，很多自己以往不注重的问题都暴漏了出来
嘿嘿

作者: 易雨水巷 时间: 2012-4-25 20:18

红色为错误，蓝色为建议和疑问，高亮为精彩，绿色为总结
In the reading passage, the author explores that buzzing hasled to many controversy, while the lecturer who are (is) working as abuzzer contradicts that opinion. And the lecturer supports his ideas with three justifications.
To begin with, theauthor of the reading thinks that people who are paid to advertise a productmay mislead the consumers. Incontrast, the speaker is opposed to that. Since companies find peoplewho are the user of their products and think highly of that to be buzzers. Eventhough they are paid to plug the product, they are not the same as ordinaryadvertisements--that is, (另起一句，用That is to say?)buzzers will tell customers the truthbecause they really think the product to be great.

Also, the reading identifies that consumersmay listen to their evaluations less critically, which may be not true.Customers will certainly ask buzzers a lot of questions, such as the price,whether they use the product or not and how long they have been using it. Ifthey cannot get satisfied (修饰answers的吧，用satisfying) answers, theywon't buy it.

Finally, the lecturer refutes the idea that itis buzzers who（who 换成that）do harm tosocial relationships. To be a buzzer, one person is both sincere and has goodproducts. Additionally, buzzers are so experienced that they looked trustfuland are opened to their customers.

To 探险者：与其说易雨水巷在给探险者改综合，不如说易雨水巷在学习呢，探险者的听力听得很全面，词汇变换也很多，易雨水巷觉得很赞了O(∩_∩)O~

作者: 探险者 时间: 2012-4-25 20:23
标题: 4月25日综合+独立
综合写成TPO20的了，不好意思啊

4月24日TPO20

The reading passage explores that people are opposed to the “let it burn” policy, while the lecturer in the listening passage is at the opposite standpoint, supporting her ideas with the real situation after the large scaled fires in Yellowstone of 1988.

First of all, the author of the reading analyzes the tremendous damage due to the Yellowstone fires. However, the instructor identifies that the scorched land will soon be replaced by new plants, which contradicts the reading. Also, the Yellowstone fires give opportunities to smaller plants, who need shade and open place and could not grow before that fire. What’s more, plants that can go through high-level heat appeared after the damaged fire.

In addition, she reckons that the population of wildlife recovered quickly, which refutes the author’s thought. To make things better, small animals like rabbits are offered ideal habitats after the fire, which also benefits the predators. Therefore, the food chain becomes more stronger than that before the fire.

Finally, the lecturer, who challenges the reading passage, thinks that the fires will damage the value of the park only if the fire happens every year, which is unreasonable. Since the weather of that year is unusual with no rainfall and strong wind. On the other hand, tourists came back to the park the next year, and each year after the fire.

4月25日独立

4月25日110708 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is more important to choose friends that could have fun with than to choose friends that will help you when you are in need.

Indeed, we are involved in a breakneck speed live which puts recurring psychological and physical pressure on us everyday, and thus having fun with closed friends is an indispensable part of our daily occupation. Nonetheless, closed friendship is not just about having fun and sharing happiness, but involving overcoming difficulties as well. Clearly, it makes sense that making friends that will help you when in trouble.

First of all, having access to your closed friends when you are encountering problems will benefits you a lot. To begin with, loyal friends will support each other, no matter what terrible situation they are faced. Some friendships go through formidable adversities and then last for a long time, leading their relationships to be more meaningful. Also, it is unlikely that we may feel uneasy among our friends, making it available to express our disappointed emotion and ask for suggestion and help. Since no one has to worry about being imperfect when getting along with their friends. Finally, nothing can be more helpful than the advice of a trustworthy friend, who understanding and accompany you to combat the trouble. Undoubtedly, it is such sincere friends that promote us to be well-sounded and reassure your depressed feeling.

Additionally, the company of helpful friends can substitute the absence of your family members, especially for people who are alone pursuing their learning targets. Sometimes a student who is studying far from his hometown will make sincere friends and treat them like their immediate family. They shower on them the care that they might provide their brothers or sisters and receive the comfort and companionship in return. Many students who study alone enjoy that relationship of a terrific friend instead of loved ones who may be at a distance. The friends are just like the family members for them and, because of their supporting and mutual understanding, deserve the same treatment that ones' immediate family might receive.

Admittedly, the benefits of friends to have fun with should not be denied. The increasingly high mental and physical strain due to everyday work will last for many years in terms of the unprecedented progression of the whole society and white-hot competition. Thus, it is essential for us to have some friends to have gatherings and enjoy entertainments regularly. However, that kind of friendship will meet challenges when in difficulties and won't be maintained to be consistent. Apparently, a friend who is enthusiastic and cooperative when you are in need will stick with you whenever you are disappointed with your work.

Overall, even though friends who have a sense of humor and bring you much fun may, to some extent, relieve yourself from your depression due to repeated pressure, it is no wonder that a friend in need will effectively motivate you both emotionally and intellectually, bring about a lifetime and unforgettable friendship.

Indeed, we are involved in a breakneck speed live which puts recurring psychological and physical pressure on us everyday, and thus having fun with closed friends is an indispensable part of our daily occupation. Nonetheless, closed friendship is not just about having fun and sharing happiness, but involving overcoming difficulties as well. Clearly, it makes sense that making friends that will help you when in trouble.

First of all, having access to your closed friends when you are encountering problems will benefits you a lot. To begin with, loyal friends will support each other, no matter what terrible situation they are faced. Some friendships go through formidable adversities and then last for a long time, leading their relationships to be more meaningful. Also, it is unlikely that we may feel uneasy among our friends, making it available to express our disappointed emotion and ask for suggestion and help. Since no one has to worry about being imperfect when getting along with their friends. Finally, nothing can be more helpful than the advice of a trustworthy friend, who understanding and accompany you to combat the trouble. Undoubtedly, it is such sincere friends that promote us to be well-sounded and reassure your depressed feeling.

Additionally, the company of helpful friends can substitute the absence of your family members, especially for people who are alone pursuing their learning targets. Sometimes a student who is studying far from his hometown will make sincere friends and treat them like their immediate family. They shower on them the care that they might provide their brothers or sisters and receive the comfort and companionship in return. Many students who study alone enjoy that relationship of a terrific friend instead of loved ones who may be at a distance. The friends are just like the family members for them and, because of their supporting and mutual understanding, deserve the same treatment that ones' immediate family might receive.

Admittedly, the benefits of friends to have fun with should not be denied. The increasingly high mental and physical strain due to everyday work will last for many years in terms of the unprecedented progression of the whole society and white-hot competition. Thus, it is essential for us to have some friends to have gatherings and enjoy entertainments regularly. However, that kind of friendship will meet challenges when in difficulties and won't be maintained to be consistent. Apparently, a friend who is enthusiastic and cooperative when you are in need will stick with you whenever you are disappointed with your work.

Overall, even though friends who have a sense of humor and bring you much fun may, to some extent, relieve yourself from your depression due to repeated pressure, it is no wonder that a friend in need will effectively motivate you both emotionally and intellectually, bring about a lifetime and unforgettable friendship.

作者: 探险者 时间: 2012-4-25 20:25
标题: 回复易雨水巷
呵呵，其实改作文本身都是寻找自身不足和学习他人长处的目的，希望大家一起加油。
与君共勉

作者: 探险者 时间: 2012-4-26 20:21
标题: 4.26独立/综合
4月26日101030 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People are now easier to become educated than in the past.
Some individuals indicate that technology not only provides modern people with more options, but complicates our lives as well. Therefore, people may meet many challenges when being educated, such as tough courses and different strange terminologies. However, in fact, it is evident that people of the contemporary society are becoming educated much easier, simply because the remarkable increase of the ability of teachers and easy access to well-rounded schools.

Indeed, it is the improvement of our teachers' patience and teaching experience that makes education easier. To begin with, modern teachers have been gone through strict teaching practice and high-quality selection, which entitle them with cutting-edge pedagogical methods. With that capacity, teachers can conveniently approve to the up-to-date information, the state-of-the-art technology and their students' inner world. Aside from the increasing ability, what really makes sense is teachers' responsibility, which can be expressed through their patient care about students' future development. Every school aged young individual will be motivated by their teachers' guidance to set specific goals, like excelling in their academic studies, cultivating critical thinking ability, appreciating art works, taking part in campus social life and even plan their career path. Not only does the terrific direction promote the students to exhibit themselves in a larger stage, but contributes to the students' capacity for planning their own life. Apparently, we are all enjoy the most excellent teachers who only accounted for a small percent during the past.

Another reason I'm in favor of the statement is that government has invested much expenditure to enhance the teaching atmosphere, which leads to many perfect universities. For on thing, new sets of facilities, such as computers and convenient network, facilitate the universities with a solid foundation; for another, people are now more interested in joining socialized activities to exchange ideas about specific projects, which is unavailable for ancient people. It is no wonder that the progression of modern universities provides us with perfect learning environment, making learning just a piece of cake.

Granted, the white-hot competition and new terms combined with formidable explanations leave obstruct on the way of schooling. Nonetheless, those challenges also give rise to people's awareness of compete for the best and struggling hard, which overcome the difficulties due to the complicated daily occupations. In contrast, during the past, people were suffering poverished living condition and faced with the danger with starvation, let alone sparing no effort for knowledge. Even people of last century from most part of the world had no access to such advanced teaching facilities and thoughts. Therefore, people's desire of pursuing their dreams contributes to less difficult learning.

Overall, even though modern society is inundated with fatal lures and complicated issues, with the examples above I want to illustrate the statement that people are now easier to be educated than in the past really makes sense.

4月26日TPO22
The reading passage explores some reasons for why ethanol cannot be good alternative fro gasoline, which is opposed by the instructor in the listening. And he refutes the opinions of the author with three justifications.

To begin with, the author of the reading indicates that the increase use of ethanol is not useful to combat problems of global warming. However, the instructor contradicts that idea. He admits that the burn of ethanol will give rise to carbon dioxide. But the growth of small plants like corns, which ethanol is made from, will counteract the released carbon dioxide. For example, every plant absorbs that as part of its nutrition all around the year, removing the carbon dioxide from the atmosphere.

What's more, the large scale of production of ethanol won't reduce the source of food for animals. Since people can produce ethanol from certain material, which is the component of the cell wall. Also, that kind of plant is not eaten by animal. Therefore, the illustration made by the lecturer makes the author's view unconvincing.

Finally, he analyzes that the price of the ethanol fuel will compete with that of gasoline, which challenges the standpoint of the reading. Even though the tax subsidies make the price cheaper, it won't always need the support. With more people buy ethanol, more producers will improve its production, thereby the price dropping. The price of the ethanol will go down quickly as more ethanol is being available.

作者: 探险者 时间: 2012-4-26 21:16
标题: 探险者回复lxyuan2001

TPO 19, to become well-informed, a person must get information from many different news sources.
Our society has witnessed an information boom in recent decades, which is a（觉得用定冠词the更好，因为有前面特指的内容） result of the exponential leap of technology and science, as well as economy. While some people may constantly complained about how many junk emails they receive everyday and how many advertising phone calls they pick up a month, there are other people who have taken advantages of these phenomenon to gather information and find business opportunities.（为了体现对比，觉得可以修饰一下information和opportunity，比如用valuable， scarce或者useful等等） Therefore, it's essential to acquire information from different and updated sources in order to be well-informed.

First of all, making use of different news sources renders the opportunities to compare each piece of information you get and to ensure its accuracy. Take my personal experience as an example. As I was doing internship in an investment bank, one particular thing caught my notice: when some financial incident（some incidents）happened, sales people would always watch the television, go （to或者直接scan）the news website, hold conference calls to exchange opinions, and talk with their clients about their viewpoints. At the beginning I thought this was a huge trouble（waste） spending such great amount of time gathering information on（觉得这里用for是不是更合适） one event. Then I realize that what they are doing is trying to compare information of various news sources, to find the difference between each view, and ultimately form their own opinions. This experience enabled me to aware that by accessing to several sources of news information, one can avoid being misled by the perspective of that single article.

Moreover, as the（这个the可以删去，后面是复数） news agencies are more and more specialized, it's imperative to accumulate specific knowledge from several types of newspapers, websites, and TV programs. For example, one may become interested in the overall influence of Afghanistan War and want to conduct a thorough research into this field. He/she not only has to search through the political news website to discover the historical episodes, but also （to）visit biological website to learn about the environmental impacts of the war, and to scan <The Economy>（在英语文章中，这个符号一般用引号，没有书名号） to find out the business influence of the war that have been caused over long run. Consequently, looking into specialized news agencies provide the reader with a comprehensive view of what has happened.

Some people may argue that adapting to several news sources cost time and money, while sticking to single newspaper or website that they rely on is relative（relatively，修饰形容词的是副词）convenient. Nevertheless, increasingly severe competition among news agencies is commonplace nowadays and hence causes frequent drop in the quality of the news reported（如果用news report这样一个名词词组怎么样）. Therefore, keeping an eye on a wide range of newspaper, websites, and television program provides a platform where one can ensure him/herself be updated with the latest news clipsof highest quality.

Based on the discussion above, we can safely draw a conclusion that gathering information from varied news sources are critical to a well-informed person, for the reasons that it helps to build up a comprehensive senseof different aspects of one event, and that it makes sure people acquire high quality and （the）most updated news.

觉得没啥说的了，出了少量的小问题之外，这篇文章的逻辑结构还有用词、句子都让我感到读起来很舒服，感觉和你以前的几篇相比，有很大进步。上一篇你用了很多修饰词，有些觉得很别扭，但是这一篇给人的感觉用的很是地方，很有效；前几篇在句子和叙述上的问题也不见了，真心觉得这篇文章写的很好。

看来自己得多多努力，多多总结了，嘿嘿

作者: 易雨水巷 时间: 2012-4-26 21:49
4. 25
红色为错误绿色为总结高亮为精彩蓝色为疑问
Indeed, we are involved in a breakneck speed live (life?) which puts recurring psychological and physical pressure onus everyday, and thus having fun with closed friends is an indispensable partof our daily occupation. Nonetheless, closed friendship is not just abouthaving fun and sharing happiness, but involving overcoming difficulties aswell. Clearly, it makessense that making friends that will help you when in trouble.

First of all, having access to your closedfriends when you are encountering problems will benefits you a lot. To beginwith, loyal friends will support each other, no matter what terrible situationthey are faced. Some friendships go through formidable adversities and then last for a longtime, leading their relationships to be more meaningful. Also, it is unlikelythat we may feel uneasy among our friends, making it available to express ourdisappointed emotion and ask for suggestion and help. Since no one has toworry about being imperfect when getting along with their friends(这好像是个从句唉). Finally, nothing can be morehelpful than the advice of a trustworthy friend, who understanding （understand） and accompany you to combat the trouble. Undoubtedly, it is suchsincere friends that promote us to be well-sounded and reassure your depressedfeeling.

Additionally, the company of helpful friends can substitutethe absence of your family members, especially for people who are alonepursuing their learning targets. Sometimes a student who is studying far fromhis hometown will make sincere friends and treat them like their immediatefamily. They shower on them (them 貌似指代不明，是指students还是students’ friendship，建议换成后者) the care that they might provide their brothers orsisters and receive the comfort and companionship in return. Many students whostudy alone enjoy that relationship of a terrific friend instead of loved oneswho may be at a distance. The friends are just like the family members for them （哈，我觉得for them 放在句首更顺当） and, because of theirsupporting and mutual understanding, deserve the same treatment that ones' (one’s) immediate family might receive.

Admittedly, the benefits of friends to have funwith should not be denied. The increasingly high mental and physical strain dueto everyday work will last for many years in terms of the unprecedented progression of the wholesociety and white-hotcompetition. Thus, it is essential for us to have some friends to havegatherings and enjoy entertainments regularly. However, that kind of friendshipwill meet challenges when in difficulties and won't be maintained to beconsistent. Apparently, a friend who is enthusiastic and cooperative when you arein need will stick with you whenever you are disappointed with your work.

Overall, even though friends who have a sense ofhumor and bring you much fun may, to some extent, relieve yourself from yourdepression due to repeated pressure, it is no wonder that a friend in need will effectively motivateyou both emotionally and intellectually, （+and 连结motivate 和bring 两个小短语句子？后面的and可以换成as well as）bring about a lifetime andunforgettable friendship.
To 探索者：拜读大作，除了个别无伤大雅的小错误，已经灰常perfect了，赞一个

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-4-27 08:06
4.26 独立改文
4月26日101030 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People are now easier to become educated than in the past.
Some individuals indicate that technology not only provides modern people with more options, but complicates our lives as well. Therefore, people may meet many challenges when being educated, such as tough courses and different strange terminologies. However, in fact, it is evident that people of the contemporary society are becoming educated much easier, simply because the remarkable increase of the ability of teachers（两个of结构，感觉怪怪的） and easy access to well-rounded schools.
这个开头很精彩哦

Indeed, it is the improvement of our teachers' patience and teaching experience that makes education easier. To begin with, modern teachers have been gone through strict teaching practice and high-quality selection, which entitle them with cutting-edge pedagogical methods. With that capacity, teachers can conveniently approve to（这是什么用法？） the up-to-date information, the state-of-the-art technology and their students' inner world. Aside from the increasing ability, what really makes sense is teachers' responsibility, which can be expressed through their patient care about students' future development. Every school aged young individualswill be motivated by their teachers' guidance to set specific goals, like excelling in their academic studies, cultivating critical thinking ability, appreciating art works, taking part in campus social life and even plan their career path. Not only does the terrific direction promote the students to exhibit themselves in a larger stage, but contributes to the students' capacity for planning their own life. Apparently, we are all enjoy the most excellent teachers who only accounted for a small percent during the past.

Another reason I'm（I am） in favor of the statement is that government has invested much expenditure to enhance the teaching atmosphere, which leads to many perfect universities. For on thing, new sets of facilities, such as computers and convenient network, facilitate the universities with a solid foundation; for another, people are now more interested in joining socialized activities to exchange ideas about specific projects, which is unavailable for ancient people. It is no wonder that the progression of modern universities provides us with(用过了，换成offer/grant) perfect learning environment, making learning just a piece of cake.

Granted, the white-hot competition and new terms combined with formidable explanations leave obstruct on the way of schooling. Nonetheless, those challenges also give rise to people's awareness of compete（competing） for the best and struggling(也可以用striving)hard, which overcome the difficulties due to the complicated daily occupations. In contrast, during the past, people were suffering（suffered from） poverished（impoverished/poor/miserable） living condition and faced ~~with~~(这里的face是及物的)the danger with starvation, let alone sparing no effort for knowledge. Even people of last century from most part of the world had no access to such advanced teaching facilities and thoughts. Therefore, people's desire of pursuing their dreams contributes to less difficult learning.
这一段说理欠佳，可以说一下尽管贫穷，人们怎么pursuit educational chances

Overall, even though modern society is inundated with fatal lures and complicated issues, with the examples above I ~~want to~~ illustrate (,)the statement that people are now easier to be educated than in the past really makes sense.

Conclusion：探险者的词汇很丰富啊,行云流水,即使有几个小错误也是无所谓的。

让步说理方面还要加强~向你学习

作者: 易雨水巷 时间: 2012-4-27 16:43
明天一早tpo22今晚有事儿,抱歉T.T

TPO22 综合
Thereading passage explores some reasons for why ethanol cannot be goodalternative fro (for)gasoline, which is opposed by the instructor inthe listening. And he refutes the opinions of the author with threejustifications.

To begin with, the author of the readingindicates that the increase use of ethanol is not useful to combat problems ofglobal warming. However, the instructor contradicts that idea. He admits thatthe burn of ethanol will give rise to carbon dioxide. But the growth of small(?) plants like corns, which ethanol is made from,will counteract the released carbon dioxide. For example, every plant absorbsthat as part of its nutrition all around the year, removing the carbon dioxidefrom the atmosphere.

What's more, the large scale of production of ethanol won'treduce the source of food for animals. Since people can produce ethanol fromcertain material, which is the component of the cell wall. Also, that kind ofplant is not eaten by animal. Therefore, the illustration made by the lecturermakes the author's view unconvincing.

Finally, he analyzes that the price of theethanol fuel will compete with that of gasoline, which challenges the standpoint of the reading.Even though the tax subsidies make the price cheaper, it won't always need thesupport. With more people buy ethanol, more producers will improve itsproduction, thereby the price dropping. The price of the ethanol will go downquickly as more ethanol is being available.

赞

作者: lxyuan2001 时间: 2012-4-27 18:43
4月25日110708 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is more important to choose friends that could have fun with than to choose friends that will help you when you are in need.

Indeed, we are involved in a breakneck speed live (in a life of breakneck speed) which puts recurring psychological and physical pressure on us everyday, and thus having fun with closed(close, 后同) friends is an indispensable part of our daily occupation. Nonetheless, closed friendship is not just about having fun and sharing happiness, but involving overcoming difficulties as well. Clearly, it makes sense that making friends ~~that~~ will help you when in trouble.

First of all, having access to your closed friends when you are encountering problems will benefits you a lot. To begin with, loyal friends will support each other, no matter what terrible situation they are faced. Some friendships go through formidable adversities and then last for a long time, leading their relationships to be more meaningful. Also, it is unlikely that we may feel uneasy among our friends, thus (分句是因果关系，加上thus舒服些)making it available（convenient更好些） to express our disappointed emotion（直接用disappointment更地道些） and ask for suggestion and help. Since no one has to worry about being imperfect when getting along with their friends.（这个句子问题大了点，第一since引导的是从句，因此不该是句号。第二如果since引导的从句是在解释上面的分句，那么和’it is unlikely that we may feel uneasy’重复。可以把since这句和unlikely这句合并下滴） Finally, nothing can be more helpful than the advice of a trustworthy friend, who understanding（understands） and accompanies you to combat the trouble. Undoubtedly, it is such sincere friends that promote us to be well-sounded and reassure your depressed feeling.

Additionally, the company of helpful friends can substitute(supplement) the absence of your family members, especially for people who are alone pursuing their learning targets. Sometimes a student who is studying far from his hometown will make sincere friends and treat them like their immediate family. They shower on them the care that they might provide their brothers or sisters and receive the comfort and companionship in return. Many students who study alone enjoy that relationship of a terrific friend instead of loved ones who may be at a distance. The friends are just like the family members for them and, because of their supporting and mutual understanding, deserve the same treatment that ones' immediate family might receive.

Admittedly, the benefits of friends to have fun with should not be denied. The increasingly high mental and physical strain(有点重复开头的句子，可以改成increasingly rapid pace of life) due to everyday work will last for many years in terms of the unprecedented progression of the whole society and white-hot competition. Thus, it is essential for us to have some friends to have gatherings and enjoy entertainments regularly. However, that kind of friendship will meet challenges when in difficulties(in face of difficulties) and won't be maintained to be consistent(consistently 比较地道). Apparently, a friend who is enthusiastic and cooperative when you are in need will stick with you whenever you are disappointed with your work.

Overall, even though friends who have a sense of humor and bring you much fun may, to some extent, relieve yourself from your depression due to repeated pressure, it is no wonder that a friend in need will effectively motivate you both emotionally and intellectually, bring about a lifetime and unforgettable friendship.

这篇明显的进步是逻辑，递进、让步、对比、转折用的都恰到好处。语言方面的问题我标出了一部分，我建议你可以多看看CNN,BBC的living频道，他们写作很地道，不像185范文用词别扭得很。一起加油！

作者: lxyuan2001 时间: 2012-4-27 19:08
4月26日101030 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People are now easier to become educated than in the past.
Some individuals indicate that technology not only provides modern people with more options, but complicates our lives as well. Therefore, people may meet many challenges when being educated, such as tough courses and different strange terminologies. However, in fact, it is evident that people of the contemporary society are becoming educated much easier, simply because of the remarkable increase of the ability of teachers and easy access to well-roundedschools(这可以试着用educational institutions).

Indeed, it is the improvement of our teachers' patience and teaching experience that makes education easier. To begin with, modern teachers have ~~been~~gone through strict teaching practice and high-quality selection, which entitle them withcutting-edge pedagogical methods. With that capacity, teachers can conveniently approve (access) to the up-to-date information, the state-of-the-art technology and their students' inner world. Aside from the increasing ability, what really makes sense is teachers' responsibility, which can be expressed through their patient care about students' future development. Every school aged young individual will be motivated by their teachers' guidance to set specific goals, like excelling in their academic studies, cultivating critical thinking ability, appreciating art works, taking part in campus social life and even planning their career path. Not only does（语法有点问题，应该是the terrific direction not only promotes but contributes, 否则这个倒装对应的谓语不并列） the terrific direction promotes the students to exhibit themselves in(on) a larger stage, but contributes to the students' capacity for planning their own life. Apparently, we are all enjoy the most excellent teachers who only accounted for a small percent during the past.(这句话改成这样会不会更清楚些: apparently, the most excellent teachers we enjoyed in the past only accounted for a small percent at that time.)

Another reason I'm in favor of the statement is that government has invested much expenditure to enhance the teaching atmosphere, which leads to many perfect universities. For on thing, new sets of facilities, such as computers and convenient network, facilitate the universities with a solid foundation （加上of hardware）; for another, people are now more interested in joining socialized activities to exchange ideas about specific projects, which is unavailable for ancient people. It is no wonder that the progression of modern universities provides us with perfect learning environment, making learning just a piece of cake.

Granted, the white-hot competition and new terms combined with formidable explanations（这个和competition不太能够构成并列，换成overcomplicated classification of disciplines怎么样） leave obstruct（obstruction） on the way of schooling. Nonetheless, those challenges also give rise to people's awareness of compete（competing） for the best and struggling hard, which overcome the difficulties due to the complicated daily occupations. In contrast, during the past, people were suffering poverished(大哥！木有这词儿啊！) living condition and faced with the danger with starvation, let alone sparing no effort for knowledge. Even people of last century from most part of the world had no access to such advanced teaching facilities and thoughts. Therefore, people's desire of pursuing their dreams contributes to less difficult learning.

Overall, even though modern society is inundated with fatal lures and complicated issues, with the examples above ~~I want to illustrate~~（如果不删这个，下面的make sense就多了，因为有倆谓语） the statement that people are now easier to be educated than in the past really makes sense.

作者: lxyuan2001 时间: 2012-4-27 19:09
自己的：
TPO 20: Success people try new things and take risks rather than only doing what they already know how to do well.
A recent poll conducted by an American education agency shows that creativity is the single most important trait of successful people. One may argue that other characteristics such as leadership, communication skills and education background should also be taken into account. However, there is no more fundamental and influential factor than being creative and adventurous that can lead to one's success. I would like to try to illustrate my opinion as below.

First and foremost, the courage to try new things and to take risks lays foundation for new opportunities for people who crave for achievement. History abounds with examples of this. Steve Jobs, someone who inspired the world with his imagination, had never given up seeking new opportunities to pursue his dream, that is, to develop an ideal machine that would change the basic way of our life. At the beginning of his career, his curiosity led him the way to a small niche market in computer industry, and with an unusual boldness he grasp this chance and gained his fame at the age of 23. Lacking a glamorous education background, or a talent in software design, he gradually reached the peak of his career by utilizing his creativity to the fullest.

Second, people who are willing to explore new fields are likely to obtain greater rewards and accomplishment than those who are reluctant to take risks on new things. One example is the traders in investment bank. We are always astonished by how much money a trader can earn within a night. However, as far as I know, about 80% of prop traders have extraordinarily strong ability to conquer their fear of the risks. And more surprisingly, high risks often are linked with their increased excitement, because they know that the existence of the risks always mean a chance to win. Researchers can be another excellent example. Compared to Chinese academic researchers, American and European researchers possess much more intellectual properties, because they were trained to think critically. Being creative is like one of the instincts of excellent researchers.

Admittedly, being over-confident when taking a risk and discovering new things can inevitably result in failure. That's why precautions are always in need when successful people start to 'gamble': Traders are taught to be ready at any critical point to cut loss; researchers will not involve too deep into a vast area in absence of financial and academic support; businessman will make sure that the company has capacity to bear potential loss. Obviously, one should never take risks without considering possible consequences deliberately.

Based on the discussions above, we can draw a conclusion that the trait of being creative and adventurous is essential to entrepreneurs, academic researchers, businessmen. At the same time, planning for potential failure and set up precautions are always wise choices to achieve success.

TPO 21, For success in a future job, the ability to relate well with people is more important than studying hard in school.

As the world becomes more synthesized with various types of relationship, everyone is standing in the middle of a huge personal network, which allows us to move toward our goals in an easier way. At the same time, the rapid expansion of information leads us into an era full of competition that one cannot succeed without solid education background. While some people argue that it's a dilemma of how to balance between developing interpersonal skills and working hard in school to attain certifications, I would insist that both of them are critical to one's success in contemporary society.

On one hand, building up strong interpersonal skills lays foundation for one's career path. Someone who possesses excellent skill to relate with people have greater chance to boost their professional life. Take one of my family member's experience as example. My aunt, a traditional Chinese lady with enthusiasm and intelligence, had found serious problem in managing client relationship in the early days of her business. Given how much she has devoted to her job, it's unusual that the number of her clients gradually slipped. She cannot help feeling frustrated until one day she sorted out the real reason behind this problem- it's her honest or straightforward way of communication that made her client feel uncomfortable and even embarrassed. In awareness of this, she started to behave gentle and polite with some tactics, instead of saying everything directly out of her mind. Soon she began to earn great impression from the clients.

On the other hand, an absence of good academic record in school can be disastrous to one's career path. Imagine if someone who was completely indulged in computer games or other recreational things in university, it's highly possible that he/she failed to foster a clear sense of his/her future, let alone developing competitive research skills and analytical ability. Moreover, studying hard in schools not only help one to obtain degrees, but also inspire the students to discover the real interests or desire in their hearts, because only through exploring one's mind can he or she become determined about life goals and self value.

In addition, going to either extreme of developing interpersonal skills and studying hard in school can impair personal development. If too much energy is distributed to solidifying relationship, one may become flamboyant of material life and neglect the significance of profound, systematic knowledge. On the other end, although someone who possesses profound and incisive understanding of the world, lacking interpersonal skills can result in solitude, which in turn makes him/her feel isolated or even desperate.

Based on the discussions above, we can conclude that the balance, although appears to be hard, between developing personal network and working hard in academic subjects play an indispensable role in achieve success.

作者: 探险者 时间: 2012-5-1 20:59
标题: 探险者回复 lxyuan2001

TPO 20: Success people try new things and take risks rather than only doing what they already know how to do well.
A recent poll conducted by an American education agency shows that creativity is the single most important trait of successful people. One may argue that other characteristics such as leadership, communication skills and education background should also be taken into account. However, there is no more fundamental and influential factor（s） than being creative and adventurous that can lead to one's success. I would like to try to illustrate my opinion as below.

First and foremost, the courage to try new things and to take risks lays （a solid，只是为了强调一下）foundation for new opportunities for people who crave for achievement. History abounds with examples of this. Steve Jobs, someone who inspired the world with his imagination, had never given up seeking new opportunities to pursue his dream, that is, to develop an ideal machine that would change the basic way of our life. At the beginning of his career, his curiosity led him the way to a small niche market in computer industry, and with an unusual boldness he grasp this chance and gained his fame at the age of 23. Lacking a glamorous（glamorous是“富有魅力，吸引人的”，觉得使用brilliant表示“杰出辉煌灿烂”更好） education background, or a talent in software design, he gradually reached the peak of his career by utilizing his creativity to the fullest.

Second, people who are willing to explore new fields are likely to obtain greater rewards and accomplishment than those who are reluctant to take risks on new things. One example is the traders in investment bank. We are always astonished by how much money a trader can earn within a night. However, as far as I know, about 80% of prop traders have extraordinarily strong ability to conquer their fear of the（觉得这个the可以不要） risks. And more surprisingly, high risks often are（正确的语序是are often，如果是一个行为动词，则是often go等等，often，usually等用于be动词之后） linked with their increased excitement, because they know that the existence of the risks always mean（s，和前面的existence对应，主谓一致）a chance to win. Researchers can be another excellent example. Compared to Chinese academic researchers, American and European researchers possess much more intellectual properties, because they were（为什么要用were，觉得用一般现在时就好）trained to think critically. Being creative is like one of the instincts of excellent researchers.

Admittedly, being over-confident when taking a risk and discovering new things can inevitably result in failure. That's why precautions are always in need when successful people start to 'gamble': Traders are taught to be ready at any critical point to cut loss; researchers will not involve too deep into a vast area in absence of financial and academic support; businessman will make sure that the company has （the）capacity to bear potential loss. Obviously, one should never take risks without considering possible consequences deliberately.

Based on the discussions above, we can draw a conclusion that the trait of being creative and adventurous is essential to entrepreneurs, academic researchers, businessmen. At the same time, planning for potential failure and set up precautions are always wise choices to achieve success.

文章已经写得很好了，保持势头啊，继续努力。我觉得就托福考试来讲，现在不必写太多文章了，因为行文的思路和用词已经很不错了，可以看看10和11两年的机经，把其中的难题构思一下，准备充分些。尤其是不同话题，这样可以减少考试由于构思用去的时间。

TPO 21, For success in a future job, the ability to relate well with people is more important than studying hard in school.

As the world becomes more synthesized with（觉得这个用法不多见啊，是不是用be inundated with就行了）various types of relationship, everyone is standing in the middle of（可以直接用is involved in）a huge personal network, which allows us to move toward our goals in an easier way. At the same time, the rapid expansion of information（表示信息爆炸可以用information boom） leads us into an era full of competition that one cannot succeed without solid education background. While some people argue that it's a dilemma of how to balance between developing interpersonal skills and working hard in school to attain certifications, I would insist that both of them are critical to one's success in contemporary society.

On one hand, building up strong interpersonal skills lays foundation for one's career path. Someone who possesses excellent skill to relate with people have greater chance to boost their professional life. Take one of my family member's experience as （an）example. My aunt, a traditional Chinese lady with enthusiasm and intelligence, had found serious problem in managing client relationship in the early days of her business. Given how much she has devoted to her job, it's unusual that the number of her clients gradually slipped. She cannot help feeling frustrated until one day she sorted out the real reason behind this problem- it's her honest or straightforward way of communication that made her client feel uncomfortable and even embarrassed. In awareness of this, she started to behave gentle and polite with some tactics, instead of saying everything directly out of her mind. Soon she began to earn great impression from the clients. （我觉得在你的例子后面可不可以加一个总结，也就是转述你这段的要点。在上一篇文章中，那个关于乔布斯的例子很好的把这两点结合起来了。觉得举例子说理比空洞的单纯讲道理好的多，起码更真实，有说服力）

On the other hand, an absence of good academic record in school can be disastrous to one's career path. Imagine if someone who was completely indulged in computer games or other recreational things in university, it's highly possible that he/she failed to foster a clear sense of his/her future, let alone（顶） developing competitive research skills and analytical ability. Moreover, studying hard in schools not only help one to obtain degrees, but also inspire the students to discover the（their） real interests or desire in their hearts, because only through exploring one's mind can he or she become determined about life goals and self value.

In addition, going to either extreme of developing interpersonal skills and studying hard in school can impair personal development. If too much energy is distributed to solidifying relationship, one may become flamboyant of material life and neglect the significance of profound, systematic knowledge. On the other end, although someone who possesses profound and incisive understanding of the world, lacking interpersonal skills can result in solitude, which in turn makes him/her feel isolated or even desperate.

Based on the discussions above, we can conclude that the balance, although appears to be hard, between developing personal network and working hard in academic subjects play an indispensable role in achieve success.

这么说呢，我自己觉得把两种观点混在一起，不是很好写，主要是不好把握，总觉得有个侧重点会比较好。当然，姐姐你这篇文章还是把两方面都描述的比较具体，不过个人觉得深入程度上interpersonal skills写的更深刻，更有说服力。这样我觉得可以把倒数第二段和最后一段并在一起作为结尾，对你的主题，要兼顾二者会体现的更好一些。

举例子很好啊，觉得自己不太善于发掘例子，所以说理很空洞。从和你的对改中，改正了不少自己以前常犯的错误，还有努力啊。

与君共勉

作者: 探险者 时间: 2012-5-1 21:00
标题: 探险者回复 lxyuan2001
贴一篇自己的
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? A job with more vacation time is better than a job with high salary but less vacation time?

The advent of increasing cutting edge technology has been breaking the old lifestyles and putting people in touch with mounting pressure due to high workload. Therefore, it seems that people's career plans are more spurred by the vacation time than high salary.

Few would deny that the vacation time plays a significant role in people's daily lives, especially for the blue-collars and the white-collars. First, people can benefit from more leisure time after work as they can participate in some kinds of sports to enhance their physical health. Preeminent managers of the Wall Street have been involved in constant dealing, mostly from their early career onward, and have to encounter reacurring psychological strain due to the downsizing. Consequently, they can enjoy little leisure time to relieve themselves from the high pressure of work and are always led to wrongdoings even like drugs, which have been demonstrated in the film Inside Job. Second, parents who devote themselves to their work usually have few time to accompany their kids. Adolescents are always expected to take extra-class courses of their lives and interpersonal skills given by upbringing, and thus students with working parents are remarkably lack of that, which cause to addiction to video games or even juvenile delinquency. In this case, the more vacation time people have, the better life they might lead.

Furthermore, appropriate spare time during work is indispensable of the progression of companies. With regard to the expectation of the boss, it is nonetheless possibly to deny their concentration on the staff's efficiency, wherever people always focus much more attention on their job satisfaction. The necessity of both the employers and the employees can solely be met with jobs with more vacation time. It is reported that workers who are satisfied with their works and have enough sleeping can express their top abilities when deal with problems, which resolves the worry of the leaders. More importantly, in the contemporary society, it is not uncommon that people of a team also join force in some relaxations during their vacations to enhance their mutual understanding and skills of cooperation. Additionally, that is also a terrific method for freshmen to incorporate what they have experienced with the distinct entrepreneur culture. Only with more leisure time and abundant energy can staff of certain company promote it to a higher level.

Undoubtedly, people are truly discovered their needs and job satisfaction due to a dear deserve, not informed by the vacation time. Admittedly, we human beings are born with the natural desire to lead a better life. Apart from the basic necessities, we always put ourselves in the track of reaching a comparable living standard of our peers. Also, consumers often prefer to purchase endorsements matched to their status. As a result, dreaming compensations have to be taken into consideration when deciding which job to undertake.

Overall, I believe more vacation time plays a critical role in both ensuring ones' health welfare and creating profitability for companies, which has been empirically proven by the ever-increasing leisure time in most industries. Although some people do recognize their own needs, this recognition might be reversed by the disappointing outcomes due to lacking sleeping and adjustment. And thus choosing a job with fantastic vacation time really makes sense.

作者: 探险者 时间: 2012-5-2 20:05
标题: 探险者 5.2 作业综合/独立
探险者 5.2 作业综合/独立
5月2日20110820 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The most important investment for a company is to spend money on improving skills of its employees.

Some individuals indicate that technology not only provides modern people with more options, but complicates our lives as well. Therefore, people are always puzzled by the refreshed terminology and the new explanations for that, making it necessary for people's grasp and sensitive to the fast-moving society. Also, different attractions and people's natural desire lead to our expectation for a high-quality life. Clearly, it is desperately needed that company has to spend money on improving skills of its employees, which plays the most vital role in its expenditure.

Undoubtedly, managers of every company worry about whether their investment can pay off both intellectually and emotionally, which means the improvement of staff's working efficiency and the solidarity of their groups. For one thing, it is the training that lays a solid foundation for staff's well-rounded abilities, which ranges from how to appropriately optimize your work time and information resource to how to incorporate what you have learned from textbook to practice. For another, without interpersonal and communication skills, people may suffer adversities like the shortage of target clients and the isolation from the majority. The progression of your socialized skills will not only help you get along with your colleagues, but give rise to the opportunity to express yourself in public as well. Consequently, it is unlikely that the company won't make great success with such excellent employees.

Aside from promoting people to be welfare, it is not uncommon that modern companies focus much attention on one’s expanded outlook. Obviously, employees are not passive receptacles of predigested plans, thus predominant staff is encouraged to positively participate in thinking up constructive ideas. The communication between leaders and employees in the modern society is commonplace, making it available to enhance employees’ abilities to keep informed of the up-to-date resource and techniques. More importantly, people who have durable eyesight are entitled with the capacity of creativity. Even though no one thought highly of Steve Jobs's long-term suggestion during his early period, he stick to the research of computer devices and the masses' feedback, bringing about the appearance of fantastic iphone and the popularity of the Apple. It is evident that Steve Jobs made such perfect prediction with his accumulated experience and learning from daily occupation, which is closely connected with people’s practical ability.

Another fundamental reason that I'm in favor of the statement is that people are now suffering recurring psychological stress, which discourages their working enthusiasm. That would certainly cause great loss of the company's investment, since their expenditures receive little as their expectation. Clearly, people are born with the natural desire for satisfied living condition, thus making them purchase commodities which match to their social status. Therefore, skill training will make them content by promoting their career prospective and wages, which enable them to lead a better life. In addition, company has to invest in people's mental and physical health recovery. Employees have to be taught how to involve in daily exercises, how to keep calm when in face of difficulties and how to relieve themselves from high pressure due to everyday work, which we call psychology guidance.

Overall, on the one hand, the improvement of staff's skills will benefit both his\her own career path and working group; on the other hand, with developed job satisfaction, people will more positively devote themselves to their undertaking with remarkable enthusiasm and energy. It is no wonder that the most significant investment for a company is to practice their employees' abilities, which leads to the promotion of the company itself and its staff.

TPO3

The reading passage explores that the painting is not attributed to Rembrandt. In contrast, even though the instructor in the listening admits the exploration in the reading is true, the paint has been examined by researchers to be Rembrandt's. And she gives three points to support her ideas.

First of all, the author of the reading analyzes that the dressing way of the woman is inconsistent, which is not in harmony with the style of Rembrandt. However, the lecturer opposes that viewpoint because the collar was added over the top of the original paint 100 hundred years after the work had been made, which can be indicated by the pigment. The reason for adding a collar is to improve the painting's value by making some change of the woman.

Additionally, the reading reckons that Rembrandt never made such an error of light and shadow. But according what has been expressed by the lecturer, if you move the collar, the original painting will be seen. Actually, on the original panel, the light color of the simple collar will reflect the light to illuminate the woman's face, which indicates that the face won't be partially shadowed. That is parallel with Rembrandt's realistic style.

Finally, she contradicts the reading with the standpoint that the panel will be enlarged when the collar is added, making the work to be more grand and valuable. Indeed, the original single piece of wood is absolutely Rembrandt's paint.(漏掉了另外一个原因，细节啊)

TPO3

The reading passage explores that the painting is not attributed to Rembrandt. In contrast, even though the instructor in the listening admits the exploration in the reading is true, the paint has been examined by researchers to be Rembrandt's. And she gives three points to support her ideas.

First of all, the author of the reading analyzes that the dressing way of the woman is inconsistent, which is not in harmony with the style of Rembrandt. However, the lecturer opposes that viewpoint because the collar was added over the top of the original paint 100 hundred years after the work had been made, which can be indicated by the pigment. The reason for adding a collar is to improve the painting's value by making some change of the woman.

Additionally, the reading reckons that Rembrandt never made such an error of light and shadow. But according what has been expressed by the lecturer, if you move the collar, the original painting will be seen. Actually, on the original panel, the light color of the simple collar will reflect the light to illuminate the woman's face, which indicates that the face won't be partially shadowed. That is parallel with Rembrandt's realistic style.

Finally, she contradicts the reading with the standpoint that the panel will be enlarged when the collar is added, making the work to be more grand and valuable. Indeed, the original single piece of wood is absolutely Rembrandt's paint.(漏掉了另外一个原因，细节啊)

作者: 喵喵了个咪 时间: 2012-5-3 08:35

改TPO3

The reading passage explores that the painting is not attributed to Rembrandt. In contrast, even though the instructor in the listening admits the exploration in the reading is true, the paint has been examined by researchers to be Rembrandt's(感觉这里怪怪的，用个从句会不会好一些。). And she gives three points to support her ideas.

First of all, the author of the reading analyzes that the dressing way of the woman is inconsistent, which is not in harmony with the style of Rembrandt. However, the lecturer opposes that viewpoint because the collar was added over the top of the original paint 100 hundred years after the work had been made, which ~~can be~~is indicated by the pigment. The reason for adding a collar is to improve the painting's value by making some change of the woman.

Additionally, the reading reckons that Rembrandt never made such an error of light and shadow. But according what has been expressed by the lecturer, if you move(remove好些) the collar, the original painting will be seen. Actually, on the original panel, the light color of the simple collar will(用一般时态就好) reflect the light to illuminate the woman's face, which indicates that the face won't be partially shadowed. That is parallel with Rembrandt's realistic style.

Finally, she contradicts the reading with the standpoint that the panel will be enlarged when the collar is added, making the work to be more grand and valuable. Indeed, the original single piece of wood is absolutely Rembrandt's paint.(漏掉了另外一个原因，细节啊)(漏掉了两点：1because of the added collar, the wood panel had to be added in order to make the painting more granted and valuable. 2the original piece of panel are made by the wood from similar tree with another Rembrandt’s painting)

如果没漏掉最后两点，这片文章就很好了。综合最重要的就是听力的要点，一般在4点左右(有的点有两个细节比如这篇的第三点)。所以加强听力吧~

作者: chasedreamabc 时间: 2012-5-3 12:41

Some individuals indicate that technology not only provides modern people with more options, but（not only...but also,可以省略also吗？） complicates our lives as well. Therefore, people are always puzzled by the refreshed terminology and the new explanations for that, making it necessary for people's grasp and sensitive to the fast-moving society. Also, different attractions and people's natural desire lead to our expectation for a high-quality life. Clearly, it is desperately needed that company has to spend money on improving skills of its employees, which（不能形容人，who） plays（前面一直说的是employees，play） the most vital role in（存疑，on）its expenditure.

Undoubtedly, managers of every company worry about whether their investment（应该不是只有一笔投资，+s）can pay off both intellectually and emotionally, which（这个不能指代前面一句话的，CDers 经常性的错误）means the improvement of staff's working efficiency and the solidarity of their groups. For one thing, it is the training that lays a solid foundation for staff's well-rounded abilities, which ranges from how to appropriately optimize your （这个your是哪里的，人称毫无征兆的转变了）work time and information resource to how to incorporate what you have learned （可以用一般现在时吧，表示一般现象）from textbook（+a，或者+s，名词不能单独用） to practice. For another, without interpersonal and communication（两个词性不同的单词不能并列的）skills, people may suffer adversities like the shortage of target clients and the isolation from the majority. The progression of your socialized skills will not only help you get along with your colleagues, but give rise to the opportunity to express yourself in public as well. Consequently, it is unlikely that the company won't（书写不规范，分开写）make great success with such excellent employees.

Aside from promoting people to be welfare, it is not uncommon that modern companies focus much attention on one’s expanded outlook. Obviously, employees are not passive receptacles of predigested plans, thus predominant staff is encouraged to positively participate in thinking up constructive ideas. The communication between leaders and employees in the modern society is commonplace, making it（指代不清） available to enhance employees’ abilities to keep informed of the up-to-date resource and techniques. More importantly, people who have durable eyesight are entitled with the capacity of creativity. Even though no one thought highly of Steve Job's long-term suggestion during his early period, he stick to the research of computer devices and the masses' feedback, bringing about the appearance of fantastic IPhone and the popularity of the Apple. It is evident that Steve Jobs made such perfect prediction with his accumulated experience and learning from daily occupation, which is closely connected with people’s practical ability.

Another fundamental reason that I'm in favor of the statement is that people are now suffering recurring psychological stress, which discourages their working enthusiasm. That would certainly cause great loss of the company's investment, since their（前面都是单数啊，指代错误）expenditures receive little as their expectation. Clearly, people are born with the natural desire for satisfied living condition, thus （可以直接用-ing表示伴随）making them purchase commodities which match to their social status. Therefore, skill （+s）training will make them content by promoting their career prospective and wages, which enable them to lead a better life. In addition, company has to invest in people's mental and physical health recovery. Employees have to be taught how to involve in daily exercises, how to keep calm when in face of difficulties and how to relieve themselves from high pressure due to everyday work, which we call psychology guidance.

Overall, on the one hand（on one hand）, the improvement of staff's skills will benefit both his\her own career path and working group（与主题没有什么关系吧，稍后在PS中论述）; on the other hand, with developed job satisfaction, people will more positively（待求证）devote themselves to their undertaking with remarkable enthusiasm and energy. It is no wonder that the most significant investment for a company is to practice their employees' abilities, which leads to the promotion of the company itself and its staff.

PS：Wow...字数好多，先赞一个

对于有多处同样错误或者存疑的地方，只标出了第一处

1.所使用到的例证很独特，新颖，是我之前所没有想到过的，或者说我根本不可能想出来；
2.最后一段的TS应该呼应一下你的结论，这点应该加强一下；

3.语法稍弱，单复数什么的写完好好检查一下啊

作者: 探险者 时间: 2012-5-3 21:25
标题: 5.3独立
这篇思路很不好，大大们狠拍吧
5月3日20110827 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Patience is usually not a good thing and we need to take actions at once.
Since we human beings have embarked into an information era, cutting edge technology has not only improved our living quality, but complicated our daily occupations as well. People are always inundated with different kinds of information, which may indicate an amazing opportunity to the future success, and thus some individuals will immediately take actions to pursue their lifetime dreams. However, sometimes taking a quick action may lead to some negative outcomes, which range from the inaccurate information resource to the risk we have to meet. Clearly, making patient reasoning before taking action really makes sense.

Indeed, the information boom makes people have access to current events, which help us to keep track of the progression of every field. It is not uncommon that business managers won't make decisions as soon as they receive some clues of the fast-moving market. They may surf related websites, watch the television news, make a conversation with their colleagues or clients and hold conferences to carry out a discussion. Simply put, those methods will not only enhance them to better understand the development of certain events and make their minds more analytical and insightful, but also help to come up with well-rounded plans. Clearly, business is about how people trust, cooperate and compete, thereby exhibiting the significance of whether your information is right or not. Only justified cues can promote your company to a higher level.

What's more, taking action at once, to some extent, means taking risks. Most successful people always tell us the giant risk they took on the way to extraordinary success. However, don't jump to the conclusion that taking risks is the key to brilliant success. The lecture made by the so-called elites may be deceptive, in that we only hear about a small number of people who successfully take a risk but we don't hear about thousands of people who take similar risks and lose. Likewise, we are just informed of the winner of the $500 million lottery and their remarkable happiness, while we cannot wade in the same pool of adventure in terms of that kind of information, can we? Clearly, we may undertake great adventure when carrying out immediate decisions, which may lead to the worst outcome without patience.

Even though some people explore that we might miss the cherished opportunity if we are not determined to take methods at once, it is evident people have to analyze different situations and their own abilities both insightfully and patiently. Take some Chinese students as an example. Most students' parents have been involved in their daily lives ever since their childhood, and thus they always imitate or even follow their parents' suit, namely that parents make directions of what major to choose, how to appropriately manage one's schedule and even how to promote their career path. Therefore, those students are not fit to study abroad even though they receive the offer from top universities such as Harvard. They have to deeply analyze what they are good at and what they are lack of, which desperately needs students' patient and careful exploration of themselves.

Overall, although some accessible information and scarce opportunity may lead to our fantastic success, we have to incorporate what we have learned from the current events to our provoking thought, which means it is necessary to think deeply before putting into action.

作者: 喵喵了个咪 时间: 2012-5-4 10:10

改5月3日20110827 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Patience is usually not a good thing and we need to take actions at once.
Since we human beings have embarked into an information era, cutting edge technology has not only improved our living quality, but complicated our daily occupations as well.(感觉这句话不应该用完成时，应该和后边是时态一致。) People are always inundated with different kinds of information, which may indicate an amazing opportunity to the future success, and thus some individuals will immediately take actions to pursue their lifetime dreams. However, sometimes taking a quick action may lead to some negative outcomes, which range from the inaccurate information resource to the risk we have to meet. Clearly, making patient reasoning before taking action really makes sense.

Indeed, the information boom makes people have access to current events, which help us to keep track of the progression of every field. It is not uncommon that business managers won't make decisions as soon as they receive some clues of the fast-moving market.(这句话中出现了3个否定词，去掉两个。) They may surf related websites, watch the television news, make a conversation with their colleagues or clients ~~and hold conferences~~(与前文意思重复) to carry out a discussion. Simply put, those methods will not only enhance them to better understand the development of certain events and make their minds more analytical and insightful, but also tohelp to come up with well-rounded plans. Clearly, business is about how people trust, cooperate and compete, thereby exhibiting the significance of whether your information is right or not. Only justified cues can promote your company to a higher level.(本段的论据与主旨有关，说manager需要对信息耐心的筛选。但结尾总结与patience无关)

What's more, taking action at once, to some extent, means taking risks. Most successful people always tell us the giant risk they took on the wayto result in the extraordinary success. However, don't jump to the conclusion that taking risks is the key to brilliant success. The lecture made by the so-called elites may be deceptive, in that we only hear about a small number of people who successfully take a risk, but we don't hear about thousands of people who take similar risks and lose(losing). Likewise, we are just informed of the winner of the $500 million(要不就全用数字，要不就全用英语) lottery and their remarkable happiness, while we cannot wade in the same pool of adventure in terms of that kind of information, can we? Clearly(连续三段结尾全用clearly，可以换种说法), we may undertake great adventure when carrying out immediate decisions, which may lead to the worst outcome without patience.(我个人觉得这段的500万的例子举得不好，和耐心没有多大关系。)

Even though some people explore that we might miss the cherished opportunity if we are not determined to take methods at once, it is evident people have to analyze different situations and their own abilities both insightfully and patiently. Take some Chinese students as an example. Most students' parents have been involved in their daily lives ever since their childhood, and thus they always imitate or even follow their parents' suit, namely that parents make directions of what major to choose, how to appropriately manage one's schedule and even how to promote their career path. Therefore, those students are not fit to study abroad even though they receive the offer from top universities such as Harvard. They have to deeply analyze what they are good at and what they are lack of, which desperately needs students' patient and careful exploration of themselves.(这段主要用慎重做决策来反驳要及时抓住机会。还是觉得与题目的关系不大)

Overall, although some accessible information and scarce opportunity may lead to our fantastic success(这句没理解啥意思…), we have to incorporate what we have learned from the current events to our provoking thought, which means it is necessary to think deeply before putting into action.

文章的主要问题就是例子与论点结合不紧密。语言很好。语法错误也不多。

貌似3号的独立作文不是这一篇啊亲。。。

作者: Crystaljoy 时间: 2012-5-5 16:10
探险者还没机经？
加写作大本营上的Q群~
里面有机经，网盘也有
520跟512是一份的啊~

作者: lxyuan2001 时间: 2012-5-6 11:22
楼上，楼主写的就是机经啊，而且早于我们就知道了，很未雨绸缪的说。

探险者这两天我作文进度不快，今天准备集中整理下，修改好了给你发上来。加油~

作者: lxyuan2001 时间: 2012-5-6 14:27
5月3日20110827 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Patience is usually not a good thing and we need to take actions at once.

Since we human beings have embarked into an information era, cutting edge technology has not only improved our living quality, but complicated our daily occupations as well. People are always inundated with different kinds of information, which may indicate an amazing opportunity to the future success, and thus some individuals will immediately take actions to pursue their lifetime dreams. However, sometimes taking a quick action may lead to some negative outcomes, which range from the inaccurate information resource(这个是否应该作为一个原因而非结果) to the risk we have to meet. Clearly, making patient reasoning before taking action really makes sense.

Indeed, the information boom makes people have access（provide people with access）to current events, which help us to keep track of the progression of every field. It is not uncommon that business managers won't make decisions as soon as they receive some clues of the fast-moving market(否定过多，可能会给考官带来阅读障碍). They may surf related websites, watch the television news, make a conversation with their colleagues or clients and hold conferences to carry out a discussion. Simply put, those methods will not only enhance them to better understand the development of certain events and make their minds more analytical and insightful, but also help to come up with well-rounded plans. Clearly, business is about how people trust, cooperate and compete (with each other), thereby exhibiting (或in which it underlies) the significance of whether your information is right or not. Only justified cues can promote your company to a higher level.

What's more, taking action at once, to some extent, means taking risks. Most successful people always tell us the giant（最好用immense or enormous） risk they took on the way to extraordinary success. However, don't jump (too quickly )to the conclusion that taking risks is the key to brilliant success. The lecture made by the so-called elites may be deceptive, in that we only hear about a small number of people who successfully take a risk but we don't hear about thousands of people who take similar risks and lose(in that we may only hear about the success of a small portion of people, while the rest remain failure after taking the same risks.) Likewise, we are just informed of the winner of the $500 million lottery and their remarkable happiness, while we cannot wade in the same pool of adventure in terms of that kind of information, can we? Clearly, we may undertake great adventure when carrying out immediate decisions, which may lead to the worst outcome without patience.

Even though some people explore that we might miss the cherished opportunity if we are not determined to take methods at once, it is evident that people have to analyze different situations and their own abilities both insightfully and patiently. Take some Chinese students as an example. ~~Most students' parents have been involved in their daily lives ever since their childhood, and thus they(指代不明) always imitate or even follow their parents' suit, namely that parents make directions of what major to choose, how to appropriately manage one's schedule and even how to promote their career path.~~ （A number of students, whose daily lives in childhood were almost entirely controlled by parental guide, lack the ability to choose majors, manage personal schedule, and develop career path）Therefore, those students are not fit to study abroad even though they receive the offer from top universities such as Harvard. They have to deeply analyze what they are good at and what they are lack of, which desperately needs students' patient and careful exploration of themselves.

Overall, although some accessible information and scarce opportunity may lead to our fantastic success, we have to incorporate what we have learned from the current events to our provoking thought, which means it is necessary to think deeply before putting into action.

（每一段都可以specify 一下，比如第二段限定在商业领域；第三段限定在广告对人们的欺骗性上，因此人们做purchase的决定时，需要耐心判断真假。第四段说学生在做职业选择或者出国申请时应当耐心发现自己的问题；现在你的逻辑层次没有划开，如果你这样写，三段其实TS都是一样的，只是例子有所区分而已，我觉得探险者的逻辑结构上最有可能被扣分，建议你看看李笑来185范文上的文章提纲，学习一下分层次地技巧。GRE的新东方课上我记得也讲了很多）

因为咱们用的是一套机经，我也写了下：）这篇真不好写，多多指正

One of the hot and controversial topics nowadays is whether to be a more action-oriented or more patience person when some problems come up. Clearly there are abundant people would vote for the former one because they believe sitting around and thinking about potential solutions is merely a waste of time. Nevertheless, still a myriad of people, including me, would like to take a deep breath, think with logic and try to find out a better approach to deal with the problem. There is no denying that this method has its own advantage in several aspects.

In business partnership, patience enables the possibility to carry out a strategic, profound and far-reaching plan to embrace business opportunity. A real story occurs to me which may lend credence to my argument. As a permanent employee and local delegate of a prestigious international furniture company, my aunt was frequently faced with challenges of choosing the right partner to sell products. She was once in a dilemma of choosing between a well known but expensive retailer, or a cheap but small company. Without knowing what to do, my aunt decided to be patient. Later through a bit investigation into the latter company, she was surprised that they are actually notorious among consumers, not like what they previously stated themselves as ‘reputed’. It is no surprise how lucky she felt to be patient when making such a critical decision!

Being patient is at the same time a touchstone of a true relationship with our beloved ones. We all know young adults can be notoriously rebellious against parents in an effort to escape from their old-fashioned thoughts and disciplines. While many parents would set rigor rules to punish the children for their mistakes, there are some parents who adopt the opposite way- listening to children’s ideas with patience, and try best to show empathy. Ample evidences prove that children grown up in the former family have larger chance to indulge in computer games and associate with dangerous friends. In contrast, those who received respect show clear signs of mature personality and self-esteem. Sometimes, spending two or three more minutes to listen to children’s talk can make big change in their life, and that’s the magic power of patience.

Lastly, people who behave in a patient manner reflect their social status and education background. We can hardly imagine a notable professor who rudely stops a student’s question simply because he has mentioned it in last session, nor a well educated politician shouting at waiters because the dishes were served too slowly. While in contrast, it is surprisingly easy to spot an ill-educated person arguing in public because of trivial things. Our common sense allows us to link high social class only to those who are patient and well behaved.

Based on the discussions above, we can conclude that the virtue of patience plays an irreplaceable role in maintaining business and personal relationship, as well as to be an indicator of one’s education background and social class. By simply being a bit more tolerant, you might be able to win the heart of your friend, your customer and even the beloved ones.

作者: 探险者 时间: 2012-5-6 15:44
标题: 回复lxyuan2001
我也没写多快，在准备口语。感觉这方面自己缺的比较多吧，所以下的功夫要多一些。
写作除了练笔外，觉得还是多总结比较好，因为主要是把自己的思路和逻辑层次搞好，还有语言的运用

作者: 探险者 时间: 2012-5-8 21:26
标题: 5.8 独立探险者
5.8 独立探险者
几天没写了，5.20考试，要加把劲了。给5.12的筒子们加油了
5月8日11.9.16 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Children should choose the same career as their parents. Use specific examples to support your answer.

Indeed, parents have been involved in our upbringing and schooling since our childhood, thus they can fully understand what we want in our daily lives, our eating and studying habits and our ability to adapt to the society. Granted, I don't want to be a pretentious and rebellious adolescent, however, it is not necessary for us to choose the same career as our parents. Clearly, it is a terrific opportunity for the young to enhance their ability and exhibit themselves by choosing their own career path.

Even though our parents are much more experienced due to the long-term work, they may find it difficult to understand the up-to-date fashion, the new terminology and the new explanation for that, and even particularly novel thoughts of adolescents, making them not realize what their kids really want to do. However, as for the young, they can easily get to know their interests of certain fields. For one thing, we have been receiving terrific education over ten years, which expanded our outlook with different kinds of information and the state-of-the-art pedagogical method. For another, it is convenient to make friends in the university owing to similar interests and brilliant targets. Therefore, we not only have access to our future development, but we can ask for help from our close companions as well.

More importantly, taking the same career path as our parents may do harm to the cultivation of our creativity. Clearly, even the most outgoing students in my class are remarkably respectful to their parents, leading them to imitating their elderly or even following their behavior. In this way, the youths have to undertake the psychological strain as the result of their parents discipline, making them be afraid to come up with their own viewpoints. Even though they can acquire some predigested knowledge to consolidate their ability, these people can only trail the pace of others without any critical and creative thinking. Undoubtedly, they may meet challenges on the way of promotion.

In addition, some parents are the predominant managers or leaders of the fantastic companies, which may give a hand whenever their children are encountering problems in their career path. In contrast, others may determine their own career plan and rely on themselves to go through the adversities without much too help from parents. Obviously, the latter will grasp the opportunity to improve themselves both intellectually and emotionally. On the one hand, they can foster many capacities, such as how to deal with different clients, how to get along well with your colleagues and how to combat the obstructions. On the other hand, those adolescents are always confident enough to appropriately express themselves in public, leaving deep impression on their companions and leaders. That's what we want to receive through finding our own career path.

Overall, with the well-rounded understand of our advantages and disadvantages, the opportunity to cultivate our creativity and the improvement of our abilities, it makes sense that children should choose their own jobs instead of the same as their parents.

作者: Crystaljoy 时间: 2012-5-10 15:37
5.8 独立谢谢探险者的加油鼓励！好喜欢你每次贴的小太阳，很温暖~~~

5月8日11.9.16 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Children should choose the same career as their parents. Use specific examples to support your answer.

Indeed, parents have been involved in our upbringing and schooling since our childhood, thus they can fully understand what we want in our daily lives (跟后面结构并列一下更好呢our ultimate goal in life ), our eating and studying habits and our ability to adapt to the society. Granted, I don't want to be a pretentious and rebellious adolescent, however, (很赞探险者的鲜亮词汇啊~ granted 作为承让我确实还没见过呢~刚查了语料库corpus，granted单独使用有让步、转折很多用法。但没有在一个句子中同时出现granted，however. 我想是不是跟although， yet 不能一句中同时出现一样的道理？有待探讨) it is not necessary for us to choose the same career as our parents. Clearly, it is a terrific opportunity for the young to enhance their ability and exhibit themselves by choosing their own career path.

Even though our parents are much more experienced due to the long-term work（seniority?）, they may find it difficult to understand the up-to-date fashion, the new terminology and the new explanation for that, and even particularly novel thoughts of adolescents, making them(句子太长了，这个状语容易理解成就近修饰了。 and do) not realize what their kids really want to do. However, as for the young, they can easily get to know their interests of certain fields. For one thing, we have been receiving terrific education over ten years, which expanded our outlookwith (through) different kinds of information (resources) and the state-of-the-art（state-to-art）pedagogical method. For another, it is convenient to make friends in the university owing to similar interests and brilliant targets. Therefore, we not only have access to our future development, but we can ask for help from our close companions as well.

More importantly, taking the same career path as our parents may do harm to the cultivation of our creativity. Clearly, even the most outgoing students in my class are remarkably respectful to their parents, leading them to imitating their elderly or even following their behavior. In this way, the youths have to undertake the psychological strain as the result of their parents discipline, making them be(删除.make 后可以直接adj) afraid to come up with their own viewpoints. Even though they can acquire some predigested knowledge（哈哈，好厉害，虽然我不太看懂啦） to consolidate their ability, these people can only trail the pace of others without any critical and creative thinking. Undoubtedly, they may meet challenges on the way of promotion.

In addition, some parents are the predominant managers or leaders of the fantastic companies, which（GAMT中which不能指代前面整句话。 and） may give a hand whenever their children are encountering (encounterwhenever一般时态就可以了吧？) problems in their career path. In contrast, others（前面是some parents, 后面是others就被误解了。） may determine their own career plan and rely on themselves to go through the adversities without much too help from parents. Obviously, the latter will grasp the opportunity to improve themselves both intellectually and emotionally.On the one hand, they can foster many capacities, such as how to deal with different clients, how to get along well with your(删除，指代不明却) colleagues and how to combat the obstructions. On the other hand, those adolescents are always confident enough to appropriately express themselves in public, leaving deep impression on their companions and leaders. That's what we want to （can 都论证过了，结论是不是应该语气肯定一点。）receive through finding our own career path.

（这段是提出新观点improve ability吧？开头没有开门见山，而是先举例，在中间提出观点，后面解释原因。我个人觉得这种行文结构不太好，读者看的比较费劲。）

Overall, with the well-rounded understand of our advantages and disadvantages, the opportunity to cultivate our creativity and the improvement of our abilities, it makes sense that children should choose their own jobs instead of the same as their parents.

整体：

太棒了！无论是表达，还是内容，都非常非常精彩啊！洋洋洒洒的字数也相当羡慕~

小建议：

1.倒数第二段的结构是不是再完善一下。

2．有的句子有点点长，Ving类型的状语用的偏多了一点点，and类的并列也偏多。建议长短句结合更好。记得XDF老师上课说，据纽约时报之类的统计，最完美的句子平均22词/句。不过你每个句子都高级，信息量大，真的很难得！

作者: 探险者 时间: 2012-5-12 21:26
标题: 5.12 独立写作探险者
5.12 独立写作探险者
5月12日10.2.13 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People who cannot accept criticism will not succeed working in teams.
Even though some individuals are still inundated with the period of hero, who leads them to endeavor for their target alone, undoubtedly, fantastic achievements made in modern time are mostly achieved by the solidarity of a team. Clearly, to consolidate the cooperation among team members, people should patiently listen to others' suggestions and criticisms, and incorporate those advices to their actual experience to carry out the final decision. That certainly means your respect and appreciation to your companions.

To begin with, young adults may possibly meet challenges when dealing with their group colleagues simply because they cannot provokingly consider others' advice. For one thing, adolescents have involved of little socialized environment because of their campus life, teaching them nothing about how to get along well with your companions; for another, students are always easily indulging in the past success in universities, which makes them think highly of their own.Modern companies have remarkably different behavior rules from our campus. Also, people there have devoted themselves to the work for a long time, thus they think up their suggestions with carefully exploration. It is no wonder that we have to analyze their evaluations for our performance both intellectually and emotionally.

In addition, even the most predominant people may find it formidable to obtain great success without the criticism and the support of their companions. Ample justifications can be made among NBA players. Although Gilbert Arenas was once top gifted among all players and got fascinating achievements for his own, he never approved the championship. What has been expressed by Arenas was that he was the leader of the team, leading others to be afraid to come up their own opinions. What's worse, he undertook formidable adversity playing with his team members because his violent behaviors and negative impact. As is known to us, Gilbert Arenas can only play as the second choice of his team in NBA now, let alone leading the team to acquire the final champion.

Obviously, people who can patiently and politely accept criticism from their team members are always among the elite. Neither of them would exhibit any rebellious attitude toward their companions nor shower their notorious mood on them due to some criticizing. Both of their education background and their socialized experience facilitate them to realize the importance of cooperation and trust in the group. Consequently, it is the criticisms given by their colleagues that promote them to a higher level in their fields, making them accessible to the brilliant success.

Overall, on the one hand, young adults have to patiently learn from the criticism from their companions to correct the wrongdoing and improve themselves; on the other hand, even the most brilliant people need the suggestion given by their team members, simply because their formal success was achieved through the same way. Undoubtedly, to obtain terrific success, it makes sense to appropriately accept your team member's criticism.

作者: sang824 时间: 2012-5-13 13:09
Even though some individuals are still inundated with the period of hero, who leads them to endeavor for their target alone, undoubtedly, fantastic achievements made in modern time are mostly achieved by the solidarity of a team. Clearly, to consolidate the cooperation among team members, people should patiently listen to others' suggestions and criticisms, and incorporate those advices to their actual experience to carry out the final decision. That certainly means your respect and appreciation to your companions.

To begin with, young adults may possibly meet challenges when dealing with their group colleagues simply because they cannot provokingly consider others' advice. For one thing, adolescents have involved of little socialized environment because of their campus life, teaching them nothing about how to get along well with ~~your~~ companions;For another, students are always easily indulging in the past success in universities, which makes them think highly of their own(themselves?).Modern companies have remarkably different behavior rules from our campus. Also, people there have devoted themselves to the work for a long time, thus they think up their suggestions with carefully exploration. It is no wonder that we have to analyze their evaluations for our performance both intellectually and emotionally.

In addition, even the most predominant people may find it formidable to obtain great success without the criticism and the support of their companions. Ample justifications can be made among NBA players. Although Gilbert Arenas was once top gifted among all players and got fascinating achievements for his own, he never approved the championship. What has been expressed by Arenas was that he was the leader of the team, leading(making) others to be afraid to come up their own opinions. What's(What is) worse, he undertook formidable adversity playing with his team members because of his violent behaviors and negative impact. As is known to us,(这里用一个因果关系连词感觉合适一点) Gilbert Arenas can only play as the second choice of his team in NBA now, let alone leading the team to acquire the final champion.(这里可以和段首来个呼应..阿里纳斯！让我想起曾经的科比吖嘿嘿)

Obviously, people who can patiently and politely accept criticism from their team members are always among the elite. Neither of them would exhibit any rebellious attitude toward their companions nor shower their notorious mood on them due to some criticizing(criticize). Both of their education background and ~~their~~ socialized experience facilitate them to realize the importance of cooperation and trust in the group. Consequently, it is the criticisms given by their colleagues that promote them to a higher level in their fields, making them accessible to the brilliant success.

Overall, on the one hand, young adults have to patiently learn from the criticism from their companions to correct the wrongdoing and improve themselves; On the other hand, even the most brilliant people need the suggestion given by their team members, simply because their formal success was achieved through the same way. Undoubtedly, to obtain terrific success, it makes sense to appropriately accept your team member's criticism.

探险者写得太好了！！尤其是对词汇的运用，太羡慕了，大赞一个
结构也很清晰，说理有据
好不容易才挑了几个自己都不确定的小错误..
后悔现在才来拜读大作！

作者: 探险者 时间: 2012-5-13 21:38
标题: 5.13 独立作文 BY探险者
5月13日11.12.9 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Your job has more effect on your happiness than your social life.
People are now always undertaking the high pressure due to everyday work, leading them to be more involved in their career life without many socialized activities. For that reason, some individuals certainly explore that job has a deep impact on their happiness. In contrast, even though working takes most part of our time, what has close connection with our emotion is our social life, which ranges from your relationship with your leaders and companions to your socialized circles of clients, from your long-term, trustworthy friends to your beloved immediate family members. Clearly, it is your social life that matters more.

Indeed, to make our family lead a high-quality life, we have to busily devote ourselves to everyday project. However, what intrinsically influences our job performance is our relationship with our clients. Take my uncle as an example. My uncle used to work in an investment bank. Because of his badly terrible mood, it was difficult for him to get along well with his customers. Therefore, their cooperation met challenges without any appropriate adjustment, and thus went into failure. What's worse, that even influenced the evaluation from his team companions and leaders, who wouldn't commit him to undertake other significant projects. Therefore, he suffered a long-term, disappointed adversity, and that decreased his health condition both mentally and physically.

In addition, it is indispensable for us to spend time with our close friends both during work and in our daily lives. For one thing, some friendships last for many years, making it available to confide and communicate with each other inside. For another, a majority of working people would come out to have gatherings with friends regularly. Obviously, supposed that people just talk about interesting and energetic things during the party, it is no wonder that everyone can relax his\herself from the recurring strain owing to their work of breakneck speed. Oppositely, provided that your friends never give you a hand whenever you are encountering problems either at home or in your company, what will you feel about your friendship? Will you be upset about your job performance or your social life with your friends? Undoubtedly, whether you are happy in your daily occupation attaches to your life involved of your friends.

Even though we are forced to spend much more time in our companies instead of accompanying our family, it is desperately necessary for us to pay much attention on the emotion of our family, including your parents, life companion, children and every beloved one. Ample evidences can prove that. Many celebrities, who may achieve the most brilliant success in certain field, may find it difficult to maintain the warm atmosphere of their families. They sacrifice much more on the development of their career promotion without making enough communication with their wives, let alone accompanying their children. The passive family atmosphere will certainly decrease their enthusiasm to their work, and even lead to the adversities of both career life and family bonds.

Simply put, our networking of working field ensures our conspicuous promotion, and at the same time our friends give rise to our perfect performance and positive life attitude. More importantly, the close bond with our immediate family certainly exhibits the emotion and life quality of every beloved one. Undoubtedly, your social life plays a remarkably vital role in our daily lives.

作者: 包子不包子 时间: 2012-5-14 00:47
People are now always undertaking the high pressure due to everyday work, leading them to be more involved in their career life without many socialized activities. For that reason, some individuals certainly explore不大明白啊是investigate search 还是什么意思呢 that job has a deep impact on their happiness.without many socialized activities 为什么还是对happiness 影响大嘞不大理解啊 In contrast, even though working takes most part of our time, what has close connection with our emotion is our social life, which ranges from your relationship with your leaders and companions to your socialized circles of clients, from your long-term, trustworthy friends to your beloved immediate family members. Clearly, it is your social life that matters more.
explore[?k?spl??]vb1.(tr) to examine or investigate, esp systematically
2. to travel to or into (unfamiliar or unknown regions), esp for organized scientific purposes
3. (Medicine) (tr)Med to examine (an organ or part) for diagnostic purposes
4.(tr)Obsolete to search for or out

Indeed, to make our family lead a high-quality life, we have to busily不确定可以这样用么devote ourselves to everyday project. However, what intrinsically influences our job performance is our relationship with our clients.应该是job影响relationship啊 Take my uncle as an example. My uncle used to work in an investment bank. Because of his badly terrible mood, it was difficult for him to get along well with his customers. Therefore, their cooperation met challenges without any appropriate adjustment, and thus went into failure. What's worse, that even influenced the evaluation from his team companions and leaders, who wouldn't commit him to undertake other significant projects. Therefore, he suffered a long-term, disappointed adversity, and that decreased his health condition both mentally and physically.段后最好再有个一句话小总结

In addition, it is indispensable for us to spend time with our close friends both during work and in our daily lives. For one thing, some friendships last for many years, making it available to confide and communicate with each other inside. For another, a majority of working people come out to have gatherings with friends regularly. Obviously, supposed that people just talk about interesting and energetic things during the party, it there？is no wonder that everyone can relax his\herself from the recurring strain owing to their work of breakneck speed. Oppositely, provided suppose?that your friends never give you a hand whenever you are encountering problems either at home or in your company, what will you feel about your friendship? Will you be upset about your job performance or your social life with your friends? Undoubtedly, whether you are happy in your daily occupation attaches to your life involved of your friends.wether...your friends willbe involved in...感觉被动更地道些嘿嘿这段是说和朋友在一起的事是不可避免的所以嘞？没怎么读懂啊。。。嘿嘿

Even though we are forced to spend much more time in our companies instead of accompanying our family, it is desperately necessary for us to pay much attention on the emotion of our family, including your parents, life companion, children and every beloved one. Ample evidences can prove that. Many celebrities, who may achieve the most brilliant success in certain field, may find it difficult to maintain the warm atmosphere of their families. They sacrifice much more on the development of their career promotion without making enough communication with their wives, let alone accompanying their children. The passive family atmosphere will certainly decrease their enthusiasm to their work family influences work?? 是不是反了啊, and even lead to the adversities of both career life and family bonds.

Simply put, our networking of working field ensures our conspicuous promotion, and at the same time our friends give rise to our perfect performance and positive life attitude. More importantly, the close bond with our immediate family certainly exhibits the emotion and life quality of every beloved one. Undoubtedly, your social life plays a remarkably vital role in our daily lives.daily work?

句型词汇结构都很赞啊
但是怎么感觉把命题写反了
5月13日11.12.9 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Your job has more effect on your happiness than your social life.
（补充：觉得更准确的表述是 Your job has more effect on your happiness than your social life does.）

小探险家写的是social life 对career的影响啊再看看？嘿嘿

Indeed, to make our family lead a high-quality life, we have to busily不确定可以这样用么devote ourselves to everyday project. However, what intrinsically influences our job performance is our relationship with our clients.应该是job影响relationship啊 Take my uncle as an example. My uncle used to work in an investment bank. Because of his badly terrible mood, it was difficult for him to get along well with his customers. Therefore, their cooperation met challenges without any appropriate adjustment, and thus went into failure. What's worse, that even influenced the evaluation from his team companions and leaders, who wouldn't commit him to undertake other significant projects. Therefore, he suffered a long-term, disappointed adversity, and that decreased his health condition both mentally and physically.段后最好再有个一句话小总结

In addition, it is indispensable for us to spend time with our close friends both during work and in our daily lives. For one thing, some friendships last for many years, making it available to confide and communicate with each other inside. For another, a majority of working people come out to have gatherings with friends regularly. Obviously, supposed that people just talk about interesting and energetic things during the party, it there？is no wonder that everyone can relax his\herself from the recurring strain owing to their work of breakneck speed. Oppositely, provided suppose?that your friends never give you a hand whenever you are encountering problems either at home or in your company, what will you feel about your friendship? Will you be upset about your job performance or your social life with your friends? Undoubtedly, whether you are happy in your daily occupation attaches to your life involved of your friends.wether...your friends willbe involved in...感觉被动更地道些嘿嘿这段是说和朋友在一起的事是不可避免的所以嘞？没怎么读懂啊。。。嘿嘿

Even though we are forced to spend much more time in our companies instead of accompanying our family, it is desperately necessary for us to pay much attention on the emotion of our family, including your parents, life companion, children and every beloved one. Ample evidences can prove that. Many celebrities, who may achieve the most brilliant success in certain field, may find it difficult to maintain the warm atmosphere of their families. They sacrifice much more on the development of their career promotion without making enough communication with their wives, let alone accompanying their children. The passive family atmosphere will certainly decrease their enthusiasm to their work family influences work?? 是不是反了啊, and even lead to the adversities of both career life and family bonds.

Simply put, our networking of working field ensures our conspicuous promotion, and at the same time our friends give rise to our perfect performance and positive life attitude. More importantly, the close bond with our immediate family certainly exhibits the emotion and life quality of every beloved one. Undoubtedly, your social life plays a remarkably vital role in our daily lives.daily work?

句型词汇结构都很赞啊
但是怎么感觉把命题写反了
5月13日11.12.9 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Your job has more effect on your happiness than your social life.
（补充：觉得更准确的表述是 Your job has more effect on your happiness than your social life does.）

小探险家写的是social life 对career的影响啊再看看？嘿嘿

作者: 包子不包子 时间: 2012-5-14 12:37
这个排版是怎么了不好意思啊忽略它忽略它

作者: 包子不包子 时间: 2012-5-14 19:50
However, what intrinsically influences our job performance is our relationship with our clients.应该是job影响relationship啊 Take my uncle as an example. My uncle used to work in an investment bank. Because of his badly terrible mood, it was difficult for him to get along well with his customers. Therefore, their cooperation met challenges without any appropriate adjustment, and thus went into failure. What's worse, that even influenced the evaluation from his team companions and leaders, who wouldn't commit him to undertake other significant projects.

这几句读起来是relationship影响了job

作者: lxyuan2001 时间: 2012-5-19 12:34
明天加油！！！

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