ChaseDream

标题: 喵总的作文贴！！跪求大家拍砖=。= [打印本页]

作者: 喵喵了个咪 时间: 2012-3-30 20:14
标题: 喵总的作文贴！！跪求大家拍砖=。=
拖延了一个多礼拜，终于下定决心要开始练作文了。。。
5.20就考了。。不能再拖了。。。

跪求大家拍砖~如果拍，请往死里拍

作者: 喵喵了个咪 时间: 2012-3-30 20:20
3.30独立
Famous entertainers and athletes deserve to have more privacy than they have now.

With the develop of the technology, the people receive the information more and convenient so that we could get in touch with superstars in many ways. So past decade has witness the remarkable changes in the citizen’s attitude to the entertainers and athletes. However, is that true to pay more attention to these stars’ privacy? Maybe it’s necessary for many people to abandon enrich their spare time. Nonetheless, for me, nothing is more evident than that it’s so tedious.

My main reason, conspicuous and ubiquitous, associates with the point that entertainers and athletes have their own daily life. They also need a private space to conceal their secrets as you who will absolutely angry with somebody catch a glimpse of your secret. At the same time, it should also be emphasized that the citizen needn’t to pay more attention to the superstars. They are same to us except different career. We could do something else to relax ourselves such as reading and do some sports. A third and still important consideration is that the media should not make the fame and position of entertainers and athletes so untouchable. That will increase the rate of people’s curiosity.

Some opponents might argue that famous entertainers and athletes are public celebrity. Making people happy and comfortable is their work. As long as citizen are glad, they can know everything from anyway. Persuasive as it seems to be, a close analysis would reveal how flimsy it is. In fact, if you are the famous person who is liked by lots of people, what life would you like? Maybe no one want let everybody know his/her secret.

Obviously, all the evidence confirms an undoubted conclusion that famous person deserve to have more private zoom than they have today. Because respecting a person need to respect his/her privacy.

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-3-31 23:17
哇，第一篇？
今天突然发现没有电了，明天改完了贴在这啊
Famous entertainers and athletes deserve to have more privacy than they have now.

（With the developmentof the technology, ~~the~~ people receive~~the~~ informations(这里泛指就行)more and convenient（是更多更方便？） so that we could get in touch with superstars in many ways.）这段话可以删去 So(这个地方用so怪怪的)past decade has witness the remarkable changes in the citizen’s attitude to the entertainers and athletes. However, is that true to pay more attention to these stars’ privacy? Maybe it’s necessary for many people to abandon enriching their spare time. Nonetheless, for me, nothing is more evident than that it’s so tedious.(开头一定要简短，真正考试的时候没有那么多时间写的，通常格式：引出背景，然后把双方的观点摆出来，再点明自己的观点)

My main reason, conspicuous and ubiquitous, associates with the point that entertainers and athletes have(enjoy right to master) their own daily life. They also need a private space to conceal their secrets as ~~you who will~~every person wouldabsolutely be angry with somebody whocatch a glimpse of your secret. At the same time(simultaneously这个高级), it should also be emphasized that the citizen needn’t(need not)to pay more attention to the superstars. They are same to us except different careers. We could do something else to relax ourselves such as reading and do some sports. A third and still important consideration is that the media should not make the fame and position of entertainers and athletes so untouchable. That will increase ~~the rate of~~ people’s curiosity.

Some opponents might argue that famous entertainers and athletes are public celebrities. Making people happy and comfortable is their work. As long as citizen are glad, they can know everything from anyway(这句话不通). Persuasive as it seems to be, a close analysis would reveal how flimsy it is. In fact, if you are the famous person who is liked（supported） by lots of people, whatkind of life would you like? Maybe no one want(is willing to)let everybody know his/her secret.

Obviously, all the evidence confirms an undoubted conclusion that famous person deserves to have more private zoom（room)than they have today. Because(because不能独立引导一个句子，把之前的句号改成逗号)respecting a person need to respect his/her privacy.

Conclusion: 对句子的逻辑性把握还不够,注意主谓一致哦，是第一次写吧？

作者: 喵喵了个咪 时间: 2012-4-1 19:55

TPO22 integrated

The lecturer talks about the opposite states of the ethanol fuel willbe a good replacement for traditional gasoline, and he gives demonstration to argue against the three part of the passage.

First, ethanol fuel will product large volume of carbon dioxide to the atmosphere. It is a big problem to over environment. But we must realize that when the plants are growing, the plantsneed carbon dioxide to take photosynthesis. It will reduce the gas of burning ethanol fuel in the future.

Second, animal's food and the material to produce the ethanol fuel are not much relevant. Because we can use some parts of plants that are not eaten by animals to produce the fuel. And it would not influence the source of food for animals.

作者: Crystaljoy 时间: 2012-4-1 20:32
wow o wow~~~

作者: jasonliu119 时间: 2012-4-1 21:38
标题: Jason改

The lecturer talks about the opposite states of the ethanol fuel willbe a good replacement for traditional gasoline, and he gives demonstration to （你的意思是“给出证明”？是你自己发明的么？感觉没见过这样表达的，建议用“provide sufficient evidence”或者省去）argue against the three part of the passage.

First, ethanol fuel will product large volume of carbon dioxide to the atmosphere. It is a big problem to over（over可以这样搭配的么？） environment. But we must realize that when the plants are growing, the plantsneed carbon dioxide to take photosynthesis. It will reduce the gas of burning ethanol fuel in the future.

Third, at beginning, to make the ethanol fuel cheaper may need the government subsidize. But it won't be a long term. The increase of production will lead the price of ethanol fuel to drop. Research show that the price will drop probably by forty percent.
不错不错，结构清晰，语句挺流畅的。
不过缺点很明显啊，你还没有了解综合写作的要求。
我觉得，你没有明确指出哪些是阅读的观点、哪些是讲座的观点。我对综合写作的理解是：阅读观点+讲座观点+讲座细节+阐明讲座与阅读观点的关系（抵触？or 同意？）。此外，要多用从句什么的，你文章句式太简单了，就算阐明了上述几点，不能得高分的。
建议你先看看几篇TPO范文再动笔，继续努力吧！

作者: 喵喵了个咪 时间: 2012-4-4 15:15
4.4独立

With the developing of our country, more and more skyscrapers are building up around us which show how convenient and comfortable the daily life are. Recently, people have shown an increased interest in a question that should the government build the new house instead of old historic building? For me, I strongly disagree this statement which pointed that protecting old historic building is waste time and money for the development of our city.

My main reason, pervasive and persuasive, associates with the point that the old historic building are unrecoverable heritages given by our ancestor. If we destroy the historic sites, what would we left for our children? At same time, what would our children think about us? For instance, Yuanmingyuan Imperial Garden as we all know was destroyed. What we could do today is just to visit the ruins and image original of it.

It should also be emphasized that old historic building must have a historic story. The historian could discovery what happened several hundred years ago. With the research of these building, scientists may realize how ancestors living and culture developing. For example, we could know Chinese daily life from their old architecture such as long eaves, curved roofs and red pillars.

On the surface, some opponents might claim that the old historic building make our city not modern what seems like undeveloped. Persuasive as it seems to be, a close analysis would reveal how flimsy it is. Each nation has their own culture, and the historic building is a window to show the culture to world. If a nation does not have historic building, having beautiful skyscraper, what can?

Taking into account all these factors, we may safely draw the conclusion that protecting old historic building is necessary for our nation culture. It is more important for government preserve these building than build new housing.

作者: 喵喵了个咪 时间: 2012-4-5 16:06
4.5 综合 TPO1

The passage displays a topic that four-day week have lots benefits to five-day week. But in the lecture, the narrator disagree that point. He think it may not take the positive effects to the employees like passage says.

First, the passage says the shortened workweek would increase profit while the lecturer realize that the increasing profit would be cut by the ascent cost to providing training and medical benefits. Because the less work time company have, the more employee it need. And more computer and office space is must.

Second, from the passage, we could know that more needed employees could reduce the unemployed rate, the reason just like what the lecturer said at the first point. On the countary, the speaker think less work time will overload the stress to employees and will improve the expectation to the boss. So that they want employees do five-day’s work in four day. This may make people give up this job.

Third, the passage says lots people are willing to get more free time instead of higher salary. But the narrator is worry about it presents risks that more relax time would reduce quality of people’s life. And it also can influence the employees’ stability.

作者: Herisson0509 时间: 2012-4-5 19:01
With the developing（development） of our country, more and more skyscrapers are building（builded）up around us which（这里不需要which 多余了）show how convenient and comfortable the daily life are. Recently, people have shown an increased （increasing）interest in a question （换an issue）that （加个whether 要不然不成句子）should the government build the new house instead of old historic building? （?去掉）For me, I strongly disagree this statement which pointed that protecting old historic building is waste time and money for the development of our city.（这里有些偏离主旨了应该换成it is not important to protect old historic building for the development of our city.）

My main reason, pervasive and persuasive, associates with the point that the old historic buildings are unrecoverable heritages given by our ancestor. If we destroy the historic sites, what would we left for our children? At same time, what would our children think about us? For instance, Yuanmingyuan Imperial Garden as we all know was destroyed. What we could do today is just to visit the ruins and image original of it.（论点和论证感觉衔接的不够好说服力不够强）

It should also be emphasized that old historic building must have a historic story. The historian could discovery what happened several hundred years ago. （历史家可以发现几百年的事是通过什么发现的要表达完整）With the research of these buildings, scientists may realize how ancestors living and culture developing.（这里是要表达神马意思啊文化发展吗动词形式用错lived and their culture developed ）For example, we could know Chinese daily life from their old architecture such as long eaves, curved roofs and red pillars.（what the ancients’daily life be like through those old architectures such as long eaves, curved roofs and red pillars.）

On the surface, some opponents might claim that the old historic building make our city not modern (outdated)what seems like undeveloped. （多余了）Persuasive as it seems to be, a close analysis would reveal how flimsy it is. Each nation has their own culture, and the historic building is a window to show the culture to world. If a nation does not have historic building, having（having放在这不合适直接换only）beautiful skyscraper, what can?（what can 想表达什么？）

Taking into account all these factors, we may safely draw the conclusion that protecting old historic building is necessary for our nation culture. It is more important for government to preserve these buildings than build new housing.

总结：语言表达较中式化似乎是通病感觉有很多你是想说却表达不出来慢慢就好了一开始都这样

结构性不够好

语法上面有些欠缺多积累高级词汇吧简单的尽量少用

多用些连接词吧略少了

字数太少了平时练习至少得350 他们每次都写400+ 压力大啊

可能是你练的太少了再去多看看范文多练练就好了加加油

作者: Crystaljoy 时间: 2012-4-7 00:22
喵咪，

刚开始练习的时候可以不及时，多码字，多修改。

可以看看大本营方法帖里面几个大牛讲的经验。特别要注意：

综合作文：
1. 首先是2~3分钟的阅读，大概是两三百字的短文，这里我们要迅速抓住文章的重点——topic sentences，并且迅速抄下来。
注意：阅读不需要我们抓细节，我们要做的就是把要点记下来，然后对接下来听力要讲到的内容心里有数。
（写作判分的标准是阅读内容记下重点，不要求细节；但是听力的内容是要记下重点以及细节，细节不全就扣分，而且扣的非常狠）。

阅读结束之后转到听力——关键的一步来了，尤其是如果我们没有看过机经的话，这一步一定要精神高度紧张，全神贯注，我自己的做法就是像当同声传译那样把所有细节从头到尾记下来。

2. 在小作文当中要铭记的一点是：听力永远是反驳阅读的内容的。所以我们在阅读短文抄要点的时候就可以试着去想每个要点的反面是什么，这样到听力的时候就不会慌。另外还有一点：小作文中不能加入自己的观点和想法！！！综合写作只需要我们记下来要点转换为作文，不需要我们加入自己的看法，切记。

独立作文：
1> 字数问题：绝不是越多越好，而是以论点阐述清楚、论据清晰有力为标准。450字是个比较好的选择，如果你想说的特别多，500字也不错。绝对不要少于400字，否则乍看上去文章就很短，给判卷人的第一印象就打了折扣。
2> 结构问题。最保险的当然是五段式结构啦。开头结尾各一段，中间两个论点正面阐述，然后自圆其说增加一个论点。
3> 考场上要控制好时间。建议审题和列提纲在七八分钟左右，最多不要超过10分钟。写完一定要检查，不要犯低级的语法错误和拼写错误，这是所有阅卷人最讨厌看到的东西。

作者: 喵喵了个咪 时间: 2012-4-7 15:35
谢谢鸟总~这些经验我记下啦~~~

作者: 喵喵了个咪 时间: 2012-4-9 15:41
4.9 独立
今天的作文终于上400啦~要庆祝下~~
As we all know, teacher is one kind of the most important people in our lives. They tech us how to be a useful person to society and how to make friends with others, and we absorbed much knowledge from them in the class. However, with the development of technology, there are more and more high-tech machine for us to touch the outside world and learn something we interested. Thus, I definitely agree with school to having more facilities than hiring more teachers.

To begin with, my main reason, pervasive and persuasive, associates with the point that Facilities with high-technology has helped open up many new avenues that previously were considered impossible. Take for example the simple LCD projectors. They give a visual feel of the subject that the student is studying helping him to learn not only quickly but also effectively. That’s to say, through the LCD makes some abstract definitions more specific to students.

At the same time, we should also be emphasized that this is a information era, a large part of our lives are based on the internet which bring so much convenience. A student sitting in a small town of India can access the latest course material released by MIT on his topic of interest. He can gain access to the latest info that his happening in physics and thus improve his existing warehouse of knowledge. He can browse through the previous papers in physics and dwell deeper and deeper in his specialized study. And how long does this all take? A click of a mouse. Compare with learning from teacher, the advantage is that you can study whenever you want.

At the traditional thought, some opponents might claim that teachers teach us in the class may attract more attention from student. They could solve some students’ problems at once. Persuasive as it seems to be, a close analysis would reveal how flimsy it is. In fact, some students don’t like the form of the studying in the classroom, it’s to tedious by contrast with high-tech teaching. Also, if students discover some question they need to answer, they could search the internet through google or others to find result by themselves. That can train their self-study skill, too.

Taking into account all these factors, we may safely draw the conclusion that teacher is not necessary, and hiring more teacher is waste funds of school. They could take advantage of their students by use these funds to having more facilities.

作者: prodliu 时间: 2012-4-10 00:01
As we all know(There is an universal acknowledge that), teacher is one kind of the most important people in our lives, because they(前后单复数不一致) tech teach us how to be a useful person to（in） society and how to make friends with others, and also we absorbed much knowledge from them in the class. However, with the development of technology, there are more and more high-tech machines for us to touch the outside world and learn something we interested. Thus, I definitely agree with the point that ~~school to having more facilities than hiring more teachers.~~it is better for school to allot more facilities than to hire more teachers

To begin with, my main reason, pervasive and persuasive??什么意思？？, associates with the point that Facilities with high-technology has helped open up many new avenues that previously were considered impossible. Take for example the simple LCD projectors（把例子放在中间）. They give a visual feel of the subject that the student is studying helping him to learn not only quickly but also effectively.（太混乱了，These projectors offer students a visual effect of a subject that help students to have a better understanding of a theory and obtain skills both thoroughly and effectively） That’s to say, through the LCD makes some abstract definitions more specific to students.(Through these advanced technologies, students can figure out an abstract and formidable definition,其实这句和前面重复了，建议写点别的内容 )

At the same time, we should also be emphasized that this is a information era, a large part of our lives are based on the internet which bring so much convenience.(Simultaneously, our society is flooded with information, and a majority of our lives or works will be conveniently performed based on the internet.) A student sitting in a small town of India can access the latest course material released by MIT on his its topic of interest. He can gain access to the latest info that his?? happening in physics, and thus improve his existing warehouse of knowledge. He can browse through the previous papers in physics and dwell deeper and deeper in his specialized study. And how long does this all take? A click of a mouse. Compare with learning from teacher, the advantage is that you can study whenever you want.

写完后最后是检查一遍喽，有些语法和拼写的错误。养成好习惯，考试时候才不会犯错啊。好些拼写和语法错误会扣分很严重的。每段的观点很好，但是逻辑结构还是不明确。参考鸟姐的文章。就是说你支持或者反对的观点要有理有据。不要一句一句蹦出来。没有因果或者逻辑衔接，会让读者混乱的。

作者: 喵喵了个咪 时间: 2012-4-10 20:51
4月10日综合 tpo6

According to the passage communal online encyclopedias have several important problems that make them much less valuable than traditional, printed encyclopedias. On the countary, the lecturer disagree with the point of passage with several reasons.

Firstly, the passage says too many internet user who are trained experts and nonspecialists inaccuracies in the communal online encyclopedias are result in the encyclopedias often lack academic credentials. However, the lecturer realized that the communal online encyclopedias and traditional encyclopedias are both have errors, and the former are more easy to correct. Maybe the traditional one needs decades to resolve its problems, yet.

What’s more, the theory made in the passage shows that it may unsafety on the internet to give unscrupulous users and vandals or hackers the opportunity to fabricate, delete, and corrupt information in the encyclopedia. But the narrator says the manager of Online encyclopedias have recognized the importance of protecting their articles from hackers. They have taken measures to make the encyclopedias reading only and monitor all changes have been made.

In the third place, author theory contends the communal online encyclopedia take more attention to the news, the internet user often cannot decide what’s important and what’s not. Nevertheless, from the lecture, we know that internet have no limit volume, so we needn’t care about the information whether are too large to save or not. Nonstandard academic theory also can prove people’s interest.

作者: Herisson0509 时间: 2012-4-11 21:59
因为我本身听的就不好所以就照着听力原文给你改的哦
According to the passage communal online encyclopedias have several important problems that make them much less valuable than traditional, printed encyclopedias. On the countary, the lecturer disagree with the point of passage with several reasons.

Firstly, the passage says too many internet user who are trained experts and nonspecialists inaccuracies in the communal online encyclopedias are result in the encyclopedias often lack academic credentials.我觉得你这里描述的和原文有出入直接就可以说the inaccuracy information in online encyclopedia due to those contributors who often lack academic credentials. However, the lecturer realized that the communal online encyclopedias and traditional encyclopedias are both have errors, and这里应该是转折用but the former are more easy to correct. Maybe the traditional one needs decades to resolve its problems, yet.

What’s more, the theory made in the passage shows that it may unsafety on the internet to give unscrupulous users and vandals or hackers the opportunity to fabricate, delete, and corrupt information in the encyclopedia. But the narrator says the manager of Online encyclopedias have recognized the importance of protecting their articles from hackers. They have taken measures to make the encyclopedias readingonly 这样表达不合适presented in a read-only format and monitor all changes have been made.

In the third place, author theory contends the communal online encyclopedia take more attention to the newsa depth, on trivial and popular topics, the internet user often cannot decide what’s important and what’s not. Nevertheless, from the lecture, we know that internet have no limit volume, so we needn’t care about the information whether are too large to save or not. Nonstandard academic theory also can prove people’s interest.加上这句The diversity of use in topics that online encyclopedias offer is one of their strongest advantages

写的不错呢应该是听懂了不像我全部一头雾水的说

作者: 喵喵了个咪 时间: 2012-4-12 11:28
4月12日综合TPO08
In the passage, the author displayed many events seems unreasonable about Chevalier de Seingalt in his life. But the lecturer strongly disagree with him. And bring out several reason to opposite passage’s theory.

First of all, the passage says if the Chevalier had really been very rich, he would not have needed to borrow money. However, the speaker point that Chevalier is a merchant, and when he trade with someone, he had to wait a period of time for the money back. So during this time, he may need to borrow some money from his friends.

Second, the author’s theory realized that it’s impossible for chevalier to remember exact phrases from extended conversations held many years earlier. To against this, the lecturer highlight that when people having an important meeting, they definitely hire some people to take notes, so do Chevalier. That’s no doubt Chevalier was directly detailing meeting in journal.

At last, even though Chevalier have many powerful friends like passage says, he didn’t escape from the prison in this way, yet. From the narrator, we could guess that Chevalier must escaped through the hole in the ceiling made by him, because there is a roof repaired record in government files.

感觉细节有点少，可是就听到这么多T.T

作者: 喵喵了个咪 时间: 2012-4-12 21:00

4月12日101009 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Compared with people who live in cities, people who live in rural areas can take better care of their families.

With the development of China in past decade, rural people have shown an increased interest in moving into the apartment in city. So the population of city have a ascending trend with a geometrical type growth. However, in my opinion, city may not be the best choice for people to living. At same time, rural areas will provide a more comfortable place for human.

My main reason, pervasive and persuasive, associates with the point that fresh air is good for our health. Because lots kinds of plants grow outside of house, they can offer much oxygen gas human need and absorb carbon dioxide which we produced in photosynthesis. This process promote the quality of environment around us. On the countary, living in city, we might breath in much automobile exhaust or dust floating in the air. Lung disease may be caused by air pollution like this. Everyone hope families are healthy.

At the same time, it should also be emphasized that rural areas don’t have skyscraper just as cities have generally. So we could have a good sight to appreciate such a beautiful natural scenery in our country. That will make us feel relaxed after a hard day work. Just imaging that, after supper, take a walk with your wife hand in hand on the avenue and look to the sunset. What a amazing day it is. But it seems doesn’t realizable for someone living in the city.

Undoubtedly, some opponents might contend that city life make our days pretty convenient. Shopping mall, supermarket, subway and so on let rural areas cannot compare with in such ways. Persuasive as it seems to be, a close analysis would reveal how flimsy it is. In fact, city are developing, and village are developing, too. More and more high technologies and convenient services are introduced into rural areas. So to say, developed villages are as convenient as cities.

Taking into account all these factors, we may safely draw the conclusion that people who live in rural areas can take better care of their families. Furthermore, with the construction in villages, it would be more and more fit and comfortable for their lives.

作者: Herisson0509 时间: 2012-4-13 20:00

With the development of China in past decade, rural people have shown an increased interest in moving into the apartment in city. So the population of city have a ascending trend with a geometrical type growth. However, in my opinion, city may not be the best choice for people to living. At the same time, rural areas will provide a more comfortable place for human.

My main reason, pervasive and persuasive, associates with the point that fresh air is good for our health. Because lots好像不能这样用啊换many吧kinds of plants grow outside of house, they can offer much oxygen gas human need and absorb carbon dioxide which we produced in photosynthesis. This process promotes the quality of environment around us. On the countarycountry, living in city, we might breath in much automobile exhaust or dust floating in the air. Lung disease may be caused by air pollution like this. Everyone hopes families are healthy.

At the same time, it should also be emphasized that rural areas don’t have skyscraper just as cities have generally. So we could have a good sight to appreciate such a beautiful natural scenery in our country. That will make us feel relaxed after a hard day-work. Just imaging that, after supper, take a walk with your wife hand in hand on the avenue and look to at吧 the sunset. What a amazing day it is. But it seems doesn’t 这里是不是应该是not to be realizable for someone living in the city.

Undoubtedly, some opponents might contend that city life make our days pretty convenient. Shopping mall, supermarket, subway and so on let rural areas cannot compare with 加个cities in such ways.这句表达较中式化你看这样说行不？Rural areas cannot compare with cities because of those facilities such as shopping mall, supermarket, subway and so on. Persuasive as it seems to be, a close analysis would reveal how flimsy it is. In fact, city are developing, and village are developing, too. More and more high technologies and convenient services are introduced into rural areas. So to say, developed villages are as convenient as cities.

作者: Crystaljoy 时间: 2012-4-14 01:08
In the passage, the author displayed （displays用来引出文章教授观点的V用现在时，他们观点里面的内容可以用原文时态）many eventsseems (which seem) unreasonable about Chevalier de Seingalt in his life. But the lecturer strongly disagree(disagrees) with him. And bring (and points这是一句嘛~) out several reason (reasons) to opposite(可以用作V？ refute) passage’s theory(each theory一般无生命的所有格用of, 有生命的‘s ).

First of all, the passage says if the Chevalier had really been very rich, he would not have(删除) needed to borrow money. However, the speaker point（mentions） that Chevalier is a merchant, and when he trade (traded) with someone, he had to wait a period of time for the money back.(he was to wait for much more capital return.)So during this time, he may need to borrow some money from his friends.( ??? You can not be too creative in comprehensive writing喵喵~~~)

Second, the author’s theory realized that (从哪抄的句子啊，这么奇怪？) it’s impossible for chevalier to remember exact phrases from extended conversations held many years earlier. To against（attack用个动词） this, the lecturer highlight（highlights） that when people having(have) an important meeting, they definitely hire some people to take notes, so do Chevalier. （喵喵你太可爱了吧，去再听听吧）That’s（删除） no doubt Chevalier was directly detailing meeting in journal. （看不懂了was able to write down the conversation in details）

At last, even though Chevalier have（has） many powerful friends like(as因为as接句子，like接短语) passage says, he didn’t escape from the prison in this way, yet.（我怎么记得even though和yet不能同时出现呢~）From the narrator, we could guess that Chevalier must escaped（escape） through the hole in the ceiling made by him, because there is a roof repaired record in government files.（此刻我已经笑倒了，你可以当导演了。教授没你这么生动哇~~~）

喵喵，

强烈建议你趁现在有时间完整看一本语法书，这不仅提高写作水平，对于你以后考G也会有帮助。相信我！

听力也要加强了，因为有些信息确实不太属实啊。但是综合作文是总结教授观点与文章观点关系，不能加个人观点的。建议你先把文章看懂，记笔记，听力时候对照着理解，大不了多听几遍嘛~~~

开始会辛苦一点~~~坚持！！！

作者: 喵喵了个咪 时间: 2012-4-18 20:36

4月18日20101105 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Spending money on travelling and vocation is better than saving for future.

Recently, a proverb is widespread on the internet-reading or travelling, one of your body and soul must on tour. As it is, money cannot be worth as it’s value after several years later. Moreover, saving money couldn’t bring the experience and knowledge from the bank account. In my opinion, spending money on travelling and vocation is absolutely better than saving for future.

My main reason, pervasive and persuasive, associates with the point that money is devaluing in the marketing economy all the time, making food and clothes expensive, raising cost of people’s daily life. From the official statistic of Chinese GDP an CPA of this year, we could realize that if we save all of money we have into the bank, one year later, it will devalue 0.7%.that’s to say one thousand yuan will value only 993 yuan next year. Why do we make a unworthy deal which is so obvious?

At the same time, it should also be emphasized that using it to improve your knowledge and experience rather than make the money devalue. All of us need knowledge and experience to face the cruel reality. The more places you visit and people you see, the calmer you will be. What makes the elder seems so brilliant? None other than they faced more affairs. So going outwards to visit somewhere you are attracted, it could teach you something special.

At the first thought, some opponents might claim that if we have some problem surprisingly such as traffic accident. Saving money can help us to solve it. Persuasive as it seems to be, a close analysis would reveal how flimsy it is. In this modern time, finance are developing fast all over the world. Insurance and credit could help us to solve most kinds of economic problem. That’s to say, worring about unpredictable troubles is unnecessary.

In a nutshell, taking into account all these factors, we can safely draw the conclusion that drawing your money from bank, and using it to have a perfect tour. Experience and knowledge are more valuable than it just looks like outside.

作者: bechasing 时间: 2012-4-19 23:12

4月18日20101105 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Spending money on travelling and vocation is better than saving for future.

-- by 会员喵喵了个咪 (2012/4/18 20:36:23)

蓝色-词汇句子红色-语法逻辑
Recently, a proverb iswidespread on the internet-：Rreading or travelling, oneof your body and soul must on tour（犀利，但是与题目无关）. As it is, money cannotbe worth as ~~it’s~~ its value after several years ~~later~~. Moreover, saving money ~~couldn’t~~ could not bring the experience andknowledge from the bank account. In my opinion, spending money on travellingand vocation is absolutely better than saving for future.
~~My main reason, pervasiveand persuasive,~~ The pervasiveand persuasive reason associates with the point that money is devaluing in themarketing economy all the time, making food and clothes expensive and rising ~~raising~~ the cost of people’s daily life. From theofficial economic statistics of Chinathis year, ~~Chinese GDP a CPA of this year~~, we could realize that if wesave all of money we have into the bank, one year later, it will devalue 0.7%. That’s to say one thousand Yuan will value only 993 Yuan next year. Why do we make an unworthy deal which is so obvious?

At the same time, itshould also be emphasized that using it to improve your knowledge andexperience rather thantomake the money devalueis much more desirable/reasonable(注意句子不完整). All of us need knowledge and experience to face thecruel reality. The more places you visit and people you see/meet, the more erudite ~~calmer~~ you willbe. What makes the elder seems so brilliant? None other than the numerous affairs they have faced. ~~they faced moreaffairs~~. So going outwards to visit somewhere you are attracted~~, it~~ could teach you somethingspecial.

At the first thought, someopponents might claim thatwhat we should do if we have some unexpected problems ~~surprisingly~~ suchas traffic accident. Saving money can help us to solve it(注意句子不完整). Persuasive as it seems to be, a close analysiswould reveal how flimsy it is. In this modern time, finance is ~~are~~ developing fast all overthe world. Insurance and credit could help us to solve most kinds of economicproblem. That’s to say, worrying about unpredictabletroubles is unnecessary.

In a nutshell, taking intoaccount all these factors, we can safely draw the conclusion that drawing yourmoney from bank, and using it to have a perfect tour is much more feasible (注意句子不完整). Experience and knowledgeare more valuable than ittheyjust looks like outside.

拼写不需要缩写。有一些语法问题，特别要注意一些句子结构的完整性。

作者: 喵喵了个咪 时间: 2012-4-21 19:58
4月21日TPO17

The lecture is mainly discussing that the development of agriculture and pesticide don’t have harm as much as passage says that it lead to the decreasing number of birds.

First of all, the speaker thinks that not all kinds of birds cannot living in the city. For example, in lots of urban square, the number of pigeon have a increase tendency. Indeed, there are some hawks living in some city. In contrast, the reading passage believes that area which are suitable for birds to live are decrease. So, the lectures totally disagree with the view made in the reading.

Second, the speaker discusses technology is used into the producing of agriculture production. Less land are used for the agriculture than before in the United States. Contradicting what is stated in the reading that the growth of agriculture will result in the destruction of bird habitats.

Finally, the speakers raises the issue that the new and less toxic pesticide are created. It means that birds will not be injured by the pesticide. What’s more, the biologist also innovated a kind of resistant crop which could reduce the using of pesticide. This point disagrees with the point that increase use of chemical pesticide may be harm for birds which demonstrated in the reading.

So, the contents in the reading passage are totally jeopardized by the speaker and the speaker has totally different ideas on the topics made in the reading.

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-4-22 11:41
4.21 TPO17综合改文
4月21日TPO17

The lecture is mainly discussing that the development of agriculture and pesticide don’t have harm as much as passage says that it leads to the decreasing(decline 尽量和听力保持一致吧) number of birds.

First of all, the speaker thinks that not all kinds of birds cannot living in the city. (再加一点provides better and lager habitats and even more food resources)For example, in lots of urban square, the number of pigeon have a increase tendency. Indeed, there are some hawks living in some city. In contrast, the reading passage believes that area which are suitable for birds to live are decrease. So, the lectures totally disagree with the view made in the reading.

Second, the speaker discusses technology is used intothe producing of agriculture production(on the agricultural crop 这一个细节没有听清楚啊). Less land are used for the agriculture than before in the United States. Contradicting what is stated in the reading that the growth of agriculture will result in the destruction of bird habitats.

Finally, the speakers raises the issue that the new and less toxic pesticide(and pest-resistant crop) are created. It means that birds will not be injured by the pesticide. What’s(What is)more, the biologist also innovated a kind of resistant crop which could reduce the using of pesticide（直接就是pest-resistant crop）. This point disagrees with the point that increase use of chemical pesticide may be harm for birds which demonstrated in the reading.

Ps:喵的细节都听到了，但是表达欠佳，呵呵多看范文吧~

我一般喜欢在开头把阅读和听力的关系写出来，具体有限制吗？

作者: 喵喵了个咪 时间: 2012-4-22 19:49

作者: 喵喵了个咪 时间: 2012-4-24 17:33

4月24日101210 NA Which do you prefer, finishing one project before starting another or doing two or more projects at the same time?

Recently, people have shown an increase interest in promoting the efficiency to of doing work. And there is a question we have to face—finishing one project before starting another or doing two or more projects at the same time? In my opinion, I strongly agree with the point that finishing one project at first and then begin another is more effective for our work.

It would be of use to start by an example about Abraham Maslow, an American psychologist, develops a theory of the hierarchy of needs, a pyramid depicting the levels of human needs, psychological and physical. In another words, if a person cannot be satisfied with physiological needs—level one—he would not to require the higher level needs. As same as we are discussing, in our daily lives, working need our mind focus on one before starting another, step by step process could improve the quality of our job, and separating attention to two or more projects will receive an opposite result.

At the same time, it is true to say that when people pay all his attention to one thing, there is no need for him to consider other elements to affect him, and some bad accident would not happen. A simple example can prove this simple principle, why so many country forbid make a call when you are driving on the freeway? It is easy to answer this question—because take attention from driving to answer the call may result in a traffic accident. It is same with working in our daily lives.

At the first thought, some opponents might claim that doing many projects would be more quickly. Persuasive as it seems to be, a close analysis would reveal how flimsy it is. If you are really doing lots different kinds of work, you need to change your thought through the interval between two parts of your projects. It may waste lots of your time and energy to get into the groove. This would make your work no efficiency, and getting lower quality than absorb in one project dose.

Taking into account all these factors, we may safely draw the conclusion that finishing one project before starting another is better than doing two or more projects at the same time.

作者: tyyhappy 时间: 2012-4-25 18:42

Recently, people have shown an(an 删去interest 不可数？) increase（increasing） interest in promoting the efficiency to（to 删去） of doing work. And（However, and是个连词，个人认为应该用个介词） there is a question we have to face—finishing one project before starting another or doing two or more projects at the same time? In my opinion, I strongly agree with the point that finishing one project at first and then begin(beginning) another is more effective for our work.

It would be of use to start by an example about Abraham Maslow, an American psychologist, (who)develops a theory of the hierarchy of needs, a pyramid depicting the levels of human needs, psychological and physical. In another words, if a person cannot be satisfied with physiological needs—level one—he would not to(去掉to) require the higher level needs. As same as we are discussing(改为The same to what we are discussing about更顺畅些), in our daily lives, working need(needs) our mind (to) focus on one before starting another,(and) step by step process could improve the quality of our job, and separating attention to two or more projects will receive an opposite result( 另起一句In addition ,separating to two or more projects will receive an opposite result).

At the same time, it is true to say that when people pay all his attention to one thing, (and )there is no need for him to consider other elements to affect(affecting, to affect 表示去影响) him, and(改为so) some bad accident（accidents） would not happen. A simple example can prove this simple principle, (加上such as) why so many country forbid make a call when you are driving on the freeway? It is easy to answer this question—because take（taking） attention from driving to answer the call may result in a traffic accident. It is same with working in our daily lives.

At the first thought, some opponents might claim that doing many projects would be more quickly. Persuasive as it seems to be, a close analysis would reveal how flimsy it is. If you are really doing lots different kinds of work, you need to change your thought through the interval between two parts of your projects. It may waste lots of your time and energy to get into the groove. This would make your work no（less） efficiency, and getting(get) lower quality than absorb(absorbed) in one project dose(个人认为删去does,应该和would相对应).

Taking into account all these factors（Taking all these factors into account）, we may safely draw the conclusion that finishing one project before starting another is better than doing two or more projects at the same time.

论证用词挺好的,但是经常会有语法错误。

如：句子并列存在，动词形式不正确等。建议：先写小句子，在扩展到大句子。

作者: 喵喵了个咪 时间: 2012-4-28 16:43

4月28日110402 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Students should be more focused on the development of graduates than on the fame of professors when choosing university.

The past decade has witnessed the remarkable changes in that more and more students focused on the fame of professors when they choose university. Is that correct for students to do so? In my country, an offer from a famous school means ability of the person who receive it. This kind of concept may influence many generations of people. None the less, for me, nothing is more evident than that people who achieve his or her self realization is the most success in his or her life.

My main reason, pervasive and persuasive, associates with the point that a person should do what you want to do and make your dream come true. Whatever your education background is, just following the step of your dream, you could have a brilliant future of your development of graduates. An example can strongly support my opinion, as we all known, Steve Jobs, the CEO of Apple, dropped out the school without get graduated. Because of the belief what he want to create the most convenient machine for people all over the world. He did it without ring of light by any fames college.

At the same time, it should also be emphasized that working in society is absolutely different from studying in school. The employer require staffs have experiences as much as possible rather than how many scores they can get during the term exam. In our country, the government encourage the students begin the career from basic level, then choose the better one they want. That is to say, experience is more significant and efficient than the fame of professors.

At the first thought, some opponents might claim that famous professor can taught the students brilliantly. Persuasive as it seems to be, a close analysis would reveal how flimsy it is. In fact, a professor can teach thousands of students during his or her life, but few of them could be as successful as their teacher. Although you have a famous teacher, you should work hard by your ninety-nine percent perspiration.

Taking into account all these factors, we may safely draw the conclusion that Students should be more focused on the development of graduates than on the fame of professors when choosing university.

每次结尾都写的好短啊···不知道该怎么结尾比较perfect。。。。

作者: 易雨水巷 时间: 2012-4-28 23:33

高亮为精彩 红色为错误 蓝色为疑问或建议 绿色为总结

4月28日110402 NADo you agree or disagree with the following statement? Students should be morefocused on the development of graduates than on the fame of professors whenchoosing university.

The past decade has witnessedthe remarkable changes in that more and morestudents focused on the fame of professors when they choose university. Is thatcorrect for students to do so? In my country, an offer from a famous schoolmeans ability of the person who receive(receives) it. This kind of concept may influence many generations of people. None the less(Nonetheless额，这个中间不必隔开), for me, nothing is more evident than that peoplewho achieve his or her self realization is the most success in his or her life.

My main reason, pervasive and persuasive, associates withthe point that aperson should do what youwant to do and makeyour dream come true. (aperson 然后后面用you& your???应当用sheor he & her or his吧) Whatever your education background is, just following the step of yourdream, you could have a brilliant future ofyour development of graduates(恕易雨水巷不知道这个是要表达什么). Anexample can strongly support my opinion,(这句到此结束，后面As另起一句了哦) aswe all known, Steve Jobs, the CEO of Apple, droppedout the school （有词组若此：drop out of school） without get graduated（without 后面应该不可以直接跟动词词组，换成graduation）.Because of the belief what（what 应该换成that吧） he want to create the most convenient machine for people all over theworld. （because of 不可单独成句，可以与He did it without ring…合在一起）He did it without ring of light by anyfames college.

At the same time, it should also be emphasized that working in society isabsolutely different from studying in school. The employer require（requires）staffs （+to require sb to do）haveexperiences as much as possible rather than how many scores they can get duringthe term exam. In our country, the government encourage the students (+to encourage sb to do) begin the career from basiclevel, then choose the better one they want. That is to say, experience is moresignificant and efficient than the fame of professors.（木有主题句TS，这个最后一句可以作为TS的）

At the first thought, some opponents might claim that famous professor cantaught the students brilliantly. Persuasive as it seems to be, a close analysis would reveal how flimsy it is. In fact, aprofessor can teach thousands of students during his or her life, but few ofthem could be as successful as their teacher. Although you have a famousteacher, you should work hard by your ninety-nine percent perspiration.

Taking into account all these factors, wemay safely draw the conclusion thatStudents (students) should be more focused on thedevelopment of graduates than on the fame of professors when choosinguniversity.

每次结尾都写的好短啊···不知道该怎么结尾比较perfect。。。。

TO 喵喵：1.关于词组的搭配后面貌似喵总是忘了加to
2.主谓前后搭配一致，也需要注意一下哦
3.仅限于易雨水巷的个人感觉，这个论据论点提炼的貌似略微有点儿问题╮(╯﹏╰)╭&关于结尾短的问题，认为可将FATORS的要点（TS）抓出来换个说法加进去说出来
4.一些句子啊神马的用的很不错，向喵学习O(∩_∩)O~

作者: 喵喵了个咪 时间: 2012-4-29 08:31
谢谢易水小巷童鞋~建议很受用哈~~

作者: 喵喵了个咪 时间: 2012-4-29 15:59

今天的作文好难啊，写下来都不知道自己跑题没。。。
4月29日110430 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? We should get to know events happening around the globe even though they do not affect our daily lives.

Recently, lots of big affairs happened all over the world every day. From oversea students are killed to Iraq president was judged. The news rush in our ears by kinds of media. Anyone may says that is none of my business. Why these news spread so broadly from television, internet and newspaper, etc. Nonetheless, for me, nothing is more evident than that it is necessary to know events happening around the globe even though they do not affect our daily lives.

My main reason, pervasive and persuasive, associates with the point that we are the part of this world, and the event which happened far away from you is not to say nothing for you. A air traffic accident can happen in the Japan. It can also crash in your country. If you do not accumulate some experiences for the emergency, you may be nervous and confusing to face it. The 911 events is the most representative accident for this point. Learning a lesson from the past is important for every people. It would be valuable to do a ten thousand percent preparation for the one per ten thousand contingency.

At the same time, it should also be emphasized that getting to know some events happening around the globe can make us following the step with modern time. And absorb the latest knowledge from the researches which are discovered by some famous professor. For example, recently, the public class of Yale university is very popular on the internet. So some students can learn a lot of knowledge from the top university. That is advantage to young people to improve themselves.

At the first thought, some opponents might claim that the events are not happened around them, so the affairs would not affect their daily lives. Persuasive as it seems to be, a close analysis would reveal how flimsy it is. In fact, where the fact happened is just a question of distance. It would not influence how serious it is. Everyone could face some big events in their whole life. So that is to say it is nothing to do with time and location.

Taking into account all these factors, we may safely draw the conclusion that We should get to know events happening around the globe even though they do not affect our daily lives.

作者: 自我改造 时间: 2012-4-30 22:25
标题: 4.29 by 自我改造

Recently,lots of big affairs happened all over the world every day. From oversea students are killedto Iraq president was judged. (from跟to都是介词，因此此处似乎并不是一个句子，而且上一句的recently跟every day也是相矛盾的，所以建议可以将上两句合在一起，Recently, lots of big affairs happened all over the world: from overseastudents were killed to Iraq president was judged.)The news rush in(rushed into) our ears by kinds of media. Anyone(Most of people) may says(say) thatis (those were)none of my(their) business, (even though) Why these news spread so broadly from television,internet and newspaper, etc. Nonetheless, for me, nothing is more evident thanthat it is necessary to know events happening around the globe even though theydo not affect our daily lives.

Mymain reason, pervasive and persuasive, associates with the point that we are the part ofthis world, and the event which happened far away from you is not to saynothing for you.(这句话我没太理解到意思，不过可以大概感受到，建议改为associating) (For example),A (an) air traffic accident can happen in the Japan. Itcan also crash in your country. If you do not accumulate some experiences forthe emergency, you may be nervous and confusing to face it. The 911 events is the mostrepresentative accident for this point.（建议展开来写一下，这个事件怎么证明了我们积累了这方面的知识有助于面对其他类似问题）Learning a lesson from the past is important for every people. It would bevaluable to do a ten thousand percent preparation for the one per ten thousandcontingency.

Atthe same time, it should also be emphasized that getting to know some eventshappening around the globe can make us following the step with modern time. And absorb the latest knowledgefrom the researches which are discovered by some famous professor.（前后不太搭，逻辑不太清，建议放到，the public classes of Yale University which introduce the latest knowledgefrom the ..） For example, recently, the public classof Yale University is very popular on the internet. So some students can learna lot of knowledge from the top university. That is advantage to young peopleto improve themselves.

Atthe first thought, some opponents might claim that the events are not happenedaround them, so the affairs would not affect their daily lives. Persuasive asit seems to be, a close analysis would reveal how flimsy it is. In fact, wherethe fact happened is just a question of distance. It would not influence howserious it is. Everyone could face some big events in their whole life. So thatis to say it is nothing to do with time and location.

Takinginto account all these factors, we may safely draw the conclusion that.Weshould get to know events happening around the globe even though they do notaffect our daily lives.

总的来说感觉喵总在遣词造句上很值得我学习，写法也十分简练。只是还要更多的注意一下文章的逻辑以及排布。建议对于每一个理由展开时可以按照这样的步骤。1.提出分论点 2. 对分论点更加深入的解释 3. 举例说明（或者完全展开说明）4.强调分论点。这样也许会好点

还有就是，倒数第二段感觉没有什么实质上的东西，其实可以简化一下跟最后一段合一起

作者: 喵喵了个咪 时间: 2012-5-1 16:32

5月1日 111119 NA Some jobs can pay high salaries but require employees to leave their family and friends. Some jobs pay few salaries but allow employees staying with family and friend. Which job do you prefer? Why?

Recently, with the increase of the income which can promote people’s living quality, they becomes more and more concentrate on develop the relationship with family members and friends. It’s a trend for the society to take more care of spiritual lives of citizens. Of course, for me, I also prefer to get a job pay few salary but allow me staying with my family and friend.

My main reason, pervasive and persuasive, associates with the point that not only the money we earned have its price, but also our family is priceless. We can earn salary by our working when we lost all of money we owned. However, there is no way to do not let someone leave who we loved. As we all know, traffic accidents on freeway are very terrible for anyone who are working in a place where far away from home. Some careless mistakes may result in a sad tragedy. How painful your family and friends would feel, if you had come across this kind of accidents. On the contrary, even though you may get fewer salaries than which you will get in a distant place. You could visit your parents or play outside with your friends whenever you want.

At the same time, it should also be emphasized that there is endless money to earn. Enjoying your current life with your family and friends is the best choice instead of working all the time for the limited salary. Living in this modern time, money never be the most important stuff for us, because the physiological needs are satisfied fundamentally in lots place around us. Then what we need indeed now are the love and belonging. Money cannot by these thing no matter how many riches you have. As a proverb says, money is not everything. Looking around in your daily life, you will find lots of people are happy and satisfied with their situation, though they are not rich.

In a nutshell, family and friends more significant than the salaries you get, because they can bring you much happy and satisfy, which money cannot give. So that is to say get a job pay few salaries but allow me staying with my family and friends is what I really prefer.

作者: 喵喵了个咪 时间: 2012-5-2 21:05
5月2日 TPO3

In the lecture, the professor argues that the re-examination of the painting which is pointed in the passage is the worked by Rembrandt. However, the reading passage contends that the portrait of the woman’s face is not worked by him. The lecture casts doubt on what the passage indicates.

The first point that the lecturer uses to cast doubt on the reading is the inconsistent about the way the woman dressed in the painting. According to the listening passage, the narrator says that the researcher find out someone are added paint over the original painting in order to increase the value of this painting. It differs from the reading in that the passage states Rembrandt was known for his attention to the details of his subjects’ clothing, would not have been guilty of such an inconsistency.

Another point that the lecturer uses to challenge the reading is the error of painting’s light and shadow. The lecturer claims that the researcher wiped out the added color. In the original painting, they found that the woman is wearing a light-colored cloth, so that it reflect the light to illuminate the woman’s face and this painting is very realistic. However, the reading states objected that in this painting the light and shadow do not fit together.

Finally, the speaker raises the issue that the wood of panel made by several pieces. The reason for this is relate to the added part, the panel have to enlarge to make it more grand and more valuable. And the researcher find the original painting is painted on a single piece of wood. In fact, the researcher also find that using by this piece of wood may from same tree which used in Rembrandt’s another painting. This point disagrees with what is demonstrated in the reading, that is no painting known to be by Rembrandt uses a panel glued together in this way from several pieces of wood.

咋写了这么多-。-

作者: 探险者 时间: 2012-5-3 16:29
标题: 探险者回复喵喵了个咪

5月2日 TPO3

黄色高亮为精彩，红色为个人修改意见
In the lecture, the professor argues that the re-examination of the painting which is pointed in the passage is the worked by Rembrandt（感觉没看懂这句啊。尤其是后面的is the worked是什么用法。。。建议改为， the professor argues that the re-examination of the painting which is pointed in the passage indicates that the work is attributed to Rembrandt.）. However, the reading passage contends that the portrait of the woman’s face is not worked by him. The lecture casts doubt on what the passage indicates.

The first point that the lecturer uses to cast doubt on(用过一次了，可以用refute， contradict) the reading is the inconsistent about the way the woman（这里的连续六个单词来自阅读，貌似这个有可能被视为抄袭，因此建议阅读中的句子还是用转述的方法表达比较好）dressed in the painting. According to the listening passage, the narrator says that the researcher find（finds） out someone are added paint（这个句子貌似有问题。如果如你所用，are added，那么前面就不是someone了，而应当改为the fur collar。而且这样后面的paint是多余的。如果用作主动式，则是someone added a fur collar over the original。。。） over the original painting in order to increase the value of this painting. It differs from the reading，（这里建议加个逗号，这样in that也可以表示“因为”）in that the passage states Rembrandt （你的这句话是按照原文抄的，这么多的文字抄自阅读文章，在写作中将被扣分，而且扣得很多。而且，这里应当有个who，以引导was后的部分，作为修饰Rembrandt的定语从句，否则最后的would的一句的主语就有问题了）was known for his attention to the details of his subjects’ clothing, would not have been guilty of such an inconsistency.

Another point that the lecturer uses to challenge the reading is the error of （少了个定冠词the）painting’s light and shadow. The lecturer claims that the researcher wiped out the added color. （根据听力的内容，wipe out之后是看到original paint，二者有个前后和因果的关系，如果用句号隔开，显得很生硬，所以建议改为the researcher wiped out the added color, and then the original painting can be seen. They found…）In the original painting, they found that the woman is wearing a light-colored cloth, so that it reflect（reflects） the light to illuminate the woman’s face and this painting is very realistic. However, the reading states（state作名词是“情形”的意思，如果表示陈述，应当用statement）objected（这里用一般现在时就好） that in this painting，the light and shadow do not fit together.

Finally, the speaker raises the issue that the wood of panel （这里是不是应当用被动啊，觉得少了was）made by several pieces. The reason for this is relate（be related to） to the added part, the panel have to enlarge（根据听力，panel只有“被”enlarge，建议用被动式）to make it more grand and more valuable. And the researcher find（finds） the original painting is painted on a single piece of wood. In fact, the researcher also find（finds） that using by this piece of wood may from same tree which used in Rembrandt’s another painting.（这句话语法有问题。首先在find引导的宾语从句中，主语using by this piece of wood的用法是不正确的，可以改为the wood which is used for the painting。然后是may from，这就缺了谓语，from不能直接做谓语，所以改为come from。Same tree的前面缺少定冠词the。后面的which定语从句中，缺少be动词，是be used in） This point disagrees with what is demonstrated in the reading, that is no painting known to be by Rembrandt（known to be Rembrandt’s）uses a panel glued together in this way from several pieces of wood.

指出几个问题：

1.首先楼主的听力很不错，要点和细节都听到了。而且楼主的文章很有层次，在表示“反对”意思的词，有很多变化。

2.每一段只需在开头表达听力和阅读意思相反即可，在结尾的总结可以不要。而且主题句尽量简单明了，比如the reading passage indicates that…, however, the lecturer contradicts the author’s standpoint. The listening explores that…)

3.如果听力中有用到阅读的句子，不能原封不动的抄下来，那样如果抄的长，是会扣分的。要用转述的方法，换个句式，换个同义词都是可以的。

4.建议楼主不要用过分复杂的长难句，因为在你的这篇文章中有很多语法错误。首先是基本的主谓一致，the researcher的后面谓语一定是单三形式；然后是被动语态要有be动词；一个完整的句子要有谓语动词，from不是谓语动词

5.建议在写完听力后整理一下笔记，写作中，句子是要求有效、清晰，不一定长难句、复杂句，一定注意语法问题，这是基本的问题。

作者: 喵喵了个咪 时间: 2012-5-3 18:08
5.3综合TPO4
The lecture is mainly discussing that dinosaurs are not one kind of endotherms, challenging what are stated in the reading passage that large evidence can prove dinosaurs are endotherms.

First of all, the speaker thinks that it have no related with where the fossils have been discovered, because the temperature at the polar is warmer than today. And when the environment becomes cold, they can migrate to the warm place or hibernate. In contrast, the reading passage believes that the fossil can explain dinosaurs are endotherms. So, the lectures totally disagree with the view made in the reading.

Second, the speaker discusses the leg of dinosaurs can support the weight of its large size. It have no relation whether the leg position is under body or to the side of body. Contradicting what is stated in the reading that all the endotherms’ legs position are under the body.

Finally, the speakers raises the issue that the bones’ growth ring is the evidence of the bones grew slowly or stop growing. During the cooler periods, the growth ring may turn from rapidly grew to no grew or slowly grew, and then turn back to rapidly grew. This point disagrees with the point that the Haversian canals from endotherms only can make bones growing demonstrated in the reading.

So, the contents in the reading passage are totally jeopardized by the speaker and the speaker has totally different ideas on the topics made in the reading.

作者: Herisson0509 时间: 2012-5-3 21:53

Recently, with the increase of the income which can promote people’s living quality, they becomes more and more concentrate on developing the relationship with family members and friends. It’s a trend for the society to take more care of spiritual lives of citizens. Of course, for me, I also prefer to get a job pays few salary but allow me staying to stay 【allow to do sth】with my family and friend.

My main reason, pervasive and persuasive, associates with the point that not only the money we earned have its price, but also our family is priceless. We can earn salary by our working when we lost all of money we owned. However, there is no way to do not let someoneleave who we loved.这句好怪太中式了而且怎么念都不对的感觉这样说你看怎样we could not decide that whether someone who we love will leave us. As we all know, traffic accidents on freeway are very terrible for anyone who are working in a place where far away from home. Some careless mistakes这里不要用mistake了换成faults 指失误may result in a sad tragedy. How painful your family and friends would feel, if you had come came across this kind of accidents. On the contrary, even though you may get fewer salaries than which you will get in a distant place. You , you could visit your parents or play outside with your friends whenever you want.

At the same time, it should also be emphasized that there is endless money to earn. Enjoying your current life with your family and friends is the best choice instead of working all the time for the limited salary. Living in this modern time, money never be the most important stuff for us, because the physiological我觉得这词用在这里好像不是很恰当但是也找不出来词替换needs are satisfied fundamentally in lots places around us. Then what we need indeed now are the love and belonging. Money cannot buy these thing no matter how many riches you have. As a proverb says, money is not everything. Looking around in your daily life, you will find lots of people are happy and satisfied with their situation, though they are not rich.

In a nutshell, family and friends more significant than the salaries you get, because they can bring you much happy and satisfy, happiness and satisfaction, which money cannot give. So that is to say get a job pay few salariesless-paid可以替换一下啦别太重复了but allow me staying to stay 【allow to do sth】with my family and friends is what I really prefer.

喵喵的中间两段很不错但是一般五段式是比较保险的吧
所以以后可以再加一段反面的和正面对比一下因为事情都不是绝对啊但是可以自圆其说强调自己的观点
加油吧再次为我的迟到说声抱歉啊

作者: 喵喵了个咪 时间: 2012-5-3 22:23

5月3日09.10.31 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is often not a good thing to move to a new city or a new country because of the loss of old friends.

Maybe it will happen in your life in the future, when you are moving to a new city. Some old friends have lost of touch with you. And you cannot find the way to re-touch with them. What would you feel about this? Missing is necessary, but not effective. That is to say, for me, nothing is more evident that it is often not a good thing to move to a new city or a new country because of the loss of old friends.

My main reason, pervasive and persuasive, associates with the point that old friends are more helpful when you are in trouble, because you have a deep relationship and know much about each other. For example, when I just entered the university campus, everyone is strange to me. I cannot make close friends with them. So I keep in touch with my old friends in high school to share my experience in the college. And they can give me some idea for how to get along with new people. I really appreciate to them.

At the same time, it should also be emphasized that you can play with your old friend outside in your city. It is very convenient for you all to watch a movie, play basketball and eat some delicious food no matter what the time is, because you are so close to meet. But if you are in different city, it could not happen unless one of you to visit other one from far away. That seems too sad to see an old friend after a long interval.

At the first thought, some opponents might claim that move to a new city or a new country can make some new friends to instead of old ones. But persuasive as it seems to be, a close analysis would reveal how flimsy it is. As we all know, not only making close friends is difficult, but also get close with someone strange is hard too. In order to make new friends instead of old friends is not necessary. The reason is that you have to waste lots time to build trust with new friends, but old ones need not to do so.

Taking into account all these factors, we may safely draw the conclusion that It is often not a good thing to move to a new city or a new country because of the loss of old friends.

作者: chasedreamabc 时间: 2012-5-4 21:47
The lecture is mainly discussing that dinosaurs are not one kind of endotherms, challenging what are stated in the reading passage that large evidence can prove dinosaurs are endotherms.

First of all, the speaker thinks that it (没有具体指代)have (has) no related with where the fossils have been discovered, because the temperature at the polar is warmer than today. And when the environment becomes cold, they can migrate to the warm place or hibernate. In contrast, the reading passage believes that the fossil can explain dinosaurs are endotherms. So, the lecturestotally disagree with the view made in the reading.

Second, the speaker discusses the leg of dinosaurs can support the weight of its large size. It have （has） no relation whether the leg position is under body or to the side of body. Contradicting what is stated in the reading that all the endotherms’ legs position are under the body.

Finally, the speakers raises the issue that the bones’ growth ring is the evidence of the bones grew slowly or stop growing. During the cooler periods, the growth ring may turn from rapidly grew to no grew or slowly grew, and then turn back to rapidly grew. This point disagrees with the point that the Haversian canals from endotherms only can make bones growing demonstrated in the reading.

So, the contents in the reading passage are totally jeopardized by the speaker and the speaker has totally different ideas on the topics made in the reading.

PS：听力功底很强大，细节详尽，值得向LZ学习，也注意到了上一位给你改正的同学的建议，稍微注意一下细小问题，写完检查一下

作者: 探险者 时间: 2012-5-4 22:48
标题: 探险者回复5.3独立

5月3日09.10.31 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is often not a good thing to move to a new city or a new country because of the loss of old friends.

红色为个人修改意见，黄色高亮为精彩

Maybe it will happen in your life in the future, when you are moving to a new city. Some old friends have lost of touch with（失去联系是lose touch with，没有of.而且这里说的是will的情况，可能用will have的将来完成时态比较好） you. And you cannot find the way to re-touch with them. What would（建议用will） you feel about this? Missing is necessary, but not effective.（设问很好啊） That is to say, for me, nothing is more evident that（正确的句型是，nothing is more evident than…）it is often not a good thing to move to a new city or a new country because of the loss of old friends.

My main reason, pervasive and persuasive（直接这样用貌似不合适，建议加上which is）, associates with the point that old friends are more helpful when you are in trouble, because you have a deep relationship and know much about each other. For example, when I just entered the university campus, everyone is（was） strange to me. I cannot make close friends with them. So I keep（kept）in touch with my old friends in high school to share my experience in the college. And they can give me some idea（ideas） for how to get along with new people.（这个句子的时态有问题，开始是entered，过去时，但后面一直是一般现在是，要保持一致，因为举得是过去的例子）I really appreciate to them.（表示感激，appreciate somebody即可，没有to）

At the same time, it should also be emphasized that you can play with your old friend outside in your city. It is very convenient for you all to watch a movie, play basketball and eat some delicious food （no matter what前应加上逗号）no matter what the time is, because you are so close to meet. But if you are in different city（different cities）, it could not happen unless one of you to（这个to是多余的） visit other one（the other one） from far away. That seems too sad to see an old friend after a long interval.

At the first thought, some opponents might claim that move（主语只能是名词、动名词或者主语从句，moving） to a new city or a new country can make some new friends to instead of（instead of不能这么用，改为replace） old ones. But persuasive as it seems to be, a close analysis would reveal how flimsy it is. As we all know, not only making close friends is difficult, but also get（getting） close with someone strange is hard too. In order to make new friends instead of old friends is not necessary.（这句话有很大问题。首先，in order to是表示目的，一般做目的状语，不能用来做主语。还有就是instead of的问题，没有这种用法，作动词表示替换用replace，建议改为It is not necessary to make new friends for the purpose of replacing old ones.）The reason is that you have to waste lots(lots of) time to build trust with new friends, but old ones need not to do so.

Taking into account all these factors, we may safely draw the conclusion that it is often not a good thing to move to a new city or a new country because of the loss of old friends.

1.楼主的思路很清晰的，每段的衔接和连接词的运用都不错。而且有例子支撑，论证方面没什么问题

2.建议检查语法项目：包括时态的一致，尤其是在举例子时，如果是过去时态的故事，要保持一致；然后是主语，名词、动名词和主语从句作主语，当然也有it做形式主语。语法是最基本的，多加注意。

3.加油，与君共勉

作者: 喵喵了个咪 时间: 2012-5-5 20:30

热烈庆祝喵总独立写作首次突破500字大关！！
5月5日10.12.3 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents should help children to do their work rather than encouraging them to do the work on their own.

Have you ever faced such a difficult problem which you cannot solve by yourself? Have your parents always help you to finish your assignments without your asking? Have you are bothered by personal troubles you could have done, but you do not to do so by your own? Recently, an obvious phenomenon enters into our sight—parents are too lovingness their children so that the kids could not deal with his own problem without anyone help. That is terrified for a person to living in the society by himself. For me, there is no doubt that parents should encourage children to do the work on their own.

My main reason, pervasive and persuasive, associates with the point that standing on children’s own feet is not more important than nothing. With a strong ability, he could face any pressure and puzzle with a light footstep and a confident smile. As an example can prove this truth, when a person becomes an adult at eighteen years old, his parents have no responsibility to feed him anymore. What he just should think about is how to live in this society. If he can solve physiology needs by himself. He could do other things he want to do. But if he is grew up with his parents who help him to do his work all the time. This person cannot keep up with the step of live immediately. Clearly, dealing with problem by oneself without parents’ help is definitely necessary.

At the same time, it should be emphasized that parents are not whole of the world in our lives. We have friends, brothers, sisters and colleagues. Making a close relationship with them could be more effective and convenient than deal anything with parents. Instead, it can improve our communicative ability and teamwork spirit. Steve Jobs is a good instance for this point. Why he was fire by his companion in his own company at the end of 20^th century. As far as I know, it is because of his bad temperature. Finally, he realized his fault and returned to the company, and then the most famous technological communication company—Apple comes into our sight. That can be clearly known that importance of friends are much useful than parents.

At the first thought, some opponents might claim that parents are the best protector than anyone else. persuasive as it seems to be, a close analysis would reveal how flimsy it is. Actually, this thought is not a mistake. But how funny a couple of old parents protect their grown baby. Not only they cannot live as long as their children, but also they need their children to take care of them when they are very old. That is to say the couple cannot help their children to do the work all the time.

Taking into account all these factors, we may safely draw the conclusion that encourage children to do the work by themselves with their own methods is the best way to let them grow up.

作者: chasedreamabc 时间: 2012-5-6 09:56
Have you ever faced such a difficult problem which you cannot solve by yourself? Have your parents always help you to finish （help sb. do sth.）your assignments without your(you) asking? Have you are bothered by personal troubles you could have done, but you do not to do (do) so by your own? Recently (ETS,更喜欢currently), an obvious phenomenon enters intoour sight—parents are too lovingness（love）their children so that the kids could not deal with his （前面是kids）own problem without anyone help. That is terrified for a person to living in the(a) society by himself.（a person不一定是M）For me, there is no doubt that parents should encourage children to do the work on their own.

My main reason, pervasive and persuasive, associates with the point that standing on children’s own feet is not more important than nothing. With a strong ability, he could face any pressure and puzzle with a light footstep and a confident smile. As an example can prove this truth, when a person becomes an adult at eighteen years old, his parents have no responsibility to feed him anymore. What he just should think about is how to live in this society. If he can solve physiology needs by himself. He could do other things he want（+s）to do. But if he is grew up with his parents who help him to do his work all the time. This person cannot keep up with the step of live（of+名词，动名词）immediately. Clearly, dealing with problem by oneself without parents’ help is definitely necessary.

At the same time, it should be emphasized that parents are not whole （all）of the world in our lives. We have friends, brothers, sisters and colleagues. Making a close relationship with them could be more effective and convenient than deal anything with parents. Instead, it can improve our communicative ability and teamwork spirit. Steve Jobs is a good instance for this point. Why he was fire by his companion in his own company at the end of 20th century. As far as I know, it is because of his bad temperature.（有点罗嗦） Finally, he realized his fault and returned to the company, and then the most famous technological communication company—Apple comes （came） into our sight. That can be clearly known that importance of friends are much useful than parents.

At the first thought, （快结尾了怎么还是初一想）some opponents might claim that parents are the best protector than anyone else. Persuasive as it seems to be, a close analysis would reveal how flimsy it is. Actually, this thought is not a mistake. But how funny a couple of old parents protect their grown baby. Not only they cannot live as long as their children, but also they need their children to take care of them （语法指代children，逻辑指代parents）when they are very old. That is to say the couple cannot help their children to do the work all the time.（TS隐藏的太深，引言较多）

Taking into account all these factors, we（我们，parents？）may safely draw the conclusion that encourage children to do the work by themselves with their own methods is the best way to let them grow up.

作者: 喵喵了个咪 时间: 2012-5-8 10:46
5月8日TPO9

The lecture is mainly discussing that the hydrogen-based fuel-cell engine has many problem to instead the internal-combustion engine, challenging what are stated in the reading passage that this new kind of engine has many advantages to replace the old one.

First of all, the speaker thinks that even hydrogen is not easy be depleted, it needs a pure liquid state. So that it should be kept a very cold environment at minus 253 degrees. In contrast, the reading passage the author just considers about petroleum will run out. So, the lectures totally disagree with the view made in the reading.

Second, the speaker discusses the hydrogen-based fuel cells factory actually would produce the pollution during process of the engine production, Contradicting what is stated in the reading that new energy used by the new engine will reduce the pollution.

Finally, the speakers raises the issue that the material using into the machine is very expensive, but the engine cannot work normally without this material. This point disagrees with the point that fuel-cell engines is economical for people to save money demonstrated in the reading.

So, the contents in the reading passage are totally jeopardized by the speaker and the speaker has totally different ideas on the topics made in the reading.

作者: 喵喵了个咪 时间: 2012-5-8 22:51

5月8日11.9.16 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Children should choose the same career as their parents. Use specific examples to support your answer.

Currently, with the increasing number of university students, choosing an occupation is a great social problem. Many parents want their children to choose the same career with themselves, So that they can make a guide for their children. Nonetheless, for me, nothing is more significant than the interest of children.

My main reason, pervasive and persuasive, associates with the point that a proverb says the interest is the best teacher for a person. If someone falls in love with one area of science, he would make a big advantage to our society. Han han is a good example to support this point. If he does not love literature, he would not create such great novels and essays. From the other point of the view to say, his parents may not command his choice. Otherwise, he would not have the achievement which he has now.

At the same time, it should be emphasized that parents’ behavior not only limits their children to choose career, but also limits the children’s talent. Everyone has sparkly point. And finding what you are good at is an important part for exercise one’s talent. If Thomas Edison’s parents order him to be a businessman, we cannot know what is the bulb and so do the telephone. That is to say a person’s talent should not be confined by others.

At the first thought, some opponents might claim that parents have more experience than children, so they can make better choice than children do. Persuasive as it seems to be, a close analysis would reveal how flimsy it is. In fact, experience is a kind of ability which improved with one’s age. It may not suitable for different person. Clearly, parents’ experience may lead to a different result which they do not expect.

Taking into account all these factors, we may safely draw conclusion that parents should not limit children to choose their own career.

作者: 易雨水巷 时间: 2012-5-9 12:26

5月8日11.9.16 NADo you agree or disagree with the following statement? Children should choosethe same career as their parents. Use specific examples to support your answer.

Currently, with the increasing number ofuniversity students, choosing an occupation is a great social problem. (我不晓得这样说会不会好点儿哇with the number ofgraduates increasing quickly, finding an proper occupation gradually becomes aserious social problem.)Many parents want theirchildren to choose the same career with themselves, So that they can make aguide for their children. Nonetheless, for me, nothing ismore significant than the interest of children. (from my point of view,children are supposed to choose their career according to their interest insteadof just following their parents’ steps. 我害怕跑题，所以总是想着尽量还原题目。。。。)

My main reason, pervasive and persuasive, associates with the point that aproverb says the interest is the best teacher fora person （貌似这个可以去掉）. Ifsomeone falls in love with one area of science, he would make a big advantageto our society. Han han （Han Han 中文名字前两个大写） isa good example to support this point. If he does not love literature, he wouldnot create such great novels and essays. From the other point of the view to say, hisparents may not command his choice. Otherwise, he would not have theachievement which he has now.

At the same time, it should be emphasized that parents’ behavior not onlylimits their children to choose career, but also limits(这个limits是不是可以退了？)thechildren’s talent. Everyone has sparkly point. And finding what you are good atis an important part for exercise （exercising）one’s talent. If ThomasEdison’s parents order him to be a businessman, we cannot know what is the bulband so do the telephone. That is to say，a person’s talent should not be confined by others. （这段被children’s person’s one’s这样的东东覆盖了，可以换成of 结构的( ⊙o⊙ )哇）

At the first thought, some opponents might claim that parents have more experience thanchildren, so they can make better choice than children do. Persuasive as it seems to be, aclose analysis would reveal how flimsy it is. In fact, experience is akind of ability which improved with one’s age （with, age我在有道上查了一下，好像直接用with age 就可以）. It may not （+be） suitablefor different person. Clearly, parents’ experience may lead to a differentresult which they do not expect.

Taking into account all thesefactors, we may safely draw conclusion that parents shouldnot limit children to choose their own career.

To 喵喵：
读下来很顺畅，高亮是精彩，都已经标出来了，但是有几个方面哦
1. 其实题目木有说是父母让孩子选择和他们一样的职业额。。。。虽然一般情况下是这样。。。
2. 字数明显不足，虽然满足了ETS的基本要求300+
各种加油~\(≧▽≦)/~啦啦啦

作者: Crystaljoy 时间: 2012-5-10 15:36
5月8日TPO9

The lecture is mainly discussing that the hydrogen-based fuel-cell engine has many problem（s） to instead (replaceinstead不是V) the internal-combustion engine, challenging what are stated in the reading passage that this new kind of engine has many advantages to replace the old one.

First of all, the speaker thinks that even(干嘛让步？删去) hydrogen is not easy（to） be depleted, it needs a pure liquid state. So that it （so that不能单独成句吧？这里it指代不清晰。改成which ，可以直接就近指代前面刚才提及的liquid state）should be kept （in）a very cold environment at minus 253 degrees. In contrast, (in) the reading passage the author just considers about (that因为后面是个句子) petroleum will run out. So, the lectures totally disagree（s） with the view made in the reading.

Second, the speaker discusses the hydrogen-based fuel cells factory actually would produce the pollution during process of the engine production, Contradicting （,contradicting to）what is stated in the reading that new energy used by the new engine will reduce the pollution. （真简洁！为了增加字数，建议再考试少用这么精炼的概括句。develop一下小细节，让句子数目大于等于3. ）

Finally, the speakers raises the issue that the material using into (used in) the machine is very expensive, but the engine cannot work normally without this material. This point disagrees with the point (statement 换一个) that fuel-cell engines is economical for people to save money（， as） demonstrated in the reading. 或者前面改成statements demonstrated in the reading.

So, the contents in the reading passage are totally jeopardized by the speaker and the speaker has totally different ideas on the topics made in the reading.

整体: 真的真的进步好大！

建议：
我们是时候研究研究满分范文，准备一两个综合的精彩模版了~
表观点的，总结的之类的同义词也准备几个来回替换。
考试把时间省出来写听力内容，检查语法。

作者: 喵喵了个咪 时间: 2012-8-3 21:22
8月3日独立

Currently, more and more children come into the college to improve their skills for a good work in the future. However, in the university, the students might not practice their work skills every well, because their parents often do everything they can do for their children to make sure that children need not to suffer from any trouble. Nonetheless, for me, nothing is more evident than that failure is the mother of success. The children would not grow up with the parents help.

My main reason, pervasive and persuasive, associates with the point that one person could practice himself in dealing with troubles only when facing the problems. If he does not facing the problems, he may not know how to communicate and cooperate with others. There is a greatest example for this point. Steve Jobs, the ex-CEO of the Apple, was expelled by his own company, just because he cannot deal the personal relationship with his employees. After left his company, Steve Jobs just recognized his fails.

At the same time, it should also be emphasized that independent working is the most important quality for a person to live in the society. If a person does not have this quality, he could not finish the work which his company assigns to him. And no people is willing to help him like his parents. There are lots of young person in our society like what I just said. They have high education background, but they cannot complete the assignment of their job. So that encouraging children to do their work independently is necessary.

At the first thought, some opponents might claim that parents help children to do their work can make the assignment finish perfectly. Persuasive as it seems to be, a close analysis would reveal how flimsy it is. In fact, the mistakes and troubles for a person could not avoid. We should make a right attitude to face them. If we always find someone else to help us, not only we could not learn a lesson from the problem, but also we could not grow up.

Obviously, all the evidence confirms an undoubted conclusion that encouraging children to do their work independently is necessary for their road of growing. Making mistakes is not terrible. However, the worst thing is a person just want to seek help from others but not to find way by himself.

作者: gre呀gre 时间: 2012-8-5 02:22
8.3 独立

我是错误君我是没错但是改了更好君我是段落结构意见君我是精彩部分君

Currently, more and more children come into the college(colleges) to improve their skills(窝觉得加上specialized更好) for a good work in the future. However, in the university, thestudents might not practice their work skills every（very吧- -） well, because their parents often doeverything they can do for theirchildren to make sure that children need not to suffer from any trouble.Nonetheless, for me, nothing is more evident than that failureis the mother of success（有点chinglish了，failure teaches/breeds success）. The children would not grow up with the parents（parents’） help.

My main reason, pervasiveand persuasive, associates with the point that one（a）personcould practice himself in dealing with troubles only when facing the problems.If he does not facing the problems, he may not know how to communicate andcooperate with others. There is a greatest example for this point. Steve Jobs,the ex-CEO of the Apple, was expelled by his own company, just because he cannot（这里应该用could啦，人已经没了） deal thepersonal relationship with（deal with我没查到可以分开用啊，应该是deal with the employees’ relationship会好一点吧？） his employees. After left his company, Steve Jobs just recognizedhis fails.

At the same time, it should also be emphasized that independentworking is the most important quality for a person to live in the society. If aperson does not have this quality, he could not finish the work which hiscompany assigns to him. And no people（no one） iswilling to help him like his parents （加上did不会引起歧义）.There are lots of young person in our society like what I just said. They havehigh education（educated）background, but they cannot completethe assignment of their job. So（不要再用so来总结啦！改成therefore或者hence什么的吧！） that encouraging children to dotheir work independently is necessary.

At the first thought, some opponents might claim that parents helpchildren to do their work can make the assignmentfinish（finished） perfectly. Persuasive as it seems to be, a close analysis wouldreveal how flimsy it is. In fact, the mistakes and troubles for a person couldnot avoid（be avoided）. We should make a right attitude to face them. If we always find someone else to help us, not only wecould not learn a lesson from the problem, but also we could not grow up.（题目说的是家长和孩子帮助的问题，我觉得这里应该把we换成children才对，这样更加切题）

Obviously, all the evidence confirms an undoubted conclusion thatencouraging children to do their work independently is necessary for their road（road其实很少用作途径来讲啊，换成way或者access会更好吧）of growing. Making mistakes is not terrible. However, the worst thing is （加上that，表语从句的连接词不能省略）a person just want to seek help from others but not to find（a）way（什么way呢？不够具体啊，换成solution会不会更好呢？） by himself.

写的挺好的，但是总感觉少了一段呢，一般都是三个理由啊，这里才两个，反驳不算啊，反驳+立论才算是一个独立的理由呢，其实我也经常写两个理由的作文，但是鹤鹤说还是三个理由更好，所以加油吧~

作者: 超级无敌小鹤鹤 时间: 2012-8-5 13:23

但是鹤鹤说还是三个理由更好，所以加油吧~

-- by 会员 gre呀gre (2012/8/5 2:22:20)

也不是说两个一定不对，但是两个很容易出现“这个也好，那个也不错”的情况，题目如果明确问你哪个更好之类的，那就最好比较明确的去说其中一个观点

作者: 喵喵了个咪 时间: 2012-8-21 14:26
8.20 独立 your job has more effect on your happiness than your social life does.

For most people in our society, they bustle about their life. They work harder and harder in order to have a brilliant material condition in contrast with each other, so that they have little time to enrich their social life such as be a volunteer. However, do these matters really make people happy in their daily life? In my opinion, the realistic satisfaction from one’s job cannot compare with the spiritual fulfillment.

First of all, one person takes lots of social activities can bring him so much happiness when he is helping someone really needs assistance. Just one phenomenon can prove this argument. In our society, if a person has more money, he is more willing to donate some funds for the people who need money. He builds new hope school, donates to the hospitals. All of this can be sure that spiritual fulfillment can bring more happiness than realistic satisfaction to people.

Secondly, when we are helping someone who is poor, we can realize how precious and how hard to earn the great lives we now have. When I am a undergraduate student, I have take part in an organization of volunteers, and I have went many social welfare institutions such as welfare center for children and gerocomium. These experiences make me feel more happiness from my whole life. That is what my job cannot gives me.

In some opponents point, they might claim that people can earn money from his job to buy anything he wants. Persuasive as it seems to be, a close analysis would reveal how flimsy it is. In fact, happiness is nothing to do with money. People can use money to buy foods, clothes, luxuries and so on, emotions cannot be brought by money, of course include happiness.

Taking into account all of these factors, we may safely draw the conclusion that one’s job cannot have more effect on his happiness than his social life does. Because money is not everything.

作者: 蝴蝶渡海 时间: 2012-8-21 16:04
For most people in our society, they bustle about(bustle about是忙碌的意思，用在这里感觉有点不太贴切) their life. （感觉这里用上and作为一个并列使语言更简练一点）They work harder and harder in order to have a brilliant material condition in contrast with each other, so that they have little time to enrich their social life such as be a volunteer. However, do these matters （these matters是指哪个？）really make people happy in their daily life? In my opinion, the realistic satisfaction from one’s job cannot compare with the spiritual fulfillment.

First of all, one person takes lots of social activities can bring him so much happiness when he is helping someone really needs assistance. Just one phenomenon can prove this argument. In our society, if a person has more money, he is more willing to donate some funds for the people who need money. He builds new hope school,(应该加上连词否则句式错误了) donates to the hospitals. All of this can be sure that spiritual fulfillment can bring more happiness than realistic satisfaction to people.

Secondly, when we are helping someone who is poor, we can realize how precious and how hard to earn the great lives we now have. When I am a（an） undergraduate student, I have take(taken) part in an organization of volunteers, and I have went many social welfare institutions such as welfare center for children and gerocomium（这个单词什么意思？）. These experiences make me feel more happiness from my whole life. That is what my job cannot gives（give） me.

In some opponents point, they might claim that people can earn money from his job to buy anything he wants. Persuasive as it seems to be, a close analysis would reveal how flimsy it is.（改成Although persuasive as it seems to be, a close analysis would reveal how flimsy this notion is好点吧） In fact, happiness is nothing to do with money. People can use money to buy foods, clothes, luxuries and so on, emotions cannot be brought by money, of course include happiness.（emotions cannot be前面缺少了连词，run-on句型了）

Taking into account all of these factors, we may safely draw the conclusion that one’s job cannot have more effect on his happiness than his social life does. Because money is not everything.（这句感觉过于中式了，我不知道具体如何改，我去问了一下鹤鹤它提供了一种改法Money can bring you many things, but, it does not mean everything.）

总结一下
1喵总的作文整体错误不是很多，句式使用连贯，但是有些用法过于的单调了，缺少那种让人眼前一亮的感觉。
2这篇我有点疑惑的地方是job过程中产生的是spiritual fulfillment还是social life能产生精神满足呢？你的开头没有表达很清楚。文章的最后一段回归到了money is not everything，但是Job能影响人们的happiness，是仅仅通过money的方式么？我觉得还可以扩充更多的东西呢

作者: 喵喵了个咪 时间: 2012-8-22 14:20
8月21日It is often not a good thing to move to a new city or a new country because of the loss of old friends.

Taking into account all these factors, we may safely draw the conclusion that It is often not a good thing to move to a new city or a new country because of the loss of old friends.

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-8-22 16:31
8.21 改文
8月21日It is often not a good thing to move to a new city or a new country because of the loss of old friends.

哈哈，来给喵挑错啦~

Maybe it will happen in your life in the future（这个地方感觉不对，是发生在生活的未来？生活自己就包括了过去、现在、未来，建议把in the future去掉）（把逗号改成：）, when you are moving to a new city. (前后应该是一句吧)Some old friends have lost of（去掉） touch with you. And you cannot find the way to re-touch ~~with~~ them. What would you feel about this? Missing is necessary, but not effective.（这句木有读懂为什么用effective诶） That is to say, for me, nothing is more evident that it is often not a good thing to move to a new city or a new country because of the loss of old friends.

My main reason, pervasive and persuasive, associates with the point that old friends are more helpful when you are in trouble, because you have a deep relationship and know much about each other. For example, when I just entered the university campus, everyone is strange to me. I cannot make close friends with them. So I keep in touch with my old friends in high school to share my experience（experiences,用作经历时有复数形式~） in the college. And they can give me some idea（s）for(改成about) how to get along with new people. Ireally appreciate to（appreciate是及物动词） them.

At the same time, it should also be emphasized that you can play with your old friend outside in your city. It is very convenient for you all to watch a movie, play basketball and eat some delicious food no matter what the time is, because you are so close to meet. But if you are in(a) different city, it could not happen unless one of you to visit other one from far away. That seems too sad to see an old friend after a long interval.

At the first thought, some opponents might claim that move to a new city or a new country can make some new（接连用了三个new，换成different之类的） friends to instead of old ones. But persuasive（plausible） as it seems to be, a close analysis would reveal how flimsy it is. As we all know, not only making close friends is difficult, but also get(getting动名词)close with someone strange is hard too. In order to（去掉，这句缺少主语）make new friends instead of old friends is not necessary. The reason is that you have to waste lots （of）time to build trust with new friends, but old ones need not to do so(这一句逻辑有问题，不能说老朋友不需要花时间建立信任，而是很久以前就形成了).

Taking into account all these factors, we may safely draw the conclusion that It is often not a good thing to move to a new city or a new country because of the loss of old friends（为了展现语言多样性，换一种表达：that disadvantages overwhelm.outnumber advantages of a move to a new place in terms of the maintenance of old intimate friends.）.

Conclusion：

1.大错误没有，不过要注意一下单复数的介词使用~

2.文章写得很有条理

3.可以在语言多样性上追求一下

4.加油啦~

作者: 喵喵了个咪 时间: 2012-8-24 16:10
8月23日独立 For future career success, is relate well to other people more important thanstudying hard at school?

The argument about what is the most important for a person’s future career is a popular topic in citizen’s daily life. There are advantages and disadvantages about the problem that which of the relationship of people and good achievement in the school is the most important for the future career success. According to the experience about my friends and some famous person, I can easily reach the conclusion that relating well to other people is more important than studying hard at school.

My main reason, persuasive and pervasive, associates with the point that the experience such as the ability about how to deal the relationship with others in society is more important than the knowledge learned from books. In order to prove this view, Bill Gates is the greatest example. He is not highly educated when he created the Microsoft. Just starting with his friends and using their talents to open up a new information era. His experience could make a positive effect for my opinion.

At the same time, it should also be emphasized that friends are the most precious wealth for a people’s whole life. But the knowledge which is studied in the school might not be used in the future career, because future is unpredictable. What a person’s career would be? It is unknown. For instance, My teacher Miss Lee is an English teacher of my university. But she was studying physics when she was undergraduate student. Her career is far away from what she studied in the school. This example can also prove my view.

At the first thought, some opponents might claim that the knowledge from the school is fundamental for a person into the society. Persuasive as it seems to be, a close analysis would reveal how flimsy it is. In fact, there are much more people who are not have a good education in modern society. The knowledge is not a necessity for a people to live. But without friends, without others’ help, we may not survive in this crucial world.

Take into account all these factors, we can safely draw the conclusion that good relationship is a assurance of career success. That is to say relate well to other people is more important thanstudying hard at school for future career success.

作者: 超级无敌小鹤鹤 时间: 2012-8-24 16:12
喵总加油！

作者: chasedreamabc 时间: 2012-8-24 16:28
At the first thought? 这个可以用在第三层吗

作者: 超级无敌小鹤鹤 时间: 2012-8-24 17:11

At the first thought? 这个可以用在第三层吗

-- by 会员 chasedreamabc (2012/8/24 16:28:22)

嗯这儿这个用错了

作者: Serena0710 时间: 2012-8-24 17:49
标题: 红色错误，蓝色建议，高亮精彩
The argument about what is the most important （这里需要加一个名词，不加时不行滴~~~比如加一个element！）for a person’s future career is a popular topic in citizen’s daily life. There are advantages and disadvantages about the problem that which of the relationship of people and good achievement in the school is the most important for the future career success. （这句话读着很困难，虽是长句，但会压分。1. There are 句型用的老掉牙外加很累赘。2. Advantages and disadvantages 图样图森破！记住以后用pros and cons. 同样的表达，更高的分数。）3. Which 其实不表二者之一，请用either …or… 我本试图帮你改一下这个句子，但是我没太明白你这个句子的意思。你根据我说的自己再写一个行不？新句子请写在回帖里我帮你再看看~)According to the experience about （about 改为of）my friends and some famous person, I can easily reach the conclusion that relating well to other people is more important than studying hard at school.

My main reason, persuasive and pervasive, associates with（用在此处表达不是特别合适，再斟酌） the point that the experience such as the ability about （喵喵好钟爱about啊~~哈哈~继续换成of！） how to deal the relationship with others in society is more important than the knowledge learned from books. In order to prove this view, Bill Gates is the greatest （意在表达最好的例子？那就不要用great，这有种感觉是最伟大的例子。。。囧。。。） example. He is not highly educated （highly educated 意味受过良好教育，常识告诉我们，这家伙绝对是受过良好教育的。。。可以说：he didn’t accomplish his bachelor degree education）when he created the Microsoft. Just starting with his friends and using their talents to open up a new information era.（这句话没谓语，不完整） His experience could make a positive effect for my opinion. (个人认为这句是充字数的废话。。。)

At the same time, it should also be emphasized that friends are the most precious wealth for a people’s （people是负数，不能用a,改为person，或for one’s whole life.）whole life. But the knowledge which is (which is 可以去掉) studied in the （改为at）school might not be used in the future career, because future is unpredictable. What a person’s career would （will） be? It is unknown. For instance, My （my）teacher Miss Lee is an English teacher of my university. But she was studying physics when she was (a) undergraduate student. Her career is far away from what she studied in the school. This example can also prove my view. (这段观点有点尴尬吧。。。以后用不到知识不代表知识就不重要。嗯，不太有说服力哦，还有依然是最后一句，略显无力。。。。)

At the first thought （可以用在第三层？？？？和abc一样的疑问。这里用一个additionally衔接的会更好）, some opponents might claim that the knowledge from the （去掉the）school is fundamental for a person into the society. Persuasive as it （改成that claim） seems to be, a close analysis would reveal how flimsy it is. In fact, there are much more people who are not have （啊哦~错鸟~~） a good education in modern society（ in fact, a lot of people are not well educated in modern society）. The knowledge is not a necessity for a people to live. But without friends, without others’ help (请按语法合理合并：without friends and other’s help(, we may not survive in this crucial world.

Take (taking! 不然句子有两个谓语) into account all these factors, we can safely draw the conclusion that good relationship is a (an) assurance of career success. That is to say(逗号！) relate well to other people is more important than studying hard at school for future career success.（有个很好的表达，play a more important role.）

总评：

1.我不知道喵喵考没考过G，语法方面有些问题。

2.句式真的不够简洁。字码的多不代表高分。

3.语言表达很欠缺。有本书很好，answers to all TOEFL essay questions 多看看，吸收地道的表达。

4.文章的后两个观点，说服力不够强。显得很牵强。

5.

PS. 喵喵请原谅，我批改的话语说的比较直接。虽然我自己水平也不高，但是我认为所有有助于小分队队员进步的都是负责任的行为。话糙理不糙，LZ想打人就忍忍吧（偷笑）。

作者: 超级无敌小鹤鹤 时间: 2012-8-24 18:12

总评：

1.我不知道喵喵考没考过G，语法方面有些问题。

-- by 会员 Serena0710 (2012/8/24 17:49:25)

喵喵要哭了。。。上个月刚考完G。。。

作者: Serena0710 时间: 2012-8-24 23:07

总评：

1.我不知道喵喵考没考过G，语法方面有些问题。

-- by 会员 Serena0710 (2012/8/24 17:49:25)

喵喵要哭了。。。上个月刚考完G。。。

-- by 会员超级无敌小鹤鹤 (2012/8/24 18:12:25)

额。。。不是故意的。。。

作者: 喵喵了个咪 时间: 2012-8-25 15:35
8月24日独立 Movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave.

When coming to this colorful world, we are attracted by various media. They teach us knowledge, open our sight and develop our thinking. What is more, movies and television become the most effective media in people’s daily lives hitherto. Lots of people believe that media are the irreplaceable factors to let a person know what he wants. However, as far as I could see, there are more negative effects for teenagers who do not have sufficient of self-control.

My main reason, pervasive and persuasive, support the point is that spending too much time to watch movies and television is harmful to the children’s health. Not only the radiation produced by screen would injure their sight, but also less physical exercise which instead by sitting in front of the screen might cause them overweight. A data investigated by the China Daily says that there are 45% of the young people under 12 years old are overweight and 75% of the young people under 18 years old are wearing glasses. This survey may be convictive about the view that movies and television have serious negative effects on the way young people behave.

At the same time, it should also be emphasized that what content are contained into the movies and television must receive parents’ attention. With the highly completing communication of our society, we could find whatever television program and movies we want through a computer so that we need not have to go to the cinema or sit in front of TV. That is to say, teenagers may watch some scenes are violent, sexy, horrific and so on without the examining of government. If the children have seen these kinds of picture, negative effects may harm the children’s tender heart.

Admittedly, some opponents might claim that youngster could learn lots of knowledge from movies and television. Persuasive as it seems to be, a close analysis would reveal how flimsy it is. In fact, without these kinds of media, children can also learn from the books and internship in society. Before the television is invented, people can also study by their hard working to be the person they want. The media with high-technology could not be an excuse to one’s lazy.

Obviously, all the evidence confirms an undoubted conclusion that movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave.

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-8-25 19:09
8.24改文
8月24日独立 Movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave.

When(可以去掉)coming to this colorful world, we are attracted by various media. They teach us knowledge, open our sight and develop our thinking. What is more, movies and television become the most effective media in people’s daily lives hitherto. Lots of people believe that media are the（去掉） irreplaceable factors to let a person know what he wants（这里跳跃太大了，怎么样就让人这样了，应该是media传播的只是）. However, as far as I could see, there are more negative effects for teenagers who do not have sufficient of self-control.

My main reason, pervasive and persuasive, support（supporting） the point is that spending too much time to watch(这里写的有点长，换成heavy exposure to) movies and television is harmful to the children’s health. Not only the radiation produced by screen would injure their sight, but also less physical exercise which instead by sitting in front of the screen might cause them overweight. A data investigated by the China Daily(haha,我爱China Daily) says that there are 45% of the young people(可以改成juvenile显得正像是权威发布的) under 12 years old are overweight and 75% of the young people under 18 years old are wearing glasses. This survey may be convictive about the view that movies and television have serious negative effects on the way young people behave（行为更像是心理方面的，换成physical conditions of young people）.

At the same time, it should also be emphasized that what content are contained into(in)the movies and television must receive parents’ attention. With the highly completing communication of our society, we could find whatever television program and movies we want through a computer so that we need not have to go to the cinema or sit in front of TV. That is to say, teenagers may watch some scenes (that/which最好不要省连接词)are violent, sexy, horrific and so on without the examining(用censorship更好： the actions or practices of censors; especially ) of government. If the children have seen these kinds of picture, negative effects may harm the children’s tender heart.

Admittedly, some opponents might claim that youngster could learn lots of knowledge from movies and television. Persuasive(可以用plausible替换) as it seems to be, a close analysis would reveal how flimsy it is. In fact, without these kinds of media, children can also learn from the books and internship in society. Before the television is（was因为是过去发明的~） invented, people can also study by their hard working to be the person they want. The media with high-technology could not be an excuse to one’s lazy（laziness/sloth）.

Obviously, all the evidence confirms an undoubted conclusion that movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave.

Conclusion：

喵总突飞猛进啦~

1.观点很有逻辑性，从physical, mental方面分析危害~

2.注意一些词的替代，让它更生动

3.还有就是一些小错误了，注意就好

4.真的挑不出来啦！

作者: 喵喵了个咪 时间: 2012-8-26 16:08
8月25日In order to solve the problems of the present and the future, people should review the past.

An old saying “failure is the mother of success.” present a view point bout the question that should a person review the past in order to solve the problems of the present and the future. Despite some people believe that there is no relationship between the questions at different times, I still agree with the elders’ motto. Reviewing the past really has sufficient effects to one to solve the problems of the present and the future.

My main reason, pervasive and persuasive, supports the point is that person should not make mistakes at the same place. How can they achieve this goal? The only way is to correct the mistake and learn the experience from it. There are so many scientists in the history can be the example for us. Thomas Edison who invented the bulb have done extremely hard working before he success. He had experiments thousands of time to choose the best material for the lampwick of bulb. If he did not summarize the reason of failure, the bulb might not invented by him.

At the same time, it should also be emphasized that studying from past could reflect one’s attitude and quality such as modesty and rigor. That is to say, a person who would like to recognize his failure and correct the mistakes might be easier to reach the success in the future. However, someone who would not like to put right his failures has to face more difficulty in the future. Untreated problems in the past would initiate more linked matters.

Admittedly, some opponents might claim that reviewing the past problems have no direct relationship with them of the present and the future. Persuasive as it seems to be, a close analysis would reveal how flimsy it is. In fact, learning and summarizing from the past could let a person know how to deal with the same situation and practice one’s ability to meet an emergency. How irreplaceable quality it is in this modern era.

Taking into account all these factors, we may safely draw the conclusion that In order to solve the problems of the present and the future, people should review the past. With the experience, we could easily handle troubles of the present and the future.

作者: sherryzhangh 时间: 2012-8-26 22:13

8月25日In orderto solve the problems of the present and the future, people should review thepast.

An oldsaying “failure is the mother of success.” present a viewpoint about the question that should a person review thepast in order to solve the problems of the present and the future. Despite somepeople believe that there is no relationship between the questions at differenttimes, I still agree with the elders’ motto. Reviewing the past really (indeed) has sufficient effects to one to solve theproblems of the present and the future.

My mainreason, pervasive andpersuasive, supports the point is that person should not make mistakesat the same place. How can they achieve this goal? The only way is to correctthe mistake and learn the experience from it. There are so many scientists inthe history can be the example for us. Thomas Edison who invented the bulb has done extremely hard working before he success. Hehad experiments thousands of time to choose the best material for the lamp wickof bulb. If he did not summarize the reason of failure, the bulb might not invented by him.

At thesame time, it should also be emphasized that studying from past could reflectone’s attitude and quality such as modesty and rigor. That is to say, a personwho would like to recognize his failure and correct the mistakes might beeasier to reach the success in the future. However, someone who would not liketo put right his failures has to face more difficulty in the future. Untreated problems in the past would initiatemore linked matters.

Admittedly,some opponents might claim that reviewing the past problems have no directrelationship with them of the present and the future. Persuasive as it seems to be, a closeanalysis would reveal how flimsy it is. In fact, learning and summarizing fromthe past could let a person know how to deal with the same situation andpractice one’s ability to meet an emergency. How irreplaceable quality it is inthis modern era.

Takinginto account all these factors, we may safely draw the conclusion that In orderto solve the problems of the present and the future, people should review thepast. With the experience, we could easily handle troubles of the present andthe future. 很赞，很多高级用法，学习了。

作者: 喵喵了个咪 时间: 2012-8-27 16:14
8月26日What is the main role of the university professor, to educate students or to do research?

Have you ever feel what a convenient era is in your daily life? All of the facilities with high-tech which are invented at the modern time are contributed by our talented scientist. That makes more and more people choosing to study in the university in order to have a brilliant future. Hence a question has to face by the university professor. Whether to educate students or to do research should be much accounted of? As far as I concerned, education is the main role of the university professor.

My main reason, pervasive and persuasive, supports the point is that people go to the university to absorb knowledge from wise professors. Thereby professors play a major role in the situation of education system. In my university, no matter how busy they are, professors always like to help students to solve the problem they have met in the studying. If professors are all pay lots of attention to do research so that ignoring the education of students, they absolutely can learn knowledge by themselves without go to school.

At the same time, it should also be emphasized that in the university, professor need not have to spend so many time on classes. For instance, in my university, a professor of the major course just need stay in the campus two days a week to give the class. That is to say, if a professor wants to do research, he need not have to cut down the class time for researching. There is enough time for him both to educate and to do research well.

Admittedly, some opponents might claim that professors in the university have brilliant talent and enough ability to research the courses. Persuasive as it seems to be, a close analysis would reveal how flimsy it is. In fact, the government has established some research department. So professors’ researching is not necessary. Thus it would not conflict between education and researching.

Taking into account all these factors, we may safely draw the conclusion that to educate students is the major role of the university professor.

今天写的有点少。。。憋不出来了。。。

作者: Serena0710 时间: 2012-8-27 17:12
给苗总提供些思路~~~

观点：中立

1. do research 的好处：
有助于跟进最新技术潮流（ the latest technology trend the latest technology trend）有助于教师修改教材，在课堂上传授最新技能，有助于加强学生和企业的联系，帮助学生就业。

2. education的好处
Alfred North Whitehead 认为大学奇教育并非在于传授知识，她认为大学之所以重要是因为大学将知识和对生活的热情，特别是想象力结合起来，但是现在的大学教育过分强调实用性，过分强调学习与就业的联系
教师的职责是培养学生的思考能力，而不是工作技能。教师拿出来时间工作，用于科研教学的时间变少，荒废本职工作。对于教师来说，最主要的事学术成果而不是实际成果。
现在计算机行业很热门，很很多计算机系的老师在外面的公司兼职做项目，导致上课质量下降，很多知识应付任务。

3. 中立观点
大学的教授必然是2个角色：研究性人才，分享研究成果。
both是最理想的
如果一个教授知识做功课，不做研究，那么这个教授在任何一个地方都不存啊，一个老师不输入只输出很可怕、教育模式僵化，也跟不上知识体系的更新。但是在时间的分配上来说，可以让应用学科的教授花更多的时间在教学上比较好。另一方面，对于纯学术领域（如数学，生物）的教授需要花更多时间做研究

————————以上的思路摘自某类似于CD的网站出的资料。。。。。

——————————————————偶嗨分割线——————————————————-——————

还有，那个，。。我的拖延症，作文还没写，然后今儿上班很忙，只能下班之后给你改，然后再写。我尽量9点之前完成！

作者: 喵喵了个咪 时间: 2012-8-27 18:31
谢谢serena啦···我感觉写中立观点不太好写额。所以一般没考虑些这种。。。

作者: Serena0710 时间: 2012-8-28 10:02
标题: 蓝色建议，红色错误
Have you ever feel（首先呢，feel的时态有误，要用felt是不？然后我觉得这个词也可以用aware或者realize替换） what a convenient era is in your daily life? All of the facilities with high-tech which are invented at the modern time are contributed by our talented scientist. That makes more and more people choosing to study in the university in order to have a brilliant future. Hence a question has to face by the university professor. Whether to educate students or to do research should be much accounted of?（红色部分我觉得语法上有点问题。这句话可以这么说：Hence, university professors have to be faced with a question-educating students and doing research , which should be paid more attentioin?As far as I concerned, education is the main role of the university professor(这句逻辑上有点问题，education是不能作为professor的角色的吧？改为main task是不是更合适？).

My main reason, pervasive and persuasive, supports the point is（is去掉）that people go to the university to absorb knowledge from wise professors. Thereby professors play a major role in the situation of（这个可以去掉的） education system. In my university, no matter how busy they are, professors always like to help students to solve the problem （此处problem最好用复数） they （本句中前后两个they分别指代教授和学生，这样是不行滴~~~）have met in the studying（用study即可）. If professors are（are去掉） all pay lots of attention to do research so that ignoring the education of students, they absolutely can learn knowledge by themselves without go to school 【这句话的语法问题还不小呢. So that 是目的状语，教授做研究的目的不是为了忽略对学生的教育，所以我们应该改成If professors all pay lots of attention to do research and thus ignore the instruction(这个词也有教育教导的意思，可以用来替换education) of students,】

At the same time, it should also be emphasized that in the university, professor need not have to spend so many time on classes. For instance, in my university, a professor of the major course just need stay in the campus two days a week to give the class（试试改为 give lectures）. That is to say, if a professor wants to do research, he need not have to cut down the class time for researching. There is enough time for him both to educate and to do research well.

Admittedly, some opponents might claim that professors in the university have brilliant talent and enough ability to research the courses. Persuasive as it seems to be, a close analysis would reveal how flimsy it is. In fact, the government has established some research department. So professors’ researching is not necessary. Thus it would not (thus, there won’t be ) conflict between education and researching. (这段有点观点没有说明白的感觉)

Taking into account all these factors, we may safely draw the conclusion that to educate students is the major role（老问题哦）of the university professor

总评：
1. 第三个观点略微勉强啦，而且有些说不清楚的感觉
2. 还是语法的问题，一定要用G的语法去指导T的写作
3. 表达的问题。不够精准，不够地道。建议看看无老师的托福作文大讲坛。很有用。我在这方面也很欠缺，咱们一起进步~加油！

作者: 喵喵了个咪 时间: 2012-8-28 11:18
谢谢serena啦·语法确实弱。。。一起努力！

作者: 喵喵了个咪 时间: 2012-8-28 15:55
8月27日独立 know a person from type of friends that he has, agree or disagree

In our society, we have to face so many kinds of people every day. They have different qualities, characters, manners and habits. Therefore, how to distinguish a person whether has great personality or not is the key to choose a right person to be your friends. An old saying “Birds of a feather flock together” can prove my opinion that we can know a person from type of friends that he has.

My main reason, pervasive and persuasive, supports the point that only one person has the same world view and value with his friends, they would not always argue with each other. Taking Steve Jobs as an example to support this point. At beginning of establishing of Apple, Steve is always an independent person with different thought to other colleagues. He had a special conception of developing direction and did not willing to agree with others’ advises, so that the employees isolated him with themselves. He ultimately quit the company which created by himself because of the inconsistent value with others. According to this instance, we could get a conclusion just like a proverb says “He that lies down with dogs must rise up with flea”.

At the same time, it should also be emphasized that with friends, we could talk some themes and go some place what both we like. However, if a person does not like what you always do, you might not like to make friend with him. For example, I hate go out to have some fun at night such as going to the bar. If a person calls me to go to the bar with him, I would refuse him, so that we might not have so many topics to take about. How to make friends without talking? It could obviously realize that we could not like a person who has no same interest with ourselves.

Admittedly, opponents might claim that difference of people could help us to improve our personalities. Persuasive as it seems to be, a close analysis could reveal how flimsy it is. In fact, the longer two people know well, the more similar they will become, because they are used to tolerate bad habits and absorb good qualities from each other. Hence, they are becoming more and more similar.

Taking into account all these factors, we may safely draw the conclusion that it is easy to know a person from type of friends that he has.

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-8-28 22:10
28改文~呀，迟来的~O~
8月27日独立 know a person from type of friends that he has, agree or disagree
In our society, we have to face so many kinds of people every day. They have different qualities, characters, manners and habits. Therefore, how to distinguish a person whether has great（感觉这个词有点广，用splendid/excellent吧） personality or not is the key to choose a right person to be your friends. （这两句话之间过渡不好，key to choose friend不能确定一定会选和自己相似的人~喵总感觉一下）An old saying “Birds of a feather flock together”(哈，婷婷也用这句了~) can prove my opinion that we can know a person from type of friends that he has.

My main reason, pervasive and persuasive, supports the point that only one person has the same world view and value with his friends, they would not always argue with each other. Taking Steve Jobs as an example to support this point. At beginning of establishing（establishment）of Apple, Steve is always an independent person with different thought to other colleagues. He had a special conception of developing direction and did(were) not willing to agree with others’ advises, so that the employees isolated him with themselves(这是搭配吗？木有见过诶). He ultimately quit the company which (was)created by himself because of the inconsistent value with others. According to this instance, we could get a conclusion just like a proverb says “He that lies down with dogs must rise up with flea”（弱弱的问一句，这句话的翻译是？）.

At the same time, it should also be emphasized that with friends, we could talk （about）some themes and go some places what both we like. However, if a person does not like what you always do, you might not like to make friend with him. For example, I hate go(going)out to have some fun at night such as going to the bar(哟呵，喵总原来这么纯良,嘻嘻). If a person calls me to go to the bar with him, I would refuse him, so that we might not have so many topics to take about. How to make friends without talking? It could obviously realize that we could not like a person who has no same interest with ourselves.

Admittedly, opponents might claim that difference of people could help us to improve our personalities. Persuasive as it seems to be, a close analysis could reveal how flimsy it is. In fact, the longer two people know well, the more similar they will become, because they are used to tolerate bad habits and absorb good qualities from each other. Hence, they are becoming more and more similar.

Taking into account all these factors, we may safely draw the conclusion that it is easy to know a person from type of friends that he has.结尾不够精彩,跟题目一模一样额，建议把句子改写一下：we can easily make judgment about a person's quality from his surrounding friends.

Conclusion：

1.感觉这篇文章的point弱弱的，说理欠缺一点,似乎是转换到写朋友性格、兴趣一直的好处上了。注意扣题哈

2.文字上没有太大问题了，保持下去

3.加油码字，拒绝拖延症~

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