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标题: 第一篇issue 求拍谢谢 [打印本页]

作者: beiyezi 时间: 2012-3-20 22:13
标题: 第一篇issue 求拍谢谢

题：As people rely more and more on technology to solve problems, the
ability of humans to think for themselves will surely deteriorate.

我写Technology dose becoming a indispensable tool that human used to survive and develop, without technology human can not even success to have evolved from lower forms of life in the first place. Nowadays, we don’t have to calculate anymore because （of）the calculators; we don’t need to consider how to make dinner by buying the food that （加has）already done and just wait us to eat from（宜为in） the supermarket; there is even needless（应该是no need） to think of sole mate because of（去掉of） the computer already pick up the perfect people that match you（这句话建议改一下，写的更清楚些）. But can the technology take place （加of）human intelligence gradually and take it all away at the end? The answer is of course not.

The biggest distinguish（这是v，需要用n，） from human ideal and machinery world is that instead of human create （应该是created）tools to make life more comfortable ,what the technology can do is follow the human ideal, only because these stuff is too easy or boring for human. people maybe rely on the technology on some level, but that dose not imply（加that） we don’t have the ability anymore. Without calculators we can still calculate ,no mention it is us who invented calculation（缺点什么，not to mention that）. Human have creativity and technology have not. Creativity allows us to move from where we are today to where we would like to be tomorrow, we recognize creativity in our latest technological wonders, in each new item that miraculously appears, and wonder how we ever lived without it.

Furthermore, having technology take care of almost every single aspect of life does not mean we don’t need to think anymore. There is always have（这个低级错误，there be 和have 只用其一） problems that machines can not tackle or resulting from using some technology waiting for us to solve--like though in order to save the fuels we choose develop solar energy and wind power electricity, with these new technology we invited new problems such as transforming the solar power needs very expensive material and the using of the wind power will influent the local environment and being a bird-killer. All of these more and more difficult tasks suggest that human can never stop thinking. Clearly tools solve problem while they are also the trouble maker.

Thinking is one of the great nature of human. Human have experienced so many things in this millions of years and without thinking we don’t learn and without learning we don’t grow and without growing we don’t develop and without develop we can’t survive（用这么多and不合适啊啊）. In the competition（用adj） society, the thinkers always more successful than the people who just linger everyday.

To sum up, the although people rely on technology more and more, but there has always the creativity that make machine can not as the substitute of human. Using technology may produce more difficulties that need to solve so that human can not stop thinking. As the nature of human, thinking is the major part of development of human history, how can human do not think anymore because machine.

作者: 普渡哥 时间: 2012-3-21 08:34
The biggest distinguish from human ideal and machinery world is that instead of human create tools to make life more comfortable ,what the technology can do is follow the human ideal, only because these stuff is too easy or boring for human.

这句话这样写比较好：
The biggest distinguish from human ideal and machinery world is， instead of human create tools to make life more comfortable ,what the technology can do is follow the human ideal, only because these stuff is too easy or boring for human.

作者: 竹林中人 时间: 2012-3-21 12:49
不好意思，直接在原文上修改了，从上面的标注可以看出你的语言表达问题很大，最基本的短语运用错误，句子结构和成分不清晰，这样会严重影响阅卷者的理解的。
再说说结构和内容，中间的三段你一直是再说人有创造力和思考能力，略显单调而不充分，你把人作为一个整体说的，但如果具体到一部分人呢？
建议做做句子翻译的练习，可以以新概念英语的课文翻译为蓝本，翻译成英文后再与原课文对照，知道自己能满意为止。
建议多多看些范文，如何寻找思路，怎么安排内容，怎么展开论证，继续努力，加油！

作者: beiyezi 时间: 2012-3-21 20:57
谢谢批改

作者: yuandefeiyi 时间: 2012-3-21 21:23
觉得竹林中人很用心呢。。呵呵

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