ChaseDream

标题: 刺猬加入『写作小分队』真心想改掉拖延症要坚持 [打印本页]

作者: Herisson0509 时间: 2012-3-12 22:08
标题: 刺猬加入『写作小分队』真心想改掉拖延症要坚持
在这里认识了晨依（再次谢谢晨依

）
她介绍我加入写作小分队我9号立马就入了
想着第二天就写作文交掉让大神改改
可是最终又被拖延症拉下水了
我是真想练啊啊啊

唉昨天又看了几个人CDer的心经
才知道差距原来可以这么远
还不开始努力怎么能行呢

所以我得振奋起来了和大家一起战斗加油

作者: Herisson0509 时间: 2012-3-12 22:09
3月11日独立写作
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Patience is usually not a good strategy. We should take action now rather than later.

In history, every war,the emperor often asked some strategists to help to choose the method of fight. Whatever wait patiently or action immeditaly ,both success and failure exists.So is the modern times .However, it is not completely true to say that patience is usually not a good strategy, we should take action now rather than later.

Firstly, due to the variation of character，everyone inevitably has different ways of doing things.Such as ,those people who is calm and steady must possess enough patience before take action. Importantly ，patience on behalf of enough preparations.As we all know, well begin is half done.No good preparations,no actions. Do not think that preparing patiently is wasting time,or you will never know the result can beyond your expection so far.If an enterprise do not spend a lot of time and enenrgy buying building materials, how can they build the building for their work？So the patience is the basic of the action like the foundation of a building.Nobody can buid in the air.

Moreover,at the same time, after starting to take action,patience is also necessary.Whatever we do ,a gentle state of mind can cause an effective effect all the time.Some people usually perfer to finish work in a hurry,as a consequence the high failure rate happens.As the old saying goes,giving are always equal to reward.Therefore,we should do anything step by step.Position yourself ,never follow others blindly. Take myself as an example,I had to say the process of studying TOEFL is quite hard.When heared friends studied much further than me, I can not calm myself down.I was too anxious to know how to do next,which delayed my all plan.After that,I took a few days to adjust myself.Now,everything return back nomal.

Of course,we encourage to take action earlier and quicker .Nevertheless,patience must attach to the action tightly.It will be so easy for all work that combine patience and actionscientifically.In a word,it is superfical to simply say that patience is usually not a good strategy.

作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-3-12 22:53

加油加油！共同进步呀~

作者: Herisson0509 时间: 2012-3-13 01:15
3.12 独立
先附一段（嗨婷婷，我们同是5.12的哦。加油哦。

这个话题本来是可以说不少的写着写着就有点绕自己了云里雾里的
我的思路如何才能清晰

听说你作文写的不错，我去看了一下，果然就如传闻所说。

我差你们都太远了。估计会耗费婷婷一段时间和精力。
总之，拜托婷婷辛苦了。有什么都可以说的，如果你想照顾一下我的面子，可以私聊我的。

）

3月12日独立

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Can two people be good friends if one people has more money than the other?

We all know, money can cater people lots of needs,which causes a strong attraction.However,it can not completely be the reason that two people want to be friend.

Firstly,money is not everything.It is impossible that balance friendship by money as same as buy things.The real value of friendship is an special emotion that two people share joy and sorrows each other.As the old saying goes,A friend in need is a friend indeed.Whatever you are successful or in trouble,he always be around .Pure and true friendship absolutely has nothing to do with money or benefit.Moreover,when we were child,we had considerably friends without considering whether his family was rich or her father owned much power. People always can not catch friendship accurately and appropriately because of its unique feature and some complex elements.It is just that simply is true.

On the other hand, people also can pretend to be your good friend due to your rich.So is the aim. In fact,they just want to use you to achieve goals. Perhaps in the end you are still not aware of what happened,they have stolen all assets you once possessed and run away. In their eyes,benefit lies the first forever. To them,you are only a tool for earning money.Such foul way to make friends seriously pollute the value of friendship.

As far as I am concerned,people who have a common goal often be good friend.Take an example of me,I meet a kind girl on the CD in the process of preparing TOEFL TEST.She helps me a lot and we encourage each other when we are in trouble.This is our true friendship.

In a word,true friendship can not be relate to any money or benefit. Whether you are rich or poor,make friend with others in your heart.You will get good friend,even better for reward.

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-3-13 08:27
标题: 3月12日独立批改
3月12日独立 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Can two people be good friends if one people has more money than the other?

ps:你睡好晚啊！我写的一般吧，也是这两天才刚开始，感觉Jason写的很好，互相交流吧，呵呵！

红色修改，蓝色疑问，黄色精彩

We all know, money can cater people lots of needs（people's demands largely）,which causes a strong attraction.（这里你想说money引起好的attraction 还是坏的？通常cause后面接的是不好的结果，那么下文就不需要用however了，建议使用evoke）However,it can not completely be the reason that two people want to be friend.
注意一下：写作时，标点之后是需要空格的。

Firstly,money is not everything.It is impossible~~that~~（to） balance friendship by money as same as buy(建议使用高级一点的词汇purchase) things.The real value of friendship is an special emotion that two people share joy and sorrows（joy和sorrow如果是开心/悲伤的人或事，则需要加s，这里一定要前后一致）with each other.As the old saying goes（感觉怪怪的）,A friend in need is a friend indeed.（呵呵，这句我也用了）Whatever（Whenever） you are successful or in trouble（后面也用形容词吧tough）,he always be around .Pure and true friendship absolutely has nothing to do with money or benefit.Moreover,when we were children,we had considerably(这个是非常地的意思，不是形容词，建议用a good number of ) friends without considering whether his family was rich or her father owned much power. People always can not catch friendship accurately and appropriately because of its unique feature and some complex elements.It is just that simply is true.(这句话很中式，是“简单才是真”吗？直接写What counts is sincereness. )

On the other hand, people also can pretend to be your good friend due to your rich(wealth).So is the aim（这句没有看懂）. In fact,they just want to ~~use~~(exploit) you to achieve goals. Perhaps in the end you are still not aware of what happened,they have stolen all assets you once possessed and run(ran?) away. In their eyes,benefit lies the first (enjoys the first priority)forever. To them,you are only a tool for earning money.Such foul way to make friends seriously pollute the value of friendship.

As far as I am concerned,people who have a common goal often be（become） good friends.Take an example of me,I meet a kind girl on the CD in the process of preparing TOEFL TEST.She helps me a lot and we encourage each other when we are in trouble.This is our true friendship.

In a word,true friendship can not be related to any money or benefit. Whether you are rich or poor,make friends(因为交朋友是两个人的事，所以要加s) with others in your heart.You will get good friend,even better for reward.

conclusion:连词用的不错，表扬一下。
但和我一样，写文还是很中式，尤其是第二个主段。
倒数第二段，说的是有共同目标的人更能成为朋友，可以把instead of money 带上，这样对比一下更好。
加油啦，发展空间还很大哦！期待看到你更多的进步~

作者: Crystaljoy 时间: 2012-3-13 14:39
3月11日独立写作修改
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Patience is usually not a good strategy. We should take action now rather than later.

来帮蝴蝶渡海看看小刺猬的文章，我主要是关注语法小错误哈。

In history, every war,（In every war in history）the emperor often asked some strategists to help to choose the method of fight. Whatever wait patiently or action immeditaly , both success and failure exists. So is the modern times. (这句话whatever，so用法错误，意思看起来也有点费解，感觉和前后句不太衔接。) However, it is not completely true to say that patience is usually not a good strategy, （,改成and 不然容易理解成前面是不对，后面是应该）we should take action now rather than later.

Firstly, due to the variation of character（various characteristics），everyone inevitably has different ways of doing (handling) things. Such as ,(For example. 注意such as 后面接N列举, 不须单独成句。例如：I love watching movies such as fiction, comedy, action movies and so on.) those people who is(are) calm and steady must possess enough patience before take(taking. 注意介词后面V的形式) action. Importantly ，patience on behalf of（stands for/ entails 这里需要一个V，不然就不能成为完整句子了） enough preparations. As we all know, well begin (begun) is half done .No good preparations, no (proper) actions. Do not think that preparing patiently is wasting time, or you will never know the result can beyond your expection so far. (because you never know how far the result can be beyond your expectation) If an enterprise do not spend a lot of time and energy(energy) buying building materials, how can they build the building for their work？(感觉这个反问的有点欠妥啊，针对性不够。我试着改改哈：If an architectural engineer cannot endure the longtime spent on studying various construction materials, how can he make the best use of them to build the skyscraper? ) So the patience is the basic of the action like the foundation of a building. Nobody can buid in the air. (So patience is to action what foundation is to building, as nobody can build in the air. 忽然想到A is to B what C is to D 这个句型很适合你这个意思。吼吼。)

Moreover, at the same time,（删去） after starting to take action, patience is also necessary. Whatever we do ,a gentle state of mind can cause（contributes to 一个是三单问题，一个是词汇的选择） an effective effect all the time. Some people usually perfer（prefer） to finish work in a hurry, as a consequence （，）the high failure rate happens. As the old saying goes, giving are always equal to reward. Therefore, we should do anything step by step. Position yourself, never follow others blindly. Take myself as an example, I had to say the process of studying TOEFL is quite hard. When heared friends studied much further than me,(hearing of friends who studied more than me,) I can(could) not calm myself down. I was too anxious to know how to do next, which delayed my all plan.(what delayed my process and how to make it up next) After that, I took a few days to adjust myself. Now, everything return back nomal. (is back on track 回归正轨)

Of course, we encourage to take action earlier and quicker .Nevertheless, patience must attach to the action tightly. It will be so easy forall work that（to handle all work when）combine patience and action scientifically. In a word, it is superfical to simply say that patience is usually not a good strategy.

结构很好的！再细心一些，注意语法小错误。还是感觉有点翻译中文，建议多读读美文，多积累地道的美式表达。加油！

作者: 蝴蝶渡海 时间: 2012-3-13 16:41
In history, every war,(In every war in history)the emperor often asked some strategists to help to choose the method of fight. Whatever wait patiently or action immeditaly(immediately)(另外此句我觉得这么写能合适点NO matter what you wait patiently or action immediately, both success and failure exist) ,both success and failure exists(exist).So is(does) the modern times .However, it is not completely true to say that patience is usually not a good strategy,(此处必须有连词and，否则是典型的语法错误) we should take action now rather than later.

Firstly, due to the variation of character，everyone inevitably has different ways of doing things.（此句读起来怪怪的我认为写成everyone has own unique way of doing things比较好，仅供参考啊）Such as（such as 不能引导句子，后面直接+名词，换成For example 或者For instance）,those people who is （are）calm and steady must possess enough patience before take（taking） action. Importantly ，patience on behalf of enough preparations. . Importantly(建议用Above all或者It is important that...), patience on behalf of(represents比较好，如果你那个用法的话需要前面加个谓语动词)enough(abundant/sufficient) preparations. (而且这个句子和本段主题句差距较大，不适合放在这里) As we all know, well begin is half done.No good preparations,no actions.（使用谚语或者引用名人名言不错但是我查了下应该是A well began is half done，而且后面的那个是什么意思啊）Do not think that preparing patiently is wasting time,or you will never know the result can beyond your expection（expectation） so far.If an enterprise do not spend a lot of time and enenrgy（energy） buying building materials, how can they build the building for their work？So the patience is the basic （basis）of the action like the foundation of a building.Nobody can buid （build）in the air.

Moreover,at the same time, （at the same time 删除）after starting to take action,patience is also necessary.Whatever we do ,a gentle state of mind can cause an effective effect all the time.Some people usually perfer to finish work in a hurry,as a consequence the high failure rate happens.As the old saying goes,giving are always equal to reward.Therefore,we should do anything step by step.Position yourself ,never follow others blindly. Take myself as an example,I had to say the process of studying TOEFL is quite hard.When heared friends studied much further than me, I can not calm myself down.（前半句when heard..语法有错误哈）I was too anxious to know how to do next,which delayed my all plan.After that,I took a few days to adjust myself.Now,everything return back nomal.（normal）

Of course,we encourage to take action earlier and quicker .Nevertheless,patience must attach to the action tightly.It will be so easy for all work that combine patience and actionscientifically.In a word,it is superfical to simply say that patience is usually not a good strategy.

可能是第一次写吧单词的拼写错误很多,一定要注意啊。句子结构错误也挺多的，给我的感觉就是有点支离破碎的，像东拼西凑起来的。另外一点建议：标点后空一格，否则也算是语法错误。多写写就好了，大家都加油，我看到鸟儿已经给你改了。昨晚我怕我改的不好让她也给你改一份。认真就会进步。大家都加油！

作者: Herisson0509 时间: 2012-3-13 17:50
在鸟儿和蝴蝶辛苦一番后，我更正的：

In every war in history, the emperor often asked some strategists to help to choose the method of fight. NO matter what you wait patiently or action immediately, both success and failure exist. So does the modern times. However, it is not completely true to say that patience is usually not a good strategy and we should take action now rather than later.

Firstly, due to the various characteristics, everyone has own unique way of doing things. For instance,those people who are calm and steady must possess enough patience before taking action. As we all know, well begun is half done. Do not think that preparing patiently is wasting time, because you never know how far the result can be beyond your expectation. If an architectural engineer cannot endure the longtime spent on studying various construction materials, how can he make the best use of them to build the skyscraper? So patience is to action what foundation is to building, as nobody can build in the air.

Moreover, after starting to take action, patience is also necessary. Whatever we do ,a gentle state of mind can contributes to an effective effect all the time. Some people usually prefer to finish work in a hurry, as a consequence ,the high failure rate happens. As the old saying goes, giving are always equal to reward. Therefore, we should do anything step by step.Position yourself ,never follow others blindly. Take myself as an example, I had to say the process of studying TOEFL is quite hard. When hearing of friends who studied more than me, I could not calm myself down. I was too anxious to know what delayed my process and how to make it up next. After that, I took a few days to adjust myself. Now, everythingis back on track.

Of course, we encourage to take action earlier and quicker .Nevertheless, patience must attach to the action tightly. It will be so easy to handle all work when combine patience and action scientifically. In a word, it is superfical to simply say that patience is usually not a good strategy.
（高亮是他们修改的精彩之处，要重点标记，宝贵财富）
再次感谢他们两个。
在这个过程中，我学到了许多，看到了自己的不足之处，我更加愿意去努力完善自己。

作者: Herisson0509 时间: 2012-3-13 18:07
婷婷修改后更正的

3.12 独立
We all know, money can cater people's demands largely, which evokes a strong attraction.However,it can not completely be the reason that two people want to be friend.

Firstly, money is not everything. It is impossible to balance friendship by money as same as purchase things. The real value of friendship is an special emotion that two people share joys and sorrows with each other. As the old saying goes, A friend in need is a friend indeed. Whenever you are successful or tough, he always be around. Pure and true friendship absolutely has nothing to do with money or benefit. Moreover, when we were children,we had a good number of friends without considering whether his family was rich or her father owned much power. People always can not catch friendship accurately and appropriately because of its unique feature and some complex elements. What counts is sincereness.

On the other hand, people also can pretend to be your good friend due to your wealth. In fact, they just want to exploit you to achieve goals. Perhaps in the end you are still not aware of what happened, they have stolen all assets you once possessed and ran away. In their eyes,benefit enjoys the first priority forever. To them, you are only a tool for earning money.Such foul way to make friends seriously pollute the value of friendship.

As far as I am concerned, people who have a common goal often become good friends instead of money. Take an example of me, I meet a kind girl on the CD in the process of preparing TOEFL TEST. She helps me a lot and we encourage each other when we are in trouble. This is our true friendship.

In a word, true friendship can not be related to any money or benefit. Whether you are rich or poor, make friends with others in your heart. You will get good friend,even better for reward.

作者: Herisson0509 时间: 2012-3-13 18:09

3月12日独立 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Can two people be good friends if one people has more money than the other?

ps:你睡好晚啊！我写的一般吧，也是这两天才刚开始，感觉Jason写的很好，互相交流吧，呵呵！

红色修改，蓝色疑问，黄色精彩

We all know, money can cater people lots of needs（people's demands largely）,which causes a strong attraction.（这里你想说money引起好的attraction 还是坏的？通常cause后面接的是不好的结果，那么下文就不需要用however了，建议使用evoke）However,it can not completely be the reason that two people want to be friend.
注意一下：写作时，标点之后是需要空格的。

Firstly,money is not everything.It is impossible~~that~~（to） balance friendship by money as same as buy(建议使用高级一点的词汇purchase) things.The real value of friendship is an special emotion that two people share joy and sorrows（joy和sorrow如果是开心/悲伤的人或事，则需要加s，这里一定要前后一致）with each other.As the old saying goes（感觉怪怪的）,A friend in need is a friend indeed.（呵呵，这句我也用了）Whatever（Whenever） you are successful or in trouble（后面也用形容词吧tough）,he always be around .Pure and true friendship absolutely has nothing to do with money or benefit.Moreover,when we were children,we had considerably(这个是非常地的意思，不是形容词，建议用a good number of ) friends without considering whether his family was rich or her father owned much power. People always can not catch friendship accurately and appropriately because of its unique feature and some complex elements.It is just that simply is true.(这句话很中式，是“简单才是真”吗？直接写What counts is sincereness. )

On the other hand, people also can pretend to be your good friend due to your rich(wealth).So is the aim（这句没有看懂）. In fact,they just want to ~~use~~(exploit) you to achieve goals. Perhaps in the end you are still not aware of what happened,they have stolen all assets you once possessed and run(ran?) away. In their eyes,benefit lies the first (enjoys the first priority)forever. To them,you are only a tool for earning money.Such foul way to make friends seriously pollute the value of friendship.

As far as I am concerned,people who have a common goal often be（become） good friends.Take an example of me,I meet a kind girl on the CD in the process of preparing TOEFL TEST.She helps me a lot and we encourage each other when we are in trouble.This is our true friendship.

In a word,true friendship can not be related to any money or benefit. Whether you are rich or poor,make friends(因为交朋友是两个人的事，所以要加s) with others in your heart.You will get good friend,even better for reward.

conclusion:连词用的不错，表扬一下。
但和我一样，写文还是很中式，尤其是第二个主段。
倒数第二段，说的是有共同目标的人更能成为朋友，可以把instead of money 带上，这样对比一下更好。
加油啦，发展空间还很大哦！期待看到你更多的进步~

-- by 会员婷婷connie (2012/3/13 8:27:50)

万分感谢婷婷！！！

还小小表扬了我，真是体贴哦。
就像你说的我的发展空间还很大，我会努力完善自己。

作者: Herisson0509 时间: 2012-3-13 18:19
两天作文练习和修改之后，我受益匪浅。
看到自己还有很多方面要完善，就做了小总结，以便帮助自己有针对性的进步：
1.标点后必须有空格，否则视为语法错误。在今后的写作中要去习惯。
2.拼写错误多。以后要多注意。低级错误尽量避免。
3.语法问题大。（看来英语真的退步很多，想写复杂结构句型，却适得其反。）积累常用句型以及长难句，使用正确恰当。
4.完全是中式翻译。要多看范文，学习美式的作文思维。
5.高等词汇极少。日后要多积累词汇量和词组，以及连词。
6.结构性，思路都不够明朗。还是要多看范文，多练。

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-3-13 20:09
呵呵，看到你把几篇文章都又写了一遍，好棒啊，向你学习~

作者: Herisson0509 时间: 2012-3-14 01:52
3.13 独立

Many people believe argue as if it is a general truth that it is more enjoyable to have a job and you work only three days a week with long hours rather than work five days a week with shorter hours. But to be frank, I cannot agree with them. There are numerous reasons why I hold no confidence on them, and I would explore only a few primary ones here.

To begin with, the main problem with this argument is that it is ignorant of the basic fact that overwork would cause a serious effect on people’s health. Owing to the limited energy, long time and plenty of working bring people into severe tiredness. Excess pressures are so harmful for our heatlh that we have to spend much money and time to recuperate. As a consequence, it is very important to assign your time scientifically. Appropriate rest is more beneficial and efficient to finish your task.Take myself as an example, my grade often worse than those usually study because I always stay up by coffee during the end of every term for reviewing examinations.

Futhermore, another reason why I disagree with the above statement is that I believethat our brain could not bear too much assignments in so short time. Scientist says,the daily average work time had better not more than eight hours.At the same time, the error score of work will quickly ascend owing to the limited energy. Then you would be responsible for all mistakes that you once made and spend extra time fixing them. What a great loss to you. In addition, you will be more enjoyable to go shopping or have delicious dinner with colleages after hard-working.

As far as I am concerned, I prefer to work everyday rather than accomplish in a few days. Because daily work make me enrich. To sum up, it is wise to handle proper work with limited energy instead of doing with fast speed.

作者: Crystaljoy 时间: 2012-3-14 14:44

3.13 修改

Many people believe argue as if it is a general truth (it a general truth 原来有点混乱了。可以直接believe A B/ believe that) that it is more enjoyable to have a job and you(删去) work only three days a week with long（longer 跟后面shouter对称） hours rather than work five days a week with shorter hours. But to be frank, I cannot agree with them. There are numerous reasons why I hold no confidence on them, and I would explore only a few primary ones here.
(逻辑很清晰)

To begin with, the main problem with this argument is thatit is ignorant of the basic fact thatoverwork would cause a serious effect on people’s health. Owing to the limited energy, long time and plenty of working (exhausted overwork) bring people into severe tiredness. Excess pressures are so harmful for our heatlh（health） that we have to spend much money and time to recuperate.As a consequence(一般这个词组是表示因果，即上面的原因导致后面的结果), it is very important to assign your time scientifically. Appropriate rest is more beneficial and efficient to finish your task. Take myself as an example, my grade（grades are） often worse than those usually study because (who do some reading every single day although) I always stay up (late) by coffee during (at) the end of every term for reviewing examinations.( to prepare hard for the final examination.)
（这段前面讲加班有害身体健康，后面例子讲不科学分配时间对效果不好，不搭配。建议后面例子用在你下一段观点中。）

Futhermore(Furthermore), another reason why I disagree with the above statement(离得太远了，指代内容不容易找到) is that I believe that our brain could not bear too much assignments in so short （such an intensive. 注意such+N，so+adj）time. Scientist says, the daily average work time had better not more than eight hours.(这句话没有V。建议改成 According to the scientists, the average daily work hour should be no more than eight hours. ) At the same time, the error score (rate) of work will quickly ascend owing to(due to 换一个词) the limited energy. Then you would be responsible for all mistakes that you once made and spend extra time fixing them. What a great loss to you. （！感叹句）In addition, you will be more enjoyable to go shopping or have delicious dinner with colleages（colleges）after hard-working ( a day’s toil).

As far as I am concerned, （To sum up,）I prefer to work everyday rather than accomplish in a few days. Because（，because因为because 只能引导从句） daily work make me enrich (enriches my daily life).To sum up, ( Therefore, ) it is wise to handle proper work with limited energy instead of doing with fast speed. (with more flexibility rather than with intensive arrangement)

现在语言进步很大，注意一个句子一定要有V。

还要提醒你注意文章content，写之前想好point, 举得例子要支持段首观点。加油加油~~~这么认真会进步很快的哦~！

加油加油~~~这么认真会进步很快的哦~！

作者: Herisson0509 时间: 2012-3-14 20:51

3.13 修改

Many people believe argue as if it is a general truth (it a general truth 原来有点混乱了。可以直接believe A B/ believe that) that it is more enjoyable to have a job and you(删去) work only three days a week with long（longer 跟后面shouter对称） hours rather than work five days a week with shorter hours. But to be frank, I cannot agree with them. There are numerous reasons why I hold no confidence on them, and I would explore only a few primary ones here.
(逻辑很清晰)

To begin with, the main problem with this argument is thatit is ignorant of the basic fact that overwork would cause a serious effect on people’s health. Owing to the limited energy, long time and plenty of working (exhausted overwork) bring people into severe tiredness. Excess pressures are so harmful for our heatlh（health） that we have to spend much money and time to recuperate.As a consequence(一般这个词组是表示因果，即上面的原因导致后面的结果), it is very important to assign your time scientifically. Appropriate rest is more beneficial and efficient to finish your task. Take myself as an example, my grade（grades are） often worse than those usually study because (who do some reading every single day although) I always stay up (late) by coffee during (at) the end of every term for reviewing examinations.( to prepare hard for the final examination.)
（这段前面讲加班有害身体健康，后面例子讲不科学分配时间对效果不好，不搭配。建议后面例子用在你下一段观点中。）

Futhermore(Furthermore), another reason why I disagree with the above statement(离得太远了，指代内容不容易找到) is that I believe that our brain could not bear too much assignments in so short （such an intensive. 注意such+N，so+adj）time. Scientist says, the daily average work time had better not more than eight hours.(这句话没有V。建议改成 According to the scientists, the average daily work hour should be no more than eight hours. ) At the same time, the error score (rate) of work will quickly ascend owing to(due to 换一个词) the limited energy. Then you would be responsible for all mistakes that you once made and spend extra time fixing them. What a great loss to you. （！感叹句）In addition, you will be more enjoyable to go shopping or have delicious dinner with colleages（colleges）after hard-working ( a day’s toil).

-- by 会员 Crystaljoy (2012/3/14 14:44:32)

这两次都被鸟儿姐修改无比幸运呢姐你辛苦啦

提醒一下鸟儿姐粗心写错一个单词college ---colleague同事（估计是看花了）

谢谢鸟儿姐的鼓励，我觉得这次进步与模板也有一定的关系，有两个亮点是模板上的。
以后我要把那些好的模板都运用到平时的练习中去，再稍加变动，变成自己的东西。
还有鸟儿姐说的我记住了，下次注意。

作者: Herisson0509 时间: 2012-3-14 21:04

修改过的

Many peoplebelieve that it is more enjoyable to have a job and work only three days a week with longerhours rather than work five days a week with shorter hours. But to be frank, I cannot agree with them. There are numerous reasons why I hold no confidence on them, and I would explore only a few primary ones here.

To begin with, the main problem with this argument is that it is ignorant of the basic fact that overwork would cause a serious effect on people’s health. Owing to the limited energy, exhausted overwork bring people into severe tiredness. Excess pressures are so harmful for our healththat we have to spend much money and time to recuperate.Therefore，it is very important to assign your time scientifically. Appropriate rest is more beneficial and efficient to finish your task.

Furthermore, another reason why I disagree with the main topic is that I believe that our brain could not bear too much assignments in such an intensive.（such+N，so+adj）time. According to the scientists, the average daily work hour should be no more than eight hours. At the same time, the error rate of work will quickly ascend due to the limited energy. Then you would be responsible for all mistakes that you once made and spend extra time fixing them. What a great loss to you!Take myself as an example, my grades are often worse than those who do some reading every single day although I always stay late by coffee at the end of every term to prepare hard for the final examination.In addition, you will be more enjoyable to go shopping or have delicious dinner with colleaguesafter a day’s toil.

To sum up,I prefer to work everyday rather than accomplish in a few days. Daily workenriches my daily life.Therefore, it is wise to handle proper work with more flexibility（灵活的）instead of with intensive arrangement)

作者: Herisson0509 时间: 2012-3-15 01:34
3月14日110422 NA

Which kind of universities do you prefer, universities whose graduates can find good jobs or universities where there are famous professors?

When faced with the choice of universities whose graduates can find good jobs or universities where there are famous professors, quite a few would claim that it is of importance to go into universities whose graduates can find good jobs. But others, in contrast, deem the universities where there are famous professors as the premier choice and that is also my point. This quite different view is based on the propensity of following points.

　　

The main reason why I agree with the above statement is that we can learn an abundant number of knowledge from the famous professors. A celebrity is so called due to what they paid and how hard they were. Therefore,their precious experiences accumulated in such a long time can lead us to the bright future. For instance,one of my friends, a quite common girl when we were young now has a great achievement in the financial world. She told me what influenced her life most is that a lecture about life one of famous professor gave in Peking University.

The second reason can be seen by every person that famous professor also be benefical to get a good job for us. Expect for the valuable experiences, professors are usually so easy-going that we can make friends with them as same as our classmates without any destinations. When we graduate, they could offer available suggesstions about applying to a job and even recommend us to those esbablished corporations almost all the graduates dream for day and night. As the popular saying goes,One Stone Two Birds.

　

To sum up, to choose univerisities is something of a dilemma to all the students because they sometimes are confused by the different advices from teachers, friends and parents. However,for the reasons presented above, I strongly commit to the notion that the university where there are famous professors will benefit me a lot.

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-3-15 21:44
标题: 3.14独立批改
不要着急哦，改完就粘在这~
先占着
红色错误，蓝色疑问，黄色精彩
When faced with（facing不需要加借此） the choice of universities whose graduates can find good jobs or universities where there are famous professors, quite a few would claim that it is of （great/significant） importance to go into universities whose graduates can find good jobs. But others, in contrast, deem the universities where there are famous professors as the premier choice and that is also my point. This quite different view is based on the propensity of following points.
开头写得不错，词汇和句型都到了，表扬一下~
　　

The main reason why I agree with the above statement is that we can learn an abundant number of knowledge from the famous professors. A celebrity is so called due to what they paid and how hard they were. Therefore,their precious experiences accumulated in such a long time can lead us to the bright future. For instance,one of my friends, a quite common girl when we were young（she was young） now has a great achievement in the financial world（field）. She told me what influenced her life most is that a lecture about life,(加一个逗号？) one of famous professor gave in Peking University.

The second reason can be seen by every person that famous professor also be benefical to get a good job for us（favored for us to get employed）. Expect for the valuable experiences, professors are usually so easy-going that we can(are easy to) make friends with them as same as with our classmates without any destinations(destination是目的地的意思，用purpose). When we graduate, they could offer available suggesstions about applying to a job and even recommend us to those esbablished corporations almost all the graduates dream for day and night. As the popular saying goes,One Stone Two Birds.

　

To sum up, to choose univerisities is ~~something of~~ a dilemma to all the students because they sometimes are confused by the different advices from teachers, friends and parents. However,for the reasons presented above, I strongly commit to the notion that the university where there are famous professors will benefit me a lot.
要是有三个主段就好了
conclusion: 进步很快哦，词汇和句式都不错，但结构方面仍需加强，字数略显不够。

作者: Herisson0509 时间: 2012-3-16 00:37
3月15日 101210 NA

Which do you prefer, finishing one project before starting another or doing two or more projects at the same time?

Nowdays, for the sake of enriching colleges life, universities offer many different kinds of curriculums to students. However, depending on personal experience, personality type and emotional concern, we find that some people hold the idea of finishing one project before starting another while others prefer to studing two or more courses at the same time, from my point of view, it is more advisable to learn various knowledge. My arguments for this point are listed as follows.

The main reason for my propensity is that one subject may has a tight connection with owing to the same points. According to a survey delivered by Chinese Educational Institution, the data indicated those related curriculums are helpful for academicians to assimilate the major in university. A particular example for this is my major finance. We often study five or six subjects in each term, such as, finance, accounting, econimic and so on. Usually,we can understand the knowledge of Finance Market from another book named Company Finance.

Another reason can be seen by every one is diverse knowledge enrich our life. It is enjoyable to learn numerous aspects in such intensive time. In the meanwhile, collages would improve the ability to assign time for studying scientifically, which is benefical to their careers after graduation. A good case in this point is that a graduate was promoted to a manager in two years due to the method he copes with problems at the same time appeals to the boss.

Futhermore, what is worth noticing fact is that one project is quite single to us during a period of time. You will soon lose interest in it because one subject is to study what one food is to eat everyday. What a boring life! Whereas,if you have two or more books, make yourself relaxed by reading another when you are tired of one. As the popular saying goes, One Stone Two Birds.

From what has been discussed above,we may reach the conclusion that it is sagacious to choose plenty of courses at the same time.

写的可没有耐心找不到可以替换的单词重复了好多揪心死了

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-3-16 08:24
Which do you prefer, finishing one project before starting another or doing two or more projects at the same time?

Nowdays, for the sake of enriching colleges life, universities offer many different kinds of curriculums to students. However, depending on personal experience, personality type and emotional concern, we find that some people hold the idea of finishing one project before starting another while others prefer to studying two or more courses at the same time（这句话太长了，没有必要复述原题，改成some people are single-project workers while others are multi-taskers.）, (应该改成句号)from my point of view, it is more advisable to learn various knowledge. My arguments for this point are listed as follows.

The main reason for my propensity is that one subject may has a tight connection with owing to the same points. According to a survey delivered by Chinese Educational Institution, the data indicated those related curriculums are helpful for academicians to assimilate the major in university. A particular example for this is my major finance. We often study five or six subjects in each term, such as, finance, accounting, econimic and so on. Usually,we can understand the knowledge of Finance Market from another book named Company Finance.
（最后加一个总结会更好）
Another reason can be seen by every one is diverse knowledge enrich our life. It is enjoyable to learn numerous aspects in such intensive time. In the meanwhile, collages（college students） would improve the ability to assign time for studying scientifically, which is benefical to their careers after graduation(future careers). A good case in this point is that a graduate was promoted to a manager in two years due to the method he copes with(补充：tackle/handle) problems at the same time appeals to the boss(这句话是想表达什么意思呢？).

Futhermore, what is worth noticing fact （感觉很怪,换成more notable？）is that one project is quite single to us during a period of time. You will soon lose interest in it because one subject is to study is what one food is to eat everyday（这个句式貌似是这样的A to B is what C to D）. What a boring life! Whereas,if you have two or more books, make yourself relaxed by reading another when you are tired of one. As the popular saying goes, One Stone Two Birds.

From what has been discussed above,we may reach the conclusion that it is sagacious to choose plenty of courses at the same time.

conclusion:每个主段后面加一句话呼应该段的TS
是不是感觉字数不够?细节还能再展开些，比如写金融专业那段，之后可以谢谢通过company finance学market finance的轻松。
第二个主段的观点和后面的例子接不上，前面说的是多元化知识丰富了我们的生活，但是下面却是在说科学地安排时间，可以把TS改成 doing several projects helps us assign our time more scientifically.

作者: Herisson0509 时间: 2012-3-17 15:05
3月16日110415 NA

昨天看完李笑来的一些作文，觉得这次的题目正符合可以两边倒，就想have a try。

婷婷受苦了啊，这两天都是你改我的。

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Compared with hiring famous teachers, school should pay more attention to improve facilities.

Evey year in June, the univerisities in China are faced a ardent competition due to huge amounts of students will have a selection among them. Depend on personality type, we can find that pefect colleges in their imagination are diverse. However, which is more important bewteen well-knowen professors and improved facilities to us?

To begin with, thoes are advanced in equipments enjoy the priority. As the popular saying goes,the first impressions matter hugely because it sets the stage for our judgement. Therefore, it is the definitive moment when new students enter the university with their parents for the first time. The initial decision adhere to whether the essential establishments are provided. Consider me for an example, that year my father wanted me to give up when we saw those antiquated machinery I would use in four years. Although I was extremely dissatisfied with everything in there, I comfort him that I can bear hardship when I saw my father`s tears for his love. In fact, I feel very sorry for him since as yet he is worried about me. So, it is more appealing that a college reaches level of modernization.

In addition, it is acknowledged that devices are indispensable to us. The reason why we need them is that they can supply convience in numerous aspects for us. For instance, in winter, boys want to play basketball whereas they are compelled to give up owing to no indoor basketball hall in our college. In our spare time, we can always stay healthy by taking exercise. The environment we would study and live in four or more years are completely benefical to our growth.

Certainly, there is no denying that celebarted professors attract an lot of students for their popularity. To undergradutes, special experiences learned from professors are of great value. Usually, social successful men are willing to spend much money on a noted professor`s lecture. In univerisity, academicians not only increase knowledge but also save a large amount of money. Thus sometimes, we cannot emphasize the importance of the famed person too much.

Above all, in breif, improved facilities and famous teachers are essential to completeness to an outstangding school. Combine both of them reasonably will bring more benefits to the society.

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-3-17 16:08
木事木事，怎么昨天就咱们俩啊？

Evey year in June, the univerisities（the university /universities 任选一个，the 加复数不常见的） in China are faced a ardent competition due to huge amounts of students ~~will~~ have a selection among them. Depend on personality types, we can find that pefect colleges in their（their 指代不明） imagination are diverse. However, which is more important bewteen well-knowen professors and improved facilities to us?(第一段最好把观点表出来，不能给读者一个问句)

To begin with, thoes universities are advanced in equipments enjoy the priority. As the popular saying goes,the first impressions matter hugely because it sets the stage for our judgement.（这句话是第一印象决定选择吗？感觉怪怪的~） Therefore, it is the definitive moment when new students enter the university with their parents for the first time. The initial decision adhere to whether the essential establishments are provided. Consider me for an example, that year my father wanted me to give up when we saw those antiquated machineryI would use in four years（这句话有点中式，写成which would accompany me for four years）. Although I was extremely dissatisfied with everything in there, I comfort him that I can bear hardship when I saw my father`s tears for his love. In fact, I feel very sorry for him since asyet he is worried about me. So, it is more appealing that a college reaches level of modernization(感觉不对，但是也想不到好的替换).

In addition, it is acknowledged that devices are indispensable to us. The reason why we need them is that they can supply convience in numerous aspects for us. For instance, in winter, boys want to play basketball whereas they are compelled to give up owing to no indoor basketball ~~hall~~court in our college. Thus, In our spare time, we can always stay healthy by ~~taking~~ exercise. ~~The~~Such environment(表明是在设施先进的环境里) we would study and live in four or more years are completely benefical to our growth.

Certainly, there is no denying that celebarted professors attract an lot of students for their popularity(这个还没有写完，接着however, people's aims are also for economical study,一般批作文时会先看每一段的ts，你这样写会造成误会的 ). To undergradutes, special experiences learned（obtained） from professors are of great value. Usually, social successful men are willing to spend much money on a noted professor`s lecture. In univerisity, academicians not only increase knowledge but also save a large amount of money. Thus sometimes, we cannot emphasize the importance of the famed person too much.（这个让步段不利于主观点的说的有点多）

Above all, in breif, improved facilities and famous teachers are essential to completeness to an outstangding school. Combine both of them reasonably will bring more benefits to the society.
这个结尾是说两个都好吗？通常在考试中，建议侧重一方面。
据我理解，让步的写法不是在两者中折中，而是先选一个，然后说其实另一个也行，但是和之前那个比远远不如，或者是说第一个也有缺点，但是可以通过某些方法客服。
Conclusion:能看出在作文模板上下了一番功夫，逻辑方面有待加强，之后多看一些文章结构方面的知识吧~

作者: Herisson0509 时间: 2012-3-17 21:03
和同学交流了一下，觉得婷婷说的很对。

创新失败了还是老老实实一边倒吧

决定好好改一下婷婷抽空帮忙看下有没有好很多

蓝色为修改

Evey year in June, universities（the 加复数不常见的） in China are faced a ardent competition due to huge amounts of students ~~will~~ have a selection among them. Depend on personality types, we can find that perfect colleges in college student`s（their 指代不明） imagination are diverse. From my point of view, it is advisable to improve the facilities in school.

To begin with, thoes universities are advanced in equipments enjoy the priority. As the popular saying goes,the first impression matters hugely （换成greatly）because it influences our judgement.（这句话是第一印象决定选择吗？感觉怪怪的~起初我觉得还可以吧，查词的时候看到的；后面问了鸟儿我就按她说的改了） Therefore, it is the definitive moment when new students enter the university with their parents for the first time. The initial decision adhere to whether the essential establishments are provided. Consider me for an example, that year my father wanted me to give up when we saw those antiquated machineryI would use in four years which would accompany me for four years（这句话有点中式，写成which would accompany me for four years）. Although I was extremely dissatisfied with everything in there, I comfort him that I can bear hardship when I saw my father`s tears for his love. In fact, I feel very sorry for him since asyet he is worried about me. So, it is more appealing that a college reaches alevel of modernization(感觉不对，但是也想不到好的替换现代化水平应该还好吧也不知道换成什么就加了个a).

In addition, it is acknowledged that devices are indispensable to us. The reason why we need them is that they can supply convience in numerous aspects for us. For instance, in winter, boys want to play basketball whereas they are compelled to give up owing to no indoor basketball ~~hall~~court in our college. Thus, In our spare time, we can always stay healthy by ~~taking~~ exercise. ~~The~~Such environment(表明是在设施先进的环境里) we would study and live in four or more years are completely benefical to our growth.

Certainly, there is no denying that celebarted professors attract an lot of students for their popularity，however, people's aims are also for economical study .(这个还没有写完，接着however, people's aims are also for economical study,一般批作文时会先看每一段的ts，你这样写会造成误会的 ). To undergradutes, special experiences learned obtained（obtained） from professors are of great value. Usually, social successful men are willing to spend much money on a noted professor`s lecture. In univerisity, academicians not only increase knowledge but also save a large amount of money. But, compared with the advanced machines, the well-known professors are less important.

Above all, in breif, improved facilities and famous teachers are essential to completeness to an outstangding school. Neverthless，I strongly commit the notion that school should pay more attention to improve facilities.

作者: Herisson0509 时间: 2012-3-17 21:04

木事木事，怎么昨天就咱们俩啊？

In addition, it is acknowledged that devices are indispensable to us. The reason why we need them is that they can supply convience in numerous aspects for us. For instance, in winter, boys want to play basketball whereas they are compelled to give up owing to no indoor basketball ~~hall~~court in our college. Thus, In our spare time, we can always stay healthy by ~~taking~~ exercise. ~~The~~Such environment(表明是在设施先进的环境里) we would study and live in four or more years are completely benefical to our growth.

-- by 会员婷婷connie (2012/3/17 16:08:37)

谢谢婷婷的提醒以后还是乖乖的

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-3-17 21:39
标题: 再审~

In addition, it is acknowledged that devices are indispensable to us. The reason why we need them is that they can supply convience in numerous aspects for us. For instance, in winter, boys want to play basketball whereas they are compelled to give up owing to no indoor basketball ~~hall~~court in our college. Thus, In our spare time, we can always stay healthy by ~~taking~~ exercise. ~~The~~Such environment(表明是在设施先进的环境里) we would study and live in four or more years are completely benefical to our growth.

Certainly, there is no denying that celebarted professors attract an lot of students for their popularity，however, people's aims are also for economical study .(However, people also base their aims on economical aspect我又改了一下，这样更好吧)(这个还没有写完，接着however, people's aims are also for economical study,一般批作文时会先看每一段的ts，你这样写会造成误会的 ). To undergradutes, special experiences learned obtained（obtained） from professors are of great value. Usually, ~~social~~ successful men are willing to spend much money on a noted professor`s lecture. In university, academicians not only increase knowledge but also save a large amount of money. But（Thus这句应该是转折了）, compared with the advanced machines, the well-known professors are less important.

Above all, in breif, ~~improved facilities and famous teachers are essential to completeness to an outstangding school. Neverthless~~the advanteges of advanced facilities outnumber those of celebrated progessors, hence, I strongly commit the notion that school should pay more attention to improve facilities.(呵呵，这样更好了，不用再说两个都好，这样的思维很中式)

作者: Herisson0509 时间: 2012-3-28 00:43
堕落了一周我又回来啦
继续用作文监督自己时刻不可松懈
小霏霏初次见面请不吝赐教哦狠狠拍。。。
3月27日 111217 NA

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is impossible to be completely honest with your friend.

There is no doubt that honesty is the Chinese traditional virtue. In childhood, our parents often told us that it is bad to lie to anyone, such as, your father and mother, even friends and teachers. Nevertheless, I agree with the assertion that it is impossible to be completely honest with your friends. My positions are based on a deep and fundamental analysis as dicussed below.

To begin with, it is apparent that no one has the ability to not cheat their companions permanently. According to a recent survey, the figure shows us that only one percent assure forever sincereness. Both common sence and personal experience have told us that one person may make small mistake unconsciously at times no matter how valuable your affection are. But, on no account can we be a tricker on purpose. We should do our utmost to build the greastest confidence in our associates. Thus, it is too hard to be truthful thoroughly.

In addition, it pays to tell a white lie now and then. It is benefical to cope with the problem, even decrease some sorrow. Take me as an example, one of my best intimates who had cancer concealled her illness to me when she grew worse day after day. I wasnot in the dark until she died. However,I still remember the last days she spent with me happily rather than miss her sadly.

Last but not the least, there is no denying that integrity plays an increasing important role in keeping long-term friendship. Friends should never deceive each other. However, these cases are not commom in uncertain conditions. Sometimes the truth can exert more negative effects than the lie. Hence, we cannot emphasize the necessity of a kind lie too much.

In conclusion, while some people may remain unconvinced, the reasons that I have analyzed in above argument should at least make them aware of the complexities of the issue under discussion. Considering the all aspects , I hold the view that it is unlikely to be totally honest with our friends.

作者: Herisson0509 时间: 2012-3-28 00:46
堕落一周了要回来奋斗了
小霏霏初次见面请不吝赐教哦狠狠拍。。

3月27日 111217 NA

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is impossible to be completely honest with your friend.

There is no doubt that honesty is the Chinese traditional virtue. In childhood, our parents often told us that it is bad to lie to anyone, such as, your father and mother, even friends and teachers. Nevertheless, I agree with the assertion that it is impossible to be completely honest with your friends. My positions are based on a deep and fundamental analysis as dicussed below.

作者: 夏雨霏霏 时间: 2012-3-29 22:29

There is no doubt that honesty is the Chinese traditional virtue. In childhood, our parents often told us that it is bad to lie to anyone, such as, your father and mother, even friends and teachers（We have been taught be our parents since childhood that we should not lie to people no matter who they are.这句太罗嗦，我想这么改，你看看阿）. Nevertheless, I agree with the assertion that it is impossible to be completely honest with your friends. My positions are based on a deep and fundamental analysis as dicussed below.

To begin with, it is apparent that no one has the ability to not cheat their companions permanently. According to a recent survey, the figure shows us that(啰嗦，删了吧) only one percent of the people interviewedassure forever sincereness(觉得怪，that they will be forever sincere to their friends). What’s more, Both common sence and personal experience have told us that one person may make small mistake unconsciously at times no matter how valuable your affection are. But, on no account can we be a tricker on purpose. We should do our utmost to build the greastest confidence in our associates. Thus(前一句说我们不能故意撒谎，要极力建立关系的信心，这里however好一点), it is too hard to be truthful thoroughly.

In addition, it pays to tell a white lie now and then. It is benefical to cope with the problem, even decrease some sorrow. Take me as an example, one of my best intimates who had cancer concealled her illness to me when she grew worse day after day. I was not（没这个not吧） in the dark until she died. However,I still remember the last days she spent with me happily rather than miss her sadly（这两没法匹配the memory of her is more about the happiness I got by playing with her rather than the misery I felt after she passed away）.

Last but not the least, there is no denying that integrity plays an increasing important role in keeping long-term friendship. Friends should never deceive each other. However, these cases are not commom in uncertain conditions (it is not the case in certain conditions). Sometimes the truth can exert more negative effects than the lie. Hence, we cannot emphasize the necessity of a kind lie too much.

In conclusion, while some people may remain unconvinced, the reasons that I have analyzed in above argument should at least make them aware of the complexities of the issue under discussion. Considering the all aspects , I hold the view that it is unlikely to be totally honest with our friends.

作者: Herisson0509 时间: 2012-3-30 11:57

修改3.27
There is no doubt that honesty is the Chinese traditional virtue. In childhood, we have been taught by our parents that we should not lie to people no matter who they are. Nevertheless, I agree with the assertion that it is impossible to be completely honest with your friends. My positions are based on a deep and fundamental analysis as dicussed below.

To begin with, it is apparent that no one has the ability to not cheat their companions permanently. According to a recent survey, the figure shows us that(啰嗦，删了吧) 这里我觉得是可以不用删掉的only one percent of the people interviewed assure that they will be forever sincere to their friends(觉得怪，that they will be forever sincere to their friends). What’s more, both common sence and personal experience have told us that one person may make small mistake unconsciously at times no matter how valuable your affection are. 【Thus, it is too hard to be truthful thoroughly. 放在这里感觉比较适合也不用换掉thus了】But, on no account can we be a tricker on purpose. We should do our utmost to build the greastest confidence in our associates. Thus(前一句说我们不能故意撒谎，要极力建立关系的信心，这里however好一点), it is too hard to be truthful thoroughly.

In addition, it pays to tell a white lie now and then. It is benefical to cope with the problem, even decrease some sorrow. Take me as an example, one of my best intimates who had cancer concealled her illness to me when she grew worse day after day. I was （没这个not吧） in the dark until she died. However,I still remember the memory of our happiness in her last days rather than the misery her death brings to me.（综合咱俩的想法我最终这样改）she spent with me happily rather than miss her sadly（这两没法匹配the memory of her is more about the happiness I got by playing with her rather than the misery I felt after she passed away）.

Last but not the least, there is no denying that integrity plays an increasing important role in keeping long-term friendship. Friends should never deceive each other. However, these cases are not commom in uncertain conditions (it is not the case in certain conditions). Sometimes the truth can exert more negative effects than the lie. Hence, we cannot emphasize the necessity of a kind lie too much.

In conclusion, while some people may remain unconvinced, the reasons that I have analyzed in above argument should at least make them aware of the complexities of the issue under discussion. Considering the all aspects , I hold the view that it is unlikely to be totally honest with our friends

作者: Herisson0509 时间: 2012-3-30 12:02

In addition, it pays to tell a white lie now and then. It is benefical to cope with the problem, even decrease some sorrow. Take me as an example, one of my best intimates who had cancer concealled her illness to me when she grew worse day after day. I was not（没这个not吧） in the dark until she died. However,I still remember the last days she spent with me happily rather than miss her sadly（这两没法匹配the memory of her is more about the happiness I got by playing with her rather than the misery I felt after she passed away）.

Last but not the least, there is no denying that integrity plays an increasing important role in keeping long-term friendship. Friends should never deceive each other. However, these cases are not commom in uncertain conditions (it is not the case in certain conditions). Sometimes the truth can exert more negative effects than the lie. Hence, we cannot emphasize the necessity of a kind lie too much.

In conclusion, while some people may remain unconvinced, the reasons that I have analyzed in above argument should at least make them aware of the complexities of the issue under discussion. Considering the all aspects , I hold the view that it is unlikely to be totally honest with our friends.

-- by 会员夏雨霏霏 (2012/3/29 22:29:37)

霏霏改的好认真啊谢谢你啊

作者: Herisson0509 时间: 2012-4-3 18:21
4月3日 110617NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People can achieve happiness if they make others happy.

What is the accurate meaning of happiness? People may give a varitey of answers owing to their individual value systems. Hence, the definition is not easy to make. On balance, while I agree with the assertion that I will achieve happiness if I make others cheerful. My positions are based on a deep and fundamental analysis as discussed below.

To begin with, it is so enjoyable that give him a hand when someone is in trouble. No one can deny that be ready to help others is the Chinese traditional virtue. In further areas, the poor cannot afford to study, even live. Most well-meaning persons donnot hesitate to assist them with plenty of their own money to offer what they need. In addition, take Leifeng as an example, he often help people without any rewards. When asked why did this, he said he was glad to help those who need assistance. The more happier others are, the more delighted he is. Thus, make others pleased is a convenient approach to acquire joy.

Morever, there is no doubt that friends should share happiness and sorrows. As the popular saying goes, A friend in need is a friend indeed. When your intimate are frustrated, you will be anxious and hurry to drive her bothers away. For instance, my emotion usually tightly related to my associates. So I often spare my efforts to come up with various ideas for resolving their troubles. Though the process is hard, I still believe nothing is more important to offer them joy. I am always taking pleasure to do for the sake of seeing smiles on their faces.

Last not the least, you wouldnot feel ioyful if you do harm to someone. Maybe hurt people enable you to get a temporary joy. Whereas, you will sink into deep self-accusation for a long time. As a consequence, we cannot emphasis the importance of pleasing others too much.

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-4-4 17:33
标题: 4.3独立改文
改完了~
4月3日 110617NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People can achieve happiness if they make others happy.

What is the accurate meaning of happiness? People may give a varitey(variety)of answers owing to their individual value systems. Hence, the definition is not easy to make. On balance, while(while放在这好吗？) I agree with the assertion that I will achieve happiness if I make others cheerful. My positions are based on a deep and fundamental analysis as discussed below.

To begin with, it is so enjoyable that give him a hand when someone is in trouble. No one can deny that be(being) ready to help others is the Chinese traditional virtue. In further(remote) areas, the poor cannot afford to study, even live. Most well-meaning persons donnot(do not)hesitate to assist them with plenty of their own money to offer what they need. In addition, take Leifeng as an example, he often helps people without any rewards. When asked why did this, he said he was glad to help those who need assistance. The more happier others are, the more delighted he is. Thus, make others pleased is a convenient approach to acquire joy.

Morever(moreover), there is no doubt that friends should share happiness and sorrows. As the popular saying goes, A friend in need is a friend indeed. When your intimate are(is) frustrated, you will be anxious and hurry to drive her bothers away. For instance, my emotion usually tightly related to my associates. So I often spare my efforts to come up with various ideas for resolving their troubles. Though the process is hard, I still believe nothing is more important to offer(than offering)them joy. I am always taking pleasure to do for the sake of seeing smiles on their faces.

这一段的TS跟主题联系得不够紧密，“同甘苦共患难”跟“别人开心，自己就开心了”还有一点差别，最好过渡一下。

Last not the least, you wouldnot feel ioyful（joyful） if you do harm to someone. Maybe hurt(hurting) people enablesyou to get a temporary joy. Whereas, you will sink into deep self-accusation for a long time.(这里应该加一个细节，要不然就跟前面两段参差不齐了)As a consequence, we cannot emphasis（emphasize,emphasis是名词） the importance（这个用过了先，改成significance） of pleasing others too much.

In conclusion, while some people may remain unconvinced, the reasons that I have analyzed in above argument should at least make them aware of the complexities of the issue under discussion. (这些好中式，可以不要了)Considering the all aspects , I hold the view that people can be happy with giving others pleasures.（段尾可以展望未来，要是所有人都能使别人开心，世界会变得怎么样之类的）

Conclusion:感觉Herisson进步好大地说~

但是一定要加强论点和主题之间的逻辑论证。另外，就是写完检查了，有一点小的拼写错误，和单数没有加s

作者: Herisson0509 时间: 2012-4-5 11:04
4月4日 110610NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It’s more important for the government to build new housing than preserve old historic building.

Nowdays, we can see many old historical sites placed by more modern structures in the city. Which is more important to us? People may give diverse answers owing to their individual value systems. Hence, the decision is not easy to make. Nevertheless, I donnot agree with the assertion that it is more eventful for the government to build new housing than preserve old historic building. My positions are based on a deep and fundamental analysis as dicussed below

To begin with, it is well known that ancient structures are closely related to the history and culture of the city. Those antiquated constructions are the city’s root because they desposit a period of history. The recorded past information are the physical evidence of civilization. Through them, we can roughly imagine what would the city be like in that year. Old buildings are not only history, but also are endowed with great value and specific meaning. Thus, we cannot emphasize the significance of protecting old antique objects too much.

Morever, antiquity plays a increasing important role in tourism industry to our country. With the remarkable development of living standard, people often spare their free time to visit plases of interests. Those foreigners are no expection. For instance, I once ask one of my American friends why he like Chinese so much. He told me that unique ancient flavor does appeal to him, especially China’s attractions, such as, the Forbidden City, Summer Palace, etc. In addition, unique relics can also increase the potential for communtity economic development. So, we should cherish them as our rare tourism resoures.

Last not the least, plenty of new housings may give people a feeling of denying own past. Though modern apartments with the times represent society’s progress, on no account can we reject our nation’s history ancestors created by their hands. Thinking of what happened to the Summer Palace in history, Chinese People still have pain on heart because they are so previous to us. To be frank, it is not sensible to contribute too much to the new buildings.

Above all, in breif, old buildings are indispensable to Chinese Nation. Considering the all aspects, I strongly commit the notion that the government should spare no efforts to conserve our architectural heritage.

作者: 喵喵了个咪 时间: 2012-4-5 14:38

Nowdays(拼写nowadays), we can see many old historical sites (被动形式be done.需要加are) placed by more modern structures in the city. Which is more important to us? People may give diverse answers owing to their individual value systems. Hence, the decision is not easy to make. Nevertheless, I donnot（除了cannot没有这种缩写形式而且你拼错了。。）agree with the assertion that it is more eventful for the government to build new housing than preserve old historic building. My positions are based on a deep and fundamental analysis as dicussed(discussed) below.

To begin with, it is well known that ancient structures are closely related to the history and culture of the city(文化修饰城市好像不太准确吧，建议改为nation或者country). Those antiquated constructions are the city’s root because they desposit(deposited拼写错了而且需要用过去式) a period of history. The recorded past information are the physical evidence of civilization. Through them, we can roughly imagine what would the city be like in that year. Old buildings are not only history, but also are endowed with great value and specific meaning. Thus, we cannot emphasize the significance of protecting old antique objects too much.

Morever(moreover), antiquity plays a increasing important role in tourism industry to our country(一般会说to谁in哪吧。不过这里貌似也不算语法错误). With the remarkable development of living standard, people often spare(我觉得这里用spend恰当些) their free time to visit plases(places) of interests. Those foreigners are no expection(exception). For instance, I once ask one of my American friends why he like Chinese so much. He told me that unique ancient flavor does appeal to him, especially China’s attractions, such as, the Forbidden City, Summer Palace, etc. In addition, unique relics can also increase the potential for communtity economic development(促进地区经济发展？economic development of the region,community拼错了). So, we should cherish them as our rare tourism resoures(resources).

Last not the least, plenty of new housings may give people a feeling of denying own past. Though modern apartments ~~with the times~~(前边已经说了是modern后边又出现times语义重复) represent society’s progress (应用形容词而不是所有格social progress), on no account can we reject our nation’s history ~~ancestors~~ created by their hands(改为created by ancestors' hands). Thinking of what happened to the Summer Palace in history, Chinese ~~People~~(chinese本身就是中国人的意思) still have pain(用feel pain好些吧)on heart(in the heart或者at the heart没有on heart这种用法) because they are so previous to us. To be frank, it is not sensible to contribute too much to the new buildings(对新房子做贡献不明显？表述有问题。).

Above all, in brief(brief), old buildings are indispensable to Chinese Nation. Considering the all aspects, I strongly commit(commit to) the notion that the government should spare no efforts to conserve our architectural heritage.

你的拼写有些问题，单词背准确哈~然后就是文章的连接词换换，你这些都是四六级用的~

文章用的是三部递进式的论述方式。但是第三点论点不够典型，可以归入第一点一起写。

总体来说还不错~继续努力！

作者: Herisson0509 时间: 2012-4-5 16:59
4月4日修改 110610NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It’s more important for the government to build new housing than preserve old historic building.

Nowadays, we can see many old historical sites are placed by more modern structures in the city. Which is more important to us? People may give diverse answers owing to their individual value systems. Hence, the decision is not easy to make. Nevertheless, I do not agree with the assertion that it is more eventful for the government to build new housing than preserve old historic building. My positions are based on a deep and fundamental analysis as dicussed below.

To begin with, it is well known that ancient structures are closely related to the history and culture of the nation. Those antiquated constructions are the city’s root because they deposited a period of history. The recorded past information are the physical evidence of civilization. Through them, we can roughly imagine what would the city be like in that year. Old buildings are not only history, but also are endowed with great value and specific meaning. Thus, we cannot emphasize the significance of protecting old antique objects too much.

Moreever, antiquity plays a increasing important role in tourism industry to our country. With the remarkable development of living standard, people often spare their free time to visit plases of interests. Those foreigners are no exception. For instance, I once ask one of my American friends why he like Chinese so much. He told me that unique ancient flavor does appeal to him, especially China’s attractions, such as, the Forbidden City, Summer Palace, etc. In addition, unique relics can also increase the potential for community economic development. So, we should cherish them as our rare tourism resources.

Last not the least, plenty of new housings may give people a feeling of denying own past. Though modern apartments represent society’s progress, on no account can we reject our nation’s history created by ancestors’ hands. Thinking of what happened to the Summer Palace in history, Chinese People still feel pain because they are so previous to us. To be frank, it is not sensible to contribute too much to the new buildings.

Above all, in brief, old buildings are indispensable to Chinese Nation. Considering the all aspects, I strongly commit to the notion that the government should spare no efforts to conserve our architectural heritage.

With the developing of our country, more and more skyscrapers are building up around us which show how convenient and comfortable the daily life are. Recently, people have shown an increased interest in a question that should the government build the new house instead of old historic building? For me, I strongly disagree this statement which pointed that protecting old historic building is waste time and money for the development of our city.

作者: Herisson0509 时间: 2012-4-5 17:12
修改4.3

改完了~
4月3日 110617NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People can achieve happiness if they make others happy.

What is the accurate meaning of happiness? People may give a varitey variety(variety)of answers owing to their individual value systems. Hence, the definition is not easy to make. On balance, (while放在这好吗？) I agree with the assertion that I will achieve happiness if I make others cheerful. My positions are based on a deep and fundamental analysis as discussed below.

To begin with, it is so enjoyable that give him a hand when someone is in trouble. No one can deny that be being(being) ready to help others is the Chinese traditional virtue. In further(remote) areas, the poor cannot afford to study, even live. Most well-meaning persons donnotdo not(do not)hesitate to assist them with plenty of their own money to offer what they need. In addition, take Leifeng as an example, he often helps people without any rewards. When asked why did this, he said he was glad to help those who need assistance. The more happier others are, the more delighted he is. Thus, make others pleased is a convenient approach to acquire joy.

MoreverMoreover(moreover), there is no doubt that friends should share happiness and sorrows. When your intimate areis(is) frustrated, you will be anxious and hurry to drive her bothers away. For instance, my emotion usually tightly related to my associates. So I often spare my efforts to come up with various ideas for resolving their troubles. Though the process is hard, I still believe nothing is more important to offerthan to offer(than offering)them joy. I am always taking pleasure to do for the sake of seeing smiles on their faces.

这一段的TS跟主题联系得不够紧密，“同甘苦共患难”跟“别人开心，自己就开心了”还有一点差别，最好过渡一下。

Last not the least, you wouldnot feel ioyful joyful（joyful） if you do harm to someone. Maybe hurting(hurting) people enables you to get a temporary joy. Whereas, you will sink into deep self-accusation for a long time.(这里应该加一个细节，要不然就跟前面两段参差不齐了)As a consequence, we cannot emphasize（emphasize,emphasis是名词） the importance significance（这个用过了先，改成significance） of pleasing others too much.

Considering the all aspects , I hold the view that people can be happy with giving others pleasures.If everyone contributes herself to make others happy generously, the world would be more beautiful.（段尾可以展望未来，要是所有人都能使别人开心，世界会变得怎么样之类的）

Conclusion:感觉Herisson进步好大地说~

但是一定要加强论点和主题之间的逻辑论证。另外，就是写完检查了，有一点小的拼写错误，和单数没有加s

作者: Herisson0509 时间: 2012-4-6 09:48
moon~~·估计·得辛苦你了写的挺纠结的思路都不太清晰

4月5日 110528NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? One can learn a lot about the person from the type of friends the person has.

As the popular saying goes, Birds of a feather flock together. Many people believe that one person must be like what his friends be. Nevertheless, I do not agree with the assertion that one can realize the person simply through his friends. My positions are based on a deep and fundamental analysis as dicussed below.

Initially, there is no doubt that everyone possesses own unique character. And it is universally acknowledged that personality is too complex to understand. Maybe you are extremely similar to your intimates, whereas it cannot be completely to know you. In fact, many differences do hide beneath the surface. For instance, I often told my roommates the story of my best associate. Once I brought her to my dormitory. To their surprises, she is an fair lady rather than a lively girl like me. Thus, it is not sagasicous to judge one from the people around him.

Furthermore, no one can deny that it is possible for us to associate with a variety of companions. So various friends are that they enable our life colorful. By getting along with them, we can increase more knowledge of all aspects. Although some of them are entirely out of your flavor, it doesn’t matter. Take me as an ease, I own all sorts of intimates due to my outgoing nature. Whereas we don’t have much in common. Though we often has a quarrel with each other on an issue, I still love being with them. So, on no account can we learn others from the types of friends they have.

Admittedly, most people hold the view that those who have a common goal can be together. If do not share the same interest and faith, persons could not talk or stay for only one minute. However, according to a recent survey, 80 percent said they can make friends with different kinds of people in spite of the common distinction. As a matter of fact, intimates’ features can not show what you be like. Usually,we only can recognize a little about one, even the opposite side.

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-4-6 20:13
daisy，这两天，忙挑战杯了，现在再给你好好改一遍~

作者: xf76 时间: 2012-4-6 20:15
标题: 4月5日独立修改

110528NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? One can learn a lot about the person from the type of friends the person has.

As the popular saying goes, Birds of a feather flock together. Many people believe（believe, think, 这种有个人观点的词最好少用） that one person must be like what his friends be(不清楚是不是固定用法，如果不是，这里用be感觉不恰当，应该用be的某种形式吧；这句话我可以理解，但是我不知道这么写对不对). Nevertheless, I do not agree with the assertion that one can realize the person simply through his friends. My positions are based on a deep and fundamental analysis as dicussed below.

Initially, there is no doubt that everyone possesses own unique character.（，） And it is universally acknowledged that personality is too complex to understand. Maybe you are extremely similar to your intimates, whereas it（it指代有点不清晰） cannot be completely to know you（前半句说similar，后半句说know，感觉这两个词意思有点不对称）. In fact, many differences do hide beneath the surface. For instance, I often told my roommates the story of my best associate(associates). Once I brought her to my dormitory. To their surprises（surprise是不可数名词）, she is an fair lady rather than a lively girl like me. Thus, it is not sagasicous(sagacious)to judge one from the people around him(我记得句型应该是judge from A and B; tell/ differentiate/ distinguish A from B).

Furthermore, no one can deny that it is possible for us to associate with a variety of companions. So various（miscellaneous也可以） friends are that they enable our life colorful（various（miscellaneous）friends may enable our life colorful.；so在这里做什么词性，我没看出来，感觉这里有点问题）. By getting along with them, we can increase more knowledge of all aspects. Although some of them are entirely out of your flavor（favor）, it doesn’t matter. Take me as an ease（case）, I own all sorts of intimates due to my outgoing nature. Whereas we don’t have much in common. Though we often has a quarrel with each other on an issue, I still love being with them. So, on no account can we learn others from the types of friends they have.

Admittedly, most people hold the view that those who have a common goal can be together. If do not share the same interest and faith, persons could not talk or stay for only one minute. However, according to a recent survey, 80 percent s （people）said they can make friends with different kinds of people in spite of the common distinction. As a matter of fact, intimates’ features can not show（也可以用demonstrate） what you be like. Usually,we only can recognize a little about one, even the opposite side.

From what has been discussed above, we can draw the conclusion that it is so onesided to learn a lot about a person from the style his familiar owns.If you want to know one, go to make friend（friends） with him and （shortly afterwards 没过多久，感觉这里加个时间状语比较好） you will understand him clearlyby yourself（感觉有点多余）.

1.感觉开头和结尾有点过于模板化（这个我也掌握不好，据说写多了就形成自己的风格了）
2.尽量多使用动词，可以是句子更生动，形象。少使用be动词和can（被动语态和形式主语可以用be）（新东方老师说的）
3.有的词汇还有升级的空间
4.用名人或事实举例可能更具说服力
5.文章结构清晰
6.有些地方我不确定

作者: Herisson0509 时间: 2012-4-6 21:27

daisy，这两天，忙挑战杯了，现在再给你好好改一遍~

-- by 会员婷婷connie (2012/4/6 20:13:38)

婷婷回错地了吧

作者: Herisson0509 时间: 2012-4-6 22:18
修改4.5

As the popular saying goes, Birds of a feather flock together. Many people believe（believe, think, 这种有个人观点的词最好少用） that one person must be like what his friends be are(不清楚是不是固定用法，如果不是，这里用be感觉不恰当，应该用be的某种形式吧；这句话我可以理解，但是我不知道这么写对不对). Nevertheless, I do not agree with the assertion that one can realize the person simply through his friends. My positions are based on a deep and fundamental analysis as dicussed below.

Initially, there is no doubt that everyone possesses own unique character.（，） And it is universally acknowledged that personality is too complex to understand. Maybe you are extremely similar to your intimates, whereas it（it指代有点不清晰） cannot be completely to know you（前半句说similar，后半句说know，感觉这两个词意思有点不对称）我觉得还可以. In fact, many differences do hide beneath the surface. For instance, I often told my roommates the story of my best associates(associates). Once I brought her to my dormitory. To their surprises surprise（surprise是不可数名词）, she is an fair lady rather than a lively girl like me. Thus, it is not sagasicous sagacious (sagacious)to judge one from the people around him.这句我问过鸟了她说这样表达可以的(我记得句型应该是judge from A and B; tell/ differentiate/ distinguish A from B).

Furthermore, no one can deny that it is possible for us to associate with a variety of companions. So various（miscellaneous也可以） friends are that they enable our life colorful（various（miscellaneous）friends may enable our life colorful.；so在这里做什么词性，我没看出来，感觉这里有点问题）这里只是把so提前了而已. By getting along with them, we can increase more knowledge of all aspects. Although some of them are entirely out of your flavor favor（favor）, it doesn’t matter. Take me as an ease case（case）, I own all sorts of intimates due to my outgoing nature. Whereas we don’t have much in common. Though we often has a quarrel with each other on an issue, I still love being with them. So, on no account can we learn others from the types of friends they have.

Admittedly, most people hold the view that those who have a common goal can be together. If do not share the same interest and faith, persons could not talk or stay for only one minute. However, according to a recent survey, 80 percent s （people）said they can make friends with different kinds of people in spite of the common distinction. As a matter of fact, intimates’ features can not show（也可以用demonstrate） what you be like. Usually,we only can recognize a little about one, even the opposite side.

From what has been discussed above, we can draw the conclusion that it is so onesided to learn a lot about a person from the style his familiar owns.If you want to know one, go to make friends（friends） with him and （shortly afterwards 没过多久，感觉这里加个时间状语比较好） you will understand him clearly by yourself 我想强调要亲身去做而不是通过什么什么。。。（感觉有点多余）.

作者: Herisson0509 时间: 2012-4-7 13:58
4月6日101210 NA Which do you prefer, finishing one project before starting another or doing two or more projects at the same time?

How can you show yourself in the competitive company? Since different people have distinct back grounds and values, it is no wonder that the seemingly simple and straight question could arouse fierce debate. Some people hold the idea of doing things one by one while others prefer to achieve many tasks at the same time. From my point of view, it is more advisable to be a single-project worker. My arguments for this point are listed as follows.

The main reason for my propensity is that splitting attention between two tasks is something people simply could not do well. According to a recent survey, the results showed that when doing single-task learning, the brain used by nearly 80 percent of people can make rapid and accurate respone on what they are doing. Those who keep one eye on more projects only reach a low successful rate. Take me as an example, when I reviewed for the Toefl Test, I tried to practice listening while reciting words, as a conquence, neither is finished well. Thus, I understandthat one person has to be single-minded in order tohave results, absolutelynotone mind.

Another reason can be seen by every one it is not a good habit of doing two things at one time. Sometimes being half-hearted would make serious error. For instance, in my childhood, I used to talk when my family had dinner together. Once I carelessly spurt a little rice out, my father who is always annabelle inflicted severe punishment on me. He told me that it is so impolite to do such thing. Since then, I make a rule to be a single-project person, which mainly benefits my life.

To be sure, distractions and multitasking are hardly new to the human condition. There is no doubt that handle two or more affairs simultaneously can save much time, whereas it may commit to big mistake. For example, many workers in the factory only pursue the task completion in spite of the production’s quality, which often causes consumer’s health problem, even the dispute. So we cannot emphasize the importance of running things one after another too much.

From what has been discussed above,we may reach the conclusion that it is sagacious to get one project done before starting another. Only in this way can we be more concentrated, successful and excellent.

作者: chasedreamabc 时间: 2012-4-7 21:12
How can you show yourself in the competitive company? Since different people have distinct back grounds and values, it is no wonder that the seemingly simple and straight question could arouse fierce debate. Some people hold the idea of doing things one by one while others prefer to achieve many tasks at the same time. From my point of view, it is more advisable to be a single-project worker. My arguments for this point are listed as follows.

The main reason for my propensity is that splitting attention between two tasks is something people simply could not do well. According to a recent survey, the results showed that when doing single-task learning, the brain used by nearly 80 percent of people can make rapid and accurate respone on what they are doing. Those who keep one eye on more projects only reach a low successful rate. Take me as an example, when I reviewed for the Toefl Test（还是不要举T的例子吧）, I tried to practice listening while reciting words, as a conquence, neither is finished well. Thus, I understand that one person has to be single-minded in order tohave results, absolutely not one mind.

Another reason can be seen by every one it is not a good habit of doing two things at one time. Sometimes being half-hearted would make serious error. For instance, in my childhood, I used to talk when my family had dinner together. Once I carelessly spurt a little rice out, my father who is always Annabelle inflicted severe punishment on me. He told me that it is so impolite to do such thing. Since then, I make a rule to be a single-project person, which mainly benefits my life.

To be sure, distractions and multitasking are hardly new to the human condition. There is no doubt that handle two or more affairs simultaneously can save much time, whereas it may commit to big mistake. For example, many workers in the factory only pursue the task completion in spite of the production’s quality, which often causes consumer’s health problem, even the dispute. So we cannot emphasize the importance of running things one after another too much.

From what has been discussed above, we may reach the conclusion that it is sagacious to get one project done before starting another. Only in this way can we be more concentrated, successful and excellent.

没什么错误了，就是一个小点，挑战toefl中说道，作文尽量客观，较少用到I，we，they等代词，可以使用someone之类的

作者: Herisson0509 时间: 2012-4-7 22:16

How can you show yourself in the competitive company? Since different people have distinct back grounds and values, it is no wonder that the seemingly simple and straight question could arouse fierce debate. Some people hold the idea of doing things one by one while others prefer to achieve many tasks at the same time. From my point of view, it is more advisable to be a single-project worker. My arguments for this point are listed as follows.

The main reason for my propensity is that splitting attention between two tasks is something people simply could not do well. According to a recent survey, the results showed that when doing single-task learning, the brain used by nearly 80 percent of people can make rapid and accurate respone on what they are doing. Those who keep one eye on more projects only reach a low successful rate. Take me as an example, when I reviewed for the Toefl Test（还是不要举T的例子吧）, I tried to practice listening while reciting words, as a conquence, neither is finished well. Thus, I understand that one person has to be single-minded in order tohave results, absolutely not one mind.

Another reason can be seen by every one it is not a good habit of doing two things at one time. Sometimes being half-hearted would make serious error. For instance, in my childhood, I used to talk when my family had dinner together. Once I carelessly spurt a little rice out, my father who is always Annabelle inflicted severe punishment on me. He told me that it is so impolite to do such thing. Since then, I make a rule to be a single-project person, which mainly benefits my life.

To be sure, distractions and multitasking are hardly new to the human condition. There is no doubt that handle two or more affairs simultaneously can save much time, whereas it may commit to big mistake. For example, many workers in the factory only pursue the task completion in spite of the production’s quality, which often causes consumer’s health problem, even the dispute. So we cannot emphasize the importance of running things one after another too much.

From what has been discussed above, we may reach the conclusion that it is sagacious to get one project done before starting another. Only in this way can we be more concentrated, successful and excellent.

没什么错误了，就是一个小点，挑战toefl中说道，作文尽量客观，较少用到I，we，they等代词，可以使用someone之类的

-- by 会员 chasedreamabc (2012/4/7 21:12:28)

谢谢ABC的建议以后尽量注意了

辛苦你啦

作者: Herisson0509 时间: 2012-4-8 19:38
第一次写综合水到不行因为好多没有听全只能按article推测着写随后自己找到范文改改
The lecture apparently disputes the points illustrated in the reading material. According to the passage,in the United States, a policy was required that a four-day workweek for 80 percent of normal pay would benefit company and employee. However, the professor stands that it would not work.

First of all, the reading passage points out that shortened work would increase company profits. In contrast, the professor claims that hiring more employees would spend more money on more facilities, which probably cut into the profits. So the lecture totally disagrees with the view made in the reading passage.

Second, the passage says that the option can reduce unemployment rate. It is different from what is stand in the professor’s speaking that many job would be available due to the option, so the company would ask the employees do what those five-day workweek staffs used to do.

Finally, the passage raises the issue that four-day workweek is better for individual employees. The professor disagrees with this point. He claims that short time work would decrease the job ability of workers, whereas five-day workweek ensures the encourage and was benefical for career, content that explicitly contradicts that passage.

In conclusion, the point made in the lecture contracts with what is presented in the reading material.

作者: Herisson0509 时间: 2012-4-8 20:04
呜呜看了别人的满分范文才知道有那么多key points 没有听到崩溃精听去吧
The lecture apparently disputes the points illustrated in the reading material. According to the passage,in the United States, a policy was required that a four-day workweek for 80 percent of normal pay would benefit company and employee. However, the professor stands that it would not work( will have negative effects for companies as well as society.)

First of all, the reading passage points out that shortened work would increase company（enterprise） profits （because those employees make fewer mistakes and work more efficiently）. In contrast, the professor claims that hiring more employees would spend more money on more facilities, which probably cut into the profits.（in order to meet normal levels of productivity，hiring more employees would lead the rising expenses of the company）So the lecture totally disagrees with the view made in the reading passage.

Second, the passage says that the option can reduce unemployment rate. It is different from what is stand in the professor’s speaking that many job would be available due to the option,(for the sake of saving money, employers might raise their expectations of 4-day employees),so the company would ask the employees do what those five-day workweek staffs used to do，and no additional jobs will be created.

Finally, the passage raises the issue that four-day workweek is better for individual employees (to strengthen family ties and allow them develop private interests). The professor disagrees with this point. He claims that short time work would decrease the job ability of workers, whereas five-day workweek ensures the encourage and was benefical for career, (not only decreased quality of life, but also fewer chances to be promoted to supervisory positions,) content that explicitly contradicts that passage.

In conclusion, the point made in the lecture contracts with what is presented in the reading material.

作者: Herisson0509 时间: 2012-4-8 22:51
4月8日101211 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is more enjoyable to have a job, and you work only three days a week with long hours rather than work five days a week with shorter hours.

Nowadays, many people tend to work from dawn to late night to reach a high level in the competitive society. While, as far as I am concerned, I agree the assertion that it is not more enjoyable to work a lot in shortened time rather than use the regular way to running. My positions are based on a deep and fundamental analysis as discussed below.

To begin with, there is no doubt that long-time task cannot bring any benefit to people. According to a recent survey, 80 percent of people interviewed suggest they are inclined to 8 work hours every day. A scientist in Peking University said 8 work hours is enough for stuffs (staffs) due to the limited energy. It is more possible to make people bored and tired after a long time work. Meanwhile, unnecessary mistakes will rise up frequently in a rapid speed .However, appropriate rest is more beneficial and efficient to finish your task. Take me as an example, I used to study day and night for the coming exam, whereasmy grades were worser than one of my roomates who usually work hard. So, we can come to a conclusion that people who work in short time not only feel comfortable, but also attain high rewards.

Moreover, it is so important that assign your work time in a scientific way. Do not stress yourself too much, you will enable everyday full of joy and success. After working, go to shopping with your friends or have dinner with your parent in spare time. Only in this way can you keep your life colorful. For instance, I often add exercise and entermaint(entertainment) into my daily schedule, which helps me to relax myself from long-time study. Thus, we cannot emphasisze(emphasize) the significance of distributing work time reasonably too much.

Last not the least, perhaps some people hold the view that a three-day-work endows them the freedom to arrange the rest of the week, such as travel, go shopping and whatever you would like to do. Neverthless, in the long run, the bad habit is extremely adverse for your health, even your job. So exhausted you are that severe problems accumulated for a long time would attack you.

From all above discussed, obviously, I strongly commit to the notion that it is more sagacious and enjoyable to handle proper work with more flexibility rather than with intensive arrangement.

作者: Herisson0509 时间: 2012-4-9 20:21
听的稀里糊涂的呜呜~~~~ 第一次写水的够水修改的人儿你辛苦了狠狠拍吧

The lecture apparently disputes the points illustrated in the reading material. According to the passage, there are competitive theories about how the Chago Canyonhouses were used. However, the professor stands that the buildings were not so funtional.

First of all, the reading passage points out that Chago structures were purely residential with thousands of people. In contrast, the professor claims that few fireplaces were not enough for all families. It is not suitable for a lot of people to live in. So the lecture totally disagrees with the view made in the reading passage.

Second, the passage says that Chago house were used to store food supplies. It is different from what is stand in the professor’s speaking that if the building was the storage, why isn’t the maize still on the floorand why was there no containers?

Finally, the passage raises the issue that people regard the big house as the ceremonial centers. The professor hold a totally different view. He claims that except for the broken pots, the building for ceremonial activity also need other matericals, such as sands, stones, which suggests that the pots were not the good evidence of the houses were used for ceremonies, content that explicitly contradicts that passage.

In conclusion, the point made in the lecture contracts with what is presented in the reading material.

作者: gre呀gre 时间: 2012-4-9 21:50
4.8 独立写作Do you agree or disagree with the followingstatement? It is more enjoyable to have a job, and you work only three days aweek with long hours rather than work five days a week with shorter hours.

Nowadays, many people tend to work fromdawn to late night to reach a high level in the competitive society. While（我记得while如果表示对比的话好像是不能放在句首的？）, as far as I amconcerned, I agree the assertion that it is not more enjoyable to work a lot inshortened time rather than use the regular way to running. My positions arebased on a deep and fundamental analysis as discussed below.

To begin with, there is no doubt thatlong-time task cannot bring any benefit to people. According to a recent survey（最好加上from XXX，XXX随便编一个机构或者大学就更有说服力）, 80 percent ofpeople interviewed suggest they are inclined to 8 work（working，或者改成they areinclined to work 8 hours） hours every day. A scientist in(from)Peking University said 8 work hours is enough for stuffs (staffs) due to the limited energy. It is morepossible(likely会好一点) to make people bored and tired after a long time（long-time） work.Meanwhile, unnecessary mistakes will rise up frequently in a rapid speed.However（这里说的是对比，所以用on the contrary会感觉好一些）, appropriate rest is more beneficialand （more）efficient to finish your（your会显得不正式，换成the或者a，或者直接变成a required） task. （take前面加上to，如果不加to这个句子就需要和后面的句子间加上一个连词）Take me as an example, I used to study day and night for the comingexam, whereas my grades were（grade was，如果想说多次，在前面加上every time） worser（worse本身就是比较级，不用再变了） than one of my roomates who usually work hard. So, we can come to aconclusion that people who work in short time not only feel comfortable, butalso attain high rewards.（写舍友这我看的有点不明白- - 这里也说了舍友学习很刻苦，但是没有说她会休息什么的，所以再加上一句话补充一下或者直接给舍友加个定语就好~）

Moreover, it is so important that assignyour work time in a scientific way. Do not stress yourself too much, you willenable everyday full of joy and success. After working, go to shopping with yourfriends or have dinner with your parent in spare time. Only in this way can youkeep your life colorful. For instance, I often add exercise and entermaint(entertainment) into my ~~daily~~schedule, which helps me to relax myself from long-time study. Thus, we cannotemphasisze(emphasize) the significance ofdistributing work time reasonably too much.（这一段和前后感觉都不一样啊，如果说you……就全文都是，会显得统一，不能只有这段这样，前后对比会显得这一段不正式，or不专业？总之就是不统一啦；而且这一段的逻辑关系我不是很明白啊，在这一段刚开始的时候说要合理安排时间，但是后面只说了合理安排时间的休息部分，没有说明学习or工作的部分，而且也没有说明这样做有什么好处，这一段和上一段都是强调休息的重要性，感觉有点重复，求讨论）

Last not the least, perhaps（perhaps多用于口语中，所以换个词呗？） some people hold theview that a three-day-work endows them（endow不能加双宾的，在第二个宾语前要加with） the freedom（这里用freedom显得太大了，换成free time就好） to arrange the rest of the week, such as travel, go（going，因为such as 并列的是名词） shopping and（我感觉这应该变成or吧？求讨论） whatever you would like to do. Neverthless, in the long run, ~~the~~ bad habit is extremely adverse for yourhealth, even（and就行了吧，或者把job和health换个位置？老外好像对健康更看重一些） your job. So exhausted you are that severe problems accumulated fora long time would attack you.

From all above discussed（From all discussedabove,我觉得是这样，求讨论）, obviously, I strongly commit to the notion（commit 的用法错了，commit myselfon the notion that……） that it is more sagacious and enjoyable to handle proper work withmore flexibility（诶？为啥我感觉flexibility指的是3天的那个呢？？？） rather than with intensive arrangement.

P.S 刚考完GMAT没多久，所以看作文用的是GMAT语法的方法，所以可能导致有些改正不太正确，或者是GMAT里面要求的但是别的作文就不要求，所以，所以，所以，求讨论

作者: gre呀gre 时间: 2012-4-9 21:56
哦对，我写完独立作文之后没有在大本营上编辑占位楼，所以还麻烦你看一下我的独立作文哈！~thx~~

作者: prodliu 时间: 2012-4-9 23:33
The lecture apparently disputes the points illustrated in the reading material. According to the passage, there are（three） competitive theories about how the Chago Canyonhouses were used(the function of the buildings of Chao Canyon). However, the professor stands that the buildings were not so functional.(听力不是否定是不是functional,而是文章的观点，Oppositely, the professor points out flaws in each theory.)

First of all, the reading passage points out that Chago structures were purely residential with thousands of people(were constructed for purely residential purpose). In contrast, the professor claims that few fireplaces were not enough for all families.(听力的内容再多写点细节) It is not suitable for a lot of people to live in. So the lecture totally disagrees with the view made in the reading passage.

Second, the passage says that Chago house were used to store food supplies. It is different from what is stand in the professor’s speaking that if the building was the storage, why isn’t the maize still on the floorand why was there no containers? （that if those buildings used for storage purpose, the traces of either maize or maize containers should be discovered. Surprisingly, no indication of any maize or container was found in the excavation. ）

Finally, the passage raises the issue that people regard the big house as the ceremonial centers. The professor holds a totally different view. He claims(demonstrates) that except for the broken pots, the building for ceremonial activity also need other matericals, such as sands, stones, which suggests that the pots were not the good evidence of the houses were used for ceremonies, content that explicitly contradicts that passage.

In conclusion, the point made in the lecture contracts with what is presented in the reading material.

不管是文章还speaker提出观点的动词可以用的丰富一些，state/claim/argue/discuss/mention/talk/indicate/contend/raise the issue/demonstrate
反对的词：contradict/refute/oppose to the writer's expectation/cast doubt on/present

作者: Herisson0509 时间: 2012-4-10 21:50
To prodliu~~~~
谢谢你的词语

作者: Herisson0509 时间: 2012-4-11 19:27
4.10综合

The lecture apparently disputes the points illustrated in the reading material. According to the passage, online encyolopedia is regarded as an important resource, while several problems make them less valuable than traditional printed encyolopedia. However, the criticism is largely ignore how far online encyclopedias have come in the eyes of the lecturer.

First of all, the reading passage points out that online encyolopedia lack academic credentials. In contrast, the professor claims that traditional encyclopedias have never been closely perfect, if you are looking for a comprehension work without any mistakes, you will not find it. So the lecture totally disagrees with the view made in the reading passage.

Second, the passage demonstrates that even if the entry in the online encyclopedia is correct, the communal nature of these online encyclopedias gives users and hackers the opportunity to delete, and corrupt information in the encyclopedia. It is different from what is stand in the professor’s speaking that online encyclopedias have recognized the importance of protecting their articles, they use a format in the article that nobody can change.

Finally, the passage raises the issue that the encyclopedias focus too frequently, which creates a false impression of what is important and what is not. The professor opposes to the writer's expectation. He asserts that the diversity of use in topics that online encyclopedias offer is one of their strongest advantages, content that explicitly contradicts that passage.

In conclusion, compared with the author, the lecturer gives contradictory opinions concerning encyclopedias.

作者: 喵喵了个咪 时间: 2012-4-11 20:53
The lecture apparently disputes the points illustrated in the reading material. According to the passage, online encyolopedia is regarded as an important resource, while several problems make them less valuable than traditional printed encyolopedia. However, the criticism is largely ignore how far online encyclopedias have come in the eyes of the lecturer.

First of all, the reading passage points out that online encyolopedia lack academic credentials. In contrast, the professor claims that traditional encyclopedias have never been closely perfect, if you are looking for a comprehension work without any mistakes, you will not find it. So the lecture totally disagrees with the view made in the reading passage.(没有具体叙述网络百科如何反驳passage中所说的不专业，容易有错误的观点。)

Second, the passage demonstrates that even if the entry in the online encyclopedia is correct, the communal nature of these online encyclopedias gives users and hackers the opportunity to delete, and corrupt information in the encyclopedia. It is different from what is stand in the professor’s speaking that online encyclopedias have recognized the importance of protecting their articles, they use a format in the article that nobody can changewithout review by managers.(lecturer部分的内容有点少)

Finally, the passage raises the issue that the encyclopedias focus too frequently, which creates a false impression of what is important and what is not. The professor opposes to the writer's expectation. He(貌似lecturer是个女的) asserts that the diversity of use in topics that online encyclopedias offer is one of their strongest advantages, content that explicitly contradicts that passage.(问题同上一段)

In conclusion, compared with the author, the lecturer gives contradictory opinions concerning encyclopedias.(这段可以不要，因为观点在第一段已经说过了)

主要问题是文章在passage花费了较多篇幅，而lecturer的内容较少。这样容易让考官认为你没太听懂文章，然后用passage凑字数。

然后要注意的就是尽可能的记下lecturer中的细节内容。在作文中尽可能多的写lecturer如何反驳passage。

可能这篇lecturer有点难。。我听的时候老感觉这个professor是和谁吵架了之后来录的音。。

总之，多练习哈~加油

作者: Herisson0509 时间: 2012-4-12 10:02
4.10综合
The lecture apparently disputes the points illustrated in the reading material. According to the passage, it is unlikely forAmerican companies do the same as many companies adopted new, ecplogically friendly practices in order to receive ecocertification for several reasons. However, yet none of them regared in the eye of the lecture.

First of all, the professor claims that American companies don’t treat all advertising as the same, they distiguish them between the places where it made. And American has a lot of confidence in independent agencies, consumers are likely to inclinde to wooden products by independent organization. In contrast, the reading passage points out that American consumers are exposed to so much advertising that they would not pay attention to the ecocertification lable. So the lecture totally disagrees with the view made in the reading passage.

Second, the passage demonstrates that ecocertification wood will be more expensive than unecocertification wood because to earn ecocertification. In the lecture, the professor admits consumers certainly care about the price. But when the difference between two products is small, they do choose on factories other than price. Americans are becoming increasingly convinced of the value of protecting the environment.

Finally, the passage raises the issue that it is not convicing that it always make good business for American to keep up with development in the rest of world. The professor opposes to the writer's expectation. He asserts that US Wood companies concern what’s going on in the wood business internationally because of foreign competitors, and it is a good chance for the country to be interested in ecocertification, content that explicitly contradicts that passage.

作者: chasedreamabc 时间: 2012-4-12 17:22

The lecture apparently disputes the points illustrated in the reading material. According to the passage, it is unlikely for American companies do the same as many companies adopted new, ecplogically （ecologically） friendly practices in order to（是不是可以直接用to do呢） receive ecocertification for several reasons. However, yet none of them regared（regard） in the eye(eyes?) of the lecture.

First of all, the professor claims that American companies don’t(连写显得不正式，do not) treat all advertising as the same, they distiguish（distinguish）them between the places where it made（run-on）. And American has a lot of confidence in independent agencies,（；）consumers are likely to inclinde（inclined） to wooden products by independent organization. In contrast, the reading passage points out that（those） American consumers are exposed to so much（such…that） advertising that they would not pay attention to the ecocertification label. So the lecture totally disagrees with the view made in the reading passage.

Second, the passage demonstrates that ecocertification wood will be more expensive than unecocertification wood because to earn ecocertification.（because+句子） In the lecture, the professor admits consumers certainly care about the price. But when the difference between two products is small, they do choose on factories other than price. Americans are becoming increasingly convinced of the value of protecting the environment.

Finally, the passage raises the issue that it is not convicing（convincing） that it（指代？）always make（makes） good business for American to keep up with development in the rest of world. The professor opposes to the writer's expectation. He asserts that US Wood companies concern what’s going on in the wood business internationally because of foreign competitors, and it is a good chance for the country to be interested in ecocertification, content that explicitly contradicts that passage.

作者: gre呀gre 时间: 2012-4-12 20:46
真不好意思，我刚到家，今天身体不太舒服，头很疼，所以作文我明天早上再补上，真不好意耽误你了

作者: Herisson0509 时间: 2012-4-13 10:22
4月12日101009 NADo you agree or disagree with the following statement? Compared with people who live in cities, people who live in rural areas can take better care of their families.

Nowadays, many people tend to move from village to city, which arouses a fierce debate. Some people suggest that live in the city, they can possess the ability to take better care of their families than the countrymen, and this is my opinion. My positions are listed as below.

To begin with, those persons who live in rural areas often have no time to care for families. As the agriculture is the primary source of finance in every family, rural residents are always occupied with farm work. According to a recent survey from the Social Community, the figure shows that 80 percent farmers who sell vegetables in the city come from home at 4 or 5 clock in the morning, but back home late. So tired are they that rarely would like to have a rest. They almost have no spare time to do other things, not to mention look after families.（这里不知道用的对不对，求讨论）

Furthermore, it is unverisally acknowledged that people in the country cannot afford too much better consideration due to poor economic condition. As the popular saying goes, the superstructure is determined by the economic base. According to a recent research from the Social Community, only 20 percent family solved the problem of essential food and clothing, the rest are still in starvation and chill. To most rural family, the money they struggle to earn are reluctant to satify their daily needs. Let alone that extra funds to develop living standard and provide families more preferable attention. Just pursume that if one suffered serious disease suddenly, the problem is that maybe the patient cannot be sent to the hospital in time because of a far distance between village and city. What’s more, the another obstacle is expensive cost to cure. So, it is not sagacious to live in country to give more consideration to families.

Last not the least, people live in the city possess the ability to take better care of their families than the countrymen. The enviornment and economic situation ensure life to excellent quality, such as the superior education children receive, the community full equipped, and etc.

In a nutshell, (跟鸟学的）from all discussed above, compared with people who live in cities, people who live in rural areas cannot take better care of their families.

作者: 喵喵了个咪 时间: 2012-4-13 11:30

·改4月12日101009 NADo you agree or disagree with the following statement? Compared with people who live in cities, people who live in rural areas can take better care of their families.

Nowadays, many people tend to move from village to city, which arouses a fierce debate. Some people suggest that ~~live~~ living in the city~~, they~~ can possess the ability to take better care of their families than the countrymen, and this is also my opinion. My positions are listed as below.(这段那个从句可以直接改成那样，不用断开再给后半句加主语)

To begin with, those persons(person一般强调单数人，复数人一般用people) who live in rural areas often have no time to care for families. As ~~the~~ agriculture is the primary source of finance in every family, rural residents are always occupied with farm work. According to a recent survey from the Social Community, the figure shows that 80 percent farmers who sell vegetables in the city come from home at 4 or 5 clock in the morning, but back home late. So tired are they that rarely would like to have a rest. They almost have no spare time to do other things, not to mention looking after families.（这里不知道用的对不对，求讨论）(not to mention doing/+n.)

Furthermore, it is unverisally(universally) acknowledged that people in the country cannot afford too much better consideration due to poor economic condition. As the popular saying goes, the superstructure is determined by the economic base(妹子学经济的吧^^). According to a recent research from the Social Community, only 20 percent family solved the problem of essential food and clothing(我觉得换车这个好些basic necessities f" target="_blank">of life), the rest are still in starvation and chill. To most rural family(families), the money they struggle to earn ~~are reluctant to~~(意思不对，在句尾加) satify(satisfy) their daily needs from hand to mouth. Let alone that extra funds to develop living standard and provide families more preferable attention. Just pursume(presume) that if one suffered a serious disease suddenly, the problem is that maybe the patient cannot be sent to the hospital in time because of a far distance between village and city. What’s more, the another obstacle is expensive cost to cure. So, it is not sagacious to live in country who want to give more consideration to families(这句话如果不加who want，你去掉定语翻译下看看。。。).

Last not the least, people live in the city possess the ability to take better care of their families than the countrymen. The enviornment(environment) and economic situation ensure life to excellent quality, such as the superior education children receive, the community full equipped, and etc. (这段有点少了，最好展开具体说下。)

In a nutshell, (跟鸟学的）from all discussed above, compared with people who live in cities, people who live in rural areas cannot take better care of their families.

有些拼写和小的语法点需要注意下，可能是因为没细心吧。

文章的论据都不错，但是结构有一个致命的问题就是题目中让你比较城市和农村哪个对照顾家人比较“好”，可是你用了两大段篇幅来说另一个不好。这种反面对比一般出现在第三段用来反衬前两段的正面观点。而你的第三段表述正面观点时缺没展开篇幅具体论述。可能是因为没有审清题目的原因吧。

总的来说，要细心！

作者: Herisson0509 时间: 2012-4-14 11:48
4.12 TPO8

The lecture apparently disputes the points illustrated in the reading material. According to the passage, many criticssuggests that it was not real that the events distored by Chevalier in his memoir. However, the lecture states that no memoir can possibly be correct in every detail details, but the Chevalier’s memoir is accurate overall due to the reliable sources.

First of all, the professor claims that Chevalier had so much wealth that he could spend lots of money on parties and gambling. The reason why he borrowed money from the merchant is that he sold first then waited money to arrive after a few days. This does not mean he is poor. In contrast, the reading passage points out that he was poor because he often borrowed money. So the lecture totally disagrees with the view made in the reading passage.

Second, the passage demonstrates that it is impossible to capture the conversation talked many years ago. In the lecture, the professor admits when Chevalier met Voltaive, he wrote down what he could remember about the conversation immediately each night. So later the notes became the important source of his menoir.

Finally, the passage raises the issue that Chevalier offer a bribe to prison jailers so that he could escaped from the notorious prison. The professor opposes to the writer's expectation. He asserts that those prisoners recognized more powerful friends were not able to bribe to freedom. The good evidence of he escaped by himself is that the government documents about an old prison room repaired, Chevalier’s room, which indicates that exactly he did as he said, content that explicitly contradicts that passage.

In conclusion, compared with the author, the lecturer gives contradictory opinions concerning the accuary of the memoir wrote by Chevalier.

作者: Herisson0509 时间: 2012-4-14 11:48
To 喵~~~ 谢谢你好心的建议我下次避免

作者: daisyの小夢想 时间: 2012-4-14 12:47
TPO8 综合

The lecture apparently disputes the points illustrated in the readingmaterial. According to the passage, many critics suggests that itwas not real that the events distored by Chevalier in his memoir.(the eventswere distorted by Chevalier in his memoir) However, the lecturestates that although no memoir can possibly be correct in every detail details, ~~but~~ the Chevalier’s memoir is accurate overall due to the reliable sources.

First of all, the professor claims that Chevalier had so much wealth thathe could spend lots of money on parties and gambling. The reason why heborrowed money from the merchant is that he sold first thenwaited money to arrive after a few days. (he sold first是什么意思?? theChevalier was rich in assets but poor in cash while he was living in Switzerland,he occasionally had to borrow funds to pay for expensive recreationalactivities)~~This~~(Borrowing money) does not mean he ispoor. In contrast, the reading passage points out that he was poor because heoften borrowed money. So the lecture totally disagrees with the view made inthe reading passage.

Second, the passage demonstrates thatit is impossible to capture the conversation talked(taken) many years ago. In the lecture, theprofessor admits when Chevalier met Voltaive, he wrote down what he couldremember about the conversation immediately each night. So later the notesbecame the important source of his menoir(memoir).

Finally, the passage raises the issue that Chevalier offer a bribe toprison jailers so that he could escaped from the notorious prison. Theprofessor opposes to the writer's expectation. He asserts thatthose prisoners recognized more powerful friends were not able to bribe tofreedom. The good evidence of he escaped by himself is that the governmentdocuments about an old prison room repaired,Chevalier’s room(about the repairing note of the ceiling of Chevalier’s room ), which indicates that exactly he did as (+what) he said, content that explicitly contradicts that passage.

In conclusion, compared with the author, the lecturer gives contradictoryopinions concerning the accuary(accuracy) of the memoir wrote by Chevalier.

刺猬写到的细节比我多呢，最后那段bribed his way out of a prison这个细节我好像听漏了，总体很不错哇~

作者: Herisson0509 时间: 2012-4-15 12:43
4.15 tpo11

The lecture apparently disputes the points illustrated in the reading material. According to the passage, young people spent less time on reading literature-novels, plays, poems than used to do has unfortunate effects for the reading public for the culture and the literature. However, yet none of them regared in the eye of the lecture.

First of all, the professor claims that a book does not have to be literature to be stimulating, science and history reading, but they often are high quality. This kinds of books can just be creative as novels and plays, they also stimulate imagination. Do not think that not reading literature doen not mean not reading a good book. In contrast, the reading passage points out that less reading books are likely sharp for literature. So the lecture totally disagrees with the view made in the reading passage.

Second, the passage demonstrates that people perfer to television instead of reading literature lowered the level of culture. In the lecture, the professor admits culture is changing, there are many available forms. And some of these creative forms speak more directly than literature does.

Finally, the passage raises the issue that the reading of literature is likely to decline because of poor readers. The professor opposes to the writer's expectation. He asserts that it's probably true that there's less support for literature today than in earlier generations, but do not blame on readers. Because a lot of modern literature is intended to be difficult to understand, content that explicitly contradicts that passage.

作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-4-16 22:36
4.15 tpo11 修改

The lecture apparently disputes the points illustrated in the reading material. According to the passage, young people spent less time on reading literature-novels, plays, poems than used to do has unfortunate effects for the reading public for the culture and the literature. However, yet none of them regared(regard) in the eye of the lecture.(感觉好像和主题不是很近?Main topic--文学作品阅读量的减少对于读者、文化和文学的发展都是有害的.)

First of all, the professor claims that a book does not have to be literature to be stimulating,science and history reading, but they often are high quality.(这个句子写的怪怪的，而且意思也怪怪的。) This kinds of books can just be creative as novels and plays, they also stimulate imagination. Do not think that(刺猬要注意一下哦、即使是lecture里面这么说了也要转换一下，不要这么实心眼直接就写个祈使句来。) not reading literature doen(does) not mean not reading a good book. In contrast, the reading passage points out that less reading books are likely(+to) sharp for (?)literature. So the lecture totally disagrees with the view made in the reading passage.

Second, the passage demonstrates that people perfer(prefer) to television instead of reading literature lowered the level of culture. In the lecture, the professor admits (+that) culture is changing, there are many available forms. And some of these creative forms speak more directly than literature does.(我觉得好像细节没有听出来，有点superficial有木有、、、)

Finally, the passage raises the issue that the reading of literature is likely to decline because of poor readers. The professor opposes to the writer's expectation.He(哇哇我肿么记得是she?不知道这个有木有影响~~) asserts that it's probably true that there's less support for literature today than in earlier generations, but do not blame on readers. Because a lot of modern literature is intended to be difficult to understand, content that explicitly contradicts that passage.

刺猬的模板用的真心好，一下子给文章提亮了不少！

但是个人的内容也要加强一下哦，感觉好像理解上出了点小问题吧，影响到听力了，观点和细节部分都需要再仔细听听，总结一下~还有句式上有几个感觉写的不太认真，晨依想说不要因为题目的理解上偏差或者听力听得不是很懂而影响心情哈、加油哦！

作者: Herisson0509 时间: 2012-4-21 11:38
4.19 TPO15
sorry 婷婷交太晚了

The lecture apparently refutes the points illustrated in the reading material. According to the professor, a large cane toad population now threatens small native animals that are not pests but several measures have been proposed to stop the spread of the cane toad in Australia. On the contrary, the reading contends an opposite stand that these measures are likely to be unsuccessful for damaging cane toads.

The first point the professor uses to cast doubt on the reading is that the fense is unlikely effective to prevent the spread of the cane toads. Because the young toads are found in streams, the water can carry them to the other side, so the population can increase on the other side, which differs from the statement in the reading that build a national fence is one way to prevent the spread of the toad.

Another evidence the speaker adopts to contradict the passage is that those untrained volunteers would destroy many of Australia’s native frogs, s
ome of which are dangerous. However, the reading states that the toads could be captured and destroyed by volunteers.

In the conclusion, the point made in the lecture contrasts with what is presented in the reading. As the professor claims, using the virus is a bad idea because it could have terrible consequences for cane toads, the virtus can cause ecological disaster, as cane toad are native speices, so the whole ecosystem will suffer. Whereas the reading material holds that the disease-causing virus can control the cane toad populations and only harm cane toads.

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-4-21 17:10
4.19 tpo15 改

嘻嘻，改好啦

The lecture apparently refutes the points illustrated in the reading material. According to the professor, a large cane toad population now threatens small native animals that are not pests（这句话可以不用写了吧，感觉重点就是在解决方案可不可行上） but several measures have been proposed to stop the spread of the cane toad in Australia. On the contrary, the reading contends an opposite stand that these measures are likely to be unsuccessful for damaging cane toads.

The first point the professor uses to cast doubt on the reading is that the fense(fence)is unlikely effective to prevent the spread of the cane toads. Because the young toads （and eggs）are found in streams, the water can carry them to the other side, so the population can increase on the other side, which differs from the statement in the reading that build a national fence is one way to prevent the spread of the toad.

Another evidence the speaker adopts to contradict the passage is that those untrained volunteers would destroy many of Australia’s native frogs, some of which are dangerous.(在这加一句，他们不会区分cane toad and native frog更好)However, the reading states that the toads could be captured and destroyed by volunteers.

In ~~the~~ conclusion, the point made in the lecture contrasts with what is presented in the reading. As the professor claims, using the virus is a bad idea because it could have terrible consequences for cane toads, the virtus can cause ecological disaster, as cane toad are native speices(species), so the whole ecosystem will suffer. Whereas the reading material holds that the disease-causing virus can control the cane toad populations and only harm cane toads.

Conclusion：herisson写的很不错啦，

1.句式多变，听力基本到位，

2.第二点的细节还有再扣一下，

3.第一段开始的时候直接把矛盾说出来就行，

4.字数通常保持在300左右最宜，herisson可以再扩充一点，尤其是第二点。

作者: Herisson0509 时间: 2012-4-22 00:19
4.21 TPO17
额很崩溃听力3遍写下来的太差劲了
The lecture apparently refutes the points illustrated in the reading material. According to the passage, the number of birds in the United States will necessarily decline due to the steady growth of the human population and the corresponding increase in agriculture and pesticide.
However, yet none of them regarded in the eye of the lecture.

The first point the professor uses to cast doubt on the reading is that urban development actually provides better and larger habitats for other types birds. Even birds can now be found in cities ,so it’s not going to decline bird populations in the future. Some populations may shrink, but others will grow, which differs from the statement in the reading that birds' natural habitats will continue to disappear because human populations and settlements continue to expand.

Another evidence the speaker adopts to contradict the passage is in the United States
, less and less land is being used for agriculture every year. And more productive varieties of crops produce more food, so there’s no need to destroy wilderness areas. However, the reading states that the growth of agriculture will result in the further destruction of bird habitats.

In the conclusion, the point made in the lecture contrasts with what is presented in the reading. As the professor claims, now two changes have occurred. First, new and much less poisonous pesticides have been developed, and that’s important. Second, there is a growing trend to develop more crops that are designed to be unattractive to pests. Pest crops don’t harm birds at all. Whereas the reading material holds that pesticides are poisons designed to kill agricultural and home garden pests, such as insects, but inevitably can harm birds.

作者: Herisson0509 时间: 2012-4-22 23:15
4.22综合 TPO18
The lecture apparently refutes the points illustrated in the reading material. According to the passage, experts try to save Torreya in three ways.On the contrary, the professor contends none of them can be effective solution.

The first point the professor uses to cast doubt on the reading is that it is unlikely successful reestablish Torreya in the same location. The global warming strongly affects the climate in the regions, the temperature are increasing, and the climate in Northern Florida is becoming drier, which differs from the statement in the reading that scientists worked to plant Torreya seeds in the coolest, dampest areas of the microclimate.

Another evidence the speaker adopts to contradict the passage is the black trees srread so quickly and killed many plants in a new environment, some of them are becoming extinct. However, the reading states that move Torreya to an entirely different location can help it to survive.

In the conclusion, the point made in the lecture contrasts with what is presented in the reading. As the professor claims, it is not easy to preserve Torreya in research centers. Torreya trees are not be able to resist diseases.so the research simply not keep Torreya for a long term, whereas the reading material holds that scientists can conduct a research to ensure the continued survival of Torreya .

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-4-23 21:32
4.22 综合改文
4.22综合 TPO18
The lecture apparently refutes the points illustrated in the reading material. According to the passage, experts try to save Torreya in three ways.On the contrary, the professor contends none of them can be effective solutions.

The first point the professor uses to cast doubt on the reading is that it is unlikely successful(to)reestablish Torreya in the same location. The global warming strongly affects the climate in the regions, the temperature are increasing, and the climate in Northern Florida is becoming drier, which differs from the statement in the reading that scientists worked to plant Torreya seeds in the coolest, dampest areas of the microclimate.

Another evidence the speaker adopts to contradict the passage is the black trees srread(spread)so quickly and killed many （native）plants in a new environment, some of them are becoming (endangered and )extinct. (This exerts an obvious harm to the ecosystem)However, the reading states that move(moving) Torreya to an entirely different location can help it to survive.

In the conclusion, the point made in the lecture contrasts with(这个用过了，换成refutes) what is presented in the reading. As the professor claims(declares也可以的), it is not easy to preserve (a large population of)Torreya in research centers. Torreya trees are not be able to resist diseases.so the research simply not keep Torreya for a long term, whereas the reading material holds that scientists can conduct a research to ensure the continued survival of Torreya .

Conclusion: herisson的句式多变，基本上都出来了，不过听力的细节还要抓住些，写完之后一定要多检查哦

作者: Herisson0509 时间: 2012-4-29 22:12
4.29 TPO1
The lecture apparently disputes the points illustrated in the reading material. According to the passage, the policy that companies tend to offer their employees the option of working a four-day workweek for less pay would benefit the economy as a whole as well as the individual companies and the employees. However, yet none of them regared in the eye of the lecture.

First of all, the professor claims that hiring more a four-day workweek employees will spent the company a lot. Because company should put much money on training and providing more spaces and equipments for staffs, which will cut into their profits. In contrast, the reading passage points out that the shortened workweek would increase company profits. So the lecture totally disagrees with the view made in the reading passage.

Second, the passage demonstrates that one of the primary benefits of offering this option to employees is that it would reduce unemployment rates. In the lecture, the professor admits many job will be available, the company will ask the four-day workweek workers work over time to make ddifference. They expect the shortened workweek staffs can do the same as the five-days workers usually do.

Finally, the passage raises the issue that the option of a four-day workweek would be better for individual employees. The professor opposes to the writer's expectation. He asserts that less pay will reduce the quailty of their life, and the short time work will decrease the better job oppourtnity, even lose job. Usually company prefers to offer the five- day workweek employees a chance of promotion because they need long-time workers supervise the company, content that explicitly contradicts that passage.

In conclusion, the point made in the lecture contracts with what is presented in the reading material.

作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-4-30 00:25
TPO1综合修改~
?模板用得很好了呢~加油亲爱的~~?

The lecture apparently disputes the points illustrated in the reading material. According to the passage, the policy that companies tend to offer their employees the option of working a four-day workweek for less pay would benefit the economy as a whole as well as the individual companies and the employees. However, yet none of them(套模板的时候表弄巧成拙了哇，你刚刚哪有说them了...) regared(regard) in the eye of the lecture.

First of all, the professor claims that hiring more a four-day workweek employees will spent(spend)the(建议用a，后面再特指) company a lot. Because (+the)company should put much money on training and providing more spaces and equipments for staffs, which(这个错误晨依也常犯，不要用which指代前面整个句子) will cut into(cut down/decrease下降、削减；cut into是打断吧)their(前面company都是单数，就用its吧)profits. In contrast, the reading passage points out that the shortened workweek would increase company('s) profits. So the lecture totally disagrees with the view made in the reading passage.

Second, the passage demonstrates that one of the primary benefits of offering this option to employees is that it would reduce unemployment rates. In the lecture, the professor admits(+that，从句最好把先行词都写出来吧，让ETS的笨大叔们看得明白些、)many job(s)will be available, the company will ask the four-day workweek workers work over time to make ddifference(笔误了). They(你看你这个they又指代的不大对了，还不如说the company或者the employers呢) expect the shortened workweek staffs can(expect sb. to do sth.) do the same(+work,只说same表达得不够完整) as the five-days workers usually do.

Finally, the passage raises the issue that the option of a four-day workweek would be better for individual employees. The professor opposes to the writer's expectation. He asserts that less pay will reduce the quailty(quality)of their life, and the short time work will decrease the better job oppourtnity(opportunity),(下划线部分有点怪) even lose job(这里前面的主语是work，lose job的应该是staffs啊). Usually(+a) company prefers to offer the five- day workweek employees a chance of promotion because they need(还是前面的问题company--they!) long-time workers(+to) supervise the company, content that explicitly contradicts that passage.

In conclusion, the point made in the lecture contracts with what is presented in the reading material.

模板句和基本要点已经没有什么问题啦~主要是注意几个小地方：1)主语和指代的问题；2)尽量避免拼写错误；3)套模板要灵活，不可以出现第一段里面的错误了哦、

继续加油啦~~

作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-4-30 00:26
为什么高亮的地方都不显示呢？！

作者: Herisson0509 时间: 2012-4-30 15:22
To 晨依错误真的不是一般的多写完木有检查呢
下次全部都要注意到谢谢晨依

作者: Herisson0509 时间: 2012-5-1 01:08
4.30 TPO2

这篇真心纠结死了感觉都对不上啊鸟妈辛苦

The lecture apparently disputes the points illustrated in the reading material. According to the passage, having a team of people attack a project offers several advantages. However, yet none of them regard in the eye of the lecture.

The first point the professor uses to cast doubt on the reading is that the members in the group almost got free rides, they didn't contribute much at all while always got benefits. In contrast, the reading passage points out that individual team member has a much better chance to “shine”. So the lecture totally disagrees with the view made in the reading passage.

Another evidence the speaker adopts to contradict the passage is the group often takes long time to reach a agreement because many and many meetings are held to discuss how the project moves. And However, the reading states that a group can work more quickly in response to the task come up with highly creative solutions .

Finally, the passage raises the issue that taking part in a group process can be very rewarding for members of the team The professor opposes to the writer's expectation. He asserts that when the influential people in the group did rightly, they are think highly of, but if they did wrong work, they were ignored by other group members, content that explicitly contradicts that passage.

In conclusion, the point made in the lecture contracts with what is presented in the reading material.

作者: Herisson0509 时间: 2012-5-1 01:18
修改TPO1
The lecture apparently disputes the points illustrated in the reading material. According to the passage, the policy that companies tend to offer their employees the option of working a four-day workweek for less pay would benefit the economy as a whole as well as the individual companies and the employees. However, the lecture contends the policy would not affect. ~~yet~~ ~~none of them(套模板的时候表弄巧成拙了哇，你刚刚哪有说them了...) regared(regard)~~ ~~in the eye of the lecture.~~

First of all, the professor claims that hiring more a four-day workweek employees will spent(spend)the(建议用a，后面再特指) company a lot. Because (+the)companies should put much money on training and providing more spaces and equipments for staffs, which(这个错误晨依也常犯，不要用which指代前面整个句子)the cost will cut into我在听力里听到的短语(cut down/decrease下降、削减；cut into是打断吧)their(前面company都是单数，就用its吧)profits. In contrast, the reading passage points out that the shortened workweek would increase company('s) profits. So the lecture totally disagrees with the view made in the reading passage.

Second, the passage demonstrates that one of the primary benefits of offering this option to employees is that it would reduce unemployment rates. In the lecture, the professor admits that(+that，从句最好把先行词都写出来吧，让ETS的笨大叔们看得明白些、)many job(s)will be available, the company will ask the four-day workweek workers work over time to make ddifference difference(笔误了). They The company (你看你这个they又指代的不大对了，还不如说the company或者the employers呢) expect the shortened workweek staffs can to(expect sb. to do sth.) do the same work(+work,只说same表达得不够完整) as the five-days workers usually do.

Finally, the passage raises the issue that the option of a four-day workweek would be better for individual employees. The professor opposes to the writer's expectation. He asserts that less pay will reduce the quailty quality(quality)of their life, and the short time work will ~~decrease the better job~~ ~~oppourtnity(opportunity),(下划线部分有点怪)even lose job(这里前面的主语是work，lose job的应该是staffs啊)~~decrease employees' job stability and harm their chances for advancing their careers.. Usually a(+a) company prefers to offer the five- day workweek employees a chance of promotion because they the company need(还是前面的问题company--they!) long-time workers to(+to) supervise the company, content that explicitly contradicts that passage.

In conclusion, the point made in the lecture contracts with what is presented in the reading material.

作者: Herisson0509 时间: 2012-5-1 18:58
5.1 独立
Some jobs can pay high salaries but require employees to leave their family and friends. Some jobs pay few salaries but allow employees staying with family and friend. Which job do you prefer? Why?

When it comes to choose a job, people can give a variety of answers owing to their individual value systems. Some people would like to highly paid job far away from family and friends while others hold the idea of earning less money but be allowed to live with famiy and friends. While, as far as I am concerned, I prefer to work with my family and friends along with less salaries. My positions are based on a deep and fundamental analysis as discussed below.

First of all, it is always top of the list of my viewpoints that people who work near their family and friends can provide more concerns and help. According to a recent investigation performed by Social Community, nearly 80 percent of the old suggest that they often ask help to the neighbours because their children works in other city. They only receive momey and calls, even meet their children once or twice one year. Just presume that if their family is ill suddenly, what they can do? Only can they do is to worry and worry. As a matter of fact, what the old desire are children’s champanion, such as a lunch or a talk together .

Moreover, stay with friend and family can strengthen their relationship also provides adequate justification for my opinion. Living together enables people to talk and play with parents, children and friends. A family has a great influence on each family member. For instance, nowadays many little kids lives with the aged because their parents work outside. They can develop bad habits easily owing to the lax supervision. As we all know, homeisaplaceofwarmthandaffection. It is irresponsible for parents to provide a uncomplete home to children.

Admittedly, it may be true that high salaries can ensure high quality family life. They think that more money can meet more needs of a family, like more nutritious food, better clothes as such. However, they didn`t realize that long-time work away from the family and friends has already weakend the relationship between them. Thus, we cannot emphasize the significance of working with family and friends too much.

In a nutshell, from all discussed above, I strongly commit to the notion that I perfer to choose the less-paid job with my family and friends. To me, nothing is more significant than them.

作者: 喵喵了个咪 时间: 2012-5-2 16:46

When it comes to choose a job, people can give a variety of answers owing to their individual value systems. Some people would like to highly paid job far away from family and friends while others hold the idea of earning less money but be allowed to live with famiy(family) and friends. While(上句刚出现一个while我觉得换In spite of成比较好), as far as I am concerned, I prefer to work with my family and friends along with less salaries. My positions are(观点只有一个用单数) based on a deep and fundamental analysis as discussed below.

First of all, it is always top of the list of my viewpoints that people who work near their family and friends can provide more concerns and help. According to a recent investigation performed by Social Community, nearly 80 percent of the old suggest that they often ask help to the neighbours because their children works in other city(cities). They only receive momey(money) and calls, even meet their children once or twice one year. Just presume that if their family is ill suddenly, what they can do? Only can they do(这两句写反了吧) is to worry and worry(没有这个用法吧，可以说worry and anxiety). As a matter of fact, what the old desire are children’s champanion(没查到是啥意思), such as having a lunch or a talk(chat) together .

Moreover, stay(staying) with friend and family can strengthen their relationshipalso provides adequate justification for my opinion. Living together enables people to talk and play with parents, children and friends. A family has a great influence on each family member. For instance, nowadays many little kids lives with the aged because their parents work outside. They can develop bad habits easily owing to the lax supervision. As we all know, home is a place of warm thandaffection. It is irresponsible for parents(对家长不负责？换成it is irresponsible that parents…) to provide a uncomplete(incomplete) home to children.

Admittedly, it may be true that high salaries can ensure high quality family life. They think that more money can meet more needs of a family, like more nutritious food, better clothes as such. However, they didn`t realize that long-time work away from the family and friends has already weakend(weaked) the relationship between them. (这个原因没法反驳段首说可以提高生活质量，可以开始说赚更多钱是为了让家人过得更好，后文论证无法满足家人的精神需求)Thus, we cannot emphasize the significance of working with family and friends too much.

In a nutshell, from all discussed above, I strongly commit to the notion that I perfer(prefer) to choose the less-paid job with my family and friends. To me, nothing is more significant than them.

拼写错误有些多，要认真些。除了倒数第二段有些逻辑问题，其他都还不错。

继续努力！！！

作者: Crystaljoy 时间: 2012-5-2 22:37
4.30 TPO2 迟到的修改

The lecture apparently disputes the points illustrated in the reading material. According to the passage, having a team of people attack a project offers several advantages. However, yet（重复了吧？） none of them regard（is regarded convincing） in the eye(独眼龙教授一枚哈哈) of the lecture.

The first point the professor uses to cast doubt on the reading is that the （some吧，原文没这么绝对）members in the group almost got free rides, （and）they didn't contribute much at all（much/ at all二选一，意思驳斥） while(butWhile表转折，后面一般跟句子4.(coordinating) whereas; and in contrast flats are expensive, while houses are cheap) always got benefits. In contrast, the reading passage points out that individual team member has a much better chance to “shine”. So the lecture totally disagrees with (contradicts/undermines一般都是sb disagree with ) the view made in the reading passage.

Another evidence the speaker adopts to contradict the passage is (that 后面是句子) the group often takes long time to reach a（an） agreement because many and many meetings are held to discuss how the project moves. And However, （However，）the reading states that a group can work more quickly in response to the task（to） come up with highly creative solutions .

Finally, the passage raises the issue that taking part in a group process can be very rewarding for members of the team The professor opposes to the writer's expectation. He asserts that when the influential people in the group did rightly, they are think highly of, but if they did wrong work, they were ignored by other group members,content that（？） explicitly contradicts that passage.这点听的不准确，原文是：Sometimes when those influencers said “That will never work” about an idea the group was developing, the idea was quickly dropped instead of being further discussed. And then there was another occasion when a couple influencers convinced the group that a plan of theirs was “highly creative.” And even though some members tried to warn the rest of the group that the project was moving in directions that might not work, they were basically ignored by other group members.

In conclusion, the point made in the lecture contracts with what is presented in the reading material. （最好是复数，一般都是三点，本文有点诡异了~

我还真没做过这种的，今天听完愣了，怎么reading才两点？listening还是逆着反驳的？不过刺猬别担心，听力观点顺序跟阅读部分不一致，XDF老师说这在实际考试中从未出现过。

结尾再提前准备个精彩点的，这是偷Prodliu的，不知道他考试用过没：To sum up, the contents narrated in the reading are totally jeopardized by the lecturer, and the professors have completely different opinions about 。。。

作者: Herisson0509 时间: 2012-5-3 18:05
5.3 独立
5月3日09.10.31 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is often not a good thing to move to a new city or a new country because of the loss of old friends.

Nowadays, with the development of the quality of the life, many people would like to move to a new and better place for living. Will they lose their old friends? People can give a variety of answers owing to their individual value systems. Some people demonstrate that the relationship can be weakened due to the long distance. While, as far as I an concerned, I don`t agree with the assertion that people who move to a new city or a new country will lose old friends. My positions are based on a deep and fundamental analysis as discussed below.

First of all, it is always top of the list of my viewpoints that the friendship is tough enough to resist the long distance. What is true friendship? True friendship is you are always best friends no matter what and where each of you is. According to a recent investigation performed by Social Community, nearly 90 percent people indicates that they don`t mind where their friends live because it does not affect their friendship. Hence, best friends can constantly keep his friends in mind in spite of remote distance.

Moreover, the recent communication and transporation are extremly convenient also provides adequate justification for my opinion. Friends can use all sorts of ways to contant, like Internet, telephone as such. They can talk happily and see each other like friends are around. Even in holiday, people also can travel to friend’ home. All these ways can strengthen their friendship. Take me as an example, once one of my best friends is my neighborhood, later our family moved to a new city far away my old home. My friend and I often miss each other very much, so we chat by QQ or sending message, sometimes in holiday we go to a place for playing together. Thus, the far distance plays an important role in promoting our relationship.

Admittedly, it may be true that distance has an a bit negative effect on friendship. However, this alone does not provide sufficient support to claim that people who are away from friends may lose old friends. Just get along with your friends well with your heart, you will not meet the prblem that lose your friends.

In a nutshell, from all discussed above, I strongly commit to the notion that friends are always friends no matter where you are. Nothing can be the obstacle of the real friendship.

作者: Herisson0509 时间: 2012-5-3 20:53
5.3 综合
The reading passage claims that there are considerable evidences that dinosaurs are, in fact, endotherms. In contrast, this statement is strongly questioned by the lecture which provides drastically different evidences and states that those arguments couldn`t prove that dinosaurs are endotherms.

The professor begins by pointing out that the polar regions where dinasours fossils were found were much warmer that today. The climate was not suit for endotherms to live. When the polar regions were cold, dinosaurs have migrated to warmer areas. This evidence disagrees with the standpoint that dinosaur fossils have been discovered in polar regions with cold climates, as demonstrated in the reading passage.

Then Another evidence the speaker adopts to contradict the passage is that actually the dinosaurs` legs are positioned underneath their bodies. And dinasours’ body structure can support more weight, so they can grow to very large size. According to the reading passage, however, dinosaurs are endotherms due to their legs all underneath their body. Therefore, the lecture goes against what is presented in the reading passage.

Finally, the professor raises the issue that dinosaurs do have Haversian canals, they also have growth rings. These growth rings are evidence that dinosaurs stop growing or grow more slowly during cooler periods. Different from endotherms, dinosaurs can not grow, grow slowly and rapidly grow. The point of view also casts doubt on the contents of the reading passage, which considers dinosaurs are endotherms because they both fossilized are usually dense with Haversian canals.

作者: 瓜瓜不瓜 时间: 2012-5-3 23:59
刺猬第一次见面多多指教

5.3 综合红色为内容中的不足绿色是表达上的不足黄色底纹为亮点

The reading passage claims that there are considerable evidences that dinosaurs are, in fact, endotherms.In contrast, this statement is strongly questioned by the lecture which provides drastically different evidences and states that those arguments couldn`t prove that dinosaurs are endotherms.

The professor begins by pointing out that the polar regions where dinasours fossils were found were much warmer that(应该是笔误吧，than）today. The climate was not suit for endotherms to live. When the polar regions were cold, dinosaurs have migrated to warmer areas. This evidence disagrees with the standpoint that dinosaur fossils have been discovered in polar regions with cold climates, as demonstrated in the reading passage.

Then another evidence the speaker adopts to contradict the passage is that actually the dinosaurs` legs are positioned underneath their bodies. And（这个and用在这里不是很好，个人觉得用therefore） dinasours’ body structure can support more weight, so they can grow to very large size. According to the reading passage, however, dinosaurs are endotherms due to their legs all underneath their body.Therefore, the lecture goes against what is presented in the reading passage.

Finally, the professor raises the issue that dinosaurs do have Haversian canals,（缺少连词） they also have growth rings. These growth rings are evidence that dinosaurs stop growing or grow more slowly during cooler periods. Different from endotherms, dinosaurs can not grow, grow slowly and rapidly grow（表达有点奇怪）.The point of view also casts doubt on the contents of the reading passage, which considers dinosaurs are endotherms because they both fossilized are usually dense with Haversian canals.

刺猬很棒

听力要点全写出来了，文章结构也很好。每段听力和阅读部分观点都表达很清楚。
用的词也很多样。只是表达上有一点点小瑕，加油！你是我综合写作的偶像哈哈哈

作者: chasedreamabc 时间: 2012-5-4 19:18

Nowadays(没有错误，就是大家都这样写，没什么亮点尤其是开篇), with the development of the quality of the life, many people would like to move to a new and better place for living（to do表示目的，这句话这GMAT的标准书面语法中是不对的）. Will they lose their old friends? People can give a variety of（一共就两个答案，用opposite吧）answers owing to their individual value systems. Some people demonstrate that the relationship can be weakened due to the long distance. While, as far as I an concerned, I don`t（do not）agree with the assertion that people who move to a new city or a new country will lose old friends. My positions are based on a deep and fundamental analysis as discussed below.

First of all, it is always top of the list of my viewpoints that the friendship is tough enough to resist the long distance.（是表达友谊是足够坚韧,能抵抗远距离？这个有点中式，待求证） What is true friendship? True friendship is you are always best friends no matter what and where each of you is. According to a recent investigation performed by Social Community, nearly 90 percent people indicates that they don`t mind where their friends live because it does not affect their friendship. Hence, best friends can constantly keep his（前面是friends，their；或者可以直接改成friendship，去掉后面的friends ） friends in mind in spite of remote distance.

Moreover, the recent communication and transporation（transposition） are extremly（extremely）convenient alsoprovides adequate justification for my opinion（怎么感觉就是好奇怪，1.for，2.主从，so 找个英专的判断一下）. Friends can use all sorts of ways to contant （constant）, like （ such as） Internet, telephone ~~as such~~. They can talk happily and see each other like friends are around （都不在一起的了，怎么see each other呢，语法上，like作为介词，后面出现be动词，那一句话就出现多个动词了吧）. Even in holiday, people also can travel to friend’ （friend's）home. All these ways can strengthen their friendship. Take me as an example, once one of my best friends is my neighborhood, (. 逗号不连接两个句子)later our family moved to a new city far away my old home. My friend and I often miss each other very much, so we chat by QQ or sending message, ~~sometimes in holiday we go to a place for playing together~~. （这句没有表现本段的TS，沟通方式） Thus, the far distance plays an important role in promoting our relationship.

Admittedly, it may be true that distance has an a bit negative effect on friendship. However, this （严格说来，this，that都不能单独做主语的） alone does not provide sufficient support to claim that people who are away from friends may lose old friends. Just get along with your friends well with your heart, you will not meet the prblem （我真的可以理解你太着急了，problem）that lose your friends.

In a nutshell, from all discussed above, I strongly commit to the notion that friends are always friends no matter where you are. Nothing can be the obstacle of the real friendship.

PS：
本来是想写点什么的，但是已经做的很好了，没什么可以提示的了。

作者: 易雨水巷 时间: 2012-5-5 11:00
额刺猬5.4的综合是还没写吧？

红色为错误高亮为精彩蓝色为意见或建议绿色为总结
The reading passage claims that there arethree competing theories about how the Chaco Canyon were(was) used. In contrast, these statements are strongly questioned by thelecture which provides drastically different evidences and states that none ofthree functions is convinced.

The professor begins by pointing out that theChaco Canyon looks like the apartment buildings, but inside there is a serious conditon (condition). Many people live in the bighouse need many fire places, whereas there are few fire places for only tenfamilies so that people often have difficuties (difficulties)in cooking. And the rooms are not enough for so many peple(people) to live. Thisevidence disagrees with the standpoint that the Chaco structures were (去掉 were吧)can contain each housing hundreds of people, as demonstrated in the readingpassage.

Then another evidence the speaker adopts to contradict the passage isthat actually the big house does not have containers.Because the grain maize are on the floor of the house, not（换成 instead of？）in the containers. Acoording (According) to the passage, however, thesize of the Chaco structures is very suitable for storing grain maize. Therefore, the lecture goesagainst what is presented in the reading material.

Finally, the professor raises the issuethat there are other matericals (materials) for buiding (building) the big house besides broken pots,such as stone, sand and so on. The discoverable broken pots may be not used upwhen the house was built up. Meanwhile, the pots in the meal may be rubbishthat carelessly be put. Thepoint of view also casts doubt on the concents (contents)of the reading ,which considers the broken pots utterly provide evidencethat people gathered at Pueblo Alto for special ceremonies.

In a nutshell, the details mentioned in thereading are totally disputedby the lecturer, and the professors have completely different opinions aboutthe theories about the functions of the Chaco Canyon.

To 刺猬：
除了单词拼写问题，很完美的模板，很完美的听力！赞赞赞赞
向刺猬学习！加油↖(^ω^)↗

作者: Herisson0509 时间: 2012-5-5 11:16
5.4 综合

The reading passage claims that there are three competing theories about how the Chaco Canyon were used. In contrast, these statements are strongly questioned by the lecture which provides drastically different evidences and states that none of three functions is convinced.

The professor begins by pointing out that the Chaco Canyon looks like the apartment buildings, but inside there is a serious conditon. Many people live in the big house need many fire places, whereas there are few fire places for only ten families so that people often have difficuties in cooking. And the rooms are not enough for so many peple to live. This evidence disagrees with the standpoint that the Chaco structures were can contain each housing hundreds of people, as demonstrated in the reading passage.

Then another evidence the speaker adopts to contradict the passage is that actually the big house does not have containers. Because the grain maize are on the floor of the house, not in the containers. Acoording to the passage, however, the size of the Chaco structures is very suitable for storing grain maize. Therefore, the lecture goes against what is presented in the reading material.

Finally, the professor raises the issue that there are other matericals for buiding the big house besides broken pots, such as stone, sand and so on. The discoverable broken pots may be not used up when the house was built up. Meanwhile, the pots in the meal may be rubbish that carelessly be put. The point of view also casts doubt on the concents of the reading ,which considers the broken pots utterly provide evidence that people gathered at Pueblo Alto for special ceremonies.

In a nutshell, the details mentioned in the reading are totally disputed by the lecturer, and the professors have completely different opinions about the theories about the functions of the Chaco Canyon.

作者: Herisson0509 时间: 2012-5-5 12:44
To 水巷谢谢哦
我怎么那么多单词拼错啊
疯掉疯掉
以后一定要检查

作者: Herisson0509 时间: 2012-5-5 13:34
真是头疼死我了啊字数明显少啊想不出来说什么稀里糊涂的
5月4日10.8.28 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The main purpose for people who have jobs is for money rather than social status.

What is the real purpose that people work for? Owing to individual value systems, some people demonstrate that they would like to gain social status from job. While, as far as I an concerned, I agree with the assertion that the main purpose for people who have jobs is for money rather than social status. My positions are based on a deep and fundamental analysis as discussed below.

First of all, it is always top of the list of my viewpoints that many poor people work for money just want to satisfy basic demands of their families. According to a recent investigation performed by Social Community, nearly 90 percent migrant workers suggest that they work for money because they want to provide a normal life for their families. In remote areas, poor people often suffer hunger and cold. Many families can not afford the tuition for child. For instance, I once saw an article in a magazine. In the article, a kid died completely because of starvation. Thus, we cannot emphasize the significance of money too much.

Moreover, people can promote the quailty of life with more money also provides adequate justification for my opinion. To make my demonstration more profoundly and comprehensively, I would like to cite what one of my favorable celebrities has mentioned, “economic base determines superstructure”.With more money, they are able to buy better house, food and clothes. They also can travel to many places. And more advanced education money can offer are benefical for child’s growth.

Admittedly, it may be true that social status also has a strong appealing to people. However, this alone does not provide sufficient support to claim that people need social status. Becsuse social status can not ensure substantial demands. In addition, sometimes more money can enable you to get a social status.

In a nutshell, from all discussed above, I strongly commit to the notion that it is sagacious that people who have a job prefer to pursue money rather than social status.

作者: Herisson0509 时间: 2012-5-5 13:54
紫色修改

Nowadays(没有错误，就是大家都这样写，没什么亮点尤其是开篇), with the development of the quality of the life, many people would like to move to a new and better place~~for living~~（to do表示目的，这句话这GMAT的标准书面语法中是不对的）. Will they lose their old friends? People can give a variety of opposite（一共就两个答案，用opposite吧）answers owing to their individual value systems. Some people demonstrate that the relationship can be weakened due to the long distance. While, as far as I an concerned, I don`tdo not（do not）agree with the assertion that people who move to a new city or a new country will lose old friends. My positions are based on a deep and fundamental analysis as discussed below.

First of all, it is always top of the list of my viewpoints that the friendship is tough enough to resist the long distance.（是表达友谊是足够坚韧,能抵抗远距离？这个有点中式，待求证）这样的表达不正切题麽 What is true friendship? True friendship is you are always best friends no matter what and where each of you is. According to a recent investigation performed by Social Community, nearly 90 percent people indicates that they don`t do not mind where their friends live because it does not affect their friendship. Hence, best friends can constantly keep his their（前面是friends，their；或者可以直接改成friendship，去掉后面的friends ） friends in mind in spite of remote distance.
Moreover, the recent communication and transporation（transposition）这里我是想表达通信和交通啊are extremly extremely（extremely）convenient also provides adequate justification for my opinion（怎么感觉就是好奇怪，1.for，2.主从，so 找个英专的判断一下）你画的蓝色部分是没有错的但also前面的有些错误我和鸟儿讨论了一下改成这样了the extreme convenience of recent communication and transporation also provides adequate justification for my opinion. Friends can use all sorts of ways to contant这个是交流啊（constant）, like（such as）Internet, telephone ~~as such~~. such as 可以换like…as such用的.They can talk happily and see each other like friends are around（都不在一起的了，怎么see each other呢，语法上，like作为介词，后面出现be动词，那一句话就出现多个动词了吧）我少写了几个词把你弄凌乱了这样你明白了么They can talk happily and see each other through the Internet as if friends are around. Even in holiday, people also can travel to friend’（friend's）home. All these ways can strengthen their friendship. Take me as an example, once one of my best friends is my neighborhood, (. 逗号不连接两个句子)later our family moved to a new city far away my old home. My friend and I often miss each other very much, so we chat by QQ or sending message, ~~sometimes in holiday we go to a place for playing together~~.（这句没有表现本段的TS，沟通方式）这句一开头就让你误会了sometimes in holiday we go to a place for gathering together.Thus, the far distance plays an important role in promoting our relationship.

Admittedly, it may be true that distance has an a bit negative effect on friendship. However, this（严格说来，this，that都不能单独做主语的）鸟儿说可以你在哪里看的不可以给我看看吧alone does not provide sufficient support to claim that people who are away from friends may lose old friends. Just get along with your friends well with your heart, you will not meet the prblem problem（我真的可以理解你太着急了，problem）谢谢理解很是手误that lose your friends.

In a nutshell, from all discussed above, I strongly commit to the notion that friends are always friends no matter where you are. Nothing can be the obstacle of the real friendship.

作者: Herisson0509 时间: 2012-5-5 23:26
5.5. 综合

The reading passage claims that the communal online encyclopedias have three important problems. In contrast, this statement is strongly questioned by the lecture which provides drastically different evidences and states that none of these problems is convincing.

The professor begins by pointing out that traditional encyclopedias never be prefectly accurate. If you are looking for a work without any mistakes, you are not going to find it. The mistakes found in online encyclopedias are more easily corrected than traditional encyclopedias. This evidence disagrees with the standpoint that contributors to a communal online encyclopedia often lack academic credentials and make mistakes, as demonstrated in the reading passage.

Then another evidence the speaker adopts to contradict to the passage is that in order to prevent the hackers from attacking online encyclopedia, a format no one can change occurs, which can make sure the contents reliable. According to the passage, however, hackers often can fabricate, delete, and corrupt information in the encyclopedia. Therefore, the lecture goes against what is presented in the reading material.

Finally, the professor raises the issue that traditional encyclopedias provides a considered view of what topics to include or exclude due to the small space. But in online encyclopedia, the diversity of use in topics, which is one of their strongest advantages, can reflect one’s interest. The point of view casts doubt on the concents of the rading passage, which considers communal encyclopedias often creates a false impression of what is important and what is not.

In a nutshell, the details mentioned in the reading are totally disputed by the lecturer, and the professor have completely different opinions about the theories about the communal encyclopedias’ problems.

作者: Herisson0509 时间: 2012-5-6 07:56
5月5日10.12.3 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents should help children to do their work rather than encouraging them to do the work on their own.

Children are the precious to parents. Whereas, modern parents spoil their children too much, even help them to do homework. As far as I am concerned, I do not agree with the assertion that parents should help children to do their work rather than encouraging them to do the work on their own. My positions are based on a deep and fundamental analysis as discussed below.

First of all, it is always the top of the list of my viewpoints that encouraging children to do homework by himself can develop their ability of thinking. According to the recent research performed by Social Community, the results indicates that children often do homework by themselves often get a better degree than those who can not finish their homework on their own. The reason is that they know nothing about the courses they learned and they can’t get help from parents when they are having an examination. Without the help of parents, children can make their efforts to solve the problems by its brain and hands. The more frequently they use brain, the more clever they are. For instance, I once had a classmate, who was often laughed at by other students. He was really ignorant because he often asked his parents to do his homework. Thus, we cannot emphasize the significance of encouraging children to do homework by themselves too much.

Moreover, the benefits of children’s growth that produce from encouragement can also provides adequate justification for my opinion. To children, parents always play an important role in educating. The main purpose of school assigns homework is to enable children to enhance knowledge. If children do homework on their own, they will get a better understanding of the courses. As we all know, children are often too lazy to do homework. So parents should encourage them to develop a good habit of finishing homework independently. This encouragement are extremely benefical to children’s future.

Admittedly, it may be true that parents should help children when they have difficuties in homework. However, too much help may bring child a sense of dependent. They will make a rule to do things by others’ hands. In the long run, parents should teach children to learn that how to do things by themselves.

In a nutshell, from all discussed above, I strongly commit to the notion that parents should prefer to encourage kids to do the work on their own instead of helping them to do.

作者: 瓜瓜不瓜 时间: 2012-5-6 14:11
5.5. 综合
颜色老规矩哦

The reading passage claims that the communal online encyclopedias have three important problems. In contrast, this statement is strongly questioned by the lecture which provides drastically different evidences and states that none of these problems is convincing.

The professor begins by pointing out that traditional encyclopedias never be prefectly accurate. If you are looking for a work without any mistakes, you are not going to find it. The mistakes found in online encyclopedias are more easily(to be)corrected than traditional encyclopedias. This evidence disagrees with the standpoint thatcontributors to a communal online encyclopedia often lack academic credentials and make mistakes, as demonstrated in the reading passage.

Then another evidence the speaker adopts to contradict to the passage is that in order to prevent the hackers from attacking online encyclopedia, a format no one can change occurs, (这个表达不太好，occur一般表示的是没有预期的事情，而只读文本显然是针对这个现象而出现的）which can make sure the contents reliable. According to the passage, however, hackers often can fabricate, delete, and corrupt information in the encyclopedia. Therefore, the lecture goes against what is presented in the reading material.貌似少了一个点吧，我也不知道自己听得对不对哈，好像还提出了一个针对hacker的措施，和special editor有关。

Finally, the professor raises the issue that traditional encyclopedias provides （provide）a considered view of what topics to include or exclude due to the small space. But in online encyclopedia, the diversity of use in topics, which is one of their strongest advantages, can reflect one’s interest. The point of view casts doubt on the concents of the rading passage, which considers communal encyclopedias often creates a false impression of what is important and what is not.

In a nutshell, the details mentioned in the reading are totally disputed by the lecturer, and the professor have completely different opinions about the theories （theories的说法不太正确，瓜瓜觉得judgement更好）about the communal encyclopedias’ problems.

总体看刺猬的综合写得相当好了，听力要点把握很到位。表达也很丰富。
注意下表达就好。 ^ ^

作者: Crystaljoy 时间: 2012-5-6 14:28
5月4日10.8.28 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The main purpose for people who have jobs is for money rather than social status.

What is the real purpose that people work for? Owing to (specific) individual value systems, some people demonstrate that they would like to gain social status from job. While, as far as I an(am) concerned, I agree with the assertion that the main purpose for people who have jobs is for money rather than social status.My positions are( My position is 只有一个立场) based on a deep and fundamental analysis as discussed below. （这句有点别扭。换换试试： My point of view, involving deep and fundamental analysis, will be discussed as follows.）

First of all, it is always top of the list of my viewpoints that many poor people （who 变成从句）work for money just want to satisfy basic demands of their families. According to a recent investigation performed by Social Community, nearly 90 percent migrant workers suggest that they work for money because they want to provide a normal life for their families.（有点中式。试试support a family, even if it is only a normal life standard. ） In remote areas, poor people often suffer（from） hunger and cold. Many families (短句可以连接起来, many more) can not afford the tuition for child. For instance, I oncesaw( read) an article in a magazine. In the article, ( 句子太短，意思接近, 可以连起来about) a kid (who)died completely because of starvation. Thus, we cannot emphasize the significance of money too much.

Moreover,（that 主语从句） people can promote the quailty of life with more money also provides adequate justification for my opinion. To make my demonstration more profoundly and comprehensively（make 后面可以直接加adj）, I would like to cite what one（the saying）of my favorable celebrities has mentioned (删除), “economic base determines superstructure”. With more money, they are able to buy better house, food and clothes. They also can（，even）travel to many places. And more advanced education money can offer are benefical for child’s growth. (，afford more advanced education which is beneficial to children’s future career.)

Admittedly, it may be true that social status also has（is） a strong appealing(appeal 有N) to people. However, this alone does not provide sufficient support to claim that people need social status. Becsuse（Because） social status can not ensure substantial demands. In addition, sometimes more money can enable you to get a social status.

In a nutshell, from all discussed above, I strongly commit to the notion that it issagacious (这个词很好，但是感觉用的位置不太对。to say ) that people who have a job prefer to pursue money rather than social status.

全本结构，内容都很好。有待改进的地方：句子有些零散。有些句子语义和上文有联系，但是结构却没有逻辑连接。而英语是形态上很整合的，而非汉语的意思上整合。这点可以通过多添加连接词，把短句连接来弥补。

作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-5-7 00:12
给刺猬改改作文~

Children are ~~the~~ precious to parents. Whereas, modern parents spoil their children too much, even help them to do homework. As far as I am concerned, I do not agree with the assertion that parents should help children to do their work rather than encouraging them to do the work on their own.My positions are based on a deep and fundamental analysis as discussed below.

First of all, it is always the top of the list of my viewpoints that encouraging children to do homework by himself(themselves,因为前面是children嘛) can develop their ability of (建议加个independent独立思考的能力更好哇~)thinking. According to the recent research performed by Social Community, the results indicates that children often do homework by themselves often(两个often有点重复啦，可以改成tend to) get a better degree than those who can not finish their homework on their own. The reason is that they(指代不明) know nothing about the courses they (+have)learned and they can’t get help from parents when they are having an examination. Without the help of parents, children can make their efforts to solve the problems by its brain and hands(首先啊要人性化，children不可以用its，其次好像是hearts and hands). The more frequently they use brain(s), the ~~more~~ clever(er) they are. For instance, I once had a classmate, who was often laughed at by other students. He was really ignorant because he often asked his parents to do his homework. Thus, we cannot emphasize the significance of encouraging children to do homework by themselves too much.

Moreover, the benefits of children’s growth that produce from encouragement can also provides adequate justification for my opinion.To children, parents always play an important role in educating(education). The main purpose of school assigns(assigning) homework is to enable children to enhance knowledge. If children do homework on their own, they will get a better understanding of the courses. As we all know, children are often too lazy to do homework. So parents should encourage them to develop a good habit of finishing homework independently. This encouragement are(is) extremely benefical(beneficial) to children’s future.

Admittedly, it may be true that parents should help children when they have difficuties(difficulties)in homework. However, too much help may bring child a sense of dependent(dependence). They will make a rule to do things by others’ hands. In the long run, parents should teach children to learn ~~that~~ how to do things by themselves.

In a nutshell, from all discussed above, I strongly commit to the notion that parents should prefer to encourage kids to do the work on their own instead of helping them to do.(prefer to do rather than do比较好，有点杂糅了)

【CONCLUSION】

刺猬的文章骨架已经搭建的很完美啦，主要是注意一些小的细节：拼写、句间的衔接、主谓一致、词性和指代，消灭小的错误就好啦！

作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-5-7 00:14
为啥我粘贴上以后高亮的部分都消失了？？？

作者: Herisson0509 时间: 2012-5-7 22:01

5.5 tpo8
The reading passage claims that some critics have raised three doubts about the accuracy of Chevalier's memoir.In contrast, this statement is strongly questioned by the lecture which provides drastically different evidences and states that the evidences of the menitor are reliable.

The professor begins by pointing out that Chevalier had wealth,so he could spend money on parties and gambling. But every time he had to waitmoney to arrive so he had to borrowed money from the merchant.This evidence disagrees with the standpoint that Chevalier was poor because he always borrowed money.

Then another evidence the speaker adopts to contradict the passage is that Chevalier took notes every night after the conversation between Voltaire and him. He wrote down all details he could remember. So after many years he could capture the conversation accurately due to the notes he recorded. According to the passage, however, critics think it is impossible to remember exact phrases from conversations held many years earlier. Therefore, the lecture goes against what is presented in the reading material.

Finally, the professor raises the issue that those prisoners who have many friends could not get help to escape from the jail. Actually Chevalier had no politically well-connected friend. The other best evidence is that a document came from the local government about repairing an old room soon after Chevalier escaped. The old room was Chevalier's room. The point of view also casts doubt on the contents of the reading passage, which considersChevalier bribed the jailers to free himself.

In a nutshell, the details mentioned in thereading are totally disputed by the lecturer, and the professors have completely different opinions aboutthe accuracy of the Chevalier's memoir.

作者: maylovehe1 时间: 2012-5-8 13:34
对不起白天有点忙,今天晚上帮你改,哈

作者: Herisson0509 时间: 2012-5-8 22:14

第一次 45min啊打字不是一般的慢句子也要想好久哎

5月8日11.9.16 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Children should choose the same career as their parents. Use specific examples to support your answer.

When facing the problem that choose a job, parents often can give more advices than their children. Many parents claim that children should do the same career as them. As far as I am concerned, I agree with the assertion that it is wise for children to choose the same work as their parents. My point of view, involving deep and fundamental analysis, will be discussed as follows.

First of all, it is always the top of list of my viewpiont that children who do the same job can acquire much experiences from parents. To make my demonstration more profound and comprehensive, I would like to cite the saying of my favorable celebrities, "listen to the elders". As we all know, parents are the persons who love us most in the world, they usually expect that children can live well. When they were working, they must had made mistakes. If it were the same career, parents can share the experience with children in case that children also make the same errors. Also, when children meet difficulties in job, parents can help them to solve the problems. As a consequence, children will be excellent in their career and parents are happy. Thus, we cannot emphasize the significance of same job too much.

Moreover, the same work children choose can strengthen the relationship between family. Parents are acquaint with their job, so they can often communicate with children. Even when children are in trouble, parents also can discuss how to do with children. Suppose that if children choose a job that parents do not understand, parents cannot do nothing but be anxiety when children have difficulty in work. So, we can see, the same career plays an important role in increasing the relationship between family.

Admittedly, it is ture that children do not tend to choose same job as their parents because they want to be independent. In the competitive world, some parents would like to help chlildren get a job easily while children prefer to work by themselves. However, the same job does not mean dependent. Parents can offer help properly in children's job. In addition, the same work actually can bring a lot of benefits to chidren' s future career.

In a nutshell, from all discussed above, I strongly commit to the notion that in the long run, children should choose the same career as their parents.

作者: maylovehe1 时间: 2012-5-8 22:26
The reading passage claims that some critics have raised three doubts about the accuracy of Chevalier's memoir. In contrast, this statement is strongly questioned by the lecture which provides drastically different evidences and states that the evidences of the menitor (memoir) are reliable.

The professor begins by pointing out that Chevalier had wealth, so he could spend money on parties and gambling. But every time he had to wait money to arrive so he had to borrowed money from the merchant. This evidence disagrees with the standpoint that Chevalier was poor because he always borrowed money. (如果提一下客户有房产卖,了以后换来钱,但是等钱的时间借钱花就更好了)

Then another evidence the speaker adopts to contradict the passage is that Chevalier took notes every night after the conversation between Voltaire and him. He wrote down all details he could remember. So after many years he could capture the conversation accurately due to the notes he recorded. According to the passage, however, critics think it is impossible to remember exact phrases from conversations held many years earlier. Therefore, the lecture goes against what is presented in the reading material.

Finally, the professor raises the issue that those prisoners who have many friends could not get helps to escape from the jail. Actually Chevalier had no politically well-connected friend. The other best evidence is that a document came from the local government about repairing an old room soon after Chevalier escaped. The old room was Chevalier's room. The point of view (professor) also casts doubt on the contents of the reading passage, which considers Chevalier bribed the jailers to free him.

In a nutshell, the details mentioned in the reading are totally disputed by the lecturer, and the professors have completely different opinions about the accuracy of the Chevalier's memoir.

作者: sang824 时间: 2012-5-9 13:33
蓝色为建议，红色修改，黄色高亮

When facing the problem that choose(about choosing) a job, parents often can give more advices than their children(感觉这里没有可比性). Many parents claim that children should do(choose) the same career as them. As far as I am concerned, I agree with the assertion that it is wise for children to choose the same work as their parents. My point of view, involving deep and fundamental analysis, will be discussed as follows.

First of all, it is always the top of list of my viewpiont that children who do the same job can acquire much experiences from parents. To make my demonstration more profound and comprehensive, I would like to cite the saying of my favorable celebrities, "listen to the elders". As we all know, parents are the persons who love us most in the world, they usually expect that children can live well(感觉这里用except to do 结构更好). When they were working, they must had made(cannot aviod making) mistakes. If it were the same career(it在这里不知道什么意思，改成If they choose the same career一类的表达感觉更清晰一些), parents can share the experience with children in case that children also make the same errors. Also, when children meet difficulties in job, parents can help them to solve the problems. As a consequence, children will be excellent in their career and parents are happy. Thus, we cannot(?) emphasize the significance of same job too much.

Moreover, the same work children choose can strengthen the relationship between family. Parents are acquaint with their job, so they can often communicate with children. Even when children are in trouble, parents also can discuss how to do with children(help their children). Suppose that if children choose a job that parents do not understand, parents can~~not~~ do nothing but be anxiety when children have difficulty in work. So, we can see, the same career plays an important role in increasing the relationship between family.

Admittedly, it is ture that children do not tend to choose same job as their parents because they want to be independent. In the competitive world, some parents would like to help chlildren get a job easily while children prefer to work by themselves. However, the same job does not mean dependent. Parents can offer help properly(proper help) in children's job. In addition, the same work actually can bring a lot of benefits to chidren' s future career.

In a nutshell, from all discussed above, I strongly commit to the notion that in the long run, children should choose the same career as their parents.

conclusion:刺猬的语法错误很少，值得赞一个。
个别句法需要注意严谨，建议在语言表达上润色，同时尝试使用高级一点的词汇。

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