There is no doubt that everyone has many friends, but only few of them are intimates. We usually share enjoy or sadness with them. Each person has own criterion. Some people advocate that friends could have fun with, while others suggest that friend will help you when you are in need. As far as I am concerned that friends will help you when you are in need. As a Chinese old saying goes that, ”a friend in need is a friend indeed”. When we have troubles in daily life or some barrier in front of our works, the real friend could in favor of us and give me vital suggestion. When we feel sad, friend will make feel better. For example, when I first time to take high school basketball game, I didn’t play very well. During the whole competition, I made a lot of mistakes. And we lose this game in the final. I feel so sad and blame myself many times. But my friends talk to me and give me a lot of courage. This makes me feel comfortable. What is more , the friends that will help you when you are in need also could have fun with you. Sometimes we get together to celebrate our success or interest festivals. I always play game with my best friend. We always inspire other to be a better man. On the contrast, if my friends are all just having with me, I didn’t feeling better when I am in trouble. When I lost this game, they probably blame to me and abandon me. They will make me feel more guilty. In conclusion, I intend to stand on the side that friends will help you when you are in need. The facts that we always make friend with someone who real cares about you.
求改正，求指导，另外感觉时间不够用，观点不容易想出来。有好的模板或者切入点么。作者: 蝴蝶渡海 时间: 2012-2-28 18:46
忘写上题目了 2月28日Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is more important to choose friends that could have fun with than to choose friends that will help you when you are in need.作者: 蝴蝶渡海 时间: 2012-2-28 22:18
顺便再估一下我这种作文能上20分么作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-2-29 10:45
There is no doubt that everyone has many friends, but only few of them are intimates. We usually share enjoy(joy) or sadness with them. Each person has (its)own criterion. Some people advocate that friends could have fun with(friends are people who you can have fun with比较好一点吧，你的说法读起来有点奇怪), while others suggest that friend will help you when you are in need. As far as I am concerned that (正确用法是As far as I am concerned,)friends will help you when you are in need.(点评：你看看题目中的more important是不是没有抓住？在主题段落的时候一定要突出你的观点，当然这个观点是要与题目的观点对应的。可以说你并没有注意到题目中两个元素的关系，第一段就不是well organized。所以整个文章都有点跑题了。给你一点小tip：在写第一段的主题句的时候可以换成题目statement的同义改写。单句写的有点多了，多练习一下找到句间关系写写长一点的句子。开头最好要简洁明了一些，建议先写一句背景引入，再标明自己的立场。当然也有别的好的写法，你可以参考一些范文，我的建议只是比较懒一点大众一点的……仅供参考吧。注意尽量避免过多的重复表达，你看此段倒数两句连着都是写friends will help you when you are in need，可以尝试其他的表达，比如when you are in trouble或者when you have some difficulties等等。部分用词还是很好的，给文章提亮了！)
As a Chinese old saying goes that, ”a friend in need is a friend indeed”.When we have troubles in (our) daily life or some barriers(注意细节哦~单复数) in front of our works(这句话读起来有点wired,daily life和works的关系不算是并列的吧。When we have troubles in knocking down the barriers in our life),the(a比较好，不是特指的) real friend could in favor of(这个短语前面应该是be动词)us and give me(前面是us后面成了me，要统一起来！) vital suggestions. When we feel sad(upset/annoyed/depressed), friends will make (us)feel better. (还是，句子过于简单了。When we are in a dilemma, a true friend is willing to comfort us and help us get out of trouble.)For example, when I first time to take high school basketball game(I didn't play well the first time when I took part in the basketball game in high school), I didn’t play very well. During the whole competition, I made a lot of mistakes. And we lose(lost)this game in the final. I feel(felt) so sad and blame(blamed) myself many times. But my friends talk(talked) to me and give(gave)me a lot of courage. This makes(made) me feel comfortable.(点评：首先是一些细节问题，错的太多会影响你的成绩的。单复数和时态错误过多了，建议亲在写完作文的时候给自己留出几分钟时间扫一遍，把这些拼写等错误消灭！这一段第一句的谚语用的很好，看出来你是用心在写，可是就像我们写议论文的作文一样，在一段的开头应该摆明自己的论点，你却没有。关于例子，你废了不少笔墨，但是有很多细节完全不需要提到，其实完全可以简化一下自己的例子。试着在修改的时候简化一下用两个长句把事情说清楚，你看看能不能做到？针对你写的这些短句，我再提一下。首先在写作的时候不要用中文的思路想一句翻译一句，这样写出来的句子都是散的。其次，积累一些关联词，即使是在文章中出现这些单句，也要尽量能让人看着有层次感。所以，在修改作文的时候给你布置一个任务，看看能不能找准句间的逻辑关系让句子衔接得更加流畅。)
What is more , the friends that will help you when you are in need also could have fun with you. Sometimes we get together to celebrate our success or interesting festivals.（这个句子表达太Chinglish了，这几天多看看范文积累一下好的搭配。虽然有些东西可以“百搭”，但是搭出来也有好看难看之分，所以还是尽量用一些原汁原味的表达~） I always play game with my best friend. We always inspire（each）other to be a better man.(点评：这一段一共写了三句话，我就一句一句的来说吧。主题句有了，虽然和题目的意思不是特别匹配，主要是和开头没有把握好题目有关，但是总的来说，这个主题句写的还是不错的！we指代不明，虽然我明白你的意思，但是多少让人感觉奇怪，而且注意一下搭配。举例子。这个地方又写的太过简单了，而且两个句子没有什么实际联系，又不是能很好滴突出主题，让人摸不着头脑。我解释一下，也就是说你的主题句是一个递进关系，首先这个friend will help you when you are in need，然后他also have fun with you，但是下面的例子只能说明have fun，丢掉了前提，所以你要想想怎么样才能让这两个方面都突出出来呢~)
On the contrast(on the contrary/in contrast), if my friends are all just having with me, I didn’t feeling better when I am in trouble. When I lost this game, they probably blame to me(blame on me) and abandon me. They will make me feel more guilty.(点评：写到这个地方我想说你一定要以一个认真的态度来对待文章，你自己可以看一看就这几行字里面有多少时态的错误？我给你标出来了，你自己思考一下应该用什么时态。还有，可能我语气有点强硬了，我觉得didn't feeling这种错误不应该是过了四六级的童鞋应该犯的错误吧！你觉得呢？而且写完作文一定要检查！要是因为这些导致作文扣分很多的话岂不是很冤枉？！还有就是你这已经是倒数第二段了，前面的例子最好不要用了，this game这种指代也不应该再莫名其妙的出现了。希望你能先看一看托福作文的一些基本要求和大致的写法。这一段意思写的也略感突兀，虽然采用对比手法论证是很好的方法，但是你的逻辑让人思维紊乱了。)
In conclusion, I intend to stand on the side that friends will help you when you are in need. The facts that we always make friend with someone who really(副词) cares about you.（点评：抛开意思不谈，第一句这个总结写的还可以。和开头一样，还是一定要与题目匹配，题目不是让你说friends will help you的，建议亲在审题上下下功夫！第二句我知道你的意思是想写从句的，可是有木有发现你的从句只写了一半就没了……中文最后叫做留悬念引人遐想，可是英语作文不会允许这样的。而且我觉得从意思上你的第二句也没有很好的去support这么好的一个主题句，可惜了。） 作者: 蝴蝶渡海 时间: 2012-2-29 14:16
2月28日Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is more important to choose friends that could have fun with than to choose friends that will help you when you are in need.
第一次修改： There is no doubt that everyone has many friends, but only few of them are intimates. We usually share joy or sadness with them. Each person has its own criterion. Some people advocate that, friends are people who you can have fun with while others suggest that friend will help you when you are in need. As far as I am concerned, I prefer the friends who will help you when you are in need to the one just having fun with you.
As a Chinese old saying goes , ”a friend in need is a friend indeed” When we encounter obstacles in daily life and work, a real friend could be in favor of us and give us vital suggestions. When we feel sad(depressed/annoyed), a real friend will me feel comfortable (When we are in a dilemma, a true friend is willing to comfort us and help us get out of trouble.). For example, when I first time to take high school basketball game, I didn’t play very well. (I didn't play well the first time when I took part in the basketball game in high school) During the whole competition, I made a lot of mistakes. And we lost this game in the final. I felt so sad and blamed myself many times. But my friends talked to me and gave me a lot of courage. This made me feel relax.
What is more , the friends that will help you when you are in need also could have fun with you. A suitable example, one of my best friends, a man named Ray, he always help me to get over math problem. However, we also get together to play cards, football or basketball game and enjoy ourselves very much. There are always full of laugh between he and me. Sometimes we also inspire each other to be a better man.
On the contrary, if all my friends which just having fun with me, I will take much more time to get out of trouble by myself. Even worse, they will blame on me if I make a mistakes which involved all of us. In conclusion, I intend to stand on the side that friends will help you when you are in need. A real friend can help you when you get trouble. A true friend not only can help you when you are in trap, but also cherish our time which we get-together.作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-2-29 15:41
你再审审题！作者: 蝴蝶渡海 时间: 2012-2-29 21:12
2月29日Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The most important problems in today’s world will be solved in our lifetime.
During our whole life, it is undeniable fact that there are many problems around us, some of them can be solved easily, but some of traps are hard for us. Thus the time which use to get over these difficities(difficulties) is dissimilar. As far as I am concerned, the most critical problems in today’s world will be solved in our whole life.
First of all, we need to contribute to the society use our whole life. Everyone lived in these society need to deal with all kinds of problems, they may be came from the process of our study, our daily life or family. However, sometimes a lot of strange idea sprang up from our thought and we could ask ourselves. What kinds of life are valuable. How can we achieve our own goal? When these problems came to our mind, we want to avoid and didn’t want to answer. I want to mention that we need to take our own responsibility. A suitable example, Steve job, a man who invents a series of apples and operated the company, had changed this world. He spent his whole life to make our life more interesting. He answered what should we do and we admired to him..
What is more, we need to take responsibility and solve our family’s problems. We have to teach desendents(descendants) and make our family lovely. For instance, my father is a good model. He is always busy with his work and having a little time to relax. But everyday he will never failure to care about our health, our study and life. His behavior always makes our hearts warm. Thus we love him very much. I think he will insist on that.
In conclusion, there are some problems will be solved in our lifetime. We need to make contribute to our country as possibly as we could and to deal with family problems in our whole life. I think it is worth doing that.作者: daisyの小夢想 时间: 2012-3-1 21:50
During our whole life, it is undeniable fact that there are many problems around us,(.) Some of them can be solved easily, but some of traps are hard for us(traps??troubles??or difficulties? ). Thus the time which use to get over these difficities(difficulties) is dissimilar. (Thus when can we solve all these problems remains unanswered.)As far as I am concerned, the most critical problems in today’s world will be solved in our whole life.
First of all, we need to contribute to the society use our whole life(we need to contribute our whole life to solve the problems). Everyone lived in these society need to deal with all kinds of problems, they(which) may be came from the process of our study, our daily life or family. However, sometimes a lot of strange idea sprang up from our thought and we could ask ourselves. What kinds of life are valuable.(?) How can we achieve our own goal? When(Every time) these problems came to our mind, we want to avoid and didn’t(don’t) want to answer. I want to mention that we need to take (take up)our own responsibility. A suitable example(+is that), Steve job, a man who invents a series of apples(这样表达有歧义哦。who invented many creative products) and operated the company(the successful company Apple), had changed this(our) world. He spent his whole life to make our life more interesting. He answered(told us) what should we do and we admired to him..
What is more, we need to take (up) responsibility and solve our family’s problems. We have to teach desendents(descendants) and make our family lovely. For instance, my father is a good model. He is always busy with his work and having(has) a little time to relax. But everyday he will never failure(fail) to care about(take care of) our health, our study and life. His behavior always makes our hearts warm. Thus we love him very much. I think he will insist on that.
In conclusion, there are some problems will be solved in our lifetime.(there are some problems that we can solve in our lifetime.) We need to make contribute(contributions) to our country as possibly as we could and to deal with family problems in our whole life. I think it is worth doing that.(I think all these things are worth doing.)作者: daisyの小夢想 时间: 2012-3-1 21:56
我觉得我的审题和蝴蝶有点不同哦。 “The most important problems in today’s world”是世界性的大问题，那为什么有一段讨论家庭的问题呢？作者: 蝴蝶渡海 时间: 2012-3-11 14:46
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Nowadays it’s much easier to achieve success with the help from one’s family than what is like before.
There is no doubt that the person who wants to become successful needs to pay more efforts. But there is a discussion about the factor which influences the achievement most . Finally, they are focus on this topic that it’s much easier to achieve success with the help from one’s family than what is like before. From my point of view, I think today it’s much easier to get success with the help from family indeed.
First of all, external factors have a vital influence on the success. Nowadays, the standard of the living has improved than previous. In the past, person did not get more useful help from the family. What family members could do is just limited in some areas, such as cooking, encouraging, daily life, and in the ancient times not every member had ability to give instructive suggestion. Because, knowledge of the popularity rate is not high, many people did have chance to learn knowledge in the school. For instance, in my childhood, I always head story from my grandfather, What storey he told to me were always about his childhood. In that time they just played games with other kids. The adult males worked outside in the day and females did not work. What is worse, women could not have the power to help their husband work. What they could do were limited in the housework. But now, everyone has the equal power to learn knowledge from collegue(college)and have the equal chance to get a ideal work. That family members care about each other's work and spire each other. So we can easily to conclude that it’s much easier to achieve success with the help from one’s family than what is like before.
What is more, nowadays, people will carry on more stress than before. We have read many books mentioned that in the previous time, many officials choose to give up their career and hidden in the mountains. To be a recluse, they could have enough time to experience life and crate a lot of marvlous(marvelous) poetry. They could choose a another way to get success and did not need help from family. However, comtempoary(contemporary) people who want to get success can not choose the way like the people who lived in the ancient. They need to work hard and never give up. Thus, when they confront with some tough problem and need more help, the courage of family can give a powerful support.
In the sum, if we need to solve some problems that haunted in our hearts in a long time, we will be more need the help of family members. What keeps us going forward is the help of family members. So I intend to stand on this view that it’s much easier to achieve success with the help from one’s family than what is like before.
最近学校有不少事。玩了好几天才交上啊作者: 蝴蝶渡海 时间: 2012-3-11 23:33
3月11日110827 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Patience is usually not a good strategy. We should take action now rather than later.
As we all know that, a success man must have a great disposition. Sometimes it may be patient and sometimes it may be prompt or diligent. Nowadays, there is a discuss about when we want to achieve a goal whether we use a patience strategy or to action now as faster as we can. As far as I am concerned, I prefer to this topic that patience is usually not a good strategy. We should take action now rather than later. Here are some my cogent reasons.
First of all, as a old saying goes, Lost time is never found again. Every person only has a limits time, thus time is precise for us. When we wait patiently, we have lost a lot of time. That is a huge cost for us. Sometimes we think it is more reliable to wait a chance, but in other words it proves that we do not have confidence to accomplish the task. For instance, a famous inventor must make vital decision at first time. If it delays or hesitates, it may lose the best opportunity to make money. Sometimes success or failure is just settled in a flash. Nevertheless, we can not take much time to wait.
What is more, when I an a child, my father always teaches me that never leave your unfinished work until tomorrow. You need to accomplish your task as fast as you can, Thus you could have enough time to make it perfect. I take this criterion all the time and it makes me more efficient. However take action without enough thinking may lead to a trap. Sometimes, I make mistakes due to the faster decision. Nevertheless, I think that more benefits than harms.
In sum, time is the most important thing that God give it to us as a gift, we can not lavish it. Sometimes taking action right now will make us more efficient. Thus I intend to stand on that view that we should take action now rather than later.作者: Herisson0509 时间: 2012-3-12 03:14 紫色是我个人建议，红色是明显的小错误，蓝色是我修改所做的解释，橘黄色是亮点。
As we all know that, a success（successful） man must have a great disposition. Sometimes it may be patient and sometimes it may be prompt or diligent. Nowadays, there is a discuss（discussion）{词性错误} about when we want to achieve a goal whether we use a patience strategy or to action now as faster as we can.（whether when we want to achieve a goal with a patience strategy or action now as faster as we can）.As far as I am concerned, I prefer to this topic that patience is usually not a good strategy. We should take action now rather than later. Here are some my cogent reasons.
First of all, as a(an) old saying goes, Lost（lost） time is never found again(lost time is gone forever). Every person only has a limits（limited）{因为limits是n 不能修饰time}time, thus time is precise for us. When we wait patiently, we have lost a lot of time. That is a huge cost for us（which causes a huge cost of us）.Sometimes we think it is more reliable to wait a chance, but in other words it proves that we do not have confidence to accomplish the task. For instance, a famous inventor must make vital decision at first time. If it delays or hesitates, it may lose the best opportunity to make money. Sometimes success or failure is just settled in a flash. Nevertheless(Therefore){nevertheless是然而的意思，表示转折，你原本的意思要表达承接所以我觉得用therefore好些}, we can not take much time to wait.
What is more, when I an(was) {这里过去式比较恰当}a child, my father always teaches（taught）me that never leave your unfinished work until tomorrow. You need(needed) to accomplish your task as fast as you can, (thus)Thus you could have enough time to make it perfect. I take this criterion all the time and it makes me more efficient. However take action without enough thinking may lead to a trap. Sometimes, I make mistakes due to the faster decision. Nevertheless, I think that（it）more benefits than harms.
In sum, time is the most important thing that God give it to us as a gift, we can not lavish it. Sometimes taking action right now will make us more efficient. Thus I intend to stand on that view that we should take action now rather than later.
我大致看了你的第一篇文章，这篇较那篇比起来有进步很大，思路的清晰度还是有的，理由还算充分，连贯性还不错。有些细节性的小错误要改掉哦，错的太多会影响你的成绩的。不足之处是，重复词汇以及意思过于频繁，加大词汇量吧。整篇下来都是简单的句子，没有看到很经典的或者是长难句。看一些范文吧，下次你可以自己试着加些从句在里面。这篇文章拿不了很高的分，是很普普通通的作品。继续加油吧。You can be the best.（其实我自己写的也一塌糊涂，尽管挑毛病吧，全盘皆收）希望我们都可以进步更快！ 作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-3-15 22:13
对不起蝴蝶……来晚啦 There is no doubt that the（a比较好） person who wants to become successful needs to pay more efforts. But there is a discussion about the factor which influences the achievement most . Finally, they are focus on this(the比较好) topic that it’s much easier to achieve success with the help from one’s family than what is like before. From my point of view, I think today it’s much easier to get success with the help from family indeed.(这一句感觉有点重复，首先from my point of view和I think就重了，然后观点的表述可以直接说支持或反对，不用重复表述)
First of all, external factors have a vital influence on the success. Nowadays, the standard of the living（living standard） has improved than previous (previous time). In the past,(a )person did not get more useful help from the family. What family members could do is just limited in some areas, such as cooking, encouraging, daily life, and in the ancient times not every member had ability to give instructive suggestions. Because, (可以直接放在开头吗？)knowledge of the popularity rate is not high, many people did have chance to learn knowledge in the school. For instance, in my childhood, I always head（hear）story from my grandfather, What storey（the story）he told to me were（was） always about his childhood. In that time they（grandfather应该是he） just played games with other kids. The adult males（哪有这样说的、）worked outside in the day and females did not work. What is worse, women could not have the power to help their husband work. What they could do were limited in the housework. But now, everyone has the equal power to learn knowledge from collegue(college)and have（has）the equal chance to get a(an)ideal work. That family members care about each other's work and spire each other. So we can easily to conclude that it’s much easier to achieve success with the help from one’s family than what is like before.(感觉例子可以再精简一下)
What is more, nowadays, people will carry on more stress than before（主题句可以接一下因此更需要家庭的帮助呀）. We have read many books mentioned that in the previous time, many officials choose（注意时态） to give up their career and hidden in the mountains（隐居山林这样写感觉不是很好，查了一个liveinseclusion）. To be a recluse, they（注意人称代词） could have enough time to experience life and crate（create） a lot of marvlous(marvelous) poetry.（单复数） They could choose a another way to get success and did not need help from family. However, comtempoary(contemporary) people who want to get success can not choose the way like the people who lived in the ancient（in ancient time）. They need to work hard and never give up. Thus, when they confront with some tough problems and need more help, the courage of family can give a powerful support.
In the sum, if we need to solve some problems that haunted in our hearts in（for） a long time, we will be more need the help（need more help）of family members. What keeps us going forward is the help of family members. So I intend to stand on this view that it’s much easier to achieve success with the help from one’s family than what is like before.
作者: 蝴蝶渡海 时间: 2012-3-19 22:41
There is no doubt that a person who wants to become successful needs to pay more efforts. But there is a discussion about the factor which influences the achievement most . Finally, they focus on the topic that it’s much easier to achieve success with the help from one’s family than what is like before. From my point of view, today it’s much easier to get success with the help from family indeed First of all, external factors have a vital influence on success. Nowadays, the living standard has improved than previous time. In the past a person did not get more useful help from the family. What family members could do is just limited in some areas, such as cooking, encouraging, daily life, and in the ancient times not every member had ability to give instructive suggestions. Because, knowledge of the popularity rate is not high, many people did have chance to learn knowledge in the school. For instance, in my childhood, I always hear story from my grandfather, What the story he told me was always about his childhood. In that time they just played games with other kids. The adult males worked outside in the day and females did not work. What is worse, women could not have the power to help their husband work. What they could do were limited in the housework. But now, everyone has the equal power to learn knowledge from college and has equal chance to get an ideal work. That family members care about each other's work and spire each other. So we can easily to conclude that it’s much easier to achieve success with the help from one’s family than what is like before. What is more, nowadays, people carry on more stress than before. We have read many books mentioned that in the previous time, many officials choose to give up their career and live in seclusion. To be a recluse, they could have enough time to experience life and crate a lot of marvelous poetry. They could choose a another way to get success and did not need help from family. However, contempoary people who want to get success can not choose the way like the people who lived in ancient time. They need to work hard and never give up. Thus, when they confront some tough problems and need more help, the courage of family can give a powerful support.
In sum, if we need to solve some problems that haunted in our hearts for a long time, we will need more help of family members. What keeps us going forward is the help of family members. So I intend to stand on this view that it’s much easier to achieve success with the help from one’s family than what is like before.作者: 蝴蝶渡海 时间: 2012-3-19 22:42
上篇为3.6改正作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-3-19 23:03
上篇为3.6改正
-- by 会员 蝴蝶渡海 (2012/3/19 22:42:11)
善于总结和改错的好孩纸~作者: 蝴蝶渡海 时间: 2012-5-16 20:18
5月16日11.2.26 ML Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Young people have no influence on the decisions that determine the future of the society as a whole.
In everyone’s deep mind, there is a hero that changed our life and our world. Nowadays, there is a discussion about this topic that young or old changes our future. Some people advocate that young people have no influence on the decisions that settled our future society, while others suggest that young always have cogent influence on our future society. I prefer to this opinion that young is the key factor that determine the future of the society.
First of all, young have more new idea than the old people to make a decision. Nowadays, the one who can determine the future of the society must have its own remarkable new idea or invention. People couldn’t acknowledge the one who just have absurd theory. For example, one of the founder of the apple company Steve jobs, when he was 30, he designs a lot of advanced computers. After that, he decided to develop the iphone. And now, the apple-series are attracting every young adult. Naturally, he has the powerful influence on the future of the society. On the contrary, someone who always propagates the idea that the end of the world becomes a joke. Most of the people didn’t focus on this, and we didn’t think he will be a hero and determine the future of the society.
What is more, young adult has much more energy than old. When people get older, they didn’t have passion and motivation to go-ahead. For instance, my uncle is a medical scientists and as a medical scientist he need to observe the virus in their laboratory for a long time. Once there was a serious flu,he said that their group decide to study this kind of disease. He and other scientists watched a virus for 24 hours, but there weren’t any achievements. When the study last for 40 hours, one of the young scientist said that he watch the propagation of virus. At last they made a new kind of medical to cure the patients.
In conclusion, young people is a key factor that can determine the future of the society. And they can make a good decision to change our world. Nevertheless, some will say that young may be less experience than old, but I think that the one who will change our world is not settled by the experience. We can not denied that the future of the society is belong to the young.
好久不写了。。这次这篇竟然用了1个小时。。。再重新慢慢来吧。。。希望被狠批。。。多提点意见作者: sang824 时间: 2012-5-17 12:38
5月16日11.2.26 ML Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Young people have no influence on the decisions that determine the future of the society as a whole.
In everyone’s deep mind, there is a hero that changed our life and our world. Nowadays, there is a discussion about this topic that young or old changes our future(少用there be的句型啦). Some people advocate that young people have no influence on the decisions that settled our future society, while others suggest that young always have cogent influence on our future society. I prefer to this opinion that young is the key factor that determine the future of the society.
First of all, young have more new ideas than the old people to make a decision(感觉这里不定式不恰当，when making decision?). Nowadays, the one who can determine the future of the society must have its own remarkable new idea or invention. People couldn’t acknowledge the one who just have absurd theory(这句话没看懂..). For example, one of the founder of the apple company Steve jobs, when he was 30, he designs designed a lot of advanced computers. After that, he decided to develop the iphone. And now, the apple-series are attracting every young adult. Naturally, he has the powerful influence on the future of the society. On the contrary, someone who always propagates the idea that the end of the world becomes a joke(这句话是想表达什么意思吖？). Most of the people didn’t focus on this(on what?), and we didn’t think he will be a hero and determine the future of the society.
What is more, young adult has much more energy than old. When people get older, they didn’t have passion and motivation to go-ahead. For instance, my uncle is a medical scientists and as a medical scientist he need to observe the virus in their laboratory for a long time. Once there was a serious flu,he said that their group decide to study this kind of disease(略显啰嗦，不如直接One their group need to study a kind of desease). He and other scientists watched a virus for 24 hours, but there weren’t any achievements. When the study lasts for 40 hours, one of the young scientist said that he watch the propagation of virus. At last they made a new kind of medical to cure the patients.
In conclusion, young people is a key factor that can determine the future of the society. And they can make a good decision to change our world. Nevertheless, some will say that young may be less experience than oldbut I think that the one who will change our world is not settled by the experience. (结尾就陈述自己观点好了..关于这个观点建议再起一段让步，作为第四段陈述虽然年轻人经验不如成年人丰富，但是blabla..), We can not denied deny that the future of the society is belong to the young.
建议LZ多运用长短句，寻找代替there be的表达方式（这篇文章有四五处呢..） 结构呢就是建议五段八股，第四段可以写让步 有例子很好，但感觉可以再斟酌一下哦，加油~ 作者: 蝴蝶渡海 时间: 2012-5-29 23:07 5月29日 2011.1.15 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The main role of a university professor is to educate students rather than to do research.
There is no doubt that university professor’s main role is to educate students and do some research. However, some people advocate that it is more important for university professor to educate students than to do some research, while others suggest that professor need to do more research for their university. In my view, I prefer to the first opinion.
First and the foremost, professor plays a key role in educating students and takes a vital responsibility. During our learning process, frankly speaking, everyone wants to be taught by an excellent professor. A good university professor not only can instruct us professional knowledge, but let us has a good attitude of life. For instance, one of my university professors impressed me very much and made me more confident. When my first time to take the university English competition, I did not have valor to compete with others and feel nervous and anxious to accomplish it. I even did not know what to do to adjust my heart. Thus, I ask him for help and he gave me a lot of advice to make me relax. At last, he said that a successful man is the one who can keep at it and never gave up! These words made me feel that I have to fight just like warriors. As a consequence, I got a ideal result and become more confident than before. A good professor can change your life attitude.
What is more, a good professor can bring us more knowledge than what we major in.
As an illustration, everyone has its own major, but when we take our major class, professor always adds up other knowledge to help us to understand. Thus, professors need to focus on the educating.
Admittedly, obviously, it is important that the professor has its own study and needs to do some research and experiment to write new idea and create advanced invention. But the most essential duty of the teacher and professor is teaching and educating.
In a nut shell, taken what I have mentioned above into consideration, I definitely stand up for the assertion that the main role of a university professor is to educate students rather than to do research. 作者: teresaz318 时间: 2012-5-30 12:39 标题: 5.29 作文 蓝色为怀疑错误 红色的值得注意 橙色的个人建议 There is no doubt that university professor’smain role is (roles are) to educate students and do some research. However, some people advocatethat it is more important for university professor to educate students than todo some research, while others suggest that professor need to do more researchfor their university. In my view, I prefer to the first opinion.
First and the foremost, professor plays a key role ineducating students and takes a vital responsibility. During our learningprocess, frankly speaking, everyone wants to be taught by an excellentprofessor. A good university professor not only can instructus professional knowledge, but let us has a good attitude oflife. (这句的逻辑好像有点怪) For instance, oneof my university professors（个人建议可以加个名字,这样感觉例子更有说服力） impressed me very muchand made me more confident. （感觉有点怪，impressed 你然后就令你更有自信？）When myfirst time to take the university English competition, I did not have valor tocompete with others and feel nervous and anxious to accomplish it. I even didnot know what to do to adjust my heart （adjust my heartbeats?）. Thus, I ask him for help and he gave me a lotof advice to make me relax. At last, he said that a successful man is the one who can keep at it and nevergave up! These words made me feel that I have to fight just like warriors. As aconsequence, I got anideal (excellent/outstanding?) resultand become more confident than before. A good professor can change your lifeattitude.
What is more, agood professor can bring us more knowledge than what we major in.
As anillustration, everyone has its own major, but when we take our major class,professor always adds up otherknowledge to help us to understand. Thus, professors need to focus on the educating. 原谅我，不是很明白整段想表达什么？professor教major以外的东西？好像没有例证有点虚弱
Admittedly, obviously, it is important that the professor has its own study and needs （单复数问题, 个人认为用复数比较好） to dosome research and experiment （inorder to ?） to writenew idea and create advanced invention. But the most essential duty of the teacher and professor (复数) is teaching and educating. （意思重复了把，要么teaching 要么education）
In a nut shell nutshell 连着的, taken what I have mentioned above into consideration, Idefinitely stand up for the assertion that the mainrole of a university professor is to educate students rather than to doresearch.
第一次改作文啊，不是很清楚改得好不好，望见谅。 个人觉得蝴蝶的语言有些好像有点怪，但我具体又不知道可以怎么改，例子那些可以加多点details 会更有说服力, 魔鬼在于细节处！加油啊～！ we can always do better!! lets rock toefl !~~ 作者: 蝴蝶渡海 时间: 2012-5-30 22:41
5月30日 2011.3.19 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave.
Every day, every hour, and even every minute, colossal amounts of people watch movies or televisions all over the world. Some advocate that these behaviors are such “illness” and badly influence young people behaves, while others suggest that watching television or movies are beneficial to young people. In my view, I agree to with the second opinion.
Above all, my main reason is that according to watching TV or movies, we could get a good understanding of our county, our society, or even the whole world. The full of knowledge will be adopted by us though the TV or movies. Now just image a situation that we are watching TV in the living room, when we choose the nation’s culture channel, thus, there are many contents coming to our eyes and ears. In other words, we could just sit at chairs and travel all over the world. That is amazing, isn’t it?
What is more, at present, every family has its daily family talk. We always talk about movies or TV to promote family affection. If you do not watch TV or movies, the talk of material is absent. Recently, a scientific research shows that young people who always watch TV are more optimistic than those who do not. That is to say, young people watch TV or movies will turn confident and make daily life colorful, even changed young people disposition.
Admittedly, young people who indulge in the TV or movies are negative to their development. It will take bad effects on their learning process that young people watch too much TV or movies. Everyone need establish its own criterion about how long they are allowed to watch. Nevertheless, I still in favor of the opinion that movies and TV have more positive effects than negative during the young people development.
In conclusion, taken what I have mentioned above into consideration, I definitely stand up for the assertion that young people who watch TV or movies will get positive effects. Even though, too much watching will do harm to young people grow, and what we need to keep an eye on is the "limit".作者: 蝴蝶渡海 时间: 2012-5-30 22:58 5.29作文改正,求继续排砖
There is no doubt that university professor’s main roles are to educate students and do some research. However, some people advocate that it is more important for university professor to educate students than to do some research, while others suggest that professor need to do more research for their university. In my view, I prefer to the first opinion. First and the foremost, professor plays a key role in educating students and takes a vital responsibility. During our learning process, frankly speaking, everyone wants to be taught by an excellent professor. A good university professor not only can instruct us professional knowledge, but let us has a good attitude of life. For instance, one of my university professors gives me a deep impression, and what his word has changed my attitude and made me more confident. When my first time to take the university English competition, I did not have valor to compete with others and feel nervous and anxious to accomplish it. I even did not know what to do to adjust my heartbeats. Thus, I ask him for help and he gave me a lot of advice to make me relax. At last, he said a successful man is the one who can keep at it and never gave up! These words made me feel that I have to fight just like warriors. As a consequence, I got an outstanding result and become more confident than before. A good professor can change your life attitude.
What is more, the future of the society is the young and young students also have ability to research well. Thus, Professor need take focus on educating students, because what he has done influenced us much. In other words, one professor who educated many high level students will also benefit to his research and earn him reputation. Admittedly, obviously, it is important that one professor has its own research finding. Not only does a good research benefit to his own reputation, but also has influence on university. Nevertheless, in my opinion, a professor who has many excellent students will get more admire.
In a nutshell, taken what I have mentioned above into consideration, I definitely stand up for the assertion that the main role of a university professor is to educate students rather than to do research.
Every day, every hour, and even every minute, colossal amounts of people watch movies or televisions all over the world. Some advocate that these behaviors are such “illness” and badly influence young people behaves(behave是动词吧~这里influence能不能接双宾语我google了好一会儿也没找到具体说法，就是读起来有些别扭), while others suggest that watching television or movies are(这里的主语是watching呦~) beneficial to young people. In my view, I agree to（to多余了哈） with the second opinion（这里说latter opinion是不是更地道呢？）.
Above all, my main reason is that according to（这里想表达的意思是不是通过呀？那according to应该是不能这样用的，用through或者from是不是更好呢？） watching TV or movies, we could get a good（觉得better比较好） understanding of our county（country吧？）, our society, or even the whole world. The full of knowledge will be adopted by us though（through） the TV or movies. Now just image(imagine) a situation that we are watching TV in the living room, when we choose the nation’s culture channel, thus, there are many contents coming to our eyes and ears(这里的thus个人认为可以去掉，否则有点累赘；另外there be的句子改为a great amount of information comes to our eyes and ears更好呢？). In other words, we could just sit at chairs and travel all over the world. That is amazing, isn’t it?
What is more, at present, every family has its daily family talk. We always talk about movies or TV to promote family affection. If you do not watch TV or movies, the talk of material（talking material呗?） is absent. Recently, a scientific research shows that young people who always watch TV are more optimistic than those who do not. That is to say, young people watch（watching） TV or movies will turn confident and make daily life colorful, even changed young people disposition（这里表达的效果是young people changed young people，改为与前面turn和make并列的generate changes是不是更好捏~）.
Admittedly,young people who indulge in the TV or movies are negative to their development（同上，这里是young people are negative to their development，改为indulging in……is negative怎么样？）. It will take bad effects（effects应该不可以和take连用吧~） on their learning process that young people watch too much TV or movies（上句改的话这句就可以和上句并列了，这样就可以省下总是出现的watching TV or movies了呗？）. Everyone need（needs） establish its own criterion about how long they are（he is） allowed to watch（这里可以换个表达，比如be involved in these entertainments）. Nevertheless, I still in favor of the opinion that movies and TV have more positive effects than negative during the young people development.
In conclusion,taken (taking) what I have mentioned above into consideration, I definitely stand up for the assertion that young people who watch TV or movies will get positive effects. Even though, too much watching will do harm to young people grow (grow是动词呦，那young people grow就是句子了，就不对了对吧？可以改为young people’s growth), and what we need to keep an eye on is the "limit".作者: teresaz318 时间: 2012-5-31 15:53
蓝色怀疑 红色明显错误
橙色个人建议
Do you agree or disagree with the followingstatement? Movies and television have more negative effects than positiveeffects on the way young people behave.
Every day, every hour, and even every minute, colossal amounts of people watchmovies or televisions all over the world. Some advocate that these behaviorsare such “illness” and badly influence young people behaves (behavior), while others suggest thatwatching television or movies are beneficial toyoung people. In my view, I agree to withthe second opinion.
Above all, my main reason is that according towatching TV or movies, we could get a good understanding of our county,our society, or even the whole world by watching TVor movies会不会好一点，accordingto 好像很怪. The full （abundant） of knowledge will be adopted by us though (through) the TV or movies. Now just image 这是图片imagine 动词a situation that we are watching TVin the living room, when we choose the nation’s culture channel,或者可不可以写国家地理杂志，或者discoveries, 这样好像具体一点 thus, there are many contents coming to our eyes and ears. In otherwords, we could just sit at chairs and travel all over the world. That is amazing, isn’t it? 有点太口语化了个人觉得
What is more, at present, every family has its daily family talk. We alwaystalk about movies or TV topromote family affection.（strength family bonds）If you do not watch TV or movies, the talk of material is absent.Recently, a scientific research shows that young people who always watch TV aremore optimistic than those who do not. That is to say, young people watch TV ormovies will turn confident and make daily life colorful, even changed youngpeople disposition. 这整段呢感觉topic sentence 和后面的很不搭，因为你前面说看电视增加家人的感情嘛，后面又说看电视会令年轻人更乐观。注意一段应该一个论点
Admittedly, young people who indulge in the TV or movies are negative to theirdevelopment. It will take bad effects on their learning process that youngpeople watch too much TV or movies. Everyone needsestablish its own criterion about how long they are allowed to watch.Nevertheless, I am still in favor of the opinionthat movies and TV have more positive effects than negative during the youngpeople development.
In conclusion, taken what I have mentioned above into consideration, Idefinitely stand up for the assertion that young people who watch TV or movieswill get positive effects. Even though, too much watching will do harm to youngpeople grow, and what we need to keep an eye on is the "limit".作者: Crystaljoy 时间: 2012-5-31 20:56
There is no doubt that university professor’s main roles are to educate students and do some research. However, some people advocate that it is more important for university professor to educate students than to do some research, while others suggest that professor need to do more research for their university. In my view, I prefer to the first opinion. （挑不出什么毛病，但是总觉得开头太平淡了。第一句可以摆现状，提问题。要么就华丽一点的大话尽管空洞吧凑个鲜亮词汇，要么就特别一点的引起别人兴趣。亮自己观点，可以稍微paraphrase 一下。建议你多看几篇文章，弄几句经典的万能句子出来。）
First and the（删除） foremost, professor plays a key role in educating students and takes a vital responsibility. During our learning process, frankly speaking, everyone wants to be taught by an excellent professor. A good university professor not only can instruct us professional knowledge, but （also）let us has (cultivate us要保证not only.. but also后面部分对称) a good attitude of（toward） life. For instance, one of my university professors gives (leaves) me a deep impression, and what his word (for what he said / his words) has changed my attitude and made (makes) me more confident. When my first time to take the university English competition, (It was my first time to participate in the English competition in my university, and)I did not have valor to compete with others and feel (felt) nervous and anxious to accomplish it. I (,) even did not know what to do to adjust my heartbeats. Thus, I ask him for help and he gave me a lot of advice to make me relax. (时态混乱了。最好一句话不要主语换来换去的。Then I asked him for advice to calm myself.) At last, he said a successful man is the one who can keep at it and never gave up! These words made me feel that I have to fight just like warriors. (句子太散了，可以连接起来。His words- a successful man is the one who can keep at it and never give up-greatly motivated me to fight like a brave warrior.)As a consequence, I got an outstanding result and become more confident than before. （Clearly,找个词引导一下总结句）A good professor can change your life attitude.
What is more, the future of the society is the young and young students also have ability to research well.（这中心句表述的怎么回事啊？the future of the society is in the young’s hands?）Thus, Professor needtake(删) focus on educating students, because what he has done influenced us much. In other words, one professor who educated many high level students will also benefit to his research and earn him reputation. （best presents his ample knowledge to students can produce better research results and gain high reputation.）
Admittedly, obviously, （留一个就行了）it is important that one professor has its own research finding. Not only does a good research benefit to（benefits）his own reputation, but also has influence on university. Nevertheless, in my opinion, a professor who has many excellent students will get more admire. (admiration，due to….加原因，不然你的转折太突兀，后面也没什么支撑的，观点太弱。)
In a nutshell, taken what I have mentioned above into consideration, I definitely stand up for the assertion that the main role of a university professor is to educate students rather than to do research.
蝴蝶啊，我觉得时态问题，结构问题你需要先注意一下。
意见基本都在文中了，在多研究研究范文，多体会一下。作者: 蝴蝶渡海 时间: 2012-6-3 23:26 6月3日100619 NA If you need to discuss upsetting or controversial problems with others, you will use e-mail or text messaging, OR use the telephone or voice-messaging.
At present, it is inevitable that we have controversy with friends, family, or classmates. When this controversy happens, we always have to hand with it by communicating with others. Choosing either methods such as e-mail and text messaging or some modern ones like telephone and voice-messaging has its own advantage. In my opinion, I prefer to the method of telephone.
Above all, my main reason is that by using telephone to communicate with my friend, family, or classmates can express my idea more convenient and direct. In other words, not only do I profess myself immediate, but also let the listener understand easily. This habitant perhaps is associated with my disposition, and, in my deep mind, it is a respectful way to the listener by using telephone than other channels. For instance, if an emergence happens in our school, what the fast way that we use to tell administrator? If we want to talk with others a huge of information, what way do we use? Needless to say, telephone is the most suit ones. Thus, I prefer to the way of telephone.
What is more, in modern society, a popular slogan is that, “time is money”, and to most of people, the behavior of wasting of time is a colossal loss. Frankly speaking, besides the way of telephone, the e–mail, message or voice-message are an inefficient way of communication and need to be answered a long time. What is the worse, if we use the message, e-mail, or letter to communicate with people, the potential missing risk is beyond our expectation. Above all I would like the way of telephone.
Admittedly, on some occasion, with telephone communication is not very formal. Sometimes, there are businesses with some important clients, and we have to think of our clients feeling and to wait patiently. Sometimes, the tricky problems come to us and we need to settle them with enough times, and, at this time, other method of communications are better choices. Nevertheless, we can’t ignore the advantage of using telephone communication.
In conclusion, taken what I have mentioned above into consideration, I definitely stand up for the assertion that telephone communication is more efficient and convenient than other ways. Nowadays, simple and efficient are the main topic.作者: 花呀clear 时间: 2012-6-4 09:31 At present, it is inevitable that we have controversy with friends, family, or classmates. When this controversy happens, we always have to hand with(如果是想用handle的话, 去掉with) it by communicating with others. Choosing either methods such as e-mail and text messaging or some modern ones like telephone and voice-messaging has its own advantage. In my opinion, I prefer to the method of telephone.
Above all, my main reason(above all跟main reason感觉都有点重复) is that by using telephone to communicate with my friend, family, or classmates can express my idea more convenient and direct(directly). In other words, not only do I profess myself immediate(immediately), but also let the listener understand easily. This habitant(habit) perhaps is associated with my disposition, and, in my deep mind, it is a respectful way to the listener by using telephone than other channels. For instance, if an emergence happens in our school, what (is) the fast(fastest比较好) way that we use to tell administrator? If we want to talk with others a huge of information, what way do we use(加一个the best吧)? Needless to say, telephone is the most suit ones(one). Thus, I prefer to the way of telephone. (这句有点多余, 结尾在telephone is the most suit one就可以了)
What is more, in modern society, a popular slogan is that, “time is money”, and to most of people, the behavior of wasting of time is a colossal loss. Frankly speaking, besides the way of telephone, the e–mail, message or voice-message are an inefficient way(ways) of communication(个人感觉改成to communicate比较好 ) and need to be answered a long time. What is theworse, if we use the message, e-mail, or letter to communicate with people, the potential (加一个information吧) missing risk is beyond our expectations. Above all I would like the way of telephone.
Admittedly, on some occasions, with telephone communication is not very formal(语法错误 不是一个完整的句子). Sometimes, there are businesses with some important clients, and we have to think of our clients(client's) feeling and to wait patiently. Sometimes, the tricky problems come to us and we need to settle them with enough times, and, at this time(换成in these cases如何?), other methods of communications are better choices. Nevertheless, we can’t ignore the advantage of using telephone communication. 这一段说了用其他方式的优点, 但是没有说明总的来说电话还是比较好, 有点削弱自己论点的意思...可以说完之后再说一点具体的电话的相应的优点 然后说advantages outweigh disadvantages.
In conclusion, taken what I have mentioned above into consideration, I definitely stand up for the assertion that telephone communication is more efficient and convenient than other ways. Nowadays(换成after all), simple and efficient are the main topics nowdays.
（其实我自己写的也一塌糊涂，尽管挑毛病吧，全盘皆收
）希望我们都可以进步更快！
