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标题: issue 133 我第二篇issue, 不才，参考别人的思路写出来的，大家能帮我看看最好了 [打印本页]
作者: biolady 时间: 2012-2-24 18:05
标题: issue 133 我第二篇issue, 不才，参考别人的思路写出来的，大家能帮我看看最好了
题目： Claim: Knowing about the past cannot help people to make important decisions today.
Reason: The world today is significantly more complex than it was even in the relatively recent past.
全文：
Some people may think that today's world is more complex than before, and the value of history is declining. However, I maintain that we can learn lots of things from history and history can guide people to make important decision.
History teaches us the establishment of our country as well as the origin and development of society, which is important for historical education. Frome the aspect of moralism, history decide our ideology and values. In arts, large number of valuable historical relics give a special description of our culture and become spiritual treasure for all humans. Besides, wars occurred in the past give us warning and introspection.
The elements which help us make important decisions are various. There are evidences that history is involved. Many policies are based on experience from old times, such as the reform and opening-up policy broached by Den Xiaoping, which highly improve the development of China, is a revolution from the lagging policy of Qing Dynasty. Besides these, the success of many scientific research is derived from the mistake of former scientists. Furthermore, for ourselves, "Failure is the mother of success." Any kinds of embarrassing things and failure can help us know about our shortcomings and thus lead to progress. From the above, the beneficial influence of history on making important decisions is obvious.
Even though the world has changed a lot, some regular patterns are still stable, such as morality and human nature. In terms of this, history definitely becomes a way of showing perspective on problems present. With the help of history, we can dissect a matter and generate innovation.
提纲：历史告诉我们什么：
1.政治方面：社会的起源、发展以及国家制度的建立
2.道德方面：让我们了解社会的价值观和意识形态的建立
3.艺术方面：让我们了解宝贵的人类精神财富
4.军事方面：战争带我们的警醒与反思
什么可以帮助人们作出重要决定？
1.政治方面：国家政策很多是基于过去失败的教训，例如相比于闭关锁国导致了国家落后，改革开放推动中国迅速发展。
2.科学方面: 对前人研究的质疑促进了科学发展。
3.对于个人：过去经历过的事情带给我们很多经验教训，使我们少犯错，多进步。
由此证明历史是可以帮助人们作出重要决定的。
虽然现在世界变化很大，很多规律是不变的，比如到的和人性。鉴于此，历史可以为我们提供解决问题的参考。在历史的帮助下，我们还可以深入研究事物并且从中创新。
作者: 竹林中人 时间: 2012-2-25 01:24
这篇作文字数明显偏少啊，大概只有270左右，所以内容显得单薄，写的第一点不够充分，觉得需要有例子充实下比较好，另外关于这个题目，我的个人看法有：这个是因果形式的题目，那么思考的角度有：这个理由本身是不是成立，本题中说当今社会跟过去很大不一样，是不是真的？有些地方可能有巨变，也有不变的或者微弱变化的啊，比如宗教信仰，这点你可以发挥下，再就是因果之间是否必然，有因，是否必定导致题目中的结果，是不是也要分类说明，最后你可不可以综合说一下，过去和现在的关系，这样我觉得比较全面了，你认为呢
作者: 普渡哥 时间: 2012-2-27 11:52
加一些过渡词。最好用英文写提纲。
作者: skily22 时间: 2012-2-27 22:40
举些例子
作者: biolady 时间: 2012-2-28 16:37
有道理啊
作者: biolady 时间: 2012-2-28 16:47
我正修改它
作者: 普渡哥 时间: 2012-2-29 10:19
中文提纲特别好，但是文章太短了，没有很好用你提纲的优势。
作者: jameszhm 时间: 2012-2-29 11:38
中文提纲特别好，但是文章太短了，没有很好用你提纲的优势。
-- by 会员 普渡哥 (2012/2/29 10:19:38)
作者: jameszhm 时间: 2012-2-29 11:40
第二点，个人觉得例子要展开，而且可以正反论证下，而不是当做事实一样告诉别人，其实这些例子也只是你的视角，不一定是对的，要展开说明你的理由~~就写这么多 期待你的回复跟探讨
作者: biolady 时间: 2012-2-29 12:35
谢谢各位的意见，我会改进作文的
作者: jameszhm 时间: 2012-3-1 12:22
谢谢各位的意见，我会改进作文的
-- by 会员 biolady (2012/2/29 12:35:48)
作者: franciszmy 时间: 2012-3-1 14:09
这个作为提纲还是不错的。是个好的文章骨架，但还需要好好润色。把后面的一大段，分解成2个内容翔实的段落。
作者: biolady 时间: 2012-3-1 19:34
标题: 改后的作文，欢迎大家提建议
It sounds reasonable that today's world seems more complex than before, but from my point of view, this reasoning process is not cogent enough, especially the conclusion which I totally oppose.
During the past decades, the world has changed hugely. The development of science and technology fueled human society, bringing uncredible convenience, such as the invention of Internet as well as mobile phones lead us to a new communication age. Other innovations also contribute to the prosperity of world. However, there are severe issues which cannot be ignored, such as regional military conflict, environmental pollutions and the lack of natural resources.
Though things change like they always do, objective laws of development of things remain stable. From old times, people have devoted themselves in finding out them and conclude them into experience. These unchangeable experience connect the past with the present, making it true that history can provide guidance to future affairs and knowing the past help us make important decisions.
Take individuals for example, there's an old saying "Failure is the mother of success". Whenever we fail in something, we are taught a lesson. The experience is so valuable that it induces us to the right direction, helping us avoid more potential dangers or setbacks. Since history not only means specific event but all our stories as well, we just verify that it has an guiding effect on our own decisions.
When drawing appropriate policy, governing experience begins its influence. It's wise for government to carry out policy based on unsuccessful ones in the old days.For example, since the recent economic crisis occurred, the American government has require bank managers to reduce the frequency and intensity of giving out loan, which contrasts to the old relatively loosing policy. This policy plays a beneficial role, because not only the crisis is hindered to some extent, but also the citizens are developing the habit of saving money.
The value of knowing history also present itself in scientific experiment. As a student majoring in biology, I'm quite familiar with some biological experiment protocol. These methods have been handed down from one generation of biological scientists to another, during which modifications and innovations are made. Now we are progressing experiments using the most efficient methods derive from the primitive ones first done by precursors. If it were not for the prior experimental experience, scientific researches can not be accomplished quickly and timely. And in other words, we cannot solve a math problem with the theories established by early mathematician. Their researches are the enlightening history.
From all above, we know history did help us in making decisions, especially experience extracted from failure or results of predecessors. But as the world has changed, some golden experience may not be applied to current affairs, and this require us to staying flexible instead of being conventional or stiff. Correct decisions must be made under appropriate circumstances.
提纲：
1.我不同意题目中的这个推论，从理由到结论都存在问题。结论完全降低了历史的价值
2.首先，现在世界确实变得更加复杂了，科学技术的巨大发展给人类社会带来的巨大便利，例如互联网、手机，使社会更加繁荣；但同时，世界也存在着尖锐问题，比如区域战争不断，环境破坏、资源枯竭等。
虽然世界局势变得有些复杂，不能否认，一些客事物发展的客观规律是不变的。从古到今，人类一直在探寻这些规律，并且把它们总结成经验。正是这些不变的真理，联系了过去与现在，使历史可以为人类提供解决现在问题的思路。这样的例子比比皆是。
1.个人
2.政策
3.科学实验
因为时代变了，一些老的经验可能会不适用，因此要灵活变通而不是墨守成规。
作者: jameszhm 时间: 2012-3-2 12:14
change dramatically--好像没有见过hugely
uncredible--incredibel 觉得字好像要写对 这个不能错太多
开头感觉比较唐突 最好可以有个背景或者铺垫
It's wise for government to carry out policy based on unsuccessful ones in the old days -- 应该说是学习吧 而不是based
感觉实验的例子 不好 我也是学理工科的 很多古典的定律就是用来被推翻的 这个我们可以讨论~~
作者: weiqu 时间: 2012-3-2 13:37
表达方式好像有比较大问题.changed hugely/bringing uncredible convenience/a new communication age/regional military conflict/objective laws of development of things remain stable等等都可以修改.有点像中文直译,但是外国人可能看不明白的.后面我就没看了.加油哦
作者: biolady 时间: 2012-3-2 14:46
革命尚未成功，同志仍需努力
作者: jameszhm 时间: 2012-3-2 21:11
表达方式好像有比较大问题.changed hugely/bringing uncredible convenience/a new communication age/regional military conflict/objective laws of development of things remain stable等等都可以修改.有点像中文直译,但是外国人可能看不明白的.后面我就没看了.加油哦
-- by 会员 weiqu (2012/3/2 13:37:22)
作者: biolady 时间: 2012-3-4 23:45
标题: 之前作文匆匆发上来，错误挺多的，不好意思，再次修改
It' true that to some degrees ,today's world is more complex than before.But there' re still some other things unchangeable which connects the past and present. Therefore, history is gradually referred to as experience for today.
During the past decades, the world has changed dramatically. The development of science and technology have fueled human society with incredible convenience, such as the invention of Internet as well as mobile phones lead us to a new information age. Other innovations also contribute to the prosperity of world. However, there are severe issues which cannot be ignored, such as regional conflict, environmental pollutions and the lack of natural resources.
Though things change like they always do, objective laws remains stable. From old times people have devoted themselves in finding out those laws and conclude them into experience. These unchangeable experience associate past with present, making it true that history can provide guidance to future affairs and knowing the past help us make important decisions.
Take individuals for example, there's an old saying: Failure is the mother of success. Whenever we fail in something, we are taught a lesson. The experience is so valuable that it induces us to the right direction, helping us avoid more potential dangers or setbacks. Since history not only means specific event but all our stories as well, we just verify that it has an guiding effect on our own decisions.
When drawing appropriate policy, governing experience begins its influence. It's wise for government to carry out policy modified from unsuccessful ones in the old days.For example, since the recent economic crisis occurrence, the American government has required bank managers to reduce the frequency and intensity of distributing loans, which contrasts to the old, relatively loosing policy. This policy plays a beneficial role, because not only the crisis is hindered to some extent, but also the citizens are developing a habit of saving money.
The value of knowing history also presents itself in scientific experiment. As a student majored in biology, I'm quite familiar with some biological experimental protocol. These methods have been handed down from one generation of biological scientists to another, during which modifications and innovations are made. Now we are progressing experiments using the most efficient methods derived from the primitive ones first done by precursors. If it were not for the prior experimental experience, scientific researches can not be accomplished quickly and timely. And in other words, we cannot solve a math problem without the theories established by early mathematician. Their researches are the enlightening history.
From all above, we know history did help us in making decisions, especially experience extracted from failure or results of predecessors. But with the world's changes, some golden experience may not be appropriate for current affairs, and this requires us to staying flexible instead of being conventional or stiff. Correct decisions must be made under proper circumstances.
几个朋友提到的直译问题，我改正了一些你们提到的用词，不知道是否够地道。关于让语言更加地道，不知道大家有什么建议？ 还有就是关于实验的那个例子，我认同一些定律现在被证明是不科学的，但我想那不是用来说明我这篇文章观点的重点。其实很多例子深究的话，你都不能保证自己的话一定完善，都会有人不认同的，这个戴云讲过。我的想法是用例子合理证明观点，尽量使例子没有太多漏洞，但不敢保证一点值得推敲的地方都没有。一点个人想法，如果大家有更好的建议尽量提~
作者: weiqu 时间: 2012-3-5 13:33
会好一点.但是还是有比较麻烦的问题.有些句子写得长,但是不达意.论证方面,写得比较general,不够specific. 比较明显的可能会误导考官的可能就是第一段最后一句such as regional conflict, environmental pollutions and the lack of natural resources. 通常国外大学写作,第一段最后的部分都是点题用的.承上启下,这里点出了这几点,就意味着下面几段一定会逐个的论证.文章里面再没提到这些,可能考官会误会.另外感觉还有些逻辑和grammar上的小错误等等问题.copy几个我觉得比较明显的:1.第二段和第三段,分段意义不明,而且内容很空洞.第二段好像刚刚起了头要谈论history can provide guidance to future,但是马上第三段又谈论起了别的问题.2. "Take individuals for example, there's an old saying: Failure is the mother of success. Whenever we fail in something, we are taught a lesson."- 应该用taking吧,但是这句话也不知道怎么去理解.看不明白taking individuals for example是想表达什么.3."For example, since the recent economic crisis occurrence.." 感觉就说for example, when economic crisis occurs,之类的就行.这段表达也很难论证到主题.你只说了新的which contrasts to the old, relatively loosing policy这点.但是旧的到底是怎么宽松了,其实看的人都看不出来对比.而且单单对比还不行,你主要需要说明的反而是旧的如何给新的政策带来帮助和guidance. 总的来说,建议还是写少一点too geenral的句子，多一些具体，清晰的.论据需要支持你的观点才可以.
继续加油
作者: biolady 时间: 2012-3-5 14:50
谢谢你的意见，不过我现在心情比较复杂，感觉改来改去的还是语言，思维的深度短时间内还是上不去。我过去中文作文就不是很擅长，现在却要写难度更大的英文。任重而道远啊
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