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标题: 【写作小分队】八戒的作文贴 [打印本页]

作者: lixiang8747 时间: 2012-2-22 09:05
标题: 【写作小分队】八戒的作文贴
2月21日，写到一半突然觉得还是支持比较好写。什么时候才能变得写作文可以闹肚子啊。

2月21日 2010.8.28NADo you agree or disagree with the following statement? Since people care public recognition more than money, they will work harder to obtain public recognition even though there is no more money given. Use specific reasons to support your answer.

Some people care public recognition so they will work harder to obtain public recognition even though there is no more money given. However,I do not agree with the statement and I believe that people care public recognition when they have enough money to spent. Because everyone needs money to support his family and enjoy life and this is the most important reason why people go to work.

People may gain public recoginition and money at the same time when they have a good profession such as an athelet or a movie star. But compare with the public recognition. I think most people will consider money as their first reason to work not only because they have to use money to support their life but also because a good paid may another way to gain public recognition. For example. A new basketball star Jeremy Lin just recived a big contract which about five millions a year from his boss since he helped the team won nine games in last two weeks. But he had to share the bedroom with his brother two weeks before because he had little paid and the rent in New york is very expensive. He is very famours before he recived the big contract already. But I think Jeremy would like to earn more money before he get famous because nobody wants to share a bedroom with others and just sleep in a couch.

Futuremore, people may donate their money to church or the red cross society to attract public recognition. What is more, people may also do some special things with their money. For example, Jim Rogers, one of the most famours investor and banker in the world. He started traveling around the world when he retired in 1980 and he had been to more than 100 countries in several years which became another guinness world record.

On the other hand, people work for money does not mean people work only for money. Consider money as the only reason may make the society become cold-blooded. What is more, some people care public recognition more than money such as professors of scientist. For instance, Sir Issac Newton had lots of accomplishments in his early life because he focus on research and study. However, he had no big accomplishments in his old age because he though about earn money and enjoyed his luxury life only.

Over all, there is no doubt that people care public recogniton. But people have to earn enough money to support their life before care public recogniton.

作者: Aviva0307 时间: 2012-2-22 15:43
2月21日 2010.8.28NADo you agree or disagree with the following statement? Since people care public recognition more than money, they will work harder to obtain public recognition even though there is no more money given. Use specific reasons to support your answer.

Some people care public recognition so they will work harder to obtain public recognition even though there is no more money given. However,I do not agree with the statement and（分两句写也可以吧，否则句子太长了） I believe that people care public recognition when they have enough money to spent. Because everyone needs money to support his family（Because引导这个只是原因状语从句，不能单独做句子）and enjoy life and this is the most important reason why people go to work.

修改建议：There is a statement that some people care public recognition so they will work harder to obtain public recognition even though there is no more money given. However, I do not agree with the statement. I believe that people care public recognition when they have enough money to spend. This is because the reason why people go to work is that everyone needs money to support his family.

People may gain public recoginition and money at the same time when they have a good profession such as an athelet or a movie star. But compare with the public recognition. I think most people will consider money as their first reason to work not only because they have to use money to support their life but also because a good paid may be another way to gain public recognition. For example. (逗号吧)A new basketball star Jeremy Lin just received a big contract which about five millions a year from his boss since he helped the team won nine games in the last two weeks. But he had to share the bedroom with his brother two weeks before because he had little paid and the rent in New york is very expensive. He is very famours before he received the big contract already. But I think Jeremy would like to earn more money before he get famous because nobody wants to share a bedroom with others and just sleep in a couch.这段的中心意思是：most people will consider money as their first reason to work because a good paid may be another way to gain public recognition？举的例子没有很好地证明money如何能带来recognition. 或者，如果用这个栗子的话，本段中心可以写成Even though people have great pubic reputation, they still need work hard to earn more money.

Futuremore, people may donate their money to church or the red cross society to attract public recognition. Thus, money is still a useful stimulus to encourage people work hard, even though they value public recognition. What is more, people may also do some special things with their money. For example, Jim Rogers, one of the most famours investor and banker in the world~~. He~~started traveling around the world when he retired in 1980 and he had been to more than 100 countries in several years which became another guinness world record.(What is more后面及example, 只谈money,没联系reputation~~算不算有点偏离主题呢？)

On the other hand, people work for money does not mean people work only for money. Consider money as the only reason may make the society become cold-blooded.(发散扩展了，与话题讨论的中心关系不密切。最好换成个“有人努力赚钱，并不是单纯想要钱”的具体例子)What is more, some people care public recognition more than money such as professors of scientist (science). For instance, Sir Issac Newton had lots of accomplishments in his early life because he focus on research and study. However, he had no big accomplishments in his old age because he though about(?) earn money and enjoyed his luxury life only.（本段你貌似想表达两层意思。那，这两层意思，怎么结合成本段的中心意思的？本段的中心意思是什么呢？）

Over all, there is no doubt that people care public recognition. But people have to earn enough money to support their life before care public recognition.

我觉得命题作文，最保险的做法是每一段中心意思都紧紧围绕着题干的话题写。不要思维太发散、扩展太多吧~~ 例如本题，紧紧围绕public reputation和money对激励员工工作（work hard）的影响就行了。

作者: lixiang8747 时间: 2012-2-22 22:31
The lecture apparently rufute the points illustrate in the reading material. According to the professor, he believe that the American companies will eventually seek certification for their wood products.On the contrary, the reading contends an opposite stand that wood company in the United states will not seek certification for their wood products

The first point the professor uses to cast doubt on the reading is that American consumers do not trust certifications all the time. They consider independent agency only, which differ from the statement in the reading material that they would not value or even pay attention to the ecocertification label.

Another evidence the speaker adopts to contradict the passage is that he think American consumers do not compare price only when the prices much higher or lower. Consumers compare prices if the prices are close. However, the reading states that American consumers tend to be strongly motivated by price,and therefore they are likely to choose cheeper uncertified wood products.

In the conclusion, the professor states another different statement that Americans companies have to pursuing certification or other foreign certification companies will dominate the wood market in the American market.

作者: lixiang8747 时间: 2012-2-23 00:18
2月22日 2010.10.9NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Compared with people who live in cities, people who live in rural areas can take better care of their families. Use specific reasons to support your answer.

I disagree with the statement that people who live in suburban areas can take better care of their families than people who live in cities. There are couples of reasons to support my point.

The most important reason that I consider people live in cities can take care their families better is that the medical care. There are a lot of hospitals and doctors who have more experiences in the city. However, people have to go to smaller clinic that does not have abundant medical devices, doctors and nurses. My university was located far from city. One of my classmates broke his arm once in a basketball match. The ambulance took him to the clinic which is close to university, however,doctor said that he was so badly hurt that he is not cofidence enough to operate the surgery. Thus,the ambulance took us to a hospital which was located in the city and doctors there started the surgery as soon as they can. The surgery was succesful and what I learned from this experience is that hospital and famous doctors have more possibllity to help people recover from badly injuries or illness. This is the reason why I consider people live in cities may take care their families better.

Another reason is that there are a lot of facilities that do not exist in suburban areas such as public library, musems and sports complex. For example, one of my friend live in a ranch lanley, a quite small city in vancouver, Britishi Columbia. His wife and kids love there very much because of the fresh air and low density of population. However, he is worry about that his kids have low chance to participate a hockey team because there have no place to play hockey so that kids cannot doing enough sports excises. Thus, it may not a good choice to stay in rural area to take care families.

Also,living in rural area may hard to buy some delicious or popoular foods though people can enjoy fresh fruits and vagetables in this areas. Without balanced nurtrition, it may hard to have a healthy body. This is another reason why people should live in city to take better care of their families.

Overall, there are more advantages to live in city to take good care of faimilies than live in ruarl areas. Though living in subueban may enjoy fresh air,fruits and vagetables. I stronglly support the statement that live in city is the best choice if people want to take better care of their families.

作者: boboo 时间: 2012-2-23 16:32
Thelecture apparently rufute(refutes) the points which(illustrate也可以用分词形式就不用从句了)illustrate in the reading material. According to the professor, he believes that the American companies willeventually seek certification for their wood products. On the contrary, the reading contends an opposite standthat wood company in the United States will not seek certification for theirwood products(和前一句重复得有点厉害了).

Thefirst point the professor uses to cast doubt on the reading is that American consumers do not trust certifications all thetime（这句话结构缩减后是The fist point is that… 宾语从句，从句应是lecture的观点）. They consider independentagency only, which differsfrom the statement in the reading material that they would not value or evenpay attention to the ecocertification label.

Another evidence the speaker adopts to contradictthe passage is that he thinksAmerican consumers do not compare price only when the prices much higher or lower（我觉得可以这样the difference between two prices is great，也不是特别好，应该还有更好的表达方法）. Consumers will compare prices if the prices are close. However, the readingstates that American consumers tend to be strongly motivated by price, andtherefore they are likely to choose cheeper（cheaper）uncertified wood products.

Inthe conclusion, the professor states another different statement that Americanscompanies have topursuing（pursue）certification or（otherwise更好？） other foreign certification companies will dominate the woodmarket in the American market. （第三点的话最好不要in the conclusion，这点可以再详细点，其实这点我也听得不是特别清楚）

高亮精彩，红色错误，蓝色疑问~~~

作者: noarkid 时间: 2012-2-23 17:23
2月22日 2010.10.9NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Compared with people who live in cities, people who live in rural areas can take better care of their families. Use specific reasons to support your answer.

I disagree with the statement that people who live in suburban areas can take better care of their families than people who live in cities.（最好不要第一句话亮剑，我也不知道为什么，网上是这么建议的） There are couples of reasons to support my point.

The most important reason that I consider people live in cities can take care their families better is that the medical care. （个人觉得表达有点罗说而且有一点别扭，我会这么表达：Fist of all, the people live city would have better medical care, which will help to take care of the families better. ）There are a lot of hospitals and doctors who have more experiences in the city. (hospital 和 doctor不应该能够并列，建议改成（there are a lot more hospitals there and the doctors there have more experience(经验貌似不可数)）)However, people have to go to smaller clinic that does not have abundant medical devices, doctors and nurses.（这句话直接说就是However, people have to go to smaller clinic别的都是修饰吧，明显和前面的话逻辑接不上。这句话没想好怎么改） My university was located far from city. One of my classmates broke his arm once in a basketball match.（There was a time when one of my classmates broke his arm at a basketball match） The ambulance took him to the clinic which is close to university, however,doctor said that he was so badly hurt that he is not confidence enough to operate the surgery. （你这个however很有问题，however在句中等于在句首，你看看句子意思）Thus,the ambulance took us to a hospital which was located in the city(不觉得in the city 更简单吗？) and doctors there started the surgery as soon as they can. The surgery was succesful and what I learned from this experience is that hospital and famous doctors have more possibility to help people recover from badly injuries or illness. This is the reason why I consider people live in cities may take care their families better.

Another reason is that there are a lot of facilities that(你已经用了好多次that了这次改成which吧) do not exist in suburban areas such as public library, museums and sports complex. For example, one of my friend live in a ranch lanley, a quite small city in Vancouver, British Columbia. His wife and kids love there very much because of the fresh air and low density of population. However, he is worry ~~about~~ that his kids have low chance to participate a hockey team because there have no place to play hockey ~~so that kids cannot doing enough sports excises.~~ (不知道怎么改)Thus, it may not (be) a good choice to stay in rural area to take care families.

Also,living in rural area may hard to buy some delicious or popular foods though people can enjoy fresh fruits and vagetables in this areas. Without balanced nutrition, it may hard to have a healthy body. This is another reason why people should live in city to take better care of their families.

Overall, there are more advantages to live in city to take good care of families than live in ruarl areas. Though living in subueban may enjoy fresh air,fruits and vagetables. I stronglly support the statement that live in city is the best choice if people want to take better care of their families.

蓝色是不确定，我自己也不确定这么改好不好，红色是建议，最好按我说的改了。另外，感觉你得长句好像用得偏多了。

作者: lixiang8747 时间: 2012-2-23 21:56
2月23日 2010.10.23NADo you agree or disagree with the following statement? The advice from grandparents has no use for their grandchildren because the world changed a lot during the past 5o years. Use specific reasons to support your answer.

Grandparents would glad to give advices to their grandchildren in order to help them overcome difficulties and be better and better. However, I believe the advives from grandparents are likely to help grandchildren since the world has changed a lot in the last several decades. The only thing that has never changed is I keep receive a lot of advices and loves from my grandparents.

Due to love and responsible, grandparents always tell their grandchildren to do something like this or that. However, sometimes the advices are useless and grandchildren have to judge by themselves or get help from their parents or friends. For example, I lived with my grandfather and grandmother when I was a student in middle school. My desk top was broken down once and I had nothing to do with it. My grandfather suggested me to find some assistance from our neighbour who was an computer engineer. I insisted to take my computer to Bestbuy which the shop I bought it. Finally, the computer got even worse after the assistance from our neighbour and I had to take it to the shop. Fouthermore, the seller told me that the desktop was still in warranty and I did not need to pay for the repair process. My grandfater just want to save my time and money but made everything getting terrible.

Another reason why I consider advices from grandparents is I think those advices are old fation. I was going to attend a holloween party several years ago and I have to prepared the costumes. I told the situation to my grandmother and she decide to make one for me. I liked spiderman very much durning that period of time so I want to play spiderman. But my grandmother told me the clothes are ugly and she though I should play a wolves because she know one of my classmate was going to play a little girl in red hat. I did not take her advise because I want to be a hero in my classmates instead of an evil guy.

Though some advises may be not suitable for grandchildren. I know grandparents give advices to their grandchildren just because love and try their best to help their later genarations. Thus I try to follow their suggestions sometimes even I do not like those advices.

Overall, the world has changed a lot in the past 50 years, we are getting mature enough to face difficulties and challenges by ourselves. Advices from grandparents may become even useless in the future but grandchildren should treasure advises because those express the truly and purely love.

2月23日 2010.10.23NADo you agree or disagree with the following statement? The advice from grandparents has no use for their grandchildren because the world changed a lot during the past 5o years. Use specific reasons to support your answer.

Grandparents would glad to give advices to their grandchildren in order to help them overcome difficulties and be better and better. However, I believe the advives from grandparents are likely to help grandchildren since the world has changed a lot in the last several decades. The only thing that has never changed is I keep receive a lot of advices and loves from my grandparents.

Due to love and responsible, grandparents always tell their grandchildren to do something like this or that. However, sometimes the advices are useless and grandchildren have to judge by themselves or get help from their parents or friends. For example, I lived with my grandfather and grandmother when I was a student in middle school. My desk top was broken down once and I had nothing to do with it. My grandfather suggested me to find some assistance from our neighbour who was an computer engineer. I insisted to take my computer to Bestbuy which the shop I bought it. Finally, the computer got even worse after the assistance from our neighbour and I had to take it to the shop. Fouthermore, the seller told me that the desktop was still in warranty and I did not need to pay for the repair process. My grandfater just want to save my time and money but made everything getting terrible.

Another reason why I consider advices from grandparents is I think those advices are old fation. I was going to attend a holloween party several years ago and I have to prepared the costumes. I told the situation to my grandmother and she decide to make one for me. I liked spiderman very much durning that period of time so I want to play spiderman. But my grandmother told me the clothes are ugly and she though I should play a wolves because she know one of my classmate was going to play a little girl in red hat. I did not take her advise because I want to be a hero in my classmates instead of an evil guy.

Though some advises may be not suitable for grandchildren. I know grandparents give advices to their grandchildren just because love and try their best to help their later genarations. Thus I try to follow their suggestions sometimes even I do not like those advices.

Overall, the world has changed a lot in the past 50 years, we are getting mature enough to face difficulties and challenges by ourselves. Advices from grandparents may become even useless in the future but grandchildren should treasure advises because those express the truly and purely love.

作者: lixiang8747 时间: 2012-2-23 21:59
2月23日 2010.10.23NADo you agree or disagree with the following statement? The advice from grandparents has no use for their grandchildren because the world changed a lot during the past 5o years. Use specific reasons to support your answer.

Grandparents would glad to give advices to their grandchildren in order to help them to overcome difficulties and be better and better. However, I believe the advives from grandparents are likely to help grandchildren since the world has changed a lot in the last several decades. The only thing that has never changed is I keep receive a lot of advices and loves from my grandparents.

Due to love and responsible, grandparents always tell their grandchildren to do something like this or that. However, sometimes the advices are useless and grandchildren have to judge by themselves or get help from their parents or friends. For example, I lived with my grandfather and grandmother when I was a student in middle school. My desk top was broken down once and I had nothing to do with it. My grandfather suggested me to find some assistance from our neighbour who was an computer engineer. I insisted to take my computer to Bestbuy which the shop I bought it. Finally, the computer got even worse after the assistance from our neighbour and I had to take it to the shop. Fouthermore, the seller told me that the desktop was still in warranty and I did not need to pay for the repair process. My grandfater just want to save my time and money but made everything getting terrible.

Another reason why I consider advices from grandparents is I think those advices are old fation. I was going to attend a holloween party several years ago and I have to prepared the costumes. I told the situation to my grandmother and she decide to make one for me. I liked spiderman very much durning that period of time so I want to play spiderman. But my grandmother told me the clothes are ugly and she though I should play a wolves because she know one of my classmate was going to play a little girl in red hat. I did not take her advise because I want to be a hero in my classmates instead of an evil guy.

Though some advises may be not suitable for grandchildren. I know grandparents give advices to their grandchildren just because love and try their best to help their later genarations. Thus I try to follow their suggestions sometimes even I do not like those advices.

Overall, the world has changed a lot in the past 50 years, we are getting mature enough to face difficulties and challenges by ourselves. Advices from grandparents may become even useless in the future but grandchildren should treasure advises because those express the truly and purely love.

作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-2-23 22:17
顶八戒~！
不过话说要不要每段空这么大一块儿……
edit一下会更加美观哦~

作者: Crystaljoy 时间: 2012-2-23 22:38
八戒~师傅说你什么好呢~

作者: lixiang8747 时间: 2012-2-23 22:40
The lecture appearently rufutes the points illustrate in the reading material. According to the professor, she believes that Chevalier de Seingalt’s memoir is accuracy because of some reliable sources. On the contrary, the reading condents an oppisite stand that his memoir may distorted or invented many events.

The first point the professor adopts is that Chevalier de Seingalt was very rich and he borrowed money from a merchant because he needed to do some business. Chevalier de Seingalt needed sell to get money back so that why he borrwed money at the begining. The point of reading passage is that Chevalier de Seingalt borrowed money from a rich merchant and he is not that rich.

The second evidence that differs from the reading passage is that Chevalier de Seingalt wrote some notes and journals when the conversation happened so that he had reliable resources to help him to wrote the memoir. But the reading passage adopts the point that he wrote memoir several years after the conversation and he could not remember very clearly.

The last point the professor differs from the reading passage is that there are some prisoner had even larger powerful and an old venice documentary recorded someone repaired the ceiling and she believes the ciling was broked by Chevalier de Seingalt. But the reading passage adopts that Chevalier de Seingalt had lots of politically well connected friends in venice and who could offer a bride.

作者: lixiang8747 时间: 2012-2-24 22:44
2月24日 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Although science and technology will continue to improve, the most significant improvement for the quality of people’s lives have already taken place.

Science and technology have changed a lot in the past 100 years and will continue to improve in the future. But I believe that the most significant improvement for the quality of people’s lives have already taken place. So many advance things have been invented by scientists around the world which makes people have greatly changed their way of life from the following benefits.

The most important inventions in the past 100 years for me is the internet. People may send E-mail by the internet,the innovative way of writing letters because of the internet. We do not need to go to the post office to by some evenlopes and stamps to send a letter, instead, what we need to do nowadays is just click the send button and send ten mails in one second. Futhurmore, people can not only send the content we want to say to our friends but also attach the pictures,music and even a video to the E-mail if we want to share them with our friends. With internet, we have MSN and facebook which means we can make an international phone-call. It help us not only save money but also time. What is more, we can even talk to our friends face to face with a camera.

Another tremendous changing in the last century is the way of trasportation. People can take a jet to any place on the earth within one day. In the past, the most advantage way to cross the ocean is take a ship. People have to endure the boring trip on the ship for quite a long time. What is more, taking ship may be more dangerous than taking jet. One of the most famous disaster in the last 100 years is the sinking of the Titannic, the most advanced ship at that time, thousands people lost theis lives in the ice water. There were some air crash also in the past decades. But all of the air crash is not as terrible as the inking of the Titannic.

Technology and science will certainly improve and change in the future. With the effort of all the scientists and professors around the world human may be able to go to the deapest ocean of the world, or may be go to some places that outside solar systems. However, due to the inventions I mentioned above, the quality of people’s lives have already taken place.

作者: lixiang8747 时间: 2012-2-24 23:24
2月24日tpo 综合写作
The professor talks about the disadvantages of using hydrogen, however, in the reading passage, it talks about the advantages of hydrogen-based fuel –cell engine.

The first points that the professor refutes is she believes that the gas is surely finite resouces. However, the hydrogen is not easy to obtain. It comes from pure liquit and is diffcult to produce and obtain, which means is not practical. The reading material holds the statement that hydrogen can be derived from various plentiful resourses and makes them particularly attractive.

The second points that the professor differs from the passage is she adopts the point that the way to pruduce purification energy needs burning coal and oil, which causes heave pollution. However, the reading passage holds the opinion that hydrogen-based fuel cells will solve many of the world’s pollution problemes.

The last points that the professor cast doubt is she believes that manufactor platinium is very very expensive so that the fuel-cell engine cannot be economically competitive. The reading material holds the statement that people will spent less money to operate a fuel-cell engine than operate an internal-combusiton engine.

In the listening passage, the professor states three statemens to hold her opinion that using hydrogen has some disadvantages and challange the points list in the reading passage.

作者: jiaosisisisi 时间: 2012-2-25 14:28
224综合。。。
想~~~问~~~~天~~~你在哪里~~~~
八戒你在哪里！

Firstly,the passage says that the advantage of the hydrogen-based fuel-cell engine is
that people can get hydrogen very easily,instead of relying on the traditional petroleum! .
However, the lecture doubts whether the approach to obtain hydrogen is that simple,for
example,the lecturer points out that the purificatioin process of generating hydrogen
is very energy-consuming,and the temperature required to store the liquid hydrogen
is hard to reach!

Secondly,the author claims that hydrogen-based fuel cells are necessarily acceptable
because they can reduce many of the nowadays earth pollution problems.Unfortunately ,
the lecturer holds an opposing view that though operating a hydrogen based fuel-cell
engine does give out only water,the process of generating hydrogen will produce plenty
of carbon dioxide .For examplel,people will have to burning coal or oil to get sufficent
energy to make the chemical recation happen in order to obtain the hydrogen from
natural gas .
.

The final point on which the author and the lecturer disagree with each other is that
whether fuel-cell engine is economically competitive!the author states that compared with
internal-combustion powered car,the fuel-cell powerd car requires only half the fuel
energy.Again,the lecturer reasons that it's not well grounded because fuel-cell engines
contain a very weird kind of metal,which is extremely expensive.And till now people
has not yet found the alterative material.

作者: jiaosisisisi 时间: 2012-2-25 14:30
能不能淡淡地问一句，
综合写作是不是尽量要用书面语言来表达观点呢
还是比较oral一点。。。。
独立呢。。。是不是尽量要用书面语言来表达观点呢
还是比较oral一点
。。。。。
好吧，我承认我是问了两句~~~

作者: lixiang8747 时间: 2012-2-25 15:18

能不能淡淡地问一句，
综合写作是不是尽量要用书面语言来表达观点呢
还是比较oral一点。。。。
独立呢。。。是不是尽量要用书面语言来表达观点呢
还是比较oral一点
。。。。。
好吧，我承认我是问了两句~~~

-- by 会员 jiaosisisisi (2012/2/25 14:30:45)

肯定都要用书面的表达方式，你是写作，需要严格按照写作的规格写

作者: Crystaljoy 时间: 2012-2-25 17:32
八戒综合写作建议你最好多写点听力里面的东西。比如用两句写听力，一句写文章。

作者: Serena0710 时间: 2012-2-25 17:39
Grandparents would glad to give advices（advice是不可数名词呀~~） to their grandchildren in order to help them to（to 省略，help之后一般直接加原形） overcome difficulties and be better and better. However, I believe the advives（advice） from grandparents are（is） likely to help grandchildren since （逻辑上来说，since换成even though更好吧）the world has changed a lot in the last several decades. The only thing that has never changed is（that） I keep receive（keep doing sth.改成receiving）a lot of advices（advice） and loves（love也是不可数） from my grandparents.

Due to love and responsible（改为名词形式responsibility）, grandparents always tell their grandchildren to do something like this or that.(八戒哥，这句表达chinglish了呀~~) However, sometimes the advices are （advice is ）useless and grandchildren have to judge by themselves or get help from their parents or friends.（ask their parents or friends for help）For example, I lived with my grandfather and grandmother when I was a student in middle school. My desk top was broken down once（想表达曾经有次电脑坏了是吗？改成>oneday，my desk top was broken down）and I had nothing to do with it.(这句话是我与此事无任何关联。八戒哥是否本意为我不知道该拿它怎么办? I did’t know what to do.)My grandfather suggested me to find some assistance from our neighbour (neighbor) who was an computer engineer. I insisted to take my computer to Bestbuy which the shop(,the shop where I bought it,) I bought it. Finally, the computer got even worse after the assistance from our neighbour (neighbor) and I had to take it to the shop. （这段的逻辑连接词用的不是很好，我改成一下表达了~My grandfather suggested me to find some assistance from our neighbor，who was an computer engineer, while I insisted to take my computer to Bestbuy, the shop where I bought it. However, the computer got even worse after the assistance from our neighbour and I finally had to take it to the shop. ）Fouthermore(furthermore拼写有误，逻辑意思出发最好改为Fortunately), the seller told me that the desktop was still in warranty（在保修期内是这样表达的不？） and I did not need to pay for the repair process（process可以去掉）. My grandfater（grandfather） just want （wanted）to save my time and money but made everything getting terrible（worse）.

Another reason why I consider advices from grandparents is（要加上that吧）I think those advices are old fation(fashion?)(八戒哥，第一句话是在有点读不懂，要不？再改改？). I was going to attend a holloween(Halloween) party several years ago and I have（时态！！had） to prepared the costumes. I told the situation to my grandmother and she decide（decided） to make one（上文用的costumes 是复数形式，照应上文，这里应该用some） for me. I liked Spiderman very much during that period of time（of time可以去掉）so I want（wanted） to play spiderman. But my grandmother told me the clothes are ugly and she though I should play a wolves because she know one of my classmate was going to play a little girl in red hat.（这句话里有时态问题，并且祖母直接就告诉你衣服很ugly？不太合情理呀~~）I did not take her advise because I want to be a hero in my classmates instead of an evil guy.

Though some advises（advice） may be not suitable for grandchildren. I know (that) grandparents give advices to their grandchildren just because love and try their best to help their later genarations(generations). Thus I try to follow their suggestions sometimes even I do not like those advices.

Overall, the world has changed a lot in the past 50 years, we are getting mature enough to face difficulties and challenges by ourselves.(两句完整的句子中间必须有连接词连接。加个and即可) Advices from grandparents may become even useless in the future but grandchildren should treasure advises because those express the truly and purely love.

1.小问题，例如时态拼写之类的注意

2.句与句之间的逻辑关系要选择合适的逻辑连接词

3.看到最后一段我才恍然大悟，这篇文章的主题是：虽然祖父母的建议过时了，但是因为里面包含爱意所以我们做儿孙的必须接受它们。这个太纠结了些，要是让老美给你该文章，他估计就背绕死了。另外本文的两个分论点不太明确，并没有很好的支持总论，例证不够严密。思路问题，以后多练就好~~~加油啦八戒哥！

作者: jiaosisisisi 时间: 2012-2-25 18:36

八戒综合写作建议你最好多写点听力里面的东西。比如用两句写听力，一句写文章。

-- by 会员 Crystaljoy (2012/2/25 17:32:17)

敢问是不是有潜规则啊
一定要多for example 都用 lecture里面的
然后 passage 就是淡淡描述一两句~~~啊

作者: noarkid 时间: 2012-2-25 21:03
2月24日 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Although science and technology will continue to improve, the most significant improvement for the quality of people’s lives have already taken place.

Science and technology have changed a lot in the past 100 years and will continue to improve in the future. But I believe that the most significant improvement for the quality of people’s lives have already taken place. So many advance things have been invented by scientists around the world which makes people have greatly changed their way of life from the following benefits.（不大清楚，可能应该把which改成that，so....that... 举行，如果是定语从句的话是不是隔太远了呢？我想改成：So many advance have been invented by scientists around the world that people's living have changed a lot in following ways..或者把定语从句提前）

The most important inventions in the past 100 years for me is the internet. People may send E-mail by the internet,the innovative way of writing letters because of the internet. We do not need to go to the post office to by some envenlopes and stamps to send a letter, instead, what we need ~~to do~~ nowadays is just click the send button ~~and send ten mails in one second~~. (有了一个instead 前后的结构应该要相似)Furthermore, people can not only send the content we want to say to our friends but also attach the pictures,music and even a video to the E-mail if we want to share them with our friends（这句话最好再斟酌一下，也许可以：we can not only give our compliment to our friends, but can also send some pictures, even video, to them）. With internet, we have MSN and facebook which means we can make an international phone-call.(个人觉得这句话要再斟酌一下) It help us not only save money but also time. What is more, we can even talk to our friends face to face with a camera.

Another tremendous changing（change） in the last century is the way of transportation. People can take a jet to any place on the earth within one day. In the past, the most advantage way to cross the ocean is take a ship. People have(过去) to endure the boring trip on the ship for quite a long time. What is more, taking ship may be more dangerous than taking jet. One of the most famous disaster in the last 100 years is the sinking of the Titannic, the most advanced ship at that time, thousands people lost their lives in the ice water. There were some air crash also in the past decades. But all of the air crash is not as terrible as the sinking of the Titannic.

Technology and science will certainly improve and change in the future. With the effort of all the scientists and professors around the world human may be able to go to the deapest ocean of the world, or may be go to some places that outside solar systems. However, due to the inventions I mentioned above, the quality of people’s lives have already taken place.

我觉得你长句还是用偏多，个人其实阅读能力不大好，看的时候会有点小纠结，不过这不是关键。我是不大知道别的什么情况，个人觉得的句式要有变化，长短句结合。另外长句多了以后很容易出现无主句之类的语法错福，还可能就是读不通顺（个人觉得你第二段就是有这种问题，除了第一句和最后一句我可以判断是短句剩下都是长句了）

作者: noarkid 时间: 2012-2-25 21:16
2月24日tpo 综合写作
The professor talks about the disadvantages of using hydrogen, however, in the reading passage, it talks about the advantages of hydrogen-based fuel –cell engine.
The first points that the professor refutes is she believes that the gas is surely finite resources. (gas是汽油的意思，不是氢气)However, the hydrogen is not easy to obtain. It comes from pure liquid and is difficult to produce and obtain, which means （没有it就变成无主句了） is not practical. The reading material holds the statement that hydrogen can be derived from various plentiful resources and makes them particularly attractive.

The second points that the professor differs from the passage is she adopts the point that the way to pruduce purification energy needs burning coal and oil, which causes heave pollution. However, the reading passage holds the opinion that hydrogen-based fuel cells will solve many of the world’s pollution problemes.

The last points ~~that~~ the professor cast ~~doub~~t is that ~~she believes that~~ manufactor platinium is very very expensive so that the fuel-cell engine cannot be economically competitive. The reading material holds the statement that people will spent less money to operate a fuel-cell engine than operate an internal-combustion engine.

In the listening passage, the professor states(points out) three statements to hold her opinion that using hydrogen has some disadvantages and challange the points list in the reading passage.

作者: lixiang8747 时间: 2012-2-29 01:16
2月28日Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is more important to choose friends that could have fun with than to choose friends that will help you when you are in need.

There is no doubt that everyone needs friends, someone would like choose friends that could have fun with while someone prefer choose friends that will help them when they are in need. For my part, I agree with the latter opinion for the following reasons.

It is universally acknowledge that people cannot live in the society independly. Why do we need friends? The reason is that nothing is more important than get help from friends. Have fun with is a basic requirement to be a friend. for instance, the most difficult that I’ve ever had was when I prepare for the IBT. It become so hard for me since I’d never had a chance to talk in English for quite a long time. I was rather upset and almost lose heart. One of my friend saw me one day and he inspired me by saying that if I could’t overcome that task, how could I survive in the States and make my dream come ture. He suggested that I should make a well-orgnized plan to plan to devide my goal into several little parts,which are attractive and attainable. I gradually had a faith in conquering the difficulty. Hence this is the reason why I consider get help from friends is more important.

What is more, friends can share their happiness and funny things together when they help each other, For example, when I prepared my first interview to a company with my roomate, a good friend of mine, we went to shopping to buy suits and shoes, we prepared the questions that we may faced in the interview and went to the company together. Both of us were nervous and we talked funny story to each other so we can relax a little bit. It was really a period of happiness time in my life because I can fight with my friend and enjoy the process. Finally, both of us were aceepted by the company.

In addition, someone could have fun with does not mean that he could be defined as friend. It is apparent that some calssmates or workmates are very funny and make people around laugh all the time by talking some interesting story, but perhaps we do not know each other very much.

Above all, what personalities do we consider a friend should have? People may list a lot of such as have fun to be with, down to earth and get assist when trapped in trouble. Though they are all very important, I strongly believe that get help when I am in need is the most important one and this is the most efficient way to prove the truly friendship.

作者: Crystaljoy 时间: 2012-2-29 16:37
2月28日修改稿
Mr.Pig快要考试了，今天专门来瞅瞅你的作文，我这次很犀利的说（故意滴，看了N遍的结果，不过仍旧不保证我都是正确的）~ 只是希望对你实战有点点帮助~

There is no doubt that everyone needs friends（+to share joys and sorrows with in the process of growing up. 你说什么no doubt 就no doubt了？建议尽量论证完整，要么就narrow the scope to avoid absolutization）, （改. 否则两句之间没连词就是run-on sentence）someone would like(+to 这种低级错误你在口语中绝对不会犯，所以作文一定要给自己最后5分钟完整读一遍修改小语法拼写错误的时间，不要大改，来不及。) choose friends that could have fun with while someone（others） prefer choose friends that will help them when they are in need. For my part, I agree with the latter ~~opinion~~（, that is to ........最好找个机会再把原文引用的那句paraphrase，否则前面就不要原文引用了直接自己表达。照抄是懒人做法，不管是综合还是独立考试都不要这么做。） for the following reasons.

It is universally acknowledge（acknowledged）that people cannot live in the society independly（independently）.Why do we need friends（+to keep company with感觉前后句跳跃太大，不独立≠要朋友，最好进一步解释清楚）? The reason is that nothing is more important than get（getting） help from friends （when stucking in touble）.(However, 前后跨越又很大，连词是最好的体现逻辑标志，建议多用)Have fun with is（having fun is only ） a basic requirement to be a friend. for(For)instance, the most difficult (time)~~that~~ I’ve ever had was when I prepare(preparing共用一个主语I就好了。句子就像一棵大树，有一个主要的V作为主干了，其实可以用-ing/-ed做枝干)for ~~the~~ IBT（Toefl IBT这属于专有名词吧，就没法随意了）. It become（became） so hard for me since I’d never had a (any)chance to talk in English for quite a long time. (So) I was rather upset and almost lose（lost） heart. (Luckily, ) One of my friend saw me( my worry)~~one day~~and he inspired me by saying that if I could’t overcome that task, how could I survive in the (United) States and make my dream come ture. He (also) suggested that I should make a well-orgnized plan~~to plan~~to devide(define) my goal into several little(small, discrete) parts, which are attractive and attainable.I gradually hada (had more control over my concrete tasks and developed more )faith in conquering the (overall) difficulty. Hence this is the reason why I consider get（getting 后面不是有is做V了么，这geting help from friend做主语的. 这个错误全文多次犯，建议把动名词做主语的相关语法百度一下）help from friends is more important .（啊？这是你要在本段论证的结论么？这句只是你支持“人为什么要需要朋友”，因为得到帮助比孤军奋战好（以后比较句请表述完整）。结论句我们最好向回归大主题吧，即我们需要交什么样的朋友。）
而且这段论证的逻辑显得混乱。如果你考试时候一紧张思维混乱了，建议就按照“what---why---for example---conclusion”展开。

What is more, friends can share ~~their~~ happiness and funny things together when they help each other,（这个主题句并不能很好的支持大主题，也不能很好的总领下文。根据你的举例，我猜测你是想说 friends can tide over all difficulties by supporting each other all along） For example, when I prepared (for) my first interview ~~to a company~~ with my roomate, a good friend of mine, we wentto shopping to buy (for动词累赘，如果不是很漂亮的动词就少用吧，英语用介词或者形容词也能表示中文的动词) suits and shoes, we prepared the questions that we may faced （may be asked 很多时候可以不那么强调主语吧）in the interview and went to the company together. Both of us were nervous and we talked funny story to each other so we can relax a little bit. ( Both of us talked many funny stories to lessen the extreme nervousness generated before entering the HR's office. ） It was really a period of happiness ~~time~~ in my life because I can fight with (compete with你想笑死我么！) my friend and（meanwhile） enjoy the process.(这句和下一句调换位置，不然突现“竞争”有点突兀) Finally, both of us were aceepted by the company. (从第二段，感觉你像是翻译中文，动词太多，and and 连了好多累赘的句子，而且是自得其乐地讲述，不顾读者感受。动词用的话多用那种后置的-ing/-ed 显得很厉害，多从读者的角度写，会更有说服力。）

In addition, someone could have fun with does not mean that he could be defined as friend. It is apparent that some calssmates or workmates are very funny and make people around laugh all the time by talking some interesting story, but perhaps we do not know each other very much.（前面有让步很好，使逻辑显得显密。但是这个理由也太弱了！可以perhaps大家互不了解，perhaps自己的快乐建立在别人痛苦上了，perhaps只是为了取悦你从不告诉你他的真实想法等等，反正是猜测，多摆几个，流畅就行。）

Above all, what personalities do we consider a friend should have? People may list a lot of （characteristics 列举的时候最好要么前面有个总起，要么后面有个总结）such as have fun to be with, down to earth and get assistwhen trapped in trouble.（such as 后面接N列举。你却用了动词词组+形容词词组+动词词组，还是动名词的问题，这次是作宾语。死记"位于主语和宾语的V要变成N"就对了。）Though they are all very important, I strongly believe that get（getting） help when I am in need is the most important one and this is the most efficient way to prove the truly (true) friendship.（也可以替换成一句话 A friend in need is a friend indeed.）

作者: lixiang8747 时间: 2012-2-29 22:47
谈谈我自己的问题，

1，最基本的时态，第二段出现几次错误，acknowledged,became,明明是讲过去的事情就是写成了一般现在时。

2，你讲的连词问题我觉得很对，不管是递进还是转折，尽量多加入一些，显得文章的逻辑性更好，而且不能出现run-on句型。

3，动名词问题，这个我会好好看一看，从来没学过语法，只是考g之前自己看着题找过感觉，这个问题现在只能人挡杀人了。

4，文章总体逻辑问题，这个问题我实在很头疼，其实这篇文章从想到写完用了2个多小时，就是想尽量少的出现问题，但是现在看问题还是很多，想了很久都不知道该怎么写这篇文章。我需要再看一看范文吧。也会按照你说的what---why---for example---conclusion这个形式去整理文章结构。
5，开头很重要，会按照你的意思尽量改写题目，不再照抄原文。

6，单词词性有时候出问题，最后一段true 写成truly。

作者: lixiang8747 时间: 2012-3-1 10:44
2月29日Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The most important problems in today’s world will be solved in our lifetime.

Technology and science have increased a lot in the past 100 years. Due to the changing, it brings so many problems such as enviroment pollution, endengerous of animals. Human being is now facing big challages from those problems. However, in my opinion, I believe that we can overcome the difficulties in our lifetime.

The most serious problem that we are facing and getting more terrible is the enviroment pollution. Due to the developing of the manufactory and the increasing number of the vehicle, Human is now burning aboundant of varieties fuel. This activity cause air and water are badly polluted by emmitions. Thus most area of the earth has been coverd by poison air and water even in the pollar of the planet. However, goverments and scientist are working on the problem. They uses many methods to reduce and slower the process. For example, many goverments sign an agreement to reduce the emission of carbon dioxide, a gas cause global warmer. What is more, engineers have developed the engine of vehicle to ruduse the emmition of harm gas. Due to the example and efforts I mentioned above, I believe the pollution problem can be solved in our lifetime.

Another serious problem is that many animals are becoming extinguish. The numbers of the animals are decreasing because of overhunting and expanding of the city and cultivation. However, people have many ways to save those animals. For example, there are lots of socisties have been established to protect the animal, they encorage more people to rufuse buying artificial ivory carving,not eating some endanger animals. Furthermore, secitists use gene techmology to save endanger animals, they help animal to reproduce and change their gene to help the animals become more strong and easily to adapt the enviroment they live. In my point of view, animals will live with human harmonize in the future and this chanllange will be overcomed by human in my lifetime.

On the other hand, there are still a lot of problems such as the traffic jam may become even worse. We have not find a way to balance the complicated situation. However, I think that human will find the method to solve all the problems.

Above all, there will be more and more problems coming out, it may harder to solve the problem than before. However, science and teconologh are changing all the time and we will find how to deal with the problemes and I believe that we can solve the problems in our lifetime.

作者: Crystaljoy 时间: 2012-3-2 15:55
2月29日修改
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The most important problems in today’s world will be solved in our lifetime.

Technology and science have increased(improved) a lot in the past 100 years.Due to the changing(有名词形式change), it (it指代不明。由于变化产生问题逻辑不顺。改为Such dramatic change also) brings so many problems such as enviroment (environmental 所有的environment都拼错了，下同) pollution,endengerous(endangerment名词形式)of animals (and so on so forth). Human being is now facing big challages(

challenges) from those problems.(Those have been, so far, the biggest challenge to human being in today’s world. 注意点题，接着引出的自己的观点就更衔接了) However, in my opinion, I believe that we can overcome the(such 多用关联指代体现逻辑) difficulties in our lifetime.

The most serious problem that we are facing and getting more terrible（你这样写主语是we啊。删去吧） is the enviroment pollution. Due to thedeveloping（development 。在G的语法中有名词还用Ving就是错误的） of the manufactory and the increasing number of the vehicle, Human is now burningaboundant（

abundant） of varieties（重复。要么abundant 充足的，感觉有点褒义呢；要么a variety of各种各样的） fuel. This activity cause air and water are badly polluted by emmitions(?). (这是几个句子？看V觉得句式杂糅了。The air and water are badly polluted by exhausts emitted.) Thus most area of the earth has been coverd(

covered) by poison(N不能修饰后面的N)air and water even in the pollar（

polar area） of the planet. (感觉这两个句子关系紧密，或许可以合并为一个Thus the contaminated air and water threaten to catastrophically poison our land even in polar areas.) However, goverments（

government 全拼错。下同） and scientist are working on the problem. Theyuses（adopt。用uses搭配不地道，还形式错误） many methods to reduce and slower the process. For example, many goverments

sign an agreement to reduce the emission of carbon dioxide, a gascause（mainly responsible for 句式又杂糅了，分句怎么能用V原形呢？）global warmer. What is more, engineers have developed the engine of vehicle to ruduse（

reduce）the emmition of harm gas. Due to the example and efforts I mentioned above, I （firmly）believe（that） the pollution problem can be solved in our lifetime.

Another serious problem is that many animals arebecoming extinguish（in danger of extinction）. The numbers of the（precious） animals are decreasing because of overhunting and expanding of the city and cultivation. However, people have many ways to save those animals. For example, there are lots of socisties（

拼错。改为communities）have been（只有There be …… doing。删去吧。后面established作为后置定语可直接修饰前面名词的。）established to protect the animal, they encorage

more people to rufuse

buying artificial ivory carving, not（or）eating someendanger（endangered N不能修饰N，要该成adj。下同） animals. Furthermore, secitists

use genetechmology

to save endanger animals, they help animal to reproduce and change their gene to help the animals(them) become more strong and easily（easy） to adapt（to） the enviroment they live. In my point of view, animals will live with human harmonize（harmoniously 千万别乱用V，这样会造成句子G语法中的杂糅）in the future and this chanllange(which？)will be overcomed by human in my lifetime.

On the other hand,(没有on one hand 怎么能On the other hand 。改成 It’s true that) there are still a lot of problemssuch as（such as 接N列举。改成，for example，）the traffic jam may become even worse. We have not find（found 时态错误） a way to balance the complicated situation. However, I think that human will find the method to solve all the problems. （because what？ think没有说服力，在文中除了开头待论证时，以后尽量不要出现I think。这里再借机强调的你的主要论据最好了。）

Above all, there will be more and more problems coming out, it may harder to solve the problem than before.（above all 最重要的是。这里你不是自己攻击自己么？而且是will,不是might, 强烈自抽啊。Tough there might be more and more……删去后面however） However, science and teconologh

are changing（improving 。change范围太大，可好可坏）all the time and we will find how（out proper methods） to deal with theproblemes（

problems）~~and I believe that we can solve the problems~~ in our lifetime. (重复啰嗦，可合并。)

老猪你这次写完认真检查了米有？敢被我找到这么多错词

。好吧，只当我玩了找茬游戏。你打字比较快，写完一定要检查啊！偶尔错一下的没关系。如果前后都错的词，ETS就很在意了，说明了基础不好。

这次结构比较好了，意思很清楚。但是句子太多问题了。
要谨慎用V。检查时候要看一个句子是不是就一个V，形式也要正确。
有N的就优先用N，不要再创造Ving。
除非是专有N词组你背过的，否则不要用N修饰N，要用adj修饰N。

开头结尾的写法再提升一下，可以prepare几句。

希望你考场超长发挥吧，字数先飚上去，思路写清晰，可以弥补一些语言的不足。但是考完建议把Manhattan语法看几遍吧，如果你想G也取得好成绩的话。

加油~ 我滚去做我浩瀚考试卷去了~

作者: lixiang8747 时间: 2012-3-15 05:10
又看了一遍你给改的两篇作文，煞费苦心，唉！努力争取g能上700再报答你一下

作者: Crystaljoy 时间: 2012-3-15 14:44

I'm here waiting for that

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