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标题: 【写作小分队】Aviva的作文贴~~欢迎大家来拍 [打印本页]

作者: Aviva0307 时间: 2012-2-21 10:54
标题: 【写作小分队】Aviva的作文贴~~欢迎大家来拍
2月20日 2011.8.21NADo you agree or disagree with the following statement? There is never a reason to be rude (impolite) to another person. Use specific reasons to support your answer.

Personally, I strongly agree with the statement that a person should never be impolite to others. I will develop my opinion by presenting several bad results caused by impoliteness.

First and foremost, impoliteness may make conflicts be worst.When we have some conflict with another person, calming down and being polite is very necessary. Otherwise, the situation might out of control, not mention reaching the mutual beneficial agreement. I have once seen a small event that can demonstrate this view. Last week, at the bus station, a man who was rushing to catch a bus ran into a seemly refined young lady. At the first response, the word 'sorry' written on his face and he was about to say something. However, before looking at his face, the young lady shouted at the man impolitely. On hearing the lady's impolite words, the man changed his 'sorry' face into an 'angry' one. The situation became heated that at last the man and the lady quarreled in the street. Actually, it is just a simple thing that required a simple sorry and tolerance. Whereas, the impoliteness behavior of the lady made this little conflict become worse.

Second, being impolite will have bad influence to the atmosphere around us. Suppose we are in a team. The most significant factor for the team's success is teamwork. If we behavior impolite to our teammates, we will ruin the cohesion of the team and thus will deter the team's success. When I was a internship in a company, I deeply learned that how impoliteness would damage the cooperation of a team. There was a colleague in my work team. He was an impatient person. Every time he found other colleagues do something that different with what he had expected, he would show a very impolite attitude in working. Although he was just toward one person, all the members in the team were enveloped in an unpleasant pressure and few people discussed at that moment.

Third, being impolite will make a bad impoliteness to others. To a person, his polite behavior has nothing to do with others. It is the indication of the person himself. Just imagine, if we see a person use rude words and show rude behavior, what will we think of him? It goes without saying that we must think that this person is not a well educated gentle man. Then, the result is that we will not choose to cooperate or make friends with him.

In fact, impoliteness can lead to more bad results than I have presented above. From these results, we can conclude that impoliteness is not a proper behavior for both ourselves and others. So we should remember the maxim: never be impolite to others.

作者: Crystaljoy 时间: 2012-2-21 11:48
2.20 Revised Version
蓝色为异议，紫色为建议，高亮为精彩！

Personally, I strongly agree with the statement that a person should never be impolite to others. I will develop my opinion by presenting several bad results caused by impoliteness. （开头多么简洁有力！I like!!!）

First and foremost, impoliteness may make conflicts be（删去，make sth adj/V）worst.When we have some conflict with another person, calming down and being polite is very necessary. Otherwise, the situation might out of control, not (to) mention reaching the mutual beneficial agreement. I have once seen a small event that can demonstrate this view. Last week, at the bus station, a man who was rushing to catch a bus ran into a seemly refined young lady. At the first response, the word 'sorry' (was) written on his face and he was about to say something. However, before looking at his face, the young lady shouted at the man impolitely. On hearing the lady's impolite words, the man changed his 'sorry' face into an 'angry' one. The situation became heated that at last the man and the lady quarreled in the street. Actually, it is just a simple thing that required a simple sorry and tolerance. Whereas, the impoliteness behavior of the lady made this little (small/minor)conflict become worse. (生动形象的例证哇~~~)

Second, being impolite will have bad influence to (exert a bad influence on) the atmosphere around us. Suppose we are in a team. The most significant factor for the team's success is teamwork. If we behavior(behave) impolite to our teammates, we will ruin the cohesion of the team and thus will deter the team's success. When I was a （an）internship in a company, I deeply learned that how impoliteness would damage the cooperation of a team. There was a colleague in my work team. He was an impatient person. Every time he found other colleagues do something that different with (differed from)what he had expected, he would show a very impolite attitude (negative attitude) in working.Although he(such attitude)was just toward one person, all the members in the team were enveloped in an unpleasant pressure and few people discussed (dared to speak)at that moment.

Third, being impolite will make a bad impoliteness to others. To a person, his polite behavior has nothing to do with others. It is the indication of the person himself. Just imagine, if we see a person use rude words and show rude behavior, what will we think of him? It goes without saying that we must think that this person is not a well educated gentle man. Then, the result is that we will not choose to cooperate or make friends with him.

In fact, impoliteness can lead to more bad results than I have presented above. From these results, we can conclude (we may safely draw the conclusion)that impoliteness is not a proper behavior for both ourselves and others. So we should remember the maxim: never be impolite to others.

Conclusion: 很喜欢你写的，没有拖沓没有废话。首句都亮明的观点，举例生动，特别是衔接很多很好~ 批注的小小的异议你看看吧~ 多多积累地道的搭配，再接再励！

作者: Aviva0307 时间: 2012-2-22 01:33
2月21日 2010.8.28NADo you agree or disagree with the following statement? Since people care public recognition more than money, they will work harder to obtain public recognition even though there is no more money given. Use specific reasons to support your answer

Personally, I totally disagree with the statement that people who care public recognition will work harder to obtain it even though there is no more money given. In my point of view, even though people prefer public recognition to money, they still need money to stimulate them to work harder. That is because money has a lot of crucial functions that cannot be replaced by purely public recognition. I will present several aspects of the monetary functions.

First of all, money supplies the basic consumption, which cannot be provided by public recognition. No one will deny that people need wearing clothes, consuming food, retaining houses, and using transportations. The four kinds of basic requirements in people's life are all demanding money. As a person is working harder and undertaking more tasks, his demand for these basic requirements will increase, too. For example, if a professor diligently gives more lecturers to the public and different schools, he will need more clothes that suitable for the public scenarios.

In addition to the basic requirements in everyday life, as a person work harder, he will need more money to relax and pay for the healthy investment and maintenance. As we all know, heavy work means heavy pressure. People who were under the strong work pressure for a long time need doing something relax so as to refresh. In addition, this kind of overload pressure often can harm people's health, causing some diseases or ailments such as high blood-pressure. Thus, the daily healthy maintenance needs money to support.

Besides, people who want to work harder and do something more excellent sometimes need the assist of finance. Only have more money, will they dare to dream of greater careers which they can concentrate to. For instance, suppose a rural teacher in an elementary school has limit money, he may merely pay his effort on how to conduct his math teaching well. However, if he has more money such as a hundred million dollars, he can work harder on how to build an outstanding elementary school for more children to study in. Being a teacher or attracting more excellent teachers has great difference in the effect which the teacher’s effort produces.

Actually, the function of money has more benefits than I have presented above. Consequently, we can safely draw the conclusion that money cannot be replaced by purely public recognition in encouraging people who value pubic recognition to work hard.

作者: Aviva0307 时间: 2012-2-22 04:55
TPO 6 综合：

In this lecture, the professor casts doubts on the reading material's statement that the encyclopedia has several important problems that make them much less valuable than traditional, printed encyclopedia.

First, the author views that online encyclopedia often not accurate enough compared to traditional ones. The professor, however, points that online encyclopedia are easy to correct while printed encyclopedia can present the errors for decades. Thus, the professor disagrees with the author on this problem.

The second problem the author says is that online encyclopedia may be illegally modified. Whereas, the professor argues that the encyclopedia can set the read only format, which will be reliable because of cannot be modified and that there are specific editor to eliminate the wrong changes. So, the professor is in contrast with the author on this problem.

The third problem the author claims is that online encyclopedia's frequent focusing on popular topics may make people lost in the information so that cannot know what information is in fact important. Contrarily, the professor disagrees with the author. The professor contends that online encyclopedias have limit space compared to print encyclopedias. So, online encyclopedias are more concerns about what is real important. Besides, the frequent use of the information estimated in the online encyclopedia is the strongest advantages of online encyclopedia to figure out the most significant information.

作者: lixiang8747 时间: 2012-2-22 17:11
Personally, I totally disagree with the statement that people who care public recognition will work harder to obtain it even though there is no more money given. In my point of view, even though people prefer public recognition to money, they still need money to stimulate them to work harder. That is（记的上新东方时候老师说过如果用that指代，that后面要加上指代的东西。比如that car is red，不能直接说that is red，所以这里最好加上that reason） because money has a lot of crucial functions对应最后一段 that cannot be replaced by purely public recognition.（这句话写得挺好） I will present several aspects of the monetary function.（建议用复数，下面谈论的更准确的说是钱的几种用途，不是一个用途的几个方面）

First of all, money supplies the basic consumption, which cannot be provided by public recognition. No one will deny that people need wearing clothes, consuming food, retaining houses, and using transportations. The four kinds of basic requirements in people's life are all demand money.（我觉得这句直接就写wearing clothes。。。。using trasportation are four kinds of basic requirements that were supported by money，比较简单） As a person is working harder and undertaking more tasks, his demand for these basic requirements will increase, too. （改成as well，这样有同时增加的感觉）For example, if a professor diligently gives more lecturers to the public and different school, he will need （用一般现在时吧，前后一致，这里画个问号讨论下）more clothes that suitable for the public scenarios.

In addition to the basic requirements in everyday life, as a person work harder, he will need more money to relax and pay for the healthy investment and maintenance.(maintenance 这个词一般是指汽车保养或者机器保养，不应该是人保养啊.觉得这句话写得怪怪的，可以明白的你的意思，但是不知道这种表达是不是可取。) As we all know, heavy work means heavy pressure. People who were under the strong work pressure（查了查没看到用strong形容work pressure的，如果你也不确定就还用heavy吧） for a long time need doing something （need sth to do sth）relax so as to refresh. In addition, this kind of overload pressure often can harm people's health, causing some diseases or ailments such as high blood-pressure. Thus, the daily healthy maintenance（还是这个问题） needs money to support.

Besides, people who want to work harder and do something more excellent sometimes need the assist of finance. Only have more money, can they dare to dream of greater careers which they can concentrate to. （用了部分倒装的句式，把助动词can提前强调有钱才能有勇气去实现更大的理想。不知道我理解的对否，希望和你讨论一下这句话）For instance, suppose a rural teacher in an elementary school has limit money, he may merely pay his effort on how to conduct his math teaching well. However, if he has more money such as a hundred million dollars, he can work harder on how to build an outstanding elementary school for more children to study in. Being a teacher or attracting more excellent teachers has great difference in the effect which the teacher’s effort produces.（这段的问题是我感觉你觉得例子脱离了比较人们到底care public recognition 还是money。还有一点就是，老师有钱不能证明就能把学校变好，觉得这个例子欠妥。）

Actually, the function（建议这里用functions，因为第一段起始就一直在讲functions，相应的后面has该为have） of money has more benefits than I have presented above. Consequently, we can safely draw the conclusion that money cannot be replaced by purely public recognition in encouraging people who value pubic recognition to work hard.

作者: lixiang8747 时间: 2012-2-22 17:11
啊，极光，为什么我在word里加了颜色的字到这里一粘贴就都成黑色了，对不起啊！！！

作者: lixiang8747 时间: 2012-2-22 17:12

作者: boboo 时间: 2012-2-22 19:14
In this lecture, theprofessor casts doubts on the reading material's statement that theencyclopedia has several important(个人觉得serious更好点？)problems that make them much less valuable than traditional, printedencyclopedia.

First, the author views that online encyclopedia often notaccurate enough compared to traditional ones. The professor, however, pointsthat online encyclopedia are easy to correct while printedencyclopedia can present the errors（remainthe errors会更好些）for decades. Thus, the professor disagrees with the author on this problem.

The second problem (is that)the author（最好不要一直重复用author，可以用用article，reading，reading material等） says is that onlineencyclopedia may beillegally modified(我就没想到这个表达，赞). Whereas, the professorargues that the encyclopedia can set the read only format, which will bereliable because of cannot be modified and that there are specific editorsto eliminate the wrong changes. So, the professor is in contrast with theauthor on this problem.

The third problem the author claims is that onlineencyclopedia's frequent focusing on popular topics may make people lost in theinformation so that cannot know what information is in fact important.Contrarily, the professor disagrees with the author. The professor contendsthat online encyclopedias have limit space（printed encyclopedia是空间有限的）compared to printed encyclopedias. So, onlineencyclopedias are more concerns about what is real important. Besides, thefrequent usingof the information estimated（有点没懂estimated） in the online encyclopediais one ofthe strongest advantages of online encyclopedia to figure out the mostsignificant information.

第一次批改他人作文，没发现太多问题，Aviva童鞋基本功比我好很多~~~我第三点听得晕乎乎滴。
红色是修改，蓝色是疑问，黄色是精彩。
一起加油！！！

作者: Aviva0307 时间: 2012-2-22 19:45

回复的编辑栏里面，有一个图标是从“word粘贴”，点击那个图标，直接粘过来格式就不会变啦~~

作者: Aviva0307 时间: 2012-2-22 20:05
1. 讨论：If 从句用一般现在时，主句用将来时，可以的。以前
学过个例句： If it rains, I will not go out.
2. health maintenance你说得对。我查了下词典，可以用health
care~~
3. strong pressure 确实是我自己造的~~查了下字典，原来有
常用的high pressure/ great pressure~~~
4. 讨论：Only have more money, can they dare to dream of
greater careers which they can concentrate to. ——确实是倒
装句。是不是中间的逗号应该去掉？
5. 例子：钱少当老师，钱多建学校——忘了比较reputation,你
说得对~~写到这里晕了。。。呵呵

作者: Aviva0307 时间: 2012-2-22 20:32
1. serious problem 这个好，正向负向词体现出来了~我写时也
想用这么个词，想了半天也没想到serious~~~好~
2. remain the errors 好。
3. The professor contendsthat online encyclopedias have limit space（printed encyclopedia是空间有限的）——这个确实是我听错了~~我给你改的时候，说你错了。。其实是我错了。。嘿嘿

作者: Crystaljoy 时间: 2012-2-24 12:46
Look forward to ur good news!

作者: Aviva0307 时间: 2012-3-20 14:06
3月20日110304NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The most important problems in today’s world will be solved in our lifetime.

2012-3-20写
12:23-12:53328 words
修改后：413 words

Basically, I disagree with the statement that most important problems in this age will be solved within our lifetime. I will present several of my reasons to hold my opinion.

To begin with, many important problems require long-term solution. Take the environmental protection for example. If a forest is destroyed, we need time for the recovery of this ecology system. Seeds of former trees need time to regerminate; trees need time to grow; other related organisms such as insects also need time to moved back and rebuild their nests. Also, animals may need even more time to migrate here. From this, we can see that solving problems require some basic time. Consequently, if certain problem solving processes demand two centuries, we surely cannot solve it in our lifetime.

In addition, everything in the society is changing and developing, so new problems are springing out following these changes and developments. That is to say, as we are solving current problems, new problems are coming. For example, last century, in some developing countries, the national core target was creating wealth, the overall national wealth. To meet this target, these countries chose to make a few people rich first. These days, as those few people become rich, those developing countries are rich, too. But new problems becomes that the gap between the rich and the poor are too large, leading to a lot of conflicts and social problems. From this single example, we can see that problems will never be wiped out totally. Accordingly, solving all the problem in our lifetime is not a realistic claim.

Admittedly, science and civilization have developed dramatically in these two centuries and we have already solved a lot of problems. However, there are far more efforts to make to solve social and natural problems. Put aside various discriminations such as racial, sexy, and regional discrimination in society, just consider the collective problem of the resource shortage. The resource shortage brings about a series of problems to deal with: the prices of oil and houses are rising day by day which significantly disturb our daily life and work; the lack of water and food lead to starving and disease in many less developed regions; and so on. There is no evidence to reveal that we can solve all the problems in our lifetime, such short a time.

In conclusion, based on what I have demonstrated above, I definitely do not believe that we can solve all the problems in our lifetime.

作者: Aviva0307 时间: 2012-3-20 22:16
3月20日综合写作：

TPO 10

In the reading material, the author gives us several reasons to conclude that environmental pollution caused the decline of sea otter population. However, the professor in the listening section provides her reasons to support the opposite explanation that it is the attacks by predators that caused the population decline.

First and foremost, the professor says that the pollutions have already been weakened. So pollution cannot explain the increasing decline of the population. On contrary, the reading passage thinks the known pollution indicates more other pollutions along the coast, which caused the decline of the population. At this point, the reading passage and the listening passage contradict each other.

In addition, the professor disagrees with the reading passage's assumption that several species declines at the same time can largely explained as caused by pollution. The professor points that the reason can also be that predators feed on both sea otter and other species in order to change diet.

Furthermore, the listening material contends that the uneven concentration of pollutants is not at the same place where the sea otter population decline distributes. On contrary, the reading passage attributes the uneven pollution to the uneven decline of population. Therefore, the listening passage is different from the reading passage at this point.

作者: jiaosisisisi 时间: 2012-3-21 13:22
zhan zuo 很快帮你revise ~

作者: Crystaljoy 时间: 2012-3-21 18:14
3.20独立修改

Basically, I disagree with the statement that （the 最高级要加）most important problems in this age will be solved within our lifetime. I will present several of my（删去。A of B 才行，都是N）reasons to hold my opinion. （开头简洁，但是不够吸引人，不能够体现你的写作功力。首段可以排比反问，背景介绍，引用名言，关键词解释等等，好的开头是成功的一半。）

To begin with, many important problems require long-term solution. Take the environmental protection for example. If a forest is destroyed, we need time for the recovery of this ecology system. Seeds of former trees need time to regerminate; trees need time to grow; other related organisms such as insects also need time to moved back and rebuild their nests. Also, animals may need even more time to migrate here. From this, we can see that solving problems require some basic time. Consequently, if certain problem solving processes demand two centuries, we surely cannot solve it in our lifetime. （总觉得不够扣题。if solving the most important problem demands for two centuries’ time, we surely cannot reach the destination in our lifetime.）

In addition, everything in the society is changing and developing, so new problems are springing out following these changes and developments. That is to say, as we are solving current problems, new problems are coming (out). For example, last century, in some developing countries, the national core target was creating wealth, the overall national wealth. To meet this target, these countries chose to make a few people rich first. These days, as those few people become rich, those developing countries are rich, too.（知道是先富带后富，共奔富裕路。。。可是这种中国特色的东西很难用英文表述清楚的，感觉拿来举例就是挑战自己也挑战评分老外。）But new problems becomes（appeared） that the gap between the rich and the poor are too large, leading to a lot of conflicts and social problems. (讲的是一件往事，应该全部用过去时。) From this single example, we can see that problems will never be wiped out totally. Accordingly, solving all the problem in our lifetime is not a realistic claim.

Admittedly, science and civilization have developed dramatically in these two centuries and we have already solved a lot of problems. However, there are far more efforts to make（far more efforts are needed 那个there be 尽量避免吧）to solve social and natural problems. Put aside various discriminations such as racial, sexy, and regional discrimination in society, just consider the collective problem（？）of the resource shortage. The resource shortage brings about a series of problems to deal with: the prices of oil and houses are rising（soaring 换个） day by day which significantly disturb our daily life and work; the lack of water and food lead to starving（starvation ） and disease in many less developed regions; and so on（这个用单独写出来么？）. There is no evidence to reveal that we can solve all the problems in our lifetime, such short a time.（such a limited time）

In conclusion, based on what I have demonstrated above, I definitely do not believe that we can solve all the problems in our lifetime. (结尾段你用的是正面总结，那么三个观点可以用简单的语言重述一遍来加强立场)

总评：整体结构很清晰，论证很完善，应该是满足了独立作文评分标准的前三点任务了，第四点是语言上的，有点点欠缺。

建议例子可以再细节一点，句式、用词，有点缺乏变化，开头结尾再美化一点。

作者: Aviva0307 时间: 2012-3-22 11:33
独立写作：

3月21日TPO11 Some people say that the Internet provides people with a lot of valuable information. Others think access to much information creates problems. Which view do you agree with?

10:40—— 11:10 383 words
修改之后，403words

As the widespread of the internet application, information nowadays becomes massive and accessible. Some people think it becomes convenient for our work and daily life to use this information, while others think it brings about troubles to deal with the mess information. Basically, I strongly agree with the statement that internet provides people with more valuable information rather than mess problems.

First of all, internet provides us with useful knowledge in daily life. It has largely improved our life quality. For example, if I want to have a travel in a place that I have never been to, I can just search the internet for the routine and for the customary details of the place. Without the internet, I might need to cost money and employ a guide. Also, if I want to perfect my diet, I can easily search for cooking method and nutrition instructions on the internet. By doing this, the healthy food for my family will soon prepared. Furthermore, if we feel not quite ourselves, we can search for the internet and know thoroughly about what is wrong with our health quickly in order to decide how to control the ailment and which kind of hospital to go. In this term, the information provided by the internet is not just convenient, but is also life-saving.

In addition, information on the internet brings about great convenience to our work and study. It has definitely made learning for a life long time possible. We now can use internet to listen to the open class of nearly all the world famous universities. We can also use the Wiki websites to search more specialized information to assist our study in a certain field.

Admittedly, information on the internet indeed mixed useful information with the mess one, and the quantity of the overall information is too large to absorb by one person. However, large quantity and great mess information are not the troubles that we cannot deal with. Just use the effective method to classify and search for this information, we can well use this great knowledge resource. Thus, I still believe that the use of the information on the internet surpasses the trouble of the mess information.

Briefly speaking, I firmly believe that internet definitely provides a lot of valuable information to us. Although the quality of the information is too large to remember, the use of the internet to deprive information is obvious.

作者: Aviva0307 时间: 2012-3-22 19:32
3月22日110625NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is more enjoyable to buy a new technological device when it becomes available than to wait until many people have owned it.

18:47- 19:17 words

Nowadays, driven by the fierce competition in the market and the rapid growth of the technology, technological devices are improving quickly. With this fast improvement, using new technological device becomes a fashionable behavior. However, I really do not think that it is more enjoyable to buy a new technological device when it becomes available than to wait until it approaches to many people. I have plenty of reasons to say so.

To begin with, former experience tells me that a new technological device is usually not convenient to use because the market always lack the overall set of facilities, services, and software to fit and support this new product. We can first take the products of apple for example. Because iPad is not used by as many people as possible, the operation system of iPad is not compatible with many common softwares that we frequently need on normal computers. That brings about a lot of inconvenience. On the other hand, if one day this product and its operating systems are used by many people, the softwares that we frequently use in daily life and everyday work will be created to fit of its system.

In addition, buying a new technological devices might make me feel more regretful rather than pleasant. First, common sense tells us that whether a new technological device is good or not cannot be fully discovered before thousands of times of testing by the consumers. If the product is perfect, we indeed can feel lucky and delighted. However, what if the product is not as perfect as we expected it to be? The answer is obvious that we will feel depressed. Therefore, in order not to be regretful, I think that waiting until many people have got it, used it, and estimated it, and then going to buy it is a wiser choice than buy it at the first time when it become available.

Furthermore, I think few people will deny that they want to buy the new technological device largely for the purpose of chasing the fashion trend. They pursue fashion because they want to have the common topic with others or be admired by others. However, if this technological device has not comes to the hand of enough numbers of people, people who have by this device at the first time cannot draw others attention and talk with others about this product. Others have not even known this product. Thus, even in the aspect of fashion, I do not think buying a new technological device when it is available is more enjoyable than buying it when many people have got it.

In brief, no matter in what aspect, I firmly believe that waiting until a technological device is owned by many people before going to buy it is more enjoyable than otherwise buying it when it is just available.

作者: Crystaljoy 时间: 2012-3-22 22:37
3.21 独立修改

As（with 因为as 后面跟句子） the widespread of the internet application, information nowadays becomes massive and accessible（explosive yet accessible. 两个含义不是并列关系吧）. Some people think it becomes convenient for our work and daily life to use this information（adds convenience to和后面对称）, while others think it brings about troubles to deal with the mess information（没有见过此表达，不知道这个表达是否地道？）. Basically, I strongly agree with the statement that internet provides people with more valuable information rather than mess（messy）problems.

First of all, internet provides us with useful knowledge in daily life. It（and）has largely improved our life quality. For example, if I want to have a travel in (make a trip to) a place that I have never been to, I can just search the internet for the routine and for the customary details of the place. Without the internet, I might need to cost money（搭配sth cost, sb spend）and employ a guide. Also, if I want to perfect my diet, I can easily search for cooking method and nutrition instructions on the internet. By doing this, the healthy food for my family will soon（be）prepared. Furthermore, if we feel not quite ourselves, we can search for(搭配 search the internet/ search for what information)the internet and know thoroughly（and quickly 调个位置）about what is wrong with our health quickly in order to decide how to control the ailment and which kind of hospital(doctor) to go(to). In this term, the information provided by the internet is not just convenient, but is (删去is not only…but also… 在is后面并列) also life-saving（life beneficial 救命的有点严重了吧）.

In addition, information on the internet brings about great convenience to our work and study. It has definitely made learning for a life long time （the saying , that it is never too old to learn ,）possible. We now can use internet to listen to the open class of nearly all the world famous universities. We can also use the Wiki websites to search more specialized information to assist our study in a certain field.

Admittedly, information on the internet indeed mixed useful information with the mess one, and the quantity of the overall information is too large to absorb by one person.(有点中式了。试试information on the internet, good or bad, floods our life.) However, large quantity and great mess information (?) are not the troubles that we cannot deal with. Just use the(take/adopt) effective method to classify and search for this（useful） information, we can well use (make best use of) this great knowledge resource. Thus, I still believe that the use of the information on the internet surpasses the trouble of the mess information. ( 从别人那学的，适合你这句~ banes triggered by ……far overweight boons )

Briefly speaking, I firmly believe that internet definitely provides a lot of valuable information to us. Although the quality of the information is too large to remember, the use of the internet to deprive information is obvious. （this ending seems not good = =）

这篇文章表达偏中式英语的感觉，不过要多阅读原版才能有效解决这个问题啊。鉴于你快考试了，再临阵磨枪背点地道的句型吧。我猜想极光是个冷酷少年/少女啊，因为你的语气真的很平很坚硬的感觉。希望你考场上能调动起兴奋神经（当然别太激动打错字哈），多修辞（比拟，反问，感叹之类），引用名言，长短句结合。每次举例最好不同类型的，举了自身的，更要名人的。

你已经能完成基本任务了，下面就是想办法让它更attractive一点就好啦。加油！

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-3-22 23:37
是极光吗？

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-3-22 23:43
标题: 3.22 独立改文
Nowadays, driven by the fierce competition in the market and the rapid growth of the technology, technological devices are improving （这有点搭配不当，应该是数量增多，或者是质量提高吧）quickly. With this fast improvement, using new technological device becomes a fashionable behavior. However, I really do not think that it is more enjoyable to buy a new technological device when it becomes available than to wait until it approaches to many people. I have plenty of reasons to say so.

To begin with, former experience tells me that a new technological device is usually not convenient to use because the market always lack the overall set of facilities, services, and software to~~fit and~~ （有点多余）support this new product. We can first take the products of apple for example. Because iPad is not used by as many people as possible（这句话有点别扭，改成ipad is not accessible to most of people）, the operation system of iPad is not compatible with many common softwares that we frequently need on normal computers. That brings about a lot of inconvenience. On the other hand(conversely), if one day this product and its operating systems are used by many people, the softwares that we frequently use in daily life and everyday work will be created to fit of its system.

In addition, buying a new technological devices might make me feel more regretful rather than pleasant. First, common sense tells us that whether a new technological device is good ~~or not~~ cannot be fully discovered before thousands of times of testing by the consumers. If the product is perfect, we indeed can feel lucky and delighted. However, what if the product is not as perfect as we expected it to be? The answer is obvious that we will feel depressed. Therefore, in order not to be regretful, I think that waiting until many people have got it, used it, and estimated it, and then going to buy it is a wiser choice than buy it at the first time when it become available.

Furthermore, I think few people will deny that they want to buy the new technological device largely for the purpose of chasing the fashion trend. They pursue fashion (用vogue替换)because they want to have the（a?） common topic with others or be admired by others. However, if this technological device has not comesto the hands（？） of enough numbers of people, people who have by（bought?) this device at the first time cannot draw others attention and talk with others about this product. Others have not even known this product. Thus, even in the aspect of fashion, I do not think buying a new technological device when it is available is more enjoyable than buying it when many people have got it.

In brief, no matter in what aspect, I firmly believe that waiting until a technological device is owned by many people before going to buy it is more enjoyable than otherwise buying it when it is just available.
conclusion:结尾不够精彩，一定要抽出时间检查哦。

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