ChaseDream

标题: 不以30分为目标的行为都是耍，流，氓！ [打印本页]

作者: Serena0710 时间: 2012-2-19 22:35
标题: 不以30分为目标的行为都是耍，流，氓！
带着一战21分的成绩，Serena回归了。
722考了二战，苦逼的被ETS弄丢了答案，导致没分。
916三站，也是终结的一战。一切努力都是为了向110+靠拢。加油！

作者: Crystaljoy 时间: 2012-2-19 22:55
搬板凳~~~

I'm in dire need of Examples!!!

作者: daisyの小夢想 时间: 2012-2-19 23:19
'每天我都会贴上几个T中好用的例子' Sounds great^^
我想上专业课的时候没事做我就看看作文书背背单词做做阅读哇哈哈~~

作者: Serena0710 时间: 2012-2-19 23:22
标题: 今天的3个例子来了~
1． Louisiana Purchase-路易斯安那购地—自己做决定的重要性
关键词：Thomas Jefferson, unconstitutional, opposition, at a critical juncture
主要内容：
第一段带有中文翻译，第二段只有英文，这两段应该足够大家看懂了整个事件的背景了。
The land included in the purchase comprises around 23% of the territory of the modern United States. The purchase was an important moment in the presidency of Thomas Jefferson. At the time, it faced domestic opposition as being possibly unconstitutional. Although he felt that the Constitution did not contain any provisions for acquiring territory, Jefferson decided to purchase Louisiana because he felt uneasy about France and Spain having the power to block American traders' access to the port of New Orleans.
此次购买的土地包含了现代美国领土约23%的面积，是托马斯"杰弗逊执政时期的一项重大事宜。当时，这项提议面临着国内极大反对的声浪，认为这不符合宪法的规定。尽管杰弗逊认为宪法没有包含任何关于获取领土的规定，但是他依然决定购买路易斯安那，因为他担心法国和西班牙在当时拥有过大的实力来阻隔美国通向新奥尔良地区的商路。
France' offer to sell the vast Louisiana Territory to the United States in 1803 sparked a constitutional dilemma. President Thomas Jefferson wanted to purchase the territory, which would double the size of the United States. But Jefferson also favored a narrow interpretation of the Constitution—and nowhere did it provide for acquiring additional territory. Because of the need to act quickly on the deal, there was no time to amend the Constitution. Instead, the Jeffersonian Democratic-Republicans in Congress passed legislation that gave the President permission to sign a treaty to receive the territory, and Congress appropriated the money to pay for it. Congress acted under the provision of the Constitution (Article 5, Section 3) that gave Congress the power to regulate the territories, arguing that that power included the right to purchase new territories. Congress and the President therefore stretched the Constitution to fit new circumstances and solve their dilemma.

2. Alaska Purchase—take risks 的意义
关键词：“Seward’s Folly”, gold was discovered in Alaska in 1897, the deal paid off thousands of times over.
主要内容：
你怎么评断一个州的价值？在1867年3月30日，国务卿威廉．西华 (William H. Seward) 同意从苏联手中以7百万美金的代价买下阿拉斯加地区。你是否觉得用来购买这片没经过探索的土地的代价太过于昂贵了呢？在那个时候，有人批评西华疯了，并称这个为「西华的蠢事」。因为以这么高的代价买下这个「西华的冰柜」，以及安德鲁．詹森的「北极熊的花园」，西华遭到各界的嘲笑。
How much do you think a state is worth? On March 30, 1867, Secretary of State William H. Seward agreed to purchase Alaska from Russia for $7 million. Do you think this was too much to pay for a piece of land that was mostly unexplored? At the time, critics thought Seward was crazy and called the deal "Seward's folly." Seward was laughed at for his willingness to spend so much on "Seward's icebox" and Andrew Johnson's "polar bear garden."

但是西华很久以前就想要买下阿拉斯加了。阿拉斯加的幅员广大，可以让美国领土扩大20％。俄国在18世纪早期就在阿拉斯加地区创建基地，并且在詹姆士．布坎南 (James Buchanan) 总统在位时就想要卖给美国。但是因为内战的爆发，两国的谈判宣告中断。战争退出之后，西华花了很多心力说服参议院，让议员们相信阿拉斯加对美国是相当重要的。参议院最后以一票之差批准购买条约，决定购买阿拉斯加。你觉得买下阿拉斯加是聪明的吗？
But Seward had wanted to buy Alaska for a long time. Alaska is so large that the addition of this land would increase the size of the U.S. by nearly 20 percent. Russia had established a presence in Alaska in the early 18th century and offered to sell it to the United States during President James Buchanan's administration. But the Civil War stalled negotiations. After the war, it was not easy for Seward to convince the Senate that Alaska would be an important addition to the United States. The Senate ratified the treaty that approved the purchase by just one vote. Was buying Alaska a good move?

最后事实证明，购买阿拉斯加是相当正确的决定。大量金矿在1880年代与1890年代被发现。这些发现让阿拉斯加得到政府的注意，也吸引了许多人前往。现在，藉由油管从阿拉斯加传到美国本土的石油，也是当地方丰富矿产之一。你知道阿拉斯加什么时候成为美国的一州吗？
Ultimately, buying Alaska proved to be a very good move. Major discoveries of gold were made there in the 1880s and 1890s. These discoveries brought attention and people to Alaska. Today, petroleum transported across the state through a pipeline is Alaska's richest mineral resource. Do you know when Alaska became a state?

在1946年，阿拉斯加自主成为一州，并且在1955年制订州宪法。1959年1月3日，艾森豪(Eisenhower)总统宣布阿拉斯加正式添加联邦，成为美国的第49州。你知道阿拉斯加这个全美国最大的州现在价值多少钱吗？
In 1946, Alaskans approved statehood and adopted a constitution in 1955. On January 3, 1959, President Eisenhower announced Alaska's entrance into the Union as the 49th state. How much do you think Alaska, the nation's largest state, would be worth today?
The nickname of the 49th state, Alaska, is the "Last Frontier." Purchased from Russia for $7 million in 1867, Alaska is the largest state in area and is the largest peninsula in the Western Hemisphere. Mt. McKinley in the Alaska Range is North America's highest peak at 20,320 feet and one of the greatest challenges for mountain climbers. Juneau is the state's capital, and the state flower is the pale-blue forget-me-not.

身为美国第49州的阿拉斯加，是1867年时，以美金七百万的代价，自苏俄手中购得，因而它的别名是「最后的荒野」(Last Frontier)。阿拉斯加是美国50州内面积最大的州，也是西半球最大的半岛。阿拉斯加山脉的马金利山是登山者的极致挑战，高20,320英尺的它是北美洲境内最高的一座山。阿拉斯加的首府是朱诺(Juneau)，而它的州花是淡蓝色的勿忘我。

3. Mt.Rushmore National Memorial.——按计划工作还是有意义的工作。
简介：originally intended to be a tribute to figures from the Old West, ended up with George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Thomas Jefferson and Theodore Roosevelt.
这个资料比较少，大家看看有没有谁可以完善一下，我没太找得到。。。

作者: Serena0710 时间: 2012-2-19 23:29
回鸟儿and daisy~~看来大家都需要例子呀！我尽量保证每天都可以贴几个~

作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-2-20 14:00
支持支持！
我上XDF班的时候老师就说过要积累例子来着……
不过一直没有行动，哈哈过来借鉴几个~！

作者: Serena0710 时间: 2012-2-20 22:56
标题: 今天的例子来鸟~~
今天的例子来鸟~~
4. Andrew Carnegie ---读书的意义、儿童业余工作时间的利弊，过去成功容易还是现在成功容易（类似的个人几乎控制整个行业的例子当然还有J. P. Morgan）
关键词：industrialist, philanthropist/passion for reading/By 1897, he controlled almost the entire steel industry in the United States. Philanthropist donations
主要内容：
After he achieved big success in his career, he turned to philanthropy and interests in education, founding the Carnegie Endowment for International Peace, Carnegie Institution of Washington, Carnegie Mellon University and the Carnegie Museums of Pittsburgh.
Carnegie gave most of his money to establish many libraries, schools, and universities in the United States, the United Kingdom, Canada and other countries, as well as a pension fund for former employees.

5. Andrew Jackson –学习历史可以更好的解决当代问题
关键词：rotation in office, the spoils system, ordered that all public land could be sold only for silver or gold, the bank panic, the Indian Removal Act, Trail of tears
主要内容：
Spoils system
When Jackson became President, he implemented the theory of rotation in office by political appointments, declaring it "a leading principle in the republican creed."、He believed that rotation in office would prevent the development of a corrupt bureaucracy. To strengthen party loyalty, Jackson's supporters wanted to give the posts to party members, a patronage system. In practice, this meant replacing federal employees with friends or party loyalists. By the end of his term, Jackson dismissed nearly 20% of the Federal employees at the start of it, replacing them with political appointees from his party.、While Jackson did not start the "spoils system", he did encourage its growth for many years to come. It led to its own kind of corruption, including the appointment of officials with no experience related to their responsibilities.
杰克逊遭指控，在美国政治体系中引入“分赃制度”，或称“恩赐” 杰克逊当选总统后，撤换一大群联邦官员，代之以自己的支持者与友人。杰克逊认为，奖赏所属派系并鼓励其他人加入有助民主。
Indian removal
时至今日，安德鲁?杰克逊总统在职期间最受人争议者，或为其印地安人相关政策。杰克逊为印地安人排除政策之倡议者，他于1830年签署印地安人排除法案，成为一项法律。与公众的误解相反的是，该项排除法案并未下令遣走任何印地安人，而是授权总统与印地安部落洽商购地条款，即以东部的部落所有地，交换当时已有州界以外之西部遥远国土。杰克逊执政期间，向西迁移了超过45,000名的印地安人。杰克逊政府当时耗资六千八百万美元，及三千两百万英亩（十三万平方公里）的西部国土，购下了一亿英亩（四十万平方公里）的印地安人土地。搬迁的进程普受美国人欢迎，却使印地安人各族受苦，甚至死亡。杰克逊当时因在这些事件之角色而遭非议，批评逐年增长。罗伯特?雷米尼称这段搬迁印地安人的时期为“美国历史中最令人不快的一章”。

6. Obama Girl ---媒体的影响
关键词：an internet celebrity, I got a crush on(暗恋) Obama
一段网上爆火的视频描述了一位年轻的美女歌手表达自己对民主党总统候选人巴拉克?奥巴马(Barack Obama)的热爱。“奥巴马女孩”在YouTube的浏览次数超过400万次，并且很多次出现在电视新闻和访谈节目中。毫无疑问，这段视频的制作方Barely Political在以娱乐的名义表达政治讽刺。

作者: Serena0710 时间: 2012-2-20 22:58
给大家一个记例子的小tip~~
我每个例子都给出了关键词，不多，一个例子就几个词。我贴的其他东西是帮助大家了解，了解之后，只记关键词就比较好记了~~~

作者: chasedreamabc 时间: 2012-2-21 18:14
THX LZ
每天都会关注的

作者: Crystaljoy 时间: 2012-2-21 23:44
philanthropy 慈善事业
Example 4 可以用到我今天的作文里哇~相见恨晚!

Obama Girl 竟然可以用到“媒体”话题中，怎么就没想到呢~

Serena ，like U ~

作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-2-21 23:54
Serena姐姐~
今天可以补充一个马斯洛需求理论的例子哦

Maslow's hierarchy of needs(大家一定不要和晨依一样再写Maslow‘s theory of requirements啦~~~) is a theory in psychology, proposed by Abraham Maslow in his 1943 paper A Theory of Human Motivation. Maslow subsequently extended the idea to include his observations of humans' innate curiosity. His theories parallel many other theories of human developmental psychology, all of which focus on describing the stages of growth in humans. Maslow use the terms Physiological, Safety, Belongingness and Love, Esteem, and Self-Actualization needs to describe the pattern that human motivations generally move through.

Love and belonging
Humans need to feel a sense of belonging and acceptance, whether it comes from a large social group, such as clubs, office culture, religious groups, professional organizations, sports teams, gangs, or small social connections (family members, intimate partners, mentors, close colleagues, confidants). They need to love and be loved (sexually and non-sexually) by others. In the absence of these elements, many people become susceptible to loneliness, social anxiety, and clinical depression. This need for belonging can often overcome the physiological and security needs, depending on the strength of the peer pressure; an anorexic, for example, may ignore the need to eat and the security of health for a feeling of control and belonging.

Safety needs
With their physical needs relatively satisfied, the individual's safety needs take precedence and dominate behavior. In the absence of physical safety – due to war, natural disaster, or, in cases of family violence, childhood abuse, etc. – people (re-)experience post-traumatic stress disorder and trans-generational trauma transfer. In the absence of economic safety – due to economic crisis and lack of work opportunities – these safety needs manifest themselves in such things as a preference for job security, grievance procedures for protecting the individual from unilateral authority, savings accounts, insurance policies, reasonable disability accommodations, and the like.
Safety and Security needs include:Personal security,Financial security,Health and well-being,Safety net against accidents/illness and their adverse impacts

我没有仔细编辑内容，这是马斯洛的概述和里面的两层次需求的解释。作为例子用在作文里面的话还需要大家自己精简一下哦~大家可以先看一看，科普一下（晨依发现自己把money和recognition都归错层次了……汗颜啊。。我是学管理的我会说吗

。。。嘘——）

作者: Serena0710 时间: 2012-2-22 00:34
标题: 2.21独立 2010.8.28NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Sin

According to Maslow's hierarchy of needs theory, the most basic need of human beings is physiological needs, which mean the needs of a shelter, food and water as well as sleep and sex. Obviously, all of the physiological needs can be addressed by money. However, after these basic needs are met, people will always have
superior demands, such as safety needs, belongingness needs and esteem needs, which can not be solved only by money. As a result, it is hardly to draw a
universal conclusion that people would take pains to attain public recognition without pursuing any material rewards.

At present, there are still a lot of people who have poor life quality and those people are of no interest to gain public recognition. Imagine that when someone faces with the low basic pay, uncertain work place, not enough food, will he or she care about obtaining public recognition any more? Definitely not! And at this
moment, because of financial and life burden, people always put more value on money of a job rather than the reputation it brings to them.

However, in some conditions, people who are free of these concerns will chase recognition instead of earning money. Community volunteer is a case in point. I
have been a volunteer for the Zhengkai International Marathon. It is very competitive to be the volunteer there. I become a volunteer so that I was proved to be
excellent on some degree. As a result, classmates around me congratulate me and respect me. There isn’t another better way for me to be recognized by the
public.

Of course, there is other variety of reason for people to work harder to achieve higher public reputation without money. Bill Gates founded the Bill & Melinda Gates
Foundation, which primarily aims, globally, enhance the health care and reduce extreme poverty and in America, to expand educational opportunities and
access to information technology. This action brings recognition not only to Bill Gate’s talent, but also to his morality.

To sum up, after we feed our family, satisfy our own desire and live an abundant life, most of us will put earning money on a less important position so that we
can spend more energy on public recognition.

作者: Serena0710 时间: 2012-2-22 00:35
今天没给例子，sorry了。。。。不过给力的晨依帮忙贴了几个例子~~~大家欢迎~~~~

作者: Serena0710 时间: 2012-2-23 00:05
标题: 2.22 最二的一天但是essay比昨天少了一些傻气~~
In China, there is an adage that says, “The poor man’ child shares the household chores,” the implication being that child who lives in rural areas has taken the responsibility to take care of the family since his or her childhood. As a result, people living in country indeed do a better job in looking after their family members than people living in cities. As far as I’m concerned, I support this statement for financial, emotional and educational reasons.

People grow up in the rural areas not only have the ability to use money in a more proper way to make their family live better, but also have learnt how to take care of youngsters since they are teenagers. In Chinese country, a family usually has more than one child even though the one-child polity has been implemented for years. Obviously, more children means heavier financial burden .Therefore,when parents are busy with making money, elder children have to look after the baby ones, buy some daily necessities and cook meals for the family. And in this process, teenagers develop the customs to save every penny to sustain and for the kids’ schooling.

Aside from the financial burdens, emotional reason is equally important. In order to save electricity charge, people live in rural areas rarely watch TV for many hours. Consequently, they family members have more time to communicate with each other and thus have a deeper affection. Additionally, because of more children limited resources, people are prone to be considerate to others and forgive others’ faults. This kind of home deserves a harmonious environment. In city, however, because of the family plan, most kids do not know how to get on well with others even family members, nor do they know it after growing up.

And let’s not forget that education from different parents leads to the discrepancy. On the one hand, parents live in rural areas set themselves as examples to work hard to support the family. On the other hand, they always choose to make the children doing some or even all the household chores. Unlike the country parents, many city parents spoil their children so much that the majority of the kids can’t do any housework, let alone take care of their family after getting married.

For these reasons, we can safely conclude that people living in poorer areas have more chance to cultivate the ability for life and foster a sense of responsibility than those living in a more comfortable environment.

作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-2-23 00:08
我就是路过……顺便看见了作文第一句，震惊了！
好腻害的句子！

作者: Serena0710 时间: 2012-2-23 00:21

我就是路过……顺便看见了作文第一句，震惊了！
好腻害的句子！

-- by 会员晨依Jacqueline (2012/2/23 0:08:43)

嘿嘿，老不好意西啦~~今天刚学的，拿出来显摆一下喽~~哈哈

作者: Crystaljoy 时间: 2012-2-23 00:33
嘿嘿，显摆无罪~ 以后作文多多show off！

作者: daisyの小夢想 时间: 2012-2-23 00:46
According to Maslow's hierarchy of needs theory, the most basic need of human beings is physiological needs, which mean the needs of a shelter, food and water as well as sleep and sex. Obviously, all of the physiological needs can be addressed(address? vt. 演说；从事；忙于；写姓名地址；向…致辞。应该用满足一词，satisfied/ met) by money. However, after these basic needs are met, people will always have
superior demands, such as safety needs, belongingness needs and esteem needs, which can not be solved(同上) only by money. As a result, it is hardly to draw a
universal conclusion that people would take pains to attain public recognition without pursuing any material rewards.

At present, there are still a lot of people who have poor life quality and those people are of no interest to gain public recognition(there are句式有点累赘，最好改成主动语态，主题句要宏观一点来说问题：Not like rich people, A lot of low-income people still suffer from low quality of life and has no interest in public recognition, so not all people care public recognition more than money.). Imagine that when someone faces with the low basic pay, uncertain work place, (and) not enough food, will he or she care about obtaining public recognition any more? Definitely not! And at this moment, because of financial and life burden, people always put more value on money of a job(income/salary) rather than the reputation it brings to them(the reputation that a job brings).

However, in some conditions, people who are free of these concerns will(will太绝对了，would prefer to/ would like to) chase recognition instead of earning money. Community volunteer is a case in point. I have been a volunteer for the Zhengkai International Marathon. It is very competitive(difficult?) to be the(a) volunteer there. I become a volunteer so that I was proved to be excellent on some degree. As a result, classmates around me congratulate me and respect me. There isn’t another(any other) better way for me to be recognized(可替换一些词，如appreciated) by the public.

Of course, there is(are) other variety of reason(s) for people to work harder to achieve higher public reputation without money. Bill Gates founded the Bill & Melinda Gates
Foundation, which primarily aims, globally, enhance the health care and reduce extreme poverty and in America, to expand educational opportunities and
access to information technology.(which primarily aims to enhance the health care and reduce extreme poverty all over the world and to expand educational opportunities and access to information technology in the U.S.) This action brings recognition not only to Bill Gate’s talent, but also to his morality.

To sum up, after we (改成完成时)feed our family, satisfy our own desire and live an abundant life, most of us will put earning money on a less important position so that we can spend more energy on(spend more energy to gain) public recognition.

思路还可以，但表述需要明确一点，观点句要有力一点，每个小观点最后加一个小总结这样结构性会好一点。
多练就好了哈~

作者: Serena0710 时间: 2012-2-23 00:52
谢谢daisy的建议！！！正中我各种软肋呀~~~进步空间很大，好开心呀好开心~~碎觉去喽~~~

作者: Serena0710 时间: 2012-2-23 00:53

嘿嘿，显摆无罪~ 以后作文多多show off！

-- by 会员 Crystaljoy (2012/2/23 0:33:28)

no problem~

作者: A360 时间: 2012-2-23 08:44
WoooooW!!!!太感谢了

作者: boboo 时间: 2012-2-23 17:23
写得很好！自愧如不~~~
学到了很多表达，我觉得这不是批改，而是学习的过程。
没发现太多问题，有疑问的都用蓝色的给出了，高亮是精彩~~

InChina, there is an adage that says, “‘Thepoor man’ child shares the household chores,”(猛地反应过来是穷人家的孩子早当家)the implication being that child who lives in rural areas has taken the responsibilityto take care of the family since his or her childhood（用复数会不会更好点，后面只用一个their）.As a result, people living in country indeed do a better job in looking after their familymembers than people living in cities. As far as I’m concerned, I support this statement forfinancial, emotional and educational reasons.（观点鲜明，列出三方面原因，赞）

People grow up in the ruralareas not only have the ability to use money in a more proper way to make theirfamily live better, but also have learnt how to take care of youngsters sincethey are teenagers. In Chinese country, a family usuallyhas more than one child even though the one-child polity（policy） has been implemented for years.Obviously, more children means heavier financial burden .Therefore, when parents are busy with(be busy doing是可以的)making money, elder children have to look after the baby ones, buy some dailynecessities and（even更好点，应该有递进关系）cook meals for the family. And in this process, teenagers develop the customsto save every penny to sustain and（可以去掉？） forthe kids’ schooling. （个人觉得还可以从说因为生活艰苦，他们会意识到钱的重要性，不会乱花，会用更合适的方式来花）

Aside from the financial burdens, emotional reason is equallyimportant. In order to save electricity charge, people live in rural areasrarely watch TV for many hours（觉得有点奇怪，可以去掉）.Consequently, they（their） family members have more time tocommunicate with each other and thus have a deeper affection. Additionally, because of more children limitedresources, people are prone to be considerate to others and forgive others’ faults.This kind of home deserves a harmonious environment. In city, however, because of the family plan, most kidsdo not know how to get on well with others even family members, nor do theyknow it after growing up(推得好像有点太绝对了，另外可以说下城市计划生育审查严格，不然和首段有点矛盾).

And let’s not forget that education from different parents leadsto the discrepancy. On theone hand, parents live in rural areas set themselves as examples to work hardto support the family. On the other hand, they always choose to make the childrendoing some or even all the household chores. Unlike the country parents,many city parents spoil their children so much that the majority of the kidscan’t do any housework, letalone take care of their family after getting married.

For these reasons, we can safely conclude that people living inpoorer areas have more chance to cultivate the ability for life and foster a sense of responsibility than those livingin a more comfortable environment.

作者: Serena0710 时间: 2012-2-23 18:08
嘿嘿，谢谢boboo 的修改！！你的长处就是逻辑很好，能把事情将清楚，而这就是我的弱项，我已经很努力的自圆其说了，但是我怎么看都觉得论证方面都差一大截子。。。咱俩互补啦~

作者: Serena0710 时间: 2012-2-24 00:28
标题: 223独立~The advice from grandparents has no use for their grandchildren because th

We may all hear the adage that “Knowledge is power,” implying knowledge breeds success, for hundred times from our grandparents. But who have ever though that may being misleading? It’s not knowledge that’s power; it’s the application of knowledge that provided the power which contributes to success. And as far as I’m concerned, the advice from our grandparents is useless and never suitable for nowadays society.

As I mentioned just now, suggestion from the elders may mislead us for the reason that they have a relatively limited perspective to recognize the new world. For example, in 1970s, when my aunt was thinking about which subject to major, my aunt, with her best friend, wanted to choose computer science and technology. However, my grandmother forced my aunt to major in accounting, which was the hottest at that period. After a couple years, it was proved that my aunt’s best friend, who majored in computer, have a right choice. Because undergraduates from computer were really scarce at that time and she got a really high-paid job. In sharp contrast, my aunt only did some basic job in the accounting department in a common factory.

Besides, taking advice from our grandparents will make us inefficient. On the one hand, the way they collect information is out of date. Considering the advent of communication technology, we learn about things at one click of a button on our computers or cell phones. The information provided is up-to-date, easy to access and widely available to the public. On the other hand, they got success by their own effort, but today, team spirit is one of the most important work ethic that we value. As a result, it is not wise to take advice from people whose experience for success stays in fifty years ago.

Most importantly, suggestions from the old will restrict us to foster the sense of innovation, which is kind of risky. Generally, as age grows, people will become more and more traditional and cautious. And thus they hope that they children’s life can be stable rather than taking risk. My grandpa used to be a director of a factory. He often refused the reform proposal which was provided buy young talented persons. He always told me that “the more stability the better”. Finally, the factory gradually lost its competitive advantage and had a lower profit.

There is nothing wrong with being modest and eager to learn, but we’d better have the ability to tell which advice is the one we really need. And this is what makes differences between nobody and somebody.

作者: Crystaljoy 时间: 2012-2-25 17:22
Serena 有木有写24号的呢？

作者: Serena0710 时间: 2012-2-25 17:41

Serena 有木有写24号的呢？

-- by 会员 Crystaljoy (2012/2/25 17:22:13)

木有啊鸟儿，昨晚洗了澡头发没干出去转了一圈，回来之后还在寒风中接了一小时的电话，早上起来就牺牲了。。。卧床到4点才起来，刚把八戒哥的作文改好~~~我直接写25的文章吧~~然后等会把你的改一下~~

作者: Crystaljoy 时间: 2012-2-26 00:07
虽然春天来了乖要继续穿厚哦，咱们这里近日持续降温中。我来改改你23号的，帮八戒个老猪补作业。

We may all hear the adage that “Knowledge is power,” implying knowledge breeds success, for hundred （hundreds of,要不就a hundred也成吧~）times from our grandparents. But who have（has） ever though(thought) that may being(be) misleading?（+in some way） It’s not knowledge that’s power; it’s the application of knowledge that provided the power which contributes to success. And as far as I’m concerned, the advice from our grandparents is useless and never(seldom避免绝对)suitable for nowadays society.

As I （have 尽量用现在时态）mentioned just now, suggestion from the elders may mislead us for the reason that they have a relatively limited perspective to recognize the new world（认识世界，这样表达地道不？understand the world?）. For example, in 1970s, when my aunt was thinking about which subject to major, my aunt, with her best friend, wanted to choose computer science and technology. However, my grandmother forced my aunt to major in accounting, which was the hottest at that period. After a couple（a couple of 几） years, it was proved that my aunt’s best friend, who majored in computer, have a right choice（had made the wise decision）. Because undergraduates from computer (major)were really scarce at that time and(thus 前后句是因果关系吧) she got a really high-paid job. In sharp contrast, my aunt only did some basic job(acquired an ordinary position) in the accounting department in a common factory.

Besides, taking advice from our grandparents will make us inefficient. On the one hand, the way they collect information is out of date. Considering the advent of communication technology, we learn about things(the latest news and knowledge 具体些好，少用thing) at one click of a button on our computers or cell phones. The(Such 更前后承接，显得连贯) information provided is up-to-date, easy to access and widely available to the public. On the other hand, they got success by(through) their own effort, but today, team spirit is one of the most important work ethic that we value. As a result, it is not wise to take advice from people whose experience for success stays(appicable) in fifty years ago.

Most importantly, suggestions from the old will restrict us to foster the sense of innovation, which is kind of risky. Generally, as age grows, people will become more and more traditional and cautious. And thus they hope that they(their) children’s life can be stable rather than taking risk(risky 显得对称点儿). My grandpa used to be a director of a factory. He often refused the reform proposal which was provided buy(by) young talented persons. He always told me that “the more stability the better”. Finally, the factory gradually lost its competitive advantage and had(generated 哈哈，个人不太喜欢多have) a lower profit.

There is nothing wrong with being modest and eager to learn, but we’d better have the ability to tell which advice is the one we really need. And this is what makes differences between nobody and somebody.

Serena写的真不错噢！用词很棒！就是打字的错误检查时候要细心哟~

作者: Serena0710 时间: 2012-2-26 08:59
谢谢鸟儿细致的修改，我就是太不细心啊！！！而且，用词的话把，还一边写着一边翻着参考书和词典。。。今儿起，我决定不再这样做，争取自己写45分钟完成！
PS. 鸟儿的爱心天气提醒哟~~

作者: jiaosisisisi 时间: 2012-2-26 09:32
225是不是我们互相改呢。。。。

作者: Serena0710 时间: 2012-2-26 10:32

225是不是我们互相改呢。。。。

-- by 会员 jiaosisisisi (2012/2/26 9:32:42)

是呀是呀~~我225的作文题目在前几天写过啦~~music翻一下我前面的作文吧~~

作者: jiaosisisisi 时间: 2012-2-26 18:31

225是不是我们互相改呢。。。。

-- by 会员 jiaosisisisi (2012/2/26 9:32:42)

是呀是呀~~我225的作文题目在前几天写过啦~~music翻一下我前面的作文吧~~

-- by 会员 Serena0710 (2012/2/26 10:32:53)

我晚上之前会帮你revise的改得不好轻拍砖额~~~~~

作者: Serena0710 时间: 2012-2-26 22:10
咆哮啊！！！坑得的模考软件，写到一半时间完了，然后我的作文就不见了！！！不见了！！！不见了。。。见了。。。见了。。。了。。。。

作者: Serena0710 时间: 2012-2-26 22:14
226综合

The reading passage examines the topic that people reading far less than used to. The professor’s speech is concerned with the same topic. However, she contends that reading less literature books does not meant the lower of level of culture in general, which is the opposite of what the reading passage asserts. And in the presentation, she offers plenty of evidence to buttress her idea.

First, even though the reading passage indicates that the most obvious decline happens in literature. The professor argues in the lecture that reading less literature does not reveal the fact that the public do not read any more and. This is because people choose to read books in the area of science, which is of high-quality and also can stimulate our imagination. Apparently, the professor's argument raises doubts about the relevant point in the reading.

Second, the statement in the reading show that reading other superficial, poorly written book will lower the level of culture in general. However, the professor states that people listen to brilliant music and excellent movies can also get benefits from culture. Then, she strengthens this point with the fact that nowadays, culture is changed and has a lot of forms.

Finally, the professor believes that it is the authors' fault while the reading passage claims that as the support from readers being less, good writers become less. The professor verifies that this claim is very weak by pointing out that literature written by writers years ago is more easily for the reader to read and understand while the writers' work today are too difficult for the public to understand.

To sum up, the professor precisely finds the flaws in the reading passage and compelling proves that people reading literature far less has negative effects on both the reader and writer in the future.

作者: jiaosisisisi 时间: 2012-2-27 00:07
2月25日Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Compared with people who live in urban areas, the people who live in rural areas can take better care of their families.

蓝色表示看起来有点问题的 + music自己的观点的
红色表示需要改得，但是我等级不够的，无法下爪的
橄榄色晨依说这个颜色太shi了，我就取消了~~~~

In China, there is an adage that says, “The poor man’ child shares the household chores,” the implication being (大胆猜测~~being 会不会有点wordy....the implication of which is 卖弄一下从句怎么样啊)that child who lives in rural areas has taken the responsibility to take care of the family since his or her childhood. As a result, people living in country indeed do a better job in looking after their family members than people living in cities. As far as I’m concerned, I support this statement for financial, emotional and educational reasons. （这样的组织，你是事先策划好的吧，ETS最喜欢你这个样子了，看起来简单明了~~~赞一个）

People grow up in the rural areas not only have the ability to use money （grow up 跟have 两个谓语动词，一个要做后置定语吧！改成growing！）in a more proper way to make their family live better, but also have learnt how to take care of youngsters since they are teenagers. In Chinese country,（countryside比较好些吧，country给人第一感觉总是国家！） a family usually has more than one child（加个逗号什么的会不会好点） even though the one-child politypolicyhas been implemented for years. （这个即使引导的从句，让人感觉农村特别无视王法。。。。。。虽然政策推行了很多年了但是农村完全无视之的意思！去掉会不会好些呢）Obviously, more children means heavier financial burden .Therefore,when parents are busy with（我们初中老师如果还在的话，他可能还会跟我讲busy with sth，busy doing sth，如果busy with doing sth的话会不会有点wordy） making money, elder children have to look after the baby ones, buy some daily necessities and cook meals for the family. And in this process, teenagers develop the customs to save every penny to sustain and for the kids’ schooling.

（我一直隐隐地觉得，这个题目会有两种理解，第一种理解是农村地区的人比城市的人更会照顾家人，一种理解是居住在农村更好照顾家人，而居住在城市relatively 没法那么好地照顾家人，啊！！！！！我跑题了啊啊啊啊啊啊！我居然理解成后者了啊啊啊啊啊啊
Aside from the financial burdens, emotional reason is equally important. In order to save electricity charge, people live in rural areas rarely watch TV for many hours. Consequently, they（拼写） family members have more time to communicate with each other and thus have a deeper affection. Additionally, because of more children limited resources, people are prone（拼写） to be considerate to others and forgive others’ faults. This kind of home deserves a harmonious environment. In city, however, because of the family plan, most kids do not know how to get on well with others even family members, nor do they know it after growing up.

And let’s not forget that education from different parents leads to the discrepancy. (我很喜欢这种非常local 的表达方式 )On the one hand, parents live in rural areas set themselves as examples to work hard to support the family. On the other hand, they always choose to make the children doing some or even all the household chores. Unlike the country parents, many city parents （会不会稍微chinglish了一下额~~~）spoil their children so much that the majority of the kids can’t do any housework, let alone take care of their family after getting married.（推荐名词marriage=getting married）

For these reasons, we can safely conclude that people living in poorer（这个为了不重复把rural areas改成poorer areas，农村人会不会很无辜呢~~~） areas have more chance to cultivate the ability for life and foster a sense of responsibility than those living in a more comfortable environment.
（多么好的一个结尾。我喜欢你的开头与结尾，一看就没有模板，一看就不是专业码字的，一看就是认真想很久写出来的文章，一看就是没计时的，一看就是写了超过一个小时的。。。一看就~~~~~~~~ok,作为码字的music，看完以后哭了一场，决定以后好好写文章，尽量少模板了。。。。

作者: jiaosisisisi 时间: 2012-2-27 00:15
好吧，S女神，我表示我跑题了。。。。。。
你的文章写的对着呢 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

作者: Serena0710 时间: 2012-2-28 19:34

好吧，S女神，我表示我跑题了。。。。。。
你的文章写的对着呢 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

-- by 会员 jiaosisisisi (2012/2/27 0:15:34)

哈哈~~music，休整一天之后我精神充沛的回归了！！！
1. the implication being (大胆猜测~~being 会不会有点wordy....the implication of which is 卖弄一下从句怎么样啊)这句吧，其实我觉得很不错，而且是慎小嶷的范文上学来的。T上的语法，比较宽松。如果硬要用G的语法来改，就不那么丰富啦~~
2. 其他的地方都改的很好，我收下鸟~~~
3.一看就是没计时的，一看就是写了超过一个小时的。。。一看就~~~~~~~~本来前面看着自己被夸很享受的，后来发现，码字的music来声讨我了。。。嘿嘿，好吧~~今儿我尽量不超时！

作者: byron777 时间: 2012-2-28 22:27
226综合
红明显错误，青斟酌

The reading passage examines the topic that people reading far less than used to. The professor’s speech is concerned with the same topic. However, she contends that reading less literature books does not meant （mean）the lower of level of culture in general, which is the opposite of（to） what the reading passage asserts. And in the presentation（lecture是不更准确？elaborately use alternative words?）, she offers plenty of evidence to buttress her idea.

First, even though the reading passage indicates that the most obvious decline happens in literature. The(, the 前边even though引导的是让步状语，和后边的还是一句话) professor argues in the lecture that reading less literature does not reveal the fact that the public do not read any more（感觉有歧义，好像不读书是fact一样。。） and（这个是打错了吧）. This is because people choose to read books in the area of science, which is of high-quality and also can stimulate our imagination. Apparently, the professor's argument raises doubts about the relevant point in the reading.

Second, the statement in the reading show（s） that reading other superficial, poorly written book will lower the level of culture in general. However, the professor states that people listen to brilliant music and （watch）excellent movies can also get benefits from culture. Then, she strengthens this point with the fact that nowadays, culture is changed and has a lot of forms.
（记得是reading重点在imagination的下降，lower the level of culture 是原因）

Finally, the professor believes that it is the authors' fault while（when好点，while有然而的歧义） the reading passage claims that as the support from readers being less, good writers become less. The professor verifies that this claim is very weak by pointing out that literature written by writers years ago is more easily（easier） for the reader to read and understand while the writers' work today are too difficult for the public to understand.

To sum up, the professor precisely finds the flaws in the reading passage and compelling（ly） proves that people reading literature far less has（has far less） negative effects on both the reader and writer(the reader and the writer) in the future.

楼主语言功底很强呀，问题嘛。一个是第一段太长了，有头重脚轻的感觉，而且第一段没有涉及得分点。。第二是有否必要最后来一个to sum up，楼主可以斟酌下，因为ets的范文和无老师的满分写作范文都没有最后一段。另外，不知码这三百多字有没有超时，综合写到点子上，连接词和句式有所变化，二百来字就行了（这个是个人观点，综合写作要求是150-225，一般的范文也是220+—）。

第一次改综合，肯定很多不足，咱们共同探讨啊~

作者: jiaosisisisi 时间: 2012-2-29 00:23

226综合
红明显错误，青斟酌

The reading passage examines the topic that people reading far less than used to. The professor’s speech is concerned with the same topic. However, she contends that reading less literature books does not meant （mean）the lower of level of culture in general, which is the opposite of（to） what the reading passage asserts. And in the presentation（lecture是不更准确？elaborately use alternative words?）, she offers plenty of evidence to buttress her idea.

First, even though the reading passage indicates that the most obvious decline happens in literature. The(, the 前边even though引导的是让步状语，和后边的还是一句话) professor argues in the lecture that reading less literature does not reveal the fact that the public do not read any more（感觉有歧义，好像不读书是fact一样。。） and（这个是打错了吧）. This is because people choose to read books in the area of science, which is of high-quality and also can stimulate our imagination. Apparently, the professor's argument raises doubts about the relevant point in the reading.

Second, the statement in the reading show（s） that reading other superficial, poorly written book will lower the level of culture in general. However, the professor states that people listen to brilliant music and （watch）excellent movies can also get benefits from culture. Then, she strengthens this point with the fact that nowadays, culture is changed and has a lot of forms.
（记得是reading重点在imagination的下降，lower the level of culture 是原因）

Finally, the professor believes that it is the authors' fault while（when好点，while有然而的歧义） the reading passage claims that as the support from readers being less, good writers become less. The professor verifies that this claim is very weak by pointing out that literature written by writers years ago is more easily（easier） for the reader to read and understand while the writers' work today are too difficult for the public to understand.

To sum up, the professor precisely finds the flaws in the reading passage and compelling（ly） proves that people reading literature far less has（has far less） negative effects on both the reader and writer(the reader and the writer) in the future.

楼主语言功底很强呀，问题嘛。一个是第一段太长了，有头重脚轻的感觉，而且第一段没有涉及得分点。。第二是有否必要最后来一个to sum up，楼主可以斟酌下，因为ets的范文和无老师的满分写作范文都没有最后一段。另外，不知码这三百多字有没有超时，综合写到点子上，连接词和句式有所变化，二百来字就行了（这个是个人观点，综合写作要求是150-225，一般的范文也是220+—）。

第一次改综合，肯定很多不足，咱们共同探讨啊~

-- by 会员 byron777 (2012/2/28 22:27:35)

求教什么是第一段没有涉及得分点
and 什么是得分点。。。。

作者: Serena0710 时间: 2012-2-29 10:56
to Music ~~得分点应该就是听力材料里反驳reading passage的内容，我没听出来。。。。所以，就乱来了。。所以，就不得分了。。。

作者: Serena0710 时间: 2012-2-29 19:19
228综合

The reading passage examines the topic whether selling or buy fossils is a good thing. The professor's speech is concerned with the same topic. However, she contends that the benefits greatly outweigh the disadvantages brought by fossil trading, which is exactly the opposite og what the reading passage asserts. And in the presentation, she offers plenty of evidence to buttress her idea.

First, even though the reading passage indicates that the public will have no chance to see the fossils if fossils are sold to the private collectors instead of donating to the museums. The professor argues in the lecture that low level public schools and institutions have more chance to see the fossils because. This is because fossils are traded for purchase and displayed more than they used to.

Second, the statement in the reading that scientist will miss a lot of important discoveries about the evolution of life. Because it seems that researchers have less opportunities to do research on the fossils. However, the professor states that no fossils will be put value until they are confirmed by the experts. Then, she strengthens this idea by pointing out the fact that every fossil will be passed through experts and no one will be missed out because of the confirmation.

Finally, the professor believes that without the commercial collectors, many fossils will be undiscovered while the reading passage claims that commercial collectors will pose lots of damages on the fossils. The professor verifies that this claim is very weak by pointing out that finding more fossils is better than taking pains to locate them by the experts themselves.

作者: Crystaljoy 时间: 2012-2-29 22:04

第二是有否必要最后来一个to sum up，楼主可以斟酌下，因为ets的范文和无老师的满分写作范文都没有最后一段。另外，不知码这三百多字有没有超时，综合写到点子上，连接词和句式有所变化，二百来字就行了（这个是个人观点，综合写作要求是150-225，一般的范文也是220+—）。

第一次改综合，肯定很多不足，咱们共同探讨啊~

-- by 会员 byron777 (2012/2/28 22:27:35)

Byron, 我看的群分享的TPO综合高分文章，有的有结论的。时间允许，觉得写一个结论更加全面呢。
我考试时候综合写了280+ 包括结论，剩5分钟检查，其实我打字不快至今还没有练到盲打英文呢= = 。
最后总体作文得28分，看坛子里面有满分大牛综合都写350+。我猜测字数越多越好因为ETS喜欢细节，并且听力的细节最好多写。

作者: Serena0710 时间: 2012-3-1 12:09

-- by 会员 byron777 (2012/2/28 22:27:35)

-- by 会员 Crystaljoy (2012/2/29 22:04:23)

谢谢鸟儿的tip~

作者: Serena0710 时间: 2012-3-1 12:09
标题: 229独立
Pope Pius has said that“ Everything is being transformed under the magic influence of science and technology. ”And every day, if we want to live with open eyes, we have problems to study, to resolve." Obvious, from the sentence above, we can conclude that even though the world become small due to the internet and we can fight with a lot of terrible diseases owing to the breakthrough in medicine, we still have problems to address even outside of our lifetime.

Some world problems we are faced will take a long time to work out. We can see people in impoverished regions suffer hungry from the TV news. We can see the fate of rain forests, which are logged and cleared, on the newspapers. We can see a lot of serious issues taken place in every minute in this planet. Even though we take measures to stop those things, they still need years to be solved. This point can also be confirmed by the example of war. People have been fighting for resources and religion etc. for thousands of yeas. It is unlikely to end in few decades.

Besides the long time, the limited technology could also be attributed to the long-stalled problems. For example, it is well-known that disease lies as one of most crucial problems in today’s world, for the reason that everyone has to face the disease. Experts keep making profound breakthrough, but some diseases can not be cured such as AIDS and cancel.

So, can we solve all the problems someday? Yes! Do we have no more problems since that day? No! As we can see from our history, when we figure out one, the other comes up immediately. Additionally, finding problems is a good way for the society to make progress.

With all the evidence provided above, we can have the undoubted conclusion that the problems, especially the most important ones, affect our social like the mentioned above cannot be solved in our daily life. Instead, we are supposed to apply the things we have learnt on the practical to promote the technique development which can bring us a more bright future.

作者: Serena0710 时间: 2012-3-1 16:00
3.1独立People are now easier to become educated than in the past.

In the past several decades, our parents, especially our grandparents hardly have the opportunity to get access to schooling. However, with the development of the society, more and more people can obtain knowledge through different ways. So, it is safe to say that it is more easier for people nowadays to be educated than used to.

Compared with the primary school and middle school twenty years ago, fundamental schooling today in most of the area in the world has become free for all the students. My grandfather always told me the story of him when his was a teenager. At that time, only a few people who did a excellent job at study had the opportunity to get to middle school, and my grandfather was one of those lucky people. This is because the country was poor and couldn't provide free education for children. In addition, most families couldn’t afford more than one children to go to school. Obviously, it is really a big progress the authority ever made for the reason that almost every kid in China, now, have the opportunity to go to primary school and middle school.

The other compelling evidence is that now we have many kinds of education institutions provided for us. Whatever we want to learn, we can find some where to be taught. When we want to learn French, Korean or Japanese, we can go to the private institutions such as Xindongfang and Topway to have these foreign courses, which is pretty convenient. When I was a kid, it was very difficult to find a piano teacher, while there are a lot of private piano schools for students to choose.

As the internet become more and more prevalent, the emerge of online courses provide us a more efficient to be educated. You needn’t go out and suffer from the bad weather but just at home, you may learn more and better from the online school than traditional schools. All of this can not imagined twenty years ago.

As we see emernous changes happened in the education area, we can safely conclude that we are more easily to be educated than before because of the free fundamental schooling, everywhere education institutions and effective online sources.

作者: boboo 时间: 2012-3-1 20:44
2-28 综合修改

Thereading passage examines the topic whether selling or buy(buying) fossils is a good thing. The professor'sspeech is concerned withthe same topic. However, she contends that the benefits greatly outweigh thedisadvantages brought by fossil trading, which is exactly the opposite og(on) what the reading passage asserts. Andin the presentation, she offers plenty of evidence to buttress her idea. (感觉这句稍微有点多余了)

First, even though the reading passage indicatesthat the public will have no chance（有点太绝对了，reading中说的是harder） to see the fossils if fossils are sold tothe private collectors instead of donating to the museums. The professor arguesin the lecture that low level public schools and institutions have more chanceto see the fossils （Because .This is 这个可以直接删掉） because fossils are traded for purchase anddisplayed more than they used to.

Second, the statement in the reading thatscientist will miss a lot of important discoveries about the evolution of life.Because it seems that researchers have less opportunities to do research on thefossils. However, the professor states that no fossils will be putvalue（这个有点奇怪） until they are confirmed by the experts. Then, she strengthens this ideaby pointing out the fact that every fossil will be passed through experts andno one will be missed out because of the confirmation.

Finally, the professor believes that without thecommercial collectors, many fossils will be undiscovered while the readingpassage claims that commercial collectors will pose lots of damages on thefossils. The professor verifies that this claim is very weak by pointing outthat finding more fossils is better than taking pains to locate them by the expertsthemselves.

点听得很全，我第三点就完全没听清楚。没发现太多问题，倒是学到了很多表达。赞一个！

作者: noarkid 时间: 2012-3-1 21:45
Pope Pius has said that“ Everything is being transformed under the magic influence of science and technology. ”And every day, if we want to live with open eyes, we have problems to study, to resolve." Obvious, from the sentence above, we can conclude that even though the world become small due to the internet and we can fight with a lot of terrible diseases owing to the breakthrough in medicine, we still have problems to address even outside of our lifetime.

Some world problems we are faced will take a long time to work out. We can see people in impoverished regions suffer hungry from the TV news.(We can see from the TV news people in impoverished regions suffer hungry感觉原先那么写有点头重脚轻) We can see the fate of rain forests, which are logged and cleared, on the newspapers. We can see a lot of serious issues taken place in every minute in this planet. Even though we take measures to stop those things, they still need years to be solved. This point can also be confirmed by the example of war. People have been fighting for resources and religion etc. for thousands of yeas. It is unlikely to end in few decades.

Besides the long time, the limited technology could also be attributed to the long-stalled problems. For example, it is well-known that disease lies as one of most crucial problems in today’s world, for the reason that everyone has to face the disease. Experts keep making profound breakthrough, but some diseases can not be cured such as AIDS and cancel. （感觉这句话结构很好，个人感觉用though更好）

So,（感觉这里应该是转折了BUT） can we solve all the problems someday? Yes! Do we have no more problems since that day? No! As we can see from our history, when we figure out one, the other comes up immediately. Additionally, finding problems is a good way for the society to make progress.

With all the evidence provided above, we can have the undoubted conclusion that the problems, especially the most important ones, affect our social like the mentioned above cannot be solved in our daily life. Instead, we are supposed to apply the things we have learnt on the practical to promote the technique development which can bring us a more bright future.

觉得很赞啦。。。。

作者: Serena0710 时间: 2012-8-21 16:46
标题: 820独立 your job has more effect on your happiness than your social life does.
Work-holics regard career almost as the whole world of their life for the reason that earning a great deal of money is the key to happiness and can give them ennough (enough) security. As far as I am concerned, however, social life plays a more important role than work does no matter your career is successful or not.

A perfect job can only fulfill a person’s ambition while friends are the real origin of happiness. The majority of people (people) who work hard for most time of their life hold the opinion that making enough money make them happy. However, if a person devote (devotes) all the energy to work, then how could he has time to enjoy his life? On the opposite, hanging out with firend (friend) to watch foot matches and go traveling to meet new friends can help you approach true happiness. Here is a true story can illustrate my points. Working in the investment bank is admired by a lot of business school students even though they have to work more than 100 hours week to get promotion. My older sister is work in investment bank in Hongkong and she has told me a story of her junior colleague Mike. Mike's girlfriend came from Canada to hold a birthday party for him on a weekend, but Mike even didn’t have one minute to meet with his girlfriend. At the beginning (beginning), the girl could understand Mike, but after no more than three month, she finally broke up with Mike for being separated (separated) for too long and mike felt very head-broken about this ending. Mike may learn a lesson that if you don't have any time for your social life, millions of salary will have no matter with happiness.

People may feel frustrated when faced with failure on their work. At this time, social life can give them comfort and even make them happy again. After I graduated from my university, I don't spend as much time as used to having fun with my friends. I am busy with my work. One day, when I failed to compete with my colleague and didn't get the promotion from an assistant to a manager, I felt very depressed and thus I went to find my one of my best friends. He encouraged me and took me to a beautiful place to have relaxation. As a result, I forgot about the frustration on career and became happy as usual.

Adimittedly (admittedly), people can't just abondan (abandon) their job and soly (solely) indulge in the social life. After all, basic needs of life necessitate money and people will feel empty when they do not do any work. A better way for us to have a happier life may be finding a balance between work and social life.

作者: chasedreamabc 时间: 2012-8-21 21:11
你作文贴啥时叫了这个名字，太霸气了

作者: Serena0710 时间: 2012-8-21 22:54

你作文贴啥时叫了这个名字，太霸气了

-- by 会员 chasedreamabc (2012/8/21 21:11:55)

啊哈哈~作为小分队的老人儿，希望我最终不是流氓行为。。。。

作者: chasedreamabc 时间: 2012-8-22 10:53

你作文贴啥时叫了这个名字，太霸气了

-- by 会员 chasedreamabc (2012/8/21 21:11:55)

啊哈哈~作为小分队的老人儿，希望我最终不是流氓行为。。。。

-- by 会员 Serena0710 (2012/8/21 22:54:40)

你作为老人儿，只要30分太没追求了，不到31就是耍流氓=。。=

作者: 超级无敌小鹤鹤 时间: 2012-8-22 11:42
！！！围观霸气标题

作者: 超级无敌小鹤鹤 时间: 2012-8-22 11:46
还有啊~~~ 以后不要有像星期天那样的情况了哟~~~ 不然鹤鹤要警告丰满妞小喷油了~

作者: jeffery2541 时间: 2012-8-22 13:24
标题: 蓝色表建议，红色错误，高亮精彩
Work-holics regard career almost as the whole world of their life for the reason that earning a great deal of money is the key to happiness and can give them ennough (enough) security. As far as I am concerned, however, social life plays a more important role than work does no matter your career is successful or not.

A perfect job can only fulfill a person’s ambition while friends are the real origin of happiness. The majority of people (people) who work hard for most time of their life hold the opinion that making enough money make(makes) them happy. However, if a person devote (devotes) all the energy to work, then how could(why is could? I prefer can, since your implied meaning is that he certainly has no tiem to enjoy life.) he has(have) time to enjoy his life? On the opposite, hanging out with firends (friends) to watch foot(football) matches and go(going) traveling to meet new friends can help you approach true happiness. Here is a true story(you miss the "that")can illustrate my points. Working in the investment bank is admired(这个词用的好准确！这是admire的一个解释：to look at sth and think that it is attractive and/or impressive) by a lot of business school students even though they have to work more than 100 hours week (a week ) to get promotion. My older(elder) sister is work in investment bank in Hongkong and she has told me a story of her junior colleague Mike. Mike's girlfriend came from Canada to hold(It is ok to say hold a party, but throw a party is more fancy.) a birthday party for him on a weekend, but Mike even(even should be placed right after have) didn’t have one minute to meet with(Just meet, no extra with. meet with means happen to see each other) his girlfriend. At the beginning (beginning), the girl could understand Mike, but after no more than three month, she finally broke up with Mike for being separated (separated) for too long (,)and mike(Mike) felt very head-broken(heart-broken is better, right?) about this ending. Mike may learn a lesson that if you don't have any time for your social life, millions of salary will have no matter with happiness("have no matter with" sounds somehow unfamiliar to my ear. 我想不出来好的了，或许可以是have nothing to do with happiness).

People may feel frustrated when faced with failure on their work. At this time, social life can give them comfort and even make them happy again. After I graduated from my university, I don't spend as much time as used to having fun with my friends(sounds sort of confusing, better this way: I don'g spend as much time having fun with my friends as I used to.). I am busy with my work. One day, when I failed to compete with my colleague and didn't get the promotion(didn't get promoted, 动词的表达更直接) from an assistant to a manager, I felt very depressed and thus I went to find my(my) one of my best friends. He encouraged me and took me to a beautiful place to have relaxation(I prefer verb to noun, since verb is much more direct.). As a result, I forgot about the frustration on career and became happy as usual.(好！活生生的例子。)

Adimittedly (admittedly), people can't just abondan (abandon) their job(jobs) and soly (solely) indulge in the social life. After all, basic needs of life necessitate(好词！使成为必需) money and people will feel empty when they do not do any work. A better way for us to have a happier life may be finding a balance between work and social life.

---

总评：
举例相当充分；用词有很多亮点；开头结尾很精彩。但是文章还是有很多地方略显不精细，表达略显不地道。总体还是一篇很好的文章。

P.S.:迟到的批改，实在抱歉。

作者: Serena0710 时间: 2012-8-22 20:15
标题: 821 It is often not a good thing to move to a new city or a new country becaus
Sometimes, for different kinds of reasons, people have to move to a new city or a new country to live and work, leading to a loss of old friends. As a result, many people don't think it is a good thing for the simple reason that they think they can't meet their old friends and have activities with friends as usual, such as having afternoon tea or hanging out together. Besides, they have to spend time and energy to make new friends and get customed (costumed) to new live. However, everything has its pron (pros) and cons and thus I think that leaving old friends to a new city is not so bad as some people expect.

On one hand, moving to a new city doesn't means (mean) losing old friends. That is to say, distance is not a problem any longer. Telecommucations (telecommunications) are well developed, helping people keep in touch with old friends. When you miss one of you friends and want to talk to them, all you have to do is to pick up your mobile phone and make a call. Advanced technology enables the magic that you can be in front of your friends in few hours if they are in need of your help or comfort. For example, after I graduated from my university, I found a job in a new city, so I have to leave my hometown and move to a strange city. At first, I felt lonely, especially in the night. However, my friends kept contacting me everyday after work via MSN or Email until I knew some new colleague and get used to the new life here. Obviously, telecommunications have removed the obstable (obstacle) of being far away from your friends.

On the other hand, I would say that benefits of migration to a new city can more or less make up the loss of being seperated (separated) with friends. Making new friends and tasting new foods, both can be amazing experience. Additionally, moving to a bigger and more prosper city mneans a promising step into a world of opportunities. This summer, I got a chance to be a intern in a famous fund company in Shanghai, which is far from home. It is fantastic to apply my knowledge obtained in school into practice, to meet a lot of talent people and to accumulate work experience. I made new friends with some other interns, who are Americans and from Harvard.

In conclusion, being far way from old friends are not equal to losing them and it is always well-worth to try new things

作者: Serena0710 时间: 2012-8-22 20:18

Work-holics regard career almost as the whole world of their life for the reason that earning a great deal of money is the key to happiness and can give them ennough (enough) security. As far as I am concerned, however, social life plays a more important role than work does no matter your career is successful or not.

A perfect job can only fulfill a person’s ambition while friends are the real origin of happiness. The majority of people (people) who work hard for most time of their life hold the opinion that making enough money make(makes) them happy. However, if a person devote (devotes) all the energy to work, then how could(why is could? I prefer can, since your implied meaning is that he certainly has no tiem to enjoy life.) he has(have) time to enjoy his life? On the opposite, hanging out with firends (friends) to watch foot(football) matches and go(going) traveling to meet new friends can help you approach true happiness. Here is a true story(you miss the "that")can illustrate my points. Working in the investment bank is admired(这个词用的好准确！这是admire的一个解释：to look at sth and think that it is attractive and/or impressive) by a lot of business school students even though they have to work more than 100 hours week (a week ) to get promotion. My older(elder) sister is work in investment bank in Hongkong and she has told me a story of her junior colleague Mike. Mike's girlfriend came from Canada to hold(It is ok to say hold a party, but throw a party is more fancy.) a birthday party for him on a weekend, but Mike even(even should be placed right after have) didn’t have one minute to meet with(Just meet, no extra with. meet with means happen to see each other) his girlfriend. At the beginning (beginning), the girl could understand Mike, but after no more than three month, she finally broke up with Mike for being separated (separated) for too long (,)and mike(Mike) felt very head-broken(heart-broken is better, right?) about this ending. Mike may learn a lesson that if you don't have any time for your social life, millions of salary will have no matter with happiness("have no matter with" sounds somehow unfamiliar to my ear. 我想不出来好的了，或许可以是have nothing to do with happiness).

People may feel frustrated when faced with failure on their work. At this time, social life can give them comfort and even make them happy again. After I graduated from my university, I don't spend as much time as used to having fun with my friends(sounds sort of confusing, better this way: I don'g spend as much time having fun with my friends as I used to.). I am busy with my work. One day, when I failed to compete with my colleague and didn't get the promotion(didn't get promoted, 动词的表达更直接) from an assistant to a manager, I felt very depressed and thus I went to find my(my) one of my best friends. He encouraged me and took me to a beautiful place to have relaxation(I prefer verb to noun, since verb is much more direct.). As a result, I forgot about the frustration on career and became happy as usual.(好！活生生的例子。)

Adimittedly (admittedly), people can't just abondan (abandon) their job(jobs) and soly (solely) indulge in the social life. After all, basic needs of life necessitate(好词！使成为必需) money and people will feel empty when they do not do any work. A better way for us to have a happier life may be finding a balance between work and social life.

---

总评：
举例相当充分；用词有很多亮点；开头结尾很精彩。但是文章还是有很多地方略显不精细，表达略显不地道。总体还是一篇很好的文章。

P.S.:迟到的批改，实在抱歉。

-- by 会员 jeffery2541 (2012/8/22 13:24:12)

谢谢J如此用心的修改~~~不用抱歉啦~~哈哈~

作者: Serena0710 时间: 2012-8-22 20:18

还有啊~~~ 以后不要有像星期天那样的情况了哟~~~ 不然鹤鹤要警告丰满妞小喷油了~

-- by 会员超级无敌小鹤鹤 (2012/8/22 11:46:51)

哎哟~~就那一次啦~~~原谅丰满妞吧~~~以后再也不会咯~

作者: 超级无敌小鹤鹤 时间: 2012-8-22 20:43

乖~~

作者: 235852140 时间: 2012-8-22 22:36
821 批改（今天很忙，改的晚了，很抱歉）错误建议精彩

Sometimes, for different kinds of reasons, people have to move to a new city or a new country to live and work, leading to a loss of old friends. As a result, many people don't think it is a good thing for the simple reason that they think they can't meet their old friends and have activities with friends as usual, such as having afternoon tea or hanging out together. Besides, they have to spend time and energy to make new friends and get customed (costumed) to new live. However, everything has its pron (pros) and cons and thus I think that leaving old friends to a new city is not so bad as some people expect.（开头讲的很清楚~没有什么问题~非常好）

On one hand, moving to a new city doesn't means (mean) losing old friends. That is to say, distance is not a problem any longer. Telecommucations (telecommunications) are well developed, helping people keep in touch with old friends. When you miss one of you（your） friends and want to talk to them（前面说one of了，就是朋友中的一个了，这里逻辑错误，them改him or her）, all you have to do is to pick up your mobile phone and make a call.(加个副词simply会更生动)（这两句中间最好有个连接词，Also或者Moreover或者additionally） Advanced technology enables the magic that you can be in front of your friends in few hours if they are in need of your help or comfort. For example, after I graduated from my university, I found a job in a new city, so I have to leave my hometown and move to a strange city. At first, I felt lonely, especially in the night. However, my friends kept contacting me everyday after work via MSN or Email until I knew some new colleague and get used to the new life here. Obviously, telecommunications have removed the obstable (obstacle) of being far away from your friends.

On the other hand, I would say that benefits of migration to a new city can more or less make up the loss of being seperated (separated) with friends. Making new friends and tasting new foods, both can be amazing experience. Additionally, moving to a bigger and more prosper city mneans（means） a promising step into a world of opportunities. This summer, I got a chance to be a intern in a famous fund company in Shanghai, which is far from home. It is fantastic to apply my knowledge obtained in school into practice, to meet a lot of talent people and to accumulate work experience. I made new friends with some other interns, who are Americans and from Harvard.

In conclusion, being far way from old friends are not equal to losing them and it is always well-worth to try new things

总体感觉很连贯，一气呵成，用词用句都很不错，学习了！加油！
另外，感谢亲的批改，受益匪浅~

作者: Serena0710 时间: 2012-8-24 17:06
标题: 823 For future career success, is relate well to other people more important t
Relating well to other people is an essential ability to success, helping one create a powerful network, with which he or she can have better chance, abundant resources and efficient cooperation with others. However, studying hard may only give you better scores instead of the elements mentioned above. As far as I am concerned, ability to network means much more to career success than studying hard does.

Having a powerful network is a promising step into a world of opportunities, which cannot be provided by hard working on academic performance. Because of firce (fierce)competetion (competition) between thousands of applications, it is really difficult for a graduate to even get a interview of big company with good reputation. However, conditions will be different if a candidate have (has) a recommendation of manager in the company. Additionally, ability to relate well with other people is more important for graduates who want to start a business since they need many resources to run the business. Recently, the wall street journal reported that, according to the Forbes China rich list and Hurun China rich list, more than half of the rich are not from the top-tier university in China. The yougest (youngest) millionaire was born in 1990 and graduated from a vocational college, the implication being that this young man didn't work hard at school. Though he has more than 1.8 million of dollars, he said that his success is not the result of study well at school but the hardworking in his job and a strong network. Obviously, creating a useful network by the ability of getting well with other people is really dispensable and plays a pushing role in career success.

Another profound effect of relating well to other is to assist people to have a good long-term cooperative relationship. In this day and age, team spirit is the key word and a person can't achieve great success without it. There is no doubt that Steve Jobs is one
of the greatest entrepreneurs and his products do change the world. In his early age, however, he was drived (driven) out of Apple for the reason that he didn't understand how to get on well with his colleagues. His executive had to arrange him work on the night so that he would not have friction with others. Ten years later, he has transformed to a (an) excellent leader and the App store can illustrate this well.

Admittedly, we can't overlook the fact that study is a primary task for a student. Generally speaking, one should have to be highly-skilled to gain a better development in one's professional path. In conclusion, even though to relate well to other people is extremely (extremely) important, especially the business school students, they should not neglet (neglect) their academic performance but only focus on the pursuit of creating network and future career success.

作者: 喵喵了个咪 时间: 2012-8-24 20:52
823独立改
Relating well to other people is an essential ability to success, helping one create a powerful network, with which he or she can have better chance, abundant resources and efficient cooperation with others. However, studying hard may only giveyou(和上句一致最好用第三人称) better scores instead of the elements mentioned above. As far as I am concerned, ability to network means much more to career success than studying hard does.

Having a powerful network is a promising step into a world of opportunities, which cannot be provided by hard working on academic performance. Because of firce (fierce)competetion (competition)between(among) thousands of applications, it is really difficult for a graduate to even get a interview of big company(加冠词或者名词变复数) with good reputation. However, conditions will be different if a candidate have (has) a recommendation of manager(加冠词或者名词变复数) in the company. Additionally, the ability to relate well with other people is more important for graduates who want to start a business since they need many resources to run the business. Recently, the wall street journal reported that, according to the Forbes China rich list and Hurun China rich list, more than half of the rich are not from the top-tier university in China. The yougest (youngest) millionaire was born in 1990 and graduated from a vocational college, the implication being that(我用有道词典查说这个是口语用法。不知道在写作里用这个是否合适) this young man didn't work hard at school. Though he has more than 1.8 million ofdollars, he said that his success is not the result of study well at school but the hardworking in his job and a strong network. Obviously, creating a useful network by the ability of getting well with other people is really dispensable(单词意思用错了) and plays a pushing role in career success.

Another profound effect of relating well to other is to assist people to have a good long-term cooperative relationship. In this day and age, team spirit is the(a) key word and a person can't achieve great success without it. There is no doubt that Steve Jobs is oneof the greatest entrepreneurs and his products do change the world. In his early age, however, he was drived (driven) out of Apple for the reason that he didn't understand how to get on well with his colleagues. His executive had to arrange him work on the night so that he would not have friction with others. Ten years later, he has transformed to a (an)excellent leader and the App store can illustrate this well.

Admittedly, we can't overlook the fact that study is a primary task for a student. Generally speaking, one should have to(should和have to意思重复) be highly-skilled to gain a better development in one's professional path. In conclusion, even though to relate well(不定式不能做主语) to other people is extremely (extremely) important, especially the business school students, they should not neglet (neglect) their academic performance but only focus on the pursuit of creating network and future career success.我觉得结尾句说的不好，有削弱作者观点的趋势。

总结：

1总体上还不错。虽然主体部分只有两段，但是逻辑和结构比较清晰。

2注意一下冠词的用法

3 doing做主语的句子有点多，试着变换一下句型。

4 最后就是结尾那句话换个说法，比如虽然学校学习比较重要但是人际关系更重要。

作者: Serena0710 时间: 2012-8-26 10:04
谢谢LS喵总的细心修改！！！！小毛病不少，以后注意。这个最后一段吧~~~我也觉得怪怪的。。。有点把自己撂翻了的赶脚。。。

作者: Serena0710 时间: 2012-8-26 20:42
标题: 825 独立 In order to solve the problems of the present and the future, people shou
My historyprofessor in the university has told me that:" History is not just about memorying (memorizing) the dates and events happenedin the past, but it also can give us a better understanding of the present andthe future." That is to say, reviewing the past can always shed light onhow to tackle the problem we meet. I strongly agree with this statement for thefollowing reasons.

Reviewing thepast is a good way to improve ourselves, because we can learn from the mistakeswe have made and this kind of experience keep us from committing the samefaults. This is especially helpful when we are about to address the presentissues that are similar with ones in the past. Take Steve Jobs as an example,who is the founder of Apple. 20 yeas ago, Jobs's new product Macintoshattracted a lot of customers by it amazing figure and advanced technology, andcreated a miracle in the IT industry - 70000 sets of sale in 100 days. However,it finally fell for the short of software support and high price. In 2005, whenJobs was planning the launch of Iphone, he just avoided to make same mistake.He build up the App store and thus complete his supply chain. There is no doubtthat Iphone is a big success in this day and age. Obviously, in the light ofthe past, Jobs know how to address the problems in a better way.

Anotherimportant reason is that, by learning from the past, we can take measures inadvance and thus be more efficient instead of suffering from a huge loss ofmoney, even people’s lives. The earthquake happened in Tangshan
, china, in 1976 impresses the world.The city transformed into ruins in one night and more than 2 billions of peoplelost their lives in that disaster. Even though the government helps localpeople rebuild the city, authorities didn’t learn a lesson from this strategy.In 2008, Sichuan, China, a equally terrible earthquake attacked several cities,leading to the result that billions of people are homeless and majority of themlost their family members and friends. It's true that earthquakes are unpredictable,but the authorities have not taken any measures as the Japanese Governmentdoes. Numerous death and great loss necessitate the education of how to protectand escape from the earthquake in Japan. In comperision(comparison), the Japanese government did receive positive effect in thetsunami in 2010.
To sum up, basedon the examples mentioned above, I firmly claim that studying our own historystories is a better way to help us address the present and future problems

作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-8-26 22:36
8.25改文
825 独立 In order to solve the problems of the present and the future, people should review the past.

嘿嘿，第一次改serena的作文哦

红色错误，蓝色疑惑+评语，高亮精彩~

My historyprofessor in the university has told me that:" History is not just about memorying (memorizing) the dates and events happenedin the past, but it also can give us a better understanding of the present andthe future." （开头的引用不错，点题啦）That is to say, reviewing the past can always shed light onhow to tackle the problem we meet. I strongly agree with this statement for thefollowing reasons.

Reviewing thepast is a good way to improve ourselves, because we can learn from the mistakeswe have made and this kind of experience keepsus from committing the samefaults. This is especially helpful when we are about to address the presentissues that are similar with ones in the past. Take Steve Jobs as an example,who is the founder of Apple. 20 yeas ago, Jobs's(Jobs'写所有格时，后面有s就不用再加了~) new product Macintoshattracted a lot of（可以换一个高级的scads of~） customers by it（its） amazing figure and advanced technology, and(这里婷婷觉得用thus更好)created a miracle in the IT industry - 70000 sets of sale in 100 days. However,it finally fell for the short of software support and high price. In 2005, whenJobs was planning the launch of Iphone, he just avoided to make same mistake.He build（built） up the App store and thus completed his supply chain. There is no doubtthat Iphone is a big success in this day and age(哈哈，看到啦~). Obviously, in the light ofthe past, Jobs knows how to address(solve之类的替换，之前用过address了) the problems in a better way.

Anotherimportant reason is that, by learning from the past, we can take measures inadvance and thus be more efficient instead of suffering from a huge loss ofmoney, even people’s lives. The earthquake happened in Tangshan, china, in 1976 impresses（impressed） the world.The city transformed into ruins in one night(overnight（adv）： very quickly or suddenly ) and more than 2 billions of peoplelost their lives in that disaster. Even though the government helps localpeople rebuild the city, authorities didn’t(did not)learn a lesson from this strategy(tragedy).In 2008, Sichuan, China, a equally(an equal) terrible earthquake attacked several cities,leading to the result(这里来个倒装：results are) that billions of people are homeless and majority of themlost their family members and friends. It's true that earthquakes are unpredictable,but the authorities have not taken any measures as the Japanese Governmentdoes. Numerous death and great loss necessitate the education of how to protectand escape from the earthquake in Japan. In comperision(comparison), the Japanese government did receive positive effect in thetsunami in 2010.

To sum up, basedon the examples mentioned above, I firmly claim that studying our own historystories is a better way to help us address the present and future problems.

Conclusion:

1.注意主谓一致哦，像s和时态之类的小问题就不要犯~

2.建议serena写一个让步段，这样既显得逻辑严谨，也能彰显文采，用一些： Admittedly， I concede that...之类的模板

3.写的很流利！加油啦

作者: Serena0710 时间: 2012-8-26 22:39
谢谢婷婷的修改！特别好~~
今儿没感觉。。。写的很suck。。。。

作者: Maverick3 时间: 2012-8-30 11:41
10.19二战的可以加入吗？

作者: Serena0710 时间: 2012-8-30 13:09

10.19二战的可以加入吗？

-- by 会员 Maverick3 (2012/8/30 11:41:30)

可以的，详情规则见此贴 http://forum.chasedream.com/TOEFL_Writing/thread-741014-1-1.html

作者: miss绿光 时间: 2012-9-4 22:34
占一个。马上来看！哎呀我用的修订模式，粘贴不上来！！！
给你Q把~
另外，咱俩的头像现在很match呀有木有！！！

作者: Serena0710 时间: 2012-9-5 21:41
标题: 9、5综合

The reading passage examines the top that, environment pollutions, ratherthan attacks by predators are more likely the reasons for the declining of seaotter populations. The professor’s speech concerns with the same topic.However, she contends that environment pollution is more likely the explanationfor the decreased otters, which is the opposite of what the reading passagesays. And in the presentation, she offers lots of evidence to buttress heridea.

beaches. That isnot what we expect if pollutions give otters life-threatening infections. Thefact that we can hardly find death otters prove the predator hypothesis.

Second, the reading passage states that pollutions have negative effectsnot only on the otter, but also on other sea mammals. However, the lecturersays that because human has preyed so much whales that the orcas have to changetheir diets. Consequently, all the small sea mammals, including the sea lionsand seals, are available for orcas.

Third, the professor believes that the amount of otters depends on thelocation they live while the reading passage claims the uneven pattern of otterdecline. The professor gives us details that otters living in the place whereorcas can access easily decline greatly and ones in the place where orcas cantget into do not decrease. She also points out the fact that orca is too largeto get in to shallow and rocky areas to support her idea.

To sum up, the professor precisely finds the flaws in the reading passage,and compelling proves that environment pollutions instead of the predatorscause the decline of sea otters in Alaska
.

作者: jijismile 时间: 2012-9-6 15:08

The reading passage examines the topic that, environment pollutions, rather than attacks by predators are more likely the reasons for the declining of sea otter populations. The professor’s speech concerns with the same topic. However, she contends that environment pollution is more likely the explanation for the decreased otters, which is the opposite of what the reading passage says. And in the presentation, she offers lots of evidences to buttress her idea.

First, even though the reading passage indicates that water samples contain increased levels of chemical, which directly lead to the otters deaths for the reason that otters can't(尽量用cannot) fight against infections that threaten their ~~life~~ lives. The professor argues in the lecture that the pollution hypothesis will be weakened because no one can find death otters washing up on the Alaska beaches. That is not what we expect if pollutions give otters life-threatening infections. The fact that we can hardly find death otters proves the predator hypothesis.

Second, the reading passage states that pollutions have negative effects not only on the otter, but also on other sea mammals. However, the lecturer says that because human has preyed so ~~much~~ many whales that the orcas have to change their diets. Consequently, all the small sea mammals, including the sea lions and seals, are available for orcas.

Third, the professor believes that the amount of otters depends on the location they live while the reading passage claims (claim表主张意思时，后面好像不能直接名词，应该接that或者to be)the uneven pattern of otter decline.（这个你不知道你是否会有疑问，你再问我吧） The professor gives us details that otters living in the places where orcas can access easily decline greatly and ones in the place where orcas ~~cant~~ cannot get into do not decrease. She also points out the fact that orca is too large to get in to shallow and rocky areas to support her idea.

To sum up, the professor precisely finds the flaws in the reading passage, and compellingly(这个地方是不是应该用副词形式的啊？我没见过，所以不确定啊！) proves that environment pollutions instead of the predators cause the decline of sea otters in Alaska.

总结一下，Serena是不是刚练过gre的作文，感觉有些地方有点像。听力非常不错，几乎所有的内容都写出来了，厉害厉害，个别词汇有些小错误，稍加注意检查一下估计没有问题的！

作者: Serena0710 时间: 2012-9-7 17:58
标题: 9.6 The most important problems that affect our society today could be solved wi
Human beings have made numerous breakthroughs since the industrial reformation. You can not imagine the life without telecommunications. You can not imagine life without light. You can either not imagine life without the Internet. However, problems such as the abolition of nuclear weapons, fuel shortage and water scarcity need to be addressed and they may not be solved within our lifetime.

First and foremost, worse and worse environmental conditions necessities more effort to conserve our limited resources. We can see that the more and more people who live on the island on pacific have become homeless because of the raise of sea level, caused by global warming. We can also see that million of children die of starvation and water scarcity. Take my daily life as a example. Almost every family in our city has at least one private car. Consequently, the fresh air has disappeared. Gradually, I felt very uncomfortable with my nose. I went to see my doctor and the diagnose is allergy to the emission of cars. So I have to stay at time for a ling time to cure the disease on my nose. Apparently, the environment problems have posed threatens on people's daily life.

What's more, human being are still suffer from the war, especially the threatens brought by the nuclear weapons. Through out the humanity history, people fight for rights, for freedom, for territory and for resources and origin of all these fight is that human beings are greedy- they always desire more than what they have. In 2002, American authorities stared the war with Iraq for the purpose of oil control. However, that was the beginning of mounting pain on the human being. People in Iraq lost their family and friends in the war and the country had to be faced with a great economic loss. Not only in Iraq, but also in American, parents lose sons and young people lost friend since thousands of soldiers were killed by that cold-blood war. There are the all fates we can not oversee.

The above-mentioned clearly illustrate my point that the problems of our time will not be solved. But, pessimism is not the solution. Instead, we need to re-examine ourselves and what we have created, to minimize the loss and continue our endeavor to tackle the problems.

作者: Serena0710 时间: 2012-9-7 18:05
标题: 9、6综合
The readingpassage examines the topic that young people, in general, are reading lessliterature, negatively affecting the reading public. The professor's speechconcerns with the same topic. However, she contends that reading lessliterature does not mean a unfortunate future of literature, which is oppositeto what the reading passage says. And in the lecture, she offers plenty ofevidence to buttress her idea.

First, even thoughthe reading passage indicates that there is no better thing to stimulate intellectualthan reading literature does. The professor argues in the lecture that not onlythe literature, but also the science books, history and political analysis areof high quality and creative. Reading these kinds of books can also provide us accessibilitiesto intellectual stimulation. Apparently, the professor's argument raises doubtsabout the relevant point in the reading passage.

Second, thestatement in the reading passage shows that the replacements of literature readby pubic nowadays are poorly written and meaningless. However, the professorstates that plenty of materials, such as music and movie do not lower theculture standard. Except literature, there are plenty forms of culture toexpress. Listening to brilliant music or watching an excellent movie can haveequal effect with literature.

Finally, theprofessor believes that readers can not be blamed for reading less literaturewhile the professor claims that current writers are less motivated to make newworks because of the absence of audience. The professor verifies this point bystating that the authors make their novels much more difficult for the readersto understand than before.

To sum up, theprofessor precisely finds the flaws in the reading passage and compellingproves that people reading literature far less has negative effects on both thereader and writer in the future.

作者: E月羽 时间: 2012-9-7 21:24
The reading passage examines the topic that young people, in general, are reading less literature, negatively affecting the reading public. The professor's speech concerns with the same topic. However, she contends that reading less literature does not mean a unfortunate future of literature, which is opposite to what the reading passage says. And in the lecture, she offers plenty of evidence to buttress her idea.

First, even though the reading passage indicates that there is no better thing to stimulate intellectual than reading literature does. The professor argues in the lecture that not only the literature, but also the science books, history and political analysis are of high quality and creative. Reading these kinds of books can also provide us accessibilities to intellectual stimulation. Apparently, the professor's argument raises doubts about the relevant point in the reading passage.

Second, the statement in the reading passage shows that the replacements (我觉得可以加个activities, such as watching TV ,)of literature read by pubic(public) nowadays are poorly written and meaningless. However, the professor states that plenty of materials, such as music and movie do not lower the culture standard. Except literature, there are plenty forms of culture to express. Listening to brilliant music or watching an excellent movie can have equal effect with literature.

Finally, the professor believes that readers can not be blamed for reading less literature while the professor claims that current writers are less motivated to make new works because of the absence of audience. The professor verifies this point by stating that the authors make their novels much more difficult for the readers to understand than before.

To sum up, the professor precisely finds the flaws in the reading passage and compelling proves that people reading literature far less has negative effects on both the reader and writer in the future.

大牛，写的非常perfect，听力各个点都到位，表达完美

作者: gre呀gre 时间: 2012-9-8 00:45
9.6 独立9.6 The most important problems that affectour society today could be solved within our lifetime.

红色是错误蓝色是没错但是改了更好
Human beings have made numerousbreakthroughs since the industrial reformation. You can not imagine the lifewithout telecommunications. You can not imagine life without light. You caneither not imagine life without the Internet. However, problems such as theabolition of nuclear weapons, fuel shortage and water scarcity need to beaddressed and they may not be solved within our lifetime.

First and foremost, worse and worse environmental conditions necessities more effort toconserve our limited resources（这句缺谓语啊）.We can see that the more and more people who live on the island（islands）on pacific（the Pacific，pacific小写不加the是温和的意思） have become homeless because of theraise of sea level, caused by global warming. We can also see （两个see有点重复了，换个词汇更好witness什么的）thatmillion（millions或者a million）of children die of starvation and water scarcity. Take my daily life as a（an）example. Almost every family in our city has at least one private car.Consequently, the fresh air has disappeared. Gradually, I felt veryuncomfortable with my nose. I went to see my doctor and the diagnose is（was） allergy to the emission of cars. SoI have to stay at time for a ling time to cure the disease on my nose.Apparently, the environment problems have posed threatens on people's dailylife.

What's（What is，托福不让缩写） more, human being are still suffer（sufferring） from ~~the~~ war（改成wars更好吧，这里没有特指啊）, especially the threatens brought by ~~the~~nuclear weapons. Through out the humanity history, people fight for rights, forfreedom, for territory and for resources and origin of all these fight is thathuman beings are greedy- they always desire more than what they（加上already更好吧） have. In 2002, Americanauthorities stared（started） the war with Iraq for the purpose of oilcontrol. However, that was the beginning of mounting pain on the human being.People in Iraq lost their family and friends in the war and the country had tobe faced with a great economic loss. Not only in Iraq, but also in American,parents lose（lost） sons andyoung people lost friend since thousands of soldiers were killed by thatcold-blood war. There are the all fates we can notoversee.（这些命运是我们不能监督的？意思有点奇怪，therebe的句型用在这里也很怪~）

The above-mentioned clearly illustrate mypoint that the problems of our time（within our lifetime更好吧）will not be solved. But, pessimism is not the solution. Instead, we need tore-examine ourselves and what we have created, to minimize the loss and （加上to更好吧）continueour endeavor to tackle the problems.

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