ChaseDream
标题: 晨依小超人的写作贴，欢迎拍砖！ [打印本页]
作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-2-19 18:46
标题: 晨依小超人的写作贴，欢迎拍砖！
2012年2月19日，晨依Jacqueline 正式加入CD托福写作小分队。
希望与大家一起奋斗，共同进步，打倒托福小怪兽~Fighting！
2月19日加入写作小分队。
翻了翻文件夹，发现自己加入小分队后写了60多篇作文，参与互改也有60多篇，收获很大，感谢小分队的亲们。
5月12日一战T。
二战T时间尚未确定。
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【一战作文训练计划】
1 坚持每天写作文，根据个人的实际情况安排，最少一篇！
2 TPO24套的综合在考试之前要都写过一遍，听力材料也要都听写过一遍，自己看范文&解析。Finished~！
3 独立作文每天计时，模拟考试环境，提高打字速度。
4 方法：写作练习+作文互改+整理总结+积累
{存在问题}
1 打字速度慢，考试键盘不适应；
2 听力+笔记；
3 思路，开头，让步段。
——————————————————————————————
?综合写作模板（刺猬Herisson发给我的，做了一点点修改，发到这里。）
?TPO24套综合写作解析：http://forum.chasedream.com/TOEFL_Writing/thread-702988-1-1.html
——————————————————————————————————
一战感受。
其实28分的NN真的很多、我之前的作文其实写的也很平淡，自己感觉米有神马参考价值，只是想说说自己在小分队的感受而已。
28分对于我来说真的是意料之外情理之中的分数。
[意料之外]是因为考试的时候综合的听力感觉听得迷迷糊糊的，而且独立作文打字太慢了才有393，检查了一半的时候脑残觉得字数太少了，后来手贱加了一句可是悲催地没有加完就到点了。
[情理之中]是因为我从2月份加入小分队以后自己写了有60多篇作文，而且综合的TPO练了不只一遍，互改的作文也有60多篇。虽然不是篇篇计时练习，但是可以保证每篇都是认真写的，而且每一篇互改都是认真修改的，虽然我之前没有任何基础，可是我不想害了大家所以不会的就查不明白的就问，在互改的过程中也确实感受到了很大的收获。在考试之前我也把每一篇机经都认真看了还看了范文写了提纲。
高兴的同时想给还在为写作苦恼的亲们说一句，希望大家能跟着小分队好好地练习写作，坚持下去！在这里我们能够收获的不仅仅是优美的语言和巧妙的构思，更多的是内化到自身的能量，还有负责的大管家鸟儿姐姐和小管家小鹤鹤，他们在最后临考几天给我说的一些小地方真真切切帮助了我。
很高兴能在小分队认识大家，也谢谢小分队的每一位亲陪着晨依一起成长。
Time makes wonders！希望可以见证小分队每一个奇迹！
作者: Crystaljoy 时间: 2012-2-19 21:32
撒花~希望晨依天天进步！
作者: daisyの小夢想 时间: 2012-2-19 21:35
晨依加油~！！！记得做作业哦哈哈 互相监督~！！
作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-2-19 22:48
2月19日 独立写作
题目（2010.6.19 NA）
When people need to discuss upsetting or controversial problems with others, some people prefer to use e-mail or text messaging. Others like to use telephone or voice messaging. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons to support your answer.
作文
Communication is of great importance in our daily lives. When people are in need of conveying their feelings or ideas to others, some people tend to choose telephone or voice messaging because it is more direct. I, however, argue for communicating by the way of e-mail or text messaging.
To begin, using e-mail or text messaging is a more polite way to express people's thoughts to others. When people need to put out their points of view to those who are not quite familiar with, it's impolite to telephone them or have a talk to them directly. According to a recent research on the Internet, nearly 85 percent of people regarded words from e-mails or text messaging they received more polite than those they heard via telephone calls or voice messaging. That is to say, choosing the way of conveying ideas by an indirect way, like a letter or an e-mail, may help people better express themselves in a friendly tone. On the contrary, for example, if you are a new employee of a large company and you are going to discuss some details about your work with your manager, it's not sensible for you to go straight to his office talking to him face to face because what you do may lead you to a bad impression for disturbing his work. So, a better method is to send him an e-mail with your problems and ideas in it. And I am sure you will get an immediate reply or contact after he opened his mailbox.
Also, e-mail or text massaging makes communication more fluent and instant in some conditions. An urgent communication with people who are having a meeting tends to fail because people are not allowed to pick telephone calls or have free discuss to others during that time. I remember an embarrassing time when I was very young, I couldn't get into my house after school because I forgot to bring the keys with me. I had to use a public telephone to get in touch with my mom. What was worse, my mother was having an important meeting and she didn't realize that the constant calling was mine. How I wish I had had a mobile phone so that I could text message to tell her about my trouble instead of waiting for her coming back home late at night.
In sum, I suggest people discussing issues or problems with others in a proper way like sending an e-mail or texting a message. A communication in silence is not only as convenient and instant as making telephone calls, but also makes people more polite and graceful communicators in our daily lives.
作者: Crystaljoy 时间: 2012-2-20 10:11
鸟儿抢忙碌的Daisy的小饭碗，先给晨依瞅瞅大作~！ 蓝色为错误或者疑惑，紫色为修改，高亮为精彩！
Communication is of great importance in our daily lives. When people are in need of conveying their feelings or ideas to others, some（many, 与后文的however形成对比） people tend to choose telephone or voice messaging because it is more direct（than email or text-messaging）. I, however, argue for communicating by the way of e-mail or text messaging(the latter for the following reasons).
To begin, using e-mail or text messaging is a more polite way to express people's thoughts to others. When people need to put out(present/deliver表达, put out 是熄灭)their points of view to those who are not quite familiar with, it's impolite to telephone them or have a talk to them directly. According to a recent research on the Internet, nearly 85 percent of people regarded words from e-mails or text messaging they received more polite than those they heard via telephone calls or voice messaging. That is to say, choosing the way of conveying ideas by an indirect way, like a letter or an e-mail, may help people better express themselves in a friendly tone. On the contrary, for example, if you are a new employee of a large company and you are going to discuss some details about your work with your manager, it's not sensible for you to go straight to his office talking to him face to face because what you do may lead you to （leave him）a bad impression for disturbing his work. So, a better method is to send him an e-mail with your problems and ideas in it(删去). And I am sure （,most of time, 避免绝对）you will get an immediate reply or contact after he opened（checked） his mailbox.
Also, e-mail or text massaging makes communication more fluent and instant in some conditions. An urgent communication with people who are having a meeting tends to fail because people are not allowed to pick(pick up/answer)telephone calls or(and) have free discuss to others during that time. I remember an embarrassing time when I was very young, I couldn't get into my house after school because I forgot to bring the keys with me. I had to use a public telephone to get in touch with my mom. What was worse, my mother was having an important meeting and she didn't realize that the constant calling(s) was mine(from her anxious daughter). How I wish I had had a mobile phone so that I could text message to tell her about my trouble instead of waiting for her coming back home late at night.
In sum, I suggest people discussing(discuss， suggest后面接V原形，其实是省略了should) issues or problems with others in a proper way like sending an e-mail or texting a message. A communication in silence is not only as convenient and instant as making telephone calls, but also makes people more polite and graceful communicators in our daily lives.
Conclusion: 晨依的语言非常流畅，基本挑不出什么错误！结构也不错，如果每段结尾再总结一下会更清晰！多多积累优美甚至新颖的词组，再接再励噢~~~
作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-2-20 11:23
谢谢鸟儿姐姐的细心修改，晨依把修改完的作文贴上。红色部分是修改的内容，当然还有两个小问题请教一下~~
Communication is of great importance in our daily lives. When people are in need of conveying their feelings or ideas to others, many people tend to choose telephone or voice messaging because it is more directthan email or text-messaging. I, however, argue for communicating by the way of the latter for the following reasons.
To begin, using e-mail or text messaging is a more polite way to express people's thoughts to others. When people need to delivertheir points of view to those who are not quite familiar with, it's impolite to telephone them or have a talk to them directly. According to a recent research on the Internet, nearly 85 percent of people regarded words from e-mails or text messagingsthey received more polite than those they heard via telephone calls or voice messaging. That is to say, choosing the way of conveying ideas by an indirect way, like a letter or an e-mail, may help people better express themselves in a friendly tone. On the contrary, for example, if you are a new employee of a large company and you are going to discuss some details about your work with your manager, it's not sensible for you to go straightaway to his office talking to him face to face because what you do mayleave hima bad impression for disturbing his work. So, a better method is to send him an e-mail with your problems and ideas. And, most of time, you will get an immediate reply or contact after he checked his mailbox.In this way, I believe, people are making their communication more welcome and genty.
Also, e-mail or text massaging makes communication more fluent and instant in some conditions. An urgent communication with people who are having a meeting tends to fail because people are not allowed to answertelephone calls and(这个地方为什么不用or用and呢？我觉得意思差不多吖~)have free discuss to others during that time. I remember an embarrassing time when I was very young, I couldn't get into my house after school because I forgot to bring the keys with me. I had to use a public telephone to get in touch with my mom. What was worse, my mother was having an important meeting and she didn't realize that the constant callingswere from her anxious daughter. How I wish I had had a mobile phone so that I could text message to tell her about my trouble instead of waiting for her coming back home till late at night.In such circumstances, a silent message is more powerful than a voice messaging.
In sum, I suggest people discussissues or problems with others in a proper way like sending an e-mail or texting(这个地方有没有错呀？在word里面划线了，text可不可以这么用？)a message. A communication in silence is not only as convenient and instant as making telephone calls, but also makes people more polite and graceful communicators in our daily lives.
作者: Crystaljoy 时间: 2012-2-20 13:00
sorry，我没有注意到你用的否定句。应该是or啦。两者有一点区别的。
and表 并列，递进 关系
or 表选择关系 （否定句中表并列）
text可以是N就直接用text吧，更简洁。texting是text动名词，可能是我们自己造的,word不认啦。
作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-2-20 13:37
sorry，我没有注意到你用的否定句。应该是or啦。两者有一点区别的。
and表 并列，递进 关系
or 表选择关系 （否定句中表并列）
text可以是N就直接用text吧，更简洁。texting是text动名词，可能是我们自己造的,word不认啦。
-- by 会员 Crystaljoy (2012/2/20 13:00:17)
嗯嗯 谢谢鸟儿姐姐~~
我自己来做个小总结。
1 词汇和表达的多样性做的不是很好，一些搭配表述也不够地道，应该再积累一些词句。比如Daisy姐姐的two-way communication、readily等等词汇既能避免重复，看着写作水平还很高，表述也简洁。我的文章比如check mailbox、deliver my points等等用法都要积累下来，自己写的都是比较chinglish的。应该尝试着用一点高级的表达。
2 每段段尾缺少一个总结，应该突出一下总结的。
3 在写作的时候很多语法都没有注意到，低级错误；还有各种单复数问题。
4 注意衔接词。
作者: daisyの小夢想 时间: 2012-2-20 23:46
鸟儿妈帮我给晨依妹改了我就偷懒了呜>.<
作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-2-21 00:16
2月20日 独立写作
题目： （2011.8.21 NA）
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? There is never a reason to be rude (impolite) to another person. Use specific reasons to support your answer.
作文：Treating people politely is an essential element in the process of creating a harmonious society and we are often taught never to be rude to others since our childhood. Although politeness is a key piont(point) in our daily communications, I believe there are still a few reasons accounting for being impolite to another preson(person).
For one reason, there are some emotions, like anger, annoy and eager, sometimes leading to impoliteness during a conversation. In addition, people may have a tendency to be rude to others when they are in an emergency situation. However, this kind of impoliteness or rudeness is understandable and acceptable after a proper explaination(explanation). For example, once my best friend and I hold totally different ideas on an issue and consequently we had a firm quarrel. She got so angery(angry) that she shouted at me with some dirty words as well, which made me extremely depressed and upset for quite a long time. At the moment I thought that I would lose my best friend ever since, she came to me with her sincere apology, which broke the coldness between us. So, in my point of view, a comtemperoray(temporary) impoliteness caused by some special emotions is not an evil in people's communication.
For another reason, as politeness is important to both the speaker and the listener in a conversation, their is no necessary for one person to keep being gentle and graceful if the other one shows no respect at all. Furthermore, a friendly talk is based on joint efforts from both sides. If the person we are talking with is really aggressive and attacktive, we are of no need to endure his insult with an elegant smile because he does not deserve our politeness. There is an ancient Chinese story about an intelligent embassender(ambassador) visiting another country but was treated in a rude and insultant way by the emperor there. It was unfriendly and unbearable for him because he was on behalf of his country. In order not to watch his country insulted, he managed to trick the emperor in very sharp words and defend the dignity of his own country. We can draw a conclusion from this story that being rude to others is acceptable and needed under the circumstance when we are attacked by others first.
It is known to all that treating other people in a kind and polite way is a virtue in Chinese culture. However, politeness does not mean we have to perform like a graceful lady or a gentleman all the time. As for me, whether being polite or not to another person depends on different situations. Since people all have their own mood, they have the ability to justify on which condition is the rudeness accountable and understandable.
To conclude, I disagree with the statement that there is never a reason to be rude or impolite to others though respect is dispensable in our daily communications because there exists reluctant rudeness caused by emotions which are not well controled(controlled) and the defensive impoliteness is reasonable sometimes.
作者: Serena0710 时间: 2012-2-21 09:20
标题: 蓝色为错误或者疑惑，高亮为精彩！
Treating people politely is an essential element in the process of creating a harmonious society and we are often taught never to be rude to others since our childhood. Although politeness is a key piont(point) in our daily communications, I believe there are still a few reasons accounting for being impolite to another preson(person).
For one reason, there are some emotions, like anger, annoy and eager, sometimes leading to impoliteness during a conversation. In addition, people may have a tendency to be rude to others when they are in an emergency situation（because of an emergency situation可以让上下文在逻辑上更好一些，呵呵，只是我的个人感觉，晨依你再读读看？）. However, this kind of impoliteness or rudeness is understandable and acceptable after a proper explaination(explanation). For example, once my best friend and I hold totally different ideas on an issue and consequently we had a firm quarrel. She got so angery(angry) that she shouted at me with some dirty words as well（这里的as well 和谁并列呢？）, which made me extremely depressed and upset for quite a long time. At the moment I thought that I would lose my best friend ever since, she came to me with her sincere apology, which broke the coldness between us. So, in my point of view, a comtemperoray(temporary) impoliteness caused by some special emotions is not an evil in people's communication.
For another reason, as politeness is important to both the speaker and the listener in a conversation, their（there） is no necessary for one person to keep being gentle and graceful if the other one shows no respect at all. Furthermore, a friendly talk is based on joint efforts from both sides. If the person we are talking with is really aggressive and attacktive, we are of no need to endure his insult with an elegant smile because he does not deserve our politeness. There is an ancient Chinese story about an intelligent embassender(ambassador) visiting another country but was treated in a rude and insultant way by the emperor there. It was unfriendly and unbearable for him because he was on behalf of his country. In order not to watch his country insulted, he managed to trick the emperor in very sharp words and defend the dignity of his own country. We can draw a conclusion from this story that being rude to others is acceptable and needed under the circumstance when we are attacked by others first.（例子给的很好！）
It is known to all that treating other people in a kind and polite way is a virtue in Chinese culture. However, politeness does not mean we have to perform like a graceful lady or a gentleman all the time. As for me, whether being polite or not to another person depends on different situations. Since people all have their own mood, they have the ability to justify on which condition is the rudeness accountable and understandable.（whether rudeness is accountable and understandable or not in the certain condition.这样写有木有好一点呢？）
To conclude, I disagree with the statement that there is never a reason to be rude or impolite to others though respect is dispensable in our daily communications because there exists reluctant rudeness caused by emotions which are not well controled(controlled) and the defensive impoliteness is reasonable sometimes.(最后一句太长了，读起来比较不明朗，个人认为从because前断开比较好~~嘻嘻，晨依自己斟酌吧~~我水平太次鸟。。。)
总的来说，我觉得晨依写的作文还是非常非常不错的，字数也够够的，继续加油进步吧~~~
作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-2-21 10:36
谢谢Serena姐姐的修改~(*^__^*) 嘻嘻……
每次早上打开电脑看到大家帮我修改的作文都好开心呢
贴上晨依的修改稿~自己又找了两个小错误。。。。
【晨依修改稿】
Treating people politely is an essential element in the process of creating a harmonious society and we are often taught never to be rude to others since our childhood. Although politeness is a key piont(point) in our daily communications, I believe there are still a few reasons accounting for being impolite to another preson(person).
For one reason, there are some emotions, like anger, annoy and eager, sometimes leading to impoliteness during a conversation. In addition, people may have a tendency to be rude to others because of an emergency situation. However, this kind of impoliteness or rudeness is understandable and acceptable after a proper explaination(explanation). For example, once my best friend and I hold(held)totally different ideas on an issue and consequently we had a firm quarrel. She got so angery(angry) that she shouted at me with some dirty words as well（这里的as well 和谁并列呢？——这个地方我其实想写的是“她对我大喊大叫还说了一些脏话”，读着好像as well有点多余，去掉好了）, which made me extremely depressed and upset for quite a long time. At the moment I thought that I would lose my best friend ever since, she came to me with her sincere apology, which broke the coldness between us. So, in my point of view, a comtemperoray(temporary) impoliteness caused by some special emotions is not an evil in people's communication.
For another reason, as politeness is important to both the speaker and the listener in a conversation, their（there） is no necessary for one person to keep being gentle and graceful if the other one shows no respect at all. Furthermore, a friendly talk is based on joint efforts from both sides. If the person we are talking with is really aggressive and attacktive, we are of no need to endure his insult with an elegant smile because he does not deserve our politeness. There is an ancient Chinese story about an intelligent embassender(ambassador) visiting another country but was treated in a rude and insultant way by the emperor there. It was unfriendly and unbearable for him because he was on behalf of his country. In order not to watch his country insulted, he managed to trick the emperor in very sharp words and defended the dignity of his own country. We can draw a conclusion from this story that being rude to others is acceptable and needed under the circumstance when we are attacked by others first.
It is known to all that treating other people in a kind and polite way is a virtue in Chinese culture. However, politeness does not mean we have to perform like a graceful lady or a gentleman all the time. As for me, whether being polite or not to another person depends on different situations. Since people all have their own mood, they have the ability to justify whether rudeness is accountable and understandable or not in the certain condition.（我自己也觉得我那个倒装用的很别扭，读起来不舒服。改！）
To conclude, I disagree with the statement that there is never a reason to be rude or impolite to others though respect is dispensable in our daily communications. That is because there exists reluctant rudeness caused by emotions which are not well controled(controlled) and the defensive impoliteness is reasonable sometimes.(确实我之前写的句子太长了，还是分成两句更好。)
作者: Crystaljoy 时间: 2012-2-21 23:27
晨依，2.11的作文我可能要2.12晚上才能给你改咯~ 明天要出门啦~
你提前安排下明天上午的事情吧。
Really Sorry~
作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-2-21 23:39
2月21日 2010.8.28NA
题目：Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Since people care public recognition more than money, they will work harder to obtain public recognition even though there is no more money given. Use specific reasons to support your answer.
作文：
With the constant enrichment of people's cultural and spiritual life, there is an increasing number of people regarding their public recognition as a more outstand point in their lives, even superior to wealth. As for as I'm concerned, people tend to attach great importance to obtaining their public recognition and they may work harder in order to win recognition from others in spite that a larger amount of money is given. Reasons are as follows.
In the first place, a pride from others brings people much more satisfactories(satisfaction) than earning lots of money. As we can see from the Maslow's theory(Maslow's hierarchy of needs) of people's requirement, all kinds of needs are divided into five levels, including the basic needs of material and the requirement of recognition from others. According to Maslow's theory, the requirement of recognition, which involves both internal recognition and public recognition, is on a higher level than the substantial needs. That is to say, when people's basic needs are satisfied, they usually have the tendency to chase a higher level of requirement-a satisfaction and recognition from the public. Since public recognition brings people great enjoyment and sense of achievement, no wonder there are a large group of successful businessmen willing to donate their money to the contribution of our society.
Furthermore, people now are concentrating much on their reputation and recognition because a sounded fame is dispensable in their interpersonal relationships and their career. Unlike people in the past, they considered the amount of money as the criteria to success. However, in the modern society, a high recognition from others is an essential symble of one's achievement. More and more concentration is paid on reputation for its powerful influence on forming people's own social networks and accelerating trades among various enterprises. Even though a greater deal of wealth people are possessing, they are still unreluctant to do the best of their abilities to make themselves highly recognized by others.
Last but not the least, public recognition is sometimes seen as a motivation to people's further development. One famous motivation theory discribes(describes) an equality of "M=V*E" , which indicates that values(V) and expectations(E) people receive from others have a strong promotion to their motivation(V) on their work. Now that obtaining public recognition may stimulate people's ambition and desire for work, in return, they feel like working deligently(diligently) to keep themselves with a sense of honor and achievement, which beyond their desire for money.
In conclusion, people are shifting their eyesights to a requirement of a higher level-public recognition. In my opinion, public recognition brings greater satisfaction and achievement than money does, not only to their further development, but also in their social relationships and work.
作者: Crystaljoy 时间: 2012-2-22 00:30
2.21 今晚就能改好啦，开心~
With the constant enrichment of people's cultural and spiritual life, there is an increasing number of people regarding their public recognition as a more outstand point（ outstand是动词，outstanding杰出的。建议改为significant part played） in their lives, even superior to wealth. As for （far）as I'm concerned, people tend to attach great importance to obtaining their public recognition and they may work harder in order to win recognition from others in spite that a larger amount of money is given.(尽管给他们更多的钱？题目是尽管不给钱)Reasons are as follows.
In the first place, a pride from others （来自他人的骄傲？建议用recognition gained from others）brings people much more satisfactories(satisfaction) than earning lots of money( a great amount of money earned. 语法上说money不可数，尽管生活中钞票是可数的~ 句式上than前后保持一致). As we can see from the Maslow's theory(Maslow's hierarchy of needs) of people's requirement, all kinds of needs are divided into five levels, including the basic needs of material and the requirement of recognition from others.（前面提到五种level，后面and列举之后最好加个etc./and so on） According to Maslow's theory, the requirement of recognition, which involves both internal recognition and public recognition, is on a higher level than the substantial needs. That is to say, when people's basic needs are satisfied, they usually have the tendency to chase a higher level of requirement-a satisfaction and recognition from the public. Since public recognition brings people great enjoyment and （a）sense of achievement, no wonder there are (is)a large group of successful businessmen willing to donate their money to the contribution of our society. (感觉“社会贡献”这样表述不妥，建议改为to make a contribution to/ to the progress of )
Furthermore, people now are concentrating much on their reputation and recognition because a sounded fame is dispensable in（to） their interpersonal relationships and their career (development 为了前后看起来协调，我真的吹毛求疵了嘿嘿). Unlike people in the past, they considered the amount of money as the criteria to success. However, in the modern society, a high recognition from others is an essential symble（symbol） of one's achievement. More and more concentration is paid on reputation for its powerful influence on forming people's own social networks and accelerating trades among various enterprises. Even though a greater deal of wealth people are possessing, they are still unreluctant (我怎么没查到这个词) to do the best of their abilities（make the best use of their abilities? 建议do their best to更简洁 ） to make themselves highly recognized by others.
Last but not theleast, public recognition is sometimes seen as a motivation to people's further development. One famous motivation theory discribes(describes) an equality of "M=V*E" , which indicates that values(V) and expectations(E) people receive from others have a strong promotion to their motivation(V) on their work. Now that obtaining public recognition may stimulate people's ambition and desire for work, in return, they feel like working deligently(diligently) to keep themselves with a sense of honor and achievement, which （is）beyond their desire for money. (这个句子感觉有点拖沓了，但是我暂时没想到更好的表达)
In conclusion, people are shifting their eyesights（谷歌学术没看到这个词组呢，不知道地道不？ shifting attention） to a requirement of a higher level-public recognition. In my opinion, public recognition brings greater satisfaction and achievement than money does, not only to their further development, but also in their social relationships and work.（个人感觉这样分类不太合适呀，如果能总结上文几个方面好一些）
晨依进步真大啊~我大半夜改的好激动~很努力滴挑了挑，明天再探讨吧~
作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-2-22 00:35
啦啦啦啦啦~~~夜猫子还没有睡觉呢！
谢谢鸟儿姐姐给我改作文，今天这篇写的异常吃力，我真的要好好看一看！
我发现了一个大问题！我看成了even more money is given！
作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-2-22 10:45
贴上晨依今天的修改稿，O(∩_∩)O谢谢鸟儿姐姐的批改~
PS：不是吹毛求疵哦，是画龙点睛喔~~~~假设我的作文是龙
嘿嘿
GREAT~！今天又稍微改了几个句子。。。
【晨依修改稿】
With the constant enrichment of people's cultural and spiritual life, there is an increasing number of people regarding their public recognition as a moresignificant part played(这个地方改了以后比我自己之前想表达的意思好多了) in their lives, even superior to wealth. As faras I'm concerned, people tend to attach great importance to obtaining their public recognition and they may work harder in order to win recognition from others in spite thatno more money is given.(晨依审题过程中自动忽略了no,该打!
)Reasons are as follows.
In the first place, recognition gained from othersbrings people much more satisfactories(satisfaction) than money.As we can see from the Maslow's hierarchy of needs, many stages of growth in human motivations generally move through, including the Physiological, Safety, Belongingness and Love, Esteem, and Self-Actualization needs, and so on. According to Maslow's theories, Esteem, which involves both self-esteem and respect by others, is on a higher level than needs for property.(马斯洛这里我又修改了一下，想写的专业一点呢，大家再帮我看一看吧~
)That is to say, when people's basic needs are satisfied, they usually have the tendency to chase a higher level of requirement-a satisfaction and recognition from the public. Since public recognition brings people great enjoyment and asense of achievement, no wonder there is a large group of successful businessmen willing to donate their money to make contributions toour society.
Furthermore, people now are concentrating much on their reputation and recognition because a sounded fame is dispensable to their interpersonal relationships and their careerdevelopment(我之前也是觉得这里读着不舒服，加上development好多啦).Unlike people in the past, they considered the amount of money as the criteria to success. However, in the modern society, a high recognition from others is an essentialsymbol of one's achievement. More and more concentration is paid on reputation for its powerful influence on forming people's own social networks and accelerating trades among various enterprises. Even though a greater deal of wealth people are possessing, they are still unreluctant (=willing情愿的，愿意的)to do their best to make themselves highly recognized by others.
Last but not theleast, public recognition is sometimes seen as a motivation to people's further development. One famous motivation theory discribes(describes) an equality of "M=V*E" , which indicates that values(V) and expectations(E) people receive from others have a strong promotion to their motivation(M) on their work.Namely, obtaining public recognition may stimulate people's ambition and desire for work. In return, peoplefeel like working deligently(diligently) to keep themselves with a sense of honor and achievement, which isbeyond their desire for money.(晨依把之前的一个句子拆开了，看看这样效果肿么样~
)
In conclusion, people are shifting their attention(实不相瞒，之前的shift eyesight是晨依自己编的……囧
)to a requirement of a higher level-public recognition. In my point, public recognition brings people so much satisfaction and achievement that it motives people make effort to persue respect from others regardless of money. (最后一句重新写的，算是复述了一下题目观点吧)
PS：我发现这篇很难举出什么例子啊，第二个论证段直接就没有例子。而且另外两段只写了个小理论，不是很充分呀，我需要积累！
作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-2-22 22:47
今天总算是控制自己在一个半小时内写完了……呼
其实我想写三段来着，可是感觉实在写不出来了，字数也不多，憋作文真是件痛苦的事情呢~~~
麻烦猫猫使劲帮我修改修改喔~晨依小超人在这里谢过了~~~
2月22日 独立写作
题目2010.10.9NA
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Compared with people who live in cities, people who live in rural areas can take better care of their families. Use specific reasons to support your answer.
Many people believe that people living in rural areas can care more about their families than those living in cities. However, I don't think their point hold water. We cannot draw such hasty conclusion that living in rural areas is more beneficial for people to take good care of their family members.
For one thing, it is known to all that rapid expansion of cities and the skyrocketing prices of houses have forced a number of people to live in the suburbs instead of living in cities. Unlike people who settle down in rural areas, the highly developed public transportation provide people living in cities an access to saving time on the way. In fact, it only takes them little time getting home, which gives them a longer time sharing joys with their families. On the contray(contrary), take Lucy, a colleague of my mother as an example. It cost her nearly two hours driving to work everyday because she cannot afford to buy an apartment in the city. It is her busy work and too much time wasted on the road that make her feel very sorry for not looking well after her 3-year-old daughter. So, it cannot be concluded that all people living in the country would take better care of their families.
For another reason, family members of people who live in urban areas have access to a better material life. For example, they have more connections with hospitals of higher qualities and aboundant(abundant) supplies which satisfy their daily needs. Even though many people are exposed to heavy workload, there are lots of experienced baby-sitters for them to hire to look after there babies. A friend of mine once got an extremely serious pain in his leg but the doctor in a local hospital was restricted to operate him because of their old equipments. When his anxious father took him to a city hospital with good reputation, he accepted a careful treatement(treatment) and recovered very soon. From that we can see a better living standard in cities is another key component leading to a happy family life.
As far as I'm concerned, the best way to take care of our family members is to provide them frequent companion and a high qualified living standard. I argue for people who live in urban areas because they meet the both needs better than those who live in the country or suburbs.
作者: 挑食的猫 时间: 2012-2-23 11:24
总体：观点清晰，例举充分，词汇丰富！
建议个别用词改进，长句过多
ps:猫猫首次考托，经验有限，多多指导多多包涵哈：）
修订： 蓝色错误或疑惑，紫色可删除，高亮为精彩！
Many peoplebelieve that people living in rural areas can care more about their familiesthan those living in cities. However, I don't think their point hold water. Wecannot draw such hasty conclusion that living in rural areas is more beneficialfor people to take good care of their family members.
For one thing, it is known to all that rapid expansion of cities and theskyrocketing prices of houses have forced a number of people to live in thesuburbs instead of living in cities. Unlike people who settle down in ruralareas, the highly developed public transportation provide people living incities an access to saving time on the way(traffic).In fact, it only takes them little time getting home(workand home), which gives them a longer time sharing joyswith their families. On the contray(contrary),take Lucy, a colleague of my mother (who lives in rural areas)asan example. It cost her nearly two hours driving to work everyday(everyday) because shecannot afford to buy(buying) an apartment in the city. It is herbusy work and too much time wasted on the road thatmake(makes) herfeel(feeling) very sorry for not looking well(well looking) after her3-year-old daughter. So, it cannot be concluded that all people living in thecountry would(could)take better care of their families.
For another reason, family members of people who live in urban areas have (an) access to abetter material life. For example, they have more connections with hospitals ofhigher qualities and aboundant(abundant)supplieswhich satisfy their daily needs. Even though many people are exposed(exhausted) toheavy workload, there are lots of experienced baby-sitters for them to hire tolook after there(their) babies.A friend of mine once got an extremely serious pain in his leg but the doctorin a local hospital was restricted to operate ( on) him becauseof their old equipments. When(Then) his anxiousfather took him to a city hospital with good reputation, he accepted a carefultreatement(treatment) andrecovered very soon. From that we can see a better living standard in cities isanother key component leading to a happy family life.
As far as I'm(I) concerned,the best way to take care of our family membersis(are) to provide(providing) them frequent(adequate) companion and a high(highly) qualified living standard. I arguefor people who live in urban areas because they meet the both needs better thanthose who live in the country or suburbs.
作者: 铁板神猴 时间: 2012-2-23 12:43
perfect！加油~ 小分队真是无所不在，哈哈！
作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-2-23 15:40
perfect！加油~ 小分队真是无所不在，哈哈！
-- by 会员 铁板神猴 (2012/2/23 12:43:10)
欢迎猴哥常来哦~~
一直在进步的路上！
作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-2-23 15:42
O(∩_∩)O谢谢猫猫
一起继续加油哦~Fighting！
作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-2-23 17:05
【晨依修改稿】首先，谢谢猫猫的批改~有几处我觉得我写的是对的就米有修改...不过很多词语你修改了以后果然很精彩哦！
另外，自己还做了一点点小的调整，红色部分是修改稿与原稿相比的修改部分，欢迎大家继续指教咯！
Many people believe that people living in rural areas can care more about their families than those living in cities. However, I don't think their point hold water. We cannot draw such hasty conclusion that living in rural areas is more beneficial for people to take good care of their family members.
For one thing, it is known to all that rapid expansion of cities and the skyrocketing prices of houses have forced a number of people to live in the suburbs instead of living in cities. Unlike people who settle down in rural areas, the highly developed public transportation provides people living incities an access to saving time on traffic. In fact, it gives commuters[从猴哥那里学到一个好词！] a longer time sharing joyswith their families. On the contrary,take Lucy, a colleague of my mother who lives in rural areas as an example. It costs her nearly two hours driving to work everyday.It is herbusy work and too much time wasted on the road that makes her feel very sorry for not looking well after her 3-year-old daughter. So, it cannot be concluded that all people living in the country could take better care of their families.
For another reason, family members of city dwellers have an access to abetter material life. For example, they have more connections with hospitals of higher qualities and abundant supplies which satisfy their daily needs. Even though many people are exposed(exhausted)[这个地方是想显摆个短语来着，结果没成功...当然exhausted by也是很好的表达~收下O(∩_∩)O~]to heavy workload, there are lots of experienced baby-sitters for them to hire tolook after their babies.A friend of mine once got an extremely serious pain in his leg but the doctor in a local hospital was restricted to operate on him because of their old equipments. Then, his anxiousfather took him to a city hospital with good reputation and he recovered very soon after accepting a careful treatment. From that we can see a better living standard in cities is another key component leading to a happy family life.
As far as I'mconcerned,the best way to take care of our family members is to provide them adequate companion and a high-qualified/highlyqualified living standard. I argue for people who live in urban areas because they meet the both needs better than those who live in the country or suburbs.
作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-2-23 22:05
晨依小超人今天尽力将写作时间缩短到1h了，不过检查的时候发现错别字好多的说~
2月23日 独立写作 题目：(2010.10.23NA)
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The advice from grandparents has no use for their grandchildren because the world changed a lot during the past 5o years. Use specific reasons to support your answer.
As the sosiety(society) we are living in is changing all the time with a high speed, what we used to totally agree with no longer catches up with the pace today. In such a "fast world", a large number of people agree with the statement that advice from grandparents for their grandchildren is of no use. I, however, argue for the opposite.
To begin with, grandparents usually have adequate life experience, which makes them more sensitive dealing with various things. From that aspsct(aspect), they are the best advisors for grandchildren solving all kinds of problems. To be honest, my grandmother, is my closest friend and listener. When I ran into some troubles, she always helped me analyze the situation and provided me very useful advices according to her own experience. Though sometimes she was not quite familiar with the terrible condition I had confronted, her instructions could inspire me to cope with some emergencies in a proper way.
Furthermore, the concept our grandparents hold is more prudent and conventionnal(conventional其实我想写conservative的,单词记混了...). What we may see as old-fashioned ideas may have a significant influence on making right decisions. A few years ago, I told my grandmother that I would like to shift all my deposit to stocks although she didn't actually know stocks well. To my surprise, she persuaded me not taking a risk because she thought that it was not high time to join the stockmarket. I consequently accepted her suggestion though I firmly believed that it was a great chance to earn a great deal of money in a short period. Faced with the serious inflation later, finally, her cautiousness made sense.
No one would deny that our world is changing rapidly and things maybe extremely different compared to the past 50 years. Admittedly, the gap between grandparents and grandchildren is increasingly enlarged with highly developed science and technology. However, that does not mean that points from grandparents are out of date. No doubt that we should take their ideas into consideration in case of repeating the mistakes they have made in their young ages. Additionally, their advices are benefical(beneficial) to making ourselves be more mature when meeting with incidents.
Since grandparents have abundant experience and more prudent attitude, grandchildren do have the necessary to respect their suggestions. After all, truth is worthy of being examined by time.(truth can stand the test of time敢问大家有没有正宗一点的说法？) In conclusion, words from grandparents are useful to their grandchildren even in a fast-changing world.
作者: 铁板神猴 时间: 2012-2-24 16:52
must come back~ I think this writing post is spectacular! insist~
作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-2-24 20:14
must come back~ I think this writing post is spectacular! insist~
-- by 会员 铁板神猴 (2012/2/24 16:52:21)
Thank you for your attention and I will keep it on！
作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-2-25 00:48
唉哟下次还是计时吧~~
2月24日 独立写作
题目：Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Although science and technology will continue to improve, the most significant improvement for the quality of people’s lives have already taken place.
作文：
Life in ancient time was extremly(extremely) hard for people and there used to be no heatings in the winter, no cars to go further, or even no intermedia to communicate with other people. Thanks to the great inventions like air-conditioners, automobiles and cell phones, etc. they have significantly changed people's lives. From my view, though science and technology develop in a high speed, the most significant improvements have already happened.
The air-conditioner, as for as I'm concerned, is one of the most important inventions of improving people's living conditions in the past 100 years. It is a high-tech machine which can be controlled to adjust the temperature to make people feel comfortable only in a couple of minutes. By setting it to a lower temperature, we can have a even cooler summer day instead of waving fans or weeping sweat. Likewise, a central heating provides people an easy access to enjoying a warm winter without burning coals. For the great convenience and powerful functions, air-conditioners are widely accepted by a majority of people and make significant changes to people's living standard. No one would deny that air-conditioners are now existed to make people's lives different, though they will be produced more functional with the development of technology in the future.
Also, cars has succeeded in making surprising improvements in people's lives. As we all know, cars, which include taxis, trucks, buses and so on, have suited for all sorts of requirements in the modern society. We could not have imagined that one day we can reach everywhere we want with the help of automobiles freely. In Han Dynasty when cars weren't invented, people made use of horses as a kind of transportation, which was neither convenient nor speedy. At that time, it usually took a general a few days to report the situation of the war to the emperor, and because of that soidiers(soldiers) had to wait for the permission from the general to attack enemies. The delays often led to missing the best oppotunity(opportunity) of fighting against with the enemies. However, cars have shortened the time spending in the long-distance places and accelerated people's connections.
Furthermore, the more frequent and swifter communications among people benefited from cell phones is another improvement taken place. Unlike making use of doves to deliver messages or making fires as signals, cell phones changed people's lives in an unbelievable way. In just a few seconds, a friend from the opposite site of the world is able to accept our texting message sent by our cell phones. How fantastic the cell phones are! Just as the advertisement of Iphone 4S, mobile phones actually "changed the world for a second time".
Admittedly, we have abundent(abundant) confidence in the prospective development of science and technology. However, the most significant improvents(improvements) indeed have taken place in changing people's living conditions, transportations and communications.
作者: jiaosisisisi 时间: 2012-2-25 01:01
我来了~~~
晨依啊。。。。我怎么听到有人喊你依晨呢啊啊啊啊啊
ok 明天 revise~吧~~~
good night！
作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-2-25 09:00
我来了~~~ 晨依啊。。。。我怎么听到有人喊你依晨呢啊啊啊啊啊ok 明天 revise~吧~~~good night！-- by 会员 jiaosisisisi (2012/2/25 1:01:29)
慢慢改吧~我可能要用手机给你批改了，没法回家用电脑上网了，但是我会仔细给你改的、放心哈~叫我依晨的童鞋们可能看到名字想到林依晨mm了吧，哈哈
作者: chasedreamabc 时间: 2012-2-25 10:48
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The advice from grandparents has no use for their grandchildren because the world changed a lot during the past 5o years. Use specific reasons to support your answer.
As the sosiety(society) we are living in is changing all the time with a high speed, what we used to totally agree with no longer catches up with （感觉用 can no longer catch up with会好一点） the pace today. In such a "fast world", a large number of people agree with the statement that advice from grandparents for their grandchildren is of no use. I, however, argue for the opposite.
To begin with, grandparents usually have adequate life experience, which makes them more sensitive dealing with various things. From that aspsct(aspect), they are the best advisors for grandchildren solving all kinds of problems. To be honest, my grandmother, is my closest friend and listener. When I ran into some （是不是可以去掉？）troubles, she always helped me analyze the situation and provided me very useful advices （advice不可数吧。。。）according to her own experience. Though sometimes she was not quite familiar with the terrible condition I had confronted, her instructions could inspire me to cope with some emergencies in a proper way.
Furthermore, the concept our grandparents hold is more prudent and conventionnal(conventional其实我想写conservative的,单词记混了...). What we may see as old-fashioned ideas may have a significant influence on making right decisions. A few years ago, I told my grandmother that I would like to shift all my deposit to stocks although she didn't actually know stocks well. To my surprise, she persuaded me not taking（to take） a risk because she thought that it was not high time to join the stockmarket. I consequently accepted her suggestion though I firmly believed that it was a great chance to earn a great deal of money in a short period. Faced with the serious inflation later, finally, her cautiousness made sense.(个人感觉finally不用再居中，可以提前一下，晨依你再查查？)
No one would deny that our world is changing rapidly and things maybe extremely different compared to the past 50 years. Admittedly, the gap between grandparents and grandchildren is increasingly enlarged with highly developed science and technology. However, that does not mean that points from grandparents are out of date. No doubt that we should take their ideas into consideration in case of repeating the mistakes they have made in their young ages（？）. Additionally, their advices are benefical(beneficial) to making ourselves be（去掉吧） more mature when meeting with incidents.
Since grandparents have abundant experience and more prudent attitude, grandchildren do have the necessary（是不是该换成名词形式啊，necessarity?） to respect their suggestions. After all, truth is worthy of being examined by time.(truth can stand the test of time敢问大家有没有正宗一点的说法？) In conclusion, words from grandparents are useful to their grandchildren even in a fast-changing world.
作者: chasedreamabc 时间: 2012-2-25 10:50
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The advice from grandparents has no use for their grandchildren because the world changed a lot during the past 5o years. Use specific reasons to support your answer.
As the sosiety(society) we are living in is changing all the time with a high speed, what we used to totally agree with no longer catches up with
（感觉用 can no longer catch up with会好一点） the pace today. In such a "fast world", a large number of people agree with the statement that advice from grandparents for their grandchildren is of no use. I, however, argue for the opposite.
To begin with, grandparents usually have adequate life experience, which makes them more sensitive dealing with various things. From that aspsct(aspect), they are the best advisors for grandchildren solving all kinds of problems. To be honest, my grandmother, is my closest friend and listener. When I ran into some （
是不是可以去掉？）troubles, she always helped me analyze the situation and provided me very useful advices
（advice不可数吧。。。）according to her own experience. Though sometimes she was not quite familiar with the terrible condition I had confronted, her instructions could inspire me to cope with some emergencies in a proper way.
Furthermore, the concept our grandparents hold is more prudent and conventionnal(conventional其实我想写conservative的,单词记混了...). What we may see as old-fashioned ideas may have a significant influence on making right decisions. A few years ago, I told my grandmother that I would like to shift all my deposit to stocks although she didn't actually know stocks well. To my surprise, she persuaded me not taking
（to take） a risk because she thought that it was not high time to join the stockmarket. I consequently accepted her suggestion though I firmly believed that it was a great chance to earn a great deal of money in a short period. Faced with the serious inflation later, finally, her cautiousness made sense
.(个人感觉finally不用再居中，可以提前一下，晨依你再查查？)
No one would deny that our world is changing rapidly and things maybe extremely different compared to the past 50 years. Admittedly, the gap between grandparents and grandchildren is increasingly enlarged with highly developed science and technology. However, that does not mean that points from grandparents are out of date. No doubt that we should take their ideas into consideration in case of repeating the mistakes they have made in their young ages（？）. Additionally, their advices are benefical(beneficial) to making ourselves
be（去掉吧） more mature when meeting with incidents.
Since grandparents have abundant experience and more prudent attitude, grandchildren do have the necessary
（是不是该换成名词形式啊，necessarity?） to respect their suggestions. After all, truth is worthy of being examined by time.(truth can stand the test of time敢问大家有没有正宗一点的说法？) In conclusion, words from grandparents are useful to their grandchildren even in a fast-changing world.
-- by 会员 chasedreamabc (2012/2/25 10:48:17)
作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-2-25 13:51
谢谢ABC的修改~你的建议很好，敢问第二处红色是说删除那一部分？？
作者: chasedreamabc 时间: 2012-2-25 16:00
感觉some 是不是可以去掉呢
PS：昨天有事情，拖到今天才改完，实在不好意思
作者: jiaosisisisi 时间: 2012-2-25 21:19
蓝色表示应该修改的，并且附加了我的观点的！
红色表示感觉读起来很weird，但是没想到合适的
橄榄色表示读后感~~~~
Life in ancient time was extremly(extremely)hard for people and there used to be no heatings in the winter, no cars to go further, or even no intermedia to communicate with other people.
Thanks to the great inventions （我们不谋而合了。。。我刚开始想着用owe to 来着的，但是貌似GMAT里认为，owe to 不能用在句首，所以我就用了thanks to ）like （莫非你在考我GMAT SC...such as 比较好吧，前面给个逗号，然后接such as！话说like 后面我见过最多只能跟一个的啊!）air-conditioners, automobiles and cell phones, etc. they have significantly changed people's lives. From my view, though science and technology develop in a high speed, the most significant improvements have already happened.（我昨天之所以看见这个题目就~~~吐槽，是因为我觉得这两个分句其实没有那么强大的逻辑关系,虽然科技在高速发展，可是人们生活已经明显提高了。我一直弱弱地觉得这个题目因果关系比较好吧！）
The air-conditioner, as for as I'm concerned, is one of the most important inventions of (这里有强烈的表示sth 用来做了什么，你试试of换成to怎么样啊！Of 感觉很怪)improving people's living conditions in the past 100 years.（我大胆猜测你是想表达最近一百年以来，空调是最不错的，可以考虑一下现在完成时态，the air-conditioner has beenXXXduring the last 100 years，因为你用的be动词是is 然后用时间状语in the past 100years，换我就用现在完成时态~蒙混过关了~~~）It is a high-tech machine which can be controlled to adjust the temperature to make people feel comfortable only in a couple of minutes. By setting it to a lower temperature, we can have a even cooler summer day instead of waving fans or weeping sweat. （你是不是想表达擦汗的特效呢。。。擦汗是不是wipe sweat 。Weep是小女生哭泣吧）Likewise, a central heating provides people an easy access to enjoying a warm winter without burning coals. For the great convenience and powerful functions, air-conditioners are widely accepted by a majority of people and make significant changes to （对于人们生活水平的提高做出了巨大贡献。。。你的意思翻译过来是 “对于人们生活水平带来了重大改变”わたくし认为make significant changes to improve 比较好些，轻拍）people's living standard. No one would deny that air-conditioners are now existed to make people's lives different（ 额。。。I bet 你这句话跟我一样也是，重复上一句话的意思。。。。。。Anyway，我们共勉）, though they will beproduced more functionalwith the development of technology in the future.
Also, cars has 亲~~~单复数succeeded in making surprising improvements in people's lives. As we all know, cars, which include taxis, trucks, buses and so on, have suited for all sorts of requirements in the modern society. We could not have（ couldnot have done 我的理解是 我们本不该这样做，但是事实上我们做了。
你说呢，不知道跟你表达的意思一样么。有点weird~感觉是）imagined that one day we can reach everywhere we want with the help of automobiles freely. In Han Dynasty when cars weren't invented,（GMAT语法比较尽可能得取消被动，我感觉when there were on cars表达会比被动好点。。。。Again 请拍） people made use of horses as a kind of transportation, which was（这个which会不会感觉有点指代不明。指代马儿呢还是指代a kind of transportation,我明白你这里的汉语意思，你觉得改成people made use of horses as a kind of transportation and had to tolerate the inconvenince and slowness.啊。。。。我怎么感觉我改得更复杂了，好吧，我允许你可以背着我偷偷改回去了~~）neither convenient nor speedy. At that time, it usually took a general（友情建议，你如果想表达时间长的概念，可以试试it usually took sb as long as to 来表达你的情绪） a few days to report the situation of the war to the emperor, and because of that（because of that ....友情推荐一个thus） soidiers(soldiers)had to wait for the permission from the general to attack enemies. The delays often led to missing the best oppotunity(opportunity)of fighting against with （两个介词，去掉with吧）the enemies. However, cars have shortened the time spending in the long-distance places and accelerated people's connections.
（我觉得这一段对比很精彩！先说现在car 非常便利，再说以前多么惨。。。
不过我淡淡感觉用古代的例子用的篇幅貌似有点多额，从而使得最后一句非常突兀，如果可以把对比的幅度把握一下，会不会更好一些呢~~~~）
Furthermore, the more frequent and swifter communications among people benefited from cell phones is another improvement taken place. Unlike making use of doves to deliver messages or making fires as signals, cell phones changed people's lives in an unbelievable way. In just a few seconds, a friend from the opposite site of the world is able to accept our texting message sent by our cell phones. How fantastic the cell phones are! Just as the advertisement of Iphone 4S（正如4s广告says 比较好吧~~）, mobile phones actually "changed the world for a second time".
Admittedly, we have abundent(abundant)confidence in the prospective development of science and technology. （这个转折表示你已经赞同了题目的逻辑了，虽然科技会飞速发展，可是我们生活的确已经改善了。。。。我纠结是因为，我感觉这个题目如果是“虽然科技预计发展会进入很慢的阶段，但是我们已经的生活已经很受益了,如果是这样的话才非常reasonable,你觉得呢，这就是昨天1:00am，我的point.....ORZ.....）However, the most significant improvents(improvements)indeed have taken place in changing people's living conditions, transportations and communications.
(赞：我了解你表达的意思了，原来是这样啊，你的文章整体的organization 是非常不错的！遵循了总分总的描述方式，而且主题句也很鲜明啊，不像我各种乱扯。。。。各种不着边！
非赞：美中不足，是可能是因为这个题目太扯了，我们的例子都不是非常shining ，不过anyway，你比我好多了，向你学习~啊
Mju：zik此致敬礼！ )
作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-2-25 21:20
！
-- by 会员 jiaosisisisi (2012/2/25 21:19:03)
敢问Mr. Music，我的作文改到哪里去鸟~~~？？
作者: jiaosisisisi 时间: 2012-2-25 21:27
！
-- by 会员 jiaosisisisi (2012/2/25 21:19:03)
敢问Mr. Music，我的作文改到哪里去鸟~~~？？
-- by 会员 晨依Jacqueline (2012/2/25 21:20:39)
我是占座的。。。给你改了~~~~冤枉啊~~~
作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-2-26 00:16
To music....
【先说点题外话】
1 改作文这个真的不需要占楼的……
2 橄榄色有点像shihuang色有木有……下次建议换个好看点的
3 GMAT的语法我是很不懂啊……
【关于文章的探讨】
4 倒数第二处红色，which的问题，确实我记得在GMAT语法里面好像which不能指代前面整个句子。
5 最后一段我想的是把那个题目扩充一下，承认虽然以后科技还会发展，但是影响人们生活的已经发生了……就是想让个步，我觉得这里和你的意见可能有出入，我再想想。。。
6 其他意见和建议感觉不错，今天太晚了不修改了，明天到学校如果有空我就再改改嗯
7 不拍你了，改的确实挺有水平的！
作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-2-26 00:17
感觉some 是不是可以去掉呢
PS：昨天有事情，拖到今天才改完，实在不好意思
-- by 会员 chasedreamabc (2012/2/25 16:00:52)
谢谢ABC 虽然改动不是特别多 但改出来效果都挺好的~
作者: Crystaljoy 时间: 2012-2-26 00:21
Music真认真~赞赞！
小晨依你也赚大了呢，这里很多考过GMAT的人，语法题逻辑题做多了就变得思维严谨了，语言简洁有效了~
像Music，Alex，Serena，Daisy，八戒，Aviva， 和Me~ 可能还有我不知道的~
作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-2-26 00:28
Music真认真~赞赞！
小晨依你也赚大了呢，这里很多考过GMAT的人，语法题逻辑题做多了就变得思维严谨了，语言简洁有效了~
像Music，Alex，Serena，Daisy，八戒，Aviva， 和Me~ 可能还有我不知道的~
-- by 会员 Crystaljoy (2012/2/26 0:21:25)
对啊对啊~我一开始想先考G的时候看过一点点语法方面的，觉得有点困难，但是确实是很严谨……
而且大家的用词真的是很腻害，表达也很多样化，都很值得我学习！
毕竟我还是刚刚开始准备，很多东西还不是太懂，真的要好好请教大家了~
在这里也谢谢之前给我改过作文的童鞋们，当然也要提前感谢以后要给偶改作文的童鞋们~~总之是小分队的所有人啦！
群么一个O(∩_∩)O哈哈~
作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-2-26 15:19
晨依的独立写作来了~~~欢迎大家狂轰滥炸咯、
2月26日 独立写作
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents should allow their children to make mistakes and let them learn from their own mistakes.
No one would deny that one may make a large number of mistakes during his life. I totally agree with the statement that parents should allow their children to make mistakes in order to let them learn from their own mistakes. Three reasons are listed below.
At the beginning, making mistakes helps children learn more experience than they are taught by parents. So it is important for parents to encourage children to learn experience from their failures, and then children will hardly make the same mistake again. There's a proverb saying that failure is the mother of success. Just take the famous scientist Edison, who invented bulbs, as an example. It was the mistakes he made in the previous experiment and the constant experience that led to his final success of such outstanding invention. In contrast, if he was prevented making so many mistakes by parents, he wouldn't get to know what materials on earth can expand the life of bulbs.
In the second place, parents' experience are not suitable for every situation their childrens(children) meet with, even some advice which used to be correct is of no use at all. Living in a fast changing society, the generation gap is becoming larger and larger. So does the concept and value between parents and children. Once I had some difficulties in finishing my essays, my father suggested me that I should make a copy of my classmetes(classmates) and then have some details revised like he did in his college life. However, it failed to please my tutor and I only got a very low mark. Not until that thing happened did I realize that experience from parents might not be the best advice for me and I should obtain treasure experience from my own mistakes.
What's more, making a summary of the previous failure is beneficial for children to enrich their life experience. From my point of view, parents have the responsibility to instruct children's behavior, but not to prevent them from making mistakes. My mother is such a wise woman because she always respects my idea and give me some useful suggestions. Moreover, she never gets angry about my mistake even if it has a detrimental influence. Instead, she helps me analyzing problems and make a conclusion from my errors. As far as I'm concerned, looking back the mistakes we have made is the best way to avoid making new mistakes.
In sum, it is of great significance for parents to allow their children to make a few mistakes. From the previous failures, children can learn a lot of experience which is indispensable to their futuer(future) development.
作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-2-26 16:07
2月23日作文修改
【晨依修改稿】
As the society we are living in is changing all the time with a high speed, what we used to totally agree with can no longer catch up withthe pace today. In such a "fast world", a large number of people agree with the statement that advice from grandparents for their grandchildren is of no use. I, however, argue for the opposite.
To begin with, grandparents usually have adequate life experience, which makes them more sensitive dealing with various things. From that aspect, they are the best advisors for grandchildren solving all kinds of problems. To be honest, my grandmother, is my closest friend and listener. When I ran into troubles, she always helped me analyze the situation and provided me very useful adviceaccording to her own experience. Though sometimes she was not quite familiar with the terrible condition I had confronted, her instructions could inspire me to cope with some emergencies in a proper way.
Furthermore, the concept our grandparents hold is more prudent and conservative. What we may see as old-fashioned ideas may have a significant influence on making right decisions. A few years ago, I told my grandmother that I would like to shift all my deposit to stocks although she didn't actually know stocks well. To my surprise, she persuaded me not to takea risk because she thought that it was not high time to buy shares. I consequently accepted her suggestion though I firmly believed that it was a great chance to earn a great deal of money in a short period. Faced with the serious inflation later, consequently, her cautiousness made sense.(这个地方没有查到哎、改成consequently了~)
No one would deny that our world is changing rapidly and things maybe extremely different compared to the past 50 years. Admittedly, the gap between grandparents and grandchildren is increasingly enlarged with highly developed science and technology. However, that does not mean that points from grandparents are out of date. No doubt that we should take their ideas into consideration in case of repeating the mistakes they have made in their youths. Additionally, their advices are beneficial to making ourselves more mature when meeting with incidents.
Since grandparents have abundant experience and more prudent attitude, grandchildren do have the necessityto respect their suggestions. After all, truth can stand the test of time. In conclusion, words from grandparents are useful to their grandchildren even in a fast-changing world.
作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-2-26 16:27
2月24日修改稿~因为改了比较多地方，麻烦Music再帮我看一下、thx a million~~~
【晨依修改稿】
Life in ancient time was extremelyhard for people and there used to be no heatings in the winter, no cars to go further, or even no intermedia to communicate with other people.
Thanks to the great inventions, such as air-conditioners, automobiles and cell phones, etc. They have significantly changed people's lives. From my view, though science and technology develop in a high speed, the most significant improvements have already happened.The air-conditioner, as for as I'm concerned,has becomeone of the most important inventions to improve people's living conditions in the past 100 years.It is a high-tech machine which can be controlled to adjust the temperature to make people feel comfortable only in a couple of minutes. By setting it to a lower temperature, we can have a even cooler summer day instead of waving fans or wiping sweat. Likewise, a central heating provides people an easy access to enjoying a warm winter without burning coals. For the great convenience and powerful functions, air-conditioners are widely accepted by a majority of people and make significant contributionstoimproving people's living standard,(把中间重复的半句删掉了)though they will beproduced more multifunctional with the development of technology in the future.
The air-conditioner, as for as I'm concerned, has become one of the most important inventionsto improve people's living conditions in the past 100 years.It is a high-tech machine which can be controlled to adjust the temperature to make people feel comfortable only in a couple of minutes. By setting it to a lower temperature, we can have a even cooler summer day instead of waving fans or wiping sweat. Likewise, a central heating provides people an easy access to enjoying a warm winter without burning coals. For the great convenience and powerful functions, air-conditioners are widely accepted by a majority of people and make significant contributions to improvingpeople's living standard,(把中间重复的半句删掉了)though they will beproduced more multifunctionalwith the development of technology in the future.
Also, cars havesucceeded in making surprising improvements in people's lives. As we all know, cars, which include taxis, trucks, buses and so on, haveadaptedto all sorts of requirements in the modern society. We could never haveimagined that one day we can reach everywhere we want with the help of automobiles freely. In Han Dynasty when there were no cars,people made use of horses as a kind of transportationand had to tolerate the inconvenience.At that time, it usually took people as long as a few days to report the situation of the war to the emperor, thus,soldiershad to wait for the permission from the general to attack enemies. The delays often led to missing the best opportunityof fighting againstthe enemies. However, cars have shortened the time spending in the long-distance places and accelerated people's connections.
Furthermore, the more frequent and swifter communication among people benefited from cell phones is another improvement taken place.(music,这句肿么了?) Unlike making use of doves to deliver messages or making fires as signals, cell phones changed people's lives in an unbelievable way. In just a few seconds, a friend from the opposite site of the world is able to accept our texting message sent by our cell phones. How fantastic the cell phones are!Just as the advertisement of Iphone 4Ssays, mobile phones actually "changed the world for a second time".
Admittedly, we have abundantconfidence in the prospective development of science and technology. (这个地方有异议所以没有改) However, the most significant improvementsindeed have taken place in changing people's living conditions, transportations and communications.
作者: jiaosisisisi 时间: 2012-2-26 18:34
2月24日修改稿~因为改了比较多地方，麻烦Music再帮我看一下、thx a million~~~
【晨依修改稿】Life in ancient time was extremelyhard for people and there used to be no heatings in the winter, no cars to go further, or even no intermedia to communicate with other people.
Thanks to the great inventions, such as air-conditioners, automobiles and cell phones, etc. They have significantly changed people's lives. From my view, though science and technology develop in a high speed, the most significant improvements have already happened.The air-conditioner, as for as I'm concerned,has becomeone of the most important inventions to improve people's living conditions in the past 100 years.It is a high-tech machine which can be controlled to adjust the temperature to make people feel comfortable only in a couple of minutes. By setting it to a lower temperature, we can have a even cooler summer day instead of waving fans or wiping sweat. Likewise, a central heating provides people an easy access to enjoying a warm winter without burning coals. For the great convenience and powerful functions, air-conditioners are widely accepted by a majority of people and make significant contributionstoimproving people's living standard,(把中间重复的半句删掉了)though they will beproduced more multifunctional with the development of technology in the future.
The air-conditioner, as for as I'm concerned, has become one of the most important inventionsto improve people's living conditions in the past 100 years.It is a high-tech machine which can be controlled to adjust the temperature to make people feel comfortable only in a couple of minutes. By setting it to a lower temperature, we can have a even cooler summer day instead of waving fans or wiping sweat. Likewise, a central heating provides people an easy access to enjoying a warm winter without burning coals. For the great convenience and powerful functions, air-conditioners are widely accepted by a majority of people and make significant contributions to improvingpeople's living standard,(把中间重复的半句删掉了)though they will beproduced more multifunctionalwith the development of technology in the future.
Also, cars havesucceeded in making surprising improvements in people's lives. As we all know, cars, which include taxis, trucks, buses and so on, haveadaptedto all sorts of requirements in the modern society. We could never haveimagined that one day we can reach everywhere we want with the help of automobiles freely. In Han Dynasty when there were no cars,people made use of horses as a kind of transportationand had to tolerate the inconvenience.At that time, it usually took people as long as a few days to report the situation of the war to the emperor, thus,soldiershad to wait for the permission from the general to attack enemies. The delays often led to missing the best opportunityof fighting againstthe enemies. However, cars have shortened the time spending in the long-distance places and accelerated people's connections.
Furthermore, the more frequent and swifter communication among people benefited from cell phones is another improvement taken place.(music,这句肿么了?) Unlike making use of doves to deliver messages or making fires as signals, cell phones changed people's lives in an unbelievable way. In just a few seconds, a friend from the opposite site of the world is able to accept our texting message sent by our cell phones. How fantastic the cell phones are!Just as the advertisement of Iphone 4Ssays, mobile phones actually "changed the world for a second time".
Admittedly, we have abundantconfidence in the prospective development of science and technology. (这个地方有异议所以没有改) However, the most significant improvementsindeed have taken place in changing people's living conditions, transportations and communications.
-- by 会员 晨依Jacqueline (2012/2/26 16:27:39)
另外 广告位 招租！
联系方式：XXXXXXX8043
另外 各种办假证！
办各式各样的结婚证、离婚证 ect.
联系方式：XXXXXXXX8043
作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-2-26 18:50
Music你介是肿么了...speechless有木有...
作者: noarkid 时间: 2012-2-27 22:03
改到一半浏览器出问题，申请延长时间
作者: noarkid 时间: 2012-2-27 22:20
晨依的独立写作来了~~~欢迎大家狂轰滥炸咯、
2月26日 独立写作
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents should allow their children to make mistakes and let them learn from their own mistakes.
No one would deny that one may make a large number of mistakes during his life. I totally agree with the statement that parents should allow their children to make mistakes in order to let them learn from their own mistakes. Three reasons are listed below.
At the beginning, making mistakes helps children learn more experience(建议去了) than they are taught by parents. So it is important for parents to encourage children to learn experience from their failures, and then children will hardly make the same mistake again. There's a proverb saying that failure is the mother of success. Just take the famous scientist Edison, who invented bulbs, as an example. It was the mistakes he made in the previous experiment and the constant experience that led to his final success of such outstanding invention. In contrast, if he was prevented making so many mistakes by parents,（he would never keep on his research any more, and thus） he wouldn't get to know what materials on earth can expand the life of bulbs.
In the second place, parents' experience are not suitable for every situation their childrens(children) meet with, even some advice which used to be correct is of no use at all. Living in a fast changing society, the generation gap is becoming larger and larger. So does the concept and value between parents and children.(这句话和后边接不上) Once I had some difficulties in finishing my essays, my father suggested me that I should make a copy of my classmetes(classmates) and then have some details revised like he did in his college life.（亲~这样子更好，这里最好倒装或者把最后一句做一个插入语：my father suggested me that I make a copy from my classmates, just as what he had done in college life, and then have some details revised.）However, it failed to please my tutor(语气上可以强烈一些it enrage my tutor) and I only got a very low mark. Not until that thing happened did I realize that experience from parents might not be the best advice(the advice from parents might not be the best one)for me and I should obtain treasure experience from my own mistakes.
What's more, making a summary of the previous failure is beneficial for children to enrich their life experience.(benefit children by enriching their life experience) From my point of view, parents have the responsibility to instruct children's behavior, but not to prevent(stop/keep/block/) them from making mistakes. My mother is such a wise woman because she always respects my idea and give me some useful suggestions.(全无必要，和前面接不上) Moreover, she never gets angry about my mistake even if it has a detrimental influence. Instead, she helps me analyzing（analyze） problems and make a conclusion from my errors. As far as I'm concerned, looking back the mistakes we have made is the best way to avoid making new mistakes.
In sum, it is of great significance for parents to allow their children to make a few mistakes. From the previous failures, children can learn a lot of experience which is indispensable to their futuer(future) development.
作者: noarkid 时间: 2012-2-27 22:22
文章通顺上还要下点功夫，剩下都很好了
作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-2-27 22:57
文章通顺上还要下点功夫，剩下都很好了
-- by 会员 noarkid (2012/2/27 22:22:49)
谢谢noarkid，虽然有点晚啊~~还是很感谢，我明天看
作者: jiaosisisisi 时间: 2012-2-28 00:50
给你又改了下 。。。你 自己 斟酌下 喽~
Life in ancient time wasextremelyhard for people and there used to be no heatings in the winter, no cars to go further, or even no intermedia to communicate with other people.Thanks to the great inventions, such asair-conditioners, automobiles and cell phones, etc.They have significantly changed people's lives. From my view, though science and technology develop in a high speed, the most significant improvements have already happened.
The airconditioner, as far as I'm concerned,has becomeone of the most important inventionstoimprovepeople's living conditions in the past 100 years.It is a high-tech machine which can be controlled to adjust the temperature to make people feel comfortable only in a couple of minutes. By setting it to a lower temperature, we can have a even cooler summer day instead of waving fans orwiping sweat.Likewise, a central heating provides people an easy access to enjoying a warm winter without burning coals. For the great convenience and powerful functions, air-conditioners are widely accepted by a majority of people and make signCificant contributionstoimprovingpeople's living standard,thoughthey will beproduced moremultifunctionalwith the development of technology in the future.
Also, carshavesucceeded in making surprising improvements in people's lives. As we all know, cars, which include taxis, trucks, buses and so on, haveadaptedto(satisfied会不会好一些)all sorts of requirements in the modern society. We couldnever haveimagined that one day we can reach everywhere we want with the help of automobiles freely.（我理解你的汉语意思是“之前的野人们，根本就没敢想过，他们居然可以做汽车到处跑”你的虚拟语气使用错了，可以肯定。
我建议一种表达However ，our ancestors would never imagined that they should （shoud可以表示惊讶的语气）be able to reach everywhere with a tool called “car "）For example， In Han Dynastywhen there werenocars,people made use of horses as a kind of transportationand had to tolerate theinconvenience.At that time, it usuallytookpeopleas long asa few days（我建议你用as long as 就是希望你可以把时间看起来非常漫长，来支撑你的论述！所以用a few就与long 矛盾了，建议用several）toreport the situation of the war to the emperor,thus,soldiershad to wait for the permission from the general to attack enemies. The delays often led to missing the best opportunityof fighting againstthe enemies. However, cars have shortened the time spending in the long-distance places and accelerated people's connections.
Furthermore, the more frequent and swifter communication among people benefited from cell phones is another improvement taken place.(纠结是因为，第一个形容词是the more 表示形容词比较极and后连接的adj又是er表示，很容易让人误会，而且我感觉到你这句是一个show off 句型，但是让人感觉，或者 至少，我读了三遍没有读懂。ETS 不喜欢puzzled的句子吧。。。或者是我的理解问题。。。)Unlike （GMAT语法认为like 或者unlike必须连接与主句对等成分的东西，我理解你的意思是表达，eg. Unlike Jim,Rose is a idiot!）making use of doves to deliver messages or making fires as signals, cell phones changed people's lives in an unbelievable way. In just a few seconds, a friend from the opposite site of the world is able to accept our texting message sent by our cell phones. How fantastic the cell phones are!Just as the advertisement of Iphone 4Ssays, mobile phones actually "changed the world for a second time".
Admittedly, we haveabundantconfidence in the prospective development of science and technology.(这个地方有异议所以没有改)However, the most significantimprovementsindeed have taken place in changing people's living conditions, transportations and communications.
作者: Crystaljoy 时间: 2012-2-28 13:20
Music 怎么出现那么诡异的广告？
作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-2-28 20:39
Music 怎么出现那么诡异的广告？
-- by 会员 Crystaljoy (2012/2/28 13:20:53)
That's just a joke....
Just ignore it....
作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-2-28 20:39
2月28日 独立写作
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is more important to choose friends that could have fun with than to choose friends that will help you when you are in need.
As a proverb goes that a friend indeed is a friend in need, I prefer a friend that will help me when I am in troube(trouble) to the one who will have fun with me. Three reasons are listed below.
Priorily(Priorly), making friends is a process of learning good characters and qualities from others. Life is just like a mirror, a friend's behavior reflects what we lack and need ourselves. Thus, a friend who is willing to help us when we are in need is beneficial to our personal developmet(development) because we can learn some experience and good characters from such a friend. For example, the friend I treasure most, Lucy, is always giving me advice and try her best to solve my problems. And in fact, I've learned a lot from her intelligence. On the contrary, owning a friend who is reluctant to help you when you have troubles, or even blame on your fault is not worth treature(treasure).
In the second place, choosing a real friend who will give a hand when a person is in dilemma is an accumulation of one's social resource. As we all know, a well-being interpersonal relationship plays an important role in making decisions nowadays. Under this circumstance, the defination(definition) of a true friend is not only the one who is at your companion but also the one who helps you out of difficulties. From my own experience, once I needed money badly, my firend(friend) supported me a lot finacially(financially), and moreover, he helped me get my first job. I am very thankful for his help and I regard him as the best friend in my life.
Admittedly, some people argue that friendship should not be related to persuing(pursuing) one's profit, especially in the modern society. They insist that sharing interest with friends is better than helping each other. Though there are many people chasing their own goals by making use of their closest friends, what I claim for is that choosing a friend does not mean only to get profits from one's friend. Generally speaking, everyone has the responsibility to make friends in a sincere heart and it is more essential to choose a friend who is ardent when others in need.
To conclude, a friend who is willing to help when we are in trouble is more welcome than the one who only has fun with us every day. Furthermore, we can enrich ourselves by learning good qualities from them and develop a better social resource. That is to say it is more important to choose friends that could help you when you are in dilemma than choose friends that could only share common interests with.
作者: jiaosisisisi 时间: 2012-2-28 20:41
2月28日
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is more important to choose friends that could have fun with than to choose friends that will help you when you are in need.
-- by 会员 晨依Jacqueline (2012/2/28 20:39:57)
我大胆猜测，你肯定要后者。。。。。。firstly，secondly，thirdly，to sum up~~~~
作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-2-28 20:43
2月28日
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is more important to choose friends that could have fun with than to choose friends that will help you when you are in need.
-- by 会员 晨依Jacqueline (2012/2/28 20:39:57)
我大胆猜测，你肯定要后者。。。。。。firstly，secondly，thirdly，to sum up~~~~
-- by 会员 jiaosisisisi (2012/2/28 20:41:47)
猜对一半，详见上文，谢谢参与。
作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-2-28 21:10
2月26日作文的整理
No one would deny that one may make a large number of mistakes during his life. I totally agree with the statement that parents should allow their children to make mistakes in order to let them learn from their own mistakes. Three reasons are listed below.
At the beginning, making mistakes helps children learn more than they are taught by parents. So it is important for parents to encourage children to learn experience from their failures, and then children will hardly make the same mistake again. There's a proverb saying that failure is the mother of success. Just take the famous scientist Edison, who invented bulbs, as an example. It was the mistakes he made in the previous experiment and the constant experience that led to his final success of such outstanding invention. In contrast,he would never keep on his research any more, and thushe wouldn't get to know what materials on earth can expand the life of bulbs.
In the second place, parents' experience are not suitable for every situation their childrenmeet with, even some advice which used to be correct. Living in a fast changing society, the generation gap is becoming larger and larger. Thus,Parents' ideas are no longer the best ones for children.Once I had some difficulties in finishing my essays, my father suggested me that I make a copy from my classmates, just as what he had done in college life, and then have some details revised.However, itenraged(好词！！Thx，noarkid~) my tutorand I only got a very low mark. Not until that thing happened did I realize that the advice from parents might not be the best oneand I should obtain treasure experience from my own mistakes.
What's more, making a summary of the previous failurebenefits children by enriching their life experience.From my point of view, parents have the responsibility to instruct children's behavior, but not to prevent(stop/keep/block) them from making mistakes. My mother never gets angry about my mistake even if it has a detrimental influence. Instead, she helps me analyze problems and make a conclusion from my errors. As far as I'm concerned, looking back the mistakes we have made is the best way to avoid making new mistakes.
In sum, it is of great significance for parents to allow their children to make a few mistakes. From the previous failures, children can learn a lot of experience which is indispensable to their future development.
作者: prodliu 时间: 2012-2-28 22:02
As a proverb goes that a friend indeed is a friend in need, I prefer a friend that will help me when I am in troube(trouble)还是用need好吧，需要的时候不一定就是有trouble的时候 to the one （prefer to要一致prefer a friend 后面to 也要泛指不能特指the one，改成one）only aim for having fun with me. To substantiate my standpoint, three reasons are listed below.
Priorily(Priorly), making friends is a process of learning absorbing吸取更好一些吧 good characters and qualities from others. Life is没有is吧 just likes a mirror, a friend's behavior reflects what we lack and need ourselves. Thus, a friend who is willing to help us when we are in need is beneficial to our personal development because we can learn some experience and good characters from such a friend. For example, the friend I treasure most, Lucy, is always giving me advice and try her best to 改成spend no effort to好一些 solve my problems. And in fact, I've learned a lot from her intelligence. On the contrary, owning a friend who is reluctant to help you when you have troubles, or even blame on your fault is not worth treature(treasure).
In the second place In addition前面没有in the first place, choosing a real friend who will give a hand when a person is in dilemma is an accumulation of one's social resource. As we all know, a well-being interpersonal relationship plays an important role in making decisions nowadays. Under this circumstance, the defination(definition) of a true friend is not only a person who is at your companion but also who helps you to get rid of difficulties. From my own experience, once I needed money badly, my firend(friend) supported me a lot finacially(financially), and moreover, he helped me get my first job. I am very thankful for his help and I regard him as the best friend in my life.
Admittedly, some people argue that friendship should not be related to persuing(pursuing) one's profit, especially in the modern society. They insist that sharing interest with friends is better than helping each other. Though there are many people chasing their own goals by making use of their closest friends, what I claim for is that choosing a friend does not mean only to get profits from one's删去 friend. Generally speaking, everyone has the responsibility to make friends in a sincere heart and it is more essential to choose a friend who is ardent when others in need.
To conclude, a friend who is willing to help when we are in trouble is more welcome than someone who only has fun with us every day. Furthermore, we can enrich ourselves by learning good qualities from them and develop a better social resource. That is to say it is more important to choose friends that could help you when you are in dilemma than choose friends that could only share common interests with.
作者: prodliu 时间: 2012-2-28 22:02
我觉得让步转折后面再写一段可以更充实些
作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-2-28 22:23
我觉得让步转折后面再写一段可以更充实些
-- by 会员 prodliu (2012/2/28 22:02:58)
O(∩_∩)O谢谢prodliu 我明天综合两个一起修改~~嘻嘻嘻有劳啦
作者: 蝴蝶渡海 时间: 2012-2-29 14:06
As a proverb goes that a friend indeed is a friend in need（此处谚语是否应当为A friend in need is a friend indeed）, I prefer a friend that will help me when I am in troube(trouble)（此处用trouble跟原文意思是否有出入呢？可否换成necessary或者直接原文的need） to the one who will have fun with me. Three reasons are listed below.
Priorily(Priorly), making friends is a process of learning good characters and qualities from others. Life is just like a mirror, a friend's behavior reflects what we lack and need ourselves. Thus, a friend who is willing to help us when we are in need is beneficial to our personal developmet(development) because we can learn some experience and good characters from such a friend. For example, the friend I treasure(是否应当为treasured，我记得不是太清楚了，看到后最好能跟我说一下） most, Lucy, is always giving me advice and try（是否为trying或者tries） her best to solve my problems. And in fact, I've learned a lot from her intelligence. On the contrary, owning a friend who is reluctant to help you when you have troubles, or even blame on your fault is not worth treature(treasure).
In the second place, choosing a real friend who will give a hand when a person is in dilemma is an accumulation of one's social resource. As we all know, a well-being interpersonal relationship plays an important（换成vital或者critical，essential个人觉得能新颖一些 ）role in making decisions nowadays. Under this circumstance, the defination(definition) of a true friend is not only the one who is at your companion but also the one who helps you out of difficulties（dilemma能更好些）. From my own experience, once I needed money badly, my firend(friend) supported me a lot finacially(financially), and moreover, he helped me get my first job. I am very thankful for his help and I regard him as the best friend in my life.
Admittedly, some people argue that friendship should not be related to persuing(pursuing) one's profit, especially in the modern society. They insist that sharing interest with friends is better than helping each other. Though there are many people chasing their own goals by making use of their closest friends, what I claim for is that choosing a friend does not mean only to get profits from one's friend. Generally speaking, everyone has the responsibility to make friends in a sincere heart and it is more essential to choose a friend who is ardent（我隐约记得这个词多用于爱情的炽热等等，是否欠妥当还应当深究） when others in need.
To conclude, a friend who is willing to help when we are in trouble is more welcome than the one who only has fun with us every day. Furthermore, we can enrich ourselves by learning good qualities from them(这里的代词是否应该与前面的a friend对应呢？) and develop a better social resource. That is to say it is more important to choose friends that could help you when you are in dilemma than choose friends that could only share common interests with.
谢谢你帮我认真的修改文章，我甚是感激。也从中学到了不少东西积累了一些词句经验。我这第一次给别人评论，限于自身的水平难能再给你特别多的经验。如能写出你这么好的英文文章已是满足。
文章整体感觉已是浑然天成了，整齐的结构，清晰的逻辑，流利的语言，合理的理据真是让我羡慕。在这些方面我确实无法给您更多的建议了。以后还可能多多麻烦你帮我修改文章了，一起进步。
PS：如何在回复栏使用不同的颜色哇，像你给我改的似地。我在word里面改完粘到这里也不行啊。有空再Q上跟你聊聊
作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-2-29 15:58
谢谢蝴蝶渡海，我们学校停电了，用手机上的网，咱们晚上再聊啊。其实你看我给你提的一些错误在我自己的作文里面也有，其实互改就是一种学习的过程。我觉得你的建议都很不错，晚上回去我再改改。其实你不用羡慕我的，我水平也不高，只是过了四级而已，其他的都没考过。希望你能在小分队互改的过程中能找到一些技巧和方法，充实自己的文章，一起进步吧！加油了！
作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-2-29 19:34
昨天的作文修改
【晨依修改稿】
As a proverb goes that a friend in need is a friend indeed, I prefer a friend that will help me when I am in needto the oneonly aims for having fun with me. To substantiate my standpoint, (大亮！Thx, prodliu~)three reasons are listed below.
Priorly, making friends is a process of absorbinggood characters and qualities from others. Life isjust likes a mirror, anda friend's behavior reflects what we lack and need ourselves. Thus, a friend who is willing to help us when we are in need is beneficial to our personal development because we can learn some experience and good characters from such a friend. For example, the friend I treasure most, Lucy, is always giving me advice and sparing no effort to solve my problems. And in fact, I've learned a lot from her intelligence. On the contrary, owning a friend who is reluctant to help you when you have troubles, or even blame on your fault is not worth treasuring.
In addition,choosing a real friend who will give a hand when a person is in dilemma is an accumulation of one's social resource. As we all know, a well-being interpersonal relationship plays an important role in making decisions nowadays. Under this circumstance, the definition of a true friend is not only a person who is at your companion but also who helps you to get rid ofdifficulties. From my own experience, once I needed money badly, my friend supported me a lot financially, and moreover, he helped me get my first job. I am very thankful for his help and I regard him as the best friend in my life.
Admittedly, some people argue that friendship should not be related to pursuing one's profit, especially in the modern society. They insist that sharing interest with friends is better than helping each other. Though there are many people chasing their own goals by making use of their closest friends, what I claim for is that choosing a friend does not mean only to get profits from a friend. Generally speaking, everyone has the responsibility to make friends in a sincere heart and it is more essential to choose a friend who is warm-hearted when others in need.
To conclude, a friend who is willing to help when we are in trouble is more welcome than someone who only has fun with us every day. Furthermore, we can enrich ourselves by learning good qualities from our friends and develop a better social resource. That is to say it is more important to choose friends that could help you when you are in dilemma than choose friends that could only share common interests with.
作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-2-29 20:50
2月29日 独立写作 （逐渐缩短时间啦~~继续坚持哇唔~~！）
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The most important problems in today’s world will be solved in our lifetime.
No one would deny that an increasing number of problems have been solved with the rapid development of science and technology. Under this circumstances, some people hold the idea that the most essential problems in today's world will be solved in people's lifetime. However, I stand for the opposite side and three reasons are listed below to support my view.
To begin with, we have faith in solving different types of problems with the help of advanced science and technology. For example, the low efficiency in production used to be a troublesome problem to the manegement(management) of big factories. But thanks to the appearence (appearance) of steam power engine, which was invented by Watt, the first industry revolution was launched and led the Britain a fast developed country at that time. Later, the invention of electricity, has given people all over the world an easy access to brightness in the dark. Not only did the working efficiency largely improve, but people also constantly shocked by a series of great inventions, such as cellphones, microwaves, televisions and so on. Thus, abundant evidence proved that the improvement of science and technology may help us find solutions to important problems in predictable future.
What is more, the improvement of human beings' intelligence is of great significant in solving essential problems in modern society. As a better environment for growth provides higher intelligent people, we are sure to see the perspective outlook that one day some important problems would be solved. As we all know that with the joint effort of so many outstanding experts, our dream of flying to the sky has achieved. Moreover, rockects(rockets) and spaceships invented by excellent scientists made it possible for us to explore universe.
In addition, the modern world is full of quick changes and no one can hastily assert that a problem will spend people's whole life to work out. Limitless people's creativity is, amazingsmay happen every day. Tor instance, the discovery of gravity was by accident. And then, Newton developed the thoery(theory) on force, which eventually managed to solve a lot of problems in physics, astronomy, and even mathmatics(mathematics).
To draw a conclusion, we are living in a fast changing world and people are getting smarter and smarter. So we can foresee that the key problems which trouble people in today's world will be solved with the help of science and technology.
作者: sherilynchi 时间: 2012-3-1 14:17
No one would deny that an increasing number of problems have been solved with the rapid development of science and technology. Under this circumstances, some people hold the idea that the most essential problems in today's world will be solved in people's lifetime. However, I stand for the opposite side and three reasons are listed below to support my view.（额 opposite side?)
To begin with, we have faith in solving different types of problems with the help of advanced science and technology. For example, the low efficiency in production used to be a troublesome problem to the manegement(management) of big factories.But thanks to the appearence (appearance) of steam power engine, which was invented by Watt, the first industry revolution was launched and led the Britain a fast developed country at that time. Later, the invention of electricity, has given people all over the world an easy access to brightness in the dark. Not only did the working efficiency largely improve, but people also constantly shocked by a series of great inventions, such as cellphones, microwaves, televisions and so on. Thus, abundant evidence proved that the improvement of science and technology may help us find solutions to important problems in predictable future.
What is more, the improvement of human beings' intelligence is of great significant in solving essential problems in modern society. As a better environment for growth provides higher intelligent people, we are sure to see the perspective outlook that one day some important problems would be solved. As we all know that with the joint effort of so many outstanding experts, our dream of flying to the sky has achieved. Moreover, rockects(rockets) and spaceships invented by excellent scientists made it possible for us to explore universe. (例子不太贴切，解决困难和实现梦想是两码事）
这段没太明白。。是想说一切皆有可能咩？In addition, the modern world is full of quick changes and no one can hastily assert that a problem will spend people's whole life to work out. Limitless people's creativity is, amazingsmay happen every day. Tor instance, the discovery of gravity was by accident. And then, Newton developed the thoery(theory) on force, which eventually managed to solve a lot of problems in physics, astronomy, and even mathmatics(mathematics).
To draw a conclusion, we are living in a fast changing world and people are getting smarter and smarter. So we can foresee that the key problems which trouble people in today's world will be solved with the help of science and technology.
这位同学，我很稀罕你的文章，你的前几篇我都看了。。文风小清新，语言流畅，读起来不费力。我也就没一句一句的抠，我自己虽然考过GMAT，但语法什么的忘光了，你就放过我吧。但是，读完2.29这篇，我的最大感受是论点选的不好。第一个论点本身是OK的，但下面两个稍微牵强。论点选的不好，写起来就会很费力。站在你的论点，我觉得可以说说人类意识形态或者态度的变化（经济已经得到了长足的发展，人们越来越意识到社会、环境、发展平衡方面的问题，但是你又没点出你认为的most important problem是啥米，所以有点难办啊）或者可以说说人类越来越团结，团结就是力量blabla。。。。这些都是比较好写的
另外一个感受是例子运用的不贴切。。要举例子，可以。但是你为什么每个例子都一笔带过呢？我对例子的观点是，要么只写一个，前后对比都写清楚了，才能表现出从有困难到科技解决了这个困难的过程；要么就是排比句，但要求每个例子都一针见血。。在要求句式多变的同时，也应该考虑用怎样的表达方式，才能使这个例子跟主题靠的更近。这句：Not only did the working efficiency largely improve, but people also constantly shocked by a series of great inventions, such as cellphones, microwaves, televisions and so on. 不仅生产效率提高，人们也被一系列伟大的发明震惊。这个跟你的论点什么关系？为什么要加这一句？其实你想表达的是，许多伟大的发明接踵而来，解决了人们生活的困难，使人们大为震惊——这就是伟大科技的力量。。。所以，必须要换个表达。
最后，说说我自己的2.29的作业。这个题目与我前几天看的经济学人上的一篇文章不谋而合，题目就叫.there could be trouble ahead。是当前经济形势与1930年大萧条一些对比云云。所以当时做的摘抄就派上了用场。还有文章中举得数据，是我瞎编的。以前有看过，确切的记不清，数量级是差不多的，不会太离谱。
作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-3-1 22:33
Thank you~Sherilyn
我在写作中举例子一直力不从心，而且前几天大家也给我指出来了我的例子和论点之见的逻辑性不是很强。
我想我应该多积累一些，毕竟每天只输出不输入翻来覆去都写的没有新意了。
谢谢你批改的那么认真，晨依会继续努力的！一起加油！！
作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-3-1 22:35
3月1日 独立写作
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People are now easier to become educated than in the past.
As Bacon once said, "Knowledge is power". Education is paid increasing attention as a means of acquiring knowledge by a large number of people in the modern society. With the rapid development of civilization, I firmly belive that people are now having easier access to education and becoming better educated than in the past.
For the one thing, as a lot of favorable policies have been published, people who couldn't accept education can take the opportunity to contact with voluntary education. Our government now has attached significant importance to the construction of education system in small countries from remote areas like the nine-year voluntary education policy. Up to now, thousands of "Hope Primary School" have been founded in China and over ten thousand college students have made great contributions to raising the standard of education quality in villages. Furthermore, the policy which strongly support to higher education is also essential to making people obtain advanced education. There is a quantity of universities transforming into more complex universities, and they make full use of all sorts of resources by adjusting their schools and majors. For example, the university I am studying at used to be a teacher's university, but recent years it has the tendency to set some other majors as well as curriculums in order to achieve the aim of being a top university in China. Thus, we students are better educated because we have the priority to advanced teaching techniques and well-equipped public applications. It is so many policies that make people easier to become educated than in the past.
For the other thing, thanks to the skyrocketing development of modern technology and science, people are at their convenience of acquiring knowledge by computers linked by the Internet and new types of machines such as electronic dictionaries, calculators, walkmans and so on. In ancient time, people get to learn mathematics by calculating with abucus(abacus), which attributed to the low efficiency of learning, what is more, more mistakes would be made during the learning process. However, exact and accurate sequence are made in less than a second owing to a calculator, which is more smaller and portable than an abacus. Plus, a electronic dictionary, which has the function of explaining and pronouncing words, is of vital help to new English learners. It not only saves people's time of mastering new words and expressions, but also accelerate people's studying outcoming in education. Advanced technique used in learning, people living in modern society is more easier to become educated than in the past.
In one word, living in a so-called knowledge age, people are equipped with favorable policies and advanced technique to be easier to become educated than in the past.
作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-3-2 20:32
晨依这个月定了China Daily的手机报，为了让自己的作文有话可说，晨依决定每天也来贴点好的例子~
就不开新的帖子啦，每天作为小分队的附加任务贴到这个帖子里面，天天总结，天天进步~~~
?————————————3月2日————————————?
*Life is like a ten speed bicycle. Most of us have gearswe never use.
生活就像一辆十档变速自行车，我们有各种档位选择，很多人却忘了用。
* Youth prefercelebrity idols少年儿童偶像偏娱乐化
An increasing number of celebrities in the entertainment industry are beinghailedas idols by youth,according to a survey released onFebruary 29th by China Youth and Children Research Center. Nearly 70% of youth's idols are entertainment and sports stars.Latterateurs, artists, thinkers, heroes, politicians and militaryfigures eachmake upabout 3%. Scientists take up 2.3%, whilemodel workersonlyaccount for0.4%.
* Educationtops concerns 教育位居“两会”关注榜首Improving education is seen as the top priority among topics expected to be addressed at the "2 sessions" in China. According to a research, a random sampling of more than 1,000 respondents showed nearly 50% of people expect the sessions to focus more attention on how to modify the exam-oriented education system, which puts primary and middle school students under pressure. Most of them also question the unequal distribution of educational resources among urban and rural areas as well as higher education that failed to meet social demands.
* The cooperation is expected to drive China into an era of ……
此次（A&B）的合作（牵手）将推动中国进入（……）的时代
* A helpful hand is not always lent by heroes. In everyone's life, a man begins each day with a thankful heart just because an average man helps him in trivial things.助人为乐不在于惊天动地，日常生活的感激之情更来自于身边人、身边事。
作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-3-2 22:06
3月2日 独立写作
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People should know the events happening around the world, even if it unlikely has some influence on your daily life.
Taking a general look at the fast changing world, people in modern society have to face with a great deal of variations. However, among a large number of events taken place everyday, even every second, little of them have very close relation to ourselves. Thus, I hold the opinion that people don't have the necessary for knowing what is happening around the world if it does not have some influence on their daily life.
Above all, it is a waste of time for people caring much about things that are not related with themselves. From my point of view, few people are born to change the world with their concerns of other people, and in other words, we ordinary people are not strong enough to make a change to others' life. We feel sad when we heard the news that children in Africa died from hunger, but we are limitted(limited) in donating foods to save them; we are excited at the sports star-Jemery(Jeremy) Lin's performance in each game, but his shoot is of no help with our promotions; we are paying a close attention on Barack Obama's life on Twitter, but his behavior does not have any influence on our daily life. Hence, what makes sense for people to know the events which have little connections with them happening around the world instead of caring about their personal affairs?
Moreover, a concern for incidents which have little to do with people's own affairs may probably make nagetive(negative) effects to people. Let me show you an example. Suppose I were an office lady, once I heard about the news that my favorite star Whitney had died in a morning, I was prone to work in sadness all day. Had my careless working condition seen by my boss, I was likely to get fired. From that case we may draw a conclusion that caring for something unlikely have influence on ourselves is possibly leading to a chain action in our personal life, and what is worse we are then trapped in troubles.
To be honest, keeping in contact with some latest news makes us catch up with the modern society. Though we ought not to be people who are out of date, we don't need to get ourselves involved into all events happening around the world, especially the news that has nothing to do with our daily life. As fa as I am concerned, people had better read the newspaper selectively, acquiring the knowledge really makes sense to them and abandon some news which occupied too much time.
In the end, people are of no necessity to knowing what is taking place in the world because something irrelated may be a waste of time or bring about troubles in people's daily life.
作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-3-3 18:57
3月3日 独立写作
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave.
As we are living in an exaggerately(exaggeratively) entertained time, no one would deny people are surrounded by a variaty(variety) of entertainment sush(such) as karaokes, movies, video games and so on. Though some people actually benefit from such entertainment, in my opinion, movies and television programs have more negative influence on the way young people behave for a few reasons.
To begin with, young people are likely to affected by their idols behaviors. With the popularity of movies and televion(television) programs, film stars and some actors are becoming more welcome by the young. An increasing number of celebrities in entertainment industry are being hailed as idols by youth, according to a recent research from China Youth and Children Center. From the research we can see celebrities, especially actors and actress in movies an soap opreas(operas), are ranking first and far beyond worker models, heroes and artists. That is to say, those stars from movies or televions(television) have a strong instruction to the way young people behave. However, it is known to all that there are lots of crimes, affairs, as well as drug addiction in the entertainment industry, which is detrimental to the growth of young people.
Additionally, movies and television are often fictional, which demand exaggerating the story or adding some imaginary details during the process of production to make it more entertaining to audience. As a matter of fact, children are too young to justify whether the story showed on the big screen in the theater is true. For example, the character of Superman is unreal, because there does not exist a man flying everywhere to help people get rid of trouble. But children may have the tendency to imitate the Superman's behavior without questioning if he really has the ability of flying here and there. To some degree, young people are often misled to acquiring knowledge from many fictional stories or scientific movies.
What we could not neglect is that television programs like Discovery or Animal World are of significance in teaching young people, and what is more inspiring their adventure spirits. But to appeal more attention, producers and directors are prone to make movies or television programme funny and interesting by modifying details of the scripts, ignoring the harmful effects which may affect the way young people behave. In fact, no related policy has been published by our country to make a restriction to entertainment industry.
In conclusion, in spite of the amusement movies and television have brought to people, they have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave.
作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-3-4 23:18
3月4日 独立写作
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Children should take similar jobs with parents.
As parents are children's best teachers, children are easily affected by their what their parents do when growing up. To some extent, a few people hold the idea that children should take similar jobs with their parents. Though parents may instruct their children to have a better development based on their abundant working experience, I still argue for children choosing their own career in their future, not following their parents' jobs.
First and foremost, we are now living in an era which is sharply different from the time our parents live in, and thus the prospect and condition of jobs could not be considered the same with their parents'. My father, who owns a diploma of graduation from high school, entered Industrial and Commercial Bank of China at the age of twenty and now he has been promoted as a manager of that bank. However, taking a general look at the requirement of employers, it might be difficult for an undergraduate majored in Finance to work in a bank as a primary officer. That is to say, I have to struggle against too many excellent students for the same job as my parents' under the totally different circumstance. So I don't think it sensible for children to take similar jobs with parents.
In the second place, children should choose job on their interests and persue their own future career without the influence of their parents. In my opinion, every person has equal rights to chase his dream, even it is hard to realize. To tell the truth, I was forced to major in finance by my parents when I entered college because finance was expected to bring extremely high salaries in the future. But I am always dreaming of becoming a teacher sharing knowledge with others, and that won criticize from my parents. With a resistance to finance, I got very low scores in my academic performance and it further proved that I was not suitable to take the similar jobs with my parents.
Some people argue that taking a job which is similar to parents is an readily way to have further development in the future, for they are familiar with the information of that job and may have priority to a better social relationship of that field. But to take similar jobs with parents, from my point of view, is detrimental to children's independence. For children are benefited from their parents work, they are prone to decrease the ability of making decisions and solving problems on their own.
In sum, though there exists convenience for children taking similar jobs with their parents, negative effects overweigh the positive effects. Children should make a sensible decision when choosing their jobs.
作者: byron777 时间: 2012-3-4 23:24
3月3日 独立写作
As we are living in an exaggerately(exaggeratively) entertained time（era好些吧）, no one would deny people are surrounded by a variaty(variety) of entertainment sush(such) as karaokes, movies, video games and so on. Though some people actually benefit from such entertainment, in my opinion, movies and television programs have more negative influence on the way young people behave for a few reasons（建议改成两句，更清晰的阐明thesis statement.我试下啊：Despite\Regardless some people actually benefit from such entertainment, though, in my opinion, movies and television programs have more negative infuence on young people, especially on the way they behave. In the following paragraphs, I am going to discuss some reasons of it.
To begin with, young people are likely to (be)affected by their idols(') behaviors. With the popularity(spread或有动态的感觉，or改成increasing popularity) of movies and televion(television) programs, film stars and some actors are becoming more welcome by（among, welcome is an adjective, or use welcomed as a verb） the young. An increasing number of celebrities in entertainment industry are being hailed as idols by (the)youth, according to a recent research from China Youth and Children Center(哇塞真的么？好厉害). From the research we can see celebrities, especially actors and actress in movies an soap opreas(operas), are ranking first and far beyond（far beyond用在这里有些奇怪，想个别的表达方法，我还没想好。。） worker models, heroes and artists. That is to say, those stars from movies or televions(television) have a strong instruction to the way young people behave. However, it is known to all that there are lots of crimes, affairs, as well as drug addiction in the entertainment industry, which is detrimental to the growth of young people.
Additionally, movies and television are often fictional, which demand exaggerating the story or adding some imaginary details during the process of production to make it more entertaining to audience. As a matter of fact, children are too young to justify whether the story showed on the big screen in the theater is true. For example, the character of Superman is unreal, because there does not exist a man flying everywhere to help people get rid of trouble. But children may have the tendency to imitate the Superman's behavior without questioning if he really has the ability of flying here and there. To some degree, young people are often misled to acquiring knowledge from many fictional stories or scientific movies.
What we could not neglect is that television programs like Discovery or Animal World are of significance in teaching young people, and what is more inspiring their adventure spirits(这个明显病句哈). But to appeal（appeal to sb, attract attention） more attention, producers and directors are prone to make movies or television programme funny and interesting by modifying details of the scripts, ignoring the harmful effects which may affect the way young people behave. In fact, no related policy has been published by our country to make a restriction to entertainment industry(这个是要说我国规定娱乐业不涉及政治么？表述不准吧。试改下：In fact, "not relating to politics" has been a restriction to entertainment industry in our country,which is made by our government, in order to avoid this consequently too radical behavior).
In conclusion, in spite of the amusement movies and television have brought to people, they have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave.
整体很流畅很规范，最后一段充实点就更好了，有的地方没法连了就改成两句，其他，再多加点细节，比如如何affect behavior了，倒数第二段最后一句感觉还有可展开的地方。
作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-3-4 23:32
O(∩_∩)O谢谢Byron~明天再看哈！
作者: chasedreamabc 时间: 2012-3-5 18:17
3月4日 独立写作
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Children should take similar jobs with parents.
As parents are children's best teachers, children are easily affected by their(应该是打字的时候的问题吧，这词不该出现啊） what their parents do when growing up. To some extent, a few people hold the idea that children should take similar jobs with their parents. Though parents may instruct their children to have a better development based on their abundant working experience, I still argue for children choosing their own career in their future, not following their parents' jobs.
First and foremost, we are now living in an era which is sharply different from the time our parents live in（个人感觉既然想强调时代的不同是不是该用过去式）, and thus the prospect and condition of jobs could not be considered the same with their parents'. My father, who owns a diploma of graduation from high school, entered Industrial and Commercial Bank of China at the age of twenty and now he has been promoted as a manager of that bank. However, taking a general look at the requirement of employers, it might be difficult for an undergraduate majored in Finance to work in a bank as a primary officer. That is to say, I have to struggle against too many excellent students for the same job as my parents' under the totally different circumstance. So I don't think it sensible for children to take similar jobs with parents.
In the second place, children should choose jobs on their interests and persue their own future career without the influence of their parents. In my opinion, every person has equal rights to chase his dream, even it is hard to realize. To tell the truth, I was forced to major in finance by my parents when I entered college because finance was expected to bring extremely high salaries in the future. But I am always dreaming of becoming a teacher sharing knowledge with others, and that won criticize from my parents. With a resistance to finance, I got very low scores in my academic performance and it further proved that I was not suitable to take the similar jobs with my parents.
Some people argue that taking a job which is similar to parents is an readily way to have further development in the future, for they are familiar with the information of that job and may have priority to a better social relationship of that field. But to take similar jobs with parents, from my point of view, is detrimental to children's independence. For children are benefited from their parents work, they are prone to decrease the ability of making decisions and solving problems on their own.
In sum, though there exists convenience for children taking similar jobs with their parents, negative effects overweigh the positive effects. Children should make a sensible decision when choosing their jobs.
读起来很顺啊，只是感觉论证稍有些不严密了吧。。。
作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-3-5 21:34
3月5日 独立写作Do you agree or disagree with this the following statement? Spending money on travelling and vocation is better than saving for future.
When talking about the worldwide economy depression, some people tend to be more prudent in spending their money. An increasing number of people reduce their costs on traveling in order to meet their future need. However, I prefer spending money on traveling to saving money for future use. In my view, traveling is not only a kind of consumption, but also a rewarding activity.
Above all， traveling can broaden people's horizons and enrich their life experience. Actually, an enjoyable journey benefits people in a large scale. In my own experience, I took a tour to Australia for nearly one week last summer which expanded my view. For example, the free drinking water appliance on the road really surprised me a lot because I had never thought that the government could provide so convenient supply for its people. And after that I dreamed of making contributions to my city by applying the advanced concepts and technology abroad to our own social conditions. In addition, I appreciated their pursuing of freedom and the mixture of different culture there. So, I would never regret for my costs on traveling.
Moreover, people who spend money on traveling are likely to be more optimistic to life. It is a positive attitude towards life that makes them believe all things will be fine so that they don't have to worry about the uncertain things in the future. John, a friend of mine, once got involved into a stressful and depressed time when starting his business. He made himself a holiday flying to Aruba Island, relaxing and rethinking. As a result, the transformative trip accelerated his success and he is now wealthy and energetic. On the contrary, heavy exposure to concerns for the unpredictable future may easily lead people to an upset and worrying life which makes it possible for people to get into troubles or illness when they are getting old.
Last but not the least, spending money on traveling is beneficial to make new friends and expand our social circles. By traveling, people can meet and communicate with various kinds of people, which may bring more opportunities and possibilities in the future. If something urgent takes place, a million of dollars might not help people more than a true friend. In ancient China, a group number of governors gave their servants large amount of money traveling around in order to make acquaintances with some outstanding people and consequently made good use of their brilliance to help themselves in political affairs.
To sum up, it is more worthwhile spending money on traveling than saving today's wealth for future. That is because traveling contributes to a more colorful life of a broaden view, a positive attitude and a big crowd of friends and they are of great importance when people need help in the future.
作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-3-6 14:27
3月6日
TPO20 Integrated Writing
The reading material and the lecture are both concentrated on the "Let it burn" policy, which means not to suppress the big forest fires. Taking the 1988 fierce fire broke out in Yellowstone park, the reading passage regards it as a destruction, while the professor thinks it creative.
First of all, we can learn from the reading material that the Yellowstone fire caused tremendous damage to plants and trees, which could not grow on the scorched wasteland. However, the listening material holds the idea that after the 1988 fire, new plants were able to grow on the wasteland, which provided the park a diversity of vegetations. For example, a lot of small plants were enabled to grow in an open and unshaded environment and got quickly widespread. Plus, seeds which could survive in a heated area had the opportunity to generate.
In the second place, views promoted by the reading text is that the wildlife have been affected by the fierce fire, consequently the small animals failed to escape from the fire. In contrast, the professor thinks that does not hold water because the animal population recovered after the big fire. For instance, the forest fire created new opportunity for rabbits and hares to have new habitant, and moreover, the food chains in the eco-circle became stronger ever since.
Last but not least, the forest fire might compromise the value of park tourist attraction and what is more influenced its economy, according to the reading passage. But the professor points out that it is not a problem for the fire in 1988 was caused by the special weather, when there was low rainfalls, strong winds, and even dry areas. Occasionally the fire breaks out, we have no necessity to prevent the fire from breaking out. Hence, we could not draw a hasty conclusion that the fire was detrimental to the tourist attraction.
作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-3-6 22:44
3月6日 独立写作
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Nowadays it’s much easier to achieve success with the help from one’s family than what is like before.
As we are sharing a more substantial life in the modern society, an increasing number of people consider it much easier to achieve success with the help from one's family members that what is like before. Though the living standard has been sharply raised in recent years, I fancy parents' assistance is no more helpful for people to obtain a successful life than it was in past years. My reasons are as follows.
To begin with, the generation gap is and will be existing permanently, even expanding as the science and technique develops. It is known to all that generation gap is becoming the biggest obstacle which stuck the communications between parents and children, so as to grandparents and children. Young people, me included, are likely to be affected by ideas from others because those thoughts are regarded as experienced and wise ones; thus they usually have their decisions made totally different from their original ideas. As a matter of fact, I am dreaming of becoming a teacher in the future, sharing knowledge and enlightening other people. However, I was forced to give up my dream and change my major to Human Resource Management, which was considered as a very promising career by my family. Neither passion nor enthusiasm towards my present major, I actually do not have faith in succeeding the so-called promising future. To some degrees, it is not easier to achieve success with different point of view interfering than what is like in the past.
Another point we should not neglect is, success is more self-depended than affected by the help of one's family. Even if family members are concerned about the young, sometimes their helping hands have negative effects on the juniors. There is a story, called "A Bad Writing" in the famous comic series "Father and Son", which describes a kind father helped his son with the assignment, but his bad writing enraged the teacher the next day and finally the teacher rushed to his house spanking the father. We can learn from that short humor that what the father supposed to be helpful indeed harmed his son, and furthermore his action of love prevented his son from being independent in the future. On the contrary, many richmen like Bill Gates, as we are familiar with, succeed in both his career and life without the help of their parents. Hence, it contrasts the statement that easier success is gained than in the past.
Admittedly, the raising material life standard does good to people's success. However, since the generation gap still blocks the communication between young and elder people, and what is more help from family members are sometimes harmful to one's personal development. So we cannot draw a hasty conclusion that it is easier for people to achieve success than what is like in the past.
作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-3-7 13:46
3月7日 独立写作
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The ability to adapt to a new environment is more important than excellent knowledge for a job.
I totally disagree with the statement mentioned above that the ability to adapt to a new environment is of more importance than excellent knowledge for a job. Two reasons listed below are supporting my point of view.
To begin with, what a company needs is a talent stuff with excellent knowledge which is helpful to raise its profits but not a person who only gets well with others doing nothing related to work. As Bacon once said, Knowledge is power. A person, who is an expert in a specific field is more welcome by an enterprise because his knowledge is the creativity to promoting the whole company's further development. In ancient China, people with excellent knowledge and talents were usually hired by the emproer(emperor/royal) and made contributions to the construction of country. However, the officials who only strengthened their interpersonal relationships and spoke highly of the governers(dominator) were not paid much attention to. In my opinion, one's intelligence is more valuable for it is gifted while the ability to adapt a new environment can be cultivated in growth.
In addition, a man with excellent knowledge is not always in need of cooperating with others. As we all know that a number of scientists achieve their success all by their own, so they don't have the resposibility(responsibility) to learn how to get along with other people or adapt themselves to a new environment. On the contrary, to develop the ability to adapt to a new environment is a waste of their talents. The Juli couple(The Curies), who are the world famous chemistrists(chemists) in Polland(Poland), intended not to be bothered by others during their poccess(process) of experiments, thus they abandoned their chairs in order to have the visitors left quickly. For the couple were busy with fatal experiments, they were reluctant to improve their abilities of adapting to a new environment, but finally they succeeded in invention of the radiated elements. Hence, the ability to get along well with others is no more fundamental under some certain circumstances for excellent people who don't have to work with others.
No doubt that we attach significance to the ability of adapting oneself to a brand new environment. However, knowledge is also a key element in contributing to a career, and what is more, a gifted person does not always need to get well with others to obtain success. In conclusion, adaption to a job is no more important than excellent knowledge for a job.
作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-3-7 14:26
TPO19 Integrated Writing
The reading material shows the critics towards a new type of advertisement-buzzing, in which it argues the buzzing is fake and should be banned. On the contrary, the speaker of the listening material, who is a buzzer himself opposes the reading text.
In the first place, the reading material thinks that buzzers are paid to promote the products instead of praise the goods from their bottom of heart. While Bill, the lecturer holds the opinion that buzzers are usually consumers who speak highly of the products after real use. Buzzers regard the service they had useful so that they are willing to promote the goods not only for being paid.
Secondly, point provided by the reading content is that the description of the buzzers are empty and they pretended themselves as private individuals, for which reason it is not trust-worthy. In contrast, the lecturer agrees to the opposite. He considers only by answering the questions in details can their products promoted, so they are paid for complicating the good service.
Furthermore, the worst detrimental effect pointed in the reading is that buzzing is pron to harm spread mistrust and dishonesty, harming the social relationships. That idea is considered stupid by the lecturer, who thinks there is no recruiting buzz and actually it is a good experience which would not threaten the interpersonal relationship.
In conclusion, the reading material holds an opposite attitude to buzzings but the lecturer, who is a buzzer argues that the reading text mislead the consumers of buzzings.
作者: byron777 时间: 2012-3-7 21:21
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Nowadays it’s much easier to achieve success with the help from one’s family than what is like before.
As we are sharing a more substantial life in the modern society, an increasing number of people consider it much easier to achieve success with the help from one's family members that what is like before. Though the living standard has been sharply raised in recent years, I fancy parents' assistance is no more helpful for people to obtain a successful life than it was in past years. My reasons are as follows.
To begin with, the generation gap is and will be existing permanently, even expanding as the science and technique develops. It is known to all that generation gap is becoming the biggest obstacle which stuck the communications between parents and children, so as to grandparents and children. Young people, me included, are likely to be affected by ideas from others because those thoughts are regarded as experienced and wise ones; thus they usually have their decisions made totally different from their original ideas. As a matter of fact, I am dreaming of becoming a teacher in the future, sharing knowledge and enlightening other people. However, I was forced to give up my dream and change my major to Human Resource Management, which was considered as a very promising career by my family. Neither passion nor enthusiasm towards my present major, I actually do not have faith in succeeding the so-called promising future. To some degrees, it is not easier to achieve success with different point of view interfering than what is like in the past.
Another point we should not neglect is, success is more self-depended than affected by the help of one's family. Even if family members are concerned about the young, sometimes their helping hands have negative effects on the juniors. There is a story, called "A Bad Writing" in the famous comic series "Father and Son", which describes a kind father helped his son with the assignment, but his bad writing enraged the teacher the next day and finally the teacher rushed to his house spanking the father. We can learn from that short humor that what the father supposed to be helpful indeed harmed his son, and furthermore his action of love prevented his son from being independent in the future. On the contrary, many richmen like Bill Gates, as we are familiar with, succeed in both his career and life without the help of their parents. Hence, it contrasts the statement that easier success is gained than in the past.
Admittedly, the raising material life standard does good to people's success. However, since the generation gap still blocks the communication between young and elder people, and what is more help from family members are sometimes harmful to one's personal development. So we cannot draw a hasty conclusion that it is easier for people to achieve success than what is like in the past.
晨依你现在的文章基本挑不出错误了
考托的话28、9也差不多噻
托充其量只是中级英语考试而已，作文到这个水平，已经可以极高分喽
所以感觉你已经可以加强其他方面的练习，从经济学的角度，以后作文就不用这么勤奋了
当然了，你的文章还是有很大很大提升空间的，但是并不属于托福范畴
篇章结构，句子构成，用词习惯，典型的中国思路且比较平淡，这个我给其他同学看也是一样的感觉，那同学最近刚拿到杜伦和华威的offer（本科，我们大一嘛）
再多说我都感觉唠叨了，基本把想说的表达完了，如果要再上一个层次的话，咱们再聊
作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-3-7 22:08
谢谢Byron~
我现在写得有点困惑了，每次要想半天观点和例子。而且确实是很多词句用的自己也觉得很没意思……
我是不是应该多看看范文什么的~？其实我现在写作文就是想练练速度和思路的说
作者: jiaosisisisi 时间: 2012-3-8 23:44
考虑到夸奖你的人太多了，所以本次修改
我把那些容易让你 滋生资产阶级腐败 的话就省略了。。。
基本只是针对我认为需要商榷得地方做了批注！
3月7日 独立写作
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The ability to adapt to a new environment is more important than excellent knowledge for a job.
I totally disagree with the statement mentioned above that the ability to adapt to a new environment is of more importance than excellent knowledge for a job. Two reasons listed below are supporting my point of view.
To begin with, what a company needs is a talent stuff with excellent knowledge which is helpful to raise its profits but not a person who only gets well with others doing nothing related to work.
（这里在做对比的时候 感觉有点没有紧扣主题。感觉“ 与别人相处很好却做与工作无关的事情 ”貌似是对The ability to adapt to a new environment 的深度理解吧。。。。。）As Bacon once said, Knowledge is power. A person, who is an expert in a specific field is more welcome by an enterprise because his knowledge is the creativity to promoting the whole company's further development. In ancient China, people with excellent knowledge and talents were usually hired by the emproer(emperor/royal) and made contributions to the construction of country. However, the officials who only strengthened their interpersonal relationships and spoke highly of the governers(dominator) were not paid much attention to. In my opinion, one's intelligence is more valuable for it is gifted while the ability to adapt a new environment can be cultivated in growth.
In addition, a man with excellent knowledge is not always in need of cooperating with others. As we all know that a number of scientists achieve their success all by their own, so they don't have the resposibility(responsibility)（他们没有责任干某事，，我感觉不如说他们没有必要干某事比较好It'S not necessary for XX to do） to learn how to get along with other people or adapt themselves to a new environment. On the contrary, to develop the ability to adapt to a new environment is a waste of their talents. The Juli couple(The Curies), who are the world famous chemistrists(chemists) in Polland(Poland), intended not to be bothered by others during their poccess(process) of experiments, thus they abandoned their chairs in order to have the visitors left quickly. For the couple were busy with fatal experiments, they were reluctant to improve their abilities of adapting to a new environment, but finally they succeeded in invention of the radiated elements. Hence, the ability to get along well with others is no more fundamental under some certain circumstances for excellent people who don't have to work with others.
No doubt that we attach significance to the ability of adapting oneself to a brand new environment. However, knowledge is also a key element in contributing to a career, and what is more, a gifted person does not always need to get well with others to obtain success. In conclusion, adaption to a job is no more important than excellent knowledge for a job.
观后感：
感觉对于主题指定的两物之间的对比，对象界定的比较模糊。
第一段文章开门见山，说 适应力 不如 专项技能重要。非常简洁，很赞，我感觉这种大胆的开头方式，也能会比模板更让人觉得舒服点，但是不知道ETS那些魂淡是怎么想的,,,,
第二段说 专能 比（ 与别人相处很好却做与工作无关的事情 ） 厉害 ，砖家受欢迎。
并且例证， 古代 boss 都喜欢砖家，但是却是与（加强个人人际交往，喜欢吹政府马屁的人）进行对比！ 专项能力 没有变 ， 适应力却没有提及。所以感觉有点界定模糊！
第三段 说 专项能力的大神 不用跟人合作也ok。因为他们是大牛，跟人合作就是浪费时间精力。这个论证
我的感觉是 论证A 与B 哪个好。
你的第二第三 段一定要 围绕 A与B。
不能给人的感觉是A比C好（因为明显地发现C跟B不是一回事了），这样就不是很扣题了。
好吧，我承认这个题目跟以前练的不太一样，因为以前的都是比较极端的。
我写的也很狗屎。。。。。
关于这种 中立 命题，辩证论题 还是要多多锻炼哈！！！
加油 ！！
作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-3-9 00:03
感谢music大晚上帮我改作文~我也觉得自己的思维发生紊乱了
我再修改下哈
作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-3-9 00:24
3月8日 独立写作
The course setup in colleges and universities is now a heated debate arisen in the public, and under this circumstance the idea appears that universities and colleges ought to offer more courses to prepare students for the future before they start working. I totally agree with this statement.
Generally speaking, as colleges and universities are the links between knowledge and work experience, a highly-qualified education should involve the motheds(methods) of preparation for work. To encourage more students to step into society in a (degage) spirit, my college set an open course called "Instruction of College Students' Future Work", which I took in last semester. Hardworking though I am at school and with excellent academic performance, I have some kind of timidity in front of the unpredictable occasions in future work and the negotiation when cooperating with teammates in a group. When taking that class, the teacher divided us to a few small groups and assigned many interesting subjects to us, which drove us to raise our point of view and communicate with other group members bravely. I was greatly benefited from the class and the experience I had is actually helpful to my future career.
Taking another issue into consideration, more course to instruct students for future in college is of significant importance as knowledge and skills which students are needed. An ability to adapt oneself to a new working environment, for example, is essential to guide undergraduates adjust to a totally different environment from schools, which in some degrees improve their performance in work. Well-being cooperations with colleagues are in need and what is more it is regarded as creteria(criteria) to judge one's real capability. Plus, no ignorance should be attached to skills towards interviews. To a few talents, they are neither well-prepared nor well-skilled when being interviewed, leading to a unexpected consequence of failure. In order to promote students a better job after graduating, colleges and universities have responsibility to provide more courses on job instruction.
Additionally, offering courses for students getting prepared for their future work makes profits to releasing the unemployment problem. According to a research that China nowadays has serious unemployment because the inproper match for jobs and employees. The mid-level salary lived up to the graduates' expectations, which caused a big quantity of students who put themselves on a high stage reluctant to work, and meanwhile less talents are hired by enterprises. One solution to this problem is, in my opinion, is that students accept preparation courses before working.
From every aspect can we draw the same conclusion to promote courses to get students prepared for jobs in colleges and universities before working.
作者: chasedreamabc 时间: 2012-3-9 13:13
3月8日 独立写作
The course setup in colleges and universities is now a heated debate arisen in the public, and under this circumstance the idea appears that universities and colleges ought to offer more courses to prepare students for the future before they start working. I totally agree with this statement.
Generally speaking, as colleges and universities are the links between knowledge and work experience(知识和工作经验的桥梁。。。是不是有点不顺？改成理论实践啊，学习知识和步入社会啊什么的是不是好点）, a highly-qualified education should involve the motheds(methods) of preparation for work. To encourage more students to step into society in a (degage) spirit, my college set an open course called "Instruction of College Students' Future Work", which I took in last semester. Hardworking though I am at school and with excellent academic performance, I have some kind of timidity in front of the unpredictable occasions in future work and the negotiation when cooperating with teammates in a group. When taking that class, the teacher divided us to a few small groups and assigned many interesting subjects to us, which drove us to raise our point of view and communicate with other group members bravely. I was greatly benefited from the class and the experience I had is actually helpful to my future career.
Taking another issue into consideration, more course to instruct students for future in college is of significant importance as knowledge and skills which students are needed. An ability（不可数吧？建议用The） to adapt oneself to a new working environment, for example, is essential to guide undergraduates to adjust to a totally different environment from schools（读起来好奇怪啊，用an environment (that is)totally different from （that in)schools是不是更顺一点）, which in some degrees improve their（这个their是指代的能力吧？那是不是该用its） performance in work. Well-being cooperations with colleagues are in need and what is more ，it is regarded as creteria(criteria) to judge one's real capability. Plus, no ignorance should be attached to skills towards interviews. To a few talents, they are neither well-prepared nor well-skilled when being interviewed, leading to an unexpected consequence of failure. In order to promote students a better job after graduating（感觉可以用their graduation）, colleges and universities have responsibility to provide more courses on job instruction.
Additionally, offering courses for students getting prepared for their future work makes profits to releasing the unemployment problem. According to a research that China nowadays（这里用从句合适么？感觉不如改为according to a reasearch，nowadays China） has serious unemployment because（because后加句子，这边改为because of吧） the inproper match for jobs and employees. The mid-level salary lived up to the graduates' expectations, which caused a big quantity of students who put themselves on a high stage reluctant to work, and meanwhile less talents are hired by enterprises. One solution to this problem is（去掉）, in my opinion, is that students accept preparation courses before working.
From every aspect can we draw the same conclusion to promote courses to get students prepared for jobs in colleges and universities before working.（得出的结论
应该是XXXX是正确的/必要的。。。什么的吧？draw the same conclusion that to promote courses to get students prepared for jobs in colleges and universities before working is necessory？总感觉你这么说有点不太搭）
作者: chasedreamabc 时间: 2012-3-9 13:18
另，第二段例子很好，但是如果借此点明一下，现在的大学生普遍缺乏适应社会的能力，因此更加需要学校加以培养，是不是更好呢？
作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-3-9 23:25
【晨依修改稿】
The course setup in colleges and universities is now a heated debate arisen in the public, and under this circumstance the idea appears that universities and colleges ought to offer more courses to prepare students for the future before they start working. I totally agree with this statement.
Generally speaking, as colleges and universities are the intermediate between theory and practice, a highly-qualified education should involve the methods of preparation for work. To encourage more students to step into society in adegagespirit, my college set an open course called "Instruction of College Students' Future Work", which I took in last semester. Hardworking though I am at school and with excellent academic performance, I have some kind of timidity in front of the unpredictable occasions in future work and the negotiation when cooperating with teammates in a group. When taking that class, the teacher divided us to a few small groups and assigned many interesting subjects to us, which drove us to raise our point of view and communicate with other group members bravely. I was greatly benefited from the class and the experience I had is actually helpful to my future career.
Taking another issue into consideration, more course to instruct students for future in college is of significant importance as knowledge and skills which students are needed. The abilityto adapt oneself to a new working environment, for example, is essential to guide undergraduates to adjust to an environment which istotally different from schools,which in some degrees improve studentsperformance in work. Well-being cooperations with colleagues are in need and what is more, it is regarded as criteriato judge one's real capability. Plus, no ignorance should be attached to skills towards interviews. To a few talents, they are neither well-prepared nor well-skilled when being interviewed, leading to an unexpected consequence of failure. In order to promote students a better job after their graduation, colleges and universities have responsibility to provide more courses on job instruction.
Additionally, offering courses for students getting prepared for their future work makes profits to releasing the unemployment problem. According to a research, China nowadayshas serious unemployment because of the inproper match for jobs and employees. The mid-level salary lived up to the graduates' expectations, which caused a big quantity of students who put themselves on a high stage reluctant to work, and meanwhile less talents are hired by enterprises. One solution to this problem , in my opinion, is that students accept preparation courses before working.
From every aspect can we draw the same conclusion that to promote courses to get students prepared for jobs in colleges and universities before working is essential.
作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-3-10 21:18
3月10日 独立写作
When one of my classmates encounters some problems in study and needs help from others, I would first suggest him or her go to the teacher's office asking the directions of a professional teacher without any hesitation. If no tutor he or she finds, I feel like make my efforts to work out the problems with my classmate instead.
Primarily, as a professional tutor is expertize in some certain fields, he is the second to none to be chosed(chosen) to solve difficult problems. With abundant teaching experience, a teacher is prone to make hasty solution as soon as he reads the problem, which costs a student less time and additionally a teacher may emphasize the important points which the student ought to know and analyze the question to him. From this aspect, my classmate not only can have his problem solved in only few minutes but also better understand his weakness in study. During my middle school life, I often asked my teacher for help when met with difficult problems. Every time I visited my teacher, he made clear expressions and accurate analysis to me, which beyond my expectations. So we can conclude that asking a professional teacher for help is actually an effective and rewarding way when a student is faced with difficulties.
However, teachers, especially professors in college, are busy working and doing research. Hence, to find them for professional instruction is not an easy thing. Under this circumstance, I am willing to offer my selfless help for solving the problems my classmate meet with, for my knowledge may have a little positive effect to his solving the problems. As for me, to help others is to help myself. Assist my classmate with difficult problems is the high time that I can examine my master of knowledge in class, and to check out if there is some important points I have missed. Though I am not as expert as a professional tutor, I would love to share my knowledge with my classmate and spare no effort working out the problem. As joint efforts are more powerful, we can ask other top students for help. I, as a matter of fact, usually communicated with some excellent students when came across with troubles in my assignments. A discussion with them is also beneficial to broaden my horizons and refresh my thoughts, moreover it strengthens our friendship. That is why I recommend offer help to my classmate as the second suggestion.
Ultimately, when help is necessary for one of my classmates with his schoolwork, I strongly advice him to turn to a professional teacher for help. If the condition is restricted, I am sure to offer my effort to assist him with the solution.
作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-3-11 00:58
TPO24 综合--
今天的阅读就没大看明白，然后听力云里雾里，只知道是在反驳……写的时候又没法看着阅读来写，就照着自己的笔记写的。
希望狠批！而且我每次写综合20min之后就觉得无话可写了，求指教啊~~
What the reading material and the listening passage are both concentrating on the discovery of dinasour(dinosaur) fossil T-rex, a 70-million-year old leg bone of dinasour(dinosaur). As we can learn from the reading text, the new discovery is of great value; in contrast, the lecturer regard the identification skeptical.
To begin with, there are small branch channels on the leg bone containing blood vessel, which prove the location of the dinasour(dinosaur), according to the reading text. But the listening content denies that point for the blood vessels may be something else. The lecturer says that when the organ dies, bacterium will appear on the leg bone, from some researches and reading statistics. So it cannot be concluded that the soft vessels are rescued.
In the second place, it is said in the reading that after examining parts of the inner bone, there is presence of spheres and red blood cells which is the best description. While the lecturer argues against the idea. He maintains that fossils of primitate(primitive?) animals do not have spheres, and the identical appeared the organition should not remain red blood cells. What is more, he make a brave suppose that the so-called red blood cell is some kind of redish mirror.
Thirdly, the reading material supports the point of view by the containing of collagen. It describes that the collagen is find in association with bone tissue. This saying is also contradicted to the lecturer's mind. He does not think that collagen lasts longer than 100 thousand years, not to mention a history over 70 million years. Hence, the collagen found in the T-rex is likely to be from much recent source or maybe it is discovered because the contact of people's skin handling the bone.
In conclusion, the listening material strongly contradict with the reading passage for three reasons above concerning the T-rex.
作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-3-11 15:50
我也有同感啊，总是没有思绪泉涌的感觉，建议多看点东西，扩充知识面~我最近借了本文言文看，里面有大学语文所有的文章
作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-3-11 22:16
3月10日 独立写作
When one of my classmates encounters with(这个后面需要要with) some problem (question可数的 ，problem不可数。前者指书本中或向老师或其他人问的问题，后者比前者严重，指麻烦等,problem 一般是不可数的，但特殊情况下也可以用作可数
比如指具体的问题 )in study and needs help from others, I would first suggest going(suggest 习惯在后面加(sb's) doing而不用suggest to do,详见http://wenku.baidu.com/view/9a5dffed4afe04a1b071de17.html) to the teacher's office asking the directions of a professional teacher without any hesitation. If no tutor he or she finds, I feel like making(feel like doing=want to do，没有feel like to do这种用法) my efforts to work out the problem with my classmate instead.Primarily, as a professional tutor is expertize in （这个搭配挺好的）some certain fields, he is the second to none to be chosed(chosen) to solve difficult problems. With abundant teaching experience, a teacher is prone to make hasty solution as soon as he reads the problem, which costs a student less time （这个地方怎么会是很少呢？没读明白，应该是more吧?）and additionally a teacher may emphasize the important points which the student ought to know and analyze the question to him. From this aspect, my classmate not only can(建议把not ony 放到have后面) have his problem solved in only few minutes but also better understand his weakness in study. During my middle school life, I often asked my teacher for help when met with（不用with,meet是及物的） difficult problems. Every time I visited my teacher, he made clear expressions and accurate analysis to me, which beyond my expectations（不用加s）. So we can conclude that asking a professional teacher for help is actually an effective （建议用efficient有效率的更换，effective是有效的意思）and rewarding way when a student is faced with difficulties.
运用了事例法，果然占了很多字数~
However, teachers, especially professors in college, are busy working and doing（conducting） research. Hence, to find them for professional instruction is not an easy thing. Under this circumstance, I am willing to offer my selfless help for solving the problems my classmate meet with, for my knowledge may have a little positive effect to (on)his solving the problems. As for me, to help others is to help myself. Assisting my classmate with difficult problems is the high time that I can examine my master of knowledge in class, and to check out if there is(are) some important points I have missed. Though I am not as expert as a professional tutor, I would love to share my knowledge with my classmates and spare no effort working out the problem. As joint efforts are more powerful, we can ask other top students for help. I, as a matter of fact, usually communicated(communicate) with some excellent students when came(coming 这个是你自己遇到的问题， 所以用主态) across with troubles in my assignments. A discussion with them is also beneficial to broaden my horizons and refresh my thoughts, moreover it strengthens our friendship. That is why I recommend offer help to my classmate as the second suggestion.Ultimately, when help is necessary for one of my classmates with his schoolwork, I strongly advice him to turn to a professional teacher for help. If the condition is restricted, I am sure to offer my effort to assist him with the solution.
词汇不错，先表扬一下，不过不能骄傲啊
总共是四段，第二段是说问老师好，第三段是说问自己的好处，这么写条理性不够，读起来感觉两种方法都很好，个人认为题目的意思是从里面选一个更好地出来，如果说问老师好，那就重点写它好，然后用让步的写法，多说说它为什么不如问学生的好。
作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-3-12 01:47
TPO1 综合
A new policy concentrated on a four-day work week is discussed by the reading text and the listening material. As the reading passage supports working four days a week is beneficial to company profit, economy condition and life of employees, the lecturer think it does not hold water and he gives three reasons.
In the first place, it is said by the speaker that a four-day work policy can force the company spend more. Not only do they need to put a great deal of money on training new employees, but they also have to cost more on the additional office space and computers. Another thing we cannot ignore is that the four-day work employees are in need of the same health care paid by the company as before. Hence, the saying of raising the company's profit is not supportive.
Secondly, the listening material contradicts to the idea of reading passage for the four-day work policy prevents the economy condition from turning better. According to the listening passage, employees who work only four days a week have more choices available and other options for work. Moreover, the policy may lead to the raise of the expectations of a company, which they expect an employee who works four days a week can do as much work as five days. Overall, it does not improve the job opportunities, and the current life is not happy, either.
Finally, the professor argues against the point that life of employees can be improved in a large degree. The more spare time employees have, the more risks they will take. Plus, the decreased working time may cause the four-day work employee get the risk to lose the job when economy turns down.
作者: Crystaljoy 时间: 2012-3-12 11:02
TPO24 综合修改
我这篇看完文章时一片茫然，还有生词，但是记录了每点的关键词。听着听着就逐渐清晰了，写之前又看看文章才算大彻大悟了。生命科学类的真是我的软肋啊。。。
What the reading material and the listening passage are both concentrating（concentrate 进行时要谨慎用吧） on the discovery of dinasour(dinosaur) fossil T-rex, a 70-million-year-old leg bone of dinasour(dinosaur). As we can learn from the reading text, the new discovery is of great value; in contrast, the lecturer regard（regards） the identification(?小别扭，这里怎么理解呢) skeptical.
To begin with, there are small branch channels on the leg bone containing blood vessel, which prove the location of the dinasour(dinosaur),（which指代？prove the location，我没有听到。） according to the reading text. But the listening content denies that point for the blood vessels may be something else. （小心deny哦~ deny soft substance, admit something else.）The lecturer says that when the organ dies, bacterium will appear（accumulate） on the leg bone, from some researches and reading statistics.(容易产生appear from 的歧义，建议把from 改成after) So it cannot be concluded that the soft vessels are rescued.(你写这点我没听到哦，但是从阅读第一段的中心句可以看出主要是哪三个观点，依次遭到教授否定thereby exposing its insides to reveal materials that seem to be remains of blood vessels, red blood cells, and collagen matrix.因此我觉得是: So it cannot be concluded that the soft substance is remains of blood vessels.)
In the second place, it is said in the reading that after examining parts of the inner bone, there is presence of spheres and red blood cells which is the best description.(the presence of spheres and red blood cells is the best explanation for red blood cells. 这个There be 建议谨慎用，它表示自然存在，在G语法中很啰嗦很不受欢迎呢)While the lecturer argues against the idea. He maintains (by maintaining 可以连接起来)that fossils of primitate(primitive?) animals do not have spheres, and the identical appeared the organition(?) should not remain red blood cells. What is more, he make (makes) a brave suppose (supposition) that the so-called red blood cell is some kind of redish mirror. (haha~~这个什么东西我也没听清，像mineral)
Thirdly, the reading material supports the point of view by the containing of collagen. It describes that the collagen is find（found） in association with bone tissue. This saying is also contradicted（contradictory） to the lecturer's mind. He does not think that collagen lasts longer than 100 thousand years, not to mention a history over 70 million years. Hence, the collagen found in the T-rex is likely to be from much recent source or maybe it is discovered because the contact of people's skin（when） handling the bone.
In conclusion, the listening material strongly contradict (contradicts) with the reading passage for three reasons above concerning the T-rex.
作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-3-12 22:43
O(∩_∩)O谢谢鸟儿姐姐先~
我觉得我的综合写的好没感觉啊，除了知道两个材料的关系之外其他的要点什么的都是云里雾里的。。。
我今天从网上搜了一个原文，边看边听边看看你给我修改的吧~
你的作文我都改不出什么东西来，写的太好了呀。
作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-3-12 22:46
贴一篇从网上搜的TPO24 解析吧~
TPO_综合写作_解析_24_by_Daphe_Yu_Mu
阅读材料：
Animal fossils usually provide very little opportunity to study the actual animal tissues because in fossils the animals' living tissues have been largely replaced by minerals. Thus, scientists were very excited recently when it appeared that a 70-million-year-old fossil of Tyrannosaurus rex (T. rex), a dinosaur, might still contain remains of the actual tissues of the animal. The discovery was made when researchers deliberately broke open the T. rex’s leg bone, thereby exposing its insides to reveal materials that seem to be remains of blood vessels, red blood cells, and collagen matrix.
动物化石很难帮助人们研究动物的软组织，这是因为化石里面的动物活性组织大部分都被矿物质代替了。最近，发现一个7千万年前的霸王龙化石中可能存在真正的动物软组织。这令科学家们非常兴奋。科学家小心翼翼地打开了霸王龙腿骨的时候，发现里面存在着可能为血管、血红细胞和胶原蛋白基质的物质。
First, the breaking of the fossilized leg bone revealed many small branching channels inside, which probably correspond to hollows in the bones where blood vessels were once located. The exciting finding was the presence of a soft, flexible organic substance inside the channels. This soft substance may very well represent the remains of the actual blood vessels of T. rex.
首先，打开腿骨化石之后，科学家发现了内部有一些管状分支，这些管状分支可能是骨内血管存在的地方。令人兴奋的是在这些管状分支中存在着柔软的有机物质。这些柔软的物质可能是霸王龙真正血管的遗留痕迹。
Second, microscopic examination of the various parts of the inner bone revealed the presence of spheres that could be the remains of red blood cells. Tests showed that the spheres contained iron – a material vital to the role of red blood cells in transporting oxygen to tissues. Moreover, the spheres had dark red centers (substances with iron tend to be reddish in color) and were also about the size of red blood cells.
第二，通过显微镜对骨内部多处进行详细检查之后发现了一些可能是血红细胞化石的球状体。检测发现这些球状体里面还有铁，而铁在血红细胞往组织内输送氧气的过程中扮演重要角色。而且，这些球状体中间呈红色，而含有铁元素的物质往往是红色的，同时这些球状体的大小也符合血红细胞。
Third, scientists performed a test on the dinosaur leg bone that showed that it contained collagen. Collagen is a fibrous protein that is a main component of living bone tissue, in which it forms a so-called collagen matrix. Collagen (or its chemical derivatives) is exactly the kind of biochemical material that one would expect to find in association with bone tissue.
第三，科学家的测试发现这个恐龙腿骨化石中还有胶原蛋白。胶原蛋白是一种纤维化蛋白质，是生物骨组织的重要组成部分，以胶原蛋白基质的形式存在。胶原蛋白或者其衍生物是一种存在于骨骼软组织中的生化物质。
阅读部分需要提取的观点是：
- Main point: 科学家在研究霸王龙腿骨化石的时候，发现里面存在着可能为血管、血红细胞和胶原蛋白基质的物质。
- Sub point 1: 化石中有血管
- Sub point 2: 化石中有血红细胞
- Sub point 3: 化石中有胶原蛋白
听力材料：
As much as we would like to have the remains of actual dinosaur tissue, there are sound reasons for being skeptical of the identifications made in the reading.
尽管我们都希望这些化石是真正的恐龙组织，但是还是有一些很有说服力的理由让我们怀疑阅读部分的发现。
First, the soft, flexible substance inside the bone channels isn’t necessarily the remains of blood vessels. It is much more likely to be something else. Like what? You might say. Well, long after an organism is died, bacteria sometimes colonize hollows, empty areas in bones, like the channels that once held blood vessels. When bacteria lived inside bones, they often leave behind traces of organic material. What the researchers in the reading are identifying as blood vessels might just be traces of soft and moist residue left by bacteria colonies.
首先，骨管内柔软而有延展性的物质不一定就是血管的化石。它更大的可能性是别的东西。那是什么呢？你们可能会问。恩，在有机体死亡很久之后，细菌可能会聚集在骨骼里的空洞的地方，比如那些曾经是血管存在的地方。当细菌在骨骼内部繁殖后，细菌常常会留下有机物质的痕迹。在阅读部分，研究人员鉴定为血管的物质很可能就是细菌繁殖后留下的湿软残渣的痕迹。
All right. What about the iron-filled spheres? Well, the problem is that scientists found identical reddish spheres in fossils of other animals found in the same place. That includes fossils of primitive animals that did not have any red blood cells when they were alive. Clearly, if these spheres appear in organisms that did not have any red blood cells, then the spheres cannot be the remains of red blood cells. The spheres probably have a very different origin. They are probably just pieces of reddish mineral.
恩，那么那些含铁的球状体呢？问题在于科学家们在同一个地方发现了其他还有动物的还有红色球状体的化石。这些化石中有的是属于一些活着的时候没有任何血红细胞的低等动物。显然，如果这些球状体出现在那些没有任何血红细胞的动物化石组织里的话，那么这些球状物就不可能是血红细胞的残留物。这些球状体可能有完全不同的来源。它们可能只是一些红色矿物质颗粒。
Third, the collagen. The problem is that we have never found collagen in animal remains that are older than one hundred thousand years. Collagen probably cannot last longer than that. Finding collagen from an animal that lived seventy million years ago would really contradict our ideas about how long collagen can last. It is just too improbable. The most likely explanation for the presence of collagen is that it doesn’t come from the T.rex, but from another much more recent source. For example, human skin contains collagen, so the collagen may have come from the skin of the researchers who are handling the bone.
第三，胶原蛋白。问题在于我们从来没有在超过十万年的动物化石中发现胶原蛋白。胶原蛋白可能不能存在超过一万年。在生活在七千万年前的动物化石里发现胶原蛋白是同我们对于胶原蛋白存在时间的认识相矛盾的。这种可能性太低了。最为合理的解释是这些胶原蛋白不是来自于霸王龙，而是来自于其他的，更近的来源。比如，人类的皮肤中还有胶原蛋白，所以这些胶原蛋白可能来自于那些处理化石的研究人员的皮肤。
听力部分需要提取的观点是：
- Main point: 阅读部分的发现是值得怀疑的
- Sub point 1: 细菌会侵袭死亡有机体，研究人员鉴定为血管的部分可能是细菌的遗迹
- Sub point 2: 含铁红色球状物在其他没有血红细胞的动物化石中也有发现，可能是矿物颗粒
- Sub point 3: 胶原蛋白不可能存在那么长时间，很可能来自于研究人员
作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-3-13 13:00
TPO2 综合
In the reading material, it is obvious to say that teamwork is the best way of approaching certain new projects as a group of people offer several advantages. On the contrary, the lecturer mentions a result on teamwork by a company to contradict the idea in the reading passage for two main points.
Initially, from the conclusion of the reading text, a group work brings wider range of knowledge, expertise and skills than individuals. More resources and more efficient in similarity. However, the team which was responsible for the planning project was found worked down on how they perform during six months, according to the research by a company mentioned by the lecturer. A few people were on "free ride", which made no contribution to the project at all. So the listening material denies the profitability of the teamwork. What's more, he thinks the jobs as whole no names were named and how the group member feel about the group process was completely opposite to the prediction in the reading.
Moreover, it is said that a group dividing is rewarding and personal ideas can be recognized highly. But, the lecturer claims that the meeting of group members is totally of no use to move the project well because people are prone to be influenced by each other. When influenced by others, some ideas might be dropped instead of a further discussion. Substantially this moving directions prevents the work and those who are thought highly creative was ignored by others, different with the reading predicts. At the end when the project failed, group members blamed on all.
In all, the listening material puts an opposite attitude on the points mentioned in the reading.
作者: prodliu 时间: 2012-3-13 16:58
In the reading material, it is obvious to say thatteamwork is the best way of (while) approachingcertain new projects, as a group of people offerseveral advantages. On the contrary, the lecturer mentions a result (experiment) on teamworkconducted by a company to contradict the idea in the reading passage fortwo main points.(应该是三点吧)
Initially, from （basedon）the conclusion of（from） thereading text, a group work brings wider range of knowledge, expertise andskills than individuals（还是补充谓语动词更好，do）. More resources and more efficient in similarity（这句话我不知道你想表达的是什么意思）. However, the team which was responsible for theplanning project was found worked down on how they perform during six months, (这句我也不清楚你的意思是什么)according to the research performedby a company mentioned by the lecturer. A few people were on "freeride", which made no contribution to the project at all. So the listeningmaterial denies the profitability of the teamwork. What's more, he thinks thejobs as whole no names were named and how the group member feel about the groupprocess was completely opposite to the prediction in the reading.
Moreover, it is said that a group dividing is rewardingand personal ideas can be recognized highly. But, the lecturer claims that themeeting of group members is totally of no use to move the project well becausepeople are prone to be influenced by each other. When influenced by others,some ideas might be dropped instead of a further discussion. Substantially thismoving directions prevents the work and those who are thought highly creativewas ignored by others, different with the reading predicts. At the end when theproject failed, group members blamed on all.
All in all, the listening material puts an opposite attitudeon the points mentioned in the reading.
我觉得首先，文章中给了三点支持，听力中肯定是三点反对，所以应该是从三方面写，上来就说two main points会一上来就让判分的人觉得你遗漏要点了。其次，我觉得综合写作还是有一个固定的模式比较好，我一般习惯上来先说听力中的观点，然后说一下细节，最后总结与阅读里的关系。文中的这两段安排有点乱，建议把观点弄清后重新安排一下。
作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-3-13 23:34
To prodliu~
我是把文章粘到word里了就看的是两段，所以听听力的时候观点也感觉很混乱……然后吧你没有看懂的两句是我想弄个同义改写来着，结果写的我自己再读的时候都觉得很难理解了。。。我今天听写了一遍这个文章，大体意思都了解了，我有空的时候再整理一下谢谢你啦~~
作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-3-14 12:25
TPO3 综合
It is heated discussed whether a painting was painted by Rembrandt by both of the reading and the listening. The reading text conveys the suspecious of the reality of that painting; on the contrary, the lecturer proves the painting was indeed worked by Rembrandt.
First of all, the reading material points out some details of the dressing of the woman in the portrait got wrong, However, the lecturer casts that the color was not part of what the original painting. And the color actually painted over the layer of the original painting after a hundred years because someone wanted to increase the value of the former paint. So we can conclude that doubts from the reading was based on the addition of the painting.
Secondly, as Rembrandt was a master of light and shadow, the reading passage raises the doubts on the shadow of the woman's face. But the professor explains that the painting was removed after color added to the layer, which affected the shadow and light,. The truth is, we can see from the original paint that the woman worn simple cloth and light colored on the face. The realistic painting was in good light and shadow like what we expect Rembrandt is.
Finally, the reading argues that the painting was made of several pieces of wood glued together, which is not the same with Rembrandt's style. In contrast, the lecturer says that the wood panel was enlarged and added with extra glue to made it more grand and valuable. The original painting was painted in single piece of wood, which was examined the same with the wood R used in his former paintings.
In sum, the lecturer explains the doubts raised by the reading text and proves the reality that the painting was indeed painted by Rembrandt.
作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-3-14 17:51
刚才做了篇听写，才发现自己TPO3听的差太多了啊……
collar听成color，fur听成four，要点也记不全……
作者: 越人歌 时间: 2012-3-14 22:07
It is heated discussed whether a painting was painted by Rembrandt by both of the reading and the listening. The reading text conveys the suspecioussuspicious of the reality of that painting; on the contrary, the lecturer proves the painting was indeed worked by Rembrandt.
First of all, the reading material points out some details of the dressing of the woman in the portrait got wrong. However, the lecturer casts that the color was not part of what the original painting. And the color (这里有点重复了，可以改成直接用It 代替)was actually painted over the layer of the original painting after a hundred years because someone wanted to increase the value of the former paint. So we can conclude that doubts from the reading waswere based on the addition of the painting.
Secondly, as Rembrandt was a master of light and shadow, the reading passage raises the doubts on the shadow of the woman's face. But the professor explains that the painting was removed after color added to the layer, which affected the shadow and light. The truth is, we can see from the original paint that the woman worn simple cloth and light colored on the face. The realistic painting was in good light and shadow like what we expect Rembrandt is（这句话貌似并列成分有问题，我觉得应该是the painting is like what we expect Rembrandt’s painting is ）.
Finally, the reading argues that the painting was made of several pieces of wood glued together, which is not the same with Rembrandt's style. In contrast, the lecturer says that the wood panel was enlarged and added with extra glue to mademake it more grand and valuable. The original painting was painted in single piece of wood, which was examined the same with the wood R used in his former paintings.
In sum, the lecturer explains the doubts raised by the reading text and proves the reality that the painting was indeed painted by Rembrandt.
晨依的语言越来越老练了呢，没有什么太大问题，就是有一些点没有听出来，所以解释得也比较含糊，这篇确实很让人痛苦啊，我也在纠结中呢。。。。
一起加油吧
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