ChaseDream
标题: 【写作小分队】daiC for 7.22 [打印本页]
作者: daisyの小夢想 时间: 2012-2-18 09:05
标题: 【写作小分队】daiC for 7.22
back for 7.22 T. Hope it would be a happy ending.
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加入写作小分队，每天在鸟儿的督促下完成作业哈哈，writing目标：31分^^
3.18打怪兽，每天来贴作文，希望和大家一起rock writing rock Toefl~!
写作小分队汇总贴：http://forum.chasedream.com/TOEFL_Writing/thread-661450-1-1.html
作文有志于拿高分的筒子们快点加入吧。
作者: daisyの小夢想 时间: 2012-2-18 09:06
2.17 独立
Some people believe that people should follow their ambitious dreams and goals even they are not realistic; others believe that people should focus on achieving realistic goals. What’s your opinion and why? Use specific reasons to support your answer.
Should people just follow their heart and pursue their ambitious dreams even the dreams are not realistic? Some people agree that even though they are not realistic enough, we should still chase those dreams. Others hold that people should not lose their energy on unrealistic dreams and should focus on only realistic goals. From my prospective, it's difficult to define whether our dreams are realistic or not. We should follow our ambitious dreams even they are not realistic, and try our best to make them possible and achieve them.
First of all, there's no definite line between realistic dreams and unrealistic ones. A dream that seems to be unrealistic at present may turn out to be possible in the future. As a saying goes, nothing is impossible. Only after we have tried our best to make it come true can we know whether the dream in our mind is possible. As we all know, Thomas Edison has taken hundreds of experiments before he invented the light bulb. There was no concept of light bulb in people's mind at that time, and it seems to be unrealistic and useless to make so many experiments. But after so many useless and unrealistic trials, Edison finally succeeded to achieve his dream of inventing light bulb. Therefore, we should not set up the boundries(boundaries) between realistic and unrealistic dreams before we take actions.
Furthermore, most of time, it's the hardship of achieving dreams that scares us and makes us feel that our dreams are unrealistic. We just see things from negative side, or we are influenced by others' negative view, and then become frustruted(frustrated) by the harpship(hardship). However, if we do not quit but instead stick to our dreams and strive for them boldly, we will probably accomplish the dreams that we once thought to be unrealistic. Take Jeremy Lin as another example, his dream is winning the champion of NBA, the biggest glory in the world of basketball. He was not supposed to have the possibility of winning the NBA game when he was rejected by two NBA teams before going to the Knicks. His dream of winning championship at that time was absolutely unrealistic in people's eyes. But he never gives up and strives for his ambitious dream, and now he proves himself by leading the Knicks to win seven consecutive games, making his dream achievable again. If he had been fustrated(frustrated) by the previous hardship and adversity, he wouldn't have got chances to show his ability so perfectly and winned(wined) the games. Therefore, we should not be fustrated(frustrated) by the hardship of pursuing a seemingly unachievable dream, and should try our best to protect the dream and achieve it.
Last but not least, if a dream seems to be unrealistic and we really want to achieve it, we should make rational plans and take actions to make its possibility larger gradually. We can divide our big dream into several small but realistic goals, and then make plans to achieve such small goals step-by-step.
To sum up, as Victor Hugo said, "there is nothing like a dream to create the future." Dreaming big protects us from being stuck by the current hardship and motivates us to create a once unbelievable future. We should always follow our heart and strive for our ambitious dreams.
作者: Crystaljoy 时间: 2012-2-19 14:43
修改稿： 紫色为添加，蓝色为错误或者疑惑，高亮为精彩！
Should people just follow their heart and pursue their ambitious dreams even the dreams are not realistic? Some people agree that even though they are not realistic enough, we should still chase those dreams. Others hold that people should not lose（waste） their energy on unrealistic dreams and should（but）focus on only realistic goals.（这两种观点表达上可以再富于变化，不然读起来有点拖沓呢~） From my prospective（perspective）, it's difficult to define whether our dreams are realistic or not. We should follow our ambitious dreams even they are not realistic, and try our best to make them possible and achieve them.（turn IMPOSSIBLE to I AM POSSIBLE. 大写了防止判语法错误，感觉ETS应该会明白会喜欢这种表达吧~试试嘿.）
First of all, there's no definite line （dividing line）between realistic dreams and unrealistic ones. A dream that seems to be unrealistic at present may turn out to be possible in the future. As a saying goes, nothing is impossible. Only after we have tried our best to make it come true can we know whether the dream in our mind is possible. As we all know, Thomas Edison has taken hundreds of experiments before he invented the light bulb. There was no concept of light bulb in people's mind at that time, and it seems to be unrealistic and useless to make so many experiments. But after so many useless and unrealistic trials, Edison finally succeeded to achieve his dream of inventing light bulb. Therefore, we should not set up the boundries(boundaries) between realistic and unrealistic dreams before we take actions.
Furthermore, most of time, it's the hardship of achieving dreams that scares us (off) and makes us feel that our dreams are unrealistic. We just see things from negative side, or we are influenced by others' negative view, and then become frustruted(frustrated) by the harpship(hardship). However, if we do not quit but instead stick to our dreams and strive for them boldly ，we will probably accomplish the dreams that we once thought to be unrealistic. Take Jeremy Lin as another example, his dream is winning the champion of NBA, the biggest glory in the world of basketball. He was not supposed to have the possibility of winning the NBA game when he was rejected by two NBA teams before going to the Knicks. His dream of winning championship at that time was absolutely unrealistic in people's eyes. But he never gives up and strives for his ambitious dream, and now he proves himself by leading the Knicks to win seven consecutive games, making his dream achievable again. If he had been fustrated(frustrated) by the previous hardship and adversity, he wouldn't have got chances to show his ability so perfectly and winned(wined) the games. Therefore,（In this reason /for that, hence 跟上段的结论引导词最好不一样） we should not be fustrated(frustrated) by the hardship of pursuing a seemingly unachievable dream, and should （but）try our best to protect the dream and achieve it. (这个例子真赞啊~！广泛涉猎的Daisy，快教教我们怎么恰当滴举例吧~~~)
Last but not least, if a dream seems to be unrealistic and we really want to achieve it, we should make rational plans and take actions to make its possibility larger （large possibility 感觉很别扭，谷歌学术了一下也没看见这个搭配http://scholar.google.com.hk/scholar?hl=zh-CN&as_sdt=0,5&q=large+possibility）gradually. We can divide our big dream into several small but (and 递进更合适)realistic goals, and then make plans to achieve such small goals step-by-step （不用连接符了吧，直接做状语就可以啦）.
To sum up, as Victor Hugo said, "there is nothing like a dream to create the future." Dreaming big protects us from being stuck by the current hardship and motivates us to create a once unbelievable future. We should always follow our heart and strive for our ambitious dreams.
Conclusion：结构清晰，每个观点都有举例和总结，值得学习！！！句子也挺长的，就是and有时用的有点多了，感觉拖沓了一点。we should也有点多，不如用it's reasonable for us to 显得客观，虽然表一样的意思哈。下一篇再加油！！！嘻嘻嘻~
作者: daisyの小夢想 时间: 2012-2-19 23:16
2.19 独立
When people need to discuss upsetting or controversial problems with others, some people prefer to use e-mail or text messaging. Others like to use telephone or voice messaging. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons to support your answer.
When I need to tell my friend about some dispointing(disappointing) or complicate problems, I would love to choose telephone or voice messaging. The reasons that I prefer to use telephone or voice messaging are as following.
First of all, it's easier for me to convey my feelings and express my problem clearly through phone call or voice messages. When I encounter something that upsets me, I definitely wish to make my friends understand how I feel about the thing. So through phone calling or voice messaging, my friend can hear my voice. Since my voice can reflect my emotion, my friend who knows me well can easily know my feelings and develop a sense of empathy. What's more, I can make myself understood more readly(readily) through telephone or voice messaging. As we all know, two-way interaction is much more effective and effetient(efficient) for making one clear about what another one wants to convey than one-way interaction. When it comes to conversial(controversial) and complex problems, when the one that I talk to has anything unclear about what I am expressing, he or she can immediately ask me about the point and make me convey more clearly in response. Also, phone calling and voice messaging is a better intermediate for two-way communication that e-mail and text messaging do.
Furthermore, if I choose e-mail or text messaging, I may need to wait for a long time for the reponse(response) to the person whom I want to tell something with. As the problem I meet may be emergency or really heart-breaking, I need to receive instant response or comfort words. But my friend may not notice the message or the e-mail as soon as I sent the message. In such situation, I may become more annoyed or anxious because I waste my time waiting for response and the stituation(situation) doesn't become better.
Last but not least, texting-messaging has its limitation for the words that can be sent, and consequently, it's hard for me to convey my thoughts to my friends. Since the problems that I meet must be complex, I may have a lot of words to say. Therefore, it's not convenient to express the whole thing and feeling through texting-message.
In conclusion, telephone-calling or voicing messaging is a more convenient way to express oneself and quicker way to receive reponse(response). That's why I like to use such methods when I want to discuss something upsetting or complicate to others.
作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-2-20 12:58
晨依给Daisy姐姐的修改稿~
这是我第一次修改作文，如果有不对的地方还要告诉我哟~(*^__^*) 嘻嘻……
修改说明：红色部分是修改内容；蓝色部分是个人观点和建议，供参考；黄色部分是很好的地方。
When I need to tell my friend about some dispointing(disappointing) or complicate(complicated/complex)problems, I would love to choose telephone or voice messaging. The reasons that I prefer to use telephone or voice messaging are as following(as follows).
First of all, it's easier for me to convey my feelings and express my problems clearly through phone calls or voice messages.(我的个人意见：第一句是主题句，是不是不以自己的口吻写比较好？可以写people怎么样怎么样，然后for example 我怎么样……)When I encounter something that upsets me, I definitely wish to make my friends understand how I feel about the thing(个人觉得thing有点生硬，可不可以用issue什么的替换一下). So, through phone calling or voice messaging, my friend can hear my voice. Since my voice can reflect my emotion, my friend who knows me well can easily know my feelings and develop a sense of empathy. What's more, I can make myself understood more readly(readily) through telephone or voice messaging. As we all know, two-way interaction is much more effective and effetient(efficient) for making one clear about what another one wants to convey than one-way interaction.(我觉得这个句子写得特别的好，亮点！)When it comes to conversial(controversial) and complex problems, when the one that I talk to has anything unclear about what I am expressing, he or she can immediately ask me about the point and make me convey more clearly in response. (我觉得这里两个when读着不大舒服，而且这个句子表述的有点啰嗦。这个是我改的句子，不过也挺长的……When other people cannot understand me well in communications involving some controversial and complex problems, they could immediately ask me and then I can explain to make my points better understood.)Also, phone calling and voice messaging is a better intermediate for two-way communication that(than这里应该是打错了)e-mail and text messaging do.
Furthermore, if I choose e-mail or text messaging, I may need to wait for a long time for the reponse(response) to the person whom I want to tell something with. (这里也是我觉得应该写一个更加能支持主题的句子，从正面写应该好一点吧。)As the problem I meet withmay be emergency or really heart-breaking, I need to receive instant response or comfort words. But my friend may not notice the message or the e-mail as soon as I sent the message(to them). In such situation, I may become more annoyed or anxious because I waste my time waiting for response and the stituation(situation) doesn't become better.(这里可以加一句本段总结。)
Last but not least, texting-messaging has its limitation for the words that can be sent, and consequently, it's hard for me to convey my thoughts to my friends(clearly). Since the problems that I meet must be(是不是有点绝对了呢) complex, I may have a lot of words to say. Therefore, it's not convenient to express the whole thing (describe the whole process 你觉得这样说怎么样)and feeling through texting-message.
In conclusion, telephone-calling or voicing(voice) messaging is a more convenient way to express oneself and aquicker way to receive reponse(response). That's why I like to use such methods when I want to discuss something upsetting or complicate to others.
我也补一个conclusion好了。
我觉得这一篇作文衔接词用的很好，读起来感觉很顺畅；还有我特别喜欢two-way communication那个句子；论证的也很好，很有说服力。
刚才问了一下鸟儿姐姐，你这样的思路是完全可以的，我想那个的太八股了。但是，我的建议还是每段第一句最好能写一个比较统领一点的句子作为论证观点，不写个人的，感觉有点细节。还有一点是在说“B不好”的时候最后如果来一句总结说“所以A比B好”这样是不是就更能突出主题了？
另外，我个人觉得有一些表述应该再雕琢一下，虽然写的意思很清楚，但是表达给人感觉有一点点啰嗦的感觉。就是那个蓝色的句子，我觉得可能分开写能稍微好一点点。好啦，就说这些了，我觉得你的文章表达多样性做的不错，我得积累点词汇去啦
作者: daisyの小夢想 时间: 2012-2-21 16:10
thanks 晨依妹和鸟儿 大大的拥抱一个~~~
作者: daisyの小夢想 时间: 2012-2-21 16:11
2.20 独立
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? There is never a reason to be rude (impolite) to another person. Use specific reasons to support your answer.
In our daily life, we may encounter some situations in which we can’t control our temper and hold a rude attitude towards others. It’s not because we are meant to be rude to others, since sometimes it’s totally not our fault. But no matter how others treat us, we should still be a polite and well-behaved person.
To begin with, being rude to others not only hurts others, but also damages the relationship between others and us. In many situations, others may be irrational in a time, or they have some misunderstanding with us, so they treat us impolitely and meanly. They may say harsh words, conduct dishonest and disgusting behavior, or even treat our family and friends inappropriately. Although such behavior completely hurts us, we need to keep calm and have a tolerate mind, because it’s likely that there’s some misunderstanding in the whole matter. If we don’t figure out and solve the whole thing calmly, it will just hurts the feeling of both sides and damage the relationship between others and us. Maybe one rude behavior can make us lose a friend because of misunderstanding and irrationality.
Furthermore, being rude to others can not help to solve problem, but even can bring disadvantages to us. It can ruin our impression on others, making others consider us as irrational and bad-tempered. Also, if we treat others back in the way that others treat us badly, we will be the same impolite person like them. What’s more, being rude can just make the situation worse and do harm to our career. Take Zidane as an example, Zidane, the famous French football player, was near to win and achieve his biggest dream at the last match of the 2006 World Cup. However, he conduct rude behavior towards an Italy player who insulted his family member impolitely. As a result, Zidane was rejected to go on playing that game and lose his championship. Because of being irrational and rude in that game, Zidane damage his gentle impression on others, lose the opportunity to fulfill his dream, and failed to bring glory to his country. From his story, we can learn that we ought to stay calm and be gentle in anytime, since being rude at one time can have long-lasting bad influence.
Last but not least, there must be better solution than rude behavior. As a Chinese saying goes, peace is above everything. If there’s misunderstanding between others and us, we can talk to them sincerely, make others clear about what we actually think, and try to think in others’ shoes. If others are impolite and rude, we can influence them to be a better person by our politeness and good behavior. When we have any conflict with others, we need to keep calm first, think in others’ shoes tolerantly, and figure out the solution peacefully.
To sum up, being rude brings no advantages but only disadvantage. Since we are wise and sensible , under no circumstances should we be rude to another person.
作者: chasedreamabc 时间: 2012-2-21 17:02
好滴，晚上来看
作者: 晨依Jacqueline 时间: 2012-2-21 17:44
偷偷地来拜读大作咯~
真的是太喜欢Daisy姐姐的用词了！赞一个~！
我自己在写作文的时候很多词汇总想换个表述，其实原来背单词也背过，可是就是想不出来……
哈哈以后多来看看，积累一下~
作者: chasedreamabc 时间: 2012-2-22 12:01
第一次修改，有什么不足的地方请指正
In our daily life, we may encounter some situations in which we can’t control( out of control) our temper and hold a rude attitude towards others. It’s not because we are meant to be rude to others, since sometimes it’s totally not our fault. But no matter how others treat us, we should still be a polite and well-behaved person.
To begin with, being rude to others not only hurts others, but also damages the relationship between others and us. In many situations, others may be irrational in a time, or they have some misunderstandings with us, so they treat us impolitely and meanly. They may say harsh words, conduct dishonest and disgusting behavior, or even treat our family and friends inappropriately. Although such behavior completely hurts us, we need to keep calm and have a tolerate mind, because it’s likely that there’s some misunderstanding in the whole matter. If we don’t figure out and solve the whole thing calmly, it will just hurts the feeling of both sides and( as well as) damage the relationship between others and us. Maybe one rude behavior can make us lose a friend because of ( due to)misunderstanding and irrationality.
Furthermore, being rude to others can not help( 忍不住吗？) to solve problem, but even can bring disadvantages to us. It can ruin our impression on others, making others consider us as irrational and bad-tempered. Also, if we treat others back in the way that others treat us badly, we will be the same impolite person like them. What’s more, being rude can just make the situation worse and do harm to our career. Take Zidane as an example, Zidane, the famous French football player, was near to win and achieve his biggest dream at the last match of the 2006 World Cup. However, he conduct rude behavior towards an Italy
player who insulted his family member impolitely. As a result, Zidane was rejected to go on playing that game and lose his championship. Because of being irrational and rude in that game, Zidane damage his gentle impression on others, lose the opportunity to fulfill his dream, and failed to bring glory to his country. From his story, we can learn that we ought to stay calm and be gentle in anytime, since being rude at one time can have long-lasting bad influence.
Last but not least, there must be better solution than rude behavior. As a Chinese saying goes, peace is above everything. If there’s misunderstanding（好像要加s） between others and us, we can talk to them sincerely, make others clear about what we actually think, and try to think in others’ shoes. If others are impolite and rude, we can influence them to be a better person by our politeness and good behavior. When we have any conflict with others, we need to keep calm first, think in others’ shoes tolerantly, and figure out the solution peacefully.
To sum up, being rude brings no advantages but only disadvantage. Since we are wise and sensible , under no circumstances should we be rude to another person.（结论加上一些模板上的话语的话会更完美，会长一点点，这样也行可以节省一点时间）
作者: jiaosisisisi 时间: 2012-2-22 23:42
wow~~~我是来学习的啊~~
作者: daisyの小夢想 时间: 2012-2-24 09:16
2.23 独立
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The advice from grandparents has no use for their grandchildren because the world changed a lot during the past 5o years. Use specific reasons to support your answer.
Should we listen to the advice from our grandparents? I think that it depends on various situations. For permanent values of life and principles of self-behaving, the advice from our grandparents can still be valuable. For some some outdated knowledge and techniques, the advice from our grandparents is of no use.
On one hand, as our grandparents have gone through so many years in the path of life, they may have a lot of precious experience and valuable belief about life to share with us. Their special experience can lead us to rethink profoundly about how we can be a better person and lead a meaningful life. It's a great opportunity to learn about life. Take me as an example, when I was doing my internship, I met a lot of obstacles, and sometimes I couldn't stand doing chores or being annoyed by my clients. Then my grandpa turned to me and offered me a lesson that is unforgetable for me. He told me a lot about how to confront adversity by his past experience. Altough being a teacher is not his dream, he still did his job reponsibly and seriously because he wants to make sacrifice to the society and serve for our country. No matter what he was arranged to do, he would spare no effort to accomplish it. During the Great Cultural Revolution in China, he was scolded unreasonably and meanly by irrational people and suffered lots of hardship. Neither did he complain nor give up his job. He still sticked to his job and did it as well as before. Finally, he was appreciated by others and promoted to be a administer in school. From his story, my grandpa conveyed to me significant messages that we should be patient to do small things, and that adverstiy is only to test people's will but not to put us down. "From small things, big things grow." This advice from my granpa influenced me a lot and encourages me to conquer the obstacles. As a Chinese saying goes, an old man is the treasure and luck of your family. We should cherish the valuable advice from our grandparents.
On the other hand, sometimes the advice from our grandparents may be out-dated, and can't be applied to the present situation, since the speed of the world's change is much greater than that of the renewal of their knowledge. For instance, our grandparents may believe in the existence of ghost and worship such unrealistic things to bless for ther health and happiness. In this circumstance, we should not listen to such ignorrant and blind faith from our grandparents. But whenever our grandparents want to tell us something, whether beneficial or not, we should be patient to their words and shouldn't lose our temper, because they basically want to help us. If something that they tell makes no sense and is out-dated, we can explain to them what is atually true nowadays.
To sum up, we can't deny that some advice from our grandparents are out-dated, useless and even misleading, but they still have some precious experience in their lives. Therefore, we should have our own judgement on whether we should take our grandparents' advice and make the best use of the beneficial advice from them.
作者: noarkid 时间: 2012-2-24 20:16
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The advice from grandparents has no use for their grandchildren because the world changed a lot during the past 5o years. Use specific reasons to support your answer.
Should we listen to the advice from our grandparents? I think that it depends on various situations. For permanent values of life and principles of self-behaving, the advice from our grandparents can still be valuable. For some some outdated knowledge and techniques, the advice from our grandparents is of no use.
On one hand, as our grandparents have gone through so many years in the path of life, they may have a lot of precious experience and valuable belief about life to share with us. Their special experience can lead us to rethink profoundly about how we can be a better person and lead a meaningful life(这里不知道要表达什么). It's a great opportunity to learn about life.（感觉这句话有点突兀，不知道it指的是什么） Take me as an example, when I was doing my internship, I met a lot of obstacles, and sometimes I couldn't（could not） stand doing chores or being annoyed by my clients. Then my grandpa turned to me and offered me a lesson that is(was) unforgetable(unforgettable) for me. He told me a lot about how to confront adversity by his past experience.(不知道told是不是应该用teach) Altough being a teacher is not his dream, he still did his job reponsibly (responsibly?)and seriously because he wants to make sacrifice to the society and serve for our country. No matter what he was arranged to do, he would spare no effort to accomplish it. During the Great Cultural Revolution in China, he was scolded unreasonably and meanly by irrational people and suffered lots of hardship. Neither did he complain nor give up his job. He still sticked to his job and did it as well as before. Finally, he was appreciated by others and promoted to be a administer in school. From his story, my grandpa conveyed to me significant messages that we should be patient to do small things, and that adverstiy is only to test people's will but not to put us down. "From small things, big things grow." This advice from my grandpa influenced me a lot and encourages me to conquer the obstacles. As a Chinese saying goes, an old man is the treasure and luck of your family. We should cherish the valuable advice from our grandparents.
On the other hand, sometimes the advice from our grandparents may be out-dated, and can't be applied to the present situation, since the speed of the world's change is much greater than that of the renewal of their knowledge. For instance, our grandparents may believe in the existence of ghost and worship such unrealistic things to bless for ther health and happiness. In this circumstance, we should not listen to such ignorrant and blind faith from our grandparents. But whenever our grandparents want to tell us something, whether beneficial or not, we should be patient to their words and shouldn't lose our temper, because they basically want to help us. If something that they tell makes no sense and is out-dated, we can explain to them what is atually true nowadays.
To sum up, we can't deny that some advice from our grandparents are out-dated, useless and even misleading, but they still have some precious experience in their lives. Therefore, we should have our own judgement on whether we should take our grandparents' advice and make the best use of the beneficial advice from them.
看完你的作文，如沐春风。。。长进长进了，小问题就是叙事的时候的时态可能有必要主义一下。
作者: daisyの小夢想 时间: 2012-2-25 17:47
谢谢noarkid帮我改作文啊哈~~~嗯嗯 叙事要注意动词和时态。
作者: daisyの小夢想 时间: 2012-2-25 17:47
2.25 独立
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Compared with people who live in urban areas, the people who live in rural areas can take better care of their families.
From my perspective, I think that where we live can have a little influence on how good we take care of our families. However, the most significant factor is our love and caring for our families but not our locations.
On one hand, people living in rural areas may have a large opportunity of living with their parents and have more time to take care of their families than those living in urban areas. Since the urban life is more colorful and busy, people in urban areas may spend much more time on works or entertainment, which leads them to have less time to stay with their families. As we all know, the best way of taking care of one is to stay and communicate with them. We human beings are social anmimals, so we need our families' accompany to bring us sense of belonging. But unlike people in rural areas, people in urban areas seem more independent and indifferent, so the intimacy within families may be lower in urban families. Moreover, due to the housing problem in urban areas, it's difficult for big families to live together in the same room. Childrens may live far away from their parents, leading to the inconvience of taking care of their parents. In contrast, family members usually live together in the same big house in rural areas. As a result, it's more easy for people in rural areas to look after other family members. For example, if the old father has emergency in the evening, his children living in the same house with him can bring him to the hospital immediately and take care of him afterwards. Thus, the locations can somehow affect the convenience of taking care of family members.
On the other hand, the most improtant factor on how well we take care of our families is how much we care for them. If one is not considerate and filial, he will not take good care of his family no matter where he lives, no matter how close he stays with his family. Take my uncle as an example, although he works and lives in the metropholis Shanghai, he still cares much for his parents who live in rural areas far away from Shanghai. He calls them every night and asks them about their daily lives, their health and so on. Also, although he is so busy that he can't come back to his hometown frequently, he sents some healthy drugs and food to his parents every month. From my uncle's example, I want to convey that if we really care about our families, we can conquer the influence of many factors, such as distances and time, and take good care of them. Instead of our locations, our attitude towards our families counts the most. Our families members can feel about our caring if we really put our family to the priority.
To sum up, no matter we live in urban areas or rural areas, we should not use location as an excuse for not taking care of families. Instead, we need to conquer all the obstacles and care for our families as much as we can.
作者: noarkid 时间: 2012-2-26 21:33
2.25 独立
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Compared with people who live in urban areas, the people who live in rural areas can take better care of their families.
From my perspective, I think that where we live can have a little influence on how good we take care of our families. However, the most significant factor is our love and caring for our families but not our locations.(恩，我看网上很多都说最好开头第一句话不要就说自己观点)
On one hand, people living in rural areas may have a large opportunity of living with their parents and have more time to take care of their families than those living in urban areas. Since the urban life is more colorful and busy, people in urban areas may spend much more time on works or entertainment（entertains）, which leads them to have less time to stay with their families. As we all know, the best way of taking care of one is to stay and communicate with them. We human beings are social animals, so we need our families' accompany to bring us sense of belonging. But unlike people in rural areas, people in urban areas seem more independent and indifferent, so the intimacy within families may be lower in urban families. Moreover, due to the housing problem in urban areas, it's difficult for big families to live together in the same room. Childrens may live far away from their parents, leading to the inconvience of taking care of their parents. In contrast, family members usually live together in the same big house in rural areas. As a result, it's more easy for people in rural areas to look after other family members. For example, if the old father has emergency in the evening, his children living in the same house with him can bring him to the hospital immediately and take care of him afterwards. Thus, the locations can somehow affect the convenience of taking care of family members.（这一段都像是在论述应该住农村，考虑到文章的主题，个人觉得这段应该论述的是农村和城市各有利弊）
On the other hand, the most improtant factor on how well we take care of our families is how much we care for them. If one is not considerate and filial, he will not take good care of his family no matter where he lives, no matter how close he stays with his family. Take my uncle as an example, although he works and lives in the metropolis, Shanghai, he still cares much for his parents who live in rural areas far away from Shanghai. He calls them every night and asks them about their daily lives, their health and so on. Also, although he is so busy that he can't come back to his hometown frequently, he sents some healthy drugs and food to his parents every month. From my uncle's example, I want to convey that if we really care about our families, we can conquer the influence of many factors, such as distances and time, and take good care of them. Instead of our locations, our attitude towards our families counts the most. Our families members can feel about our caring if we really put our family to the priority.（这段超赞）
To sum up, no matter we live in urban areas or rural areas, we should not use location as an excuse for not taking care of families. Instead, we need to conquer all the obstacles and care for our families as much as we can.
作者: daisyの小夢想 时间: 2012-2-28 17:40
2.27 综合 >.< 好像表达得不够清晰。。
The reading passage and the lecture both focus on the issue that whether the teenage girl of the Austen family in a portrait recently put to sale is Jane Austen. The reading predicts that Jane Austen is the subject, while the professor makes the point that the girl in the portrait can’t be Jane Austen.
Firstly, the reading claims that Austen’s family permitted the portrait to be used to represent Jane Austen in an edition of her letters. In response, the professor argues that
since the letter that had such a permission was send in 1882, when Jane Austin has dead for seventy years, her family members at that time must have never seen her.
Secondly, another important point showed in the reading is that the face in the portrait is similar to the portrait of Jane Austen in Cassandra’s sketch. But the professor refutes this reason by saying that the face in the portrait can belong to the cousins or the children of the cousins of Jane, because Austen’s family is a considerable family with a lot of children.
Thirdly, the reading suggests that the style of the portrait resembles that of Ozias Humphrey, who was an experienced portrait painter in the Austen family. But the professor challenges the standpoint of the author of the reading by presenting the fact that the stamp of the painting was sole by William, who began to sell stamp when Jane was more than twenty five years old, so Jane was not a teenage girl during the time when the painting was painted.
In general, the professor discusses the problem of the reading passage viewed in a opposing angle.
作者: daisyの小夢想 时间: 2012-2-29 22:31
2.29 独立 打错了很多单词囧~
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The most important problems in today’s world will be solved in our lifetime.
What will future world look like? Will all the significant problems existing today be successful solved in our lifetime? Many people have heated discussions about these quesions(questions) and have different opinions. Some hold an active attitude, claiming that all the problems can be solved in the near future. Others worry that the problems may not be so easy to be solved, but even may deteriotate(deteriorate). From my prospective, I agree with the latter opinion.
On one hand, many factors that have impacts on the present problems are not in the control of us human beings. The nature, for example, is the most irreversible and complicate facotor(factor). Take the problem of earthquake as an example, as we all know, the rate of the occurrance(occurrence) of earthquake becomes higher and higher this year. The Earthquake in Sichuan, China, the earthquake in Christchruch, New Zealand, and the Earthquake in Japan damaged our world one after one. These disaters(disasters) has already alarmed us human beings as the signals of the revenge of nature, because we human beings do not protect the nature and even destory it relentlessly. Can we stop the arrival of Earthquake? No. Even if we can create the technology to predict earthquake, we would still have no place to escape when disasters occur at the same time everywhere. To solve the problems that are connected to the nature, we human beings first need to reflet(reflect) on what should be the best realtionship(relationship) between human beings and nature and what we can do to compensate for and protect nature. I think such questions may take sereval(several) generations to answer.
On the other hand, many problems are related to the interests of different people, and they may not be relutant(reluctant) to offer their help or sacrifice their benefits to solve the problems. However, in many circumstances, we can solve the problems completely only if all the people unite together to deal with them. But in many times, it will damage the interest of some people to do so, so not all people are willing to sacrifice their interests for our better world. For instance, wealth disparity is a serious problem nowadays. Are all the rich willing to donate some materials to the poor? Is it possible for the merchants and retailer lower the prices they charge for the products? Most of such people who have already got the interests would not be warm-hearted enough to give their hands in solving the wealth disparity problem. As a saying goes, egotism is the nature of man. Hence, even if the problems occurring nowadays are possible to be solved when all the people corporate, not all of them would prefer to do so.
To sum up, although the present problems are difficult to solve because they are so sophisticated, we human beings should still have confidence and dedicate ourselves to ameliorate the problems and make our world better.
作者: daisyの小夢想 时间: 2012-2-29 22:32
2.29 综合 TPO14
Both the reading passage and the lecture focus on the effects of salvage logging. The reading concludes that salvage logging is of great advantages to the prosperity of both the forest and the economy. However, the professor holds that salvage loggings would not bring the benefits that the reading suggests, but even can have some harmful outcomes.
First, the reading passage suggests that removing the dead trees helps to provide room for the growth of healthy trees. But the professor argues in the lecture that cleaning up the old trees will not create better conditions for the healthy trees to grow and even brings disadvantages, because the dead trees can provide nutrition for the healthy trees. If the dead trees are removed, then the healthy trees will lose such sources of nutrition.
Second, another important point showed in the lecture is that the harmful insects, such as spruce bark beetle, didn’t do any damage to the forest before, so they would not damage the health of the forest as the reading worries. Also, decaying wood can be a suitable habitat for animals such as birds, which can make the condition of the forest better.
Third, the professor claims that economy benefits will not last long in the method of salvage logging, which challenges the standpoint of the reading. The reading says that the dead trees can still be used as the wood for industries, and that salvage logging can create many job opportunities for local residents. But the professor refutes such saying by the facts that salvage logging probably uses helicopters or other machines, and that the more skillful outsiders will take up the job opportunities for the local residents if there are any positions.
In general, the professor discusses the problem of the reading viewed in an opposing angle.
作者: jiaosisisisi 时间: 2012-3-1 13:30
daisy 大神 我229 稍微晚点给你发。。。我先给大家改吧。。。。。改完了我再写。。。。。。
作者: jiaosisisisi 时间: 2012-3-1 13:32
今天满天专业课啊~~~ 
作者: 蝴蝶渡海 时间: 2012-3-1 15:27
2.29 独立 打错了很多单词囧~
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The most important problems in today’s world will be solved in our lifetime.
这是我第二次改作文，由于我的语法什么的淡忘了很多，而且我的作文确实不太行，以下改正仅供参考，希望看到后觉得我改的有问题的地方跟我说一下，也帮我进步下。至于觉得我在胡说八道的地方直接略过即可。PS：咱俩作文的思路有些分歧，故在作文思路或者更好的论点上恕我不能给予更多帮助
What will future world look like? Will all the significant problems existing today be successful solved in our lifetime? Many people have heated discussions about these quesions(questions) and have different opinions. Some hold an active attitude, claiming that all the problems can be solved in the near future. Others worry that the problems may not be so easy to be solved, but even may deteriotate(deteriorate）(此句读起来感觉甚是奇怪啊，我不知道but后面究竟要表达什么，是要表达even more worse的意思么？). From my prospective（我觉得此处的介宾结构有些牵强了也蛮奇怪的，提供另个说法From my point of view）, I agree with the latter opinion.
On one hand, many factors that have impacts on the present problems are not in the control of us human beings. The nature, for example, is the most irreversible and complicate（应该是complicated） facotor(factor). Take the problem of earthquake as an example（这个用的不错我学习下，免得老是For example或者For instance的）, as we all know, the rate of the occurrance(occurrence) of earthquake becomes higher and higher this year. The Earthquake in Sichuan, China, the earthquake in Christchruch, New Zealand, and the Earthquake in Japan damaged our world one after one. （我觉得你这句子有语法错误，and之前并不是一个完整的句子架构，缺少动词，如果要表达的是列举则因该去掉and之前的逗号吧?）These disaters(disasters) has already alarmed us human beings as the signals of the revenge of nature, because we human beings do not protect the nature and even destory it relentlessly. Can we stop the arrival of Earthquake? No. Even if we can create the technology to predict earthquake, we would still have no place to escape when disasters occur at the same time everywhere. To solve the problems that are connected to the nature, we human beings first need to reflet(reflect) on what should be the best realtionship(relationship) between human beings and nature and what we can do to compensate for and protect nature. (好长的句子啊，我就跟做Gmat的语法题似地，而且我个人觉得这句子过于繁琐了，可以查拆成两个句子，用Secondly加以连接啊，否则会让人觉得只有first而无下文了)I think such questions may take sereval(several) generations to answer.
On the other hand, many problems are related to the interests of different people, and they may not be relutant(reluctant) to offer their help or sacrifice their benefits to solve the problems. However, in many circumstances, we can solve the problems completely only if all the people unite together to deal with them. But in many times, it will damage the interest of some people （个人感觉换成groups）to do so, so not all people are willing to sacrifice their interests for our better world. For instance, wealth disparity is a serious problem nowadays. Are all the rich willing to donate some materials to the poor? Is it possible for the merchants and retailer lower the prices they charge for the products? Most of such people who have already got the interests would not be warm-hearted enough to give their hands in solving the wealth disparity problem. As a saying goes, egotism is the nature of man. Hence, even if the problems occurring nowadays are possible to be solved when all the people corporate, not all of them would prefer to do so.
（看到这后我觉得用on one hand 或者on the other hand作为引出两个观点的连词并不合适，因此问题不仅只有两个方面）
To sum up, although（我觉得去掉although更好） the present problems are difficult to solve because they are so sophisticated, we human beings should still have confidence and dedicate ourselves to ameliorate the problems and make our world better.（极亮啊。这句话我喜欢，又学习了）-- by 会员 daisyの小夢想 (2012/2/29 22:31:15)
作者: jiaosisisisi 时间: 2012-3-1 22:44
229 综合 写作 TPO 14
D女神给我改么。。。。。。我是拖延了。。。。轻拍。
The professor casts doubt on the reading material's statement that
salvage logging will do good to the forest areas after a fire .She
deems that people can not expect too much form the salvage logging, because
it is totally exaggerated exaggeraterred
Firstly, the author claims that salvage logging can remove the remains
of the dead trees after the disater,therefore it can make space for
new trees.But the lecturer holds an opposing view that there is no need
to clean up the dead trees ,because the damaged trees can provide
a rich nutrition for the new trees and will nourish the grass and plants
for generations.
Secondly,the reading passage argues that removing rotting wood can take
away the insects ,which are bad for spruce trees ,However the lecturer
also challenges the second point in the reading regarding that it's
not necessary to take away the insects because some insects are good
for the new trees and in long term dead wood can enrich the soil
.
The final point on whhich that author and lecturer disagree with each other
is that salvage logging has econmoic benefits.The author views that
some damaged trees can still be used by industries and salvage logging might offer
extra jobs for local residents. But the lecturer completely contradicts
this claims by stating that collecting the damaged trees cost heavily,
asserting that many trees are even located in places that are hard to reach.Additionally,salvage logging can only provide jobs that are temperatory.
what's more ,the jobs usually need so much training that outside workers
will be preferable rather than local residents.
作者: jiaosisisisi 时间: 2012-3-2 14:23
I HATE YOU 
抽空给我改下了 ，
你改完之后，
我会一直膜拜，各种虚心地接受批评的！！哈哈
作者: daisyの小夢想 时间: 2012-3-5 00:40
TPO18
The reading discusses three ways to save the Torreya, an endangered tree in Florida. The professor’s lecture deals with the same issue. However, she points out that none of the solutions mentioned in the reading can have a desirable effect.
Firstly, the reading suggests that Torreya can be replanted in the same location in which it has grown for a long time. The professor argues in the lecture that the original location is no longer suitable to the development of Torreya. This is because the location has been vastly affected by human settlements. Also, the temperature there has increased greatly, and the wet land which offers abundant water has been damaged.
Secondly, the reading says that Torreya can be moved to a new place to grow because of the success in planting its seeds in further north areas. However, the professor raises a worry that the planting of Torreya may damage the natural plants in the new environment. And she has offered the Black Locus Trees as a example. After moving to a new area, the Black Locus Trees grew so rapidly that they killed many local trees that are also endangered.
Thirdly, the reading claims that Torreya can be protected and grown in research center, and it can develop better under the protection of scientists. But the professor refutes that Torreya needs to grow in large population to improve gene diversity, which enables it to defend diseases. Research centers, however, do not have capacities to plant Torreya in large amounts.
In conclusion, the professor provides evidence to show the invalidity of the suggestions offered by the reading.
作者: tenby 时间: 2012-3-16 15:53
这篇作文写的真好。。。。改的也好，画龙点睛。
作者: daisyの小夢想 时间: 2012-4-4 22:05
4.4
It’s more important for the government to build new housing than preserve old historic building.
With the fast development of economy and technology, more and more companies and people move to cities, causing the problem of large population in cities. In such situation, the government needs to decide whether it is more valuable to build brand new housing than to preserve historical building. In my opinion, the government ought to build more modern and practical buildings than to preserve old building.
To begin with, new housing can be more practical and useful than old building. As we all know, most of the old buildings just have no more than three floors, so the old buildings can use up a lot of space. Since cities are very crowded and the lands are not ample, the old buildings, which use up so many land areas, are not practical. Instead, if the land areas of the old buildings can be used to build modern buildings with much more floors, the citizens can make the best use of the lands and have more space for their workplace and house. Many new building can be build into skyscraper. For instance, the IFC in Guangzhou have 103 floors to meet the space need of offices, hotels, restaurants and so on.
Moreover, the impression of modern city that new buildings bring can attract more business and visitors. New buildings make the city look more fascinating, and as a result help to ameliorate the image of the city. Take Shenzhen as an example, Shenzhen was a seaside village and its economy fell behind most of the cities in China in the 90s of last century. However, the government developed Shenzhen into a modern city and attracted a large amount of investment from foreign companies after much more modern buildings have been constructed. Consequently, Shenzhen becomes metropolis and enjoys prosperous economy. From Shenzhen's typical development, we can learn that new buildings can have magic influence on a city's reputation and economy.
To sum up, new buildings have more practical use and more fascinating image. Thus, it's much easier for new buildings to satisfy the needs of modern citizens and cities' development.
作者: 婷婷connie 时间: 2012-4-6 21:21
daisy,ssorry啊，前两天忙挑战杯了，今天才给你改~
4.4独立改文
It’s more important for the government to build new housing than preserve old historic building.
With the fast development of economy and technology（这一句话背景太大了，通常可以不用写这句）, more and more（a skyrocketing number of用这个替换） companies and people move to（into强调进入的这个状态）cities（metropolises）, causing the problem of large population in cities（severe pollutions）. In such situation, the government needs to decide(这么改呢？This situation makes the government decide) whether it is more valuable to build brand new housing than to preserve historical building. In my opinion, the government ought to build more modern and practical buildings than to preserve old building.
To begin with, new housing can be more practical and useful than old building. As we all know, most of the old buildings just have no more than three floors, so the old buildings can use up(take up是使用，改用take up占用比较好)a lot of space. Since cities are very crowded and the lands are not ample, the old buildings, which use up so many land areas, are not practical.(这句话有点多余了) Instead, if the land areas of the old buildings can be used to build modern buildings（换成structures,要不然就和build重复了）with much more floors, the citizens can make the best use of the lands and have more space for their workplace and house. Many new buildingcan be build into skyscraper. For instance, the IFC in Guangzhou have 103 floors to meet the space need of offices, hotels, restaurants and so on.
Moreover, the impression of modern city that new buildings bring（换成hold,这个我不太确定） can attract more business and visitors. New buildings make the city look more fascinating, and as a result help toameliorate the image of the city. Take Shenzhen as an example, Shenzhen was a seaside village and its economy fell（fall用过去式） behind most of the cities in China in the 90s of last century. However, the government developed Shenzhen into a modern city and attracted a large amount of investment from foreign companies after much more modern buildings have been constructed. Consequently, Shenzhen becomes metropolis and enjoys prosperous economy. From Shenzhen's typical development, we can learn that new buildings can have magic influence on a city's reputation and economy.
这个角度很好，例子也很不错！
To sum up, new buildings have more practical use and more fascinating image. Thus, it's much easier for new buildings to satisfy the needs of modern citizens and cities' development.
Conclusion:
1.要是有三个主段就好了，我们老师说最好第三个主段采用让步手法写。比如这一篇可以说，其实老建筑（长城，故宫）是国家的象征，但是也有更多的新建筑替代了他们的地位（鸟巢，水立方），并且它们还有更多的实用，像是开演唱会或者举行运动比赛。
呵呵，拙见了~
2.看出词汇量不错
3.语句还是要精简一些
作者: daisyの小夢想 时间: 2012-4-9 00:03
4.8
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is more enjoyable to have a job, and you work only three days a week with long hours rather than work five days a week with shorter hours.
42min(超时)
Nowadays, people tend to levish(levish) a balance between work and relax, which enbales them to pursue pleasure of life. When it comes to which time schedule fits such a balance, some people choose to work merely three days with extanded(extended) hours each day. Others opine that it's more cozy(cozier) to work five days a week with shorter hours. As far as I'm concerned, I enjoy the second work schedule better.
For one thing, working for long hours in one day has considerable drawbacks. On one hand, it's likely that we will feel too exhausted if we work over time. Undoutedly, working over time has detrimental impact on our health. For instance, if we don't have enough sleep because of long hours for work, we may feel dizzy or difficult to concerntrate(concentrate) on work next morning. After a long period of such tiring work schedule, some chronical diseases may occur on us. On the other hand, we may not have time to accompany our family during the three days of work. Originally diciring(desiring) for more days being with our family and friends, we may instead find out that we see our family members and friends less often. This is because when we are in leisure time during the two days in weekdays, our families and friends need to go to work or study. Additionally, since we need to work for more hours in the three days, we may not have time to have dinners with our family and friends.
For another thing, working for five days a week helps me to maintain a good relationship with my colleagues and clients. If I meet five days a week, it's easier for me to cooperate with my workmates and share interesting stories or news with them. Take me as an example, I like to share everyday news with my colleagues, since sharing news is mutual interest for us. If I work just for three days, I will have less opportunity to share fresh news with them. Moreover, working in a schedule similar to my clients brings me higher chances of making achievements in business. As most of my clients work five days a week, I need to contact and negociate(negotiate) with them every day during weekdays. Thus, it would be beneficial for me to adapt my work schedule to the overal (overall) business schedule.
In conclusion, the five-day working model is not taking up our time with those who we care for, but rather providing those people and us more mutual free time to have fun together. Also, we can enjoy better chances of success if we work five days a week as our clients and colleagues.
作者: gre呀gre 时间: 2012-4-9 20:43
hey 亲！ 我是要和你互改4.8综合作文的哟~ 你有时间重写吗？我们互改哈！~
作者: stones4 时间: 2012-4-9 21:51
Blue为不确定
Nowadays,根据写作版某强帖说，nowadays的出现示意的是中国学生的作文，会被打入模版行列，另外非常老气。用currently会更好 people tend to levish(levish) a balance between work and relaxrelaxation, which enbales them to pursue the？pleasure of life. When it comes to which time schedule fits such a balance, some people choose to work merely three days with extanded(extended) hours each day. Others opine that it's more cozy(cozier) to work five days a week with shorter hours. As far aslive;"> I'm concerned,live;"> I enjoy the second work schedule better.
For one thing, working for long hours in one day has considerable drawbacks. On one hand, it's likely that we will feel too exhausted if we work over time. Undoutedly, working over time has detrimental impact on our health. For instance, if we don't have enough sleep because of long hours for work, we may feel dizzy or difficult to concerntrate(concentrate) on work next morning. After a long period of such tiring work schedule, some chronicalchronic diseases may occur on us. On the other hand, we may not have time to accompany our family during the three days of work. Originally diciring(desiring)觉得有些奇怪呢`用mean to do sth的搭配是不是更顺一点for more days being with our family and friends, we may instead find out that we see our family members and friends less often. This is because when we are in leisure time during the two days in weekdays, our families and friends need to go to work or study. Additionally, since we need to work for more hours in the three days, we may not have time to have dinners with our familyfamilies and friends.
For another thing, working for five days a week helps me to maintain a good relationship with my colleagues and clients. Iflive;"> I meet five days a week, it's easier for me to cooperate with my workmates and share interesting stories or news with them. Take me as an example, live;">I like to share everyday news with my colleagues, since sharing news is mutual interest for us. Iflive;"> I work just for three days,live;"> I will have less opportunityopportunities to share fresh news with them. Moreover, working in a schedule similar to my clients brings me higher chances of making achievements in business. As most of my clients work five days a week, live;">I need to contact and negociate(negotiate) with them every day during weekdays. Thus, it would be beneficial for me to adapt my work schedule to the overal (overall) business schedule.个人觉得这段的人称运用的有点混乱，前面都是大众观点化的we，后面举得例子自然是用I但是这段的开头也是第一人称I。继续使用第三人称或继续代表大众观点的we会更好一点
In conclusion, the five-day working model is not taking up our time with those who we care for, but rather providing those people and us more mutual free time to have fun together. Also, we can enjoy better chances of success if we work five days a week as our clients and colleagues.
以下是个人拙见，仅供参考
整体上，语言，逻辑，结构都很好。
我鸡蛋里挑下骨头哈~
I 什么什么的句子有7句。有点多了，这种句子在检查的时候稍微变化一下就很OK
If 什么什么的句子也多了一点
主要说下这篇文章的论点吧。我写的时候觉得很苦恼，因为习惯性的找出缺点优点就开始比较了。但是这篇文章主要讨论的是哪个更enjoyable
第二段论的很好，就是少了一些总结性的词。总结出，我选择工作五天，因为它让我更轻松更愉快。
第三段就感觉有点偏了。Benefit和enjoyable还是有意义上区别的，不过我写的时候这里也有点走。表达benefit到enjoyable的转化，再做好一点。
开头结尾很OK
作者: daisyの小夢想 时间: 2012-4-11 08:28
4.9
Which is more important: having more facilities or hiring more teachers?
It's a complex problem for universities to use their money effectively, since the universities need to be concerned about every related member, such as professors, students and staffs. As the interest of professors, students and other members in universities must be different and hard to be balanced, it's difficult for us to have a fixed answer on universities should spend more money on improving facilities or hiring more teachers. If I have to choose one answer, I would select the former one.
To begin with, improving facilities can bring considerable benefits to students. With better facilities like the libraries, advanced computers and stadiums, students can enjoy both their study and life better. Take the library in my university for example, it not only provides us with a large amount of books, ranging from historical reference books to cutting-edge academic journals in every field, but also offers various updating e-books in the online library. Also, our university spends a lot of money on ameliorating the environment inside the library, such as adding more comfortable sofas. With such a fascinating library, we can always have a wonderful time studying and reading interesting books in the library. From the example of our university, I can deeply feel how great excellent facilities of universities can improve the quality of students' study and lives.
In addition, improving facilities can have a significant impact on the professors. With advanced apparatus, professors can express their ideas and deliver their lectures more easily and efficiently. A big projector can help professors to convey their thoughts and show information through ppt and videos. What's more, the facilities of labs can largely depend the quality of researches. Professors have larger possibilities of leading their students to conduct practical experiments and have outstanding findings in an advanced lab with abundant apparatus.
Last but not least, improving facilities enables universities to enjoy better reputation. Facilities can be an important factor for high school students to consider on choosing dream universities. Universities with upgraded facilities will attract more talented applicants. With more talented students entering it, universities can enjoy higher reputation.
To sum up, updating facilities can benefit the students, the professors and the universities themselves. As it can satisfy these three important parts of a university, improving facilities will bring a brighter future for universities.
作者: miss绿光 时间: 2012-4-11 11:11
Which is more important: having morefacilities or hiring more teachers?
我第一次改，所以好多地方不清楚，且看别人的作文感觉真是不一样，要有不好的地方还请Daisy见谅~
蓝色的是我的建议
红色的是我加的词
粉色的是内容/结构的概要
高亮是好词
It'sa complex problem for universities to use [相对高级词汇：utilize] their money effectively,since the universities need to be concerned aboutevery related member, such as professors, students and staffs. As theinterest of professors, students and other members in universities must bedifferent and hard to be balanced, thus [两个完整句子之间没有连词] it's difficult for us to have afixed answer on [应该不能加句子吧] whetheruniversities should spend more money on improving facilities or on [更平行] hiring more teachers. If I have tochoose one answer, I would select the former one.
Tobegin with, improving facilities can bring considerable benefits to students. With better facilities like [such as?更严谨…GMAT….]the libraries, advanced computers and stadiums, students can enjoy both theirstudy and life better. Take the library in my university for example, it notonly provides us with a large amount of books, ranging from historicalreference books to cutting-edgeacademic journals in every field, but also offers various updating e-books inthe online library. Also [刚刚出现also，可以换成furthermore/what’s more], our university spends alot of money on amelioratingthe environment inside the library, such as adding more comfortable sofas. Withsuch a fascinating library, we can always have a wonderful time studying andreading interesting books in the library. From the example of our [my] university, I can [可以去掉] deeply feel how great excellent facilities of universities can improve the quality of students' study and lives. [如果语法上允许的话，觉得把can提前到excellent前比较好，要不顺着读下来容易以为great excellent都是修饰facilities]
[连着三处都是can的表达，前两处中的can可以替换/删除一个。最好弄第二个，这样可以隔开第一个和第三个can]
Inaddition, improving facilities can have a significant impacton the professors. With advanced apparatus [代替了facilities，好],professors can express their ideas and deliver their lectures more easily andefficiently. A big projector [查了一下，projector指的是那个放映机，而这里的意思想要表达的是大的屏幕，要不改成 sophisticatedprojector或者wide projector screen] can help professors toconvey their thoughts and show information through ppt and videos. What's more,the facilities of labs can largely depend the qualityof researches [我有点没明白这句话的意思，是谁依赖谁？感觉根据后面的一句话应该是quality ofresearches依赖facility?或者是facilities ensure thequality of ..].Professors have larger possibilities of leading their students to conductpractical experiments and have outstanding findings in an advanced lab withabundant apparatus.
Lastbut not least, improving facilities enables [enable]universities to enjoy better reputation. Facilities can bean important factor for high school students to consider on choosing dreamuniversities. Universities with upgraded facilities will attract more talentedapplicants. Thus, with more talented [刚用过talented，换为gifted] students entering it [them], universitiescan enjoy higher reputation. [这一段是四个简单句，也没有逻辑连词衔接，使得略显bland。感觉要是把其中一中加点内容，变换句型；或者用些furthermore表示论证的层次会更好点。比如每段都是分论点，分论点内部又是总分总的结构，最后就可以像第一个论点里那样，加一个结论词]
Tosum up, updating facilities can benefit thestudents, the professors and the universities themselves. As it [those apparatus] can satisfy these threeimportant parts of a university, improving facilities will bring a brighterfuture for universities [最后可以再扣一下论点： the universitiesand the members in them as well].
总结文章：
论点很清楚，也扣题，可以很好的论证more facilities更重要。
例子很切题和很准。
总的感觉就是很容易让人capture your ideas，不晦涩，很好。我的感觉就是句式有点单调，长短句的结合/特殊句型的运用。但是据说TOEFL的作文不老要求的~我也就是表达一下个人想法~
作者: daisyの小夢想 时间: 2012-4-13 09:18
4.12 TPO8 综合
Both the reading passage and the lecture examine the accuracy of the memoir of The Chevalier. The reading claims that the accuracy of the memoir is skeptical while the professor in the lecture suggests that the memoir is reliable.
To begin with, the reading shows that the Chevalier was not as rich as he claims in the memoir, because he needed to borrow money from a Swiss merchant. But the professor refutes that the fact that the Chevalier often borrowed money doesn't necessarily mean that he was much poorer than he claimed. The truth is that the Chevalier needed to wait for a time for the money he earned to turn real, so when he needed money as soon as possible, he had to borrow money.
In addition, the reading assumes that the conversation records between the Chevalier and Voltaire may not be accurate, since they were written many years later. However, the professor suggests that the Chevalier took notes of the conversations every night after they occurred, and he referred to such notes regularly when writing memoirs.
Last but not least, the reading doubts that the Chevalier had escaped from a poisonous prison in Venice. On the contrary, the professor proves the accuracy of the escape by the evidence that the officer in the prison needed to repair the ceiling of the room of the Chevalier after he had escaped.
作者: daisyの小夢想 时间: 2012-4-13 09:58
看了一篇“写作的圣经”：
怎样可以写好作文？第一步是模仿！
Zinsser写道, “Never hesitate to imitate another writer. Imitation is part of the creative process for anyone learning an art or a craft. Bach and Picasso didn’t spring full-blown as Bach and Picasso; they needed models. This is especially true and writing. Find the best writers in the fields that interest and read their work aloud. Get their voice and their taste into your ear—their attitude toward language. Don’t worry that imitating them you’ll lose your own voice and your own identity. Soon enough you will shed those skins and become who you are supposed to become.”
作者: Herisson0509 时间: 2012-4-14 12:02
听力好就是不一样啊
简直无懈可击
4.12 TPO8 综合
Both the reading passage and the lecture examine the accuracy of the memoir of The Chevalier. The reading claims that the accuracy of the memoir is skeptical while the professor in the lecture suggests that the memoir is reliable. 读的心里都舒服好棒好棒再看看我的撞墙去吧
To begin with, the reading shows that the Chevalier was not as rich as he claims in the memoir, because he needed to borrow money from a Swiss merchant. But the professor refutes that the fact that the Chevalier often borrowed money doesn't necessarily mean that he was much poorer than he claimed. The truth is that the Chevalier needed to wait for a time for the money he earned to turn real, so when he needed money as soon as possible, he had to borrow money.
In addition, the reading assumes that the conversation records between the Chevalier and Voltaire may not be accurate, since they were written many years later. However, the professor suggests that the Chevalier took notes of the conversations every night after they occurred, and he referred to such notes regularly when writing memoirs.
Last but not least, the reading doubts that the Chevalier had escaped from a poisonous prison in Venice. On the contrary, the professor proves the accuracy of the escape by the evidence that the officer in the prison needed to repair the ceiling of the room of the Chevalier after he had escaped. 这一段细节有点少了你肯定是全部听到了但是想简洁表达吧不过这样字数就有点少了
以后要经常来MY你的作文 
作者: daisyの小夢想 时间: 2012-4-14 22:46
4.14
TPO10
Both the reading and the lecture focus on the cause of the decline of otter population. In the lecture, the professor is skeptical about the reading’s assertion that environmental pollution is the main reason for otters' decline. The professor then gives reasons to prove that otters decreased mainly for predators' attack.
To begin with, the reading suggests that increased amount of known sources of water pollution caused otters' deaths. But the lecturer argues that the otters couldn’t have been killed by the pollutants, because no dead otters were found along the coast, which weakens the assertion of the reading passage. And she explains that we could not find the dead bodies of otters simply for the predators have eaten them up.
In addition, the reading passage points out other sea mammals were also decreasing in number, which supports that they were affected by chemical pollution as the otters were. However, the lecturer refutes the reading’s opinion by saying that the otters' decline caused their human predators to catch smaller sea mammals as food, which casts doubt on the standpoint of the reading.
Last but not least, the reading passage claims that the uneven percentage of pollutants along the coast accounts for the unstable pattern of otter population in different areas. On the contrary, the lecturer explains that the numbers of orcas, the predator, varied in different areas. Thus, in areas that orcas could have access to, the decline of otters were more serious.
In general, the professor discusses the weakness of the reading passage view in an opposing angle.
作者: miss绿光 时间: 2012-4-14 23:47
Both the reading and the lecture focus on the cause of the decline of otter population. In the lecture, the professor is skeptical about the reading’s assertion that environmental pollution is the main reason for otters' decline. The professor then gives reasons to prove that otters decreased mainly for predators' attack.[学习daisy的开头，我的好刻板！]
To begin with, the reading suggests that increased amount of known sources of water pollution caused otters' deaths. But the lecturer argues that the otters couldn’t have been killed by the pollutants, because no dead otters were found along the coast, which weakens the assertion of the reading passage. And she explains that we could not find the dead bodies of otters simply for the predators have eaten them up.[我没听出这点，OMG!]
In addition, the reading passage points out other sea mammals were also decreasing in number, which supports that they were affected by chemical pollution as the otters were. However, the lecturer refutes the reading’s opinion by saying that the otters' decline caused their human predators to catch smaller sea mammals as food, which casts doubt on the standpoint of the reading.[这块可以再展开点细节，比如whale撤走了，就只能吃小的了，sea XXX全遭殃了，感觉有点少]
Last but not least, the reading passage claims that the uneven percentage of pollutants along the coast accounts for the unstable pattern of otter population in different areas. On the contrary, the lecturer explains that the numbers of orcas [牛！这个我完全听不出来哇~~~], the predator, varied in different areas. Thus, in areas that orcas could have access to, the decline of otters were more serious.
In general, the professor discusses the weakness of the reading passage view in an opposing angle.
我觉得daisy写的没有什么错，我没有异议+崇拜一下~~真的超好！听力满分的人就是不一样…别怪我改不出什么啊…真的是能力有限了…
作者: daisyの小夢想 时间: 2012-4-16 00:30
4.15 综合 TPO11
Both the reading passage and the lecture focus on the issue of the declining public interest on literature. The reading suggests that this problem will have detrimental impacts on many aspects. However, the professor rebuts the reading's assertion and states that the declining public interest on literature will have no effects.
To begin with, the reading asserts that the public will not be able to enjoy the cultural benefits if they read less literature. On the contrary, the professor rebuts by providing the fact that the public can enjoy the cultural influence that reading brings in other ways. For instance, many science journals and political reviews are of high quality. Undoubtedly, such materials can take the place of novels to cultivate creativity and stimulate intellect.
In addition, the reading argues that the level of culture in our society will decline for the phenomenon that people spend most of their spare time for entertainment rather than for literature. But the professor claims that the fact that people change to have more entertainment does not mean that they are less educated. The professor then puts forward that some entertaining forms, such as brilliant songs and movies, can also cultivate and teach us.
Last but not least, the reading worries that the decline in literature reading will strike its future, because the low standard and poor taste of the public will contribute to less investment by publishers on literature. However, the professor refutes the reading's statement by saying that the authors should be responsible for the decline, since they currently make literatures much more difficult to understand than before. The readers have reason to choose books that express themselves more clearly.
作者: daisyの小夢想 时间: 2012-4-16 23:02
4.15 独立
The most important characteristic for politics is to accept responsibility for mistake.
The activities of politics, which are one of the indispensible public issues, influence the heart beats of many fields in our society. Some people strongly opined that to accept responsibility for mistake is undoubtedly the most significant characteristic for politics. As far as I'm concerned, it's hard for me to have a definite attitude towards the most imporatnat characteristic for politics, since politics is a broad concept and has many other essential responsibilities.
To begin with, it's undisputed that politics should attach high importance to take up the responsibility for mistake. There are a lot of problems that distract the right track of society every day. If politics do not accept their responsibilities of such problems, no one except for the victims involved in these issues will be concerned about them and solve all the problems. Politics should try its best to act as the protective layer for the safety and development of a society. Thus, when problems and mistakes of the society aroused, politics should take actions. For instance, in many fields, such as public infrastrures, social welfare, traffic operation and emergency, the governments should extablish an outstanding plan to defend itself from making detrimental public image.
However, politics should not just remedy the mistakes, but more importantly, need to prevent problems from happening and protect the society.
Politics should not watch with folded arms on some issues when problems have already existed and wait until mistakes become difficult to bear and control. The reason why so many citizens hold a negative attitude towards politics is that they just remedy mistakes but never try any precautions against problems. The 2008 Sichuan Earthquake in China is a heartbreaking lesson. If the Sichuan government was aware of the problems houses that had been constructed in low quality might bring, it could have conducted higher standards for houses which can make them more resistant to disasters, and consequently many victims who sufferred from the weakness of houses could have been alive. Thus, we should take note that the primary task for the polics is not taking up responsibility for mistake, but preventing social problems from happening.
To sum up, when social problems come to exitence, politics have responsibility to accept them and solve them. But politics should also take actions to lower govermental and public mistakes that may do harm to citizens.
作者: gre呀gre 时间: 2012-4-17 02:08
综合 TPO11 改正Both the reading passage and the lecturefocus on the issue of the declining public interest on literature. The readingsuggests that this problem will have detrimental impacts on many aspects.However, the professor rebuts the reading's assertion and states that thedeclining public interest on literature will have no effects.
To begin with, the reading asserts that thepublic will not be able to enjoy the cultural benefits if they read lessliterature. On the contrary, the professor rebuts by providing the fact thatthe public can enjoy the cultural influence that reading brings in other ways.For instance, many science journals and political reviews are of high quality.Undoubtedly, such materials can take the place of novels to cultivatecreativity and stimulate intellect.
In addition, the reading argues that thelevel of culture in our society will decline for the phenomenon that peoplespend most of their spare time for entertainment rather than for literature.But the professor claims that the fact that people change to have moreentertainment does not mean that they are less educated. The professor thenputs forward that some entertaining forms, such as brilliant songs and movies,can also cultivate and teach us. （这一段主要讲说文化的形式已经改变了，这个主题句要写出来哈~ And some of these forms speak more directly tocontemporary concerns than literature does. 这个点可加可不加，你自己看哈~）
Last but not least, the reading worriesthat the decline in literature reading will strike its future, because the lowstandard and poor taste of the public will contribute to less investment bypublishers on literature. However, the professor refutes the reading'sstatement by saying that the authors should be responsible for the decline,since they currently make literatures much more difficult to understand thanbefore. The readers have reason to choose books that express themselves moreclearly。
写的挺好的，听的也很全！不过字数稍稍有点多了，这一篇有278个字，超出要求了，就怕到时候写不完，或者因此扣分了，还是稍微精简一点哈~~~ 很棒了已经！！！
作者: daisyの小夢想 时间: 2012-4-17 09:01
4.17 TPO13 综合
Both the reading passage and the lecture discuss the outcome of commercial selling of fossils. The reading claims that both scientists and the general public will suffer if fossils are sold commercially. However, the professor gives evidence to prove that the benefits of selling fossils openly outweigh the disadvantages.
To begin with, the reading worries that if the fossils are owned by private collectors, the general public may not have opportunity to see them in museums and may lose interest on them. On the contrary, the professor argues that the public is able to observe more fossils, for the fact that larger market of fossils can bring greater exposure of fossils to the public, and that museums can buy more fossils and display them to the public.
In addition, the reading asserts that the rare fossils may not be available to scientists, limiting their chances to have significant discoveries about extinct life forms. But the professor rebuts the reading's assertion by putting forward that every fossils need to be examined and tested by scientists before they enter into the market. Thus, rare fossils will not pass through the hands of scientists.
Last but not least, the reading suggests that commercial fossil collectors are likely to pay less attention to discover and embody the scientific values of fossils. However, the professor refutes the reading's saying by claiming that if it were not for commercializing the fossils, many fossils will remain undiscovered. The professor argue additionally that although the collectors may not be able to reveal the important clues of extinct life forms from fossils, unearthing the fossils are undoubtedly better than completely not discovering them.
作者: bechasing 时间: 2012-4-17 12:01
4.15 独立
The most important characteristic for politics is to accept responsibility for mistake.
The activities of politics, which are one of the indispensible public issues, influence the heart beats of many fields in our society. Some people strongly opined that to accept responsibility for mistake is undoubtedly the most significant characteristic for politics. As far as I'm concerned, it's hard for me to have a definite attitude towards the most imporatnat characteristic for politics, since politics is a broad concept and has many other essential responsibilities.
To begin with, it's undisputed that politics should attach high importance to take up the responsibility for mistake. There are a lot of problems that distract the right track of society every day. If politics do not accept their responsibilities of such problems, no one except for the victims involved in these issues will be concerned about them and solve all the problems. Politics should try its best to act as the protective layer for the safety and development of a society. Thus, when problems and mistakes of the society aroused, politics should take actions. For instance, in many fields, such as public infrastrures, social welfare, traffic operation and emergency, the governments should extablish an outstanding plan to defend itself from making detrimental public image.
However, politics should not just remedy the mistakes, but more importantly, need to prevent problems from happening and protect the society.
Politics should not watch with folded arms on some issues when problems have already existed and wait until mistakes become difficult to bear and control. The reason why so many citizens hold a negative attitude towards politics is that they just remedy mistakes but never try any precautions against problems. The 2008 Sichuan Earthquake in China is a heartbreaking lesson. If the Sichuan government was aware of the problems houses that had been constructed in low quality might bring, it could have conducted higher standards for houses which can make them more resistant to disasters, and consequently many victims who sufferred from the weakness of houses could have been alive. Thus, we should take note that the primary task for the polics is not taking up responsibility for mistake, but preventing social problems from happening.
To sum up, when social problems come to exitence, politics have responsibility to accept them and solve them. But politics should also take actions to lower govermental and public mistakes that may do harm to citizens.
-- by 会员 daisyの小夢想 (2012/4/16 23:02:03)
蓝色-词汇句子 红色-语言逻辑 Good
The activityiesof politics, which is are one of the indispensible public issues, influencesthe heart beats of many fields in our society. Some people strongly opined that to accept responsibility for mistake is undoubtedlythe most significant characteristic for politics. As far as I'm am(最好别缩写)concerned, it's ishard for me to have adefinite attitude towards the most important imporatnatcharacteristic for politics, since politics is a broad concept and has manyother essential responsibilities.
To begin with, it's isundisputed that politics should attach high importance to take up theresponsibility for mistake. There are a lot of problems that distract the righttrack of society every day. If politics do not accept their responsibilities ofsuch problems, no one except for the victims involved in these issues will beconcerned about them and solve all the problems. Politics should try their its best to act as the protective layer for thesafety and development of a society. Thus, when problems and mistakes of thesociety aroused, politics should take actions. For instance, in manyfields, such as public infrastructures infrastrures, social welfare, traffic operation and emergency, thegovernments should establish extablishan outstanding plan to defend itself from making detrimental public image.
However, politics should not just remedy themistakes, but more importantly, need to prevent problems from happeningand protect the society.
Politics should not watch(/standby) with folded arms on some issues when problems have alreadyexisted and wait until mistakes become difficult to bear and control. Thereason why so many citizens hold a negative attitude towards politics is thatthey just remedy mistakes but never try any precautions against problems. The 2008 SichuanEarthquake in China is a heartbreaking lesson. If the Sichuan government wasaware of the problems (houses that had been constructed in low quality) that poor-quality houses might bring, it could have constructed conducted (conduct为实施引导之意，亲你是要表达建造的意思吧) higher-quality standards for houses which can makethem more resistant to disasters, and consequently many victims who sufferred hurt/harm from the weakness of houses(逻辑上应该是遭受house weakness带来的伤害)could have been alive. Thus, we should take note that the primary task for thepolics is not taking up responsibility for mistake, but preventing socialproblems from happening.
To sum up, when social problems come to existence exitence, politics have responsibilityto accept them and solve them. But politics should also take actions to reduce even prevent lower govermental and public mistakesthat may do harm to citizens.
Suggestions:
1/有很多小词用的很好，值得学习啦，有一点就是不要缩写啊
2/句子读起来流畅性较佳，但需要克服一些中式英语的表达，像质量差、防范错误等
3/关于politics，daisy在作文里一直使用了politics而不是politician，这个好像不是很恰当啊。Politics的具体含义是“政治事务”，Politics （见维基）(from Greek politikos "of, for, or relating to citizens") asa term is generally applied to the art or science of running governmental orstate affairs, including behavior within civil governments, but also applies to institutions, fields, andspecial interest groups such as the corporate, academic, and religious segments of society. It consists of "socialrelations involving authority or power" and to the methods and tactics used toformulate and apply policy。 我没有对作文中的politics做修改。
作者: daisyの小夢想 时间: 2012-4-22 22:47
4.22 3天没写沉底了><
The main role of the university professor is to educate students rather than to do research.
As more and more professors pay more attention to do research rather than to educate students, some people begin to hold skeptical attitude towards the educational quality of the professors on classes. However, as far as I'm concerned, I would like to put forward that if the main mission of universtiy(university) proffessors(professors) is to provide stimulating and professional education, doing reaserch(research) is a better way to achieve this goal.
To begin with, it's undisputed that professors should do their utmost to educate students with their knowledges and capacities. The time in unversity(university) is the most precious time for students to absorb as much knowledge as they can, so professors have responsibility to help students to expand their views and broaden their horizons. It's not saying that professors are the ones who need to take up complete responsibility, but they should not take for granted that students should grasp knowledge merely by themselves. Professor should act as an instuctor(instructor), guiding students to the right track when they have encountered any problems in the process of learning. Thus, professors should devote themselves to educating students well.
However, professors should highlight the importance of doing research the most. For one thing, doing research enables professors to be familiar with the cutting-edge development of the fields they study. It's doing research that helps professor enrich their understanding of particular knowledges and ensure the high quality of their lectures. Take the professor that I respect the most as an example, Professor Zhang persists in doing research and non-profit programs that benefits farmers in the villages of Yunnan Province. He often brings the events and his understanding and feelings about such events to the classes, which are inspiring to us. His sharing of the research helps us to get to know the social issues and problems happening in the real world. I think it's essential for us sociology majors to understand the social trends and concerns, so I appreaciate(appreciate) Professor Zhang's devotion to research. For another thing, professors can provide students with opportunities to be engaged in research. Doing research plays an significant roles on chanllenging(challenging) students and cultivating their abilities, such as team-work spirits, leadership and researching skills. Participating in research is a better way to stimulate students' enthusiasm and creativity than just sitting in the classroom and listening to professors without much personal thinking.
In conclusion, professors' doing research kills two birds with one stone, providing students with better knowledge and enhancing their abilities.
作者: daisyの小夢想 时间: 2012-4-24 07:47
4.23 独立
Nowadays, parents are paying much more attention to their education on children. When it comes to parental education, a question has been raised on whether parents should let their children to make mistakes and then learn a lesson from the mistakes. Some parents hold that making mistakes is not beneficial to children's health and development, since some mistakes can cause harmful outcome. Others insists that only if children make mistakes can they aware the mistakes and never retake is next time. In my opinion, this question does not have a fixed answer, and it depends on various situation(s).
On one hand, some mistakes can teach children a valuable lesson. Through making mistakes, children can not only be aware of the things that their parents have told them, but also learn from the mistakes. Since children are easy to forget what their parents have taught them, making mistakes can make them realize that what their parents told them before is indeed reasonable and needed to be reminded. For instance, in my childhood, my mom always told me that I should be nice to others. But I was just not aware of such things and fight on other kids when they annoyed me. Such a big mistake had I made that my teacher punished me and did not let me to come into class unless I apologized to the classmates. Through such mistakes, I finally realized that I should be kind to others, otherwise others would not like me and make friends with me. Also, after their children have made mistakes, the parents should analyze the mistakes seriously with the kids and let the kids have reflection on the problems. Only through deep reflection can the kids have a unforgetable(an unforgettable) lesson from mistakes.
On the other hand, other mistakes may not be able to make children grow but even cause harmful outcomes. Parents should not indulge their children, let them do whatever they want, and make many mistakes as possible. Some mistakes should be prohibitted prohibited. For one thing, kids should not be permitted to make the mistakes that do harm to the society, such as stealing things and trying drugs. For another thing, kids should be well protected from the mistakes that may damage their health and safety. For example, parents should guide their little kids along the stairs. If they do not watch their kids, the kids may have the danger of hurting themselves. Parents ought to understand that not every mistakes can teach children some good lessons.
In conclusion, children can learn from mistakes and grow faster through some mistakes, but not all mistakes can have such beneficial impacts. Parents should permit children to make mistakes and learn from mistakes only under the circumstance that the mistakes will not threaten their safety or do harm to society.
作者: acrophobiahy 时间: 2012-4-24 12:07
【新手请教】：你好，请问楼主的写作使用什么材料呢？是TPO上的，还是TWE的185篇？
作者: daisyの小夢想 时间: 2012-4-24 17:05
【新手请教】：你好，请问楼主的写作使用什么材料呢？是TPO上的，还是TWE的185篇？
-- by 会员 acrophobiahy (2012/4/24 12:07:06)
hi，我们是写作小分队的，独立作文的题目一般都是最新的机经，综合用的是TPO。
作者: 探险者 时间: 2012-4-25 00:20
标题: 探险者 回复 daisyの小夢想 4,23 独立修改
Nowadays, parents are paying much more attention to their education on children. When it comes to parental education, a question has been raised on whether parents should let their children to（let sb. Do sth.,删去这个to） make mistakes and then learn a lesson from the mistakes. Some parents hold that making mistakes is not beneficial to children's health and development, since some mistakes can cause harmful outcome. Others insists that only if children make mistakes can they aware the mistakes and never retake is（them） next time. In my opinion, this question does not have a fixed answer, and it depends on various situation(s).
On （the）one hand, some mistakes can teach children a valuable lesson. Through making mistakes, children can not only be aware of the things that their parents have told them, but also learn from the mistakes. Since children are easy to forget what their parents have taught them, making mistakes can make（用help更好） them realize that what their parents told them before is indeed reasonable and needed to be reminded（觉得这点说learn by heart，更能体现出父母的教育对孩子的重要性）. For instance, in my childhood, my mom always told me that I should be nice to others. But I was just not aware of（用过好多次了，可以说focus attention on such thing，表示对此关注） such things and fight on（这点用with更好吧，因为fight on表示继续战斗，战斗下去） other kids when they annoyed me. Such a big mistake had I made（这点不太理解，可以改成如下： Unfortunately, because of such a big mistake, my teacher didn’t allow me coming into class until I apologized to my classmates.） that my teacher punished me and did not let me to come into class unless I apologized to the （my） classmates. Through such mistakes, I finally realized that I should be kind to others, otherwise others would not like me and make friends with me. Also, after their children have made mistakes, the parents should analyze the mistakes seriously with the kids and let the kids have reflection on(反思，好词) the problems. Only through deep reflection can the kids have a unforgetable(an unforgettable) lesson from mistakes.（前面用过一次倒装句了，觉得不要用的太多。可以改用强调句： Clearly, it is the deep reflection that gives their kids an unforgettable less from mistakes.）
On the other hand, other mistakes may not be able to make（make在想不到合适的动词时是很好的替换，但用的多了就不好了，这里可以说promote their children’s growth） children grow but even cause(用lead to是不是更好) harmful outcomes. Parents should not indulge their children, let them do whatever they want, and make (as) many mistakes as possible. Some mistakes should be prohibited. For one thing, kids should not be permitted to make the mistakes that do harm to(可以换成have negative impact on the society) the society, such as stealing things and trying drugs. For another thing(For one thing, for another 后面的thing可以省略), kids should be well protected from the mistakes that may damage their health and safety. For example, parents should guide their little kids along the stairs. If they do not watch their kids, the kids may have（用face或者suffer from怎么样） the danger of hurting themselves. Parents ought to understand that not every mistakes（mistake） can teach children some（这个some多余，可以省去） good lessons.
In conclusion, children can learn from mistakes and grow faster through some mistakes, but not all mistakes can have such beneficial impacts. Parents should permit children to make mistakes and learn from mistakes only under the circumstance that the mistakes will not threaten their safety or do harm to society.
总的来说，楼主的作文思路很清晰，包括全文的论述和每个观点的展开，都有着很好的逻辑层次。但是，楼主的文章中在用词、句子的多样化方面不足，当然也有很好的用词，在文中已经标出。部分可以替换的用法在文中用红色标了出来，建议增加词汇的多样，比如learn from mistakes，这个learn from可以换成acquire， enhance oneself， consolidate oneself等等，而mistakes则可以换为wrongdoing等等。还有就是连接词，不是所有的转折都是but，尝试一下however，nonetheless甚至是表示对比的in contrast都是很好的。在句子方面，倒装句用的很棒，但也可以用些其他方式，比如少量的状语前置（Clearly，。。。）、强调句、定语从句等等。
总之，保持好思路的清晰，给文章适当增色，就会更精彩。
作者: stefaniewyh 时间: 2012-4-25 21:33
不好意思给你改作文晚了，专业课的事情比较多，前两天都没时间看英语。。。
你写的很好，继续努力
作者: stefaniewyh 时间: 2012-4-25 21:34
4月22日 小雪改daisy独立
The main role of the university professor is to educate students rather than to do research.
As more and more professors pay more attention to do research rather than to educate students, some people begin to hold skeptical attitude towards the educational quality of the professors on classes. However, as far as I'm concerned, I would like to put forward that if the main mission of universtiy(university) proffessors(professors) is to provide stimulating and professional education, doing reaserch(research) is a better way to achieve this goal.(最后这句提出观点的说法很好！)
To begin with, it's undisputed that professors should do their utmost to educate students with their knowledges（knowledge一般不可数） and capacities. The time in unversity(university) is the most precious time for students to absorb as much knowledge as they can, so professors have responsibility to help students to expand their views and broaden their horizons（很喜欢这种结构相同的句子~）. It's not saying that professors are the ones who need to take up complete responsibility, but they should not take for granted that students should grasp knowledge merely by themselves. Professor should act as an instuctor(instructor), guiding students to the right track when they have encountered any problems in the process of learning. Thus, professors should devote themselves to educating students well.
个人习惯是在同意一方观点的是后对于另一方观点进行让步论证，用太大篇幅说education的话可能跟你的观点联系不紧密，不过托福考试应该不会在乎你的观点而在乎你的论证方式吧。
However, professors should highlight the importance of doing research the most. For one thing, doing research enables professors to be familiar with the cutting-edge development of the fields they study. It's doing research that helps professor enrich their understanding of particular knowledges and ensure the high quality of their lectures. Take the professor that I respect the most as an example, Professor Zhang persists in doing research and non-profit programs that benefits farmers in the villages of Yunnan Province. He often brings the events and his understanding (understandings) and feelings about such events to the classes, which are inspiring to us. His sharing of the research helps us to get to know the social issues and problems happening in the real world. I think it's essential for us sociology majors to understand the social trends and concerns, so I appreaciate(appreciate) Professor Zhang's devotion to research. For another thing, professors can provide students with opportunities to be engaged in research. Doing research plays an significant roles (role) on chanllenging(challenging) students and cultivating their abilities, such as team-work spirits, leadership and researching skills. Participating in research is a better way to stimulate students' enthusiasm and creativity than just sitting in the classroom and listening to professors without much personal thinking. (最后两句话主语换换吧，都是动名词做主语，读下来的时候感觉有点平淡。)
文章结构很清晰，论证也很全面，句子写的很好！！很值得学习啊！！！很多平时经常见到的词都能很地道的用在作文中。
文章中错的比较多的是单复数的问题，下次写的时候注意点吧~
作者: daisyの小夢想 时间: 2012-7-11 23:20
7.11 风尘了的作文帖，I’m back for dream.
Do you want your children to do similar jobs with you?
Finding a job is never an easy work. At present, every youngster is dreaming of a decent job that can offer them both good salary and developmental opportunities. However, under the background of economic crisis and city explosion, competition among job hunters becomes increasingly fierce. Thus, it's formidable to find a job, not to mention an ideal job. Under such circumstance, it's not hard for us to imagine why parents are so eager for leading their children to the career path they have gone through. It sounds like a perfect solution. But parents, in my opinion, should not interfere too much on their children's career choices.
On one hand, children will not be able to develop independently if they do similar jobs with their parents. As we all know, parents always think that since they have affluent work experience on the field that you are working in, you should listen to their advice, which can benefit you a lot in their eyes. For instance, they will keep reminding you of something you should notice to avoid mistakes. So unfortunately, you are deprived of the chances of exploring ways to improve and learning from mistakes. Deep reflection by oneself is a more effective way of learning and progressing than the suggestion by others. Some people may rebut my standpoint by saying that the children whose parents do similar jobs with them are more accessible to some resources like networks, and thus are more likely to succeed. But more often, people tend not to cherish the things that they obtain easily. Also, since parents' resources are not unlimited preasure(treasure), children cannot always rely on them. Therefore, if parents want their children to develop into independent talents, they should forget about what they can offer to their children and let them do something different.
On the other hand, parents should give freedom to their children to choose the profession that they are passionate about. Everyone has his own right to make their own choice. If parents just force their children to do jobs similar to theirs, but their children have no passion for such jobs, their children would not get satisfaction from the jobs and thus have no motivation to do it well. This point is best illustrated with the example of Steve Jobs. If Paul Jobs, his father, forced him to be a car-fixer or engineer simliar(similar) to him, Steve Jobs may not be able to make such great achievements as being a leader of the Apple Company. As Steve Jobs said, you should always follow your heart. Likewise, parents should allow their children to follow their own passion. Futhurmore(Furthermore), since the world is changing, and the times are changing, the definition of promising jobs is also changing. In this new era of Internet, many novel jobs emerge. Career choices nowadays are much wider than before. Thus, children's career choices are not supposed to be confined to their parents' career.
In conclusion, forcing children to do similar jobs with parents disrupt the opportunity to cultivate their independence and ability which are prerequisites for career development. If parents really think of their children from their shoes, they should give them freedom to choose their dream jobs.
作者: sherryzhangh 时间: 2012-7-12 09:51
你写的太好了, 拜读,可惜我不会改. 我的语法太滥了. 还是给你加油吧!
作者: 丰碑无语Yee 时间: 2012-7-12 18:45
Do you want your children to do similar jobs with you?
Finding a job is never an easy work. At present, every youngster is dreaming of a decent job that can offer them both good salary and developmental opportunities. However, under the background of economic crisis and city explosion, competition among job hunters becomes increasingly fierce. Thus, it's formidable to find a job, not to mention an ideal job. Under such circumstance, it's not hard for us to imagine why parents are so eager for leading their children to the career path they have gone through. It sounds like a perfect solution. But parents, in my opinion, should not interfere too much on their children's career choices.（开头我觉得写得很好啦，）
On the one hand, children will not be able to develop independently if they do similar jobs with their parents. As we all know, parents always think that since they have affluent work experience on the field that you are working in, you should listen to their advice, which can benefit you a lot in their eyes. For instance, they will keep reminding you of something you should notice to avoid mistakes. So unfortunately, you are deprived of the chances of exploring ways to improve and learning from mistakes. Deep reflection by oneself is a more effective way of learning and progressing than the suggestion by others. Some people may rebut my standpoint by saying that the children whose parents do similar jobs with them are more accessible to some resources like networks, and thus are more likely to succeed. But more often, people tend not to cherish the things that they obtain easily. Also, since parents' resources are not unlimited preasure(treasure), children cannot always rely on them. Therefore, if parents want their children to develop into independent talents, they should forget about what they can offer to their children and let them do something different.
On the other hand, parents should give freedom to their children to choose the profession that they are passionate about. Everyone has his own right to make their own choice. If parents just force their children to do jobs similar to theirs, but their children have no passion for such jobs, their children would not get satisfaction from the jobs and thus have no motivation to do it well. This point is best illustrated with the example of Steve Jobs. If Paul Jobs, his father, forced him to be a car-fixer or engineer simliar(similar) to him, Steve Jobs may not be able to make such great achievements as being a leader of the Apple Company. As Steve Jobs said, you should always follow your heart. Likewise, parents should allow their children to follow their own passion. Futhurmore(Furthermore), since the world is changing, and the times are changing, the definition of promising jobs is also changing. In this new era of Internet, many novel jobs emerge. Career choices nowadays are much wider than before. Thus, children's career choices are not supposed to be confined to their parents' career.
In conclusion, forcing children to do similar jobs with parents disrupt the opportunity to cultivate their independence and ability which are prerequisites for career development. If parents really think of their children from their shoes, they should give them freedom to choose their dream jobs.
Daisy 写得真的很好，我学到了很多写作思想和方法，我的水平应该太差了，没法给你修改更多，文章也比较有逻辑性啦~
作者: Aaaaaaangela 时间: 2012-7-12 22:15
亲，我是那个传说的aaaaa，怕你们找不到。。。。这是我的链接。。请猛拍http://forum.chasedream.com/TOEFL_Writing/thread-728384-1-1.html#last
作者: daisyの小夢想 时间: 2012-7-13 09:58
7.12 严重超时
Colleges or universities should offer students a better job preparation before they start working.
At present, with the fierce job-hunting competition amoung(among) college gradutes(graduates), almost all students are eager to prepare for future jobs as early as possible. Universities, the places before students enter society, is supposed to hold great and inevitable responsibility for students' future. However, whether universities should devote more to students' job preparation is still a question. From my point of view, I'm skeptical about the necessity and utility of offering more job preparing courses to students.
In general, it's of great importance for universities to provide basic job preparing courses for students. Such basic courses should involve resume writing, interview skills and career planning. Such courses not only offer students a comprehensive understanding of job hunting and career development, but also cut down the gap between school and real social environment. Also, if students are equipped with more job hunting skills, they will have larger chance of obtaining the offers from ideal companies, which in turn helps to increace(increase) the employment rate and fame of their universities.
However, universities are not necessary to put too high value on job preparing education. This is highly related to the core value of university education. The aim of university education should not be simply confined to cultivate skillful men or women in a particular field for job market. Instead, the unique and irreplaceable mission of universities is to train responsible and independent members for the society. In this new era, our world is extremely bursting with knowledge, but people tend to rely more on such invalidated knowledge and skills than independent thinking and ture(true) exploration. If this phenomenon exacerbrates(exacerbates), the wisdom of humanity may gradually be weakened. Despite the public trend, universities students should be the ones who can maintain indepence(independence). Likewise, in universities, the mode of education should not be like infusing knowledge to students, but like teaching them how to get knowledge by themselves, how to detect what is sophistical, and to discard what is irrelevant. Once universities fulfill their goals and students are equipped with the above abilities, no more job preparation courses would be needed, for students can master job hunting skills and explore career goals on their own.
Futhermore(Furthermore), future companies can offer better job preparation to students than universities. It’s difficult for universities to provide appropriate job preparation, since the career goals of students varied from person to person. Under such circumstance, what universities can provide is basic training which does not have any job and industry preference. So no matter how hard universities tried, it’s impossible to provide in-depth training. Therefore, the reponsibilities(responsibilities) of training future employees should be landed more on companies, which undoubtedly know their own needs better and have more efficient and in-depth traing(training) system.
In conclusion, universities have responsibility to offer basic job preparation traing(training) to their students, but preparing students for future jobs is not university education’s pivotal aim. Its aim to cultivate timeless wisdom can help students to prepare for the future independently.
作者: daisyの小夢想 时间: 2012-7-13 10:00
谢谢LZ们的鼓励哈~超时写出来的东西代表性不强呜。
作者: 芒果15号 时间: 2012-7-13 10:17
daisy写的好棒啊~~逻辑很清晰，角度也很好~~前来学习关注~~~
作者: huluhulufei 时间: 2012-7-13 19:50
Colleges or universities should offer students a better job preparation before they start working.
At present, with the fierce job-hunting competition amoung(among) college gradutes(graduates), almost all students are eager to prepare for future jobs as early as possible. Universities, the places before students enter society, is supposed to hold great and inevitable responsibility for students' future. However, whether universities should devote more to students' job preparation is still a question. From my point of view, I'm skeptical about the necessity and utility of offering more job preparing courses to students. 开篇很好！
In general, it's of great importance for universities to provide basic job preparing courses for students. Such basic courses should involve resume writing, interview skills and career planning. Such courses not only offer students a comprehensive understanding of job hunting and career development, but also cut down the gap between school and real social environment. Also, if students are equipped with more job hunting skills, they will have larger chance of obtaining the offers from ideal companies, which in turn helps to increace(increase) the employment rate and fame of their universities. 此段让步，楼主论证性可更强些，如： I concede that it’s of highly importance for universities to……blablabla….After all, …..blablabla，从而使下段的however 更出彩
However, universities are not necessary to put too high value on job preparing education. This is highly related to the core value of university education. The aim of university education should not be simply confined to cultivate skillful men or women in a particular field for job market. Instead, the unique and irreplaceable mission of universities is to train responsible and independent members for the society. In this new era, our world is extremely bursting with knowledge(此句何意？), but people tend to rely more on such invalidated knowledge（作废的知识？LZ何意？） and skills than independent thinking and ture(true) exploration. If this phenomenon exacerbrates(exacerbates), the wisdom of humanity may gradually be weakened（degenerate）. Despite the public trend, universities students should be the ones who can maintain indepence(independence). Likewise, in universities, the mode of education should not be like infusing knowledge to students, but like teaching them how to get knowledge by themselves, how to detect what is sophistical, and to discard what is irrelevant. Once universities fulfill their goals and students are equipped with the above abilities, no more job preparation courses would be needed, for students can master job hunting skills and explore career goals on their own. 此段论证教育的主旨和目的是为了人们independent ，以至于master skills on their own。但前后逻辑有confuse的地方。
Futhermore(Furthermore), future companies can offer better job preparation to students than（what）universities(do). It’s difficult for universities to provide appropriate job preparation, since the career goals of students varied from person to person. Under such circumstance, what universities can provide is basic training which does not have any job and industry preference(从何而来？第二段并无此论证，LZ是否说得太绝对？用hardly是否更好一些？). So no matter how hard universities tried, it’s impossible to provide in-depth training. Therefore, the reponsibilities(responsibilities) of training future employees should be landed more on companies, which undoubtedly know their own needs better and have more efficient and in-depth traing(training) system.（此句很好）
In conclusion, universities have responsibility to offer basic job preparation traing(training) to their students, but preparing students for future jobs is not university education’s pivotal aim. Its aim to cultivate timeless wisdom can help students to prepare for the future independently. 总结很到位。
LZ 写作功底很好，尤其是语言的运用（语言功底颇为深厚！），看得出来是有底蕴的，用词精准，语法无误。
只是有些语句说得过于绝对，逻辑方面也有待改善。如果能再运用一些例子（生活中即可）就更好了！
作者: sang824 时间: 2012-7-13 20:33
Colleges or universities should offer students a better job preparation before they start working.
At present, with the fierce job-hunting competition amoung(among) college gradutes(graduates), almost all students are eager to prepare for future jobs as early as possible. Universities, the places before students enter society, is are supposed to hold great and inevitable responsibility for students' future. However, whether universities should devote more to students' job preparation is still a question. From my point of view, I'm skeptical about the necessity and utility of offering more job preparing courses to students.
In general, it's of great importance for universities to provide basic job preparing courses for students. Such basic courses should involve resume writing, interview skills and career planning. Such courses not only offer students a comprehensive understanding of job hunting and career development, but also cut down the gap between school and real social environment. Also, if students are equipped with more job hunting skills, they will have larger more chance of obtaining the offers from ideal companies, which in turn helps to increace(increase) the employment rate and fame of their universities.
However, universities are not necessary to put too high value on job preparing education. This is(感觉指代不是很明了) highly related to the core value of university education. The aim of university education should not be simply confined to cultivate skillful men or women in a particular field for job market. Instead, the unique and irreplaceable mission of universities is to train responsible and independent members for the society. In this new era, our world is extremely bursting with knowledge, but people tend to rely more on such invalidated knowledge and skills than independent thinking and ture(true) exploration. If this phenomenon exacerbrates(exacerbates), the wisdom of humanity may gradually be weakened. Despite the public trend, universities students should be the ones who can maintain indepence(independence). Likewise, in universities, the mode of education should not be like infusing knowledge to students, but like teaching them how to get knowledge by themselves, how to detect what is sophistical, and to discard what is irrelevant. Once universities fulfill their goals and students are equipped with the above abilities, no more job preparation courses would be needed, for students can master job hunting skills and explore career goals on their own.
Futhermore(Furthermore), future companies can offer better job preparation to students than universities. It’s difficult for universities to provide appropriate job preparation, since the career goals of students varied from person to person. Under such circumstance, what universities can provide is basic training which does not have without any job and industry preference. So no matter how hard universities tried, it’s impossible to provide in-depth training有点绝对. Therefore, the reponsibilities(responsibilities) of training future employees should be landed more on companies, which undoubtedly know their own needs better and have more efficient and in-depth traing(training) system.
In conclusion, universities have responsibility to offer basic job preparation traing(training) to their students, but preparing students for future jobs is not university education’s pivotal aim. Its aim to cultivate timeless wisdom can help students to prepare for the future independently.
DaiC的用词和语法都没什么可挑剔的，逻辑很很清晰，以我的水平提不出什么更好的建议
唯一不足就是全篇都在说理，看下来很晕，比如中间段，我觉得一个简单的例子能有效清晰的表达.
DaiC有那么好的成绩了还要刷分呢...
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