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标题: 这是我的第一篇Argument，求狠批！ [打印本页]

作者: landscape1987 时间: 2012-1-13 09:12
标题: 这是我的第一篇Argument，求狠批！
Woven baskets characterized by a particular distinctive pattern have previously been found only in the immediate vicinity of the prehistoric village of Palea and therefore were believed to have been made only by the Palean people. Recently, however, archaeologists discovered such a "

alean" basket in Lithos, an ancient village across the Brim River from Palea. The Brim River is very deep and broad, and so the ancient Paleans could have crossed it only by boat, and no Palean boats have been found. Thus it follows that the so-called Palean baskets were not uniquely Palean.

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

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I don't think it is right because many commoditiescreated in one place were exchanged and preserved in other places in the trade markets in ancient age so maybe those baskets in Lithos village were created in Palean village then exchanged from Palean villagers to Litho villagers as a business way. In addition most boats in ancient were made by wood, they could be decayed or torn to pieces by villagers to make other instruments.

commoditiescreated in one place were exchanged and preserved in other places in the trade markets in ancient age so maybe those baskets in Lithos village were created in Palean village then exchanged from Palean villagers to Litho villagers as a business way. In addition most boats in ancient were made by wood, they could be decayed or torn to pieces by villagers to make other instruments.

In thousands years ago, the silk created by the Chinee people and it was a unique material of making clothes in China. But other countries exchanged goods with China though the well-known silk route. Many business people went to trade markets by camels to exchange goods, they brought many unique things in their own countries such as jewelry and other agriculture crops. So many Chinese silk were traveled through this route and spread throughout the world. You know the king of the Rome empire Julius Caesar was put in silk in some historical occasions. But archaeologists cannot find the camels' bodies in that times even they cannot find silk route's detailed location.

Ancient people often used wood to make boats and other instruments, they were easily decayed by thousands years' blown and basked or torn to make other things which also can be made by wood.

Consequently, archaeologists can hardly find ancient boats and Woven baskets could exchanged by the business people in both villages.

作者: landscape1987 时间: 2012-1-13 09:16
commoditiescreated 是 Commodities created 中间的空格在排版时消失了！

作者: landscape1987 时间: 2012-1-13 09:18
commoditiescreated in one place were exchanged and preserved in other places in the trade markets in ancient age so maybe those baskets in Lithos village were created in Palean village then exchanged from Palean villagers to Litho villagers as a business way. In addition most boats in ancient were made by wood, they could be decayed or torn to pieces by villagers to make other instruments.
是多添加的重复部分，在黏贴时出错了，第二段不要看。

作者: 普渡哥 时间: 2012-1-13 10:11
In thousands years ago,

要是要表达几千年前，不要用in。。

中国几千年前就有丝绸了吗？我不懂。。。

作者: 普渡哥 时间: 2012-1-13 10:12
段落之间加一些过渡词，还有字数偏少了。

作者: 竹林中人 时间: 2012-1-13 11:57
关于A，在首段你需要对原题目的信息概括下，表示你理解了题目意思，并说明自己的立场。中间段落最好不要像本文，太少了，这个题目可以有至少三个点可以反驳的，一一质疑，并给出自己其他的合理的解释，每点各成一段，最好有个逻辑上的递进关系，形成一种气势，增强说服力。

作者: lukebrehm 时间: 2012-1-13 18:19
1. I thought it was very repetitious overall
2. in ancient times NOT "in ancient"
3. why does the second paragraph solely consist of the first paragraph?
4. wore silk on some historical occasions. NOT "was put in silk in some historical occasions."
5. But archaeologists cannot find the camels' bodies or even the silk route's detailed path. NOT "But archaeologists cannot find the camels' bodies in that times even they cannot find silk route's detailed location."
6. everything in the next sentence is already stated in the first paragraph....
7. better: Consequently, archaeologists can hardly find any ancient boats and woven baskets could be exchanged by the business people in both villages.

the last sentence is also very repetitious....

作者: lukebrehm 时间: 2012-1-13 18:19
hope that helps some....

作者: landscape1987 时间: 2012-1-14 12:49
Thank you boss

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