标题: argument 25，改版 [打印本页] 作者: lwx27 时间: 2011-12-23 21:21 标题: argument 25，改版 还是ARGUMENT 25，还是我。谢谢上一篇文章大家提的意见。这次把原来的文章再改了一下，主要是试着把论点充分展开，每段突出一点，捎带提下其他错误。 语言还是比较烂，希望大家提点意见。 让步式的批驳法我表示功力不够，暂时驾驭不来。 除了首尾段，中间正文我已经试着去模板化了。但是时间不限制还好，考场上我还是怕时间来不及啊。after all，本来语言就比较差，有时候要表达一个意思要纠结好久，甚至查模板，查表达。 附文： In this argument, the author claimed that a jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise in order to apply for a small-business loan. Although the argument sounds reasonable and the author's plan appears alluring at first glance, it is fraught with flaws and holes. As described below, the argument suffers from several critical flaws and is therefore unpersuasive. To strengthen his argument, the author must provide more evidence.
Firstly, providing information that the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away, the author claims that the proposed new jazz club in Monroe would have the local market all to itself. No evidence was given, however, to substantiate that the proposed new jazz club would be fetching enough to attract the customers of old jazz club. In my view, jazz fans would not mind driving 65 miles for an attractive jazz club rather than a new boring one. After all, a boring jazz club is not worth to waste your time though it is in the vicinity of your home. On the contrary, you may be willing to drive hundreds of miles even fly thousands of miles just to visit a club if there is a famous singers you like in that club. In sum, without any information about the new club, the author fails to convince me that the proposed new jazz club would have the local market all to itself.
Then, the author reports that jazz is extremely popular in Monroe. However, the author does not make a cogent reasoning to lend support to his claim. Over 100,000 people attending Monroe's annual jazz festival support nothing. We do not know if all of people or at least most people attending Monroe's annual jazz festival were from Monroe, or perhaps from other areas rather than Monroe. If few people living in Monroe attended the festival while most people attending festival were from outside of Monroe, it’s hard to believe that jazz is popular in Monroe. Moreover, the fact that several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe does not necessarily follows that jazz is popular in Monroe. Perhaps other than those well-known jazz musicians, few people in Monroe are interested in jazz musicians. In addition, ‘Jazz Nightly’ as the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is also unpersuasive. What if other program is stupid, while ‘Jazz Nightly’ is the only program tolerable? In sum, unless author provides more evidence, the author fails to convince me the popularity of jazz in Monroe.
Finally, citing a nationwide study which indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment, the author suggests that the proposed new jazz club would be profitable. However, the author fails to take in account other factors that can make a jazz club profitable, such as well management and advertisement. People who are willing to spend much money on jazz entertainment do not necessarily spend that money on the proposed new jazz club. If the new jazz club is disorderly, dirty even unknown by people, people in Monroe would prefer to buy some CDs or just watch TV instead of playing in the jazz club. In this case, this new jazz club is more likely not to profit. Additionally, a nationwide study does not necessarily reflect the local situation of Monroe.
In summarily, although the proposed new jazz club in Monroe maybe profitable in reality, the author fail to convince me that point due to the flaws in his argument. To bolster it, the author must offer more evidence.