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标题: 昨天论坛的作文题目 argument127，真心求拍，求批改～～ [打印本页]

作者: lukeyu 时间: 2011-9-24 22:57
标题: 昨天论坛的作文题目 argument127，真心求拍，求批改～～
The following is a recommendation from the personnel director to the president of Acme Publishing Company.

"Many other companies have recently stated that having their employees take the Easy Read Speed-Reading Course has greatly improved productivity. One graduate of the course was able to read a 500-page report in only two hours; another graduate rose from an assistant manager to vice president of the company in under a year. Obviously, the faster you can read, the more information you can absorb in a single workday. Moreover, Easy Read would cost Acme only $500 per employee—a small price to pay when you consider the benefits. Included in this fee is a three-week seminar in Spruce City and a lifelong subscription to the Easy Read newsletter. Clearly, to improve overall productivity, Acme should require all of our employees to take the Easy Read course."

Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation and the argument on which it is based are reasonable. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.

提纲：
1P：分段转述原文，指出逻辑错误
2P：1-2个学员的成功不足以说明课程的效果很好，个人的成功和进步更多来自个人的不懈努力
3P：阅读速度的快慢不能成为判断员工能力强弱的唯一因素，还应当考虑对于有效信息的捕捉和提炼能力
4P：每个员工都有各自的强项，不能用同一个标准来要求所有员工，因此要求所有员工都参加课程不是很合理
5P：总结

In our times which admit the truth that the time is the money and the high time-efficiency is first to be considered. On this background there is a course named Easy Read Speed-Reading Course having been put out and declaring that its graduates’ reading abilities have been greatly improved and that even some graduates have been promoted in their company. It may not be denied that the course of training has developed abilities of reading of their graduates in some extends, but we shall notice that these graduates’ hard work plays a more crucial role in their success. The evidence shows that the personnel director has recommended the president of Acme Publishing Company that the company should require all of its employees to participate this course for the limited cost of the course and the great improvement of productivity that the courses will be able to lead to. Despite the well-intended alternative that the company supplied its employees the opportunities to participate the course of career improvement, however, the alternative is still lack of consideration of the each employee’s character.

It is the common sense that one’s achievements must be based on the continuance hard work of his or hers, though some assisting factors, such as courses of career development, plays certain roles in one’s success. The evidence that the Easy Read Speed-Reading Course claimed its graduates’ achievement after attending the course imply that it is the training of the course that allow them to achieve this peak of success. In fact there are not adequate evidences proving that either the reading speed of 250-page per hour or the promotion of its graduate has resulted from the participation of the course.

In the recommendation the personnel director argued that if one is able to read faster than others and then the one can absorb more information, which refers that the amount of information is the essential element to determine the growth of one company. This assumption is partial and lack of enough consideration. Indeed a great amount of information is an undeniable factors during the process of one corporation’s or one company’s growth, but what shall be paid more attention to is that the employees who have the abilities of gain amount of information in high-efficiency may have less contribution to the development of the company than the ones who are capable in seeking, capturing and refining the useful and valuable information. It may be concluded that the cute sensibility to useful and key information and the abilities of refining information is what the employees must be equipped with in order to flourish the development of the company.

God is so dispassionate that everyone have advantages in some extends and performs not so well in other extends. It is the counterpart that every employee of the company has the distinct character and the company should make use of their advantages as much as possible rather than establish a same index to measure all employees. It is clear to see that the claim which requires all employees to take the course is the aberration of the scientific theory of management of corporation. Put another way, not all employees need to participate the course. To some extends this requirement may be not necessary for everyone and it would even be money-consuming because some employees who have already did well in reading and even read in an outstanding speed do not have to take this kind of courses.

In summery this recommendation is not able to provide efficient reasons to persuade the executive managers to devote to attending this course. The managers of the company had better take more factors, such as the spirit of teamwork, into consideration to allow the company to develop toward flourishing.

作者: Liam0205 时间: 2011-9-25 09:20
呃。。。我要吃去吃早饭，于是只是先简单地看了看。。大体上的感觉。。唔。。有些地方的分析不是特别到位。。然后，提纲写得有点纠结。

当时我联系AW的时候，是群里拉了6个人，然后一起YY语音，头脑风暴什么的。所以进步挺快，也可以考虑试试看。

我先贴一下我当时第一次习作AW的时候的一些记录吧。。先去吃饭去了。。

From a draft textbook manuscript submitted to a publisher. “As Earth was being formed out of the collision of space rocks, the heat from those collisions and from the increasing gravitational energy of the planet made the entire planet molten, even the surface. Any water present would have evaporated and gone off into space. As the planet approached its current size, however, its gravitation became strong enough to hold gases and water vapor around it as an atmosphere. Because comets are largely ice made up of frozen water and gases, a comet striking Earth then would have vaporized. The resulting water vapor would have been retained in the atmosphere, eventually falling as rain on the cooled and solidified surface of Earth. Therefore, the water in Earth's oceans must have originated from comets."

源文档 <file:///G:\GRE\AW\Liam\001%20-%20【Liam】题号对照\001%20-%20【Liam】Iss%20&%20Arg%20官方题库序号对照及翻译.xls>

我的提纲：
开头：
论者认为地球海洋的水分一定来自彗星。
理由：
1.地球产生之时的水分都会蒸发并消失在太空（地球产生之时所有的水分都散失在太空）；
2.彗星撞击地球将会蒸发出水分并留在大气层（有足够多的彗星撞击地球，撞击地球的只有彗星才能带来水分）；
论者的叙述是不完善的。
发展：
1.地球产生之时也有引力，可能留住一部分水分，保留到现在；
2.如果撞击地球的彗星数量是有限的，那么彗星带来的水分可能仅仅是地球现有水分的很少的一部分，而论者没有提供相关的说明；
3.其他撞击地球的星体也有可能为地球带来水分，只要这些星体上也有水分，也可能成为地球海洋的起源；
4.地球上也可能自己产生水分，比如动物的呼吸作用。
结论：
论者的叙述是不完善的。除非有调查表明地球产生之时所有的水分都消失在太空、有足够多的彗星撞击地球给地球带来水分、其他撞击地球的星体上都不具有水分、地球上产生的水分以某种方式被恰好完全消耗了，那么我同意论者的观点。

时间是2011-01-23

作者: lukeyu 时间: 2011-9-25 22:11
谢谢Liam的建议，刚看完了你写的关于AW的帖子，写作方向豁然开朗了～～

作者: Liam0205 时间: 2011-9-26 07:11

谢谢Liam的建议，刚看完了你写的关于AW的帖子，写作方向豁然开朗了～～

-- by 会员 lukeyu (2011/9/25 22:11:35)

啊，那就好。
帖子我还修改了一下，你可以再去看看。

作者: josie0710 时间: 2011-9-26 12:10
lukeyu同学要考虑一下A的要求：
“Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation and the argument on which it is based are reasonable. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.”

题目中要求讨论要先回答哪些问题（前提条件）才能判断此argument合理与否。

针对你的提纲：

1P：分段转述原文，指出逻辑错误
2P：1-2个学员的成功不足以说明课程的效果很好，个人的成功和进步更多来自个人的不懈努力
* 一两个学员成功啊案例太少，没有统计意义，而作者要先提供足够证据表明此课程能够提高绝大部分学生阅读能力。
3P：阅读速度的快慢不能成为判断员工能力强弱的唯一因素，还应当考虑对于有效信息的捕捉和提炼能力
* 这是个logical flaw的问题，很难展开讨论需回答哪些问题先，不建议独立成段。
4P：每个员工都有各自的强项，不能用同一个标准来要求所有员工，因此要求所有员工都参加课程不是很合理
* 这段建议保留，但是为了逻辑清晰，最好先让步此课程可以是员工收益，even if..., ...
5P：总结

建议看北美范文，看看老美针对A的逻辑，lukeyu整篇文章有些跑题～

作者: lukeyu 时间: 2011-9-26 22:20
好的，去看看范文～～

作者: lukeyu 时间: 2011-9-26 22:20
好的

作者: byzantinezxy 时间: 2014-1-4 08:40
谢谢分享

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