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标题: 写作不入门发自己写的AA拙文一篇跪求指导........ [打印本页]

作者: Estab 时间: 2011-6-7 00:56
标题: 写作不入门发自己写的AA拙文一篇跪求指导........
作文不太会写这是我不计时写的一篇求各种批评指正顺便给评个分吧万分感谢！！！
题目：

No.45The following is part of a business plan created by the management of the Megamart grocery store:

“Our total sales have increased this year by 20 percent since we added a pharmacy section to our grocery store. Clearly, the customer’s main concern is the convenience afforded by one-stop shopping. The surest way to increase our profits over the next couple of years, therefore, is to add a clothing department along with an automotive supplies and repair shop. We should also plan to continue adding new departments and services, such as a restaurant and a garden shop, in subsequent years. Being the only store in the area that offers such a range of services will give us a competitive advantage over other local stores.”

我的文章：
In this argument,the conclusion endorsed by the management of the Megamart grocery store is that adding new department and services are the surest way for the them to increase profits over the next couple of years.To substantiate this conclusion,the management of the Megamart grocery points out that their total sales have increased this year by 20 percent since they added a pharmacy section to their grocery store.They further bolster their conclusion by evidence that customer’s main concern is the convenience afforded by onestop shopping..Convincing as it appears to be at the first glance,the line of reasoning of the author contains several critical logic flaws.This argument is problematic in the following critical respects.
First and foremost,the author fails to establish the causal relationship between the increasing total sales and the addition of a pharmacy section. The editorial implies that because they added a pharmacy to their grocery store before the total sales have increased by 20 percent this year,the addition caused the increasing.However,this reasoning is fallacious unless other possible causal factors have been considered and ruled out.For example,the increased 20 percent total sales might be come form the grocery itself but not the pharmacy.
Moreover,the author assumes that new departments and services such as restaurant and automotive supplies are analogous to the pharmacy section.Without better evidence,the stated similarities between pharmacy section and other departments and services can be insufficient to warrant the conclusion that adding new departments and services will get the same result as adding a pharmacy section.It is entirely possible that there is a professional repair shop nearby and customer prefer to choose the professional one when they need to repair their autos.Also,lacking of solid evidence,the conclusion that the customer’s main concern is the convenience afforded by one-stop shopping is still open to quest. If true, these concerns may seriously weaken the conclusion based on the analogy between the pharmacy section and other departments and services.
Finally,the management of the Megamart grocery store assumes that add new departments and services will surely increase their profits,however,this is not the case.The more departments and services are added to the grocery store,the more facilities and staffs are needed.If, the profits earn by the new departments and services can’t cover the cost to run them,then the assumption is obviously incorrect.
In sum,this argument is ineffective because the author commits the above mentioned logical mistakes.To make this argument logically acceptable,the author would have to demonstrate thatthe increase in total sales come from the pharmacy section and that new departments and services will be able to creat profits for the Megamart grocery store.In addition,the author would have to provide more concrete evidence to validate the conclusion.Only with more convincing evidence could this argument become more than just an emotional appeal.

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